Monday Morning Podcast - Boston, Silencers, Alligators | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-29-25

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

Bill rambles about visiting Boston, silencers, and alligator meat. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(31:50) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 5-29-17 - Bill rambles about grilling, cultural appropriation, and driving and ambulance. Thursday Afternoon Interlude:  Bob Dylan - Highway 61

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm Just checking in on you Oh, what's going on? Oh Billy Freckles has got to go to the big gay gym Back on it. I went up to uh, I went up to fucking Boston for Memorial Day dude. Um, went up there visited some family and friends. Can't remember if I told you this on Monday or not. Um, and then did my usual, you know, food spots. I got some Chinese food, I got some pizza, You know food spots. I got some Chinese food. I got some pizza. I Went to the north end. I

Got myself a fucking cappuccino Walked around tried to walk around a bunch of areas where I hadn't been before I usually go over that place Polkari's for coffee the great Tony V told me about that place But it just didn't work out. It opened at 11 and I was down there too early. Then I found another place, a breakfast place that had the most ridiculous steak and eggs. I mean it's like they gave you two steaks. They were fucking... I didn't order them. Somebody next to me ordered them. I was like, fuck, I should have got that. Should have got that. There should be a rule that, you know,

you go to a restaurant and if somebody next to you orders something better than you ordered, you know, if you think you can take them, you guys should be able to fight for the meal, you know? And whoever wins, still at, you gotta pay for the meal. You get the the meal, but you pay for the other guy has to eat what you ordered That's perfect you kicked his ass and then you Paid for his meal like he like you made him your girlfriend. This is totally emasculating. I Mean just imagine the excitement that that would bring to the dining experience

And if you you have the right to refuse the fight, but if you turn down the fight You have to pick up your plate and everybody in the restaurant as you walk you have to eat it outside and as you walk Out everybody just goes everybody chants shame shame shame shame shame Shame you go outside and you fucking eat And then you you have to serve a three-month suspension for being a pussy and not accepting the fight You can't go back to the restaurant, you know in a three-month suspension And then it'd be funny for women right if they you know if you get into a new relationship and I want to go you know restaurant I want to try and then I feel like yeah I can't go there

I can't go what do you mean you can't go there I don't want to talk about did you turn down a fight I don't want any shameful cock in my fucking, in my life. Then the person's like, oh, is that all it is to you? Huh? Fighting over food? What about what's inside? Where are you going? That would be amazing. I don't know if that's the stupidest thing I just said or a hit reality TV show.

It's like that UFC show, The Ultimate Fighter meets Anthony Bourdain. Parts Unknown, is that what it's called or something like that? Fights Unknown, because you had no idea you were going to get into a fight and you have no idea who you're fighting It people it's just an idea but this just right here this is this is how creativity works it starts with a ridiculously stupid idea that you pursue and that eventually you fucking whittle it down to something that the masses can accept you pursue and that eventually you fucking whittle it down to something that the masses can accept. Because even if we got that thing greenlit, you know all of these fucking people are going like, what are we doing?

Like what are we saying? What are we promoting? What are we encouraging with this TV show? It is amazing how like not thinking is the way people above you make money. Like the more you don't think the more they make money. It's really funny. And then simultaneously every dumbass thinks they have the answers now. Like supremely confident. Like if you're sitting here right now

and you're standing or walking on a treadmill, whatever the fuck it is you're doing. And you kind of feel good about your worldview. Like, you know, I think I got it figured out. That's cause you're dumb. If you were smart, you would be looking at it going like, you know what, there is no fucking way. All the information, all the variables I would possibly need to be able to fix this fucking problem,

I could get into my tiny fucking brain. That's an intelligent's a you know that's an intelligent thought and then you press forward anyway because what the fuck else you're gonna do it's on your shoulders right because you actually have the job you're being paid to try and solve the fucking problem because you passed a bunch of fucking tests you got the degrees and the fucking interviews the job interviews, and they will be like, we like what we see here, right?

That's how it used to work. And you had to be white. Let's be honest with you. That's how, that's how it's, it's still kind of how it works, right? Racism. Oh, what is this? You're fucking woke shit. Oh, fucking dumb are those people. I wanna do some fuckin' woke shit! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe heehehe hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee he for me isn't working for me well why do you think why is that aside from the fact that you're a fucking dumbass your own people are the ones fucking you it's

not Mexicans jumping over a wall you fucking moron it's I would guess it's the person with the power and the money that's fucking you not somebody no without even two nickels in his fucking pockets Let me ask you question if you had no fucking money as a white person All right, and you ran through the woods and made it up to Canada And then you got to Canada and everybody started saying how fucked up Canada was and they blamed you and you say I'm from Minneapolis Man, I don't know what you're talking about. I had to walk around Lake Superior. I had to swim Lake Superior.

I'm here. I'm ready to work man. You're the reason Calgary the fuck it's all fucked up now. Um, this place was fucked up before I got here. I literally just got here. I just got here. I don't have any money. I got nothing. I got no money. I got no pussy. I lost one of my shoes.

You're the reason I can't buy a house. Anyway, plowing ahead. The mean girls, they get all fucking, you know, it's unreal. The fucking mean girls. The mean girls have come into my business now. It's fucking unbelievable, the put-upon white guys. It's so fucking hard,. It's just, you know, you guys don't understand the struggle. All right, anyway, um, the New York Knicks, Indiana Pacers, game FOA, two games to one. The Knicks need to go in there and tie it up and drag him back to New York drag him into the deep water of a seven game series but the Indiana Pacers showed up they came to play held basically a seven point lead the entire

game I watched the second half it's now three games to one. Fucking Indiana Pacers. Yeah, so now like the Knicks now have got themselves in a situation where they have to do I don't know with basketball why it's so difficult three games to one is not difficult in hockey It's happened in baseball three games to zero is happening Baseball, we're not we're not gonna bring that up Or are we But for some reason three games to one a basketball it's really difficult to come back and I don't know you don't know enough about the game to tell boy so they are in a fucking hole all right but this is what is amazing about a seven game series so they got

