Modern Wisdom - #023 - Relationships 101

Episode Date: July 31, 2018

Jonny and Yusef from PropaneFitness.com join me for the first episode in a new series on relationships. Come with us as we delve into the murky waters of finding, choosing and connecting with a partner. Very quickly this channel is becoming a hub for the advice I wish I'd had 10 years ago, hopefully this episode helps you expedite a path to happiness and avoid the pitfalls of finding another human to connect with. We've got a lot more coming soon. Don't forget that you can head to https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast to watch and further the discussion with other viewers in the comments. Referred Resources: "Women Date Up And Across Dominance Hierarchies" - Jordan Peterson on Female Hypergamy and Its Impact on Human Evolution: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7LN14IpVy0 Hypergamy Defined: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy JBP on The Male Dominance Hierarchy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUiG5_GcMyY Demographics of Cheating by age: https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america Why We Are Fated To Be Lonely - The School Of Life: https://youtu.be/AtCR6P5rsXU Check out everything I recommend from books to products and help support the podcast at no extra cost to you by shopping through this link - https://www.amazon.co.uk/shop/modernwisdom - Get in touch. Join the discussion with me and other like minded listeners in the episode comments on the MW YouTube Channel or message me... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/ModernWisdomPodcast Email: https://www.chriswillx.com/contact Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello friends, how happy are you going to be to hear that we have the long awaited return of Joni and Yusuf from Propane Fitness and today we are tackling the murky world of relationships. It's going to be the first in a series, Relationships 101. I wanted to discuss this topic quite a while and I finally managed to get hold of the boys as well. I know they have got some really great insights. We have three very contrasting views on relationships. I'm sure that you can imagine three very differing life experiences up to now. And yeah, this is beginning to take the modern wisdom channel in the direction that I wanted to go in.

So any feedback that you have, I'd love to hear it at Chris Willex on Instagram or Twitter, Fami on Facebook, even better than that. I've now started a multi-cam video recording setup at whole. What this means is that the YouTube content is super good. Video guide Dean, who I can't thank enough, has started overlaying a lot of the graphs and the statistics that we refer to during the podcast on the video footage itself.

So for an extra level of interaction and obviously to see Johnny's ever growing top-not in its full majesty, 1080p, head to YouTube search modern wisdom podcast, please press subscribe. Also in the comments, we can have a discussion and the community can start to build there. The Leviathan podcast did super well and there was some really engaging and interesting discussions that went on there. So if you want to connect with some other like-minded individuals who also listen to this content, please head to the YouTube channel, I'd love you to subscribe, it really does help. But here we go, Johnny and Yusuf, the back again. When we were at first at a Q&A, did you see that there's one question which wasn't a question?

It just said, I wish he lived close enough to me so that I could find him on Tinder in my radius. You need to expand your radius ultimately. You know what you need? Tinder Pro. Oh, you can just travel around. You can just travel around. Can you? Yeah. So speaking of Tinder, we are going to talk about dating advice today. Did it? It's something that I've been... Relationships has been a podcast that we wanted to do for ages. And dating advice, yeah, real long time. Dating advice for me forms a nice foundation for that because most people will go through the process of dating someone. That kind of... You can take it from the moment that you meet someone that you may fancy

Up into the point at which they become your boyfriend or girlfriend and there's an awful lot like that's a an area that covers many sins, right? From first dates to seeing someone whatever the fuck that means to So when you define the relationship and from initial to being exclusive or someone. Yeah, well, about from initial to marriage. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I would say arguably all of that is technically in my mind. I know that's ridiculous. No, it's still kind of data. Sort of, like, because I think it's all of it's just arbitrage. Well, what is a relationship or a relationship on legal, illegal, illegal? You've not litigated yourself into a relationship until you're married, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah., but, you know, so all of this we can try and conceptualize down.

So I wanted to remove chronologically then from single life all the way up to, I want to leave single life. I'm locked that so I can have a fresh note. It makes me nuts. Sure. I just want to organize my thoughts. So I couldn't do it to you, Lame. Lemom.

Lemom. I make notes now. This isn't a Russell Brown thing, but I do actually make notes. So I wanted to... pos it to you a bunch of things that I've been thinking recently about. What are you laughing at? Just in these guts, what Swift Key? Would you just leave him to talk about it? Oh no, no. He's got a special keyboard on his phone.

But just leave him to talk about it and that we can life-hacks it can't be. Oh yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. In two weeks' time. Listeners. And viewers on the brand new, three camera home YouTube setup, 3D, one, two, trez.

The reason that I may seem a little agitated is that Johnny was 50 minutes late and Yusuf was 90 minutes late and we've planned this for two weeks. You've been kind to that. I was more than 90 minutes late. Okay. Despite having six, seven days notice for this, it's fine. So it's gone. Moving on. I wanted to talk fine. So it's gone. Moving on. I want it to talk about it.

I want it to talk about. Sorry. Sorry. I'll be sensible. It's first of me. It's all right. Well, you've got to warm it up. Right, so these freezing cold. Go on, go, go. So I wanted to talk about dating. And what I've been thinking about while I was away in America, I ended up having a chat with a young girl over the age, kind of being going through the throws of her first series relationship. And what came out of that was me making some realizations and some rules about

my past behavior that girls could stick to, which would form a framework for them to avoid bad guys and stick with good guys. So some heuristics that they can follow to keep them on the right path. Are you a bad guy or a good guy in that? I was I was the person that you should avoid right and the reason that I know the things that you need to look out for and the the barriers you need to put in place is because they were the ones that would have tricked me up. Okay, so this is the cheek. This is behind the curtain. This is the cheek. This is the cheek codes of how to get around our souls reverse engineer it. Okay, I would also like to contest that further down the line over that you are someone who you want to avoid because I just want to. You only know me you only know me from what when I was 24 25. True. And before

that I'm talking like 18 to 23. So anyway, I've got some. So let me let me foundation it for you. Every guy under the age of around about 23, if you take the average, is not really worthy of being in a relationship with, and if you want to have a relationship with someone who's balanced, and for it to last for a long time as a girl, I think that you're fighting the losing battle. I think that under the age of 23 to 25, most guys think with the penis first, they don't have a very solid understanding of who they are, and they're constantly chasing after, for the most part, they're heavily chasing after female attention to help them bolster their own ego, because they don't

have a concrete sense of character about who they are anymore. Now obviously there's going to be outliers in this. Perfect example is my business partner, Darren. So he met his misses in the second year of uni. I think they got together in the third year. They moved in when they were 21, 22. They got a dog when they were 25. They got married when they were 26. They got another dog at 27. They got a kid at 29 or 28. And now they're in this amazing house and they're very systematic progression. Yeah, it is the perfect framework. The equivalent of the American dream, but like marriage and college sweetheart, like it, they've got it. But they're the outliers, especially for

him. He is the absolute rarity in this situation. So I think a lot of the time, people who don't understand what I do, my job now as a code promoter is actually more as just a leader and a glorified parent. So I'm pretty much a big brother to between 250 and 500 students in Newcastle, Manchester every single year. And every year I get older,

but they stay the same age, they just get replaced. There's just this conveyor belt of new people coming in and the same situations come up over and over and over and over again. And these people who work for me, work for me. Not people in the clubs. I'm not close enough to the people that are in the clubs. But these are people who are in the clubs and they're just ones that I'm close to.

