Monday Morning Podcast - A.I. CEOs, Owned Politicians, Car Surveillance | Monday Morning Podcast 4-27-26

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

Bill rambles about A.I. CEOs, owned politicians, and car surveillance.  Hims: Get personalized, affordable care for ED, Weight Loss, and more at http://www.Hims.com/BURRTruewerk: Get 15% off your first order at http://www.Truewerk.com/BURRFast Growing Trees: Listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchase at http://www.FastGrowingTrees.com when using the code BURR at checkout SimpliSafe: Get 50% off your new system by visiting http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, April 27th, 2020. Six, six, six, six, six. I almost said five. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? Jesus, I'm still saying 20, 25, the end of April. I usually make fun of how, when people talk about how fast years are going by, like, Jesus Christ, this going by is so fucking fast. It's my example of me making fun of people. people talking about how fast. Did you miss it? Did you miss it in it? Jesus Christ, it's going by so fast. I will say this year is flying by. My 50s are flying by. Everybody talks about the older you get, the faster life goes by. That didn't happen until my 50s, you know, 20s, 30s, 40s. That all kind of seemed like, you know, like the roller coaster. You're going up the fucking thing there, you know, and then 50s was, it's just going downhill. Which is cool.

It's not cool. I don't mind that this part of your life goes by really fast, considering the direction the world in general seems to be heading. But I am seeing some positive shit. I was at a restaurant last night. I saw a guy reading a book. Oh, that's right. And I remember I was doing some stupid rap to Nia about the guy at the bar. What was it?

He's the guy at the bar. He reads a book. He's the guy at the bar. just have a look. I can't remember what it was. It somehow ended with he's better than you. I don't know.

I don't remember. But yeah, I saw a guy reading a book and wasn't doing it in an obnoxious way. He actually seemed engaged. And then I was somewhere else and people were growing their own food and they were hanging out. And it didn't seem hipstery.

It just seemed like they didn't want to eat poison. So I am seeing. some of that. Yeah, and I'm beginning just for my own sanity. I think that this AI shit is grossly exaggerated and I think it's going to be

like pets.com where all of these people are way overpaying, way overpaying for all of this technology and they're exposing themselves. They really are exposing all of this fucking shit about

Republicans, Democrats, liberals, conservatives, yada, yada, yeah. Now, at the end of the day, it's these cunts at the top. They don't want to pay anybody. They never have. They never have. That's why they're not coming out

with any AI CEOs. Why don't they do that? Why waste your time coming up, spending all that time with some AI technology that replaces 4,000 fucking people's jobs? Why not just one job?

That one guy makes more than those 4,000 people and he's going to fire all those fucks and keep that money. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. All right. If you're a fucking virgin nerd scientist never got any pussy in your life, stop working for the wrong side. Don't do what they do or they just get a whole bunch of money and then they get a girlfriend. Why don't you save a whole bunch of people and you'll get hero pussy? How about that? Like the pussy the Americans got when they went into Paris. when they kick the fucking Nazis out. You want that.

That's what you want. You don't want yacht pussy. Yacht pussy's sad. Yacht pussy is there because they have to be because they don't have any fucking options. Don't you want it to be real?

As much as you make an AI, you fucking nerds, making AI for these fucking sociopaths. How do you look at yourself in the mirror? The end of the day, as a goddamn scientist, knowing what you're doing. Have you seen all these

Scientists got whacked. People are sending me this shit, 11 of them. And everybody, of course, now is going like, what are the odds, you know? Scientists don't have beef, do they? Not to that level. And all of a sudden, a bunch of them are getting whacked. So everybody's immediately making the assumptions.

Like, oh, they must be whistleblowers. They must know something that the fucking reptile people don't want them to tell to us. Which I don't understand. I mean, you could do that in a tweet before they fucking. fucking kill you, couldn't you? I don't know. There's a lot of weird shit going on. Like with my Boston Red Sox, they just fired the entire fucking coaching staff. I think that's a misdirection. I think management is trying, the ownership is trying to cover for the moves they haven't made since, you know, they've been cheating on the Red Sox with fucking Liverpool. They got a mistress.

You know, it's, you know, you can't do that. Both, both are going to suffer. I don't know what's going on. They're going two fish and chips and not enough fucking hot dogs and cracker jacks. I don't get it. Firing Alex Cora, is there anybody of his caliber that doesn't have a job? You would think at this point in the year that that guy would be hired. So we brought the dude up from the Wu socks, the Worcester Red Sox. Used to be the Paw Sox, Bar Tucket. Now it's Worcester. You know? And if I live long enough, it might be Bangor. bank sucks. Very strange. I think the Celtics are winning.

