Modern Wisdom - James Sexton, Rick Glassman, Matt McCusker - Mostly Wise #4 - #1156

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

In the fourth episode of Mostly Wise, we explore: If there is any sexual tension between clients and divorce lawyers. Why Rick can't hook up with someone he isn't in love with. Where all the hot goth girls up and disappeared to. The craziest clauses found in James' clients' prenuptial agreements. How to talk to your partner about gaining weight. Gen Z's big problem with being the most sexless generation. And much more... Guests James Sexton is a New York-based divorce attorney and author, known for his expertise in family law and insights on marriage and divorce. Matt McCusker is a comedian, writer, author and podcaster. Rick Glassman is a comedian, actor, and podcaster. Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: ⁠https://chriswillx.com/deals⁠ Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get up to $350 off the Eight Sleep Pod 6 at https://eightsleep.com/modernwisdom Get 160+ lab tests for just $365 and save an extra $25 at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Get a Free Sample Pack of LMNT’s most popular flavours with your first purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom Get ChatGPT to explore ideas, solve problems, and learn faster at ⁠https://chatgpt.com Extra Stuff: See me live in the UK & Ireland this October: ⁠https://chriswilliamson.live Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: ⁠https://chriswillx.com/books⁠ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: ⁠https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom⁠ Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: ⁠lnkfi.re/SN-Goggins⁠ #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: ⁠lnkfi.re/SN-Peterson⁠ #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: ⁠lnkfi.re/SN-Huberman⁠ - Get In Touch: Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast⁠ Email: ⁠https://chriswillx.com/contact⁠ - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

People of the UK and Ireland, I'm coming to you live. Imagine that. Me on stage in your city. Dublin is completely sold out, but everywhere else has got limited tickets left, and you can get yours now at chris Williamson.com. This is a custom-built live show. I absolutely adore it. I've spent over a year working on it.

So if you're a fan of everything, Modern Wisdom, come and see me on stage this October around the UK and Ireland, Chris Williamson.com. You're like a regular here now. Yeah, man. Congratulations on the gig, man. Appreciate it. Is he paying you?

No, we figured out. They don't worry about it, man. He only comes with council president. I'm a half owner in Newtonic now. Wow. What's your problem with blow jobs and granola? I keep on hearing me. My problem with blow jobs?

It's no problem at all. No, it's so bloated. This is like, this story blew up. So I was representing a woman and she, I'd been a lot of miles with her. It was an ugly divorce. She was like a successful, you know, finance person in New York City, very put together, two kids, husband who was in finance. Husband was kind of a train wreck.

We didn't realize it. He was getting like a big bonus checkout. every year, and he, unbeknownst to her, was just putting it in a secret bank account that she didn't know about and then going to Vegas and just blowing it up a couple hundred thousand. This guy, like, if I could, like, go back in time, I would love to have seen this guy's nights out in Vegas. Because when I finally got the receipts and stuff of it, he was blowing like a buck 50, $200,000 in one night at like Dow, like just shirt off on the, you know, with bottles, like crazy.

She had no idea. And so ugly divorce because we had to prove wasteful. dissipation of marital assets, try to get one half of that back. Wasteful dissipation of marital assets. Balling out, basically. Balling without life. It's burning money that was supposed to be marital money and you get it half back. That's your understanding of it.

Yeah. Wait, what do you mean? When you may say marital money, what's that mean? I didn't know you were a vest. So basically if like your team and your partner is out there spending buck 50, 200k a tow, just basically shirt off, blowing all your. your wads. Not like double-fishing things like that.

It's more like, you know. Yeah. No, that just felt when you did it. What about, what about daily? What about daily? Something for me. I don't know. What about daily Amazon packages?

What about daily Amazon packages? That's called DAP and it depends on if it's for the family or for yourself. No, we actually made a successful argument that like someone buying a lot of burkin bags and shoes was wasteful dispation of marital assets. Yeah. Oh, so you flipped it on. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But anyway, I was representing this woman and she basically was like, thing was falling apart. Did the divorce custody case. of ugly and we'd been a lot of miles together and we were sitting on a lunch break and had gone to Starbucks and we were waiting for testimony to start again. And I just was making small talk with her and I said, oh, like, was there a moment in your marriage where you knew it was over? Like, where you just felt it was over. And she said, yeah, my, my, my, I remember it. And I was like, oh, what, like, what was it? And she said, like, you know, there was this granola that I used to put on

my yogurt every morning and my husband. Whenever, like, I was running out of it, he would buy it for me. And it was just, it wasn't something he'd, like, asked for, you know, good boy points on. Like, it was just something he would do. And it made me feel very loved and seen. And then one day, like, the granola ran out. She's like, and I just was waiting for him to, like, refill it. Like, I wanted to give him the chance to refill it. And he just didn't. And I made me realize, like, oh, shit, this thing's going down. Yes, right? Question. You in the back. Tell me if, who disagrees with this statement. It's wonderful that your partner. recognizes the things that are important to you.

But when you recognize that your partner doesn't notice it, instead of playing the game of, will he discover? And instead you say, hey, I don't have any, a granola. Could we get granola? And see how he responds to that, as opposed to playing a game. Well, to be fair, he didn't get the granola because he's probably getting a double blow job in Las Vegas. Well, we know this now.

But this was when she realized it was over before she knew that. I think it's the difference between, like a woman saying to, do you think I look pretty in this dress? And her walking in and you going, wow, that dress. Like, it's the, if you had to solicit it, there's this feeling that you needed to do that and now it lost something, right? Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with needing to do something. Totally.

If I want you to recognize that of granola, I would say, hey, listen, we're out of granola. I know you're busy. You're double fisting it at the whatever you're doing. But, like, this is important to me. Next time, could you just take a look? And if, you know, I think that would be nice. But also, what are you saying is there was a thoughtful, there's a thing where she was like, he's thinking about me. Yeah, I think she felt because she never asked for it and he did it and he didn't even ask for like, like, hey, look what I did for you.

It just made, it's just a feeling. It made her feel seen in love. It was the granola in the coal mine. It was the granola in the coal mine. And I said to her. My wife sent me this thing. Because we were having this chat and I said to her, but the PS of it is actually good that your wife sent it to you because I said to her like, oh, like, you know, is there anything like that that you did for him?

And she went, yeah, blow jobs. And I, like, spit my fucking coffee out because I was not expecting her to say that. And she was like, yeah, like when we were dating. Should have swallowed your coffee. I gave him a lot of blow jobs, you know. And he never asked. She's like, no, and he didn't have to ask. Like, she said, how did you know I wanted this again?

Not yet. Yeah. But she said, I used to do it the morning. Honey, it's a fifth birthday party. Yeah. We're in church. Come on. Yeah.

No, she was just blown. I'm left and right. She said when we were first dating. She was like, I just used to like, you know, I used to like just give him. He took like three minutes in the morning and he'd be in a good mood all fucking day. And he would like text me and be like, oh, it was so hot this morning. And, you know, like, I think there's something to be said about the idea of just like unload the gun, you know. So I think that she was like, yeah.

And then at some point I just stopped. It wasn't like a conscious decision. It was more like, you know, oh, like, well, when he comes home tonight, we'll have sex and we both get to enjoy it. Like, I don't owe him a blow job. And like, you know, I don't, oh, she doesn't owe me the grinole. but there was this shift in the relationship. And that's why I was like, look, I'm not trying to say, like, buying granola and blow jobs is the same level of effort.

But it's just something that you don't have to do and that you... But you don't have to buy it every time. Like one blowjob doesn't last for 10 comes. Eleanor Rosenoff. Well, it's secondly not. If you have a mouth, it's free. Artisanal blow jobs. Also, three minutes for a blowjob.

Am I? Am I? Is there something wrong with me? But it might be picky. You know what I mean? Like, it might be, yeah. Because you've got it. You know what I mean? Stominer of bowl.

That's one it might be. But a blowjave in three minutes is very quick, unless it's like American pie and it's naughty is sucking you off. So you're saying it takes you a lot longer. Okay. I'm a lot longer. It depends if she's funny or not. Oh, okay, sorry, receiving.

Receiving. Oh, we slammed you. How was that even? He said, you were. I have a question. Whoa, I'm not assuming anything. Why is it a slam to assume that I'm gay? Yeah, it's not at all.

It's definitely a slam. What's a slam about that? We're talking about that. We're talking about game. You want the notes? Do the classic. Yeah, that was a slam. That was a slam.

Can I, can I, do you have that much hate? That much hate in your heart? That is your ear. I want to talk to you about the rampant homophobia that's going on and what people think is the Red Hill world. And is that. His earmativity. His ear. Yeah, he had a prop ear ready.

Wow. He's ready to go. I am a ha. He's going to carrot top boy. He's going to carrot out. I keep props in all my pants in case they go on stage. I got, I got, I got incense stick that looked like cigarette. I was wondering what was going on there.

That's awesome. And that fucking joke. Lida, come on. Come on now. Well, that's, yeah. The question I have, and I don't know if she can even disclose this, like, did she, who slowed up first? The granola side of the blowjerk?

I said to her, like, with chicken or the egg. Like, was it granola or the blow job? And she said she really didn't know. She said the blow job probably. Like that. And she really didn't, it was interesting. She was kind of humble about it that. She was like, yeah, I don't know why I did that.

Like, why I stopped. She's like, I probably shouldn't do it. It started taking longer than three minutes. That might have been it. It might have been. I mean, it might, I think it actually is that just like life gets in the way sometimes and people stop paying attention. What fuck is this? I kind of like it. Yeah. It's going to right at him. When headphones kill us, there's four people talking over each other. And I'm saying the funniest stuff.

I should have tested this before it's on the boss. I think it's nice. It's a nice touch. Yeah. Yeah, that video went crazy. That video, yeah, the video blew up. Now, what is this sexual tension like in these meetings when you're sitting with a woman who's probably scorned in some capacity. Yeah. Thinking about like telling you all of her husband's weaknesses and shortcomings. And you're like the night and shining armor. Exactly.

Yeah, you're a lawyer. You're a lawyer. You're in front of her being like, yeah, what a fucking jerk. Um, they, they definitely get like a crush on you. Mm-hmm. But you would never find a woman attractive when you're her divorce lawyer. Because you just see the absolute worst parts of it. Don't you want to see that now?

I would love if a first date was showing up as like, hey, this is what, this is what it's like when it's bad. And like, oh, I can handle that. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be, I mean, it would probably be really healthy to see up front, like, okay, what's this going to look like on the really like. Yeah, when we get divorced. That's why I'm really rude on first dates.

Yeah. No, there is some. Start as you start at the end and work backward from there. So begin with divorce level. Yeah. That's why I'm really rude on first dates. Yeah. When you first date, you have like spanks on your personality.

Yeah. And you're really being cautious. And I think there's a lot of value. That's why I said to you when last time we talked. It was like, I'd talk to it was like, I talk about a pre-up on the third date. Like, I think right away that you need to start getting that discourse out there about, like, what is the economy of this relationship, what's the intention?

Like, what are we going to owe each other or what do we want from each other? Like, what do we – I don't mean that in an unromantic way, like, in a sense of, like, what are we both think is meaningful in this connection between the two ways? That's unromantic, though. I don't know. A knight – it's not chivalrous at all to be like, what the fuck are you going to do for me? You have to go, my lady. I love you.

You can have everything I have. I also think it's about like what do we mean to each other what do you need from me like what am I gonna like like where can because economy to me is like we're trading value and it's like we're both bringing you something really like drying her up you're drying her up right now I'm not really rude on a first date it's like what I it's like I pledge my life to the yeah you have to be a night just be like take all my stuff yeah you can have it all I think it's important that you show up as you are so you definitely didn't have a pre-up then yeah yeah yeah Never. You should show up as you really are. And if that's who you really are, then you should do that. Exactly. And I personally think it should be zero and 100. The girl should get 100% of your money.

The woman. Yeah. The girl. My man. I don't like that. I don't like bringing economics into something as beautiful as. You just have. And it's 100.

Well, economics is in it. It's all or nothing. I mean, it's in it. Everything isn't economics. I give you my all. It's not economics. It's love. I give you my all.

Everything isn't economics. It's love is great merch. Thank you. I believe that. I mean, it's good for my business model. Because I think the more that people dive into the idea of like, we're in love, that's all that matters, our connection is everything, everything that is yours is mine. Well, that would be 50-50, not 0,100.

Because if it's everything is yours as mine, it implies some stuff is mine. Depends how good your divorce attorney is. That's true. Because you can get to 100-0. Pretty pretty easy. It also depends on how empathetic the team that's now set. separating is. Well, I like, what I like is you can have everything. Caviot, if you cheat on me, I get to kill you. To kill you. Yeah. Legally. Would you want to do that? Huh? Would you want to do

that? Files betrayed? I'd want the option. I wouldn't, I wouldn't exercise it right away, but, you know, that one right away. How long is the option last? I'd wait like six years. Sorry. Sorry. I'd wait until she started a new relationship. Why? Oh, kidding. Sorry. Can you try and find It's a way that medieval times they did marital disputes and the man had to be in a hole in the ground and the woman had to have a sock and it was like a public fucking display. And this was how they actually settle. Have you seen this? I haven't, but it's- Medieval Germany.

Some legal fight books illustrated a rare form of trial by combat where a married couple could settle severe marital disputes. Yeah, click on that. So you have to. The husband was placed with a sword though. Go back. Go back. She has a sock, he has a sword. Yeah, that seems unfair.

Yeah. So the husband was placed in a waist deep in a pit or hole in the ground with one arm tied behind his back. He was given three wooden clubs, but he had to surrender one club each time he touched or stepped outside of the pit. Wow. The wife was allowed complete freedom of movement around the pit, and she was armed with a heavy stone or a brick sewn into a cloth sack or a slag. That feels really sexist, though. It doesn't respect women athletes. The handicaps were designed to level the physical playing field between the man and the woman.

I don't think that's cool at all. So you get, oh, no, so you're in a pit with a set. stick and she's on ground with a rock and a sock. And you got one arm tied off. Yeah. I would destroy. You get three close. You still think you could take it around.

I feel like people just throw stuff up online and then we're like, do you know this used to happen? This was in 1467. Yeah, I feel like this was like two stone dudes who are like, you know what I'm going to drop like a diagram and we'll be like it's somebody who's going to totally fucking believe this. Yeah. I think that's not a bad.

That's not bad. I mean, it's less arbitrary than the current system. This side of the table, a little bit more creative. I'm just saying so far. I was it. It's sort of very litigious over there. We're academics. I'm comfortable with the litigious labor.

I imagine sort of the day job. Litigious. Dude, I couldn't. He's wearing a cardigan. Can you be litigious in the cardigan? You put that on for me. Put it on for us. It's very Mr. Rogers.

Oh, I just watched that movie with Tom Hanks a couple nights ago. Yeah, it was good, right? Yeah. He has a little bit of Forrest Gump in him. I'm like, oh, it's the same guy. Yeah. Yeah. I watched the, the, the, somebody put up on like a clip of like Mr. Rogers

at that like that. Yeah, it's been going around. Oh, I saw the one in the court. Oh, okay, no, this was like him like giving an acceptance speech at the Emmys. And it was like this beautiful clip of him. Like, he just had this ability to say the simplest thing and make everyone in the room cry from how beautiful it was. Because it was just like the most basic sentiment where he was like, I just everyone is here. If you could just take a minute and think about a person who helped you get here today.

How proud that person must be that you're thinking on them. And you're listening to it. You're like, you know, But I just, I don't know. Like, I don't think there could be another Fred Rogers. I don't know who Mr. Rogers is. Explains a lot about you. I think that's, he's the most, like, British American person.

Instead of shaming him, why don't you just tell him? Then he does know. How do you tell him someone who Mr. Rogers is? For a long time, I thought Mr. Rogers was the guy that narrated his own painting tutorials. Bob Ross. Yes. Mr. Rogers. Similar energy, though.

Yeah, similar calm vibe. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. He's like, the way I can describe him, He is like a very He's not a pedophile You know

That's always a great disclaimer up front He's not but he like Some of him it's weird Like he like comes in every day He says that because he loves children And I think that's the worst description He's not a person He's not a pedophile

At all But if you would No No No this is a terrible This is a terrible He's also not Chinese If you found out

If you found out he was If you had Apparently he's like the best guy in the world So he believed that life comes with pain and sadness and anger. And instead of pretending it doesn't or trying to coddle children into thinking like, hey, you'll be safe. It's basically teaching them about self-regulation and your feelings are important and valid. And if you're hurt, you're allowed to be hurt. You're supposed to be hurt.

What do we do with that hurt? And the anti-David Goggins. Yes. He was kind of, he was teaching children to have a basic emotional vocabulary. in a way that no one else was. And in a very beautiful way to where, though it was directed for children, depending on where you are in your life's journey, you'll probably still discover tools if you don't adopt them exactly,

but questions to ask of like, oh, that's interesting. I am projecting this. I am, I don't know where to put this feeling. And instead of like swallowing it and like just not needing it, just like acknowledge it. And it really, like, he's beautiful. He's wonderful. But he starts to show by taking his shoes.

off every single time. Which is where I got the name of my podcast, take your shoes off. Really? So you're a big Mr. Rogers head. That's the cardigan. True. I didn't know anything. I remember his show. I remember his show.

He would come sit down and take his shoes off and I'd be like, look, man, I would change the channel. A lot of people, Judge it. A lot of people thought he was just some like this little sappy kid show. I think some people, although the Muppets now get a little bit more respect. Muppets are better than Mr. Rogers, for sure. 100%. Jim Henson.

Also not a pet upon. Not a pet upon at all. Just one of a bit of just. I just feel like we now need to identify. Everyone's getting... I did need to lead with that for the Muppet. I did need to lead with that for Mr. Rogers. I'm wondering why.

No, he did. He said that for Jim Henson. Okay. Yeah, he's, I'm just saying he's just, he's not either. It's just, everyone's getting caught. If someone's a pedophile, we'll identify that first. Everyone else just assume they're not a pedoph. Because I feel like the stories are going to get, they're going to start so weird for the rest of this.

I have a question. I have a question. So we went to dinner the other night and I wonder whether people who are friends with you or become friends with you, whether they need to hide their friendship from being friends with you. Because I went for dinner with the Luthi the night and he wasn't sure whether or not he should tell his wife. Yeah. Because you're away for a couple of days in New York on a business trip. And when she says, oh, where did you go for dinner? Who did you go out with? And you say, I went out with one of the biggest divorce attorneys in New York City. The optics. Yeah. Being your friend publicly when

married, I think has bad optics. Do you, is this something that you have to never. navigate. You know, I don't have a lot of friendships, so that's like, that's, like, that's makes it easy. Like, it kind of makes it easy. No, I don't, I don't really have a lot of, yeah, I don't, I have, like, a lot of, um, I don't have a lot of room for, for, for, for, for, for, like, socializing. I think there was, like, the first time I've gone out to dinner with someone in, in a while. Um, but I think who paid, what's that? Who paid the bill? I think you did. Yeah. Yeah, you did, but you were one of those things. Like, grabbed the check. It was kind of, uh, it was a speed shooter. It was. Yeah. You pay for the bill. He gets

the house. I like to try, yeah. Yeah, I was try to, like, go to the restroom and they give it to the... She went on 50... That's the, like, Irish goodbye equivalent of paying the bill. Huberman did that the other night. We were out to dinner and he... Snake it from the... They brought the thing over with his card. And I was like, what the fuck was that? And he was like, oh, I got it well... That's a clever. That's a great idea. You know what I do? He knew it was going to be

a thing. I have a move now where I go to the, to the server. At the beginning, I say, will you go to... And I give the order of, like, talk to you first and then maybe you, then you, then you. and say, ask if they want to secretly pay the bill. And like a lot of times they say yes. And then they pay the bill. And when it comes, I'm like, what the hell? I mean, you've got to let me, what are we doing here?

Yeah. Yeah. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it. And I go, if I knew you were going to split the bill, I would have gotten the filet.

And everyone laughs. It's going to move. Yeah. You've got bits at dinner now. You've got like entire small structure segments. I have a fake ear in my pocket, buddy. What do you think? And no friends.

Yeah. I got bits. And he's not a pedophile. I actually say that earlier. I mustash you something. Is this new? That, that is new. Yeah, yeah.

And something I'm trying now. Mustache. Something I'm trying out. You would look sick with the mustache, by the way. You would look sick with the mustache. Yeah. You would look like you have an illness. I don't know any trial lawyers with a mustache.

That's what I'm saying. There's a couple that have the like oops I didn't know I was sexy stubble. You know, they do that thing. Like, but I can't, I can't do it. I'm going for the, yeah, you guys are running that. I don't know what you're talking about. The whole cruise rocket at that except me. Oh, shit.

