Modern Wisdom - #050 - Daniel Sloss - Jigsaw Explained

Episode Date: February 4, 2019

Daniel Sloss is a comedian with two Netflix Specials; Dark and Jigsaw. Before he played his sold out show in Newcastle I got to sit down with the most handsome Scottish comedian since Frankie Boyle to talk all things relationships, and some other stuff. Expect to learn strategies to break up with a partner, mine & Daniel's shared achilles heel, why you should shave your anus and how to slide into Mrs Sloss's DMs. Massive thanks to https://www.tynesidelettings.com for letting us record in their lovely flat, check them out if you're looking for accommodation in Newcastle! Extra Stuff Follow Daniel Online - https://twitter.com/Daniel_Sloss Daniel's Website & upcoming shows - https://danielsloss.com/ Check out everything I recommend from books to products and help support the podcast at no extra cost to you by shopping through this link - https://www.amazon.co.uk/shop/modernwisdom - Get in touch. Join the discussion with me and other like minded listeners in the episode comments on the MW YouTube Channel or message me... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/ModernWisdomPodcast Email: https://www.chriswillx.com/contact Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello friends, that is the sound of a very squeaky chair there isn't it? Anyway my guest this week, Netflix Special Comedian, Scottish person and all round Hansen Bastard Daniel Sluss taking the hot seat before his sold out show in Newcastle. You may have seen him on Netflix both dark and jigsaw are too fantastic Netflix specials and he is just smashing it at the moment. Every date, everywhere, everywhere in the world appears to be sold out at the moment for this guy, and I'm incredibly fortunate to have got a hold of him. We talked about relationships, I slid into his mum's DMs on Twitter and got some really interesting questions that I was

going to put to him and it was just a fantastic afternoon. He's a man wise beyond his years and funny beyond his nationality. So without further ado, Daniel Sos! Hey, that's me. They've let you over the border from Scotland into England. I mean, it's Newcastle, really England. I'm not sure. Because my support act from best friend over the years at Calamford is from a man's Newcastle, really England. I'm not sure. Because my support act from best friend over the years, he's from Newcastle, and there's a genuine affiliation

between the Joris and the Scots, where we're just like. Yeah, I mean, you're pretty much, because we're, like, you hit the side as much as we do. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Anything that's below leads is southern. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which of these? Exactly. Agreed. What's super's below leads is southern. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which of these exactly agreed? What's super interesting when I speak to Americans?

They don't know that there is an actual wall between Scotland and England So they don't know that Hadrian's wall is a thing. Yeah, I'm like you watch getting a thrones, right? Yeah You know the wall like that actually exists. It's a bit smaller and it's kind of ruins. Yeah, yeah, but it's actually there No way man. And the world as well. It's a bit manly, no, it's background. So when I sometimes have to do my research for guests, I interview a guy who understands the foremost

intellect on alien civilizations, and I'll be like, oh, bloody, I don't have to sink my teeth into this. The research for yourself was watching your Netflix specials, watching on YouTube, and sliding into your mom's DMs. I, that is my mother to a fucking table. I love the woman so much, I love her dearly, but she's an absolute horror for him.

She loves it. She loves the fact that she's known as, because over the course of the years, during the end of the festival, my mom will spend a lot of money going to see as much shows as she can during the French, because she supports all convenience. And even when they try to give her like free tickets and stuff,

she refuses to, because she understands how the industry works. Yeah. She's an absolute fucking sweet home. But yeah, she loves, loves the attention. And, and she's very, very funny, woman. She is. She's given me, so later on, I've got a couple of, a couple of things that I need to ask you about, And she's very, very funny woman. She is. She's given me, so later on, I've got a couple of things that I need to ask you about,

which is the inside information from other... Yeah, she's started to... She's after knife in my back like the Judas Horde that she is. Yeah, she has done indeed. So your Netflix special jigsaw, which some people may have seen and some may not. I want you to do you, if you can, to just try and explain the concept of jigsaw or a jigsaw for life. The concept is basically, I don't hate relationships. I just hate 90% of people in relationships because they are, I don't like liars and when

you're in it most people in relationships that are lying to me and they're lying to them by themselves. I was sick, there's a certain arrogance to people in relationships that they've achieved something that I don't have. I've, you know, settling for this other person that they have a happier life than I do. I enjoy being single, right? And one day I won't enjoy it. So I'm going to enjoy the company of the person and I want to spend the rest of my life with them.

And I believe that I get annoyed at is by people when they force something into their life, the force of person into life because they think they should be in a relationship which is 90% of you fuckers do. You cram this horrible person into your life and you post pictures about how happy you are and you're not happy and I know you're not happy because you are bragging about. Whenever I'm happy I'm proud about something. I'm not on Twitter going, God yeah, I just nailed this, I'm the best at this, I'm enjoying the thing. It's reveling in the experience itself.

I'm not posting pictures of how much fun I'm having about the thing because I'm enjoying myself. For me, you post about things when they're not going well because you lie to a social media so you can convince yourself when you look back at your pictures. Are they officially inseminating a sense of purpose? Yes, and I just, for me, somebody who's confident enough being single, it's fine, but even I sometimes feel the pressure of people in relationships and go, oh God, maybe I should be in a relationship, maybe I should settle for that, and I'm barely able to resist

it. So when you're putting out this content that's sort of bragging about how happy you are, when you're not and you are adding to this idea that being alone is wrong, you're going to cause people who are less sort of, maybe we have been lonely longer than I have or don't have You know, it's social circle whatever the you know or you know mental health issues kind of those other things They see you happy and you've said that you weren't happy when you were single and the happiness that you got is from finding this fucking person And you're full of shit and I think it's very very damaging and if you want to brag about happy or in a relationship I will absolutely brag about happy. I am being single and I will win. Fantastic. If you want to end up in a happiness competition and a bragging competition,

