Monday Morning Podcast - Basketball Violence, Road Game Fans, Back East | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-11-26

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

Bill rambles about basketball violence, road game fans, and going back east.(00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(37:26) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 6-11-18 Bill rambles about the French Open, evil mergers, and how to treat wait staff.Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Soul Coughing - Soft ServeZipRecruiter: Zip Recruiter: Try for free at http://www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURRHims: Get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit http://www.Hims.com/BURRSimpliSafe: Get 50% off your new system by visiting http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURRGusto: Try Gusto today at http://www.Gusto.com/burr and get three months free when you run your first payrollTOUR DATES ▶ http://www.billburr.com/tourMERCH ▶ https://billburrmerch.com/INSTAGRAM ▶ https://www.instagram.com/wilfredburr/APPLE ▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-podcast/id480486345SPOTIFY ▶ https://open.spotify.com/show/5SFiQlOQ3EKmwp0chE1QzY?si=4e6149a2ba584182WEBSITE ▶ http://billburr.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you, you son of a bitch. Recording this thing outside of my fucking porch, dude. Excuse me, just woke up traveling on my way to Boston here. I fucking, dude, that Knicks game last night, holy fucking shit. I haven't lost my mind watching again.

game like that. I can't remember the last time. For a team, I don't even give a fuck about. They just the reps were fucking him so bad since the second half of game two. It was like if there was any if he call one way or another or was going the Spurs way. And if the Spurs did some shit, the exact same shit the Knicks did. There was no call on the Spurs and they would call it on the Knicks. I'm just saying what it is. Okay. I don't have a dog in this fucking I don't give a fuck about San Antonio or New York. I don't give a shit. I'm just enjoying the series and I'm just saying what it is.

That fucking Wemby guy grabs Bronson and just throws him by the head onto the ground. I don't like, I don't know. Anyway, and then the next game, the next game, what's his face? Williams gets his forearm up in Wemby's fucking neck area and it's a flagrant. So, you know, it's the same. NBA. The NBA has been filthy for a long fucking time, especially with like David Stern. That guy was fucking absolutely filthy. And he was arrogant about it too. He would get aggressive if he asked him if he was manipulating games. He'd be like, when'd you start beating your wife? Oh, what are you

the tough guy in the suit now? Is that what you are? You run a basketball league? All of a sudden, you're going to act like fucking Sean Penn in Carlito's way? Lawyer. Commissioner, you ain't a, David, you You ain't a commissioner. You a gangster. What's your dream finals, Mr. Stern? Oh, the Lakers and the Lakers. I'm fine. It's just a cough. Anyway, that fucking game last night,

if you missed it and you somehow don't have the internet or fucking ESPN. The Knicks start slow. And the fucking Spurs were just lights out. They hit 14 three-pointers in the first half. They were shooting over 60%. They scored 76 fucking points in the first half. The score was 76 to 49.

They're down by 27 points. All these fucking idiot Spurs have to do is score like 18, 20 points the next two quarters. And they're never going to catch them. and the fucking Knicks would have to shoot, they'd have to shoot like 65% and hit 14, 3-pointers to catch up. I think that works, that makes sense of my public school math,

personally, personally speaking. And what do the Spurs do? They come out ice fucking cold. They only score 14 fucking points in the third quarter. And then the Knicks start playing like lights out. I can't even remember. And then all of a sudden they're like,

they get it down to like 15, it's down to 12, It goes back to 18. I'm like, you know, this isn't too impressive by the spurs closing them here. All right, you know, so they shaved off 10 points. We'll see. Then it gets down to like nine. It's down to seven.

And all of a sudden, it's five. It's one. The Knicks steal the fucking ball. Go down, miss a layup. And I'm like, oh, no. Wemby misses two foul shots. There's all kinds of fucking messing up there at the end of the game. Knicks go up by one. The place goes fucking nuts. After being a funeral,

dude, Knicks fans are traumatized. When the Spurs came out hot in the first five minutes of game three, that place went from the loudest fucking, I've heard the garden in a long time, to sound like a funeral. They were immediately like, oh, here we go, here we go. Ghost of Reggie Miller flying around that place. Anyway, so the Knicks go up by one, place goes nuts. Spurs go up by one, whatever. They come down the fucking court for the final shot. Take a three-pointer, of course. That's another thing, too.

Fucking Spurs can't hit the side of a fucking barn in the second half. They're still launching up three-point. Yeah, if you're not shooting well, by all means, keep shooting three-pointers because that's what the analytics said. Do the analytics know that like an eight-footer, a 10-footer is a much more easily made shot than a three-pointer? even though it's one point less. That's another thing with these fucking three-pointers.

It's one more point. What the fuck are we doing? That's like everybody going for the two-point conversion in the NFL. It's one more point than an extra point, and you have to score back-to-back touchdowns. And it just took your four downs to get the first one. I don't know. Billy Summer School.

Billy Summer School does not understand. So they launch up a three-pointer. It fucking misses. And then out of nowhere, like a goddamn superhero. I don't even how to say anybody's name. O.G. a Nunobi? Is that how you say his fucking name? Comes in. It looks like he was in slow motion. Jumps up higher than everybody else.

And like the nicest touch ever just tips that fucking ball in, nothing but net. Garden goes, lands on his back, garden goes fucking crazy. I scared this shit out of my family. because yesterday was my birthday so they were all hanging out with me and I got the game on but they're doing all kinds of birthday stuff and I'm watching the game

and that ball went in and I just went oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! They were going, what, what? First of all, unbelievable heads-up play to go to the rack. Unbelievable to outjump all of those guys. and then the touch, the perfect, you know, jumping in like that, the stress of that, very easily you could hit the ball too hard or hit it the wrong way or whatever.

Perfect. Tip in. Seizing the moment. And also to do it at the garden where all of that, which is a fucking house of horrors. They've tried to avoid that all these years calling it a basketball mecca. It's been a house of fucking horrors. To see that, dude. I mean, that was, that's, for me, the Knicks winning a fucking title.

That's up there with watching the Rangers win the cup. I would stop short of the Red Sox, White Sox, and Cubs. Just because our droughts, what was that, 86. And the Cubs, the White Sox was like 1919, which I think they took away from them. They call them the Black Sox. That was the White Sox. always blaming black people that was the white socks who threw that world series

let's we'll just give it to him 1919 to like what 2006 I don't even know what the fuck that is but that that's more than 53 years anyway I remember when I watched the Rangers Break the Curse it was one of my favorite

favorite sporting events things I saw in sports I just love seeing a team break a curse. You know what I mean? The long-suffering fans. And, uh... Oh, by the way, too, New York,

I got to tell you something. All those years, you're talking about the Lakers and making fun of Hollywood and all that? Dude, I don't think I ever saw more celebrities at a fucking basketball game than I did at that fucking game three. It was ridiculous.

Cheapest ticket was seven grand. I don't know, New York. I think you take yourself a little, too seriously. I think you guys, New York is pretty fucking goddamn Hollywood, too. They just got this thing where they think for some reason the way they're famous is realer. I'm more real, you know? A little flying helicopter there. I've never understood that. Why people on the East Coast, having lived both places, people on the East Coast

think they're more honest, more real and more likely to say what they're thinking and that people out on the West Coast are plastic and that L.A. is like this fucking la-la land in New York is really tough and gritty.

I can tell you, having lived at both places, none of that shit is true. None of that shit is true. L.A. is one of the most gangster cities I've ever, like, you want to talk about, Fuck your feelings. Yeah, come out here to Hollywood.

Yeah, nobody is helping anybody out here, you know? You know, anti-Semitic people. Jews are running Hollywood. It's like, well, that would indicate that there's some sort of cooperation going on in show business. Everybody's trying to fuck everybody out here. Like any business. Like any goddamn business. And then as far as like New York in East Coast, even where I'm front of,

the people are more real out here or whatever it's just like i mean they're ruder i wouldn't say they're more honest because you're rude doesn't mean you're honest you're just as likely to get fucked over on the east coast as you're out here on the west coast west coast people aren't nicer they're just more pleasant generally speaking i guess but uh you know there's a lot of areas out here that aren't so pleasant i can tell you and and i just don't mean neighborhoods with gangs I would start with Burbank. Those people aren't too pleasant. And then they could go head-to-head with any gun collection you have.

