Modern Wisdom - #206 - Kezia Noble - A Woman's Guide To Attracting Women

Episode Date: August 6, 2020

Kezia Noble is a dating & attraction coach for men. Men are struggling to attract women, divorces are on the rise and relationships are more transient than ever. Let's see is world-famous coach Kezia can salvage this car crash of an environment. Expect to learn why guys are so scared to speak to girls, how to overcome approach anxiety, the main errors Kezia sees when men are trying to attract women, how to offset being a good-guy, the importance of sexual chemistry and much more... Sponsor: Check out everything I use from The Protein Works at https://www.theproteinworks.com/modernwisdom/ (35% off everything with the code MODERN35) Extra Stuff: Check out Kezia's Website - https://www.kezia-noble.com/ Follow Kezia on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/kezianoble18/ Get my free Ultimate Life Hacks List to 10x your daily productivity → https://chriswillx.com/lifehacks/ To support me on Patreon (thank you): https://www.patreon.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch. Join the discussion with me and other like minded listeners in the episode comments on the MW YouTube Channel or message me... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/ModernWisdomPodcast Email: https://www.chriswillx.com/contact Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi friends, welcome back. Those of you who follow me on social media may know that over the weekend I ruptured my Achilles, my right Achilles playing cricket, setting off for a quick single and hit the deck as if I'd been shot, got taken to the RVI Aini in New Castle. And yeah, was the diagnosis is that I've shared my killies off, which is not perfect news. It's going to be about six to eight months of rehabilitation and walking in a boot. Hopefully we'll be getting my operation this week. To everyone who has reached out to me, thank you very much. I mean, no pain, it doesn't hurt, which is really super, super bizarre.

The Achilles tendon is the strongest tendon in your body and you can literally hang a car off it. So for that to have snapped in half and me not be in any pain without pain killers, seems pretty surprising, but I'm not going to complain. Yeah, I just want to get this operation done and then get stuck into the rehab. Obviously, it's an opportunity for growth if I can try and frame it in the right way. The input of any situation is neither good or bad. Really, it's just our judgments about it that make it so. So I'm swimming in stoic philosophy at the moment, as you can see, to hopefully try and make me resilient to the coming months. I'm going to do my absolute utmost to stick to the recording schedule

that I promised you that I would, not only because it's something that I know brings a lot of value to your life, but it's the routine and the creative output that gives purpose to mine. So I will be doing my absolute utmost to continue putting out modern wisdom episodes. You know, it's fortunately the sort of thing that I can do from anywhere in the world, from any position. I could even probably do this horizontal if I need to. There may be some missed episodes here and there. If surgery goes in, I'm under general anesthetic.

If I'm back and I'm in too much pain, perhaps to be able to record. But I'm going to try and stick to it. So yeah, thank you for helping to keep me accountable by being an audience that I care about and giving me a creative outlet, which is going to be something that will help me to transcend whatever discomfort I'm in, you know? So with that out of the way, on to today's guest, Kessia Noble is a dating and attraction expert for men. Men are really struggling at the moment to attract women, like where are all the good men at?

Is a meme, I see, getting shared on a normal daily basis by women. Devourses are on the rise and relationships are more transient than ever. So hopefully today, Kezia can salvage this car crash of a dating environment. So, expect to learn why guys are so scared to speak to girls, how to overcome approach anxiety. The main errors, Kessia sees when men are trying to attract women, how to offset being a good guy, the importance of sexual chemistry and much more. For all of the women that are listening, I am desperately trying to get a hold of Matthew Hussie, who is the leading dating coach for women in the world, but he is proving a little bit elusive at the moment.

Perhaps that's because he's got tons of women at the stage in him and he's not that bothered about me, but I will do my absolute most to find someone who is the equivalent speciality for women. But there's tons of interesting insights for both guys and girls that comes out of this episode. I was fascinated to hear all of the common themes that Kessia finds, the failings that they have. And if you're a woman who has been through the receiving end of one of these archetypal car crash situations that Kessia describes today, then let me know. I'm sure that you've got some hilarious dating stories, and I promise I will keep you anonymous

if you share them with me, and I need to reference them in a future podcast. But for now, it's time to find out how to attract women with Kessia Noble. What do you do for a job? Describe your job for me. I'm a dating and attraction expert, men. Dating and attraction expert, for men, so not for women. That would be the blind leading the blind. Okay, I get that. I've noticed this online,

upon doing a little bit of research for this. It appears there's a lot of women teaching men to date. Why is that the case? Why is it that women are teaching men today and not men teaching men today? Okay, so my research, there's a complete opposite, that there's more men teaching guys to to track and date. I do think that there are some women who are now, you know, doing their thing. I think it's quite recent, but I actually know a lot more guys that do this than women. I think maybe, I think the guys get a lot of bad press, unfortunately. The media seems to want to crucify pick-up artists, pick-up, anything related to pick-up. And if you're a woman, you, you, they're more, having to put sympathetic, um,

to you teaching this, which is, which is totally unfair. I mean, it's good for me. But I'll say it is unfair because a lot of these guys, I think, um, are providing a service. It's interesting that the end result is the same thing. The end result is getting men to be better, data is more effective at being attractive, but because a girl's delivering it, it's somehow less CD, less what? Yeah, less CD. It's like an easy target, is it?

Like, okay, if a guy's teaching another guy, the media, the general public believe, oh, he's untrustworthy, that word like seduction, it sounds very contrived, he must be using tricks, and he must be lying to her, some level ways. If a woman is teaching it, and she's not actually going out and applying and demonstrating it, that's okay because it's in the abstract almost. It's more kind of like, well, it's

theory rather than she's going out and doing it. It's interesting that I find it fascinating that there's a branding problem for men teaching men to pick up women and you've managed to get this competitive advantage. So, fair play to you, fair play to you, well done for being born that gender. Yeah, it's great, huh? Yeah, for sure. So, first things first, where do you see men going wrong the most when dating and trying to attract women? Well, let's look at the most common sticking points that guys come to us with. What I see in general when guys will approach you me or my friends, there's three main sticking

points that guys come to us with. The first is approach anxiety, that feeling of being not good enough, going in with that negative mindset. She's going to say no, she's busy, I'm not going to be her type, she's probably like black guys, she's probably like white guys, you know, a million excuses. So they're starting off already on the wrong foot and that affects their energy, their vibe, their body language, everything. That's the first one. The second one is conversation skills, just being able to express themselves with confidence and authentically. Guys will often talk to women with a nice guy filter on, I call it. It's a filter. So they're sort of playing not to lose rather than playing to win.

They just go in there and be very safe. The conversation will be very safe. They'll say the same kind of generic stuff that everyone else says. And then at the end of it, they kind of feel like, well, that was me. That was a poor representation of who I am. In fact, that wasn't me at all. That was a very watered down version of me. And like if we put a filter on anything, it gives a kind of nice effect, but it's not impactful. And as I said, it's an authentic. So I think a massive part of it is just guys, many other things to say, not saying anything impactful, not making connection. And the goal is as interest very, very quickly.

She makes a decision. And it's kind of like, when he does actually say something quite interesting, mentally she's already checked out. And it's very difficult to make impact later on. The third one is getting stuck in the comfort zone, we call it, which is just not escalating in any way at all, not showing his intent, not flirting.

This kind of comes the second point, which is a nice guy filter, which waters down your character, your boldness, your charm, just waters everything down. And it goes back to the idea of playing up to lose, not taking any risk at all. And then having a very tonic conversation with the girl, so the girl's kind of thinking, well, does he like me, does he not? And if he does like me, he's not showing much intent, so I don't really know how this is going. So I'd say that most of the sticking points that we have will fall under one of those three categories but the most common one out

of those three and where all kind of lies is that conversation skills that essentially that transition from opening line to getting her full attention emotionally and mentally. I mean that's that transition. It's very very difficult to achieve. That's so interesting. I can see both in my own experiences and in the ones of my friends. You might not know, I'm a nightclub promoter, so I've watched about a million drunk people going in and out. With venues obviously, one of the main reasons that people go out is that they're perhaps single, perhaps looking for a partner, just, you know, if they're news, obviously one of the main reasons that people go out is that they're perhaps single, perhaps looking for a partner, just, you know, whether that be serious or casual.

