Monday Morning Podcast - Bad Parents, Blue Light Glasses, Australian Beaches | Monday Morning Podcast 5-25-26

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Bill rambles about the fall out of bad parenting, blue light glasses, and the beauty and dangers of Australian beaches.Quo: Try Quo for free and get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to http://www.Quo.com/BURRHelix: Go to http://www.HelixSleep.com/BURR for 20% off site wideTruewerk: Get 15% off your first order at http://www.Truewerk.com/BURRFast Growing Trees: Listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchase at http://www.FastGrowingTrees.com when using the code BURR at checkoutSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All right, everybody, this is kind of exciting. Billy Old School, Billy Analog. I partnered with Vinyl Moon to create a special edition album of my best Monday morning podcast, ad reads over the years, available alongside their amazing vinyl mixtape club. Here is the album here. I think, you know, they did the whole old-timey style here. Some of my favorite ones, the ZipRecruiter, the sweaty balls with the John Houston Piano Remix, weapons of mass destruction, no tear.

I remember that one. What the fuck am I reading? Who was that one? That was Sherry's Barry's. Nature's Box. Oh my God. Now, they had no fucking sense of humor. And, oh, at that time, I made my lovely wife laughing, talking about that guy falling off the scooter.

It's really cool. The artwork is incredible. Check out the color of the record. Are they all like this? This is limited. They're all this color, man. They're not messing around over here. Anyway, so now. you don't have to go on YouTube and click through a whole bunch of them, you can get them all in one, put them on,

take your gummy, eat your mushrooms, whatever you want to do. This beautiful custom album comes with a handful of my favorite ad reads over the years. Pressed on a custom color with the unique MMP art. Vinyl Moon partner with me to press this limited edition run of these albums, which are available only when you sign up for Vinyl Moon subscription membership for a new Vinyl Moon subscription membership. Did it. All right.

Vinyl Moon is an independent vinyl club for music lovers. and adventurous spirits. What are you talking to? Swingers? What are we doing here? Vinyl Moon has been creating and sending mixtapes of new music and original artwork pressed on vinyl to members around the world every month for over 10 years. They got experience. Each of their vinyl mixtapes comes in a super deluxe packaging, and they collaborate with

different visual artists. Look at these things. They open up. I mean, this is the kind of stuff back in the day. You know, you take your drugs out, you take the stems out, you take the stems out. Do you do all of that? Let me get, look at this one. Psychedelic, man.

And they got all of these. There are also, if I can take one of these records out of here, they're all different kinds of colors. You know what I mean? Look at, look at that one. Get the, look at that. They didn't make shit like that when I was a kid. All right, sorry, I got carried away there.

Anyway, they collaborate with different visual artists to create really original jackets, special features, and more, as you saw. And just like my album, their mixtapes are pressed on a beautiful color, vinyl. For a limited time, Monday morning podcast listeners can get this limited edition record of my favorite ad reads for free when they join Vinyl Moon with a three-month or longer membership. Head to Vinylmoon.com slash Burr for more information about club details and to get your free

limited edition record from yours truly. V-I-N-Y-L-M-O-O-N dot com.com, dot co, sorry, slash burr. V-I-N-Y-L-M-O-N dot co-C-O-S-B-R. All right, that's it. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, May 25th, 2020, 6, 6, 6. What's going on?

How are you? How's it going? Oh, my God. Oh, my Lord. I don't even know what to fucking talk about first. I don't even know what. What to talk about first? We're going to go sports.

You want to go movies? You want to talk to solar system? I can't talk about that shit. I ain't as smart. I ain't as smart as you are. Dude, you know fucking Peter? Oh, dude, he's fucking wicked smart. Oh, yeah, he takes all on his glasses.

All right, I'm just going to go with what the fuck I just did. I just watched this Peter Falk, John Cassavetti's movie called Mikey and Nicky with my borderline dyslexia and my old eyes I thought it was Mickey and Nicky

a Mickey and Falk a Nike wasn't it was Mikey Mikey and Nicky and I'm going to tell you this going to tell you this right now if there is a movie and John Casabetties is in it and Peter Falk is in it in any way shape or form

you are not you are not in for an easy ride those fucking guys made real shit I don't know if you ever saw a woman under the influence. I couldn't even get through it. It was so fucking brutal.

They're bait, but the two of them together, they're basically independent films, Walter Mathau and Jack Lemon, as far as like they're a perfect match for both of their talents, the way they come together. It is an absolutely fantastic, dark, fucking movie. And John Cassavetti's character is like

he reminded me of people I knew in my past where they just keep taking advantage of you and then they flip it around on you and then you know they gaslight you and then bring you back. He fucking amazing.