That's because you tell the people, who tell the people to go to the clubs. But these are people who are in the clubs, they're just ones that I'm close to. That's because you tell the people, you tell the people, you tell the people to go to the clubs. Yeah, exactly. You've done so correct for anyway. So I think one of the first things that girls need to be really conscious of and I'm going to, I'm going to do guys. I'm going to do guys as well. I'm going to give advice to guys, but I'm going to go for girls first. Just to add to your foundation there as well, I think you said that going for a man under 23 and expecting someone who is stable and emotionally mature and reliable for a relationship purpose is losing battle because statistically they're not going to be, I think, and I remember you discuss this as well, which is that there's a, the, the curves of when men and women emotionally mature don't overlap properly. And I think by age 23, there's a stark difference in like, there's probably, both genders have a, a surge period when they do emotionally mature, and they don't coincide. And so you can end

up with an absolute idiot. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry how you got there. Well the thing is that at the age of about 21, I would say that the vast majority of guys are still our souls and girls are still psychos. Now I know that's colloquially term, but everyone who's listening knows what I mean. The girls have had the hearts broken by some guy who didn't know how to treat them correctly. Maybe once, maybe a couple of times, the trust in men is just through the floor. Guys have realized that it's sex as conquest and trying to... That's what guys are at. Guys are numbers on the headboard and just spray

about as much as possible. I'm having this discussion with this girl in America, and I was just having a little bit of a think about what it is that girls need to be wary of, and basically what is the format, you know, on this podcast we talk about life hacks, we try and lay out in as simple and conceptual ways possible how you can be optimal, right? And what's the best way to behave in the world? and conceptual way as possible, how you can be optimal, right? And what's the best way to behave in the world? And this may not be the best way, but it's the best way that I can think of. So it's worth me, like, saying to you guys, right?

It's worth me articulating. The first thing that I think that girls need to do when they start speaking to guys, and this is in, you've met them in a club or you've, like, matched them on Tinder or you've started chatting to them from work or whatever It might be when you first begin speaking to them. I think that Girls get too much of a bad rap for giving lads a hard time and making them jump through hoops Personally for me. I don't think they're making them jump high enough Like I think that the hurdles that are laid down by girls for men

Especially when you're talking 20-21-22-23 and put up to you know throughout the whole way through life. I think the higher that the hurdles are, as long as you are making sure that the man knows that you're interested and that you're giving them sufficient attention to know that they're going to continue to play the game. I think it's a win-win scenario, including for the men, right? Let me tell you why. So firstly, if you're laying down, and by laying down hurdles, what I mean is not folding or compromising on something that you think, when they do something wrong, you tell them straight away,

and you put them in their place, when they make plans and they cancel them, you don't need to go overboard, you don't need to be passive aggressive and we'll get onto that in a second because that is the number one way to remove the integrity of what you're saying, right? Passive aggressiveness for me is up there

with the top known notes that you should that girls should do in relationships and guys as well. By laying down these hurdles for girls, the first thing that it does is it certifies that the guy who you're speaking to is invested in you in the long term. If they're not prepared to get past you asking them a question about their last relationship or you asking them to make plans for a night out. If you ask them, okay, let's go out on Wednesday, but I'm going to let you plan the date.

I'll plan the next one, but you plan the date, and you turn up and you then says, I've got nothing planned. You need to tell him that he's fucked up. You need to say that shit. That's not a good investment in your time. So, the example there is having a principal and making sure that the principle is upheld. Draw some hard lines in the sand of what isn't is not acceptable behavior. So I think I've seen both ends of the spectrum where either there is shit testing for shit testing sake and it almost is like it's contrived. It's just trying to give someone a hard time for the sake of it. But there's no real underlying principle, very similar to if you've seen the argument clinic on Monty Python, where he goes into the room, he's like, hello, am I in the right room for an argument? He's like, there you are.

Yeah, that's not, can you bring to the other side? I'm not sure. You can bring to the other side. You can bring to the other side. I'm not sure. You can bring to the other side. Yeah, so what's the problem? Ultimately, well, so yeah, let's get onto the tick-toe mastery as well.

But yeah, so shit testing, just what you've said, giving someone a hard time or to see how they respond. That's throwing in the purpose. It's the purpose of doing that though, right? If you were to do that without an underlying. It's a female equivalent of negging, right? Yeah, so the, and what my point is that there has to be a certain agenda and that has to be a stable set of principles. It's got to be born out of integrity. Whereas at one point in the argument clinic, he's like, no, it doesn't.

Yes, it isn't. Hang on. This isn't an argument. This is just contradiction. He's like, no, it isn't. Yes, it is. Like, an argument is a series of statements formed around a specific foundational point.

Whereas you're just, this, like, disagreeing with everything that I say. And so there's the difference. I think like, if it's upholding a certain set of values. Yes, then yeah, you're totally right And that's something that I've missed and and the other side of it is just being a door. It needs to do it needs to be born of what you What do you consider as a girl to be acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a month? Then draw the lines in the sand and don't compromise on them. So here's the reasons it's good. You are going to make sure that the men that you invest your time in are sufficiently invested

in you because the ones who fall at the first hurdle and aren't prepared to get over it. What do you think was going to fucking happen when they're drunk in a nightclub and some girl comes up to them? Like this is...it's making sure that they can bear a sufficiently heavy load, even at a fucking empty bar level of heavy load. That when they have to go into a one-wret max in terms of virtue, that they might actually have the capacity to bear it, that makes sense. Just looking at their bar speed when the bar is empty. This is probably going to go over their head in a few days.

There's going to be like two CrossFit girls that know what I'm talking about. But you're at the bar. What if you're at a pub? No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about bar. So that's the first thing that's good. Before we move on, these principles, if we are for someone who's listening. Yeah. Does this apply, so I think there has to be a conversation of like,

is this person looking for a one night stand scenario or are they looking to move towards, have I jumped ahead? No, no, you've asked the perfect question. All right, because I think you have to, we're even at the end of my journey. If the, if, as a girl, or you're, if you, if you, if you want to pay sting as a girl, like crack on, find a guy that is

lower the barriers. Well, lower the, lower the barriers, but heightened standards, like because if you want a one night stand, your parameter is for what you're looking for in a mate. Change. Yeah. In election, how bothered are you, but in terms of, you probably want someone who's a bit lean.

