Monday Morning Podcast - 'Becoming Led Zeppelin', Paul McCartney, Steam Rooms | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-13-25

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

Bill rambles about 'Becoming Led Zeppelin', seeing Paul McCartney, and steam rooms. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (24:00) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback - 2-13-17 - Bill rambles about Friday the 13th, Coach K, and changing diapers. Thursday Afternoon Interlude: The Beatles - Fixing A Hole

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast And I'm just checking in Checking in on you. Oh Jesus Christ what a fucking week. I'm having Jesus Christ Dude I had the fucking hiccups for like two days and I'm not saying they won't happen right now All right, so get ready. How's that for a teaser? Oh my god am I gonna hear some hiccups? Have I tuned into the fucking perfect podcast or what? Evidently you can't have a couple cups of coffee and then balsamic vinaigrette two days in a row

It's too much. I didn't know balsamic vinaigrette was acidic And like I I didn't I didn't know what the fuck was going on and they just wouldn't stop To the point I was at rehearsal Doing my shit with the hiccups. I did interviews with the hiccups to promote my shit that I was doing with the hiccups. I was waking up in the middle of the night with the hiccups. I feel like I'm gonna get the hiccups again right now so I had to go to the doctor, the whole fucking thing. And I started thinking about it. I remember like when I was a kid, oh, when I was just a lad, one of the most amazing

books when I was a kid was the Guinness Book of World Records and he'd always look for the fattest guy you know then they had the fat twins on the the mini bikes the tallest man and all of that the longest fingernails all this stupid shit and then one of them was the world record for the longest hiccups and this poor bastard had hiccups like he got him and then just had him for the rest of his life like decades this fucking guy had hiccups and add the intestinal fortitude to not kill himself like I don't know it's at what point At what point your diaphragm is fucking

Feeling like you know your organs are doing sit-ups right you definitely got a nickname You know you know Billy jumpstart Something You know, you know, Billy jumpstart Something So I finally went to the doctor Something German Irish people do not do But I was being smart and I went there and the lady told me what was up And got me some over-the-counter shit that I'm supposed to take for like a week and evidently I'll be alright So just laying off the coffee the balsamic vinaigrette

No pasta You know red sauce basically right that's acidic tomatoes Eat some fucking root vegetables and see what the hell happened. But the last time I had heartburn like this was me and Verzy were doing a gig in New Orleans. And we had the gig on Friday at the casino. On Saturday we went to the LSU Alabama game In Death Valley then we hung around Sunday and Then on Monday we went to Monday night the New Orleans Saints versus the Philadelphia Eagles

Your Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles who should have fucking won two of the last three Think about that They should have won two of the last three that fucking hand on the small of that fucking dudes back and they called that holding And put the fucking Chiefs I swear to God If I was the chiefs, you know If I was the Chiefs, you know, even though they didn't give them any calls the other day because they actually said, all right, you have to win this football game legitimately, they should have sent them a thank you letter for all the calls they got the last few years

and they should have had that Bette Midler song underneath it, you are the wind beneath my wings. And just show a highlight of throwing or picking up flags in these crucial moments. Did you ever know that you're my hero? by the way I stand by Travis Kelce's outfit I stand by that a hundred fucking percent a hundred percent I stand by that fucking outfit that outfit was the shit and I think it's stupid that they do this whole fashion thing or whatever, but you know If I mean That outfit just said cocaine I mean, you know, I like when people steer into it Rather than go away, but I don't don't fucking show up trying to be wholesome

Show me how filthy the world is. Alright. Show me how there's two sets, if not three sets of rules out there. Show me. I don't fucking... Come up there like you're gonna do the Lawrence Welk show, huh? Nice reference there. 50 years old. Alright. I had one of the most incredible fucking weeks I don't know where to start. As far as just like going out and seeing shit I

went out and I saw that becoming Led Zeppelin movie where if you're a John Bonham fanatic like I am there's very very, very, very, very little. There's like one black and white video that has him talking. I think it's him and Robert Plant early in their career. And he just didn't wanna do it. The press used to rip him to shreds and everything. So I think he was just like, I don't give a fuck.

Fuck these guys, right? I don't need them. We're selling out arenas. You know? That's it, right? So there's a bunch of new stuff in there because they found some interview that he did, just the audio of it and I'm telling you just to hear his voice just to hear him talking To hear him laughing to know what his laugh sounds like

And There's there's a laugh at like on the second side of The physical graffiti album and now after all these years I always wondered who it was and I'm like oh my god that's Bonham's laugh and they have pictures of him when he was a kid you know he was kind of like a fat kid when he was growing up so it kind of made sense you know when he got older that he kind of was going in that direction again.

Now had people known about addiction and alcoholism and all of that they could have had like an intervention people just did not help people. They could have got to the root of the problem that you know he was a great dad and he missed his family and he'd get sad and he would drink. Like that's basically what it was. As far as what happened, obviously I don't know the real answer, but I feel like that's what happened on that night when he, what did they say, death by misadventure when he drank too much, got sick in his sleep and asphyxiated.

I just think the thought of going back out on the road again and being away from his family, because there's pictures there and a couple little video things of him with his son. And I don't know, I could always tell like a good dad, because the kids are really physical with them, like crawling all over them, and they're like sort of like fake wrestling them with them and stuff like that.

To me, that's always, that shows me that the dad is involved, that the kids crawling all over you and stuff like that. That means you're doing the dad thing. You're getting down on the floor with them. You know what the kids crawling all over you and stuff like that. That means you're doing the dad thing. You're getting down on the floor with them. You know what I mean? You're recreating WrestleMania. You're coming up with, you know, chasing them around and all of that stuff. So it's really, really cool to see that part of them.

And then also to hear these guys talking about his playing in some of the footage and stuff, it's really fucking cool. Anyway, so I saw that Tuesday night and then last night out of nowhere my buddy Josh Adam Myers goes, dude, Paul McCartney is playing the Bowery Ballroom. It's like a 600 seater. Do you wanna go? And I'd never seen him. And I'm like, it's a Beatle, I gotta fucking go. So we end up going down there.

And it was sort of a last second show and you couldn't get tickets online. You had to go down there and physically buy them. And I don't think a lot of people heard about it or whatever, but like it was like, it was full, but it wasn't like jammed. Maybe they listened to the fire code. So we were standing on the floor down below, but it wasn't like suffocating, you know? And he comes out with this killer band, you know, finally got to

see Abe on drums, who's just a killer fucking drummer, having so much fun. And they came out, it's Paul McCartney and I'm standing like, I couldn't have been more than 40, 50 feet away from him. Like if it was like a regular giant arena, I would have been like 10th row, it was crazy. And he just comes out and just boom, goes right in. Can't buy me love. And it was just like oh my god. Oh my god He's singing a beetle a beetle is singing a beetle song to me 50 feet away from me and Every song sounded great like even the stuff I wasn't familiar with, his newer stuff or whatever.

He played, let's see, okay let's go through the Beatles stuff he played. Can't Buy Me Love. Baby you can drive my car. People went fucking nuts. And there's all these young people there and they were like jumping up and down and stuff, going crazy. It was incredible. He played Blackbird. Oh my God, I'm going blank. Let it be, hey Jude. And then he came out and he played that whole medley.

Like, boy, you're gonna carry that weight. And then, are you gonna be in my dreams tonight? Then Abe played the drum solo. Do do do do do do. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Ba, ga, cha cha cha ga ga. They went into that and then closed with the final part. And in the end, and then he played some like

Paul McCartney in Wings. I got to get you into my life. It was unbelievable and he sounded incredible. He sounded incredible and then beyond that he was hilarious in between songs, like just going back and forth with the crowd. Really really really funny, but I am so thankful that I got to see him. And then also, just as somebody who goes on stage two, to see a guy 82 years old with that amount of energy still killing it that hard and having that much fun is, it's just a great thing to see.