I know to the girls that are listening, right? You might be thinking, ah, what am I going to listen to a lot of the dating tips for guys for? But I want to hear throughout this conversation as Kezi is bringing up these sorts of things. I want to hear if you've noticed this. So just leave it in the comments below or give me a DM about whether or not you're noticing this, whether or not you have these guys that come up to you and just have this real vanilla personality, whether or not you think that all guys or

the vast majority of you guys have nothing to say, whereas it might actually just be the case that they are selecting for a particular type of guy who is nervous around you because you're a pretty girl and you've got pretty friends with you and you're doled up and you've got your hair done and that blokes really we go out as a group but like before we were going out we probably had our jeans on backwards you know we probably didn't really think too much about what we were going to wear and then you're there you know fully done up so yeah I'd love to hear what girls experiences of being on the receiving end of the sorts of things that we're going to go through today I I like. So, first things, first, how do guys get over approach anxiety? If you don't go and speak to the girl, you don't even get

the opportunity to say something that's totally shit to her. So, there's a two-pronged soul that we use on this approach anxiety. The first is actually getting numb to the sensation of fear. I'm a big believer in numbing out rejection. Overcoming it, I think, overcoming a fear of rejection, it's a difficult one. I did a video about this in fact, and I wuffled on and it's so much because it's very, very complex, how to really overcome rejection. I don't believe that you truly can overcome, not so much the fear, but I don't want to walk along here so I'm just raining in a little bit. It's becoming numb to that feeling of fear. So the more you do something, you get rejected a few times, hurts and then basically you

numb to it, you become desensitized to it, and that's when I say the kind of fog lifts a little bit, and you start taking better risks and you start becoming a lot more happening for the level headed about the whole approach. So, if you are going into an interaction and you're like, you know, fuck it, I'm just going to do it, I'm not going to think about it. And then she rejects you. That can still hurt you. But after a while, it numbs and you have clarity, that's what I'm looking for. You have clarity. Okay, so I don't feel the pain anymore. What do I need to do next? You start asking the right questions.

If you're coming from a place of like, and they're like, oh, fuck her, she, you know, am I allowed to swear on you? So I swear away, far away as much as you want. I should have asked that for apologies. Totally fine. So if you're going into that attitude, which is, oh, I hope she likes me, I don't wanna be her.

Okay, that's a fork in your head. If you're going in with, which is, oh, I hope she likes me, I don't want to be hurt. Okay, that's a fog in your head. If you're going in with a kind of like, fuck you, I don't care if you like you or not. You're going in with anger, that's a fog. You can't get clarity, you can't work out what to do next. When you are numb to something, you start asking the right questions, okay, what do I need to do to improve? What, maybe it's that, maybe I need to adjust this slightly. Can't do that when you're caught up in that fog of anxiety and you know fear and hate and Feeling inadequate, but just this fog. So we do that. Get them to go up talk to girls actually get over the physical reaction of the anxiety. But then we go sort

of backwards. So a big fear that guys have when I speak to them is not even a rejection, it's actually the fear of running out something to say that awkward moment. There's sort of not even at that point of thinking about rejection right now. They're sometimes thinking, even at that point of thinking about rejection right now, they're sometimes thinking, but I've got nothing to say to her, but what if she says this and I don't know how to respond? If you know, if you become a master conversationist and you know, look, it doesn't matter what she throws at me, it doesn't matter what, she can come to fuck off and I'll make it work. She can tell me that she's from a country I've never heard of and I will say something that will absolutely capture her imagination and it will make her want to invest in me. I can trigger her curiosity. Whatever she gives me, if you have that level of skill, the approach to anxiety decreases because you already know, no matter what, I'm going to have an interesting

conversation with this person. So that's what we do, this is my seven day mastery profile, we used to just kind of start off with helping them overcome approach anxiety, as I said just going out there, getting numb to it. And then I realized, no, we should be doing conversation skills simultaneously because they're gonna get to this point

where they overcome the approach anxiety, you're gonna talk to a woman, and then we'll be like, oh shit, I've got nothing to say. And then guess what? Approach anxiety. That seems back into the approach anxiety. It's actually, yes. Absolutely.

So, honestly, the best thing that you can do is become a master conversationist. Become brilliant. You say, whatever she throws at me, have it all lined up. She says, this is me. She says, that to me, I got it, I got this, and look, I'm going to capitalise on whatever she says, and I know how to do it. So a lot of students got to be a guy who would have freestyle and feel authentic, I'm like, good luck, good luck with that. Sometimes you do need those kind of go-to lines,

and that go-to sequence almost. At the the earner's stages just to get you through that horrible transition point where everything's very awkward. So, canned openers are a big sort of artifact of the old Pickup artistry world, right? Like that was one of the things I think to have like the first you got to go in, then, then, then, then do this. And it just harks massively back to the magic days of history. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like it just, it harks back to that.

And I think that's again, like as I'm hearing this kind of, whatever it is, third wave relationship dating advice for men now, or whatever it is, as I'm hearing this come out, I'm starting to see the development of that, right? So it used to be having these kind of openers and getting over approach anxiety, avoiding getting KB'd and knocked back and all this sort of stuff. But you've identified here that in order to kind of get your foot in the door, you need to have something that assists you in overcoming that approach anxiety. A safety net, call it. I love that.

So, perfect example, this will be episode 200 and something of this podcast, right? I've done 300, 400 hours of this podcast. I still get nervous before every single one, because I don't want to say a stupid thing at the very very start I speak to some professor from Princeton I'm never going to speak to again unless we become best friends which happens a lot But I'll speak to some guy but I still don't want to look like a fool to him and inevitably the people that are listening which could be the girls friends that are sat around her so the way that I listening, which could be the girl's friends that are sat around her.

So the way that I have got to tip me, oh, so you've got to tip yourself. Go on. So I just, I prepped the first question. The only question which is fully scripted on this show is the first question, because I just want to get, I'm like, right, okay, if I nail that first, very first question, I'm over it. We're into the conversation. And then it's just a game of spontaneity. What I find interesting is that you've said relying too much on spontaneous wit

is actually potentially going to be a little bit of a downfall when you're dating. I just, yes you're right, but there's just one caveat to that. There are people who are naturally witty, they're fine. They're good to go. I'm talking about people who find conversation very awkward, and most people do. Most people just are not, they're interesting people.

They've got character. They've got a lot going for them, but they're just not engaging when it comes to conversation. They don't know how. They just hung around the same people all the time. They haven't developed those skills. OK? It's like a beautiful woman.

Most beautiful women that I personally know don't have much banter because they've had to rely on their beauty. So you know, that's all they've had to do. The girls that are not so attractive have to rely on their sex appeal, their wit, their banter, which is why, by the way, when you're going to a strip pub, the girl that is cleaning up the most is the least attractive one. She's using her head, she's using her banter and whip. That's the fact. Every single strip pub you go to, you'll see that the least

attractive, or like one of the less attractive, physically attractive women are doing much better than the really stunning girl who just rely on purely on her looks. I digress. Back to the point that I was saying, OK, so if you're a witty person, then it's fine, but most people are not, they're not used to, you know, being in those situations where they have like, literally three or four minutes to really make impact and market their attributes, keep her interested, connect with her, all this stuff that they're trying to remember. So I have these kind of things like conversational clickbait, things like that, little things I throw in there. I never tell them to lie, by the way. I never ever tell them to lie. And so I give them conversational clickbait and I said, look, if you use this,

it will be a great way for you to express your attributes or setting points essentially, but it also really spark curiosity and interest and get her to invest in you. I'm a good conversationist, but I still rely on going to life sometimes, if I think I need to seriously make a bit of impact on this person, I will have my go-to lines, even now. So I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I've only seen it help. That's what I've seen. It's helped people. And then when you get really good and you become confident because it's like a positive feedback loop, you start getting better responses. You start going, oh, okay, I don't need that anymore. I can use my own thing. Good, good, use your own

thing. Please get rid of my stuff as soon as possible and use your own stuff. That's what I want you to do. But it's those early stages. It's a bit like, what kids, they have those bicycles, the stabilizers behind, eventually you get rid of them. But they do need those stabilizers to build up the confidence to get on a bike first, right? Yes. I wonder how many of the girls are having a visceral reaction that makes them feel uncomfortable at the potential for the opening line that a guy gives them to be something which wasn't actually designed for them. Oh, I don't give open lines, sorry. Let me just make that really, really clear.

