Modern Wisdom - #972 - 3.7M Q&A - Fatherhood Plans, Medical Update & New Hairstyle

Episode Date: July 26, 2025

I hit 3.7 million Subscribers on YouTube!! To celebrate, I asked for questions from YouTube, X, and Instagram, so here’s another 90 minutes of me trying to answer as many as possible. Expect to learn all about my new hairstyle, how to best deal with procrastination, which people are up next on my "Mount Rushmore" of podcast guests, what the current state of my health is, the best tips to manage stress, when podcast merch will be coming to a closet near you, which future music guests I want on the pod, the real power of money, and much more... Sponsors: See me on tour in America: ⁠https://chriswilliamson.live⁠ See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get 10% discount on all Gymshark’s products at https://gym.sh/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM10) Get the brand new Whoop 5.0 at https://join.whoop.com/modernwisdom Timestamps: (0:00) - Go See Chris Live (1:19) - What’s Up with the Curly Hair? (3:28) - How To Deal with Procrastination (5:39) - Chris’ Go-To Shorts (6:58) - Future Musical Guests (8:09) - Why Won’t She Commit? (11:42) - Who’s in the Next ‘Infinity Gauntlet’? (13:34) - Will James Sexton and Sadia Khan Be Back? (13:56) - The Impact of the Male Sedation Hypothesis on Masculinity (18:15) - Chris’ Medical Updates (23:53) - The Negative Effects of Reality Shows (28:47) - How Money Can Change Your Life (32:49) - Top Tips on Stress Management (36:36) - Where Will We Be in 10 Years? (42:30) - Is Chris a Deano? (44:04) - Cool Kids Names (45:05) - How to Get Over Ghosting (49:17) - Modern Wisdom Merch (50:20) - A Love Life Catch-22 (56:58) - Dating in Your 30s (01:00:24) - How the Modern Wisdom Team was Built (01:02:19) - Are 20-Year-Olds Still Partying? (01:04:39) - The Art of Drifting (01:05:50) - How to Tackle Regret (01:07:53) - Reading List (01:09:38) - Being Loved for Being Your Authentic Self (01:14:37) - The Benefits of Having Siblings (01:16:07) - Thoughts on Travelling Alone (01:17:06) - The Rise of Hybrid Athletes (01:18:26) - Don’t Ruin Your Phone with a Phonecase (01:19:15) - Comfort Over Style (01:21:35) - Settling Down (01:24:28) - Being Roasted by Fin Taylor (01:25:20) - Seeing Sleep Token (01:25:49) - Tips on Tinnitus (01:27:18) - Would Chris Beat Lex Fridman? (01:27:28) - Outro Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's happening people? Welcome back to the show. It is a 3.7 million subscriber Q&A episode. Before we get into this one, I'm going on tour. This October, November and December I'm going on tour around all of North America, Canada as well, and tickets sold out for lots of places. So Toronto sold out, LA sold out, Nashville sold out, and Vancouver sold out. But there are still tickets available for New York at the Town Hall on Thursday October 23rd, for Boston at the Wilbur on Thursday November 13th, Chicago at the Vic on Friday November 14th, Nashville is sold out, Austin the Paramount Theatre Thursday November 20th, that's the adopted hometown show, Salt Lake City at the Complex Thursday December 4th, Denver at the Paramount Theatre Friday December, December 5th.

All of those have still got limited tickets available and you can get yours now at chriswilliamson.live. You can come and see me. It's a solo live show, me on stage for an hour and a half and then there's a Q&A at the end and there's a meet and greet afterward. And this sold out in Australia and in London last year and it's really good. And I'm never going to run the show again. So after this particular tour is done, the self-discovery show is going to be binned for the rest of time. So if you want to come and see me live, chriswilliamson.live.

All right, let's get into asking and answering some questions. Insiders 22. What's going on with the hair? Yes, fair question. I've got a lot of comments about this in the last five years since I had this hair, which was the hair I had five years ago, go back to like pre early COVID. This is the hair that I had for a decade to now. It's kind of someone with curly hair that's short on the sides has taken on an entire new meme meaning all of its own. Mark Zuckerberg hasn't had a hair like this in a while. It's kind of someone with curly hair that's short on the sides has taken on an entire new meme meaning all of its own.

Mark Zuckerberg hasn't helped in that regard. It's like the broccoli haircut. You have to understand that if you're a person with curly hair, if you're a guy with curly hair like me, you have three hairstyle options, right? You can have skinhead, which I did for the last five years since COVID, my COVID haircut just extended. You can have short on the sides, long on the top or some version of mullet, right? Still short on the sides and long elsewhere, which ends up kind of looking like this.

Or you can grow afro. Those are the three options. Skinhead, like newly like nomenclatured broccoli haircut and afro. Those are the three options, skinhead, newly nomenclatured broccoli haircut, and afro. Those are the only three options. And I was kind of sick of the skinhead thing. I'd done it for so long. And I quite like having hair for the first time in half a decade. And Dean can put up a selection of the different hairstyles that he's known me with since we've

been friends for like two decades now. And I've to say that this is the most extreme thing I've ever done would be incorrect. Had an afro for a very long time. Had this haircut, grew a massive beard, grew like twirly handlebar mustaches. I've cycled through luck because I've just been really stable since COVID or unstable mentally, but stable at least in terms of my hair. So that's what's going on with it. And if someone wants to propose an alternative haircut, I am open to suggestions, but there's not that much that you can do with curly hair. Shave it off, grow it in some areas and grow it

everywhere. And the grow it everywhere is not an option. And the shave it off thing I just did. So that's what's going on. Case closed. Thank you, your honor. Roppiliano, how to deal with procrastination. Do you ever have to deal with it? I mean, I don't know what human doesn't. Yes, I do all the time. I sit down at my desk and look at whatever I'm supposed to be doing and maybe not even know what

I'm supposed to be doing and just think that there's work to be done and tasks to be completed and not like scroll Instagram, watch YouTube, fuck about, like be on my phone, like just not do the thing I'm supposed to. Oh, I'll get up and go for a walk. Oh, I'll go and like rearrange the sources in the cupboards, like anything to not do the work that you're supposed to be doing and there's people that are way more scientific than me, at least the things that I found for me, procrastination primarily comes from two places.

First is you don't know what to do. And the second is you don't know how to do it. Um, the first one's real easy to fix, right? Um, you are building a podcast, right? You're going to launch your first podcast, but you don't launch a podcast. You do a series of really tiny next actions that then eventually result in a podcast being launched. So when you say, I'm going to sit down today and move myself closer to launching my podcast.

Okay. What is that? Like what are you going to do? You don't know what to do. You can't do it. So you go, I need to break down this big project into action steps. Okay. What is that? Like, what are you going to do? You don't know what to do. You can't do it. So you go, I need to break down this big project into action steps. Okay. I need to, uh, do brainstorming for the name.

Oh, hooray. There we go. That's a tat. I can do that. You can't launch a podcast, but you can come up with a name. And then I need to work out who I'm going to use for hosting. So I need to research hosting platforms and make decision and sign up with credit card. Okay.

That's the next thing. So, uh, go on chat GPT and make artwork for the, all the graphic artists are fucking tearing the hair out. You know what I mean? Like you do those. So that's the first thing. Second thing is, you know what to do, but you don't know how to do it. And then it's just a case of research on the internet, chat GPT, get a tutor,

whatever. And those really for me are the two biggest roadblocks. And when I'm whining about procrastinating or berating myself for not getting things done and wasting my time, it's usually because of one of those two things. So that's how I deal with it. Avery Christensen, what shorts do you wear? I live in one of two pairs of shorts.

These, those Gymshark Heritage five inch shorts are phenomenal. Out of focus. Hello again. They are the, they're by far the best sort of travel shorts, just day to day. They're so comfy. I love them. And they've got these new ones best sort of travel shorts, just day to day. They're so comfy. I love them. And they've got these new ones with sort of a raw hem edge, which are really nice.

I think they're called the heritage five inch. Uh, and then for training, I use what they call the hybrid shorts, Gymshark's hybrid shorts. And that's it. Like two pairs of shorts. That's all I need. And, um, I've been around the world and, um, there's loads of different colors. They're super comfy.

They're like 25 bucks, maybe a 30 bucks. They last forever. They're easy to wash and dry. They don't take up much room. They're like, the fact that guys get to wear shorts is kind of a bit of a hack. Um, that's it. Those two and Jim dot SH slash modern wisdom, I think gets you access to the page of all of my, all the clothes that I wear from them.

Uh, going to get in trouble from Gymshark for this, but Barbell Apparel, I've got some really awesome swim shorts. Uh, I really love their swim shorts and that's it. That's like my entire wardrobe. Colin De Jong, love the Under oath episode. Thank you. When are we going to see more musical guests? Bare Tooth.

Uh, I was with Caleb at Summer of Loud only a few weeks ago and I, he's kind of the guy Love the Under Earth episode. Thank you. When are we going to see more musical guests? Bare-tooth. I was with Caleb at Summer of Loud only a few weeks ago, and he's kind of balls deep in new music writing at the moment after Summer of Loud finishes. He'll 100% be coming on. I am going real hard on the music thing. If you could see the list, my wish list of people to speak to, it's really cool. And if you're into alternative and heavy music or country, we should have some really cool people before the end of the year. And I'm pushing super hard.

