Modern Wisdom - #260 - Diren Kartal - Finding Your Why

Episode Date: December 19, 2020

Diren Kartal is an online coach and speaker. As we approach the end of 2020, many people will be looking to make changes in their lives. As a coach who assists 100's of clients with their lifestyle design, Diren has a unique insight into this process. Expect to learn why your why is so important, the most common issues Diren is seeing his clients encounter, how he broke off an engagement in Australia with no one to support him, his advice for a successful relationship and much more... Sponsors: Get 20% discount & free shipping on your Lawnmower 3.0 at https://www.manscaped.com/ (use code MODERNWISDOM) Extra Stuff: Check out Project X - https://www.direnkartal.com/ Follow Diren on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/diren.kartal  Get my free Ultimate Life Hacks List to 10x your daily productivity → https://chriswillx.com/lifehacks/ To support me on Patreon (thank you): https://www.patreon.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch. Join the discussion with me and other like minded listeners in the episode comments on the MW YouTube Channel or message me... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/ModernWisdomPodcast Email: https://www.chriswillx.com/contact  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, yes, you beautiful, beautiful people. Welcome back. My guest today is Diren Cartel. I bumped into him in Ibiza and Dubai this year, and we finally locked in a date where we could sit down, and I'm really glad that we did. I think it's quite timely. Diren works as an online coach for a lot of clients,

delivering them overall accountability. Now, he works in the fitness industry, what he's trying to do is behavior change. And as we approach the end of 2020, many people will be looking to make changes in their lives. So given that Deren assists hundreds of clients with their lifestyle design, he's got a unique insight into this process. So today, expect to learn why your why is so important. The most common issues that Deren sees is clients encountering how he broke off an engagement

in Australia with no one to support him is advice for a successful relationship and much more. If you enjoyed this episode, hit the subscribe button. I can see you all. I see you playing the episodes without pressing that subscribe button and it is Christmas. Come on. Speaking of Christmas, this Monday is the fated yearly Christmas edition. Myself, Joni and Yusuf got together to discuss our three main lessons. Sorry, two lessons each. So six in total from 2020 and there's some really, really beautiful insights. The boys,

in total from 2020 and there's some really really beautiful insights. The boys, I miss them so much, I miss recording with them and hopefully as we get into 2021 we will have more regular meetups between us all. But for now it's time for the wise and wonderful I'm excited to be here man, I'm not gonna lie. I was disappointed you didn't have a studio lined up for me in the vibe but I don't want to talk about that. A little bit of a different environment to the last time that we were together on a boat outside the Burj al Arab. Bro, how good was that day? I was hanging.

I was hanging, but it was such a good day, man. It's just a bit of a d-man. It's good for everything. It solves all problems. That's one hell of a wake up call. You get up at finally sort of surface, half past 10 in the morning and you've got a couple of WhatsApp saying you have 45 minutes to get ready.

I need to see you down at the marina because we're getting on a boat for the next five hours. But I've got the same. I didn't know. I was like, yeah, we're going here. We're meeting with who, with the boys, with the guys you know. And those guys are crazy, man. Those guys can drink for days.

And I'm just, I'm just such a lightweight that like, which I'm proud of by the way, everyone's like, oh, you're like, I'm proud of it, I'm like, oh, you're lightweight, I'm like, yeah bro, so what have you achieved by saying that? I don't care, but it was a great time, it was a great time, those lads are funny people. Yeah, they are man, it's, when you get that group of people together,

it's a recipe for chaos. Today I wanted to talk about motivation. So we're approaching a new year, people are going to be making resolutions, wanting to change their routines. This is a lot of what you do with your work. Might people might even be looking to change their lives, you know, create the foundations upon

which their new life is going to be built. What are the principles that you give your clients when they want to make big changes in their lives? So I think one thing is, a lot of people come to me for fitness and nutrition, right? Cause in essence, I'm a personal trainer, but what I've realized is the program that I do and the way I train people and do things with my clients,

I've actually realized it affects their normal life as well as their health. Cause in essence, when you look after your health, other things around your life actually become a lot better. And I think one of the key things about trying to keep my clients motivated is trying to get them to do something that they really enjoy, which I think is one of the biggest issues. People feel like you need to be consistently struggling

to achieve whether it's a fitness goal, whether it's whether you want to do in life. And I try to make what they see a big problem, a small one, because I feel like when we look at problems as a small issue and look at solving them, the stress about being motivated or wherever you're trying to solve kind of goes away. Does that have any sense? Do you get what I'm trying to say there?

Yeah, man. So, talk me through. Someone comes to you and they say, Hey, coach, I'm wanting to do X. I really want to get a black belt in Giu-Gitsu. I really want to lose 50 pounds or 20 pounds or get in shape for whatever it might be, but I don't really feel that motivated to do it. Should they just drop it? No, of course not. I think they need to ask themselves

why they're doing it, why they're doing it, what they wanna achieve from it and what they need to understand is to achieve whatever it is they want to achieve. There their certain steps that you need to go through. So if it's fitness, for example, you're coming to me for fitness, I'm going to teach you the basic fundamentals. I'm going to simplify it in such a way to you that you're not going to see it as a problem. Because I think at the moment with coaches, with personal training, I feel like the delivery of the coach,

chanted to someone is really important. So if I'm chanted to you, I need to be talking to you in a language that you're going to understand. I need to make sure whatever I'm saying to you or how I'm delivering it to you, you need to be paying attention. It's one of those things where, because I do like group coaching at the minute, um, each individual is very different. But if

you look at it as a group, we all have very similar problems. It's just, you kind of have the word things differently talking to different individuals. What are the most common problems that you see coming up? Bro, a minute mental health man, like a minute is like a lot of mental health. And obviously with the pandemic not being able to travel as freely as we want to. I see a lot of people worrying about tomorrow, worrying about what's going to happen, instead of worrying about today. And I think one thing that we all need to do is what I do is, I'm not worrying about tomorrow. I worried about this podcast today. What's the point of me worrying about it for a week, you know?

No, that was worrying about it, but like, what am I going to overplan? What am I going to, why should I worry about what I'm going to talk about? I'm going to talk about whatever feels good. I'm going to deal with it however I'm feeling today and I'm going to take the challenge or whatever it is in a way that I feel. Because to be honest, I love the podcast man, I love these conversations. I feel like it's one of the best ways I learned. You're probably the same, you're probably similar, right? Absolutely man. One of the things I learned from a guy called Andrew Tate, who is a son of a chess grandmaster. He's a kickboxing world champion. He lives in a basically a fortress in Romania and he's a millionaire. He's like just a very, very eccentric fellow. And he has this

concept where he says he has faith that future Andrew will save more money. So he'll go out and he'll buy Bugatti because he knows that future Andrew will earn the money to pay for it. And this kind of unrelenting faith in the future version of you is something that I've tried to cultivate a lot this year. And when you can fully lean into it and actually believe it, not just say it, but genuinely in the source code it's written into your being. When you realize or when you hopefully take that in, it makes a very big difference. But I think if you don't have sufficient situations during which you

have proven to yourself that you can actually perform, that you can make a promise and then deliver it to you, understandably you have low confidence. And if you have low confidence, you're going to be concerned about tomorrow because, well, yesterday I was concerned about today. And today I didn't do what I said I was going to do yesterday. So tomorrow, what if I say that don't do the thing that I say I'm going to do today? And this is how we get into that cycle, right? But you know what it is, it's, it's that thing you're talking about is the people that can't do that are too worried about being safe, right? The safety element.

