Modern Wisdom - #702 - 16 Lessons From 700 Episodes
Episode Date: November 4, 2023To celebrate 700 episodes of Modern Wisdom, I broke down some of my favourite lessons, insights and quotes from the last hundred episodes. Expect to learn how your expectations define your happiness m...ore than your circumstances, what monothinking is, why the Abilene Paradox is my favourite new idea, the problem of taking advice from super successful people, how to actually achieve enlightenment, my favourite mindset hack for doing the right thing and much more... Sponsors: Get 10% discount on all Gymshark’s products at https://bit.ly/sharkwisdom (use code: MW10) Get 10% discount on Marek Health’s comprehensive blood panels at https://marekhealth.com/modernwisdom (use code: MODERNWISDOM) Get an exclusive discount from Surfshark VPN at https://surfshark.deals/MODERNWISDOM (use code MODERNWISDOM) Extra Stuff: Get my free Reading List of 100 books to read before you die → https://chriswillx.com/books/ To support me on Patreon (thank you): https://www.patreon.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
My guest today is me, to celebrate 700 episodes of Modern Wisdom I broke down some of my
favorite lessons, insights and quotes from the last 100 or so episodes.
So today, expect to learn how your expectations define your happiness more than your circumstances.
What monofinking is, why the Abelene paradox is my favourite new idea, the problem of
taking advice from super successful people, how to actually achieve enlightenment, my favourite
mindset hack for doing the right thing, and much more.
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That's surfshark.deals slash modern wisdom. But now ladies and gentlemen please welcome
the wise and very wonderful. Me. What's happening people? Welcome back to the show. It is a 700 and second episode.
It would have been 700, but Hubiman took that spot.
So I guess I can really kick him off to do this arbitrary run through of lessons.
If you are relatively new here over the last 100 episodes, you might not know that around
about every 100, I recap a bunch of lessons that I've got from the show or from life or
from writing my newsletter and I get to run through them. So today you're going to get to go through as many as I've got from the show or from life or from writing my newsletter
and I get to run through them. So today you're going to get to go through as many as I've
got time for from the last nine months or so and there are some absolute bangers in there.
Before I get started, if you haven't already, Newtonic is live now. My first ever product,
it is the only thing that you need to drink to get absolutely dialed in no matter what you need
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Without further ado, by the way, newtonic.com, if you need that, without further ado,
your expectations define your happiness more than your circumstances.
And this is something that I knew intuitively, but needed a couple of quotes to kind of
really synthesize it.
So Tim Urban says, if you only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished, but
we wish to be happier than other people.
And this is always difficult for we believe others are happier than they are.
Monks' skew said this 300 years ago and we're still working on this one.
So Tim Urban resurfacing that famous, really highlights the asymmetry between what we see
of ourselves and what we see of everyone else, right?
Because humans are comparative relative beings.
We don't just judge what we are in isolation.
We judge it as a part of the entire hierarchy of society.
It's not just about being in a situation,
and it being good, it's about being in a better situation than we we were before and also a better one than the people that were around and also a better one than our parents were in
When they were our age this is a intergenerational competition theory
It's referred to us Charlie Munga had a really great insight where he said them the world isn't driven by greed
It's driven by envy our lives are objectively the best humanity has ever had,
yet complaining and dissatisfaction is as high as ever. And also, because everyone usually
only shows the world the best of themselves, this means that we see our own misery and our
failings and foibles and vacillation from a front row seat while we watch the highlight reel
of everyone else. And this makes us think that other people are doing better than they really are.
And when we feel the delta between where we are and where we imagine they are, it hurts,
right?
There is no such thing as objective wealth.
Everything is relative and most relative to those around you.
That's from Morgan Household. And there's kind of a way to look at this
that your circumstances are one indication of your happiness,
but your expectations are one too.
And you can either bring your circumstances up
to meet your expectations or try as best you can
to bring your expectations down.
But the problem is no one is going to feel
fired up or romantic about the opportunity of leaving lots on the table, right? This
isn't very homozy-pilled to say, oh yeah, I'm just going to expect less of myself. I'm
going to leave as much as I can on the table because I understand that the gap between
my circumstances and my expectations or our happiness sits, so by having lower expectations,
I can increase my happiness.
That doesn't kind of feels like folding
almost to this ineffable force
that's out there trying to crush us.
But I don't know, I think there's something to it
in as much as you can take satisfaction
in the things that you have done.
I was talking to Dan Bill's Aryan,
someone that you might not think of as a font of like life, bro wisdom, but he's a really smart guy. And we were
talking about how each time that you achieve a new level of success, it essentially just
creates a new bar for you to meet again in the future. And that sounds, I don't know,
it might sound kind of trite, but the problem with a
rapid increase in status or wealth or accolade or whatever is that all that you're thinking about
is, oh God, that's now the new bar that I need to get to. So for instance, let's say that
we release a YouTube video and it breaks some record for a 24 hour place. That's a, it does a
million plays in an hour, which I think in a day, which is around about our current record.
There is a relation at the fact that we've done it,
but then there's also this despondency in the back of your mind
where you think, oh my god, that's the new bar.
In order for us to get another best record,
we have to do a million, 1.1 million plays in a day. And that's terrifying.
It's also a reason, I think, why I'm not so bought in on universal basic income being
a solution if AI automates all of our jobs and starts producing better podcasts than
me. Because as soon as humans reach an acceptable level of existence, they start wanting to
push for more in order to stand out from the crowd.
And a flat hierarchy doesn't stick about for long.
So even if every single person earns the same amount of money, people will just find something
else to compete on, right?
So in 20, 100, when everyone's needs are met and nobody needs to go to work or something,
we're all going to be
collecting leaves or wives or social credit score system points or something. Like
you are naturally going to stratify out into a hierarchy because it is not about your absolute happiness. It is all about your relative happiness, your relative attractiveness, your relative wealth.
God Sard said this on the episode a couple of weeks ago, right? He said,
of wealth. God said this on the episode a couple of weeks ago, right?
He said, if you want to be happy and satisfied with your sex life, you not only need to have
the amount of sex that you want, but you want to be having a little bit more sex than
all of your friends around you.
So yeah, happiness and satisfaction in life does not exist in a vacuum.
As much as you and me may think, oh, yeah, fantastic.
I can do this from first principles.
That's not the way that it works.
So yeah, be careful about your expectations.
Another one about mono thinking,
which got some back-up on the internet a couple of weeks ago,
which was great, was by Gwinderbogel.
He says, you can gauge someone's ignorance by the number
of phenomena they explain with the same answer. Those who blame many different issues, like war,
poverty and pollution, on just one cause, like capitalism, are recycling explanations because the
demand for answers outstrips their supply. So good, man, the demand for answers outstrips their supply.