You probably want someone who's muscular who physically fits the attributes that you need, whereas, you know, we've all been around beautiful but stupid people, right? And vice versa, really interesting people who are not sexually attracted to. And I find that dynamic so interesting, because if you ask most women, and women if you're listening and disagree, please say it, but like, any woman I've spoken to, I've asked, would you have sex with a man who you find physically attractive, but it was really bored you, it was boring with hell. As opposed to someone who you maybe, you found attractive, but you hated, and they prefer to have sex with a man who they hated, because at least there's some intensity there, there's some passion. Some feeling.

Whereas I think man are much different in the sense that like you could have sex with someone that you found quite boring. I think man you want to scale that time. It's about time a very mechanical interaction with a woman less so much more visceral as a man, right? So, the perfectly correct. If all that you're looking for is sex then change your parameters around. So this is a different that's yes. I'm talking about dating. I wouldn't say the okay, I wouldn't class dating.

If you need to go out on the pull, then we will do, and if you want a podcast on that, then we'll do a podcast on how to be single. This isn't trading, it's investing. This isn't, this isn't day trading. It's not short in positions. I'm looking for a long-term position. It's not going to help for leather or crypto, it's just like, yeah, yeah, exactly. You're not, you're not margin trading. You're not doing 50 to 50. Yes, exactly. So, hopefully that made it much clearer. Yeah.

You're not doing this with a stock. So, that's the first thing that's good, right? So it means that you filter out the bottom feeders, the men who aren't worth your time. And you, you jump ahead a couple of steps. So cool. Second thing that's good is it sets a tone for the relationship moving forward.

That means that you're not going to take shit. So we all know, and we'll gather this when we do relationships, the proper relationships podcast. For me, the key in almost every relationship is like the first six weeks to 10 weeks. The reason being that you set precedent after precedent after precedent for what happens in X situation and Y situation and Z situation. What happens when you don't get a message after someone's been on a night out saying that they've got

home safe, how do you react? How do you react when they get in late? How do you react when they cancel the day? How do you react when they do whatever. So I forgot to say, that particular camera can only do around about 20 minutes at a time, every so often. I'm going to pass it on to you. I'm going to have to get up and I'm going to have to change it. Thanks video guide Dean. Pass it on to, as in we speak, and then I'm going to get a Friday to that. If you're just listening, that's completely pointless, but it's fine. So it sets the tone for the relationship moving forward. Right? It means that you are drawing lines

in the sand, not only for now that filter out potential mates, but you're also training them to be a good mate for you. The third and final one, and this is the one that I think is most holistic moving forward, is men really, in fact, that I'm going to make this interval for. Thirdly, men really fucking need this. The reason being that it makes them learn what is and is not acceptable behavior for women. Like, if you are with a guy and you find out that he's been messaging you mate and you think that that based on your own values and your own integrity, you think that that is unacceptable behavior and you've been him off. That's only going to

happen to him two or three times before he goes, I probably need to change my behavior. The reason that this continues to happen is that this guy is able to wiggle away through and this is speaking from experience because for years and years and years, I was able to outwit girls that I was seeing to one degree or another whatever level of depth you want to say that is. And I was able to get myself out of it. So I never learned this is the Parkinson's law, like in a social context, Parkinson's law is where you task fills the time that you've allocated to it. And I'm sure if you've been working to a deadline with an essay or something, you're like, for some reason, there's no way you can just get it done a weekend advance

in a two hours long before. It's yeah, always extends to that. And the same thing, like, if a certain behavior is permitted frequently, then you lower your own standards for yourself. Get to rest, so as a man, you want someone to hold you to a higher standards. Like Earl Nightingale says the treat a man as you expect him to be, not as he is, and give him the room to expand to that and to rise up to the entire challenge. So that quote has managed to make a good synopsis, I think, of everything that I've come up with here. So, I think, if I had, I think as a 21-year-old, with a younger, like 20-year-old, I was too ego-driven to probably realize the, I think, is a young guy. You take a lot of advice like this, or I know this isn't aimed at guys this part, or is it?

Well, it should be, because I should realize they can make implications from this. The vast majority of the audience that's listening to this, maybe two-thirds of it, I meant. I think all of the behaviours you've covered, there's a flip. But they exist on both directions. And I think that men should be interested in why women are motivated the way that they are and women should be vice versa. And men should hold women to higher standard of behaviour as well. Just like, we're going against it.

Oh yeah. I think it's hard to, as a guy at that age, when I think you're finding your own feelings and your own beliefs and a lot of areas like this, what I think is true in these situations, forming judgment-space and experiences, and someone says, actually, a woman should treat you like this. I think a lot of guys, when faced with or sort of a framework that they have to operate in, sort of resist and go for the person who's not doing that. Lower signing fruit.

Yeah. That's easier. Yeah. But they don't want to be challenged with that. But again, as girls, do you want to be low hanging fucking fruit? No, of course. Of course not. We go back to the first advantage that you get, the fact that you filter out the guys

that aren't worth your time. And if, again, with this, there's kind of like a curve, right? So one night stand is this particular level, and then I want marriage is this particular level, and then anywhere in between. There's some, yeah. Do you understand? So you can go, okay, well, I can lay down lines in the sand that are sufficiently hard as I need to, but imagine if tomorrow, every woman on the planet are dear to a similar framework as this. There would be a lot of sex for a long time, but imagine where men would be in 20 years.

If you want to have sex with a woman, or if you want to be in a relationship with a woman, you have to learn how to treat it correctly, you have to learn what isn't, is not acceptable behavior, and if you fuck up, you will be better for the next woman who comes around. So this is coming from a whole conversation, coming from a perspective of women are the, on the victim side of this equation, like men mistreat women. That men are the sexual protagonists and then women give access to that.

Women, women, female women. That's probably a correct statement. Yeah, the female kind. Human females is what I mean. Got it. Human females are the only females in the animal kingdom that are sexually selective. Right? Okay. So if a chimpanzee is on heat, she'll make with the alpha male,

but only because he's there, given the opportunity, she'll make with any male when she's on heat. Okay. The only reason she made with the alpha male is because there's a threat of violence and because they're available. Thanks for the press. He will be. I bet he does. He's got the biggest bench for us. So, and I'm going to now move on to women made across and up, Donlands hierarchies. What do men made across and up? Lentair Archeese. What do men mate across and up? Across and down. Do you think men just mate across and down? So they never shoot, when you say Don Lentair Archeese you mean like I'm a 7 out of 10,

they're a 9 out of 10, is that you mean on that level of basis or do you mean... That's attractiveness, isn't it? Well that's what what I'm trying to get like, what do you mean by dominant hierarchy in this? So it's how you have raised yourself up through how your social equity is, is the right way that you could put it. So dominant hierarchy is, and the reason for this is you have twice as many mothers anthropologically, evolutionarily, as you do men. Do you know that fact? I didn't. Right. So what that means is that on average in history, every woman has had one child and every other man has had two. Got it. That makes sense. Got it. So you have what's called a perito distribution, which is nothing, nothing, nothing, everything. And that's because human males are chosen at the top of the dominant hierarchy. So you have losers and you have winners.