It's on the Criterion Collection. As I've always said, it's, it's, Criterion Collection is Cinemax for smart people. There's still nudity, there's still violence, but it's just done so tastefully. I give that five out of five stars. I mean,

as far as like my sensibilities for a movie. So, you know, it's all, that's the way it's always, you know, it's all fucking relative. You know, you go to rotten tomatoes. That's a good place to, I feel like they're pretty accurate. I just think there's enough people that you can get, like, an overall.

But if you got, like, different tastes, you know, there's, like, you know, look at all these bands out there that can sell out like an arena. And you're watching them like, I don't give a fuck. Or you see some band in a little club, like, why aren't they playing an arena? Oh, you know, it's hot, dude. It all comes down to your own taste there. But it is, yeah, fantastic. It's dark.

It's depressing. I'm just letting you know that's the ride. This is definitely not a mainstream fucking. movie. Jesus Christ. Am I glad that I stumbled upon that one? Anyway, I think I'm going to watch all the Ann movies. That was Mikey and Nikki. I'll watch Harold and Maude. I watch Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid next, right? I'll do that. And then on vacation, I'll go to Turks and Caicos. Something I've never been able to get past, that there's actually a country that has the word and and it, you know? Remember the first time

Nia brought that up to me. Turks and Caicos. There's somebody we were talking to. I go, that's the name of the country? They go, yeah. I just kept going and Caicos, Turks and Caicos. Well, they just call it Tecos, you know? Like when the Steelers and the Eagles got together during World War II

when they were the Stegals, you know? They didn't call them the Steelers and the Eagles. They called them the Stegals. Turks and Kekos. Tegos. This is the modern world. world we don't have time for and um speaking of that there's this sick youtube channel that just shows basically old NFL films and it's all like just the sick as fucking hits the way they used to play

and they have motley cruise kickstart my heart underneath it or kickstap my hat as they said where I was from and it's like bananas like and just the old uniforms that fucking astro turf that they played on how they led with their heads and all that and I hate the comments section because there's just no empathy for what those guys did to their bodies and then the quality of life that they lost after playing like that and all of these peats it's just the Roman times it's always the Roman Coliseum throw them to the lines. He said, this is the fuck, this is when football was fucking real. It's like, no, this is when, like, people were, like,

playing a game that gave them brain damage, and some of them committed suicide, killed their families, and then killed themselves. I mean, this, you know, and, you know, the powers that be knew what the fuck was going on, and they ignored it for a long goddamn time. And they could have played the game a different way, and it would have been fine.

And, you know, I just feel it's really, like, You know, I hate people who are like tough adjacent. You know what I mean? It's like, who can't be tough with somebody else's brain? Like, this is the fucking football. I fucking miss. Oh, yeah, you get out there. You get out there with that Sears Roebuck helmet.

And you go get, you go over the fucking middle. You do it. Let me see, you do it, tough guy. Being tough with somebody else's brain and their quality of life. But I got to tell you, man, seeing those old hits with that Motley Crew song underneath it, Jesus Christ. I have to watch it every time. So I guess I'm a part of it because I do know that they're really

fucking themselves up to play that way. But I don't know what the YouTube channel is, but I don't know. It was incredible. I always wished that, like, I'd started watching pro football a little. I didn't watch it until the late 70s, you know. We just didn't have the games.

I vaguely remember my grandfather. watching Monday night football with my dad. And they were talking about O.J. Simpson. And they were talking about his nickname. Juice. Oh, the Jew, they're all excited. Orange Juice, you know, they're all fucking excited to watch them. They were showing the highlight.

I remember a little bit of that. But I would have loved. I remember I saw a couple of Patriots games when Jim Plunkett was still playing in the early 70s. But I don't remember much of them because I didn't watch too many. My parents worked a lot, so they didn't have it all. that I didn't think to watch it, right? But, like, I would have loved, if I could have caught,

that era of football where the Eagles had the white helmet with the green wings on, like, right after the merger. I'm sure on YouTube, you know, because I've been able to watch old Super Bowls. I think I've seen every goddamn Super Bowl. The only one I haven't seen is I didn't see the one where the Eagles kicked the shit out of the Kansas City Chiefs. I just couldn't stomach watching it.

The fucking, all the calls that they were getting, I just couldn't handle it. It just was fucking brutal. And I went to the movies instead, and I came out, I'm sure they won. And then I saw the Eagles kick the shit out of them. I was like, ah, I never got around to watching it, though. Anyway, this morning,

I got a buddy of mine, lives out in, lives out there in the Malibu area. And I've been telling them, I'm going to ride out there one morning. We'll go for a ride through the Santa Monica Mountains, you know, on the bikes and fucking whatever. And I finally rode out there. I did that this morning and rode for like fucking three hours. I got to tell you, man, it was unbelievable. Just breathtaking, you know?

