Mission To Zyxx - Yas Boot

Episode Date: December 23, 2019

AJ is kind of the alpha when it comes to celebrating X-Marse. Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and TayleenWith a special appearance by Leslie Collins Recording, sound design and mix by Shane O’ConnellEdited by Seth LindMusic composed by Brendan RyanAdditional music by Shane O’ConnellAudio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network. Thanks to our MaxFun supporters for freshening our X-Marse!

This is CRet IT5 with a festive ExMars announcement. You are invited to a special live Mission to Ziggs performance on Saturday, January 25th as part of the Brooklyn Podcast Festival. We will kickstart our upcoming Season 4 with a brand new episode, Improvised Live On Stage, featuring a special guest comedian and an unknown amount of orange beer. So book your travel to the Brooklyn Quadrant on January 25th and get your tickets at missiontozix.space or bkpodfest.com. Now settle in for a little X-Mar Street from the crew to you. Oh, man, guys. I've been to a lot of Ex-Mars Eve dinners. That one was delicious. It was really good.

The taste was hit the spot. That oil was so good. Thank you so much, Nurk. Nurk. You're. You're welcome. You're quite the cook. Oh, you're... Okay, you're welcome. You're quite the cook.

Oh, thanks, yeah. You know, when I was working up to getting my residency at the club, I had to wash dishes, I had to cook, I learned some stuff. Yeah, and I may say, these batteries are perfection. Oh, thanks so much. Those I took out of the toaster. Sorry, Bargy. Hey, don't apologize to me, apologize to the toaster. Sorry, Bargy. Hey, don't apologize to me.

Apologize to the toaster. Oh, I'm so sorry, Gina. Oh, there's no way. And then apologize. Well, guys, you know, I'm going to hit the sack now so I can get up early on X-Mars morning. And open those boots. Open those boots.

Oh, yeah. Whoa. Whoa. Hey, Jay. boots? Open the boots. What the chuck? You guys aren't opening on X-Farce Eve? AJ, get off the table. We're not opening the boots now? Stop smashing the plates.

We're not opening the boots now? AJ, you're scaring me. Why did you bring I'm so happy to be here. Thanks guys for inviting well, see see for inviting me

why the joke did you bring a stranger see we were being so rude we're all being totally rude thank you I can go I can go

no to them It's fine. Hey, AJ. Do you want to lose out on your boots? No. It's just like, here's the thing. This is my first XMARS away from the conditioning center. Yeah, no, buddy. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Yeah, we always would open our boots on XMARZ. Okay. Yeah, we see that now. We do. So you're a little, maybe a little anxious that you're not spending Exmars

where you're used to spending Exmars. Yeah, that's right. Well, Taylene can't make it back to her slime planet either, so. No, so. Are you guys, like, together? What's going on?

We haven't defined it. We're, like, not able to. Ow. She just booped his nose. AJ, Exmars is about togetherness. Anyone can come to Exmars dinner. Hey, why don't we just let AJ open the boot tonight? Yeah, AJ, how about you open your boot, and we'll open ours tomorrow morning?

Okay. You guys would do that for me? Yeah. Sure, AJ, yeah. We truly have no choice. You're going a little crazy. I'm sorry. Yeah, also back on Rangus 6, AJ, when I was growing up,

if you were under 10, you were able to open your boot the night before, and you're only 5, so, you know. Yeah. But you're here now. You should probably open it tomorrow when we all do. Nermit? I don't know why I would check. Oh, AJ, please don't do that to her.

AJ, AJ, AJ. I'm sorry. why would you. Oh, AJ, please don't do that to her. AJ, AJ, AJ. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The holidays just make me, like, aggro, which I'm usually not. I'm usually pretty chill. Right. Yeah. Hey, Nermit, is your neck okay?

No. You almost popped your head off like you were a bottle of champagne. Yeah, it's, well, you actually crack it back into place. Oh, just like a little. Oh, that was loud. Yeah, it's... Will you actually crack it back into place? Oh, just like a little... Ah! Ooh, that was loud! Um, AJ, okay. Here, I'm gonna give you your boot. Alright, I'm opening it. Okay.

I'm opening it. There's something in there from all of us. Oh, guys, get back. Tactical knives! That's right, tactical knives. Oh, wow. You can split somebody from, like, sternum to all the way up to the... From their abdomen to their sternum with this.

Yeah, yeah, you can, buddy. Oh, wow. See, those are from you. Yep. Yay. Yep, those are from me. Oh, choco slorks. Yay.

Those are from me. I got off the black market. Watch out. You can only eat one. That's right. If you eat more than one, your brain gets on fire and you die. Why would they make this? I heard they're delicious.