So for example, I was buying business class tickets with James Smith when I couldn't afford it, you know? Thinking, well, don't worry about it, doing just buy this, your money's gonna be, you're gonna have barely anything in your bank account, but future Diren is gonna make that, don't going to have barely anything in your bank account. But future Duran is going to make that. Don't worry. Just get on that flight, get in that environment, get with those people.

Don't worry about tomorrow. Worry about today and then we'll deal with tomorrow then and we'll tackle that then. And it's, people need to take their mind, depending on what they want to achieve. If you're happy with where you are, of course, do what you need to do. But if you're not and if you want to achieve of course, like do what you need to do. But if you're not and if you're on a chief certain things I feel like you need to take some risks and the only time you perform is when you have no other fucking option, you know, if if you have one chance if you said you're going to deliver something right and you have the only opportunity for you to have a good outcome of this is

The only opportunity for you to have a good outcome of this is Delivering whatever you're delivering well. You're gonna turn up Especially if you need the money especially if you don't want to disappoint people and especially if you if you don't want to fail I mean the fear of failing kind of like it you shouldn't be scared of failing, but it also Gets you doing what you're supposed to do as well, right? Perfect example of that. I think James would admit when he started writing his first book, like he's not an author. I'm aware that he's a two times Sunday Times best seller now, but when he began writing

his first book, he wasn't an author and he wasn't getting it go straight and he was doing it himself. And as soon as you sign on the dotted line with Harper Collins, it's like, okay, they expect a book and holy shit, this needs to be done in the next nine months. I need to put some words to paper and you will find a way to do it. I would say in my experience,

most people underestimate their capacities moving forward. Fewer people are overconfident than underconfident in my experience. Bro, I think a lot of people, you're environment and who you're around is so important. It's so important. The people that tend to say not make the leap with whatever it is that they want to do It's kind of around people that says yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe don't risk it. No, no, no, no, I play it safe Play safe or they say it because they don't want you to Be better than them essentially, you know I like to be around people that want the best for me want me to win, you know

And I like to keep people around me that are like that. And I'm only around those sort of people because I feel like that's the only way to kind of push each other in a, with the right pressure, as well as with the right people around you, when if you need something, you can ask. And you know they're there to,

if I give you advice, if I push they're there to even give you advice, even push you more or tell you that, wait, they're in that content with shit, bro, what are you doing? You know, and I get that, like we have a group chat with the boys and we'll message you in there and we'll be like, yo bro, hey, I'm not going to lie to you, man, that was probably the worst thing I've ever seen in my life, you know, and then next week, you know, you've got four of your mates grilling you so hard about it, a bit of tough love, the next day, bang, 50,000 views on a video or whatever it is, you know, and I feel like it's just so important to have the right people around you, which I think most people don't have, if I'm being honest. Do you think that's a byproduct of British culture?

You know what? It's hard for me to answer that because although I am in British culture, I'm very much like my dad who's a curd in Turkey and I've always been around, I've always been around Africans, Jamaicans, Turks, because I've been around British culture but I've also been in the heart of London way. It's so mixed that I'm not even sure what the answer to that question is if that makes sense. No, I know what you mean. I have a theory that I've been working on this year that is because geographically the UK is waterlocked, right?

It gives people a very kind of insulated sense of life. I don't know, I can't speak for what it's like in France, or in Germany, or in America, or anywhere else. But I know for a fact that there are tons and tons and tons of people that I went to state, primary, state, secondary, state, college with who are going to be born, live, and die in the town that they came up in.

So Stockton on Tees, which is a lovely place, and Mum and Dad are still there, and they love it. But is famous only for having the UK's highest teen pregnancy rating, and they recently lost that as well. So that was one thing they had that's now gone. And I remember, I was like 15 years old or 14 years old in some older buddy's car from college or something and we were driving around and I remember one of the kids that was sat in the back saying we're going over this fly over in on the A19 in T side. I remember him saying then T side's the best place in the world man. I'm never going to leave. And I thought even then I'd never

been anywhere except for like Disneyland with mum and dad and lands of Rotty and stuff. And I remember thinking then, that is unbelievably short-sighted. And I worry about what sort of an influence that has for other people who perhaps have goals, who want to grow, who want to do other things. Don't get me wrong, it makes for a fantastic family life. I think it promotes a classic sort of British dream, growing up, having a family, you know, doing that sort of thing. But for an entrepreneur, somebody who wants to grow

and experience new things, I'm not convinced it's the best environment. I don't think it's best for family either, if I'm being honest. That's because, and the only reason I say that is, listen, if you don't travel, if you don't meet different people, if you don't see different cultures, I'm sorry, but you're not going to be, your knowledge isn't going to be great about what the fuck's happening in the world or what other people are like.

So then what happened? You have a kid. What the fuck are you going to teach that kid? What are you going to teach that kid? You, what have you seen? You know, like you live in England, you got a British passport, you've got the luxury to travel the world and you're telling me you're not going to take advantage of that. It's crazy. I know people we hear in Turkey that would kill for a British passport just so they can travel. You know, not just Turkey, loads of countries, right?

And I feel like people don't realize how lucky I think we have it in England with the opportunities that we have with the traveling that we could do obviously not with a pandemic and all that happening But it's I think it's so important that if you can travel you should and it's not just for you It's for people around you your eyes will open differently and is like, maybe the hippie side of me coming out, that's lived in Bali, lived in Australia, lived in Turkey, and all that. But my best skill is probably the fact that I can socialize with anyone, anyone, I can hold a conversation with anyone, and I know for a fact

that's only happened because I've always been in awkward positions in different countries where I don't even speak the language, but somehow I got out of that situation or wherever it is. And like you, for example, you said you didn't travel much, but you go into Landorotty, you go into Disneyland, wherever it is, you saw something different that you wanted to see more of. And that's thanks to your family, right? You might not be in Dubai right now doing a podcast which you love doing

if your family didn't initially take you on a holiday. It doesn't matter if they went on a holiday and had an English breakfast in the morning, but you know what I mean? So I think it's really important that you take advantage of travel. And it's fun, man. It's so much fun. You like it, right? I mean, you're in Dubai.

