Modern Wisdom - #035 - Life Fails 101

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

Welcome to the dark side of Life Hacks. Jonny & Yusef join me today as we begin to document all of the times we've tried to optimise our lives and fallen flat on our faces. Enjoy as we face-palm our way through a full hour of embarrassing stories. Check out everything I recommend from books to products and help support the podcast at no extra cost to you by shopping through this link - https://www.amazon.co.uk/shop/modernwisdom - Get in touch. Join the discussion with me and other like minded listeners in the episode comments on the MW YouTube Channel or message me... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/ModernWisdomPodcast Email: https://www.chriswillx.com/contact Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi friends, Lifehacks is our most popular series of episodes and today we're going to find out what happens when Lifehacks go wrong. Welcome to Lifefales 101, which is a collection of our biggest blunders throughout life while we've been trying to optimize with the best will in the world and we've fallen flat on our faces. Expect to learn why Yusuf is barred from a number of pools in Newcastle upon time, how I became an unintentional drug trafficker, what happens when Johnny tried to optimize his alcohol use and what happened that time when you sift joined a cult. In other news, the Modern Wisdom YouTube channel has now started cutting up some clips, best of from our existing episodes and uploading them with some new content and some additional stuff. So if you head to the YouTube channel search modernwistim or youtube.com forward slash modernwistim podcast you will be able to check those out as well. But for now here

is me, Johnny and you, so face parming our way through an hour of fuck ups. And my back. So, we did. Welcome back. Today we are going to do life fails. Now if you are an avid modern wisdom listener, you will know that we often do a life hacks series. It's one of our most popular and today we are going to give our best stories about when those journeys into making our life more optimal go awry, I think, is the best way to put it. Yeah. I'm death by optimization. I'm just getting your kids. It's done death. Yeah. Not not one of these slower drawn on. Do not pass go

cast. You're not correct. Going directly to being beheaded. I think we need to let you open up with your first life. So you said if I said list, Chris and I probably have like a couple between us. Yeah. I've got sentiment and you've got more life fails than you do life hacks. I think a lot of my fails are stuff that YouTube remind me of. Oh yeah, what about that? Yeah. I don't know why they seem to do this. To be honest, it's just my favorite list.

Do you only want to see the little like, so are we doing the underwater Jasmine? So I think the first one that you should do is Jasmine Pool, why you got banned from the pool in town. Okay. So early on in my quest for up. She only needs reading. She only needs reading the list.

Look. I don't remember that I remember these things happening. Stop it. I'm sorry. I can only get there. I can only get there. You've got to be there. You've not been in together. I can't stop. You won't let you go. I can't let you go. You've got to stop it. I'm sorry. Stop it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Stop it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Stop it. I'm sorry. Stop it.

I'm sorry. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. I tried boiling water, released a steam. No, I stick from meadows. Look, it's going back. Yeah, come on. Okay. We can get to that one for sure. Oh, cool.

I do requests and everything. So, early on in my quest for optimization, I read a book that described a process that supposedly Albert Einstein used. I think that's one of those most overused things when they just say, oh, this is the thing that Albert Einstein did to just instantly give something credibility. A technique called image streaming. And this is where supposedly you strengthen the connections with the corpus callusin between the right and left brain to create more connections and to communicate the left and right side of the brain.

And so that involves like a series of lined up with a tape recorder and just describing verbally the things that you see and that brings them into awareness. No, it doesn't even happen to you. This has not made this point, Paul. This idea started me off and ended up with me being kicked out of Jasmine's door. What happened was along with image streaming, I ended up searching more of it and there was a combined method that someone recommended which is Submerge in Water for one hour a day total time. So total cumulative time of an hour a day for three weeks. And the idea is by doing that, you create an adaptation in your body where you increase

the surface area of your corrupted arteries, the arteries that supply the brain and increase the blood flow to the brain, equating to supposedly like a 10 point increase in IQ. So I read that and without any further verification, I was like, right, I'm going to try it. So went into the pool in one time and basically had my little digital watch sat by the side of the ladder thing and just pushed myself underwater and timed myself and just build it up. Did you do 30 seconds on 30 seconds off? Yeah, well like 60 on and 60 off.

So it would take two hours in the pool, I think there's two hours a day in the pool for three weeks. First two days, Lifeguard caught wind of this guy doing stuff and he was like, oh, sort of kind of do that. I know, but I'm trying to increase the surface area of the Ported Arteries. He's like, no, no, I've just kind of dreamed of. I'm like, right. So he kicked me out, wasn't allowed to go back, ended up going to another pool where I was able to continue the journey. There is actually a side story to the first one which I was basically scared for. I was the most scared I've ever been in my life.

It's because I got a little permanent marker. I was like 16 at the time. I got permanent marker and I quite liked the idea of writing Arabic text. I thought it looked quite cool. So I did that in the changing rooms in this pool. And then the next day, I turned up and there was police vans outside and they closed the pool. And I was like, oh God, I jumped to the conclusion of they've seen the Arabic, they think that the terrorist attack is incoming. What did you write? Just like, just something innocuous. But I was like, they've seen it, they think

that someone's planted a bomb and they've closed off the pool, they're going to see me on the CCTV, like that's the rest of my life done. And you know, you jump to the worst conclusion or like, right, I'm going to be arrested as a terrorist and that's... But you didn't, and then you managed to complete the rest of your breathing and did it work? No. I didn't test it, which was the first step, but... Yeah, there was another guy I know who did something similar where he edged.

So he took himself to the point of just about to ejaculate and then pulled back and did that to himself every day for a month. Didn't have sex with his girlfriend the whole time, which must have been really annoying for her, because he thought it would increase his testosterone. So there he is for a month. Sorry, no, I can't have sex with you, because I'm trying to optimize my testosterone. And what happened? Again, I was like, did you, were you training at the time? Did you measure anything? No, calories were nor? Right? I've said you just about your girlfriend. So you've been to a testosterone? No, I bet day one of month two was fun though. Oh, yeah.

Shot him some across the room. It would feel like you've been naughty. Yeah. You spent a month training yourself to not do that bit. Yeah, and then I did it. Right, Johnny, what have you got? It all just flies in some rubbish compared to that. I had an experience at uni where I would just learn about alcohol metabolism and how to best. Basically, I was on a quest for

how can I get out of the trunk because I want to get without experiencing a hangover and any negative fatness consequences whatsoever. So, eight only like protein fluff all day, which is nice, but like there's not very much substance to it. Gets to 7pm and I've devised this situation where I have everyone that I live with, so six people all doing this. We played Centurion but with vodka and the idea was in about an hour or less, we'd have all the alcohol we're going to have for the rest of the evening, give it plenty of time to clear. So by the time we woke up would be near sober. Yeah. Of six people. Front no big alcohol. But to the next stream, of six people, two people made it out of the house. One person was borderline alcohol poisoning and passed out

and me and the person who made it out were end up doing some things you regretted. So what you're saying is don't try it. Just drink normally. Yeah, just drink normally. There is no way to optimize it unfortunately. So my 23rd birthday, I'd organized to go and buy a car on my birthday, but then went out with my business partner down to go and see Skrillex, it's digital. And as I did at the time, the exact reason why I'm sober now, I'm an all-on-nothing kind of guy when it comes to drinking. And ended up, I remember downing about half of the liter of Grey Goose in about three minutes from a speed porous straight, Arming it into my mouth.

Late run of the evening, I dislocated my knee in the marsh pit, popped it back in. Darren. You popped it back in yourself. Yeah. Darren got me on his back, so I could no longer walk, both due to the alcohol and due to the fact

I'd pop my knee back in. Darren piggybacked me back in. You didn't hate any often. Or was that the first time I'd ever happened? Ever happened. I'm speechless by that Chris. How did you, what happened? I was leathered.