Anyway. So, having said that, the fucking New York Knicks are 48 minutes. 48 minutes away. Well, 48 minutes are scoring more points than the Spurs away from bringing the first fucking title. The first fucking title. to New York City um

by the way like what about all those fucking jerk off fans beating up the Spurs fans you know I don't I don't fucking get that shit at all I've seen Philly fans do that to people those people who do shit like that they're fucking cowards

just like you strengthen numbers you know to have just like multiple people beating up one person That's always like, that's like one of the lowest forms of humanity. And then on the other side, what kind of a, how many times is a fucking, how many times you got to see somebody go to an arena wearing the jersey of the, the opposing team?

Yeah, you know, I don't want to go old school here, but, you know, you are asking for it. I've never understood that. You can go there. I love the people too. They go, they go to a road game. game of their team and when their team hits a home run, they stand up and they turn around and they start taunting everybody there behind them. I don't understand like this. These people, they think that that's what being a sports fan is. Is that if something good happens for my team,

I can't just cheer that. I have to rub it in the face of the fans of the opposing team. I don't know. That's shit. That shit, you know, that they can't. stop showing on TV. They always love showing those things. And I would dare I say they glorify it because Philly fans never behaved the way they did until ESPN did all of those fucking things. They were always cunts. They were always rude. But you go back and you watch those old NFL films for as much as they're booing and they're yelling. They're not even cursing in like the 60s. It's just the behavior just got uglier and uglier as like the like. the legend grew and then everybody felt like they had to top each other it's like in my business like

if you get this reputation that you're this wild man partier then you feel like you got to you got to be that guy on and off stage i feel like philly fans are like that or like nick fans they got to be like oh i'm a new yorker oh what am i going to fucking say i'm walking here so stupid but anyway I don't count those people as real fans. They're like Instagram influencers wearing sports apparel. But the real Nick fans, the ones that got silent in the first five minutes of game three because you've been there for all the heartache.

I'm really happy for you guys. I really am. As a fan of Boston sports growing up, other than the Celtics. But even then, even the Celtics we got. it when uh lenn bias died and then reggie lewis died and the whole thing just fucking went away um you know pats couldn't win red socks obviously couldn't win bruns couldn't beat the canadians and even when we did we couldn't get past the edmonton oilers so uh i've been there i've been there and i've been telling paul verzi forever forever i'm saying like dude all of this

fucking heartache. All it is going to be worth it because all it does is make when you finally win it even better. So I'm really, really happy for him. Oh, here's another thing, too, the referees. Two quick ones on fucking, uh, uh, what's his face? Can I remember somebody's fucking name? Oh, my God. Is my brain like Anthony, Carl Anthony Towns? Two quick ones on him. It started in the second half of game two. The old bang bang bang, bang, bang, second half of game two, bang, bang, game three, bang, bang, first minute of game four. Because I kind of think he was having his way with stretch there. I don't know, more of a hockey guy.

So anyways, there's that. Here's the other shit. Here's the other shit. I got a really big shoe coming up on Friday, and I've been running my hour around town, at Laysian Theater, Dynasty typewriter. And by the time I did my show Tuesday night, you know, I did an hour in 25, like fucking standing on my head. And I still had a bunch of material left, so I feel like I'm ready for this gig.

And that's how you do it, kids. That's how you do it. You don't fucking, you don't show up ice cold. You got to stretch out your hammies like the fenty fold before you fucking, before you go out and you do the goddamn thing.

So, anyway, I had an amazing birthday. I want to thank my lovely wife. She got me this incredible experience down in Carson. this section of Los Angeles. There's a Porsche race track down there, and you get to go down and take a car around the track. And then my favorite thing was,

I never did, like, drifting or whatever. So they were like, I mean, I drove in the snow. That wasn't like the same thing. So they start your off in, like, the water, doing it in the water. And, of course, I was, like, spinning out right and left. and stuff. And then I started to get it and they took us over to the other track where they had thrown some flour down. So you're on the asphalt, but they got the flower underneath it. And I was able to go

through two and a half, almost three turns. I was just starting to get it and my time ran out. It was 90 minutes. It was amazing. Even driving the track, because I remember one time I did something like that in Las Vegas and I was just driving like a maniac and slamming on the brakes and jerking the car around and I got out of the car afterwards. They had like a fucking headache and I was like, I don't know how these pro drivers do this. You can give yourself a concussion. And then like I was watching racing and I was looking at their heads.

And it's, you know, they're going fucking three times faster than I was going. And it didn't look as bad. I mean, I know, you know, the Gs when they're slamming on the brakes and everything or taking off is way different. But like, I kind of was like, oh, I get, I get like the way I was doing, you want to go around the track smoothly. And I fucking floor it and then slam on the brakes

and then floor it. That's what I was doing. It was not fun. So I kind of took what I learned in Vegas and brought it to this thing and I had a great instructor and everything. And it was so much fun. I'm kind of addicted to it.

Dude, drifting is one of the most fun things I've ever done in a car. It's really fun. It reminded me of doing like an auto rotation you know where you catch the r p ms and you you're just locking your speed and you just fucking going down um very similar and also like with the helicopter just watching the nose keeping it straight or keeping it along the line that you want once i started putting that stuff together a little bit um i started being like more successful and also like knowing how much throttle

to give to get yourself sideways then once i learned that that it was hard to you know keep And I'm keeping it going. But it was so much fucking fun. So thank you to my lovely wife for that. Anyways, so I'm heading up to my old stomping grounds here, working in Pawtucket. But I got to make the rounds. I got a bunch of friends and family to see. I got a bunch of bar pizza I have to eat, you know?

I was talking about that near my phone. So, of course, my phone all of a sudden starts sending me all this shit from influencers. about bar pizza or whatnot. And, oh, also, also the trailer for the new Aaron Sorkin movie, the social reckoning came out on my birthday. How cool is that? And don't blink, but old freckles is in the trailer. Very excited for that one to come out.

And, uh, and that's it. All right, I'm not going to lie to you guys. I got, like, major fucking anxiety right now. I got, like, three things. I got to do this soccer show, which I feel good. I feel good about that. And then I have two acting gigs. And I'm just thinking about all the work of all of this.

And, you know, I'm getting, getting my head out in front of my skis, you know. So it gives me all of this fucking anxiety. And I just. You know, that's one of, you know, the new me, the new not angry bill. I make sure I'm breathing from my diaphragm. I relax. And I realize that I don't have to do any of those things today. And also, I don't have to do all three at the same time.

And also, I should probably enjoy them. I have an amazing show to do in front of amazing people. And then I get to act, which I love doing also. I get to do that twice. These are opportunities to have fun. but my whole thing is is I have anxiety until I start the gig and once it starts going good

then I relax and this is the thing it's always gone good except for a couple of times but it's always gone good my batting average is great I gotta stop freaking out about this shit

but um anyway uh all right I gotta I gotta go uh gotta go uh gotta go take my kids those to school here, but I'm going to finish this in a second.

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I missed that whole game. I only saw the highlights. I've been running around like a maniac, but I don't know. Like I said, I'm traveling today, so I don't know if I see that game. I'll probably catch like the third period of that, but that's like a classic.

A couple of overtime games. Every game's been close. It's been a really, really good matchup. So we shall fucking see Anyway, as always I'm trying out a couple of new jokes It's been a while since I did stand up in Rhode Island I used to work for John Perrata

What's going on, brother? It's John Perada I got you working down at Perry Winkles I used to do gigs down that way, cransed in Woonsocket I used to go to Al Drew's drum shop and I used to play the comedy connection in Providence where I had one of my early on, one of my worst nights as a comedian where I was hosting.

