Monday Morning Podcast - Anthony Michael Hall | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-27-26

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

Bill rambles with Anthony Michael Hall about (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(41:43) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 8-27-26 - Bill sits down with comedian Tom Papa.Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Keith Forsey - Love ThemeHims: To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, and more, visit http://www.Hims.com/BURRHelix: Go to helixsleep.com/BURR for  27% Off SitewideUltra: New customers can use code BURR to get 15% off at http://www.TakeUltra.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. And as you can see, this is being filmed, obviously, which means I have a guest. And whenever I have a guest, I always try to get somebody legendary. And today is no different. Today, we have somebody that I, you know, have been watching my whole life. And really has one of the most impeccable comedy timings of anybody. I've been a fan of. of the one and only Mr. Anthony Michael Hall. Thank you, sir. Good to see you, Bill. Yeah, man, I am. Masked. I know. I never knew, you know, growing up watching you,

you didn't have the accent, like when you were doing, like, all those legendary movies and stuff, but you were, I found out years later. What part of Massachusetts? West Roxbury. Yeah, I was born in Dedham. But my mother's whole family's from there,

Deroza clan, yeah, so she's one of 13 kids. So you were right there? I was Ken. Were you? Yeah. Ken, Dedham, Norwood. That was right there. Yeah, I got an uncle in Norway, yeah.

My buddy, Patrice O'Neill, for rest of his soul, he was West Roxbury. Was he? That's wild. So what year did you leave? Oh, I was a kid, man. The early 70s, my mother took off with me, and she was a single mom, and she drove out here. Actually moved to the valley right around, right near here. And she was pursuing her career as a singer, so.

She was sound is off? Oh, yeah. Something about a mic here. How's this, buddy? Good? Is that all right? Thank you. So then she...

So she drove out here. It was kind of like that old movie, Alice doesn't live her anymore, the old Scorsese film. That became that same. series in the 70s so she was a single mom drove across the country with me and we moved to uh the valley right here north hollywood you know it's i i watch all that old tv i'm currently going through all the rockford files nice but that show alice what's amazing is if you watch the opening credits she's clearly on her way to l.a to pursue some other dream and she sings so i feel like she's doing that and then her car breaks down right and then she ends up working this diner and i feel like once again

she settled. Like I felt like she was leaving some guys. She was better than like I'm not doing that again and blah blah blah. And then the fucking car breaks down and she ends up working at like Mel's Diner and she's a single mom. Yeah. And I like I used to, I loved that show. Me too. And you know, I didn't see the opening credits for like 40 years and I sat and I watched it and I'm going like, there's like a whole. There's a backstory there. Yeah. I would love to hear the second verse. Yeah. Of that song. Right. There's a new girl in town and she's, feeling good i think that's when she was thinking she was gonna make it to la right and then she starts working at the diner you know the parallels are crazy actually my mom same thing you know

she had left my father and very bold and courageous over when i think back of that man 1972 with a kid with a two-year-old driving across the country man there was a lot of women back then who wanted to leave but didn't know how or didn't have the courage to uh i heard you a bit about that about the old type of yeah the wife of another era yeah well because there was yeah but there was such like a stigma with the stupid church being all up in your life that you were supposed to stay with some rager or some alky or some two-time and piece of shit. And it's just for better and for worse. And then Massachusetts, please, we've got more liquor stores per capita.

So the chances of running into an alcoholic is very easy. All the pack of. Well, speaking of old school stuff that I am a fan of, you're on a show SWAT exiles. and that you're promoting here. And I remember that first one. Remember that in the 70s? That's what I was it. Yeah.

I used to watch that every week. We're the same age, man. We're 58, yeah, right there. I loved it. So I worked on that show last year. It was great. It was picked up by Sony. I guess it ran out CBS for like eight years.

And then they just found a home for it. It's going to be on stars. So they just called me. I'm going to join the cast of that, which is fun. Nice show. So are they continuing eight seasons they did? They did eight seasons on CBS. Yeah, so the spinoff is he's working with a new group, a new security team, the exiles.

Oh, cool. A group of younger generation security experts or what have you. Yeah, so it's kind of a spinoff of the show. But, yeah, I'm looking forward to that. And then I did this film with Keenan. Keenan Thompson and I connected at the SNL 50th. He's a great guy. Yeah, he asked me to do this film Halloween store.

It's a horror comedy. So I went to Hawaii to shoot that. I think early next year, they're working on the distribution right now. How do you like, when you, as far as, as like all these years you've been doing it and you know you come down to set like what is your like process because I mean no matter how much you love it and everything there's days that are just work some days go flying by and then there's days where you know you're outside the weather's not working or just somebody's late something something messes it up right like do you have you you

know gotten to any sort of zen thing do you got any tips for someone like me like how do you Okay. Being on set, I know what you're saying. Yeah. I mean, I think what I've learned over the years, it just depends on the project. If I'm doing a comedy, you come to set looser. You're more easy going, I think, you know, if I'm playing a role that's more heavy, if it's a dramatic thing or whatever.

I've learned to just kind of summon my energy, kind of keep it low key, kind of to stay, kind of work the periphery a little bit, get the energy of the crew and the set. Right. Kind of keep to yourself a little bit. Because as you know, when the camera's actually rolling is like minutes in the day versus all the other stuff that goes on, you know? Yeah. But I think it's just about controlling your energy to degree.

Just like stand-up. I don't bring my phone. Nice. I don't bring my phone now because I'll just keep looking at it and then I'll start playing games on it and it'll take me out of it. And then also I feel like it's like being in school staring at the clock that's going to take forever. So I just kind of come down and act like I'm in a casino.

You know, there's no windows. I don't know what time it is. And then I just wave somebody to tap. Okay, that's lunch. Here we go. Oh, okay. Exactly. Which way do I go?

How does it feel for you? Because you've been an actor in so many things, but also directing now. Is it different on your on set or how does that feel that done it? Directing kind of happened because we were coming out of COVID and we needed a director and all the directors, the thing that they, you know, they always have a couple projects lined up. So the thing that they were going to do, they didn't do.

So everything got backed up so no one was available. So then they started going like, well, you know, this thing's going to go away. Maybe you should do it. So like I enjoyed, I directed two things. I did old dads. And I was also, you know, one of the main guys in it. So that was a lot.

Yeah. But when I did this thing with Club Soda Kenny, we made this sort of like movie trailer of a cop series that we were hoping someone was going to like. But whatever, we just did it as like, it was something we used to, I used to like do like a narration. He's like my security tour guy. Yeah, I met Club Soto.

He's a great guy. Yeah, so I used to do as we were coming to set to get myself warmed up. Yeah, I would be like, it was a rainy morning. She came walking into my office, a tall blonde. And I would just do that. And he would be cracking. up and I was going like, dude, this is like something.

That thing was fun because I was, I mean, I did something real quick, but I wasn't in it. Right. So I, what I learned is if you're directing, that's all you should be doing. You know what I mean? You had a great crew though. You had Bobby and Bokkeem, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, those guys, those guys, like, those guys, everybody just really brought it on that thing. So that was the relief as far as like doing it. But then going through the whole process of like screening it, editing and all of that. I was, you know, I just really, like, I already respected all, like, the directors that have been doing in, like, 40 years. And I just was thinking, like,

they've been through this process. Yes, that many times. Yeah, for 40 straight years. And it's, like, what I like about being a comedian is once I proved that I was funny, I don't have to keep auditioning. Right. That I'm still funny. Then it just becomes, like, ticket sales, like, you dip and whatever, but they'll, like, work with you. But, like, the respect I have for, like, actors, directors and everybody else, is you have to keep. Yeah. Like, you think he could like... It's your first season, every season, it feels like, yeah.

You're always proving yourself, definitely. You could win an Oscar, and then there's still going to be somebody going like, yeah, but can they play that? It's like they just won a golden globe. Like, so... Right. And there's also something where, you know, I relate where everybody thinks that they're funny and they could be a community.

Truly everybody thinks they can act. They really think they can act. But what they really want to do is. just play themselves, you know, and just sort of make it sound believable. That's one level, but like, you know, to become like, when I finally met you, like your vibe, you have more like an athlete's vibe. And what you were playing in the beginning of your career was sort of the kid that people picked on. Right. So then it was this whole new, like, respect where I was just like, he's like completely not that. He's like against type. No, and I remember like. I was thinking about that

the way over here that you know my the breaks I had came from John Hughes and after that it was never the same I had to earn it every year since decade by decade and there are parallels I think would be in a stand-up there's no guarantee there's no company to fall back on there's no team to fall back on you know what I mean well how how are you able to um you know like especially back then what it was just like he was in a comedy it did well he does comedy he can't do drama how are you able to get out of that because that's I still feel like that's hard yeah no it is The pigeonholing thing is, I think, a real thing. And I felt that as a kid, I was even anticipating that to some degree.

Because John Hughes wrote vacation as a kid, but I didn't meet him on that movie. I worked with Harold Ramos and Maddie Simmons, a producer. And then I did the trilogy of films with him in a row. And what I meant by my former comment was, you know, not since John has it been that easy. Like, I had to scrap for everything ever since. So that trilogy of films and that beginning of my career was really a blessing. And he couldn't have been cooler, man. He was a great guy to work with him, a great collaborator.

The scripts were funny. But he led us. he cut us loose, man. He would give us, you know, we'd do two or three takes as written, and then we'd come up with stuff, and he'd be like, try that, you know. So he really kind of liberated me. Oh, he was great.

That's sort of ahead of his time, because I feel like a lot of people work that way now. Definitely, but back then, didn't. And also the use of music, man. He loved music so much. He would pick me up and Molly, and we'd go see great blues bands on the weekend. We'd go see Buddy Guy and Junior Wells in Chicago.

He'd take us to record stores. Was that when you were doing... In the 80s, like doing Breakfast Club, Weird Science. You know, that trilogy of film. So he was something else, man. He was really a great guy. Those movies were like, you know, that's right in there with like all my favorite bands. Like every time I see those movies.

Like I've still meant at some point to go look at the high school, you know, from the breakfast club. Right, right. It's a precinct, by the way, now. Yeah. It's a cop station. It isn't? Yeah, yeah. It is.

Oh, it's not at school anymore? No. Random, right? Yeah, that's kind of a statement. Because people have businesses now where they take you on tours. We used to teach kids how to read and write here for free. Now we're incarcerating people. Yeah, that's...

They have tours of the John Hughes films, I think, in the Chicago area for people that want to see that. Some people online love that. All right. Well, here's like a teaser. It's not my... I can't tell what the project was. You and I are going to do something in, like, the future.

And I think when I ran into you at that SNL thing, I think I asked you about it. It was just this random thing. I'm like, oh, my God. You were so cool. I was standing there with my wife and my sister and her husband, my brother-in-law, and you came down with Barry, right? Is it your manager?

No, no, Dave Becky. Excuse me, Dave Becky. Yeah. I'm thinking of Barry Cats. Two big shots. I was thinking Barry Manilow. A few months later, I was on, I took mushrooms and I saw Barry Manilow. Very nice.

At Radio City. Yeah, it was fantastic. It all goes full circle, Bill. No, but you were so cool that night, man. You meant a lot to me. He came up to me and just said, we were all kind of getting into our seats, and it was really cool, man. I appreciate it.

Dude, it was like one legend after another was there. So, you know, it's funny, it's like, I can't, I can't say the name, but I ran into somebody in the industry. And they were the person I didn't recognize. Wow. And they sort of rep me. And I saw. Formerly.

Right. Yeah, no, no, still. And it's sort of a distance. And I was like, hey, and they're like, yeah, so and so. I work at your, I was like, oh, I do that. Oh, right. You drew blank. Well, you just talk to him on the phone.

So it's like we don't. He's like Bill, remember? Yeah, we don't hang out. No, I did that one. I was at the premiere this a long time ago. the premiere of a movie and had this big ensemble cast of like younger actors and stuff like that. So I was sort of the older guy on it even back then. Join the club.

So yeah, so then it was like at the end, after the premiere came by and everybody, so congratulating everybody. And this guy comes up to me and he goes, hey, Bill, great show in the movie. I go, oh, thanks, man. I go, you were great too. He goes, Bill, it's so and so. I'm your agent. Funny, man, right? And I go, sorry.