I was leathered. You said, oh, pop it back in. Well, I was leathered. Pop, what in where? I don't know. I was leathered. OK. We'll drop it.

Darren, Darren, pick me up. Took me back to his house. Outside of Darren's house, it was a single brick wide brick wall. Imagine terraced streets that you see typical time side flats in Newcastle. Sat down on the wall and the wall was ready to go crumbly concrete between a lot. Cracked through the wall. So an entire small wall of bricks. 50 bricks went over, looked like a car retrashing at this person.

But Darren lived in the maze and they're upstairs. So I'd broken his next door neighbor's wall, went upstairs in a direction. So I'd lost my keys, that was it, I'd lost my keys so I couldn't get into my house. Darren had taken me back to his, I went up the stairs, tried to go to the bathroom, was aiming for the toilet, was weeing into the toilet Lost my balance fell sideways into the bath and then pissed all over myself while I was in the bath Cracked the bottom of the bath as well So split his bathing half and then pissed onto myself and threw the cracked bath into the floorboards underneath Walk up in the morning and realized that I had to get a bus to

Perth in Scotland to go and collect this new car, which was my 23rd birthday present to myself, spent the entire day limping around because I was now sober with a stonking hangover and had to get a... What was the car? It was a Renault McGahn R26R F1 Black. Black. I remember that car. Yeah, it was nice and fast and lovely, but the story to go and get it, like I picked it up at 10 PM at night, and then drove back, so woke up with a hangover, Darren's house couldn't get into my house. None of my flatmates were there,

piss all over me, his girlfriend now wife was very angry with me. Broken Bath. Broken Bath, I had injured my knee, I had to spend my entire day on buses up to Perth, finally got there at about 8pm at night, had to hand over all of this money to this guy, drove the car back in fifth gear, didn't realise it had six gears, so drove it back in five in fifth all the way home, and then remember looking at my watch as I got in, and I thought it's

five minutes past midnight, that's my birthday gun. Oh, you're so a bad luck with birthdays. Shit. I am shit. Right, less gone. Can we learn about when you joined a cult, please? Yep. So... Oh, god. So the listeners at home, we have been begging him to tell us this story. I think you should do two for our ones.

Fine. Two to one. Works. Right, so I'll do both of your requests. Cult and Big Poo in Toilet. So we, I think all of these stories start from a position of being experimental and not having such phomo of like, but what if there is something to it? What if I do spend three weeks in a pool underwater two hours a day and actually it is slightly beneficial. So the cult was something that was recommended to me, I thought I'm going to join it. I probably shouldn't say the name of it because can you give it an alternative

no? Yeah, grubblybub. So the, I don't, I'd join the grubblybub cult and it basically involves going to barrack and standing in a dark room with some old men. Just from our clarity, when did this happen? This was last summer. Oh my god! Oh my god! So summer 2017, there's so much stuff that he just doesn't let me find out. Well because at the time it was just another experiment. There's a claim, I'm going to test the claim, I'm going to join it. Okay, so it's the one. And I don't join a Louis Theroux skeptic.

I fully am like right and fully on board with this potentially working We want you know innocent until proven guilty service me. So did you we did say to anyone? I'm gonna go join the cult Or were you like I'm off to join the cult? No, I came back told my flatmate. I was I was I worry been I was I'm a barricot I'm trying to co-suck. I cool mate David is most unfazed So went to barracks to a room with old men. Some of the room with old men, they say the game. The old men start speaking in tongues

and sort of running around, moving and. What are they wearing? Just normal clothes. It's like old men clothes, like cords and a sort of checkered shoes. Checkered shirt, a shirt. It's very grey. We have to say your shoes are when you go in the room.

No, echo shoes. And I'm standing there and everyone's like supposedly being, well, what looks like being possessed by something. And I'm thinking, why isn't this working? I want the fun. The things. The terms and stuff. So it's like, OK, eventually, and it went on for half an hour

and then we'll do this and I'm standing here. so I'm like, okay, I'm just going to lie on the floor. Did anyone run over you? No. So that was a suspicious thing, because they're running around the room and supposedly totally out of control out of their bodies, but they didn't stand up. Coordinated enough to not stand on you. So the spirits that possessed them were at least polite. We were polite enough, yeah. And then I went every Saturday morning at 8am to a community center to do it. Just me and one other guy who was the representative for the Northeast. And he was very patient with me, like he, I was like, it's not working for me. He's like, don't worry, just persevere. So I did every Saturday morning for 10 weeks.

This is what I was going to get you to podcast. And eventually I was like look I really want to give this not a shot because there's no point in just saying I tried it, didn't work. But no. So fucking hell. This is a quite story, really. I want the poo one and then I want the nocturnal emission. Uh, okay. That's one of my favorite. The passenger in the passenger park. I have. Have you heard the story about flying at the island of Man holding hands with the German lady?

Yeah. Okay. Right. So, can I just before you move on? What was supposed to happen with the cult? Well, supposed to also do like, I don't know whether it's maybe suggestibility. So like, they, because they were really into it, like, and speaking of it.

I don't think that you're particularly suggestible on. It's a shaker I wanted to be. That's the annoying thing. But they can't. They wanted to be suggestible on us. They, how it works't want it to be suggestible. That's how it works. They simply don't go and think, oh, I can't wait to get possessed. Like, what do they try to do? Well, they don't call it possessed, but they, like, yeah.

So the spirit moves through the moss and thing like that. But I did feel I felt like the silly one. Which is incredibly bizarre that you felt like the silly one? Lying on the floor. I just love the commitment. 10 weeks to Barric Community Centre. To, yeah, the silly one? Lying on the floor. I just love the commitment. 10 weeks to Barrett Community Centre. To, yeah, the local one was just... Do you remember?

Oh, right. Do you remember when I came around to your house? And you had a huge bowl of spinach in front of you. And you were eating raw spinach from the bowl. And I said, why are you eating that massive bowl of spinach? And you said, I'm not sure.

I read something at some point that said eating a bowl of spinach was good for me, but I can't remember what it was and I can't remember the effects. It's supposed to be a little bit calender. It was a calender, it was actually. So... So... So you know sometimes when you... Like, you find yourself in a situation you're like,

Oh man, past me has scuppered. Because I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer. I forgot to put whatever. You find yourself in a situation you're like, oh man, past me has scuppard Because I forgot to like take the chicken out of the freezer. I forgot to whatever Well, in this case past me did myself a favor, but didn't explain why So all I have is a calendar in fact saying eat 200 grams of spinach Like I have read this and it is and I've verified it is. Oh my, okay, I trust it passed to make more than anyone. As long as it's like post. What I admire so much is that you just go, okay, time to do that though.

And then you just do it. So what was the other, the big poo in Toilet Story? We were talking on the previous podcast last week or some week, some week. Yeah, time warp, right? Some week, some time. About, do not live with seven people, lived in a flat with seven people, someone did a big, big poo in the toilet and it blocked it. It got halfway caught up the U-band wouldn't move at all.

And then it's the case of like, do people just continue to try and poo on top of it and hope that it pushes it down, very risky move. So I boiled the kettle, fully, poured it on the poo, and all it did was release the steam. It almost like a constantrator, the smell, and disposed it throughout the room. So then all I've done is created

a negative situation where the thing doesn't just large at all, but all it's done is it has the person's sea of the people. Atomized it. It's disposed it through in the bathroom. Seven people, we're can't go to toilet. My flatmate, who is one of the smartest people I've ever met, but has a very odd way of things. David.