No, this is me back home, I'm back home now, but yeah, last year was 12 countries this year, even with the pandemic, did Athens for my birthday, Ibiza when you were there, and then Dubai, Dubai when you were there as well. You know, this is something that I thought that was really funny. I was like, yeah, I'm trailblazing.

You know, even during the pandemic, I'm being antifragile. I'm finding myself places that I can go to. I'm like, I'm so unique like this is. And then in each one of those places, you were there. And then Mike first and was there as well. And I was like, oh, maybe I'm a little bit less unique than I thought.

But you know what, yeah, it's, isn't it amazing? When you get on a plane, they're sounding about, they're sounding airports that really are just buzzed, are buzzed, are mined at airport, I'm excited, I can't wait to open up my laptop, write an email, do a bit of work, maybe have a beer, like a buzz off it, get on a flight,

and then you get off, whether it's a hot country or not, you're somewhere different. It sparks so many different ideas that you can do for content, business, meeting new people, wherever it is, so many new opportunities. And initially doing that, I think it's because at 16, I went away and I played football in Turkey. So I think from a young age, I was very used to kind of traveling on my own. So maybe I got rid of that fear early on. And I think some people might be worried because, oh, shit, I'm 30 years old. I'm too late to travel.

I'm too late to do this when you're not, man, it's never too late to do that. That's both of you. Dave, Dave Driscoll is 42 and that man's still getting naked every morning and then going and running wanderlusts, uh, CrossFit. Bro, if he's in ridiculous shape for his, you know, he's in ridiculous shape. It's such a good looking guy as well, man. So much charisma, mate. He's a good human. He's one thing that I, yeah, he's good guy. That I realized after Dubai, I put it in my email that went out today.

You know, Oliolitan, right? You're part of our little cabal of guys that Luke knows. And he taught me about break point, which is in the SAS, they'll land somewhere and they'll either fight or sneak their way to an objective. Let's say that they're gonna breach a room. And before they breach the room, they'll stack up outside of the door.

So you can imagine like proper Tom Clancy rainbow six shit. And they're stacked up outside of the door. And they take a moment while they're there. They just breathe, reset, recalibrate. They take themselves through the plan that's gonna come up. And then they breach the room. And it's this interlude between two periods of chaos, right?

So you've got two periods of intense action and you have this one period that just gives you a chance where you can move between the two. And I was in Dubai for three and a half weeks, which is the longest I've been anywhere in quite a while. Last year I did a road trip across America, which was a similar amount of time. But I was still working while I was out in Dubai, so I'll recording the show, still doing all of this stuff. And I came back, and honestly, last week was the best that my mindset's been in the UK in pretty much as long as I can remember. And obviously, I was curious as to why that was the case.

I'm thinking, like, what have I done? Was it that I got some sunshine? Was it just, like, defeating a little bit of seasonal effective disorder because it's so dark and cold and gray here? And what I came to is, I think it was like a personal break point that I went away and it was just an opportunity to see something different. It was an interlude between two periods that were very similar and very chaotic. So everyone this year has spent groundhog day over and over again, looking at the same

four walls. Right move had its busiest ever day in history for properties just toward the end of the first lockdown because people are sick of the houses that they're in. They've realized that I hate not having a garden. I hate the part that I'm living with so I'm gonna split up with them, whatever it might be. Tons of houses got listed, tons of people wanted to move.

So yeah, what I took away from it was that being away, still working, still doing what I do, but in a new environment, new stimulus, seeing yourself, seeing all my buddies out there, going and seeing MK play live, going into, you know, all of these different experiences had given me an opportunity to come back with a fresh set of eyes and new clarity. And if that's not a good advertisement for travel, I'm not really sure what is. Bro, I mean, think about like this. I spoke to you. We spoke a bit on the boat, right, that day. And when I spoke to you, I was like, I'm rating what you're doing with your podcast mate. Every day, you've got an episode, you've got something happening. I rate how organized you are. And I was like, I need to do more fucking episodes.

Like, it sounds crazy, but this is how I think, maybe me being in Dubai or whatever, me just chatting to you for like five, 10 minutes is gonna push me to do another 20 or 30 episodes in the next six months. That 20, 30 episodes can help so many people. That 20, 30 episodes can help my growth or wherever it is. And I think that's

that's why I love traveling so much man and there's something about being somewhere different and talking to someone right it's like every sort of whether it's ego that you have back at home whether it's the comfort that you have whether it's the fact that you know you can swing your dick around and talk freely because you know your friends around the corner. When you're away, you're nicer. People are nicer when they're away. You know, when you're not in your hometown, you know to be nice because you've got no option. That guy might have eight massive mates. Yeah, exactly. So it's like, it's just such a nice environment to see people and connect with people, you know?

But I love the bio is great, man. And it's good to see that you did that traveling as well. And it's good to see that as helping you out, bro. I love it, I love it. It really is. One of the things that I hate that really, really irks me and I think this is part of that British culture thing is when I'll hear someone make a pejorative statement about America, Americans or Australians or Turkish

people or French or whatever it is. And I know for a fact that they've never been to that country. It's like, bro. What are you talking about? How can you say that? You've lived in West hope just north of Newcastle for the last 27 years. And now you say that you've lived in Westerhope just north of Newcastle for the last 27 years? And now you think that you an authority on all of these different countries. Bro, it's mad, you know, cause like, you get, I know, I know like people, cause I've had like few DMs, I've had a few trolls

like troll me, right? And like, I just know when it's racist. I know I can feel it, man, I can feel it. Like they'll say something about the way I talk or something like that, and I feel it, man, and I see it. And I don't doubt myself one bit, and I'm like, you prick. But you're there, you say something like that to me, but then you go to the Kabab shop,

and then you order food from there. You know, like, how does that even like, what goes in your racist mind? And then you go and order a cabab from a Turkish man, it's funny. And I guess it's maddening it, like the whole Brexit thing, I don't know, people don't even know what they're voting for, people don't know what they're doing,

people don't know what's even good for them, I swear to God, some people don't even know what's good for them. So they're kind of doing what everyone else is doing or what they're provoked to say or they're provoked to decide. You know, it's a bit scary actually how media and everything can manipulate so many people. It's fucking terrifying, man. It's absolutely terrifying, especially when you think, so going back to what we were talking about there about Motivation and people losing motivation with certain things You have to consider that a lot of people don't do things they want to do They do things that they think they want to do and the things that they think that they want to do very often