I'm so sorry, I forgot to shave. I get it. Like, that's like a, the women love that. But yeah, I go for the like, you know, I go for the inherit the wind, you know, kind of vibe. It's good. It's like a very, because you have to, you have to be kind of a blank slate when you're a trial lawyer because you're dealing with judges that are like, you know, the old school,

like old white man. And then you have like a lot of, because it's elected position, you have a lot of, like, you know, women and diverse, you know, bench now. And you kind of have to go in with this like, okay, I got to figure out how to be something for all of these. Like middle of the bell curve. Like half of this guy. Yeah.

If it were all women, would you have a little bit of stubble? I mean, I don't think you want to be. Remove a couple of top buttons. I don't know that you want to be sexy. I think you want to be kind of. I'm out. Some people can't help it. Do you face like the divorces?

This might be a dumb question. Do they ever go to jury? There's no such thing as jury work. It's all bench trials. What's that? What is that? It's the judge. You and the judge.

You're persuading the judge. Yeah. There's one member of the jury. audience and they're wearing a black robe and that's it. And it's, that's the only person you're going for. I mean, theoretically, like, I feel like I'm trying to manipulate everybody in the room because I feel like the court reporter, the court officer, like each of those people, they're going to, when we leave the courtroom, they're going to go with the judge. Yeah. And I feel like they're going to say, like, yeah, Sexton was like kind of a dick. Do you have a-

I want them to all feel good about them? Do you have like an alternate playbook for like, you know, if you have like a lady judge or just like a normal judge? Totally. Totally. Totally. And there's a A little joke that a good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge. But what I think they really mean by that is like you know, like there's some judges that like I know they're really into sports. So I'll infuse my arguments with like, yeah, you're going to counsel throwing a Hail Mary pass on that one. Or your honor, he's trying to do an end run around the rules of evidence. Like, and you try to like play with some judges like you know, okay, they like the show. Like they like the performance. So they want me to go in and be snide and cross-examine someone

and do the like, you know, you can't handle the truth kind of thing. And some of them, they're like, they don't like that at all. And you need to go in and be very like, yes, your honor, your honor, like very like genuflecting. Do you feel like one sex sides with the other any sort of way? No. I will, a lot of men think, oh, shit, we've got a female judge. And they're completely wrong. Yeah.

Because women are merciless to women. I can see that. Yeah. And I've had judges. I disagree. I've had female judges who will say, like, we'll go into chambers with just the lawyers and off the record and they'll go like, you know, if your, if your client is seriously trying to persuade me that she needs alimony, maybe shouldn't have worn lubitons to court today? I hate that.

No dude would notice that. I hate that. I hate that. I genuinely hate that. Why do you disagree? Yeah, why do you hate that? Well, first of all, I just think putting out there that women are merciless to women is just, it's setting female athletes back a lot. There's a lot. They are. Look, watch WMIA. It feels very Sidney-Sweeney. Look at the Sydney-Sweeney. Yeah. But there's a lot of, no. Dude, you're in your LA bubble right now. No, man. Women, women. To be fair, they did support Lindsay Clancy way more than men did. Listen, man, good lawyers know the law, great lawyers, know the judge. And at the end of the day, no, I'm being serious. At the end of the day, your job is the same as my job. It's to show up

authentically with the facts and omit the stuff that will make our clients look bad. And I think it's all manipulative. And if we all change the playing field and saying, here's what it really is, we don't have to worry about who has stubble and who's wearing lubitons. All we have to worry about is each other. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. The supplement industry is full of products making claims that they can't back, which is why I'm such a massive fan of Momentus. Their co-founder, Jeff Byers, played in the NFL and saw firsthand just how wildly the quality of supplements can vary. So he built Momentus around a higher standard. Every product for Momentus uses evidence-backed ingredients, transparent doses, and independent third-party

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But women definitely hate each other. It's a fact. Women are, women are, I think women are women's worst, you know, female judges dish out harsher sentences, longer sentences, to women on average. Okay, never mind then. I'm just, you know, you're also, you're also looking at a judge. Where'd you see that? Like, so judges, they work for the state.

Hold on. They only make a certain amount of me. Hold on. Where'd you make that up from? Stop cross-examining me. We spent half an hour in his presence and you feel like it's just by osmosis. Good lawyers know the law, great lawyers know the judge. And they carry a mustache in their pocket. You just never know when you need one.

I'm scared about what else is in the pocket. So in terms of a, let's say, lady judge, would you lean into that? Be like, oh, lady judges just feel so antiquated. Yeah. Look at, oh, we got a lady judge. I also made a lady judge. I also made a judge. I also made a joke no one picked up on.

I said lady judges and regular judges and everyone was like, yeah, fuck it that sound. Didn't hear it. I think we would benefit from headphones. I was waiting. Sorry. No, I felt like actually that I understood what you meant. Because the image of most people's had, you're like, imagine a judge. It's like an old white dude and a black robe.

He's got gray hair. Like, that's what you imagine. I started 27 years ago, that's what all of the judges looked like. Like, that was all of the accurate stereotype. Yeah, it was totally accurate. When did they drop the powdered wig? You know, in our system, we never really had the powdered wigs.

They still use it over there. They still do. Yeah, barristers. Well, they also have a distinction between like a lawyer and a barrister. Like a barrister. Like I always make the distinction that I'm a divorce trial lawyer. So like a divorce lawyer, like the majority of divorce lawyers, they're negotiating a transaction. They're like helping people mediate something.

They're drawing up contracts. Like a trial lawyer, like I go in and, you know, like put on the show. Yeah. I cross-examine witnesses. I, you know, do direct testimony. like I do argument in court. And that's a much smaller subsect of lawyers. That's the equivalent of like an English barrister.

Like the ones you go in, wear the wig, do the whole thing. It's like they're a courtroom lawyer and it's a totally different animal. Is it the same saying over there like a good barrister knows a law, a great barrister knows the judge? I don't know. Yeah. But it would also be with the cool accent, you know, so it sounds. Do you ever feel guilty? If you've absolutely torn someone a new one, I just totally desk.

No, no. No guilt. Never. No emotion. No. No. I mean, I don't always believe in the client. Like, I represent the client and I represent the system.

I don't always believe in the client, but I believe in the system. Like, I believe in the idea. I don't know what that means, but it seems like it gets you off the hook. No, I think that we, our system is designed, our legal system is designed with the presumption of innocence. And it's the burden of proof, the concept of the burden of proof, and the right to zealous advocacy within the bounds of the law. So, like, there's a rule set. There's a rules of how evidence gets brought in. You can't go into court and say, I talk to say, I talk to.

someone who mentioned to me that he saw this guy do this thing. Like there's, you have to be able to confront your accuser on cross-examination. You get to like only certain types of evidence are competent, credible evidence. So we have rules. And I like those rules. The truth has a way of coming out, sometimes despite my best efforts. Like people pay me a lot of money to go in sometimes to just throw up smoke and mirrors and red herrings. And there's only so much I can do because the facts have a way of coming out. Like a mediocre at best. lawyer armed with real facts is going to kick my ass because the facts just have a way of coming out sometimes. There's not, you can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig. Yeah. So, but to do a,

like a very solid, like all that facts are in a trial is, is like ingredients. And a good chef can take, you know, great ingredients and make something incredible out of it, but you can't like make something amazing out of garbage ingredients. So I don't feel guilty about it because I think that I believe in the way we do it. I think we have, you know, it's like our legal systems like our democracy. it's the worst one except for all the other ones. Like, I think it's, we have a good model and it works. You put lipstick on a pig, it's a lady. It's a lady judge, maybe.

I don't condone that. That's going to cost him a trial. I don't condone that. So you said you're playing the game and, you know, you don't feel guilty because these are the rules that we all have to abide by. Do you think there's any significance in the analogy of like some games, like a sport, some people come in with a stronger advantage than another? And like when you're playing a game of basketball and you're up 25 points with one minute left, you don't go and just keep scoring. You kind of hold the ball out of respect. Yeah, I try to be a respectful adversary.

I mean, I've had times where I could humiliate opposing counsel and I choose not to because I do as much as I need to do. Is counsel the other lawyer? Yeah, the other lawyer. Oh, interesting, right. You're playing the lawyer. Yeah, that's my competition. That's who I'm fighting. That's where the darkness is.

I feel like that. That's like saying you're not allowed to punch too hard if you're in the MMA cage. That person stepped into this. No, you know how to punch too hard once they're already knocked down. Yeah, you want to stop punching once they're down.

But there is no down. Yes, the right. The judge calls it. Right, but it's down, at least where the empathy or the sympathy that I thought you were talking about is that for the other person's client, like being too mean in cross-examination,

like doing stuff to them, because they're a real person as opposed to you. First of all, what I'll tell you is you have to earn the right to beat up a witness. I tell young lawyers who work for me that all the time. Like, you cannot go in and just start cross-examining someone to death. Like, you have to start soft and get them to commit to principles. And then you have to just, once you just snap their neck with it.

Like, you have to get them to, and then once you've got them to be snide or evasive or just kind of a dick or revealed them to lie, that would make me soft. Then you have the right to just knock them out. It would. Honestly, I start soft, get to know the person a little bit. And then there's a connection. and if they were to be snide, it would make me soft again. It would be soft.

Yeah. You wouldn't try. I've heard you say that you can't be intimate unless you're in love with someone. Not true, but I have a different. So did you not say that? I never said that. I said I have to like somebody. I don't have.

I said I don't have to. So if I, I don't have sex with people that I sometimes would want to from a superficial place. Like, oh, maybe we're making out and this person, I'm very attracted to them. But if I don't feel a connection with a person, I'm literally. not able to maintain an erection. Did your therapist or did they not suggest that you try and have more casual sex with people?

Yes. How was that working out? This was like 10, this was 2016. I tried it for a couple of years. Why did they say that to you? I mean, I could tell you the answer to this. It'll probably take a few minutes so you guys could interrupt or I could not say it. But I mean, I feel like that's not what people too named.

Was it like psychoanalysis? I actually find that very interesting. Sure. So at the time I was going through a breakup where my partner, my ex-partner, had slept with a lot more people than me. I don't think the feeling was jealousy. I'm sure there was something there. But it wasn't like, I didn't think anything was wrong. What I felt was from a kid-like feeling, I noticed that like I felt like, oh, she's cooler than me.

I don't, logically, I don't think that's what makes somebody cool. But at that point in my life, I had not had casual sex. And my partner had. and I'm like, man, that's cool. And I had been in positions where I was too scared to sleep with somebody. Whether it's performance anxiety or I don't like this person, whatever it is, I wasn't in touch with at the time. So in therapy, we had this conversation.

I was like, well, maybe if I slept with more people, I would think I was cooler or I would notice that's not what makes somebody cooler. I had questions and I didn't have answers. So why don't you try sleeping with people? And it's like, I genuinely was like doing that for the data. Does that make sense? Like, I was like, how will I feel after sleeping? with somebody. And when I, so then I went through a few years where I was like trying to do this.

And I noticed sometimes I enjoyed it. And sometimes I felt like I had erectile dysfunction. And like, and also like you're wearing condoms and that's tougher in there and blah, blah, blah. And then that kind of fed itself where I was kind of, I was starting to get performance anxiety. I never had that before. I was starting to get performance anxiety. And then I, I remember I, this was a longer story, but like, somebody like convinced me to sleep with them. Like I didn't want to. She was in the neighborhood. I'm like, I don't think I would. Please let me just come. It's like what you would fantasize about if you were like somebody else. Like, let me just come do this. And I'm like, she's like a strong negotiator. Yeah. Amazing. She was a strong negotiator. The Chris Voss of

pussy. You shouldn't record. Like that's amazing. Like I have to say something, I've never. She hurtled every obstacle. That's incredible. I'll come to you. Like I fancied myself something of a coxman back in the day, but I have to tell you, like, let me tell you, I need to talk you into this. You'd be surprised. It's incredible. It's an objection handling. Very well. I'm going to get a fucking cardigan. Forgive the question, but is this a like a 40 chess level of game? Because I feel like women would respond to that. So I've noticed it's that I am very direct because if I'm not, I'm not present anymore.

So like an example that would be if I'm texting with somebody and they're going to come over my place and it's 11.30 p.m. The implication is we're going to have sex. I don't want that implication. I want to know that we could if there's a connection. but if she comes over and I don't say anything, I'm going to feel like, oh, she probably wants to do this. If we don't do this,

she's going to be upset that she came or whatever. So before somebody comes over, I will literally say something like, hey, I understand the implication is sex. I'm not saying that you want to have sex. I'm not saying that we will or we won't. I'm attracted to you. And if that happens,

I mean, it's really like, it's a great filtering system because if they're not for that, let me know now because I don't want to go soft in you later. You know, so like, and then when somebody comes over it where we don't have to have sex, that's the only way I can. Does that make sense? So there is pressure involved, not just on what I'm supposed, because there still is this thing inside of me. I talk about this

on stage a little bit for my stand-up act, which is I didn't have my first kiss until it's almost 18 and I still have this feeling of like, if I don't kiss you, you're going to think I'm a loser. I don't think that's really a thing, but I'm still very scared to kiss somebody for the first time. So like I've found ways of communicating this and it's I do think people respond well to it. And if they don't, I'm not for them. But what I learned was, oh, if I'm sleeping with somebody and like I don't really want to and they're just a great negotiator or I'm doing this because I don't want to be. There's generally a thing like I'll have sex to you because I don't want to be mean. Like, you know, like you came all the way over here. This is what you wanted. Teddy fuck.

guilty fuck it's uh it's uh you know what i make more money than you let me pay for it or you make more money than you pay for it like sometimes we feel obligated and the obligation makes sense do you know what i mean like i don't think of it as a pity fuck it's like i morally i i don't think this is wrong like i'm not judging the person or me i just my i'm full i don't want to eat but i needed to learn what my intolerances were and what i realized was if i'm a If after sex, I don't want you to stay here and watch something with you and I don't like you and or I don't feel like you really like me. I don't want to sleep with you. I don't have to be in love with you.

We don't have to be in a relationship. But I want to feel safe. And I think that's for everybody. Why don't you just say you can come here and if you can't get me hard, we're not doing it? That way you put it on her. If you don't get me hard, no dice. I think that's great. I think that's just not my style.

That's direct. What are you talking about direct? But my issue isn't can you get me hard. My issue is do I want to be hard with you? You know what I mean? Like, like, I've, I can't think about it. It's a boner. You can't think about boners.

I stopped having sex with a woman this year because I'm like, I can't do this with you anymore. Just don't think about boners ever again. Don't even, if it's a matter of getting hard, don't run it through your brain whatsoever. It's not about going soft. It's about going hard. You're worried about getting hard? I'm not worried. No, you have a truly erectile dysfunction.

That's why he said you start soft. Yeah. And then you work your way in. But no, what I'm saying is I'm not worried about it either way anymore. What I'm saying is if I want to be with you, I will probably be hard. If I'm not, my penis is basically saying, do you like this person? Yeah. It's not a moral decision.

It's a buddy that's like, Rick, this one's not for you. That's crazy. And that's funny because I feel like my penis always gave me the absolute wrong data. Yeah. To the same, because you're describing like the penis as like the weather vein. Yeah. You know, that you're sort of like, okay, what's my real feeling with this person, my real connection with him, and do we really have something? I feel like my penis is the absolute opposite of it.

It's like, if my penis is super interested, it's like, oh, this is a bad person for you. It's like a tongue that thinks it wants a lot of sugar. Yeah, exactly right. Like it's like what you get a stomach egg. It wants like big boob gough girls with daddy. And I'm very like, whoa, no, no, you don't want you. You've had a lot of those and it always ended badly. Big tini, guff bitch is dangerous.

What do you think? I don't, I don't know. By the way, I was into that way before anybody. Yeah, I keep here on the Goss. I'm 54. I was into that with Susie and the Banshees. Like, I was into that. Suzy and the Banshees.

When MDMA was legal, I was under that. Like, that's crazy. I was in New York in the limelight, Trent Resner, you know, 9-inch nails opening for Peter Murphy. With Big Titty Goth. With Big Titty Gough bitches in the audience. Now, everybody out drinks into that. Yeah, they're hot right now.

They've never got into the... They're having a moment. Never got into the big Titty. Big Titty Gough or Goss in Jenna. Never had a thing. Big boobs and Diet Coker. They're called them PCPs. Pale chicks in black. Pale chicks in black. They're the huge right now. Yeah. They're having a whole thing. They're having a moment. Yeah. Yeah. If you could invest in them.

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description below are heading to 8Sleep.com slash modern wisdom and using the code Modern Wisdom, a checkout. That's E-I-G-H-T-Sleep.com slash Modern Wisdom, a checkout. Okay, so what were you saying? So what were you saying? It's like... I've been saying it for weeks, huh?

Pinocchio. It even has the hat. Like Pinocchio. After sex... Inverse Pinocchio. After sex with somebody, if I... And after eating a meal, if I feel like, oh, that was good, I enjoyed that. Sometimes you eat a meal and it gives you a stomachache.

sometimes you eat a meal and you feel good but it was boring if i like hey you know what we're going out to dinner tonight i'm getting steak i'm getting cake i'm not going to feel bad about it because there was intention behind it so i'm not saying that like casual stuff is bad and just pure intimacy is all that's okay i'm saying that like what's the intention of this is the intention like oh those are big boobs let's let's plant a flag in this that just doesn't get me off like i love connection and i don't just feel that way in like romantic intimacy i feel that way in friendships I love eye contact. I love laughing.

I want to like you. And again, that's not just having sex with somebody. Like, I don't want to do this podcast and come to Austin if we didn't do this. And I didn't have a nice time with you. Like, friends, I love having friends. I love having sex with somebody that I like. And maybe that'll turn into something. And if not, it's a delicious chocolate cake and it was intentional.

Yeah, I think the intentionality thing is interesting because for me, like, I always felt like when it came to sex in particular, that whenever you had in your mind, okay, we're going to have great sex. Like, I'm going to have, like, it's Valentine's Day or it's like, or it's whatever, we're going on this date night or more than we're going to have great sex. It's always like, oh, that was good or whatever. But like the sex that like you just didn't, like on a Tuesday that you just randomly were like, maybe we will, maybe we won't. And then you have like just mind-blowingly good sex, like that you weren't like trying to have good sex. I've always found like the best sex snuck up on you in some way. And that could be a function of the fact that, like,

Like, there wasn't intentionality as to the sex. There was just sort of intentionalities to the connection with the person. So I get what you're, like, I think the underlying concept. And I think up front, the big titty goth bitch is underperform from what's predicted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It was in my experience. Yeah. Sort of, uh, well, because I think also, too, there's a question of like if you're good looking enough or like you've, you know, that just sort of being present is sufficient. And it's like, no way. Yeah. That's true. Oh, they're low bowling the effort. because they think, look at all the time,

went into my makeup. Yeah, yeah. I used to say about you, like, I felt like you could be a lot dumber. You could afford to be a lot dumber. He used to be. No, but I really was. Like, when I met you, I was like, you know,

when I first was introduced to your work, I remember being like, oh, okay, so he's like, if Lex was, like, really good looking, you know? Like, it's somebody, like, he doesn't, he's probably just like a good looking dude, but he's not probably that, you know, deep. And then the first couple times we talked, and you were like just so much you've read.

And so I was like, holy God. So you're saying that I benefit. from very low expectations. Yeah, totally. Totally. That's kind of the way. I would probably be able to give you a bono. I think you guys are misunderstanding.

That's a million dollar question. That's all I've been thinking about. Just let him. Could any of us give him a bonus? Just let him have it. I mean, let Chris. Just tell him when you came in, you saw him, you had one right away. Just don't be rude.

It's rude. You're being rude to his emotional experience. There's many different kinds of boners. There's blood flowing into your penis, and then there's body getting excited to connect with somebody. You gave him an emotional boner. Yeah. Oh, that's cute.

It's nice. Another thing that I've heard you say. Rick. Yes. Rick? Another thing that I've heard you say. Do you not think it's weird? Like when you drop someone's name that you know during a conversation that you're in the middle of?

You're like, Rick, let me tell you something that I've noticed about you. It feels like you're a salesman or a sign-doll. True. Close friends would never do that. Read way too much. It's funny that you said that, man. It's funny that you said that, feels like a sales technique. I like you.