Whereas with females, the distribution is more even. Does that make sense? Yep. And the reason for that is that men made a cross and down. The women made a cross and up. So what, let's take a very basic example of this. So I'm a really, really attractive woman. Right. I know it's hard to imagine. And let's say, very shapely. Let's say, I, I, it's not just, remembering it's not just we're not just talking attracted us here. It's the no no But so I consider myself as a result of that and my social status to be pretty high

So I would then rather Sleep with someone or mate with someone who I perceive to be of a higher social status than me or a level or in a level almost In spite of what they look like necessarily. So like if someone it depends on it depends on how the dominant hierarchy will usually be influenced by looks as well. Right. Okay. That would be an important. There are multiple overlapping dominant hierarchies and so like rather than having one big one that all of humanity follows, that would mean that only one person would reach the top and it would come to competition to be so stiff. And so we create multiple ones that within

different social circles. So if you're working in, if you're a solicitor, then that you operate in a different hierarchy to if you're a bodybuilder and then all these things and we create our own social. The characteristics. I'm like geographical and within friendship circles and so on. Absolutely.

But the extreme of what I was trying to get at is you see, you have this image, it's like people joke about it of like the really fantastic attractive model who's married to a guy who is 80 years old but extremely wealthy. She's not marrying for love. Well, okay. But she sees him as a very high social status. Two degree, but I still don't think that she's marrying for love. That's marrying or being in a relationship with that integrity again.

Okay, so that's contrary to this model. Two degree. I don't think she's marrying up and across Domino's hierarchy. I think she's marrying up and across income hierarchies. No, she's just waiting for the fuck to go around. It's a form of a dominance hierarchy, but yeah, the agenda there is skewed because the typical gold digger thing

is like you're waiting for someone to die so that you can inherit them. The income may be associated with social status. But there's still, there's no-one. Yeah, okay, so there's maybe some that like the idea of it dragging them up a little bit. So you took some interesting point and I can imagine that some people might be thinking that this does sound like men are the sexual

aggressors and women are victims, these maidens in waiting, right? But we cannot get away from the fact that women are the ones that make the decision to say yes or no broadly, okay? Well, they have to bear a greater biological load for... Absolutely, here it is. It's a stoppy Mike's experience. Sorry, sorry, becca. So, they're the ones that make the decision, broadly, okay? They're the ones that get to say yes or no. So, what that means is that there are more men prepared

to have sex with women than there are women prepared to have sex with men. And this is the reason for this, you have, on average, one mother and two. You know, I mean, I've half the number of fathers as you do as you do mothers, okay? So, the implication of that for men is quite interesting, I think, actually. Like, what does that mean as a man that you should be doing?

It means that, first off, if you want to be successful with women, like, look up by crook, the dominant hierarchy is probably a pretty good place to start. It's kind of like waving a flag above your head. And, you know, there's a link, I'll make sure that I link in the show notes below some of the studies about the meaning like across and above and across and below. But as a man, you almost set a glass ceiling based on your own position within this dominant hierarchy. There was something that you said, which is a really like sort of Crayola example of this, which is like, I'm single and I don't know why, but like, I've got a job, I can't drive. What is that? I'll have to dig that up because it was really

well-worded. But there was someone, yeah, like the flip side of that is someone saying, side of that is someone saying, as a man, if you read books, lift weights, dress well, and smile instantly in the top 20%. Like, like, it's the bar, the bar is set at the ground. And so going above that is like, incredibly well. And you know, too, very briefly, to go back to the thing about who gets to choose to have sex, perfect, perfect example here is gay pride was recently moving through the UK and I've got a number of gay friends who've been to a number of gay pride and they say to me, so you know lads, lads on nights out usually you think

ah, they're up for it, they're up for it and really the only hurdle they have to get over is whether or not the women are. Again, I know that we're regressing back a little bit to just say, I'm just signing it. Yeah, I agree. For the purposes of just sex and presuming that that's the first place they go to that then leads to a relationship, whereas with women it may be a little bit more of a slow takeoff. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine the decision-makers are women. Now remove the decision-maker and replace that with another man. And he said, make, can you imagine what it's like in gay pride? This is coming from the fucking source. This may not be representative of all gay pride, and I'm sure that there's some men out there that play hard to get.

But when she uses Christ, men like to shag other men. They really, really like to fuck other men. And you go to like the gay pride events and these are the stories that I hear back. And they're like some of the things that these guys see are like harrowing. I just can't believe how much fucking sex these guys are. Yeah. Because you get touched up so much. I've not had that experience. Might just be me then. You should take Chris Knight or gay bar. Did they think that you were the low-hanging fruit? I don't know I mean you are a slutty little party pants

No, it's a thing. No, it's piercing It's like exotic. I do get I get a lot of I get more male attention than female For sure, what do you think that says about you? I think that's true for me too. But I don't, not in a gay bar, like, not in that. Because you've got like a neotinous face, but you're like, but you're quite like angular. Please tell us a bit yesterday. He tried to tell me that his language vocabulary is poor.

What's neotinous? Like a sort of cherub like, like a younger face. But like, this is other people's words, not the notes in this necessarily. People are being like, oh, like he's got the face of an angel and the body of a demon. Wow. It's a very fabulous, that sounds like the sort of thing

that you find in your message requests on the Instagram. Okay, so because of that, that I get made the same. I think I was speculating like I... I can't see it. You've got some soft features. Okay. It's nice. It's kind of like the real case of Benjamin Button, but only from the neck.

Okay. You're regressing. I like the little chair. Yeah, you are. Can we strap you to a tree? Well, we, I would rather not. I was in a gym in Kenton Park, leisure centre. But there's cages around the security cameras. And this man was big guy telling us about his time in jail and his steroid use and stuff. And he looked so over at Johnny and he was, you're lovely at all. Thank you. I was like, you know, you know. I think you've been deeply for celeb.

If he wanted you, he would have had you with you with his. There and there. There I was doing. He was just wrapping it over us. Ben over us. Yeah. I was doing snatch. In your Kent and Jim.

Doing snatch. Doing snatch. With the small, and Jim doing snatch. Doing snatch. With a small thick, with varky low plate. So we've done that. We're quite a little. But I think good point there. And then talking about the example about men, men on men.

Men on men sex. That's an example of that. You were saying to me, Grindr has a location feature. Oh, but it's within meters. Like, it's really not. Imagine I tend to have a location feature to find the woman that you've matched with.

Yeah. Well, I think Grindr just has like a... It's like a radar. I mean, you'd say like call of duty or something. I mean, like, it's like... Tell us who everyone is. Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip. So is, so does that mean that men are predatory?

I wonder if there's more in that context of like a predation on in gay scenes than in like a is what happens if you think you're a predator and you turn up and you're, you're huge 160 bench guy from Kent and James there. And you're like, this is more hunters being hunted. Yeah, exactly. But by that logic, you wouldn't mind being hunted. Yeah, for enough. You're, no. By that logic, you wouldn't mind being hunted. Yeah, for enough. You're just there.