Don't listen to all of these people that are out here shitting on states. This is a goddamn gorgeous country. And if you do ride motorcycles, man, I don't give a fuck. Put your politics aside. Come out to California and take a ride up to PCH and go into the Santa Monica Mountains, dude. You're going to be happy that you did. It was incredible.

And at one point we were on that. I never knew where it was. That part of Mulholland Drive were all of those fast and furious kids and the guys on the motorcycles. There's this one little thing where they... I don't know, for whatever reason, they're always filming there. There's always a cop there.

And then there's also all kinds of, like, burnout, you know, there's all kinds of rubber on the road and all of that. And I was riding with two other people, so I wasn't too nervous, but, like... I was kind of laughing as they were going behind me on the other side. You know, borderline drifting. I was kind of like, yeah, not my tempo. Oh, Billy, Billy's a cigar-smoking fucking, you know, I like being in the right lane.

I'm not a left-lane guy. I just fucking cruise, you know what I mean? But I can just hear the beautiful sound of going through the gears and that engine and everything. I'm really happy. But anyway, we rode all morning, and there's so much stuff in that mountain up in those mountains. I didn't realize there was a couple of places where I saw, like, oh, nothing but motorcycles and these general store, like restaurant-looking places. And randomly there was this lake.

I don't know if it was man-made or whatever. It looked like I was in New Hampshire, except it was like with the, you know, they shot MASH. It was supposed to be Korea, but it was really like they shot them in some hills out here in California. So it's like a New Hampshire looking lake. Smaller, though. with, you know, that type of topography behind it, geography, whatever the fucking word is.

And I don't know, rode all morning. And then I had to get back here to take my kids to a birthday party, as always, you know, it's part of the dad thing. But I had such a fucking great time. Had such a great time doing that. And anyway, yeah, so if you ride, if you ever get a chance, and you're out here. Highly, highly, highly fucking recommended. Don't believe what you see on the news

that L.A. looks like that fucking Skid Row. I mean, you can do that to any goddamn city. Just show the worst of them, you know? And anyways, I also don't understand like showing that shit and then sort of trashing the people down there. It's like, those are your fellow countrymen, you know?

If you're going to get mad at anything, I would get mad at the false flag wars, the pharmaceutical industry, people who don't raise their kids right. You know, that's what I got out of watching that fucking Rupert Murdoch documentary, man. Just watching that guy, him and his kids in litigation with each other. It was fucking heartbreaking.

You know what I mean? I don't share that guy's political views, but just as also being a dad, looking at that guy, it's like, dude, for the love of God, send the lawyers out of the room and hug your fucking kids because you're going to die and they're going to have all this unresolved shit. And you know who's going to pay for it? Us. It's not even the people in his life.

It's, he's gonna, one of them is gonna take over that fucking empire with, with all of that, you know, I don't know, look at the current guy we got running the country. Like, I just look at that guy, I'm like, terrible parents. How many times do you think Donald Trump was hugged as a kid and somebody said, I love you and I'm proud of you? I'm gonna say zero. You can't fucking do that to kids.

You can't. You know, if you don't have it in, you don't fucking have a kid. Jesus, fucking Christ, because the rest, when you die, whoever's still alive is going to have to deal with the fucking mess you made. Not to mention, it's just unnecessarily cruel to do that to a kid. Anyway, plowing ahead here. Let's talk sports here. First of all, I got to give it up to the fucking New York Knicks.

For once, I don't want to say too much because I don't want to fucking put any sort of jinx or anything like that. But let's just say, in the past, the New York Knicks have made it to the NBA finals. Okay? NBA final. I always figure it's up. Is the Stanley Cup final in the NBA finals or is it the NBA final and the Stanley Cup finals? I always forget. Anyways, they usually put their fans, the Knicks through like at least 14 heart attacks before they get that far. And this year, God damn, I think they've won 11 playoff games in a row. So, you know, as much as I've just trashed Nick fans and all the attention New York media gets, how fucking amazing. I can set all of that shit aside. If the New York fucking Knicks win it, you know, it's not even right.

It's not even fucking right that all the unbelievable basketball players that have come out of New York all the people that have added to the game of basketball and turned it into a fucking art form and they have not had a championship since 1973. I can totally get behind this team fucking winning it, man. That would be incredible. And then on the other side, in hockey, Boston Bruins fan, I fucking hate the Canadians.

It's just you're born into it. You got to fucking hate them. When I was growing up, the fucking the refs, everyone was afraid of them. and if you were up a goal and there was 10 minutes left in the game, I've said this a million times. It was an unwritten rule that you put those cunts on the fucking power play and gave them a shot.