You know what I mean? You don't wanna go there and fucking see somebody up there cause they got fucking tax problems and shit and just you know I don't know like we've all been to those shows where you go to like I always said that some you go to see an older entertainer one or two things is going to happen you're really going to be thinking about your own mortality some of them make you think about dying and the others make, you

know, a very rare few make you feel about going out and living. And Paul McCartney, thank God, made me want to go out and live. Uh oh, here come the hiccups. Ah fuck, here we go. It's starting. I was hoping I could get through this whole thing, but you know what, they're not as bad as they were, so I don't think I'm going to be setting any sort of Guinness Book of World Record thing anyway. So anyway, yeah. And then like, you know, up on The balcony there was all these famous people that that had come in to go check them out and you know musicians and and

Comedians Saw an NFL owner up there. I don't want to fucking rat anybody. I don't like saying names or whatever but like it actors rat anybody. I don't like saying names or whatever but like actors, actresses or whatever. I still don't understand why you can't say actress. Like why is actress offensive? You know what I mean? You're one of the, you're a fucking incredible actress. The fuck did you say? You know, I don't... There's a couple I never understood that actress is offensive, stewardess is offensive, and then they come with flight attendant. Stewardess sounds like

more like mysterious, like I don't know know what like flight attendant. They're just saying what you're doing Retending the flight we know what you're doing Why why are you so ashamed of it little people Is that better I Get not want to be called a midget once they said what it was and where it came from. It's like I get that. They couldn't come up with something better than little people? See if I can, I don't know, off the top of my head I probably can't do better. Little people.

Second string. No, that's still insulting Anyway, I Would well listen if they were the ones who actually came up with it You know they had like a meeting. You know what I mean? They had a little meeting. Sorry. It's just easy jokes anyway plowing ahead So I got to see those two things and then I saw highlights of the Super Bowl Jesus Christ That was a mugging Anyway At some point I'm gonna watch that I'm sure the NFL Network is gonna have it on or I'll be able to watch it

Someone's gonna we don't see me great. Somebody's gonna post it without the fucking commercials which will be fantastic and I Don't know, you know, it's a bad Super Bowl when most of the controversy is about the halftime show You know what? I mean, I guess it was people upset that they they felt like they couldn't understand Kendrick Blumar I did see some funny fucking videos though, where they were like, you know, middle-aged white people saying

they can't understand Kendrick Lamar, but they understand this, and then they show Eddie Vedder singing. I mean, that one fucking song, what is that one song? Oh, Jesus Christ, somebody made a whole video of it. And it just makes it seem like he's singing these people's songs off of their IDs, just their names. Sorry, not singing these songs, singing their names off their IDs.

But then somebody had a funny comment in the section going. It's not Pearl Jam white people who are saying that they can't understand Kendrick Lamar. All right, well, there's so much shit I want to tell you guys about, but I just, I can't fucking talk about it until the shit is over. That's just how it fucking works. I'm gonna at some point

tell you an absolutely fucking hilarious story about trying to find a gym to work out in in New York City. Fuck it. I'm gonna tell you a little bit about it. You know I love taking steams and I love going into the fucking sauna. You know what I mean? It's really good for you. There's studies out there. Studies have said that it's great for your heart and it really, you know,

if you do it a couple times a week, it really staves off like heart disease. All right, I'm an old dad. This is an important thing for me. But like you just, you cannot use a steam room or a dry sauna in a gym. You can do it at a spa, I feel, if there's a lot of women there. In couples, you can use it. Or you can use it at a hotel. But you in no way, shape or form can use a sauna

or a fucking steam room at a gym because there's gonna be two guys in there having a fucking sword fight or they just did and there's a fucking sign outside the thing and the place is temporarily closed. You cannot fucking believe how many fucking gyms we were trying to find and there would be like a sign where it would just say like the steam room, the steam room is closed indefinitely due to ongoing inappropriate behavior. And it's just like, for the fucking life of me, I don't understand why anybody

in any way, gay or straight, would want to have fucking sex in a fucking steam room. The fungus, the athlete's foot, the planter's wart, the fucking shit that you can get off of that floor. You taking your dick out? Not only will I not go into a sauna without flip flops on, I won't go in there unless they're mine, my flip flops. I'm not even using the other ones because I don't trust that they fucking wash the other ones properly.

I'm not even using the other ones, because I don't trust that they fucking wash the other ones properly. So, I don't know. I just think I'm convinced that that's all just closeted married guys. You know what I mean? I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, what are you doing? I don't know, like maybe some people get turned on

with the idea of fucking in the rainforest, is that what it is? And you just don't have the money to go down there with somebody or you don't want to deal with the wildlife, you know? Being in the middle of having sex with whatever the hell you're into and all of a sudden some jaguar jumps on your back or a fucking anaconda. I don't know, I don't get it. But I really feel like if because other people are fucking

have an inappropriate, you know behavior in the sauna that like everyone else who's not fucking in the sauna should get a discount because part of my the fee for working out there is, is fucking that you, you get, you know, you gave me the tour, you said there's a sauna and a dry sauna. You know? You didn't say, if you could just fucking somehow navigate whatever the fucking appropriate is going, behavior is going on in there, you can take esteem.

You know, is that part of the tour we go like, alright, you know, if you don't want to see psychologically scarring behavior, try to come here during, is it better to come in during peak hours or because there's a lot of witnesses or non-peak hours? It's fucking lot of witnesses or non peak hours, but it's fucking out of control. I can't tell you that but I'm going to tell you some fucking stories later. Anyway, what are you going to do? All right. Well, that's the podcast. This is a few minutes short here.

I got to do I got to go here. So I'm going to be late for work. Anyway, I wanna thank Jimmy Page for putting together that Becoming Led Zeppelin thing, and I wanna thank Paul McCartney for doing that small show. I wanna thank Josh Adam Myers for getting me a ticket. It was unbelievable. It was life-changing. I will never forget that concert. It made me wanna, it made me feel great. I felt amazing. I was floating when I was coming out of there.

And the fact that Paul McCartney can still do that over 60 years into his career is really inspiring. And it's something I'm so happy I got a chance to experience. All right that is the podcast. Listen to the music picked out by Andrew Themelis and then we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast coming out after this. MotoGP stats soon so does F1 baseball seasons coming up and basketball what do we got we got March Madness bill we know what we got I don't know I get excited

because everybody gets all sad when football's over but there's still a lot of good shit out there all right that's it have a great weekend you can't and I'll check in on you on Monday I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in And stops my mind from wondering where it will go I'm filling the cracks that ran through the door and kept my mind from wondering where it will go. And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong and right. Hey, what's going on? What's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 13th, 2017. What's going on? How are you? How y'all? How you doing

over there? Why is it, why is Friday the 13th unlucky and Monday the 13th? Oh, that's just fucking fine. You know, who's the pussy who came up with that one? You think Monday the 13th, fuck, unlucky 13th, and it's Monday, and I got five fucking days in front of me I have to work. Friday the 13th, who gives a shit? You stub your toe a couple times, and they say you know you're at the TGI Fridays, right? You're down there eyeballing one of the ladies.

You know, you come up to her, you tell her you like her striped shirt, start bitching about the horrible day you had. You know, and she's a woman, so she'll listen to it. She'll kick into that motherly instinct unless she already has kids and then she doesn't have time for it. You know, then she looks at you and says, listen, I'm hate sucking your dick, all right, so just get the fuck

out of here. And then you move on to something younger. Isn't that how it goes? Why? What is so fucking unlucky? You know what? I didn't even know I was going to. I've got to look this up now.

Why is Friday the 13th unlucky? Hang on a second. Let me get paused for a second. All right. Before, OK, I just looked it up. I didn't read any. I just got to the Google thing where they got whatever it is on the first page.