Are values that they've adopted from their parents from their friends from their culture from their local town Whatever it might be, but these aren't consciously designed decisions. These are things that they've like a fucking dirty sponge just absorbed and then made the lowest common denominator of that. That how many guys do you know that do purely bodybuilding style programming because that's all that their mates do. But if they were to take up endurance racing or BJJ or CrossFit or Functional Fitness or yoga or Pilates or whatever it might be, there will be so much happier, there will be so much more compliant with training, there will be fitted, there will be healthier, all of this stuff, but they'll continue to grind away because all that they know is bodybuilding. Yeah, it's, it's mad. And I think one of the, one of the problems is, I'll tell you what it is, is when people,

if people don't know, if you don't know what you're supposed to do, yeah, if you're listening to this, if you don't know what you're, what you're supposed to do, if you don't know what you want to do, that's fine. Right. That's okay to not know, right? Because I'm not going to lie to you. I'm kind of kicking with the wind. I'm loving what I'm doing, but I don't know what I'm going to do in five years. I don't know what I'm going to do in 10 years. I'm

like fucking hate doing podcasts on social media and PT. I might do something. I might be selling cars. I don't know. And people worry so much about feeling either not a part of something or feeling like not doing anything is a waste of time because they're judged. If you don't, for example, if you don't have a job or wherever it is or if you don't have a job where you wake up at 4 a.m. and you don't work 14 hours, it's like, oh, you don't know what hard work is like. I'm not sure the fuck up, bro. I mean, just because you work hard,

doesn't mean you're like, you're actually working efficiently. You're actually doing something that's making a big difference, you know, so for people that are worrying about not knowing what to do, I mean, that's okay, like, that's okay. Don't force something you don't like or what someone else is told you to do because you don't know There's a

paradigm that James Clea uses called explore exploit and His argument is the earlier on in your life or in periods where you're finding yourself a little bit lost You should explore you should do lots of different things travels perfect example of that. Go and join a new sports club. Go and join, try out a new hobby. Go to a public speaking event. Go to it like just mad stuff, just say yes to adventures. Because coming out of those adventures, you will probably learn so much, so quickly,

about what it is that you do and don't like, that you're then able to exploit i.e. narrow down into the channels of stuff that you do like so much more quickly. But again, people have these fears, I don't want to do something new, what if I suck, what if I'm silly, what if nobody likes me, so they don't, they just stick to doing that same habitual stuff. That's the biggest issue is people worrying about what other people think. That is what stops everyone. How did I get past it? How did I get past it? I got past it. To be honest, I kind of got past it

looking at how my dad is. My dad says what he thinks and I know it gets him into a lot of trouble but also gets into a lot of places and I was like. I need to stop being because I played football right for a very long time and I think one of the reasons I wasn't successful is I was a bit nervous on the pitch and I think it's I cared too much. I cared if I make a mistake. The coach not going to play me again. I cared that if I passed the ball wrong or whatever that player's not going to pass the ball again to me, I cared too much. And I was like, instead of worrying about what people are going to think about whatever I'm doing, I just need to worry about doing the job that I'm supposed to do and doing what I'm doing and actually concentrating on just myself instead of basing any decision that I make on anyone. Any decision that I make

now is based on what I want to do. Like I'll sit somewhere and my mum and dad sometimes they've sometimes they would drag me to a family meeting. I'm like, my mum, I'm going, I've ordered a new bar. Did I? We doing? I'm not happy here. I want to go. This is wasting my time. I've said hello to everyone. I've spoke to people. I've showed my respect. I've catched up with everyone. I'm going. I'm wasting my time. I rather be on my laptop at the minute and do something productive. You know? So I'm basing every decision on what is best for me. And that is kind of helps me pass through that, if that makes sense. You said in the podcast recently that people like you more now that you're being selfish.

Yeah, I'm guessing that's this. I'm guessing that's the same thing. Yeah, people like me more. People can't like, I even know people don't ask me for stuff because people don't ask me for stuff. They know I'm not going to say yes to you. They're like, I know, like my cousin will be like, should we ask it now? Probably not. He ain't going to come. He knows. We know he ain't going to come,

you know, because he's got his thing he needs to do. They know because when I'm there or when I'm doing something, they know because I truly want to do it, you know? Like again, I'm going to give Smith as an example. He knows, I'm flying into Australia, I'm going to do two weeks quarantine in a room. In essence, I'm going for his tour, right? But he knows that I'm going for me as well because it's going to make me happy, you know? So there's no feeling of where he's going to feel guilty because I shit, I've made Diren stay in a room or he knows, he knows, Diren's coming because it's going to make him happy, you know, and it's the same vice versa with him

or with anyone, you know, and that's why people just need to prioritize and not be afraid to be selfish. Being selfish isn't the hard man. Being selfish is, being selfish is, is good because it's good because in the long run not even in the long run like it doesn't have to be that long Do you make other people around you way happier because you're happier because you're doing what you like what you want to do? You know, yeah that confidence I think is born out of Someone who has a very very strong why if you've got strong enough why I know what I want to do Then everything else is going to move out of the way because it has to. But so much of our time, and this

is something that I've only learned in the last couple of years, it's very, very rare that we actually sit back and assess how are we doing our lives, how are we spending our lives, what are our values. It took me until I was 31 years old to define my core values in life. Sat down spent two days doing Taylor Pearson's core values exercise, which everyone who's listening, I'll be familiar with. And if you're not, search Taylor Pearson core values, it'll take you probably half a day, but it took me two days. And I sat down and did that.

And I was like, I've lived my life for 31 years without knowing what the basis values that I live on are. And then as soon as that happened, as soon as I realized what they are, curiosity, adventure, selfless development, excellence and self-care, I'm like, okay, everything that I do in my life serves these five things. One of these five things are multiple within it. It made everything else easier, but because I was so caught up with the urgent tasks, I never got to the important ones, answering emails, spending too much time on my phone, just being busy, responding to people, whatever it might be, just dicking about wasting time on stuff

that doesn't properly move the needle. As soon as I did, the difference downstream from that is night and day. Me, it's like, a small example is this, I've got four fucking, not three, five notifications already, right? Like, on my phone, I'm not gonna fucking reply to him till tomorrow, you know, because I've got shit to do. And I feel like so many people feel the pressure of, oh shit, I need to reply right now. I need to reply right now.

And they lose valuable time, which is so important to really focus on yourself and what you're trying to do. Instead of, again, worrying about other people's problems, because a lot of the time, people are just bitching instead of getting things done, you know? I think as well, if you've got such a weak why, if your goal, your end goal that you want to achieve, is so poorly defined and doesn't have any affinity

to who you truly are, you're going to answer the text. Yeah. Because why wouldn't you? You've got nothing better to do. Whereas if you spend that time, I'm going to explore before I exploit, I'm going to try the text. Yeah. Because why wouldn't you? You've got nothing better to do. Whereas if you spend that time, I'm going to explore before I exploit, I'm going to try new things, I'm going to work out something that I love and then I'm going to really, really get into it. I'm going to find out who I am. And then I'm going to commit myself to being the best version of that person I can be. If you do that, you're not even going to notice

the messages. You're not even going to realize that the notifications have come. People are going to ask you to come to the shit that's important, but not the other stuff, because they know that you're on your path. And as well, as a final thing, I think that you're right, that some people are nervous about not compromising what they do to keep other people happy, but think yourself, who is it that you're most gravitated towards?