Well, no, because you might be a bummer, but not a bummy. And so that's the dynamics and mechanics that I can't completely be ignorant. We need to have an articulate gay man to come in. I would love to understand more about it. Like, how do you know whether you're a bummy or a bummer? Well, no, I think you know which one you are. How do you know whether you're above me or above me? Well, no, I think you know which one you are. How do you know which one?

You put on your profile. Yeah, what about you? What's the metrics that I'm above? What? Top or bottom? Yeah, you just put that on, like, on-run it. Right, I feel like I'm just, why did you just say much about brand?

I think it. Because I've got a lot of profile. I'm not just here with this, Claywood. Why did you get trolled for it? I was at a party in this guy, I was like, eesh, get in the ground. We've had a lot of of the requests. Right. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don. I don't mind. I don't mind. I've got a couple that can be really, really good actually. That's fine. Yeah, that'll be awesome. And then we can discover. Because I'm, this is complete, this is complete. It's completely ground for me. But Tom Ford is a fashion designer, has a theory that all straight men should be, any, any penetrated. It's quite a good justification

for this, but he does have an agenda, doesn't he? That's the one who increased the pool because that's the most miserable. That why, if you use a straight line with that opinion, like Phenath, that's the argument. Yeah, but you would say that would be tough. Obviously. The argument that Brett Weinstein and Heather Haying say when they're talking about sex at dawn by Chris Ryan.

So Chris Ryan saying basically everyone anthropologically is built to be polyamorous, is a really, really good way to just get women to sleep with you. I see. Oh, mate, just be lovely. Exactly right. If you just bend over. So, okay, so we've laid out a bit of a frame like, what are your thoughts to that?

Well, that's what pick a part of street is. And I suppose telling people to be quality Amarice is trying to sideline and subvert this existing system so that you can cash in on it and pick up our history essentially is the same thing but it's convincing someone for a short enough period that you are someone who you are not maybe higher on a dominant hierarchy that is relevant to the so usually like clubbing and that kind of thing yeah and have you catch up yeah I sound sectional. But clubbing and that sort of, you could do a scoop. But so I've got friends who were really into Pickup Artistry for some time. And there's one guy, he's a German guy, like really good looking, like looks like a test

you baby. And he was convinced that it was the Pickup Artistry, but I think it was just the fact that he's a good looking, confident guy. And it just gave him things to sort of. I think Pickup Artistry gets a terrible name pick apart is a terrible name because in the name pick apart history it's trying to just pick up girls right. The whole point is that it's not she's on the bedpost and this and the other. But you could look at pick apart history from a whole number of other angles right. Like what I've done over the last three years with the people that

I've listened to and the things that I've read has made me a better potential partner, unequivocally, for any girl that I spend time with and it's meant that my ability to become in a relationship with women has also improved. As a result of what? Just understanding myself, doing introspective work. I see. All the rest is, so is that pickup a part history? Well, pick a part history is not one thing, I suppose. And it's evolved over the years. Like, from my friend, Lenny, I'm sure, who my mind like, is, it was very algorithmic. It was very, and he was a computer scientist,

so he's very like focused on... It's important, yeah. Yeah, you say this, and then you alpha the toad, and then you neg the whatever, and you do the lemon. And it's like, this was all very formulatingulating and he found that it made him quite depressed. In fact it was him and someone else but the other guy I'm thinking of said that it made him feel very depressed because it created this disconnect between the person that he had to put across to be attractive to women and the person who he really was. It's like being able to lift on performance and

hands in drugs. And then coming off and being like, Shit, I'm still really, really weak. Whereas what I've done is I've done a strength protocol naturally and brought my strength up to a level where I feel more capable. You know what I mean? Mark Manson's book called Models, which is fantastic.

So it comes under that bracket, but it's very different. Well, it's more about authenticity, identity, identity. So he talks about diet, diet, training, he talks about, like stop masturbating and go out and meet, that use that energy to go out and meet people, gives his argument is that guys don't have a model, hence the name, to interact with women.

And so they try or pick up archery stuff and forget that actually, like like you have to be a valuable desirable thing and this isn't to say this isn't to say that women aren't either of course women women also need to add value but again for this I think there's an I think women naturally put a lot more care in their appearance and That's I would I would go as far as to say that I think women on the whole are more virtuous than men when it comes to relationships that may be a controversial

thing to say, but I do think that it's the truth, especially at the younger age brackets. I think they put in more effort overall like from that. How many how many girls do you know that have cheated on men versus men that have cheated on girls because I know it at a two the one or a three to one ratio Do you think the motivations are different between why men cheat and why women cheat yeah, so yeah I can't remember who it was some relationships guy saying men cheat because they want sex or they want variety women cheap because they feel It's not attended to enough. So here we go. Have you heard me use the family guy analogy before? Oh yes. This is my favourite analogy that I use for dating.

There's a lot of wisdom in that. I've never fucking loved this. The Rises are clearly quite smart cars. So anyone who's watched Family Guy before, Peter is sort of the window watching Bonnie whose Joe's wife out of the window. He's got binoculars and he's looking at it. He can change that of the window and he's making, like, under his voice going like, she's really hot and sort of making man noises. And then Stewie comes in, he walks along to the side and he goes, what are you doing, fat man? Looks at him.

He goes, looks out to the window and he sees Bonnie getting changed and he goes, I don't understand. You've got this smoking hot wife at home. Why would you be looking at? I don't understand. You've got this smoking hot wife at home. Why would you be looking at? Oh, I see. It doesn't need to be better. It just needs to be different. And the value of novelty in a relationship of something new cannot be understated. Biocannically speaking as well. We can get onto that as well. The genetic lottery, as it's called. But the value of novelty can't be understated. It doesn't need to be better.

It just needs to be different. And I think that so much cheating from men can be explained by that. So another type of polypiscontent. So I'm not that if. So it's so cheating is the reason that people cheat from my perspective, from a behavioral perspective, is it's failure to see the power and the value of a long-term outcome, long-term cost of benefit and not being able to discount that appropriately with a short-term positive for long-term.

But also, I think, especially guys, the number of the guys who I know who've cheated and even thought about cheating and then cheated, it's the narrative of they are better, different, more interesting, funnier, more attractive, whatever, but I just think there's a fixed trajectory that relationships take. And it's just starting that process again. Like, one month to great.

So there's so much stuff that we can go into here. I'm going to let you do the bit about the genetic lottery. Do you know the Bret Weinstein and Heather Hain thing about? I've not seen that. Okay, right. Well, I'll be able to lead you into it. I was going to talk about the dopaminergic sensitivity. Yes.

Yeah. Cool. So, but before that, I was on Love Island, right? And we, apparently I was 100,000 people that's seen the podcast. Good. You do. Um, link will be. I guess too. Or here, video guiding. I think it was too long, to be honest. Well, I think, you know, what else do I think? Five percent, five percent of people that commented said the same. I think it was really surprising, uh, to hear that you

were intelligent Chris. And I think it was what they made same. I think it was really surprising to hear that you were intelligent Chris and Hank it was what they had come up with. I think that I want to know what gear that guy that's close to the camera is on. Why is he so upset? That guy's full of D-Ball and Water. D-Ball and Water? The design lens, wasn't it? Yeah, just the one.