All right? Who's kidding who? With the internet, whatever the fact is, the fact is whatever you look up within the first two fucking clicks on the first page becomes the truth. That's it. Okay? So that's what the fuck I'm looking at. You know?

If the right answer to any question is fucking beyond what you have to scroll down on the first page of any subject on the internet. It's over. No one's ever going to know the truth. Because who the fuck ever goes to page 14? Not even journalists do that. They don't give a shit. Alright, I'm going to say it either has to do with... It's got to be religious. It's got to be religious. Jesus did something. He always had bad Fridays, didn't he?

No, he had a good Friday. Today's good Friday. What happened on good Friday? Did the rock roll back? And he came walking out, you know, like one of those fucking movies where they thought they killed the guy and he didn't, and then he comes back. Except not like Tom Sawyer, fucking creep hanging out at his own funeral. I was done with that kid once he did that shows

This kid's a fucking weirdo Alright Friday 13th. Why is it unlucky and other facts? About the worst day in the calendar In the calendar not on the calendar. We're in it, we're not in it, we're not on it. Friday the 13th, considered by many as one of the unluckiest days of the year, is almost here again. This is from January 2017.

Oh shit, January 13th. Well fuck, nothing happened to us if you're still alive. If you're worried about what's in store, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah what the fuck in 2007. Here's some of the fun facts. When is the next Friday 13th? No, why, stupid? All right biblical origins. All right, of course, it always goes back to the Bible. Oh Jesus, dad's mad. Dad's coming home. He's not in a good fucking mood. He had a bad week. Dad's coming home, he's not in a good fucking mood, he had a bad week. You know? Of course it's the kid's fault.

Stupid cunt. He tried to build everything in six fucking days. Typical do-it-yourself job. Why didn't you farm it out to someone who knew what the fuck they were doing? Built the thing up to code, you dope. Fucking sticking a steel beam in the middle of a fucking wood wall. Yeah, everything above it is supported better. What about below it, Dad?

What about below it? The fuck did this music come from? All right, let's read what this music gone in the background. The superstition about this day is thought to have, I can't do this. It's thought to have come about. All right, that's enough of that. During the Middle Ages, and many have biblical origins, some historians have claimed it was

the day on which Eve bit the apple from the tree of Naah, oh Jesus Christ. Holy, that just scared the shit out of me, Nia. The lovely Nia, everybody. Oh, with my beautiful daughter. Two lovely ladies. What's going on? I thought you were done, sorry. No, I was watching the videos that people sent me this week.

What's going on? Are you going to drop her off? No. I can't do the podcast the way I talk. That's why I was in here with the door closed. It's a pocket door, by the way. If you wonder why, I just squeak like we live in a haunted house. No, I just saw another place that I wanted to show you that maybe you

wanted to order from. Yeah, just order me something remotely healthy. Something to stave off the calories I consume in alcohol. Would you like some sort of a bowl with rice and tofu and that sort of thing? I hate tofu. Oh. It's got to be a real dead animal of vegetables. Okay.

So you want meat. So I shouldn't order from a vegan place then. I like, I vegan as long as there's none of that tofu. I don't understand what that stuff is. That's like the type of shit that they seal caps with. So tofu? Yeah. So liquid doesn't be good.

It's not good for you. Tofu's not good for you? No. Are you sure you're thinking of tofu? Tofu doesn't come from a tree, does it? There's no tofu trees. I thought tofu was made from soybeans. Yeah, but isn't soy bad for you?

Not always. I have no idea. Let me get you a phone for you. I don't know. If you're going to order from a vegan place, just get me vegetables. Shit that I...I know what it is. I don't know what tofu is. It's like fucking algae or something. Alright, shuffles. Nia, do you know why Friday the 13th is unlucky? Why?

I don't know either. I've been reading about it here. They try to say that Eve fucking maybe bit the apple. Oh, please. They were in paradise. There was no calendar. What do they have to worry about? There's no bills. They didn't have to go to work.

Who is the woman's fault, right? What are they doing? And fucking eating. Oh, shit, Monday. Same shit every day. It's fucking paradise. Not a salad, though. I also don't understand why, if it was paradise, why they had a fucking snake in there trying to fuck everything up.

It was the devil. Yeah, but that's on God. The God and the devil are two separate entities. They're not two separate. If God made everything, he also made the cunt of all cunts, did he not? I don't think so. Oh no, but the devil was an angel that got cast out. So the devil was basically a bad hire? Yes. That came back and tried to take his company down.

Exactly. Okay, let me finish reading this. Okay, in the New Testament, I love how they blame the woman, like that's why everything's all fucked up. I mean, without a doubt, if you told a, to not go over there and eat the fucking apple, she's going to be intrigued. Like a guy wouldn't. Whatever you do, that's the classic thing,

like a substitute teaching. Whatever you do, don't laugh. Next person who laughs gets detention. That's it, you're done. You're fucking squeezing your nose. Doing that fucking little kid laugh. That's it, next thing you know, you're missing a week of recess.

That's why you got all these fat fucking kids. The regular teacher takes the day off, the substitute teacher creates the tension, the one skinny kid starts laughing and then he's done. He's eating that fucking food down the cafeteria that's got all the preservatives in it. Do you know if you fucking kill somebody and nobody figures it out, you're not in the clear for a good 40 years. That's how, they're digging people up from 12 years ago and then it's like they took a fucking nap.

Hey, I'll tell you these people, they're full of preservatives, you know? All right. In the New Testament, there were 13 people present for Jesus, Jesus' last supper on Maundy Thursday? Maundy, M-A-U-N-D-Y, is that some other fucking day of the week they used to have? What do you mean the New Testament that wasn't in the Old Testament? Oh wait a minute, we fucked up. Thought there was 12, there's 13. The day before Christ's crucifixion on Good Friday. Oh, Good Friday.

So he went out, he had a couple of beers, he had a good fucking time, and the next thing you know he got the old right there, Fred. Alright, more bad luck. On Friday, October 13th, 1307, Philip IV of France, it shouldn't be Philippe LeCat arrested hundreds of the Knights Templar. Well, what the fuck, what did they do? In his novel Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown cites the 14th century execution. Who gives a fuck? You know what I mean?

You know something? It's just all bullshit. That's what it is. You always knew it was. I'm trying to think of any bads that ever happened to me on the 13th. But I pay a fat amount of money to get bad luck today. Fucking old ladies. Keeping that shit going.

That's what it is. Oh, by the way, really good friend of mine and one of the fucking best comedians I've ever seen, Nick DePaulo, the great Nick DePaulo. He has a new standup special, a new one hour standup special that's debuting this Thursday, February 16th at 8pm on CISO TV called Inflammatory. I don't get to watch him as much since I'm out here, but he is somebody... Last time I worked with him was at Comics Come Home. Once again, legendary set. And that's it. He's just one of those fucking guys. He's just... He's the guy. He's the shit and he's got a new special on CISO.

Check it out. Thursday, February 16th at 8 p.m. It's called Inflammatory. And he also used to host a show with Artie Lang and now he's doing his own podcast. to subscribe to his podcast, you can go to connectpal. C-O-N-N-E-C-T-pal.com slash Nick. All right, there we go. So, you know what the fuck I did today? You know what my dumb ass did today?

Aside getting on the elliptical, which was a good thing. All right, I took my life insurance fucking test. This guy had a problem hitting my vein. He goes, you're going to bruise a little bit. You should see me. I look like, I don't look like I'm doing smack. I just look like somebody just pinched my fucking inside of my elbow. Really fucking hard. Anyway, so I did all that.

What a shit show that was. Fucking guy sitting there going, do you drink at all? He's got his back to my bar, which I told you is Murderer's Row. The bottles I have there, I told you right now, I put it up against the 27 Yankees, the 96 Bulls. Let's go some underrated teams. The 83 76ers, somehow lost in history about how fucking great they were. Right? The 86 Celtics, the 85 Lakers.