I love that conversation with the guys from Under Earth. I thought it was phenomenal. And we're making some changes with the direction of the show, which I'll probably tell you about at some point. Um, I'm really excited about it. You know, I've done the same thing for a very long time. It's not still going to be the same thing, but just slight adjustments in this sort of direction.

And one of them is going to be pushing into real passions of mine. And under oath music is a big part of it. So I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. And yes, there will be lots more musical guests. Rick Beato as well. If you missed that one, you should go and see it. Built by Rob. If a girl says she wants to take our relationship day by day, how should I approach this?

It does sound quite a lot to me, like a lack of commitment. And by the way that you framed your question, I'm going to guess that you would be happy to just straight up commit that you wouldn't need to take it day by day, that you would be happy to say where you want it to be, where you want it to end up and then do the things in order to get there without having to let it sort of emerge or unfold. And one of the things I've kind of come to believe about relationships, a lot of disagreements like this, like you're having to navigate this weird discordance.

I assume she wants a thing and you want a different thing and you now have to be the person. And so does she in some regard, you know, she could ask the same question. Uh, if a boy says he wants me to commit to a long-term plan, uh, but I want to take it day by day, how should I approach this, right? There is sort of two sides to this. But I want to take it day by day. How should I approach this? Right.

There is sort of two sides to this. Ultimately, I've kind of come to believe that this is just incompatibility. Right. If what you want is a girl who says she wants to take the relationship the same way that you do, and then you don't have to navigate anything. This sort of lesson that it's far easier to get a partner who compensates for our shortcomings than it is to fix them. Right.

Let's say that you're the sort of person who likes to go out partying three nights a week. You love raves and late nights and, and it's seeing DJs play and stuff. And your partner is someone who likes to be in bed by 9 PM. There is going to be conflict because what you want and what they want are different. And you have to navigate that and it's going to be a course of tension. Now, if you are in deep and there's kids or, you know, something you'll just love this person for all of the other reasons, then maybe that's

one price that you need to pay. But like, let's be honest here, it would just be way easier to find somebody that also wants to go to bed at 9pm every night, or it'd be easier for them to find someone that wants to go out clubbing every night. And I would be cautious, especially given she wants to take it day by day. That suggests that it's an early relationship. Not a red flag, but it's a pretty big amber flag for me, because it suggests that you're in a place

ready to commit that she isn't. And I would set yourself a deadline so that you don't just manana manana manana this into oblivion. There are so many girls out there. How many girls that are listening to this show right now would love a guy to say, I am ready to commit to you. I'm just ready to commit. You don't need to persuade me. I'm just ready to go. Let me tell you, Rob, fucking tons. Okay. You don't need to convince, you shouldn't need to convince somebody to commit to you even in the beginning.

If you are ready to commit as well, like your goal is to find somebody who's on the same wavelength as you, so, uh, set a deadline after which your level of non-commitment would be unacceptable to you. And then if that happens, there are an awful lot of women out there, many of whom are listening to this show right now, who would fucking snap your hand off to be the person that commits to them. Raffford X, have you begun identifying your next infinity gauntlet list of design interviews after you finally scheduled Rogan?

Rogan's not scheduled. He said he was prepared to come on for episode 1000. I'm currently in the process of trying to get him on, but he goes hunting at some point for like Elksea, like the most fucking Rogan thing ever, trying to schedule him for episode 1000. Hopefully that'll happen. But yes, I had this five episodes at five guest list. Uh, Alain de Barton, Sam Harris, Jordan Peterson, Naval Ravikant and Joe Rogan

were kind of my infinity stones gauntlet thing that I wanted when I first started modern wisdom and after Rogan, I've done it and I go, okay, well, ah, ah, I got the second hand. Can do it. I can put another glove on and then, you know, two feet as well. Um, have I started to identify some of them actually, I think Lewis Capaldi probably gets one of the first infinity stone positions on that. gets one of the first infinity stone positions on that.

Um, Denzel Washington is probably pretty high up there as well. Uh, those are certainly the Capaldi thing speaks to me. I need to do a little bit more thinking. There's a lot of people that are maybes, but it was kind of more obvious when. I'd had all of this time not being able to access guests. So many of them I've done, right. The other people that I would have loved to spend, Matthew McConaughey would have probably been one of the, the potentials, but I got him and okay. Well, he can't be a part of the other infinity gone. It's already gone.

So, um, open to suggestions for who you think would be goat guests, but, um, we're moving towards some really interesting ones. Movement and Talisa. Will you have James Sexton or Sadia Khan on your show? Sadia has been on twice and James Sexton has already been on once and he's scheduled again. Movement and Talisa, do your research. Okay. Do your, do your, do your show. Sadi's been on twice and James Sexton's already been on once and he's scheduled again. Movement and Talisa, do your research. Okay? Do your research. Go back and watch those ones. You've got three episodes to catch up on. And then by the time you've done that,

James will have been back on. So there we are. Stipe Vrd, how do you think the male sedation hypothesis impacts the way society views masculinity? Huh. It's interesting. So male sedation hypothesis is this idea I came up with, which has been cited twice now in academic journals or studies of some kind. Um, when you have lots of men who aren't having sex, typically throughout history, they cause havoc, um, because women are a domesticating force to men. They cause them to behave a little bit more. typically throughout history, they cause havoc because women are a domesticating force to men. They cause them to behave a little bit more. Given that we've got very high rates of sexlessness

among young men in the modern world, why are we not seeing tons of incel violence? And why is there not lots of disruption and antisocial behavior that we're seeing that's like kinetic in the way And it's giving them a titrated dose, like a tiny weenie little dose of what they genuinely want. It's not enough for them to be satisfied or fulfilled, which is where you get a lot of mental health problems from, but it is enough to sedate them. And that's what I think is the most important thing about this. And I think that's the most important thing about this. And I think that's the most important thing about this.

And I think that's the most important thing about this. And I think that's the most important thing about this. of what they genuinely want. It's not enough for them to be satisfied or fulfilled, which is where you get a lot of mental health problems from, but it is enough to sedate them out of ganging up in a big crew, heading out of the house and going and setting granny on fire or doing whatever. How do I think that that hypothesis impacts the way that society views masculinity? I that's actually a really interesting question. I think men aren't perceived to be as dangerous as they should be.

I know that there's a lot of concerns about women walking home at night and, you know, it's not every man, but it's always a man or whatever. That that's like one very kind of specific part, but men are pretty fucking dangerous to everybody, including other men, including governments, including the legal system and law enforcement, including people who have possessions, the wealthy, including anybody that's in a position of privilege or a position of, of, of, um, a disadvantage as well, and maybe even more so. I don't think men are perceived as being particularly dangerous in the modern

world. And I think that that is kind of because everyone has this understanding in the back of their mind that guys kind of aren't that motivated. They're not that fired up. They struggle to coordinate. They're not super agentic. They're not happening to life. Life is happening to men a lot.

And maybe this is true with women too. I don't know. I shouldn't mansplain to them, but I get the sense that the sedation hypothesis impacts the way that society views masculinity by making men appear less dangerous. And that also means making them appear less useful. So men are both kind of pitied would suggest that there's empathy. I don't think they're necessarily pitied scorned in a way for being relatively

dickless compared with how they could be if they weren't being quite so sedated. And I don't know. Do we have more dangerous men? Maybe. I don't want to have widespread disruption and stuff, but that's really only because we're in a time of kind of peace. If there was some sort of war or confrontation to kick off, you really

need all of these guys that can't get themselves motivated to go to the gym or get off the couch or wake up on time or hold down a job or get into, you know, be a contributing member of society, go to church or whatever the thing is that you think that guys should be doing. If they can't do that, they're definitely not going to be able to go to war. And, um, hopefully you don't need to, but useless men are only marginally better for society at large than dangerous men, like sedated and useless, a tiny, tiny bit better than disgruntled and dangerous. But if those are the two choices, they're not great options.

