Modern Wisdom - Raccoon Wars, NFL Scammers & Past Crimes - Matt McCusker #1149

Starting point is 00:00:00 People of the UK and Ireland, if you've listened to Modern Wisdom for a while but haven't seen me live, it isn't just a podcast on stage where you can finally see my legs. It's a show that I've spent over a year building specifically for a live audience. There are stories I've never told before, ideas I've deliberately saved for the stage, audience confessions and a Q&A where I try to solve your biggest problems. Dublin has already sold out and all of the other cities aren't far behind. So if you want to see me live, head to chris Williamson.com. that's Chris Williamson. Dot Live. I'm in a battle with raccoons at the moment. Where?

Starting point is 00:00:32 My backyard is just me versus raccoons at the moment. They go on your roof? I've got this nice couch thing. Like they sit on it's like comfy you can lie in it. And they've just wrecked that. Every single night they're coming in and they wrecked that. They decided they were going to tear up one crock. I had like two crocs, a pair of crocs left outside.

Starting point is 00:00:50 I mean, they might have done me a like fashion fucking favor. I always feel bad. Almost, I, like, fought the urge to wear crocs here today. You're a crox guy? I love crocs, yeah. I'm, but anyway, like, I'm actually at war with these fucking raccoons. It feels very demoralizing, like, losing a war of wits with an animal that survives exclusively on garbage. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:11 Like, that's what's defeated me. But I haven't been able to get rid of them. So, that's a way. You got to trap them. You trap. But then what do you do? Get a professional. Get rid of them, yeah. Go send them somewhere.

Starting point is 00:01:20 Or have a professional can trap them. They'll just release them somewhere else. Right, but, okay. You don't have to drown them, right? You can't. I kind of love raccoons, but I was growing watermelon. Raccoons just destroyed my watermelons. When were you growing watermelon?

Starting point is 00:01:34 This summer. I had one. I had one big watermelon forming, and I came, I woke up one morning, and the raccoon had just torn it to shreds. And I was like, that was like my crook. Yeah, except I hadn't had to grow it, I guess. I know. Fuck.

Starting point is 00:01:47 No, I was pissed, but I do kind of love raccoons. I was like, all right, well. I can't believe that Austin allows you to grow watermel. I don't know where I thought watermelons grew. but I assumed that the climate had to be way more exotic. No, you can grow watermel. It's like a short season, you got to start early

Starting point is 00:02:03 otherwise I get burned out in the sun. Otherwise, the raccoons come and get it? Yeah, I got to put it behind the fence this time. Yeah, I keep imagining what it would be like to be in a fight with those raccoons. They've got claws. So, I'd look like a lunatic. I've got one crock on now

Starting point is 00:02:16 because the other crock that they've taken away, like a broomstick for self-defense. He's like, be like one of those guys in World War I that's got like a bugle and a sandwich. and like that's what he's sent over the top with. Dude, my neighbor used to have raccoons for pets. He had two raccoons and a cage. And remember Urkel cereal?

Starting point is 00:02:32 I don't know if you were here when, yeah. It's like family matters, the show Carl Winslow. Remember Urkel, the black nerd? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had his own line of cereal for a while. And my neighbor who lived behind me would feed them Urkel cereal. He hid his own cereal and they fed him Urkel cereal for like a while in a cage. And it's illegal to keep them as pets, apparently.

Starting point is 00:02:49 The American, like, desire to turn anything into, a legitimate commercial opportunity. Yeah, yeah. Like, you were just... I'm telling you, I've never seen... Urquilos. Yeah. Help Urkel find Laura.

Starting point is 00:03:05 What, like, what yo was this? Back in 1991, Steve Urkel got his own cereal. Urquilose was basically strawberry and banana-flavored fruit loops. Yeah. I just remember seeing Urkel cereal next to a raccoon cage and being like, damn, my neighbor's raccoons eat Urkel cereal. Well...

Starting point is 00:03:23 That was pretty... And I was like a real little boy, and I was like, I just stored that fact away in my head. I break it out any time raccoons come up. I'm like, well, they actually love urkel cereal. That's my go-to-racoon fact is urkel cereal. Yeah, I mean, imagine you're already entrapped. Your life is in a cage. And now the next thing that happens is you have to eat urchal cereal for the rest of your life.

Starting point is 00:03:45 Like banana-flavored cereal sounds horrible. Is it fake banana is awful. It's the worst thing. Fake banana's polarizing. I remember banana runts. where I love banana ruts. What's rants? You're going to have a hard...

Starting point is 00:03:57 We're doing this America, British education. Well, the runts are just a hard candy that are like, they're shaped like real fruit, but it's just a hard candy. Okay. So there's one, there was the banana runt when I was growing up, everyone would be like, dude, get those away from me. And I actually liked the banana run, so I would trade up all the time. Just end up with a ton of banana runs.

Starting point is 00:04:16 I have a story for everything, dude. You want to talk about banana flavoring? We can talk banana flavoring. What's the idea of you trading up? Nobody wanted them. Because you get them in a variety pack. Yep, every little fruit comes and I'd ever make, oh, he's banana ones. I'm like, bro, let's go.

Starting point is 00:04:30 Hit me. Yeah, hit me up. If I can take the water melt and take the straw. Yeah. Unbelievable. Here's a cherry. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:37 I do want to teach you about some British stuff. Do you know who Francis Bourgeois is? Mm-mm. Okay. So I got a team, the Grand Tour, which is that thing Jeremy Clarkson did on Amazon. It was about cars and stuff. It was this big car show, and then they kind of moved and did this other thing on Amazon. He's a new guy.

Starting point is 00:04:53 it's taken that. But he's a train. He's a train spotting dude. And I kind of, oh, here we go. So just watch this video. Yeah. I'm about to see the largest steam locomotive in the world. I've waited my whole life to see 4014 Big Boy in action. So today is a very important day.

Starting point is 00:05:16 With crowds lining the tracks, an unexpected arrival before the main event. there's 21 oh no brutal angle he does it on every video there it comes oh no no no

Starting point is 00:05:36 at such an important moment my phone dies and I have to reach for Amy's phone which is fortunately you have a camera on your fucking head big boy a dream come true but 2102

Starting point is 00:06:02 wait this was in Pennsylvania wasn't it I think so yeah Dude, so this was really hot that day, and a lot of those guys passed out. That were working? A bunch of fat-legged autistic guys who went down. I'm telling that day, my friends were telling me about this. A bunch of people were standing in the field and they passed out while waiting for Big Boy to come. Well, I mean, Francis.

Starting point is 00:06:23 He was one among many. Meanwhile, Francis Bourgeois, he managed to. He had to live the dream. I was telling my friend, I was like, if I was there with my kid and they passed out awaiting a train, I would step over him. just walk away. I would just step right over and be like, I'm out of here, man. I'm not, I'm not doing this. Train spotting's an odd, but it's very weird. That particular, like, archetype of person, there's like a type of white that only exists in America, but there's also a type of white

Starting point is 00:06:53 that only exists in England. Yeah. And that is a category of white that I don't think that you get in America in the same way. Oh, we have them, man. We have train spotters. Right, yeah, yeah, I suppose so. But they, like, present in a different way. Oh, yeah. for sure. Our American train spotters are probably a little more quiet. Kind of stand there and just watch. That guy was pretty talkative. Yeah, I have no fear that Francis Bourgeois is going to become a future school shooter. You said you have no fear? You don't think you will. No, I have no fear at all for him. Yeah. But the, if I was to make him like Frank Bougie, which would be the American equivalent.

Starting point is 00:07:29 That makes sense. Watch him. Yeah, you want to keep an eye on the internet history for sure. I can't believe that people passed out. Yeah, people passed. It was, when I heard it, I laughed for like 10 straight minutes. That a field full of children just fell out waiting for a train. It was the kids that did. Yeah, it was like, yeah, it was just got hot in some of the. Well, I suppose that you.

Starting point is 00:07:51 Not all of them, but enough went down. It was a bit of a problem. Some of them missed Big Boy. Big Boy was coming and they just went down. If your kid passes out, it's kind of easy because you know they're not going to move. So you think, well, they're going to stay there. Yeah. They're just going to stay in that location.

Starting point is 00:08:06 For sure. You put a little cool pack on them and then you can go and see Big Boy and then come back. Yeah. I mean, you're there. They were all waiting and they went down and Big Boy just went right by and they came back. Like, what happened? They just teleported beyond Big Boy. Yeah, and he had to just be like, yeah, yeah, you saw it, man.

Starting point is 00:08:22 It was great. You saw it. I promise. I promise you. Like child memory was working. Yeah, there's like, there's basically two, I think, categories of stereotypical British person. And one is Francis Bourgeois And then the other one, I don't know

Starting point is 00:08:37 That you've seen British people going Bosch On the internet So this is a guy called Big John And he does Like takeaway reviews And this is, oh, right, okay, this is him This is the guy Could I have 2.1 mess twice, please?

Starting point is 00:08:53 So he's like kind of a food reviewer, I guess And he's getting it Pies and Matt, don't say that Don't do that. Don't do that. There's two colors on that plate. Do you want him with eels? No, no eels today.

Starting point is 00:09:09 No eels today. Oh, he's being asked if he wants eels. Oh, thank you. That's... The food of my people. There you go. What you think about that? Turn your pies over.

Starting point is 00:09:25 Chili vinegar. Chili's in there. All over the pies. All over the liquor. over the mesh. Dash of salt. Apparently a dash of salt. There we go.

Starting point is 00:09:37 You ready? Look at that's... I love the idea of eating with just a spoon and a fork. The knife is totally irrelevant. It is funny. I'm a friend who's English, you know, sent me the pictures of the classic British breakfast, and I'm like, ew. What don't you like about it? The sausage and tomatoes and beans.

Starting point is 00:09:58 It's like, bacon, bacon, potatoes. bacon, potatoes, eggs. No beans, no, you know, you don't want tomatoes and be, it's not, it's not really appetizing when I see it. I will stand on business with the beans, like hard. I'm sorry? First thing in the morning? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:13 You're farting all day. I'd be, that's a power move. True. The remainder of the day is a, you're destroying a room at 10 a. Yeah, you've loaded the magazine. True. For the remainder of the day. You're ready all day, true.

Starting point is 00:10:27 That's not bad. Then they're out by the time you go to bed and you're not farting. Yeah, that's not bad. Correct. I'm more of a... If you invert it. I'm more of a raccoon when it comes to farty. I'm nocturnal.

Starting point is 00:10:35 All night. All night, dude, I'm farting all night. It's terrible. It's actually kind of... I'm a concerned. It's been like, usually you'll get it one day out of the week. I've been on like a four-day stretch where I'm like, I need to change something. I need to change something now.

Starting point is 00:10:47 There's machine, like, apps for sleep tracking that record when you make noises or move. I'd fucking love to hear what yours would be. Because yours would be broken by either, like, snoring or rustling or something or just straight ripping farts. Could be. That's pretty crazy. So they actually track the noises? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:06 So when it's silent or ambient noise or whatever, and then it just turns on the recorder. It's to work out whether you're snoring. Snoring or not. Oh, talking in your sleep. I might have to get that. That'll be sick. And then you could make a compilation of all of your favorite farts.

Starting point is 00:11:19 Oh. What would you make? Not the nighttime ones would be awesome. Yeah, you're like, you know what missing your own fart while you're asleep is like? It's like being a child that, passes out whilst watching Big Boy. You're like, I missed it. True. This was the entire reason for me eating those beans at night. Yeah, all to waste. And I didn't, I wasn't even there for it. Like, my mom got to see it or whatever, like, you know, like the wife got to see it. She was a

Starting point is 00:11:44 part of it. Have you ever woken a woman out of sleep because you farted in bed? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a good feeling. There's a level of, I've done it. There is a level of like shame and pride. It's equal parts shame and pride. Well, it's so funny. But you also, you're like, yeah, that's a horrible way to wake up. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I've done it. I've done it before. Yeah, the old fart alarm. Yeah, we're not

Starting point is 00:12:11 even, I'm saying not audio, I'm talking wake by smell. I've woken by smell before, and that's when you're like, wake by smell's crazy. Wake by smell is pretty devastating. And she was in such deep sleep, it's just my life. She was in such deep sleep, she forgot. So I had a good, like, four days where I was like, oh my God, you didn't even mention that. Got us got up scot free.