So they keep on repurposing the only answer that they do know. Everything is because of toxic
masculinity or everything is because of climate change or everything is because of progressive
ideology or whatever it is, right? And it got me onto another idea which might explain why you
on to another idea, which might explain why you get ostracized sometimes for not being a card carrying extremist or a cookie cutter ideologue.
So if I know one of your views and from it, I can accurately predict everything else that
you believe, then you're not a serious thinker.
Right.
So if you tell me your view on abortion and from it, I know your stance on immigration and health care and gun control
and vaccines and taxation, it seems likely that you haven't arrived at all of those beliefs
on your own, rather you've just unquestioningly adopted an entire suite of beliefs from some
group, right? You've outsourced your worldview to the crowd. And these people are very predictable, right? I can be very confident
about what they'll say if a new social campaign movement comes along because it's exactly the
same as what everybody else in their group will say. And this is why anyone who thinks for themselves
and doesn't adhere to a cookie-cutter ideology wholesale is so unpopular, right? You are an unreliable ally. Surely, you
might agree with me on abortion, but I know that you disagreed with me on your opinion of Donald
Trump, so I'm very skeptical of you in the future, right? These unreliable allies need to be treated
with much more skepticism and distance. And in a tribal warfare game,
the most reliable members are the most popular.
And I think that this is something reassuring to remember.
If you ever feel like you don't fit in or like,
people sometimes don't treat you with the same degree
of like tribal acceptance
that you notice other people do.
Even people who are perhaps compromising
what they believe, compromising there,
you're aware that they don't actually believe
the things that they're saying,
yet they say them and somehow members of the group
would rather have a lying compatriot than an honest adversary, or even just like
an honest associate, right?
And yeah, I think I felt that a good bit myself.
I felt that whether it's being accused of, on the same video, being a blue-pilled cook and a right-wing
bigot, right? My opposite people pointing in this opposite direction. It's just, it's an
interesting one. It's reassuring in some ways. And this leads into probably my favorite new idea
that I'm kind of obsessed by at the moment, which is the Abelene Paradox.
The Abelene Paradox is a situation in which a group makes a decision that is contrary to the
desires of that group's members, because each member assumes the others approve of it.
It explains how a number of accurate individuals can become idiots when they get together. So think
Emperor's new clothes, right? An acquaintance invites you to his wedding,
despite not wanting you there, because he thinks you want to attend. You attend, despite not wanting
to, because you think he wants you there. Or at a business meeting, someone suggests an idea that
he thinks the others will like. For instance, recruiting a trans influencer as the face of a brand.
Each member has misgivings about what it is, but assumes that the others will consider them
transphobic if they speak out.
So everyone approves the idea,
despite no one actually liking it.
Or every member of a family in North Korea hates communism,
but they never mention this to each other
because each assumes that the others approve of it.
And I think I wondered for a good while
about how rational people that I knew in private held quite balanced beliefs, or quite normal beliefs,
or just a relatively normal worldview seem to change an awful lot when they got into a group, and not just in a performative
way, but that their actual ground ethics seemed to adjust.
Like there were a different person, not only in presentation, but in content too, in
substance as well.
So it's just, again, it's reassuring, I think, if you're somebody that sits anywhere outside
of the absolute cookie cutter extremist on both sides ideology, you are going to be observed
as an unreliable ally by the people that are further out to the right or the left than
you, because they are, by definition, more predictable.
The further toward the middle that you get, the less predictable you are.
And this, whether it's to do with sports, right, if you're the sort of person that will
both praise and criticize your sports team, right, or praise and criticize your child's
sports team, all of these things, the lack of predictability, the lack of a cookie-cutter
ideology about anything means that people will treat you with more skepticism
because in the future they can't accurately project whether or not you're going to be on their
side or on the side of someone else that they absolutely hate or somewhere else that they haven't
even thought of. Much much easier. Ah yeah, we don't need to worry about John. John's always
at John's suite. John's suite, John's always on our side. So yeah, I think useful lesson to know.
Another one that I actually had illustrated recently, which was pretty cool by Visi Andrei, was about the reason that you should
stop taking advice from super successful people. And I'd noticed that there's a trend of people
who've made it explaining how work-life balance is actually
what's most important and how you can't be powered
by resentment or a sense of insufficiency
or a chip on your shoulder or whatever.
And it's a failure, I think, on the part of the guru
to understand that the tools you need
to get from naught to 50 and not the same that you need
to get from 90 to 95.
And it's also a basic failure of memory, right?
When you look at what got that person to where they are,
it's precisely the traits that they're now castigating.
Almost everybody has more pain and resentment and fear in the beginning,
which is why they all use it.
And once you've achieved enough success and validation from the world to not be fueled
by that anymore, that's great, but that doesn't mean that people who are just starting out
can achieve the success that you now have by using strategies which you only accessed
after becoming successful, right?
Like it's almost like the luxury belief of success,
kind of like Rob Henderson's luxury beliefs idea,
defund the police, for instance,
was pushed heavily by people that live in communities
that didn't need a massive police presence,
and you need holistic balance drive
is pushed by people who already benefited
from their resentment-fueled obsession for a decade.
Right. Like, we have to be very careful modeling off what successful,
statusful, famous people say that you should do in the beginning, especially if it diverges
heavily from what they did do. The best question to
ask is not, how does my favourite guru say people should behave to achieve success? Instead,
it would be, what did my favourite guru actually do when they were at my stage? Because that
is a much more realistic idea of how you can emulate what they're doing. Ali Abdhal has
this great idea where he says about how you want to be teaching people
that are three steps behind you because when you're 10 steps ahead you can't remember
the problems that you were having 10 steps ago and everybody
falls into this trap. The theory of mind,
again Stephen Pinker's idea about the curse of knowledge, once you know a thing
you can't imagine what it's not like
to not know that thing.
And the ability for people to jump back
by three years, five years, a decade, 20 years
is basically impossible.
They can't remember where they were at.
And we don't have some photograph you know, photographic memory of the
texture of our mind and of the way that we spent our time. So yeah, a much better way to do it,
if you're looking at someone who's not to listen to what they're saying, but to look at what they
did when they were at the same stage as you. I'm talking about realistic paths to difficult things.
I came up with this idea about a realistic path to enlightenment. So as much as moving to a cave, right, in the woods and spending a decade and silent retreat
might be greatly a spirit, it's not going to be doable by pretty much anyone.
And if you've meditated enough, you know that you accumulate momentum in mindfulness
kind of like a swell moving underwater.
And after enough time, there's kind of a force
and a power to your ability to drop into the present moment.