And he got it. My head was spinning. and there was all of those people there and you're trying to remember everybody's name and shit like that. But screenings and carpet things are like, they're a little weird anyway, right? It's always a strange energy.

Yeah. Well, now it's just there's so many different wild cards out there. It's when you get all the influencer in there. Like, you don't know. Who's hitting you? Yeah, like what is this? And then they're always just like, here, hold this. Hold this tiny mic.

And it's always like a mic this big. Can you say what's up to blah, blah, blah. And then there's always some sort of code word that they use and it's like, is this making me look stupid? Right. But. And you're holding a little furry mic this big. Yeah, there's something I wanted to ask you about

because I know you were like a big comedy fan. Yeah, man. And I heard through the grapevine and everything that you were like into Pryor, which was like my holy grail and everything. And George and Carlin. Yeah. So like I always felt when I watched you first that you had like, you had comedy.

chops of somebody 20 years older than you. Like your timing and all of that stuff and that... Thank you, man. What was... Oh my God, I'm drawing a blank on the name of the movie. The one you did where the one kid was like into like Vietnam and stuff. And... No, no, no.

Weird science. Because I worked with that... He was in the wild one, which was that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, yeah, and you did that whole like almost mudbone type of character and stuff. And years later, when I found out that you listened to Richard Pryor, like, how you sort of just became that character,

which can really go sideways. As a white guy to do that can really kind of look like all of a sudden, like, is he doing this in a bad way? Bad taste, right. No, you did it in this total, like, unique way. And years later, when I found out that you listened to Pryor, it's like, yeah, that's what happens. It just kind of gets in your bones a little bit.

I appreciate it, Bill. Honestly, because I was that kid, man, in the 70s. I was listening to Class Clown, George Carlin, and all the Pryor records, all those 70s records. Cheech and Chong, too. absolutely but Richard and and George Carlin were like heroes to me man so all those prior albums in the 70s when he'd be a comedy club and you could hear the dishware you know people like making noise

you know he was just incredible man all those early albums yeah and they sound but mudbone particularly was of inspiration yeah well his now that we've i've brought up weird science was the uh what's funny to me about that movie is is back in the day it played as a comedy and now like what's going on in the world it's kind of like oh these fucking nerds we thought they were joking They're actually building people. You're not kidding. I have a buddy whose brother's doing just that. He moved to the UAE or some of Saudi or something,

and he's starting an AI company with dates, you know, like an AI girlfriend kind of thing. This is the future. It's here, people. No, it's going. It's crazy. Yeah, and that's what I love too is they go like, you know. Well, I mean, it's here.

There's nothing we can do about it. It's like, why? Like nobody. We went from a blow-up doll to this. Yeah, like nobody like wants this. But like, you go back and you watch weird science now, and it's like all of a sudden, Chet is like the hero, the sort of the, I don't know, the, I don't know what, he's like, he was right.

Like, what the fuck are you guys doing here? You guys are out of your mind, but they totally made him out to be. Right, like he was the roughneck, yeah. He was like the profit gun owner. Right. That he fucking. Right, right. You know, it's snowing in my room.

Like, that's the type of shit. Like now it's like, they're probably going to end up doing things. like that i don't know where you're going absolutely no bill was great man he was a lot of fun to work with we all miss him bill pexton was a great guy really loved the process and he was a cool person but i know what you're saying man it's we're there now you know it's like watching the jetsons as a kid right now we're on you know face time like how realistic they're going to make these things it's like a why would anybody get into a relationship because it's going to be like a pet you know what i mean where like you know how a dog's always happy to see you like

Right. Nobody's going to program, hey, don't be in the mood tonight. Right, an AI girlfriend, right. Yeah, they're all going to be. Or people, and then once people see how easy that relationship is for their single friends, like, what is in it for you to stay with your AI mate? No, no, no, with a real person. With your real person, right, right.

Where it's all this work and you have to like, you know, own up to your stuff and have accountability. Right. Or. Or AI. or AI money. Yeah, just kind of come home. Why are they doing this? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know what's in store. I don't know. What do you think about the AI thing? I felt like before the actor's strike in COVID, it was always like this thing in the future. Like AI's coming. And as soon as the strike ended, it was like,

it was right in our faces. The strike gave all the money in this town, the time to collude. And they all kind of, which is supposed to be illegal. And you go see how they all immediately dropped all their offers. They all fucking squeeze it.

So they, you know, they, what is the purpose of AI is like forever the people with the power and the money. They don't want to pay anybody. Downsizing, yeah. Well, they don't want to fucking pay anybody. So if they can somehow get away with it, now they get to blame, you know, the technology. And I feel like the reason why they're going to be tracking all of us at the level that they are, these flock cameras and all of that, is not because what we're doing.

It's what they're doing. And then our reaction once we discover it. And you can sort of stop a revolution. before it starts if you know what everybody's talking you just put out all these little fires interesting point well because no one's ever had an army big enough to control everybody right well if you even look back at 2008 when there was that writer's strike right then all of a sudden we saw game shows you saw a decrease in number of scripted shows right all of a sudden game shows popped up everywhere they punished us to a degree we'll keep it cheaper it's always about the bottom line

right but what were you saying hey could you pay us a fair wage right how dare you now we're gonna give you a mass singer or whatever the hell yeah yeah so um About that bottom line as we want. Well, I feel like, which is what you seem to be doing here, is if you keep... Yeah, if there are any as I'm on one this summer. No, but if you keep making, like, cool stuff, people are going to want to come see. What are you saying? You have, like, a game show or something on here?

There's a show I'm on now called Nations Donuts, which was a howl. So I shot this about three months ago with a bunch of really cool people. Steve O was in it, Ice Tea. Oh, Steve was the best. Yeah, he was a great guy. He was cool. He had some great stories. I've got to share one with you.

So they threw a bunch of us together, Hilaria Baldwin, L. King. Jojo C was a bunch of people, you know, and it was coming off the heels of a year where I was like, I don't know where the next gig was, you never do. Honestly, God, I never do year to year. Back to that parallel between comics and actors. It can be even rougher on actors, I think. There's no comedy club.

Yeah, it's tough. So anyway, I got this call, and I was like, you know what, that sounds fun. But it forced me to kind of reframe my thinking on it. And I was like, you know what, lighten up. It turned out to be the thing I needed. I went to Toronto with my wife. I took my son.

My mother came up from New York, did some part-time nanny work. You know, she was with us and helped us out. And I had a pisser. I don't say, had a great time, you know. And the things that you could learn, I mean, there was a lot of lessons, I think, inherent in it, which is don't judge a book by its cover.

Right. People were a lot smarter than I thought. I was there a lot longer than I wanted to be, to be honest with you. How long were you up there? A long time. Okay. Most of the show.

We shot in 12 days, so the gimmick was, you want to play and get the hell out of there. Get off the show as soon as possible. So each day of that 12-day period is like one episode. So you kept winning? Well, no, other people did, and they were getting off. Like El King was the first one off, you know.

And I happened to know, you know, I've met her father a couple times. I brought that up. And she's like, I don't talk to my dad. I was like, awkward. So she was very sweet. But there was a lot of people, man. And it was a fun thing, man. And I had a laugh and it was great.

But someone like iced tea was interesting, the things you can learn about a person, you know. He's 68 years old. He got a dime on me. I'm 58 like yourself. He was like, I never did a drink or a drug in my life. He goes. But then he's detailing, you know, robbing jewelry stores in Beverly Hills with the boys in the 80s. excuse me but then interestingly enough he was also an army ranger you know so you know learning

he was an army ranger he was a he was in the army he was a ranger dude that's a movie so then he uses his special forces skill this is iced tea right to rob jewelry stores but he has the discipline to not go around no wonder he never got caught right he's incredible yeah and then this summer he's with body count he's touring europe with his rock band you know he's got like a metal band body count so he was you know a great guy i'm i remember body count too he was cool you know I remember body count. They were on some tour with like nine-inch nails. I think it was the first Lollapalooza.

Dude, like full Mosh Pit Energy. Yeah, he's cool as shit. He's a great guy, man. I like to hang him with him. All right. So as far as like somebody like it, well, what point in your career, as you're saying, like, I don't know where the next gig's coming from. I don't know where the next case. Which truly is.

Every year. Well, that's like the fear going after a dream is like all of a sudden, okay, I've left the fucking Matrix. I'm still in it, but I'm sort of floating. Like, I don't know if it's ever happened yet. Have you been able to like not freak out and not be like, oh my God, I'm never going to get another gig? Like, how do you keep the demons? Yeah, it's a good question. I think I've managed those emotions over the years, you know?

It's just part of this gig, man, part of our, you know, dealing with it. Because it's like, it is like being an athlete, right? You never know. You're on a winning team. Then you can be dealt and you never know where you're going to wind up, man. So it's a really interesting thing. But that said, I'm not crying about it. I'm grateful for it because I think what it developed in me as character

and a more focused desire over time. Because truthfully, when I started out, I was too young. I was the kid, you know, and I've been through this business at every decade. You know, it's now 51 years. I've been, you know, at this. I started when I was seven years old. Yeah, but you just like your whole, look,

you kept your hair, you still look great, you know? I got some hair. Not so much with me, but no, but you could play like a lot of stuff. So I got, I love. Well, that's what I've done over time. and I'm grateful for it, you know. Or keeping your hair? That and also just scrapping for whatever job I had to get, man.

No, I get it. Like, I got to want to ask you this because, like, I'm sort of late to the game as far as, like, watching all these great movies and now I... Now you're a filmmaker. Well, I don't know about that. I made a film by default. Now I'm, like, like, on criteria and watching, like, you know, Harry Dean Statt movies and all of this type of stuff. So I have all of these movies that I love now.

So someone like you, who's... not only been in this business, worked in all these different genres. Do you have like a top three that isn't like sort of the hot topic like Godfather, Goodfellas and blah, blah, as far as like top three that, you know, people should know, but they don't know.

Scorsese, it goes back to Scorsese for me. Because my father, my stepfather who raised me with my mother, he and I, you know, he passed about it, seven, eight years ago, my father, Tom. But growing up, we would watch a lot of that stuff. I mean, I was actually at the premiere of Goodfellas, many years ago. It was at the Museum of Modern Art. You were there for that? Yeah, it was incredible.

I think I was just coming off working with Hughes on Weird Science. So what did you, when you went and saw that movie? It was incredible. First of all, I was at the Museum of Modern Art. All the players were there was pretty incredible. But even before that, I was watching Raging Bulls. So, you know, all his classic films, taxi driver is obviously a classic. King of Comedy is a great film. I found a great film out of taxi driver.

Yeah. So I'm fascinated with Old New York. Yeah. So, you know, as he's driving and he's talking, you're seeing all these neon signs. So I saw this thing called, it said, Terminal Bar. I'm like, what was that? And I went to look it up, and somebody made a short film about it.

Wow. I'll send it to it. It's fucking gorgeous. Came out after the taxi driver. Yeah, well, it was about the history of that bar. I see. And the guy who was the bartender was also an amateur photographer and stuff. So he used to take the almost head shots of the regulars.

And it started off. It was sort of like a down-on-your-luck place. And as a neighborhood change, it turned into like a gay bar. and then it went to like these three different transitions. It was right across in the Port Authority. So this guy took all of these pictures. So at the end of his life, his nephew finds the pictures. Wow.

He interviews the bartender and he's telling the stories. Yeah. And it's amazing for somebody who's new to making films like what you can do emotionally. All he had was the eight by ten photographs of these people. Right. And the narration, the audio of this guy and then slow movement of the camera. Right. And he's like, oh, yeah, I remember this guy.

You know? Incredible. There was something about him. I knew he wasn't going to make it. Every picture tells a story. And you're just sitting there like, it's like 20 minutes and it's this whole look into like sort of a part of New York that you don't necessarily. It's just sort of. I was going to say cross and port authority.

That's like a portal. I mean, my God. The things you could find in that neighborhood. My gosh. Yeah. Forty second and eight. Travis Bickle. Yeah.

So like that's, I kind of learned that. But my thing as far is like obscure it outside of the Scorsese. Francis Ford Coppola, Spielberg, all like the giants. I discovered this movie like years ago, and I just keep coming back to it. It's straight time. Oh, yeah. With Dustin Hoffman, Harry Dean Stanton, Gary, you see.