Starting point is 00:12:29 And then the memory came back. Did you tell it? Eventually I brought it. And she was like, holy fuck, I forgot about that. And I was like, yeah, my bad. You told her about the father alarm? It was too. I was too.

Starting point is 00:12:36 I was like, you have to remember that. I can't believe you don't remember this. And then she was like, ooh, I do remember that. That was gross. And I was like, yeah, my bad. Dude, you admitted to the crime. I had, dude, I had to know. I'm like, how did you just champ that?

Starting point is 00:12:53 It was like kind of bother me. I kind of, actually, I wanted my penance. That's what it was. I was like, I can't get away with that. I wanted to atone, but I needed her to remember. Right. It's a combination of like, I want you to recognize just the power in case in future I need to like hold it over you. You think, well, look.

Starting point is 00:13:09 I turned myself in. It was like a guy who killed somebody and just can't live with it. I was like, I got to go to the authorities. I got to report. I got to turn myself in. What is the wake up of someone who's woken by a smell that's so noxious? It's like eyes are still closed. I saw the whole thing.

Starting point is 00:13:26 Eyes are still closed. and go, oh, it's just like a groan. It's like groaning into consciousness. And then you go, oh, and then going back under. And I was like, oh, my God, that was the craziest thing I've ever seen. It's like coming into hell. And then just go back under. It was really upsetting, honestly.

Starting point is 00:13:49 I saw that. I was like, holy shit. I mean so much trouble when I wake up and then he got up, Scott free. And then put yourself here. days went by and I was like telling everyone everyone knew about it and finally I was like I gotta tell her I can't I can't I have to like let her know that that happened the idea of like telling it in pride

Starting point is 00:14:07 behind the scenes as well like to yeah I guess what I managed to achieve last night fucking sick yeah it was hopefully one-on-one that was the only time no I thought you meant by sound because you can rip a rip one that's loud enough where he's like yeah you can get that yeah but it's the slow I wonder how many breaths it takes it's gonna take Like the first one's going to hit, but you're going to hope that the body's going to hope that when it gets exhaled, it's not going to get hit again.

Starting point is 00:14:33 And then the crescendo, I think it's probably a two-breadth, a two-breadth, a two-breadth, father-alarm. Yeah, there's one that's kind of like, but apparently I think, I could be wrong, but I think your amygdala is, like really close to where smells come. So they're linked. So she, like, that was a threat immediately. That's, like, really linked with threat, I think smells. Swear to God. Wake by far alarm? She was terrified.

Starting point is 00:14:55 She was terrified. Fuck me. That is true. That is very true. I went to the PBR. I saw Shane at the bold riding thing, which is weird because, again, talking about very British things and also very American things. It's like close to about as American as you can get. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:14 But it is a arena of people hoping that somebody gets injured by an animal that weighs like a few thousand pounds. It's a very strange sport. to watch and um not a massive amount of racial diversity in the audience yeah uh and then nelly played yeah so he kind of offset it toward the end uh but yeah pbr was crazy that was like that was a very interesting experience yeah yeah that uh i only ever watched it on tv but bull riding i like bull riding compared to bull fighting. Bull fighting seems like one of the mean. It's so mean.

Starting point is 00:15:54 Yeah. I just learned they pre-stabbed them. The bulls are pre-stabbed before they even, you fight the bull. Like that scene in Gladiator? Yeah. Shiv him before he goes out. That's all of the bulls. Exactly like they just poke him up a couple times.

Starting point is 00:16:07 They're got to get out there. So them weaker? Yeah. I found out that the reason that the capes, what's that called? Oh, I don't know. The red rag to a old thing. The reason that it's red isn't because bulls see red and get angry, it's to hide the blood as the bowls run past.

Starting point is 00:16:23 Because otherwise, if you had a white sheet or something... It would look horrible. Yeah, it would just be marked with loads of bull blood. Yeah, I didn't even know that. That's why. That's what it takes to hide the blood. And that makes sense because they've been pre-stabbed. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:38 Oh, that makes sense, yeah. I thought my whole life, I thought, like, if I was wearing... I've, like, been around bulls a couple times and I'd always scan, like, bro, I hope I'm not wearing any red. They're in a fucking charge me. I had a bull actually that also lived behind me. We had a bull that just was in... Why the fuck did you live?

Starting point is 00:16:54 I lived on a... So my dad and his brother bought a piece of property out in, like, the suburbs of Philadelphia, but it was like, when we moved out there, it was like really rural. Like, there was nobody out there. There's no sidewalks. But they bought this like plot of land. And so they each had a house and they, you know, they had like a spread. I was right next to order to my cousins.

Starting point is 00:17:13 And then behind us was this like other house up there. So they just rented it out to this guy. and he had like that was a guy who had the raccoons in the cages so he had he had like animals he had like a weird kind of he had like a barn there's horses you know great serial collection yeah great serial and he had um he had a bull for a while and we had it was a old apple orchard but the apples trees like dried up so they'd only make crab apples so me and my cousins would sit up in the trees and just shoot this bull with a with a you know a little slingshot with crab apples all the time and it got so aggressive and like so nuts we had to get they had to get rid of it because we were to sit up there in 20s met at all. I was like nine years old. We just said there, boom, and hit it with like, it would just shake. And it became, they were like, we got to get rid of that thing. You got PTSD from being hit by these little crab apples all day long.

Starting point is 00:17:58 Did you imagine if you were a ball and you didn't understand how physics and gravity works? And you're like, that tree is throwing apples at me. Like, that tree is my mortal enemy. It keeps on pinging me with crab apples all day. And there were those, like, I don't know if you had those like real nice slingshots. They were like, they were like, you'd pull them back, but they had like almost a wrist brace, so you could really rip those things back. You were hitting it with high-velocity crab up. Yeah, very hard.

Starting point is 00:18:23 Explosion upon impact. And the bulls got, you know, when you shoot someone in paintball, and it's just got loads of marks all over its back. Yeah, we were, and again, it's like that thing started getting nasty. And like, we had to get rid of it,

Starting point is 00:18:32 got to cantankers. So now I'm like, maybe they just got rid of it, but I'm pretty sure we fired that thing up because it was, we were just like taunt it and fuck with it all the time. It was really nice natured until, maybe that would be a good, because the owner,

Starting point is 00:18:44 the CEO guy of the PBR was, in the area that we were. And obviously, I have no idea what's going on. I don't know how the scoring system works. I don't know anything. And he loves ball riding. Absolutely loves ball riding. And he wrote the rules.

Starting point is 00:18:58 So I'm like just harassing him autistically about any. How does this happen? And how do they train the balls and stuff like that? But I didn't realize that the people that own the balls, they have so much pride in like no one's ever ridden. Like this element have got a bowl. And it's called Ride in Salty. because you can just name it whatever you want.

Starting point is 00:19:17 Yeah, it's awesome. Right and Salty. And no one's ever ridden it. Some shit like that. It's like, oh, this is, it's the best rider in the world versus the hardest ball in the world. And there's kind of these matchoffs. Damn. They pair them up.

Starting point is 00:19:28 And then there's coaches on the teams of the riders who know what way the bull turns. And they put a guy that's like really good in the clockwise position or whatever. It's like matching fighters up against other fighters are like, I don't know, a sport where you go, well, the guy that's on the left wing, he's a little bit slow when he comes. cuts in. So if you put a guy that's right footed on that, and there's squads and there's training and they've got tactics. And I was like, I just said guy holding onto a bowl. That's what I thought. I didn't know they have teams too. They have a bunch of teams. Yeah. Like each city's got a different team. And then the city that you're in gets to be

Starting point is 00:20:00 the final one. And there's walkout music. And like each one, each, each guy comes out to different walkout music. And so it was sick. Yeah, it sounds awesome. It was really good. A quick aside, you probably heard me talk about Element before. And that's because I've started every single morning the same way for the last five years now, which is a cold glass of water with elements in it. Element is an electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't. It's a science-backed electrolyte ratio of sodium, potassium and magnesium. No sugar, no coloring, no artificial ingredients. It reduces muscle cramps and fatigue, supports brain function and helps to regulate your appetite throughout the day. I genuinely notice the difference when I take

Starting point is 00:20:34 it versus when I don't, which is why I don't shut up about it and also why it's used by everyone, from Dr. Andrew Huberman to Olympic athletes and FBI sniper teams, the good sniper teams, not the bad ones. Also, they have no questions asked refund policy. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll just give you your money back. Plus, they offer free shipping in the US. Right now, you can get a free sample pack of elements most popular flavors with your first purchase by going to link in the description below. They're heading to drinklmnt.com slash modern wisdom. That's drinklmnt.com slash modern wisdom. Yeah, we, I didn't, I haven't done much super like Texas stuff. I did the two-step dance lessons. Have you seen that before?

Starting point is 00:21:14 I've seen it. The broken wheel. What's that? You can do, you can go in there and take lessons for two step. And it's this old lady runs it. And I honestly was like, it takes a lot to kind of astonish me when people are like doing certain things. Dude, she apparently can just grab lady's asses and like, so she was given, I shouldn't say this. But we were in there and she would, she'd be like, come out here and dance with me, young lady.

Starting point is 00:21:36 And she'd be like, God, your ass is flatter than cardboard and just smack like, it was insane. She was just grabbing and smacking lady's asses and just, I mean, you know. any kind of racial thing, she would throw that in there, too, just to, like, flavor it up. Dude, there is... She was, I was sitting there like, bro, this is insane. And everyone's like, oh, this is cute, I guess. I've been transported back to the 1950s. There's a level of bigotry that you just, like, when people get beyond a certain age,

Starting point is 00:22:01 they just get a pass for it all. Yeah, you have to let this lady cook. It was really good. Because it was a lot of, it was a good amount of, like, Asian tourists came, and she was having a field day with him. It was wild. there's nothing there for me to grab you have no ass on you look at where you from

Starting point is 00:22:19 Vietnam get out of the way and I was like God she thinks the war's still going Yeah yeah But it was they're doing her enemy It was fun it was fun to see it also was nice It brings everyone down it's like yeah let her let her do her thing Brings everyone down to like a you know That's what being British is like actually

Starting point is 00:22:33 That level of like insulting of everyone Were you any good? Is it hard? I've never not tried to go I wasn't very well I was all right It's pretty easy honestly Right But it's all about you have to kind of like, it's like easy to do, but once you have like 30 people on the dance floor, everyone,

Starting point is 00:22:48 you don't know which way anyone's going. So it's, it's a, and then there's people who are like actually really, really good at it and you're like, I'm in the way now. Do I? You're in the way. Yeah, you're just in their way. They're like whipping people around and throwing them. And it's also very important that you have to lead your partner. And it's like, I'm horrible, horrible at dancing. So I'm kind of like trying to, I'm stepping on her feet the whole time. And I'm like, actually, I'm in charge. Be quiet. Don't move. And it's like, she said, I'm the ladies grabbing ass and said, I'm in charge. And it was, yeah, I didn't, I started,

Starting point is 00:23:17 You don't want to be over there with the Asians. I'm not going to make you sit down on the fucking substitutes bench. Yeah, so it was fun. I would definitely go back. It's a, it's a fun night. You go there, especially if you roll their stag, I mean, dude, ratio's in your favor. Uh-huh.

Starting point is 00:23:31 It's mostly. How many people are going on their own? There's a couple. There's a lot of women actually go. But they're going as a girly group thing. Yeah. But you need a male partner. Hard, hard to peel off a chick from a group of chicks.

Starting point is 00:23:42 though. But in a formalized dance setting, easy as far as it's like as easy as it gets. Of course, because they've got legitimacy to leave the friends at least for a bit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But you've got to try. There's that like inner feminine kind of rivalry where it's like now whoever you ask to dance is like, oh cool. Because of them. Yes. Because of the ratio. Yeah. It puts them and really throws them into like an upside-down world where you, now you're the commodity. You get to be like, my lady. I was peeping all this with my wife. I was like, this is great. Watching the dynamic go on.