D-Ball and Water, yeah, that's exactly the part. That's exactly the part. I'm on the line with this guy and I'm not gonna say who it is. And he'd recently split up with his girlfriend after cheating on her a number of times and he said this sentence to me. So the two frameworks that have borne so much of my understanding about relationships

are it doesn't need to be better, it just needs to be different. And then this interaction that I had with someone in love Island, being with this girl for maybe two or three years kept on cheating on her, kept on cheating on her. kept on cheating on her. I kept on cheating on her and couldn't stop for some reason. You go out and get drunk. So okay, like rule number one, don't get drunk. Like um, uh, uh, pariah, paragon, I'm a paragon of sobriety. Okay. And so that's easy for me to say, right? But if you keep on fucking cheating on your girl from when you get drunk, stop cheating on it. By stopping getting drunk.

All right. If that's the trigger, then yeah, you've got to fuck me. It's not the fire hits. You have to stop it. You've got to stop it. Exactly. And he said the sentence to me. And he was saying, you know what it is? I loved it a bit. I'm going to be attacked by a fly. And then you were like, I couldn't have gotten into that environment. I'm like, I'm not gonna fix it. I'm not gonna fix it.

I'm not gonna attack by a fly. I called the NHS help line, and it seems to be having a scene. The float is in my eye. So you're using a straw cream work. I loved it a bit, but I just can't keep my dick in my pants. I wouldn't be saying this.

I loved it a bit, but I just can't keep my dick in my pants. Between, it doesn't need to be better, it just needs to be different. And I loved it a bit, but I can't keep my dick in my pants. I wouldn't be saying this. I loved it a bit, but I just can't keep my dick in my pants. Between, it doesn't need to be better, it just needs to be different. And I loved it a bit, but I can't keep my dick in my pants. You have the framework as far as I'm concerned. So he's not unhappy in his relationship. He just is unable to counteract his urges to a degree and you think, okay, so what does that say? He was at the time 24 25 something like really yeah so with that with that um wait until he's older so that wait until he's matured and just take it on the chin.

The sexual drive. That particular person needs to make some mistakes, right? And as a girl, we're going back to being as a girl. And as a guy as well, as a girl, the implication is allowing to make mistakes, but not with you. As a guy, allow yourself to spread your royal seed as much as you want, but don't put yourself through the emotional turmoil of thinking that you can be in a long-term relationship with a girl if you just demonstrate that you can't repeatedly.

Yeah, what does the evidence suggest? The evidence suggests that I love this girl to bit, but I can't stop shagging other girls. Okay, so stop doing the bit that's a lot of time for you. Yeah, allow yourself to a naturally. Johnny, fire out. So I think where that breaks down is it's I don't know what that was. It implies that because we're getting into monogamy here only, to agree whether the art's possible. I think probably and I don't know, this is a wild punt, but I would imagine the highest percentage of cheating happens in relationships where people have been, people are in their 40s to 50s, be married a while, the

spark has completely gone from a relationship and that's when a lot of it's happening. I don't know. There's a big breakdown of stats around cheating. I have to find it. I can't believe you're linking it to a jelly point. Oh, in fact, video guide Dean will make sure that we will have those stats floating on the screen. So these stats right here. It's these stats, talk about higher incidents of cheating with attractive couples,

which kind of makes sense, I guess, but because they've got better access. Maybe that's it, or maybe they feel more desirable. I think there's also that there's a, it's an immature game that some women play and presumably some men as well. And I'm sure you've seen women that do this. This sounds like you've been in the shot then there's something.

No, it hasn't happened to me. Really? I'm out of line. Actually, it hasn't happened to me, but yeah, so women who will deliberately look for men who are in a relationship and just try to pursue them, almost as a sense of like, just know that they can. I was once in a club. And this girl came up to me and started being like,

really forthcoming with me, like straight away, I'm like, okay. I would have loved to have seen this. Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, come with me, come upstairs. Came upstairs, like basically dragging me up. First touch, pick a part of the street. Okay, and she, and then she came up to her boyfriend and it was like,

she was clearly just trying to make him jealous for the first guy that she saw. I was like, I'm gonna get punished together by that. Yeah, she'd assigned him to the propane protocol. Excuse me, would not. Would not, would it? Well, he wouldn't have signed up. If you had a 160 bench, she wouldn't have done it.

She would never have ever had to find you if he'd been on the propane protocol. Okay, propanefitness.com forward slash just propane protocol.com, propane protocol. PropeNFitness.com forward slash. Just propin protocol.com. PropeNProCold.com. There we go. Spore the domain. Dean.

Dean. Somewhat. So moving on, we've segwayed here, but I like that bit. Did you do that bit? I feel like we were doing a bit. We're going to move onto the monogamy thing, but this is going to be an evolutionary basis for monogamy. Cool.

So anyone who's read Sex It Dawn by Chris Ryan? Well, not. Okay. So on their Mark's recommendation, right? Yeah. What Aubrey Marcus said the first time that he touched another woman that wasn't his wife, he was physically sick and the first time his wife brought someone else home. He's really, he's really, like sounds great, Aubrey. Yeah, great. Thank you. He sees that day, mate. But get the bucket first. Yeah. I was on all four of dry, wretching for weeks, and then I broke through the barrier, and actually now it's really rewarding, all right?

And you're like, okay, cool. Just some fucking great over. You know where he's at the moment? He's in Peru, having a drink, green to me this year, drinking green to me. Especially when we're over and over again. So, anthropological basis for monogamy. There's to preface this. There is, I think it's called Explained on Netflix

and it is a series of 10 to 15 minute videos on a variety of subject as one and K-pop. There's one and something else. And there's one on Monogamy, right? Chris Ryan's on that. And if you want to find out a little bit more about why he believes there is a tenuous evolutionary basis for humans being Monogamous. Monogamous. Watch that or read his book Sex at Dawn or listen to Brett Weinstein and Heather Hane on Joe Rogan and they do a really lovely little breakdown for that. But I'd like to let you take it. Not Chris Ryan, he's like the Jordi S.I.S guy, he was with Andy Winknow.

Not just that radio one. That's Chris Moils. Chris Moils. It's the pop culture is lacking in this. I mentioned Netflix yesterday on the podcast and I was really proud. I watched a series on Netflix the other day. Because you go from it, you get it? Yeah.