And I was traveling, so I missed mercifully. I missed game four of the Bruins Sabres. And all my buddies said we didn't even show up. But what I think really happened was in games one and two, Buffalo looked like a little deer in the headlights. And I was like, these guys are not ready for

prime time. they're making mistakes. You know, lucky for them. We're a young team and don't know how to hold the lead. So we blew game one. But we should have won both games in Buffalo. But I don't know. Lindy Rough, man.

I think he figured us out after two games. And or he came up with some sort of new, you know, I don't know if he switched his lines around or whatever. Whatever he did in game two, we didn't have an answer for it. And it looks like they went more. that direction. So, but you know, it is 3-1. That is tough. That's a tough hill to climb. But all you do, you know, you just win the next game. You win the next game. And then the pressure's on them the rest of the way out. So, so we shall see. Tampa Bay Lightning,

they beat the habs. I don't know. That's like the best series. Every game's been overtime. I don't know about game four. So now it's 2-2, I believe. The penguins stop themselves are being swept. That's the hardest series for me to watch because I like the Flyers. I just like... I don't know.

The way that they talk about Philly fans, it just... You just get sick of it after a while. You know what I mean? Like the same way, I don't need to watch another stupid thing about those nerds

at Yankee Stadium that come up with the songs for all the fucking players or whatever. It's really stupid. I don't know. I don't need to see anything more about fucking Boston. And what are they always?

They always show like Paul Revere, the fucking lighthouse and somebody eating clam chowder. I don't need to see that. And I don't need to see, boy, oh boy, those Philly fans are there. They're like the rudest people in the fucking doodoo. And then meanwhile, people are getting killed out on the West Coast. They suppress that story by gassing up Philly fans. they've done that, I now feel like they all have to top each other. Like, I think the next thing, you know, now that that kid puked on the other guy,

what do you do now? Just shit in a bag and throw it on the field. And then ESP ads are. This Philly fuck are crazy? Who are they going to do next? They're like a parody of themselves. They never did shit like that when I was growing up. They didn't.

They booed and they were assholes and stuff. But it wasn't like, you know, they're like sort of the. Instagram version of like Philly fans. And then I don't like the Penguins either because all they did was bitch moaning complain about the, you know, they're pushing Sidney Crosby too hard. And then, you know, they got Alf Samuelson in their ring of honor. So I always felt like they were like a bullshit franchise, bitchy franchise. Like they're out there trying to blow out your knee, but you can't do it to somebody

on their team. All of a sudden you're the asshole. It's, that's like a very like, you know, I think we've all dated that woman. in our 20s. You know, she could do whatever the fuck she wants. And, you know, if you put your shoes in the wrong place, you're the worst person ever. I feel like if a psycho ex-girlfriend was a hockey franchise,

it would be the penguin. So at the end of it, I always, I think I'm rooting for Philly in this one. And then what? The fucking hurricanes, dude, they swept Ottawa. Dude, that was a dirty-ass game. You see that guy throw that fucking uppercut? Like two guys had paired off. They're going to, like, fight.

And one of them had the other guy, and the Ottawa guy had the fucking hurricane dude in a headlock. And another one of the senators came over. Nobody's even touching him. He came over and, like, just full-on, glove-on, uppercutted this guy to the face. That was funny. The guy who skated over to pair off with the dude

just did the cheap shot, you know, you can always tell, like, a forward who doesn't fight because he has to come over, like, confused, like, what just happened there, huh? What's going on? That's what I would be on a hockey team. Like, what, what, what do you do? What's, what happened? Who did that? I'm not going to say who. I remember that on the Yankees when fucking Pedro through Don Zimmerdown. And then, like, the Yankees. The Yankees. who fought wanted to fucking rip Pedro's head off. And then there was another guy who doesn't fight. And he was just saying to Don, what happened?

What do you mean? What happened? You just saw an old guy get thrown on the ground like a fucking lawn dark. You know what happened? I still think that's one of the funniest things I ever saw. Because Don Simmer came at him. I mean, what was he supposed to do? Stand there and let this guy beat him up?