It's a good one. David. Yeah. Not really in a, I don't know how to describe it because if I try, it's going to sound like he has ass burges in the brain. It's not in that same vein, but anyway he walked to the nearest field which is a mile away, to get a stick and walked back, dislodged the poo with the stick and then didn't know what to do with the pooey stick so he took it back to the field. I think he doesn been four miles away.

I took the mic out of it, I was like, why did you have to go, I understand getting the stick from the field, like just about, but you didn't need to go and put it back in the same field, like no one's going to miss it. It's part of that, for me, I don't know why, it feels like it's complete. It's back in the field. It's full circle, but with poo. But with poo, but the poo doesn't matter in the field, it's so, because they'll be putting the field anyway. What if someone else goes to do the same thing? With that same stick, take the end.

Well, fuck. He faced that risk to begin with, and he was okay with that risk. That's true, yeah. What if it already did? It's just, and that's the poo stick. Yeah, that is the poo stick. So, I don't want to monopolize the podcast, so I think with that, I, no, I is the boost. So I don't want to monopolise the podcast.

I think we've got to. No, I think you should. Can we do? I've got another cracking one, but I don't know if you know. I want novelty. Come on. Okay. Johnny and I were at a competition in Leeds and we were, so to start with actually, this is your life fail.

So Johnny's, Johnny had just bought an Apple watch. I turned up in his heart, and his parents had this 7am saying, Hi, it's Johnny ready to go. His mom's like, I don't know, I'm not seeing him yet. And then I just hear like, shit. And then Johnny comes running downstairs looking really groggy and red-eyed. She's like, oh, what time is it? Seven, oh no! I sat my alarm, but it didn't go off.

I was like, what do you mean? It was like, well, what happened is my Apple Watch at 4 a.m. started buzzing and making noise going, oh, you've been sat down too long, time to stand down. You've been sedentary for too long. So I got a runner on the run, tried to get ready and then Becca was like, what are you doing? And I was like, what? Then you turned the alarm off, went back to sleep, slept through the alarm. What? Because then you're so pissed off that you're Apple watch, you're like, I've got to get off our wrist. So you went to the meat and what happened to me? So we ended up going to the meat a bit late. We made the way in and so on.

This is the realisation of what happened. On so long day, lots of caffeine like and if you heard our opinions on caffeine, I'm a very low caffeine person. So taking I'm a very low caffeine person so taking pill-form caffeine is a kind of rocket fuel driving back seven or eight p.m Final stretch like an hour away from home and this I'm on the motorway and this woman jumps out different or what I thought in front of me in bits like in tears so I just put the brakes on Roll down the window like are you all right? like in tears. So I put the brakes on, rolled on the window like, are you all right? And she's like, me, I just keep something coming up, I'm going to be a geek, there's a lift.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, get in. So this is where you get followed, isn't it? This is your man. I have seen this one. I saw this one. So I've let this woman into the car. She's in, she's absolutely destroyed. I'm already knackered and I'm thinking, like, is this a safe situation? Is it one of these scams? I thought when I stopped the car, is it one of those things where they distract you and then two guys come into the car and jockey car

and beat you up. So anyway, how do I in the car? She's telling me a story that doesn't quite match up about her husband kicking her out of the car and she wants me to take her to the next town along. I'm like, okay, fine, I'm in this situation now. As we are driving there, there's two women walking along our pavement. She rolls down the window and shouts, yeah, get in to those two and I'm like, whoa. I'm sorry, madam. I agree to pick you up.

I didn't agree to pick up all you may. So I don't know who these people are. And then she's just like, doesn't respond very normally to that. We carry on. She's like, oh, I live in that residence. So I start going towards it. Karl comes up behind me, like old Vauxhall Corsa, flashing the lights, beeping the horn, four guys in it, proper

ruggies, like the the the the the the bird and the the deodorant tracks it was a little bit of a capo, a trapeze type of that, flashing the lights and beeping me. So I just pull over and let them go because they're right at my back. They then pull around and stop in front of me. So I pull off again. And then they pull off once again, right behind my back. Pull around once again, stop in front of me in the road

so I can't go around them. All the four doors open, the four guys get out, start walking towards the car, so I'm like, what's this? So I pull off again, they get back in the car and drive after me. At this point, I'm like, right, and she's just unperturbed by the whole thing. Your heart rate must have been... I think there was a lot of decision trees going on. I think there was a lot of decision trees going on. And then she was left here, right here, and it's into more and more of a dead-end debate and the guys are following me. Eventually, they just peel off.

So I'm like, okay. She then takes me to what she says at her house. She's been talking about, oh, I'm going to kill him. I'm actually going to kill him. I'm going to take a knife and listen, oh, I'm gonna kill him. I'm actually gonna kill him. I'm gonna take a knife and like, listen, please, like for my sake, I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna get my accessory to murder. And also like, I said, listen, right, go in your house,

go straight to bed, do not pass, go, do not speak to your husband, just have a sleep. You'll be okay in the morning. Deal with it in the morning, don't, while your emotions are high, just, and she's like, oh,'ll be okay in the morning. Deal with it in the morning. Don't, well, your emotions are high just, and she's like, oh, really pull me into the house. I'm gonna kill them, I was like, listen, I took one thing, she was like,

can I give you some money? I was like, no, just don't kill them. At least don't kill them. That's the all I'm asking of you. She wants me to pull into her house, and I'm thinking, if I pull in with this guy, who sounds like an absolute nutter, and he's like, who's this young man that's

Pulled into my life. Yeah, I was like I'm gonna get axed like I'm just missed being killed by four Rinse by four chance So I was like look we can see your house there is 20 meters away just Just go off the pop and then what happened? And then she got out and it was fine. She got out and it was all fine. Amazing. Johnny, and then he told me about it and I advised him not to speak to him. No, he never did that.

All mine, just when I was, I had too a house party, toilet and house party has been used just one bee upon naturally. Just one bee upon, desperate for the toilet. Gurb stairs, they found out someone was getting a blowjob in the toilet which is extremely annoying. Because if I happen next, walked outside of the house, started pissing, literally pissed into the wind and the piss went all over me. So it was so strange about the experience. I really clearly remember this was starting pissing all over my t-shirt and then just thought,

well, it's done now. So I just continued pissing. all of my t-shirt and then just thought well it's done now so I just continued pissing it's gone and it went like here in my face and then I went back in again and everyone's like why so wet and I just maintained the line of it's raining outside. It reminds me of the peep show when Mark is in the station recovered and Dobby starts grinding on him and he's like, oh, this is not even... Did Dusty mean to do this? Oh God, I've come in my pants.

I can't believe that's actually happening. He walks out and he's going great trousers and he's got a little wet patch on his trousers. And Greg's like, you're not a Mark, have you pissed yourself? He's like, yes, yes, I'm joking on him. He thinks I've pissed myself. I'm like, I come on my foot. Yeah. So I literally pissed into the wind and then pissed all over myself. Literally. Oh, man. And the following day is a worst hungover I've ever had. Really? It's red wine, yeah. Two bottles of red wine. Wow.

And then beer. My worst ever hungover I think was the one I have to take me out. That was. Oh, I remember you said credible story. When did you tell us that story? On the take me out podcast, which may or may not have already existed.

If it's not coming out. So I'll go over story that. It's an absolute doubt there. Very well, I don't think anything to mention so there's the couple I mentioned before so you made your mom cry with nose talk. I bet that's the story. Let's do Ben. Let's do what happened with them. Yeah, that's so okay. I can I can actually country to this one. So we I went to go and see Johnny

compete his first ever power lifting meat in Ashtonton. So it was the first ever this was like a year ago. My first time that I've ever seen you compete at a dollarlifting meet, Aishington. And Aishington. And for people who've never been to powerlifting meets before, it's just like a testosterone-filled room of chalk and metal and people shouting. Talking about it. And old men.