Who is it that has that real social gravitas, that renown? It's people who are on a journey, who have a mission. That's who compels you. Why do people listen to James? It's because he is a guy who has his very, very, very clearly defined values, bright lines in the sand about what you will and won't accept. And he's iterated on that a thousand times very, very, very clearly defined values, bright lines in the sand about what you will and won't accept. And he's iterated on that a thousand times

in different posts and videos and live streams. So people resonate with a person who is on the journey more than they resonate with someone who compromises their values at the first moment to make them happy. Yeah, that's exactly right. It's funny when we do a lot of traveling and stuff, like we become, well, I'm very careful with kind of,

not careful with who we hang around, but anyone that kind of hangs with us, they end up becoming friends. And very quickly you see the influence on what now day, they get influenced so much, they start fucking wanting to do this. And I love it. It's so good to see someone like kind of

Evolve like that, you know, it's such a powerful thing and you're right We are your grab and you can feel it in a room when someone walks in you can feel the energy bang. They're like oh I don't know what he's doing. I don't I don't know what it is But it feels right, you know, so he's a perfect example of that. I'm in Dubai and I'm going out for dinner with George, the buddy that I was out there with. He used to work for social chain, big social media companies used to be owned by the CEO, Steven Bartlett. So Steven's diary of a CEO quite sort of big time now

and has just become on the board of Hewall. So we're going in for dinner in this private dining room in Salavie on the 54th floor of this huge tower overlooking the birch, right in downtown Dubai, crazy expensive restaurant, beautiful. We walk in and we sat down in this room and it's an oval table, right? So everyone's facing inward. But I noticed I sat down and after about 20 minutes or so, everyone sat in there and Steve there and his manager and his video guy and his social media manager and his assistant, me and my mate and a couple of other people. And I noticed that even

though it's an oval table, everybody had subtly shifted their chairs slightly toward him. So he was at the head of the table, even though it was circular, he was at the head of the table and he was the guy that was commanding the room Even though it wasn't a work meeting He wasn't there with like to control or even do business But everybody had subtly moved themselves and I was like that such an interesting symbolic representation of where the gravity's coming from where the power lies within this room Leader, you know, you can feel and you can feel that with some people. It's just, with some people, it's a natural thing, man.

You know, it's a natural thing. And I think it's, I feel like it's something that you have, like you said, when you know your wife, right? Or you naturally have it. Some people naturally have it. And some people have it because of what they do and knowing what they're doing. I get really, really jealous of people who've stumbled upon their why just with no work. You know, you think about any sportsman who's done their sports since they were a kid.

Like, you happened, England, a couple of nights ago won the autumn nations cup like all of the guys that are playing that game Would probably went down and played kids rugby at 10 years old or something and then 15 years later Winning the autumn nations cup on the biggest stage in the world for England like that's not Necessarily their choice to fight they just stumbled upon it and then they went all in. For other people, and I think that's probably a really interesting and important point for people to remember that those people that you see,

yes, they are living their way, yes, they're bearing a very difficult and hardworking and emphatic how, but that's not the same as you, just because they didn't have to work at finding their why. They found it when they were 10 years old somehow. Doesn't mean that you shouldn't compare yourself to them.

They're an international level athlete that's played this sport since they were a child. They probably can't remember life without playing this sport, or a musician, you know, that's come about and was naturally talented in sang or a dancer or anybody that's done something from when they were young Perhaps you have to work perhaps the price that you have to pay to find your why yeah is putting the work in Yeah, 100% and I think I think that happens quite a lot because I think parenting comes Into play there, you know, I think it's really important

I I know when I'm a parent one day, hopefully one day, I will know where my kids playing. It's going to be, it's going to have, it's going to have my genes. So there's going to be something in there that I know I'm going to recognize from whether it's the way he or she moves or what they say, it's coming from my gene pool, right? So I will know if I see him do something and they hate you, I'm not going to force them to do it, you know? I feel like smart parenting will put and advocate their kids when they see something that they love or they love doing and then they kind of push them towards that instead of getting them to do things where that they dislike, like all those rugby players, they're dead or whatever, must have been a rugby fan, wherever it is, not maybe not all of them, but majority probably,

right? I saw it football because my dad loved football. I saw it football because my dad loved football, you know, and with them, they didn't kind of have to work with their wire, but as soon as they found it and they loved it, they just carried on, carried on, and it's put to those athletes, it's not work to them, you know, they hustle hard, they know their wire, and which is why they are where they are, you know, and like you said, it doesn't matter how old you are wherever it is. If you need to work for it, you need to work for it, you need to find it, and anyone can fucking find it.

It's just, if you say you can't, it's just, it's kind of excuses, really. Like you can, it's just excuses. Spending enough time as well, exposing yourself to new cultures, as we said earlier on, is such a great way to do it. Spending your time exposing yourself to new experiences. The number of people who complain about not having a purpose or about

being a little bit lost in life without doing anything new. How would you know? But it's like your judge during an executioner on a guilty verdict. It's like, hang on a second. Like I'm causing this problem and then complaining about the problem on the back end. Yeah. Yeah. The only way that you're going to do this is if you do the explore time. 100% you need to, you need to explore, you need to explore different countries, you need to explore, you need to explore talking to different people. Like, there's people with the same fucking friend circles since they were five years old. I'm like, well, step outside

a little bit, meet someone new in it, stop like get out of that little click. I mean, if nothing's happening, it's probably you're you're probably not in the right group. If you're the smartest in the room, you're in the wrong room, you know, just get out of there, you know, and I think, yeah, it's just one of those things. I think people, again, the fear of changing, the fear of maybe upsetting people, the fear of what other people think of you. You said something to me that stuck in Dubai. You said that calling off an engagement that you had was one of the best things that you ever did in your life.

Can you explain why and take a through that story? Oh, basically, I was with the same girl since I was 17 to 25, right? And she was a good person, a good person. I had nothing to do with her. She was a great person. It was good timing for her for me, it wasn't. I was too young. I kind of knew my way. I knew my way. I was always being driven. I've always wanted I wanted to accomplish big things I've never really seen myself or been lazy wherever

Either if I'm living in a different country or wherever it is. I always like try to tackle a problem and Still achieve whatever it is I want to achieve but They came a point where Someone else is happiness was really affecting mine and I felt like I was like a part of a show where I wasn't getting no bonuses where I wasn't getting paid. I was like I feel like I'm a part of the show. I feel like I'm the main guy of the show but I'm not getting paid. I'm not happy. What's that mean? You know? Are you not happy? I'm not happy. Yeah. I'm the main guy of the show, but I'm not getting paid. I'm not happy. What's that mean? Are you not happy? I'm not happy. Yeah, I'm not getting paid. I'm not happy.