And the sound, I don't know, for whatever reason, the sound in the 1990s for like four years was bad in that room before anybody ever fixed it. And it used to be a bank and it had like these, I swear to God, it was like 30 foot ceilings. And like the greenworm was like in the vault itself. And anyway, I remember I was hosting the show.

And I went out there and I got no laughs. I brought up the first guy and he only did okay. And then I came out again and I got no laughs. And then I brought up the headliner and he only did okay. And then I did the outro and I got no laughs. And it was so bad I loved. I grabbed my jacket because I was working there the whole weekend. So I just grabbed my jacket.

Oh no. They used to send you your check. And I just scurried out the back. And I was walking through the parking lot. And I was behind this couple. And I heard them talking about the show. I've told this story before. But if you knew to my podcast, I was walking behind him.

And I heard the woman said to the guy, she goes, is it always like that? and I knew I shouldn't have listened, but I had to. And the guy goes, no, he goes, usually it's funny. And he goes, man, that red-headed kid sucked. And I was like, ugh. And I knew he was right. And I, like, you know, I still had a day job.

And I would have, oh, so I wasn't doing a weekend because I remember I had like three days of work to just have that rolling around in my head. That red-headed kid sucks. That red-headed kid sucked. And I hated that place. And I would psych myself out before I even went up on stage there. And then finally they fixed the sound.

And then eventually I found my footing. There was certain clubs that, like, you had to figure out, like, how to play the club. and so much of it was just like not thinking about what happened the last time. The comedy connection of Providence, Rhode Island was like that. Once they fixed the sound, it was a great room, but for some reason the sound was fucked up. Dangerfields in New York, the Boston Comedy Club, LaBar Bat, which was not a comedy club, it was like a nightclub.

That was one of those fuck. of rooms like if i played that room 10 times it was like i had a good set i bombed i had a good set i bombed i had a good set i bond i had a good set i bond it's just back and forth never knew what was going to fucking happen and uh anyway all right with that i got to wrap this up because i got to go i got to go to the fucking airport dude got to get on a fucking flight and uh i'm going to have a great time I'm going to see a bunch of friends and family and I'm going to hit a couple of my classic spots and I always try one new bar pizza place. I got some written down that I got to try out.

I'm working in Rhode Island, so I'm going to keep it south shore. But if you guys know any, let me know. Like, I've been to that one in Brockton. I've been to the town spa. I've been to the one in Randolph. I went to the one in Marblehead. I went to that place in East Boston. Those places were all fucking great.

And I went to a place in Weymouth. And then there was one other one I went to. Was it in Quincy? I don't know. A Quincy? I don't know. If you have any suggestions, let me know. All right.

That is it. Thank you for listening to the podcast. weekend you cuts and I'll talk to you on Monday. The body likes soft serve dripping down in the June sun. I tried to shoot a thought but the thought sunk nothing to do but scratch words in the dirt and watch the water roll down. And I'm kissing buzzing like the insects. Beads of sweat dripping down on the wrench check.

My candy land melted down the syrup while I watch the water roll down. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning. podcast for Monday, June 11th, 2018. What's going on? How are you? How's everybody doing? I'm a fucking old man.

50-year-old. I remember when podcasting started back in 2005. I just want to throw that out there because I know there's going to be a bunch of fucking old podcast people going, Oh, actually, podcasting has been around in Japan since, 1958 and I started my podcast like four years before yours and I don't understand why mine doesn't get as many many hits as yours does on who gives a fuck.com. I actually look at the numbers every week and I feel that my podcast, due to the content

that I'm providing compared to what you doing, shut the fuck up. I love people look at that fucking podcast numbers. You notice everybody seems to be in the top 10. Everybody, you know, it's like, I've talked about this before. It's like, it's like back when I used to do college gigs. Every college I went to, somehow they figured out a way to fudge the numbers that they were number one in something. You know, the number one fucking school for mathematics, the number one school for engineering. Doesn't that have mathematics in it?

I don't know, right? And then it would just, so you get down to a community college and they'd be the number one commuter college, you know, with fucking the best deal with AAA or some shit. I don't know. Somebody were number one or something. You got to hang your hat on something if you're at college to try and get people to go there. If I was a dean, do they have deans at like community colleges? I would just, I would go on fucking TV and say, listen, why the fuck would you go four years when you can only pay two years? You know?

You want to go to Harvard? Fine. All you have to go is you do. junior and senior year, go your freshman and sophomore year over us, over us. We are number one in being fucking 10 times less per year than Harvard. You got the grades, you know you're in. Come on down and teach us dummies, my dumb students. How do we have fucking loafers with no socks?

Whatever the fuck it is, you smart people do. Do your freshman and sophomore year here. Translate, translate, fucking transfer. over to Harvard and there you go. And you can graduate from Harvard. Wada da da da da, jia, jia, jada, whatever their fucking school song is. What is this school song?

My dad is rich and I did real bad in school, but he has money, so I'm fucking here. Now that's the stereotype. That's not true. I knew one kid in my high school. He got into Harvard. And he did it with fucking grades. and no social life. He made the sacrifices. The rest of us didn't want to do it, you know?

Like that little fable there with the fucking ants saving all the food and the other animals like, hey, man, I'm just jumping around having a good fucking time. You know? You know who wrote that story? I bet somebody who couldn't fucking, who was really socially awkward at a party. So he was looking at the fucking, what was it, a rabbit, tortoise in the hair, that's not the story. I don't know what it is But it didn't You know People who aren't outgoing

They get fucking annoyed By people who are outgoing Who are out there having a good time Talking some shit Hooking up Right Singing songs Be in the life of the party

They stand on the side And the fucking wall And they write scripts You know So that's why Now I don't know what the fuck happened Back in the day Used to have cool people

movies Now every cool person Has this underlying insecurity that they're trying to overcompensate for. That's all right or shit, I think. You know what I mean? Some people just are the life of the party. So anyways, now that I'm a senior citizen,

I banged out 54 push-ups on my birthday. Oh, boy. And then immediately just fucking collapsed onto the carpet and was like out of breath like I ran 54 flights of stairs. But I did it, man. I did it. I don't know what it means. It still means I'm 50,

but it made me feel pretty good about myself. I had a great birthday. I want to thank my lovely wife. She surprised me with tickets to the French open. Roland Garls. Bonjour, Allé Monde. We fucking, we went there and I got to see

what the fuck's his name there he's only one left he just won his 11th Raphael Nadal that's right I'm not the biggest fucking tennis guy and I knew that he had won this thing a couple times I didn't realize he'd already won the fucking French open he'd already won it 10 times and I saw him win his 11th and what's really interesting is that guy um he won in 05 06 07 08 and then Federer won in 2009.

Then he won it in 10, 11, 12, 13, and 14. So he won it four years in a row, missed a year, and then won it five years in a row. And then two years, 15 and 16, he didn't win it. So people probably all thought, all right, his run is over. He's one of the greats of all time, but now that he's older, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he fucking comes back last year and this year to go back to back again,

winning 11. And I was talking to somebody last night, and we were trying to say, what do you compare that to in a different sport? You know? You can't really say it's like winning an NBA championship because there's only one of those where with tennis majors, there's four.

So it's like they have four sort of Super Bowls. So we kind of said, I guess you'd have to go to golf, compare it to golfers where, you know, there's four majors in that sport? I don't fucking know. I was kind of saying, well, maybe it's like LeBron going to the NBA finals eight, nine years in a row. And it's like, well, no, because this guy actually won the thing. I can't believe people give him LeBron shit after losing to that.