Starting point is 00:24:13 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're stepping on a feet. It is going to be hard, though, if you're not good at dancing and you're like, okay, I need to do this thing, I need to lead them, you said you need to navigate the traffic of the rest of the room as well. And you're trying to, like, lay down some game at the same time. Plus get the phone out. You're like, you know, can you do the thing?

Starting point is 00:24:28 You can do the nudgy thing? Like, take a number before I'm going, like, spinning around and stuff. Yeah, I mean, you have to go a couple times. There's a lot of old men that go there and they just, like, they're, like, experts at it, and they just kind of twirl young chicks around. for like two hours at a time. And then also the instructor kind of feeds them like, don't, if you see Dale, he'll spin you around,

Starting point is 00:24:47 oh, you're dizzy. Don't be shy. And she kind of like feeds him over. It's pretty wild. Yeah, like this does begin, like sounds like it's going to be a Netflix documentary in a few years. It's like one of those ashrams where like some yogi that developed a new type of yoga, but all of his disciples were the ones that were feeding in the new followers. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:07 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They thought, yeah, like the Nexium cult. Yeah. What's that one? What's that? That was the,

Starting point is 00:25:12 God, who was that guy? He was, he was like branding chicks. He was getting chicks, yeah, he was just, yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:18 Keith Vanier, he had the nexium cold here in America where I don't even know what he did, really. It was just, he's had this cult

Starting point is 00:25:24 and then the thing he did that was genius. Obviously, he's a cult leader. He's having sex with all the women in the cult. There's married couples.

Starting point is 00:25:30 So he instituted a rule where everybody has to kiss on the lips when they greet each other. So that way he could just kiss every girl on the lips and no one, they wouldn't know

Starting point is 00:25:37 that he was fucking all of them. It was pretty, kind of an ingenious move. Yeah, I mean, what's interesting is that he decided to brand the women in the cult as opposed to just using crab apples in a slingshot. He could have just got them from way further away. True, he could have came from anywhere. If he got really good with, he could have written something on the side of it. True. That would have been really good.

Starting point is 00:25:58 Yeah, no, he, uh, yeah, he was branded. Apparently at all, you get in trouble, he got in trouble for sex trafficking. So whenever you move a lady across state lines to have sex with her, That's when it's like... Isn't that crazy? Yes. That was the thing... Under false pretenses, that's the key term. Who was it that got fully diddled for that across state lines, trafficking women across state

Starting point is 00:26:19 lines thing recently. There was some big case. And that was the main... Tons and tons and tons and tons. No, Epstein? Epstein or Diddy? It was Diddy. Correct.

Starting point is 00:26:30 You said diddle too. It was funny. Yeah, it was... Dittled it. It was, it was Diddy. They get you... I don't know if he actually got charged for sex trafficking, but that was the one they were trying to cross state lines yeah but under false pretences but what what's the issue

Starting point is 00:26:42 with the state lines thing why is that I don't know like so under false pretences within the state is fine I think so I get into a motel that's just across yeah yeah if you can trick a woman if you're in Texas you can trick Texas women if you trick a woman in Oklahoma fuck you're going to jail and it's it's all false it's a very vague thing uh that's yeah it's what people get in trouble for because it's like if you lure someone here saying hey I have a job for you and they travel and then I don't know. You brand them and keep them like your slave in the base. Then you're getting super big trouble.

Starting point is 00:27:13 Double. Making them go across. Double trouble. Yeah. And worst of all, he made them go to Oklahoma. Yeah. And then it's like,

Starting point is 00:27:19 oh my God. We must take him to jail. The guy's a monster. Yeah, it's a very weird rule. I've always thought about it. It's one of those things that it's like, it's really weird.

Starting point is 00:27:27 Can you, can you chat chippy T? Why is it, why is it cross state lines for, what is it? Sex trafficking. Sex, well. It's like,

Starting point is 00:27:37 trying to work out why sex trafficking is so bad. Dot, dot, dot, dot across state lines. Yeah. Just seems like, well, it's, you know, within state lines. It's not great. Yeah, it's just one of those extra charges. It's like an enhancement they toss on you. It's like an upgrade.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Yeah. Do you want to go super large on the happy meal, super size you? Yeah, I don't know. But it's one of those things I think that's very important in these cases where if they can get you on that, that's how they kind of get you. A little of you. Oh, here we go. Crossing state lines isn't inherently considered more evil than committee state sex trafficking

Starting point is 00:28:07 within one state, the reason it's treated more seriously in U.S. law, it's largely about jurisdiction and federal authority. Not great a moral blame. Oh, because it's like... We do get higher penalties. That's what they're saying. Someone can be prosecuted for sex trafficking, even if every act

Starting point is 00:28:26 occurred within a single state, as long as the conduct has the required connection to interstate commerce. Oh, hang in a second. That brings the FBI in. But so sex trafficking, under current federal law, someone can be prosecuted for sex trafficking, even if every actor could in a single state, as long as the conduct has the required connection to interstate commerce. So if it doesn't, if you manage to find a locally owned motel and you don't use a payment

Starting point is 00:28:51 processor that like routes it through fucking Delaware or something, you pay in cash. Like sex trafficking is just free. That seems like a loophole that needs to be closed. Yeah, they get you for tax evasion then. Oh, yeah, yeah, where did that cash come from? Yeah, yeah. Have you seen this day John Love thing, this case that's everywhere? Who is that the guy, who is that?

Starting point is 00:29:10 The fake football player from the 49ers? Yeah, yeah. He was been going around saying, I caught that. I was actually doing a podcast. I went to the bathroom and I was like checking my phone. I saw someone I know is like one of the influencers I follow was just kind of like, oh man, I almost, thank God I didn't pay this guy and I didn't even know he wasn't a player. I'm like, damn, why was the assing guy for $200,000?

Starting point is 00:29:31 Then I came back and it was like, yeah, that was a dude? that said this? Oh yeah I was trying to dittle men and women Yeah Especially women Yeah I think he was really

Starting point is 00:29:39 Going for the women's money But yeah There was a guy influencer I know Who was like a health guy And he got like They tried to go for him Yeah so he was He went for 200,000

Starting point is 00:29:48 He's like give me 200K And I'll like promote your You know electrolytes or whatever I think he didn't have that many Followers on It wasn't a huge So yeah For the people that don't know

Starting point is 00:29:57 This guy Pretended to be a 49ers player Yeah And he was Starting live receiver Oh, here we go. 35-year-old Dayjohn Love, who federal authorities say faked an entire NFL career as a 49ers-wide receiver to scam others, has been arrested and charged with defrauding over 26 women out of more than $1.3 million.

Starting point is 00:30:17 Love allegedly met women through dating apps, convinced many they were in a legitimate romantic relationships with him and betrayed himself as either a wealthy NFL player or a successful real estate investor. Fake 49ers, fake Instagram theme presence, fake banks and investors. I think he had like an 18-year-old that he would put on FaceTime and was like, oh, this is my investment advisor. And it's just like one of his friends. Really? He was 18 years old.

Starting point is 00:30:43 And, yeah, one woman lost around 87,000 and helped him get a McLaren to qualify for the McLaren. He made her a fake pay stub saying she owned about 50K a month. Another woman gave him seven grand for an apartment he never got for her. Another gave him around 30 grand for a Mercedes. After a while, you just think, like, these people kind of deserve it. Yeah. The romance scams are really, really messed up.

Starting point is 00:31:07 Also, him working out on the beach is hilarious. Just a football helmet on the beach is like, that's one that I'd even catch. Like, hold on a second. I don't remember you. I don't remember Tom Brady. Yeah. Swim shorts? Yeah, it's like a regular football bat.

Starting point is 00:31:29 It's a memorabilia helmet, presumably. Is there not one of him? I swear he's got his helmet like in the car at some point. Have a look on here. Keep going. That one's hilarious. Go back. It's him like, explain.

Starting point is 00:31:45 There it is. You got to have the helmet. I'm just popping the helmet in the passenger seat. Why is it not in your back? I always carry my husband. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:31:54 This, uh, you know what this is? This is, uh, karma from the bad men of the world for the Lindsay Clancy case. This is the, them trying to come back around. This is like some dude. Yeah. Like comically going like, there's something that women are getting. complain about at for at the moment that i'm gonna i'll even the stakes and i'll give us something that men can be just so i'm sure clancy is the lady who everyone's trying to like get her out of jail right now

Starting point is 00:32:19 the protesters dude bro it's a mistrial that's a rough look it's a it's a mistrial it's a misdrial one guy one supposedly allegedly one male juror held out for six days it was 111 and the one juror was like no not not murder not doing it mistrial So just she's like free at the moment. What? Or is she on bail? Would she be on bail? Well, is she, can you work out if she's got bail or not?

Starting point is 00:32:50 But mistrial. So they've got to do, they've got to run it back. Do it again. They've got this whole thing has got to happen again, at least again. Or maybe go up to some bigger court. Well, dude is, I saw I was actually reading about this last night. I didn't realize, first of all, it happened like three years ago, three or four years ago. The husband's already, he's remarried.

Starting point is 00:33:08 But the weird thing is, it's been. Three years is quite a long time. It's not a long time to go over something traumatic. But for everyone that I didn't, I'd never heard Lindsay Clancy's name until three weeks ago. Yeah. And for him, this is part of, I think about where you were three years ago, three and a half years ago. You're like, that was quite a long time ago. It was a while, but it's like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:25 But I think he's just like, I could be wrong. I think he just like works in an office. Sounds like an office shop. Yeah, it sounds like an office shop. That would be, that'd be insane. I had a psychiatrist earlier on this week and he worked in the ward where she was discharged from. He knows the doctors that prescribed were all of the medications, the people that looked after a care, everything. And there's a little bit, I think, especially a lot of guys

Starting point is 00:33:49 sort of defaulted to, she killed her kids. And then there was a little bit of me, as he was an hour of him just explaining the deep neuroscience of what happened with the pharmacology and what happens with the psychosis and how all-encompassing and like totally compelling it is. and basically your agency is taken away from you. They use the example, talking of, like, farting and shedding, you use the example of, you know when you go to the bathroom and you take a dump and you're like, huh, one wipe wasn't enough. Like, I need to go again.

Starting point is 00:34:19 And you don't even think about it, you just do it. So that's kind of what psychosis is like. You don't even think about it. You kind of just get compelled. So an hour of him explaining it to me. And as he was doing it, there was a little bit of me that was thinking, this is, I thought I had my position. And now you have decided to like,

Starting point is 00:34:37 just pull the pin on this grenade and now I now I'm all conflicted again and now I'm now I'm with everyone else he's like I don't know what the how do we deal with this as a society here's the thing to me it's like yeah it is it sucks it's like the whole situation sucks the poor I like really felt bad for the dad I was reading about him last night and like damn this guy's actually just start his life over I'm like that sounds sad and then you have the lady who it's like yeah she you know strangled her children to death and you know maybe she was in psychosis it the thing too is like if she had meth addict and got high on meth and then killed her kids. Everybody got throw the book at her.

Starting point is 00:35:12 Since I guess she's trying to get, you know, help or whatever, it's slightly different. My only problem is when like, you have people now who, even like neuroscience types who are like free will is an illusion. We don't have free will. It's just all expression of genetics. And it's like, okay, well, if that's the case and somebody does this, if they're just essentially like a lump of meat, just, why not just discard them? You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:35:34 Because if we have, there's no free will and people are just going to do this. kind of thing, which I don't think is her case, really, because it was like the medication and psychosis, but I don't, I think you got to park, I think you just got to park those people forever. It's like, look, this isn't fair, this sucks. That, the thing is, she is going to be parked forever? It's, is she going to be parked with culpability? Or is she going to be parked with, uh, an excuse or reason, right? It's like, she's going to be. Well, if she gets to psychosis, I think she's, uh, mandatory, like, psychiatric asylum for, uh, I, like, a, per year at a time with her case to be reviewed every year. So there's a world. I didn't know that.