You've said it's hard. So you found it hard sometimes to find someone who is both funny and you're attracted to. Yes. before you fucking accuse me of misquoting you was that one correct yes why

what do you think what do you think something well in a similar in a similar thing to that you could afford to be stupider the better

this is a blanket statement but the better looking somebody is in their developmental years the less need not that it's impossible

but the less need it is for them to learn how to connect with people in a way where they offer value so if you're beautiful you always

offer value. If you're not, what's your value? Now, that's not necessarily the case, but like, when you see a really, really, really good looking guy, chances are he was fat when he was younger. Is that fair to say? Or was a magician? Unpopular. Whatever it might be. I don't think you're funny. In fact, you couldn't even get me hard. But what I will say is you're hilarious and I'm hard right now. Thanks. I think that for you to be beautiful and funny, it's just, you know like remember in the matrix when he was looking for a certain weapon but you keep like or those car commercials I want

you know an SUV but it's got to be American made and it's got to be green and eventually there's only seven of them so I think when you take those those are big like in guess who those are two big categories and knock people out is this person good looking yes most people are gone

is this person funny yes there's only a few left and do you look for funny like I've always wondered this about comics like do comics want to date fucking funny people? Not at all. Because like I would never want to date a lawyer. No. There's a difference between being a performer that's always on and annoying, two thumbs, or somebody that's just funny and that you laugh with and gets it and is funny. I don't think I've had a girlfriend

ever that wasn't funny. Really? Ever. Would dating, do you think a comedian dating another comedian would kind of be a bit of a nightmare? I've never done it. I can imagine it might be. Why would it be a nightmare? Because it's comedians are inherently jealous of each other usually. And then if you're in a relationship and, like, one of them's going to be doing better than the other. And then they get jealous of that. And it's also like if I had a deal with, like, if I had a girlfriend and she just bombed and now I got to deal with that after the fact, it would fucking suck. You think it would kill Lebonne?

It was just the last thing you want to deal with. And if the shoe is bombing, I'd be like, see, fuck. There is something about seeing somebody doing their thing, not specifically comedy. But when you see them doing their thing well, it's attractive. I disagree. Okay. It's not that is unattractive. I just don't give a fuck.

I don't care. You don't think competence is sexy? Like someone being good at a thing? It doesn't turn me on. It's just like, nice job. Good job. It's like a high five.

I'm not like, I'm not like, I'm not like a good job. I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm so fucking hard right now. It's like, hey, great job. But would it not be more of a bono killer if someone did something badly?

No, I don't think it's a bono killer. As long as like, I've done lots of things badly. But imagine how many people's bonus that's kill? I don't want to even think about it. I don't read the comments. Yeah, I just, I don't have that when it's like, damn, you're like killing it up there.

I'm just kind of like, it's good. Proud of you, you know, like, good job. Well, that's it. Pride. You're, I think it's attractive. We're attracted to people that we're proud of. I mean, I think watching LeBron James do his thing. I'm not sexually attracted him, but it's like,

fucking, I want, that guy's awesome. Yeah. Talent and competency. I just think it's attractive. But you're, like, Matt, I think your style is, I mean, I don't know you that well, but like, I feel like, you seem very comfortable in your own skin, especially for a comic.

Like, I represent a lot of comics, and I will tell you, like, they're the least comfortable in their own skin so much of the time. I think sometimes when they're on stage and they're, like, doing their thing that they've kind of precisely honed. But, like, you seem in conversation just very kind of comfortable in your own skin.

Like, you don't have a hard time disagree. Is that what it is? No, honestly, I actually wonder that. I wonder if it is, like, an act, or if it's, like, a defense mechanism or if it's legitimately how you are. Like, I don't know, you know, it could just be your Irish. Like, that's sort of, I think that's it, honestly.

Yeah, no, for real. I was married to an Irish girl. Like, and she was, and we were getting divorced. She was like, dude, if this is over, you're going to have to end it. I'm Irish. I'll stay fucking miserable for hours. Yep. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we were, we were, you know, we got divorced years ago. Yeah, we were super friends. We had two kids. We're great. Like, she's been remarried 15 years to a great dude. Like, we all get along. Nice. Get her on the pod.

Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm pretty comfortable on certain, certain dimensions of life. I'm like very, very comfortable. Yeah. But I don't know. I'm not like very, like a party. I'm uncomfortable. If I go to a party, I feel fucking.

No, no, but you just seem like like your beliefs don't require me to believe them. Yeah. Like you seem very comfortable saying like, like I listened to the conversation you have with Chris and I was very like, you know, you disagreed with him a few times. But it was very like not in that defensive. Like, no, I have to explain myself. Yeah, yeah. It was like comfortable in your own argument or your own skin or your own reasoning.

And it's like, oh, like, even before when you were talking about like, oh, I think guy should be 100%. and you know what you're, like, you're very confident in that and it doesn't seem like you're trying to persuade me. Like, you need me to agree with you. True. Yeah, I don't have that.

People disagree. It doesn't bother. No. The comics, like, it's true, man, you know, they're so, um, paralyzed by, like, I don't know a lot of comics that don't read the comments.

Like, I think they incessantly read the fucking comments. Yeah. And then they say they don't because that's what you're supposed to say. But like, they, they are absolutely paranoid. And they read, like, if you believe the good reviews, you have, to believe the bad ones. So you either have to just be like, whatever, I'm going to keep moving.

No, it's funny because a lot of, a lot of listeners are always like, they'll kind of harp on different, like, it's like a parissocial thing where like you're obsessed with these podcasters. The podcasters are almost just, almost as obsessed with the listeners as the listeners are them, because you do read the comments. So you are kind of living and dying by the comments a lot of the times. And then I think what happens is you get to a point where like, you get like one great comment and then a horrible comment right next to each other and you just kind of go, fuck I don't know I don't know what to believe and you just try to ignore it or just like really just think about like I have also a life to live you know what I mean like this is on the internet it's not necessarily but a lot of comics have put their entire life into that audience recognition right if you don't like me I don't like me because that's what bombing is bombing is going up and doing your job and the audience not reacting in the way that you thought we were going to and then you that just bleeds a little bit it hurts well I'm not a good person it's not just that I had a bad

night or the audience was wrong or the room is too hard or whatever the fuck it's like oh and now maybe i am unworthy and i suck and i'm going to live under a bridge and everything's going to go to hell i think in talking about the sex stuff and being on stage is a lot of similarities to this and i really think when you're going into something with intention that is your north star and if you go up on stage and you wanted to try something and it didn't go well but you weren't there to kill you were there to get information do you connect to this at all no what i sort of what i try to do and it's it's it's I'm not like 100% like this is I still like if I'm doing well I feel or doing bad I'm like oh fuck I suck but I try to be like I'm gonna try my best to forget about myself and

make sure these guys laugh and have a good time and if I don't get them to laugh it's like I just you're very in service so that would be that's that's focusing on the conny lingus as opposed to what am I getting exactly that's me doing the alphabet on the audience if we were looking at this like like a cultural anthropologist like and looking at like I I feel like there's a breed of comedian happening right now, and you and Shane, I think, are emblematic of it, where, like, it just seems like you're trying to make yourselves and each other laugh. And then the audience just happens to sort of be there. And again, I don't know if that's intentionality or if it's like by design, but it just, I think it's really resonating because we're in this moment where everything's so

fucking performative all the time, like social media, like everyone's an ad for themselves and for their own life and showing everyone in their greatest hits. And all of a sudden, there's this, like, brand of comic that I think you're part of, I think Shane is emblematic of, of like this, just like, yeah, they're just fucking talking. And again, I know it's curated. I know a lot of it is like really thought through. It's not at all. It's not. Okay, I assume. You just try to make each other laugh. But it seems so natural and it seems so like you're trying to make each other laugh and you're cracking up a whole audience of people, but it doesn't feel like you're trying to. And then it sort of feels like I'm in on the joke, like I'm in the clubhouse. And I think that it's a,

that's like a new thing. Like it's kind of like when you hear like some type of music and you're like, like the first time I heard jungle or the first time you hear it and you're like, too, that's a totally different sound. Like that's a different sound that it's a subtle play on something. But I don't know, it just seems to me like that's a very, it's what I find very interesting about you. Yeah, well, it's funny.

When we started, we were both, I was 30. I was like 30 living on an air mattress. And I had kind of been like, I'm going to be one of those like weird uncles that like lives by himself and like the kids come to me. I had accepted that. And I think he had a similar thing. He's like, I'm a fucking loser. And we were just making each other laugh.

And then things worked and we're both still like we're fucking losers. But I think it's landing in a moment because everyone is so constantly trying to convince everyone that they're not a loser and they're amazing and they're incredible and everyone's sort of clout chasing and everyone's like look at who I'm adjacent to. And when you kind of don't get that, you kind of are, you know. You're adjacent to? I'm just excited. Outside of the table over that.

You guys want to get high? brought edibles. Brought edibles? Yeah, are we going to be going on for a little bit? I have sworn off of edibles. I had an edibles. I'm good right now. I had a loser.

It'll kick in by the time we're done. No, no, I've had a hellish edible experience. I was always like a classic stoner. I had a terrible, terrible edible experience. I had a 10 gram. It said it was 10 grams. It was, I don't know what it was. I was just in the void.

I felt like I'd eaten like three grams of mushrooms. Yeah. So I'd like to ask, and please don't answer right away, take at least two seconds to consider my question. I would like to do this because it's fun and then like the back hour of this, I'll be a little stoned. Am I too much already?

Not at all. You're perfect. You could be more. You answered quick. I do want to switch your chair out, given that you broke in the full board. Buddy, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. We've already got a chair ready. I thought he had a prop in his pocket. I was like, I didn't want to switch. that ear. I was going to yell, like, wham-r-r-r-r-some. And I was like, this is going to be weird. Fuck that chair, dude. Maybe.

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All right. You talked about advertising online. Edit that it. Did you see that tech exec lady who shared her non-negotiable dating requirements on Twitter? Do you see this trended like fuck the other day? Yes. Okay. So this Brooke LeBlanc girl tweeted, who wants to co-found the rest of my life with me? She wrote out a list of what she's looking for and then said, X, work your magic.

Oh, here it is. Non-negotiables, 35 to 42 years old, healthy masculine. smart, funny, lighthearted, provider slash protector mentality, post-economic, brackets, still hardworking. What hell's that mean? That means you have enough money

that you don't have to be working, but you're working. Oh, you can live off here. Must be kind, generous, thoughtful, no kids yet, decidedly wants kids. On the healing path, history of series commitment, ex-therapist books, retreats, can meet anywhere, but will not date

unless live in the same city, fit and sober because you care about your health, strongly preferred, no previous marriages or engagements, works in tech, brackets, It's comfortable with risk and career is blended into personal life. Well, in five years, I'll match all of those things. So is she pretty and funny?

She deleted a Twitter after the response this got. Really? Yeah. Are people mad about it? Or were they like, this is great? Mixed reviews. I do want to try and work out how many men on the planet that is. It would be an unbelievably small number.

How old is she? Just the post-economic. The post-economic still hardworking would be a... What makes post-economic? How much money do I have? to have because that's that one and depending on what city she lives in and me only being 30. I think you get 50,000 per million dollars you have invested. Is that true? Well, if you were 35 to 42 and you no longer had to work, then let's, it depends on your lifestyle. Like, I could do that now

if I, you know, just flew Economy Plus. Yeah, but if you want to marry, have children, which I would never do. Yeah, dude. I invested really well when I was young. Really? Yeah. Yeah, like when he was five. Yeah. It was very early. Early Uber money. You're post-economic, but still hard-ro-e. No, no, I don't think so. Still hard to work. That's what they're saying. They're saying you don't have to work and you can live.

But it depends. Like, like, the lifestyle that I want to live, I think that she would want to live, I'm not post-economic. Yeah. But, like, I could live like you guys. Maybe. What, middle of Manhattan? Yeah. That's good.

Good stuff. You know about his holiday homes? No. So what is, what do people say to this lady? Oh, I'm sure she got pillory. Yeah, because it's like, you really, do realize what percentage of what percentage? of men would fill all. It was very few. I mean, a lot of them were the post-economic still hardworking thing. And it was the terminology of post-economic. Just referring to it, is that like

on the All In podcast, Jason Kalakhanis, who is kind of the host and at least on paper appears to be the one that's the least rich of all. They refer to him as asset light compared with the rest of the dudes that are all billionaires. Post-economic and asset light. Asset light's the most diplomatic way to say, hey, you poor. It's also funny. This is a lady who probably has like a doctorate in computer sciences is like, I'm going to marry a prince. She's like a tech exec. Smart, funny, lighthearted, provider protector mentality. Must be kind, generous, thoughtful.

No kids yet decidedly wants kids. On the healing path. History of serious commitment. X therapist, books, retreats. This is an interesting one. Can meet anywhere but will not date unless live in the same city. Fit and sober because you go. What is decidedly wants kids versus just wants kids?

Level of certainty, maybe. Which one is more certain? I think there's a type of man that's like, oh, I could have. imagine having kids versus like I would like to have kids within three to five years. Like it decidedly. Yeah. I get freaked out by people who frame their life in business terminology. He wants to co-found my life with it.

It's like, ugh. Yeah. But that's like that's, there's a blend right now. I think I was talking about this over dinner the other night that like there's a blend of yoga babble and business babble like hybrid together. The Venn diagram is becoming closer and closer. Yeah. Where it's like you do the like helicopter view and paradigm shift, but then you also

I have to talk about like energy and vibes and like it's a it's this like blend of yoga babble and business babble that's it's huge right now in New York. We need to align the aura to ensure that we can loop back by end of day. Exactly right. Yeah, by EOB, you know, like it's a where like you're like EBITA and also your like guru or your mantra, you know. What is a question I've had. I've never had an answer in terms of like, so say you have like a, you know, super successful,

super rich man. Mm-hmm. Like it's easy to figure out. what they see for themselves, how they would enjoy their money and wealth alone as a bachelor. How do you think a super successful, rich woman on, say, like, 40s, 50s side of life,

how do they tend to, like, display and enjoy their wealth if they- A Nancy Myers kitchen. Yeah, yeah, like a La Conch oven, or they travel, a lot of travel, a lot of luxury goods. Women, women success, like when we do pre-ups for very successful, wealthy women in New York, the amount of like luxury goods that they have is usually through the roof like burkin bags you know things that are 20 30s numbers of cars houses maybe for yeah yeah women are not as into the watches it's like we do

you know we've had i also like a million dollar wine collections million dollar a couple million dollar watch collections like men men collect stuff like that there's a there's a this i think that tweet is emblematic of a there's there's a lot of like the internet is spending a lot of time gassing women about the like you're a queen, you're a boss, you're a boss, babe, like you deserve, like, you deserve the best out there, you deserve, whereas men are, I don't think as many men are being told, like, you deserve a queen. Like, it's sort of a, you know, like, just shut up, dude, you deserve, like, have a woman, like, yeah, yeah, I think there's a lot, I see it in pre-ups, like, I'm doing, you know,

a lot of pre-ups right now, and the list of, like, demands that women are coming in with, of, like, oh, this is what, because women tend to, and, you know, And this is fact. Like, women tend to marry even or up, like economically. Men usually down. Like, they don't, like, if you say to most men, tell me the three things you're looking for in a woman that you want to be serious with, she's a good provider, is never cracks even the top ten.

Provider of those economics, not family? Yeah, provide me economically. Like, like, I want a good earner. Like, most men would not say in the top five things. They say, oh, I want someone pretty. I want someone who's thoughtful. I want someone who'd be good for kids. I want someone who's going to be supportive of me.

you know, I want somebody who's getting bad. My grandpa used to say, he didn't give me advice on relationships ever. The only thing that came close is he used to say, marry someone wealthy. I mean, listen, I think that, you know, the first million is the hardest. So if you can inherit wealth, I've represented a lot of, like, inherited wealth people. And they've, in my experience, fall into two categories. There's, like, the ones who just are, they inherited all this money and they're amazing. Like, they speak five languages.

They still went to university. They have graduate degrees. Like, they've, you know, done well. in Sedan. And then there's like the opiate addicted complete screw-up ones who are like started on, you know, third and act like they hit a double. Have you noticed an observation that that I'm making up, but I feel like confident in that when those are the case, usually the ones that knows five languages is the oldest

child and the other one is younger? Yeah. I think when you have an overachieving eldest sibling, you're like, I'm fighting to tie and why would I do this? So you just kind of get, it's like, I'll learn helplessness. Like you just sort of go like, I'm never going to be as good. good as that one, so I might as well just be the screw up, you know, and have some fun with it. And I think when you have that much opportunity, like financially, you can have a really

good time. So you're like, why would I bother working at this? What's the craziest thing that you've ever seen put into a pre-knap? The craziest thing that was enforceable was if for every 10 pounds that she gained during the marriage, she lost $50,000 in alimony. Well, I mean, you put on 50 pounds. It's a quarter million dollars. Yeah. Not that dramatic. Yeah. I mean, it's horribly. No, no, per year. Per year in alimony. So it was significant. I've posed this question before, but if you were with someone

and for every 10 pounds they gained, it unlocked a new, like never, you could never imagine sexual act. How heavy would you go? As long as she's healthy and happy. That's what I'm saying. She'd explode.

Yeah, I'd go big. I'd blow her up until she popped. You'd be like, my 800 pound wife. Yeah, you'd be bringing on buttermilk. You'd be like, I want to see what this. I have no patience. I would be like, I want this by Friday.

I'm calling in sick. You vlog garage your own wife. I would just love to see. Yeah, it would be fun to get to that frontier. I think the scarier question is if it was for every five pounds they lost, how thin would you let them get? Like, would you be straight up just, you know. They got to be happy and healthy.

Like a tournament camp, like, how would you be going? Yeah, I might, if I'm seeing ribs, I'm like, I don't like that. I don't like if I'm, women are too bony. If I'm like, ugh, I don't like this stuff. No, yeah, that's not my. Like a nice stout. I want a stout moment. Yeah, yeah, rubin-esque.

Yes. Like the guy from American Idol. Who? What's his name? No, he was a little heavier. Ruben's, um. No, he means Rubinesque, like the fat little angels and the panes. I wonder if that's where he got his name.

Wow. Is that who you meant? That's exactly what I've gone for. Is that the guy you meant? Yeah. So when, when people say Rubenesque, you think you thought of Ruben's study? If they go Rubin-esque, I think of it. Okay.

Because he has a stuff. Does he's daughter? No, I think that's just his surname. Surname is last name, right? Yes. Thought so. Yeah, yeah. I see.

I know, because in the divorce case says, premarital surname. You were talking about women being told, like, you're a princess, you deserve a... Yeah, and I think they're coming into... Unless you're a woman judge. Coming into pre-nup... Lady judge.

Not a real one. Not a normal one. Is there a judge or a lady judge? By the way, I'm now going to fuck up in court. I'm going to be like, lady, your honor. I mean, I'm sorry, your honor. Sorry, Your Honor.

Her honor. There's a, there's a guy who is being dragged online at the moment. His wife was carrying kids, food, drink. We have to watch this. It's the funniest thing I've said. So you're talking about like women you deserve it all? Well, this is in some ways a woman who got it all, but she's stuck in the stands at a sports game. Here it is.

I mean, she, oh, wow, okay. She's got the diaper bag. She's got the kid. Look, yeah, his phone's plugged up. That makes it quite a big difference. because he's out of charge. I think she's a Olympic champion.

Did I just hear that guy say she's got three plates. Did you forget something? God. You know those little packets? So he's getting, he's getting kind of. So he's like modern Kevin Fetterline. Yeah.

Oh, they went back to him. We're back to him. Oh, my goodness. Are you kidding me? Baves. She'll be the last one to eat. Oh, he's complaining about his meal. Did you forget some things?

He's getting the king treatment. Oh, man. How long did it take you? Yeah, that's a... I'll see that every now and again, though. When I fly, you'll see the women carrying all the gear sometimes. I offer to help often, almost every time. Never takes me up on...

Yeah. Never take up. They get kind of particular, though, when they fly. When you fly with a woman with all, like, kid gear, they can get very, like... But sometimes they are by themselves, and there's so much stuff. And it's like, I travel with my dog, and sometimes it's a little inconvenient.

I have so much empathy for that. That seems so difficult. It's an interesting thing when... The response is, like, I ride the subway all the time because it's the fastest way to get anywhere in New York. And I was raised with, you give your seat to, you know, a woman, any woman, or like anyone who's older or anything. So like an older man or somebody.

And so anytime I'm sitting and then like the car gets crowded and it's like, you know, even a young woman, you know, I'll stand up and I'll go, would you like to sit? And it's like you get one of two reactions. Like, and they're both fairly strong. Like one is like the, what, no, like, you know. And the other is like, oh, oh, yeah. And they, they like almost kind of don't know what to do with themselves.

And then when you, like, you leave, they're like, thank you or whatever. They get such a, like, moved by it. So it's interesting how polarized it is that it's like there's no in between of it. It's either like an extreme reaction of like positive or an extreme reaction of like, wait, what? No, why? Why would I, why would I, you know, like, because I mean, technically I'm probably, you know, older and more infirm, I guess than this young woman would be. but there's just something sort of, I think, romantic about, like, that male, like that shibblery thing. I mean, I was raised in that world, and I think that there's something to it, you know, but I don't know.