You didn't want to run away. You just grabbed that big medicine ball head and he sort of guided him down. Then it was bad. Then Don Zimmer like cried afterwards. That whole thing was just like it had just gotten out of control. And ESPN took no responsibility, you know, as they gassed that whole fucking thing up. And then MLB started having us play each other like 40 times a fucking year. I don't know.

I, of course, got a text message. from a Yankee fan yesterday. Dude, New York, Boston teams fucking live in New York fans' heads. I swear to God, it's like the only real rivalry we have is with the Yankees, and that doesn't even get going anymore.

Since 2004, it doesn't get, it's over. It's over. We want it. You can't chant 1918, and you got like 30 champions. We're never going to catch you. There's nothing going on there, and they keep acting like there's something going on.

But all right, I guess if we met each other in the playoffs, it would. right? But like as far as, you know, there's nothing going on. There's nothing going on. There's no rivalry. You know, giant fans try to act like there's something between us and the Patriots. It's like, yeah, I mean, we lost to the Eagles in there too. But, you know, in the meantime, we won six. So that's what we focused on.

We went to nine and we won six. I mean, it was fucking awesome. The Knicks suck. Oh, they never win anything. I just remember they beat us last year. I barely remember that. It doesn't matter. We're back again this year.

It's fine. Everything is fine. Who else they got? They got the Jets. They haven't won since 69. They got the... Mets 40 years ago they beat us. Islanders, there was never anything there.

Rangers, that hasn't been a rivalry since fucking Brad Park and Bobby Orr. Yeah, there's nothing. I know I forgot somebody. I think that's it. Brooklyn Nets. Yeah, so we don't really, I don't know. I'm just speaking for myself. I don't think about New York sports teams.

Not in a bad way. like the Rangers and I like the Knicks. I root for them. The Brooklyn Nets to me is just it's gluttonous. They should have stayed in New Jersey, even though they were the New York Nets, but they weren't a different basketball league. But that just seems gluttonous. It's like you didn't need that. And the Mets, I actually root for the Mets. I became a Mets fan when I was doing F is for family with the great Mike Price from the Simpsons. And he was, he was, was a Mets fan. And I told you guys this story. He would come in every year, we'd be writing the show. And he would come in with a brand new Nets hat, all fucking excited to go, you know, and they would be doing great.

And then by like June, he would come in, you know, he was always in a good mood. Hey, everybody, you know, always a great thing. And then he would walk into his office. He had like a glass office, these places we rented. And he would walk in and he would take his hat off and he would just throw it across the room. on to the couch. You didn't even have to check the standings. You just knew that they were starting to lose. And I was like, what have, Mike? He's, ah, you know, they blew it again.

So, and then Verzi, he's one of my best friends in the fucking world, inside or out of the business, right? And he's a Knicks fan. And I was texting with him yesterday going, Knicks are going to win today. Knicks are going to win today. They're playing in Atlanta sports team. Atlanta sports teams always figure out how to

to blow it. There's no way Atlanta goes up three games to one. And he writes back, he goes, I hope so. He goes, I'm a wreck. And I was like, dude, I got to hand it to you. Like, how you show up every year for the Knicks? Because I remember that growing up, other than the Celtics, the Patriots, the Bruins, and certainly the Red Sox was just brutal. And after a while, you learned how to protect yourself. You know, you'd be a sports fan, but you were covering up. like you were on the ropes, Philly shelf. But Verzi comes in just wide open every year,

super positive, we're going to do it this year. And I was joking with him yesterday. I said, Paul, if you were dating a woman like the New York Knicks, I would have to say something. I would have to have an intervention going like, dude, you got to break up with this chick.

You can do better. So anyway, yeah, anytime anything bad happens to a Boston team, it's hilarious. Like, I guess it really bothered New York that we were winning all of those championships. I don't know why. I honestly, honestly, don't know why, but it did for whatever reason. So, like, anytime anything bad happens to a Boston team, I hear from New York friends that I have. haven't heard from in fucking years. So yesterday, I heard from a couple of them. Hey, what's going? Oh, what's going on? Up there. It's like, dude, look, you're not beating

the Dodgers either, all right? They're owned by a fucking hedge fund. They got false flagged war profit buying, you know, probably, you know, in a way, a more legit Babe Ruth than Babe Ruth. It's not Babe Ruth's fault that he played in an all-white league, but this fucking guy is like, it's unbelievable what he's doing. Yeah, their whole fucking team is just everybody else's stars. And they spent like three quarters of a billion dollars on one fucking guy. Nobody's beating that team. It is funny to me as a Red Sox fan to see somebody outspend the Yankees.