They're yummy. Barjit, why didn't you just give him one? Why don't you shut up? All right. That's nice. Oh. Sorry. It's like your family is really similar.

I have something in there, too. Oh, wow. That's so nice. Oh, it's a w is really similar. I have something in there, too. Oh, wow. It's so nice. Oh, it's a wad of slime. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah. Oh, Dar, you got me PJs.

PJs for AJ. Yeah, I just figured something that you could wear at night so you didn't have to keep wearing your suit. Oh, and it has the flap on my butt. So if I need to, like— Well, honestly, that's an Ex-Mars gift to me because I just want you to be able to access that butt gun, even in your PJs. Thank you, Dar. Wow, so much cool stuff. Oh, it's a planter with a—

Yeah, but look at it close. Oh, it's got your Berman Nundaloy stuff on it. Yeah, like so... Oh, wow. Yeah. I won't use this, but this is cool. What? I won't be using this. It's a planner. Maybe it doesn't do a lot of planning. I know, but that's why he has it. You need to.

You're so off the cuff. Oh, you know what I'm gonna do? Lock and load. So now I'll know that I'll need to lock and load on this day. Oh, boy. He's getting a lot better at writing. Papa! It's a pinky.

Yeah, well, it's a festive X-Mars pinky. It's a peppermint pinky! Yeah, you can screw that in during this holiday. I'm gonna do it right now! Oh, wow! He ripped off the other pinky. I'm going to do it right now. Oh, wow. He ripped off the other pinky. Taley, I should have walked over. Wait, what was this at the bottom?

Oh. That was everything I put in there. But what about... Well, hello, AJ2884. Hello, crew of the Bargerian Jade. Hello to any of the Bargerian Jade.

Hello to any slimy new friends. Wow. This is Miss Janelle Fitzmaher and I'm just wishing you all a wonderful and splendid Exmars. Now, my dearest

J2884, while I understand that you have defected, know that there is always, always a place in my heart for each and every one of my beloved and special clients.

And I hope that your boot overflowing with XMars bounty. And that you allow your unique talents to shine throughout the entire year for everyone to see. Just unfailingly nurturing. As for me, I've had a good, fun year. For me, I've had a good, fun year. I have a new gentleman friend named Gary,

and he and I enjoy so many of the restaurants at the new outdoor mall. In fact, we had a wonderful gilgitine salad the other day. It was to die for. Oh, and I included some homemade boo-bats and zoo-zoos. Yay! I know you love them. It's candy, Margie. Okay, well, I look forward to your letters. I always love pin-piling with you.

Kiss, kiss. Hug, hug. Janelle Fitzmire. Oh, man. Wow. She is. She's good. She's a special lady.

Really a special lady. She's so nice. I just think of everyone we've met who trains kill squads for a living. She's, like,'s a special lady. Really a special lady. She's so nice. I just think of everyone we've met who trains kill squads for a living. She's, like, the best. Yeah, she's pretty nice. Absolutely. Well, I mean, the only downside is, like, AJ, now, tomorrow morning when we all open our boots, kind of your fun is over.

Are you kidding me? Most fun about X-Mars is watching other people get gifts. Oh, wow. That's a positive outlook on life. Yeah. Then why were you so excited to open your bag? Because I got these knives. And the other thing that we know about X-Mars is that it's about survival.

That's a fair point. Yeah, that's true. Oh, okay. Wow. Morning. Well, thank you so much for inviting me. This is, like, so fun. Yeah, this was really... I'm so glad you could make it.

Yeah. I'm really glad I didn't think you'd be able to make it. I was like, you'll think I'm... You know, I responded so fast. I was like... No, no, not at all. I'm sorry about the slime. That is who I am.

I love the slime. I'm a slime fan. Oh, wow. We're underneath the feather whisker. Yeah. Well, you know what that means. I guess we deeply, passionately make out for a very long time. Yeah. That it's so uncomfortable for anyone else to watch.

I guess we have to. I guess we have to. This is a good chance. time that it's so uncomfortable for anyone else to watch Oh, my God! Dead Pilots Society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were never made, featuring actors like Patton Oswalt. So the vampire from the future sleeps in the dude's studio during the day, and they hunt monsters at night. It's Blade meets the Odd Couple. Adam Scott and Jane Levy. Come on, Corey. She's too serious, too business-y.

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Pokemon? Yes. Nice. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported. And the other thing that we know about XMARS

is that it's about survival. Oh yeah, that's true. That's a fair point. Oh, okay. See you tomorrow morning! Wow, he just cut you tomorrow morning. Wow. He just cut Taylene in two. C-53, why did you give those to him?

Well, he loves knives. I mean, that's true. Also, Taylene, you're fine, right? Taylene? She just got sliced in half. Yeah, she's silent because she's dead. She didn't be dead. No.