People forget so quickly, you know, how ridiculous it was that Kevin Durant went to the Warriors. And then the very, you know, and then he wins a champion. people like what the fuck and they just kind of say oh this just how it is this is just how it is like when they first put like little fucking TVs in the back of uh caps and people like get these things the fuck out of there they're making me car sick they're like all right and then later on they just put them back in again and nobody's oh yeah I guess this is just how I guess this is just how it is right um all right uh I don't know what the fuck I was going with that tennis golf major shit but I mean just the fact that this guy won 11 in a row and I basically

got to see on my birthday the greatest um I guess you'd have to say the greatest player ever on clay I got to see him I got to see the fucking Wayne Gretzky the Bobby or a tennis and uh he was playing this other kid and uh he broke him his first game of both sets and the kid had a bunch of unforced errors and, you know, you could see. The guy who lost, it seemed like he was a kid and he just had to go there, experience it, lose, make a bunch of unforced errors for the next time when he comes back. And in the end, right, his English dude comes out who won the French Open. I don't know.

And the way he was talking was like late 50s, early 60s. And he came out to say a bunch of great shit about Rafael Nidal. And then when he talked about the other kid, he was just like going, you know, we would have liked to see more. We would like to say more tennis. And I'm sure he's a little disappointed in his game today as with the rest of us. And everybody was just sitting there going like, dude, you didn't need to fucking say that. I couldn't tell if the guy was nervous. He just sort of talked himself into a corner and he meant to say he has nothing to be disappointed about it.

I don't know what. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. but everybody was just kind of sitting there like, eh, I kind of put a fucking damper on things. How many minutes have I done here? All right, sorry. I got the bootleg recorder here, which I have on my stomach too,

so if you start hearing grumbling, I apologize. Anyways, I was able to watch game, was it, game three of the NBA finals when I was in London at about two in the morning. I was able to watch, and I was able to watch, oh my God, the fucking Washington Capitals win the Stanley Cup through Josh Adam Myers, because I couldn't get it on my phone, because I couldn't remember my password from fucking, you know, my cable company. I could have just gone on to NBC Sports and just sat there and watched it, but my daughter and my wife were sleeping.

So I was laying in bed wide awake with the lights out, just hitting refresh on my phone, looking at the score. And when there was a few minutes left, I text Josh Adam Myers, and he goes, dude, he goes, well, fuck it. He was going to NBC sports. And, of course, it didn't work out for me because I knew my password. And he goes, well, call me up. I'll answer my computer.

I'll FaceTime it or some shit. So I said, all right, but here's the thing. I'm going to be in the dark, and I can't say anything because my daughter's sleeping in the same room and everything. So he goes, all right, call me. So I snuck into the bathroom. Light's still out. because the only way to turn on the lights in that fucking hotel room

was I had to have the bathroom door open, which would have woke my kid up. So I'm sitting in there like a dark, in the dark, like a creep. The only thing that's lighting me up is off of my fucking phone. It looked like a horror movie. And Josh was just laughing at me. And he's like, can you see it? Can you see it?

And I just put my pasty white hand up to the screen, giving the thumbs up. And I actually watched the final three minutes of the Stanley Cup. And I have to tell you, this guy in the internet put it best he said he's talking about Alexander Ovechkin he goes I can't remember the last time I was this happy for a complete stranger that was

watching the capitals win was everything that you fucking watch sports for it's everything that I love about sports and um you know anybody that says you know Russian players don't give a shit about the Stanley Cup just all they need to do is just watch him walking around with that thing in Vakes. And how cool is it like they actually, you know, it would have been great if they wanted at home, obviously.

But like, if you're going to win it on the road, Las Vegas has to be the place you want to be if you're going to go party, right? And I say it every year. The Stanley Cup is the greatest fucking championship trophy in all the sports, simply because there's only one. And you grew up as a kid watching all your heroes hoisting that thing up. and when you in the million to one odds, whatever the fuck it is,

that you actually win it. When you hoist that thing up, you're holding the same cup, you know, Maurice Richard, Gordy Howe, Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky, Mark Messier, Mario Lemieux, all of these greats,

the same fucking cup. Eisenman, all of those guys. You hoist that fucking thing up. Said, there you know, Charra. I had to throw another brunt in there. It's the coolest fucking thing. thing ever. You know, however, I would not drink out of it.

I can tell you that right now because there's been enough guys who've, you know, over the years, former hockey players that have told stories about some of the shit that happens to the Stanley Cup. He goes, yeah, and one of them, I vaguely remember somebody saying I would not drink out of that thing. There's stories of strippers sitting in the top of the fucking thing and bending it or some shit like that. I don't know.

And then each player gets it for like a week. It's so fucking crazy. So crazy. And then there's this guy. There's got to be a fucking movie about that sometime. The poor bastard who has to follow the cup around all year. Somebody must have done a documentary on it. Vaguely remember seeing some shit like that.

You got to follow what, you know, go up to fucking a titty bar in Saskatoon, whatever the fuck the cup ends up for the week. But anyways, congratulations to the Washington Capitals and their first Stanley Cup championship in, what is it, 44 years, 45 seasons. And as I tweeted, one other great thing is, NHL has another great hockey city in Las Vegas. And after all those years of picking these cities that just, you know, there was the initial excitement and then it just kind of fizzled. They kind of hit a home run in Nashville and Las Vegas.

And I got a feeling that Seattle's going to be huge just because those fans are maniacs, you know. And I'm sure they'll build a stadium to make them sound even louder. Why do I always give them shit? You know why? Because it's fun. Because it's fun. Oh, I heard Edelman got busted for something. PEDs or something like that.

And now they're going to, he's going to appeal it. and what I'm going to love about that is now everybody's going to be like, see, that's why they beat Atlanta and all this fucking shit. Because they're the Patriots, that's how it works. You'll just look the other way

when 30% of the Legion of Boom tested positive for fucking steroids. Ah, that's all right, that's all right, that's Seattle. That's okay. I had PED sent to my house and my wife's name did for my wife. She was taking a Pop-Tart out of the toaster and she heard her shoulder

and she needed a fucking steroid to get back in shape again so she could make some fucking lemon meringue pie. Anyways, if I had to guess, you know, he had that horrific injury and he's doing the Andy Pettit thing. He's fucking trying to get back. He took some fucking roids and he got caught. Took something and got caught, is what I'm thinking. But I do know anytime anybody seems to appeal these things,

I don't think that it ever goes back the other way. But I'm glad that I'm not in the U.S. to listen to ESPN and all these fucking guys now say, oh, yeah, yeah. They should take away all their titles. Because they got caught. They had a player get caught doing what a player got caught on every other fucking team is done. So anyways, enough, enough with the sports shit.

I am in Paris. I'm in Paris. And I am bombing with my French. I didn't brush up as enough as I wanted to. And it's making me discouraged. But I'm hanging in there. I got my, uh, I got my fucking, uh, what do you call it? Rosetta Stone and that shit.

Oh, dude, when you, when you go to the fucking French open, all right, and you have your ticket, you go in and you got to have the fucking thing scanned. And then after you get scanned, you get this little fucking, it's like a ticket the size of something they put in your fucking wiper when you, when you pay for parking. All right? And then everywhere you go, you have to take that thing out and they have to scan it to know where the fuck you are at all times. You know, I went into the goddamn gift shop, bought a little fucking 2018 Roland Garrow's mug.

And he goes, I need to, you know, let me scan your ticket. And that's just like, I wish you just said, no, you're not scanning my fucking ticket. I'm paying for that. So now what does that add? Does that add to my whole fucking information online? He's into drums. He does this. He drinks too much whiskey.

And he can't lay off of a mug when he's in some touristy fucking. place. Now I'm going to get all these fucking ads now. I'm going to get all these ads in the side when I go to fucking porno sites and shit about mugs. That'd be funny if they had. Why don't they have a gift shop on online porn? Why don't they have a gift shop? Um, actually they probably do. So anyways, every fucking place you went, you had to keep taking it out, keep taking out, and put it away, whatever. So now finally I'm going, you know, I bought like a fucking still water and a crepe for my wife and I had to get the thing scanned.

You know, and I'm in another country, so I'm in my best behavior. Normally I would be like, why the fuck do I have to scan this? But the only reason why I didn't say it because I didn't know how to say, why the fuck do I have to get this thing scanned, you know, in French, en Francaise, right?