Starting point is 00:36:12 Yeah, I think she'll only be held for a year. I could be wrong, but I think she'll only be held for a year. Before she gets reviewed. And he gets reassessed. And they could keep her forever. They could reassess her every year. She could get out. So it's one of those things where it's like, even if it's pure psychosis, if someone can fall into that level of psychosis and obviously it's on record, it's like, yo, you kind of got to be. She's a distinctive looking lady as well. it's going to be very hard to come out even in five years time and not be. Well, she's paralyzed too, right? That as well.

Starting point is 00:36:41 Yeah. But all of that together. I think the saddest thing that's like not the saddest thing. It is really fucking sad. But it's as close to as sad as it gets. I mean, dead kids, suicide attempt, paralysis, like postpartum depression, public scrutiny, loads of women wearing pink. It's O.J. Simpson for white women. That's what it is.

Starting point is 00:37:03 Yeah, that's exactly what it really is. It's also, again, it's one of those things where it's like, I'd love to ask the protesting ladies like, where do you want to see happen in this? Do you want to have her to live with you? Like, what are we talking about? Are you going to take care of this lady? You know, because she's like, the state failed her.

Starting point is 00:37:24 Put her in the hands of state mental care. It's like, maybe not. If the state failed so badly, because that's where she's going back to. You've got to park her. You got to give her the Bain treatment, dude. And it's like sad. Bottom of a well.

Starting point is 00:37:35 Yeah. You gotta just be chained. Yeah. Or yeah. Bulk her up. Feed a pizza for a while. I'm gonna lock her in. Dude,

Starting point is 00:37:43 it's so fucked up. And I did the same thing. I heard about that. I'm like, fuck that lady, dude. And then you read about it. You're like, God,

Starting point is 00:37:48 it's so fucking sad. But it's also like, she's a sick ticket, dude. It's like, once you strangle your children in the basement, it's like, all bets are off in my book.

Starting point is 00:37:57 It's like, it's sad. It's fucked up. There's complexity to it, but it's like. You know what else is interesting? I think you look at the gender split of support for and against. It's almost exclusively women who are in support,

Starting point is 00:38:11 but not necessarily only men that are against, because mothers kind of get split into two groups. Because some of the mothers, especially the ones that have been through postpartum, go, wow, that was fucking rough. That was really hard. And maybe, I think Dr. Kay gave me the stats. He says about three in ten thousand. get postpartum psychosis, and of the psychosis suffers, 5% get homicidal ideation thought.

Starting point is 00:38:40 So it's like a chunk of a chunk of a chunk. But because there's 60,000 births a day in the US, the law of large numbers means it's like one person, one lady every day who's maybe going to have this homicidal thoughts with the psychosis and all the rest of this stuff. He's like explaining it to me and going through all of this. But what that means is there's some women who will see the beauty and the delicate nature of their children and just get the total tiger mum, mother bear. Like, I can't believe that this would happen aggression. And then there's another group of ladies who are going to think I was close to feeling down and bad. I wasn't myself. So even that is kind of split into two different groups.

Starting point is 00:39:24 It is stuff like this. I mean, do you ever think when situations like this occur, Netflix, all of the executives must just be going like, yes, fucking come on. Here's six more hours of content. Exactly. This is season two. Netflix just renewed season two of a documentary that haven't finished filming. Well, they must have done because they're going to run the trial back. They'll rip their thinking to themselves.

Starting point is 00:39:48 They're like, well, there's episode five. And then, fuck, they're doing it again. Right. Okay, we finish it on five episodes. We'll run it back for season two. This is like making a murderer. You're like, hey, keep the case going. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:57 Come on. Yeah, this is another. This is a third series. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You train regularly, you eat reasonably well. You feel fine, but you're just kind of going off vibes. Most people have absolutely no idea what's going on inside their body. And that is why I partnered with function.

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Starting point is 00:41:06 is that, like, I would say especially women are not supposed to be by themselves after they have babies. Like, that's a thing that, like, that's how people live now. It's not what you're supposed to do. Like, they really should be, like, as soon as you have a kid,

Starting point is 00:41:21 you should be with other mom ladies and other ladies and just like you should have a lot of people around you at all the time. I think it's a relatively pretty new thing of like just have a kid and just sit in a fucking house for a year by yourself. As a lady, I think especially it's like really fucked up. I asked literally an expert who wrote a book called Dad Brain. So there's Mum Brain, which you lose about 3% of your gray matter. It's like executive function.

Starting point is 00:41:44 You forget where the keys are. But what is interesting is you actually become better at knowing about stuff to do with the kid. you're just really bad at knowing about some other stuff, managing your calendar or doing finances or whatever. And dads have kind of the same sort of a thing. I was talking to her. And she thinks the same thing. She thinks that it's almost exclusively mediated by, is there support?

Starting point is 00:42:03 Do you feel like you're well contained and held by the local community? There used to be this time, Louise Perry taught me about this. There was this time called Laying In. You ever heard of this? So laying in was a month-long period in the Middle Ages. where a woman that had just given birth, all that she did was lie in the living room or whatever, and everybody had to do stuff for her, like be nice to her. Like, bring her food, help her go to the bathroom, help her get washed.

Starting point is 00:42:34 Like, what do you want? Do you need a shoulder rub? Like, we'll look after the baby. Like, it's just everybody was as kind of probably an infuriating amount of attention. Yeah. Actually, if you were a bit of an introvert, you're like, okay, this has been nice, but I would like you to leave. And that was it. And now you think no mandatory maternity leave and people are back in the fucking solo cubicle office within, like, you still haven't even physically recovered.

Starting point is 00:42:57 Oh, yeah. Haven't really, haven't physically. And now you're at work going like, I make, you know, I have to make more than basically, um, daycare basically. If I don't make as much as daycare, then I'm at home. You're running on a treadmill. It's you versus daycare. And if you don't run fast enough, you like get kicked off the back of it. Dude, it's, yeah, it's brutal.

Starting point is 00:43:14 And especially when you have a kid, at first like two weeks or so, everyone's like, hey, everyone's stopping by. and then it's just like, that's over. And it's just you. And you're like, you know, if you're just sitting there, you're nursing it all the time, that's like constantly releasing hormones when they're feeding from you

Starting point is 00:43:26 that you don't produce enough milk. It's, it's kind of a nightmare, dude. It really is, should be revisited as to like how people go about doing that kind of stuff because it's not, it's not good at all. I think we got the 90-day maternity leave from,

Starting point is 00:43:38 there was just like a therapist back, I think it was an English guy who was just like Winnicott. He was just like, you know, you got to give these, you got to give these people like at least a couple months. Yeah, He determined he was like 90 days is the bare minimum. You have to give them.

Starting point is 00:43:52 Nine months mandatory. Is it really? Yeah, I don't think we do that here. I think we got like turn and burn. Yeah, you've got to get you back into the meat ground. There's some emails that need sending. Come on. It's nine.

Starting point is 00:44:03 You said it's nine months? Nine months. You can pick when as well. So if you wanted to do from a month before and then have eight months after. Yeah. My business partner's wife was like trying to take it up to the fucking limit. Like absolutely. Like, she went to a spy.

Starting point is 00:44:17 Ice Girls concert the day she was due and then went the day after. We gave birth the day after. And they were like, look, if we give birth while Jerry Halliwell's on stage doing like what I want, what I really, really want, it's fine. That's fine. That's kind of a cool story. But they had floor tickets. That's how Spice Girls were made. They had floor ticket. That's insane, dude. Floor tickets. Floor tickets in the middle of a stadium for Spice Girls as a concert. It was seated, right? But like, big. crazy. Yeah, massive. Like, on a Swiss ball this morning, Spice Girls Tonight. Oh. Just imagine. Like, I was at the Spice Girls concert and then, like, some ladies water broke next to me.

Starting point is 00:44:58 And it was fucking wild. Yeah, it does. It definitely, when you're, like, with a woman who goes to the whole process of, like, being pregnant and giving birth, it really does, like, flip a switch in your head where you're like, wow, you guys can do cool stuff. Not in a bad way. I know that sounds patronizing, but I got a... Just before that, I just, like, you just go.

Starting point is 00:45:17 in the way am I thotting. It really, I should say that's a horrible way to put it, but it really does give you a deeper appreciation where you're kind of like, damn, that's, because they fucking champ. Childbirth is terrifying. And you watch them go through it and you're like, where the fuck was this fucking stoicism?

Starting point is 00:45:35 Where was this shit? I've known you for three years. I've seen belly aches take you out. Now you're just, dude, literally, like, if I pass out, grab me. I'm like, okay. Like, what the fuck? Like battle vets.

Starting point is 00:45:47 It's not joker Willing to your wife's body. She comes in in camo fatigues with a fucking rifle. It's like kind of, it's like terrifying. You see it. They're just, it's unbelievable. But yeah, that is, that is a thing that kind of completes the whole picture. We were like, oh, okay, all right. This is, now I can see the full kind of spectrum here.

Starting point is 00:46:07 The Lady Navy SEAL transition is crazy. I wonder, what changed with you? Like, how did you change? well what having kids are saying yeah um well the the main one is it's kind of funny the main one is like kind of painfully obvious it's like you don't realize and not even like in a bad way i don't know if it's like necessarily bad way because i think everyone does this just how self-absorbed how all of your thoughts are just like bong bung bung bong all day long and it's like natural it's very natural then you have like a kid and you're like it literally just plants almost like another self in your

Starting point is 00:46:41 brain that you're always thinking about this person you're still thinking about yourself and then like It's very weird how that works because it is, because you notice like, you know, you're like, all right, it's time. I'm going to do this. And you're like, you have to do something with a kid. And you're like, all right, I'll get to that later. Then you start being like, I'll never get to that other thing. It's just not happening. Like, I'm never going to do it.

Starting point is 00:47:00 And you kind of go through this weird kind of like inner transformation over time where you're like just letting certain things die off. But it's nice because, you know, you feel good to like. Like, no one really enjoys an insane level of selfishness. too much attention on yourself. I saw this tweet the other week that said something like, you're not autistic, you're just spending too much time in the house on your own and it's making you weird. I also don't think you should, like, I don't think your brain's designed to think about yourself for more than like 30-something years. Bingo. Because I had a kid when I was, like, in my 30s. And I remember being like, I've played all the hits of like, why don't I do this?

Starting point is 00:47:39 I'm going to do this. And I'm like, I remember thinking like, it's getting kind of fucking old. I'm like circling all these tracks. If you have a kid, you're like, all right, thank God, I can just think about you now. Yeah. Yeah, there was a friend told me about a mentor of his that had explained that exact thing. And he said, one day you just get sick of yourself. Yeah. One day you just get sick of yourself.

Starting point is 00:48:00 And you go, okay, I've got this other thing now. And Jimmy Carr talks about saying it's having a child is a surgical procedure where your own heart now lives outside of your own body. Yeah. Like you just, okay, now this is the thing that's the most important. But yeah, I mean, I definitely believe a lot of the malaise and like business pursuits and like weird habits and like obsessions that guys have are just surrogate families. They haven't got around to yet. You think so much of this would be fixed if you just had a baby that you were looking after

Starting point is 00:48:39 because it would clean out all the barnacles off the bottom of the ship. Or maybe it would just completely torpedo your life because you can't afford it. I don't know. That too. But also there is something where it's like, like I've tried a lot of stuff. If I've already kids, I've been like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. And you do things and you're like, yeah, I guess it's kind of cool.

Starting point is 00:48:55 When you have a kid, it's like it clicks in a very obvious set groove in your brain. We're like, yes, this makes sense why I'm doing this now because I would do things. I'm like, why am I even doing this? And you're just like, okay, this all makes sense. Yeah, it's like a baked in kind of purpose. And it's funny too because like when you examine it from like, you know, like advantages and all this stuff. It's like just more so disadvantages. Like I get hit in the nuts constantly. I get woken up early.