And sometimes even little waves of genuine
common sight break up up the surface, it's lovely.
But if you're anything like me,
it doesn't result in an extended self-perpetuating enlightenment.
It doesn't even really work on its own, where your mindfulness
sneaks up on you and you're in the present moment without realizing. And I've done, you
know, 1500 sessions of meditation over the last five years.
More so, consistent meditation and a focus on mindfulness strengthens the thinking muscle
that you use to wrangle your mind to actually exist right now. You learn
to punctuate your day with instances where your mind finally settles into the moment and
then it's gone. But then you can get back later in the day. And as far as I can tell, this is the realistic path to enlightenment.
You're never going to become fully blissed out in perpetual, non-dual, astral realm synchronicity,
right?
But you can string together a few moments of peace so that at least for a few times each
day, your mind rests where your feet are. And I always used to think that this
was a failure. If I can achieve mindfulness, but then I lose it, that's still not persistent
enlightenment. So I failed. And instead, I think it's smart to reframe the goal. If you can
just have your mind and your feet in the same location, five or ten times a day, then that's a good start. And then maybe you can do 15 or 20 or 100.
And that seems importantly,
both attainable and really useful.
And just finding these moments where you can catch yourself,
this, you know, Sam Harris said it on the episode
that I did with him.
This is who inspired this.
And he said, he was late coming to the podcast.
And he was rushing around in the house, rushing, rushing, rushing.
And his wife was leaving at the same time.
And they were passing each other as he was sorting issues or whatever.
And then he just caught himself, stopped, picked her up, gave her a kiss, put it down and left.
And you know, that's a 10 second punctuation of whatever obsessive machinations you've
got going on in your mind that you're currently captured by until you stop and you look and
you realize where you are and your mind and your feet are in the same location.
And you do something with so much more
intentionality and presence and then you move on with your day and stringing
together sequences of those kinds of moments to me seems like it's so much more
attainable, it's so much more realistic that that's kind of what I'm aiming for at the moment.
And maybe the GEDM account out there,
my fledgling GEDM account who's like this
super enlightened spiritual teacher,
would maybe that's me being cocked
and leaving it on the table, but again,
that expectations and happiness thing,
if your expectation is the only time
that I can be satisfied or feel grateful for the work
that I've put in on a mindfulness level is when I finally
reach complete non-dual fucking enlightenment,
it's not gonna happen for pretty much anybody.
So you're perpetually going to be dissatisfied
with your own mindfulness practice,
whereas I think this seems to work,
and I know that I can do it. I've done it every single person listening to this, it's ever-tried
mindfulness, which is almost all of you, knows that you can do it. You're washing the dishes,
and you just catch yourself, and you actually feel the water hitting your hands.
Or I love to do this when I'm driving, which is one of the saddest things about not driving out
here in Austin yet, because it takes forever to get a driver's license in America.
The leather on the steering wheel of my car had little perforations in it.
And I remember if I was sat at traffic lights, like really trying to feel every single
perforation on the steering wheel, and it just puts you into the, genuinely puts you into
the present moment, and you know that you can do it and you know that if you strong
50 of those together every single day
That's pretty fucking enlightened to me. So anyway, that's my realistic path to enlightenment
You might have seen that I was hanging about with Jimmy Carr
Obviously he came on the show, but we've been talking for quite a while turns out these are a big fan of modern wisdom and
We'd been chatting a lot on WhatsApp and exchanging ideas and then he did my show, my show and our episode in Rogan's dropped I think within two days of each
other, even the mind had been recorded like three or four weeks before. And he brought up
to Joe this idea that me and him had both been working on for a little while,
which is the 24 hour you. And this is one of the best questions, I think, to ask yourself when
faced with a decision, which is, what would you tomorrow want you today to do? And it's something
that I've relied on for a long time to help me get perspective and make better choices.
The reason that it's so effective, I think, is it rips you out of the moment and it stops
you from relying so heavily on the confused chemical signals coming from your body and instead
it gives you a bit more distance.
It depersonalizes the decision.
It helps you treat yourself like a friend that you're responsible for helping in Peterson
language.
It forces you to optimize for long term thinking, rather than immediate gratification.
It reminds you that ultimately decisions aren't being made for you now, that being made
for you in 24 hours and 24 days and 24 months.
You could see our decisions as investments that we make into our future. And the more
ruminative and deep of a thinker that you are, the more you need to make
decisions for your future self and not yourself now. Does that make sense? So
optimizing to gratify your desires in the moment at the expense of the way that
you will feel and the story that you will tell yourself about yourself
in the future is rarely a good deal because you live with the story of your decisions for far longer
than the impact of them. So you have to choose wisely. And we don't have crystal balls to see the future. But this is about as close to clairvoyance as I can think.
Like, in fact, I can't think of a single decision,
which would be worse if I actually did what I wished
that I'd done 24 hours later.
And I can't imagine if all you did was things
that you wanted to do now, but you in the future
would regret.
Like that's a just direct path toward misery, right?
Like it's a guaranteed way to make decisions, which you're going to have to not only live
with the consequences of, but for even longer than that, you're going to have to live with
the story that you tell yourself about being the kind of person who made that sort of decision. And again, especially if you're, you know, an introspective, reflective,
ruminative sort of person who's going to think about the things that you do and tell yourself a
story about what that means about you, you need to be very, very careful about what you invest into that future story of you. Because, you know, the negativity bias is a hell of a drug.
And if it wants, if you have a predisposition
to think of yourself as a bit of a piece of shit,
you will permanently be scouting for any excuse to fit your priors.
Oh, yeah, I knew I knew that I was always gonna do that thing.
I've not changed at all.
This proves to me that I'm not the person
that I thought there was.
So yeah, decisions are as much about the sort of person
that you will tell yourself that you are
for having made the decision
as the actual impact of the decision itself.
And what would you tomorrow want you today to do? Pretty bulletproof. But difficult, right?
Very difficult to do because it gives you pretty much nowhere to hide. There's essentially nowhere to hide
at all. And when you do make bad decisions, it's on you.
Anyway, there was another one from Jed McKenna, who again, spiritual enlightenment now,
just this guy's writing is so interesting.
He writes with this degree of clarity.
He's either an unbelievable writer and charlatan,
or definitely completely enlightened and crazy dude. I love his
books anyway, Jim O'Shaunasi got me onto them and he's got this quote that I've been thinking
about for a while which is, it relates to how hard we try to control our lives. He says
fear and ego are keeping your hand on the tiller. Release the tiller for whatever reason
and the steering takes care of itself.
So if you think about what life would be like if you didn't grip the tiller, so hard,
the tiller is the handle attached to the rudder on a boat.