Like, oh, my, it was fucking ridiculous. So I'm setting all of that aside because I love Canada. I love the people up there and everything. And they haven't had a Stanley Cup since 1993. And as much as, I don't know, just the way we're divided up here, they get divided up there with that stupid French.

Canadian. It's like, you're all, we're all the same. Not for ready. But anyway, even there, I think they're, you know, they would like to see the Cup come back. And I just love, okay, first of all, the Canadians, the first two rounds, they went to a game seven overtime.

Same guy scored the goal. I don't know who the fuck it is. I'm old. I got kids under the age of 10. I can't, I don't have time to pay attention. Scored both goals. And then they're going to play the hurricanes, right? condolences to the Buffalo Sabres, though, but you are going in the right direction.

But anyway, they go in to play the Carolina Hurricanes, and the chatter amongst all hockey fans was that, all right, well, now, you know, glass slippers coming off, and the Canadians are going to turn back into a pumpkin. And what do they do? They come in, and they fucking win game one.

Go down one-0-0. and then score four unanswered fucking goals, took the crowd right out of the game, took all the mystique that the hurricanes had, took it right the fuck away from them. And then all of a sudden, you know, Goliath's got to win game two. You can't go back to the Moulson.

The Moulson Senate is already going to go in nuts that the series, that they won one game down there. If you go down, oh, two, Jesus Christ, could be a rap, right? So I was saying to my buddy, I was going like, not only does Carolina have to win game two, they kind of have to have a statement win. If they want to get some of the psychological sort of momentum back, like, you know, because they had a long layoff.

So if they came back and they gave them the old right there, Fred, in game two, you know, maybe you get back in their heads a little bit that, hey, maybe we're into. deeper water, maybe next year you start thinking shit like that. God damn it, fucking Canadians played with them. Although Carolina played a great game. I mean, the Canadians barely had any shots, but when they got them, they made them count. It was 2-1 forever. And then Canadians tied it up in the end to go into overtime. And I was going like, oh, my God, fucking Canadians win this fucking game. And they go back, game three. Jesus Christ, that crowd's going to sound like they already won the cup.

But Carolina manned up and fucking won it in overtime. But I got to tell you, you know, I don't think that that was enough to get any sort of psychological, whatever doubt they might have had that they couldn't play with those guys. They 100% can play with those guys. So I think this is going to be another amazing, amazing series. And then out in the West, I always miss the games out West because then it's time to put my kids to bed. And, you know, I just get all involved in that

or I run out and go do a spot or whatever. I always catch the East Coast game. Plus, I grew up on the East Coast. So I watched the Eastern Conference of everything. But I do know that the Vegas Knights are up two games to none and the abs were favored. So I don't know when Tort's Torterle, whatever his name is, took over that team, but that guy's been there before.

And I don't know, man. I don't fucking know. I will say, though, you know, I always say shit like this. If the Vegas Knights make the final and they're up against the Canadians, I mean, that would be worth it to go. You know?

Just to see that. Quick flight, who knows? I don't know. But this is a great time of year. This is a great time of year, even though all my teams are fucking knocked out of it. This is a great time of year. So anyway,

That's what I got as far as sports and all of that type of shit. And I mentioned you guys a few months back that I was working on this stuff to sort of free myself up as a drummer. And, you know, I looked at some shit on YouTube and stuff. And they're like, you know, start at like a 60 BPM tempo and this is like your main thing that you're playing and then just think of fills and kind of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. through the metronome like it's the most boring thing ever for me anyway so what i started doing is

i just started finding like mid-tempo songs and rather than playing along to the songs i would just hear fills and try to play them and just fall on my face and i've been doing that and it's fucking weird it's weird at first but at some point you turn the corner and it's like you open a new room in your brain. And the other night, you know, after that benefit, or maybe it was during rehearsal. I forget what it was, but I was playing along to the Rod Stewart Faces song, Stay With Me,

and I sort of heard this thing. It wasn't necessarily a, it was sort of a fill, but you're still kind of playing the beat, you know, and still playing the groove. And so it was really just this embellal. between the snare and the bass drum, and I heard it, and I just played it, and I landed on one, and I was just like, oh, I don't think I've ever done that before. That was fucking cool.

So I came home after doing the gig, and a couple of times this week, I've been out in my drum room, and I highly recommend the Beastie Boys, or Beastie Boys, I should say, and check your head, ill-communications. there's a bunch of tracks on there. Root down is a fun one to just sort of like improvise and just do these fills and like, you know, you by yourself, who gives a fuck, right? And it really has been this exciting thing to do where I just really felt like, you know, just like in stand-up

when I just feel trapped in my act and I couldn't improvise or you're afraid to bomb or whatever. I guess the drum version is you can't pull off the fill and you drop time for half a second. I don't know. The only way to get better is you've got to kind of fail or whatever. So I've been doing that and it's really, really helped me. And I'm just, you know, I'm some guitar-centered dad drummer.