I'll fucking bury it. Let's get our dicks out and measure them, yeah, exactly. So I mean, I am firmly in the same camp as yourself. And I think there is a, it's a very nuanced understanding of relationships to be able to say that I am happy and happy on my own because it sounds an awful lot Like you don't want someone which isn't the case. No, I think I think from watching the special it sounds like an uncompromising set of standards on what you will accept as a partner It's not even that like I don't think getting a partner they should sort of be anything. I don't have any expectations of my future partner. For me, I just think falling in love should be the most inconvenient thing in the fucking world. It should ruin your day. People who

when they fall in love, I know it's in love because every time I thought about them I smiled and I was happy and I'm like no no that's you in love with the idea of love It's not about the individual you didn't love with the idea of being in love and you love the feeling of being love When you're actually in love like I think it's just you know, you just go off a fuck sake I was having so much fun I was living my best life and then this person came along and they make me laugh and I want to spend my time with him. I love you still being alone and now every time I'm in a situation that I'm enjoying my brain goes I wish this person was here with me. I want to share this with you. Fuck, God damn it, I was having so much fun. I had so much freedom and I still have

that but just now I can't stop it. Yeah, every time I've been in love, I've just gone, you bet how dare you make me. I love you so much and they're so inconvenient for me because I was enjoying being selfish, I was enjoying. And now I love you so much that you're in my priority. And that's insanity. I suppose, I suppose what the implication there is that if you, if a major part of your life and your purpose, worth happiness is derived from your relationship with someone else, it puts a lot of power in someone else's hands, right? Like you need to feel, you're very vulnerable at the mercy and at the behest of what they want to do to you.

Yeah, I think, I think you should, you know, the person you're with should make you so happy like all the time. Like if they make you feel bad, you know, the person you're with should make you so happy like all the time Like if they make you feel bad, you know, then get rid of them I've never understood that I find the concept of the one is the most arrogant thing in the entire and this is coming from an incredibly arrogant man But the the concept of the of the one is so narcissistic that not even I can fall into youth you're telling me if you believe in the one narcissistic, they're not even I can fall into youth you're telling me if you believe in the one there's only one person on this planet that's good enough for you wind your fucking neck and fucking you know one mile radius I could find you a hundred people who are you'd say yes to yeah who are not only good enough

for me but bear yeah just yeah and but we we create this idea and oh my god when it gets difficult to the work and why If it's not easy like I think you know every and I've done those relationships You know, I've been in those relationships where the person makes you feel like shit and you know You look at your pension you look at a grandparent's generation because none of them were get divorced because Was too inconvenient and fucking being alone was so taboo and it was you know The only way you were ever out of a relationship is if one of them fucking died, you know. Back when all of our granddads were parverts and they were parverts. They were stalkers. How did you meet your granddad? Oh, well, she didn't want me at first and then I fucking watered down. Fucking Jesus grandpa. That's awful. That's horrendous.

You just lived in a town where you were just able to stand outside of our work with flowers, we'll have a love you. And she didn't have the internet or a phone or tinder to know that there were options outside of the five miles that she inhabited. Yeah, man, our grandpa's live through their fucking tastes and they just, they didn't stay together for love, but I just think think they come out of fucking World War II in five years old, and they were just like, we have to live our life. Thank you for your life. Yeah, better make some more of us.

Let's make loads, yeah. Exactly, so I mean, I think people are quite quick to judge the, I guess the Gen Y and the millennials for this very transactional nature of relationships and that it's easy come easy go and a lot of the time you hear people talk wistfully about this like all the time where people would you know they'd stick it out and this and the other. But I mean sticking it out in a relationship sounds an awful lot like incompatibility to me. Yeah, sticking out just being like you know why you know we've been together for this.

This is a sunken cost fantasy. Like it it's exactly that you've got to spend all this time. And I get those feelings. I've been in those relationships. You go, I've put three years into it. Like, am I willing to, are you saying the show? I'm, you've got that choice. You're willing to either admit the last three years of your life have been a waste or am I going to waste the rest of my life.

And it's a tough fucking thing. And also break up, breakups always suck as well. Like, even if it's mutual. Sometimes the mutual ones are the saddest ones. Yeah, they are. Like both of you know, neither of you are happy. Yeah, but you don't hate each other. You just grow, you grow apart.

Like my first girlfriend, when we, first, we were together for two and a half years and we broke up, she didn't cry. I sobbed for the whole break up. Because I felt so guilty. I was like, God, I'm destroying her life. And she was like, no, dick, like, I'll be fine with that. Yeah. Like I'll miss you. And but we, you know, she was like, look, we have, going to part. There's nothing wrong with it. Like, we don't hate each other. There's no animals. We didn't cheer each other. We weren't, we just, but just a point she just went, and that's not, it's not you. And

that's really, those are sad because that's like, you know, it's much easier if the person's, I can't hear it, they've cheated on you. Because it's very, very, very sharp line to draw. Yeah, you just go, it's done, it's over. Band-Aid's been ripped. But when, you know, when you, if you don't grow together, you know, and you grow in different directions, there's always that bit of like, oh god, this is me. You know, because you're never going to blame them.

But I mean, I think one of the things I noticed when I was especially young was that I felt like there was a, the world was ours to be girdled around the relationship and not that we were being stretched by the world. And that it's like, no, man, like just love, love, love, when, like, love, love, love, it doesn't matter. Like, so I had a girlfriend that was a dancer and a beater and then she was gonna go dancing in Egypt when she came back from Beater and this, and I knew that I look back now and I was like, man, it was a holiday romance.