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wisdom and modern wisdom at checkout. Frequency brand. Can you share a medical update? What's working? What's not? What have you all tried? Okay. Uh, so I've been pretty sick for the last 18 months now, over 18 months, and it's been

a journey trying to work out what's wrong and trying to treat it. And given the fact that you can't immediately work out what's wrong, it's really fucking difficult to treat. Um, we're about to release probably within the next month, the first half of a vlog, almost a documentary that tracked the entirety of what's been going on with me. Um, Max Videographer was with me the day that I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. Just by fluke, we were starting to film the vlog stuff together that day. And that was the day that I got the call. So, um, you're going to get to see the first half of it, probably up until

the beginning of this year, earlier this year. And then most recently you may have seen on my Instagram, I was dressed like a hot potato in a hospital bed, getting blood treatment done. A lot of people said, oh, it's kidney dialysis. I can't believe you're still partying. What? Dehydration from being in Austin. I guess both, you know, you look at somebody who's plugged into a bunch of machines and

they've got blood coming out of them and you think dialysis or you think rehydration. So fair point. Okay. That was what's called an HHO treatment, a hemo hyperoxygenation treatment, uh, hyper as in hyperthermia. So I was held in a forced fever. My body was at 104 degrees Fahrenheit for four hours and my blood was being heated, run through a laser, run through a filter, hyper oxygenated with a baby

lung, and then put back into me while I was heated on a water bed wrapped in foil and blankets, sedated, and with a free hydration IV and it sounds fucking mental when I say it. Um, so that was my trip to Vienna. I also went and got natural killer cell infusion in Lithuania, which was only an hour and a half away. So I went and did that, that trip. That was only two weeks ago. Um, the most recent medical update for me in short is it seems like just overload of

the immune system, uh, a lot of dysregulation resulting in some underlying old infection stuff like Lyme that wasn't really bothering me when I was strong and had everything going on, but then I move into a house with mold and I get EBV and fucking CMV and heavy metals and BPAs and roundworm liver fluke, H. pylori, SIBO, Candida, what the fuck else? More, more stuff, I can't remember what it is. And we've crossed off all of those things and the stuff that's left is presumably the culprit and it's been really sad for a long time.

But the HHO treatment that I did in Vienna has been the biggest single step change in my recovery. I'm only two weeks after that now. Two weeks afterward. However, tentatively things are feeling the best that they have for a while. Energy is still very low, but mood and cognition have improved to two big deals and they all feed into each other. That being said, I did a cortisol test, a really complex cortisol test where I had

to spit into a tube, different tubes every two hours for basically 24 hours, including in the middle of the night. And apparently if you're under stress for long enough, your cortisol and melatonin rhythm can get turned upside down and that means I wake up on the morning and I have no cortisol to wake me up, which is why I'm knackered. And by the time I go to bed on a nighttime, my melatonin hasn't spiked. My cortisol is through the roof and I've got no DHEA. So I'm shattered tired.

It's called being tied, but wired. This has all been mostly, most of it's been tracked DHEA so I'm shattered. Tired, it's called being tired but wired. Um, this has all been mostly, most of it's been tracked. So I guess this health vlog for anybody that's suffering with complex illness, chronic illness, um, like, uh, whatever it is, MCCFS or MFCFS, uh, chronic fatigue syndrome-y type stuff. Like I'm tired. I've got brain fog. I'm sad a lot and I don't know why.

Hopefully we'll at least provide a bit of perspective because I've done everything. I've been to Tijuana, I've been to Lithuania, I've been to Vienna. I've been to San Jose. I've been like to Florida. I've done Ibu, I've done oxygen therapy. I've done red light. I've done every IV under the sun. And it's basically been a second full-time job.

And I've tried not to let it affect my performance on the show because I want it to be a professional, but it's been tough and hopefully I'm coming out the other side of it. The reason I wanted to share it earlier was, or the reason I wanted to track the journey and didn't talk about it was I thought, well, this would be really interesting to have as a standalone piece that people can watch that's self-contained. They still get to enjoy the show and me trying to show up on the show and be a pro. But, you know, by the end of 2024, I'll have finished this thing and I'll have brought it into land and it'll all be great. And I got to the end of 2024 and I felt worse than ever.

And then I was, you know, in March of this year and I was about to go on Rogan and my brain literally felt like it was pouring out of my ears and I was thinking I'm just going to go on there and just go, yeah, not be able to speak. And now we're more than half of the way through 2025 and it's still not fixed. So we're going to do what was going to be a self-contained documentary that hopefully brought it into land and made everyone feel real hopeful. Cause I would have been fixed. I haven't been fixed yet.

So you're going to get the first half of that soon, but maybe we're on the path to recovery. I'm feeling more hopeful than I have for months. So hooray for that. L4 Reborn. What do you think are the negative effects of social reality TV on a society and are women, where do you feel Love Island negative effects of social reality TV on a society and our women? Where do you feel Love Island ties into that?

Ah, yes. I actually, speaking of the hair and Love Island, I was flying back through somewhere in America and I'd grown this, this was with this hair only a couple of weeks ago, maybe when I was on the way to Vienna and put my stuff into the bin and the dude was, oh, it was JFK. It was flying out and late at night. And I, you know, just asked the guys, Hey, you having a good day? He went, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for that.

Fuck off and go through the scanner. I forgot something turned back around my watch or whatever, throw it in the bin. But hey, by the way, do I, do I recognize you? I was like, yeah, love Island. I was like, fuck's sake. Because 10 years ago, when I did love Island in the UK, I had this hair. And for the last five years, I've basically not got that at all. Largely probably because I don't look like that person.

Now my desire to actually have hair on the top of my head has resulted in people in America, presumably who've got into Love Island in the U S because it's been a big show now going back and watching the UK version and season one, episode one, first person through the doors of Love Island, who the fuck is it? It's me with this hair. So actually the Afro or the skinhead is looking increasingly attractive by the, by the day.

Uh, how, where do I, what do I think of the negative effects of social reality TV on our society? Now, women, where do you feel love island ties into that? I mean, it is a cultural phenomenon in the UK. It's actually on the decline. I would say it's, um, sort of. It was at its peak. Are we 2017, 2018?

It was like peak Love Island, maybe a little bit more into 2019, 2020. But it's kind of like old news a little bit and a bit of a meme. Fuck me. I didn't watch it a single second. I didn't even see clips, but I knew that Love Island had kind of captured America's consciousness this summer. And yeah, Lord help this country. If that continues for another five years, uh, why do I feel that it ties

into that some of the negative effects? Uh, I certainly think that it normalizes people, partner, swapping and, uh, flimsy levels of commitment because that's the name of the game. Right. You go in there, wow, we're all here to date and switch and swap and so on. And who's to say that you shouldn't do that? It's like, well, it's slightly different if you're in a villa that's dedicated to trying out other partners and everyone's got there for the same reason.

So you've kind of bought into that. Uh, it's very different to one person earlier on, uh, I, someone wants to take it day by day. I feel like I want to be committed. Like that's the person that doesn't just wants to take it day by day. I feel like I want to be committed. Like that's the person that doesn't just want to take it day by day. Didn't step into the Villa, right? He wasn't a new Islander joining the Villa, understanding what the name of the game was and how the rules sort of exist.

Uh, so normalizing partner swapping for sure. I think, uh, treating people as a disposable, uh, uh, transaction. It's sort of confluent. It's as long as you can benefit me, then kind of we're in a relationship together. Um, it also normalizes people. We kind of being nosy into others' relationships and feeling like they have a say about how others should behave. They should have done that.

They shouldn't have done that. I would have done differently. And that's kind of human nature, venting and gossip and stuff. But when you do it at a mass scale and it's this popular and it's very aspirational, I've seen so many girls that I follow in Austin on Instagram, their stories, like doing, talking about stuff that is sort of so Love Island adjacent, that it's evident it's kind of a low key, I would, you know, if I went on there, cause like obviously like that's exactly like how I would fit in and like if I was on that,

I would do it totally differently. Go look girls from somebody who has the fucking veteran not stolen valor badge pinned to his lapel for having been on there, uh, it is not going to fix your relationship problems. And it's really fucking boring. Uh, it's not that interesting to be on. And what you want is other girls to scrutinize and look at you and think that you look cute in a bikini, not I actually want to find a deep, meaningful partnership from that.

I think, I mean, if you look at the success rate of Love Island in terms of the long-term relationships it's basically zero in the UK. There's been a lot of people on, it's been, you know, maybe a hundred people, maybe, maybe 200 people that have been on that show now. And basically none of them are still together. So yeah, hold on tight for the next few years in America. If that's, if this summer is anything to go by. Ryan Utterback, how has money changed your life and how others treat you?

Uh, I don't really talk about money or to be honest, really even think about it all that much, I suppose that's a luxury, but to be honest, after, if you come from a very, uh, within your means sort of low income background, which I did, uh, like as the most working class town that you can get in the UK, uh, with a single parent income. Um, you don't expect much and you know, me and mom living on dad's wage and then dad also living on dad's wage, I guess, you just don't expect all that much. So I don't think about money and that's a real benefit in many ways. It seems to be two paths that people who don't come from money go down.

If they get money, one of them is, huh, that's nice. Like I can get a slightly nicer coffee or a slightly better yogurt, or I don't need to think about whether I have to pay for dinner when my friends come through. Stuff like that. Isn't that great? That I don't need to worry about. And then the other side, which is kind of like the NBA player arc. And I'm really fortunate that my constitution has put me in the first one.

How's it changed my life? I have just whined for five minutes about what's happened to my health. It means that if there is ever a catastrophe of any kind, I can always pay it. And that is unbelievably reassuring that there's basically no issue that you can encounter. I mean, you know, if you need experimental cancer treatment and it's millions of dollars, like, fuck, that's going to really, really hurt. But the fact that you don't ever have to worry about whether you can pay for dinner. Um, I mean, there was a time when I was 19 and I was doing my, no, sorry, when I was

20 and I was doing my placement, you're in Scotland. And I remember a friend had come up to help me out and I was like, Oh, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going, sorry, when I was 20 and I was doing my placement year in Scotland and I remember a friend had come up to help work with me. I was running this events company that I was working for as part of my placement year from university. And there was a day where I didn't have money to eat. I literally didn't have enough money to eat and I probably could have rung my parents and asked them to, you know,

why me 50 pounds or something, but I, I think I was a bit proud to do that. I didn't have money to eat. And he said, he turned to me, Dino Mitchison. I still remember. Turned to me and he was like, it doesn't matter, dude. Like I can just go and steal some food. And that still 15 years later sticks with me because it really sort of brought it home of how, just how skinned I was.