The fucking 2016 New England Patriots. The 98 Yankees, that was a great team for the fucking free agent that weighed. I mean, speaking of which which, the Red Sox are doing that this year. It's a good year to get the package. No matter what you're going to be entertained. You either get to watch like a fucking $900 million dollar team shit the bed or just you know there is no Santa Claus we're buying it one or the other. Either way it's going to be dramatic. So anyways I got, such a funny question. How many drinks do you, I don't fucking know.

Do I have a pocket protector? I don't count them. I like, you know, they always think, you know what's funny? They fucking say having a glass of wine with your meal is actually good for you. You know what I mean? So I mean, I don't understand that. Do you smoke?

Yeah, yeah, a little bit. It's fucking lying your ass off. Oh Jesus, can you imagine if you, if you can imagine anybody, even the fucking people who work there, if you answered any of those questions fucking honestly, you know what I mean? All right, Bruins,

and I probably shouldn't be talking about this, who gives a shit? It's a comedy podcast, these are all jokes everybody. This is what I did today, Alright, uh, Bruins... I probably shouldn't be talking about this. Who gives a shit? It's a comedy podcast. These are all jokes, everybody. Um, this is what I did today. My fucking dumbass did today. So you know, I'm gonna be the person, uh, presenter at the Writers Guild...

No, the, the... Yeah, the Writers Guild Awards thing, right? And, uh, so they say it's a black tie thing, and I'm like, God, fuck, I got to get a fucking tuxedo. So I call up, by the time I call up, it's too late to get one. So Nia Google some pictures and everybody seems like relaxed, like they're just wearing suits with the black tie. So I say, fuck it, I wear one of my suits. So I pull out a suit, I get the shirt, we do the whole fucking thing. I got it to go and all that.

So today I'm dressing up, you know, I'm hanging with my daughter. I'm putting my time in, you know, because I'm gonna be gone for three, four hours and Nia's gonna be handling it by herself, and I'm gonna go out and go do this fucking Hollywood thing, right? And I'm sitting there, and I know, you know, the red carpet and everything's between three or four, and I'm like, I can't, I don't know when the fuck the car's coming to pick me up. I'm all dressed up, ready to go, you know, two o'clock, 2.05, 2.10, 2.15, I'm texting people, hey, when's this car coming to get me?

2.25, I walk outside, I'm looking around, I don't see anybody. I'm just sitting there and it finally dawns on me. I'm like, wait a minute, and I just looked up the date of the fucking award show, it's next Sunday. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Isn't that hilarious? You you know the funny thing about it is Nia got mad at me. Why don't you write things down? Don't give some... It's not I didn't miss it. I just was a little early and now I know you know I know that you

know I know what I'm gonna wear.. I'm actually way ahead of the game, because I fucked up, what do you want from me? Anyway, speaking of, this is something I gotta let you guys know about. The Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit, the fifth annual Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit, we're actually to be releasing some Some tickets some high quality tickets, I guess you say some really good seats and we're gonna be doing that Monday today if you're listening to it on Monday Jesus Christ with the fucking open under the door there

What is ridiculous how You're trashing me on the podcast. How am I trashing you? Because you were saying like I got mad at you because you. Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here. Don't yell, don't yell, you got the kid there. What? It's absolutely absurd for you to not know when things are anymore. It's like you're a grown ass man

and you've got all dressed to go to the. Why is it always grown ass? Why can't you like you're a grown ass man and you got all dressed to go to the... Why is it always grown ass? Why can't you say you're a grown up? I can say whatever I want to say. And I'm choosing to say that you're a grown ass man who can't seem to write anything down. Is that because you're a strong woman? To the point where you're gonna get all dressed up

and be like, oh, what am I gonna wear? This and that and the other. And then you come downstairs five minutes later, like, well, it's next week. Like, what's wrong with you? You need to get it together. It's not cute. Yeah, that's like the first thing I've screwed up like that in a long time.

I have a bunch of events in my phone, right in the calendar section. You're always forgetting when things are. You're always getting the dates wrong. And it's frustrating. It's just annoying. All right, but how am I doing as a dad? What does that have to do with anything? You're doing amazingly as a dad.

All right, well stop acting like I'm in some, shooting heroin in an alley. I'm not acting like I'm shooting heroin in an alley, but you just need, I just don't understand why you can't ever get your schedule straight. You're always getting the dates wrong. You're like, oh, it's tomorrow, not today. It's next week, not this week.

Like, I don't get it. Yeah, I'm busy. And I don't have an assistant. Well, you should get an assistant. I don't want another person to talk to. I've been telling you to get an assistant for like three years now because of this very reason. Nia, you want to hear all the shit I did this week that I made, totally got there on time?

No. You don't, okay, you know why? Because that would prove my point. If I was a baseball- What is your point exactly? 99% of shit I get there on time. 99% of that's a little- 98.

No, and you did get mad at me. I'm not- I did. Well then what's the problem? Why do you have to drastically open our squeaky pocket door to come in here and assert yourself on the podcast? I don't know. All right.

Are you done? Are you kicking me out now? Are you almost done? No, I've just started. Oh, you just started? Well, people sent me... Oh no, I'm 17 minutes in. Oh Jesus.

I came up here to watch the Grammys But I can't turn the TV on now right it'll watch the Grammys. Okay. I'm going to Is there gonna be a bunch of people like write new verses about how Trump's the most evil thing ever? There's some chick that showed up on the red carpet wearing a sparkly dress that said make America great again And then Trump on the back of it. I don't know who she is But everyone's already like what oh my god she's like just for somebody to show up at a Hollywood event like that in a dress that says like you know it's pro Trump is pretty. Pretty paint by numbers shock? I guess so. Do you think she'll get

some free press out of that? I think she will. Was she wearing Madonna's beret? No, she was not. I'm going to a protest. What should I wear? No, she was wearing a pro-Trump dress, is what I'm saying. I know, I know, because that other shit is played out. They're acting like the sky is falling, so now they're going to go the other direction. Yeah, I know, but I feel like that's not going to be good press for her.

You know what I mean? Hey, Totseni, any press is good press. It's how this dirty town works Yeah, I guess so okay, or you could just put out a good album right and not rely on your Stupid clothes yeah, if you put out a good album you can keep your clothes on you don't have to say who you voted for You can just go up there and accept your shiny thing. That's true. All right. I'm gonna take the baby Okay, bye-bye anyways And accept your shiny thing. That's true. All right. I'm going to take the baby. Okay. Okay. Bye bye. Okay.

Bye bye. Anyways. Hi everybody. I'm Clyde Gans. All right. If you pull the door lower, it doesn't squeak as much. See? There you go.

See that? No. No. You almost did it. You can watch the Grammys near. Go ahead. Anyways, oh, by the way, I'm going to fuck this up. The two fucking best channels right now, in my not humble opinion, people say in my humble

opinion, like you're a humble person. You're not. You're injecting your fucking ideas most likely into a conversation that you just overheard. Or is that just me? In my opinion. I don't know when the humble came about. You know, hey, who am I? Who am I?

Who are you? You're the fucking guy that is holding court right now with your opinions. There's nothing fucking humble about this. You're shining a spotlight on yourself. You know, I'm actually in a good mood too. Hang on a second, let me fucking find this stuff. There's two fucking channels out there. Viceland is the shit, I already told you about that.