Like, can see the fact that it was a holiday romance, but no, no, I was gonna try and launch a business, do a masters in international marketing at Newcastle University and have a relationship with a dancer who was in Egypt at the same time. Easy. I'm like, looking back, back. What the fuck are you doing? Every night that would be me, I'd be concerned. I'll dance until late as she's drinking. Is the fucking Steve Angelo and his fucking, you know, his he around and his his posse around and blah blah blah. I think just,

bro, just like she's not happy because you're complaining in your insecure all the time. Yeah. And you're forcing your insecurities onto how you've been. Yeah. That little thing about what you do. Well, whatever I want to fucking do. But why don't you trust me enough to know that I'm not going to intentionally be a bad person towards you. Yeah. Says more about yourself and your impression of me. Yeah. Well, I'm the person. Yeah. So yeah, I think that's one of the things that really struck me. And one of the other things that I really liked was how you talked about the innate desire for people to feel like they need to have someone to make themselves whole.

And I think that that is part of the jigsaw analogy itself, right, that you have particular quadrants of the jigsaw that you put together. Could you explain those? Yeah, well so originally it was the idea was like you've got the obviously where the jigsaw you start on the outside, you've got the forecourt and you go and this is obviously different from different people but in the analogy I use it was like friends, family, job and hobbies. Like in those are transferable they're different from you and somewhere you know your family, my family is very important to me and so are my friends and I'm forced out of my job, don't have many hobbies. So that corners obviously is more important for me, but for other people,

you know maybe they fucking hit their family, maybe their family is shit, and maybe they've only got like three close friends, but they've got lots of hobbies and that their job is an all sort of consuming thing. And it's you know the problem with the Jx analogy is people, Jx don't change over the years. They're always the same picture, which is you change. Those points when you just go, fuck it, I want to be obsessed with my job anymore, or, you know, or I want my family bit to be bigger now, and you have to sort of move, right? So it's a constantly changing in there, shifting thing, but the one thing we all want is we all feel broken if we don't have someone there and the reason we feel broken is because of how we raise

children, you know, TV shows, everything is about love, everything is about relationships. You know, our parents' divorce is very, very common. It's a very, very common thing and there's nothing wrong with it, but divorce, talking about divorce in front of kids is very, very common. It's a very, very common thing and there's nothing wrong with it. But divorce, talking about Dorsen Franske, it's this very sort of taboo because you can't tell kids that sometimes love is wrong. You can't tell a native year old that they're gonna get it wrong so many fucking times, so many times before they get it right.

Because that's not what you want the story of, you know, love to be when you're seven or eight years old. And I think- And the Disney movie, right? Yeah, you know, it's always, the Disney princess gets, the prince of the prince gets the princess, or it's always about these relationships, the whole focus of every single TV show, and I've done this even now, when I'm pitching TV shows that go, who's the love interest? You're like, why does there have to be a fucking love interest?

Like, why does my show that has nothing to do with love? Why is that important to, you know, his or her growth? People just need to, a lot of people feel the desire to latch onto that particular story. It's a story of hope and redemption for people who don't have it, and I guess hope and continuation for those who do. Hmm, yeah, then again, I've always said that I've got nothing against relationships and Jigsaw was never made to be a breakup show and it is not, it's a love letter to single people. I just took me so long to be secure with being single, it took me to know, you know, especially with family stuff when you get married, when you're having kids, you're like whenever I fucking want.

Yeah. And if I don't have them, tough shit, get a grandchild from your other kids. I don't care. I don't owe you everything. I was at my business partner's wedding a few years ago, him and his missus have been together since they were 20. They are the exact opposite, the polar opposite of my situation,

just about to have their second child, and they've got two dogs, and it is like the white picket fence, the British white picket fence equivalent. And we've been there for the weekend, it's been beautiful, and everything's amazing, and the families got on, and it is like the white picket fence, the British white picket fence equivalent. I'm right, it's wedding and we've been there for the weekend. It's been beautiful and everything's amazing and the families got on and the service was fantastic and this that neither is. I'm driving away. I can see his mom and a couple of her family members just looking at me as a drove past and I could just see in their eyes that we're thinking, you're next. And I've wound the window down and I was like,

won't be soon. I'm just trying to move on. And I'm like, there are, there are different paths in love life for different people. Like, yeah, some of us, I don't give it wrong. I'm an absolute romantic. Like, I want to be a dad more than anything in the world. I really, really do. And I want to get mad. I want to have kids and I want that. I just don't think I have to do it before I'm 30 and I don't think I think I'm not looking for it at all.

Like I'm thoroughly enjoying, you know, because I'm not being in a relationship and not being a dad means I can be selfish as shit at the moment. I can travel as much as I travel for my job. I can really focus on. And one day that will change. One day some god damn woman is going to come in my life and just be perfect and I'm going to go you mother. God damn it. I didn't realize that I was writing

all of these routines and it was yeah. And the fucking hypocrisy. Oh my god. See what I did to a fucking relationship. My fans fans are gonna be like you fucking what? And I'm like, I know I'm sorry. She made me talk a lot of I didn't mean to play my heart look at her with our fucking perfect little laugh for some reason Makes me feel warm inside all that yeah, I'm gonna be a hypocrite. I'm gonna be an absolute hypocrite But not but I also won't be because I know I'm not against relationships and it can't fake relationships and the more fake relationships that exist, it's a disease. Like, you'll say they go, I'm so happy, I'm so happy in this relationship and you're

not, but you'll lie to your friends that are singling go, I'm so happy with Jonathan or I'm so happy with Claire and they'll go, fuck it now, they get through it, they hate each other, they get through it. That's what we must must do and you just go, go fucking eye this person. I'll change who I am You know everyone says it takes work. Why why does that have to take work like if you've got kids absolutely Like if it's but when you're just starting out like man if I had to not this might sound insane and that's because I am If I if I'm in a relationship and we have one argument in that first year, bye. Yeah.