That's all in an IT room of the community centre? Yeah, it's in, and that's what's strange is about it. The fact that you've got this hyper aggressive, super strong kind of culture and then it's just being deposited into a school sports welfare centre in our school. being deposited into a school sports world centre. A school sports hall. And they've had to move the A-frame from primary school to one side so that they can get the

living. What's most mental about that is you walk down the corridor to the warm up room and there's like children's sort of paints all over the walls. Oh yeah. You get into the gym and there's like three or four world champions training that gym and always have training in that gym. And it's just the most out of place thing. It's the whole thing, it's just a bit uneasy.

The whole thing about the room, like everyone has the same postural deficits, like they're all lordotic, like from sticking out, big quads everywhere. It's like, it's like a piece of piercings. Yeah, and Andrew. So yeah, anything that's Chris, I was there. And then there was my mum.

Yeah, and Becca. Oh, Becca, anything else Chris? I was there. And then there was my mum. Yeah. And Becca. Oh, Becca. Yeah, Becca was there. So anyway, we're watching Johnny be sure to get in short. We're watching Johnny get ready to lift. And in powerlifting there is something called nose talk, which is a specific kind of smelling

salt. So ammonia. I think we should give some background on this as well, that smelling salts are one thing. And smelling salts are paramedics give to drug people, right? It is, but like smelling salts are to nose talk what a, you're good with these analogies. It's like a bullet to a nuclear warhead. Yeah, it's so concentrated, because it's just like a block of the pure stuff. No, it's actually ammonia. It's ammonia, and if you open it in a room of this size,

within a few seconds everyone's like, oh, it's so strong. What's the reason for it? So they use it to weight people up, but they also use it to test if someone is malingering and claiming that through some, you know, through some kind of law suits, they've lost their sense of smell. People will hold nose tock or not, or like ammonia, not the brand of nose tock under their nose and say, can you smell this? And the people who are lying will be like, no, I can't smell it, but actually it's not processed as a

smell, it's processed as pain, because it strips you sinuses, so it's, and they, and you guys sniff it before you lift to kind of yourself, I don't know, I, like, I, if you ever used it before lifting, no, one time, and it was a bad, it's terrible, people who get really amped up before lifting, it is completely and utterly unnecessary, it's a technical sport, It was terrible. Well, people who get really amped up before lifting, it is completely and utterly unnecessary. Is it the technical sport? The strongest people in the world, calm as a Hindu cow.

Like, they just walk on, lift the weight, then walk off again. Unless you're Stephen Manu. But there are people stronger than him, who are just, and so like, it just shows it's not required. Like, it's fair enough if you want to make it first, but everyone's got the difference.

You don't need to do it, of course. So yeah, and Ben, who was one of Johnny's fans, was sat in the crowd and we were saying, well, look, everyone should have a smell of this. And I got pushed quite hard towards smelling it and I stood my ground because I knew that it would be a bad idea for me. Brimming that Johnny hasn't actually done it. That's because you've been exposed to too many people in clubs being like, oh, me, I was sniffing to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on.

I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on.

I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to see what's going on. I was just going to be able to watch him lift. So someone, so you have opened this nose talk, and I thought Ben was just gonna give it like a gist of it. Which is more than enough. Oh, like it's, that's what people do before they lift, is they go, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a couple of feet below their nose, right?

It's not like, it's not like smelling, we know one of those old-bass oil sticks, you actually attach to your nose, and that's how Ben went for it. So Ben went for a two nostril offensive about half an inch above the opening to it and a big breath. Instantly started yelping in pain, his eyes started streaming. Ben looks a little bit sloth like at the best of times and then looked like, um, said from ice age in a really sad scene, like when he lost his chestnut.

And, um, then was in so much pain, I had to go to the toilet, try and wash his eyes so that his eyes would stop streaming. That didn't work. Mist Johnny's first lift, because he sniffed the nose, and just ruined the rest of his day. He went home early. Yeah. I remember seeing him five hours later, and he was still red eyes. We went for a meal later on. Johnny turned up and was like, I've just been with Ben, he's an intensive care. And I was like, oh. You were like halfway out the door.

You're like, seriously? The best thing about that was, as Ben left, he just, so I didn't see this happen, but he just turned to my mum and Beckham just went, thank you, thank you so much. And no one knew what he was thanking them for. And he doesn't know what he was thanking them for. It's just an instinct to do the right thing.

Yeah, you are a gent. Like you could have taken that so much worse. I know, man, Ben, you're a trooper. Right, you support me, go. Okay, so this is one, I think Johnny's heard, you haven't heard this yet. I've just finished an obstetrics and gyne a trooper. Right, you support the girl. Okay, so this is one, I think Johnny's heard, you haven't heard this yet. I've just finished an obstetrics and gynecology rotation. So pregnant women and vaginas and I went into,

I was, it was 5.30, I was with it, I was in a clinic and I was like, right, can I, can I go now? I was like, yeah, if you find it useful, I was like, yeah, it's been, it's been good. Like I forgot to do an examination of one of the patients, but oh, I would, I would arrange for you to, um, do an examination. No, no, it's okay.

I would call, I would call, just cause up the next board. It's like, I have a student here who's, uh, one thing to do examination. I was five, 30, like, and she was like, no, no, don't worry, don't worry. And so send me off to another ward. Someone else met me and was like, oh, you need to get, because you have to get things signed off as partly, so you observed examinations of certain things. And it was an examining a pregnant woman. So I turned up and I'm like, hi, yeah, I've been sent over,

like, do you have any pregnant women that I can look at and examine and feel the bump and stuff? Not just like feel the bump, but she was like, yeah. You want to do a baby shower. She was like, yeah, okay, there's one here. Went into an isolation room. And this doctor came in and was like, hi, there, Victoria, how you doing? Yeah, you've had a lot of siphoness having you. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, we've got this student just wants to do a performing examination for his workbook. And it's like, I'm washing my hands and I'm like, okay. And then just reveal the belly and make it from the waist down. And you have part of it is you have to, like, when you're measuring the baby, you have to get right into sort of the top of the vagina and I'm like, you don't wear gloves for this one. And then, like, after we finished the exam,

washed my hands vigorously left the room, just like, man, set the one for you. And then had a chat with the stalker off the nose, like, so you said you have a lot of syphilis, you know what I'm sorry about? You said when you came in you were like hi you've had a lot of syphilis she was like I was sickeness Like I can't do anything like because for someone to be described as having a lot of syphilis That's like I can't believe that they that that you thought like, yeah, I'm just going in

no gloves. Lots of syphilis here I go. Well, I was that I've committed now, like, and putting on gloves for something like that is a bit insulting. So, but anyway, next, next story, I'll, I'll jump in. I've got a quick, okay. So as it often happens with nightclubs, if I stood in the door of a venue a lot of the time bounces on the door, we'll confiscate drugs from people who've been going in the clubs. So I went to

Thailand a couple of years ago and I'd been working on the night a few weeks before that and got myself out to Thailand and flown by nearby. Went to Thailand and I'd been fighting and training in a Muay Thai camp which meant I'd been living in shorts for most of the time and on the Saturday all of the fighters go out and they have a meal, nice meal outside, put my pair of jeans on and a shirt and I'd gone out, gone to for this meal and then gone to a bar afterwards. I'd go into the bar and I'd put my money so I didn't have a wallet on me so I'm not going between all of my pockets. Put my hand into the little pocket that goes in the top of you jeans and pulled out a full-gram Bag of miscellaneous drugs which one of the door staff had given me