I think there's so much that's, in the pre-ups I'm doing right now, I see a lot of young women coming in with, like, a list of things that they're going to demand. But, like, more water, for example? Like, they want a... Is that a hint? Yeah, thank you. So are they the ones? the guy is penning the pre-nup and they're like, here are my conditions? Or are women hitting guys with pre-ups now?

No, no, women aren't hitting guys with pre-naps. Because women are, like I said, generally economically. Unless they come from family money. So if the guy, the guy, let's say that on average, your client's probably the guy is the one that's coming in with more. Usually with the pre-tip. Yeah. But does the woman, is the woman able to say, well, here are some demands that I've got in this thing. Yes.

And it should be that. Like, a pre-nup conversation should be that conversation. It should be, hey, what would we need? Like I think, you know, when you love someone, you're saying, I want to protect your heart, right? Even from me. Like, if I screw this up, if this ends somehow, like every marriage ends, it ends in death or divorce. So if this doesn't end in death, if it ends in divorce, which statistically is more likely, what do we owe each other?

What would you need? And I think most successful, economically successful men, if you say, you know, she's entitled to one half of everything you have, it would be like, well, that doesn't seem necessarily fair. But if you say she's entitled to nothing, they were like, well, that's not fair either. Like, she's making sacrifices and choices and there's things that, like, she's diminishing her long-term economic capacity being a supportive other to me. So, but what is, what is she need? What would she need to feel safe?

Like, I don't think you can feel loved if you don't feel safe. I think both people should feel safe. Like, safe that you're not going to take tremendous economic advantage of me and safe that you're going to, you know, that you're going to be here and be present and love me. And, you know, that you're not going to. leave me in the lurch if we split up and take everything. So what are the sort of demands from the women? I mean, I've seen some really, really baller ones.

Like, we're, like, specifics of how much they want per month as a personal care budget for things like, you know, cosmetic stuff. During the marriage. During the marriage. The women ever do, like, if you're, like, for every three centimeters your penis shrinks as you age, I get X more dollars. Or is there anything superficial like that? I don't know that that happens with penises, but I don't.

There's something called buried penile syndrome. which is becoming increasing. What do you mean? Buried penis syndrome. It's when you get so fat, like the fupor, the male fupor begins to like subsume the penis. You know,

like if you let loads of grass grow up around a rock, and then you'd be like, where's the rock? And you go, it's there, but it's just like you have to. Little. And yeah, I think 5% of American men can't see. You know how Peter Griffin, even when he's naked, is never nude?

Like, he's always covered because he's got the gun. You're really smart. Thanks. He's got the gunned. Smarter than he needs to be. That's true. For a guy, you could probably see all of his penis. That's true.

Most of it, you know. Why can't you see all of it? It's too far away. The tip is too far away. I mean, everyone can push down on the sides and get a little more. Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's funny that you say that because a lot of people don't know about that. And I remember that every now and then there's conversations about how big your wiener is.

And I always give two answers. I give what it is and what it is if I push the sides. There you go. One of my friends used to take photo. You know, the little kind of. of Diet Coke that you can get on a plane, like, 175 milk. He used to take a photo of the, that would be somewhere in the photo for like, but you would have turned it so you wouldn't know it was a 175.

That's some fucking 300 IQ. You talk about me being smart. What a bummer. Holy shit, dude, food gazing. When did pre-ups, were they always around or like, what's the history of them? Preyps have been around a long time. Who invented the pre-nup? 1497 Germany.

1467. 1467. Freightly very specific. Pre-s. Pre-ups have been around. a long time. They've been enforceable in a real way since the 1960s. They really didn't get super popular with the general population until maybe like 20 years ago. Is that because things changed, or is that because women started being respected a little bit? No, I think that it was a function

of that the people started to see the marriage fail rate being as high as it is and started to say, like, okay, there's going to be a rule set applied to this? Is it one that we want written by the government, or is it one that maybe we want to write together in some fashion? I think in the late 1800s in England, the total number of divorces, it's like in the 1890s, one year, the total number of divorces was like five in all of England. So you just don't need a function for something that's never happening.

You don't need protection against something that's the tailist of tail risk. Yeah, but there were always people that like went out for milk and never came back. Yeah. Like that was like a very like relationships. I mean, I always think it's funny because people quibble with me sometimes about, you know, like, oh, is the divorce rate 46% or is the divorce rate 50% and it calculates in like, well, their second and third marriages have a higher divorce rate. So when you see the-the-the-gays have got, the guys in the Navy Seals have got over 100% divorce rate. How is that possible? That's like when they say somebody watched 107% of my reels.

Well, they just looped it again. It's the same guy going through a marriage and then getting divorced again. Maybe one, like, joke. But two marriages, two divorces comes to 100%. Right, but it's one person. Right. So you're pulling up the average. You say, hey, there's a thousand guys.

How many divorces have there been? Oh, divorces per person, not divorces per marriage. Yes. Yeah, I mean, that would be actually, I guess you could get married again and then get divorced again. Yeah, it's like patting your stats. Yeah. But people get very caught up in like... Or pushing the side stuff.

The divorce rate. But the truth is, like, if you're gauging the success of marriage, like, okay, it didn't catastrophically fail, which is what divorce is. Like the wheels came completely off and we're disbanding this legally. But then there's like plenty of people that they just never do the paperwork and they just physically separate and they just go, okay, we're just done. And then there's people that just stay together miserable because they don't even like each other, but they either don't want to give up half their stuff or they don't want to

go out for milk and never come back now. Well, you guarantee to give them the house. If you go out from, oh yeah, because you're basically like widows. Yeah, you're walking away. Yeah. But I know a lot of guys you do that. That's what you would go. It's a very male.

Walk away. Give them 100%. Irish goodbye. It's all in your blood. Irish goodbye. If I... If I... Yeah, it's a fucking psychoaner.

Well, we used to call it an Irish divorce when you go out for milk and never do that. You just leave. You just leave. Like, you just bounce and then it's like, yeah, I'm not coming home no more. Like, that's that. On the, your partner gains 50 pounds thing, if your partner gains 50 pounds and you no longer attracted to them, do you think that you're allowed to say it? Like, how do you broach that?

You have an obligation. say. Yeah, I think you have an obligation. Yeah, I think you have an obligation to say, there's tact, I agree. And it's not just about the weight. I mean, that's a very pointed way of doing it, but like, I would want a partner to keep me accountable with certain things. Not that that's their job, but that is a value add. I've had that in relationships where it's like, do you really need to eat that? I'm serious. Like, I'm saying don't eat that or can't, and there's no shame involved that is looking out for my best interest. And I think there's something very superficial at the looks department, but there's health involved to it and an attraction

involved to it and hey, you know, I'm noticing I'm not, like if my partner said I, you're very good looking, I'm still attracted you, I love you so much, just like, you haven't been taken care of yourself in a certain way, I just got to be honest with a lie, because they've gained 50 pounds, you're no longer attractive.

But before they gain 50 pounds, they gain one yet in that early. Yeah, I see, I think what people need to do in relationship and the mistake that most of the people who end up sitting across from me what they didn't do is when things change, because they will change. No ordeal. You have to say, like, you know, hey, let's notice that this changed, like, and just point it out. Like, I think it's the difference between a relationship that's designed and a relationship that's on default. Like, like, okay, we're not having sex as much as we used to.

Let's just point that out. Maybe it's that our sex drives have changed. Maybe we got kids now, and it's like, you know, we're both a little, all over to place or maybe it's what like it could be any number of things maybe you're not feeling great about your body i'm not feeling great about whatever it might be but like let's just say it out loud because maybe we're both okay with it like like maybe you're putting on weight and you're like yeah i'm just like not stressed about exercise anymore and i just feel like i want to take a break from that and i want to just like you know put on some okay like maybe it's just something that we're just going to both be cool with and we'll talk about it that way we already have identified based on my example that you're not cool with it well but i think before it's 50 pounds i think it would be like hey what's going on like things are changing and I just want to point that that they're changing and is there is that something that's going to have an impact on us long term also is the change coming from a medical thing is it coming

like what's happening also can guys pay you to do that for them I mean you're pretty good you're pretty good you're pretty good you're pretty good it'd be nice to be like oh god I'm just talking to him yeah yeah he's got I'm saying I actually I actually I think that there's a bunch of I think there's that's why I laugh when you said your wife uh sent you the blow jobs in granola one is that I do a lot of guys that they're they'll like send my stuff and they're like this. Passive aggressive. Yeah. The real is a good move.

What he just said. Passive aggressive of real exchange. Yeah, but I don't think it has to be like actually this is one of the reasons why I like shows like The Bachelor, Love Island or like any of those things is it gives people the opportunity to talk about their relationship without talking about their relationship. Like you sit with your girlfriend and your wife and you're watching this show and you start talking about the couple. And you're like, you know, like, why does she do that to him?

She's always like, well, maybe she's like feeling of it. And it's like a way for us to talk about the relationship without being like, why do you do that? Like you just, why does she do that? Well, maybe she does that because of this. Well, yeah, but doesn't it make him feel like. And it's a way to like have some safe distance, but still talk about feelings and relationship. I wonder how many marriages have dissolved due to a love island argument. Because there was some marriages that didn't happen because of the Lindsay Clancy case.

There was some people that got divorced. And then there was some people that. that were like, I thought that this was my person. We were about to go down the aisle and we couldn't agree on the Lindsay Clancy thing. And that was, you know, that was a deal breaker. The Trump thing, once 2016, 2016, like, we got a lot of people in like 2017, 2018 getting divorced because it was like somebody went very far right. And like the MAGA thing and it was like the wife was very progressive liberal. A lot of women's spaces are very progressive liberal in their leanings. And the guys were feeling very seen and understood by like a right wing movement.

and it created this tremendous tension where it was like it couldn't just be we have different... My dad was a Reagan conservative Naval Academy graduate. My mom was like so far left. She was like a Marxist practically. And they were married for like 50 plus years.

And I had no choice but to see both sides of every argument and become a lawyer, I think, because they were just, they didn't agree on any political issues, but they absolutely cared about each other, loved each other, were committed to having like the same concept of a family. But I really think that

that we've now created this thing where it's not enough that I disagree with your politics, you're Hitler, you know, or you're like the worst. And I just think that that's very, very bad. What do you think about people that are making politics like a central reason to? It's so sad. I think it's like the saddest thing ever when they're just like,

like the families that don't talk to each other now. Yeah. It's, it's terrible. Yeah. Also, I don't, I just think, I've ignored it my whole life. Like, I don't, politics, I don't really care at all. And it hasn't affected me. Like, I can't think of a thing that I'd be like, oh man, if I'd only vote it, it's like,

it doesn't affect me. And if it affects you, get involved. I don't care. I never did. My dad never cared. He's always like, fuck that shit. Just go to work. And he's right.

Put some fucking dirt on it. Yeah. He's like, just go to work. A quick aside, you probably heard me talk about Element before, and that's because I've started every single morning the same way for the last five years now, which is a cold glass of water with Elements in it. Element is an electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't. science-backed electrolyte ratio of sodium, potassium and magnesium. No sugar, no coloring,

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if elements most popular flavors with your first purchase by going to link in the description below. Are heading to drinklmnte.com slash modern wisdom. That's drinklmnt.com slash modern wisdom. What are the divorce rates? Because you know every statistic of, like, did that even happen?

Was it powerful enough with like the gold, blue dress or whatever thing? Do you think that affected people's relationships? Gold and blue dress thing? Yeah. I have no idea. the law of large numbers means that if there's a big enough cohort of people that see anything, you get weird to tailors.

Like, million to one odds happen eight times a day in New York City. Right? Because there's just so many people that random shit happened. So maybe someone did. But I I mean, the Lindsay Glancy thing was publicized. That people fell out publicly. And they asked a sample of how many people who got divorced. That's just so interesting.

They put it online. People were posting online. Me and my partner were going to get married and we disagreed about this case that's going on. and now we're not going to get married. So I guess it was a... But what about all the people that are like, oh, wow, men now empathize differently with certain chemicals that happen variables

in another person's brain, that made them feel closer. The number of men that were supporting of the Lindsay Clancy thing was like a handful. I think it was almost entirely a gender split. Also, if you were any married, even that, I would have been like,

shut up. And then if you'd wait it for two months, there's a huge chance. I was like, yeah, actually, that was kind of fucked up. I mean, just... I think the Lizzie Flancy and ended... became such a great advice. It was like a way to, you know, it became a metaphor for something that's

legitimate underneath that, which is I think there are a lot of women that do feel like, you know, that they're suffering in silence after they have a baby, that there's like tremendous hormonal shifts, that there's like all kinds of issues that that come from that and they feel like they weren't heard. And I think that this was a terrible example of like a person to go, oh, yeah, she's emblematic of that. Like, let's give her a pass. I think that's a crazy thing to do, but I think what's underneath it is worth looking at. Like I just, I'm much, like, I'm not into politics, but I'm really interested in why people argue the things they argue, because I, you know, my architecture is making arguments all the time.

And, and again, not positions that I'm holding personally. I'm someone else's mouthpiece. So I'm trying to like put myself in their head and go, okay, what is it? What's behind the reasoning of what's going on there? The crazy thing about the politics stuff, I don't know how many people actually care that much, but because everyone else says that they're supposed to care. And then that starts to reverse infect relationships. So we, I asked a bunch of, I asked everyone if they want to submit questions. And I didn't say who was going to get to answer the question. But there's a question about this from this guy called Billy. He says, hi, Chris, my fiance and I have different political and social beliefs. She is quite left leaning on the economy, like tax the rich more. And I on issues such as trans rights, climate. change in immigration. I sit more centrally or to the right of these issues. Neither of us are radical on either side, but we do have quite a few different beliefs. We agree on important things, like our views on how to raise kids, where we want to live, etc., but have these alternative

views that can cause conflict, or often leaves me not able to say my point of view in order to avoid conflict. How should we navigate this issue? Also, I don't tell her who I vote for out of principle, but she often pressures me to tell her, regardless of whether we vote for the same party or not. I don't feel like I should be compelled to tell anyone who I vote for, interested to know your thoughts. P.S. Big fan of the pod and can't wait for you to get a round table of golden retrievers soon. So that was nice at the end. But that seems to me to be someone who's like, is that question for me? That side of the table. It's the litigious side of the table from Billy. Chriswellex.com slash stories if you want to submit your question.

What do you think? What do you think about that? I think it's really about what's underneath all of that stuff. Like I think when someone is right leaning very often if you get to the core, it's not that they're like in this cult of personality that they like Donald Trump in particular. They like that this is a person who just says what they're thinking instead of being full of shit. And they're like, oh, everybody on the left is so full of shit, you know, because they just do this performative Kamala Harris thing where it's like you ask them a question about, you know, do you support this education bill?

And they're like, children are the future. And I believe in children. It's like, answer the fucking question. Like, stop. Stop doing it. So is everyone getting $5,000? No, but the point is that even though. Because he's so full of shit.

But he's blunt in his presentation, and at least it seems like he's answering the question. He's answering it with demonstrably false information, but at least he's actually answering the question. He's like, we should blow them up. And you're like, wait, what? No, we definitely shouldn't do that, but at least you're committed to a concept. Seeing that is correct is like going to chat GBT and just trusting that there's no artifacting happen. It's just like whatever they say is true. That's negligence.

And I agree with what's what's triggering. you underneath. But I mean, everyone's full of shit. So is there like another, and I'm asking this because is there another example? I don't know that everyone has to be full of shit. I actually think that when you, when you are incredible, I don't think even on that stage. I actually think that there is room on that stage right now in this zeitgeist for like authenticity. I think, I think right now we're dying. That was what people thought that they were getting, with Trump. Yes.

I thought, oh, he's taking the gloves off. Yeah, yeah. Yes. And what you got was instead of slipperiness, you got like bullshit. Right. So there was slippery before. You asked him on a question and they do the, well, what I think is really important is the children.

You're like, dude, I asked you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not what you mean. But so your issue is just because this guy is saying something directly that is fabricated or like a lie or whatever, as opposed to doing this sort of faux diplomacy evasive thing. I think it sucks that there is a difference to there. Us included, you give somebody a microphone and people will believe it a little bit more. It's like if something rhymes, you're like, maybe it's true.

And like, you say stuff and people listen to it and they clip it. I don't remember what the example was, nor do I want to put that out there in case it wasn't public. But you had mentioned something back there about somebody taking a clip of something and perhaps I had no context of what you were saying. But through association, you're now part of that. And just the lack of critical thinking in people, it's like, it's not. that we're, oh, we want somebody to tell the truth. It's just we want somebody to tell us what to do. And if we believe, if we choose a person, then we believe them. Certainties are proxy for truthfulness and expertise, for sure. But I think we're just craving

authenticity right now more than anything. That's why you guys would love my act. I really think we are. I really think like very basic authenticity. Like, I think we've discouraged, we've, we've discouraged people from having like normal human interactions. Like, there's nothing more pleasant. Like we've just met today for the first time. There's something very pleasant. If we just now, we're like, I'm going to tell you four things I already really like about you. Like, and I have them in my head. You should do that. Let's see it right now. Wouldn't that be nice? Why stop it before? I think you're, I think you're really, obviously I think you're really funny. I think you have like a tremendous emotional intelligence and it feels like you're trying to be very authentic, even when it's

kind of scary to do that. It feels like you're talking about like things that people, men in particular, like are really uncomfortable talking about, like erectile dysfunction or feeling like you want to be... Out of context. But I think it's really, like, I think that's really cool and it says like something about who you are. I think you have an interesting style going on. You got like the little bracelet thing happening. I'm curious as to what it says or whatever. Like it. So these are like nice things about you. It feels nice to hear someone say nice things about you. It feels nice to hear someone say, here's what I've already started to put together. Because we're meaning makers. Like we're just constantly trying to like, you know, we're like this.

is a symbol. That's a symbol. Like I wore this intentionally. You wore that intentionally. So you're trying to send some message. I'm trying to send a message. Yours is too. Yours is I don't fucking care. But legit. If you showed up in this, I'd be like, what the fuck's mad up to? I'm going to court. I would think it was cool. Yeah. But like it really, I would think it was cool if you were just like that. One day. Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, your wedding, you're probably. I actually, when I got here, and I wasn't going to go to a store, but I had the idea of, I think it would be fun if I came in in a, in a white shirt and a, dark vest and just not acknowledge that would be amazing that would be like uh when uh what was it

craigones did lex friedman show and he and he wore lex's tie and he wore the exact thing did you see don junior's wedding because this is maybe one of the most extravagant thing i didn't even know that it happened but it's been embroiled in a bunch of russian billionaire people giving them money and stuff like that so russian oligarch with ties to put in umar kremlev apparently covered hundreds of thousands of dollars of the expenses don junior and his wife said it was a gift from a friend and denied that it was a political move. The wedding cakes required five tribes of transport, two cakes traveled by van, private plane, helicopter, golf cart and boat.

The three-day wedding and party were held across two private islands, costing over $100,000 per night to rent. The bride's reception outfit required 150 hours of embroidery. Donald Trump did not attend, saying, this is not good timing for me. I have a thing called Iran and other things on. He actually spent the day spamming truth social with AI memes. Not very asset light. Asset heavy.

I set big heavy. I set big titty goth bitch. I feel like you just did the impossible for me, which is I actually feel bad for Don Jr. right now. Like I feel bad that his dad didn't fucking show up. Like that's, I don't know. Doesn't it make you feel like I, gosh. Like you get married and you have like this ridiculous wedding.

I have a feeling that he's used to his dad not showing up for things. I know. It's been conditioned from the. That's a sad. That's what dads are. It's a sad image to me. Yeah. You know?

Like it's like the kid. waiting with the baseball glove. Like, it just feels like, dude, like, like maybe if I bring like a billionaires and I make it so cool, like dad will show up. And meanwhile, dad's like, no, I'm on truth social today. You know, like, if I put the cake on five types of transport, then maybe that'll come.

I don't get it. I'm stupid. They had, they had the cake was what, like spread across. It was just so big, I think, that they needed, like, all of this, like, fuckery. Yeah, it's really, that's just something sad about that. I really think so. Yeah.

I don't think the wedding was like, it probably wasn't very fun. I would, I have more than four things, but I would like to acknowledge one of them that I noticed before, but this is just an example of your willingness to be able to understand something without necessarily agreeing with it. And I think that's a great place to be

when you're arguing stuff, but to see that side of it, whether that makes you empathize with him as in his character in a different way, who's to say? But like, you know, from a human level, look at this, I try very hard to do that. I ask that question a lot.