That's what I mean by that. And I wasn't happy. I was like, hold on, she's happy. Their family's happy. These people are happy. What the fuck am I doing here? Why am I here? What did not happy feel like? What did it mean? You... Rob. It was weird. I don't think I've ever been depressed. I can't even know what depressed is. You're annoyingly positive, Darren. You're annoyingly positive. That's what you are.

I know, but it's like... I're like, I'm not even trying. I know you know, that's what makes it annoying. Yeah, I know, I know, because you know what, there's nothing more annoying than that fucking positive guy, but look at the positive. That's you. That's you. Yeah, but honestly, I'm not like, at least you know, it's not fake, you know, at least you know, it's not fake, right? And I was trying to look at the positives and I was like hold on so this is the moment where I thought about the future right when all this was happening I was like okay so what I'm gonna get married I don't know why the fuck I'm proposing the first place I just thought is pressure from other people pressure from her you know hey anyone that's listening to this any guys if your partner is telling you, bruv, looking at rings and giving you subtle fucking

tell him to be quiet, and if the time is right, if you wanna do it, you will do it anyway, you know, and it's those sort of pressures that got me to a point where I was doing, taking action on other people's happiness and other people's decisions, right? And I was so unhappy at that point. And I was like, oh, yeah, let me do some calculations here. I'm in Australia, because the girl was Australian.

That's why I had such a connection to Australia. That's why I've got residency in Australia. I was in Australia. I was like, okay, I'm living on the suburbs of Sydney, not even in the city of Sydney. I've moved from the heart of London. I'm such a London city boy, and you've took me to the suburbs

where Jimmy Billy Bob is calling, yeah, Darren, Darren mate, and I'm like, no, it's not Darren, it's Darren man, it's fucking Darren. My name is fucking Darren bro. Get it right, get it right, fan. You know, I'm somewhere like, it's somewhere called the Hills,

the Hills area, which is like, I was in like, Bulkham Hills in Sydney, and I was like, okay, so I'm gonna get married. I'm probably gonna be forced to have kids, right? I want kids, but there's, I want kids when their time is right. I'm gonna buy a house, I'm gonna get a mortgage.

I had like a deposit, I had a deposit at that point. I was 25, man, I had a deposit and I had a deposit with my bank account. You know what I mean? But I was spending that after I was the best out of my life. I'll get to that in a minute. So I sat there and I was doing these calculations and I was like, I don't know, when I'm going to see my family, my family living in London and I'm 24 hours away and I'm really close to my family, I'm really close to my family, my family living in London and I'm 24 hours away and I'm really close to my family, I'm really close to my family. And I know I've got the power to be able to

do things in my life where I can look after my whole family, which is one of my priorities. Like I want my sister to live good, I want my mom and my dad to live good. You know, I want, I want them to experience things that I've experienced. And for me to do that, I need an element of freedom. I need to be able to take off. I need to be able to do whatever is I want to do with that base in no decision or worrying about, oh, if I say this or if I do this, it's going to upset this person. I can't move like that. If you want to achieve something, then there is that bit of a barrier. So I was like, no, fuck this, I can't move like that. If you wanna achieve something, then there is that bit of a barrier, right? So I was like, no, fuck this, I can't do this.

Ended up calling off a wedding. How did that conversation go down? Bruv, it was mad, it was mad, it was, it was I was crying, I was upset, I couldn't even say the words, because I was talking to someone that was my best friend at the time words because I was talking to someone that was my best friend at the time and I was talking to someone trying to tell them that the problem is not you,

literally isn't you, it's just that I need to do certain things in my life to be happy in the long run because I don't want to be that 40 year old that's higher in postitudes and then coming home and kissing my wife, brof. I didn't want to be that guy. That's hiring post-situice and then coming home and kissing my wife, bro I didn't want to be that guy And the truth is I would have been that guy and I would have been that guy, you know, and I didn't want to be that So when that conversation went down It was kind of a conversation where She knew she kind of said it and I was like I just need time to think I need time to think I need to go off

And I kind of ran away from my problems a bit. That's where I would knee up 24, seven came up. I was in like 30, 40,000 steps a day, not to go home. It was running from your engagement. Mate, running from my problems, instead of tackling them, you know? And I was younger, I was younger obviously. So I was as mature as I am now.

So I would have had that conversation very differently now, but it does am out. But I went to Perth, saw some friends. I didn't have anyone around me that was close to me that could actually understand. The closest person was her and her family. I wanna go back just a little bit. So you're very insulated in this situation.

You're in a relationship that you've decided is wrong. You don't necessarily have anyone or many people to support you in that decision. What got you over that inertia of getting to say the words because I think that is an element that a lot of people get stuck on. Maybe more guides to girls, they just see them as so fragile, even though they're not,

there would be absolutely fine dealing with it, they'd be upset, but they would get over it. But I think guys, speaking from personal experience, a lot of the time, I'll obsess over the breakup conversation because I'm so terrified that it's gonna destroy them. First off, it's like incredibly egotistic to believe that you leaving their life is going to absolutely destroy them. First off, it's like incredibly egotistic to believe that you leaving their life is going to absolutely destroy them

for the rest of their lives. It's like, they will get over you. It might take a little while, but they will get over you. And secondly, I just think it kind of, it stops us, it stopped me for a long time from having a conversation that I knew that I needed to have. So I'm fascinated as to you, how you, as someone who didn't have that support structure,

found the courage to say it. Bro, it was like, oh, they see? I was like crying. I couldn't breathe. Like, I couldn't breathe, bro. I was like, the words were coming out my mouth. You know, it was mad. And like, she was sitting next to me

and she was like, it's okay, you can tell me. And I was like, and I told her the worst it is that, that she's a good person and I knew it would fucking hit her hard and I knew, and I know a lot of people having anxiety and all that shit and I knew what sort of outcome it would have for a certain amount of time. And I know how much it would affect or more so than me. You know, don't get me wrong. And I'll say this loud and clear, I didn't get a boner for like three weeks, mate. I was so depressed. You know, my head was gone.

My head was gone, you know. I couldn't function. I've got to the stage where I was coming into PT and I couldn't even, I've realized at one session I was like, I'm talking about my fucking problems to my client. I said, I need a week off. I can't be doing this. I said, this is bad service. This is, what are my clients?