It's the thing that steers it.
And just thinking about, you know, life is chaotic and there is a swell or a storm coming,
and you grip on hard, you try to
wrangle control of your life more by applying more effort and pressure and cognitive horsepower.
And it relates to something, probably my favorite ever video from Aubrey Marcus. So he's stood on
stage at the announcement of his New York Times best-selling book party and he says,
selling book party and he says, I spent so much of my life terrified of what I was going to become and whether I was going to be right here right now. God, how much time did I waste,
afraid I wasn't going to be right here right now. If I could change, the only thing I'd
change about my whole life would be fear less that I wouldn't get right here, the place
I was going anyway. I wouldn't change all the mistakes and mishaps I needed those, but
all the constant worry that I wasn't going to make it that took me out of the moment,
took me out of enjoying these experiences or smiling or eating my lunch or whatever I
was doing, know your mission, have faith you're going to get there, wherever you go, it's going to be all right.
Just find ways to get out of your head.
Pretty good. So, if you imagine that the outcomes in your life are predetermined,
right? Imagine that where you're going to end up, the achievement of your goals,
the attainment of your pursuits are predestined, and you're going there no matter how much you fear or worry.
Now you still need to do the work, you still need to do the things,
but you don't need to fear about completing the work or worry about whether you'll do the things.
The things you need to do will get done, and the ones that you don't want.
How differently would you experience life? You'd
be able to just be, right, in the world, but not of the world, doing the things, but not
afraid of the things. According to Jadhi, he says, you observe events and you allow the
flow of things to do the steering and you go where you go. And I really think that there is something to this. Release the
tiller is a mantra that I should tattoo on the inside of my eyelids. And it's good to
be reminded of when we find ourselves gripping too hard to fears or expectations because
why fear about whether you're going to go to the place that you were going all along.
And it's a delicate balance between agency, which is one of the words that I use the most on this podcast,
trying to internalize that locus of control.
You are able to make changes to your life. You are able to lean in, et cetera, et cetera. But there is also a degree of anxiety and concern and rumination and obsession and neuroticism,
which is no longer helpful.
It's not a part of you taking control.
It's outside of you taking control. It's outside of you taking control
and you're faking or you're confusing
what you think for how you impact the world.
That to me is a really nice reframe, at least the tiller.
So, another one of the topics that we've spoken about
a lot over the last couple of months has been masculinity
and a lot of guests, a lot of female guests as well, which I do appreciate.
I wish that, by the way, how beautiful is this gun?
Look at that.
Get in there.
Look at that puppy.
I wish in some regards that it was more accepted for men to be talking about masculinity. Again, not to say that it's not, but, you know, Politico did a seven-part series on men, and there
was zero male writers for it. Probably the most famous masculinity-focused article over
the last six months was Christine Ember, female. You know, so many of the people that I've been speaking to about
this are women. And I get the impression at the moment that guys would happily take
anyone speaking about their problems. So, you know, like a beggar on the street, you
know, like, give me the end of your sausage roll or give me two pens or give me whatever,
like, I'll take what you get. But I do wish that it was easier for men to have this conversation
without having to prostrate themselves, right? On the, well, I must, before we get started,
I must say that by focusing on the problems of men, we're not ignoring the problems of women,
and I'm aware that for a long time, you know, men did have some privileges apart from the war
and the disease and the only 40% of us reproducing.
All of that, like these unnecessary caveats
and the hurdles that guys need to jump over,
especially in some regards,
if you're a young dude that goes to the gym, right?
You're just branded as some right wing fire brand,
and rotate like a fucking from wish, because that is how the mainstream media has captured
all of the conversations around men.
And it's just, that bit sucks.
But anyway, I was trying after the conversations that I'd had to work out why men struggling
and is largely a thankless task.
Like, why is it that it's so hard to give men any attention or to give them much attention
in the mainstream media?
And I think it's because of a zero sum view of empathy.
So there's an assumption that any attention paid to ward men takes it away from
women or some other minority group who is more deserving. Like after all, haven't men had it good
for long enough? Maybe they should just suck it up for a while. But empathy doesn't work in this
way, right? Like it's not a limited resource and recognizing the plights of men does not ignore the plights of women.
And ultimately, women end up suffering in any case because it's this increasing cohort of
apathetic, checked out resentful men who contribute to the exact lack of eligible partners
that women say that they're struggling with. So the women who post like mocking tweets saying, boo, who, who are patriarchy
sad whilst also complaining, where are all of the good men at? It's just mating logic
sepuku, right? Like they're just, it, it, it, if one sex loses, both sex is lose. And
I think the difference is the main difference is that at least when it comes to women's problems
and they have many of them, I think that, you know, five or ten years time, the actual
big story is going to be male body image and female crisis of femininity.
I think that it's going to pivot, whereas at the moment it's mostly in terms of the way
that people appear, women's bodies, standards and body types, and men's mental health. I think that's going to flip,
based on the trends. Male body dysmorphyrus is set to overtake women's within the space
of the next two decades. So everything's going to go upside down. But anyway, male blame,
right? A common question, I think, is why don't men just do better?
Surely they can just try harder in school and employment and in health.
It's like chop, chop, men hurry up and stop being so useless.
But no other group is told that when they suffer with poor performance or accolades in the
real world, that they should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
Like, we don't tell any other group that they should just talk about their problems.
Instead, we spend billions in taxpayer-funded money and private charity to set up committees,
departments, and campaigns, and funds to solve the problem.
So, if a woman has a problem, we ask what can we do to fix society? And if a man
has a problem, we ask what can men do to fix themselves? And it's a blatant double standard.
And anyone who is unwilling to admit the structural disadvantages faced by men are standing in the way
of us solving the problems that are hurting men and the potential wives that they
should be viable for. The problems are not in men's heads but they're out there in society,
and we shouldn't gaslight men into thinking that they can solve these problems by just being less
toxically masculine. If the patriarchy is so powerful, why aren't men flourishing more?
Right?
The single biggest risk to a man under the age of 40 is his own hands.
Kristi and Amber had this really lovely quote where she said,
many men feel that their difficulties are often dismissed out of hand as whining from
a patriarchy that they don't feel a part of, just because you're in the majority
doesn't mean you don't need support. So in this regard, modern men are being made to
pay for the sins and the advantages that perhaps their fathers and their grandfathers enjoyed.
And you know, it's just, it's such a shame that men are kind of told if only you were less masculine, if only you
were more like a woman.
Most of the only in fact mainstream publicly acceptable versions of masculinity look an awful
lot like traditional femininity.
Men need to open up more about their emotions.
They need to not be so focused on status and prestige and mastery and conquering.