So now I go to walk in. It's five or three. French time, and the match starts at three o'clock, right? So we go to go in. And guess what I can't find? Because I've had to take it out of my pocket 58 fucking times. I can't find the ticket I need to get into the goddamn match.

But I have that other thing in the ladies. Like, I'm sorry to see her. You could not get into the b'bba-b-b-b-b-dun those fucking shit. I'm just like, are you serious? And then she got mad at me. She's like, yes, yes. I had to go all the way to fuck back, wade through all of these goddamn people,

then go to customer service. Oh, my God. The fucking Tourette's that was going off me as I walked all the way back. past all of these fucking people. And I got to give it up to the French people. You know, you guys, you know, you don't smell as bad as everybody says. But I will say this, when you do, holy shit.

Dude, when we walked out of the stadium, there was this guy like fucking, he was probably good six feet in front of me. And I said, Jesus Christ, we actually made, he went left down the stairs. After one flight, I went right. And I tried to get away from the guy. I said, and I had my shirt up over my nose. That's how bad this guy smelled. I said to me, I could Jesus Christ, this guy smells like he fucking played. How do you smell that bad sitting watching people working out?

Maybe he was walking down the stairs fast. He was creating a breeze and it was passing through his fucking French armpits. But holy shit, did that guy stick? Not as bad as a homeless guy, but like he smelled like he, you know, freshly homeless. Good three, four days, you know. maybe a tornado hit his fucking house and FEMA hadn't come over to help him yet. That's what this fucking guy smelled like.

Sitting, you know, and tennis is a really snobby fucking rich person sport, especially down below. You know, up top it's a bunch of animals. That's what we were sitting. And if you ever go, we got front row on the upper deck.

Get the second row. Upper deck. Because front row, they have this glass thing, but, you know, that you partition that you look through. But on top of it, they have this solid thing that all holds it together. And I was like, in America, this would have been clear plastic.

So I had to look over and duck under it the whole fucking match, which was still fine. So anyways, but down low is where all the fucking, you know, the coaches are, the super fucking rich people. And they go there in like fucking outfits and their big dumb hats and all of that shit. But all the animals were up top, you know, doing the wave and shit. when Nadal had some problem going on with his servant hand or his arm. I don't know what the fuck happened. And but anyways, it was, it was an amazing fucking time. So I had to go all the way back and I got the ticket.

Then I came walking up and I, you know, after all that flipping out and all of that fucking bullshit, I still made it in the time to see the match. As always, 99% of the time I flip out later on. There's a solution. Whatever I thought was going to happen. because of the inconvenience never fucking happens. And I thought I was going to leave all of that behind in my 40s, but evidently it's going to continue. I started strong.

The day I turned 50, it fucking, it just continued on. So I'm going to rent a fucking bicycle today. And I'm going to ride around Paris when my daughter goes to sleep. And we just been having the best time here, as always. I'm going to take a well-deserved fucking little vacation here and the hardest thing for me on vacation is not to just plan a bunch of shit every day you know and then it just becomes a thrash it's funny like we we drove by was it the Notre Dame or some shit like that

and the guy driving us was going you go it's you know it's beautiful you got to go in there and blah blah, blah. And I swear, I'm just not into that shit. Those old churches and stuff, you walk in and I just look around. It's just like, yeah, you guys really decorated the shit out of this place, didn't you? No negative space in here. It's all just filled up with the most gaudy, you know, you know, like the Migos dress. It's like the church version of that where you just can't have enough fucking precious stone.

and or like how those, you know, that new thing where you get a Lamborghini, then you do the fucking shiny rap that you put around it. It's like it wasn't enough that it was a fucking Lamborghini. There's old churches. It's like it's not enough that you have 90 foot fucking ceilings. All right. Then you got to have a bunch of sad, brokenhearted people painted up there in like real gold and all of this crazy hocus pocus shit up there.

Like I don't have any desire to do that. but, you know, if there's no line, I'll poke my head in and be like, wow, wow, this old church looks exactly like every other old church. It's creepy. I feel like I'm going to catch tuberculosis because it's cold and damp in here. And the vibe in here is not the vibe where good things happen. So I'm going to leave now. Yeah, so I'm going to go, I'm going to fucking write. my bike around today.

Like the big fucking Nancy boy that I am, maybe burn a few calories. I brought my little exercise bands over here because I'm old. My shoulder feels fucking great. But I got a problem with my fucking left foot. You know, it's just always something. It's always something.

I'm an old man. People, I'm 50. How the fuck did that happen? You know? It's actually got to be kind of be honest. It's kind of a cool age to turn in a lot of ways. You know, God knows I had a bunch of friends that didn't make it this far. So how the fuck can I sit here and bitch?

And I like a nice round number. You know, 30 sucked. 40 was like, whoa, 50's been cool. But I'll tell you, 60's going to crush me. You know what's great about 50? You can lie to yourself through your 40s. I'm a young 40-something and blah, blah, blah. 50, it's like, no, dude, you're fucking old.

So I am old. I'm going to embrace it. Maybe I'll start dressing a little more dapper on stage. Get myself a little pocket square. Hang it out of my button down. All right. Let's read a little bit of advertising here. Oh, look who's here.

These guys have been with me since my 40s. I just mailed all of my posters to Dublin and to London using Stamps.com. It was very easy. However, I mailed too many to Dublin. It was an 8,000 seat. I was like, what should I send there? Like, 500? Stupid.

The magic number is 200. There's 200 people, you'll sell 200. If there's 200,000, you'll sell 200. I can't understand it. So, by the way, people who like the poster that I have, it's only available at my shows because I've tried to sell stuff online, and then I have to fucking sit there and deal with, like, I'm not from Swahulu.

I'm from Swahili. I didn't get my fucking poster. And, you know, half the time, people give you the wrong goddamn address and say, what, am I Amazon over here? You're not from Swahili? Yeah. That's a language to stuff where I. I'm only pointing that. No, I wish you just stopped.

That's a language. That was great. You just shut me down. I'm just pointing out because my name is Swahili, so. Okay. Evidently, this whole podcast is about you now? Is it? Can you make a Swahili dish?

It's not a Swahili dish. that's the language. Well, I can make a French dish. Okay. That's a language. French. It's also a dressing. I can mail any language.

It's also a kiss. It's also a type of fry. What do you got? Anything else? It's also, what was that old school sex thing? A French tickler? Oh, it's also a tickler. It's also a cuff on your shirt.

You know what? This is good because I just finished watching Kanye West on Family Feud, so I feel like I'm answering Family Feud right now. He was on, promoting his new album? No, it's for sure. Saying that he loves Donald Trump. I know, right. That was controversial.

What, he got a new album or something? Yeah. I think babies should be illegal. What? Here's my new album. Oh, that sounds pretty catchy. I use Stamps.com. I already did all this.

And right now, you two can enjoy the Stamps. com service with this special offer that includes a four-week trial plus postage and a digital scale go to stamps.com click on the microphone top of the home page and type in burr that stamps. dot com enter burr. All right nini it's you know what I love being here in parisneed whenever I see your beauty in paris I always think when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's italian why would I be singing that here what's a good French song? Maybe. Frera, you know, you have a classically beautiful face.

I've always told you it's your cheekbones. That's where the light hits. When you go to look to the left, it's the right in the right lit restaurant. I'm just like, there it is. We had a great time last night. That's how I ended the freedom of my single life. That's right. Oh, we had an awesome time last night.

Last night was so fun. We ended up meeting up with friends. We ran into a friend at the Roland Gauze. Oh, that was so fucking. random. So random. There's about 100 gift shops at the Roland Garros. We just happened to run into her. But we went into the bad one, the one that everybody

goes into this night. It was all picked over. Yeah, you want to go to the boutique, boutique ones. There's an Adidas store. I saw that on the way out, but I was trying to beat the crowd. Oh, how funny was that? We're like, we got to get away from the crowd so we can get a fucking Uber. And I went right when everybody else went left just to, you know, get a few

blocks over. It gives somebody a chance. And, you know, all the streets are blocked off. and we ended up going from Roland Garros and just walked past, I thought it was a parking garage. It was to another stadium. It was another stadium and I looked at a soccer match going. Yeah, and it was like, oh, fuck. And then next door was another soccer stadium. I'm like, what the fuck?