And just what I love about it is the way they, there's so many things I love about it, but I love about the way they don't show the violence and they let you figure it out. Right. And I remember one time seeing, like, Tarantino really liked that film, and then you watch Reservoir Dogs,

and he's cutting the guy's ear off, and he did one where he showed him doing it. It was just Friday 13th graphic. But then he learned when he brought the camera away and just heard that guy. It could be more effective in some sense right, right? Yeah. Just sitting there is some psycho

is going to come and cut your fucking ear off, and you can't move? You said that, because years ago, I read something that Hitchcock said, which is a similar point, you know, the audience is afraid of the thing they can't see, you know? So even like in cycle, you know, before you get to the shower, you know. Yeah.

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That's take ultra.com for 15% off with Code Burr. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. The Monday morning podcast. Yeah, so now I have like all of these actors that like I didn't even know about those woman Karen Black. Yeah. And I just spaced on...

She was wild. She had some crazy eyes. Yeah, the actress who played across from Dustin in... This is pathetic that I... It's okay. Which movie I'm trying to... That movie, Straight Time. She's like 20 years old, and she's going blow for blow with Dustin Hoffman and kind of

stealing scenes. Like, she's fucking amazing. That was such a great period, though, man. The 70s was like a lot of people feel like that was the last great decade for filmmakers. Listen. Because independent film... The car is... For me, it's before the last...

late 70s when the car started getting really shitty. Yeah. When they started downsizing it, but those early 70s just when they're just walking down the street and there's just those back-to-back sleds. Right. Just these giant. Cars were 18 feet long, no kidding.

Yeah, and then they were like, they had these colors like window box, flower box green. And like if you look up in school bus yellow and all of that, it was like this weird sort of like rust belt but also like vivid mixed in with like earth tones. Like probably right around the time you and your mom were driving across. like the country or whatever. We had like a, I still, we had a, I think we had a Buick century. Or was it a regal?

Your parents car? Yeah, and I just remember it was a two door and I just remember how fucking heavy the door was. It was like, it was like a vault, like how thick it was, and trying to get that thing. Oh, I couldn't close it either when I was like. Right. I remember the car, my mother drove across the guy. It was a Delta 88 and the car was literally like 20 feet long.

It was incredible, big old car. Yeah, all right. So now, this is how, this is how I literally watch. Because I know you're a car guy too. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I think it was a Delta 88, Pope of Greenwich Village,

another underrated one. Yeah. So one of my favorite little, like, just details in that movie is Mickey Rourke's character has like this silver Delta 88 with like red leather and teal red. And when he's driving, he's driving like this because he's got the manicure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you don't know when he got the manicure, but you can see the way he's just to get that little fucking detail. He was great in that. So was Eric. Oh, that whole movie is another, like, fantastic one. So all of these projects you have, what is the Halloween store, Swat Exile? And there's one I'm producing called Final Invasion. So I have a production company called Manhattan Films, and we produced two films already.

One was called The Class, and the other one was called Roswell Delirium. In both situations, I partnered with writer-directors that I believed in, and also acted in those films. And this new project is called Final Invasion. I've got Emil Hirsch, is going to start it with me. He's a very talented actor. Stephen Lang from all the Avatar films An actress named Claire Furlani He was in Mitchell Black with Pitt

And a lot of other stuff So yeah, I mean, I'm just always mixing it up, man So I try to develop things through my company That I can act in and partner on And at the same time, yeah, the SWAT show came up I'm excited. The Halloween store thing was a lot of fun We went to, you know, to... Where'd you shoot it? Hawaii. I was like, okay, let's go. Come on, I'm in. No problem.

I remember reading years ago, an article with, I think, Michael Kane where at a certain point in his life, he would pick projects based on where he could go, you know? Hey, let's go, man. Let's see the world. Well, he had the best quote ever with it. He did Jaws 3 and it didn't come out well. Yeah.

And they go, he goes, Michael, have you seen Jaws 3? And he's like, no, I haven't, but I've seen the house it paid for. Something like that. It's just perfect. Like, yeah, you know, some of them, some of them I do for money. Some of them are, you know, for like the actor. Some are economic decisions. Yeah, exactly.

All right. Well, directors were like that, too, I think. I got to tell you, like, I am this thing we have coming up, you know. I'm tentative to talk about it because, you know, something I've been talked to you about for a while. It's finally coming together. I am so, like, the dynamic between our two characters. I am so excited to do this with you. And, like, I have been such a fan of yours for so long and, like, just, you know, I guess you.

Dude, you always bring it, whether it's a comedy or whether it's like a drama and stuff like that. and I also like how you like me. You know, you're fucking agent naturally. You look like a person. Like, I literally say that to my wife. I go, I don't know what's going to happen in this business. But in the end, I'm going to look like a person. I'm not whatever the fuck that is in like, you know, or down like Orange County.

Yeah. Oh my God. No face maxing for us, huh? No, yeah, no, like these fucking. How you doing? Yeah, you're just like, like, in what world does it? I mean, maybe it like, I guess you look younger at like 30 paces. But you're going to spend the...

Good from far, but far from good. No kidding. Yeah. Well, I think it's just a... It's built into people's subconscious, I guess, you know, the fear of death and trying to avoid that, you know? Look at the cosmetics industry for women. My God, please.

I know. It is nuts. Do you ever get a chance... Let's be the last thing here. Do you get a chance to go... Since you left Massachusetts so young, have you... And did you ever get a chance to go back there? I do.

You do. I was just on the Cape about a month ago. My family. Yes, I go back, a lot of relatives there. I go back and see the Doroza clan, my mother's family, and all my cousins. You know they're famous for their little bar pizzas back there? Oh, yeah. Do you have, because I'm obsessed with, like, finding all of these.

Dude, I've gone all way up to Marblehead. I've gone everywhere. And I found one. Find a good pie, yeah. Oh, no, they're all the ones. I have a list if you want me to, you know, I can go down Route 3. I can go down 95, 93, whatever you want. I've talked to all of these people, up 128.

Yes. not so good out to 405. So if anybody has some suggestions. And there's literally like Facebook groups. The South Shore is more inviting where you can just join the group. Right. But the North Shore, I felt he had to jump through a few hoops. I'm like, all right.

They're a little more guarded. What is there? Is there a pizza a little better? So do you happen to have a spot or an Italian sub? Let me see. I was just on the Cape. Lopster Roll? Yeah, lobster rolls.

I was just on the Cape and Hyannis. You know, so we were there for a couple of weeks. I've been down, man. Always good fish, man. You can always trust the fish. Yeah, no, that whole little harbor area they are down there. Yeah, it's nice, man. The Cape is great.

All right. Well, okay, well, this has been unbelievable. Dude, I'm excited. Thank you for having me. It's an honor. I can't believe that. I'm pumped up. I know we can't talk about it.

And you did it, dude. Like, you don't understand. Like, you're on like, you were on my Mount Rushmore as far as like just careers. Thank you. Whatever you were doing, I vibe with it. And I've just been following you for 40 goddamn years. so it's nice to finally, you know, I know I met you briefly at the SNL thing, but like we're going to have a lot of fun on this thing.

I can't wait, man. I wish we could talk about it. It's going to be, I'm really thrilled. I'm looking for the opportunity. Thanks for having me today, man. I'm a big fan of yours. I've been listening to you for years. I'm looking for what you're going to do.

All right. Thank you, brother. Check him out on SWAT exiles, Halloween store. Final Invasion is a film coming up. Final invasion. Coming up, Emily Hirsch. I can't read you. Emil Hersch.

Emil Hirst. Sorry, I'm the worst. Stefan Lang, Stephen Lang. Right. Claire. There you go. All right. That's it.

Thank you guys for listening. Anthony Michael Hall, everybody. Thank you for much. Have a great weekend. You're cunts. I'll talk to you. Don't take it personal. Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August, fucking 27th. August 27th. What's going on? How are you? As you know, I don't have a lot of kids. guests on my podcast. Every once in a while, I'll have someone that interests me. I'm in a leather chair. I'm not like constantly farting here. I'm just adjusting my weight. I have one of my

oldest friends in this business. I've known this man since 1995 when we were a couple of nobody's going around fucking New York trying to get spots. He has his name. I'll just introduce you. Unbelievable comedian. Mr. Tom Pop, everybody. Nice to be here, Bill. 95, that's amazing. So I was only doing stand-up for two years when we met. Is that right? You were already really good. 93.

I wasn't good. I was loud. I was loud and fast. Well, I remember Geraldo Restes-Sault. You used to tell me that the way you used to stand on stage. Yeah. You were in some sort of like warrior one or warrior two. I was sort of weird lean.

I would, I called it the lunge. I would lunge. I would like lean. Yeah, I would kind of like bend my one leg and kind of lunge that way. and talk to that part of the audience. Then I would lunge the other way. I bet it got laughs so. Yeah.

They thought they'd probably like, he's a character. He's doing a character. We can build a sitcom around this guy. Look at he's a young guy. Like back then, that was the whole thing. Long, bushy, curly hair. Uh-huh. Probably about 25 pounds heavier than I am now.

Oh, you were heavier? Yeah. And, uh... Oh, you were partying back then? It was like my crazy... My wife calls it when she saw a tape of it. Uh-huh. She didn't know me back then.

She saw me probably 10 years after that. And when she saw it, I don't know if you have like a good tape of you when you first started, but there's like, they're all so classic. And she saw it and said it looked like my crazy brother showed up and came to town and started doing comedy. Your Roger Clinton showed up. Right. I did kind of look Roger Clinton. Had that kind of almost a mullet, but not really. I got one in, I forget where the hell I was.

I was doing some local Boston show. Yeah. I mean, it was taped. Someone's got to have the tape somewhere. And I was wearing basically the clothes that I wore to the dental office that day. I was still working there. I was definitely wearing the pants. So I had like powder from the rubber gloves.

And God knows how much germs on me. Because the only way to make the gig was I had to work and just jump in my car and go. So I brought a chair. I brought a shirt. So I had on Navy Blue Dockers. And then I had a shirt. It was navy blue stripe and like pea soup green horizontal stripes. I had a big red afro.

Tucked in? And shirt tucked in. No, no, grunge had already hit at that point. Nice. So I started in 92. So it was already like grunge was already going. So it was like if you tucked in your shirt, you were part of the 80s. Oh, good.

So the shirt, I believe, was untucked. Might not have been now that I think about it. But I was, I just remember I was pointing at the crowd when I was, every, like enunciation. I was doing this thing. You remember when Trump did that thing? You're fired, that little snake thing. He was with his hand. And they made fun of it so much he stopped doing it. Right. Which is kind of funny to think about now. That's interesting though. You with the pointing, as you're telling the jokes, I mean with the lunging. Yes. Because the two guys that I wanted to be kind of badass, like, I didn't want to be like them, but I can look back and think like Bill Hicks and

Dennis Leary would get in the audience's face and they would kind of like jab at them. Kind of that way. Oh, okay. Were you watching those guys at that time? I didn't even know who Bill Hicks was until after he died. Oh, really? Well, I mean, because Bill Hicks was not getting on mainstream stuff, he had done a couple of letterments.

But back then, you know, if he didn't know to look for him, if you missed his letter and spot, you just missed it. I found him by mistake on Caroline's Comedy Hour. Oh, okay. They had a Caroline's Comedy Hour. When Carolines was down in another location, I think by the Seaport or something, before our time. and I saw him and he would get like right in their face he would at the edge of the stage he'd bend all the way down with a cigarette right someone's face and yell about Britney Spears or whatever

No, he was gone before Britney Spears. I just felt at that time, like, you have no material, so you just, you know you're funny, but you have no real skill. You got some stuff, but then it's just pure energy. It's just like... Well, I think that that's, because I was totally like introverted, but so that was me just sort of, I think it was just, it was me, I was miming, throwing shit against the wall. I think every joke that I was doing. But then as we came up. through the ranks.

What amazed me about you was the way that you could like always work totally clean and like you. I mean, you know, we came up. You know, Esty would be given us the late spots. That's how it is. You got to earn the earlier ones. Yeah. And I remember you going after Godfrey crushing, you know, all of these guys. You go on after my filth.