that three days down three games to one they're laying down the bottom of the whole fucking looking up how the fuck do we get out How the fuck do we get out of here? How do you get out of here? You win game five. And then all of a sudden it's three games to two and instantly they're one game away from fucking tying it up and holy fucking shit we could blow this. It's unreal. The seven game series the pressure is on whatever team just lost the last game, the whole fucking series. I don't care what it is. It could be three games to none. If they win game four, you go into game five, you're like, dude, we got to close this out. Three games to one at that point, you're still pretty comfortable. But I still think you're thinking like, but we can't go 3-2, because if we go down, they come back 3-2,

then they're looking at tying it up all of a sudden. What the fuck happened So The only upside of the Knicks being down three games to one is The level that their fan base shuts the fuck up after Glen Gary Glen Ross Because they have been coming after every victory. Hey, fuck Boston, fuck good, fuck good, fuck boss. I mean, I'm not gonna lie to you, I've been destroying them, but they bring it on themselves.

All they have is that first, hey, fuck good, fuck Boston, bacon, egg, and cheese, on a roll please. That's all they got. And then you just go, you guys haven't won since Richard Nixon. You won a second round. And then they just implode. I know, man. You know, I'm just fucking around. It's just like, no, you're not. You're being a cunt. This is what they do. Bill, can you sign my play bill? And then I sign their play bill and I give it to them. They go, fuck Boston.

But I can't, I can't say that all Nick fans are like that because I don't think most Nick fans go to a Broadway show. That has been my favorite thing to say when the Knicks win a game and then somebody after the show, hey, what do you think about those fucking Knicks tonight? I always just go, you're a Knicks fan? Yeah, yeah, my Knicks fans Yeah, yeah, my next fans like no you're not they had a playoff game and I you went to a fucking Broadway show Oh, Oklahoma where the something something that To dream the impossible dream You went to go see cats

Your boys are playing down the fucking street, buddy. You went to the wrong cats. Your boys were playing down the fucking street, buddy. You went to the wrong venue. You didn't notice? Everyone's a little bit racist. It's true. I forgot I saw that one. Avenue, was it Avenue Q, Avenue A, whatever? That was a fucking, that was a fucking great musical.

Had puppets and everything and it was funny as hell. Anyway, what am I doing here? How much time have I babbled? Yeah, so OKC closed out Minnesota. This is the most sports I've been able to watch now that I just sort of come home after the play. I did do stand up last night, but I just sort of come home after the play and I just put on I catch like the second half of the first game and I watched the first half of the late game and then I fall asleep. But yeah, OKC made quick work of the Minnesota Timberwolves.

The Florida Marshands made it to the Stanley Cup Final. Very excited about that. I would love to see Brad get another one. That would be fucking great. And I'm all right that he's doing it with Florida. I get the whole business of it. It's like he wanted another big contract and we had to rebuild.

And by the time we rebuilt, he was gonna be like 39 years old. It just made sense. And I think obviously we could have got more for the guy, but I also think the Bruins did him a solid and traded him to a Team like Florida because I think you know any other team or whatever they could have fucking You know that wasn't going anywhere we could have got a lot more for him So it kind of sucks for us, but like I think we owed that to Brad

Personally, so I'm rooting for him. This is a very familiar situation for me. This is like you know Florida you know I know you don't like the liberal East Coast but how about giving us a shout out. We gave you Tom Brady, Boston gave you Tom Brady and now we gave you Brad Marshawn. How about a little fucking why don't you fucking tip your, your, your crocodile fucking say your alligator sandwich, you know, with barbecue sauce. Tastes like chicken. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. None of those meats

taste like chicken. They taste like chicken that like, is this going bad? Like when did you buy this chicken? That's the closest it tastes the chicken I had alligator when I was in Jacksonville Florida because what else are you gonna do huh hit on some 300 pound waitress at an Applebee's it's either that or an alligator sandwich as far as I could tell I wasn't there a long time no disrespect Jacksonville I'm kidding I had a great time when I went to Jacksonville. Last time I went down there. Last two times I had a great time. First time I went down with Verze, I was still drinking. Drinking. Maybe that song by Sinatra, Drinking Again? That When you loved me I'm hanging around

Just being a cunt on this stool I forget how the lyrics go Anyway, I went down there with Ferzy Did some shows I think at the Comedy Zone we got hammered We went to a gun range. We shot some guns. Oh, that was a time the guy showed up. You know, people in Florida are so into guns,

this guy showed up with like a briefcase that had guns in it. You know, like he was fucking James Bond. Like, who the fuck are you assassinating? Is that an, I can never say this word attache attache cases Why do you look like you're gonna buy out a corporation you just pulled out a fucking pistol, right? So he opens the fucking thing up, dude. I gotta tell you something right now Going to the gun range is one of the most reckless fucking things you could ever fucking do.

Ever fucking do. Everybody's just showing up and you're just trusting that everybody there is sane. And people just show up and they just pull out a fucking loaded gun right next to you. And you're like, okay, we're still shooting the targets, right? Yep, and you're so fucking focused shooting your paper guy, you don't know what the guy on either side of you is doing. You have no fucking idea. You got no fucking idea what they're going through. That was my thought. So he opens up the fucking briefcase, the attache case, attache, attache. Surprised that we never named a band that night, that name.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Attache from Jacksonville, Florida, baby. He opens the fucking thing up And he opened away said hey, he goes you're that comedian guy Well, what's your name? I said Bill Burr. He goes. Oh, yeah. Hey, you're Bill Burr. I said, yeah, I go are those silencers He goes yeah And he goes and and you're going to shoot one. So then he gives me the guy just hands me a fucking list, Jacksonville, Florida, these people are crazy.