Like, oh, we have disagreements. Like, I love this. He won't have to compete, so I don't want to have to compete. Yeah, we can do that, but like, if, like, let's see, I can't fundamentally. Yeah, like, you have a lot of female friends. One of my best friends in the world is, I've been friends with Jean for eight years,

we left together. She's one of my closest friends. If I was ever in a relationship with someone who's like, you need to see Jean less, I would be like, you can absolutely take a running fact to yourself. Like it's, you know, that's you, that's the jealousy which I don't suffer from. So maybe, I don't have any fucking sympathy for it. Because those are your insecurities. And trust me, I will do everything to, you know, if I'm with someone, I don't want any fucking sympathy for it. Yeah. Because those are your insecurities. And trust me, I will do everything to, you know, if I'm with someone, I don't want them to feel insecure. You know, I think your job is to make that person,

you know, feel loved and valuable and, but, you know, even if you do that and they're still fucking jealous, you're like, I can't. Yeah, you know, it's not my job to fix it. Fighting, fighting the fucking society. Yeah, yeah, it's not your job to fix me and it's not my job to fix you. You know, I don't all, you don't,

all anyone, anything, really. But when you spend a lot of time together, you've been in a relationship or wherever, you sometimes you feel you. How do you think the immediate then between someone who thinks this relationship might not be right for me and Daniel said, like, you know, too many for me and Daniel said, like, you know, too many disagreements and too many complaints and too much upset, it's a bad idea. And then aside where you may find some form of a blockage within a relationship which cries some work to be done, which you then push through to find a newer level. Obviously, the devil's in the details there. Yeah, I mean, look, there's, you know, there's a problem with one of the many problems with the Jigsaw analogy in my show, which is, yeah, nothing is black and white.

And what I'm up there doing is I'm saying, this is the black and this is the white, because the amount of nuance and time I would need to discuss it, I'd go, it would be seven, even a day. You'd need volumes, yeah. There are psychologists who say, for years who don't even are able to explain to that level of sort of detail. It's up to you, if it feels, I totally believe that there are, some relationships should require work. If you're feeling a little bit, you shouldn't dump someone out of the blue necessarily. You should go, here's what I feel like I'm either less attracted to you or I miss the spark that we just have what I feel like I'm either less attracted to you or I miss the

spark that we just have or I feel like I'm changing in this way and you're pushing me in anyway. You talk to the person, open the communication before you break up and then, if they're like, well, that's not going to change, then it's different for everyone. It is, and that's where the devil being in the details, it's obviously where the wide relationships are hard. Like, and it's not hard as in it has to be hard work, as in sometimes it's just going to take a lot of cognitive power. But one of the things that you touch on that I really, really like is that

you need to love yourself before you can learn to love someone else and before you can allow them to love you. Yeah, 100%. And I think you need to be able to understand your own values and what you will and will not tolerate within yourself. Like there's certain things that I've realized are keystone habits and keystone failures of myself. And when I get them right, I feel 10 times better and when I get them wrong, I feel 10 times worse. But I never knew that I was being triggered on those by partners and I was projecting onto partners

for a decade. Until I actually did a bit of introspective work and then realized that. Yeah, yeah. It's not like, I'm like, holy fucking shit. Like the problem was never with them, the problem was with them, but it was other things. Yes, but, you know.

You didn't, especially when we come out of relationships, when we come out of a teenage years, none of us are fucking confident, right? Even the confident teenagers like deep down weren't confident, like we're all just fucking balls of hormones, hormones, and executions, and anxiety, and you know, we're just filled up to our balls with common, we were horny, and we didn't know why, and we didn't know what to do. And you sit there and you get into, so you're insecure. And I was, you know, they suddenly go, you're an adult, especially when you're a teenager, they go, you're an adult, you're a fucking teenager.

I'm a young adult. I'm a child. I'm a child. I'm 28. And now I'm a young adult. Yeah. And then I'm a young adult only now is before that I was a fucking, I was a child. Like how dare you, I like I understood when I was fucking six, I was like, I'm a young

adult full of shit. No, I was not. And the fact that you even let me believe I was a young adult is ridiculous. You know anything fucking child abuse. Yeah. And then you get into, so you don't, Lavie's off because you don't know who you are. And the problem is when you get to a relationship, then especially when we go into university, I mean, not that I did, but I saw it amongst my friends,

is you go through the same career, like to, you're going to change so much because, you know, you don't really choose what fucking high school you go to or who your friends, you pick a friend out of this randomly selected of people in your fucking area who will happen to be born in the same year. Like, none of them are, you're just friends with them out of convenience. You'll get friends for life and whatnot.

But when you go to university, there's a lot more freedom to it. You're going to grow naturally. Not even in university, just after high school, we're going to change so much. And I feel like sometimes if you're in a relationship there, which you would be, because you're like, oh God, here's this scary new world that I'm a fucking adult in. What do adults do? What do adults are married? adults who are in relationships. So what I'll do to be an adult, I'll get into a fucking relationship and I'll do exactly what my parents did which is compromise and change and do anything to make the relationship work because that's what adults

do and you sit there and you create this false version for yourself and it's not malicious in any way. The person that you are not changing you for bad reasons. You're like, please change me. I want to do anything. I love you. And you make me happy. And I want to make you as happy as you make me. So I will change. I willingly tell you.

And then seven years later, you're like, I don't even fucking like raw climbing. I fucking hate cheese and wine. Like why have I watched Eat Pray Love 175? Like this is tall. in head, cheese and wine. Like, why have I watched Eat Pre Love 17, five years? Like this is tough. Who, and it's really hard because that person that changed you, they didn't necessarily force you to change. I'm gonna make this kind of rock climbing.

Oh yeah, you just decided to do something. I'll do whatever makes you happy, and you know, just hope somebody's like, hey, I like the pop. I wanna watch the top. It's like being moldable putty, right? And you're just so malleable at that early age. I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I? So you need to say, you are crazy malleable, you are going to be potentially changed in a manner that is inappropriate and damaging to you, but you also kind of need to experience these things and you also need to suffer so you can learn.