So, this is a TED talk, again, there's so many resources, but it's called, I think it's called your brain on porn or it's something about that. It's a psychiatrist talking about an increase or an influx of young men with erectile dysfunction, usually comorbid with depression, anxiety, those kind of things. And he thinks it's because of the increase in internet porn. And he says that this is based on a rat study where they took a male rat, introduced a female rat,

measured it's a rousal response by like PNASA conference and measured how that changed over time. Over time it rose above baseline and then it became slowly desensitized to the female rat, introduced a new female rat and it went above baseline. Doesn't need to be better. Yeah, it was just different. It kept doing that and it kept going above baseline but less and less until it became tolerant to the novelty of the stimulus. And eventually it went below baseline. And so it wasn't able to attain the same level of arousal that it did first time. And he says that we're doing this on a mass basis where we have unfettered access to a far greater rate of sexual novelty than you normally would in general human interaction.

And the rate of porn being produced far outpaces of the rate that you could watch it even on double speed. I love that. I would just say that you're like no one can keep up with you by the porn. When you think about that, it's very true. Did we ever do that podcast where I cite you, Glow to Porn Hub stats? I think I did. It's a great stats. They were produced that, don't they? Yeah. Every time. I really clever company. Why I think they do that? You can't market it, can you? Can't advertise porn.

People just organic shares. You produce that and people start telling them it's about it. Because I've never been online and someone sent me a link and been like, what's this? What's this name? Xhamster.com, forward slash, vid slash, vid, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, So it's like, okay, have you got any more to add to that? So he says that what happens there is that we reset our baseline sensitivity to sexual stimulus, but also to general reward. And the porn addiction

doesn't necessarily even come out of wanting, like, out of a sexual drive anymore, it comes out of like just wanting some kind of emotional excitement and something to do. Connection. Yeah, it could be connection. It could be like, and so people start watching weirder and weirder. Like, if you've seen Randy in South Park where he starts up like he doesn't get any porn for ages and then he started like Brazilian fart porn First thing is his homework where Peter tells Quagmire about porn and he comes out and goes Chris style Yeah, and so

To move on Men you can get porn in the internet. No, you can't. You can't quite go on. So here's one of the things that I wanted to move on to. And this, one of the problems is, you may be able to jump in and actually provide a framework for men that they can lay down for women. As I have done women for men, I haven't been able to,

and I haven't got it in my head. What I do have is a bit of advice for men who want to date and I've been interested to hear your thoughts on this. Okay so men who are outside of the norm, let's say that there's a bell curve distribution of people who are normal and my normal that is similar interests, similar mindset, similar everything. Like, night-of-five job, like football. Everything. Yeah, whatever it might be. Wherever the median falls, wherever the median falls, they are closer to that. Yeah. By its very definition, the deeper that you are as a person,

the more contrary subtle or alarming your views are going to be society at large. I love the idea of an alarming view. You're right. And given the choice between acceptability and honesty, most of us usually would choose the former. Okay. So very a land of bottom. What's that? I'm a hate for us's name. I'm the bottom.

I'm the bottom. I mean, do you know why that is? Is it a direct quote from a why we are born to be low? Do you sell it so quickly? I know the bottom. I'm the bottom. I'm the bottom. So the video that I'm citing here is one called why we are fated to be lonely by school of life.

It's six minutes long and I must have watched it about a hundred times. I'll make sure it's linked in the show notes, but I cannot advise anyone who's a person of debt to watch anything more. It completely re-friend my thoughts on this. And this is for advice for guys who perhaps don't fit into what would be a typical category. And if you are someone who's a little bit of an enigma, to one degree or another that doesn't fit into the archetypal role, for instance, as a good example is what I always talk about with yourself. Top nut. Well, that's why the top nut works. Okay. Because Klingko, often wear a Navy, but oh my god, he's got a top nut. Oh my god, he can

deadlift 310 kilos. Why is he a charted accountant? Why does he run his own business? Do you know what I mean? That enigma is what makes things interesting. I think even without the top nut, it's a lot of people's opinions. You know, the same for all of us to one degree or another and I think that's why we all get on. Because mainly Skirm. It's mostly Skirm. You are the outlier amongst outliers.

And so, and here's my thing, right? So what he says is that a certain degree of loneliness is a kind of tax that we have to pay to a tone for a certain complexity of mind. That makes sense. What this means is it can lead to especially men that have got a particular level of depth to actually struggle dating, finding connections with other people. And what I want this particular section of the podcast to do is to not only champion that kind of an approach for men to further themselves in life and in dating and a bunch of other things

but also to get them to really dig their heels into what they what they believe in and who they are. I think it's important to first distinguish whether if you listen to this you're like you're not just like oh yeah, the reason I can't get any female attention is just because I'm such an enigma, and I'm just so deep in love. But what you don't understand here is like, I've got these thoughts and they go around in my head. Like, yes.

Yeah, it's like making the distinction and having been objective enough to say, is it because of that that I'm unable to find a mate or is it, I wish I could find that quote, because it put it so forth. It's like, I can't parallel park my T-shirts are always dirty, I haven't got a job, and I'm single and I've got no idea why.

So yeah, okay, so like clean the cleaning room. I do the basics, I get rid of the low hanging fruit. Okay, clean models by Mark Manson, and it's got all the low hanging fruit in there. Bival for shit like this, really. It's a shame I haven't read it. But, it's so, there's no tactics or anything, it's got all the low hangs in there. That is in the bisle for shit like this. Oh, there it is. Well, it's a shame I haven't read it. It's so, there's no tactics or anything. It's literally just get,

I don't think it's the best version of your song. It would be surprised by anything in it. Cool. It's just, you know what, you might know this. Do you know what the word namaste means? I recognize the infinite within you. The best in me and the best in you. Yeah, people water it down to me now

because it's like the song sounds less like, yeah. Okay, well, the infinite. The divine within, yeah. Okay. So my point here is that a number of men may, when given the opportunity between honesty and acceptability, a number of women as well, but I can only speak from a personal experience, right? But this applies to women as much as it does to men. They have the choice between honesty and acceptability. And if your honesty results in catastrophic body order or racial slurs every other word, or do you know what I mean?

Like you need to, there needs to be some sort of mediating here. But for the most part, what I'm talking about is someone who's maybe got a particular, an alternative worldview or thinks about tries to distill concepts down in the mind or has a very active mind or maybe suffers with depressive thoughts or suffers with whatever it might be that I'm talking from personal experience here and you can rate this down by, you know, there's certain elements of my character and I don't want this to sound like I'm talking from personal experience here and you can rate this down by, you know, there's certain elements of my character and I don't want this to sound like I'm proclaiming that,

like showcasing myself. But I know as an absolute fact that there will be less women overall that are interested in you. Your total area under the curve will be less as a man in terms of finding a mate. Being this particular level of depth, but I promise you, and this is to every man that's listening or watching, out there, you will total area under the curve, you may suffer unless you pull your acceptability, you're honestly back in. However, every so often, you are going to strike a girl that no one else can get. Now promise that that's the way that it works, that you will get to the stage where a girl that you never ever thought would be interested in you,

or a friend that you never ever thought, or an opportunity that you never thought that you would get this work to cross a whole number of different, and the same for girls as well. And the reason for that is that you are the equivalent of a business that's servicing an niche market. And this market is completely, completely untapped. And what they're doing is they're making do with other businesses that kind of get close to what they need. It's like a similar solution, but not quite what they want.