Just hands me a fucking loaded gun. Like I grew up on the East Coast, somebody hands you a loaded gun like I, what am I doing? Am I in fucking a, uh, not apocalypse, not deer hunter, Mao, like what am I, what am I supposed to fucking do with this, right? So he hands me this thing and I shot it and I was really disappointed with Hollywood. Hollywood's been telling a lie about what a silencer sound like, you know? They always have that cool sound, makes it sound like that. It doesn't. doesn't it sounds like a piece of metal hitting a piece of metal just quietly It's like a it's like a pink. I don't know

I don't want the I just kept if you had like a little ball bearing, right? Then you had it in a metal metal cylinder and just say the cylinder was maybe about three inches, right? Like you cook, right? And you had it's at the, and you just flipped it over, and it went down to the other side. That noise, it would be like that. So if you were a light sleeper, and someone was in your house,

killing other people down the hall, you could possibly hear it. It's not like, like the neighbors aren't gonna hear it. That's the thing but you you're gonna wake up somebody in the house Carl Is that you right It's loud enough that it might stir a light sleeper You know how fucking loud shit is at night in your house It's unreal like when the sun is out

and everybody's up, somebody walks across the living room downstairs you can't fucking hear it. Three in the fucking morning you're coming in hammered, closing down a Hooters right? Can't believe they're going out of business man fucking Joe Biden's fault shit right and you fucking come home to your fucking living room all of us it's like there's no place for you to step you take like three steps and then your wife's like at the top of the stairs you're just getting it now? You didn't call? I thought you'd be asleep. I was asleep, but I was worried about you in my dreams.

That doesn't seem possible, honey. Are you calling me a lot? You know what? She's fucking sleeping on the couch. And then you've got to hide the joy on your face where you're like, yes, making me a sandwich, watching SportsCenter, you know, put on a little 700 club. You remember the 700 club? That guy with the squinty eyes,

just ball washing Jesus every day like he fucking knew him. I do know him. I read the Bible and I'm very familiar with everything that Jesus I'm not I'm not like a radio Jesus fan I can I can go deep cut Jesus sure we all know about the fish yeah we know about the bread oh my god if I hear about him walking on the water again that is literally Jesus's stairway to heaven how many fucking times can you hear it all right I like deep cut deep cut like gone shooting second side of power age Jesus you guys didn't know that did you Jesus invented the pistol what fuck you talking about man? That's blasphemy! But wait a minute, I like guns.

Did Jesus have an attache case with some silencers in them too? I actually, this is going to be crazy, but I maintain that Jesus is actually from Jacksonville, Florida Oh, so I forgot the rest of that story. So then I went and We believe the locals that alligator tasted like chicken and it was fucking gross. It tasted like a reptile It looked like undercooked chicken is what I would say chicken is what I would say. God damn those things are just like they're just fucking killing machines. I feel like sharks are like you know as far as predators go they're like as known as much as like the Foo Fighters, Red Hot Chili Peppers are like fucking Oasis, right? Like people like,

like sharks could sell out an arena. You know what I mean? Like when you go to an aquarium, that's the big fucking thing. If they have sharks, people are like, oh fuck, it's a shark. I'll tell you what, I've been to a bunch of aquariums and I've never been afraid of the sharks. I've looked at them, I mean other than like wow look at that fucking thing right? But I've been to some of those alligator

farms in Florida. Fuck that. The whole fucking time you're there or that's all you're thinking about is that thing fucking eat those things do not they first of all They're always hungry right They have the munchies like I think weed has always been legal with the fucking alligators those things Anything you throw in the water they fucking go in and they fucking eat it Now some p Peter person's

gonna come on and be like that's because they underfeed them so when they throw it in there there's a feeding frenzy that's just for you the tourists. Animals are not entertainment! They have just as much rights as you! I understand that and I agree with that however if some fucking lunatic caught a hundred of them and he's throwing them full chickens I want to see him eat them. I Can get that for $16 Alright, and a crazy hat that said I fucking went there and saw me to chicken I went to Al's alligator farm and watched him eat a full fucking chicken

Jesus fucking christ what is the acid in those things stomachs that they could just eat fucking things bones and all yeah terrifying fucking terrifying by the way was anybody following that kid on instagram Terrifying by the way is was anybody following that kid on Instagram? Sailing from Oregon to fucking Hawaii And he made it with his cat Phoenix That's one of the most compelling things I've I've Ever seen I cannot fucking believe he did that

And my thing is like How do you like Navigator like what what level of a storm if a storm is coming because he ran into a few storms How do you judge like? Like I know in aviation there's there's there's the envelope of performance So that it has to be the same way in a boat where it gets to the point where the waves are too fucking big You have you have to get out of there. Like, if I'm flying a helicopter there with my attache case, you know, if I'm going, I always check the winds. Right? And there's a certain level of wind, I'm not flying in that shit.

That's where it's not fun, it's not uncomfortable, and it's kind of beating on the helicopter. And then there's another level where it's just like that would just fucking knock me out of the sky. I'm too fucking light. So there has to be that with the ocean. Oh my God. I got to tell you, the ocean is fucking terrifying. However, I'm a big fan of a fucking water taxi. I will get on a fucking water taxi in a second. I don't like for some reason, you know what? Cause they're fast and they're going

from point A to fucking point B. I don't like a chatter. Dude, we chatted a boat. That just sounds like the beginning of Seven Missing People. Seven people have gone missing down in Hyannisport after chartering a 21-foot last radio call. Oh, fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that. And as the boat starts going down and you feel that first water touching your ankles

and you're going like, oh my god, am I an unnamed person on the news that has gone missing on a charter? Dude, we went down to fucking Mashpee and we chatted a boat. Dude, Massachusetts has the funniest fucking names. Mashpee, Swamp Scott, Chickapee, Drake it, Worcester, Hyannis. They just everything about it is just fucking ridiculous. But I love it. And I love the food. And I had a great fucking time when I was there.

My Boston accent came back a little bit. I was making my lovely wife laugh her ass off. I just kept videoing things that were like extremely Boston. Like when I went to the North End, outside this clothing shop, they had like this fucking, I don't know what color it was. It was somewhere between maroon and pink, like golf shirt tucked into these gray slacks shorts.