And you go up there. Just totally sport coat on, squeaky clean. And just boom. You just killed. I did go through some phases when, especially when I got to the cellar, where I was, you know, going up after a towel, where for a good month, I thought, I've got to be dirtier. I've got to do something. So I started coming up with filthier stuff. And I'm telling you, just the audience knew, they don't know me at all.

Yeah, that is not this guy. They knew I was not the guy saying these words. Like, it wasn't, it did not fit. And you know what's funny is what you're saying right now is all you had to say after Dave. Yeah. Like, I'd like to continue in that dark world, but look at me, folks. I'm not that guy. Yeah.

You didn't have the courage or like the wherewithal to do that. So my only cure for it was don't watch anybody before I go on. Just completely stay. alone and wait for them to come and get me like last minute like hey they're calling your name and then go down isn't that amazing though but i i think people that are successful will find ways you know in situations like that they actually come up they'll come up with their own sort of exercise yeah to be all right well if i just don't see it then i i don't have to like deal with it yeah and um some way to preserve whatever you got to kind of do i did something last week when i was on conan right uh-huh i did something that i learned at the

comedy seller. It was a comedy seller as small as it is. It always seems so gigantic to me because it was like this place you wanted to get into. Esty would be watching your sets. The fucking waitstaff would report back to management and shit. And you just never

felt like, you know, it takes a good eight years before you feel like you're in. Totally. So I remember Patrice had done something on stage. I don't know what happened. He had done something. So they called a meeting. This is fucking hilarious.

They called this meeting at the comedy seller. Okay. And three people showed up on all the comics. It was me and Bobby. I was living with Bobby Kelly. And Bobby's like, dude, we got to go to the meeting, dude. She's going to take away our spots, dude. And I'm like, I know, dude.

And we both went down there, freaking frack. Two Boston guys. We go down there. It was us too and Dave Attell. Oh, my God. Patrice, who the whole fucking meeting was about, didn't even show up. Of course. And everybody else was kind of in.

And it's like, I got, I ain't fucking going down there. But anyways, we went in there. And I remember waiting for Esty and Mani to get there, rest of soul. And I just was, I was absolute, it was the middle of the day. And I could not believe how small the club was. Right. And I was just like, oh, my God. I mean, I could literally move all the chairs out of here in 11 minutes by myself.

It is, yeah. Sometimes I'll go down to go to use the restroom, even now. And you go down there and it's just empty. And everything's pushed aside so they can mop. and it really is like a closet. And it's because when, I don't know what it is about that room. Yeah. When it gets full.

It's magic. Yes. And it just becomes this other thing. This energy thing that you just, and then when it's, everybody's gone, you're in there like going like, this is this place.

It's like, you know. Yeah. So anyway, so I went, I had to go do Conan and I just so happened, I was ready for once before the, you know, ready as the guy got there to pick you up. Uh-huh. So I got there like 15 minutes.

early there was nobody there. So I was like, you know, I always just walk out there. When I just walk out and take a look at it. Yeah. Just so I can really have in my head how big it is. Oh, nice. You know, it was still pretty big. Yeah, it is.

It's not small. I know. But I mean, but it wasn't like. But it's your space. I wanted to be more grounded. Right. So I went up. I looked at the drum kit and stuff, sat down, played for like two seconds.

Nice. And then like walked around, talked to a couple of people. A few people said hello. Yeah. And then it just kind of felt like. And I was just looking going like... That's so smart. Yeah.

That's so smart. Yeah. Because even when you leave, you've done the show a bunch, but when you walk back out, it feels new again. It's not your home. Yes. So I did the new again thing before the cameras were on. Nice. And then, so then when I went out there, I felt like I was, you know, the most present.

I didn't have that same outer body experience where afterwards I had, I would always look at Andy and be like, was that good? Like, like basically what happened? Totally. Because the whole time you're doing it, you're thinking like nowadays, too. It's like, did I just end my fucking career? What did I say? You know, is this group going to come at me? Are fat people going to say this?

Like, you know, all of that shit. So anyway, speaking of careers, yes. You are on this podcast, not because you liked me. Well, not because you wanted to come over here and smoke a cigar afterwards, which I'm finding out you don't have time. I wish to go. Not only an incredible comedian, you also. bake your own bread.

Yes, I do. Which you've been doing for years, and you were actually nice enough to offer to teach me, and I've just never found time to get over there. And I brought you bread, like a year ago. Remember I brought it? Oh, dude, like two times. I vaguely remember because it's gone that quick. He brings it over in a little basket with this old lady little towel over the top of it.

And you're like, like, you don't even need butter. You made us a, what did you make us? I always get a sourdough. Sourdough. Yeah. Oh, good stuff. I got good at it. So me and Nia basically ate the whole loaf talking about what we were going to eat it with that night.

And we just, not the whole day, we were like, we got to finish this. So now all of a sudden, yeah, your professional and your hobby life have now blurred here. And you have a new cooking show coming out today, I guess, right, Monday? A week from Labor Day. Oh, Labor Day. A week from today. What's the exact date? September 3rd, Labor Day, Monday.

10 o'clock at night, 10 o'clock at night, 10 o'clock, evening. called baked. It's called baked. And no, you're not putting any weed in the bread, man. Hey, man. Yeah, it's not really a cooking show as much as a food show. Like, I'm not going to, well, I guess I, I guess I am cooking. Basically what I did is.

Well, it's not going to be eight episodes of watching you cook bread. No. Okay. Exactly. That's kind of what I thought it was going to be. And they're like, this is going to be over in an episode. Yeah. Do you have a hundred different kinds of loaves of bread that you can make?

So we can get to syndication. So what I was doing, I started baking it. I started getting really good at it. And when I would travel around on the road doing stand-up, during the day I would visit bakeries. I would go check them out. And I was just trying to learn, like, see what flour they were using, talk to them, that kind of thing. Yeah, you got into it.

I got into it. And they caught wind of it and thought it would be a cool show because I'm already doing it. I'm going to these places. and, you know, I'm going to learn. I'm super curious about it. And they didn't have any show that just dealt with baked goods. Can you back up for a second? How did they catch wind of it?

Do you have that Alexis in your fucking house or something? How do they catch wind? You're a comic killing a day and you're going to bakeries? Because I started talking about it on social media. I talked about it on Rogan's podcast. I talked about it on Conan. And the New York Times did an article. on people with sourdough starters.

You know, the sourdose starter is the living culture. The mother. I hate that. I hate that. I saw the thing. There's like a thing in France. Some of them, they're like a couple hundred years old. Yeah.

Like you just keep feeding it some sort of bacteria or? No, you just keep feeding it flour and water and it eats it. And that's the yeast. Yeah, it's the active yeast in there. And so you've got to feed it flour and water and it eats it. So it's like they've had a goldfish that they've. they'd been feeding for like the last since like the early 1800s yeah and it's a little vague like when people say it's a hundred years old i mean because you like nobody ever spilt it it has its

origin like it has it you will have it will connect to however long you've been feeding it but you're dumping a lot of it and then new flour and water's going in but it's just a cool story yeah okay you know and uh now i feel like a novice and people do care about it people do like hang on to them pass them down to other people and their family. And it is a thing. Like you, I have two of them and they're in my refrigerator. And I've been on the road now for a week. I just got home today. And I know when I leave you, I'm going to go home and feed them because it's been a week. If you don't feed it, it slowly starts to become less active. It has no food to eat. And then it starts creating its own alcohol. And that's, when you come back, it'll be like a layer of

alcohol on top of it. Now, I'm so you're like, you're like, I'm like, I'm like, um, Microbrewer. Yeah, exactly. Oh, it's literally called Hooch? Is that why how booze got called Hooch? Yeah, it's a fermentation. This is already the most informative podcast I've ever done. That's fucking awesome. So the New York Times did an article on people with their sourdose starters and just, you know, I've been doing it for like a year. And they came into my house and took pictures of me with my starter. And I was in the food section. This is, I'm not doing anything show busy with this. I'm just baking. read with my daughter. Isn't that always how it comes about when you're not trying?

Not at all. And my friends back east go up with the New York Times and they're calling me that day like, what are you doing? What's, why are you in the food section? So it just became a thing. And then people started sending me things on Twitter and Facebook and whatever showing me that their attempts at baking. And that's a massive subculture. of it's not even just people who bake, like specifically bake bread, people who are into bourbons, like there's all these subcultures thing that when you all of a sudden get into it, totally. Yeah, you just open the door a little bit.

All of a sudden you see there's like, you know, a million people in there like, hey, you like this shit too. Yeah, you're like, wow, look at all these Instagram accounts of people doing what I'm doing. So it just kind of took off and was super fun. and I also, at the same time that I started baking it, I also started getting on this kick of, why are we the first generation? Bread has been around for thousands of years.

Why are we the generation that's being told we shouldn't eat bread? Why all of a sudden are we now like, no, you're the new human beings that can't eat bread? And I was like, there's something wrong here. And then we started baking this bread. It's just flour, water, salt, and yeast. That's all that's in it. And the bread I would buy my daughters in the supermarket,

trying to get them good bread, had 30 ingredients in it. Right. Chemicals, sugars, glucose, all this other... ISIS. ISIS. It was all in there. Yeah. Putin.

Russian poison. It was all in there. A little dash of Putin in there. And I started giving that bread to my friends that have problems with eating bread, and they had no problems. we were eating a lot of bread and we weren't getting fat. And I was like, this is the pure thing. This is what bread really is.

So then I started going off on this kick in my act and it started, you know, permeating other parts of it was in my book where I was just like, we should be allowed to celebrate in life. We should be allowed. Can I pitch an episode? Yes. An episode because you got eight already in the can. Okay, your next season. Tom teaches Bill how to bake bread. Or even just for the website.

That would be awesome. Because I am on this new diet that I've been doing for like the last three weeks and I've been, you know, keeping the muscle and dropping all the fat. And I love how I look and everything. But it's just like, I, you know, I come. I got to have a piece of bread every once in a while. Every once in a while. And you eat this bread, you'll be okay. Oh, dude, the shit that I used to, you know, you're part of my generation.

You know, it was Wonder Bread. My God. Steakums on Wonder Bread. and the grease would be going through the bread. You'd have to eat it quick before I went through. Oh, yeah. You didn't have to get like a fork or something. And I stand by, dude.

I had that today. I would have to take a nap immediately, but it would be effing delicious in a child sense memory thing. Oh, my God. But your stuff. Yeah. I ate your bread. I was like, I got to call my parents.

I mean, it was just like, it was just like a wholesome. Yeah. holidays, everything that like, you know, when all the BS slows down in life. Right. You know, you just got past something, or maybe it's the holidays, you got a few days off. You just have time. You actually have free time to hang with the people in your life. And you're like, oh, this is what it's, it could be.

Right, exactly. This is what it could be. And it's not every day. I mean, these are special moments in your life, you know. I mean, basically the way the show goes is I just pictured you talking to your family like, don't get used to this. This isn't every day. It's special thing.

There's bread in the house all the time now. Like when I go on the road, if I'm gone for a while, they get, for the first time they call me. They're like when you're coming back. And it's not because they want to see me. Do you realize your kids, they're going to talk about you like some like grandmother from the early 1900s going. There was always the smell of bread in our house. That's right. I know.

I always remember her. I remember her when she passed. The casket smelled. like yeast. Yeast is disgusting. Sorry, I should have said bread. I just took a whole other angle on there. So what's your favorite? So basically I go around to all these different cities.

I come into a city and I visit five of the best baked goods I can find. A bakery, a sandwich place with amazing rolls, a pizza place, whatever it is. What was ever dealing with dough and that kind of thing? And you quickly realize, this is back to it being special, you quickly realize, there doesn't, there's no need for a bakery in a town. You know what I mean? Like there's, you need the cops, you need the fire department, you need the power, you need the water, you need all this stuff.

A bakery is a special little place that just happens to be in the town that when you want to treat yourself or get something nice for your family, that's when you go to the bakery. It's this nice little celebration in your everyday life. You don't go there every day, you know, most of the time. So all these people are creating this really special stuff And you go in there and you feel good and that you should be celebrating your life Like this is it like this we're not going to this this is prime time right this is when we're really going to enjoy ourselves You take your daughter and walk into a bakery and give her a cookie that is a special moment

That's a special thing you know when she's when she turned a year and a half last month I actually I went to a bakery and I bought her a cupcake and put one and a half candles in it and sang happy one and a half years old. Oh my God. She's just looking at me like, when can I eat this? Nice song, Dad. I don't know what's going on here. When can I have that?