This is like Stadium Row over here. And of course, we called the Uber and the guy couldn't come down the street. And it just was whatever it was. But we figured it out. Yes, we did. And we went out to dinner and had a lovely dinner. And then we ended up meeting up with the friends that we ran into at Roland Garros. plus another friend of yours, plus some friends of mine.

Yeah, we all met up in a... Yeah, it was four couples, and we just ended up having this table at this cafe late night. We shut it down. And you guys sang me happy birthday. Yes, we got some champagne with some sparklers. That was awesome. It was so much fun.

By the way... Do you know it's one of the only times anybody's ever sung happy birthday to me, and I haven't been embarrassed? Really? It's happened three times in my life. Oh. All right? There.

Uh-huh. Royal Albert Hall, so it was twice the same birthday. And then last year when I was on stage in Montreal, they all sang Happy Browns. It was one of the coolest things that ever happened to me. The crowd all sang it. And the fact that they sang it to a Bruin fan, that we could set aside our differences for just one night.

To celebrate one bald hack in that moment, you know, which gives me hope that when Donald Trump goes to talk to old Fetty, fucking fat face over there. Can you imagine like being that fat when all your people are starving? Now granted, I know his people are starving because of our frigging embargo. They try to make it seem like he's... But he's like a dictator. So of course he's going to be like all fat and eating lobster and duck and drinking the best wine every night.

We're talking about Kim Jong, right? Keep going. You got to have the right name. They're all Kim Jong-un. Kim Jong-un? Kim Jong-un. And his dad was Kim Jong-il. I was going to say, though.

You imagine his wife calling for dinner? You? Uh. Yeah. Hey. Kim Jong-hey. Listen, I'm trying to tell you something. That picture that I posted of you on my Instagram for your birthday, it got over 5,000

likes. That's great. You're really into that, aren't you? Yeah. Likes and retweets. Yes, I do. I am. I'm into all of that.

I'm an influencer, so obviously I'm into it. But you want to tell the story why? You want to tell a story why you mock that whole influencer thing? What is my story? You don't remember? No. When we first heard the term influencer, you were going to do something, and then you couldn't because they wanted influencers? Oh, yeah.

I was asked to be a part of a- Don't name any names, but- I was asked to be a part of a storyteller show. And what was the theme? Yes, and the theme was like cultural diversity and families and stuff. So it was like, oh, sure. Right up to your alley there. Yeah, yeah.

We have an interracial relationship. We have a biracial child. It's kind of, yeah, I can come up with something for that. And then the person who asked me said that they had to disinvite me because they wanted more influencers. No, the network wanted more influencers. And, you know, so they got, they replaced me with someone who had apparently more, quote, unquote, influence. And apparently. That just means more friends.

and whatever the fuck it is, people on social media. Exactly. And I didn't even really dig into who this person was, but apparently they were terrible, and the whole show was, like, kind of awkward and not that great. So it's fine. But I was so offended that I wasn't seen as an influencer when I have, like, you know, a healthy following on Twitter and Instagram that I just decided that I was going to be an influencer.

I'm one of the greatest influences ever. I am an influencer. Like, that's the bottom line. Like, I feel like at this point I don't even need to keep telling people anymore. It's just who you are. Yeah, it's just who I am. It's just coming out of your pores. Yeah, like, naturally people want to be like me.

So, I'm just kidding. You know, it's weird for some reason. I don't know. Just looking at some reason I want braids right now. Well, that's the thing. Like, if I have it, you want it. And that's what an influencer does. Yeah, and what is, is you didn't even tell me to get it.

You just had it. And I was like, I want that. Yeah. Could you see how good it looks on me? And so you're like, wow, can I look like that? There's the only way to find out is just to get it. And then you're like, oh, I don't, but I tried. And it's like, that's really what it's about.

That's what an influencer does. Yeah, exactly. You just exist in this space, like your own zeit guys. Like you are your own movement. You are your own moment. Is this something? Could you teach this to somebody else? Oh, God, no.

No, no, no. You either have it or you don't. So if you want to become an influencer, I'm not really quite sure what to tell you because it's like you already have to know. Is it a calling? Is it a gift? How would you describe? Yeah.

It's just, it's a state of being. You know what I mean? It's like you're just always influencing all the time. So I can't teach it. I can't explain it. Does that get taxing or tiring at all, you know? It really doesn't, you know, because it's like breathing.

There you go, people. There's some inside tips on how to be a fucking influencer. Yep. I can't believe that people walked away from, you know, you just influenced me to try to read up more on influencers. All right. Hey, people got me, uh, send me some Paris tips here. Okay. By the way, did you read that thing about the wine country?

The email that I forwarded you, one of our listeners wrote in. Maybe. When did you sign that? Well, evidently, I'm not an influencer. All right. Just an email from your husband that says wine country. Yeah. You know, you'd think that one would

You'd at least open I know you don't open the ones that I send you That have the subject Are you mad at me? All right, Paris tips. Let's go right into the junk box. Right in the fucking trash over there. Hey, thank you for the best birthday.

That was the best birthday I've ever had. I've had two back-to-back. Last year it was the selfish one where I was in Montreal and I went to an F-1 race who I don't even know who won that. Did Lewis Hamilton win it again? I got to look that up.

I'm a little behind here. But this year was the best. All right. You know what it is about the song, Happy Birthday? It's really long, and it almost sounds like people are making fun of you.

Happy birthday. It sounds like you're a douchebeck. Yes, you are. And then in the end, it's always. Speech, speech. So I actually, I thought what I said at Royal Alba Hall was really nice. And I was like, I did it.

I got through it, knocked it out, thanked everybody, and I'm done. And then as I'm walking away, people were going, speech, speech. And then I go, I just gave one. I just fucking gave one. I still didn't get angry. Leave me long. God. All right.

Paris tips. Hey, Bill, I am a fan from Paris. I heard you were visiting our lovely city soon. This is my fron. accent. Make sure you stop by Le Comptoire in Saint-Germain Metro-Odeon is where you get off for a nice meal. Okay. Then take your lovely lady to the cafe Laurent in Rue, Dauphine, for a late drink and some jazzy entertainment. That sounds good. They have a nice gadden where you can smoke a cigar and sip on some scotch slash wine.

Also, don't learn French. It's useless. Better to learn Chinese and stuff. Fed. Enjoy you, you stay and go fuck yourself. Let's go do that. All right. Thank you. Thank you for that tip.

Now, I want to try it. Was that guy an influencer? No. He's more an informer. And a suggestor. Can we please label everybody that fucking he's a suggestor?

That'd be funny if that was an instructor. No, I am not. I'm not a suggestor. I'm a presenter. I was a presenter. presenting information that you can do, you know. I mean, it was a suggestion. That's really what it was.

This is not bad to suggest things, but you're a suggestion. Even in this age of me, too? Hey, it suggests you come over here and... Your Honor, it was just a suggestion. That's my sausage. My sausage. Crazy lawsuit. Crazy lawsuit.