Like this is their flagship outfit that's gonna bring you in. So I was just filming it doing like the Boston accent. Dude we got a fucking 8am tea time. Crush a couple of fucking Bud Lights before we get out there. Dude do you know one of my friends from back in the day. I hung out with him and he was on his way down to the Caribbean. Or is it the Caribbean? The Caribbean. I don't know. I avoid that part of the world. Even though

I know it's gorgeous, I just don't have the lack of pigment. So he told me that he had one check bag and in that check bag was a case of Bud Light. I go, you're putting a case of beer in your check? He goes, yeah, he goes, we've been there wherever they were going. He's like, we've been there before, they don't have Bud Light. I'm like, oh, why don't you just drink the fucking local beer they have down there. He just sort of smiled he goes yeah you know I like Bud Light. It's just so fucking funny. It's just fucking Massachusetts logic. Oh, yeah, dude. One of those bags just has my beer.

Fucking case to the head, kid. You know, fuck I care. I'm going to be down there. My fucking maroon slash pink fucking pullover with my fucking slack shorts looking sharp, crushing Bud Lights, all the locals. Where the fuck do you get those. Hey, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it Are you doing? Anyway, that's the podcast

I'm looking forward to the NBA and Stanley Cup Final finals and final it's just NBA finals and it's the Stanley Cup final. I finally got that done. After all these years, there's people going, it's the Stanley Cup final. There's not more than one of them. Well, we also have a league called the NBA and they call it the finals.

So you fuck up every once in a while. All right. All right, you fucking syrup getting cunt did the Edmonton Oilers make it to the Stanley Cup final I I don't know I gotta look that up I don't know what's going on in the Western Conference that's the late game all right an old Billy Old Face has to fucking go to bed before that game concludes. Um... That would be great if Edmonton got in there. Then it would be a win-win.

Either I get to see Brad Marshawn win a cup, or Canada wins their first cup in 32 fucking years. I was 25 the last time they won. Canada won a cup. I'm about to be 57. What the fuck? What the fuck? I'll tell you what's crazy. When I was 18 years old, June 10th, 1986,

I went to the Celtics parade. The last one that Larry Legend got, Kevin McHale, Robert Parrish, Dennis Johnson, rest his soul. Danny, home on the Ang. Sorry, I like to go Chris Berman every once in a while. All right, that's the podcast, everybody. Go fuck yourselves. Have a great weekend, you cunts. Enjoy the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Thumless. And then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday Afternoon, just before Friday,

Monday morning podcast. And the on Thursday a few years ago. You can do what you want, eh, but, uh, Next time you see me comin', you better run. Well, they said, well, you want this killin' done. Got to tell that on Highway 61. Well, Georgia Sam, he had a bloody nose. Well, for the apartment they wouldn't give him no clothes. They asked poor Howard where can I go? Howard said there's only one place I know. Sam said tell me quick, man, I got to run

Oh, how I just pointed with his gun and said that way down highway 61 Hey, what's going on? It's bill burr. It's time for the monday morning podcast for monday monday monday May 29th 2017 what's going on? How are ya? Ahem. How you guys doing? Happy Memorial Day. Happy Memorial Day.

When you're supposed to be out there remembering the troops, you're gonna be getting hammered. Saying bad shit to your wife that you later have to apologize for.'s going on you fucking soon to be fat fucks huh you got the grill going by that we got the grill going by that we got a little kibosh what you guys making today huh what fucking animal had to get the old right there, Fred? You know, in an uppercut to another one, you fucking sewed them together. What in God's name do you have on your grill right now that you know you're fucking, what'd you put in there, a bunch of cheese? Who wants cheese on their burger?

Come on, these things are gonna fucking burn. Carrot! Oh, you know what's the best? You put the buns on. That's the, you know, you keep checking, you keep checking but you're looking at the meat. Don't want to burn the buns. Ah, Christ, they burned this one. That's alright, I'll eat that one, I like it when it burns.

Ah, I bet she swallows. I'm sorry. Sorry. Why, Bill, why? Why did you have to take the nice family day that this is? You know? That the great men of this country fought so you could go out there, you know? Slowly work your way.

Take another step towards a fucking massive coronary. How many people are going to face plant to their grill today? to their grill today. Via too much alcohol, you know, just eating that last thing that fucking makes their ticker stop or, you know, the classic old fucking middle-aged man injury, the fucking blown out Achilles, you know? Oh, did you say you wanted pickles? You just turned a little too fast and pow that shit goes right up the back of your leg

Then you face plant right to your fucking grill side of the face right You'd be surprised. I bet if I could somehow get some sort of live You know phoners in here. I bet my phone lines would be lighting up right now with paramedics, fire department people, people that drive ambulances. Is the driver of the ambulance, do you actually have to know how to help people or you're just like the guy, the getaway driver, you know? All you need to do is know how to turn on the siren, you know, be able to block it out.

Do you think ambulance drivers hear that siren at night as they lay in their quiet bedroom? You know, they probably have to put fucking music on because they don't, they're just laying there and all he hears Whee! Whee! Slowly going insane. Um, I don't know. I'm in a great fucking mood. You know? My lovely little lady is starting to sleep through the night. I'm starting to get some sleep again, dude. She's hilarious She just does this thing now. She's trying out her voice. She just goes

Like loud as shit Laying in the bed in the morning between me and the adjusts It's like fucking a little mini Jerry Lewis, wah, the entire time. It's, so I just put my hand over her mouth and I just make it go like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, think, and then she kind of like looks around like, what the fuck was that?

And that stops her for about four seconds before she starts again. And then she gets used to the noise. And then that's it she's starting to crawl she's fucking moving backwards it's funny like they I guess they move backwards first so it's like the thing that they want it just keeps getting further and further away like that Alfred Hitchcock shot but uh anyways I had family from back East out here this weekend. Which means plenty of booze, plenty of fucking crazy food.