Yeah, this is special for you. But I really feel like it's just, it's a celebration. Life should be a celebration. You don't eat this stuff all the time. You don't want to, you know, you want to be in shape. You don't want to get diabetes. but you should enjoy it. All right.

We'll do an episode. I'll teach you how to make a pie crust. You teach me how to make bake some bread. That would be great. We should do it. That's not, you know, I got to be honest with you. Like, I just, uh, the whole idea of having a comedian who bakes, you know. It's weird, right?

No. I'm just saying about what a home run for a show. Oh, right. And then you're going to go check out all these cool bakeries. Like, I don't know. Like, you've had diners driving in the diets. It just seems like everybody's always eating like the burgers, the tacos, the burritos, the burritos, the pizza.

Yeah. They've had all of those shows, but I haven't seen a guy do the bakeries. No. And like, you know, for years, yeah. I've been, you know, sort of like gay-bashed in a way that I actually know how to bake and make pies and stuff. And I'm like, why, it's awesome. And women love you. I remember you.

Do you know how to bake? Like, they love you. Oh, completely. There's a whole, there was a whole article about women that get turned on by these guys that bake bread. Remember you? Absolutely. It's like, it's like having a same. For me, because I'm such an asshole, it takes down a lot of my shit that I do.

You know what I mean? No, he cuts the edge off. Yeah, make a scene at the supermarket. He yells, he's cutting people off. But he bakes a hell of a pie. Even your voice changed. He makes a hell of a pie. Take some of the edge off.

You brought a pie. Was it last Christmas? Was it around the holidays? I can't remember. He brought me a pie and the center wasn't cooked. And you were so bummed out. I'm going to tell you what, because we were renting a house because we were getting my shit hole one fixed up. Yep.

And what happened was the door was slightly ajar. It didn't close all the way. So it let the heat out. No, I made you, I still remember. You sent me a picture of it. I made you, yeah, because I felt so bad. I made you, uh, uh, pumpkin bread for Halloween. That's right.

And it's the easiest fucking thing. Yeah. It's just a concoction. You pour it in the thing. You throw it in the oven and you're done. And you leave it. Yeah. And it wasn't done.

So I had to tell you to put it back in and you were able to fix it, though. But I was so embarrassed. And then the fact that you're like this, you know, I mean, you're such a good baker. You're in the food section of the Times. Yeah. I get a couple of hits on, you know, Facebook when I make a pie. But you know what? I remember distinctly, like we just ate around the raw part and it was delicious.

That's the cool thing. Like you don't realize you mess this stuff up. I'll still screw up breads because it takes it's a three-day process. And if you mess up along the way, you're going to get a flat frisbee. But I'm telling you, the flat frisbee is delicious. Oh, it still is. Yeah, just because it doesn't look good. Just put some butter on it.

You're just, oh, my God. What have you been up to as far as you've been travel on the road promoting the show? You've been doing some dates? What have you been up to? I had a, yeah, it's not really slowed down. I have five jobs from April until just recently. where I was doing my stand-up, of course, and then I had a book come out,

so I had to tour around with the book. I took over the writing for Live From Here, which was Prairie Home Companion, Garrison retired, and Chris Thiele took over as the host, and I took over the comedy of it and the writing of it, and I also do a monologue each week on it.

And then I had my podcast, my Come to Pop-up podcast, and radio show for Sirius, and then baked. And then when the bread show came, you know, as happens in production, they are like, yeah, we might make it, we might make it.

And they're like, we want eight in a month. So on top of touring with the radio show and with my stand-up and the book tour, the bread show got thrown on top of it. So the bread show, you probably think anything ain't going to go. It's a fun little thing that I'll do. Yeah, it's fine. We'll do a pilot.

Throw me a couple of it. couple of bucks. This is cool. We'll do a pilot. Who knows? You know, I wasn't, I, the, the beautiful part of this is I had no showbiz anxiety about this. I still don't. I still don't. I, everything else, you know, you make stuff, you sell it, you try and get it on the air, you push. Yeah, but I also think if you tour as a comic and you have your own podcast, you're making enough money that I don't have any show biz stress where I love doing my TV show. I absolutely love doing it. But like, I'm, you're, not like in the unemployment line. Right, if it doesn't go. Yeah, if it doesn't go. Which I hope it goes, by the way. Anybody's listening? Yeah.

Yeah. Industry drone out there. He's not appreciating his show. Yeah, but this show, I completely, I'm like, look, we can do a show about it. That'd be great. I'd love to share it with more people. That's awesome. If you don't make a show about it, I'm still going to go to the bakery in Cleveland when I get there. You know what I mean?

So how much time did you do? So did you have to carve out of your schedule to keep doing it? I just threw it on top of everything else. So while I was doing the book tour, while I was doing the stand-up, I was doing all this other stuff, I was doing episodes of this show that are going to start airing. And I literally have not been in my home for a full week since April. Oh, my God. Yeah.

It was like a tsunami. Everything, a perfect storm. It all just hit at the same time. Now, how do you handle that? I just go. I just go. And having a family is, you know, I want to be with them. I literally, Bill, my kids are 16 and 13 now. And I was like, I literally, before all of this stuff hit the fan, I literally said to myself, I'm going to be smarter about how I tour. These are the, there's only a couple more years here before everybody starts taking off on their own. I'm going to be around a little bit more. Yeah. And boom, as soon as I said it, I was gone.

No. And so that's the industry. All you young people in the industry, just say out loud. You know what? I'm going to move back east. Just say that. Now, the showbiz universe will let you move back east. And then it'll get you something after you've given up your apartment and all that. Dude, that just happened to, uh, that just happened at Dean Del Rey. Yeah.

Dean Del Rey's like, I'm getting all these, he's bicostal now. So then he, but he's so he went to New York. Like, I'm going to be out there for a while doing spots. A minute to sell or blah. Dude, he gets. He's there for like two weeks. He got Conan. No.

He just got Conan. He's going to come back. It's hilarious. Actually, he's on Conan tonight with Mark Marin. Oh, nice. I'm going to try to go over there for the taping, yeah. That'll be fun. He's such a good guy.

He's got, and Dean, you know, I haven't watched him that much, but over the last, you know, several years, he just got, you just, some guys just turn the corner. They just know exactly what they're starting to do. Like, he got so tuned into his voice. Yeah, he's just, he's Dean. On stage and offstage. Yeah. He's a killer now. No, he opens from me.

He gets like sustained rounds of applause when he's done. Dude, I had to go on after him and Todd Rex. You ever go on after Todd Rex? No. Fucking monster. Oh, really? Yeah. And both, you know, Todd has this thing where people love him.

Yeah. Like he's one of these, he's like a big kid. Kids love him. Adults love him. Right. And he is like, he's like a legit headliner. Wow. And you put both those guys on before you?

Yeah. Yeah, I did. But what's good is, though, but then people come out and they get to see like a full show. Yeah, it's great. Rather than some like, you know, some cupcake you put on in front of you that's up there. Hey, weather's been crazy. You ever know, you've ever noticed with raindrops, someone bigger than others? I did a show last night in, or the other night in Michigan, northern Michigan. And it was this performing arts center, this nice theater. Beautiful place up in like, I've never been that far north. Decent bakery.

Nice bakery. No opener. No, I just walked out and just did it. It was kind of lonely, like hanging out during the day and stuff. But I have to say it was kind of, you have to do more time. You know, you're doing more like an hour and a half. But I really liked it. You ever do that?

Yeah. Well, I do like 90 minutes anyway. On top of those guys. Yeah, but if I have one guy he does like 15, if I have two guys, they both do 10. Oh, okay. And I'm trying, like. But you ever just walk out? You ever just go with nobody?

Yes. Have I done nobody on the road? I've only a few times. Yeah. It becomes a different thing. It is a different thing. I think it would be weird at a club. Uh-huh.

Yes. Just because with a club, there's so much commotion going on. Yeah. And there's so many drinks you've got to get out, so much food to get out, and all all that pomp and circumstance has to happen. Yeah, there's a lot going on. And then when the headliner comes on, it's like, now we have your undivided attention until we drop all the checks.

So there's always commotion going on with the clubs. But like at a theater, I think. It becomes an evening with rather than a show. Like I saw, who did I see? I saw Billy Conley. Uh-huh. I saw him in New York about 10 years ago. And I remember, yeah, because he did like two hours.

Yeah. He did two fucking hours. It was unbelievable. And at that point, that's when guys were kind of like, if you did like an hour, it was like, wow. Yeah. Do you remember when headlining was 45 minutes? Yeah, everybody did 45. 45.

That's, yeah. Insane. It's a fucking joke. Insane. I feel like now, if I don't do like an hour and 20, I'm ripping them off. I know. And I know. Yeah, it's a weird thing.

You know what's weird about it, too, is that it's kind of like when you do pushups. Like, if you say you're going to do 20 pushups. pushups, 18, 19, 20 are really hard. If you tell yourself you're doing 25, all of a sudden, 23, 24, 25 are hard. Like, it's just, I don't know about that. It's true. If 18 and 19 are hard. 25 is going to see like a fucking zillion miles away. But I know what you mean. If you're shooting. Yeah, it adjust your head. Your head does something. You say I'm going to go do an hour and a half tonight. Yeah. That's just the way it is. And if you say you're doing an hour, all of a sudden, you're panting to get to an hour. All right. Hey, you want to answer some questions here?

to help me on? I give people advice on this, this podcast. Yeah, of course. You know, if any of this is going to ruin your bread show, baked, just let me know. I'll give you a second. So last week, somebody mentioned that, you know, actually, my dumbass, I went on like, I was like, let's see what's going on in the world. Oh, no. And, um, I don't even know if I want to drag you into this, but like Trump said that, said they're killing white farmers in South Africa, which has been happening for what. And I never condoned it. I didn't say it wasn't a big deal. I was talking about what he pays attention to.

Which, you know, I don't think if they were Puerto Rican farmers, he would give a fuck. And I am, call me a reverse racist, but I am basing that on the fact that when there was regular people and then neo-Nazis involved, he was sitting there going like, well, you know, you can kind of see both sides of the story. Yeah. So anyways. So this guy wrote, he wrote in from Cape Town. got a bunch of people from Europe. Right. Saying, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You know, they're just like me. They're not there. Right. So we didn't listen to them. All right. So this guy's from Cape Town. Right there. How's it going, Billy?

I'm from Cape Town, South Africa. I'm a big fan. I listen to your podcast every week, yada, yada, yada. Care for a visit? Yeah, I'd love to go there. I'd go there. I have two topics I want to put out there. First, my country got some air time in the news last week due to a tweet by the Donald guy.

Now, just a recap. I don't know what this guy's tone is, but I've read some of the other ones. They're all like, go, don't you fucking read about it before you open your mouth. All right. Now, just a recap, he basically mentioned investigating farm murders and land expropriation without payment in South Africa based on race. Why are we getting involved in this? Yeah, I know.

Why are we getting involved? Anyways, I bet one of the farmers was going to sell him land to build a golf course. We have to stop it. All right, news outlets like BBC, CNN, etc. We're quick to point out that these claims were based. And then if you look at the crime statute, you would actually see a decline in the farm-based attacks. Now, I don't watch. He got into it because Tucker Carlson did a thing on it.

Oh, do you know what? I should, because I don't watch the news. Yeah. Because all it does is give me anxiety. It's just, it's a half hour of anxiety with no solution. Yeah. And all the shit that I wasn't worried about, I now have to add to the shit I already was worried about.

So why would I do that to myself? Yeah. And you're powerless to do anything. All right. Just to set the record state, I can tell you that if you search deeper and speak to the average South African, they would tell you a different story. Being a farmer or farm worker is by far the most dangerous job you can have around here due to

the number of attacks and the cold blood or blooded barbaric nature of these attacks. There is no doubt that the number of attacks has grown in number and in brutality in recent years, yet these attacks are not widely reported in the accuracy of the statistics on the farmers have been a point of dispute ever since the end of apartheid.