So I can't, if you actually have music, you know, musical gift, like I imagine you could progress way faster than me, but that seems to be the way out because I've always, or the way into that, because I've always, you know, been such a fan of music, but those musicians that can just, like,

listen to a band, hear something, and then play it, you know? I was like, how do you get that good? And you get that good by, you know, other than your gifts, it's just learning how to do it. So, I think that's why, like jazz musicians are so amazing because there is no fucking way to play it it's just the whole time every time you play it it's different and i don't know and then rock is so like locked into the groove that that element of improvising and being in the moment and being able to play what you hear isn't

necessary in a way but um i think it kind of you know depending on what you want to do i found it sort of hindered my development as a player to not be more improvisational, if that makes sense. Anyway, just me nerding out on drums. Let me do the reads here for the week. Hold on, I got to grab these things. I forgot to copy and paste them there. All right, here we go. Oh, look who it is, everybody.

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from the charging port before getting a new phone? I'm an engineer and that's the best I can offer for solutions. Well, how do I do that without damaging the phone even more? I definitely, you know, gave a couple of

into the fucking thing. Have you noticed any headaches since you got the new phone? Newer models have more intense blue light and flashing. in your face at very rapid speed. I'm sure one day they'll connect these screens to dementia. Jesus Christ, I read recently that toddlers hear an average of seven less words per minute

when their parents are on their phones a lot. This, of course, leads to stunting their cognitive growth. There is really no need for a child to be around a screen other than a good old-fashioned television and TV shows and movies that teach lessons and showcase the world beyond their living room. Just to let you know,

when I was growing up, it was called the idiot box, and they told you to read a fucking book. I got to get some of those blue glasses. Dude, can you just explain to me how these people are just allowed to do this? How are you allowed to sell this shit? That just gives people headaches,

makes them have dementia and all of this shit, and nothing gets done. Nothing is said about it, or anything like that. But if an individual hoard hand sanitizer before a pandemic, you know,

they rake them through the coals, right? Or if you make the wrong joke as a comedian, they're fucking all over you. They're all over you. But these people can do this shit to you. It's just fucking... I don't know. Well, I can tell you this, sir.

I've been reading like a lunatic lately. I absolutely love it. I hate my fucking cell phone. I try not to, I don't know, I do duo lingo every day. But you know what? This is inspiring me at night that I'm not going to fucking scroll or whatever. I'm just going to just shut the goddamn fucking thing off. If anybody has any suggestions on like these blue light things or something. I mean, whenever I'm on the phone, you know what I do is I have the book. Lowe's wireless headphones, so I get that fucking satellite signal blasting through my brain. I don't know.

I can't imagine. Then you get microplastics. How do you turn this? You know, I was actually thinking, like, can you imagine if we actually somehow turned all of this around? In 100 years from now, when we're all dead and gone, but our bodies are still, like, with all the preservatives, you could dig us up. We look like we've been dead a week. like if there was, we went back to like healthy food, all natural. It really was organic.

We ended all of these false flag wars. Medicine actually tried to cure diseases rather than try to create them and then prolong treatment to just keep you alive, but you still need their medicine. I mean, they're fucking, they're fucking ghouls, these people. Imagine we just turned it all around. We all fucking work together. If we all collectively just realized there's no such thing as a recession, you know, it's really just something that's created by a small amount of people moving chips around and that there's plenty of jobs, plenty of places to live, plenty of food.

And we all just sort of work together. Can you imagine that? Can you fucking imagine that instead of being at each other's throats all the goddamn time? or getting mad at whatever these fucking assholes tell you to get mad at because I'm done with that shit you know I live in L.A. No one's going to get me to hate a red state okay, you're not going to get me to hate anybody in the Middle East I'm not hating anybody I'm just not doing it I'm not fucking doing it

because I've traveled okay and I've met all I've been to Europe been to Australia been to Asia you know I still got to go to Africa and South America And I know what I'm going to meet there. I'm going to meet a bunch of fucking good people that remind me of good people here. And I'm going to go to their countries and the same bullshit's going to be happening. There's going to be very few people at the top

that have power. And they're going to be getting people to, they just divide. That's how they stay in power. And they stay, they need to divide because they're never doing the right fucking thing for people. If he just did the right fucking thing to it. I've actually read this book on it.