Yeah, yeah. So you can't expedite the success and avoid the suffering, but also if you could get it absolutely right, you could. And you're like, oh, fucking hell, mate. Do you wanna have your cake and eat it and throw it out the window as well? Right.

I just think, the best, some of the best lessons I learned about myself, I learned from failed relationships. 100%, 100%. Which is why I, Jamie, like, you know, I like the fact that I'm friends with a lot of, well, or well, not friends with my exes, but we ended on sort of armicable turns and I've got no sort of ill feelings towards them. Even the person that Jigsaw was about sort of managed to

admit that that show was very cathartic. I was going to say, I mean surely once that got published, the person in question. I don't know if she has watched it, but you know, I think she'll look... No, let her bombs or anything yet. No, no, but I think she'd understand as well. Wait, I mean it's very respectful, I think personally. I do say she's the worst person I've ever met in my life. Okay, yeah, I mean, well, yeah, but there's gotta be some comedic kind of... Yeah, yeah.

A bit of artistic license. Yeah, yeah, and also exaggeration, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, that was, that was, that was. It was, it was, it was a, it was a terrible, terrible relationship. It took a while to sort of recover from, because that's always the thing as well. Like whenever you get it wrong, you feel like such a dick. Yeah. And so, those are the one, I think one of the worst feelings in the world in a, in a relationship is,

you know, when, it's such a shame that the, the line, it's not you as me, is cliche. And if you ever say that, the person you're breaking up will hate you because sometimes it's the only honest thing. It's the break up. You go equivalent in Netflix and chill. And I'm like, no, that's what I want to do. I really do want to watch some Netflix and chill out.

There are five festival documentaries out and it sounds very interesting. Bucky, unbelievable, yeah. And sometimes it is not you. It's me. You've done nothing wrong. I'm just changing. And my future doesn't involve you. And you feel so shit because this person that loved you

unconditionally and sort of is amazing. There's nothing wrong with them. And you don't love them. You feel so prog. You feel evil. Are you an empathetic individual, would you say? For hugely, I hate my, I hate my levels of empathy. One of my biggest weaknesses,

and I've only just recently begun to realize it. Yeah, I really, and I do, I think, let's not criticize empathy, I think the whole world could do with a lot more of it. But we've got, can we take some of mine? I love the fucking God. I can't hide a little bit of my leave. Which is why I put up so many a lot of walls.

Sometimes it was just like, if people know how empathetic I was, they take advantage of me. 100%. So that's why I just, you know, that's why I make sure that my hope, my hope, provided one stages on Billy Big Bullocks, nothing you can say will ever make me question anything otherwise. I'm so assured in all of my opinions, I'm the smart smile I live on, God.

That's what my hope persona is. That is just because, you know, if you know how, yeah, it's so much easier to come across as cold and I don't give a shit. I think so, and I do think as well that the empathy thing means that when the iron gets struck really, really well, like the world can come crashing down pretty quick and I think, like weird stuff for me, like, you know. What level of empathy, like the world can come crashing down pretty quick and I think like weird stuff for me like level of empathy, like if you see someone cry to you immediately start willing, I mean that's in there like to the point where if I ever hear like a little wise but if I ever hear like a like a girl like a small girl just shout for her dad for some reason we go

What I'm like, I'm not even a dad I'm like wait and don't be wrong girls have called me daddy before but I'm very different context and they were much older But like why why do I just hear the I don't know what it is I do some fucking weird shit to just, for so long as well, like I stopped myself from crying in my teenage years. And I've got no idea why I did. Okay, my father is, my father, my father was never one of those guys that's like crying his way.

He never said they ever, I've seen my dad cry. He was logical, and he would always, always in control of his emotions. But if the man wanted to cry, he'd fucking cry. For some reason, I don't know where I got it from, I got this idea in my head that crying was weak and I would Visitly stop myself from crying at movies and stuff like the two of you would be like, nah, ah, yeah Great you teed, yeah, I'm hung alone and I'm stopping myself from crying like a fucking sociopath Yeah, because I hated my empathy. I hated how empathetic it was. When it's now I feel like I'm breaking it, I just go on YouTube, down deep, YouTube holes of stuff that I know that's gonna make me cry.

You ever seen it? Dehydrated from tealos, yeah. Once, every now and again, if I feel that I haven't been emotional enough, one month I'll just get bought a wine and I'll sit down on fucking YouTube and I'll watch soldiers coming home to their dogs. Oh, that's that's some serious

shit. Yeah, that gets me deaf babies being given hearing aids, sobbing, openly sobbing. And you're seeing the crumb and crumb is the colour blank glasses., because this is my proper advice. He's a, is a adoptive dad's, like being, like the kids taking their second name or two. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he's having Christmas, you're being adopted. Like, yeah, no, no, no, no, it's always the daughters or the sons to their stepdad

been like, I've legally changed my song. I just, so you see these big grown man there are like six foot five look like these to be present heavily tattooed And this like this 30-year-old dog goes you're my dad now and he brings this comes crashing. Oh Man it destroys me. I love it so links to everything will be in the show notes below if you want to have a nice cry at some point Oh do it. It's like I always I do for so many years I repress it so much is like not like it's like bleeding the radiator You like a fucking like pithy junkie now. Yeah, oh man. It's just like skydive and just be like what else come in fucking click I mean at the line of dogs meeting their own I've never been on a plane and not watch the blindside and soaked I've never been on a plane and not watched the blindside and so up for any international flight, I'm like if fucking blindside is on this, I'm a

Sandra Bullock. I'm a very upper class worthy woman and I want to adopt and save a black child to play a microphone ball, which is a support, I have no interest in it. I love it, but I get, I'm on, I love crying though. I think, you know, there may be some people out there who can empathize with our empathy. And... A lot of them are weak. Oh, you know. Most suck to be there, but just, yeah, if you're more empathetic with that, I am.