All right. Hey there, Billy Birthday Cake. wondering if your friends in the comic community pass this on to you oh please don't miss this be performing or getting sued I know oh well this is a long one you know what I'm gonna go take a shower take a shower uh how do you say take a shower it's something douche yeah something douche um all right wondering if your uh friends in the comic community auvoir nina auvoir auvoir influenzae uh wondering if your friends in the comic community pass this On to you. Back story. This guy, oh my God, he touched my hair and then you hit it. This guy, Maddox,

like the TV show, who started a page in the 90s called The Best Page in the Universe. He became famous for calling out Christopher Reeves for not caring about paraplegics till he became one himself. Well, I mean, Jesus Christ, out of all the things to call people out on, basically lambasted him for being a selfish piece of shit. Jesus Christ. I don't understand. He never sold me on the aggressive manner of hating Reeves. The only way he does this without looking like an asshole is if he was also in a wheelchair, you know,

and lived at the top of a flight of stairs or some shit and nobody never made a ramp for him. Then I could see him being mad at Christopher Reeves. but even then it would still be misdirected. It still should be aimed at people like myself that didn't go over there and help build them a fucking ramp. Anyways, but I appreciated a different point of view on topics. No one questioned, and so I had, okay, but I appreciate a different point of view on topics, no one questioned,

and so I had some respect for this. He also had a post called something like, I can draw better than your kids, and then posted pictures kids made and trashed, them. All right, I like this guy now, because this guy's just being a cunt. He's just, maybe he's the original troller. I like it. He's because that was like 15 years ago. I hadn't heard of him since college until I read about this lawsuit. Apparently, this same guy who made a career trolling the people on a personal level across the internet became offended by a

comic who decided to troll him. Oh, no. No, he had no sense of humor about himself, or is this more trolling? Is this guy the Andy Kaufman of the internet? he sued the comic for $20 million, which is basically a way to bankrupt the comic for whatever little he had. The judge essentially threw out the case. On the advent of your 50th birthday, I just want to thank you for not turning into a huge hypocrite like Maddox.

Oh, dude, I'm one of the most hypocritical people you're ever going to meet. Doing yoga, meditating, and then flipping out because I lost my ticket saying this whole sister, It's fucking stupid. Really build this system that makes sure that when you get to your seat, some other fucking assholes not sitting in it. You fucked up. Take your medicine.

And I didn't act like a big fucking baby. Even if he thought he was being wrong, he should have taken it like a man, realized that he had a common after years doing the same thing to others. You don't feel like this is the final act of his performance. And now he's gotten you up in arms. You're a fewer years older than me. And I've definitely taken a page out of your body.

in terms of allowing myself to stay true to who I am, but also allowing myself to grow into a more well-rounded person. I'm an ONA fan, ONA from back in the day, and it's my favorite content ever, but when I see comments online that sound like they came from the crowd at the virus tour, I just feel bad for these miserable cunts. Thanks for everything and happy birthday. All right, that went a little left there.

But I know what you mean about the... That happens with everything, by the way. Not just fans of the O.B. and Anthony's show. I mean, go on YouTube. There's always going to be the initial thing that you like, and then you look at the comments, and I forget what comic did that bit, but it was just like, you know,

you scroll down like three or four comments before it spins into like somebody dropping the N-word or some, you know, thanks a lot, Obama. Like somehow that'll be watching like slap fights. At least that's the shit that I watch, which I do not understand those for the life of me. first of all the fact that

if they hit your ear what that's going to do to your hearing you know do you know that was a thing that like I got to look this up moms used to do that that was like a disciplinarian thing back in the day you

mothers boxing their children's this is too specific I don't think I'll get anything ears they would just you know

it was like killer Khan, how he used to do that, that scream. Oh, ha, boom, and just hit boxing the ears. Okay. Boxing ears, the other Victorians. Anthony Joshua says there's nothing wrong with parents giving them. Which one should I click on here?

World Champion boxer, Anthony just said there's nothing wrong with parents giving their children a clip around the ear. Boxing child's ears can cause deafness. Yes, it can. Let's look this one up here. Unable to open this because of legal reasons. The fuck does that mean? All right, boxing ears.

Let's see if this one will open up. Come on, come on, come on, there we go. All right. A phrase that confused me while reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland was the rabbit's explanation of why the queen ordered the Duchess to be executed in chapter 8. What the f? I've never seen Alice in Wonderland. There's a queen and a duchess and all this shit?

people getting executed I you know why I think there's so much death and old fairy tales the original ones because so many people just fucking died back then anyway so it really was a part of life the rabbit I mean it's still a part of life but it's way down the fucking road

but everybody had like a brother who died of like a fucking appendix ruptured appendix or some shit got some sort of flu all right the rabbit explains to alice she boxed the queen's ears The actions of boxing ears is something I had never heard of. So I decided to look into the meaning of the term.

I found that boxing of ears is a hard, simultaneous slap of both ears. Yeah. The violent act was a popular form of child punishment during the Victorian era. Oh, my God. In an 1878 issue of the London reader of Literatureal Science, Art, and General Information, the punishment of boxing ears is debated. The article warms. This is 1878.

People like, dude, what the fuck are we doing here? For not only is deafness caused by boxes, which ruptures, as they continually do, the drum of the ear, but the inflammation of the internal cavity, which is so frequent a result, may be followed by disease of the bone, giving rise to abscess of the brain and having a fatal termination. I like how they picked a euphemism there, rather than saying, your kid's going to fucking die. The article explains that schoolboys are suffering from. the chastisement by schoolmasters and fears, as noted above, that the effects of the slaps may be long term. I swear to fucking God, if I have had a teacher that boxed my ears, oh my God. I mean, how angry were children back then? Oh my God. I literally have to walk

away from this article. Man, I wish there was, you know some fucking kid back then just fucking snapped. It was just big enough. you know you just beat the shit out of his teacher and boxed his ears like nine times made him a deaf fucking bastard um yeah so whenever watch those slap fights it's just like you're gonna make somebody deaf do they put something in their ear forget about just taking a concussion for no goddamn reason i mean well in those slap fight competitions like what is the fucking prize money um Anyways, continuing on. Bear and Monsanto.

Oh, Jesus. Didn't, I guess see what time I've done here, 53 minutes, right? Didn't Monsanto change their name? Like Jefferson Airplane or some shit. Bear and Monsanto, hey there, you over-the-counter, cunt. So Bear and Monsanto are merging and reminded me of the time you mentioned an article where Bear admitted to knowing and allowing the distribution of some AIDS and infected shit.

Found the article. Well, this sounds official. First of all, it came from me, and then you described the subject of the article as AIDS infected shit. Well, let's check out the link. It is from CBSNews.com. So, all right, Bear admits it paid millions in HIV infection cases, just not in English. Oh, my God.

Dude, I swear to God. At what point, how much money? do you have to pay politicians where they feel like they have enough money and they don't need the corporate dollar and that they can actually start to dismantle or restructure these corporations? These corporations are going to kill us. Not ISIS, not fucking the Russians, none of this fucking shit. All right? When I say kill us, I mean, no human beings left are going to be the result of because. of corporations, all right, and how they view people, how they view the environment, how they view money and their whole idea of what is worth. I mean, I just never heard a corporation ever being like, you know what, the cost to

innocent people or the environment is too high for us to do that. Maybe they do. It would be refreshing if you have an article like that that wasn't actually written by someone from that corporation that's lying. All right. To read the English-speaking media, you'd never know that Bear just paid tens of millions of dollars

to end a three-decade-long scandal in which the company sold HIV-contaminated blood products to hemophiliacs, thousands of whom later died of AIDS. They just killed thousands of fucking people or admitted to it. But that doesn't mean they actually said that they did it, you know, that fucking legal thing.

ironically bear's new hemophilia ipoelia ipoge got some coverage ads did bears hemophilia research grant i don't know they covering their tracks to the university of florida go gators but you have to pick through the french and italian news media to find out that bear is finally writing checks to people who got AIDS

or got HIV that turned into AIDS in the 1980s the cutter biological unit of bear ignored federal law to recruit prisoners, intravenous drug users, and high-risk gay men as donors. Oh, they ignored that. Of the blood cutter then used

to make factor eight and nine. The clotting product that hemophiliacs need to order, need in order to not bleed to death. Oh, so they pulled a Belichick, where they were like, all right, you guys are all filming the team. On the sidelines, you can no longer do that,

and they just ignored it. All right. The German group Bear and three other labs will pay tens of millions of euros to hemophiliacs who accused them of having sold in the 1980s blood products contaminated with HIV. A source close to deal told them. So was it that they knew that it had HIV in it or did they just went to high-risk people to get blood? The figure of tens of millions of euros in compensation is not totally wrong. She added Bear and the U.S. company Baxter are the two main parties to the agreement she said.