It's actually considered weakness and that if you're in like some, you know, in a position of power and you're doing what's right for people, then all of a sudden one of the generals in your military will be like, we can fucking take this guy, we'll have a military coup, and then I'll be running shit. They're insane people. Absolutely fucking insane.

But that doesn't mean that you can't be nice and a decent person. Jesus Christ. See, you're telling me my phone's going to give me fucking dementia? I guess getting off social media wasn't enough, huh? The great Andrew Themis has been telling me about these blue sunglasses I should be fucking looking at. I don't know. Well, my kids don't look at any of this crap. My daughter does have an iPad, but she can only watch it on the weekends.

And even then, it's only for a couple hours. Then we take it away. Because it is, she does need to know how to interact with it, or else she's going to go out in the world like me and not know anything about these things. It's, you know, they've made a real tough world to try to navigate. Anyway, let's move on to the next question. I really appreciate that information though, sir. You know, I don't know, that would be wild though

if I actually figured out how to, if I could get somebody to vacuum out the lint and I could think could take a charge again. That would be amazing. It's like cleaning out your ears. All right, anyway, your fear is well placed. Bill Okay, your fear

is well placed And what are you talking about? I'm emailing from Brisbane Down Under Two shark killings in seven days In Australia Five dead in the last 12 months in Aussie waters

Holy fuck Interesting fact Last two victims were ginger nuts Stay safe Well, I mean we're fishing out the ocean So I feel like we're moving up moving up the menu as an option. I'll have to look that up.

You know, it's funny that you just emailed me. I was talking to my book and agent being like, I have not been to Australia since 2015. So I have some acting work coming up. And, you know, it's up in the air because we have to wait for the bigger stars when their schedules like free up, you know? And then we go.

And then once we do, I can figure out maybe how to work around some of this. Maybe, maybe, not saying yes, not saying, no, maybe I can get around. I cannot fucking imagine. I mean, I just, you are out of your fucking mind. Swimming in the ocean to me is one of the most fucking insane things that you could ever fucking do. And then I remember I was swimming in the Mediterranean Sea And I was all excited going like Oh yeah because they say there's no sharks there

And then one of the most horrific shark attacks I've ever fucking seen This poor kid Got swimming out too far Tiger took him He was yelling to his dad And it's just fucking horrific It's funny like you know

You would never go into just The woods If you knew there was tigers and lions and lions in there. But people just go into the ocean and just roll the... I get it. I mean, where the fuck am I? You know, some of the shit that I do, but Jesus Christ,

oh my fucking God. To get eaten alive while drowning, I just hope that all of them had a quick, quick death. Dopamine just released and just... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's just that they've...

bite you first and then they swim away and then they come back to finish it off. It's just, I just, you know, remember that George Clooney the Sandra Bullock movie with George Clooney, to say it correctly? Where he just lets go over, he just floats off into

space. Which, I don't know how that works. Do you run out of oxygen and then you die? Because if your fucking suit fails you out there, I know the saliva in your mouth immediately starts boiling. So, I know his character was supposed to be a brave guy, but like to just float off. Like, I would choose that, not the boiling in your mouth part, just running out of auction.

I would choose floating off into the abyss of space, the loneliness of that other than to be in the middle of the fucking ocean. just waiting, hoping, your best bet is hypothermia. I mean, I just, I have so much respect for people that scuba dive, that people that surf. I get it. It looks fun as hell, but I can't, I cannot. I saw Jaws, okay, you know, that's the family I grew up in. I didn't see the Star Wars shit, you know, we saw Jaws.

We saw stripes. We saw fucking scarface. We saw comedies and we saw fucking horrific shit. And the fucking shark attack in the beginning of Jaws when that woman swims out to the buoy by herself naked and just that horrible fucking death. I just never, I never got over that. I never got over that.

Like, when I was a kid, I would hear the Jaws theme music when I would jump into a pool. And then another thing happened was they made this movie called Alligator with Robert Forster. Robert Forrest, I think it was made for TV. I think that was the movie. And this person goes out, they jump up in the air on their diving board, on the diving board of their pool.

And as they're in the air, they look and they see the fucking alligator. in their pool. So then there was a while after I saw that whenever I swam into a pool, because I always knew in the back of my head this is stupid, there's obviously no sharks

in the swimming pool bill. All right, but I saw alligator. I was like in fourth, fifth, sixth grade or something. I would start thinking about that. Like, what if there was a fucking alligator? It's so dumb. It was all in my head, but like, I don't know.

Fucking bananas. Anyway, Anyway, yeah, but I will say this, man, the beaches of Australia, I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful or more inviting. I can't explain it. I don't know what it is. You think the ocean is the ocean, it isn't. There's something about in Australia.