Their aggression needs to be tuned down.
All, you know, well, okay, like I get that, but that's not fixing masculinity.
That's neutering masculinity, right?
It's, it's not sanitizing the bad elements that men are struggling from.
It's sterilizing them all together.
It's not going to work.
It's ultimately not going to work because you're fighting against biology.
Then, there was a study.
I wish I'd read it earlier on, but Dr. John Barry, who was on the show, maybe six months
ago, Center for Male Psychology, the lead for the Center of Male Psychology, he said, having a negative
view of masculinity damages boys and men's mental health. Brand new research, assessing
the views of over 4,000 men, found that thinking masculinity is bad for your behaviour is
linked to having worse mental wellbeing. Around 85% of respondents thought that the term toxic masculinity is insulting and probably
harmful to boys, although the direction of causation isn't definite, right?
Do negative views about masculinity damage mental health or does low mental health cause
men to view masculinity negatively?
It's clear that negative views of masculinity are linked to well-being to a significant degree.
And on the other hand, having a positive view of masculinity is linked to better mental well-being.
And it fits with other evidence that's overlooked in the media and everywhere.
The masculinity can be beneficial to mental health. The news shouldn't really be any surprise to
any average person on the street who actually recognize the value of masculinity, but much more people who are in academia and the media and the
government probably don't. There's rare exceptions, but the majority of information about masculinity
that we all get exposed to is unreasonably negative. So you can be forgiven for thinking
that men are the oppressors of women rather than the protectors of women. And interestingly, the study found that better mental well-being was associated with believing masculinity makes men protective of women.
And worse mental well-being was associated with believing masculinity makes men feel violent toward women.
So, one of the implications of the study is that if we want men to have good mental health,
a useful strategy might be to help them appreciate the ways in which their masculinity can have
a positive impact on their behavior and the people around them.
So the message to schools and the media and the government from Dr. John Barry is there
is more to be gained
by being positive, so it's time to stop being so negative
about men and masculinity.
And if you were to think that it's kind of,
it's almost like an information hazard
that the self-fulfilling prophecy of what you tell men,
of what you tell people about what they are
and what that means actually ends up changing
the outcomes of their mental health. If you allow the media and academia to perpetuate
a negative narrative about masculinity, that is directly linked to worse mental health outcomes for men. That's almost like, I don't know, like a custom pathogen or something that only impacts
half of the population and only impact their mental health, but just allowing that to
be perpetuated.
And the presumption is, oh, you know, like, men are just whining, they need to get over
it.
It's like, hang in a second.
I thought that the whole point of this
was that we were trying to bring men along for the ride
and that we were supposed to care about
their mental health.
So yeah, that's like that whole masculinity conversation.
I'm really glad that I had so many great guests on,
George from the Tin Man, just phenomenal,
super, super interesting dude,
talking about it from a leftist perspective.
Christine Amber talking about it from a feminist perspective. Really great. I think Richard
Reeves has got something new coming out next year too. So he'll be back on. I think he
might. Now, it's going to be next year. Anyway, something else that I realized I came up with
this rule called the parental cloud gauge, which is how I work out whether a news story has reached mainstream significance or not.
And it's not when it trends on Twitter or hits daytime news or lands on the front page of a newspaper.
It's when my dad messages me about it on Facebook.
Like, that is holy shit.. Like this is a big story. He messaged me, maybe 18 months
ago saying, I see your friend, Mr. Rogan, is in the news again. And he messaged something
about Andrew Tate as well. It's like, it can be all well and good. You know, there can be
like millions, billions of tweets trending on Twitter. That's fine. But when your mom or your dad messages you
about something from your world,
that's when you go, oh my god.
Like what?
What's that?
This has got way out of hand and way too big.
So the rule stands pretty well too,
that it's only the biggest stories
that actually cross the threshold from the millennial boomer wall
that's being built.
Yeah, it's funny.
I put out last week on my newsletter.
I put out a new theory about why women support body positivity so much or at least a contributing element to it.
So I'm going to try and dance through this minefield here. I do think that there's some
there there, but up front, it's only a potential theory, so just hear me out. It's also not
a comment on anyone as a person. So this is the rivalry theory of body positivity. Female support for body
positivity is at least in part fueled deep down by female intracetual competition, which
pushes women out of the dating pool by discouraging them from losing weight. So Bill Burr on one of
his Netflix specials where he did it outdoors at Red Rocks, I think, said, uh, quote, you guys are so into destroying each other. I see all that sneaky shit you do. Ladies,
if you could just support the WNBA, the way you support a fat chick who's proud of her body and
no longer a threat to you, that league would be doing better numbers than the NBA. Oh my God,
you're a goddess, you're gorgeous. You look great in that bikini.
I'd kill myself if I looked like that. Keep eating, keep eating, lose a toe, you fat bitch.
It's like if you saw an alcoholic, oh my God, you're face down, passed out. Your kids are crying.
You're a hero. You're a god. Keep doing what you're doing. So that really got me thinking. I was like, that's ruthless, but really, really smart.
And then there was this new study that just came out a couple of weeks ago in the Journal
of Personality and Individual Differences that kind of put a little bit more legitimacy
to this idea than just like some comedians, two-minute segment.
So they found that women who are high in intracexual competitiveness are more likely to advise
women who they perceive as potential mating threats to cut off more hair, potentially
in an attempt to sabotage their attractiveness.
The researchers studied 450 women who were presented with hypothetical salon clients.
Participants were asked to cut off the amount of hair,
to recommend the amount of hair to be cut off for each client.
Women who reported higher levels of intracexual competitiveness
were more likely to recommend that clients have more hair cut off
when the hair was in good condition,
and clients expressed a preference for minimal cutting.
And the reason behind this recommendation might be
to subtly manipulate the appearance of their rivals, right?
Because longer hair is a cue to youth and health.
By advising more extensive haircuts,
these women could potentially diminish
the physical attractiveness of other women.
And another finding is that women advise clients of similar attractiveness as themselves to cut off the most hair.
So in this scenario, participants effectively targeted women they perceived as being on the same attractiveness level as them,
which suggests a form of competitive behaviour called horizontal competition,
when individuals compete with others
of similar attributes or qualities. So the choice to focus on women of similar attractiveness
may be strategic. High-attractive individuals may not pose a significant mating threat to others
because they likely already have access to high- quality mates. On the other hand, targeting less attractive individuals
might not yield the desired results
as their physical appearance might not be easily harmed
through hairstyle changes, right?
Okay, so why do I think that this relates
to the body positivity movement?
Because as far as I can tell, the parallels seem pretty obvious.
Plus you get social renown for standing up for a mistreated group.