But having said that, if the Yankees make it to the World Series and they play the Dodgers, that used to be an automatic to me where I would be rooting for the Dodgers. So now, because of the money the Dodgers have spent, like I just wouldn't root for anybody. I think I just wouldn't watch it. And I know a Dodger fans go, what? You know, it's legal.

Do you know, change the rule? And I said to him, oh, yeah, I go, don't you watch sports? for competition. I don't want to see all the best guys on the same fucking team beating up the whole league. And the person just kept going, what? It's legal. And then my argument to that is, you know what you sound like? You sound like a 50-year-old

who's trying to bang an 18-year-old. You know? Yeah, it's legal. But should you do it? All right. Maybe I didn't have to go that extreme on the example there. I want to thank everybody who came out to Atlantic City. I just knew that was going to

be a fun show. I had such a fucking good time, even though I fucked up literally my last joke, because I said something about Charlie Kirk and there was this guy like staring at me. You know, you know how racist white people are. They have like fucking all kinds of empathy in the world for like animals and overtly racist white people. Whether he was just speaking his mind, you know. It's like, why don't you ask something? somebody who isn't white, what they felt about what that guy was saying and how they heard it. You know, just, you know, I'm not saying you have to change your mind, but just, rather than just staying on the 180, why don't you go 360 with it? Go South Park. Let's look at it from all different

perspectives. Um, I don't know much about it, but I would say that dude's wife is fucking shady. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I'm getting like P-Ditty vibes. Do you watch at P. Diddy documentary where, you know, they suggested a certain something. And then I'm going to talk around this because these are like psychotic people. Yeah, and all of a sudden this person dies and then the other person's rapping now. Now they're the superstar rapper. Yeah, it just seems like a, I'm like, where have I seen this storyline before? Anyway, so I get to Atlantic City.

and I landed in Philly. So I'm like, oh, I got to get a fucking cheese steak. So I texted Annie Letterman. I'm like, I'm in your town. Where am I going? And she suggested this place. I'm almost afraid to say the place because you can't tell anybody from Philly

where you got a cheesecake unless you go where they go or else they're going to fucking yell at you. They get all upset. They like French people. When you try to speak their language, they act, oh, my God, you know. And then they butcher your language. Like what they're doing isn't equally, isn't on the same level. Yeah, why did you go?

You don't go there. No matter where you go, you went to the wrong fucking place. You know what I reminded me of? When I was at Emerson College and I used to host a fucking jazz oasis. And I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. And I would ask these assholes, if we have any requests, call me up. And they would never call me up. And then they would wait for me to play something so then they could call me up and be like,

man, that isn't jazz. And I go, well, tell me what to play. They'd be like, I shouldn't have to. And then they would fucking hang up on me, all these old jazz heads. I swear to God, if I had more confidence, I would have played the Bengals after that. Anyway, I'll say where I went. I went to Delisandros. And it was fucking outstanding.

And I don't go with the wheel. I can't deal with WIS. Is a child from the 70s, to me, that's the cheese version of fluff and utter, which was just wrong. You know, and I don't think my brain ever recovered from eating that shit. I don't think I've even liked it. Peanut butter and fluff was fucking disgusting. To this day, that fake marshmallow shit, I don't even like real marshmallows. I fuck it, like s'm gross.

toasted marshmallow gross marshmallows gross all of it I can't eat those colorful cereals somewhere along the line I just like it's like when you bought them out as an attic

or like smoking like I just can't fucking do this anymore it's the same thing I just can't do that shit so anyways I went with the provolone and the woman there was like do you mind sharp provolone

because if you don't like sharp provolone you're not going to like this sandwich I said no it's fine it's fine. A little peppers and onions, that was it. I didn't put anything else on it. And what I loved about it was, it was, the bread was really light,

because that's a heavy fucking sandwich, especially at my age. It was absolutely delicious. It was funny, we were driving over there, and I was like, Kenny, this is really heavy, let's split one. And he's like, okay. And then we both got our own. And ate it in about two seconds. and I just want to give a shout-out to everybody who, come on, Bill, you're a fucking 57-year-old white guy.