It's breathtaking. And the people down there are incredible swimmers and all of that. Oh, God, that's fucking awesome. awful. And you know what they say in Australia too? When someone gets eaten by a shark, they say he got taken. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.

Fuck all of that. All right. Booing AI. Billy Robot Tits. Hey, guys, not for nothing. I am in fucking, I am getting in really good shape here. I got this movie coming up and I'm, I am on it. Oh, Billy.

fucking Billy Pecks. My chesticles are fucking coming in here. Billy Robot Tits. Have you seen the videos of students booing AI when commencement speakers bring up the future of AI or how it will affect their lives? That's great. It's a good sign for their heads being in the right place for sure.

Yeah, and I'm sure the powers that be are then going to somehow go on this propaganda thing that AI is your friend. And they're going to do a thing with, I don't know, somehow they'll make, if you're against AI, you're somehow a socialist or a communist. They always fucking do that.

It's a good sign of their, and by the way, the comedy of acting like capitalism is any different than socialism or communism in that, like, those two don't work and are corrupt. They're all corrupt. None of them work.

None of them work because what ends up happening inevitably is that there's a few people at the top that are running the show and they fuck everybody. They just can't handle the power and they just fuck everybody underneath them. Anyway, it's a good sign for their heads being in the right place. It gives me a little hope, but statistically speaking, a good amount of them use chat cheap to help them write with their papers. Exactly. We're all guilty of it.

We're all hypocrites. Hopefully they'll keep that spirits. Thanks for the laughs. Yeah. I've added just only consuming... But I get fooled, you know. I'm not going to lie to you. I get fooled.

My wife would be like, Bill, that's AI. So I'm just trying to educate myself on that. But I've added to interacting with humans only to my... try to not go to chains, mom and pop stores, you know, not hate on other states. Remember that it's the United States. And then if you're actively hating other states and excited that they're suffering, that you are, you're in same teams, guys, same teams.

Like, we all love this country. Let's not let these fucking cunts rip it apart. Okay. Oakland. All right. This person's bringing up Oakland. All right. Dear Billy, dear Belissa Tomey, you elegant film and stage acting, fuck. Longtime listener and first time emailer. On a recent episode of the Monday morning podcast, you mentioned wanting to get up to Sacramento to see the Oakland age.

Play before they move to Las Vegas. Please don't. Okay. John Fisher, the owner of the A's, is a notoriously anti-fan owner, born with the silver spoon and tugged on the heartstrings of athletic fans and a city of Oakland as an emotional terrorist. Bill, this is the part of the email when you'll comment, maybe you need to know some context about the guy or the situation.

Maybe I'll need, right? Well, dude, if you grew up watching the A's, I'm going to take your opinion on this guy. You're going to know more about it than I do. It said John and his minority owner-partner, Lou Wolf, were notoriously cheap and had a long history of selling off for trading away the A's best players.

Doesn't that go all the way back to old Billy baseball there? Even when the A's were in the middle of their dynasty, I heard every year the championship ring was cheaper and cheaper. Anyway, the drama that unfolded with trying to get a new stadium built is well documented across the media. The Oakland Coliseum employees lost the health benefits and got no severance as the billionaire Scion to the Gap clothing fortune, I hope I said that right,

got MLB's approval to move to Sacramento's minor league park. True A's fans can't respect the move to Sacramento, let alone the final stop in Las Vegas. Go visit the Sacramento Stadium once goes back to being a minor league stadium. Thanks and go fuck yourself. All right, well, fuck it. I'm on your side.

Listen, you know, I'm not here to be on the side of some rich cunt that's fucking over his own fan base. You know, that ain't what I like to do. That's not the business that I'm fucking in over here. Um, anyway, the Oakland A's, Philadelphia A's, the Kansas City Athletics, then the Oakland A's, And now they're going to be the Sacramento, not the Sacramento,

but they're playing in Sacramento, then they'll be in Las Vegas. That's five moves. I put that up against anybody. We've discussed this. Sacramento Kings were also the Kansas City Kings, and I want to say that they were the Cincinnati Kings and then the Rochester Royals. I feel like they've moved the most.

I don't know. I don't know. Then there's sneaky ones that you don't even realize they moved a couple, two, three times. Boston Braves, Milwaukee Braves, Atlanta Braves. That's all I got. My fucking brain is shot here. I got this so evidently this new iPhone is designed to give me,

or the side effect of it is that gives you dementia. You know what I mean? Can you guys all just remember this? The next time a stand-up comedian does, says a joke on something or, you know, whatever, or a fucking... whoever says something or does something or whatever, like just notice the level of attention that gets

versus what these fucking guys are doing. They were all advertising on these 24-hour news network, so they all just look the other fucking way. I saw this clip of them interviewing this soldier, and he started talking about what was really going on over there, and then CNN's like, oh, yeah, sorry, we lost the feed. It was just like, what the fuck? Right, you know, this, right as he was getting into what the fuck is really going on over there.