Anyone you talk to, yeah, the whole fucking thing is there was brutal attacks to get the land and then a brutal form of government and now there's a brutal reaction to it is my limited understanding to it and I'm not saying any of that was right I was just saying it's interesting what the orange-headed lunatic decides to pay attention to right exactly it's all I'm saying I mean this is a and I've even said the last election was 2 a.m. at a bar you had to go home with somebody you didn't want to leave with either one but you had to leave with somebody. So I am not picking a side

politically or anything that shit. Anyways, anyone you talk to can tell you of multiple of their close friends or relatives who have been attacked, have been affected by an attack, regardless of race, yet this is not helped by the fact that many political rallies are met with

chance of kill the borough, the farmer, kill the farmer. These political parties are basically garnering support on the false promise of land and wealth to everyone. Yay, communism. What do you mean? Yay communism. That happened in our country. Yeah. Yeah, we got to rebel against these English guys. And then all the rich fucks, once we kicked them out, moved into the rich guy's houses. Right. And continued the taxes.

This is, I love when they blame forms of government. Yeah. Is there a form of government that works? I don't think there is because every, because you get, at the end, you have human beings with unchecked power on some level at the top. And it just, that's right. That's what we are. Some people taste the good life and they don't want to give it back. No, no. That's what's going on in Nicaragua right now. What's going on? Talking about someone else's problems. It's basically the students are rioting and trying to take the government back.

And the guy who they're trying to take the government back took the government for the people when he was a student. But then he got fat and happy and now he's like the dictator who doesn't want to let it go. Whenever you taste the good life, nobody wants to let it go.

No, you get the extra food, you get the best booze, the best women. Oh, my God. And all of that. A big nice. silk robe. Yeah, yeah. People are cooking your meals. Yeah, you're sitting in the hot tub.

Yeah. Are you going to get out of that thing? No. To go help somebody less fortunate than you. No. That's not how people are wired. No, they put up gates around their home. Yeah.

And they say, I'm going to keep this. Yeah, I'll read more about this stuff. I'll definitely look up. But no, but why? But back to your thing about the orange guy pointing this out and bringing us into, like, I understand. understand that's a big problem when you read about it's like oh boy this is a mess don't we have our own messes like don't the aren't like why do i have to jump into this one i mean that's there's

stuff like that no human being the human being you're supposed to care you do care but i can't how much time you know you could care about everything we get the nicaragua thing is a huge thing i mean it's i don't even know it's going on all i know is this country is fucking bankrupt and because we're fighting a war that has no set ending and you're not allowed to ask about it. And I don't want to bring this shit up while you've got a fucking show coming out. It's just one of those things. It's just like, I don't understand why if I ask, like, hey, how are we going to pay for this?

Hey, when are we coming back? All of a sudden, I don't support the troops. I'm not American. Right. And I just became like, I just got my, I'm part of ISIS now. Right. Yeah, I can do that with the- just talking about it. I love the Patriots.

I can sit there and be like, what the fuck are we doing? Why did we draft that guy? People just go, don't go like, you're not a Patriots fan. You like the Jets. You're a piece of shit. So it's a very weird. Yeah, it's a weird time that you can't. Yeah, because there's a bunch of people afraid to say stuff that everybody kind of agrees with.

Yeah. But don't you think also that there's a lot of real, like, reasonable people that are thinking the same thing you are on whatever issue, thinking the same thing. And when you do bring it up, they agree and quietly go about their day, like normal people. Yeah, they come up after the show, after they didn't last. and say, yeah, you're 100% right on the blah, blah. I totally agree with this, or I had a dad just like that. Whatever the fuck that you were talking about that made the crowd go quiet. You know what it really is?

I can't believe how many people are afraid to get in trouble. Yeah. Like basically you get yelled at on Twitter. Right. By who? By who? Just the loudest one. Yeah.

Right? It's just, that's what I'm saying. There's so many more people that aren't tweeting hateful stuff at you. I think most of it has to do with. A corporation, God forbid, if one extra nickel that they could have made rolled out the fucking door. That's the only time they do the customer is always right is with that shit. Right. Everything else, you can go fuck yourself.

You can go to the website and stare at the screen and try and figure it out yourself. And maybe you'll get a portion of a refund or something. I don't want to get all gloom and doom here with this stuff. So let's talk sports, man. I was really watching the Red Sox. And then I just, dude, I have to tell me, like, this is the regular season, man. I know, but it has been such a, I'm a Yankee fan.

Right. And it has been such. Hey, by the way, congratulations. It must have been a fun ride your whole life. It wasn't. When I was a kid, well, I had a little Greg Nettles, Reggie Jackson when I was really little. And then I had to go the whole 80s without his world serious. It was horrible.

Do you realize if you guys don't win it this year or next year, that is the only second time you haven't won a World Series during a decade. Yeah. The level of success that that is is fucking ridiculous. Not to mention, I think two decades, you won at least half of them. In the 40s and

50s, well, yeah, but I mean, I can't, who knows what was going on back then? There was Bobby Sox and Frank Sinatra. During my time, we went through horrible periods when they were like trying to buy people and we never and it was always messed up.

But the Jeter years, homegrown kids, great run. That's because your guy got kicked out of baseball, and he would have got rid of half of them. I don't think Jeter, and I don't think he would have known what Mariana Rivera was going to be, because nobody did, because you guys had him pitching like no, middle relief. O'Neill would have been gone. Bernie Williams would have been gone. Well, O'Neill, you got from the Reds.

They wouldn't, they would not have hung on to these people. He was, but it was homegrown. It was pure. I have a guilt. I have a guilt as a Yankee. fan when you buy and you know you've got johnny damon all of a sudden standing in the outfield i don't like that money part of it oh we we we went right over the cliff with you yeah we're like all right well they're in our division this is how you play and now you guys are doing it the right way we're doing

it the right way and it's been a great season i love baseball right it's my favorite sport and i'm enjoying the hell out of a young guys scraping enjoying it the second best record in all of baseball And we can't get close to the Red Sox. Yeah. What have you been doing up there? This is what's great, though. What is so great is the greed of baseball where now they have to have nine million rounds. Like back in the day, if we slept, swept you in August.

Yeah. That would have been a big thing. But back in the day, I always would have been as Red Sox fan, like, okay, how are they going to fuck it up this time? Because they always did. But that would have meant something. Yes. That didn't really mean anything. No.

Because. Because all it doesn't mean anything. Yeah, because you guys are going to get the wild card. We'll get one game playoff against Oakland or something, and we'll lose and be out in one game. It's so frustrating. Oh, I don't even know. I don't like the one. What's the one game thing?

Well, you have the one game, the one game playoff. Oh, so they added that, and then there's the three game, and then the fours, and then the four. What are you guys doing up there? Why do you never, you never lose? You never lose. How many wins do they have? Last I checked, they were like 91 and 41 or 90 and 41. Yeah, we just had like 83.

So, but no, we're, uh, tonight I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, well, I'm taping this Sunday night just so I don't confuse. Are you guys as good? Are you guys as good as, uh, as this record shows? No. No, nobody ever is. Your regular season record is never as good as you are because you're, you're rolling up all these stats on people who aren't going to be there in October. So what you have to do is you got to look at, like, we just played, we just played, uh, the Indians, who I think, Terry Francona is still the best manager in baseball. Everybody's sleeping on them. Nobody gets more out of their players in this fucking. guy. And we play the four-game series. We split it. The first two games, he made us look like a five-hundred ball club. And then our big free agent guys, you know, sale and price came in and shut them down. Right. Okay. Now, here's the thing. You fucking like Houston, they got Verlain,

they got all those guys. They're defending World Series champion. Nobody's talking about them. They're so good. Exactly. And they probably had a couple of injuries and whatever, but blah, all I know is come October, we're all zero and zero. I think, really, they're my pick to take it again. And what ESPN does about regular seasons is what the news does about like ISIS, where in my head, ISIS was powerful enough to come over here, attack this country, and overthrow it. Right. Until I actually sat down.

I was like, they don't have a plane or a boat or uniforms. Right. This is not Germany and Japan again. Okay. So, fucking, um, they do the same thing. Well, they basically said the race was over when we swept you guys four games in a fucking row. No, we have like 12 games left.

Yeah. Injuries happen. I'm going to try and get to the one on the 18th or 19th. Yeah. So I've, dude, I have done this too many times as a sports fan to know to try to put my feet up in August and say anything's over. I watched his blow a 12 game lead. like, I don't know how many years ago, four or five years ago.

Yep. I watched this blow that classic 18 game lead in 78. Yeah. I've seen the tuck rule. I've seen the fucking, I've seen it all. Even as fat and happy. Ruffing the passer. There's still that's insecure.

I've been beaten by my. I've seen balls roll through guys' legs. It's so great. I was at dinner with my brother-in-law and his wife the other night and Red Sox fans. and they literally when we were talking, they were still nine and a half up. But it was the Cleveland and they lost the first game of Cleveland and the Yankees won that night. And we got a half game up. And I was like, here it comes.

Here comes the slide. This is the beginning of the end. And I was just talking out of my ass because they're so solid. But the fear in my brother-in-law's eyes like, oh, man, it really is. This is the beginning of the end. Because he's gone through it. Yeah. Like, you get millennials, they'd be like, ah, fuck you.

We got this. Yankee stuck. They don't even, they don't know. No, they don't. I went to Fenway for the first time this year in the beginning of the season. Horrible rainy night. But that was my first time there. I've watched so many games at Fenway on TV. It was so surreal. I felt like I had been there before. Oh, yeah. When you're sitting in the thing, like when you're walking through and trying to get food and stuff. When I go back now, it's not the ballpark I went to as a kid. I mean, they got like a mall in the right field. They got people sitting up in the green monster.

Right. It is so different from when I left, the Green Moss, so it didn't have any advertising, anything. I think it looks way better with the advertising. In, in Ted Williams' days or pre-Tedmoggio days or something, I believe they had advertising there. So it's gone through like a bunch of stuff. But, dude, I was just thinking all the shit that I've seen.

I've seen the Celtics in a game seven with the Lakers, seen the refs called 30-something fouls on them and like 15 on the Lakers. In a game seven, I literally watched the Lakers beat us from the foul line. And these weren't, we wasn't, We're out there hacking people. It was so fucking anticlimactic. I've seen too many men on the ice. I've just, I've, too many, like, I don't give a fuck how many games were up until.

But then you also had air taken out of your ball and you had the little snowplow to give a thing for the guy taking the cross goal. Every team has had those things. All of that shit. Yeah. That's, I have to tell you, that deflate gate is up there with any, like, as far as like the music man, you can. could redo the music man with deflake it. The study literally found that like the Colts also had like three balls that were slightly underinflated.

ESPN did a study. Of course, of course. That showed that the ball actually got there a little bit later. So it'd be an advantage to the defense. So of course, they pulled that immediately. And a bunch of Pat's fans had recorded it going like, this is what they don't want you to know, right? So why?

So why? What? Looking back now, I feel like they, they, no, dude, they did something. they fucking because we were in with Goodell and then something happened and then we were just fucking out I think part of it was

Well I think part of it was when they under suspended Ray Rice Uh huh And they were just like yeah a couple of games And then they tried to say that they didn't see it Then you found out they saw it And then Goodell he's making like $35, $36 million a year

Then I think he just started oversusending everybody And do you think it's like if we go after the golden boy, that'll kind of take the heat off of the whole league? No, what I think what ended up happened? I think the combination was that, and then we had some sort of falling out with the guy, and then we took him to court. And in a court of law, I mean, it got laughed out of court.

The judge actually yelled at the NFL for wasting their time. Really? So a lot of people forget that. So then he played the next year, not suspended. So then what, you know, now you can't have double jeopardy. You can't get tried for the same thing. So the NFL went back and changed their argument and said, is the NFL a corporation? And they said, yes.

And they says, does a corporation have a right to suspend an employee if they feel fit? And they said, yes. And they said, well, Tom Brady is an employee of our corporation. And he is suspended. And they couldn't mess with that. So that's what we got. So he sat down for four. games because if Tom Brady and the Patriots took the NFL to court and won and reversed it,

that was going to open the floodgates every time helmet to helmet hit and suspension and all this could potentially, you know how corporation thinks, like, oh my God, the amount of money and legal costs will have the nuts running the nut house. They had to fucking suspend them. Right. So that is my totally biased Patriots. Yeah. You know, as far as like, I'll be taking air out of the ball, we're trying to steal science.