What I'm talking about here is the transition from open lines. So some guys make me watch, like I said, say, I say anything to her. You know, ask for what time it is or tell her how much she got her tan from. I don't know, tell her she looks good. But what you do with the data that she gives you, that's what I care about. Oh, okay, so the magic is in scaling that from, just being, hi, I'm here, look at me, I'm a person,

to, this is now a conversation and a dialogue between you two. That's really important part. A lot of guys come through, but I just need that magic opening line I'm like I've got great opening line don't get me wrong It's gonna it's gonna make it go. Oh, that's interesting and you're gonna gain her attention But what you do with the data that she exchanges because you know conversation is an exchange of data

And a lot of guys forget that they just stuck into irrigation mode and the reason is of course I try Because they're trying to find the answer that they want. And they're going to happen. She's not into the same stuff as you, commonality. For both teams, you support. And even so, they're same. How much can you guys?

And she supports Arsenal. So you're going to be a traction. I've never heard of a girl so I slept with him because he supports the football team. I don't think so. Yeah, you never know. I love dogs. I love dogs.

I'm a dopper. I don't like cats like dogs. A single guy who said I love dogs too. I slept with him based on that. It's never happened. But another guy is being, oh, it's not as I find out one thing. Hmm, I'm just, all of these are just open loops, Kessie. So all that we're doing is opening loops. And I want to know from the thousands of people that are listening, have you ever slept with someone because you both like the same animal, because someone will have done

someone, oh my god, you're a parakeet person. I'm a parakeet person too. And then that's it. That's the beginning of a flourish. Oh, the beginning. No, no, no, it can be the beginning like, okay, that's something we have in common. Then what do we do with it next? And it goes on and it starts going into different conversations and it becomes a very

sort of multi-dimensional kind of interaction Very dynamic interaction. Yes, but I don't think anyone's going to say well because you know we both Like the same you know fittings in our sandwich Use the same washing detergent That's that could be the basis for great Yeah exactly whisk me away. Where's the Uber? Okay, so that's how someone can get over approach anxiety. And I guess it's interesting that that leads

into both the second and third aspects, right? The run out of something to say, and then the, what did you call it? Like upscaling or the advancing the conversation. So like sure, escalating, that's it. Yes, upscaling, fuckingaling fucking out marketing too much marketing You don't give me what I teach is essentially marketing. I take them you're the product go sell yourself

And they first will say to me shoes. I don't know what my qualities are. Well, that's a bad start How can you sell yourself? You don't know, my qualities are, well that's a bad stuff. How can you say this stuff? You don't know what your qualities are. So we start... So, I'm not sure if that one offered, man. You've got to have the offering. Look, it's all about it's either traffic or it's conversions, that's all that I'm bothered about. That's what we've been saying for years. Traffic and conversions.

Okay, so we've got that. We've got past the first bit. We understand that we can get past our approach anxiety with some chosen exposure, right, with deliberate practice, so that the fear of rejection. And again, like, to the guys that are listening, you know the feeling. I don't know why it's so terrifying. I don't know if girls can appreciate this.

I'm probably, probably, can, but it is, it's the same feeling as standing on the edge of a very, very big drop. Sometimes, before you go up and speak to a girl. It's like a mortal danger. It feels like you're in, you're potentially going to die. Like you're about to get ready for a fight. Why don't you think that is? I think that for guys, rejection comments massively on who we are.

It's wired into us evolutionarily. We don't want to be rejected either by a woman or by the tribe generally. One of men's biggest fears is rejection, right? You don't want to feel silly. I know I'm asking you, I'm just getting inside your head, that's all because it's a big one. We had a student who was a bond disposal expert, he could do that job, and he couldn't approach women. That is so good. If police, we are firemen, shit I couldn't do, I'm the lone run to a fire, see a fire run the other way.

I'm disposal expert. Yeah, he was, he's actually on, we've got a video of him saying that, well. That is intense. But you know, that's perfect example. And again, like, girls, you might think, oh, I go on a night out, I make all of this effort, I do this that and the other

and guys don't ever come up and talk to me. It might just be that you keep going to places where guys are shit scared of you, because that's probably the most likely reason that guys might not be coming up and talking to you. I think it's gotten worse though. I think it's gotten worse. Why? Well, there's a few reasons. There's a few reasons.

Men, and I remember, I was going to nightclubs at 13, 14, and I was 40, I was a bit too young being in those nightclubs. I would watch, I would watch and I saw men approaching a lot, this is in the 90s, okay. I see men approaching women, I'm not. I see women get a hit on all the time and back. And then you know as I got older it's like happy to me and my friends. But the more I went to clubs and more more I found that I don't know the same men becoming Cussies, that would be, that would be, no, I would never say that, but it's to do with massive part of it, it's to do with apps, bloody dating apps. But that's a big

problem with it, people are getting very used to using dating apps. I that's a big problem with that. People are getting very used using dating apps. I don't think men have pussy's, but I think society has tried to crucify men. I mean, a perfect example of this is the fact that it's challenging for a man to teach another man to date without it somehow being labeled as being CD. But the husk. Yeah, I mean, the media is totally labelled as being CD, but that has. Yeah, I mean, the media's totally society, media's, you know, there's a mad witch hunt going on, been going on since even before me too, there's been a kind of thing, like it's a strange thing. I think I personally, I don't want to get too crazy with this tin, you know, tin hat

foil, tin foil hat, tin foil hat on you, But I think the media is made up, social media, a lot of these people in the tech, I think a lot of them are men who are no good with women, they're like uber geeks, uber uber geeks we're talking about. Always been shit with women, don't want to see other guys doing well with women. I think there's a person, I think there's like this big conspiracy theory, which is trying to make men into kind of very feminine, but they'd like to justify them. You're wrong for wanting women, you're wrong for objectifying women. Hello, I don't mind being objectified, I have no problem with it.

I think the dynamic between the sexes definitely appears to be very different. As someone who's 32, so I've been able to see a clubbing from 2005 until 2020. So I got a pretty good sample to it. Okay, yeah, you do. I've got even more ahead of you. I mean, I've started clubbing the 90s. And I'm getting, even to be honest, in 2005, many more approaching women still.

But you've seen now now they're looking at phones and looking at the apps. It's kind of like an easy way to meet women. Every time it's a shortcut, it's not actually a shortcut because I don't use dating apps. I'm single right now, I'm divorced, and I'm a single mom, so I should be doing those dating apps more than anyone.

I refuse to go to those dating apps, you know why? Because I see all my friends go, I have recently seen much Chinese dating apps. I was like, hold on, this has been to your shortcut. They're like, no, I'll go on day after day, I'm like, oh, I've never had that problem. Because every guy that I've gone on a date with, I've already met because he came and approached me or however I've introduced to me. So I met him already and I've got a sense. And that's very important the sense of who someone is. It's a fill, it's the body language that it bit off.

What's that eye contact like? What's that manner? You know you sense people. And when you've got the date with them, it can be a letdown, of course, it had all her bad date experiences. But on the whole, it's not such a big leap as meeting someone that you've only seen a photograph of.