And now what's his face? Puffy's has a new network. Puffy's, you cunt. Puffy's has a new network. Puffy's, you cunt. Puffy's network. They said Net Worth. Revolt is another great fucking channel. Both of those channels remind me of the early days of MTV. The early days of MTV was somewhere between

obviously regular television and then just basic cable fucking lunatics, which I really miss. I remember I used to watch this guy, uh, Damon Zex. I talked about this a long time ago on the Opie and Anthony show. I used to pretend he was running for office. Damon Zex. There it is. There it is. This guy was a fucking superstar. I think

it was Channel 8. There he is. I love this fucking guy. This isn't going to translate well. D-A-M-O-N-Z-E-X. And he used to do this thing where you would pretend that he was running for office, this crazy makeup on, and just saying all this fucked up shit. And me and Bobby Kelly, we're living together. It was stone sober. We would just watch that guy. Like late night after we did our spots, ordered Chinese food and would just sit there watching the guy Laughing our asses off and fucking getting freaked out

I Don't know but the early days of MTV was like that and I haven't seen you know network television or basic cable Be like that in a long time and I gotta tell you those two fucking channels Just great a bunch of random shit in there. Original shows. I don't know. Puffy's channel is more like I just sat there watching it and it was that guy, what the fuck's his name? Not Mike Jones. The guy's really Killer Mike. Killer Mike and I guess the guy he raps with is white. I don't know anything about it. But they fucking just filmed them. They just sat around talking about their albums. One guy smoking weed. He has like a fucking coughing fit for like 30 seconds. They don't even edit it out. I was just sitting there and I'm like two hours into this thing going

how the fuck am I still watching this? But it was way more interesting than a lot. I don't know. I like it. Check it out if you like it you like it whatever what are you gonna do anyways all right let's let's talk about the world of sports as I always do as I eventually do as I always make my way back to the old bread and circus here Bruce Cassidy new coach of the Boston Bru former player, came up with the Blackhawks in like the 80s and unfortunately had like three or four knee injuries. This is all I know about the guy. And then he paid his fucking dues as a coach coming up. My favorite stop that he had on the way up, he coached for the Jacksonville Lizard Kings, which you know, I'm throwing in I'm throwing my vote in that's one of the best

That's one of the best fucking names for a minor league team, huh? The Lizard Kings It's a reference to the doors. They got a bunch of reptiles in Florida and Fucking Jim Morrison got arrested in Florida for allegedly taking his dick out also known in some circles as your lizard for allegedly taking his dick out, also known in some circles as your lizard. And who doesn't want to be a king? You know, you got the Sacramento Kings, you got the LA Kings, and you got the Jacksonville Lizard Kings. Anyways, he's undefeated so far. You know, granted, you know, we were playing our best hockey, I felt, of the season when when he took over, but this is the new guy, you know, I got to support there What's his face Parsonoc with the fucking?

with the game winner Against the Vancouver Canucks after he made a very sketchy pass in the first period He makes it up fucking unbelievable came down the fucking left side slammed on the brakes He makes it up, fucking unbelievable. Came down the fucking left side, slammed on the brakes, just like I do in pick-up hockey, except he actually stopped rather than continuing into the boards and hurting himself. And then fucking little whatever the fuck he did, he put it in. It was fantastic. Oh, it was tremendous. But I got to tell you guys about the greatest sporting event I think I've been to since I went to the New England Patriots versus Los Angeles Rams when we won our first Super Bowl.

And all I can tell you about Duke at Cameron Indoor Arena, it's like how loud the crowd was when Vinatieri kicked that field goal. It was that loud the whole fucking game. I've never been to anything like it. And we sat in the low, we were sitting center court. I thought we were going to be behind the bench. Sorry about that. We were at center court, um, not on the student side across from them in the lower area and dude i'll tell you there's no fucking way to get out of there there's no way to go to the bathroom there's no way to fucking there's nobody coming around to concessions you are fucked you are in there and that is it old

school fucking barn um you went in it's so small i guess it holds like 9,000 people, but you felt like you were in there with like 200 people. And we came in and it was already, they were already shooting around before the game. And we finally got to our seats. You just don't think that your seats are even going to be there because everybody's so jammed in. And we didn't sit down for the whole fucking game. I started sitting down during timeouts because I'm old and I gotta tell you, I've never seen

an atmosphere like that ever. This beats everything. I've been to the NCAA championship game. It was in the fucking Georgia Dome. So I mean, that's a shitty place to watch a basketball game. Even if people are going nuts, it just floats up to the top of the dome and you don't even hear it. I don't even know where to begin.

And then it was an unbelievable game just back and forth, back and forth. When it looked like UNC was going to pull away, Duke would come back. Then it looked like Duke was going to have the game on ice and then UNC would come back. Somebody hit a three. Someone else would hit a fucking three. Was unbelievable and I was very impressed with both teams. I liked that kid on UNC number 44. He doesn't rattle.

He doesn't fucking act like he changed the game of basketball when he hits a shot. All he gave a fuck about was winning. He hit some big three pointer and then they immediately called time out rather than thumping his own chest and acting like he's in Braveheart. He came back to the bench high five but you see he was pissed because they just had just let up an easy bucket before he hit his three. And I don't know, I don't know shit about anything but if I was a scout I would pay attention to that just as much as somebody actually doing great things out on the court. And it was insane, dude. Fucking Coach K coming out. Reminded me when I went to the Kings game when they wrapped it up one time to win a Stanley Cup,

and I saw them bring the Stanley Cup out. It was like that, except it could walk around talking. It was like that except it could walk around talking. So I want to thank Mike Hall at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte for two awesome shows and thank you so much for getting us in touch with the person that hooked us up with the tickets. Me, Verzi and Bardnik were all sitting there going, I think that might have been the greatest sporting event I went to. Obviously seeing the Patriots when the Super Bowl was bigger. But the level of excitement, I just never been to anything like that. And if you ever get a fucking chance, that is definitely one worth stub-hubbing.

Oh, and the college, fucking, the students were crazy crazy and they had all these funny chants and I'm sure everybody's gonna say all they stole this from you they stole this from this guy and blah blah blah blah blah I don't fucking know but it was making me laugh you know when they were introducing the UNC players I'll just use my name they just say yeah playing fucking point guard number fucking zero Bill Burr and then the whole student section just goes hi Bill You suck and they just did it through the whole thing. It was childish It was fucking hilarious They started chanting. I couldn't tell what they were chanting and then I gradually figured it out

It was crazy towel guy. I was like crazy. What the fuck are they saying crazy? What and people start turning around looking at us and then I realized they look and be honest this crazy towel guy. I was like, crazy, what the fuck are they saying? Crazy what? And people start turning around looking at us, and then I realize they're looking beyond us, and we look up, and all of a sudden this fucking old guy gets up, starts whipping this towel around his head, this old fucking lunatic.

I'm like, ah, I guess that's, I guess that's the crazy towel guy, right? So it's going back and forth, back and forth, all these crazy chants. You let your whole team down, all of this shit. The next thing you know, it's like halftime. We're sitting there going like, dude, what the fuck was that? That was 20 minutes of basketball?

That felt like a minute. My ears were ringing like I'd gone to a concert and there's still another half to play. Then all of a sudden this Asian lady comes out, this Asian lady coming out on like a fucking three-story unicycle and she's doing that act where you fucking, you flip the saucer onto your head, okay, which I had seen before. I've seen the act done before. I've never seen it live, but it was fucking hilarious. Verzi and Bartnik had never seen that.

Not saying I wasn't blown away. I was definitely blown away. So she goes to flip it on her head. Now first of all, when you stop on a unicycle, you can't just stop, you gotta do that front, back, front, back, front, back, doing. Now she's doing that with one foot on the fucking pedal. She's got a goddamn soup bowl on the end of her feet,

on her toes, the end of your feet. A lot of people notice your toes, right? So everybody's sitting there, right? She fucking flips it. It does like a triple Lindy and lands on the top of her head and everybody's just like, oh shit, right? So then she fucking, with the thing still on her fucking head, the little soup kitchen cup there, right?

She rides down to another, the other corner of the basketball court. Now she puts two down. Now Verzi starts going, no way, no fucking way, no fucking way. Right there, Fred, it fucking lands. Whole crowd, oh shit. Then she goes to do three. So she's got one upright, the other's upside down, the other's upright, just going like right up her fucking shin.