Starting point is 00:49:19 Dude, kids just hit you in the nuts. Right? As soon as, well, they're like, they're, like, they'll go to, like, hit you. Oh, that nut height, too. They're just nut height. And they just go and they'll jump on your nuts. They just like, oh, they don't have any concept of, like, nuts. So they just jump. They just jumped. Like, I'm about to land on my dad. Boom, right in the nuts. Punch you ride the nuts. You're getting, your nuts are just getting obliterated, never-endingly. You're waking up all the time. You never get sleep. You're every day. You're, you're, you're, like, you're, you're like I'm, you know, making meals doing stuff.

Starting point is 00:49:44 And it's like, it's just, you're happy to do it. It's weird. It's like a very, I don't know. It's like a very fun. You think about like the deals laid out, like, all right, what am I getting out of this? And it's like, you'll get repaid with like, like, last night I was about to go to bed. And I saw they had, we have like an inflatable alien thing in her house. They won from like Chuckie cheese.

Starting point is 00:50:02 And they had dressed it up in a princess peach dress. So I'm going, I'd look up the steps. There's just an alien in a princess peach dress. And you just laugh for like five minutes. Like, what the fuck? And it's like, that's like, that's. You get like a little rewards from just like complete nonsense. Just random shit.

Starting point is 00:50:15 Well, I wonder if you could market, this is my showing how much I've spent time in America that if you're on a TV show, you can commercialize yourself into a serial. That given that dads get in the nuts a lot, that maybe you could make a special cup that's designed just for dads. That wouldn't be bad. The dad cup. Yeah, it wouldn't be bad. Just wear it for a couple.

Starting point is 00:50:33 Actually, not a bad idea. Even if it wasn't full, sports cups can be a little rigid, but even just a little bit of padding. It needs to dampen it a bit. Yeah, just a little bit. Because you react in the moment as if some just random guy came up and punched you in the dick. You're like, what the fuck? And they're like, oh, I'm sorry, guys, I'm fine. You're like, instantly, like, I were about to fight.

Starting point is 00:50:55 And you have to be like, ah, sorry, guys, I'm fine. It just really hurts me when you do that. You've got to try and explain. Like, does it hurt? Like, does it hurt now? I'm like, no, it's going to hurt. Hold on. Just we'll be 10 seconds.

Starting point is 00:51:07 Like, yeah, here it comes. But yeah. But it really does, though. it helps me, for me, it really put into perspective like, okay, I love my kids a lot. That other human beings, somebody's kid, I should try to be as nice as I can to them. If I, you know, if I can help it. Was somebody's kid in the past as well. Well, now you have, like, you have, I don't know what you would call it, but it's like,

Starting point is 00:51:28 now you have something people can be like, I hate, as if someone's like, I hate you, I'm like, whatever, I don't give a fuck. Someone's like, I hate your kids. I'd be like, fuck you, dude. So you're like, I can't be, because if someone were that mean to my children, And it's more so like doing to others as to yourself. But like your kids are like 10 times, you know. That goes back to your thing about at what age do we say, okay, this person's culpable.

Starting point is 00:51:51 Like this is your responsible for you. Sam Harris has this great thought experiment. You know Uday Hussein, Saddam Hussein's son? Okay. Have you ever read about what he did? No, he's a bad guy. He actually makes his father look like a lovely man. Like a very, very nice man.

Starting point is 00:52:10 He's like Mini Cooper. Crazy how ruthless he was. He would like turn up at weddings, kill everybody except a husband, then assault the wife in front of the husband, then kill the husband, then kill the wife. Jesus. Just because he could. I once had a guy on the podcast who had to look after him as he flew to Vegas and get him cocaine and all of this stuff. And he was just going around Vegas trying to be this warlord from the Middle East. But anyway, Sam Harris has this example.

Starting point is 00:52:41 It's kind of like maybe one of the most evil guys that's ever lived. And you say, at what point does Uday Hussein become culpable for his actions? He's say, okay, so he's two years. He's got the genetics of his warlord father, right? And he's three years old, and he's pushing the other kids in nursery or whatever he had. And you go, well, you know, he's three. Like, kind of not really. And you go, okay, roll the clock forward.

Starting point is 00:53:07 He's six. he's pulling the wings off of flies and he's grown up in this honor culture this sort of father the genetics but then this reinforcement of dad is every he lets him do everyone lets dad do whatever he wants and you're okay well you're six like he's and then you go okay like just roll the clock forward like at what point and it's really difficult i'm not saying that people that are adults aren't responsible or kids aren't responsible for what they do but it's kind of it's fucks you up as a question because you go i don't know you do look at a kid and think well no and we also even have that reflected in the legal system where there's juvie, right? Or they're an equivalent.

Starting point is 00:53:41 Yeah. Y.A. where that Johnny Chang guy went, young, young offenders or whatever, it's called young adult thing. Yeah. What point does this horrible guy, like maybe one of the worst people that's ever lived, do you point the finger and go, yeah, now you're responsible for what you did? And the same thing with, well, he was someone's son at some point. Yeah. And but some people are assholes and you're allowed to say you hate them. Yeah. Well, it's also like, yeah, again, he was Saddam Hussein's son. So I think most people are like, fuck both of those guys. But it's like, it is, it just kind of colors your thinking, you know what I mean, where you're kind of like, yeah, you know, let me like, more for just like strangers would like do stuff. Usually, you know, you're driving

Starting point is 00:54:18 around, you're like, oh, that guy like offended me somehow. I'm just going to go nuts. And you start to kind of be like, yeah, maybe that guy's, you know, small stuff like that. But I feel like once somebody does irreparable harm to another person, you're able to be like, it's sad. That is someone's child, but, you know, we got eight billion of us here. We got a guy's, we got enough. Sorry. Yeah. Put him away. Yeah, you lost your chance. Yeah, exactly. I feel like it comes a point where it's like, you know, it's not ideal, but you're like,

Starting point is 00:54:42 bro, get out of here. Yeah. It'd be nice to be like, oh, let's just like put you away in like one of those Norwegian jails where you get to learn drums or whatever. And it's like, I don't know, some people just got to be tossed away. You get to learn to drop. They have, dude. The jail in Norway is kind of sick.

Starting point is 00:54:58 There's a, I'm pretty sure there's a quiz on the internet, which is, is it a Norwegian jail are a British university halls of residence. And it's essentially impossible to work out which one it is. And like the halls of residence a lot of the time were old jails that were just near a university. And then they cleared people out. That was the case in Newcastle where I went. One of the halls of residents used to be like a correctional facility. Really? Yeah. And they just like, that's a big building. We can probably put students in there. That'll be fine. You just want to change your painting. Yeah, yeah. Put some paintings up, you know, like change the color. Get rid of the bars. and we'll be fine.

Starting point is 00:55:37 That's crazy. I used to have, I was, well, I used it as an office, but I had an apartment that was in an old insane asylum. It was pretty cool.

Starting point is 00:55:44 It was, when you had to get in, there was just like, kind of like, kind of like, you know, the basement level. It was fucking terrifying looking.

Starting point is 00:55:51 Are you not worried about ghosts and shit like that? I didn't sleep there. If I had slept there, I'd been terrified. I was just there in the day. It was like my apartment, office apartment.

Starting point is 00:55:58 So I would go there and work during the day, but I'd never slept there. I would be so scared of crazy ghosts, for sure. No, thank you. Baby stranglers. In other news, have you ever noticed how some websites make it ridiculously easy to buy while some feel infinitely harder? Back in my day, I had to walk 10 miles to the local store.

Starting point is 00:56:17 Aren't you younger than me? Yeah, but my dad got a DUI. Anyway, the reality is most businesses just get the website wrong. And if your setup is messy, you lose a ton of sales, which is why I'm such a massive fan of Shopify. They power 10% of all e-commerce in the United States, including brands like Jimshark, skims, aloe and Newtonic. Because when it comes to converting browsers into buyers, they are best in class. Their checkout's 36% better on average compared to other platforms.

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Starting point is 00:57:08 diary entries? Have you ever seen any of these? I've read some of the short stories. Might be some of the best diary entries ever. What was he on about? September 19th, 1858, decided that one must love and work and that's it. September 20th, tired, didn't work and didn't love.

Starting point is 00:57:27 Just the best. March 31st, 1852, woke up at 6 o'clock, woke everyone up, I did not get up and slept until 9. That's it. That's his whole time. January 25th, 1851, I've fallen in love or imagine that I have, went to a party and lost my head, bought a horse, which I don't need at all. The guy sounds fucking awesome. Yeah, he does, man. Tolstoy was another one of those Russian guys, right? the Russian writers are unbelievable. Built different. Yeah, 100%, dude.

Starting point is 00:58:02 They'd be living in the insane asylum. Yeah, we'd love that. They're a wild dudes. I'm reading a Dostoevsky book right now, or however you say his name. And it's, dude, those guys are that time, I don't know when Tolstoy was live, but that like 1890s of Russia time period,

Starting point is 00:58:16 since I was, it's insane. Because like, you know, obviously there's no cell phones or whatever, but like, you're just in a town full of people. And like, they would obviously have their beefs and quarrels and stuff. But like, you couldn't, like, you know,

Starting point is 00:58:26 you can text someone. out like, hey, what do you want to do? And if they don't get back to you, you're like, well, they want to hang out. You'd have to go to someone's house. And they'd be like, go away. You'd be like, what the fuck's your problem? He'd like, I don't like you. And you'd be like, okay, fuck. Do you think this is unique to Russia? Oh, it's just that time period. In general. But it was just like, you know, just the way they talk to each other is so I think in general probably the whole area is like the way that beef unfolded

Starting point is 00:58:46 before cell phone, before being able to make phone calls is, well, everything's face to face. And it was also that like old time kind of like vocal register where they'd be like, your presence offence me. Get out. out because you would do it's like they do it in the book where like you got to find matches so if you don't know where your matches are they were like your cell phone because like if you were if it was nighttime you got a light matches light a candle people just come into your house and be like hey was I need my wife's giving birth I need or I need oh you're just sleeping he's like who's there and you'd be like oh it's me he's like get out I don't like you and he's like hey

Starting point is 00:59:18 I need to talk to you now and they'd be like be gone fool and he's like where are my matches and you'd be fumbling around in the dark and you light to match and be like oh fuck it's some other guy Dude, it was like, it was fucking, it was crazy to think about. They'd be like, well, very well, I shout and come back, and I'll leave you here, you're a wretched beast, and be like, you're a fool. It was just like, all right, then you just go to bed, you're like, fuck that guy. The idea that your entire existence is relying on whether or not you can find your matches, and you've got beefs that play out in, I mean, it's crazy.

Starting point is 00:59:49 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those Russian guys are fucking wild, man. there was a i think i think it was tolstoy actually he had a story about a guy and it was like maybe it was like an old folktale that he like just wrote down but there was this guy who had like a farm and he was like damas farm's cool i need a bigger farm he got an even bigger farm he's got greedy from more and more land eventually he went to these like i don't know what they would have been like indigenous russian kind of like in inuit types and he went and found those guys and they're like dude if you can have all the land you want he traded them something for it

Starting point is 01:00:19 he's like but you got to walk it off and as far as you walk from sun up to sundown if you make a circle or a square and connect the dot will give you all that land. He's like right on. He walked so far. He ended up just dying basically because he kept walking and trying to get there, ran and just dies. And they was like, all right, bury him. It's like, what the fuck up story?

Starting point is 01:00:38 It's the most Russian story. Yeah. I read, it's called A Swim in a Pond in the Rain. And it's basically nine short stories, Russian short stories. And after every page, the guy that actually wrote the book explains how to read it. Yeah. Who was that by Saunders? Maybe I forget.

Starting point is 01:00:56 It's kind of, Saunders or something. Yeah, it's kind of famous. Yeah. I'll be like, this one's boring. Yeah. Yeah, this one just sucks. But those guys, I don't know what it's, it's, you know what it is?

Starting point is 01:01:06 It's so stark and just, you're reading it, you're like, Jesus Christ. Life sucks. Yeah. It doesn't make me feel good. It was actually, we were talking about this before, like some things, some experiences that you go through, you can do NAD, which is this IB thing that's supposed to make you healthy. And it's awful.