A company spokesperson said, however, the company accepts no responsibility in this case and continues to insist and it always acted responsibly and ethically. That's how they get out of it. It's like, all right, we'll admit that we did that shit if you say it wasn't our fault and that we always behaved above board. You know what that's like? That's like when they send somebody to jail, an innocent person to jail. And then they're like, all right, we're going to let you out. but the only way we can let you out is if you sign this paper saying you won't sue us because we fucked up. Anyways, found the article.

I just read some of it. They're still in business, though. Bear's still in business. Can't bring down Bear. That's our medicine. But maybe our food supply? Nope. Then you got, I don't know what this guy's talking about now.

Then you got Monsano who can't be sued because Obama signed that law saying, that you can't sue Monsanto. Now they're a super team. Corporations are like NBA teams, huh? You got room in the chopper for me, Bill? This guy was all over the place. All right. And why did Obama sue that, sign that?

Sue that. Why did he sign that bill, everybody? Is it because he's a liberal-tard snowflike or whatever people who wears a blue tie? Or is it because he's grossly underpaid for his fucking job? And I bet those guys, funded his fucking campaign, so then he had to do them a solid. It's all the same shit. They all make 500 grand a year and then come out of office worth hundreds of millions of whatever,

fucking 70, 80 million bucks. How does that happen, everybody? Although recently I saw Bill Clinton when that fucking piece of shit brought up the Me Too thing, you know, with Monaco, I love how they tried to make that a Me Too thing. You know what I mean? It's like she was in her talk. 20. She was a college graduate. She never learned that she, that's what I was saying on stage.

She never learned that you shouldn't blow a married guy in his house with his wife and kid down the fucking hall. She didn't know that. Now she's coming back being, oh, I was influenced by his power. And that was your little whoopie, boopy poohy. Get the fuck out of here. You were a driven young adult who somehow in your 20s got a job in the fucking White House. Okay, you weren't some dope. He founded a bus station.

Hi, Nea. Hi. I'm talking about that Monica Winsky thing Well now she's trying to like turn it around That he used his power and influence It's like you were a college graduate Working in the White House Right?

Yeah I don't know I thought we had dealt with all of that I know and he got punished for But in that thing he said Clint was like I left the White House I was $16 million in debt You know what I mean

That's true I think he's the only fucking president Ever did that Oh geez She's getting ready for nap time. All right. Big band drumming.

Dear Bill, I'm 17 years old and I play drums every day. That's awesome. It's my life and I'm in every band. Jazz, concert, and marching. Good man. And I play percussion for the chorus and for the school plays. Kenny Aaronoff is my hero. Well, I was going to say, that sounds like his autobiography,

how he started out. Thank you for that dream interview. I have it on a playlist with music. That's how much I listen to it. Oh, that's, I'm glad you liked it. You know, Nia, not for nothing. People say I actually do a good interview. Oh, okay.

Yeah. From Kenny Aronoff to Danica Patrick to my lovely wife. You know? You're killing it. I set you guys up. And then you'll knock them down. No, no, I let you guys, you know. I lob it over the plate.

I learned that by going on Conan. That's what he does. Hey, man, Andrew. They just, they just lob it. over to you. All right, Andy Richter. My day was telling me about, my dad was telling me about the SCAR movement in the 90s. I just watched swingers and discovered this band Squirrel Nut Zippers. Scurlut Zippers. Oh my God. Wow. Takes you back to your college days. It does. It's really takes me back to my early 30s. No, I was in my late 20s. It's really different than anything I've heard.

I discovered that I don't like all ska, but I like these guys because it's more big band than ska. I really think you enjoy the drumming. It's really a cool mix between big band drumming punk and almost some primus type drumming stuff because of the tom work. Did you ever get into any of that? I remember that big bad voodoo daddy and that type of stuff. I liked it a little bit, but I was a little too old at that point. That was actually kids' music to me. This is what our lovely daughter does.

before afternoon nap. She screams bloody murder. And then falls asleep. No, then talks to herself when she calms down and then falls asleep. Anyways, I doubt this will get red because it's too nerdy, but maybe, just maybe. Thanks for the laughs. Oh, Billy Rimshot. No, I like all that stuff.

I mean, I like when Robert Plant did that the honey drippers sing with Paul Schaefer. I've always liked big bands and that type of stuff. And I really like the way all of that music is the squirrel nut zippers and all that. I just like the way it was produced. It sounded really live. And also, you know, when you get that many people in a band and they can all play, it's always sounds great. So Big Bad Voodoo Daddy was also in Swingers. Oh, Big Badu Daddy was also in Swingers?

Oh, okay. I did not know that. There's a band at the end where Mike, John Favreau goes. Oh, yeah. And he's dancing with Heather Graham. Oh, yeah. They were great. They are great, I should say, right?

What did they figure out of play? All right. Being rude to waitstaff. All right. Don't even. Hey there, Billy Bath salts. You're recently talking about Nia being slightly rude to waitstaff. Oh, come on.

And it made me, the word got cut off. Something. A podcast I heard years back about raising kids. Essentially a group of economists gave their opinions on what you can and can't change in children, supported with studies and evidence. One person suggests with evidence that there are only a small number of habits that kids pick up from their parents. Those habits are drinking, alcohol, smoking, and how we treat others, weight staff, family, etc. Well, those are kind of big things. As a former bartender who's

dealt with incredibly rude patrons, I would love to hear you and near debate if she is actually being rude or not. If she feels she's not being rude, would she be okay if she saw her daughter treating a family member the way she treats weight staff? Absolutely, she would. Love, Nea. Can't wait to hear her thoughts. Here's a link to a podcast as a new dad. I think you'll dig it. Have a great summer and I hope you get sunburned, you sum, I'm a bitch. Nea, do you feel as an influencer? Why can't you just influence them to make better service? I am not rude.

I just, if something goes wrong, I just let them know. And I'm direct about it. I'm not like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I asked for such and such. I don't do that because what am I apologizing for? I'm like, no, I ordered this. Can you change it? Thank you.

That's it What do I have to It's like you want me to fucking blow the waiter Because he did something wrong Like he should be blowing me No I'm just saying you can throw a little sugar on it In the end

I feel like I'm very sugary I'm not like Nah this is terrible Take it back right now Like no it's not like that You did one time It was cold And you said

Can you have them go back And he'd say oh my God I'm so sorry And you're like yeah Because it's like yeah as they went to take it away and I was just like Jesus you remember everybody was at the table like god damn near no everybody who was everybody at the table was like god damn yeah what a bit true you're family no that didn't happen nope I don't know I don't remember it so maybe it didn't happen but like what am I supposed to do

that didn't happen I don't remember it maybe it did happen that was hilarious what the fuck was that that didn't happen I don't remember that Maybe it did happen. I don't recall ever behaving in such a manner that it would be like so people would be so freaked out. You're adorable. Even when you lie. Yeah, I go the other way. I'm too nice and we'll eat fucking whatever the fuck they send me.

You know, when they send me the wrong thing, I still eat it because I don't want, because I don't want them to throw it out. Who says they're going to throw it out? They might put it to the side and might be somebody's lunch. in the kitchen later on. No. You're telling me if somebody brought a plate of food out into public and they said that's not what I wanted and brought it back, you'd be like, I'll fucking eat it. Somebody might. Well, how do you know they haven't put their fucking mouth on it and was like, oh, this isn't ravioli?

This is French toast. I thought it looked weird. And then you go over there and you get the old breakfast herpes. All right, that's the podcast. I've got to find out why my lovely little. boo bears crying downstairs. Oh, she's falling asleep. Oh, she's in the bedroom?

Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, I got to get off my day here. Ovo to Le Mans. Jamabelle home. I'm a belgium.