And she fucking landed that and Verzi stood up. You ever see when black people go to church and what they call it, catching the Holy Ghost? That's what looked like happened to Paul Verzi. Ha ha ha ha ha. Everybody was sitting down, Verzi stood up and applauded. I'm fucking dying laughing. She goes to four bowls, everybody's like, no shit. Four bowls go in the air, land right on her head.

One, two, three, four, whole crowd, what the fuck? Right? Then she goes down, her closing bit. Not one, not two, not three or four. She puts five fucking soup bowls. It's all the way up to her knee, okay? Oh, I forgot to tell you, this guy's like flipping the bowls,

so he flipped one to her, and he fucking threw it too short, and she dropped it, and I was going, ah, fuck, he just jinxed her. He just fucked with her rhythm. It's like calling a timeout to ice the kicker. So she's got five, flips him up, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Right? Teaching these kids, these fucking millennials, or whatever the fuck you call these kids nowadays, these kids who grew up with knee pads, elbow pads,

and helmets when they rode bicycles. They had play dates. They weren't left alone in the company of adults that no one really knew who they were. These kids were sheltered. They don't know how to make a comeback. These kids get drunk, they call Uber. Right?

Everything's just set up for them. So they don't know how to fucking pull themselves off the mat, you know? Well, let me tell you something. This lady on this one fucking tired bicycle, she showed them how, because she said, hey, fuckhead, I don't give a shit that you throw me five more She set him up again, right flip them in the air landed all five fucking place goes nuts

Just as loud as the goddamn almost as loud as the fucking game There was no break. There was no break in the excitement that fucking ends We're looking going what the fuck did we just see and And out comes Coach K, fucking Duke and UNC, and it gets loud again. More chanting, more singing, more fucking screaming. Came all the way down. Duke finally put the game away with like a fucking minute left with a couple of foul shots. And I just sat there in the last few seconds when I knew that Duke was going to win. And I just looked around, looked at everything I could look at try to make enough mental pictures as I could to take it in because I knew I was Just like I don't know if I'll ever get back to to seeing one of these again, but I

Don't know if that didn't sell you Fucking you got to do it. That is dude fuck Madison Square Garden, it's a mecca, fuck that place. You can go down there and see the fucking ice capates. Save your money. Go on StubHub, all right? Go on StubHub and just get yourself some tickets and go there, you will not be disappointed.

And you gotta go while Coach K is still there, who by the way, I believe tomorrow, the 13th is his 70th birthday. How great does that guy look? Fucking guy looks like he's like maybe a year younger, two years older than me, I don't know. Who would have thought with a job that stressful, you could still look that good, you know?

Anyways, let me read a little bit of advertising. Alright. And with that. You know, this thing is just really not responding the way it used to. Is it time for a new laptop? Alright. Do we have anything else? Hey, what is all this attacking on fake news lately?

I don't understand it. Why is the government getting so mad at fake news? It's so fucking hilarious watching them getting upset about that. Hey, don't read their fake news. Read our fake news. Read our version of the fucking, it's all fake fucking news. Have you ever gotten into a car accident? Little fender bender and the cop shows up? Are you a police officer? Have you ever heard two people tell you the exact same story? This fucking guy came out of fucking nowhere. Then you go over the other guy. What happened? I came out of fucking nowhere. I wasn't even looking. Never happens. It's all fake news. It's all opinions, right? For the most part,

other than, you know, if somebody dies. This guy is fucking dead. Okay? You can agree on that. How he died, why he died, who's responsible. Oh, Jesus Christ, Bill, we get it. Okay, that's all I'm saying. That's all I'm really saying here. All right, let's get to the content here.

Let me read some of your letters here. All right. Yoko Ono makes Julian Lennon buy letters he wrote to his dad at auction. All right. Bill is there a worst woman in history? I hate to be hacky. I know that Beatles days were numbered and wasn't just her but it didn't help. Yeah but at the end of the day John chose her. This is what happened. Something happened between John and his mom. She died or she fucking, I don't know, she beat him with a wooden spoon.

I forget how the fucking story went. All right, but whatever she did, or if she died, it's not her fault. It left him with the psychological makeup to be susceptible to not trying to just find a mate he also wanted a mom and all she had to do was make some cookies all right make him some cookies on his fucking birthday whatever the fuck he wanted and then that was it this guy was done you know I think he would you know if he

lived they somewhere in his mid-40s, he just would have been like, all right, you know what? What the fuck was that? Maybe he would have got out. Maybe he liked it. I have no idea. But anyways, let's continue. He said, then there's the video where you call her out

for screeching like a maniac during a powerful moment in history. Now she won't give her husband's son some paper he gave his dad 20 years earlier. This story might be a bit old, but it doesn't seem to make, but it doesn't make it any less true. I watched the clip. What it is was she auctioned off a bunch of his shit is what it is. She's not making him pay for it. She sold it. And Julian wants to get it back. But because Yoko sold it, he has to buy it back. Now, in defense of her, what I would say is the cash cow died. It's not like Yoko could go out and fucking sell records like a Beatle. So all of a sudden

she's going like, holy fuck, how am I still going to be able to live in the Dakota so she starts selling all this shit? Or maybe her husband died and she wanted to fucking move on and didn't want to look at all this old shit. You know what I mean? I have no idea. But yeah, I watched a little of that video. Julian definitely goes hard on her and says that he thinks she's extremely manipulative and that she knew what the fuck she was doing from day one. And I can't remember if that's actually his mother.

I don't know. How is he related? Who the fuck knows? I don't know. Is there a worse woman in history? Yeah, there's way worse women. There's women that ran empires and had people killed, you know, for whatever fucking reason. You know, the story of Scarface, the second one, the one that Pacino did, was based on

a, you know, it was the original movie, but the stories that they used in the second one were based on a drug dealer of that time who actually was a woman. So I mean, yeah, I would say she was worse. You know, having people shot in the fucking street is probably worse than selling some postcards. But you know, it's all up to interpretation. This is the new me, the new meditating Bill, the more relaxed Bill, who's undoing the fucking knots of anxiety in his mind. I cannot say enough about fucking meditating. Now that I'm not trying to get good at it, I'm just trying to do it.

I don't flip out to the level I used to. I think, say like 10 is the worst flipping out. I think I used to walk around. Just walk around on a good day. I was already at a six compared to how most people are when they're just like totally chilling out. So it was a very quick and easy trip up to 10. Now I feel like I walk around at like a three. I feel like I've cut it in half. So now when I flip out, I kind of just go to six, which is still totally unacceptable for most social situations. I still flip out

and people look over their shoulders startled, but not with the level of what the fuck. You know what I mean? It reminds me of this time I saw, I was on like Highway 8 or something, Interstate 8. I think I was in Arizona or New Mexico. I don't know where the fuck I was at. And this bull had somehow gotten free. I mean I was in Arizona or New Mexico. I don't know where the fuck I was at. And this bull had somehow gotten free. I mean, I was in the middle of fucking nowhere.

And there was two cowboys on horses. And these are cowboys. They're trying to fucking rope a goddamn bull, which I don't know if you can do. I don't know what the fuck they were doing. So one of them's trying to distract the bull. And the other one is on a horse that is sneaking up behind it. And the horse is sneaking up the way horses sneak up in a fucking cartoon. And this bull at the last second figured it out and he fucking turned around.

You know that look Bruce Willis always does when he looks over his shoulder and die hard? It's the same thing except it was a fucking bull. That's the look that people, when I would lose my shit prior to meditating, I would get that look. Everyone would fucking turn around like a skyscraper was on fire and it was just some fucking balding redhead flipping out because he couldn't figure out the new operating system on his smartphone. Completely unacceptable. So my temper has really reduced and I'm telling you, if I can just not fucking do it. I just made this statement out loud. My daughter's not going to see me flip it out.