You don't give shout-outs. I want to say thank you to everybody at D'Ala Sondros. They were fucking so cool to us, and they let us go inside there, and, you know, they wanted to get some pictures and stuff. And it was funny, they knew Kenny more than they knew me, going, I know you, I know you. but we had a great time there and then I went and I did my show at Atlantic City and had a great time

Florentine came out he went up and then brought up Keith Robinson so I was working with some old friends it was the perfect gig so now now I am in New York City I am doing I'm not going to say the podcast. You guys will see it.

Ah, fuck it, I'll say it. I'm doing the Fat Joe and Jada Kiss podcast today. I just, I think those two guys are fucking hilarious together. So I'm excited about that. And then I got this other thing. I have a meeting and this guy is this, I'm trying to get some financing for some shit that I'm trying to write here. So this guy is a cigar guy.

So we're meeting in a cigar bar. So it's just amazing. Now, you know, there's no stress on the fucking meeting. You know, whether this guy wants to buy in or not, I still get to smoke a cigar. So what the fuck do I care, right? It's going to be fun. And then tomorrow I have the Patrice O'Neill,

the 13th annual Patrice O'Neill comedy benefit. And, yeah. And then I'm going to. I'm hanging out here with my lovely wife. I'm going to see a Broadway show. Oh, Billy Broadway. I do that now. Every time I go to New York,

I always make sure I go out and go see a show because I fucking love it now. I still, I can't like, you know, I've gone to a few of the musicals. And I don't mind those either, but I definitely like seeing actors live is kind of the shit. It's amazing.

Oh, and one of my, I think Donald Weber Jr., who I did Glenn Gary with, I heard he's doing Hamilton. I don't have time to go see that, but I would love to go see him do something different because he fucking murdered his part in Glenn Gary. They all did. Everybody was fucking great on that. Anyway, I got a question for you. I got a question. I need a question. answers. Um, mushroom coffee. So somebody was saying, you know, it was an Instagram advertisement. So right there, I know those are corporate mushrooms. And they probably have all kinds of synthetics and microplastics. And they're claiming that what, um, organic mushroom tea, their bullshit does. So what is, can somebody lead me to the, most all natural mushroom coffee

that doesn't have the plastic baggy that I stick in the coffee so then it's like I have mushrooms with a bunch of fucking microplastics. Do you realize we all have microplastics in ourselves that these corporations realized they were doing that

to their own fucking countrymen? How can we sit here and say that we're fighting a war against terrorism and not hold these fucking people accountable? You know what? Because they own them all, baby. They own them all. They own them all.

You keep watching that fantasy that is CNN and Fox News. Like there's really a fucking difference. Like it's really the other side's fault. It's none of our fault. We're all in the same team. That's the point in my tour. If I can end this tour and get Texas to like California and California to like Florida,

and we can be the United States again and stop having these fucking nerds on CNN and Fox News and probably the CIA drives us towards some sort of civil war because their yachts aren't big enough they want more whores on them? Is that what is the fucking problem?

How much more money can these cunts have? All right, I'm off my fuck. You know, I always say that I'm off, but I'm not, you know I'm not off. All right. Let's do some of the reads here for the week. What window would that be in? Oh, by the way, did I mention that I went over to Flappers on Thursday night, and Jay Leno was headlining. He was nice enough to let me and Dean go up.

So, first of all, Jay looked like a fucking million bucks. The guy looks like a movie star. You know? He, you know, he doesn't, you know, he's had the open collar with the sport coat. You know, he's all fucking tanned up. He's got the George Clooney head of hair. He's telling you. So I'm like, all right, I'm opening for this guy.

I'm not going to go up here and curse my brains out. Not that he couldn't follow that, but I'm just saying, you know. So I went up there, and I worked as clean as I could, which means I said shit twice and I said fuck once. But that's amazing for me. and it was kind of fun. I'm not going to lie to you. It was kind of fun. I don't know.

I go back and forth with that. It's like, yeah, you know, I can work clean and still be funny, but am I being authentic? I mean, I'm a fucking meathead. All right. Anyways, before I go into the advertising, it is the United States of America.

If you hate another state, you are hating on your own country. You cannot be patriotic and hate another state. We're all on the same team. Don't let these fucking cunts divide this country. I saw this woman on Instagram showed that there was some guy in like the early 70s wrote an eight-page document, which basically set up what the fuck is going on now. And it was his overreaction that the baby boom generation had to, protested and stopped. Well, the college kids and the media, they lost public support for

Vietnam, and then they lost the war, and they, you know, they couldn't make any more money. And that pissed them off. They also didn't like all those leaders speaking for the people. What did they do? Black or white, if you spoke up for the people, you got the conveniently, a lone gunman took you out. And. You know, then they just like, they took over the fucking media. Because that is one thing. CNN and Fox News, neither one of them is against any wars. They are there, they are just selling these fucking things.