It's like, I'm so poor that I have to consider stealing food. And I'm aware that there are levels of poverty that fucking plunge way below that and don't have the parents that could back them up. But that was a real moment of like, fuck, like I've got myself to the stage. I'm at university, on a placement year from university doing this thing and I can't afford to eat. I also did spend my final £10 driving to an Under Earth concert and back, when I was 22.

So, um, yeah, maybe I wasn't always responsible with my cash. How has it changed how others treat me? I really do not think that I dress in the manner of somebody that looks like they've got money. And I try not to talk about it. Fuck's sake, camera auto focusing. I don't talk about it that much because it's a bit gauche in the UK to talk about money in that sort of a way. It's not really what we do. You know, the like Andy Elliot, Grant Cardone, pilled approach to things is not, we're kind of allergic to that as a country, or at least where I'm from, we are. So it doesn't change how others treat me really at all, which is fortunate, I suppose. Now, fame and status, whatever micro niche

degenerate fame I've got, that'll change how people treat you. But I guess that if you were signaling tons of wealth, that would be another challenge that you have to get over. That would be real tough. This episode is brought to you by Gymshark. Gymshark makes the best gym wear on the planet. Their hybrid shorts in onyx grey and navy are a complete game changer. They're the best men's training shorts in the world. They've got a crest hoodie, which is what I'm flying in anytime I'm traveling in their Geo seamless t-shirts or what I train in pretty much every single day, all of these are unbelievably lightweight, they're sweat wicking and

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link in the description below or heading to gym.sh slash modern wisdom and using the code modern wisdom 10 a checkout. That's gym.sh slash modern wisdom and modern wisdom 10 at checkout. Annie Ben Elohim, what is your best advice for dealing with very high stress levels for an extended period of time? Oh, you're talking to the right person. Um, I've been more stressed over the last nine months than I ever have in my life up until now to the point where yeah my cortisol and melatonin flow is inverted. Everything's constantly elevated. My natural killer cell, my CD57 plus, just like this natural killer cell gauge is 80% missing.

And this is a combination of physiological damage, plus lifestyle stress on top, plus then the story I tell myself about needing to keep up with the lifestyle, even as I try to back off, outsource stuff, hire people, do all of the things to like alleviate that, still the smallest amount of effort is so exhausting to me. So I should at least have a bit of an idea. Certainly I can pontificate for ages and give you like wishy washy concepts and philosophies and quotes and shit, but really you just need something practical.

Fuck dude, try and sleep. Like, please sleep more and walk more. If you walk more and you sleep more, things will probably be a little bit better. Now, the problem is if you're in very high stress levels for an extended period of time, like you are, you can't sleep because you're tired, but wired. Your cortisol is spiking through the roof. You're ruminating when you're supposed to be relaxing and you've got intrusive thoughts, you're probably waking up throughout the night, uh, you're ruminating when you're supposed to be relaxing and you've got intrusive thoughts, you're probably waking up throughout the night, um, uh, thinking of things, uh, you know, waking up

with a racing heartbeat, which I would do and wake up and be anxious. Like I've just been asleep. What, what am I anxious about? How can I be anxious? I was literally just asleep, the most relaxed that you can be. And did I get anxious while I was asleep and then wait? So sleep and walk would be two things. Um, try and stick to a routine because the stress will start to try and expand

out and fill all of the gaps in the rest of your schedule. And if you don't have a structure that you lean on, what ends up happening is you default to less productivity, less mindfulness. You don't do self care. You don't train. You don't get sunlight. So try and create a rigid rules around when the alarm goes off. I'm out of bed within three minutes.

The first thing that I do is get, step outside or look out of a window or go for a walk or do whatever. I'm going to go to the gym every single day. I'm going to go to the gym five days a week, Monday through Friday, however you want to do it, like set rules. Because if you don't do that, you're going to end up, um, the stress is going to make adhering to things through choice so difficult that you need to buttress and bolster your

routine ability. And I think that having a set plan is a good way to do it. And I know it's tough, but it's not going to last forever, dude. Like you will get through this. This isn't going to be life. This isn't going to be for the rest of time. You will recover from this as well. Very high stress levels for an extended period of time. Tough. Don't rely on stimulants to wake you up and sleep meds to get you to sleep. I can guarantee you that that is not a phenomenal strategy. Try and do things as naturally as possible.

Try and down-regulate wherever you can. Meditate, breath work, stick to a routine, sleep, walk, basics. Sorry, it's not more complex, but after like two years of basically experimenting with all of this shit, that's what I've come back around to. Cool Ken 23. What does the next 10 years look like content wise? What do you think is the biggest thing you will need to adjust to or obstacle you will face in order to keep your content going? This is a fucking cool question.

And I said earlier on that I might tell you about some different directions for the show and this is later on so fuck it I'll tell you now. I don't know about the next 10 years but certainly the next foreseeable. I am in the process of buying my first studio space here in Austin. One of the things that I have realized is I really enjoy episodes where I get to hang as much as episodes where I get to, um, deliberately learn. That's not to say I don't learn stuff when I'm hanging and that I don't get to hang when I'm learning shit, but the under oath episode is a really good example of this. Two guys shooting the shit with me, talking about stuff that we know, wow,

it wasn't that deep and interesting. And we learned things, but also I just felt really regulated. I thought it was very fun. The feedback was fucking amazing. And I just, I left the episode feeling. Lighter and sometimes with the access I've got now and how deep I am, how nerdy I am with some of the shit that I like to learn about. I, even I get the sense that modern wisdom can sometimes feel like homework.

And I love it, but you don't want to do homework. Even this shit that's defies you up the most in the world, you don't want to be doing that every single day, right? So my current strategy is you're going to see more multi-guest hang style episodes. I find myself listening to All In podcast, PirateWise with Mike Solana, uh, flagrant with Schultz, Protect Our Parks' episodes with Rogan, um, Finn versus the internet on Finn Taylor's Finn versus history, ScreenRot. You know, these episodes, this sort of style is very hang-y.

Matt and Shane's Secret podcast, even if you look at Tim Dill and Theo Von, they're a hang. It's just that they're such big personalities that even if they do a solo episode, they can hang on their own. Um, and that to me just seems to be like a really good direction to go in. I think it's going to help to give me the opportunity to put some personality across because a lot of the time when I'm doing episodes with guests, it's like,

I need to put this person on a pedestal and make them as amazing as possible. And rightly so they've got fucking important shit to say. But I want to have a bit more fun. Not that I don't have fun, but like, you know, like that kind of energetic, relaxed sort of hang style fun. So that's one path. Um, second path is more solo episodes. So I'm considering doing a monthly Q and a just like this. We're doing it based on subscriber count.

We did it every 50 K up to a mil, then every hundred K up to like three, and then every two or 2.5 and then every two 50, and then this is a hundred because we weren't moving quite as quickly and I couldn't be asked to wait until seven 50. So it's like, I shouldn't be asked to wait until seven fifty. So it's like, I shouldn't be doing a Q and a based on how fast or how slow the channel growth is, but I don't know whether monthly Q and A's are too much. So feel free to leave a comment and let me know if you think that that's the the right cadence, but I really love the opportunity to do that. I really love my lessons episodes.

I find the opportunity to reflect on what I've learned and to try and teach them. And I know that they add a lot of value. And also I want to have the opportunity to make the show a little bit more about me. You know, I've done a thousand episodes, a millennia of episodes, but all I've tried to do is make somebody else look as amazing as possible. And I've got ideas and interesting things that I've been reflecting on, at least things that I'm interested in, whether they're interesting is to be decided. And I want to talk about them. So more hang style, which I guess is one end of the barbell, more solo, which

is going to be the other end of the barbell and then still in the middle, the bulk of the episodes, you know, 80% of the episodes are going to be interview format stuff. And when it comes to guests, I'm going to be thinking more out of the box. I think the Under Earth episode, the Rick Beato episode, both like really like orthogonal ones, Jeremy Ranna also another one. It's like, huh, I wouldn't have expected to see, fuck, like Chris got Under Othon, like they're not even a massive name, but shit, that was really cool.

Like Rick Beato, like, fuck, like where'd he get him from? Or so I'm trying to be, I think what you can expect is a little bit of a pivot. More of the same, but we're going to make some changes with the way that the channel appears as well, the copywriting style, the thumbnail style. Hopefully all of this is going to basically come into land around about episode 1000, which will also be when the studio is maybe ready, nearly ready something, and I haven't been this excited for a while. I certainly think that I kind of rinsed this format, just that with no variety in your diet. You know, like your favorite meal.