I'm not saying I won't every way, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, when she's fucking drawn on the wall at some point. But she's not going to see me yelling at computers. It's just not going to happen. Okay? And I say it out loud. When I say it out loud when I say it out loud that means it happens right I hope so anyways I'm trying fuck you guys I'm trying anytime I talk about this to my stand-up back then I'm gonna try to fix my temper people just start laughing they'd laugh and they point they make me feel bad alright All right, Italy and the European Union. Hey there, Capitol Hill Bill. I'm just

a bill. Yes, I'm only a bill. And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill. And okay, I'm a political science professor from a school I won't name to keep with your policy of not naming names. Having studied and taught the subject, it's fair to say I look at what goes on today from a much wider scope. Wider scope than who? Me? I would hope so. I would hope so wider than me. All right, and that's not something that is only exclusive to receiving a master's in political science. Could you pat yourself on the back anymore, sir? Did your elbow patch fly off your fucking left arm of your sport coat when you reached back to...

That is all... I love this guy, and that's not only something that is only exclusive to receiving a master's in political science. This guy should be wearing a scarf with a nice breeze going. Anyone can read Solzhenitsyn. Thank you for fucking sound spelling that for me. And others who have honestly captured an important perspective of history and have a much clearer understanding of how and why governments and socialites have evolved through history. Anyways, there is one thing that has flown under the radar, now that I've gotten my resume

out of the way, there's one thing that has flown under the radar, and I think it should scare the shit out of most European countries. All right, let me start by saying in short that the European Union, parentheses, which in my opinion is run by fascists with self-interest. Can I just stop here and say this is the most well-written fucking email I've ever received on the podcast. This is incredible. Let me start by saying in short that the European Union, which in my opinion is run by fascists

with self-interest, tried to take control of Italy's army. For the sake of your time, I will spoil the ending. Italy did not vote to allow the EU to take over. That move by the EU alarmed some of my peers, who I, in 20 plus years of knowing them, have not seen them alarmed by anything in terms of government. In the scheme of things, a banking institution

openly financing legislation that is trying to gain control of a foreign country's foreign government's military is, for the lack of a better term, really, really ballsy. Why do I feel like I missed some information here? Okay, so the European Union tried to take over Italy's army. Okay, I see that. Italy did not vote to allow the EU to take over. So when you join the European Union, they took take over your army. Is that what you're saying? Okay, so that move by the EU alarmed some of my peers.

What move? Oh, trying to take over the Italy, okay. You're jumping back and forth here. I can't tell what you're talking about. Take control of Italy's army. So them trying to take control of their army, yeah, how would you do that? Okay, the idea that, let me just finish this. The idea that certain globalist groups are trying to take control of the world

is not an incredible idea among people who are versed in political economics, or conspiracy theorists like myself. But you know something? Me, they just go, oh, what do you got your fucking tan hat on? And you, if you just started saying what the fuck you just said, you'd probably run into the same problem.

Like you just, I just said it was the best written email ever and I got lost in it because I'm too fucking stupid to understand what you're talking about. So it's gotta be hard, man. You just gotta hang out with people with the fucking elbow patches on their sport coats, right? Anyways, the idea that certain globalist groups are trying to take control of the world is not an incredible idea among people who are versed in political economics. I've heard you talk about stuff like this in the context of a conspiracy, and so other

than this possibly being interesting to you, it's also to affirm that you are not out of your mind. I attached an article, if you'd like to read further, I absolutely would. Look at this. How about that, everybody? All you cunts saying I got a tin hat on. Tin foil hat on, whatever the fuck that means. Half of you say that, you don't even know what it means.

You got your tin foil hat on? You know, I don't even know what the fuck it means. Is that like my antenna if I'm doing some sort of pirate radio? Tin foil hat, meaning, I know what it means, it means you're out of your fucking mind, but how did it come about? A tin foil hat is made know what it means means you're out of your fucking mind but how did it come about a tin foil hat is made from one or more sheets of aluminum foil I didn't want the exact or a piece of conventional headgear lined with foil worn in the belief or hope that it shields the brain from

threats such as electromagnetic fields mind control and, and mind re- Oh, I see. I see. Well, you know, that's some MacGyver shit. I can go with that, right? Is that a bad thing? Anyways, well, where the fuck was I? Um, I've attached, I would actually have to, how long is this, though? Is this something I can read?

You know, I'll read about this and I'll give you my uninformed opinion. My moronic opinion on the next podcast. How about that? Does that work for you? Does that grab you? All right, fat guys turns out to not be fat. Billy Twinklebows.

This guy was told by a doctor his whole life that he was fat. He had this huge frontal thing going on that turned out to not be a giant belly but a 130 pound tumor. How many people do you know will start using the tumor defense? I actually looked this fucking thing up. The guy is fat. He's very fat, even after the fucking tumor. I mean, like, he's laying in bed, and he has, it's like he has an inner tube of fat going around, that's what his neck is.

This guy's so fucking fat, he had a 130 pound tumor, and he just thought it was part of his love handle. He is fat. I'm glad they got it out of there. Jeez, how do you get that out of there? 130 pounds. How the fuck do you, I mean, you gotta take it out in sections.

10 pounds at a time. You need to make 13 fucking incisions. Jesus Christ, and just throwing it over your shoulder, hitting the ground like a fucking bowling ball. Jesus Christ. You know, I knew a guy that, you know, everybody's talking about probiotics and they talk about the bacteria in your gut that, you know, there's bacteria in your gut that's supposed to be there. They try to scare your shit out of you, but it's supposed to be there.

It's there for when you die, and it begins the decomposing process, provided you're not full of fucking preservatives. And you just decompose because you're not important, and you just become part of the earth again. But we stick ourselves in these fancy fucking boxes because we think we're too good to be warm food for whatever fucking reason. But anyways, alcohol eats away at the good shit, the good bacteria that you need while you're alive. Like you're supposed to be balanced and you're supposed to have more of the good bacteria because if you have

more of the bad bacteria, you can actually, in your own fucking way, you're beginning to decompose while you're still alive or in own fucking way, you're beginning to decompose while you're still alive. Or in a short way, you're starting to die. This is the way this guy explained it to me. So he started getting a distended belly. They didn't know what the fuck was going on. And he wouldn't go to the doctor. And then finally he found out, you know, somebody said, maybe you got a tapeworm.

And that freaked him the fuck out. There could have been something alive in him. And he went to the doctor and then they found out that that's what it was. And they gave him some medicine. And he had to shit it all out. That's basically what happened. So, I don't know. Even then, I always buy the Greek yogurt and it goes bad. I always think like, hey, I'll slam a couple of scotches and the next morning I'll have two spoonfuls of fucking Greek yogurt and I'll be fine. I was happy in the life insurance. They said I had a nice fucking easy, you know, heart rhythm.

I was also meditating when they did it. You know, I was being totally present. I was listening to the sounds of the room. I slowed my breathing. I tricked those fuckers. But I also had the Bruins game on in the background. So I was trying not to react to what the fuck was going on because we left this fucking cunty goal

at the end of the second period with like one second left. All right. Crazy Saddam story. Crazy. All right. Hey, Bill, thought I brighten your day with this crazy account of what went down in Iraq when Saddam took power. Basically they gathered all government officials in one room.

The current military leader gets brought out on stage. He's clearly been beaten. He admits to having committed treason, but clearly he hasn't. They then start calling out officials one at a time so everyone was scared shitless that they'd be called out and marched out into a courtyard with the others. Then after half of them were gone,

the remaining officials were all taken out to the courtyard and told that if they didn't shoot the traitors, they and their families would be killed. That way they all had blood on their hands, insane. Here's the whole account. And to think the US still did business with Saddam with them after that, ha ha ha. Dude, as far as I know, we kind of put that guy in over there.