So I've been doing the elliptical every day. Doing what I can. But you know, this is like, at this point, everybody who's gonna come out here has come out here. They've all seen her, they all love her. And what's awesome is now I don't have to I realize now when people visit me they're not coming to see me which is fucking awesome they're coming to see her oh hey Bill how you doing where is she where is she over all would you look

at her look at her it's great and you just peel off in the back you know all your family members come over then they all get to hold her and stuff, you know, so then you get to sit there boozing in the corner. Happy holidays. No, it's been great. She's awesome. She's so awesome. I'm not getting any material out of it. Everyone was telling me, oh my God, you're having a kid.

I can't wait for you to become a dad. Oh my God. I want to see how your act changes. It hasn't. I'm still paranoid, I'm still filthy, and my daughter's awesome, so... You know, that's not funny. Hey Bill, what's it like being a dad? It's great! It's phenomenal. I think most of my material is just about other fucking lunatic parents. I'm telling you what, I'm going to start saying to people when they go, oh, she's, oh yeah,

that's a great age. Wait till three days from now. Then oh, oh, she's going to, she'll fucking start stabbing you in the night. You know, I'm going to start saying to those parents, I'm just going to be like, you know, you sound like a horrible father and I think you married the wrong person. Have a nice day. How you could look at this experience in a negative way is fucking, look, if you're broke, if you're a kid,

if you're a fucking high school student, right, and you started banging your goddamn English teacher, ah, ah, ah, and you didn't know enough to pull out. As much as they told you in sex education, how much, you know, how a baby's made, you couldn't fucking believe you were banging your English teacher. And then next thing you know, you're going to be a father. Yeah. Then, then it's brutal. You know,

you're married to this fucking old broad who's always correcting your fucking sentences. You know? You're calling her out for dressing like a whore and she's fucking giving you shit for a dangling participle. Whatever the fuck, I never knew what that meant. The past participle. Bill, what's the past participle of this sentence?

I don't know. Just send me to summer school. Just get me in that fucking distilled version of this class that is nothing, that dream team of class clowns that is summer school. Drug addicts and musicians. It was just fucking tremendous. Summer school, underrated. I, I tell you, I went, I did it twice. I should have done it all four years of high school, but, uh, I blew off the last year cause what was the fucking point. sophomore year my teacher hooked me up gave me the D minus D minus in geometry I fucking had a great time I

had a great time I had to take one class you know got me out of bed in the morning in summer school was combined like three towns where I lived in. It was a, it was all the class clowns. Just like I said, creative people, everybody had a D D and the level of shit that they gave to the teacher. I was like, wow, I gotta up my game. These people are on a whole nother level. It's like when you go to jail, you become like a better criminal. I became a better class clown, just sitting there like, wow, these guys are fucking... These guys have no intention of going to college.

I'm at least still lying to myself. Yeah, I think I could, you know? I think I could go in the later rounds. If you were a fucking draft pick, be honest with yourself. You were a high school student. What round are you going in? You know and if you really think about it, that's why Bill Belichick He doesn't like the first round draft picks because the first round draft picks they like book smart right there the fucking nerds

You know you give them some information. They'll memorize it and they'll spit it right back at you right, but there's no passion you, right? But there's no passion. They don't walk into a room and light it up. This is a bad analogy because first round draft picks do, I guess, do they? I don't know about college basketball now with everybody won and done. You bring this fucking kid into a locker room full of men and you're going to put the team on his back, bony fucking legs. Well, Bill, what are they supposed to do? A lot of them, it's like their mothers, they need a new kidney and the shack they live in is falling apart. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. But selfishly as a fan, you missed the days when somebody had four years with fucking

Coach K or Dean smith rest his soul Bobby night flipping him in the chin. Stop looking down the brandy fucking mary I've told that before i'll be telling you much. I fucking love that bobby night speech Where he says, you know, i'm not gonna you're not gonna i'm not gonna walk around with a 14 to 28 record I'm not gonna walk around with a 14 to 28 record. I don't know what it is about that guy. I listen to that speech and it makes me want to go fucking, I don't know, I'll go to the gym after listening to that guy. Something happened, you know, when that guy got ran out of town, that was, that was, you

know, then all of a sudden, like, guys steered into just literally being pussies, like fucking wearing shirts with cats on them and stuff. You know? My wife was showing me that like there's a men's onesie that's out there now that guys are wearing. I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding. Like, when is it gonna, when is it gonna steer back to testosterone when is the guy's guy gonna make a comeback I mean everything makes a comeback right classic rock disco hair metals making a little bit of a comeback I don't fucking I you know I just don't get it so then somebody's show me well they like well Sean Connery wore one in one of the James Bond movies and it's like alright but he wasn't wearing it like he thought it looked good he wasn't wearing

it because it was fucking stupid you know that's what I can't fucking stand everything's like mocking something else it's like alright so what do you believe it what are you believe in? What are you going to fucking sign your name to? And these fucking millennial cunts, I can't say all of them. That's not fair to a whole generation. But so the ones that at least they're taking pictures of, OK, which granted, most of these pictures

are being taken by older people from my generation who are jealous of younger people. That's what a lot of it is, I bet. I bet I'm overreacting. When I really think about it, I don't really see a lot of people with cats on their shirts. Although when they do, people take pictures of them, then they post them on social media.

And then old fucks like me start going, oh, look at these fucking millennials. They're fucking. All right, so scratch all of that. I mean, really, Bill, have you seen anybody with a 1Z? Somebody just showed you a picture, and then you literally started freaking out like you watched CNN or Fox News for two hours.

That's always a great thing to do, watch those for a couple, two, three hours, and they get you all panicked. What you wanna do is you wanna switch between the two of them, right? And then you balance out the lies and you keep yourself level-headed. You know, fake news, it's all fake news.

So anyways, I don't wanna be like that. I don't wanna be that guy, okay? God bless you, millennials. I'm sure there's plenty of guys, guys on the way. You're out there fucking crushing ass, and God bless you. Joy your youth. Joy your fucking youth.

Before it's Memorial Day and suddenly you're that guy with the dad bod standing in front of the grill, feeling that tightness in your Achilles, you know? And you gotta reach for that last burger on the back of the fucking grill. You just start feeling that tightness in your ankle and you're like, God, if it's gonna happen, please don't let it happen. No. Not in front of my family back East. Nobody has guessed the movie, by the way, that I am referring to.