Yes, as is everybody else, which is why when you watch a college football game, my favorite thing ever, when you watch them when they send in signals, there's like four guys doing it. Somebody's holding up a picture of Urkel, another guy's, you know, fucking pop locking. You know? And I also love, too, like that the whole idea that if you film somebody, you know what they're doing. Like they're miming, throwing the ball or handing it off or punting it. You still have to figure it out. And as much as we were guilty of the spy gate thing, I mean, if you're going to sit there and say, oh, yeah, first of all, everyone else is pure. Well, the thing about that is, is that was the first game that that was illegal to do that.

What do you mean? That was a, well, that was legal. You were allowed to. Jimmy Johnson even said, he goes, I came in the league. They say, okay, what do I do? Get a camera, pointed at their guy, look at it at halftime. Whatever you can steal, steal. Oh, really?

So I think it just looked bad after a while. Right. So the rule was, dude, just that you couldn't have a guy on the field. You could still have a guy up in the booth. There's something called a Zoom lens. Right. They're still doing it. Yeah.

Everybody is still fucking doing it. So. It's funny. Yeah. So if you're going to, but anyway, you're going to say stealing science. Yeah. Then we should have to forfeit World War II. Do you have a college team that you like?

Or you like college? Yes. Yes. I have a bunch that I like, but LSU is my adopted one. That's your adopted. I just loved the. SEC, this was 10 years about 2008. I was after

Nick Saban was there. Right. And I was into Les Miles and, you know, he would just do that shit. You know, it was almost like he was his offensive mind was where the people in the upper deck was where they were like, go for it. And he would just do it.

Yeah. And it worked for a little while. The LSU, their big thing is they've never and since I've been watching them, they haven't had a quarterback that they've believed believed in enough to let him play the full game. And they are literally playing a lot of times this stereotypical, like old school stereotypical white quarterback, black quarterback thing where it's like, it's a passing down. Get the white guy in there.

Right. And so running, we could maybe run the option here. Get the black guy in there. And it's just like, dude. That's hilarious. Yes. Pick one. Just go for it.

And let them get into the feel of the game. as it'd be like, hey, Tom, that's why he never liked hosting. Yeah. Because it's like you get him going, you get him going, and then you got to bring somebody up at such an art. And then you sit down, you're fucking, you know, thinking about your day the next day and it's like, oh, fuck, I got to run back up and do another five minutes.

Yeah, yeah. My favorite thing in hosting was, we're going to, yeah, we're going to keep the show moving right along and bring the next guy up. Yeah. That was my favorite thing with hosting. I'm not going to do any time in between. Are we going to keep this?

Someone just murders. Are we just going? Yeah. I kind of, I really like, uh, how the comedy store doesn't have a host. I really like it. Yeah, how they just bring everybody up. You just bring each other on.

I didn't think I was going to like that. It's pretty awesome. You want to talk about a place that just turned around? I don't know if you ever. I was living out here in the late 90s. And when you went down to the comedy store, I mean, also, no one knew who I was. I was struggling to get spots.

But that place, first of all, there was nobody there. No, spooky. Yeah, and it was like. The vibe. Oh, dude, the vibe. I was like, it was like a fucking haunted house. Like he went in there. And there was all of these guys, these guys that were on TV and they were big names.

And they would come in and just burn the light. They would just stand there. Yeah. Having not done the work. No. Didn't write anything new. We're just standing there leaning against the mic standing. Yeah.

So what else is going on? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're sitting back there. You know, your spots pushed back five minutes, 10 minutes, 40 minutes, an hour and a half, two hours. I'm going home. go home. If I go home, they don't know me. So I, you just have to, would have to fucking stay there. And, um, and all these young kids were learning someday when I get on his show, I'm going to do that. And I remember being here in 98, it was right as Seinfeld

was wrapping up. And Jerry, the first time ever, all these years I'd been out there, he popped in at the improv and I was like, holy shit. Right. It's the king, right? And he went on stage was supposed to do 15 minutes. He did 15 minutes. Right. He started with the killer joke. He ended with a great joke and even better joking. In the middle, he tried out his new stuff.

And I just clicked. I was like, that's the way you do it. That's a fucking pro. Right. And that other shit is just ego and. Oh, that's all it is. I got a show. And drinking.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, that place was spook. I remember going there at the store back then. And it was like, this is not going to help me. Like, this is going to make me. me depressed. Oh, it was, it was fucking hostile. It really was. It was hostile. And I remember, there was a couple rays of light over there, Rogan. I remember meeting Rogan for the first

time at the Laugh Factory. And I rode over, he had, of course, he had this fucking badass cool car. That's really what I remember about those days was just watching Joe come in a really cool car and like, wow, that guy's really got it going on. Yeah, he did. Yeah, some sick-ass tail fin. It was some sort of Japanese sports car. Yeah. I can't remember. So some turbo powered something. We went over there. And he basically gave me like a pep talk. Oh, yeah?

On the mindset you had. But it wasn't specifically pointed at the comedy story. It was just the L.A. comedy scene. Right, right. Like how you had to be. Don't fucking listen to anybody. Get in there. Do your job.

And just like it was like a real like, it was like a eight point power, Joe Rogan, PowerPoint thing. That's great. On the mindset. And that looked, like, and he was like a, he was young Joe. So he was like, it was like, is this guy going to like help me or fucking rip my head off? Like, he was like the most amped up dude I'd ever fucking been around. And fortunately, he turned out to be like just a sweetheart of a guy. Yeah. And really the kind of the heart of what turned that around. Like he, oh, do him calling out fucking MNC and all that. Like, dude, it was like, it was, it was fucking ridiculous. It was like coming in there with a big can of raid.

And just spraying it all across the whole comedy story. It was unbelievable. Yeah. Because like the terror that you had. Yeah. He pulled in. He pulled in the thing. And you're like, fuck, I'm going on next.

Right. And all the work you wanted to do, you could not do. You could not fucking do. I mean, I want to start that shit up again. But like... It's amazing now. I mean, when you walk in there now, it just... Just the original room, just to go and have a place to really work.

Like, you really are going to get work done. Yeah. And what's funny is look at Roebate. And look how Big Rogan is. And what does he do? He does it like Seinfeld. Do 15. He goes up.

He does 15. He tries out the shit he wants to try out. He kills. Yeah. Work on your stuff and go. But it's amazing, though, that usually wants a place or a scene goes bad like that. It's very rare that it comes. Yeah.

It's like a movie. In a movie that happens. I know. Good triumphs over evil. Yeah. But similar to what you were saying about the cellar being like that special room and something just happens there. Places have something to them.

The laugh factory is always going to be the laugh factory. The seller's always going to be the seller. You know what I mean? You know it's unreal back in the day? You may dip and have bad times, but that room is begging to be good again. Yeah. You know the one that I remember way back in the day in the 90s when we were coming up. If you're on the 9 o'clock show Saturday night at the comic strip.

Oh, my God. I mean, it was so, it was like. You'd come off and. think you were the greatest comedian of all time. Yeah, I'm ready to do Letterman. Yeah, that room, the energy of that square room, that centered stage, it was unreal. Yeah. Unreal.

And that room, and that's a club that's gone in the toilet. And it's just waiting to come back. You put the right person booking it and start attracting the good guys back again. Because that room, the architecture, the energy when human beings are in it, it's waiting to be great again. If I was still in New York, I would still go there. Even if it's going through a bad period, it's just like just to keep it going. Yeah. Then you've got to use whatever juice you have to keep. Because how does that help comics if there's one less room?

Forget about a room like that, which, dude, that room was fucking crazy. Crazy. Do you remember when, what were the names, the team, Red Johnny and the Round Guy? Oh, God. When they would go up at the comics trip, I mean, I had to follow him at the fucking Boston Comedy Club. Nothing was bigger. Nothing was bigger.

They would just rip the roof off that place. I mean, to agree. When they used to be down to the fucking Boston Comedy Club, and they would do the fucking, It Takes Two. It takes two to make a thing go right. And one of them is going, Woo!

And then I remember Matt Frost, who's now at CIA, he would be flicking the lights fucking on and off. like it was a nightclub and the place would be going nuts. It was some joke. It was some joke that they did about going to a dance club and feeling like an asshole. And they just like when they went into that bit, it was like you were at a fuck. It was like you started watching a movie. Yeah.

And you'd be, I remember just staying there going like, I have nothing. Nothing. Nothing in my arsenal. In my whole career. Never. You could take all of it and slam it together. I have nothing that could follow that. And going up in that fucking room after those guys and bombing was the loneliest

fucking thing. If I ever saw comics start crying and that I wouldn't even judge them. Because that was back to when the club where all the comics sat in the back, but you had to walk to the front of the stage and go up in the middle before they had that side thing. And they would just be back there. And I remember I was this new kid came down from Boston. Nobody gave a fuck. Yeah.

I remember running to Todd Bay. Barry going like going like how do I get in it like asking that fucking question where there is no answer how do I get in at the clubs he's like I don't know man just keep doing it you know just you got to hang out and now I know what he was thinking like hey dude I'm trying I'm still trying to get in you know and you'd sit back there and you'd watch like a tell and Kevin Brennan all these guys that were like already made men like in and everybody had an edge there was no like you know like joy of like, come on along. I'll show you the way.

It was just mean, tough guys who got a spot and you weren't taking it from them and screw you. You stay here till 2 o'clock in the morning. And let me, I dare you to complain. Yeah. I dare you to complain. And there was a bunch of comics that used to hide uptown because they didn't want to go downtown and get their, they went down there once. It takes two to make it make a thing go right. They fuck that shit. I am not going below

fucking 23rd Street. And they, they It was scary up there. It was scary down there. It was like Armageddon. I used to walk by the Boston during the day when it had that shit red awning, that little turned pink. It looked like an old peep show building, fucking front. I used to get sick to my stomach when I would look at it. And that was the thing.

No, you dread. Where I was just like, I have to get over this fucking feeling or I am not going to make it in this fucking city. I know. Because that is fucking not. I'm just walking by the building and it's like that bully I have to fight. Yes, completely. I remember saying to Kevin Brennan, we were up in the stand-up New York,

and he was talking just about this. And I said, yeah, but, you know, we got to keep going because it's making us stronger, right? We got to go because it's making us stronger. And Kevin goes, it's comedy. I mean, how fucking strong do we have to be? I remember this comic, too, bitch and saying that there should be no heckling. This should be no heckling.

He's like, you go to a Broadway show. There's no heckling. And I want to be like, well, fucking, go fucking get a job on Broadway then, do. Because I don't think that there should be any heckling. That's like, I think that's what makes stand-up so fucking cool. Is that, that it's actually, you know, that's part of it, that somebody is going to do that. Yeah, that there's the energy that something's good. That this is going to be different tonight than it was last night.

And I also think. Because of me, maybe because of the audience, maybe because of the moon, who knows. And the fact that people heckle is also what keeps a lot of people from never, it weeds. out a lot of people. Yeah. Which is a good thing. On both sides. I don't want to keep you here too long.

I know you're on to a bunch of other podcasts here to promote your show. I can stay here all day. Well, also, we want to have enough time if we're going to fix a cigar, maybe. Who knows? Start one, finish it at home. Yeah. You could do that. All right, let's do that.

Let's do that. Tom Papa, the show's called Baked. It comes on September. September 3rd, Labor Day night. Monday. Two episodes. Starts 10 o'clock east. 10 o'clock.

September 3rd. It's going to run every Monday through September. The first one is, the first one actually is New York. And my buddy, our buddy, Jim Gafficking, stops by a donut shop while I'm there. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, it's great. All right. I've already pitched myself for the second season. I can't wait. All right. So happy for your success, buddy. Thank you, buddy. All right. Okay. Now it's time for the reads here. I apologize to all the people that wrote in about The farmers down there in South Africa, I'm going to read up on that, and I will read the rest of that guy's email on Thursday. Okay? That's my promise.