So actually, these people will say it's a short car, I'm hearing more and more that they're wasting time and days and drinks and some of people that as soon as they meet and they're going, this is not the person that was in that photograph. I don't mean physically, I'm not talking to you. Physically is another thing, no one looks like their photographs anymore, not me, not you, not anyone. We're all filtered and people just go up like that when they see us. But I'm talking about the sense of confidence because people are very, very, you know,

gun hoe, witty with those text messages, you know. They're very funny, very confident, and then you meet them, think, it's the same person, because it's easy to write, easy to write something, and re-edit and think about it. And when you actually meet someone one-on-one for a day, it's pretty different. I think that's a big part of that. I do think it's that the big part. I think there's a media kind of, not motor,

what's the word, a media, something's an agenda, a gender, against men, women also, I think, make it difficult for men. How? I have a lot of students and this is more happening, I've found in places like San Francisco, where there's a big kind of woke movement going on and a lot of sort of feminists and they're telling me like, but this is what they're telling me I mean I'm just giving you secondhand information here that you know if you just open up a door for a woman and they're getting shouted at. Shouted at that.

For hoping I'd walked for a woman's eye and do that myself. I think that's very toxic to do that, to have those kind of reactions to people. You could just be being polite, not even interested in you. I think that's kind of spreading a little bit. Most women are okay. Most women if you go speak to them, they'll be fine. But there is something I think that's been changing for quite a while now. Why do you think I'm very curious to know, why do you think men are approaching women less than the 1970s or 80s?

I can't speak for that long ago, but I think apps and the proliferation of people spending time online, generally more of our social time is now spent, is just generally, you know, like, people, guys talking to guys, girls talking to girls, it happens less because more of our communication is done through our phones, which inevitably is going to skew people toward being better online and worse offline. So that's part of it. That's the big one. I am free. That's the big one. Because it's just a skill at the end of the day, having a conversation with someone is just a skill. But if you don't converse all that much, you know, you can have people who I've gone weeks, I'm sure that you might have done as well. If you've just been head

down in the funnel hole or in your marketing hole, do any bits and pieces. If you're not careful, you can actually go long periods of days without saying a word to anyone, except for like thank you to the checkout server at Astor and the corner. Yeah, you get rusty, don't you? You get socially very rusty. But what do you think about the whole media movement?

You know, that kind of making guys into the enemy, that whole me too thing. I don't want to get too much into that. I thought a lot about this over the last year, the last couple of years. I think that it's challenging to hold in reality at the same time that the me too movement has been born out of a very toxic system that was obviously happening in Hollywood and women who quite rightly need to be heard. And at the same time, that typical masculine traits and the fact that men are the protagonists in the dating market for a reason, because that is every man, every male species on the planet, bar like a penguin and a fucking parakeet or something. Men are the

protagonist sexually. That is what happens. Men go up to women. And as girls and the Mito movement perhaps sometimes push that domain of what is fair outside of, you know, someone tries to open the door for somebody and whatever it is now, seventh wave feminism, whatever it's up to, perhaps pushes this rhetoric a little bit too hard, men quite rightly only have one response which is to go, right, well fuck it. If that's the way that you want to be, I'm just going to leave it. I had Douglas Murray on the show and he was talking about a friend, a phenomenal guy. You'd love the episode.

He had him on the show and he was talking about his friend's son. And his friend's son is like 18 or something, 17, 18. So you'd be thinking like just about to hit the straps with women like really, really like hitting the ground running. And he asked his friend and he said, so is he, is your son dating? And he was like, oh no, he wants nothing to do with women. And he's like, because Douglas is gay.

So he can say this. And he's like, oh my god, he's, he's not fucking gay, is he? He's not gay, he wants nothing to do with women. And he's like, because Douglas is gay, so he can say this. And he's like, oh my god, he's not fucking gay, is he? He's not gay, he's not got that, he's not got that, he's not got that, he's future as he. And he was like, no, no, no, he just thinks that they're far more trouble than worth. Doesn't want anything to do with him, just thinks that they're far more trouble than they're worth

and leaves them be. And like that is, for everyone, for both sides of the aisle, that's a terrible situation for us to be. Yeah, it's really shit. It's really really shit. For me, what really did it was that Gillette advert. I mean, that was a troche of such a little advert. You remember the one? I had Saga and a card on here talking precisely. Well, I won't be an echo, but it was just that the one scene that got me, all the whole experience got

me and I'm, I have a son so I'm telling you now boys like to fight, it's not society, boys choose to fight, okay, even if you have the most peace loving hippie family, boys fight, okay that's a bit, that's what they're like, they're wrong and right, I don't know but it's a natural instinct in boys, girls don't do it so much. Anyway, it was a bit when a woman was walking by and the man went up to a pro-cher and the other guy stood in front of him like, no, don't approach her, but you don't know what that guy's gonna say. He could have, they could have got married as a result.

Who is that man to come along and say, no, you can't approach her? I bet you that man and I know, I know it's just an advert and I'm looking into this but I bet you that was in all like that man's married, it's got his life sorted out, the other guy's single, tough shit, tough shit, and that really got me really really angry, I feel like almost living in a harvest kind of society, it's like men and women can't talk to each other. If they're fuck out of them, go to Saudi Arabia. Really going live there where women are on one side of the, you know, of a wall and the men are on the other and go, you do you. It's a very narrow world view that believes

that the most important situations that we have going on in gender and equality right now are occurring in the UK and in the USA. Like, you just need to look to the Middle East and countries which have a lot of work to do to realize that that's not the case. And I appreciate that the world, the sphere that everybody lives in is relative not absolute, right? Like, it's just your problem compared with the people in your immediate vicinity. So quite rightly so, like everything is done in relative terms. But yeah, I agree. I think that there's a lot of challenges at the moment, just in the dating market generally. And I want to get on to actually what girls can do to kind of help men in a second, but just finishing off those last two stages of what we were talking about. So many of overcome approach anxiety.

What can they do moving on to make sure that they have good conversation? Any stuff for body language and eye contact and then how can they escalate? Not upscale, how can they escalate? Okay, so it's called sexual escalation. And this is, a lot of guys, what they think is they go right into approach to girl, go're all up comfort before, they're interested and then I need to sexual escalate. Yes, but you should be sexual escalating from the very beginning. Now that doesn't mean trying to physically turn her on at the very beginning. That's when men and women are quite different.

Men are, it's much more physical, so I can be talking to a guy, and it's quite platonic, and not every guy, I'm not saying that, but you know, just like an average guy, if I suddenly say, let's go back to my house and it's everything's very platonic, like I'm going to switch down the light, put a bit of music, give them a mass salvage, and I can turn them on, okay, the average guy, because it's a physical thing, like, oh, okay, I'm stimulated about women and I like that. Women does a turn of light now, change the mood, give her a massage and she's going to get horny.

It's much more psychological. So I say to men, look, you can't just suddenly go, right, I'm going to flip the switch, I'm going to start big, I'm going to escalate now, and just get her aroused. Women can do that to men much more easily than men can do it to women. But the man has to be doing what I say escalating is he has to be sort of lacing the whole interaction with little attraction triggers, okay? It's a more slow process. So he's got to demonstrate high value.

Is this a man who has high value? Is this a man of other options? Is this a man who's needy? Is this a man that can get women if he wants? She's trying to assess all these things on some level. Where's a man who isn't with a woman? He's not. He's thinking, is she up for it. He's talking to the whole

home big, it's shut for it. It's a boyfriend, it's much more sort of black and white, but with a girl, she's trying to ascertain a lot of things. Is he aware, though? Do I have a women find him attractive? Is he confident in bed? Is he? you know, it's all these things and you've got to sort of drip feed sort of clues to this throughout. And then you'll find that the transition to actually escalating and getting her aroused is a lot easier. That makes sense what I said. Absolutely. Yeah, what are some of the ways that you can drip feeds that? Is it touching her on the knee when you say something? That's the physical thing, I'm talking about what to say to her, kind of thing.