And importantly, there's no body positivity movement for men, right?
If a guy is unhappy with his body, either publicly or privately, most guys won't say something
along the lines of, you know, you're absolutely gorgeous as you are. You
shouldn't feel any discomfort between where you are and where you want to get to. And
women, the justification for this from an Eve site perspective is that women use indirect
aggression way more than men do. So men's intracetual competition is more like a large sledgehammer, whereas women's is like a poisoned arrow that you never see coming.
And I'm not saying that this is the entirety of the justification for female support for body positivity,
but I think it would be naive to say that it doesn't contribute at all, right?
Now, I imagine that this is going to be an unpopular idea because it's uncomfortable
to realize that what we thought were altruistic compulsions might have a selfish, undercurrent.
But intracexual competition is a hell of a motivator. And it's just an idea. But I do think
that there is something here to do with this.
And if I make it through the next couple of weeks, then I'll be fine.
Another thing that I've been thinking about a good bit, I've started pivoting back into
a little bit of productivity stuff because the show has been quite aggressive, plus,
obviously, in eutonic launch, which been like just so much work behind the scenes and then
Live tour which is
Island in UK and Dubai and Canada and America supporting James Smith later this year and then
Just a ton of all of the cinema episodes everything. There's been lots and lots of kind of pressure behind the scenes for me
so I got back into
thinking about productivity and there was this idea from lots and lots of kind of pressure behind the scenes for me. So I got back into thinking
about productivity. And there was this idea from Anna Kodry Arado that I totally forgot
about. And then I was reminded of it. And it's just I've fallen in love with it. So this
is productivity dysmorphia. Productivity dysmorphia is the inability to see one's own success
to acknowledge the volume of your own output.
It sits at the intersection of burnout, imposter syndrome and anxiety.
It is ambition's alter ego.
The pursuit of productivity spurs us to do more while robbing us of the ability to save
or any success that we might encounter along the way.
I've started thinking of this unhealthy relationship I have with my professional
achievements as productivity dysmorphia, and I said, I have realized that it is an inability to see my own success.
It's like I'm looking in the mirror of my professional life, and I don't see the published author
staring back at me. All I see is a failure. So good, dude. Productivity, dismorphier is just this
total jaded opinion of what we do of the achievements that we have made of the outcomes that we
getting on a, you know, minutely or daily basis, especially, especially if you are a little
bit more isolated when it comes to the work that
you do, if you're a work from home kind of person or work for yourself or no mad entrepreneur
type thing.
Or anybody that just isn't part of a team that has very objective metrics of success, because who you're comparing yourself to, right?
How are you comparing your PT sessions that you do for your clients with someone else's,
where you can come in and do more PT sessions, you're in earlier or later than everyone else,
are you fit more into the same time of your clients, get better outcomes?
But it's all kind of like fluffy stuff.
It's real hard to work out.
Okay, and how much, how much of that is really,
how much of that has got there there
and how much of the rest of it
is just me sort of beessing myself.
And then, you know, for the people that work at home,
dude, I went to, I went to an office
for the first time in probably two years,
the back end of 2021.
I went to go and see Mike Winett from the Contra
Penur series at his office in Warrington, which is not even Manchester in the Northwest
of the UK. I went to go and see him and I'd just been locked in the house for quite a while,
working for the best part two years and then snapped a kill ease and all the rest of it. So it was quite insulated and forgotten what normal office
like was the life was like. And you know, Mike's team, hardworking and they do their stuff
and all the rest of it. But I went in and just observed people, you know, that all of the
fucking distractions that you have of an open plan office, how someone's going to get up and just anybody want a coffee and then, you
know, for 90 seconds or two minutes, everyone talks about the different coffee.
Yeah, I once had a really great coffee from this place and are there any of those biscuits
left with the ones that have got the raisins in it?
What about the, oh, we're going to have to go to the, we need to get more coffee for
the whatever. And I realized that my perception of my own work rate
was measured against some totally arbitrary view
of perfection that was unrealistic anywhere else
and it's only when you get around other people
and you realize especially in some way like an office,
just how much slippage there
is. So much just, just things occurring that just chip away here and there. And this isn't
to say that it doesn't happen at home. In fact, you know, for some people, maybe even
for most, it also does happen even more so at home because there's no one looking over
your shoulder to make sure that you don't scroll Instagram or check YouTube or reply to
emails when you're supposed to be deep working or do something else when you're supposed to be replying to emails.
Like I don't think that any one situation is necessarily better than the other, but
although there are definitely personalities that lend themselves to one of the other being
better, but there is definitely a case to be made that you should see your level of productivity with a lot more equanimity
than you do. And this kind of leads into an idea I had about monk mode. So I first learned
about monk mode, like 2018, probably 2018, and one of my friends Jordan sent me this awesome article from
Illimitable Man who was kind of red pill before there was red pill but it was
much more to do with productivity and personal men's advice and exclusively
about dating and doing things for dating but you know the last few years we've
seen Monk Mode really accelerate.
Iman Gadzee is a big proponent of it.
I think he's got an app or something that tracks your Monk Mode.
So yeah, it's grown hugely in popularity over the last few years.
And it's especially amongst men, a popular self-improvement strategy.
So for the people that don't know, monk mode is at least originally
a productivity strategy where you retreat from the world to focus on three eyes. There's
introspection, isolation and improvement. And despite the recent ascendance, it's nothing
new, like I say, that 2014 blog post that I read from Elimitable Man described it as,
monk mode is a temporary form of
men going their own way by cutting
yourself off from the rest of the world
for a while. You can find
you in your focus, calibrate your
direction and confront yourself.
You'll be acknowledging your weaknesses
and then formulating a plan of action
to deal with them. So the focus is on
minimizing your time contributed to
social obligations and junk activities because focus is on minimizing your time contributed to social obligations
and junk activities because these consume much of your time whilst yielding little to negligible
increases toward your social market value. So Monk Mode is a serious commitment not to be
half-assed. You're either doing it or you're not. It'll be a struggle in the beginning,
but once you've fully engaged, it becomes beneficial and productive, and dare I say it,
engaged, it becomes beneficial and productive, and dare I say it, even an addictive lifestyle. And that's the words of a limitable man. So it's that last bit, even an addictive, dare
I say, even an addictive lifestyle. So for me, right, the reason I can comment on this
is I've gone full monk mode a number of times in my life with really, really great success.
I did 2017, I did 2018, then I did mid 2019,
basically straight through COVID until 2021,
when I moved out here.
I cut out alcohol for over 2,000 days.