Wow. And one of the problems that occurs off the back of that is being able to break up with someone you alluded to earlier on where you said that you were terrified that you were just going gonna end somebody's world and Understanding the reality that other people will be fine. They're gonna be okay Although be sad and that's because breakups are always sad. Yeah, they just are even if it's a bad relationship That person was part of your life and they were a big big part of your life And they're not and you're losing when you lose, when you break up, you're losing a

part of yourself there. You know, it's just always going to be sad. Like even if you've been with someone for fucking three months, they were a great three months or they were, but you spent so much time thinking about it's the closing of a chapter. And there's a, there's a recency bias as well, right? That it's difficult to remember what life was like before somebody can be with someone for, you know, three to six months. Mm. And you like, especially if you,

you know, especially if you're in a sort of 30, 40 years old, like that's a significant proportion of your life. And it's the most recent. Yeah. Proportion of your, portion of your life. So you like fucking out like, yeah, of course this person feels like a very very large part and What did I do on a Sunday morning before we did Sundays or whatever?

Yeah, like I you know, I what what you know, they made me love all of them now. I love all of us Now can I ever have an all of a game without thinking of them? Yeah, they'll get over it. They're fucking all of us Yeah, but it doesn't feel like that at the time Also, I understand like people who are it, you, when you're in one of those relationships and you know that you're going to break up with the person, it just becomes, you're negotiating with terrorists, but the terrorists is yourself, you know, it's always the thing, you can't damp them before Christmas, because they probably want me to Christmas presents and that's horrible. I don't want them to go and film, they're going to have, and they can't damp them before Christmas, because they probably want me to Christmas presents and that's horrible. I don't want them to go and film.

I'm going to be there. And they can't break up with them in new year, but it's going to be new year. And then I can't do it before Valentine's Day, because Valentine's Day is coming up. And you just, I'm very much of the stand-up, and it's very hard to do, but I have done it in my past couple of relationships,

is I go the second I know I'm breaking up with them, I do it that day. That would be a fantastic rule to live by. I, that's tough as hell. It is difficult, but I do think that these, sort of these heuristics and the frameworks, listeners who have listened to relationships 101, 102, and 103. If you haven't listened to them, you need to go listen to them now, yeah.

We try and come up with these guidelines because in the analogy that I use is you know that you're going to fall into some quicksand and you know it's going to happen in a week's time. You know, like, okay, I'm going to that you're going to fall into some quicksand and you know it's going to happen in a week's time. You know, right? Okay, I'm going to research online. I'm going to look at the techniques for getting out with quicksand and then when it happens I'll be prepared and I'll have my stick with me and I'll do the this.

And then in a second iteration of this world, I push you in some quicksand and I go, right, get you for now and have a look at how fucking get out quicksand. And you're like, without planning advance and without some rules and heuristics to stick to, the situation moves your capacity to perceive what is happening efficiently and effectively, so far that you don't, your ability to make choices is effectively muted. And you're like, well, okay, so these kind of rules like that are actually a really good way of bringing people back down to earth. And I have made relationships that I know I'm going to break up with the person in.

That period has lasted longer than the bit before it in the past. And I mean, that is a... It's also cruel. Like I said, it's one of the things that, and if anyone's out there as in a relationship that you know you're about to get out of, the one thing that always inspired me was always the second you know what's over with that person, every minute that you spend with them is cruel because you are wasting their time. You know there's no future in it, they don't know that and and and and they need the time to grieve,

for the break up and stuff and the time to move on. And you're every minute there with them as you were stealing a moment off the recovery and the future of them and that is the most selfish thing. Because I was so selfish for me to break up with this person where it's no longer the opposite is true. It's so selfish to not. Like yeah, they're gonna be hardbroken,

you're gonna be fucking hardbroken and you're going to be filled with fucking doubt. But if you love them as much as you claim to and they're even if it's not in that way, you fucking dump them, stop stringing them along, stop wasting their time, stop and they're fucking sperm, shrivel up in their balls, or they're like shrivel up in their body or whatever, fucking thing, you know. You are right. I mean, externalizing that accountability to someone else is a real surefire way of driving home just how much time you're wasting. You're not wasting, you're not just wasting your own life.

But you're wasting it. You're wasting it. Like if you, you know, you said there, the reason you don't want to break up with that person is because you don't want to hurt them. Right. And that is admirable. Like that's really, that is a really, really nice thing. You, you're willing to sacrifice your life to make this person happy. But that's really, that is a really, really nice thing. You, you're willing to sacrifice your life to make this person happy, but that's also fucking cruel.

Like, you're gonna rob this person of the chance of true love. Like, that's what you're gonna do. You're gonna stay with them and pretend to love them to save their fucking heartbreak. You're not, that's not a nice thing you're doing. Like, you're just, you're putting them in the fucking Truman show. Like, that's what you're doing.

You're like, everything's fine, everything's done. And they're like them in the fucking Truman show. Yeah, like that's what you're doing He's like everything's fine. Everything's done and they're like well he's smiling He still flocks me like he is say he doesn't look make as much eye contact and whatnot in the four plays of the lit But he says he loves me look at the ring Man, it's it is very very true. I wish that it didn't strike such a, it didn't resonate so hard with me, but it does, and you know, very well made it to a lot of people at home. I want to move on to the next most important topic

on my list, which is how important it is to have a shaved asshole. And you are a young friend, see, this is a safe space. And everyone who is listening will know just how much we appreciate a clean. Is yours for sharing or rimming? Wait, it's your purpose.