So maybe if you, okay, so physical point be to stop halfway and then sort of take a look at her and say something like, you know, now I know I'm attracted to you, now I know what it is, but anyway, you could do something like that. So it's kind of very playful in those early stages. It's playful, bloody, is he really flirting with me? I'm not sure. Pretty

a bit of a chase, you know, a bit of intrigue, giving her a compliment, and then backing off like nothing's happened. That's push-ball. You can do things like that. But what I'm trying to say in lots of different things you can do, yes, a touching thing is you, as you mentioned, but I personally am someone that doesn't really like to be touched that much. I'm just not a warm person, but a guy can really arouse me with his words, okay, and his attitude. So it does depend on the woman, slightly, okay. But yes, flirting, Okay, but yes, flirting, compliments, the way that you compliment, you know, just share that you have other options. Women really need to know that. Women don't want to be with a guy or see with a guy that kind of know of a girl maybe once or that maybe. The

other thing is if the guy is showing to a desperation or neediness, there's everything that can get in the way when it comes to sexual escalation, placing too much value and giving away too much value, saying something like, I bet you get this all the time. It's something like that, just that's a kill. Demonstrating low value. Yeah, yeah.

Whereas if a woman does have a man, a man can always overlook it. I've noticed that when we get way too much more because the man is kind of like, I did a small, a man can always overlook it. I've known it's that. When we get away so much more because the man is kind of like, I did see his more program like, I shot for it. So he's also not playing that status value game, right? He's not playing the game that, like,

if you're attracted to a girl, it doesn't really matter if there's other guys that are also attracted to a girl. Oh, no, no, no, no, he just wants to get his leg out. Oh, I know. It's very creative to see. We can be as cross if you want on this program. But he just wants to, like, you know, he wants to, um, he wants to pop her. And it's like, oh, I have a guy's interest in her.

Who gives a shit? I want to pop her. Um, you know, does she have status? I don't care. I want to pop her, you know, because she's nice looking. she's quite hot and she's got a nice little personality on her. The, it's not the, you know, what they're expecting. I don't mean, and this doesn't, I'm not trying to be little, maybe anyway, but I think most guys, people are going to be honestly all agree, yes, that is the case. When it's women, it's much more, they need proof and validation of the uncertainty that

the guy's like this, that he's like that, and then they're trying to ascertain a lot more that's what I'm trying to say with them. I know that's with me, I can meet a good-looking guy, and if he's just good-looking, I won't just sleep with a guy because he's good-looking, I won't. Whereas a man, well, a lot of men, not all, but a lot of men, just sleep with a guy because he's good looking. I won't. Whereas a man, well, a lot of men, not all, but a lot of men, just sleep with a woman because she's hot. Anything that is there in the face. I think that's, I think that's so.

So even that, she's available sometimes. That's a truth that everybody's forgotten. And it's an asymmetry in the way that we work as well. And again, this highlights, I think, as we move towards a world where some people are trying to make it much more egalitarian, almost completely homogenous between the genders, you're going to end up with challenges, because as you've identified there, like what a man looks for in attraction with a woman is not the same as what a woman looks for in a man, And what you identified that I thought was really interesting was that you have men speaking to a woman in the way that they might find attractive as a man. So they're almost dating other men. They're like putting their own dating brain inside of the girl and saying, right, I'm

going to attack me. I'm going to proposition me as her. It's like, no, mate. Like you're playing chess, she's playing fucking so well. Exactly. And I've learnt that with like how I seduce men. What I was doing, I didn't have clue on men, you know, anything. But now I know that men like to chase. I know they like to chase. And I think most men don't want to be seduced. And what I do with guys is I'll say something

that will get in their head. And it will just be something and image that will stay in their head. And then I pull back. And then that's how I do it. Because I know that they are operating in a different way to women. That's a point that you said that a lot of people are trying

to say men and women are the same. Let me give you an example, all my male friends are taking one love dirty. I have seen them at the end of the night, but these are good friends of mine. And it's that gave the end of the club and there's a right scrubber. I'm like, come, really? And then I just need to fuck with the sofa. I'm like really She looks like we need the poo come on and then just like she's up for it and these are good looking guys These are these are guys that you know they they fuck beautiful women Stunners but they will fuck a we need the poo because it's there a Woman you will never see her at the at the the nightclub going, I'll just take anything.

Him, him over there, that drunk guy, he'll do, you know, if he can get it up, I'm good. Women go, think like that. No, but the man's like, there's a whole, there's a pulse. There's a ghost. He's in that mood. I'm doing it. I had Rob Henderson, evolutionary psychologist on the podcast talking about dating and evolution and how it all ties together. And he used this analogy, which I think is absolutely perfect. He said that men look for a reason why they wouldn't sleep with a woman.

Women look for a reason why they would sleep with a man. And the stats, anyone that went back and listened to that episode, men swipe right eight out of 10 times and women swipe right two out of 10 times. That's the stats on Tinder. The top 80% of women are competing for the top 20% of men and the bottom 80% of men are competing for the bottom 20% of women. This is stats from Tinder. Now you can dislike this as much as you want as a guy or a girl, but facts don't care about your feelings. These are the stats out of the back end of Tinder. What does that tell us? It tells us that hypergamy, women dating up and across, is challenging for both women and for men. There's more women competing

for a smaller pool of men. There's also this problem with women becoming increasingly educated, increasingly rich, because women often don't want to date a guy who is better educated and or richer than them. And if you increase the level at which women are becoming educated, this isn't me saying like, of course you're telling them that they shouldn't be educated. No, Bollocks, that's not what I'm saying. Obviously, what I'm saying is that because of the natural attraction dynamic where women tend to date up and across, they like higher social value, they like a man that can demonstrate that value. If you have tons and tons of value, it's like being the really tall girl.

Like if you're six foot as a girl without heels, you're looking at pro basketball players and stuff. Like you don't want to be able to not wear heels at your wedding. You don't want to not to be dating a guy that's shorter than you. That just happens to be, and if you take that rule and apply it to earnings and education, it's kind of the same. The higher that you move up, the hierarchy is a female, the smaller and smaller and smaller your dating pool gets. Whereas as a guy, a guy will have a much broader dating pool.

Okay, but there's one exception to the rule. And I am in a really, really good position here. So, I, you know, I'm gonna say, yeah, I have a lot of money and I'm successful and you know, I've got the big car and everything. And I know it's, yeah, some guy you're absolutely right most guys want someone a woman to success from them. I agree But apart from younger men, they get a massive kick out of it and I like younger men So you don't get toy boys, Kessie. Yeah, come on. Oh very legal I Don't give a share anyway, so apologize., my friends just take a piss out of me,

it's like, I don't care anymore, I don't care, I do younger men, that's it. And they love it, they love it, they love the calm being picked up in the car and you know, the college. and you know, this, you know, being... College. Up. From college. Cool. Please, come on. Let's be...

Jokey. Let's be careful here. Let's be careful here, shall we? I'm Jokey. Let's talk about... Let's talk about... 18 and over. 18 and over is fine.

Let's talk about the... those artifacts, that pick-up artistry, artifacts that we just spoke about earlier on. Anyone who hasn't read Neil Strauss is the game or kind of the, I guess the period from, what, about 2000 to 2010, where kind of pick-a-part history, and maybe a little bit later, maybe like 03 to kind of 13, where pick-a-part history and... Oh, age. ...real social dynamics, RSD, Macs max and all of these sorts of guys like was smashing

YouTube and putting this sort of comment down. If you don't know who I'm talking about, go back in time by a decade and you'll see exactly what I mean. But being frank, even I as a 21-year-old, 22-year-old hot-blooded male looked at that stuff and I felt icky. Like watching YouTube compilations of guys going up and practicing day game, which is just going up and like kissing girls in a fucking park somewhere, whilst some other guy YouTube like videos it. I'm like, this is something kind of weird going on here. And with that having happened and perhaps set the foundation for what is now your industry, I can see why there is work to be done in the teaching men to become attractive and to date well game to perhaps undo some of the kind of unsavory stuff that happened a while

ago. What's your thoughts there? I agree you should never film someone about the commission. I've never done that. I've had some of my trainers, they said, look, can I put something on your YouTube channel, we approach your woman? Absolutely not. You do, you do what you have to do, but you know that's not going off on my channel because I would hate something like that to happen to me. But I do kind of get why they did it because people want to see evidence

because there's these guys, you know, they come out and know where, and people are like, well, can you actually do it? And you just say, yeah, yeah, I can. People are just going to be like, well, anyone can say that. I need to see some evidence. So I can see it from a marketing point of view why they want to do it. You know, that, God, it's so funny. I have watched it really, really change the pickup industry and it has gone much more into self-help.