I don't know if I'm good at finding the answers yet, but it seems very intuitive for you. Thanks. Yeah. No, I think doing what I do for a living you have to like really put yourself in people's head and understand them. And it's a very, it's a very strange thing. I don't know if it's a good thing. It's a strange thing because I've represented the victim of domestic violence and I've

represented the perpetrator of domestic violence. I've represented the person who's married to someone with substance use issues and I've represented the person who has substance use issues that have blown up their marriage. It's like us doing gambling ads. But if you spend enough time with that person, you kind of figure out there aren't like evil people doing evil things. Like they mistake it for happiness. Like they hurt people hurting people.

Like they grew up in a household where there was violence and they think that that like whoever discovered water wasn't a fish. Like this is how they think it's supposed to be. And you just, I don't know, you spend enough time in other people's heads and you start to go like, oh, there maybe aren't like good people and bad people. There's like, you know, any of us. Like, I mean, you're a father. Like you, if you judge your fatherness by your most impatient moment

when you kind of lost it with one of the kids, you're not giving you enough credit. But if I judge you by like the moment where you like totally showed up perfectly for the kid and did like, that's giving you a little too much credit. Like you're kind of the aggregate, you know? And I feel like in relationships, I think relationships are supposed to be like that.

Like even friendships are supposed to be like that. Like where it's, you know, like, yeah, you showed up for me sometimes. Maybe, you know, you stepped on the rake a couple times. But like in the aggregate, we're really trying to be here for each other. We've got this thing now. where it's like, if you're not perfect as a romantic partner, that's it. You're, you fucked up. You didn't find your soulmate. How do you think about navigating that in a marriage because you are living with this person all the time? You're going to see them a lot of the

time, stressed, stuff's going wrong. How do you not have those flare-ups sort of, I don't know, seep into resentment and bitterness and stuff like that. Dude, it's literally that. It's like the resentment's the biggest one. Like when I would catch myself, it took me years to figure this out, But I would catch myself when I'm not around that. I'm not around my wife being like, yeah, fucking she thinks. And if I'm doing that cycle of like, yeah, shut the fault. Yeah, I hope she fucking says it. And I'm like, stop.

Whatever this is, just stop. And then I just like, is you can get really caught in this weird, once you start keeping score of like. It's like a fantasy. It's a fantasy store. And it makes you feel horrible and angry all the time where you have to just be like, you start to kind of accept the person and be like, that's just a thing they have.

Like I would get nagged all the time. I would be like, stop fucking nagging. And it would make me mad. And then it was just like, wait, because we went to marriage counseling. And he was like, why do you get so mad about that? And it was like, because she points out, it did something wrong. I feel fucking horrible. And he's like, yeah, but like, why do you feel that bad about it?

Like, you don't care if the garage is up or down. Like, why if she says it, do you all of a sudden care? I was like, damn, good call. So like now I can like, finally, yeah, it was a great move. I can finally feel to criticism. And if I, if I don't care about it, I'm like, okay. It's hard to not take stuff like that personally. I guess.

Dude, but the thing is it would floor me if it'd be like, did you open the mail? I did, what the fuck do you care if I open the mail? As opposed to just saying yes

and letting it be. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I actually did open the mail. You see, I think underneath that is something I think is incredibly romantic and that is that you're like, you're, like, see, for me, as a man,

most of the time when I'm angry, it's that I'm really sad. Yeah. But anger feels more active. So I feel like I have control still Whereas sad, I just feel like I'm just like the rain is falling on me And I'm just like passively and I don't like that like it makes so like a lot of what I in my own therapy like a lot of what I work with my therapist about is like when I think I'm angry It's actually like no you're sad

And when you go what do you do with that sadness and it's like you just feel it and I'm like right but how do I get rid of that and they're like you don't you just feel it like Yeah I think underneath what you're saying there is like well I didn't care about the garage and like you're frustrated but it's like you're frustrated but it's like you're Like, fuck, like I want to be good at this. Like, I want to be good at loving you. Like, I want to be a good husband. I want you to love me. I want you to, like, look at me and go, holy shit, you're awesome, you know?

And fuck, I fucked that up. Like, and you made it really hard, like, to get it right. Like, I didn't know I was supposed to do the garage. Like, I did these other five things. Like, why didn't she give me any credit for those five things? Like, I got the granola, you know, like, come on. That's literally, that would be all on repeat in your head. But what you just said is, like, when you, the minute you're keeping score.

But see, like, and this is where it's challenging, because I think, think I think you have to notice things. Like that's why I said earlier, you have to pay attention. But when people say to me, marriage is hard work. I'm like, yeah, if you consider paying attention hard work, marriage is hard work. Paying attention doesn't have to be that hard. Noticing changes, saying them out loud isn't that hard. But like you've gained weight.

Yeah. Or I've gained weight. Or I've gained weight. Or like what's happening with our bodies right now? What's happening with our routine? What's happening with our diet? I'm sorry, honey. I thought my dick would shrink with age, but unfortunately we're stuck with his piece.

You can unroll this thing. The edible's kicking in and now it's like... I'm trying. There's so many times I want to interrupt already. You should keep a log and now you can just unload them all. Go on. Now he's on the spot. Yeah.

That is the thing. It's figuring out how to be like, all right, why am I getting spas? I personally think as the... Let's say you have a family and you're the dad, your job is to keep a level head. Because women do have, they have hormonal fluctuations. It's like, you know, it's a real. real thing. If you like bring it up, they'll be like, fuck you, but they'll tell you like, it's a real

thing. You bring it up after it. They're cool with it. Yes. You bring it up while they're in it. You're dead man. But it's a real thing. They wobble. They do wobble and you have to be, they'll wobble and you have to not wobble and be like, chill out. Everything's fine. But if you freak out, the whole house falls into ruin. I'm sure it flips

and certain, but like in the aggregate, for sure. I remember when my sons were teenagers and I said to, I said to my therapist at the time, I was like having an issue with a teenager. And he was like, I said something about like, yeah, I just like started yelling at him about it. And he's like, oh, no, no, no, never yell at a teenager. And I was like, why?

He's like, because whatever's coming out of your mouth, if you're yelling, what you're telling a teenager is I'm out of control. And the message you want to send to a teenager is I am in control all the time. It's like talking to a dog. Yeah. Like the confidence is like a huge piece of it. And I think you're like, I think actually, and it took me like a good 40-something. years to figure out that like women's hormones really do like they don't teach us this i'm literally 40

yeah but like they just once you learn it's like a life hack because when they're in that like hormonal like everything that's you know fade like you you do not want to point that out but four days five days later if you go you know i think last week like it seems like you were kind of having a hard time they were like yeah it was fucked up i was like i was really coming out of my skin and then they feel seen but in it like you couldn't then 28 days later or something like, oh, I think you're kind of in it right now. They're like, no, I'm not. You know, so you have to like be a little cautious as how you handle.

But see, again, I think why, why is this like unmanualed? Like, there should just be like an operative. Like, I don't think this has to be as difficult. Like, we could talk about this stuff more honestly. We could be a little bit more like, like we get mad at the fact that people are bad at relationships. But no one really ever teaches us much about relationships. Like we watch our parents who watch their parents. who watch their parents,

and that's how we're learning how to do relationships. Or we watch, like, the equivalent of porn. We watch, like, romantic comedies where everything's, like, perfect and everything's like, and by the way, like, it ends. So, you know, like, like, if, like,

Jack lived at the end of Titanic, like, you'd think she wouldn't eventually have been like, all right, stop painting the fucking French girls. You got to get a job, dude. Like, there would have been some, but he dies. So it's like, okay, now it's, you know, they live happily ever after. I don't think,

relationship that like we have to have it we could do better at like talking about this stuff teaching people about this stuff when they're younger like i just think it's something it doesn't have to be it's like getting mad like it's like having your your training and driving from watching the dukes of hazard and being like why is my car always end up in ditches like it's just you there's ways to learn this that are much clearer you know and easier no i've heard that a lot too like you know there's that lady who had the thing like must be 40 years old independently wealthy there are i run across dudes a lot. Post-economic.

Post-economic. I like that. It's all correcting 35 to 42. True. Thank you. I've seen dudes do it though where they're like, I just want a woman who just like is like for real like stays rational all the time. I don't understand why they have to like, you know, like things won't make sense.

And it's like at a certain point you're like, this is I'm not being a dick, but it's true. It's like women are very much different from men. And once you get to the point where you can almost appreciate it when they kind of even get a little or kind of wacky, you're like, you know, you're kind of like, ah, you're just a you're a lady like this is what you want if you were if you were as rational you know in certain context as me you would just be a dude i've had to tell a lot of my friends this who are like i just want to find like we get to jail on everything i'm like no dude she's going to freak out and like make you feel horrible turn gay yeah exactly exactly i was like you're describing a guy well a lot of my

gay male friends like i think what they describe as as one of the benefits of being in a same-sex relationship is that like you you get this person like their their drives are similar to yours Their hormones are similar to yours. Like, you just want to like, fuck, go to the gym. Like, that's, you know. You say that, but that wouldn't explain why lesbian relationships are so unsuccessful. Well, it's, it's, it's the emotionality. I'll take this.

Speaking for the lesbians in the room. No, I'm just joking. But I'm going to go to the bathroom. I just, I hate thinking about lesbian divorce. Really? Yeah, I do. And I have a big thing. I know.

What's messed up is like, dude, if you think about, I was thinking about this the other day, people pay money for testosterone because it like enhances them. And if a woman's pregnant, she gets like a mega dose of the female hormones and they get like nauseous. They feel fucked up. If it's kind of a damning biological kind of indicator where like it's how bad it sucks to be a lady.

Like your essence in terms of hormones is like a poison. Whereas a guy's is like a godly chemical where you become like stronger and jacked and like you don't even need sleep anymore. It just sucks to think about. It's fucked up. I would definitely just. No one would object to actually be a guy always.

I know. It's not even, it's not even, it's not even, we got the better end of the deal. Yeah, 100%. I think our, our, and we get to look at ladies. Yeah. Which I'm sorry, just such objectively, we got the better end of the deal.

Which is rare in nature. In nature, if you think about it, male lions have a big mane, male peacocks, sick-ass tail. Yep. they're like the only the shit they're trying to do to get laid

though I know like it's like what they have to do like we have to do a whole other set of things true like they have to get

the peacock stuff and we have to you know we have to do so much shit I mean how much of what we do from like whatever 15 on

is to get laid ultimately pretty much everything it's everything it's literally everything there's no other drive nobody gives it fuck about watches

and cars it's like I want to indicators of like like, you know, look status. Like, look at me. Like, come on, please touch it. Like, it's all really all it is. I've ever seen that Futurama episode where sex robots are invented and all of society just grinds to a halt? And they're like, oh, it does turn out that everything

that guys were doing was just to get laid. And they can get laid on demand. Like, everything's just stopped. It's over. Yeah. It's game over. Yeah. There's no five. Yeah. And women have always been the gatekeepers of sex, like a hundred percent of time. And the example I've always given to this is that like, like women don't like shaving their legs. If all the women tomorrow said, we're not shaving our legs anymore, are you telling me guys to be like, well, then we're not having sex with you? Yeah, definitely. But there'd just be that one bitch. There'd just be that one. It was like, wait, none of them are shaving their legs. Yeah, I'd shave my, I just like it. I'd do it for me. It's not even not. And then all of a sudden, they're high.

This is the same problem with UBI. It's the same problem. If everybody gets the same income, immediately you want to separate yourself out from the thing that everybody's got. Can you tell Matt that story of how you were convinced to shave on weekends by ex-girlfriends?

Yeah, yeah. Actually, as a married man, you might appreciate this. So I was, this is, I tell the story as an example of how you frame something very much changes, how your partner feels about it. So I was dating a girl who had very sensitive skin. And I do like have like a, it comes in pretty thick my beard and it's like stubbly. But I like

the clean shaving thing. So I shave all during the week so I can have the lawyer thing going on. And then on the weekends I wouldn't shave. So I'm dating this girl and I go to like, you know, I would like kiss her or whatever and she would get like, like, you know, like stult, whatever on her skin. What the fuck are the two of you? Trying to keep a straight face. God. That's what you were. Oh, God.

All right. That's a classic gag. That is like a real Tom Selleck. Yeah. Wow. It feels almost Freudian. Like it's a real... So you're saying to let you're scratching...

I don't know. I'm never going to recover from... What happened to the lesbians and the divorce? What's the reason? Super high. Very high. Very high. Lots of dead bedroom.

Lots of domestic violence. A lot of us violence. Yeah. And by the way, until I've represented a number of lesbian women. What was that like? I would say some, there's something uniquely fucking weird about hearing a woman say to me if that fucking bitch thinks she's going to get half my business, she's fucking got. She's kidding.

Like, because you're used to hearing. I'm used to hearing that of a man, 100%. But to hear a woman saying it about a woman, my brain went like, oh, that's so weird. Like, it feels weird. Yeah, that is strange. Yeah, it was strange. I have a feeling if that gets wet, it's gonna have like a, like a dog.

So what happened with the scratchy? Oh, she's shaving. So I would shave during the week and then on the weekends I would tend to see her on the weekends and then I would like go to kiss her or whatever and she'd be like, oh, your beard's so scratchy. Relationship ended eventually for unrelated reasons, but maybe related reasons.

The next woman I dated was the exact same. She had like sensitive skin and she liked really clean shaving, but instead of being like, oh, your beard's so scratchy. She, every time I would shave, she'd be like, oh, like, you're so, it's so sexy when you just shave. You're like Don Draper on Mad Men. Like, I love that. Yeah. Yeah, I would shave like three times a day. Like every time I was gonna, and I would even like, oh, I shaved it. And she'd be like, oh, I'm noticed, you know, like how you frame the thing. It wasn't. And I've said, like, men, it's the same thing. Like, if you're like, how come we don't have sex as often as we used to? All right,

you're already. She's in a defensive position. Whereas if you were like, oh, you know what? I was driving home from work and I drove past that restaurant. Remember that restaurant we went to like on like our third date? Yeah. I remember we went back to our apartment after? Oh my God, I would love to go. And that was, remember after we went to the apartment and we just like stayed in bed for like a day and a half? That was so, now I'm with you.

Let's not even go to dinner and let me suck on your big fucking cock. Wow. Wow. Oh no. Escalated quick. I need to leave. You should have put the mustache on for that bit. Yeah, true. Yeah, that's a tricky one to figure out how to bring it up. Well, how do you like, I think

the way to do it is to bring a person back to where it's kind of like when you've when you have a couple that clearly does not fucking like each other at the dinner party if you do the like oh so how did you guys meet that's actually the best way to like bring them back to that place i have i have a question rick you seem to be the sort of person who in social situation sort of calls out the subtext like the under an unspoken thing that's kind of in the air how do you feel if you're at dinner with a couple and there's obviously an awful lot of tension between the two of them. Is that the sort of thing that's palpable to you? Does that make you uncomfortable? Are you talking to me?

Yeah, when I said your name at the very start, unless you change name. I was just being playful. I'm sorry for whatever I triggered and I'm curious what it was. Here we go. See, that's the fourth wall breaking thing that I'm talking about. This is the skill set that's precisely why you need to be a mediator for marriages. Do you want to do a two-man act? There's no money in mediation. Oh, sorry, I forgot that's a difference.

Yeah, litigation. Yeah, litigation, yeah. I do it. Why do you do your job? That's active service. Do you? Just like my buddy. I do it for the justice.

What did you point out when the people are fighting? I think that if it were to the point where I felt that I wanted to acknowledge, like, if I don't want to, like, if they're doing their thing and I just have to be there and like, they need to do their thing, I'm no part of this, then I wouldn't acknowledge it. If like, we're here for something and or I felt the projected want to service. to see other people who I'm assuming that having the same discomfort that I'm having, I might, I would probably say something and it depends on my relationship. If you guys were fighting and you guys are buddies,

I would like, I would be like, hey, you know, I'm talking, you know, maybe be a little bit lighter. Just let's, let's, it's fine, let's not do this now. But if like, if this was something about something that has, like, importance to it, like you, you, not only did you take too long

to pick up your son, but also it was way too long and in a dangerous, part of town and I believed that point of view, I would instead, I wouldn't say break it up. I would be like, I think you're missing what he's trying to say. So you take sides. Oh, yeah. Or translate. I think what he's saying.

That's what, thank you. You're a bad media. Thank you. No, no. Taking sides, but. Well, it takes, taking sides, you're right. That wasn't right. But it would be technically taking a side because I'm translating your perspective.

But he has one as well. You know, good lawyers understand the law, but great lawyers. They live forever. Legends. They never die. I was with him for a second. Do you want me to leave? No.

No, no, you're doing that. Oh, but the audience does. I read the comments only while they're writing them while we're filming it. That's the only comments.

Imagining them before I've even said to that. Yeah. And you know, you know what hurts? Not the bad comments hurt and the good comments feel good. The good comments are either wrong or like I already knew that. And the bad comments that I disagree with, you know, that's the internet.

It's the ones that I agree with. And I'm agreeing with you guys at home right now, and I'm sorry. So you're saying that novel criticisms that you haven't, oh, that's a novel way to insult me that I haven't heard before. But the way that you complimented me is something that I'm kind of familiar with. And it seems a little bit longer. If I'm funny and you laugh, I'm not saying thank you. First of all, a novel insult is great. Sure.

Then the funny insults is pretty funny. I have to tell you, like, when someone insults me in a way that, like, is accurate and funny, I have to respect. connect to them a little bit. I'm like, oh my God, I love that. Yeah, someone pointed out that my eyes are really close together, and I never stop thinking about it. I'm always like, they are. I was like, they're really close together.

Yeah, but I love that. It kind of did make me laugh out. It's like I was watching outtakes of, like you ate something sour all the time. I was watching. Do you laugh more into the microphone? I have predator eyes, really, but. I was watching outtakes of VEP.

I love VE. It's amazing. It stands up. It is so good. I watch it. It's become like my like my like self-soothing. Like if I've had like a long day, I'm like I'm just going to like. ESM-R-M-O.

Yeah, I just watch VEP and you could just jump into any season and it's amazing. But some of the insults they hurl at each other are so precision strikes. And apparently like a lot of them were improv. And if you watch like the outtakes, sometimes they hit so hard that the person just busts out and it ruins the scene. But it's like go on YouTube and watch like VEP. outtakes or the bloopers, half the time it's just that somebody just launched an insult because some of those insults are so numb. You guys have done like TV comedy stuff.

When you're doing the improv thing, ad hocing, surely, yes, hooray, we couldn't have even written this. It only was able to happen in the moment. But then you have the difficulty of everyone on set trying to keep a straight face to something they weren't expecting. You do pick up. Oh, right. Okay.

So we've come up with it. All right, now that everyone's dissipated. Yeah, you try it again. and or you keep the delivery, but you cut to a different reaction shot, especially for television. It's all in the edit, baby. If you get so,

fix it in post. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I think what you're saying, like, it's so funny, people are laughing, but there's also the flip side where you're trying to, like,

ad lib and everyone's just staring at you, like, why are you wasting our time? And you're like, shit. So you bombed on set. You can, yeah. Oh, that's got to hurt. If you go off script and it doesn't kill, you're kind of like, God,

I'm the biggest loser in the world. You literally gave me a game. Jimmy straight down the middle of the plate. And I decided to try to do something sexy. Yeah, it's bad feeling. I'm filming a show at the moment. It's a single camera show because this is different specifically for multi-camera. And for people at home, they don't know.

Multi-camera is like a play. There's one of the walls is cameras and you're performing to a live audience and gauging their reaction. And he was talking to me about, which is a great observation that I don't think I ever articulated myself, but like, joking a joke oftentimes by default isn't great. Do you know that term joking? Like, here's a joke and now you make another joke. Is this joke a tag that adds to this or does it cannibalize this because you lose the

reality of what this might be or now we didn't have time to process, whatever it is? But in multi-cams, you go out and you do, let's say, three takes. And you go out there and you do the way it's scripted and it's funny and it gets a laugh. The second take, you do it again. It doesn't get as big of a laugh because they heard it already. So then you like, you try and perform as if the home audience, the people watching the show, heard all three versions. But they don't.

So now when you heighten option three, it's really funny to the people there and you feel it because we are all part of something that isn't going to translate. So there's kind of like this, if you follow the laughs, just keep in mind what they're laughing at. And I think this is true outside of even performance. But like sometimes we do something because of our past experiences let us to believe that this would be funny to be say something shocking about somebody's sexuality. Because of course, I have no hate for this, but they don't know that yet. And like judging by people's reactions could be very dangerous. And I thought that was an interesting way of saying it. Like if you've heard it once, now you think the next thing's funnier than that, only because it's different.

Well, also, if you've been friends with someone for ages and you know that they're very nice, that they've got gay friends, that they don't have any hate in their heart, and then you're on a podcast or maybe you're with a new group of friends or whatever that don't have that same level of context. You make the joke, one or a few people get it. And everyone else is like, oh. Yeah, that's the danger of the internet. Because, like, you do, you either have to be very careful in your curation of the things you say and how they can be so easily taken out of context, or you just have to, like, just assume everybody knows where your heart is at. Yeah, you can have massive context.