Loved me and they kept asking me if you're, I'm okay. I just didn't want to be that guy. So when I had that conversation going back to that, I told her, I said, I don't wanna get married. I don't wanna get married. Just why? I'm like, because it doesn't feel right. It just doesn't feel right. I'm like, I'm sorry, but I wanna,

there's a lot of things that I wanna accomplish in my life. And the truth is, I can't act freely with having the pressure of paying a mortgage, worrying about someone being home alone, worrying about how what they might think, what their family might think, you know, worrying about, oh, let's all go on a family holiday, all the family, oh, let's kids, let's go on a family, I don't want to fucking do that, I don't want to do that, man, I's all go on a family holiday, all the family. Oh, let's kids, let's go on a family. I don't want to fucking do that. I don't want to do that, man. I don't want to come and listen to, I don't want to do that.

You know, I'm just telling everyone that's listening what most of the guys I want to achieve something, that's what it is. They don't want to go. So don't force people to do what they don't want to do because it ends up in shambles, you know? And I've said it like that and obviously listen and any couple, any person that's listening to this, no matter how much you think that person

loves you, no matter how much you think, their decision, everything they do is for you, it's a fucking light. Everything that most people do and what they should do is for their self, right? Me being there and being there for that person is going to make them happy. So that's why they want me there, right? And you have to calculate that in your head and yeah, it's maybe a bit egoistic, but the truth is you have a value, which is why they like you so much. And if you're not getting that back, then it's a shit contract to be in. You know what I mean? I always think about it,

I always think about it like getting on a roller coaster. So before you get into a relationship with someone, you're kind of watching from the outside. You obviously only know a little bit. It's like you're studying the line. I know you watch a little bit of the roller coaster go by and you're like, holy fucking shit. That looks so exciting. Look at all the turns. Everyone's having a great time. It looks so exciting and new and different. And then if you

wait in line for ages and finally get yourself into a relationship to find out that it's like the little lady bird ride that the three year olds get to go on. And it's just a loop that does the same thing all the time. It exactly what you want that's not why you waited in line And if it is what you wanted if you waited in line to get on that particular roller coaster looking at it being exciting in an effort To wrangle it down and turn it into the lady bird ride then that's not really a very successful foundation to build a relationship on It's not man and the problem is Your happiness My happiness shouldn't be build a relationship on. It's not man, and the problem is your happiness, my happiness shouldn't be relied on someone else

making me happy, which is the biggest problem, right? And it puts pressure on both parties. It puts pressure on the person that has to kind of keep them happy. That's why happy, you make me so happy, you complete me, that's fucking bullshit bro. It's bullshit, but it annoys me so much when I see this online make me so happy, you complete me. That's fucking bullshit, bro. It's bullshit. But it annoys me so much when I see this online.

I'm like, you're lying. Stop commenting under that picture because you're sitting next to her. Say to her face, bro. Don't say I love you on the picture. Say to her face, man. We see it already, you know? And I'm so like passionate about this

because I see through bullshit, right? And I just can't help call it out. And my friends are like, do no, no, no, you're just, it's from your experience. It's not from my experience, but, well, yeah, obviously from my experience, I've learned, but I can see it. I can see it. If the part, if you, whoever you're seeing is not happy with what they're doing and their whole happiness is relied on yourself, then at some point it's going to crash. I think you need to find a best friend that loves what they're doing. You love what you're doing. You can have fun together. There's no pressure between each other, you know, and you bring it together like that. If one party or the other

party relies on you for happiness, I just think it ends up, I think it ends up in shambles. And I'm not, listen, I'm not a relationship expert. I'm not, but I think I'm quite smart with reading into, not reading into people, but seeing things and after experiencing things, I have a better idea of things, you know, I don't want to come across as this, oh, who the fuck is this relationship guru? I'm not not a relationship coach. Not a relationship coach. Think about what that sentence says. You complete me. The converse of that is I am incomplete without you. That's not right. That's not the way that it should be.

So I had Daniel Sloss, Netflix comedian who did Jigsaw. He has a tally of how many breakups and divorces his specials caused on his Twitter bio. And in that, he says, people will prefer to choose a partner who is a terrible fit than be alone. He also says that you need to learn to love yourself before you can let somebody else love you. And he also says that the vast majority of people don't choose someone who's right, they choose someone who's there. And when you combine all of those things together, all of which I think are perfectly true, that with pressures from mum, dad, their side, your side, my mates got married or why don't we move in,

we should get engaged. It doesn't surprise me. I think the divorce rates like 65% at the moment. So more than half of the marriages that begin end in separation. Why? I don't, honestly, again, I'm not being anti, whether I'm not trying to be negative. The positive guy here is not trying to be negative. But like, when you sign a contract to get married, right? Right. How is that fucking different? What are you treating them differently?

How, like, if you're treating them differently after you sign a contract to say that you're married, then that is wrong, you know? Like, it shouldn't make a difference at all. All it does, it gives the other party safety. And safety, in my eyes, is, it's not good, I don't think it's healthy. I feel like you don't need to be on your toes,

but you need to be, keep the spire in it. You gotta keep the spire somehow. And when people get comfortable, when it's like, yep, the whole ball and chain and that's it, you know, we're together forever. But enough. You tell someone that you're getting this forever, the work rate's going to drop. You know what I mean? Imagine, oh, Chris, imagine if they said to you, your sponsor said to you, we're going to be paying you forever. Your podcasts, episodes will

probably go down. You might naturally get forever. Your podcasts, episodes will probably go down. You might naturally get lazy. You might because you're guaranteed for life now, bro. You know, so what's the point of putting more effort in? You know, and it just, it upsets me because I see so many friends with such potential to like do amazing things and it's not their partner stopping them. It's them stopping them, you know It's their self stopping their cells and again, this isn't me if you have listen if you have the right person there for you Then you can achieve a lot of things don't get me wrong Like I'm not trying to say you can't achieve anything being in a relationship. I'm not saying that at all. Well, I'm saying is We shouldn't base decisions

And you should be happy on your own first, because when I first did what I had to do and I moved out, I got kicked out my flat, yeah, I got kicked out here. It was a madness. I get the fuck out, I was like, right. I was like, okay, when that happened and I found a new place on my own Families in London I've got friends in Sydney, but it's family's different, right First time I moved in I moved all my stuff in but I sat down and I cried by those I was the first time I was alone that I was alone For times in 17 now 25 Yeah, I was alone that I was alone. I was sitting down. I was alone But I was alone in the room. I had no I was alone in the room, I had no one to text.

You know, I had no one to text. I had no Instagram followers either. So there's no DMs coming through Chris. There's no DMs, there's no DMs coming through. And so I was like, fuck, I was like, this is shit, bro, I know I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go get my knee up 24-7. And, but then, I enjoyed my own company

and since then, I love my own space, I love my own space. I love it, I love my own space. And yeah, so that's that, yeah. You can imagine there's a different world, a different universe where Diren doesn't have that conversation, where Diren's still in a relationship, he's now living in Perth or Sydney or Adelaide, two kids maybe house or mortgage it up to the eyes.