Miscellaneous well, just undiagnosed right unknown white powder. I'm so glad that you've said the story I was worried that you wouldn't so it's one of my favorites So I've had this I'm supposed to have put it in the safe,'t sew. It's one of my favorites. So I've had this. I'm supposed to have put it in the safe, but I'm running around outside of a nightclub and I've forgotten. Remembering that I've flown through Dubai where it's life in prison for having drugs on you

and then arrived in Thailand where the penalty can be death. They still have the death penalty for class A drugs over there. And at which point I went like, that's near mental breakdown. And then I actually ended up throwing it in a river. It's realizing the enormity of what I've done. But it's such an odd sensation that something terrible has happened whilst nothing all happening. It was exactly, well, it's how I felt that the police cars and the police and stuff was like, or something. Something awful's occurred, but actually at the same time, nothing's awful, nothing awful's occurred. I'm going to do another one actually while I'm on this topic,

because I said this story the other day. This is quite an interesting insight into how much we value other people's opinions of ourselves. So I was in Bali last year. I just need to stop going away in the summer because just mad shit happened. I was in Bali last year. I was driving a 50-pence per day Balinese mobed pad and I truck pulled out on me while I was driving on Balinese Road. I had a helmet on but I was wearing tiny swim shorts and a vest. Slam my brakes on. The back wheel started to skid out, so release the brakes, bike straightened up, but then I was about five yards away from the truck, so I could have either pulled the brakes again and risked skidding or allowed myself to hit this truck. And I was like, right, less or two evils pull the brakes again, see what happens, sure enough. Bike went out from underneath me, me and my tiny swim shorts was like, ee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e- the top of my foot. So all of the skin was just removed. I think you guys have, you guys

saw this, I'm pretty excited. Pretty gruesome, like very, very painful injuries afterwards. But at the time, I didn't feel any, disfigurement, self-preservation, any of those things. The prevailing feeling was I look like a twat, and I had a couple of guys that I was riding with. I was like, I'm the white guy on the moped, and... A little bit. Well, yeah, there's a stereotype of like fucking tourists.

Yeah. The couple of the guys I was riding with came back and they came up and they were like, fuck, now me, you all right. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be okay. I've removed most of the skin from one side of my arm and leg, from one side of my body and the entire top of my foot has gone. And I'm there saying, yeah, no, I'm fine. Let's just crack on. They were like, no, we need to go with pharmacy. I was like,, yeah, no, I'm fine. Like, let's just crack on.

No, like, no, we need to go to a pharmacy. I was like, right, okay, let's go to a pharmacy there. Sure enough, as the adrenaline begins to wear off a little bit and the pain starts to kick in. And this is probably the most in terms of total amount of pain, like area under the pain curve for the next four weeks. The most painful thing that I've ever had to deal with. But as it happened, the first 10 to 15 seconds afterwards,

all I really felt was embarrassment. Can you also just describe the alcohol? Swaps. Oh, yeah. So this is... How did I miss this as a life film? Honestly, it's wood for the trees again, isn't it? Yeah.

So I was on my way to a beach club, and I was with two guys, one of whom's an Aussie. So both of them worked off short, so they were like fully medically trained, pulled in to a pharmacy, he picked up some alcohol wipes and some dressing, some tea tree oil and some other stuff that would cleanse it and some iodine. And they were like, well we might as well, we're halfway to this beach club and we need to get you cleaned up. So you might as well come with us, we'll do that,

have a couple of beers and we'll turn around. Remember, like this point, all of the skin from the front of my shoulder, like my anterior shoulder, all of my elbow and halfway down my forearm, the outside of my knee took a lot of the impact and then a light agrazing, but still all the front of my shin on the outside and then literally the top of my foot is gone. So we pull into this really nice beach club and the guys who are doing like the

the valley service outside just looking us up and down and they're on the left on side of me which is the side that has got and then just look at me as I go past it's bright red, like blood red. Anyway. I'm happy, okay. I'm like, yeah, don't worry about it, don't worry about it. Getting to the Beach Club, go into the bathroom and it's a really nice posh Beach Club where they've got miniature hand towels, and it's just as well, because I needed to use those to pick bits of Balinese road out of my flesh. So it was like right before we started the Titus Road, isn't it? Yeah, well it was coarse like gravel and big chunks in the road. So it was like hitting

a cheese grate, like hitting a concrete cheese grater. So anyway, starting to wash my wounds with this water and I can feel like the severity what was worse was the severity of my injuries got worse as I went down so shoulder was worse than elbow was worse than knee was worse than foot and the foot was really bad so I've got this drinking water I'm kind of swashing it on and I can feel that like stinging sensation like very very strongly it's just exposed flesh basically, and a little droplet of water just went down and hit the top of my foot, so I was doing that and it just set

it on fire. I couldn't believe how painful it was and I was like fuck say, so I'm like kind of shaking a little bit, but also oddly out of my body at the same time, I think probably a dump of adrenaline on the back end in a few of the bits, so I've got these towels, and I'm like picking bits of gravel out of the side of my leg and like trying to dab certain digital, trying to dab different bits of my body down just so I can get used to the pressure being on it and I'm like, right, okay, no worries. Anyway, go back in, sit down with the boys and I'll let you look how you feeling. I was like, yeah, I've got a bit of water on it and they're like, look, we need to get the wounds cleaned,

we need to get your dress, we need to do all the rest of it. Right, okay, well, like, let me have a beer, I'll have a beer, we'll crack on. So I have a beer, and he's like, right, should we get started? I was like, yeah, cool, no worries. So he gets an alcohol swab, a little square alcohol swab that you'd usually use before you get like a hypodermic syringe or whatever that goes in.

And I remember, you just, the weight, you can imagine the weight of that, it probably weighs like 2 grams or 3 grams, and he just brushed the top of my shoulder with it, so it didn't actually apply any pressure, just allowed the weight of the thing to drape itself across my shoulder. And I thought that I understood what the maximum volume was that my nerves were able to communicate to my brain and this just smashed through it and turned it up to like 11 or 12 and I could hear the pain like it was like the tinnitus sound and my shoulders went on like I was hearing something loud and he just brushed it across the top and I was like, holy fuck, that is beyond anything I've ever, ever felt. But then after about five seconds, five to ten seconds,

the nerves just completely shut off. So you can imagine that he draped it across and that happened for the first time, unbelievable pain. But once all of the nerves have fried themselves, he can then actually apply as much pressure as he wants and it doesn't feel like anything anymore. he's really interesting phenomenon, I don't really understand why or how that works. Although there's a Malcolm Gladwell, the other one, there's two authors, I'll get them next to anyway, one of them is on a Burns unit for a while because

he got full-body burns and he said that the nurses out of compassion would try to, when they had to replace people's dressings once a day, they would undo the bandages slowly. And the patients started to develop a real anxiety when it came to the bandages being done. And it turned out that actually he suggested after experiencing both himself fast and slow slow He was like actually fast as much better. Yeah over because slow is just this ongoing He was like it's non pleasant experience regardless. Yeah, so he suggested like that's just switched to as quick as possible He did and so much better. So yeah, don't that one then did elbow as well dressed it put this lovely dressing I put the eye down on,

which should have hurt, but again, the nerves are just transmitting nothing. And I'm like sweating, it's hot, really, really hot, I'm sweating. Unbelievable amount of pain. And then I'm like, look, boys, I can eat another couple of beers. So I'm like having having maybe two or three more beers. Remembering that I need to drive the bike back, but I, this at the time, I was like, I have maybe two or three more beers. Remembering that I need to drive the bike back, but at the time I was like, just to get through this, I need to get through this, forget about driving back. Anyways, I look at it like we need to crack on,

I need to do this, because he was worried about me being exposed to the air. He was like partly causing the air and stuff like that. I don't really know how much truth is in that book. Especially in Bollywood. Yeah. When we were right next to the beach and et cetera, et cetera. So anyway, does my knee, and that that's like that's another level of pain.