And essentially, you're still teaching guys, not only track women, you're just using different terminology now. The people that were teaching it then, they were people who almost were self-taught and had gone from literally zero to doing okay. But it's changed our... most of the guys that can't walk through our door are guys that are okay with women, they're a son that have not a clue quite a lot, but there's a lot

of them who are just like, they're doing okay but they just want to do better. And I actually asked them if you read the game and they never heard of it. So we're getting this new generation coming through, people that just want to get better at stuff. And I think we're living down a culture where people believe in self-improvement, they're much more open and honest about it. So I think that's how it's changed a lot. There's no problem in the press with someone saying I read James Clears' atomic habits, though. But there is a problem with someone saying I take dating advice or I'm taking a course to help to pick up women. I still think there's a fair bit of stigma attached to that.

It's changing a little bit. But yeah, it's still there, but for women to learn how to date men is perfectly acceptable. Have you seen all these people popping up, teaching women how to date men? And I'm like, well, why is that acceptable? You know, why is that acceptable when this isn't? I don't. So I thought about that question a lot. I don't really know.

I think I want to know. Like, I'm not trying to get into bed. We're gonna try to do something much, much more sophisticated that's trying to get a relationship. Well, I'm sorry, that's much more manipulative than getting someone into bed. Get someone to wanna be in a relationship with you by any means necessary.

Like, I will do anything to get that man to put a wedding ring on my finger. I'll be my God, that's like some hardcore manipulation there that you have to do. You'd be like a completely different person. Getting someone into bed, I think it's, I don't just don't think it's so manipulative personally. So you're saying that the impact of a short-term interaction by a guy being more effective is less than the impact of a long-term interaction where a woman might take these tips and then use them to have a five-year marriage with

someone. How many times have I heard my male friend say, as soon as I married her, she changed. She lost her sheep on weight, that's not one thing, but really fat, I can't actually drink in a problem. I've heard it all. I think men are the same, a lot of women marry men ago. There's something's changed. But I think with, I've heard a lot of women have, they've got, they've got, they've got the prize. That's the ultimate prize for women that they've married.

I've done the whole marriage thing. I know what I do it again. But most women, they get the marriage like, I'm good now. I'm good. I've got someone to look after me, take care of me, have children, have a nice life. You'll love me, and I'm like, what, you're going to divorce me now? And men really would do anything to avoid a divorce. I've got this whole theory. I don't know why men even marry anymore. I mean, that's crazy. How much should men think about their physical appearance? So we've talked a lot, men. How much should men think about their physical appearance? Like we've talked a lot, men, how much should men think about their physical appearance?

Yeah, I'm physical appearance. Sorry, it is important, but you can't become obsessed with it. You've got to do the best you can with yourself. You know, it's all about a good impression. It does make a difference. Okay. However saying that I have I'm very I'm a very nox orientated person compared to the average woman I'm you know, I I like and you know, I like a handsome guy and I would forgive a lot of Forgive a lot if he if he has a nice face and a nice body. But even I would be like, okay, there's a limit with that. He's also boring that that face can allow you to be.

And as equally I've been with men who are really not attractive, not young, not my type, physically really quite gross and I've been attracted to them. So I always say to guys that game that game will... game, good game, is much better than being a type. Much better. It's much more powerful. So yes, make the best of yourself. But remember, if you make the best of yourself, you're not going to be a big girls type. You're just going to say, well, this is made in Netflix. He looks half decent. He do not have tight. Work on the game. Much more scalable, I suppose, as well. The fact that if you're able to make people laugh, I mean, fucking hell, like, if you're able to make people laugh, it's a superpower. It doesn't matter whether you're in a business meeting, whether you're on a night out, whether

you're trying to date a girl, whether you're trying to de-escalate, a fight outside of a nightclub, like if you can make people laugh. Perfect example of this. I was on the love island. I was on the first season of love island. What are you? Yeah, I was first person through the doors. Where was the first season of love island? Five years ago. Let's be going that long, is it?

Yeah, hasn't it? Although, I guess we haven't had a season this year, so... Yeah. But yeah, and John Clark, who's now on Tauy, Jonathan Clark was on my season. And he's like a big, big lad, like not. Huge, but like a bigger fat. And there was like everyone on there was like the classic sort of reality TV physique look.

No. And John got the Playboy model, the Scouse Playboy model, Hannah, he got her because he's just got bottomless charisma. Like the guy is, the guy is just, he's from Essex, got that like classic sort of wide boy mentality. And he just goes and got, he's got so many stories, really funny, center of attention. Despite the fact that physically,

there was guys on there that were ex bodybuilders and professional, ex professional athletes and all this sort of stuff. But again, with that, John was demonstrating his value through being able to make people laugh through being personable and easy to relate to and funny. You know? You're the question for you. When you are on Love Island, and I appreciate that the girls, personally, I don't like the look, this Instagram kind of weird face that girls have but you know, maybe that's your thing When you were there and you saw these beautiful girls the one that you were most attracted to was she the prettiest one or was she the one with more game? So my season

I Make the joke that our season was kind of like a dress rehearsal for the rest of them But I wasn't attracted to any of the girls on my season, which was the challenge that I came up against. And I couldn't fake it. Like, I'm like... No, they're pretty. I didn't find them attractive. Oh, okay, physically. Okay, fine. I didn't find them physically attractive. I found some of them interesting.

But I didn't find them physically attractive. And that was a huge challenge. Like, going on a dating show and not finding girls attractive is it, but then the showrunners kept coming in and saying because the guys weren't being that forthcoming, they had real challenges, like a couple made it to the final of season one of Love Island as friends. Like you can't imagine that happening now. And the reason I suggest that that happened was that there was a mismatch between what the producers were putting in for the girls and what the producers were putting in for the guys. And that must work in both directions to a degree. But they kept on coming in and they were saying, so what sort of girls are

you attracted to? Why? Like, how come you're not so fussed about this that and you're there? And a lot of the guys said, well, I tend to prefer quite petite girls, maybe girls who go to the gym and this and you're there. I shit you not. Season one of Love Island had Amazon women. Like every girl in heels was as tall if not taller than almost all of the guys that were in there. And it's like, you know, it's not like the girls are great, but they're just not massively my type. And there's only so far that you can kind of push that. People don't need a fuse. No, it wasn't. It wasn't. Oh, Joe, you're I know you are. I know you are.

But yeah, I mean, it's a good example, what you're saying. I mean, my ex, my ex-husband was very handsome, but my ex- boyfriend before him was really ugly. He wasn't a hideous, he wasn't a quasi-modo, but he was quite an ugly guy, got any woman. But anyone. Er... Absolutely fearless, plain to win all the time, used jealousy plot lines and women understood that jealousy makes women more attracted to guys.

He was a force of nature himself, but he also was funny, he was quite funny, not that funny, but he had so much banter, so much banter, he was always escalating and he always had one foot out the door, which means I'm not depending on you, I'm not needing. And women love it, really, really love that they don't want a guy to need them, they want a guy to want them. How does jealousy turn women on? Because if a woman gets jealous, she's, again, it's not that, sorry, Because if a woman gets jealous, she's, okay, it's not that, sorry. It's not so much that jealousy turns on women. It frustrates them.

But once the woman is feeding jealous, it increases her attraction. It's like, it's linked to the fact that she thinks she wants your attention and you're giving it to another girl. That's the whole point. If she doesn't care about you, you're giving it to her, don't give a shit. But, you know, if you can see, right, okay, this is working a little bit. She's, you can't overkill it. You can't, it's fine balance also because there's some guys over there, other way, they're

just too much, you know, and it's like, it's all stick and no carrot. There's got to be a little bit. She's just got to fill. In order to appreciate you, she's got to fill that she can't second guess you. It's really important. And he guides this thing out there. Never let one of the second guess you. What's that mean?