Selling them and selling them. Evidently, Iran was a big fucking, we can blow up the whole fucking world. Nobody's a threat to us. What did you say? And you just kind of tink, ding, ding, ding on that red button. I'll fucking kill us all, man. Yeah, like there's nothing you can do to us. If Russia didn't they attack us, this is it.

They're not going to come at us. How are they going to take out this country? They're not going to fire a shot. They're going to collapse the dollar. They're all going to gang up on us. And I don't understand this economically. They're just going to switch barrels of oil being valued by, you know, rather than dollars or barrel euros.

That's what fucking Saddam was trying to do with that Hugo Chavez guy. And then, you know, all the stuff. and they were threats. And then we just went in, you know, you see what they're doing here. Whatever. They'll collapse the dollar. We'll survive. Russia went broke.

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All right, we did it. We got through Bill reading out loud. Now, I'm going to read out loud. What am I going to read? Oh, I'm going to read your questions here for the fucking week, dude. NFL draft. Hey, Bill, I'm a huge sports fan. My interest in leagues have varied over the year. I love the NFL, and it's the one league I've watched my whole life. But man, is there anything more boring than the NFL draft. Yeah, I believe I've commented on this. There was a picture of 300,000 people standing outside, listening to a guy announced the team names.

Is that worse than the New Year's Eve in New York City people? Maybe. Well, it's kind of the sports version of it. But you know what? I actually think the New Year's Eve one is better because you're kind of stand in there partying, you know and back in the day it sucked because if you had to take a leak you're stuck there's too many people you're going to lose your spot that's what i don't like about that but nowadays with all like

the gummies and all of that stuff you could be just be tripping to count down from 10 i've yeah i've never understand that new year's eve thing like why you would want to start your year that way i mean maybe Maybe in a way it's smart. Like, it's just like, well, there's no way anything that happens for the rest of this year is going to suck worse than this. So I kind of got everything out of the way. As a thing, you know, pickpockets, perverts, you know, I don't know. There's just, you don't want to be in a crowd that big.

Yeah, I think I've spoken enough on the draft. I get it. Some people like like it. I'm interested in the draft, but I know at the end of the day, I can, what's going to take you fucking all day to watch, I can just read the names. And who gives a fuck? After the first, like, 15 names,

you don't know who any of these people are. You have no idea. And then, you know, well, it gets interesting because people get taken in the later rounds who actually sometimes, you mean, Tom Brady was a six-round pick. Yeah, but that's not interesting the year he got drafted.

No one knows who the fuck he is, unless you're a Michigan fan. It's when all of a sudden he wins a Super Bowl. Then you can go back going like, oh, my God, look at all these quarterbacks they took before. But you're not going to realize that in real time, right? I don't understand it. I don't understand it. But whatever. People want to go, they want to go there? With the seventh pick of the NFL draft, the New York Jets pick, offensive tackle. And they're

oh, what the fuck are you doing? I did hear the Jets had a good draft. I did hear that. All right, let's move on. Let's move on from the NFL draft. The NFL draft is a thing, like that chain restaurant that isn't good, but people still go to. I don't get it, but I'm not going to tell people not to go anymore, all right? That's what gets you going. There's people out, there's kids out there that, like their favorite TV show is watching somebody else play a video game. I mean, these adults can't go down and be like Pittsburgh Steelers are now at the clock. What do you think they need to do?

All right. Total AI surveillance in vehicle. Bill, you've probably received several emails on this. By 2027, all cars will have AI surveillance with the ability to pull your car over if it's deemed you're not capable of driving. This driving tech is beyond dystopian. It will be the photo, it will be photographing you and sending images to a day. database. Also, you always blame billionaire tech nerds, which is certainly called for, but it's Congress and politicians that pass laws allowing all of this. Yes, and they're bribed by billionaire

tech nerds. They sell out. If you look at the yearly salary of all of these politicians, and then you look at what their portfolio is worth, like that Nancy Pelosi somehow makes $200,000 a year, she's worth $100 million. You can't do that. Honestly, that's all insider trading. That's all payoffs. It just is. Nobody is that lucky.