Remembering I already thought it just got turned up to 11. And that was another level of pain. And I remember watching the guy that sat cross for us as he helplessly saw one of his friends inflict pain on another one of his friends and the guy that was doing it to me was going, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was like, mate it's fine, you got it, I know what I'm so sorry, I'm just really sorry, I'm so sorry. And I was like, mate it's okay like you do what you need to do. That's all right, okay. And then it was going to get to my foot and my foot was just a complete the whole top of it had gone. And I was like, right, fucking out. Another couple of beers, I'm like

heavily beer deep now, but anyway, I remember, is that right? Just go for it. So he puts this thing across the top of my foot. And I'd just read, Born to Run, and it's a book about African tribes, long distance running and stuff like that. And in that, they talk about when they're suffering with pain, when they're running, about rather than hiding from the pain, they go into it and they open the pain up and they go to the exact sort of the epicenter exactly where it comes from. And they deconstruct it and think about what it actually means and then it dissipates. And I was like, right, well, you know, I've never got a better time to try this experiment than now. So you did it, and sure enough, pain was unbelievable. I've never, ever felt before, but very, very quickly,

it stopped being pain. Like, I wasn't, I wasn't. I didn't attach myself to the pain or associate anything with the pain, remembering that this was something that was good for me as well. And after maybe one second of kind of establishing myself with what the feeling was going to be, I started laughing. So this is, and still, I can still say it's most painful experience, but it wasn't traumatic when it happened. And it was just really, really interesting that I'd occurred and he'd done this across the top of my foot and then sure enough, I knew that in five to ten seconds it was all going to be over and I was going to be fine and it would be strapped up and my wound

would be clear and cleaner and et cetera, et cetera. But yeah, that was really, really interesting, like that sensation of the pain and being able to go down and think, it's just as well, I feel very thankful that I've done even a modicum of mine from this practice over the last of these 18 months before that, also quite consistently, and I've done a lot while I was out there, so without that, I think I'd have attached myself to the pain and awful lot more and I've had a narrative around it. Then you're a few beers deep and you've got to get the bike back. I had to drive back, but I mean that was fine. I had no one thing that would have been residual, would have been travel anxiety.

But that was pretty much all gone by the beers and then back then I had to cut my trip back from Bali short. So I'd been planning this trip to Bali for a year, was supposed to go for a month, fell off a bike after a week and came back home after a fortnight. No, remember, life hack fail. That is a fail, a fail and a half.

Have we got a short one to finish? Yeah, so there's a few many ones. Do many one. Did we do the data charge on the... No. No. So, on the way to Thailand, I fell asleep and I was naughty. We know when they're like, let me make sure you turn your phone on airplane mode.

I was like, nah. So, fuck you, and they're like, you meant to make sure you turn your phone on airplane mode, I was like, nah, so fuck you, man. Fuck you, man. So I just, I fell asleep, and we were still over the UK, 35 minutes into the flight. And I woke up for a moment, checked my phone, saw that I had a text message, hi, welcome to Aeromobile. You are now using our services, connected with your phone, you are being charged seven pounds per

megabyte for data and a million pounds for minutes and messages. I'm like, oh God. So I checked my daily data usage on the settings and it said 526 megabytes. the settings and it said 526 megabytes and I was like oh my right okay hang on quickly like immediately airplane mode calculator multiplied by seven pounds that's 3,700 pounds like I'm gonna have to sell the car I'm so my kidney like this and I'll start there just mincing for the next 24 hours, it was 22 hour flight and obviously like. And you're just trapped, unable to turn it off, you've got no network access. No network access, knowing that I've just got this massive impending bill that's way beyond

working for a start there, just like, for falling asleep, there wasn't even using it, I don't understand, like, but it's, so it's like you just, they've just come into your pocket and they've just gone. So it's just, you get refreshing the background. Yeah. And what was it? Because you didn't actually end up, I really, so ended up like, luckily in Dubai, I called like 12 hours later, managed to get access to Wi-Fi, sent a message to Vodafone,

customer service and all this stuff from like, I'm going to get absolutely ruined here. Eventually, a few days later by the time the bill did refresh, it only charged 36 pounds. By which point I was so relieved that it was all over. Did you contest that? Yeah, I did. Ah! Ah!

Well, because also, like on principle, that what they've done is, like when your phone isn't even in use, you're literally asleep, they just come in and reach. And- I suppose they- Unbelievable. The reaction to even in use, you're literally asleep, they're just coming in and reaching. I suppose they're unbelievable. The reaction to that as well. You have to turn your phone on and open it.

That's true. But then say, or there will be massive financial consequences. There's a potential flight risk. Not by that. There'll be a little bit of world. Oh my God. Obviously you might find Bill.

My thinking is that if modern planes can't handle a bit of EMF from someone's phone, and the level of security that they enforce that is reminding people in one language for multinational flights to turn thrown off. That's what I think about the liquids thing. 911 was terrible and we don't want it to happen again, but I've accidentally flown with 125 millilipot tubes of toothpaste in my hand luggage.

No one stopped me. Yeah. Like, it's just an absolute blow. Unless someone would like to tell us in the comments below why they do that. Well, there's a YouTube video where this guy makes a shotgun from things that he's bought in the airport. Have you seen that? No. Condom battery, pack of deodorant, a bunch of change, and a hairdryer. And so he takes the heating unit from the hairdryer, attaches it to a toilet tube, puts the coins in like a pack at the end of it, wraps a condom filled with the battery inside the head, the head dry heating unit and the count of deodorant behind

is the explosive thing and basically it just melts through it and then just fires the coins. And so this is what it means, like I bought all this stuff for $12 in the show. Does he show like the destruction? Yeah, it's a very dirty gun, like it's very unpredictable, but the fact is, like you can do some pretty serious damage. Also, I kept a diary from every day, I wrote a daily account of what happened.

It wasn't so much like an outpouring of emotion diary, it was just like this happened on this day, like a journal for 10 years. Was it 10 years? Yeah, and so from, I think from, well, like eight years from like the age of, yeah, the age of 11 to the age of 19. And then one day I was just adding to it

and it was a Microsoft Word document, which is why Microsoft Word can go and like just and file corrupted and I was like oh well, that's it. Ten years of my life. I'm like, my diary. And just stopped then. And like, well, I'm not going to continue from now. So no more diary. No.

Do you ever think that the things that have happened to your exceptional? A lot of it self-inflicted. I shouldn't have been on a Microsoft Word document. That was the universe saying, use this mate, don't you know that's one way to learn? It's a drop in the ocean compared to driving to barrack to join a cult, isn't it? It really is. Or forcing yourself to be submerged underwater in the corner of Jasmine pool for two hours every day Also the the sense of like oh go on when you found the pack of drugs. Yeah Similar thing. I had my laptop in the back of the car. I went and I went for a meal When I came back I realized that I'd left both back doors white like wide air replay and wide open With the laptop in the back

I'll join you to you left your you left your keys on the passenger seat of your with the laptop in the back? I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you,

I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you,

I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you car, two guys just kind of loitering around. And you just think like, I do you. So, but then thought process was, so when I work in a coffee shop, I take my laptop with me to the toilet. And I can't decide whether or not that's a weird thing to do.