It's got to be like, she's saying, OK, so I texted him. So who takes me five minutes? Like he always does. You know, everything is just predictable. He's going to do is predictable. He's a safe bear. They don't want it. It can't go, like I said, don't go too far the other way. I'm saying come the bad boy or anything. But you know that old saying treat them mean to keep them keen. It actually, it doesn't really mean be a bastard to them. It means just keep them second-guessing a little bit, don't be too predictable. Never ever get needy, always

show that you have other options if she doesn't want you. But that's really what it means. And those big alterations make a big difference. I understand. I'd be again interested to hear any girls that are listening if they've been with a guy, dating a guy, that they found to be attractive, but then there was a some switch turned on where he went into needy, predictable, boring mode, and if that ended the attraction for you. I wonder how many guys and girls are sufficiently reflective about what wasn't what wasn't successful about a dating experience. It's quite easy for us to just, oh well,

she wasn't that this or he wasn't that that and you know just that kind of throw reasons around. Whereas if you actually were to look at what happened I'm gonna guess that a lot of people would come upon some of the realizations that you've identified. Yes and I think people need to be honest. So when I talk to girls and all girls, when I talk one and one with girls, I always say, yes, yes. Sometimes when it's on social media, it's like, oh no, no, I only want a nice guy. So I'm like, you know, look at the stats, you know, those are nice guys running around.

And what is a nice guy? What they're saying is they want a good guy. Okay, that's not a nice guy. Having a good man in your life. I'm telling you, he's got an element to him. What's it. Okay, that's not a nice guy. Having a good man in your life, I'm telling you, he's got an element to him. That's a different thing, a good guy in a nice guy. Okay, so the good guy, I'm gonna simplify it, okay? The good guy shows elements of the bad guy.

The bad guy shows elements of the good guy, and those are the men who are successful, okay? And then you've got the people who are too good, and they end up a nice category, and then you've got the bad guys who are successful, okay? And then you've got the people who are too good and they end up a nice category. And then you've got the bad guys who are too bad and they become one dimensional. So it's doing a blend of both. So if you say, look, I'm one of those people,

I like to treat women well, I like to hold them with the door, get the bill for them. I like that. I respect women, that's who I am. Good, let's work with that, okay? But make sure that you're not so good that you're not section-escalating, that you're being really safe of what you're not so good that you're not section escalating, that you're being really safe of what you're saying, and not voicing your opinions.

A little tip for the guys who are really like, I really respect women, is to counterbalance that with being a bit of a bad boy in bed. This is very interesting. It's that contrast that's very interesting. It's that contrast. That's very attractive. So I went on a date and I'm going to be quite personal here. Well, I've had a boyfriend and he was, you know, the good guy. Very polite, everything. And it was getting a bit kind of like, ooh, you need a bit of spice here.

And he went over during our dinner. And I was kind of like in that mode of saying, you know what, this is not really working out. And he said, I can't wait to fuck you later, really hard. And I was like, oh, right, okay, that's what I was looking for. But if it's been a bad guy, like kind of, you know, a bit of a bad guy feel, which I'd date or so, I can do both.

And he started saying that to me, I'd be like, oh please, it's like, it's overkill. It's overkill. So the bad guy, what is interesting is women will go for the bad guy because he'll show that the sensitive side in bed or the vulnerable side.

And it's that contrast. So flipping it around, when I speak to men, a lot of guys say, like, I like the out-of-the-dominant woman. I said, yes, but I bet you like it to be quite submissive in bed. And you like her to be like, quiteive in bed. And you like her to be like quite vulnerable when no one's looking and they're like yes, because it's a conscious, they're going to go for a very dominant alpha woman and she's dominant in alpha in bed. There's no other side and it becomes boring. I had to learn to do that because I'm

quite like tarp and direct and I noticed that the guys that really like me and the guys who've seen my vulnerable side. When I hide that vulnerable side from guys, they're like, you know what? It's two-one dimensional. Let's call it a day love, you know. That's my tip for guys that they, you want to be the good guy go for it. That's your thing and I encouraged that. I don't try and change people like that. But my god, you need to show a different element to keep her on her toes. I love that. So finishing up, what dating and attraction advice do you have for women? We've given a lot for men this evening. What are the things that women can do to either help men be better dateers or to be better dateers themselves?

To help men become better dateers. What obviously as we've said this evening, like as a high level thing that I've noticed is, if a guy comes over, if you're single and a guy comes over, and you're with your group of girlfriends, don't keep your back turned to him when someone comes up, because it's the same girls that I know, because I've seen, I've had 2,000, 3,000 people work for me over the last 10 years,

and they'll all be between the ages of 18 and 21 and during that time you have more relationships and you do lectures and the girls that complain about being single, about not being able to find a good guy are the ones who wander on a night out with their girlfriends and a guy comes up and tries to talk to them will give him this sort of weird sneering like kind of that. They're just doing me like this. It's that, yeah, that over the shoulder thing. That over the shoulder thing. And it's like, well, fucking hell, darling.

Like, do you want, do you want to have, do you want to give a guy a chance? Or do you want to look cool in front of your fucking mates? You've no chance. This is my advice for ladies out there. So, I have a really interesting question. Oh, great question. Something really good that gives him that open goal, that opportunity, and if he fucks up, he fucks up his loss.

What like? I'd say something like, oh God. I'm generally very nice to guys at speed. I'm a really quite a nice person. I guess there's a dating coach. You're never going to be a prick to guys that are trying to do the thing that you can't do. I never be a prick to guys, but even when I was young I was never, I don't know, one of those people that just, you know, I could be ruthless, when the time was up I'd be like, okay, done, but I was never like, okay, I never went like that, I never, I just see this horrible thing to do to another human being, it's wild, people do that horrible, why do that? I would ask something like, I'd say this in what's your favourite film, I really would, I would just say very corny and dorky like that because if they're gonna fucking bait

me, shush out my tension of that other bloody film that men love, what's it called? One Leonardo Cactrio, and it's just terrible film that every man loves. What's that? Inception or something? I'm done. I'll just say, look, I'm sorry, I'm done. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance. I gave you a I'm just going to say something different. You could say something like, you know, would he do and why would you love it? Give him the opportunity. You can really give him a chance.

I wouldn't get to say anything. Like, are you funny, witty, or are they just going to look? I'm going to carry on playing it really nice and safe. And then you could think, okay, just like, you don't be all on it. You could go, that's nice for you. I have to go now or something. But at least, you know, the the guys like had that chance at least. That's cool. I think one thing that I hope girls take away from this, I know we've given

a lot of advice. I promise you, I'm trying to find a guy or a girl that can come on and can do the same thing for girls. I think there's an awful lot that both genders have to learn from hearing dating advice for the other side. I know that girls have just had to sit through an hour of learning like, oh, this is how guys can pick up other girls. But there's a lot of insights that you can glean from that as well, right, to reflect on yourself. Oh, maybe that's the way that I am. Maybe it's this.

The main thing that I'd love girls to take away from this. I want to take you something for girls. Then are very vulnerable. Don't believe all that kind of... They come to me, they're very vulnerable, and most of them really are looking for love. And that's not me being corny, and trying to finish on a high note.

Yeah, they want to screw around, they want to fuck, and they all fuck us, Robba. No question. But deep down, they're really are looking at these things, and I'm looking for a girlfriend. I'm looking for the one. I think that every, you know, there's, it's easy to tar men with one brush, right? To say the way that men act between the age of 17 and 25

is just, you can extrapolate that for the rest of time. And it's like, well, obviously not. But evidently that's the thing. Yeah, when a video goes down and stuff, you know, it's looking the libido is a big part of it. I mean, a 39-year-old man has not got the libido of an 18-year-old. He just does not. So that means, OK, the light sex, but it's not that everything's

about getting a quick shag. It's not that anymore. It's about something else. It's about, yes, good sex, but with an loving relationship. And that changes the requirements or what a man is looking for. So yeah, I think you're using it. Not your kids. I was.