Anyway, I live in a city, and it's infinitely harder to avoid feeding the tit of the evil than it was when I lived in the middle of nowhere. We can't afford to let up on the issue. Yeah, well, just go buy an old car. There you go. I drive old cars. That's what I do. I had a 2023 or 2024 F-250 and I got rid of it because of the technology. It was interacting with my phone and getting information from my phone and sending it to Ford Motor Company that they were just sharing with whoever. It's fucking horrible. This whole thing is horrible. And this is what they're doing this and all of this technology not to stop drunk drivers. What they're, they're doing is you're going to be under surveillance. They're going to phase out cash. They're trying to set up a world where one person can actually run it. They've already seen people fighting wars on two fronts. They've seen the Romans spread their armies too thin.

They've seen that. So what they need is access to everyone 24-7 to hear what you're saying, to see what you're doing, to shut off your car, to cut off your money, to pull you over, And, you know, all of you racist fucking idiots who don't mind that alligator, Alcatraz, you know, that you're going to end up in there in the future, you know, with your beautiful white skin. If you say something wrong about the people in power later on, that's just what it is. They literally built their first reeducation camp right in front of everybody. You just are so racist. You don't see yourself going into that van. I hate to say this, but that's how they do it.

They divide and conquer. Divide and conquer. and then what happens is the water starts raising up. And by the time you realize it, it's up over your nose. And you're in the van. That's how it works. That's how it works. This is not, I'm not looking into a crystal ball.

I'm looking at what has been done before. Yeah, it is, no, it's just beyond an invasion of privacy. And they're going to sell it with like, you know, what if somebody kidnap somebody? what if somebody does this, what if somebody does that? And then, you know, once again, you know, like I said, like, these people at the top are not good people. Like, you know, that whole, like,

they're going to try to microchip your kid to save them from people like them. But they're going to have the technology to turn the chip on and off. So, like, what the fuck are we doing here? They're not. They're just going to monitor your kid to make sure your kid isn't going to rebel you against them. But they're not going to try to save the kid. unless someone else tries to save the kid. But if one of those billionaires wants your kid,

they're going to know where your kid is and just come get them. That's what I think. Healthy paranoia. All right, anti-billionaire campaign. Hey, Bill, hey, Billy, three shoes. I got a good one for you. My sister-in-law donates to a lot of charities,

which is awesome, but she also donates to initiatives, which I tease her for because I'm skeptical, and I think they do the opposite of what they say they're going to do. like the homelessness programs that only enrich contractors who donate to politicians' campaigns. Anyway, this week I was reading about the anti-billionaire that donated to the campaign of a billionaire

who is running for governor. But I'm sure he's one of the good ones. Thanks for the laugh. I know. Do you know that they raised like $750 million for those people out in the Palisades? God damn it, you look cute, Nia. Thank you.

What is that all of? about. You're going to kill him. That is fucking adorable. Anyway, I'm sure you, they raised over $750 million for those people out in the palisades that lost their houses, and they

don't know where the money went. And there doesn't seem to be a lot of media coverage on it or any sort of authorities trying to track it down. That happened to me a long time ago. I was doing, what the fuck was the name of that charity? Was it the wounded warriors one? I used to give like a ridiculous percentage of my advertising money to that. And then I found out the

family was corrupted and all going out buying pickup trucks and shit with the money. I just, I don't, I don't, there's no way. Like I would say, I don't. I don't. I would say I don't. of all the Ten Commandments. If you had to list in an order, like, rearrange the Ten Commandments, not as far as which ones you think are the most important. If you had to rearrange as far as, like, the ones that the commandments that are broken the most during the day over the course of the year. And I would say tied for first, they share the title, is lying and stealing.

now that I've been in show business here for fucking 30-something years, the level of stealing, legalized stealing, too. Where as far as like you're, you know, you have a legit business, but you're just stealing from people that you agreed to pay a certain percentage. Like the level that they steal from artists, the level that they steal from each other and lie is just, it's not even like, it's not a percentage. It's just they do it 100% of the time.

You get in business with somebody, they are 100% going to fuck you out of money. And what they say is this is how business is done. That's how they justify what they do. I don't know. It's a, once you go past a certain level, they're all the same, they're all the same animal. All right, a case for pigeons.

Billy Bird Brain My family and I have been enjoying your recent discussion about birds I wanted to make the case for pigeons and try to convince you

that they are amazing birds I like pigeons I'm a city person too I like those they know how to live you know what I mean they still get to fly around and they can leave the city

whenever they want to but they also have all of this culture they can go to whatever baseball game they want to go to you know? Haven't you seen them in the airports when they're tired of flying?