It's your purpose, right? Do you know what I mean? And so have you tried a chateau for B-Day? So it's the Arabic B-Day that's kind of on a hose if you've ever been to Asian and Arab countries. I've never used it because I'm just obsc scared of it where the war goes. So that's the thing. So the issue that you have when you come up against one of these B-days, especially one that's in use of one of the co-hosts house, like the pressure that comes out of it is enough

to clean dirt off a car. And if you're not holding sufficient regent, you get the angle wrong, it comes out your mouth. Well, it's an animal. You're enumerying yourself because you don't have enough anal tone. And yeah, it's up, but give us the, if someone's debating, if they thought, I, you know, consider it, shave my ass, but I don't really understand why. Why should someone shave their ass? Well, first of all, we belong to the older generations, the older generations, the millennial generation, whatever generation, my generation is the ass-titting generation. Like, I jablet, I would love to see the statistics of how many people born in 1999, like each other's art, because it's most of us. And it's definitely more than previous generations, or at least, or or or my grand as very, very private about her running schedule. But I originally do,

just because I don't have much fucking body here. It's not who I am. But for some reason, it's just all cool letters on my horse and wiping's a nightmare. It's like fucking me. I get the fucking crack maggots, you know, when you're wiping them, it's sort of like, I was just like, it's just one point you scratch your ass and like, it's horrible. It's horrible. And don't be wrong.

Chaining your ass all is not a graceful process. There's no good way to do it. What's your technique? The shame squat. Shame squat in the bath shower. Shame squat in the shower. Like holding the razor at the head. Just because you can.

Oh, it's a real death. It's a life and death situation every time. I mean, I don't know whether you do as well, but I sometimes need to work myself up to it. I know that when I know that, like, our soul-shaving day is coming in. Yeah. You can build up, you go for the show, you treat yourself,

and I maybe lay some candles. Yeah. All right, we're gonna go for it. It's got, but I'm also the thing, like it look. If I want somebody to stick their fucking tango but I'm gonna give them the best, but to do that with, it's gonna make sure it's got but I'm also the thing like it look if I want somebody to stick their fucking tongue in my butt I'm gonna give them the best But to do that it's gonna make sure it's clear like it's the same thing You know when it comes to sort of cubic in general. I don't give a fuck where you have you don't always I don't give a fuck

We have body here in your body like regardless of your gender. It's fucking your body your choice But just be a decent human being groomed like it like if're sitting there, you're like, I'm a, you're like, you're like, if you're, I've never, I've never, I've never sat a deck. So for the purposes of this analogy, I'm going to be talking about pussy's just because I have more experience in that, right? You can change the gender for which everyone takes your fancy, right? But you can be like, Hey, I'm a woman and we get hair done in those places and I'm not going to shave my legs and I'm not going to shave my pits. I'm like, cool. I'm not licking your legs so you're on pits. I'm licking your pussy. Like, you know, and have hair up there absolutely, but just, you know, in the same way that

I shave my balls. I don't shave my pubes, but, you know, make sure that it's because my balls are going to get mouth. My fucking hair in your mouth, that's weird. And like you like that, which gives fair play to you, but let me know and I'll stop shaving them. But man, shaving your ass, what man, it was game changer. It's so much easier, you know It's the the sheer difference in toilet paper usage and time. Yeah, it's so much it's better for the environment It's you know what the equivalent is that we found for shaving your ass off for shoes shoe horn man Anyone who's not using a shoe horn now. I implore you if you're a fan of this channel You will know exactly what I'm gonna say.

Really? Man. Is there just a life hack that none of us know? Oh man, everybody should know. Few things that everybody should do. Driving on a magnetic car, turn these sensors. Oh, disagree immediately. Daniel, come on, it was going so well. You know, I just... What? So this leg and this arm, they can just...

All right. This entire lift, in fact, this is all left on the... Oh, I'm sorry. Are you tired? What's right? Yes, what this leg and this arm they can just This entire that in fact Are you tired water? Yes, and I will just want to maximize like a flamingo on this entire side of my body It's while driving I have a stroke Nothing on the left is if you have a stroke on your right hand, well, I guess I'm fucked Nothing on the left is what if you have a stroke in your right hand? Well, I guess I'm fucked Well, you know what I know I'm wrong. There's an amazing comedian called Ted Nick Cody who's got like any drives a nomatic card and his Argument ends I have no libuckle towards it is You know it's it's 2000 and fucking it's 2019 right? Why don't you go churn your own fucking butter?

Yeah, like it's just this easier option exists. Why? For me, it's overtaken like every time I just, you've slammed down the thing and it ended car goes fifth gear and you're like second, second, second! Like if you're coming down the fucking A1, right? You know those, you know those roads where it's just like, you go overtake these fucking lorries man. I mean, it's the fucking I want it to show me. Good castle to Scotland, big style. Yeah, and when you go over,

like if you're, if I'm in a manual car, I go right, I need to be in third gear for this thing. So you come out third, whoo, straight right, right? You don't know how to make a car, and you go out the lady, it's like, do you wanna be in second gear? No, go just sit, second, he's like,

oh, fuck, fuck, fifth, fifth, fifth, and you're like, go, just, fuck, fuck, fifth, fifth. And you're like, go, just fat, fat, fat, fat. I'm going to die. I think I was like, what do you, would you, yeah, I can. Okay, so we've got, we're going to greet you disagree on the automatic versus manual. I mean, I know you're right. It's a future and I shouldn't be, you know, you'll get shit, you'll convert you. It's the car equivalent vinyl.

It's absolutely right. It's just, it's just there. It's the car equivalent vinyl. It's absolutely worth it. It's just there. It's just there. It's just there. You need a room for your music. I have an icon. It's one of those things where I know I'm wrong, but I'm not changing my opinion. So we've got Shuhon, we've got op-map car. Turn the sensitivity up on the trackpad on your MacBook.