Using that model, like whatever you have experienced as a girl, as a young dating, in the dating world, between the ages of whatever, 18, 25, and maybe 18, 30 or something like that. And then extrapolating that forward, just running that same script, and thinking that this is the way that it's going to be for the rest of time, like you have to appreciate that that's not going to be the case. But the main thing that I want girls

and guys to take away from this is that it's fucking terrifying for most guys to go up and talk to a girl. Like it really, really is a big deal. I know that that's so lame, and it's like such a wet thing to say. Oh my God, you went up and spoke to a girl. Like, but we've just identified, there's bomb disposal experts,

firemen and policemen out there, who are scared of saying, hi, my name's John, can I buy you a drink? Like, you know, the fact that you've got that says absolutely everything. And hopefully, today, we're going drink? Like, you know, the fact that you've got that saves absolutely everything. And hopefully today we're gonna have taught guys, look, here are some ways that you can overcome

approach anxiety. You need to have, expand that domain of competence, do progressive overload, make yourself become less sensitive to it. You need to escalate, you need to have things to say. And girls on the flip side of that, it's like, be receptive to it. You know, if a guy comes up, don't you're in a relationship or even that can be done

with a bit of class and grace, right? Like you don't need to give the guy who you're not going to be in a relationship with anyway, the like that show, I can't do the shoulder thing. You know the shoulder thing, I mean, yeah, yeah, I can't do it. Girls, every girl is innately born with the, do the dirty look over the shoulder skill. But yeah, guys, guys that have it. But like don't give them that. Like that guy might have plucked up a fucking ton of courage to come and speak to you.

And the fact that you're in a relationship right now should mean that you should hope, like help that person to get to what a relationship as opposed to this thing that people in fucking relationships do and guys do it as well. But girls do it a lot, where because they're in a relationship, they use it as a yardstick to beat single guys with, it's almost like a guy can come up and they don't need to engage and they can almost be really, really vicious with the way that they respond because they're like, well, I've got a boyfriend. And it's like, yeah, you fucking wouldn't have acted this way six months ago.

Six months ago, if that guy come up to you wouldn't have this. No fuckers out, they smell fuckers. Yeah, so smug. So just be more fucking gracious man. And this doesn't mean what's one of the main things that we've said today, you need to have this polarity, you need to have this masculine and feminine energy going on. You need to not just be the one thing across the board,

this homogenous playing, I love that thing. What was it not playing to win? What is that? I don't play it. Okay, so most people are playing not to lose. You need to play to win. It's game theory, it's gambling. I love that. So I think that, you know, a lot of people that's sort of terrified. And again, like if a guy's done that, it's probably because he's plucked up a fucking ton of courage to come over and speak to you with your group of girlfriends all wearing pretty little thing dresses, like you know, you read bottoms on,

like be gracious about it. Yeah, you know the backstory, absolutely. You just don't, you could be a ditch or, but he also could be someone suffering from really bad anxiety in you're the first person he's ever spoken to, in this whole life. You don't know the best, right? I've just never been horrible to a guy, it's approaching me.

I mean, I've been kind of like, you know, I've got to go, thank you. But I've never done that look, I've never done it. It's really, it's funny, even some of my friends, just I don't hang on them, those kind of people much. And I'm not, I would say to you. I think maybe, I think this person's not for me, I just know it's not. I'm always kind of like, you know, thank you,

but no thank you, but. Maybe if there's, in a situation, how do you think what can guys do to help other guys date and what can girls do to help other girls date? Is there anything that you think that they can do? Like how can you gas your friends up so that they go over and speak to someone? Because it's not often like have you ever, here's a good one for you, the number of girls have come over to me and said, hey, my friend over there thinks that you're really whatever whatever this is.

It's all right, fucking hell. Like that's that that is such a, because what do you do? Because the girls still sat with all of her friends. Do you go over and just like appear within the group of friends that have all been talking about you? I would just say, well, tell her to come over here. I was just said that. Great point. Show value. Tell her what you've got to show value.

If you go there, you're going to the lines then. It's on her to her. It's like that's her territory. If she, you know, just say to her, yeah, she's gorgeous. Give her that, that bit of encouragement. Yeah, she's gorgeous, your friend. Tell her to come over. Just that. That's that all I would say, because you, if you just say, I'll tell her to come over. The girl might be a bit nervous also, like, oh, what if, you know, what if he doesn't like me, but if you've said, oh, she's gorgeous,, okay fine, she's going to have that confidence come over to you.

That's right. Because women are a bit all this or so, trust me. That's why you're professional. What can you guys do? Anything that guys can do to help their mates? Oh, not really. It's awful for a guy to come over and say my friend likes you. It's not even cute.

It's okay. If you say it again, be 18, it's fine. But the best thing to do is, I think one of the best things that we do, because it's experiment, we went out with one of our students and I put him with one of my wing guys. I said, just trust me. I said, just trust me what I'm going to tell him to say about you.

So there was some girls at the table. When he went, he could feel that there was no interest being built when the student went, that I got this, don't worry. So this and my friend is like, he's such a player, it's best that you're kind of avoiding him, just a total player anyway. And then when he got back, the girl was really interested and because she'd already heard this and was like, He's like, you said that and he's like, yeah, it's working, don't worry about it. But the other thing, guys, please enter girls, if you have a male friend, please please,

if you have a male friend, you want to set him up, someone never ever introduced me as a really nice guy. So you know what? He's a good guy. Be careful of him. Be careful. You could do that sort of wink and you're you're fine that the girls are much more interested. They know he's a nice guy. That means oh god It's set him up with everybody. He's been he's been single for a while. It's just big red flashing lights, right? Yeah, little things like that Actually so many when people women and men do it and they just, it's a really nice guy, I want to just stop. Yeah, if there was ever a way to stop,

even ruin your friend's dating chances. But again, like that comes from firstly a place of good intentions, but secondly, a complete misunderstanding of how dating dynamics work. So today, you taught people some things that are hopefully going to stop them from being quite so shit, both guys and girls. If people want to find out more, guys want to take it to the next level, where should they go? Okay, again, my website, here's the dash noble.com. I'm also on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube. Yeah, subscribe to my YouTube channel.

That's when most information's coming from 75 million views and counting. Ooh, wow. That means it's demand out there. 75 million views. There's a nine. 75 million guys thinking. No, no, I'm not.

It's a fuck sake. Well, maybe it's just one guy watching it 75 million times. That's what I think it is. Just this one very very single. It's just me watching my own video. Onsen, that's exactly the same thing that I do. Look, everything that we've spoken about will be linked in the show notes below including Kazzie's website. What have you got? You got a seven day challenge. What stuff have you got if you want to do them? I have the if you don't want to, you know, come over to London and we've got the home training, Acceleration home training program. And if you do want to get your hands dirty, you want to check out the seven day mastery program which we had to stop during the lockdown but now we've reopened and we're already really busy

Actually, it's such a good time to meet women. I've noticed it. Like everyone's talking to each other. They're like, I'm free I'm out. Finally, I've got some fucking social contact again These are real like we these programs that I'm running. We don't just create like kind of like supplemental shifts I mean, these are mental mental breakthrough, these are huge. We've got so many video testimonials, that's why I always say to people, look, you know, it's not me just saying that, I've got hundreds of video testimonials, go to my website, look at the video testimonials, then guys from every walk of life, you're really honest, but in their faces out there, I'm saying this has completely changed my life, so I hope to do the same for you.

No, you, but anyone, isn't it? Hey, no, Kezi, I'm single. I'm single as fuck as well. So I need all the help that you can get. Look, thank you so much for coming on. It's been awesome. I've really, really enjoyed it. Hopefully everyone's taken something away. I want to know what you think. Like, is the dating world fucked at the moment? Is it completely terrible and do we need Kesea's help desperately? Also, if anyone's got any suggestions for who I can get on as a dating coach for women,

like leave it below, I'll try and get in touch with them and I'll try and get them on as well. And then we can learn the equivalent red pills for girls that we've just learned for guys. Offends, get offends