That's one solution. But basically, everyone is seeing you for the first time. I think assuming that everyone is seeing you for the first time is probably, like, the safer way to go about it, but it makes everything really bland. It's so terrible. Because you've got to play. One of the example that I think of is, when we're doing vlogs sometimes

if we do a training blog and someone comes through sometimes we're training in a gym and the music's really loud and we can use software that gets rid of the music so it's just us talking but we're still shouting. We're still yelling at each other because what we heard was music that the audience now doesn't hear and that's...

Have you seen the friends where they took the audience laughter out? Have you seen any of those? Yeah. Yeah. And they're just hey, I really like your shirt. Do they not have it in large? Yeah, it's like... Yeah, it's really Because I think... He seems so strange.

Yeah. And the jokes actually aren't funny. A lot of them aren't funny. Here we go. Like, they're just not. Like, a lot of them aren't funny. Some people don't like country music. Doesn't mean it's not good.

What happens? No, some country music, which is objectively bad. Yeah. Friends is good. Friends has some moments, but come on. I mean, have you ever been with somebody that wasn't great just because they had some moments? Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, friends is... That's not in my top 10 by any means. I'm probably not top 20. But when I watch you, I'm like... You're in the position of defending friends. That's really... Yeah, because I think that art form is... Not that it needs to be, but it is a bit antiquated.

And watching it as these are real people having conversations is a way to receive that that isn't necessarily the case versus, like, here is a play that we're watching within this world. What happened to that style of, like, production? Because that seemed to be a lot of sitcom. sitcoms are by design joke machines, not for better or worse. people in kind of like what you're saying want more real i think that's very true with with the arts as well and if you didn't grow up watching that kind of stuff and that's not part of what your palate is

you you don't believe because it's not a lot of people look at that that's not how people really talk of course not this is a silly play it's a comic book strip and i think people either don't appreciate that or just don't want that um otherwise they would be doing it more it's the cheapest kind of show to make. It's the easiest kind of show to make. Because it's one set, largely. Sometimes he makes swing sets, but yeah, not only that, but with scheduling, it's all, not only is it all indoors, so you don't have to worry about lighting, it's all

at the same place and everybody shows up there. And then you kind of get it. So my first job was a multi-cam and you read the script, and then the next three, four days is literally, it's all about camera blocking and just how you deliver the joke. The most work is, which way are we facing for this?

That's a science that isn't specific to one show, so people already have it down. So it's hard for the writers because it's joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. But like, there are shows when they have it in there in season three, season four, where they do four day weeks, they rehearse for three days, they film the show on a half day, and then that's it. People say it's like the cushious gig you could get as a director. It's like you want to get into the multi-cam.

And there's only like, I'm making this number up, so I won't, a few amount of multi-cam directors. They know how to do it. They know how to pace it. They know how to talk to actors. They know how to turn a joke. And that's like the gig. Super efficient to me. Yeah, you could work 25 hours a week.

I think it's also about developing a palette. I think like a, you develop like almost a comedic palette. Like, I think that I need to move you down there. You are gravitating to what, understandably. Yeah, he's got that aura. Yeah. I feel crazy when I watch sitcoms now. If I try to watch like Big Bang Theory, I'm like, this is.

What about the ones you grew up with? I haven't seen them in a while. I used to love them. But see that when that was what was on the menu, that was what you were consuming. And then because you were used to that, when arrested development or the office or so it came and it kind of was different than that, all of a sudden was like, wait, what's this? Yeah. Like I genuinely think if right now you did like a friends type of thing, like a multi-ca—like if you did that, there would actually be for young people who didn't grow up on that, they might be like, oh, this is something different. I think it's like developing a palette.

Like I really think that this all moves in like a— I wonder how long the cycle needs to go before having multi-cam audience, what's it called, in a studio crowd, whatever it's called. That's like so old that it could be new again. I think we're probably there. I think if someone did it right now, it could be really... There's still multi-cams all the time. Yeah, I mean... So I think when Vine came out, things changed to where people were having stages before it was.

was curated. You know what I'm saying? So like before I would ever see your, the first time I, if I didn't know you, I wasn't in this world, the first time I saw you might be a standup special. And now I've been introduced to you when you have earned the stage. When Vine came out, there were a lot of people for better and for worse that didn't have to go through those channels to be allowed to be seen by a Netflix or whatever. So other people were able to find them.

And for better and for worse, it has a less. curated, less polished thing. But now there are so many people that have stages where there's the multicam, there's the single cam. Zoom out a little bit. It's just network television. Zoom out a little bit more. It's television shows. And that is already such a subcategory of what people want to watch for better and for worse that I think if you're not going to be able to learn an art form and instead you're just learning to be distracted, deep. I think that you're not looking for something that has that kind of stuff. You're looking for something else.

You're looking for something to be distracted. You're looking for some goth chick with big tits or, you know, a person that you love from something else. Let's see them in this show. And I don't think we have relationships for better and for worse with that kind of stuff or more. We love Full House. We love Family Matters.

We love Boy Meets World. One of those. It's just shows that were beloved. The Cosby Show. But there was like five champs. Right. Like there was so little. choice. Not only they're more channels though, I think all those channels are still such a small

part of what you're watching on YouTube or podcasts or shorts or reality. But people aren't watching anywhere near as much of like that's why I think multi-cams aren't going to come back. What was the most concurrent viewed show on British television? I'm pretty sure it was only fools and horses. You ever hear of that show? Fuck me. That is crazy. I'm not kidding. I think it was like tens of millions of people in a country that only had like 30 million or something at the time. Like a third of the... That would be a six or two thirds. Fuck me.

The funeral of Princess Diana was 32 million. Royal family. You guys are obsessed with the fair queen. We do. Paula 13. Just soccer and the queen. It's all people dying. It's just soccer and the queen.

It's people dying in sport. That's it. That's crazy. Oh, and some space stuff. Sport and football. That's it. Well, you got Olympics, too. Oh, here we go.

There we go. Eastenders. Wow. Someone. I'm sorry. What is this statistic? English TV. Most watched.

Wow. Serves his wife Angie with divorce papers. Eastenders. Dude, imagine 30 million people watching a TV show. I don't even know that show. EastEnders? Yeah. So it is about people in London.

It's probably one of the longest running. There's basically like two or three big long running. I don't know. It's a sitcom. It's not comic. It's like a drama. One's in London. One is in the countryside, and another one is in Manchester.

Coronation Street. You heard of Coronation Street? Is that where the where she got, Queen Elizabeth got coordinated? Unfortunately, it's another drama show like this. No. Look at the dates on these. 86, 87, 85. Like, there's none of these cracked 2000.

Good that Miss World's 1967. The internet. Where Miss Peru won there. Madeline Hartog Bell. Cable. Yeah. But not even Cable, I really think the, The internet,

but once cable comes in, there's like nothing. Yeah. But once you democratized, like, the ability to just fractured everything in too many. I think, I don't know if it's true,

but they said now with a lot of movies, they have to, they encourage them to kind of almost re-explain the plot every so many minutes. People are distracted. People are distracted. I saw that. So they're constantly, like,

having to be like, so here's the mission. Here's what we're doing. They're assuming that people are watching the television as one of two devices. Yeah. So they have to repilot things. They want to start with.

Or have the dialogue really explained things. It's like exposition. Yeah. Just doing tons and tons of exposition over and over again. But I don't know if that's true either. I mean, it seems like it. But what he's talking about is not just getting the exposition out clearly, but it's literally repiloting it.

Can you explain that? Yeah. So we're going to go in and make this bank heist. But what's important to remember is we have to put pepper spray in the guns or, you know, if we're going to rob the radio or whatever, airheads or something. Now that's the thing that go and get the pepper spray in the guns and stuff. It's like then later on, you got the pepper spray. the gun, right? Because when we go in, we're going to have to

and they're like, oh, we said this already, but they may, but the audience may have missed it. That's piloting. It's not mutually exclusive. What I'm saying is like, not pilot. Like when you establish something, you've established it. You could do it with a lot of exposition or a little. But it's been established. We've decided that's now on to phase two. This is, once we're on to phase two, what if they didn't hear that?

We got to say it again. So they're like re-saying the same stuff. I think it's so funny. It's, if you could do this, I don't know how you would look at it. written out maybe in a script or whatever. And maybe you could highlight all of the times that like make sure that the pepper sprays is in the gun. Okay, you've got the pepper spray.

All of those different things is the same as removing the studio audience. So, okay, this is this absurd little thing that's happening. And if we take it out of context, isn't it silly? Yeah. Yeah, it's a, I mean, I don't know. Kind of sad. I really think so. Because you're not making art anymore.

Yeah. You're distracting people. You're trying to gain their attention from someone. else as opposed to, I only want you here if you want to be here. Like, this is like, well, look at me too. And it's dark. I think they say you've got to like start with an explosion or something. Something has to happen like insane in the first five minutes.

I'm pretty sure that there's a stat around the number of cuts that was in the first Fast and Furious movie. And if you just track all of the cuts across each of them, the duration of each scene on average has gotten shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter and now to the point where it's super Mr. Beesified. We're just wildly desensitized. I mean, if you look at how many people get shot in a John Wick film versus, like, watching, like, old heist films

or old, like, spy films. Like, it's not a specific style. The level of violence. John Wick's basically a superhero that is... But it's designed to be, like, just moving so fast and so intense that it's like... I don't think you're just absolutely flooded by it. Is a good barometer for, like, what's going on with cinema.

Because it lasted so long. Well, yeah. They were racing, and now they catapult cars into helicopters. The physics of it is now gone. That's another good example of being funny, depending on what you're looking at. As divisive as that is, I'll fucking watch that. What? Fast and Furious?

Yeah. For what it is? Yeah. Like, when there's a new Jason Statham movie, even if, because I, I'm with my parents a lot. I love going to their house. We watch movies together. And my dad and I are always watching something. And my mom's reading her book.

It doesn't want to. There's a new Statham movie. She doesn't even ask what it's about. What did you think of B-keeper? I want to call him right now and ask him the last time he's watched it. I bet you it's within the past two months. Be-keeping? He just keeps watching B-keeper.

I didn't love it. I struggled with B-Chape. I'm a big Staten. Huge. I'm a big-staffing. Huge. That's why it's enough. Struggled.

I like The accountant one and two. Those are the last types of those movies that got me. I still turn my garage. I try to like pull in as my garage doors coming up just like the guy in the account. I do it every time. I'm like, I'm basically the accountant. Oh, that's the Ben Affleck. Yeah, yeah.

I saw the first one. Why the garage doors up so much? Probably, probably. Hit off the top of the garage you're going in. I'm just like, I did it again. I just forgot to put it back down. It's kind of like flushing, trying to time it right? Like, so by the time it all goes down, you're done peeing.

Yes. I've heard of not even do that. I don't even do that. Yeah, I do it all the time. I do that too. You know what we think? I would like that too. This is a great opportunity to name something that I don't think has a name.

So there's X, right, which is something that, typically a guy does that sort of turns off a girl. She notices something that you might not typically think about a noticing and then that sort of kills a attraction. I want a word for something that guys do that they think is sick that most women don't realize. Sick? Bad or good? Awesome. Like, fucking cool. Like you click the garage thing and you pull it. And she's in the passenger seat and you're like, you know, fucking. And she's like, what? It's an inverse ick. You know what I mean? There's something that should have just like panties are rough. That's, you know, you just peed and you did the flush and you

just shredded the fucking needle. Did anyone see that? Yeah. But like when anyone cares. So what, like those things. I would say. Which by the way,

the attention to detail, the timing and the prostate control. You know what I mean? That's a real combination. Well, sometimes you have to do like a sprint finish. Yeah. Yeah.

No, but you're like you are, okay, I got to, you know. But then it leads you to work out, to check out, am I trying to time this outright

because it's fun or am I trying to win? Because there are men out there that will flush. And as it's going down, instead of just peeing into the new water, they'll just cap their pee. That's crazy. Oh, that's insane.

You got to pee in the new water. You just need to accept loss. Yeah, you got to take the law. That's why Kobe says sports are so important. It's a fight another day. He's got to flush again. What about, what about peeing old poop off the bowl and you get it all off and you're like,

but if I'm in a public bathroom and it's a stranger's poop, I don't touch it. No, that's how I feel about if I'm picking up my dog poop and it's right next to somebody else's poop, I leave it. Really, yeah. Oh, you're very territorial with the poop. I don't want to, when I'm touching my dog's poop,

It's like I'm using the same straw as my lover. Yeah. But if I'm picking up another dog shit, I feel like I'm dipping my straw into dog shit. Yeah. I'll pick it. I've recently turned a corner where I'll pick it up. I thought about it.

Like, my kids play there and I'm like, well, I'm going to pick it out. I'm not going to, I don't want to do it. It feels different. It feels different. It feels like, ugh. What does some of the other things? I'll put money in a meter if somebody is, if I see a meter's empty, though. That's nice.

That's charitable. Yeah. I don't wait for them to get there. And in case they're like, And they're like, look what I did. Yeah, in Philadelphia, we had the coin operated meters for a while. So we used to be able to stick tinfoil in them. And it would just say out of order.

And you could just park there. You just leave your car there. And make a meter was broken. It didn't work. But how would you verify that? Couldn't parking operators just come along and go, no, it wasn't. No, it says. It would say out.

Yeah, you could take a, like, if I, if you're ever at a meter and it's out of order, park there, baby, take a picture and spend the fucking night. I don't know. It wasn't the phones yet. The phones were just coming. It was like the coin parking. That's what I mean. but my point is you can't verify.

It says out of order. Oh, it says on there. Yeah. So when the parking person walks up and sees out of order, they won't give you a ticket. It's like, they go like this. Technicality. Yeah. Because it would say like how much time you had.

Did they grit those people like a little? Yeah. Yeah. Me and my brother had a lunch truck. So we would, I would hit the meter out of order and we park there all day because you were supposed to feed the meter and the lady would come back, come by every day and be like, it's out of order again. I'm like, man, these things, you got to fix it.

sexy since. Just gaslighty instead of just it. Sounds a bitch of foil on her. She's put foil around a penny and just to get stuck in there and it says out of oil. Is anyone ever told, do that again? Yeah, has anyone told you you kind of, to camera, look like Rosie the Riveter? Wow, no. No, but I'll, like you pull, you hold a fist kind of like her. Okay. Who's Rosie the Riveter? Buddy. Oh, the propaganda lady?

Propaganda lady. Yeah. What do we? Rosie the Riveter. I've been talking about for a while now. I think there should be a rosy to rivet. It's such an insult. You You make a fist, you look like a girl. Have you ever been called that before? No. I was just trying to give you a novel insult. I'll take it.

That is a novel insult. Very good. Yeah. Yeah. Great call back. What are some other inverse X? Because I got one. When I'm doing anything and music is playing and I do mean anything, I will dance to it, not just with the rhythm of my body. Example, I'm sitting on the toilet.

I'm ready to go, but, you know, the chorus is about to kick in. I'll on the chorus. I feel like with farting, I don't feel like I have to fart, I feel like I get to fart, I will like do things musically. So like when there's music going, I'll dance and like you don't even know I'm dancing.

Fucking, it's fucking sick. It's fucking sick. I don't understand. The list in my head is all things that would actually, I think we should get credit for it, but it would actually just be an ick. Like I think like knowing all of the lines of a movie is fucking awesome.

Like the fact that I like know all the lines or that like I've watched it so many times that I know exactly. Like I think, and like my guy friends, like when we know the lines and we can do the lines of a movie like perfectly or some piece of a standup routine that was so good that we both can just do it. We all say it together. Bonding moment.

It feels so good. Like I used to growing up like Monty Python, like every fucking Monty Python skit. I could do the whole life of Brian. I could do the whole Holy Grail. Like I can, you know, like there's some things I've seen so many times that I feel like I could just do it for memory. There's like bits from Shane from a beautiful dogs that like I could probably do from memory

because I've watched it so many times. I self-soothed with it. Like it's just something to have on that makes me happy. I farted every person. Every woman I know like when you, like they're not impressed by the fact that you know. That you know. They hate when you, yeah, I can see that. But knowing it is different than saying it.

Yeah, but I feel like a lot of times after shows girls will put down their guy and be like, he's like obsessed with you. And it's like, all right, lady, you like something. Oh, fuck you know. Like, can you just be excited? Like, let him be excited. Why can he like a thing? Why do you have?

He doesn't have passion in other eyes. That's so specific, dude. That's so funny. It happens, dude. It's like, kind of like, he's like, obsessed with it. What do people say? I don't know who you are.

He never knew who you were. But like this person, they want to remove themselves from this. That happened at dinner. We went to dinner and the dude came over. And I was like, that is the most fucking back. He came over and asked for a, uh, something like that.

It was just us two. Friday night. Like, fucking. We ate a lot of food. It was really nice. And this guy came over. I was like, hey, just wanted to say, massive fan of the show. I don't know what you do.

So, and I was like, yeah. If I'm like, the fact that I... It's so rude to do that. I see why they're... Come on. But I see why they're... I think so too in a vacuum, but I see why they're doing that. They're doing that because there's a vulnerability in giving somebody a compliment, and it's easier to be vulnerable if you open yourself to saying, I'm not hiding anything.

I think it's manipulative, but I think when people say, I don't know, I don't even like cupcakes. This is one of the greatest cupcakes I've ever had. It puts value into the thing that brought me there. That's not the same. Coming over to say, I think you're so funny. And then to go like, oh, you're really great too, is now taking away from the intention. I think that's the psychology. You can't say like, amen.

You don't have to go. I think it's an insecurity. Yeah, I agree. I think it's an insecurity. But that insecurity is coming from that place of like, I want you to believe this thing. So maybe I don't know who you are. It could be making a joke. Or I'm sorry.

I don't know who you are. but I think you're fantastic. I think they're saying that because they think they, subconsciously, they think they need to say that to you so they could say it to you. We're all insecure, man. I think people's brains glitch with celebrity. Like, I represent a lot of celebrities. And I have to tell you, like, I think people don't quite know how to.

There is a reality distortion for it. Yeah, there's just like a feeling of like, like, I am the lowest level of, of like, recognizable celebrity now. But when I walk, no, I don't, believe me. I can, the fucking praise of strangers doesn't mean a whole lot to me. but I find people. Sorry. It's literally his courage.

That's his social currency. No, but just it confused me because you were saying, I think it's important to give people compliments. Yeah. No, I mean, listen, I'm not. I'm saying for me, that's not my thing. No, I don't need that. That's not true.

I have another thing. I have another thing. Let him finish. Sorry about that. Oh, no, no, no. Mine's exciting. I think that celebrity, like, people just glitch. Because I will tell you, one of the weird things for me now

that people recognize me is they'll they'll just go like you know and you go like this and then it's just like it turns on it takes a little second

there's like a turbo light or they freak out like they're oh my God like I love your stuff like and it's such a like granola yeah but exactly right like people will say stuff like that

or they just yell something of my and I mean for me it's like incredible because I'm they're complimenting me like they're like if someone like I represent celebrities and like I'll they'll sit across

for me and I'll have seen this person in like a dozen movies and I'll realize like oh I don't fucking know you at all like I you read lines somebody wrote and you did it really good but like I don't know you like I'm about to get to know you I'm about to like look at your bank accounts and like know what happened in your marriage like and it's surreal because it's like a person I know like I've seen you but I don't know you at all I'm going to explode if I don't get to do my thing so I was really quick I was just thinking about when you said looking at the numbers looking at people like I'm going to get to know you I look at your bank's shaping and stuff it's like the accountant.

True. So I just wanted to kind of, true. Okay, can I read, this is really good. I think everyone's experienced this. Somewhere in your house, there is a door that closes without much friction.

I know, I already know what you're saying. And you manage to get it to close. Just you touch it, you walk. Just enough. And you get to touch and walk. And then you're away.

And you're like sitting down. And then you hear like just, it's, the latch is just about got. The door hasn't even hit the frame. Man, that is fucking. Yeah. That's awesome.

That's awesome. Or when you pull up and the song ends as soon as you stop, that's what I'm like. Yeah, you press the button, the content's off. You're like, what about when you sing a song and then you play the song and you were already in that song's key? What do you mean you're, oh, wait, you're like, all you're singing is love. And then if you put that over that, was I in the right key? You're like, guys, come on. I've never sang, I usually the song's on and I sing to the song. I never sang first or then hit the song on. Yeah, well, when you, I think it's more a post thing. Oh, you're in a post edit. But like when you sing something and then you're already in the key, like we could just use that song. What about if you harmonize?