Now, if you know me, I'm scatterbrain, so I might forget, okay? But I don't take innocent people dying anywhere lightly. It had nothing to do with that. It had to do with the other bullshit. All right, with that, let's do some reads here. All right? By the way, as I mentioned before, my great buddy, Dean Del Rey, he's doing his first talk show as a stand-up comedian tonight, Monday night on Conan O'Brien with the great and brilliant Mark Marin is one of the guests. Please tune in and check it out.

And after that it says I got a ton of emails, a ton of emails from South Africa. So I have to read these. I can at least read the rest of this guy. his thing here. I forget where I left off. Let's just pick this up. Which brings me to my second point. Now, I don't follow all the news on Trump, frankly. I don't care anymore because it's exhausting.

I agree. I agree to. Everybody's screaming and yelling, flipping the fuck out, and nobody has a solution. But the message I get from the media is still the same. They hate him and will blow up any small thing just to take him down. And basically, you know something? That is a problem in this country. ever since bill clinton no one has been allowed to be president without being constantly under attack

and i really think it hurts the position democrat republican or or libertarian whatever you got to let the person try to do the fucking job you know anyways they hate him and we'll blow up anything you do they're saying trump has chosen debate team a therefore we will choose opposing team b uh that is true with CNN and Fox. They both do it. Everybody is making a big deal over every bombshell, in quotes, in the Mueller probe of he must have known, and this lawyer knew about that shit and pleaded guilty. Really? Do you want to tell me Hillary Clinton or any other politician

would have the same kind of, I think you wanted to say, wouldn't have the same kind of dirt? Yeah, Hillary would have been getting attacked the entire fucking time. They all played dirty. I would never have expected it otherwise. So my point is, yeah, but they don't all play dirty. Bernie Sanders did not play dirty, which I don't think it's a waste of a vote to, even though the guy's not going to win, to a vote for somebody like that, because you're trying to

encourage more people by seeing the amount of votes that you can get by being a good fucking person. I hate people say you've wasted your vote. Anyways. So my point is, Trump actually noticed a problem in South Africa that requires attention. but we probably won't get the attention we need because the dumbass media is too busy writing South Africa hit back at Trump articles. That's true. They try to take down everything that he's doing. But the thing about it is, is he only seems to notice problems that hit white people. Okay. That's the fucking problem. Okay. And as much as our media definitely would have attacked any Republican that went in there, the left wing media would definitely

do that. I mean, I think when you look at neo-Nazis and go, yeah, well, I mean, you know, people were being aggressive on both sides. You kind of lose a lot of credibility is all I'm saying. All right, but I understand also what you're saying. Okay. Continuing. Wow, you read it all the way up to here. Thanks. Go be an inspiration to all the other hairless ginger's out there. Um, all right. So there's another one from South Africa. Bill Clinton's balanced budget myth.

All right. So it wasn't balanced. Now I have to want, like, where did this come from? Now is this people on the right? You don't know where any of this is from. So now I have to, I'm just supposed to read this and I'm supposed to look at you and assume that you're this guy down the middle that. votes on both sides.

I will read this. You guys are making me more informed, I think, or maybe you're swaying me. Like that guy who wrote in from Russia, but I don't know if that's the guy from Russia who's hacked into the Twitter shit. I don't know where any of this shit's coming from. Shark theft. Hey, Bill, just wanted to share this ridiculous story about this guy that stole a fucking shark from an aquarium in Texas. He dressed the shark as a baby and put it on a push chair and just walked out.

His justification was he was concerned for the shark's welfare. Well, he probably wanted to put it back in the ocean. But once he takes it out of the water, I think the shark was like, hey, man, I don't think that aquarium was so bad. Granted, it's not as big as the ocean. And I'm no longer to live freely as a living thing on this planet. But, you know, if the shark went to rescue you and stuck you, dressed you as a baby,

and put you in a fucking carriage and then took you underwater, I think you'd be like, well, actually, it wasn't that bad. There is still some due process in this country. The fact that the article says a man accused of stealing shark, I mean, I think the fact that he had it, you know. Oh, I thought this was like, I thought that was part of the gift bag after you went to the aquarium, that you could take one of the fish home. All right.

Robin Leach. Billy Benz. You're old enough to remember lifestyles of the rich and famous. Oh, yeah, yeah, that was great. That's one of the first, uh, the sort of MTV Cribs before MTV Cribs. This guy, Robin Leach,

and they glorified it and it was just all like, and when they're sitting at their pool, they just don't sit at the pool. They eat escargo. I love watching it. Uh, do an impression for the kids who don't know what he sounded like. I can't do an impression of him.

I haven't seen it long enough and I'm not good at impressions, unless the person's in my life. Um, like I can imitate. I can imitate. I'm working on a Dean Del Rey that I'm going to get. Like, he always comes back for a concert. Hey, Dean, how was it? Oh, dude, it was killer.

He always goes down. Or if he's talking about someone that's an asshole. Oh, that guy, that guy's a garbage kid. All right. The first show to really give you a look at how filthy rich some people are was the lifestyles of the rich and famous. I remember seeing an onyx black bathtub and just thinking that all. all rich people had black sinks and bathroom fixtures. All right.

For those of you who didn't grow up in the 80s, if somebody had an all black bathroom, they were into cocaine on an entirely different level. They were going, uh, Kleinfeldt. You remember Kleinfeld? The most underrated Sean Penn character of all fucking time, uh, car in Carlito's way. You got to check that out where he was good. when I love when Pacino said that lie.

Lawyer. Kleinfeld, you ain't a lawyer. You are gangster. The first show really gave you, okay, anyways, I remember seeing an unexplagable, blah, blah, blah, anything stick out from that show. Do you have any goals? Did you have any goals when it came to luxury?

No, I didn't. I just, I just was thinking like, wow, that's amazing. But I never thought about money. and it never seemed detainable. I obviously was saying, you know, when I got older that I, you know, I wanted the Camaro Berlinetta. I secretly liked the Z28, but my older brother also liked that. And I didn't want to say that I liked the same car because I thought, you know, it would get me into a fist fight, you know, because that's just, you know, that's how it was back then. there wasn't any cell phone cameras or whatever like you just got in you've just fought your older brother

and then you tried out shit on your younger brothers to try it on your older brother but he had the psychological advantage and he always beat you so i had to like a different camaro than he did just to keep the peace but when i was a kid i wanted to have i definitely i wanted to have two bulldogs i remember that i was going to name him butch and chopper butch because i thought it was a tough name and then chopper there was a cartoon i used to watch and one of the bulldogs name was chopper i can't even remember which and i was going to have a camero berlinetta instead of the z 28 so i wouldn't get the shit kicked out of me by my older brother and uh beyond that i don't think the dream i don't think the dream went any further than that i was going to have a camero

and two bulldogs i never thought about a pool or finding love for becoming a parent. I was a kid. Yeah, so I used to just watch that. And I never gave a shit about tennis courts and stuff like that. I think I was into sports. So I think maybe I wanted to have like an incredible wiffle ball field, maybe. I don't remember.

It was a long time ago. But I definitely liked old houses even back then because we, you know, for most of my childhood. I grew up in an old one, which is why to this day I live in an old house. And you guys listen to me complain about having to fix it up. All right. Lastly, but not leastly, girlfriend owes me $10,000. But I want to break up.

Break up with their, sir, because I'll tell you right now, if you're with the wrong woman in life, her only owe you 10 grand that you know you're never going to get back. You got off easy. that to go out and crush it in life find a great woman that deserves you treat her right and you will you will make you know and just find a job that you would go do for free and you will make that 10 grand you throw a bunch of zeros after it you're going to make it back and even if you don't make back to 10 grand if you have loving your life and you love your job it's way better than this i would like without even reading this it's you're not getting your money back and no one's

going to help you because you're a man and she's a woman and she's just going to say it was a gift and she'll cry a little bit and it's going to be over just walk away walk away all right all right dear lunatic oh that might be my favorite intro ever i've been dating my girlfriend for about four years and she only owes you 10 grand dude you're getting off easy we dated two years in college and now for our first two years in the real world i live and work in new york city and you she only owes you 10 grand. Dude, oh my God. I'd break up with her and go fucking max. I don't max out your credit card, but I would definitely go buy a couple of rounds. I live in work in New York City, and while she works here, she lives at home since she's from Long Island. Oh, I love Long Island

chicks. I have a well-paying job for being in my mid-20s. She does not make money, but luckily lives at home and saves on rent. However, she does have student loans in a car payment. About a year ago, her car needed some serious tune-up work after she got in an accident while driving without insurance and she didn't have the cash to cover repairs and the repairs of the other car since the accident was her fault. Yeah, you're dating a child here, sir. This is not an adult. Her parents really don't have much money, so she asked me for the money. I was hesitant because it's $8,500. It was essentially all of my signing bonus. You got an $8,500 signing bonus, dude? what the fuck kind of job has a signing bonus

where you're not playing in a professional sports league? Dude, you're crushing it. Just walk away. 85 and it was essentially my signing bonus, but I knew she would pay me back at the time. And at the time, I thought I was going to marry her. All right. So you're a good guy.

Okay, it's been a little over. You were practicing for being married by spending your harder money on your wife fucking up the car. I mean, that's part of being married. It's been a little over a year since I lent her the money and our relationship hasn't been great. Plus, she's borrowed another $1,500 to pay some months of her loans and for a Bachelorette weekend in Vegas. I'm going to go out on a limb here saying you're not setting this relationship up correctly.

She hasn't had much luck finding the right job, constantly bouncing around is taking that built-up frustration out on me. Okay. In all fairness to her, I haven't heard her side of the story here, but this is not sounding good. Plus, she hates the commute, so she's constantly crashing at my apartment and walks around, all entitled, and just makes a mess and eats all the food. It doesn't clean up or cook or contribute since it's not her apartment. Dude, you know what I wish you should really? You don't even need me. What you needed to do was to write this letter, walk away for three days, and come back and reread it.

And you'd have all you, you know, and just pretend you don't know this guy. What would you be saying to this guy right now? Eat the 10 grand and get the fuck out of there. NFL seasons coming up, dude. Get the fucking sports package. Go hit the gym and enjoy your fucking fall. As it gets a little colder, you get to see the leaves turn, and she's not there fucking eating all your goddamn cheese.

She seems like she isn't in a good place mentally, and even though she says otherwise, every so often when she makes an outlandish purchase, I do bring up the fact that she has student loans and owes me money, which leads to a big fight. Yeah, people who borrow money don't pay it back always turn it into a fight when you actually say like, hey, are you going to do what you promised to do? They start acting like assholes. This is not a good person, buddy.

She might eventually become one, but you don't have time to wait, okay? You're in the prime of your life. You're in your 20s. You got an $8,500 signing bonus for whatever fucking job you're doing. I just hope you're not rating the 401Ks of people who are too old to get new jobs. Yeah, dude, I would walk away. And you live in New York. There's plenty of responsible, driven women out there that don't need a fucking guy.

And you can meet somebody that's at your level. And that's what you want to do. Okay. If you can marry up, but you don't go less than eyeball to eyeball. and that's not what this relationship is. From what you're telling me. I haven't heard her side of the story. Anyways, I'm truly different from the girl I...

Wait, I'm truly considering breaking up with her because she's so different from the girl I fell in love with. However, I feel like she for sure will never pay me back and will drift into an even darker place if I end it. What do you think I should do? Thanks in advance for your advice and go fuck yourself. Hey, here's something I learned. Somebody else's happiness is not your responsibility.

And you holding her accountable and actually breaking up with her, if she is an adult, she will cause her to take a long look at herself and figure out what she did wrong. If she's as immature as you're describing her, she's going to blame you after you've done all this wonderful stuff for you, for her. Okay. So like, this is a no-brainer. This seems like the tip of the iceberg. And the fact that she's pulling this shit with you and you're not even legally bound. imagine when you're legally bound and she can take half of everything that you fucking make.

Where is her ego going to be there then? She's at the part of the relationship right now where she's supposed to be pretending to be the person that she isn't. And she's already behaving this way. So I would say you're just starting to meet who the fuck she really is. That's the way this is worded. So I would say, you know what? 10 grand, that is 10,000 bucks to not be married to this is one of the great fucking deals you're ever going to get. God bless you, sir.

Enjoy the football season or whatever the fuck you're into. And go on to live in a great life and meeting somebody you deserve. All right, that's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. And I'll talk to you on, I'll check in on you on Thursday.