But it needs this thought. I think other people might look at you and think, what a weirdo. But like, I have the last laugh. I'm not trust the public to defend your promise. But you're absolutely not. I've been mugged in broad daylight on a big... Don't punch by a nuts. I'm a busy street, I've been punched by a Nazi. And everything that's happened to me...

You can criminal that's happened to me has been in broad daylight. No one helps. So you're absolutely right. But if you're actually in a walkfire, 5% of people have that desire to say something. So I think that I have, because I'm naturally, I think I'm naturally quite a nice person. I'm a, you know, a fair person who wouldn't want to steal someone's fucking laptop that they left out. I give an undue level of leeway and hope to other members of the general public.

They do that. But it only takes one time for your car to be stolen or my business partner, Dave, got his car stolen. I think I've told you the story. So the robbers got into his house, his brand new Q760, 70 grand Q7 outside, got into his house, he's brand new Q760, 70 grand, Q7 outside, got into his house and his bedroom was on the first floor. So, got up his stairs, came in with his bedroom. He's in the bedroom.

He's in the bedroom, asleep. He wears earplugs and I'm asking to sleep and took the keys from next to his head on his bedside. Flaker, isn't it? Just took the keys and then instead of going back down thinking, don't that, went up another flight upstairs and it was brother's room and took the laptop, I just sold his brother.

Unbelievable. And his brother was asleep as well, just the same thing. I'm like, obviously they don't know, I'm asked, they don't know earplugs. Took that, came back down, bundled his brother's laptop into his other brother's car, drove away. Never got it back. That's crazy. David Cameron had his bike stolen outside of Tesco in London, because he locked it around one of those bollards that's that high.

You just slide it on. Yeah, and then he was being interviewed after, he was like, I don't know, I don't know, I just sat down, I was like, I don't know, I don't know, I was just standing there in there five minutes. And you're like, David. Welcome to the real world. Yeah, like, okay, I appreciate you've like, taken your bike out onto the street as a PR event, but like, but it's the thing that's not like,

probably thought last day, but it's something that's like, fuck you, dude. It's like, I can't, I have no idea of what proportion of people could so, sat next to me in the same coffee shop the other day, was a guy on his laptop, who was just regularly getting up and going outside for a e-sigarette, which is a bit weird in itself,

because you got outside for an e-sigarette, but he was just leaving his laptop there. Is there only one entrance in the exit? There is, but like, what's he going to do? He was like an old guy. Like, is he gonna have an easy-going confront the person? Because there's going to be that moment where someone walks out with his laptop. And he's going to go, is that my laptop? And then he's going to go and look, realize his laptop's not there. And it's too late.

Ah, smash him in the face of the user you're at. Put me in the eye. We're told you about the man that came to the door. Yeah, that's a very vague story. But what I was just the person who you resuscitated wearing a skirt. Oh,. Yeah, that's a very vague story, but was this the person who you resuscitated wearing a skirt? Oh, okay, so that's another one as well, but so I was in the flat, some knock at the door. This guy, like in a shirt and trousers and his hair kind of of slipped back, looks a bit slimy, was like, hi there, I'm just here for the shoes. I'm sorry?

I do know this. It's like, it's salmon. And I was like, some, then the rest of the class started coming out peering out of this guy and he was like, oh, you all right, mate. And he walked into the other room. Like, how do you know some? He's like, oh, I don't, I'm just here for his shoes.

You're like, what was it? Is this the same guy who went with the field for the stick? No, it's not different. There's someone different. And so this guy was like, we were like, look, can you tell that he was like, if you must know, I've got a foot fetish and I'd appreciate if you wouldn't judge me, but I've just come for Sam's shoes.

Sam like, brought out his shoes like, all right man, enjoy. See you later, like totally fine about it. And I was like, what's going on? And some was like, oh, you followed me the other day, and he was like, oh, like, so he had these, I really ruined shoes. And he was like, I really like the shoes, can I, can I have them?

And I was like, yeah, sure, mate, but I haven't, I need to get a new pair on Friday. So just come back then, I'll never appear. And so the guy, as instructed, came back. That is really bizarre. Can we finish on? You were just taking someone in the office? Yeah, sure. We were like, Sam, are you okay with what that man's going to be doing with your shoes?

And he was like, yeah, finally, you know, what's the thought experiment that you do about someone taking sexual pleasure from giving you a massage? Oh, yeah. So this is the, so there's the book called The Ethics of Touch and it's recommended to anyone who is a clinician or suppose that involves touching someone, but it's, yeah, there's things like if somebody was massaging you and they were getting so much, a lot of enjoyment from it themselves a lot of enjoyment from it themselves is that that doesn't change your experience of the massage but is it something that you are uncomfortable with? Assuming unless you're a straight man, it's another man and the man is getting enjoyment from it. Is he getting

such a audible or visual? No, he's giving no signals. So for you, you're a utilitarian, doesn't seem as easy. As long as you, I think you asked me this question recently, and in my head, I'm like, I imagine that I could tell. Yeah, in that case, like, no, that's not okay. Yeah, I see. So until it impinges you on your experience, you don't mind. Well, because we may have all the massages you've had

may have been with someone absolutely loving every second of it. You don't know, you know, you know, where's off? What's about if you knew in retrospect, what about if someone told you after the event? I think I could suspend the thoughts as long as, you know, I that is. However, my mind from the scalp. Yeah. Meditation. And why is that different to date rape? Because date rape is a horrific thing and most people would agree that that's very much a violation. But because you are, I'm still allowing permission for the massage to happen. You're not allowing permission for you to take sexual pleasure from it though.

Right. It's granted. You know what? It's completely different. Because the stuff isn't right. In the day rate, there's no permission at all. The whole thing's been stolen. Okay.

Yeah. True. So what about, what about someone, um, people holding you going to the bathroom through a people and you're not knowing about it. Fine. What's the problem with that? Explain in the simplest way possible, why that's a problem. Well, it is an ethical problem, isn't it?

For him. Because you didn't consent to it, but with the massage, you, like, but you didn't consent to the thing, which is the crux of what we're discussing. Okay, so, so, in the massage case, like, whether the, like, you wouldn't consent to the thing which is the crux of what we're discussing. So in the month of case, whether you wouldn't necessarily want the therapist to be having a bad time as much as you wouldn't want them to be having a good time. I mean, why didn't you? You wouldn't want it to hurt them. Yeah, to be hating it. So actually, it's irrelevant to you. And if anything, you'd want them to be having at least a nice time. But yeah, but then you can overshoot. I think so, I they really enjoy doing it.

You have to assume that they're a rational person, that they do what they can. Are you saying that rubbing you is a pleasurable experience? I'm saying that they've gone down consciously, trained and pursuing a career path that solely involves that. Well, so you're saying it doesn't matter whether the enjoyment is like, oh, I'm really enjoying the money I get for this, or I'm really enjoying this.

Whereas Chris, you're less comfortable with them enjoying the act of it, but it's okay with them enjoying the compensation for the act of it. I think it's just an interesting thought experiment. I think that the people polling someone through a bathroom, they're not knowing. There's no exchange of service there, there is there. So there's even less? There's even less of a reason for it to be wrong.

I see. What's another example of something that's more morally on the boundary? Compromise. I think the people polling one is probably more morally old. That's not touch. I see. Yeah, why is it why is there a line between the fact that there's touch and no touch? I would say there's books called ethics of touch. Okay. So there's that proposal as well. You sort of the guy saying like why is it that certain body parts are

sanctioned and certain ones are not? Yeah, so I do find that, I find that really interesting. Like you can pay someone to rub your head, but not your little head. And that's just... Well, a lot of a man's chest, but not a woman's chest. Yeah. It's just these weird kind of boundaries that exist.