Starting point is 01:01:22 The whole time it's, it's, awful. And then once you've finished, it doesn't feel awful anymore. And you go, oh, maybe I'm better. Maybe it improved my health, or maybe I just don't feel awful anymore. And it's kind of like reading anything about Russian literature or about that period. You're like, maybe it's taught me something about my life. Or maybe I just don't feel awful anymore because that sucked. Like, it's so me, everyone's mean and everything's gray and there's not enough food and the horse just died and the wheel of the carriage broke and someone's son just got like leukemia and no one even knows what leukemia is and I was about to die of dysentery but I, oh, you know,

Starting point is 01:01:57 and then you go, oh, that's over and now I feel better about my life by contrast. Yeah, it gives you like 30 seconds. Then you're right back to being like, I'm bored. This coffee's too hot. Yeah, I don't like this. This beans overroasted. Got hit in the nuts. Yeah, just got fucking whacked. Yeah, it's, um, it is, that stuff is nice. I do like to kind of think about that stuff a lot or just like, I really, really, really, really challenge myself to not sink into, and I can do this easily of just like, whatever that mindset is and me being like, this is bad and just getting like shitty and nasty. It's like, for me, it's just like, it's so inexcusable, dude.

Starting point is 01:02:40 It's like, you don't, what do you do? That should be the first for me, I'm talking to myself, the number one focus of the day. Usually I'm like, I got to get this and I go to this. I'm like, I need to not be just whining, whining and just kind of like. like, well, if I said that to you, Amy, man. It's like, you, shut the fuck out. It's just to me personally.

Starting point is 01:02:59 I'm like, shut up, man. Why are you doing this? So I really try to like, every day I like wake up and, I'm like, give me one. Let me try to get it perfect one day. Defeat the voice that complains about stuff. Just bullshit, dude. It is interesting.

Starting point is 01:03:12 The more that somebody complains, the less accurate their view of reality is. Because usually you're complaining about reality, not meeting your expectations. But that's not reality's fault. Like, it's your fault. Yeah. It's your fault that reality didn't meet your expectations.

Starting point is 01:03:27 Obviously, stuff can happen in the world that's unfair and that sucks or whatever you should point it out. But the complaining bit to yourself. Yeah. It's like, why is there all this traffic on the way to work? You go, well, because there's traffic. And you didn't anticipate that being traffic. But it's not the traffic's fault. And let's not forget as well that you are traffic.

Starting point is 01:03:43 Yeah, you're another guy. You're fucking contributing to this in the middle of it. And yeah, reality's a thousand and oh undefeated. It's total knockout. Reality is completely undefeated with regards to this. And the more that someone complains you or if you've got a friend who's always complaining, I don't think you understand how the world works. You straight up can't understand how the world works because if you did,

Starting point is 01:04:08 your expectation would be closer to it and therefore you wouldn't be complaining as much. Yeah. No, yeah, it's 100% true. Or for me, it's like raising, if things are good, I'll find trivial annoyances and I'll just put them to 10. and be like, this is fucking bullshit. And I'll just focus on that for like four hours, but this is fucking bullshit. And you're like, it's not even a real problem.

Starting point is 01:04:30 Like that's, in comparison to problems you've had before, that's like you can just ignore that. It's strange because when you've got loads of big problems, you think, oh my God, all of these problems are big. And sometimes you actually have ones where you know, this is a justifiable issue that I need to deal with in life. And then other times when there are no problems, it's like the demand for problems is fixed.

Starting point is 01:04:51 and the supply needs to be brought up to meet that. It's like I have a waterline of problems that I need to have in my life and I will lower the threshold for what constitutes a problem until I'm able to like make the things that are happening in mind. It's like this fucking, I should have got it blended. I should have got it on the rocks

Starting point is 01:05:11 and I should have got it fucking blended. I know I should have got it blended. Morgan Housel's got this fucking awesome story where he kind of talks about this. He planned for a long time to go away to this holiday with his wife and they had done the research about it was the first one I think where they were taking both of their kids it was going to be this big deal and it was the first time the kids were going to go abroad and they were all excited and you know they've had the kids for a while so they

Starting point is 01:05:33 haven't really been able to go away and they've saved up the money and then they even looked at the the restaurant that they were going to go to in this big resort in Mexico or something and they knew even the menu in advance from the table they knew the table they want it's to say it's got apparently on the reviews it's got the best view of the sunset and this is the cocktail I'm going again, I'm going to get it blended instead of whatever. And then they finally get there and they've got the kids and it's a fucking nightmare and they arrive and they've dumped all of their stuff and it's the first night and the kids are at the nursery thing that looks after them for a little bit. They've got this first time to sit down away from the kids in another country since they've had

Starting point is 01:06:04 the kids, all the rest of it. And the first thing that he thought was, well, it is nice, but like there's some sand between my toes. And the sand is, that's distracting me. And I should have got it blended rather than on that. And the sunset, look, the sunset is nice. but I actually think it would have been, I don't think the reviews are quite right, and I think that that table there would have been better to see it, and I didn't bring my glasses, and now the sun's so low,

Starting point is 01:06:29 it's sort of hitting me in the face, and that's kind of a bit uncomfortable. He's like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, what am I doing? I dreamed about this thing, and the experience is so close, but I just, the human, like, curse is to, for everything to kind of be not quite as nice

Starting point is 01:06:46 as he thought it was going to be, and then for you to focus on all the ways in which it's not as nice. Yeah, I think about it a lot. Like, I remember, I can, like, clearly remember, you know, when I, like, was, like, kind of living and dying by, like, I'd have a job or I fucking hated that job. And I was, like, one day, it'll come together and I'll make a living doing a thing I like.

Starting point is 01:07:05 And then I remember when that started to become something of a reality. And it's, like, really unsettling. I remember being, like, so I had all these problems I could rely on me, like, fucking my boss is a dickhead. I hate this. I don't know if money. Uh-da-da-da. And then that stuff started to go away.

Starting point is 01:07:19 and I was like, I felt like weird. I was like, oh, this doesn't really feel good to not have all that stuff kind of like. It doesn't have enough problems. It's like comfortable in a way. We're like, at least I like am familiar with this. And then you get out of that and you're like, yeah, I kind of did it. And then it's just like you're flooded with just different problems that you're just, when you look at them. Because you get so used to what life becomes.

Starting point is 01:07:38 And then you're like, I remember being like, I would never fall into that kind of stuff. And it happens and you're like, fuck. Doing exactly what I said. I wouldn't do him a piece of shit. But yeah, it's, you know, just it really does. for me it's just like learning how to just slow myself down and not be such a fucking spas every day

Starting point is 01:07:57 like if I like God forbid if I don't get something done or you know just one day if I don't get this or that done it's like just learning how to like chill and like I don't know man just like really hash out my priorities rather than being like you know just doing the things you think you're supposed to do have to perfectly dominate the day and if you don't then you go to better loser yeah we're just feeling like it's not fair it's like because again

Starting point is 01:08:19 with your ability to dream a world who's always going to outstrip reality's ability to deliver that to you. You're literally fantasizing about what this cocktail could have tasted like or how the sunset was or the lack of sand between your toes. And you think, well, if you set this almost impossibly perfect standard for every single day, you're kind of guaranteeing yourself to be miserable. And it's interesting on the you get escape velocity. freedom from this thing when all of the problems and your boss is a dick and you don't like it and you get out of that and then you almost have to grieve this weird life that you lost kind of one of my friends who was on the show this week he talks about how when he had his when his wife was pregnant with his first kid and he'd lived in his car and rode a motorcycle with like spikes glued onto the helmet like all of the things red flags and your future son-in-law like all of the shit that you don't want somebody to do And his life could have gone in such a horrible direction, like smoking weed and selling weed and drinking booze and getting in fights and doing all this stuff. Wasn't a good productive member of society.

Starting point is 01:09:29 And then he remembered when he was married with a house and a wife who was pregnant. And he had this moment of like, I made it out. I made it. I finally gotten free of what could have happened in my past life. Yeah. And now I'm blown away by. where I am, but he said it made him, he didn't even know what it, what the emotion was. It was very confusing of like, fuck, that could have gone so wrong.

Starting point is 01:09:58 And now I'm in this new place. And I don't think that I have to worry about those problems anymore. I don't have to worry about those things that were like my driving, my motivation, my ambition, all of that was driven out. I just don't want to be that guy that I was when I lived in my car in a Walmart parking lot. It's going to be that guy anymore. Yeah, that's the, that's the funny things. I was like possessed to escape like the nine to five job.

Starting point is 01:10:22 That was like when I was younger, I would have, you know, would have done anything to just get the five. Like I can't do this. But in an office, I did that for like, you know,

Starting point is 01:10:31 I would do it for like three weeks and quit. I remember I was like more, I still am. I think about it every now and again. I'm like, dude, that like terrified me to such a level where I was taking like insane risks just to get out of that.

Starting point is 01:10:41 You know, and it's like, who knows, I could always go back at any time. But it's like, dude, I remember, I was thinking about that drive.

Starting point is 01:10:47 the other day, I was like, dude, when I was, my, my, my 20s were like, just fucking insane. Like, I could have died, like, for sure a couple times. It wouldn't have been that crazy. What was the, what was the close, or what were one of the closest times that you came to death? I've had guns pulled on. I used to sell me too. So I had to have guns pulled on me twice. So that was like, any other day, the guy could have been like, yeah, I'm just going

Starting point is 01:11:10 to shoot, actually shoot this guy rather than not do it. I thought about it. And I was like, holy fuck, man, that was crazy. Came really close. Yeah. So you think about it. You're like, holy shit. Like, that would have not been that crazy.

Starting point is 01:11:20 Like that debts and stuff like that. Uh-uh. Robbery. They were robbing me. I was not a robber. I was the robbie. So I would get robbed. I would get robbed constantly.

Starting point is 01:11:30 I would just be like, whatever, fuck it. Sounds like the worst drug dealer, Robert. Well, here's the thing. Well, hold on. I was, it was these other guys, the worst drug dealers. I was doing my job. I was on time. I was punctual.

Starting point is 01:11:40 I was quality control, very quality control forward. You know, I was never trying to rip people off. But for me, I was always, for me, money was always to buy kind of freedom. So I didn't care about like nice stuff. I never like wasted. I would just save all my money and be like, yes, I don't have to work for like six months.

Starting point is 01:11:55 This is awesome. Then I would get Rob and I would just be like, all right, I'll make it again. Come on, guys, let's go. But like you just, you think about it. And it's like,

Starting point is 01:12:03 for me, it's like, yeah, it's cool, you know, blah, blah, to get out of it and like risk taking. I think that's all good stuff. Then it's like, dude, I could have just like chilled out something internally too.

Starting point is 01:12:13 Like I didn't have to go that crazy. You know, I could have slowly but surely figured things out and blah, blah, blah, and it's like, yeah, I'm just, it is a relief. You're like, never have to worry about that. Like, I've got pulled over by cops recently and just kind of like, hey, what's up, guys? Before I'd have been like, my life's over, I'm dead. This is terrible. I'm going to jail for it. Now I'm just kind of like, what's up guys? Hello. How are you doing, brother? It's so nice. You sound like a very stand-up drug dealer.

Starting point is 01:12:38 I was a nice, he's a nice. Dude, I got that. It was one compliment I always get. They're like, dude, you're actually on time or this or that. I was very good. I didn't, I never rip people off or anything like that. Isn't it a shame that there aren't trust pilot reviews for drug dealers? Wouldn't that be good? You'd have had a great rating. I think that's like the dark web now. So I think you kind of, if you're like, a lot of them just operate on the dark web. And it's like you can just forego all of the drama and crazy stuff.

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Starting point is 01:13:31 And it adjusts automatically every week based on how you're actually progressing. For me, following a proper evidence-based plan has made a massive difference. And if you're serious about training, it'll do the same for you too. Right now, you can get up to $50 off the RP hypertrophy app by going to the link in the description below, heading to rpsstrength.com slash modern wisdom and using the code modern wisdom at checkout. That's rpsstrength.com slash modern wisdom and modern wisdom at checkout. The thing is, if you're a drug dealer, a supplier, I guess, on the dark web, the game is completely different because it's not about who you know. It's basically, you're essentially running a Shopify store.