My favorite thing to do is speak to a dusty academic about like some fucking obscure part of human nature. In the same way as steak with vegetables might be your favorite meal. But if all you ever ate was steak and vegetables might be your favorite meal. But if all you ever ate was steak and vegetables, you'd want a little bit of variety, and I think this is me trying to add a bit more variety. So that's what you can expect. More of the same elevated, slightly different directions, hang style, solo guests, but guests that are a little bit more experimental and novel, I suppose.

Hopefully a lot of world firsts when it comes to the guests. And, um, we'll see how it goes. Uh, maybe this is going to be like you too, trying to release a fucking acoustic album and everybody hates it. But I'm excited about it. And I get the sense that if I'm excited about it, that's the most important thing. Because if I'm excited, that will carry the vibe and everyone else will come along for the ride and if I'm wrong, fuck it, you'll just see me revert back to doing what I did all along. JP Gannuska.

Do you consider yourself a Dino? All right. So I don't know how many people even in the UK know what a Dino is. Dino is kind of, it's British slang for a very particular type of guy. Usually from a working class area. Um, he grew up not from money and started owning a tiny little bit. And it's, it's every guy that went on love Island is a Dino fake tan, white teeth, uh, veneers in Turkey, hair transplant also from Turkey, girl who's got fake boobs.

He drives a gray Audi, a three, she drives a Fiat 500. They live in a new build house. Everything's on finance. They like to go to Toby Carvery or to Miller and Carter on a weekend. They like to get a bag in with the boys. They wear skinny jeans. Um, it's like a real archetype. And I guess I would have been kind of like, I was Dino adjacent when I was

running the nightclub stuff and kind of King of the Dinos in that regard, given that Newcastle is pretty Dino central. But I certainly am not anymore. And I never fitted in then either like to a postgraduate degree is not sort of classically Dino. Um, and I had the wrong car, so I would have never fit it in, but that's a fucking great meme that I totally forgot about and, uh, yeah, long live the Dinos, man, um, they're still powering my ex business partner's business. So please don't, don't bad mouth them too much.

Tlo, I F G if you had two children and you had to name them after cities you've been to, which would you pick? Don't, don't, like random aggressive names. Athens kind of cool. Uh, Bali probably makes for a pretty shit name. Um, what else do I like in terms of that? Hmm. Paris is pretty sweet. I guess a ton of all of my friends that I've known throughout the years that I call Paris are pretty fucking cool. So if you want to guarantee a cool kid, it's kind of hard to give a kid a cool name and

have an uncool kid. I wonder if that's a way to future-proof your kid from being too nerdy. Let's say Paris and Athens also both European, so America can take my taxes, but not take my children's names. Just Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky. Nicky? M-Inky. I've been screwed over there.

How do I get over the shame of being rejected by a guy who used and ghosted me? Yeah, I'm sorry that that happened. Uh, it is unfortunately very common. I'm sorry that that happened. Uh, it is unfortunately very common. Maybe less in reverse, but it happens both directions and that sucks. I'm sorry that that, that was something that you went through. It's going to be difficult because you'll have placed some of your self-worth into this person and the fact that they didn't choose you is going to make you feel unworthy.

You're going to wish that if only you'd been better, are you going to think if only I'd been more bigger, if I'd been more electric or more alluring in some way, then they would have stayed. They wouldn't have rejected me. They wouldn't have used me. And then they would have at the very least given me the respect to have said this is over or whatever. It's going to be really hard to get past the emotional side of this. So I can give you a logical answer, which is if you've been rejected

by a guy who used and ghosted you, if he's the sort of guy that uses and ghosts you, that's not rejection. That's a very fortunate early warning system from somebody that has a psychological makeup that you would not want to be in a relationship with long term. Like that is not the sort of guy that you want. That's is that the sort of sun that you would not want to be in a relationship with long-term. Like that is not the sort of guy that you want. Is that the sort of son that you would want? Absolutely not.

Okay. Your kids are going to be made up of the genetics of the partner that you choose. Do you want those genes? You really want, would you want, would you have preferred that he'd stayed with you being the sort of guy that could use and ghost you? I'm going to guess that he's a little bit younger. Um, unfortunately, this is the peril of dating in your twenties. I mean, I will hold my hand up. I did that to girls.

I did that when I was in my twenties because I wasn't brave enough to tell them what I meant, which was I don't want to be with you. Or this is over. Or that was something that was casual, not something that was long-term. And maybe I did or didn't, maybe it was wishful thinking on your part. Or maybe I even was a little bit obfuscatory about what my intentions were and made you think that it was going to be longer term. Like these are all, these are just the things that both parties do when they're

so scared about telling the truth and they don't know how to open up. So it's not a rejection if it's somebody that you would have hated being in a relationship long-term, you've been saved by the fact that this guy behaved that way. The shame comes from feeling like I need to make myself more or different in order to be loved in future because I evidently wasn't enough this time and if I don't change myself, it's just going to happen again.

I would say what the issue was there was bad partner choice, not an issue of you. Uh, no, you may be awful, uh, but the using ghosted thing, like that, that isn't a you thing, that's a them thing. So trying to remember your goal is not to find somebody, your goal is to find somebody who will treat you right as you not to make yourself into the sort of person that someone who would reject yous and ghost you won't do simply because you've sort of super squirrel fucking like Jedi mind tricked them into seeing you as somebody else.

Your goal should be to be as unapologetically yourself in a relationship and have that be chosen by the other person because anything short of that is going to result in you playing some sort of a role or curbing off different parts of yourself or making yourself smaller or making yourself bigger having to perform and that's just not good. So... I hope that helps. This episode is brought to you by Whoop.

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We really want to support and rep modern wisdom. Thank you. Yes, we are close. I promise you we're close. I actually have designs. We've got the blanks that we're going to use. They're fucking sick. The caps that we're going to use are awesome. The hoodies we've been through so many samples of different things.

Um, it just sort of goes to show James Smith has talked about the difficulty of working with me in new tonic. This is the same thing again, but without a James there to actually step in and. Say, all right, that's enough, mate. Um, it'll be this year. It'll be before tour, uh, because we'll have shit available at all of the live shows, Chris Williams and dot live. Hey, um, we'll be this year. It'll be before tour, uh, because we'll have shit available at all of the live shows, Chris Williams and dot live. Hey, um, we'll have stuff before then, uh, and the design to awesome.

And I can't wait to drop them so soon. And sorry for the wait. And it's a different brand. It's actually a separate brand to modern wisdom. And it's maybe the best piece of copywriting that I've done in quite a while. If everybody hates it, I'm going to have egg on my face, but I think it's fucking well cool. So hold on tight.

Beyond the Pale 22. I'm 33 and I found someone I love deeply and genuinely see a future with, but I still find myself craving other women. And I don't think that part of me will ever fully go away. How do I reconcile the part of me that wants a long-term love with the part that still wants to experience more? That is a doozy. And I think it's something that a lot of guys feel. I certainly know that I did for a long time.

And that was the reason that I was a bastard in some previous relationships and you know, was playing away and like just behaving in ways that were really not. They didn't make me feel proud because I was so, I wanted love, but I also had this desire for novelty. And I couldn't square that circle. I couldn't, I couldn't keep my dick in my pants, but I also wasn't sufficiently prepared to be honest with my partner and say, Hey, this is over. I need to go and fuck someone else. I couldn't say that. So you end up in this messy middle ground.

That's the worst place to be in. Um, I think a few things that you can try and think about here. First off, you're not broken as a guy for finding other women attractive. And the fact that other women are attractive is not an indication that there is an issue with you and your partner, especially someone you love deeply, genuinely see a future with. Uh, David Buss told me this story that a guy sent him an email saying, thank you very much, Dr.

Buss, you saved my marriage. Before I read your book, I thought that because I was still attracted to other women walking down the street with my wife who I love and the kids who I love and this life that I've found really fulfilling, I would look at other women and find them attractive. And I thought that that meant there was a problem with this relationship. And your book said there is an area of the brain in men that does not exist in the same way in women that rewards us, gives us reward signals for looking at anything that's sexual.

Even a couple of rocks that look like a pair of boobs, guys will look and be like, yeah, nice rack and get a little bit of a reward in our brain from that. His point was, I thought that the fact I found other women attractive was an indication that my relationship was broken. What you told me was this is something that's just ingrained. It's not, it's not a indication that there is an issue or some sort of shortcoming with the partnership I have right now, it's just the way that men are wired and it doesn't mean that I need to act on it. It doesn't mean that I have an issue with my wife and it alleviated him of all of this guilt. And it sounds like there's at least a little bit of guilt going on here.

Practically, you need to kind of make a decision about what it is that you want. Do you more want the love deeply or do you more want the novelty? And you can try and do the polyamory thing. You can do the polyamory thing. You can do the novelty? And you can try and do the polyamory thing, I suppose. But I, I have very limited hope in that for most people. I think it is a fraught and difficult foundation to build a relationship on. And I think that for most guys, the sort of girls who would be okay with an open or one sided open relationship are typically not the sort of ones

that you want to marry longterm. And this is most guys, most girls. There is a cohort of people who will go to swing a party, put the keys in a bowl, you know, come out, not knowing who's put what bits of their fucking anatomy into each other and be totally sweet about it and just go to work the next day and still love their partner. That's sweet. But for most guys, I think most of them are wired in a way where that's just not.