We had problems with the family back East. I was gonna say I'd give you a hint, but this isn't really a hint. In my opinion, that movie, it's a car movie. For me, I just feel like that movie's a car movie. Other people thought there was some philosophical question. You know, who's the fly? Who's the fly? Who's the windshield? All I remember from that movie was I loved the car

because I love a fucking sleeper. I remember the car that was a sleeper and then I just remember that there was this one guy was having problems with the family baggaged and that explained his entire fucking backstory. That's it. Now if you guys can't guess it now I don't know what the fuck I don't I don't know what to tell you. All right they had a fucking pizza. Yeah can I get a can I get a sausage and arugula? Yeah we got no arugula. You know I mean arugula? Yeah we had familyugula. You don't have any arugula? Yeah, we had family. We had problems with the family back east. They won't give us arugula.

Anyway, so what did you guys do this weekend? Other ones sit around. You know what I did? I watched, somebody tweeted me on the old Twitter and told me, are you watching the time trials for Monaco? And here's the thing. I'm new to f1 as you guys know I can barely remember the fucking names so I'm like I'm gonna I had no idea like how they qualify for a race I just thought you know you get like five laps around the track whoever

has the best time gets the pole position and then they just work their way back. But that that that is not how it works. It's like a whole other day of racing, because I always wonder why. Why the fuck do people show up to watch these these qualifying? I mean, just watch some guy by himself out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he's got to be in eighth place tomorrow. That's not how it works.

It is the race before the race, and it's like this three race. So there's three levels of the qualifying. First of all, there's practice laps. Get used to the track. And if you don't do the practice laps, you're not allowed to race. So obviously, there's probably some safety thing like, dude, you're not just going to fucking go out there and start driving 200 miles an hour. Is this next one a right or a left turn? Shit. Um.

Qualifying, OK, so there's there's like three rounds of it. So qualifying the first round one, it's like match madness, but with guys. It lasts for 18 minutes everybody gets on the fucking track I'm sure they I don't know they let six out and another six I don't know how the fuck they do it I missed that part of it okay but it lasts for 18 minutes at the end of which time can you tell him reading this the six slowest drivers are eliminated from qualifying and 16 advanced to QT the qualifying to so those six are gonna be and I thought oh my god are they out of the fucking race is this like golf will you miss the cut and

I found out later. No, they just start way in the back Okay, so way in the back. Okay? So, um, so there's 22 fucking drivers I guess, so let's see. So six of them are fucking eliminated. But aren't there usually only 20 drivers? Do two not have to go home? I have no idea.

If anybody knows the information to that. I don't know if anybody, if you don't move to the next round of qualifying, if anybody actually doesn't get to race. Because I thought there was 20 cars in the race. And according to this math, there's 22. But whatever. So six are eliminated in the first one. Then the next 16, after a short break, the times are reset.

And the 16 remaining cars run in a 15-minute session. So now we're down to 15. And at the end of which, the slowest six cars are eliminated from qualifying, leaving 10 to progress to qualifying three. Now, the top 10 spots after the race, that's when you're in the points. From first all the way to 10th, it's like something like 25 points for first, 18 for second then it's like 15 then 12 10 8 6 4 2 1 are the points you're in the you're in the lightning round at that point um and then whoever obviously has the best run after that gets the uh qualifying three after a further break times are reset in the final

12-minute session is held to decide pole position in the standing order of the top 10 grid places that's when you're in the points all right that's when you're going home with least with the fucking year supplier Rice-A-Roni if you're in the top 10 so I watched it because somebody on Twitter is like dude you got to watch this this might be better than the race. So Lewis Hamilton from the Isle of Man. It's an island with men, nothing but men. All walking around like, right, where are the fucking ladies? The birds, whatever the fuck they call them over there. Slags. Um...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Anyways He's out there. He's got Mercedes. He's got one of the fastest fucking cars out there. But for whatever fucking reason He's not getting enough downward force or something on the front of his car. And the front end is sliding all over. Everywhere.

So he barely gets out of qualifying one. He gets into qualifying two, and it's there's a 15 minute session and he's outside of the qualifying to get to the next level. His time is too slow. So he's got time to do one more run. Okay, now he's in second place overall for the for the to become champ champ, to stay on, to stay on pace to be whatever, the fucking best driver of the year. I'm sorry guys, I'm new to this fucking thing. And this fucking front end starts sliding all over the place and then some cunt hits

the wall. So then the yellow flag comes out and I guess that doesn't matter if some asshole drives into the fucking wall. Your qualifying time has done this. Fucking idiot. He's a professional driver. He hits the wall. How do you hit the wall?

I get it. They said they actually put some special steering in. They make custom steering just for that fucking track in Monaco, because they're just driving through the streets, and they have such a hairpin turn that they actually have to turn the wheel harder than they do any other race. You know? Why wouldn't they just leave that in? Wouldn't you want to have that option just basically, you know, he pulls the Greg Brady, you know, gotta beat Marsha, gotta get closer than a quarter of an inch, he fucking slams right into the wall.