What if you found out that you just decided to go one octave up? And then it comes in and you're like, oh, man, N key, but one above, I'm, I've crushed it. I'll also not like songs if I can't sing them. If I try to sing a song while it's on, I'll be like, fuck. If I can't do it right, I'm like, the song sucks. And I just turned off. Oh, that's like thinking somebody sucks because they don't like you. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I get that psychology. It's a little bit like thinking to the sports. sucks because you can't play it. Yeah. Well, yeah, that makes sense. Why are you still good at basketball? Buddy, I appreciate that, but the truth is, we're all good at something. I just found something that I was good at that fit my body and my energy. Right, but it's like, it's kind of, it's quite hard. It's quite a technically difficult sport and it seems like the sort of thing that would take a lot, why? You know, I have an amazing dog and the dog is so well behaved. The dog is this big. It can't play basketball. No, no. What I'm saying is, I think I have some part of why it

travel so well and he's so kind and he's like a perfect dog. But the truth is, I got lucky and then it took on some of my character traits. I think when people are good at stuff, it's not as difficult for them because they're, I'm not saying, I'm not taking it's not like on this incredible bad. I'm just saying that as far as like skills are concerned. Like some things fit people. Uh, I play the piano. I don't know how. Like I, I've learned how to play the piano without lessons. A lot of people do. I'm not special to this. But I'm saying there's something about it. And I'm a good piano player.

I've tried and I put a lot of effort into guitar. And like, I know how to do it. And that's to have somebody teach me or like, I can't. It doesn't feel the same. This does. You know, are there things that you do and you're like, ooh, I'm in a pocket? And things are like, ah. So like keyboard, basketball, hooray, but like guitar, baseball, maybe not so much.

I don't know. I'd probably be great at baseball. What won't you be greater? What do you say? You know, I was asking myself this. the other day. I think I'd be a great football player. I know I'd be a great wrestler.

I know I'd be a great father. I don't know. I'm not good at language, learning other people's languages, other people's, like they belong to them. That's how far away it is that it's possible for me.

Making love, you're not good at that? No. Okay. No, because I'm only able to do it to people that I'm actually in love with. Does that make me a bad guy? Some people can make love to anybody just because...

Is that more skillful or less skillful? I don't know if you want to keep anything I've said in on this podcast. I just like basketball. I just like basketball, man. Just cut that all up. You do basketball. Have you guys ever played? We were talking about...

We want to play together. We want to get stone together. Yeah, he's inspired me to use my left. That's right. I would always use my right. Because you kind of pick one hand usually and you kind of go with it. Be able to, like, shoot or really just do layups on your left. it's opened up a whole new.

I'd rather you miss more layups for a year and then be able to go both ways than to never have loved at all. So he's training, training the weakness. Training the weakness at 40. What information, you know this. What valuable information it is to discover a weakness to either accept it or try to do something different.

I learned that in Brazilian jihitsu because you get really, by the time you're a blue belt, you have like a couple of techniques you're a black belt at. And you just do those all the time because that's how you submit guys. It's like having three dance moves and just going back to the same dance. And you have to like go, okay, I got to start to suck again.

Like I got to play open guard because I'm bad at open guard and I'm never going to get good at open guard. Who do you think's going to win out of Mikey and Nickyrod today, those two fights? I think Mikey is very technical and brilliant. And Nicky? I think Nicky's great too. I mean, I think. Fair enough. Well, that was easy.

Yeah, I just, I think those are the two. I think those are two of the best that are out there. I think Nikki is also very physically gifted. I mean, he's just imposing, you know, but he and he knows how. to use his weight in like real ways. But finding Mikey is just so skilled. So this is Brazilian jiu-jitsu, UFC, B-J-J. UFC B-J.

They're trying to make it happen. Lots of big characters that are in there. Cool. B-J-J being, I don't do it, I'm just interested in some of the drama that goes on. They're like, Brazilian jiu-jitsu is gay or Brazilian jiu-jitsu is for divorced dads. It's kind of a meme that was like below the surface for a long time. This entire press conference, including the UFC BJJ

Instagram was tweeting like I was posting stuff saying like Mikey Musumech will not do gay stuff tonight on the mat like that was in the caption I was like oh this is really broken the fucking containment zone of being an in joke to now being like the branding of an entire fucking are they doing as a joke

or are they really think that that people won't tune in if somebody's gay it's the joke is because your guys rolling on top of other guys inherently it's the gay looking thing. No, but I'm saying, are they saying it as a joke? Are they saying it as a warning? It's supposed to be like a meta joke around the fact that this is what guys do.

They're rolling on top of each other. But like to take it and to use that joke, right, which only six years ago would have been completely fucking unforgivable. He made the joke to me at the beginning of the podcast. Well, I understand. What did I say? Swipe to it. I'll show you guys.

I'll remind you later. I don't remember. Just it's the fact that that's broken through. Yeah. I think Brazilian jiu-situ at its core was always, like, there was humor. I've been doing it for 20 years, and there was always jokes within it of like, yeah, you just have like a dude's balls in your face and like it's, but it also is like it's, you know, struggle cuddles.

I mean, that's what it is. Like, it's physical intimacy between two men and a tremendous amount of trust in each other physically. Like, because basically, like, I trust that when I tap, you're going to stop and not break my arm. I trust that when I tap, you're going to stop and not, like, choke me into unconsciousness and kill me. Like, because basically when a person taps, what you're saying is, like, you're Like, yeah, you won.

Like, you just dominated physically. Yeah, I'd be dead or I'd have a broken limb. Like, that's how it works. I feel like you could actually live with a man instead of having sex. You could just wrestle every night, get tired, go to bed together. I mean, listen, what I will tell is to do with the sex drive. It's not the same release. What I used to say, I used to say that when a girl has daddy issues, you end up with a stripper.

And when a guy has daddy issues, you end up with a guy who does BJJ. Because it is really like an opportunity for men to like be together, have physical contact with each other. And then once you've rolled with someone, like you've these six minute rounds, once you roll with somebody, like, you're like, you're physically like right there. Like you're just next to each other. You're like comfortable touching each other because you've just been, you know. I noticed it was the less physical contact coming back that way. Is there a reason for that?

Yes. I didn't want to be mean, but I noticed that you had something right there. But listen, they say that women or become strippers if they have daddy issues. I say, hey man, none of them. my business. Let me just raise a son that doesn't go out for milk who's lactose intolerant. You notice that the amount of

a lot of the Chinese, can I say this? They're lactose intolerant? Yeah, it's true. I mean, if it's true, yeah. Even if it's... They struggled to get away with beer as well. I think they're using an enzyme, which means it's called Asian flush. I think... I think black people are also... Yes, and a lot of the Jews. The Chinese, the black

and the Jews. Clip it. Who does like milk? The reason why I bring this up is because we followed, apparently we followed the cows, we were like. You know that that's what the French people say about English people that we smell of milk? Like that we say frogs, we call the French frogs. And it is kind of interesting to think about, okay, what are the in jokes that other

countries have about your country? And apparently the French say that the English smell like milk. Crazy. The French have some cool, like, aphorisms, like, like marriage terms. a lover into a relative. Like, that's fucking gold. Yeah, but in French, presumably. Yeah.

They wouldn't say it like that. They wouldn't say like that. Well, they might. Most of them speak English. If you just fucking said that in French, I'm going to be blown away. You do have secret skills. In post, put that in back in reverse. I'm being serious.

Watch this. You said in reverse, right, wait, wait, one second, and then cut to this. Well, what was say the saying again? Please do this. Play reverse and play this. Marriage turns a lover into a relative. Okay. marriage turns all over into a relative

and now it's going to sound like that's what my French thing sent was backwards can we do that no how it looks like yeah oh no now they're seeing how the magic is made yeah the sausage gets made like that uh yeah i i Brazilian jiu jitsu gay joke coming through it's just like that's a lit that's a litmus test of where we're at you know i think there's a thing happening right now our words coming back you can

call something gay. I think it just, we always, in this culture, treat dandruff with decapitation, and then we go back in the other direction again. The pendulum swinging back in the other direction again. Is that French? Yeah.

And notice, he still called it the R word, and I'm proud. What I want to say is, the Chinese don't go out for milk. Does that affect the divorce rates? Because they... Ah, they don't have the excuse. Why did he go? He went out for milk?

No, he didn't. Cigarettes, for sure. Yeah, I went out for cigarettes. I wonder if... Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. You see him, yeah.

Your father's squatting and smoking one last time. Are you saying squat because of the toilet? Squats 200 yards away. No, they squat and smoke a lot of the time. Oh. They squat. I mean, it's the way humans are supposed to stand. Yeah.

They're supposed to be squatting. They sell pants. I ordered them off Amazon. I just learned so much right now. I just really want you to know. Really looking at the way the GI track sits while you're in a squat position. Okay. And it evens out.

And that's true because it also strengthens your hip flexors, your quads. Yep. It's your alignment for your spine. Instead of chairs, we're supposed to be like this. Yeah. Like a real thing. You could do the rest of the pod like that. Yeah, me too.

Feels a little strange, but... It unkinks the rect... Yeah, uh, unmoves the rectal kink. That's what I meant. Yeah. You ever had a squatty potty? Yeah, I haven't. I just never read the rectal kink before.

It sounds like if you go to... A divorce attorney has never heard of rectal king. No, no. Squatty potty side of the table? I know squatty potty. Have you got one? Where I do not. Have you got one?

I have a Japanese toilet, though. Yes. Is that low to the ground? Change the light. What's Japanese toilet low? The ones that have the buttons and it does the water. It's a, it's a, it's a Cadillac Padet. Like, with a head dryer on it.

Warm, yeah, like, warm water. Warm bidet water is too, it's almost too much for me. Well, this is, like, it's just, it feels too good. The seat is warm. Warm bidet water is kind of like, the seat is warmed. Is this a sex toy or a fucking toilet? It's always warm. Just any bidet, any warm water bidet hits you and you're like.

Once you have it, though, you're just fracked. You already sit on a regular toilet. And you're like, what is. I'm like, cold water. I'm damn near killed them. Yeah. That's why like, it's like flying first class. Like, you don't want you do it.

You're like, but why did I do this? If you add a squatty potty to that Japanese toilet. Oh, that'd be crazy. Game changer. Think about the rectal kink. Yeah, that'd be a real rectal kink. I'd have a real rectal kink when that's up. You know, I use my bidet to clean out my asshole, but I don't run away from the feeling

of pleasure and think, like, I'll fill up my ass. Go on I'll fill up my ass with so much water that I don't know is that water coming out Or is that water pulling more shit out And it doesn't matter Hang on, you fill it up Buddy, I could

Here's a cool one of those things That we're talking about What you could do closing the door at the right length Like that ski ball game That you play at bars on sand with a little puck I'll be able to on my toilet Go like this Know exactly how to go

So not only am I getting it right up my ass, I'm nothing but net. And I shoot it up there to the point where it's got to go somewhere, way to beat, it all comes out after you come inside of a... How open is... Self-administered enema? How open is your asshole?

Dude, everyone's asshole is the most open when they're relaxed. Could we at least concede this point? That's a starting point. Relax. How much? Give me out. I don't think I've ever been that relaxed. Ever. Because when I... Because I really, I could go like,

I could go from this to this. Because your butt cheeks are pulled apart. You're bending over. I'm basically just, I used to, when I was a kid and I had to get throat cultures, which I had to do quite a bit because my throat hurt all the time, I would have panic attacks. Knowing that sticks going down there would freak me to fuck out. Like, I couldn't, I can't, I can't, like, I was so terrified.

And then I learned to sit on my hands and I was terrified, but I was able to do it, right? I'm getting a throat culture. I don't know. Let's say I'm 17 years old or something. It's such a crazy switch. The doctor says, the doctor says, I'm going to do it. I'm still scared, but I'm just,

I can relate. I hate it, but I'm fine. I've shot so much water up my ass, nothing but net, that I trust myself that this is good for me. This is good for, why am I so? Oh, no, water's going to go up my ass. Oh, yes.

Water's going to go up my ass. And clean. People are. wiping. Imagine if you had shit on your hands and then you just took some paper and went like this and threw it away. You're right. Fucking disgusting. Put some water on your shitty fucking hands.

You fucking coward. I can't get over how open your asshole is. All of our assholes are open more than that when we poop. All right. So get off your high horse. It's the duration that the poop's coming out. I'm not holding it open like I'm doing wall squats. I'm just saying like you know you blink. I'll blink and the blink would be the ass goes like

this. The water takes it. The rest. I'm fine. But in order for the water to collect, you have to be tightening it back up to pull. No, no, no, you can only shoot so much water up your ass before water comes down. Believe me, Eleanor Roosevelt. So are you pulsing, like, sphinctal tension? I'm not there. I'm not there for a full chorus. Water shoots up my ass.

I'm like, okay, I think I'm done now. I turn the water off, and then some stuff comes out. It's like washing your hands. I'm literally... I've never got the cascading effect. Because you're not putting enough water up there, friend. Yeah, I guess so. Have you ever made love to a woman and you ejaculated inside of her?

He's got two kids, so yeah. No, no, but there's... Bring one another on the way. But it doesn't mean that... At least three times. But it doesn't mean that a lot of his semen was pouring out of her. That's true. You got to keep him on the back.

You got to keep him on the back. Yeah. Stay on the back. I let them be wherever they want to be. I don't keep a woman anywhere after I come inside of her, just so you know. It depends how functional you want it, you know? Yeah, sure. Stay down that.

You know, you know, stay down that. You're trying to have a kid. It is you lay there. Even if you don't have an emotional connection with a woman, you shouldn't tell her what she should be doing with her bodies. Well, unless she wants you to. That's not really telling her what to do. That's making her feel that she is submissive.

There's a big difference. That's why you have safe words. I'm only doing this because you're only going on this roller coaster, going down so much because you trust your harness in. You wouldn't do it without that harness. And how do you know how well somebody could harness you until you get to know them? Are you thinking about the cum run? So you've done the ejaculation, and then there is a window of time before it started to come back out that they need to get to the bathroom.

I always say if you come on a, if I come on you, I'll go to the bathroom first. If I come into in you, please, you go first. You always say it. I say it all the time. That's like rules. That's kind of like the rules. It's certain rules. If I come on on you, if I come on your belly and your boobs and, you know, whatever it is it.

Sure. Whatever other weird sick. Her open butthole. It's wherever it is it, you want. Whatever it is, it's easiest. Just relax a little more. It'll be fine. Whatever you've agreed to, you go to the bathroom and you get a wet and a dry towel.

It could be two towels. Warm towel. Yeah, so I often will ask. I don't want to go cold. I will ask. I'll say, hey, it takes a while for it to get to warm. Would you like me to bring you cool and dry? Because I don't want to go in there and wait, like, wait for the warm water.

Then she doesn't realize, like, what I'm doing in there. So like... She thinks you're looking after yourself. Which is fine if that's what I want to be doing and I communicate that. But that's not what I want to be doing. I want to clean you up. I go to be honest, the post-coidal service from you sounds

really nice. And I get, it's a, it's invited back usually, is it? You know what I mean? I get that that's where they get the saying you're invited to the cookout. That's what that means. Now, I also get something out of this because I'm embarrassed of my flat ass, but I'm very proud of my huge fat cock.

So when I'm walking to the bathroom, you don't reverse out. You don't reverse out. So, yeah, after sex, I'll, do you want me to get you a warm towel, you know, boom, boom, boom, but I don't want to see my little ass. I just came on top of you. I want you to think well of me. Why don't you go...

From hindsight. Why don't you go sideways so that then the small ass makes your giant dick even bigger. I just never... It'll look like my quad. I feel like that's... Say it again? So you're like self-conscious about having a small ass? Like you want to have like a donk a don't?

I'm not ashamed of it. But yes, by definition, I am self-conscious of it. I've accepted this is what it is. But like there are parts like when when, when, when, right after having sex with somebody where like, I'll give you another example. Jesus Christ. It's something like if you're tall and have a big dick, like you could. Hey, get in line.

Who the fuck can't? Like, whatever your ass looks like. I don't think she's going to vomit. I don't think she's going to see my butt and be like, what did I do? You know? I'm just like, I do feel like if I show my butt, I'll probably go like this around my crack and I go, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm embarrassed. You got to do what I do when she's just get like a huge back piece of tattoo. Yeah, I'll get a big back tattoo because I got a little ass. Is that the psychology? the only reason you have a back touch? That's the only reason I got it. Yeah, yeah. So you get it.

That's why I have the abdomen tattoo as it draws the eye, you know. Yeah. You know what I're seeing that water trap. She's like, damn, you put a bunch of water in that little. Yeah. Little water bottle. A little wet butt hole. I had to show my butt on a show recently.

And when the showrunner message me, he goes, hey, are you feel comfortable doing this? We can get you a butt double. And I felt a butt double I don't like because I'm lying. So it has to be so different than mine that that's not the tone of the show. show. So, but I honestly said... Black dude's ass, you know? I don't think that was his ass.

It was, I was embarrassed to do it. And I said, and I meant it, and I know that I would rather show my penis in my butt. But I did it. And I was embarrassed and I'm, I'm gonna see it and I'm... That's exposure therapy. I think, uh, I recently had Lily Phillips on my podcast, actually.

Friend of the country? Yes, friend of the country. Friend of the pod. No, Bonnie Blues fan of the pod. I'm, I'm team Bonnie. I'm not team Lily. Sorry. Oh, interesting. I don't take teams, not my body. Okay. But what I, we were talking. It's not her body either.

That's, cut that out. That's, what are you doing? True. It's all of our bodies, man. It definitely is after a thousand. What's their fucking fire, dude? Debate with Louise. Thank you.

What's their beef? Louise is, by the way, like Louise is such my crush. Like, I think she is just. She's in Australia now. If somebody sold as many tickets as Shane, but maybe one of them had a little bit less or one of them had a little bit more, yeah, but who did it first? If you sold a few more of it, but I was the first. If you sold a few more but I was the first one to do it

that's kind of what their beef is, correct? Apart from the fact that it's a factor of 10. Like, Lily Phillips had sex with 100 men in a day. Bonnie Blue had sex with 1,000. Lily also had sex with 1,000. Look it up. Did she?

She ran it back. Look it up. Dude, I hate counterfeits. Like, the cover is never as good as the original. Well, first time to hit four figures. Remember Eddie Hall? You know, Eddie Hall? First guy to break a thousand pound deadlift.

Well, 500 kilo deadlift. How come the debate doesn't always go to Oscar Robertson is the greatest of all time. Who's that? Exactly. That's... More championships, more MVP's. But, like, that's not Kobe, because that's not the generation they grew up in. That's the same Uncle Roger's guy.

Huh? Uncle Oscar Robertson. Roger's son. I believe you're saying something of value or a joke. I don't get it. It's neither. Oh. My wisdom.

I also feel kind of sad for both those ladies. How was the conversation? It's a nightmare, man. It was nice. I just brought up because like she, honest, because I got that text right before that podcast. And her talking about like what she's comfortable doing with her body,

it's to a different level of what I'm comfortable doing with mine. Just I don't have the same experience. But I'm like, she's like, just show your butt. And I'm like, yeah. Hang on, you got butt advice from Lily Phillips? Yeah. She's the, she's actually probably one of the few people on the planet that I would consider an expert.

That works. Can we go back to the cum run? Yes, I'm so sorry. No, I do think that that's very important to talk about, like, the effect of gravity. And I guess women, like, chicks, ladies have got to work out. How quickly do I need to move? Because I don't want to get straight up out of bed. Yeah.

Like, especially if you're not going for the kid thing. But they do have to pee so they don't get an infection. Yeah, so that, true, right? But you're like, okay, well, maybe I want to lie here for a little bit. If I lie here for too long, then I'm risking as soon as I get up. And it gets, it's weird. Come gets more, like, less viscous over time. Mine gets more viscous.

temperature. More viscous? I'm just trying to talk. I think it's hard and crusty. On the outside. On the inside. Better not be on the inside. That would be awful. That'd be like the shit that people use like polyfiller to put into walls. That would be terrible.

But yeah, and then they've got to make this awkward. It's like, I'm comfy in bed, but now I've got to get up. Pun intended? What was the pun? comfy. Oh, very good. Oh, I didn't even see that. That's kind of my superpower.

Well played. Yeah. That's a reverse. That's an inverse ache as well. Like just puns that. straight over some everybody's head. Well, listen. That was cool, but not noticed.

I think this all packaged together really well, and could we all finish? Sure. Would you like to? I was just making another cum-com. Yeah, that was a good, I saw what that was. Hey, man. This isn't for your audience. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

It's just for us. This is just for us. But yeah, the come run, I think, is kind of a fascinating bargain that they need to play. And sometimes feudal, though. I don't know if you've had that. experience, but there's like the, you know, like you've had the sex and then like, you know, it's like an hour later. And all of a sudden she goes like, and you go like, oh, and she's like, some of you just showed back up again. Whoa. You never haven't had that? I've, I've, every time.