It's not going to work. I just really don't think it's going to work. Unfortunately. If you don't think that this part of you is ever fully going to go away, and that might be true, can you live, this is a really simple question actually. Can you live with the fact that you're going to find other women attractive, but you can't fuck them if you want to be loyal to your partner. If you can live with that, you lean into the David Buss sort of. Pilled approach. Doesn't mean there's a problem with your partnership. Just something that's there.

The same ways you might be hungry when you're on a diet, but you choose not to eat the junk food. It's like, ha fuck. It's just going to be after a thing that I decide to control. to control. I certainly will say the change that I noticed from age 30 to now age 37 in terms of my desire for sexual variety, this might be a better way to put it, my challenges with loyalty because of wandering, have gotten much easier. I don't know whether that's a change in my programming. Uh, it's certainly not a decrease in my fucking testosterone level, but changing values, perhaps. Um, if you're the sort of guy

that wants kids and wants a family, that is going to be such a strong pole. I do think it's going to overshadow the challenge that you have with this. Maybe it won't ever fully go away that you're going to look at other women, but if you're okay with just clamping that bit of you down and being like, Hey, there it is. I'm hungry for that food. Don't need to eat it. That's good. And if you find yourself getting tempted to go and eat the food, you

don't have it in the house. The equivalent of that would be if you are the sort of guy who can't keep his dick in his pants and you really, really want to be loyal to your partner. You don't go to nightclubs and drink. You don't go on a stag do's and get smashed in party towns. You're with the group. That's a little bit more quiet and goes to bed early. Uh, does this sound like a more boring life?

Well, maybe in some ways, but you kind of treating yourself like a sexual drug addict who isn't to be trusted if there's an open bag of cocaine near them. And if you're in a club at two in the morning, having your, all of your ambition inhibitions gone after 10 drinks, that's a high risk environment. So design your life so that this. Risk doesn't have the opportunity to manifest. Um, you want long-term love, allow that to flourish, uh, spend your time, that consuming content that nourishes that part of you get good dad inspo on YouTube.

And, um, think about all of the ways that family life is going to be amazing. And I get the sense that as you grow up, that is going to come down into land. So hopefully that helps. Ainsay B, any advice for women your age trying to navigate dating life? I'm 37. Women trying to navigate dating life at 37 is a fraught because, presuming that they haven't got something they're bringing along with them, like kids or a divorce or whatever, or even if they have the divorce thing, as long as it's not kids, it's a, it's a minefield out there because there is

this sense of needing to hurry up that you're going to have to go through. And even if you have got kids, uh, you're like, fuck, like I really want it. I want it, I want it to be the thing. I want it to be the B relationship for the rest of time. Um, I would be uncompromising with what it is that you, uh, like two or three things that you really, really want. I want a partner who is peaceful. I want a partner who makes me feel safe. I want a partner who is peaceful. I want a partner who makes me feel safe. I want a partner who can provide for me financially that sick.

All right. He doesn't get to be six foot. You don't get to complain about his body. You don't get to complain about his education. Like you, if you are 37 as a woman, if you're any age, that you really shouldn't have more than about three things that are fucking super, super non-negotiables, because you've all seen that whole math like delusion calculator thing for women. It's like, how tall does he need to be? And what's his body fat percentage and how much does he need to earn?

And before you know it, you're down to 0.5% of the entire population from a small number of things. I would say pick the things that really matter and learn to be flexible about the other ones. I would prioritize something like psychological stability. So how long after you've had a, uh, psychological perturbed. Are they able to get back to baseline and become, uh, that's real important. Um, are they loyal? They trustworthy?

Do they make you feel safe? Like, do you, when you're around them, do you feel regulated or are you uncertain? Can they communicate their feelings? Well, like all of these things like are so fucking accessible and really predictive of long-term relationship success. And most people are optimizing for other things. They're optimizing for how tall they are. They're optimizing for what their education level is, or they're optimizing

for like the car that they drive or like even other stupid, like how tall they are. They're optimizing for what their education level is, or they're optimizing for like the car that they drive or like even other stupid, like how cool they are. Like, oh, he's, you know, cool. Coolness is basically extraversion plus openness to experience. And like energy, I suppose, like high energy vibe, you know, all of those things really, really great. Totally non-predictive when it comes to your partner. In fact, you want a partner that's a little bit less open to experience.

You want a partner who's like just moderately open to experience because too open to experience causes them to stray and look for other partners. So pick a small number of non-negotiables, stick to those, be flexible with the other ones, focus on the things that predict relationship success long-term. Tai Toshiro has got a great book on this. So has, not Scott Barry Kaufman, not Steve Stewart Williams. Fuck. Who was the dude that did Don't Trust Your Gut and everybody lies.

Seth Stevens-Dividowitz, choosing like all the fucking triple barrel Jewish names that I can think of. Seth Stevens-Dividowitz, Don't Trust Your Gut, wonderful book. What are the predictive areas that you should be looking for? Merge those with your own preferences and off to the races. Inspired evolution, how to build a podcasting team and what roles did you fill slash have filled and in which order? I did not do it in any form of gold standard way, I'm afraid. First high was an

editor, video guide in who's still with me now did everything full stack graphic design, video capture, edit, thumbnail, not necessarily design, but thumbnail creation. Second was an assistant, largely administrative assistant, but also did personal stuff and a little bit of EA things too, they were just picking up correspondence, uh, helping to make sure the posting schedules were kept to doing QC quality control, uh, fourth member of staff that would now at this point, like five years into the show. Right.

We've done 700 episodes and I get my fourth member of staff. Fourth member of staff was a YouTube strategist who helped me with the copywriting because at three episodes a week, I was having to come up with every title, every thumbnail for every clip and every episode, multiple across time. Then we got, I think, audio platform manager who also helped out with ads

and an ads guy that was from an external agency. Remembering these aren't necessarily all full-time members of staff. You can just pick up contractors, but really the, if you can get a great full stack editor, um, I mean, ideally if you can get an editor who was also a producer, like young Jamie for Joe, uh, you're laughing because that's like five roles in one. Um, you need an assistant of some kind, an administrative assistant. It doesn't need to be in person, although it would help if it is. Uh, and then someone who does ads because it's, it's just so much correspondence sending invoices and, oh, this person hasn't paid and we need to change the read for that and, oh, the deal for whatever the word I was

changed, and then you can start to build up from there, but that would be my stripped back version. Chiamo K9N, how do you feel now at 37 seeing youngsters clubbing and partying away their 20s, given that that was the life you live for 15 years before turning yourself around? I don't know how many youngsters are clubbing and partying away their twenties. All the stats are about Gen Z, Dan, leave the house. They want to be in bed by 10 PM. They're all addicted to weed and Netflix. I don't know.

The ones that I do see that are doing that. The only concern I have is if you get sort of deep into your thirties and you're still doing it and it's still your primary source of well, but actually probably to toward the end of your twenties. Um, I think it's, fuck, I had a great time partying. I had a great time running nightclubs. It was really fun. And I learned an awful lot, especially about business.

I'm aware that not most people are running the clubs, they're clubbing and partying, they're just like attending, but it makes for cool memories. As long as you're not doing dangerous levels of drugs or spending money to the point where you do lasting damage, like bankruptcy or credit ratings and things like that, as long as you're like moderately responsible, I don't think it matters, but I started to see through kind of the veil a bit at 27, 26, 27, did love Island 25. No, did love Island 27.

Fuck. 28, 29 was when I went sober, stopped drinking. 30 was when I started the show. So that was a big transition period, the man drinking. 30 was when I started the show. So it was a big transition period, the manopause, the end of my 20s. If you're getting toward 30 and that's still where most of your self-worth comes from and most of your enjoyment, I think that's worth a bigger question. But up until 25, 26, 27, send it, have fun.

And then it's out, hopefully it's out of your system like it is for me. I have no desire, I have no like unfulfilled, unrequited dreams of going to a B-Thru and partying. I did it 30 times and sniffed my head off like, okay, we're done. I don't need to go and do that. And I think in some ways, in some ways that's good.

Not cutting yourself short. So, bit of partying, small, good dose of parting with the deadline. Typical Rev Head 8364. I caught a story a few weeks ago. I caught a story a few weeks back of you drifting at a drift school. So cool. Are you going to continue the arts? Oh, typical Rev Head.

I fucking love that Texas drift Academy. If anybody is near Austin wants to learn how to drift a car, they are. I went from having never drifted a car apart from accidentally to pretty competent at drifting a car in the space of six hours and, uh, like stringing together multiple drifts. It was wild. It was really, really cool. And will I continue doing it?

Uh, probably shouldn't do it in the 6.2 liter V8, two SS Camaro, because it is only meant to go in a straight line and it doesn't really do that all that well. Uh, but the modified three 50 Z three 70 Z sorry, with like locked rear diff and like, you know, the E brakebrake and stuff, that was cool and easy. I'll go back, but I'll probably do it with friends next time. I think it was good to get a session in and learn, but it's a, it's like 90 minutes away from me, so big ask. If it was closer, I'd do it more.