Starting point is 01:14:07 You are like, how good are you at product photos and like, you know, writing headlines and stuff? There's just guys in one bedroom apartments now just quietly, raking in millions of dollars a year, really quiet, unassuming life. You do it for a couple years, you get out, and you're like, all right, peace. You have a bunch of Bitcoin. I watched this Netflix documentary once about a guy that ran a similar service to the Silk Road from his bedroom and he was young. And as a part of the documentary, they recreated the bedroom perfectly. The old computer he had, the exact desk he had, the full-on dimensions, put it into a soundstage. And after he'd got out of jail, sort of put him back into it and seamlessly,

Starting point is 01:14:46 cut from archive footage of what was going on to like reenactment by the guy in the same sized, same shape, same color, same lighting, same computer bedroom. It was so immersed. It was really cool. Yeah, that's crazy. But yeah, the fact that being a drug dealer now means that you can basically just be an online marketer. Yeah. It's like how good are your Facebook ads, dude. It's a very different world to the one that you lived in. Yeah, it is. It's a, I didn't have, I remember I remember hearing about the dark web when I was younger. And I know guys who used to do that stuff, but I was like, I'm terrible with computers.

Starting point is 01:15:22 I was like, I'm just, I'm going to click yes and get arrested. So I'm like, let me just do what I know and just drive around here in my beat up car. But yeah, it was, you know, it was just, like, I think about it now because it is, it was such a weird thing because I was like, it was like a decade. Like, I did it for a long time. So I had like a very, very long time doing it to where I, I think I, like, fried my nervous system. My hair is, I mean, my family does kind of go gray early, but I like went hyper gray really fast because you're adrenalized every fucking day. And it's like, so if you're in

Starting point is 01:15:55 an office, you're bored and that's a problem. So I escape that and I was just like constantly flooded with adrenaline just for like 12 years. What are you worried about being caught? Being arrested pretty much. It's more, it's mostly being arresting. Any other problem you. Interestingly, not being killed. I didn't. I was like, they're not going to kill me. I went, there was one guy who pulled a gun on me and then I went back to them later because I was like, you have to front me stuff from now on. So I figured on my head, like, if I didn't have any leverage, there'd be no reason to try to rob me, I guess, if that makes sense.

Starting point is 01:16:20 Okay, yeah, yeah. So I remember I went back like a battered wife and was just like, all right, I'll hang out with you again, but don't do that, all right? I was really fucked up. He had thought I had robbed him. That was his whole thing, because I had given him money to go get something, and he would go get it and come back. And he came back like, hey, they took all your money.

Starting point is 01:16:37 Why the fuck did you? I'm like, why would I rob you to take my own money back? And he was just like, I don't know what's going on. He cocked a gun and was holding at me. My roommate at the time came out and was just like, and he ran outside, then he ran out there. I was just like, oh, shit. Hang on, your roommate was the one that got chased?

Starting point is 01:16:51 Poor roommate. No, I did. He just came out like, hey, what's up? Yeah, but he was the one that got chased. Well, he was just like, go get him. And I was like, I was just frozen. I was like, and then he ran out just kind of like, I'm out here too, but he like ran out right after him.

Starting point is 01:17:02 And I was just like, fuck. Was your roommate not involved in? Not at all. He was mortified. You are the worst roommate. Horrible. I am, I think. I was the worst roommate.

Starting point is 01:17:11 I was cool, though. I would cover, you know, extra stuff. But at that time... Because you're selling drugs. Come on. It's the one thing that you can provide is drugs and cash. That's literally it. But it was funny, too, because I did have a...

Starting point is 01:17:27 I had a real serious conscience about it. Because I remember, like, weed is like, you can really conscious free. Like, you know, I wouldn't sell to, like, high school or something like that. So it was like... I didn't feel bad about it. The ethical drug dealer is crazy. Dude, I remember I dabbled in trying to sell coke, which I've never done, by the, I've never done coke.

Starting point is 01:17:41 I tried some. selling coke for a while. And I remember this guy would come get it off me all the time. And I remember stopping people and being like, dude, you're doing this stuff too much. You have to chill. And they'd be like, shut the fuck up. And actually, an ethical drug dealer is a horrible drug. You're the worst drug. That was bad. Yeah, I can't believe you had a decade career in it. Something that you're bad at. Well, it was also, though, the weed was my strong suit. Because that was like, you're dealing with kind of like-minded people for the most part, you know, and it's pretty chill, all things considered. But once you scale up and you get into like bigger money.

Starting point is 01:18:12 That's when like a real criminal element enters and that's when dangerous. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I know someone who got just shot in the face, point blank. They try to set up like a, you know, 50, 60 pound deal. Someone flew out cross country to meet them. Right in the head. That was it.

Starting point is 01:18:28 Yeah, it's like, it gets gnarly. But you start off just like slinging ace to like your boys and it's just all very chill. It's slowly gets like scarier and scarier. You work your way up. You was saying before about, uh, You know, you walk up the stairs. I mean, I guess your old roommate would have maybe seen something crazy at the top of the stairs, but it wouldn't have been an inflatable alien with a princess.

Starting point is 01:18:49 Princess Peach. He just replaced one, like, slightly intimidated, very worried roommate with two small, sort of insane. These kids are kind of always on drugs. Yeah. They kind of behave in the manner of a child is essentially a drunk adult in tiny form. For sure. You're like, what are you doing? You're like headstands.

Starting point is 01:19:09 Like, why? Like, I don't know. Yeah. It's the rules. Yeah. It comes up and punches you and stumbing. What what's that about? I've got my dad cup on. Fuck you.

Starting point is 01:19:20 But the difference is, because my housemates away in Montenegro at the moment, and there is something really, like, kind of despondent about coming home and nothing's moved. Like, nothing's changed. But that cup is in the exact same place as when I left it this morning. And I just want someone to come in like, even if they mess my stuff up a bit. Just vandalize it slightly. Just a little bit.

Starting point is 01:19:43 Like move the cup or something. I just want new mess. Yeah. Or different mess or something. Yeah. But it's really like, oh, it's the same as it was before. Yeah. There it is.

Starting point is 01:19:53 It's, dude, it's a, yeah, that's when I travel for stand-up, all like, my hotel rooms, it's the same. I walk into that silence and I'm like, yeah, it's just kind of, people like, that must be great, right? I'm like, no, I don't, I really, I really dislike it. But, but yeah, that was kind of like my, my whole, my whole, my, my, my, I guess the thing that I've learned, like, horribly in the wrong, like, the hard way is that, like, if at my early 20s, because the problem was, is, like, at least I think, in school, it's geared towards, like, achieve for yourself and yourself alone, get into the best school, make the best, make the most money.

Starting point is 01:20:25 But then you're, like, set on this track that you're like, like, like, I remember being, like, in college being like, I don't really care about that. But I also want to do well and I want to have a nice life. And it was, like, had this big conflict where I was like, if I were to talk to, like, a 20-year-old now, I'd be like, fine. Find something you like to do that maybe benefits other people. And that will actually give you enough meaning to like endure the horrible time in your early career where you're eating shit and everyone, you know, it sucks. Because I try to like lightning jump ahead of that.

Starting point is 01:20:52 And it just was like a fucking disaster for like 15 years. It was at one disaster after another just to get out of like I was such a pussy about having a job and being like, I deserve more than this. And it's like I could almost die. I deserve to have a gun pointed out. Yeah. I almost literally died because I could have just like fast. found something else interested in. Because I couldn't drink coffee and sit in a cubic.

Starting point is 01:21:11 Yeah, I know. Dude, for real, I like see office guys hanging out at like lunchtime, like 10 people at lunch. And we'll get to the point where I would be like envious of them. I'm like, dude, that actually looks nice. It looks nice. You're everybody's friends. Great time. Everyone's kind of chilling.

Starting point is 01:21:26 Don't need to take your work home with you. You're not worried about someone breaking your door down. Your housemate doesn't hate you. Yeah. You're just, it's so, it's like, and I remember like almost craving boredom at a point where I was like, I wish I fucking was bored. That'd be awesome. not have to worry about like 90 million different things and you know it's like people really sort of shit talk university going to college or whatever and then they do the same thing about having a nine to five and it's cool being able to do your own thing or build your thing or work on someone's thing that's smaller and you've got more ownership over all that shit's great but it's not it's not necessarily better and that I don't have to take my work home with me I get my weekends off when I want I don't have to worry about like making

Starting point is 01:22:08 pay for the people that work for me and like all of that shit a lot of people think are working for myself means that I get to choose when I work but what it results in is you're just working all the time yeah and you go do you want that is that kind of what your dream is and you're right as well to say that um you're going to have to endure a bunch of you're going to have to eat some shit yeah it's like what flavor shit can you eat yeah because some people can eat the cubicle coffee lunch break shit, super easy. And other people can eat the, I'm never going to get a day off shit, super easy. It's like, what pain do you want in your life? Because there's that line about, do what feels like play to you, but looks like work to everyone else. But that kind of ignores

Starting point is 01:22:56 the fact that even the most existentially aligned thing that you do in your life is regularly going to feel like work. It's regularly going to feel like shit. So what shit do you want? Yeah. Like not what fun and play do you want. It's like even writing your books and stuff, you turn up and you manage to have the perfect morning and you've seen sunrise and the kids are off and you train and you've got the right amount of caffeination

Starting point is 01:23:18 and you sit down and you go, fuck. Yeah. Just a blinking, you versus a blinking curse. Or you're just tweaking a sentence for the 30th time and you're like, dude,

Starting point is 01:23:27 I feel like I'm going to pass out. I'm like, I'm sitting in a chair. I have no blood going to my brain. And I'm like, is that a perfect claw? Yeah, just anything.

Starting point is 01:23:35 And I love, I love writing. And it's like, even then you're like, fuck. But that's with anything, it's like, you're not even like what. It's like just why, just if like just figuring out like, why are you doing this outside of your own personal gain? Because that'll fizzle out, even if you get it. It's like, is there a compelling reason to do a thing? Is it for other people?

Starting point is 01:23:53 Is it for just like, you know, creating something new of yourself? Whatever the fuck it is. But that was the one thing like, I completely missed and I got older and I was just kind of like, oh. There it is. Yeah, fuck. I could have made it. There should be a name for when.

Starting point is 01:24:05 you disregard cliches and then in future realize that the cliche was right. Yeah, yeah. You know? I know. Yeah. Yeah, it's that thing that everybody says. But because everybody says it, it feels trite, which means that it can't be true. So I'm not going to do it because that's fucking gay.

Starting point is 01:24:21 Yeah. And then you realize like, oh, God, I already had it. I literally had it. And I got rid of it. And it was some shit my mom said to me when I was 13. Yeah, that was, I've been reading, you know, Chesterton Williams? another Englishman GK Chester

Starting point is 01:24:36 Yeah GK Chester and that's his name He uh I love reading his essays And he he has this Book I'm reading right now called Orthodoxy Where he started out being like I'm about to come up there

Starting point is 01:24:48 Someone was like He did a book that kind of criticized A lot of other philosophical systems of his time Someone was like what's your philosophical system He's like all right get this Lays it out And then he goes Fuck this is Christianity

Starting point is 01:24:59 Fuck I just explained Christianity He starts his book with a the story of a sailor who's off one degree. So he thinks he's going to South Africa and he ends up just rediscovering England. He goes in a circle and lands back in England. Like, I've discovered England, guys, check it out. And everyone's like, yeah, dude, it's been here forever. And it's just such a funny idea.

Starting point is 01:25:17 He was like a real, like, witty. You know, he's obviously a really sharp, witty guy. And he was like, I'm about to blow their minds with it. He's like, this is the, this is, and he just put it together. And he was like, fuck, it's just Orthodox Christianity. Yeah, he said he, yeah, he was like, you know, he thought he was only, He was like I felt like I was like 10 minutes of head of like the pulse of everything. Turned out I'm like 1800 years behind.

Starting point is 01:25:42 You do, you get older and you're all fucking sparks and fireworks. You're like, dude, and then you get old and you're just like, yeah, I'm just another old guy being like, hey, be careful before you make decisions, man. Try to think about others. Shut up old man. I'm doing this my way, okay? Advice is lame. Try to think about others.