And then that's it. And Lewis Hamilton was so fucking dejected, he couldn't even get out of his car. You know? And long story short, the fucking Ferraris, why the fuck does my goddamn computer keep doing this to me? Trying to get the screen to come up, can you stay up? Do I gotta sit there fingering the fucking thing the whole time? Yeah, so long story short, the Ferraris won the first and second position. And I think that Butas guy, the Finnish dude, started in third and

Lewis Hamilton was all the way back in 14th so he's out of the points and you're driving through the fucking streets of Monaco, a sovereign state, in other words they're in France but they're not part of France, like yeah fuck fuck off we're doing our own thing here and I Guess it's really hard to pass there, but despite that the fucking race starts and Immediately he went from 14th to 12th, and I'm watching the race, and I'm like this motherfucker. He's probably gonna finish fourth He's somehow gonna figure somebody's gonna fuck up in their pit stop something's gonna happen So I'm watching the whole time. I'm watching the race, and I'm watching then he's 12th, figure somebody's going to fuck up in their pit stop. Something's going to happen. So I'm watching the whole time I'm watching the race and I'm watching and he's 12th and he's 11th then he's 10th and the fucking announcers are blowing it off because they're too busy

looking at what the Ferraris are going to do, what the Red Bull team's doing, what the fuck a boot toss is going to be doing in the Mercedes. And meanwhile, he has Lewis Hamilton just moving up. This is the longest I've ever talked about racing. they got a feeling people like dude I don't give a fuck dude they driving around in a circle no they're not they're not driving around there's left and right turns all right there's a chicane dude you least got to watch Monaco you should have watched Monaco with the fucking Illuminati people fucking back their yachts

up. Although I went online and I found like you can actually, there's a lot of them are just like packages. Like those aren't just rich people with their yachts backed up. There's just a lot of like booze cruises and you can sit there on a fucking yacht getting hammered acting like you didn't just light up your fucking credit card. Whatever, Stacy, we'll deal with it when we get back. We get back east.

So long story short, on a track that you could not fucking pass on, somehow Lewis passed seven fucking people, finished seventh. So let's see, that's one, two, he got like six points or something like that. And the Ferraris came in first and second all right Sebastian Vettel ended up winning after a great fucking pit stop and what's his face Kimi Reichenin is that his fucking name? Reichenin or whatever finished

dude Sebastian's the kraut the German dude he fucking comes out of the pit before me and you hear Kimmy going like what the fuck He sounded like me when somebody cut me off for traffic, but he's driving like 170 miles an hour And then what's his face Daniel always a bridesmaid never a fucking winner Ricardo came in fucking third That guy's always on the podium never comes in first He's got to be pissed like guys. What the fuck? Can you do some to the car here so I can get past these Ferraris and Mercedes? I mean, what do I got to do here? So long story short, Ferrari as a team has 196 points, Mercedes has 179, and the Americans,

the Yanks, just to let you know, we're pulling up the rear. We got our first points of the season. What do we got? We got Romain like the lettuce, and Gross Gene, he got nine points, and then Kevin Magnusson like the condoms got five, so we got 14 points. So just those Ferraris and Mercedes better mind their fucking Ps and Qs because the Yanks are coming. All right, thank you for fucking sitting through all of that shit Let's talk about Tiger Woods Jesus fucking Christ Can you believe he got arrested for drinking and driving it only happens to nine zillion people every fucking day I'm so sick of people talking about Tiger Woods like the way they disrespect this guy

You know, I love Stephen A. Smith, but I started watching him talking and he was saying that, you know, that, you know, this guy is just his fall from, basically his fall from grace and, and how his whole, you know, he became a billionaire and his whole fucking thing was based on the fact that he presented himself as a family man

And I'm thinking like when the fuck that guy when the fuck did he ever present himself as a family man? Didn't he get to where the fuck he was because he was the best golf or anybody had ever seen Because he was making like PGA fucking links look like like he was playing miniature golf I Never pay attention to that fucking blonde. He was why I don't even know her fucking name And then a little so he bangs a bunch of Hooters horse And then I'm then I'm supposed to sit on the couch going you lied to me tiger I Thought after your golf you fucking went down to Applebee's with your family and fucking your family baggies and you shared a fucking bloom

and onion I have to be honest with you I never once thought about what the fuck that guy did when he got off the golf course and when I found out what he was doing off the golf course I was like yeah I mean that kind of makes sense I am just gonna say this the amount of fucking men okay when Stephen A Smith walks out of his studio you know he doesn't have a line of whores just waiting to fucking blow him just so they could say I blew Stephen A Smith Tiger Woods had to deal with that. And like most men, he folded under the pressure. And the fucking reason why he's not doing well right now is not because of his fucking wife, who by the way took a bunch of his money, bought a house,

fucking knocked it down and then rebuilt another one Huh, what about her? I thought she was an environmentalist Right What about her what about old blondie right there? I still a bit about this Do you think she would even give Tiger Woods a second fucking glance if? He wasn't making all that money if he wasn't the greatest at what he did this do you think she would even give Tiger Woods a second fucking glance if he wasn't making all that money if he wasn't the greatest at what he did what old blonde blue-eyed even give that guy a fucking second I don't think she would

have all right even when you're a bum like me when you fucking walked in the singles bar back in the 90s, what did women always say? What do you do? They're not making small talk. Okay? Women all fucking judge, okay, their status. And then they get a number in their head.

All right? And then they find out the jobs, okay, that earn this and earn that, and then they figure like who they can fuck, okay? And then it becomes a thing of like, okay, you're underneath what I want for the lifestyle that I'm looking for in the future, but you're a good looking enough guy that I'll fucking bang it tonight. Maybe I'll have a little fling with you, but that's good. The end of the fucking day,

you know, when you slid that piece of paper across the table and you made your offer, say my dick and balls bring home this each year. They're like, yeah, keep it moving. Keep it moving. That's 10 grand less than I want and you got that one snaggletooth. Fuck off.

Move on. Who's next? Go ahead, put your junk on the table what's your number and here's the thing I don't fault women for that who wants to live like a bump if you're good and if you're good looking enough okay and you can land somebody that's making a ton of fucking money. You can learn to love that, right? I don't know. So anyways, now he gets busted for drinking and driving and this is the bottom line. This fucking guy's fall from grace, okay? All right, I'll give you the first fucking couple of years after his divorce. Like maybe that got in his fucking head but at the end of that I mean you got divorced ten fucking years ago. What

happened was was his marriage and his body broke down at the same fucking time the guy just had major back surgery his knees are fucked up and they always said they said back when everybody thought he was the family man back East that the way that the level of torque and the pressure they was putting on his back, they predicted his body was gonna break down, and it did. And then when it does, now they're gonna blame. It's the classic ladies just taking credit,