Mimmo Criminale 8592. How do you deal with the regret of wasted time and potential? It's tough on men. Thinking, where did all of that time go? I could have done more with it. I'm on the back foot. I feel like I need to play catch up. I should be further along than I am.

And that's difficult thing. Um, certainly a few things you can think about. You, you made the decisions that you could with the information that you had available at the time. And even if they were the wrong decisions, you now know that going forward. And that's a lesson that you've learned, which means that you now have more information. Hooray. You also don't have a fucking time machine, which means that you can't go back and change it.

So you did what you could with the information you had available and you can't go back and change it. The regret really doesn't have much place. And you know, that's largely a treatise on not regretting things, but people are going to regret everything they do, even with that piece of knowledge. However, your concern is around wasted time and potential, and you are wasting your time and your potential with your regret. So not only did that thing in the past waste your time and your potential, then it's continuing to take up your time and your potential right now, even though it's not still going.

That is a special type of hell. That is you being puppeted by an error from the past in the present, making the thing that you are regretful of from the past still continue right now. That should be a fucking solvent that dissolves whatever it is that you're dealing with. Oh, my regret is causing the problem. I'm trying to get over to happen again. I need to get rid of it. I just need to focus on action.

Action is the antidote to anxiety. So you just lean into whatever it is, make a plan, stick to it. Stop thinking about the past. Tuck oak 5630. Do you have any recommendations for books or authors that you find wise and helpful for personal growth? Well, Tuck Oak 5630. I just released the second Modern Wisdom reading list.

First one I did a hundred books to read before you die. Second one I did a hundred more bucks to read before you die. Very creatively titled. It's available at chriswillx.com slash more books. M O R E B O O K S chriswillx.com slash more books. It's a hundred more that you should read before you die. There's tons in there, fiction, nonfiction, real life stories. There's a bit more fiction in this one, but they're fucking fire.

And you can go and get the first one at chriswillx.com slash books. There's 200 and there, fiction, nonfiction, real life stories. There's a bit more fiction in this one, but they're fucking fire. And you can go and get the first one at chriswellx.com slash box. There's 200 and it took ages and 300,000 people downloaded the first one. So it can't be that bad. And I get lots of messages from people. Actually, that's one of the coolest things. People come up and say nice things sometimes in the street. I'm one of the coolest ones. I got stopped by this dude, like Guido looking guy tank top vest thing on in

the upper East side of New York and stopped by the side of the road. Yo, Chris. I was like, Oh, Hey man. Hey, nice to meet you. What's your name? Oh, my name is John or whatever. Like strike, I can't do this strong New York, like Italian accent. I just wanted to say thank you for, uh, I'm thinking he's going to say, you know,

the episode with Alex Hormosi, the, the, the one with Matthew McConaughey for the podcast for putting, for being honest with you. And he's like, for the, uh, the, the reading list. I like, huh, I wasn't expecting that from tank top wire and Guido here, but he's, and a few people have said that. I'm like, shit, like that's cool. Cause they found lots of things that are interesting to them as this tiny little thing, so chriswellex.com slash more bucks. You can go and get it. It's cool. Cause they've found lots of things that are interesting to them as this tiny little thing. So chriswellex.com slash more box.

You can go and get it. It's awesome. YouTube Geeko advice for men who crave a female partner, but are terrified that their authentic self will be rejected or isn't worthy of love. Oh, that's good. I kind of said it earlier on. Your goal. I kind of said it earlier on, your goal, your goal really in relationships is to find the person around whom you can be your most, you feel most like yourself.

You're not self-censoring. I guess it's two, it's two ends. You feel like you can say things without censorship as freely as possible. And you feel like you can sit in silence and not need to fill it. If you have both of those things, you are pretty resonant with that person, right? You are in, you're vibing with them. They are on the same sort of level as you. And that's wonderful because we have to put on all kinds of acts and personas

to get through our day-to-day existence. We have to behave differently at work and in meetings and around our parents. And that's exhausting a lot of the time. And if you can't even be yourself around your partner, I fear that it's such a huge drain on you. And what's, what does it teach you? It teaches you the lesson. I cannot be myself anywhere. Like if I can't be myself with my long-term partner that I'm supposed to be, that's supposed to see me and love me for who I am.

So again, it comes back to what I said earlier on this compatibility thing. If you can't be yourself around your partner, just find someone that you can. So advice for men who crave a female partner, but are terrified that their authentic self would be rejected or isn't worthy of love, your authentic self will be accepted and is worthy of love just from the right woman. And your goal is to continue to show your authentic self over and over again. So that every single person who it is not for rejects you or you reject them. That should be your goal.

Your goal should be as many rejections as possible from you or from them while showing your authentic self, because it means the person, if you're not showing your authentic self, the person who would have loved you is not going to, because you're not showing up as you and the person who ends up loving you does not love you because you haven't fucking shown yourself. It's like, it's such basic maths that when you realize if you play a role, the person that you're with doesn't fall in love with you and their love doesn't ever actually come into contact with your sense of self-being because you know

that it's not love, it's praise. They're praising this role that you're playing. Oh, well done for doing the little act that made me giggle over dinner. But what you know is that that joke wasn't actually what you meant to say. You had this other monologue in the back of your mind that you muted. And then you did this little performance. You did this little dance and they giggled and you gave yourself like kind of a congratulation, but it's so hollow because it's not love. It's praise.

And your goal should be to be your authentic self over and over again and be rejected or reject as many times as possible until you find the person that you can be your authentic self around and then you do everything in your power to hold on to them. That's the way to do it, I think, as the not married person of 37. Um, I think it is. And that's when I feel happiest as well, when I'm being my authentic self. So hopefully that, I guess the one caveat here is there is such a thing as your authentic self kind of being an asshole. at here is there is such a thing as your authentic self kind of being an asshole.

And that requires you to do some personal development. Your authentic self, you can say, you know, I'm a farter. I've always been a farter. I'm going to continue. My daddy was a farter. My son will be a farter. I'm a farter. Because I'm a farter, I'm going to make sure on my first date that I'm, I'm my authentic self. I'm going to fart my way through this first date.

It's like, ah, maybe you should get rid of that. Maybe that's not the best place for your authenticity to come out. Maybe actually that's a part of you that you need to improve. And you need to work out what are the areas that you do not want to compromise on that you feel are very close to your sense of self and what are the areas where you think, huh, this person who accepts a lot of the bits of me, but doesn't accept that bit of me, I actually don't like that bit of me either. And they're getting me to transcend it and include it and

alchemize and move past it. Wouldn't that be wonderful? So hopefully that helps. Uyath Anduar 665, as the only child, do you wish you had siblings? Why or why not? Ah, I think I do. Um, I was very well supported by mom and dad. Um, but it's difficult to be socialized in the same way as kids who've had siblings,

millions, millions, multiple millions of tiny, tiny interactions that you have every single day for decade and a half with your sibling that helped to socialize you and teach you what it means to have an argument and then make up afterward and have somebody that's always in your corner or have to learn to share or just so many sort of fundamental lessons that you have to construct. You have to go out and find friends or play sports or you can learn from parents.

It's just not the same. So I think it would have expedited a lot of my learning, but on the flip side, it made me very independent, very resilient to solitude, very prepared to do things without permission because there was no one around to ask permission from, very single-minded. So a lot of the things that I am really valuable, I find valuable in myself and I think are very useful and have given me a life that I'm pretty proud of. A lot of those have come out of it too.

So, um, I wish I'd had siblings. I'm fine with the fact that I didn't, but, uh, my intention when I start a family is to, uh, have more than one. So, Trevor Chrisky, Chrisky, Chrissy, Chrisky. What are your thoughts on traveling alone? Big fan. Done it a lot. Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris. What are your thoughts on traveling alone? Big fan. Done it a lot. I think if you're ever struggling for answers in your life, uh, you don't know what your next life direction should be.

Obviously you need the money and the time and whatever to do that, but in presuming that you've got the cash to get you on a flight to Thailand and back, you can afford to go because once you're there, it's $5 a day. Um, I loved it. I did Thailand on my own Bali, on my own America road trips, Hawaii. I went to a lot of places, including all around the UK, uh, on my own. And it taught me a lot about the world. It exposed me to things that I wouldn't have done.

Otherwise it gave me new perspectives. It is a real step change in how you see yourself and how you understand the world and it teaches you what you want and it gives you insights into how other people live their lives in good and bad ways. It's phenomenal. Connor K Performance. Being in Austin, what are your thoughts on the hybrid athlete? Ah, yes. Austin's kind of the mecca for the hybrid athlete at the moment. I think Nick Bear and Lucy Davies and George Heaton always coming out here and Jake and the guys, they, um, they're making it kind of the center of the universe for the mustache, the go one more hat, the gym shark shorts, the Salkini running trainers.

It's not for me. I'm not built for distance. Um, I mean, everybody knows it's like such a fucking meme now, but that a hybrid athlete is a runner that's a shit lifter or a lifter that's a shit runner. Um, it's cool that people are thinking more holistically about their cardiovascular health. It's certainly better for you. I think than CrossFit is or was because it's less complex.