In the last eight years, I did 500 days without caffeine,
1500 sessions of meditation,
over five years of daily journals filled,
like over 300 sessions of Yin Yoga,
500 sessions of Stuart McGill's
Big Three, pretty much all of that done in a bedroom in Newcastle, sat on my own, usually
first thing in the morning, and almost all of the most important progress that I've ever
made was facilitated by a concentrated period like this. So you might think, why have you
got a problem
with monk mode if you have benefited from it so much?
And it was such a powerful productivity tool for you.
But it's precisely monk mode's reliable effectiveness
creates a problem because the dark side
is that addictive lifestyle thing.
The issue is monk mode justifies a retreat
from life and risk and self-adventure, it justifies it as self-development, and
it makes you feel noble in isolation. So much so that it can become hard to
bring yourself back out, and this means that if you already have a tendency to
live a sheltered, slightly
unsocial life, you're encouraging yourself to further abscond away from ever building
a real life support network, which is ultimately the thing you need the most in the long run.
And I saw this in a friend probably a decade ago. So he went on a fitness journey. He was already
pretty introverted and shy, and then he had an upcoming fitness competition, which justified
8 p.m. bad times and militant routines and the rejection of all social invites. The competition came and went,
but the routine didn't change. And it took years
for him to revanchure out into some sense of normality. And this is largely a personal reflection
for me as well, right? The allure of perpetually working on yourself is very, very high because
improvement is rewarding. But if you're not careful, you can spend the rest of your life focused on those three
eyes at the expense of the actual reason that you did monk mode in the first place to be
able to show up in the world in a better way.
Bill Perkins, the dude that wrote, die with zero, who's now become a really good friend,
says, delayed gratification in the extreme results in no gratification. And with monk mode, you practice in private so that you can perform in public.
Private practice in the extreme results in no public performance.
So the fear is, I guess the summary is don't obsess for too long in solitude for personal growth,
or you will struggle to reintegrate.
And the best solution that I've found and kind of my strategic tactical takeaway is to
periodize, right?
So you set a deadline for your monk mode to end three to six months, I think it's a sweet
spot in my experience.
You can do longer if you've not done it before and shorter if you've been doing it a
good bit.
But if you do not set some sort of end goal,
you're just going to continue to blast through whatever time,
but what's the reason for you to ever reintegrate?
And you hear this in YouTube comments,
and I get it, like I do, I've been there.
I've been the person who has found the comfort of not having to rely on other people,
of always saying no to social invites to the point where you no longer need to say no,
especially if you're a bit of a people pleaser, like I am saying no to things is tough. So
creating a routine of people not inviting you because they know that you're going to say no,
creating a routine of people not inviting you because they know that you're going to say no,
also alleviates the nose that you have to say in future. It is so seductive and enjoyable to go and do this thing, but the reason that you went to go and do this isolation personal development
thing in the first place was to then reintegrate into the world as a leveled up higher social market value,
more equanimous, more calm, more peaceful, more competent person with this whole new
skill set and this degree of self-love and self-awareness. And if you never actually bother
to reintegrate, or if you even make it so difficult to reintegrate because you can't remember what it's like to not do that,
it's dangerous. Like it's...
There are... Here, there be demons or whatever it is. Here, there be monsters.
Something that can be really, really good in the first place can end up being toxic at high doses.
And I think Mumkmoid is one of those. And I
would have made life a little bit easier if I'd just taken small breaks every six months,
also as opposed to doing these much bigger, longer stretches where breaking the habit becomes
super rough. So post content clarity is another idea that I fell in love with. And I was, you know,
is another idea that I fell in love with. And I was largely a lot of what I'm doing
is trying to aggregate interesting shit from the internet
and books and other podcasts and mues and stuff
and then use them to instigate new ideas on my own
or on the show or in my writing.
And I was finding myself feeling, I don't know,
just unsettled sometimes after I would consume certain bits of content. So I wanted to create
a rule for myself that would help me work out whether the content that I was consuming
was making my life better or worse, because the problem is,
while you will watch anything, you're distracted by the content itself, which means that you
can't judge how the content impacts you during the consumption of it.
The creator of whatever you're consuming has designed the content to be compelling and
to keep you hooked, because if they didn't, they'd be beaten by another creator who just
did that better.
But just because something is compelling
doesn't mean that it's good for you.
You will happily hate watch, adversarial,
argumentative videos, not because there's a fascinating
question being answered, but because you want to make
your team, you want to see your team, make the other team
look silly, and you pity follow accounts to check in
on the slow-motion
car crash of whatever catastrophe is happening in some person's existence or you descend
into scroll holes and browse Twitter arguments as your heart rate gets jacked up through
the roof and some silent apoplectic rage. But when you finish consuming it, you forget
that you consumed it and you move on with your life and you don't assess whether or not that was actually good for you.
So in this way, you're kind of like a shop owner in a shop with no walls.
You're allowing your most valuable resource, which is your attention, to be stolen by
whichever individuals are the most bold and aggressive.
And then tomorrow, you forget
that they didn't pay you, and you allow them to do it all over again.
So the solution, I think, is to ask yourself, how does watching different creators make
me feel?
Right?
Some YouTube channels are compelling and limitically hijacking, and they keep me watching, but I feel uptight and tense and
negative and cynical and zero sum after watching them. Like, I don't want to message my friends
and tell them that I miss them, or pay people compliments, or ring my mom, or go outside and
see nature, and I feel like the world is against me. And that's not the sort of content that I want to consume. Any of no matter how much
it makes my dopamine fire, right? On the other hand, you can watch content or read or
whatever, listen to stuff that makes you feel the most connected to the world, that makes
you feel hopeful and open and prepared and informed and light and aligned, if you think that your body is made up of what
you put into your mouth, your mind is made up of things that you put into your eyes and ears,
and your content diet should be spirulina for the soul, not fast food for your amygdala.
So, thinking very carefully about how you feel after you consume some content.
Is the only fix for this because during the consumption of it,
it is so compelling and it's been designed to be that compelling.
And if it wasn't sufficiently compelling, you wouldn't be watching it.
You'd be watching something which is more compelling.
You can't really defeat the consumption of the content while you're consuming it.
What you can do is assess how you feel afterward.
If you go back through your YouTube history,
which is something that you can do,
and think, okay, how did I feel after I watched that?
It's best to do it probably five or 10 minutes
after you finish up.
I'll check that as well.
Sacks a little, new tonic cooler.
Think about how you feel after you've finished watching something or reading something, spending time on any social media and just reflect, okay,
would I want to do that again tomorrow? And if not, start to tune down your use of that.
You know, there's a not interested, don't show this channel or not interested, I think, to options that you can click when you see videos on your home feed.
So let's say that you watch some video and you don't like it. Don't show this channel. You will never see that channel again on your suggested feed, right?