But it scares me a little bit. It scares me a little bit. It scares me a little bit because I didn't, I didn't do the most typical people do from 17 to 25. I didn't do it. So I felt like I missed out, I didn't do the most typical people do from 17 to 25. I didn't do it. So I felt like I missed out, you know? I felt like I didn't make the mistakes. I didn't do stupid things, you know?

And again, it's not even, like don't get me wrong, man. It's, when I talk about freedom, I'm not talking about trying to go bang everything that I see. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about going, I'm booking a fucking flight today. And I'm off because I don't have the answer to know what. You know, that's what I'm talking about. I don't want people to misunderstand that. I'm not trying to, that, that, if you're doing it for that, then I think it's the wrong reason. And if you

want it, I'll get you can. But like, I'm not saying it for that reason. I want to be that clear. I have a buddy who was big, big in the pick history for a long time and was doing day game and night game and sleeping with a bunch of girls and stuff. And I remember asking him, I was like, fuck an L-man, like, you're really, you're really passionate about pick apart history. He's like, yeah, man, like my future wife's gonna be so thankful. I'm like, okay, I can't wait to see you trying justify

this one to me of how your future wife's going to be thankful that you're shagging literally everything. He's like, well, think about it, man. I'm 45 years old and I'm walking down the street, holding my wife's hand, we've got our two kids in the stroller and a Brazilian chick walks past. I don't want to think in the back of my mind, I wonder what it's like to fuck a Brazilian chick.

I want to know, and I want to take off all of the different sexual desires that I have, all of the different sexual desires that I have, all of the different adventure desires that I have, and I wonder whether now we've still got quite a classic model for relationships. People look at someone who's 30 or in their 30s and still single and it's still a little bit like, alright mate, like fucking good timing but the clock's ticking a little bit if you were to look at wider society overall. But we also have this wanderlust entrepreneurial, Gary V. Hustle and Grind go and get it, you can make anything of yourself that you want

world. So we have this very traditional world for relationships smashing up against this very new wave World for careers Those those two things don't combine and I wonder how much that's contributing to this current Disciples faction and divorce rate that we're seeing in in relationships Bro, I'm not gonna lie that when I sold my story, when I told my story first on my podcast, I had so many messages saying, they're not just broke up in my partner. I was like, oh, shit, I was like, why? Because what you said is exactly how I'm feeling. And I was like, well,

good for you then, you know, I mean, you got to do what's best for you you know and that's and that's the truth you got to do what's best for you and you got to be selfish and even if you have a family kids go and make sure you're happy before you make the kids happy you know I mean there's a reason when you're on a flight they give you you get the oxygen first right so I think that's how you should look at it if I'm being honest. I agree. Have you changed your mind on anything this year? Have I changed my mind on anything? That's a good question, you know. I like that brav. That's a sick question. Have I changed my mind on anything? I think I've stopped biting back at trolls as much. Why? Because it's a waste of fucking time.

It's a waste of time, man. And I've realized, what's the point of wasting my energy to that when I can use it for more useful things? You know? When the time is right, I still bite back when I need to for a message. But I don't bite back as much as I used to. And my manager had a conversation with me once after I saw something that really frustrated me and I wanted to fight back and I wanted to like, I wanted to go hard on this troll, but he was like, no, what's the

point? And he kind of dropped me a few words and I was like, you know what, you're right, there was the point of me even wasting my energy to this when I could use it for good, you know. So I think that's one thing I've of me even wasting my energy to this when I can use it for good, you know? So I think that's one thing I've changed in my mind on this year. I'm a lot more chilled with trolls that come at me, which isn't that many actually, but when they come, they come pretty solid.

There's a point that you get to in terms of exposure where you start to attract a little bit of criticism online and then obviously that goes right up to the full deep trolling. And there's no training course on that. You know, you just kind of get dropped into it. Yeah, maybe that's part of the price that you have to pay if you want to have a platform and you want to build up a brand or whatever. Yeah. But it's not like, it's not like someone, as soon as you get blue ticked or as soon as you get to a hundred thousand subs on YouTube or whatever it is, it's like someone just arrives with a media pack

that helps you to deal with the inevitable increased criticism that you're going to get. And I think, I definitely think that letting it go is a good one man. So if that's something that you've learned from this year, I think that's a pretty good lesson to take away. And it's going to make your life much easier. So what about next year?

Is there anything that you're going to improve on, anything that you're going to work on yourself personally? Next year, I want to make my project X product. I want to be the best accountability platform as a coach online. And I'm going to make it, it's going to happen. There's no other way about it. It's going to happen. I'm going to make sure people, I want to make sure I can get my message across as many people as possible to help them with not only their health, but their mindset as well. And I think if you have, okay, I don't like the word influence of it, like who gives a fuck.

We influence people, right? We've got the power to influence people. I feel like if I don't do that as much as I can, I feel like it's a bit of a waste. So that's my goal. My goal for next year is to get my message across to as many people as possible, whether it's my podcast, whether it's

my program, whether it's live events, I want to be able to talk and get myself out there as much as possible. And travel more. We've got to get COVID, got to get COVID out the way first. Man, I really like it, you know, to pleasure watching you and James and Paul and the rest of the guys kind of go on this little journey. I think it's a cool little community we've got. A lot was spread across the world. You know, like Sunni and James are over there, me, you and everybody else is stuck in the UK at the moment. But yeah, I think it's I think it's nice. And like again, one of the best things that I think's happened within the last two to three years has been this movement toward, how would you say, realistic,

effective training and diet. You remember like five to ten years ago where it was bodybuilding.com and it was kind of just everything was bro science, even the science was bro science. And now, it's much more about how can we make sure that you're compliant, make sure that you're integrating your training plan, make sure that you're doing it every single day, that you're sticking to your rules, and that it permits you to have a life. You're not trying to be a fucking professional athlete, you do not need to be 8% body fat, and here is 2,000 pieces of content from different people across the world telling you that that's the case. And I think I think that movement like long make continue man, you know, as someone who's been in and out of the fitness world for a long time, I think it's a really really good movement. So yeah, anyone wants to find out more about you, where should they go, what you want to plug? Oh, you'll find me during cartel on Instagram. It's a L with a cartel not E L if you need me W W dot

during cartel dot com I've got my podcast at the wrong cartel show you can find it everywhere and yeah that's it really YouTube all over if you search during cartel anywhere you'll see me and bro thank you for having me on man it's been a pleasure I really enjoyed this one you ask really good questions thank you man until next time we'll we'll have to plan another trip out to Dubai. 100% bro.