It's not quite what they want. And every so often, this person is going to find in you this unique blend of very, very enigmatic, different values. That they're not going to be able to replicate from someone under the belt. You have got absolutely not, and this is the beauty. This is one of the things I was having in the discussion quite recently with someone about this.

Again, guys, I've got this particular level of death. A lot of the time, because we are presented the best of everyone else's lives, but yet we see the worst of our own. And this is a normal discourse. No one ever said, you don't say, how's your day going, and you go, I'm like, it's fucking shit actually,

I walk it really depressed. The candor is, you're just doing it. It's a greeting right to say me saying hello We need to do the podcast on honesty. Yeah, it's such a it's it's it's a cool tenant of what I'm talking about a lot of the time Integrity virtue honesty be true to yourself try not to lie as much as possible, etc etc so I'm talking this guy and I'm saying look I'm aware that you get to see your own blunders from the front row seat, right? You see it every single second of the day and you only get to see this much, the highlight really that everybody else is. Let's flip that on its head, right?

What you have as a man or as a woman who sees their own depth is this really colourful world where you have so much depth, so much variety of views. And that means that you and only you can be you. But when you see the highlight reel of everyone else who are choosing acceptability instead of honesty, what do you see there? All you see is cookie-cooked design that's just replicated and replicated and replicated over and over. So take that as your power. Like that is someone who, a person who has a particular degree of depth, is way can draw an awful lot of power from,

that you go, well, hang on a second, yeah cool. This person I thought was really good for me, almost this that I'm the other and then maybe it's worked out or maybe it's not and I'm a little bit hurt or whatever and I thought that there were this girl that I never thought this guy that I thought I'd never get to be with and I really, really value them. But you go, I see on Instagram and Facebook or on a night out or at work, I see fucking millions of people like them. But I know through personal experience that there's only one of me.

I think that's a really liberating thing to think. Really well put as well. Well this has been something that's been percolating around for a little while and I've been trying to distill it down. I think it's very that that distinction is probably more prevalent in your world in the sense and in the world that it exists in the Nightlife of Newcastle, then I think I feel exposed to. So maybe, I think with, it's an interesting one with Chris, because over the last five, six years, at least since we've known him, what? Just... No, I'm not going to say. Okay. just, no, I'm not going to say. OK. We've seen you on this path of becoming more authentic, becoming more comfortable with your own values

that you didn't feel were acceptable, and becoming more upfront with that. The problem that confounds this is that you haven't gone down in acceptability because deep down, like you're a decent person, you know, you know, you said like if your honesty is racial slurs and been a prick and then you're actually trying to be more acceptable by coating over that, then that's a different thing. But you've revealed someone who is fundamentally a good guy and the authenticity in itself is an attractive trait. Plus, you are placed in a dominant hierarchy quite high up because that's what I wanted to try. And so all of these factors, plus, like,

you're a beautiful man. So, all these things together. We got into the bedroom. Yeah, let's do it. Oh, wow. And so, the problem is, like, you maybe, like you maybe haven't taken the hit on acceptability by becoming more honest because you have the other fundamentals in place. Agreed.

But it's also still, I would still say to today, my typical access, and I get to see the best cross section of potential partners, right? And this works for men and women, I think, equally. And Nite Out is a pretty good idea because it's a pretty ubiquitous environment for people to be in. Not everyone works at KPMG, not everyone goes to the gym, but almost everybody goes on nights out at some point. Yeah, even if it's once or year or twice a year, once a week. Very good cross-section. Representative sample.

And I know for a fact that I'm my access or my um, I imagine it'll have changed the access on the end ranges of the Belkov. Probably hasn't made much difference to the center of the Belkov. Still still can't relate to the vast majority of people in the middle. Like, I'd imagine you might sleep with a lot of them because they, because there's no, um, there's no nuance in that interaction and so there's not a chance for that to be picked up on. But then yeah, your access and the depth of, or to the people who are the outliers probably. But remember, and here's the crux of the story, and this is the men and the women, right? I want this particular element to read as a little bit of a champion

for romance, to a degree. We're not talking here about like how to shag as many people as possible. And you know, there's strategies behind that as well, like, you know, there's an entire culture for both men and women of pick a partistry. But this is more about champion for romance, right? And artistry. But this is more about champion for romance, right? And whoever you are, you only really need, you don't need to perform well in the league games in the middle of October. You only need to win the Cup Final once or twice, because as long as you're able to do that and get that partner that you really, really fucking desire and that makes you feel whole.

You only need to get that one so twice and not fuck it. And that's you set for life. It's not about, like, no one remembers the guy that came 53rd in the world, in the CrossFit Open, but they remember the guy that won. And it's exactly the same as that. You only need to win. And by getting that, but by using your deepness and your uniqueness as a virtue and taking a lot of

power from that, taking your power from that, it allows you to access these people as potential partners who you never would have done had you have pushed yourself right into the middle of the bell curve Not only have you lied about who you are So that you're never going to have a real connection with this person and you're then potentially trapped in this prison of Pretending to be this person for the rest of your life, which you never were so your level of depth of connection at the beginning and For all eternity until you die or break up with them for all eternity until you die or break up with them, it is locked into this semi-truthful approach. You also get to have a partner that you feel proud of

because they love you for you. Yeah, there's an advantage overall. And I think in that sense, you maybe don't need to take the hit on acceptability in any case. Like, yeah, it only opens up options. It doesn't close the box. And the more you understand yourself, the more you can be authentic in a relationship and the more you can give in that as well.

So the next question is, how do you know that the partner is the right partner? Do you want to do one on the economy as well? Got a lot of frame work for it. You did, but that's what those notes are. Because I was going to say, can we get on to these? It's a very big, it's a very different path. Well, I think that we can probably close this one there. I think that we can draw a line under this podcast.

And I'd said before we started this one, I wanted this one to be as close to serious as we can do. We're about to roll in with Q&A, which is definitely not going to be serious. Absolutely. Video Guideen, I have... I do. I've run out of battery on the G7X. Oh, man.

FYI, we can get around about bang on an hour of three 20 minute videos in there. So if you're listening, please subscribe to the Modern Wisdom YouTube channel. We will be coming back at some point soon when we've got fresh cognitive capacity. And we will be doing so it's whether to decide to get in a relationship or not, how to decide who to be in a relationship with and then some principles to to see if that person's a viable long-term part? Everything from what we've discussed forwards. I think that's great.

I've enjoyed today. That's been awesome. Don't forget to subscribe. Please make sure that you follow pro-prim fitness, apropin fitness on everything online. Acris, WillX on Twitter, all the rest of the stuff. You're not going to add the text and it's going to leave me like, okay. See? This is... You're having a good day talking. You look like you're trying to land a plane. Okay, K-Biden. K-Biden.

Yeah, I'll fix