There's less like insane loads that are being done under duress, uh, and extreme fatigue that I'm all in for that. Um, CrossFit was fun. I kind of went through my hybrid phase with Crossfit, I guess, like the OG hybrid athlete. And now I'm at the other side. I'm getting into running a little bit, but I do not intend on doing a high rocks at all. So sorry. Kyle McCallum, why don't you use phone cases?

That's true. Here we are. Look at this. As James Smith said, I like my phones, how I like my sex. Bear back. He, uh, I dunno. I, I, I remember, I can't remember who it was. Someone said, you know, tens of millions, hundreds of millions of dollars of

engineering going into creating this beautiful device that you have that's perfectly designed. And then you go and slap a 15 pound case from Amazon on it and destroy it. And it feels horrible. And it's clunky. If you've, I mean, I too like to continue the bareback analogy. Once you have lived with a phone that doesn't have a case for a while, when you pick one up that does just doesn't feel the same.

So I'll leave that one there. Phoenix prints 99. Honestly, curious why you still dress like a student seems asymmetrical to your online presence. That's a fair point. Uh, look, I dress for comfort. Um, I really prioritize feeling comfortable. And that means that some variation of kind of pajamas at all times, publicly acceptable pajamas, uh, is usually my approach.

Should I be elevating my style? Should I have a stylist who's stepping in and putting me in trendy clothes and having a signature look and stuff probably. Um, but at least for what I do, so much, almost 95% of what it is that I do is how in the moment am I when I'm writing or thinking or having a conversation with someone? And if I'm not comfortable that detracts away from the big thing. That's not to say that I can't dress well or not like a student and also that I have

to be uncomfortable at the same time. I'm aware that that's not necessarily something I have to do. I haven't thought about it that much. Being honest, the last five years since the beginning of COVID, actually probably last six years, I've just had my head down kind of grinding away, trying to reach some sort of escape velocity with the show. Um, so maybe I'll start paying more attention to my appearance. Uh, I, I like, look, I get stick on the internet for being all style, no

substance, and then that usually gets replied to with what you think he's got style. So I'm like, okay, no style, no substance. And then that usually gets replied to with what you think he's got style. So I'm like, okay, no style, no substance. Fantastic. Thank you. Um, because the X-mail model thing, cause it'll have Ireland thing and all the rest of it, you would not believe how little time I pay paying attention to my. Appearance.

Uh, I hadn't looked in, I'm not kidding. I would not look in a mirror before leaving the house when I had my previous haircut, hairstyle. Now with this, I'd have to at least a little bit, if I've slept on one side too much, I end up with this sort of like, I don't know, bad guy from an eighties action movies thing going on. Um, maybe I should pay more attention to my, to my appearance applications for stylists available below the Scott Barney. You've taken the advice of

literally every guru you've ever interviewed. You're jacked, sexy, wealthy, wise and yet the last and most important piece of advice you've probably received a hundred times is to get married and have children. You don't have any more excuses. When are you going to settle down and have kids? Um, that started off so nicely and then it became a fucking intervention. Um, soon, man. I hope I've said this before. I, I hope that I haven't made a mistake by focusing on different things in my twenties and in a chunk of my thirties as well.

I focused on myself. I was very selfish because I could be, and I wanted to see the world and I wanted to experience things and I wanted to build a business and become financially free. And I wasn't ready. I mean, many people may say you never become ready to be a parent. You just sort of take the leap and it happens. But I certainly know that the person that I was even five years ago, certainly 10 years ago, would have been a significantly worse father than I will be. And I like the idea of all of this time that I've spent being for more than just my own

vapid need for recognition and to improve myself and feel cool or smart or peaceful or whatever. That all of the additional time that I made my kids wait arriving on this planet has been spent turning their dad into the sort of person that's really going to be there for them and can really help them to navigate difficult challenges in life and will show up for them in a way that I couldn't have done previously. So, um, hopefully I don't regret that. I mean, I have frozen my sperm now. Like, yeah. And I'm getting varicoseal surgery a week on Tuesday.

So this is going out on the Saturday. A week on Tuesday, I'm getting varicoseal surgery a week on Tuesday. So this is going out on the Saturday, a week on Tuesday. I'm getting literal ball surgery, uh, again, to improve fertility and also improves testosterone. I'm going to do a vlog about it. Of course, ball surgery vlog, uh, I'm paying a lot of attention to it. And I look forward to being a dad. I look forward to having a family, but I'm glad that I closed the loop on a lot of things first.

You know, I don't feel like I've got unrequited dreams from my twenties, from partying, from being liberated, from, you know, being able to have adventures and stuff in that way. And the show as well is stable now and it wouldn't have been that way. If I'd done it earlier, it wouldn't have in that way. And, um, the show as well is stable now and it wouldn't have been that way. If I'd done it earlier, it wouldn't have been that way. So I've reached a particular type of escape velocity or momentum that I can take advantage of. So, uh, when am I going to settle down and have kids?

Soon, hopefully. Jhansson04xD, how much do you credit this success to your interview with Finn Taylor? Uh, a hundred percent. Actually, it's very interesting that you say that. I am kind of the last guy in the human centipede with Finn Taylor being at the front and any scraps of success that I have managed to achieve are downstream from him. That being said, Finn versus the internet is one of the best

new podcasts that I've listened to. Everyone should go and check it out. And also if you haven't seen me on Finn Taylor's show, just That being said, Finn versus the internet is one of the best new podcasts that I've listened to. Everyone should go and check it out. And also if you haven't seen me on Finn Taylor's show, just search Finn F I N versus the internet, Chris Williamson, and you will watch me get roasted. Harder than I ever have been for a full 30 minutes straight. So if you feel like you hate me for some reason and want to see a really witty comedian tear me apart. You can go and do that.

Maybe that'll make you feel happy. Casper 11. Are you going to see sleep token on their upcoming us tour? Yes, I am. I will be at the Utah date. I think it's on Monday, the somethingth of October. Um, I am, I'm going to see architects this weekend in Dallas and Houston. I'm going to be taking the tour bus with them from date to date.

Uh, I'm seeing, bring me in Dallas and Houston in a couple of months, and then I will be at the Utah date of sleep token. So say hi, if you're there. Lorenzo, Lorenzo, Sassalonealone, three seven five nine. Congratulations. You get the most difficult to pronounce name after the Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I just got diagnosed with tinnitus. Heard you have it too.

Any tips? Sorry about that. Um, mine comes and goes. I've had it and had, did have it for a long time and it is fucking ruthless. So first off it sucks and I'm sorry. Um, I have to say for me, carnival diet, I sound like Michaela Peterson, carnival diet made a big difference, um, being low inflammation, low blood sugar helped me a lot. And I got out the other side of it. And beyond the sort of background hum that everybody kind of has a little bit,

tips for dealing with it. Tinnitus is happening because there is an absence of sound. I sleep with earplugs in, which means that's a nightmare. Try white noise machine and crank it up a little bit. Get a fan or an air doctor or some sort of room filter that makes a bit of noise background hum that'll actually sometimes bring the tinnitus down down because it helps your brain to not have to fill in the gaps in the silence because there's less silence.

So white noise fan, something like that, that might help too. And low sugar diets, maybe try meat and fruit for a couple of weeks. See how we get on. David Scadron, who wins in a fight between you and Lex Friedman? Lex is Russian and a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. We all know how this is going to end up. Uh, I'm going to leave it there. We've done, I've done an hour and a half ish.

Um, one thing I do want to say actually, before I finish up, it's like just the OGs at the end. You know, this is 2.55 AM in a nightclub just before they're about to put the lights on and everyone's desperately looking around for whoever's left and sober that they can go, not even sober, whoever's left and conscious that they can go home with, um, you might've noticed, or at least I have today on this episode, that my words per minute have been higher. I've made fewer speech errors.

I've laughed more. I've been more energetic. I've seemed in better spirits. And I'm just reflecting on the fact that I haven't really got to feel that for quite a while. I've been in real maximum sad boy energy for over a year now. And I'm just reflecting on the fact that I haven't really got to feel that for quite a while. I've been in real maximum sad boy energy for over a year now.

I lived in hotels for four months last year. I did a lot of things that fucking sucked, right? All the health bullshit. And what a nice treat. What a joy. Even if it's just briefly for this time before the hypothermia treatment reverts me back to whatever else, whatever horrible baseline I'm going to live in for the next however long until we fully fix this thing. I really enjoyed doing this

today and it's the most I've enjoyed anything in a little while. So I hope that came across and I hope it enlivened your day, that you learned something. And tickets, chriswilliamson.live, come and see me, New York, Boston, Denver, Nashville, Austin, no, Nashville sold out, Austin, Salt Lake City, a bunch of other places, Chicago. chriswillex.com slash more bucks for a list of a hundred more books that you should read before you die. I'll see you very soon. All right.

Peace. I get asked all the time for book suggestions. People want to get into reading fiction or nonfiction or real life stories. And that's why I made a list of 100 of the most interesting and impactful books that I've ever read. These are the most life changing reads that I've ever found. And there's descriptions about why I like them and links to go and buy them and it's completely free and you can get it right now by going to chriswillx.com slash books that's chriswillx.com slash books