They're trying to sneak onto a flight. First off, pigeons are doves. Rock doves to be more specific, bigger than most doves. They're like nest... Oh my God, it's just more racism, but the white ones are considered peaceful? How funny is that?

You can tell my people came up with that, that we have the nerve to say that the bird that's colored white is peaceful. That was a bit I was doing in my act. I was saying if you want to understand people, people are just like bears. The black ones are the coolest.

They'll leave you alone if you don't fuck with them. And then I work my way all the way up to polar bears. And they just, without question, if they see you, they're running at you and they're going to fuck you up. This is one of the two main things. You know your black wife made you say that. What do you mean? Oh, yeah, that's what they say.

Oh, your black, there wasn't even his dot. His black wife told him to say it. Those fucking idiots. She writes all his jokes. My favorite thing about all those racists who always come at us was them trying to pretend they cared about people in Saudi Arabia. That was my favorite one. Oh, my God. They hate me so much

they tried to pretend they were liberal. What is that? It's some sort of alarm. All right. Maybe there's some sort of AI in here and I said the wrong word. We're just going to talk over it. Talking about Saudi Arabia again.

Huh? Well, it was just fun to be in the middle of something like that, to actually have the facts and to see how much people twist it around. How could you go there and tell jokes? All right, next time I'll sell them missiles and I'll accept the plane.

Doves, to be. be more specific. Bigger than most doves. They like nesting in rocky clips. This one What the is the phone knocked off the the Huzamuatsa?

Oh, there you go. I like your jeans slacks Nia. Gene slacks? They're like hybrids. They like jeans, but they're shiny like slacks. They're coated. Coded. Here, Bill.

Huh? Oh, gladly. Those aren't jeans? I approve. I'm Bill Burr, and I approve of that message. You look adorable. All right. Bigger than most ofs, they like nesting in rocky cliffs.

This is one of two main things that makes them prone to living around cities and amongst buildings. Rocky cliffs? What the fuck do Rocky cliffs have to do about, what? because they like to do what? The buildings are like rocky cliffs. Maybe they're going to explain it. The second thing is that, similar to dogs, they have developed a partnership with humans

for at least 5,000 years. Their present is prominent in ancient texts from the Persians to the Torah Bible to Caesar's military campaign in Gaul for the Roman Empire. Carrier pigeon? Is that what you're saying? As a side note,

I went to a 7.30 a.m. Mass at the Vatican last Monday. You fucking sell out. Having not been to church for 15 years, it was pleasantly surprised to see depictions of pigeons, aka doves, all throughout the halls amongst the tombs of the popes from as far back as the 400s. Their affection makes them easy to domesticate and train, and the greatest use humans have,

what and the greatest use humans have put them to is long distance communications how this works after being brought to a different location from their home i.e. where humans have been giving them food shelter protection they are able to geolocate themselves and determine which direction is home humans attach tiny letters to their legs and then send them back home i always wondered how they did that uh they can fly several hundred miles in a day and travel distances more than 600 miles in total. In some recent examples, they have been utilized in both the First and Second World Wars. I don't know how recent that is. I guess when you're going back to 400, that's pretty recent. I promise I have no connection

here whatsoever, but a fun fact that I would recommend is Operation Colomba by Gordon Correra. It talks about this World War II operation where British planes drop pigeons behind Nazi lines in France and asked the French locals to write any local intel on the papers and then sending the pigeons back. Well, how the fuck do you drop them

if they're just going to fly home? One second you drop them out of the plane, don't they start flying back to where you went? See, this is why I'm a comedian. I'm too dumb to run a war. Some of the French ended up eating the pigeons due to extreme hunger, while others were able to write on the papers and send the pigeons back. Oh, is that why they came, don't kill the messenger, came from?

I know it's not that. It gave the British lots of intelligence on where radar stations were located, where officers were staying, and where armories were located. Oh, this was the first AI surveillance. Their efforts helped the Allied forces in innumerable, invaluable ways. All right, that's great. Well, I've never had a problem with pigeons. much as everybody, they're dirty birds or whatever

and all of this shit. I never got into that. Anyways, that is the podcast. Everybody, uh, go fuck yourselves. And I will check in on you on Thursday. Go Bruins. Come on, man. Hang in there.