You know? And we were cool with the guy until he fucking tried to go around us and start selling oil to other... I don't know what the fuck he did. We, you know... You know what I mean? Saddam Hussein to the United States, he was like one of those fucking I don't know what the fuck he did. We, you know. You know what I mean? Saddam Hussein, to the United States, he was like one of those fucking first round draft choices that's a bust.

He was a bust for us, you know? Had a very promising college career. And, you know, he just didn't have the passion. Actually, he was a very passionate guy. He just wasn't passionate in the wrong. I don't know, who the fuck knows? I mean, it's all evil shit. That shit is just like,

the most base level evil, because they're not even trying to hide it. But I gotta tell you, when Trump was talking to that fucking guy there from Fox News, Bill O'Reilly, and Bill O'Reilly's giving him shit that he was friends with Putin, or whatever the fuck his name is, and goes the guy's a he's a killer to have a fucking standing president go well look at this country look what we've done my jaw hit the fucking ground

like is he actually gonna say this you can't say this everybody knows it's true but you can't fucking say this no we only killed the bad people. The fuck out of here. It's all fucking evil. And that goes back to that fake news. That's why they need to take control of the fake news so they can spin it. You know what I mean? The guy, he came out of fucking nowhere. The Saddam Hussein, we had a green light, he came out of fucking nowhere. Everybody does it. Everybody does it. You know what? And I fucking do it too. We're all spinning it.

We're all spinning our own horse shit. We all think we're, I'm not going to speak for you guys, but I'm spinning my own bullshit, right? This is my favorite video anybody sent me in a long fucking time. Oh, by the way, if you want to watch that Saddam thing, I'll post all these videos. I don't know if I want to watch it.

That stuff, I don't know. I don't like watching shit like that. All right. 109 year old guy smokes cigars and drinks whiskey. Dear FarmStateBill, I know you have a life insurance policy test, but I thought you might want to see this. This 109 year old guy smokes cigars all day, not saying it's great for everyone, but figured you'd want to hear.

The title actually marginalized this guy's life. He's got a great attitude, he still drives, he's the oldest living World War II veteran. You'd really enjoy this. He talks about having a truck for a long time and they show his old school TV with the giant dials. He keeps it all because it works and he likes it. Come to Boston. I fucking love this guy.

He said at one point he smokes 12 cigars a day. He goes, I don't inhale. So you inhale, he goes, you're getting in trouble. The bottom line is, you know, whatever his genetics are, this works for him. Because I know if I smoke 12 a day, first of all, I couldn't physically fucking do it. But he had like a 79, look like a 78 or 79 Ford pickup truck. He had an old square TV that still had the legs on it from like the 70s. He built his house in like 1940, he still lives there. He said, I like the shit that I have,

it still works so I'm not buying more shit. It's like what I'm trying to do now, get rid of all this extra shit that I bought. And I got to tell you, watching this guy, watching his life is the life that I'm slowly moving towards. It's the life that I want. After running around like a fucking lunatic, reacting to everything for the first fucking, you know, 40-something years of my life. You know, I would like to slow down a little bit as far as being of, I mean, look, I'm

still, I know all you guys are worried like, oh God, he's going to slow down, he's not going to be fucking, I'm still going to completely fuck up, I'm still going to do dumb shit, I'm going gonna be fucking, I'm still gonna completely fuck up. I'm still gonna do dumb shit. I'm gonna be fine, but I don't have to be walking around. I basically walked around stuck in fight or flight mode. Probably from the age of eight till now. And I don't know, it's a stupid, it's funny to observe, but it really wears on the people around you and eventually it fucking wears you down and it's just like the amount of

fucking time that I have wasted arguing with people where they're not going to change their mind, I'm not going to change my mind. I've just, I'm done. I'm past that point in my fucking life and it feels fucking great. I just have to believe that I am. I'm trying to do now when I flip out because I know there's other angry cunts that listen to this and you listen to this

because I'm an angry cunt too and it probably makes you feel better about yourself. Which is why I love Bobby Knight. You watch Bobby Knight and you're like, oh my God, I'm a fucking saint. This guy, now this guy's got a temper. I'm telling you right now, if your wife ever gives you shit for having a temper, it's like, you think I got a temper?

Just cut to, you can be married to that. And I love Bobby Knight, by the way. So anyways, I just now, like, I don't know, I try to, in the moment, I just try to fucking... This is a funny thing that happens when my daughter needs a diaper changed. It's like you hear them fart and everything, so you're thinking, okay, that's definitely... Without getting into the gross details, just think you hear the fart and you think that's the gun sounding the end of the game. And then once you get into it, you realize that wasn't the gun sounding the end of the game or even the end of the half. That was the sound of the fucking jets flying over the game, over the stadium, right after the fucking national anthem.

And the game's about ready to begin. to the fucking national anthem and the game's about ready to begin. I had a left pad save yesterday, blocker, cheese block, saved my wall, took it all on my shirt and all that. It's just like, it's fucking unbelievable. And whenever that happens, like a couple of times I went like, Nia, why'd you tell me to come in? She's still going. Like she could tell.

Like there's any way for my wife to know whether my daughter is done going to the bathroom or not. She's got no fucking idea. And I apologized and I just addressed that I was angry and I did it two more fucking times. And now I got it down. Now I just say something as I walk up to the changing table at three or four in the morning.

And I just basically say, if she's not done, and this is not anybody's fault, this is just part of having a kid, don't flip out. And I'll see how that works for me tonight. That's just basically, I just, before I just kept it all in my head and then it becomes like it isn't that's it's sort of is sort of real but isn't I just find when I say it out loud then I can fucking address it and so we'll see that but I gotta tell you I actually fucking really enjoy changing diapers and everything we gave my daughter first bath ever right in the kitchen sink old-school style I'm sure

we're supposed to have like a fucking hazmat suit team come in and disinfect the sink and she's supposed to wear a helmet and some scuba gear. But that's not how we're bringing her up. We're going, we're going old school. I've been playing music for her and everything. Got this exercise ball and really just kind of puts her to sleep and I just play music and she just totally chills out. The stuff that she's enjoyed so far, she likes Herbie Hancock. I was playing some Billy Cobham, some of this shit I'd just been listening to. What else has she been listening to? Some of the pop

stuff she really likes. I think they just like music in general. They're just kind of like, what is that? And I don't know. It's getting to that point. She's just starting to be able to look around, and you kind of sit there going like, I think she's actually looking at me right now. Then as you make eye contact, like, hey, are you fucking looking at me?

Her eyes just kind of drift away and look at something else, I'm like, all right, I guess I'm still like an acid trip when she looks at me but anyways we're having a great time and even though I'm not getting any sleep it's totally fucking worth it and it's it's I'll tell you if you're if you're an older dad it's not as fucking hard they try to say oh my god you're old and gonna try to do this it's like yeah I'm old and I have a house. I'm not some fucking struggling 20 something.

You know what I mean? Fucking broke kid trying to pay off student loans and then you have a kid. People in their 20s, if they complain about having a kid, I, yeah, without a doubt, I'll listen to that. But if you're in your 30s and 40s, you can go fuck yourself. All right, That's it. Okay. That's the podcast for Monday. Once again, please check out Nick DePaulo's special on CISO this Thursday at 8 p.m. I'm telling you, he's one of the best of his generation and one of the best of the last

fucking whatever, when the fuck he started, 30 years ago. One of my favorites, and it's an honor to be able to plug his special. All right, so check it out, you cunts. I'll check in on you on Thursday. But I don't get in my door I'm painting the room in a colorful way And when my mind is wandering There I will go Ooh, love Hey, hey, hey

And it really doesn't matter If I'm wrong I'm right Where I belong I'm right Where I belong Still in me you run around They worry me I never ask me why Don't get past my door