Which is almost because of the narrative. It's the narrative that we attach to particular areas, isn't it? That's why. Interesting. First, like in some cultures, even seeing parts of a body is, well, this is not allowed. Victorians used to cover piano legs with fabric really. Yeah, she's insane.

What was the thing you asked before? People. They know the other skirt. Skirt. That's it. So would would you do your own problem with the people, then? I would, but I would as well. But, like, you have no idea it's happening. I wouldn't have a major problem with it, but it's different because it's a violation that wasn't,

like, okay, so if you pay someone to rub you, and they enjoy it, that's partly, it's part of the contract, although there is a reasonable expectation of how much enjoyment they will get from it, or the tolerance of how much unemployment or enjoyment and you're like, well, it can exist within that range. But if it overshoots and it's way more than you bargained for, then that's why you feel a bit like,

oh, I got that a bit hard, because I was only expecting a bit of a- You're having completely stepped out of the paradigm that is the transactional relationship that you'd already entered into. Okay, but going to the toilet, you don't expect anyone to watch you. Yeah. At all. That's outside of the paradigm. What about guys living at women's the world down the street? Because that's like a step away from... So that's similar to like, I'll give you a 10- note, not realising you really like 10 pound notes, like not just like the average, oh great 10 pound, 10 it's like oh, you know, but that's, I'm fine with that because at least you've had a nice time.

Got it. All right, for me I think as long as I am aware of it, because like as long as you're not going to like film it, put it on YouTube. I suppose once you're aware of it, then it's uncomfortable because you're not aware of it. So I know that we're running out of it, but there's a thought experiment that's just come to mind and I want to give it to you two guys. So I recently chatted to a woman who goes on loose women quite regularly.

Okay. And she reminded me of a discussion that had gone on there. And they said, do you think that liking other girls' photos on Instagram is cheating? Okay, and she said yes, she said yes, that is a man putting himself out there. And identifying himself and giving a like highlighting himself to other women and drawing attention to himself and liking their photos and was like she's making assumptions about

his attention. Yeah, but what do we think of that? The analogy that I drew was, would you say that a man looking at other women as they walk past in a nightclub is cheating. And there's a line somewhere along there where it becomes weird. Okay, so is it when they say something to them? Because what it actually is, if you want to draw the lines somewhere in sort of flirtation or talking, is not actually in the act because the act is just a manifestation of the intention. The intention, if the intention was I want to pull that woman. Even if you come up and you just poo on a room. Exactly. So this is the thing, right? So if you just look at a woman across the other side of the

room and your intention is that she'll look back at you and your dreaming that that woman's going to come over and kiss you and then you're going to take her home. In that situation, looking at her is cheating. Yeah, so there's the difference. If you take the two extremes then as the thought experiment. So one of them is you go over, you're like, hey, how's it going? But actually, they're really attracted to you and because you're starting quite close to them, they get a bit of sexual tension and it all with that. But actually in your head, you're just like... I want to ask at the time, or I want to know where she got her address from because I want to buy my wife the same dress. Yeah, as opposed to you go over it and then you're like,

I knew fart and you're like, do you like bread and then you fall over in head butter and then you walk away like, but actually the whole intention was, I wanna try and take it home. Or even when you do less and you just look or you don't even look, you just sit nearer and don't look at her or. Because the problem is like that,

there's no binary mess of it. If we just look at the action rather than the intention, which is this woman's claim of a paradigm, then we are saying that we have to set our own reasonable point where we say that action is acceptable. Or that is not acceptable. And when we get into that continuum, we start to get into the extreme insecurities that lead to

the people making their women cover up or out of pure insecurity for other men looking at them. And it also goes to, if you'd have flip it, it was like, by having a nice haircut and wearing nice clothes, you are somehow putting yourself out there for signaling it by going to the gym and making yourself look better and stuff like that. I feel like, oh no, I do it for me, but I will, but if you're judging it by the action and not the intention, then you could

construe anything to be cheating. So it's such an interesting little experiment that I think about where the line for cheating actually begins and ends. I think it's more about what are you going to... because it kind of doesn't really matter, like if looking at someone is cheating, like does that mean that the relationship, does that mean you have to go home and tell your wife, like, I look to the world and do I have to go home and tell my wife that I liked another woman's photo? Yeah, because like I'm sure a load of guys have that are in those situations all the time in my clubs and have it that exact thought

And there are many girlfriends that wouldn't want to know that you love to another woman and probably a lot of women in the exact same situation on the opposite Why is that relevant to me? You were or you could be like Aubrey Marcus and then like having sex with other women isn't cheating Yeah, because probably amorous is Asperous you can't cheat in a polyamorous relationship It's impossible to cheat like what is cheating? It's like breaking the understanding of the situation that you're in. A lot of relationships don't have that understanding to find, all right? No one gets into a relationship. Well, it's okay.

For me, cheating is this. So you could get into a relationship with a woman who's incredibly liberal and say, well, no, you can go out for dinner with ex-girlfriends. That's absolutely fine. I see. Like, the line for cheating can be drawn with, I think, for most people kissing and, and, and any sort of physical stuff. What about heavy petting? But June is up like, what about hand holding? What about brushing past someone in the line, like, for the water cooler or water?

And so then it becomes more difficult to justify a clean intention if you were like holding hands with like even though it's not like it's not all technically cheating because of the action but actually like why would you be holding hands with the... So probably just it's just whenever it's whenever you're doing something that you wouldn't do with a friend. Like whenever it takes you. Okay, so you're holding hands and you're holding hands with your sister as you cross the street holding hands with your mom as you cross the street. I think it comes back to intention.

So that was the metric that they used when is it Ariana Grande? When this guy at the funeral, did you see what happened? No. Where like it was a pastor at a funeral and he had Ariana Grande from his journey is actually too wide to do this. The taught a little new one. But he had a zone round. He said it. He had his arm around it, but he was grabbing a boob and he was like edging his fingers forward like that. Yeah, which was very, and it was on camera. And some people were saying, this is worse than any normal sexual assault because he's like, he's like signaling, like, look what I can do to you, but in my position of power, in front of all these cameras and still get away with it. It's quite insidious.

But the metric people were using was like, he was like, oh no, I'm just being friendly. And so the responses were like, well, you wouldn't touch your mom like that. So, which is harder to justify than this. We've ended on quite a nice, quite an interesting topic there, actually. Maybe we should do that. Maybe we should do. I think that we should get sent to the salt 101. I think that's what we want. How to avoid it.

It's not cool at that. Yeah. Why is this one a bit? Don't show it away from it. You said it is what it is. Cheating 101. If you can't just accept facts, you will never be wealthy. That's Anton.

We need to do Anton 101. Anton 101. Anton 101. Yeah. Anton 101, Anton 101. We scratched the surface of lifefills there. We've got some of them available. If you'd like to send us in some of yours, please email the email address in the show notes below. What have we got coming up soon?

What have we got now? Relationships 102. Yeah. What was the other one that you suggested today? Honestly, there's a superpower. Okay, strength training you've wanted to do for absolutely ages. How it gets strong? How do you get strong?

I learned Johnny. Yeah. What else do we have in there? Oh, finances. So we're going to go deeper on. Yeah, deeper on. First on finances and wealth management and stuff like that. But yeah, please make sure that you subscribe below.

Video guide, Dean, we'll make it here here and here and here and here Team just like And here and here and over my face. I'm on you so sad in it's gonna revolve on you so we make the work hard for deep Anyway, thank you very much for tuning in. We'll catch you next time. Okay, bye. Bye Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,