Starting point is 01:25:58 Yeah, thanks. Thanks, dickhead. Yeah, yeah. And then you find out it's true. The Alchemist by Palo Coelho, that was like the first book I read. I went so long without reading a book. So I was in uni and I hated academia, even though I was okay at it. But I just got so disenchanted.

Starting point is 01:26:14 Within three weeks of being in university, it's like, why am I learning about Henry Ford's principles of scientific management? Like, I'm never going to need this. I just immediately started running parties. I was like, oh, that's sick. And that actually also teaches me business, kind of. But I became very flippant and dismisses. of any stuff, even if it was probably useful.

Starting point is 01:26:34 Like, no, it's stupid because I've learned it from a lecturer who has never run a business, right? Which is the interesting thing about typical business courses. Everyone goes to think, I'm going to learn how to run a business, being taught by people who don't run businesses. Dude, the business theory, guys, I went to school for business as well, and I was kind of like, so you're a doctor in business? Why are you not in business? Should you not be, that would be like finding out that you're learning from a doctor, a surgeon or something. Or like a research doctor.

Starting point is 01:27:02 It's like getting surgery by a research doctor. You're kind of like, all right, dude. Yeah, those guys, that was a, so yeah, that's sorry. That made me laugh because I had a similar experience being like, what the fucking, what do you? Yeah. But anyway, so I go through university and I'm like, this fucking doesn't really, I don't really understand what it is that I'm learning. And then I get out on the other side and I haven't read a book in, like Harry Potter was like the last book I read when I was 14 or something. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:27:29 And then I go to do Love Island, that reality TV thing, and you have a week of media lockdown where they need to release to the press who's going on the show. But they don't want any of the people that are going on the show to know the other people that are going on the show. So they basically have a guy that supervises you and lives with you for a week. And you go and do all of your interviews with the TV and the radio and the press people. and then he watches you at all times and you're living in, it was Palmer, Mayorkas, so the south coast of Mallorca,

Starting point is 01:28:03 and you have a little geographic area that you're allowed to move in with your chaperone, and he follows you 24 hours a day, and then all of the other people that are on the show have got different territories and they go to different gyms at different times to make sure that there's no chance

Starting point is 01:28:17 that you would overlap each other. It's really crazy, it's fucking wild. It's like a military operation. And while I was there, they're taking your phone off you and you're not allowed to access the internet. can't even go to news agents. You're not allowed to go into a newsagents on your own in cases. You know, there's an English newspaper that's about to say, the new series of this thing,

Starting point is 01:28:34 and here's the people that are there or whatever. And so I was, I've got nothing to do. And all I've done is message people on WhatsApp like, hey, mate, are you coming out tonight for a decade? All I've done is that. You've probably not too dissimilar to your career. And then I've got this book, like my mom gave me this book. She said, you should read this while you're away. So I read it. And have you read the Alchemist? I have. I read it a while ago. a fucking psychedelic trip to read it. Anyway, all of that, all of that long diatribe is to say the lesson from that book is going on a journey and ending up at the same place that you started is not the same as having

Starting point is 01:29:08 never left. And I think that that's kind of cool because it can suck to realize, damn, I wasted a long time trying to relearn a thing that I already knew. Yeah. Traveling the seas to come back and go England again. Yeah. and that made me feel less like, I wasted my time. You kind of learned that a bunch of experiments that you thought might be right were wrong.

Starting point is 01:29:38 And now, okay, like, yeah, you're back at the place that you started, but at least you've gotten rid of all of the things that you thought that might have sucked. Yeah, that's also just like there's no emphasis, I would say, on people's interior whatsoever. It's like, you know, it's like work, get a thing, get a job, do this, like that but there's at least in american school there's no class there's nothing being like hey you know if you feel this way all the time maybe think about this like it's it's i would say because if in the day i put probably you know 95% of my day into like getting stuff done blah blah blah usually it was like 100% and zero percent of like stopping not even meditating to be like

Starting point is 01:30:16 i fucking meditated today but like just go for a walk chill try to like calm myself just focus on like what's going on inside of myself. And it's like, dude, it's just, I would say it's, I mean, it's not as important because like if you just like, you could meditate yourself. You need to do stuff. You need to do stuff. I'm not being one of those guys where you don't have to do anything. But I really think you need like 10% of your day of being like, even if it's like 10 minutes

Starting point is 01:30:39 of your day of like slow down, maybe like write your thoughts out, do anything to like try to figure out why you're doing what you're doing that day. And like, what are you feeling like that day? are you feeling that you know what's the plan here and i've never done that i don't know many other people who really do it at all well they're trying to fix the problem by just i'll just throw enough shit at the wall and maybe some of it'll like get through me yeah we did this fucking it really means so funny to have put matt on the episodes with joe dr k and connor so we had three master coaches like one was a monk in an ashram another has gone to tibet and done the gey fucking ievadic medicine

Starting point is 01:31:18 And another one's coached tens of thousands of guys with a youngian psychoanalytical theory and shadow work and all of this stuff. We had them around this table. And they basically came to that, which was like you should spend some time being aware of why you're doing the things that you're doing. And if you're not, you're kind of just like in the dark trying to find stuff in a bedroom like picking up something. It's like, okay, this isn't it. And you don't even know what you want. You don't know what you're going. So it is kind of, it does kind of come back around that way.

Starting point is 01:31:46 But the reason I said about the university thing is like, people give so much shit to you going to uni or having a nine to five. I'm like, university for me ruled, even if I hated the actual course that I did and didn't learn anything from these lecturers. And then the times that I've had nine to five, so I knew it wasn't going to be forever. But I was like, that also was like kind of nice. I don't know. Being disparaging and saying, oh, you need to Lone Ranger make your own way in the world thing. It's kind of clear. saying, oh, let me give you this. This was so embarrassing. So I went to Bali and did this show

Starting point is 01:32:20 at the back end of the Australia tour at the start of this year. Met up with a friend that used to work for me in Nightlife, and she was out there doing nutrition coaching, like hormone optimization and this is how to work with your body and stuff. And she'd done some courses online. You used to work in finance in London. She said, do you know what it is? I earn like five grand a month and I'm the happiest that I've ever been. And I used to live in London and have all of these things and whatever. And I was like, okay, tell me how your business works? It says, oh, well, I coach people over WhatsApp one-on-one. And how much do you charge? You said however much it is. I was like, that's stupid. What you need is, you need to have a big website, you need to have a funnel

Starting point is 01:32:57 and you need to have a low-level deal. And the low-level deal is your squeeze page. And once you've got them in, it's like $5 or $10 or whatever. So you need to make a lead magnet to get their email addresses. Once you got the email, then you'll upsell them to the small course. And then you've got your mid-level course. And your mid-level course, you don't need to look after. And that's sort of where most of the people are going to be. But then you've got your one-on-one, and your one-on-one's going to be an upsell. But that's going to be like, you know, a grand or a couple of grand. So you need to have a sales call for that. That means you're probably going to need to learn sales. And then you need to, you know, if you scale up a bit more,

Starting point is 01:33:20 you're going to need to get people to do. You'll need to do it. And I was watching myself going like, what I stopped? I was like, what the fuck are you doing? She's literally just told you. She's the happiest that she's ever being. And you're like, hey, let me curse you with the same problem that every person in history has said not to do. It was so insane. Yeah. I watched myself go like, and I pause and I was like, actually just disregard everything that I just said. Like, you should just whatever you've done. Like, you've already done it. And here's me going, like, that's stupid. Like, this is what you need to do. Yeah. No. Yeah. It's like, you need to scale this out of the biggest thing ever. Although I say some of that too is like, if I do have any level

Starting point is 01:33:56 of expertise in anything, I'm so happy to dump that. Like, especially, you know, I don't know your relationship. If she's kind of a babe, I'd be like, let me tell you about something I know. But no, it's the same thing. Like, here's what you got to do. You got da, da, da, da, da. And it's like, I'm good, man. Like, I'm, I just told you I'm good. I'm chilling. Yeah. No, I suffer from a similar thing.

Starting point is 01:34:15 Well, I'll just completely dump stuff on people. What's this private investigator thing? Was that like a part of your history? I was a PI, very briefly. Right. I was a PI. Yeah, well, it was, so I, hang on. So you went from, it was wild.

Starting point is 01:34:29 Being a person on one side of the law to being somebody presumably that kind of assists? Yeah, well, yeah, it's more insurance companies, honestly. Okay. So. What's the process of? becoming a licensed private investigator. It was actually kind of a sweet. So I knew somebody who was.

Starting point is 01:34:44 So they kind of just like let me do it and they kind of give you a little thing. Like, you know, if cops come up and bother, you just show them this thing. So nothing. You're telling you basically. Yeah. I mean, you could get your real thing, but I didn't have like a real license. I was just doing kind of like PI grunt work. So they give you like a little fake, you know, they're like here, do this.

Starting point is 01:35:00 They're like, show, if someone comes up to bother, you'd be like, hey, I'm working with these guys. So you have like something to flash the cops. Okay. Because they'll call the cops on you. They'll be like, why the person's been sitting in the driveway. But I thought it would be a lot more exciting than it was. It was very boring.

Starting point is 01:35:12 I did it for two days and I stopped. I had to sit outside like a fucking warehouse. And they're like, here's a grainy photo of a guy. I had to just sit there. And I had to like wait for the shift to see if it was like the guy came out. But it was like, it was just hard to even distinguish. I had like the grainy photo of a black guy. And then like 12 black guys came out of the building.

Starting point is 01:35:33 And I was just like, fuck. It was wintertime. everyone's wearing hats and scarves and shit I was like bro I gotta get like I need to get like up to face to face to even have a shot so I just sat there and read books for like two days and I told my buddy I was like bro I can't I'm not this isn't for me this isn't for me take your badge back

Starting point is 01:35:49 dude he was showing me like fucking spy watches and shit when I went in there I'm thinking I'm gonna be in a bar like recording conversations I was in my car just for like 12 hours just reading just reading books and then I'd come up and like oh shit they did a shift change I was a terrible private eye It was one of my, yeah, it was one of my many jobs.

Starting point is 01:36:08 That was two days. I would have jobs too during my whole career of, I would say mainly selling weed. It was like I would have good time. Booms and busts within that. So then during the bus, I'd go get a job. So I would kind of like constantly be doing like multiple things. Sell drugs, make money, get robbed, take job. Yep.

Starting point is 01:36:28 Save money. Buy drugs. If I can't get them fronted, I'd have to save up money again. And then, yeah, start over again. And then I would get the job when I knew I had enough money from weed. I would start trying to find weed customers at my job, and then I would quit the job. And then I would leave. The Princess Peach Alien sounds like heaven compared with that.

Starting point is 01:36:48 It's the best. Dude, it's like, yeah, that was the big thing. When I had kids, I had such a weird anxiety and fixation over like, what's my job? And once I had kids, I remember the guy came in to change, like, I was in like the hospital room. And the guy came in and changed the paper towels out of the dispenser. and I was like, oh, dude, I could do that for all I give a fuck. I don't care. It's like, it all made sense to me where I'm like, yeah, you just get a job, dude,

Starting point is 01:37:11 so you have money to do all this other important stuff rather than being, like, blinded by like my job is my entire world. Yeah, or fighting raccoons and hoping that you're going to fucking scare them away. I just can't, I can't do it. I can't do it. Dude, be the bets. Thank you, man. Appreciate you.

Starting point is 01:37:26 What have you got coming up? Where should people go? Oh, I have a bunch of shows coming up. Matt McCusker. com. Let me see. I have one. Newark is the one

Starting point is 01:37:36 I got to really move some tickets to but either way just go to Matt McCusker. com for stand-up Matt and Shane Secret podcast, the whole shabang.

Starting point is 01:37:44 I appreciate you, man. Thank you, man. All right. Goodbye, my beauties. Dude. Talking awesome. Yeah, it was fun.

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Modern Wisdom - Raccoon Wars, NFL Scammers & Past Crimes - Matt McCusker #1149

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