It happened so many times. Maybe your come does something happens after it goes in there. Maybe like, goes like this. Kind of like, you know, you see people like, let's say I'm trying to hide from, from you. And I run in here and there's nowhere to go. And you see me come in and you look around. And you're like, oh, you must not be here and you leave. But I'm up on the ceiling. with my legs up against the wall, my hands up against the wall, yeah. See, I had a theory, because I got snipped like 27 years ago

when my second kid was born. And so I had the theory that, like, the vagina's, like, holding onto the seat. But they're like, there's got to be something in here. Oh, like red meat in your intestines. Yeah, like, they're like, it's holding onto it. Like, dude, come on.

There's going to be some sperm. How was that? Did that hurt? Or did, like, because I didn't. Is that to be? Yeah. Oh, it was fucking awesome. Really?

For the best $40 copay in the history of the world. I'm so scared to do that. The experience is not. It was fine. Insurance covers that? Yeah, insurance covers. Where does all your like, where do all the sperm cells go? Wow.

It just cuts off the production of it doesn't change anything about any aspect of your sexual experience. So did you come? Yes, of course. Like just, but just come come out. Of course. Let's cut to a clip. The exact same place it always did. The exact same volume.

Just think of it like a soda gun. It just doesn't have sperm in it. But where does your sperm go is the question. Yeah, I got it. You stop. You stop. How does that not affect you if you cut off the life force in your body? It does.

It affects your hormones. Life force, I have no idea. Yeah, that's kind of, it certainly didn't change my sex drive. It didn't change my virility. You did stop choking men, though. So your free testosterone and testosterone aren't necessarily connected with each other, and your body is able to absorb things and use things in the way that your body uses it. I can get into that.

If you're telling me I'm still producing sperm, my body's absorbing them, that would be nice. No, it's not that your body's absorbing them. It's the testosterone and I don't remember the other hormones. and if you told me I would know, I've actually been learning a lot about this stuff. I'm having some hormone stuff. Yeah, I don't know. And your body, like, it doesn't need it.

So, like, there are certain levels that will become elevated that are in me, for example, that I don't even notice. And, like, if the thing that creates it and then it goes into the testicles, and then there's the semen and there's the sperm. And the semen is just basically the waffle and the sperm is the syrup.

Fair? Sure. Sure. Okay. Why does this seem? I'm glad you asked. Just a video of me jerk it off. I think it's the epididymis.

The epitomis? I know there's the... How did that come up so fucking quickly? The vast deference is what is what puts the sperm into it. The seminal vesicles is what creates the... There's the epiditomies. My favorite Greek god. It's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, a sick tattoo. It was a sick tattoo. It was not in any way. Just get the whole thing. So you see the vasectomy right there where it's cut. What you're just cutting is the best deference. That's all you're cutting. Oh, so they're coming straight from your mouth.

And then if they want you, they cauterize it so you couldn't reconnect it ever. It couldn't accidentally reconnect. It's like one of those cookie jars that you put a timer on. That's hooked to your prostate gland. Your sperm's coming from your prostate gland? No. The vast. No.

I love the bulbarithal gland. I think the prostate creates some of the hormones that are doing. You're saying the bulbula. Yeah, that's where they're doing my bulbulet. Yeah, I mean, it was. Sounds like a bocum. Dude, your sperm are made under your, they're not even made in your balls. No, the semen.

The semen's made in your balls. No, the semen's made somewhere else because you still produce. Correct. Seamen, but not sperm. Correct. Dude, spermless semen is crazy. I mean, it's, it's happening more and more with all the radiation. It's a lot less stressful.

No. It's not a different consistency. Exactly the same. Yeah. I mean, I haven't tasted it, but I, I'm blown away by this. Yeah, it's scary. So it was a function of the fact, so my ex-wife, who, you know, she had very difficult pregnancy.

She had something called the prothrombin mutation, which caused her whenever she was pregnant for her body to create blood clots. And she almost died with our first child. She ended up in, and she was 24, like we were kids. And she was in the hospital for like two months because she had this deep vein thrombosis of the iliofemoral vein. And she almost had a pulmonary ambulism. The reaction to being pregnant.

To being pregnant. It's this prothrothrothroman mutation is a mutation that causes a woman when they're, because your body when you're pregnant starts producing clotting factors right near, because it's getting ready to tear and like, you know, childbirth is a very traumatic physical thing. So your body increases clotting factors. Well, there's some women who, from the minute you get pregnant, it starts to produce clotting factors, like way too many clotting factors. And she ended up with a terrible blood clot. So we had our first son. they had to put her on a drug called heparin or fragment, which is a, it basically makes you a chemically induced hemophiliac.

And it was kind of dangerous for her because she was like a chemically induced hemophiliac, but it prevented the blood clots. She was able to deliver our oldest son who he was born 22 and a half inches, nine pounds, six ounces. Like it's a profuse placenta because she was on these blood thinners. Second child, they go, look, the minute you're pregnant, we got to have you on blood thinners because you're going to start having blood clots. he was born healthy wonderful doctor comes in he goes great everything's great two's good two kids

is good yeah and we were like yeah no we think you know we're two's probably good but where and he was like no no two's good like you don't like the chances of her having a pulmonary embolism having a serious even with the heparin they go up every time more that's so i was at that point married two kids, 26 years old. And I was like, okay, I have no plans to get into divorce. And I was like, yeah, I don't want her to die. I don't want to be married and wearing condoms. She can't go on the pill because the pill basically tricks your body and I think

and you're pregnant. So it increases your clotting factors. So I was like, okay, I either have to be a married man wearing condoms or I'm going to go just get sniffed. So I was like, this is a no-brainer. Yeah. When got snipped, what does it feel like? Honestly, it was like it's an outpatient thing.

You go in. They shoot you up with, you know, like some Novacane or whatever. They don't knock you out? No, no, you're totally awake. Like you don't want to look, but you're, you know. And then you... You're on stirrups? Yeah.

Yeah, you're kind of up on stirrups. That you don't really see what's going on. You don't feel anything because you're numbed out. By the time I drove myself home, by the time I got home, it felt like someone had kicked me in the halls. But you put a bag of frozen peas on it. And then you got to not, you can't bust for like what it was. No, actually. you're supposed to.

The post of bust. You're supposed to do, it's like something like 50 ejaculations to get all the spurn. It's like, and I was like, this is your job. Like I did my part.

Yep. I did my part. Now you have to help clean this. Don't you got to wait like six days or something? I think you're supposed to wait a few days just because it would trust me. Your pick would not get hard right after that because it felt like he's worked in the balls. If I felt connected,

I get boners. I get boners from my contact base. And you're over. Yeah, it's over. And you're like, all right, I'm good. And you don't have to worry about that. It's like one less thing.

My boy is married. He ain't wearing condoms. I wasn't really crazy to do that. Seriously, wearing a condom with a wife? Come on. He was trying to get a low five. It's brutal. I didn't know.

That's true. Something about it freaks me out, man. Just sniffing all those wires. I think you need to justify that. I don't think you need to be like that's a normal reaction. That this is something that is abnormal. I know so many people that get them, they're like, yeah, it'd be great.

I'm like, uh. Yeah, people get laser eye surgery. too. It's like, yeah. Snit my balls, why don't you? Chris. I got laser eye surgery. I did too. Oh, shit. 2020. I can't because my eyes, I could see fine. It just weights them because when I take my glasses off, my eyes go in.

Yeah. Yeah. That's why you couldn't get the vasectomy because your balls did the same thing. Burn me. I actually had, I've had it ball surgery when I was in 11th grade. I had a varicoseal. Incidentally, it came back. I still had one. I was going to elect to get that last show. I'm going to get varicoseil. What the hell? What's a varicose?

No, I think we're talking about a different thing. Oh, you have a varicoseal. I have a varicoseal. And are you trying to get pregnant? I just want to increase, but I want to have a family at some point in the not too It doesn't necessarily increase your semen life. So you're not decidedly so. Yeah, decidedly.

Well, if I may. I am decidedly. If I may, I had that. We got to get some new tonic post-economics. You know what I mean? We got to get you there. I had the surgery when I was younger and it went away. But then it came back.

So the reason I'm not having the surgery now is because, one, it's kind of a cheat. It does make it more difficult to get somebody pregnant, which if I'm not trying to get somebody pregnant now, it's advantageous. But also, it might come back again. And also, every time you do it, you're adding more and more scar tissue. And not that the surgery is necessarily that difficult. But like, why do it now with the risk of like, also, you might be able to be fine with your partner. And if not, have it. I, I froze. I might come too. sperm. I was like, hey, what would be a way, what would be something that would probably make me reliably unhappy, not having kids? Then I watched the video of a guy losing his dick in a freak road traffic accident. And I was like, that might happen to me.

That's propaganda from the cum phrasing business, by the way. Yeah. Is there any other kind? Yeah. Losing your dick in like a car accident is crazy. How did be... It'd be funny if you were not part of this. Wait a minute. I'm sorry, I hated it around. See, losing your dick in a car accident. That's crazy. That is.

It is a car accident. It was technically a bike accident. So the guy was riding on a, and then he hit, you know, in London, there were those spiked fences, thin sort of wrought iron with a little spike on the top. Homeboy just like hit the end. There's a photo of his dick. Like his dick came off. It came off. It came off.

Dick off. Wasn't Nick Cage in that? Jake off. Who could be meaner? Nick Cage is John Travolta. Vladimir Dickoff. I had a big discussion. about a year and a half ago, and I must think about it at least once a month,

which is one of the guys made the case that coming on yourself is gay. That I'm gay. But his, and I was like, okay, well, that's obviously, that's an insane thing. And he's like, well, no, because he used a landing strip. What? Oh, that's a, he's making a, that's a joke. No, this is, he was ardent about this. He was not someone that was joking that he will put before he engages in.

Oh, I thought you meant he shaved a landing strip. strip. He'll put, like a bunch of toilet paper. Yeah. You don't do that? Beforehand. Yeah. Is that saying to like, we'll catch it so to hit him? Yes. I mean, if that's gay, jerking off's gay. Yeah, no, no. His point was if you do it, if you like, it would the gay thing is a little

gay. It is. It kind of is. It's a little guy. It literally is. You do have come on you after you've jerked off. You've also jerked off a guy. You're a guy. I put a towel down not because I'm afraid of being gay, but just because it's like, I don't want to have to, like, clean up my, you know. But surely, you're just, like, if you're going to use the towel, you could just wet the towel and then... Not the same. You don't just wet come, especially if you have body hair.

That's different. Yeah. Yeah, I'll go. It's pointing it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I point. I usually put a towel over, like from, I'm serious. You put a burker on. I put a burker on, cut a hole in it. From my pelvic bone, when I'm about to come, I go like this and I literally just, I don't know where they go. Yeah. Okay. All right.

But this landing strip thing, this is, because the table was split pretty much 50-50 between people that were like, yeah, yeah, of course. I appreciate the proactivity of that. I feel like there's like you've thought about, you begin with the end in mind. Yeah, but, you know, like, yeah, I respect that. I know what I'm doing here. This is intentional. I don't, dude. It just seems like such a high friction way to do it. Also, weird. I'm going to have a vulnerable. Well, don't need tissues. You have a cum right, rag. I'm going to have a vulnerable moment because we're really, we just got into masturbation and we're having this group male

we covered like the seminal vesicles. We've really covered a lot here. Have you, and I don't know if this is just like, yeah, I'm the oldest in this group. I'm turning 54 next week. Have you ever just given up while jerking off? Yes. You have.

Okay, cool. I guess I, like where you're just like, ah, fuck it. And you just stop. Yeah. First thing in the morning a few times. But it's a rarity. Well, first thing in the morning,

because that's morning what is like not really functional. I don't think. That's a good point. It's a Trojan horse. It really is. And I have to tell you, the older you get, you're going to get mad at that. Because I'm ready to go. You get up and you're like, where were you yesterday?

Like, where were you? Where was this? Like, you could hang your hat on this. Maybe your penis would be nicer if you stopped yelling at him. Hey, fucker. You know? First of all, he's gotten me in a lot of trouble. So I feel like I don't know than we're friends.

It's big-titty golf chicks. I don't know that we're friends. I've given away half a 401k. Like, I don't know what I feel funny-brained about. We'll be right back after word from our sponsor. Yeah, yeah, giving up. It almost, it's like a, sometimes it can be almost a moral victory. You're like, I don't need to do this.

You're running for president. You're not like fully in it. It's like, you're thinking about it. You're like, oh, maybe I will. And you're like, yeah. There's the old distinction. Are you horny or are you porny? I actually have a great.

So I think of this sometimes because I feel the same. I feel the same. Sorry. When you kick one of the tripwires, you go like, well, I feel like I'm actually really interested in her. It's so great. You're so progressive and your thought and you want to like connect with a woman intimate, you know, like an intimate way before you get. But like how do you land on porn then? Come closer on me? So something I've noticed is, first I want to say what what I tripped on.

I think that like sometimes like I'll sometimes I'll masturbate because I can. And I feel it's very similar to like, I'm not. hungry, but if you look in the fridge, there's something that'll get me hard. Sure. You know, and it's like, I didn't need this and you don't eat the whole thing. You know, I get that. There's grapes on the counter. Yeah, you'll eat that.

But, like, if you're at home and you're lonely and you're like, I don't know what to do and I don't want to sit in my feelings, let me put on some porn and see if I'll eat something. And then you could get a little bit hard and you're like, then you do that. But it's not good. That's not good. That's chocolate cake when you shouldn't be eating it. By Juju. What did you call me?

I think I think I know what you're saying What what what what what did you mean? Mojo bad commas Okay Jew Did you just sneeze He's like I feel like if you're a lawyer If you're a lawyer allowed to

Yeah I think that's the most anti-Semitic of all of those things I'm a German lawyer But yeah I'll come on a towel Yeah I think that pornography Much like Processed Foods in the Cabinet serve a purpose and I understand it's want.

I think it's dangerous. I think being able to get that, I'm not a scientist, but I still recognize that feeling of it. And like getting access to that is easier than it's supposed to be. And I think whether it's porn or if it's junk food or if it's having a conversation with my mother-in-law, the issue is really just like moderation. Can I give you some stats?

because I wanted to bring this up for everybody, but specifically you. This week, Playboy published the 2026 Gen Z sex survey that asked more than 2,000 young people aged 18 to 29 what's happening in the world of sex dating and intimacy. One in five Gen Zers are virgins. 45% of those who had sex in the last three months had just one partner. So most sex is happening inside of relationship. This is the 36% have not masturbated in the last three months. Wow.

36%. I don't believe it. Yeah, that's crazy. I think, I think young kids won't admit that they jerk off. 34% of young men say porn completely satisfies their sexual desire. That I believe. Yeah, that I think I believe. Kids are, you're not, it's your physiology.

You're masturbating. Yeah. There's no way. I also just think the proliferation of porn and then the gateway drug of like Instagram, almost, you know what I mean? Like the, you're just inundated with images that, are like porn adjacent, and then porn is so easily accessible. In that case, what's happening with the 36%?

36% have not masturbated in the last three months. There's no way. You think that's just straight up. I think that, yeah, I forget what the term is called in surveying, but like, that sample's flawed. There's no way. What are they doing? Priests are jerking off.

I don't mean that from a Christian sense. I'm just saying from a biological sense. Like, it's, of course you are. We're all jerking off all the time. If you stop shouting at it. Are these just men or just men and women? Across both. So it could just be...

But that would be like still more... Dude, 30% of men. 30% of men have not... It's interactive. This is great. I also don't believe that statistic of women. I think a lot of women that don't do it feel a sense of shame and they don't talk.

I think that's on both sides. More women masturbate. Can we go single in relationship? I have a really strong stance on this. I think we have... We have... Oh, all right, no, no, no. The discourse right now is, I think,

shaming men for masturbating and for porn again. I think that that's come back. That's made like a comeback. Matt thinks that he's a saint if he goes a weekend without joking. If I go to a hotel and I go away for a weekend if I don't jerk off, I feel. Have you done that? Do you do that because, like, I've already gone two days. I could go one more?

No, it's just like, there's something about it. I'm getting to the age where I'm like, I just don't want to, I don't want to watch it. I don't want to watch porn. I just, yeah, it's just like. Oh, you're talking about porn or masturbate? Porn, porn. If I'm not going to watch porn, if I, you know, I can skip porn, I can probably skip. Interesting.

You don't matter. A hundred percent of the times you masturbate us with porn? Not always, but it's always like, if I can skip one, I can kind of skip the other. That makes sense. Like, if you've already flossed. It's hard to eat the cookies that you don't have in the house, so to a bit. Like, it's just not queuing the hunger in the same one. Yeah.

I can. I've done it, obviously. Uber Eats. But, yeah. But no, I, I, uh, sometimes. Something about it. I just get, not even like a intense shame spiral. It's just kind of like, eh. Memory-wide. You want to talk about your masturbation on the weekends. Yeah. Yeah. Weird.

Yeah. I never talked about it. We've never talked about that. We didn't get to. I was never a porn guy. I was never a porn guy. You know, it's funny. It's generational, I think. Like, it was really difficult to get in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up. Like, you had one friend who's dad had a beta max and maybe he had like a pornotape under the, you know, like the and like so you'd have to be with someone when you were watching it and that made it kind of weird and then you're like got to you know so it was just or like you'd trade like a bunch of your comics for like someone's hustler magazine and then you had like one magazine that you just like a million times over you know every photo in it you know you you'd gone with so i i grew up poor and we couldn't afford definitely porn poor and i grew up in like a super catholic household we weren't allowed to see movies that weren't we weren't allowed to see movies that weren't the Vatican approved list.

And I actually get the Catholic standard in time. Yeah, yeah, big time. Big time. And I still know, like, I mean, I was an accolade. Like, I was super in the church. Like, I still to this day know the, you know, the whole thing. Like, I know the entire Mass. Like, I know from the beginning and.

Just like movies. Maybe you just have a great memory. No, I think when I've seen something a billion times, yeah, I can remember it. But it's not that I have a great memory. It's just that repetition. Like Monty Python, I saw so many damn times. And the Nicene Creed, I had. to say so many times. I just, you know, we blew it on judges Christ, God of God, God of God, God of God, not

made one of being with the father. Like the whole thing, it's just in my head. I'm like that with AG1 ad reads. Yeah. I'm now like that with law. Like hearsay is a statement made by the Declaren, other than while testifying at trial or the proceeding offered an evidence to prove the truth of the matter asserted. I could do that with the alphabet. That's cool. ABC. I mean, yeah, it's pretty good. Boys, appreciate you all. Uh, where you shows, anything for people to go to? What have you got going on? I'm at Houston this weekend Salt Lake City Seattle somewhere

I don't have any dates booked now after those as that's the end of this run of the tour go to Rick Glassman.com I'm adding a whole bunch of new dates and thank you guys for your patience with me thank you for your patience It's pleasure

fine I don't even feel that high I kind of passively feel high what do you go to? I'll be Jacksonville, Florida, Charlotte, North Carolina, Tampa, Orlando, Newark, New Jersey, that's a big one. You can go to Matt McCusker.com. Salt Lake City. Boom.

What have you got? I'm just out there facilitating the demise of unhappy marriages. That's really the main thing. You go to trusted prenup.com if you want to get a pre-up from us. Other than that, I'm at NYC divorce lawyer on Instagram. That's about all you. Did trusted prenup.com? Was it available?

Did you have to find somebody who had it and you made a bid? It was available. Yeah, it was available. That's how you know you found your niche. Well, we were like we want to do a pre-nup, you know, like a pre-nup service online, all 50 states. And we were like, what should we call it? And we were like, well, like, your pre-nup, you want to be able to trust the pre-nup. We're going to go, trusted pre-up.

I sometimes see this sign for this as dentist office in Los Angeles where they knock you out no matter what it is. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and it's something like that. It's like, it's like no fear dentists. They're doing sedation tattooing. Like if you're having like a massive piece. they will knock you out. You can have full anesthesia.

Do you think they target guys with little dicks or little asses? You've got a massive piece. Oh, no, he was saying that he, to distract from his little butt, he got that big back piece. So it's like, you know. I was suggesting that for you. I was saying it would draw the eyes up.

So you turn around, you would see. I thought you said that's why you did it. Were you just joking? I was just joking. I genuinely, I genuinely. No, they're sewing my massive cock is sewed. You got a big ass? I don't, I don't know.

I've never really gazed at my ass. I don't know. Pun intended. Yeah. Solidarity in small asses. Boys, appreciate you all. You got a nice ass. Thank you.

See you next time, my beauties. Dude. I have a couple. Keep it going. I have a couple of ideas.