Or in up next. There you go. That's fixed. If it's more platform wide, you know, you can delete the app.
If you can manage to stick to it,
George Mac has this solution of his two phones
where he's got a cocaine phone
and he's got a kale phone.
The cocaine phone is only on Wi-Fi
and the kale phone is the one that goes around with them
on the time and the cocaine phone's got all of the
bullshit on it and the kale phone has just got
like Uber and audible and kindle and stuff like that. George actually has an awesome rule. He calls max
content razor. Would you consume your own content if not, don't post it? Awesome, right? You know, I asked a bunch of different guys over the last year, whether or not they would
consume the stuff that they make, and there's definitely a trend amongst the guys who
amongst the guys who seem more dissatisfied with their content creation life that when I ask them that question, there's like a
Like dude if it takes you more than five seconds to say yes, that's a fucking no, right?
That's one of the advantages I think
Like let's break the fourth wall about some content creation stuff.
When you...
eutonic puddle.
When you start doing any content,
the accepted wisdom is you should niche down super, super hard,
capture an audience, get the thousand true fans,
and then you can broaden out from there,
because it's way easier to penetrate into a very small cohort or a narrow cohort than
it is to penetrate across multiple cohorts all at once.
The problem is, as far as I can see, very few people are just interested in one thing.
There's some obsessive CrossFit people out there, but even the most obsessive
CrossFit person is also into 70s jazz, you know, and, and, and, uh, rom-coms and, uh,
loves to play pickleball, like, you know, there's, uh, cooking, bakery, whatever. Everyone is this
Frankenstein's monster of idiosyncratic limbs that's kind of been attached to a torso.
monster of idiosyncratic limbs that's kind of been attached to a torso. And by niching down super, super hard, what it does is get you known very, very well for one
thing, but in future that can often become your, it kind of like an Achilles heel, but
it's almost a restrictive label. You know, Zach, my housemate started off in fitness for a long time and crushed.
He's got some of the best fitness videos.
If you're talking Olympic weightlifting, I think he's the best on all of YouTube.
And Olympic weightlifting is a super popular sport.
But he's now at a stage of his life where he may never go back and compete in Olympic
weightlifting again.
And he does much. He's got way more varied interests. stage of his life where he may never go back and compete in Olympic weightlifting again.
And he does much, he's got way more varied interests.
He's interested in philosophy and psychology and human nature and culture.
Okay, so he now has to pivot from that super tight, defined niche to try and broaden out.
And as he does that, the people who came for one thing are going to leave.
So, look, it's not impossible to do. And I think that Zach will do a good job of it.
So if you want to watch, if you want to watch how someone does it, I guess you just watch
his channel over the next couple of years. But certainly from my side, the, um, would you
consume your own content if not, don't post it? If you are not engaged with the stuff that you are producing online,
the sort of things that you're talking about, the kind of stories that you're sharing on your
Instagram, etc. Just stop, don't do it. Just make stuff and share stuff that you like,
not that you think people will like, because ultimately, if you're
only doing what people, what you think people will like, you become a puppet and you outsource
your sense of self-worth and all of the content creation to the crowd.
These episodes, and I know, it's, well, an hour and ten minutes or something, me waffling
on about bro philosophy, horse shit that I've like pulled out of my pulled out of the last nine months of life in the hopes that something's interesting
but it's what I would have wanted ten years ago like this entire show is what I wished
that I had when I was 25 and starting to realize there's probably more to the world than just
getting drunk and partying all right where do I So, and it still largely is. All of the
lessons still largely are. So yeah, all right, let's do, let's do too much. I've got this,
this like, double up from Mark Manson, which is great. So this is about resilience. The
willingness to be disliked is a superpower. If you develop the willingness to be disliked,
you will inevitably have the courage to do the hard things that most people are not willing to do.
This will then imbue your life with a sense of meaning and importance.
It will also lead to success that others will be too intimidated to go after, but I would
go even further than this.
I would argue that until you're comfortable with the disapproval of others, you are not
truly a free individual yourself.
You must develop the ability to be disliked in order to free yourself from the prison
of other people's opinions.
Learn to do what's right, even if others think it might be wrong.
Learn to tolerate criticism and negative feedback because that's what will make you better.
Learn to be laughed at, hate it on and trolled because if you can become comfortable with the hate, you'll be fucking unstoppable. And he's got
this other, uh, what's that book? The courage to be disliked by some Japanese author whose
name I'm going to absolutely butcher, and I haven't read, but I've heard it's really
great. Um, he also taught me about choose your suck every single pursuit no matter how wonderful and exciting and glamorous
It may initially seem comes with its own brand of shit sandwich its own lousy side effects
Everything sucks some of the time. You just have to decide what sort of suckage you're willing to deal with
So the question is not so much what are you passionate about the question, what are you passionate enough about that you can endure the most disagreeable aspect of the work? Because if
you love something and want something enough, whatever it is, then you don't really mind
eating the shit sandwich that comes with it. And Mark said this on the episode that we
did a couple of months ago, where he mentioned that when the blogosphere started kicking off a few years ago, maybe a decade ago,
so he would go to these conventions, and I think his blog post he would maybe do multiple
thousand, two thousand, three thousand word essays per week, and he would be asked, I think, by other
people, how he was able to put out such a high volume
of content and he said something on lines of, like, it just comes, it comes a combination of
easily to me and the difficulty comes easily to me too. It's like, oh, that's interesting,
the difficulty comes easily to me too. Like, that's the shit sandwich that he's prepared to eat. And I think it helps to make you much more aligned
with what you want.
Anything that you want to pursue is going to be,
it's going to have an amount of associated pain.
And the best predictor is not who loves the thing the most.
The best predictor is who else can deal with the suck
that comes along with whatever you want to do the best.
So, yeah, orienting yourself toward the difficulties as opposed to toward the pleasures will, no one,
very few people, stop doing a thing or don't achieve success because of a lack of pleasure.
It's more an increase of pain, I think.
Yes, sure.
You need positive reinforcement, but you get that from the dopamine of just making progress
in any case. The pains that you come up against, the burnout, the self-doubt, the, oh, God,
I've got to do that thing. I've got to get the paintbrush out and get the ease of that
or whatever. That's really what's going to cause you to stop as far as I can see. So,
yeah, orient yourself toward the pains, and that will be the best way to do this.
Anyway, eutonic.com, go try this,
get yourself a case right now.
It's available on Amazon Prime,
next day, delivery UK and US.
You wanna get that right now at eutonic.com,
or search your Amazon for N-E-U-T-O-N-I-C.
And that's pretty much it.
I will see you in 98 more episodes.