It was kind of, kind of terrifying. That's as far as I'm going to go, because I'm sure you heard the rumors, so who's behind all of this shit. I don't know. Anyway, oh, Billy Freckles, I have a little bit of downtime before I do this huge show in Providence, Rhode Island. That's, you know, for the World Cup and all of that. I'm playing some sort of soccer stadium down there. I mean, I'm not playing the whole stadium. They got to, I think it's like a 10,000 seat.

There's still live. It's a lot of fucking tickets. So thank you to everybody that's coming out to that show. And I am going to get myself some L.A. dates out here because I want to stay where I'm at with my act because those three shows in Atlanta and then in Florida, and then I did the benefit. You know, that was one, two, three, four, five, hour and 15, hour and 20 sets in six days.

And, oh, Billy liked the way I felt after that, man. I felt fucking easy, breezy on stage. Like, I felt like I could have taped another special, but I kind of haven't gone out on the road with this hour yet because, you know, doing the play last year or whatever. So anyway, I'm excited about that. So I'll let you guys know that, you know, coming up, I'm going to be doing some shows locally out here,

some smaller venues and whatnot, where I can actually run the hour. I'm very excited to do it. I don't know. I'm in this fucking great place in my life. I'm not angry anymore. I'm spending all kinds of time with my kids. And, dude, my kids are into sports.

and music. I mean, how fucking great. I mean, that's all I give a shit about, you know? And we did drums and donuts the other day. And my daughter came along. And I was so proud my daughter can play like, you know, the Phil Rudd beat. She can play that. So she's laying that down. And then my son is like fucking Keith Moon. He's just like soloing, you know. Five year, almost six years old, fucking soloing. And hitting the cymbals. crossing his arms. I never told him to do that. The kid is just a fucking natural. And they both have two completely different approaches to the instrument, but they both love it. And, you know, I make like the videos and shit. And that's the thing. Drums and donuts.

We go down, we mess around some drums. I try to buy something from the shop. So I'm not just down there making noise, although I didn't buy anything this time. And then we go out and we have, we get donuts. and then they sit down, and I look across the table, and they got chocolate frosting all over their faces. And I really think, like, this is just awesome. And I will also say, you know what really stuck with me was when I went to that Dodger game, you know,

just sitting in a ballpark with your kids' phone, you know, is, you know, I mean, I always have to have it on. I don't know why I feel like I have to have it on. But I'm thankful for that email. It's going to make me, I gotta get way I've got to disconnect from this thing more everything else I do with

I drive old cars manual transmission and shit so maybe I should do that with this phone if you guys have any like any suggestions if you were like totally addicted to your phone because I don't know if you notice I see people walking in crosswalks looking at their phone I mean I've done that

you know you get on the subways in New York I actually think that that's helped with violence for a while this economy kind of ruined that but um like i felt like there was way less fights in confrontations and yelling because you got to make eye contact with other people and it it was always became like hey what the fuck are you looking at right now everybody's just staring at their phones and lost in their own world um which is dangerous because someone doesn't have to sneak up on it can just walk right up to you you don't even see it but

Anyway, I would like to get off my phone. And Apple, what the fuck are you doing? You know, you're already polluting the oceans. You want to give your own fucking customers dementia? What the fuck are you doing? And if you don't care, can you stop being so acting like you're everybody's friends? I always hated that during that Steve Jobs thing. They all come out and everybody would be like,

high-fiving, you know, and acting like they cured something. Like they cured cancer. They didn't. They're actually probably increasing the chances of you getting it. It's unreal. That's another thing. Imagine the future. Journalism came back. You know? I'll tell you right now, like how you know where journalism is at is just how overtly fucking racist some of these politicians are, including the

fucking orange one. there. Like, there's no fucking world where you could take any sort of, you know, recognition of the horrible things that white people did to black people during slavery and right on through the civil rights, right up until today. You couldn't remove that. For standing president, when I was a kid, said, yeah, I don't want to look at anything that's going to upset me. That would have been the end. I mean, Nixon, with the tapes, he had to resign. I can't imagine. I can't imagine if somebody, it's fucking, it's really disturbing. It's really fucking disturbing.

And it's also disturbing how many of my people still think that way. I don't know, man. I don't understand it. It's just like, what, are you afraid to compete? You know? You know, I don't know. Fucking bizarre. It's a bizarre, goddamn world.

But most people are decent people. That's what I think. I'm going to, I'm going to continue to think that. That's it, everybody. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. I will check in on you on Thursday. All right.