So turn it up to the highest it will be within a week. 10% more productive, immediately, promise you, game changer. And the final one, it's, you know, Johnny, one of the co-hosts, actually even he moved back up vertically, integrated himself into his bowel movements and went to develop a green smoothie on a morning which means that he's just whipless now that his bowel movements are so consistent and so well formed that absolutely perfect every single time. And he's like, well, oh my god, it's single sheet. Do you know what I mean? Like it's like, just like that's it. I'm not even double-ply. You can see your finger through it.

Yeah. Still he does that gamble. So I am going to move on to Mother Sloth and what she's given us. So she's... She's given us a number of options of things that I can ask you about. And I'm gonna ask you all of them and then you can choose. Okay.

So Robot Wars and the pregnant washing up story. Oh, yeah. Um, or the cans of the Odron story. Oh, yeah. Or the cans of the old-run story. Oh, yeah. Or wrapping Shakespeare. Or at the age of 13, he drew his first graphic novel based on his baby brother called My Life with Hitler.

My life with Satan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'll happily compare, but I'll happily compare my three-year-old brother to Satan, but he was definitely not Hitler-esque. Like, and like his first steps weren't fucking good steps. Like he was. Like the fact that she thinks his mom pay attention, would you come on? It was definitely my life with the Satan, yeah.

I fucking hate my younger brother, man. I hate him so much. He's a little shak, so the age gap, because my life with the set, yeah. I fucking hate my younger brother, man. I hate him so much. He's a little shick, so the age gap, cause when I was eight years old, my sexual ancestor died. And that's what my show dark is sort of about. So there was a huge age gap between, so my brother was born when I was 10 years old

and he was born then. So when I was 13 years old, he was three. And fucky sucked, I hate him, he was born then. So when I was 13 years old he was three and fucking sucked a hair of my soul. And in hindsight I know he was, to everything he was doing, he was just trying to get my attention. And my parents said this to me all the time. They were like, he's just trying to annoy you because it's the only time you ever pay attention. He doesn't care if you're yelling at him or being mean to him. He's always a brother and he loves you and he wants you to pay attention to even if it's yelling. So just be nice to him. You're always a brother and he loves you and he wants you to pay attention to him, even if it's yelling.

So just be nice to him and he'll not annoy you. And I would like, la la la la la. I'm 13, I know much fucking better. But he was an evil little fucking genius man. To this day my mother doesn't believe the story and I fucking swear to God it's true. Matthew used to carry around a bucket full of dummies, right?

He'd loved his dummies, like he called them me's, couldn't say dummies, whether you know, he just couldn't say, he just called him his me's, and he just bucket full of me's, and he was just walkering like a, you know, in every minute he would change it to a time, he was tanking, he was going to a pep, a pig, to fucking whatever, he'd have this bucket full of me's. One day I'm sat down watching TV, and he walks into the room, just as fucking big-flat toilet toilet belly hanging out. I think he's two and a half at this point and he says me and

Mike here we fucking go like he's gonna do something to annoy me I'm gonna push him over because I'm a horrible bit brother and it comes up to me and he takes his tummy out of his mouth and he hands it to me and I'm you know my mom would have always been like could you be nicer to your brother and I was like oh that's something nice. I'll, lively, reinforced this behavior. So you gave me the time, I was like, thank you very much Matthew. That's very, very kind of you. And I go back to watching TV and he stands there for like two minutes.

Just calculate, right? And I know you'll be like two-year-old can't calculate. You fucking can calculate, man. So I thought it's just thinking, thinking. And then he gave me the full bucket of all the other dummies. And I was like Thank you, Matthew This is very very kind of you and then he took in a huge inhaler breath and screamed the fucking house down My mom comes in to me holding his dummy and his buckets of dummy while he's fucking crying

Right, and she's like why did you do I'm like I'd he gave them to me She's like why is he crying that and I'm like you fuck little shit and she still doesn't believe that I've swear to God that is true is a hot I love him no I mean I loved him then but yeah labor of love yeah yeah that was my that was yeah so I was talking right in comics on it I was terrible at drawing I just I like doing anything to make my parents laugh on them What's the pregnant washing machine? pregnant washing up story so when my mother was pregnant with I think it was Jack

It was either Jack or Matthew. This is my father's third or fourth child at this point, right? So my mom's eight months pregnant and she She doesn't fucking snap my dad's not maliciously lazy he's just sometimes forgetful or it's just a bit like he works all day and he comes when he doesn't want to necessarily you know do something but he's gonna like to stand up because my mum works all day and still does chores around the fucking house so she's in the right and she's also pregnant at this point in her life So she sort of goes to her dad just like can you just be a bit more useful? I know you're you know just be a bit unfuckin pregnant There's some stuff I physically can no longer do anymore like I fuck like eight months pregnant is like yeah

You like a globe yeah exactly it's all these spherical. Yeah, and she's like I can't do the dishes anymore like physically like There's a fucking baby like physically like because there's a fucking you're fucking baby is in the camera and she goes could you just make my life a little bit easier and that night while she was sleeping my dad welded a semicircle into the sink so that she could get it oh my god which is yeah wow I mean I'm in a level of petriness I aspire to Unbelievable, I'm actually really really impressed. Yeah, no she gave she fucking beat the shit out of him She absolutely send him

Daniel, I've absolutely loved today. Thank you very much. Thank you very much for coming to me on Can you tell the listeners where they can find you online and what shows you gonna be doing? Where you gonna be soon? So you can I would Across the board, I would cross the board, I would just recommend going on to Netflix. I've got two Netflix specials on there. They're called Downslust Live shows.

First one's called Dark, the second one's called Jake. So if you enjoy those specials, I'm on tour literally everywhere in the world. Go on to Downslust.com. And if you don't enjoy the specials, cool. Don't let me know, I don't need to know. I don't need to know. I have no interest in you if you find me crap.

Just move on. Forget me. I'll forget you. Peace and love. Man, thank you very much for your time. That's my last of two. you