that's all it is, they always take credit. Behind you every great man is a good woman. Okay, all right, is it? I don't know, I mean, what's your definition of great? I mean, every great man is a great woman. It's like the guy was already a fucking champion when he met you. So if you're talking about his mother, I'll give you that. But this whole fucking thing, well now, I mean, Jesus, I gotta tell you, his mug shot,

oh, that's a classic one. I'd like to have a couple of pops with Tiger holy shit he needs this is what he needs to do he needs to hit the fucking treadmill all right and he's got to shave his fucking head already you gotta let that go you know oh, he comes to Monday morning. It comes to MMP Photoshop. Can you please Photoshop my fucking head underneath Tiger Woods is fucking here. Oh God. You know, it's funny is he looks like he's fucking wasted, but you know what he's saying. He's looking the camera going well I know a billion people are gonna see this what the fuck

are they gonna say about this one I don't I can't even to begin to tell you guys I can't I can't even begin to tell you guys how bad I want to see this guy win a major again. Look at this. Editor's pick. The secret history of Tiger Woods. Now how much do you think they actually talk to Tiger Woods? He said the death of his father set a battle raging inside the world's greatest golfer. Dish, dish.

How the fuck do you know? Why? Because you talk to his gardener? Is that the closest you could get to him and now you're going to write 400 pages of bullshit? Listen, do me a favor, don't listen to any of this stuff, okay? He's a man, he makes mistakes, he's in the public eye. I hope his back gets better.

You know what? I hope he goes out like fucking, who's that guy used to fucking just sit there? The big dude with the blonde hair. He's fucking sit there. I think he played Oliver on the Brady Bunch way back in the day. Then when he grew up, he became this drunk. He was this alcoholic fucking. He could hit the ball a fucking mile. God damn it. It's going to kill me. I got alcoholic golfer, driver, long. That's how I search. And John Daly.

There we go. Bam. Nailed it. John Daly. You know, I hope he comes back like a combination like I don't know, a Terminator and John Daly. That's what I want. I want a fucking drunk cyborg going out there and I hope he fucking passes Jack Nicholas and just, you know.

I don't understand people that look at people in the public eye to the point that they disappoint them. You know, get a fucking life. Jesus Christ. What was that fucking movie? Captain Kirk, when he did the sketch talking to the Trekkies on SNL. Get a fucking life. You know guys, I don't know.

I don't know if you noticed the last couple weeks, I've been a little... I don't know, I've been a little down. I know the podcast hasn't been as good as it has been in the past. That's just because I feel like Tiger Woods let me down. All those times I've never met him or even remotely spoken to him, I just really thought we had something there. And for him to turn around and go back on his word that he never gave me, because I've

never spoken with him, I just, I was devastated. And I'm not going to be able to come into work today. Oh man, I hope that guy wins another fucking major. I can't even tell you. I can't, I can't even fucking, I just did tell you, didn't I? I think I just did tell you. Hey, last week I was talking about helicopters. And I know some pilots listen to this fucking thing.

Mass bumping, all that shit you have to deal with. Low-G push over with the fucking semi-articulated rotor system. Does anybody know about these fucking, these new European helicopters that are starting to be available over here and it has a fully articulated rotor system so you don't have to deal with any of that shit and they're fuel injected so there's no, do I need to pull carb heat? Am I going to fucking die here?

Um, it's called, I don't know how to say it, G-U-I-M-B-A-L, Guyamble Cabri G2. And I wrote next to it, what's the deal? I talked to two of my instructors. One of them said, hey, that's pretty cool that they do that. And the other one said, well, it's kind of like, remember when the first iPhone came out because they're brand new,

then they had to work all the bugs out. He said, they learned about aircraft through people crashing. So I was like, all right, they learned about aircraft through people crashing. So I was like, all right, fuck those things then. Anyways, you know what I was thinking? I think one of these days, what I'm going to do is I'm just going to buy a used Apache. Or whatever the fuck they have.

Those Blackhawks is some shit. I'm just going to learn how to fly that. And then I'm just going to join those Blackwater dudes. That's my apocalypse thing. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna learn how to kill people or anything like that. I'll just be the shuttle guy. I'll take you back from the front lines back to base camp and I'll just sit there eating my soup. That's my game plan. All right. Let's read some of the fucking advertising here for this week, which of course

I didn't even... Did I even look this shit up yet? No, I didn't. I apologize for this, you know, I just, it's just Tiger Woods let me down, you know, I thought he was a family member and I mean, I haven't been this fucking distraught since Michael Jordan's acceptance speech at the Hall of Fame. When I found out who he really was, I mean, I was devastated. And I just remember all those times I had not hung out with Michael Jordan or ever talked to him. And I just feel like he really just, you know, I just thought he was better than that. I love that when he gave that speech and everybody's just like, wait a minute, this guy's like fucking got ice water in his veins and he's got a mean streak in him.

It's like, yeah, yeah. All those fucking people who were never picked in gym class, they were like, oh, this is why I sucked. It wasn't just that I was uncoordinated. I didn't have this killer fucking instinct. He went after his own goddamn kids You know what? That's what it takes Slash burr. All right 44 minutes in just like that

Okay Alright, let's read these fucking Let's read these fucking questions here. All right Europe Hi Let's read these fucking questions here. All right, Europe. Hi. That's it, I like it, short and sweet. Been a huge fan of Bill for many years. Are there any plans for a tour in Europe, specifically the Netherlands?

Would love to see him perform live. Well, I was there last year, man. If you were a fan for many years, you should've checked my website. I think I'm gonna go to Europe next year. my website. I think I'm going to go to Europe next year. And I'll probably build it around a couple of F1 races, possibly. I don't know when I'm going to go over there, but I'm definitely due to do a run. I got a bunch of new shit, but you know, I have to make sure it's at a certain level before I go over there. Because Europe loves to just have critics show up

at shows without the artist saying, hey, can you review this show? You know, and they review it anyway and they take out their fucking goddamn steak knives and they carve you up every fucking time. So I always make sure I'm on my game here. All right. Girl Who Stabbed Boyfriend Isn't Walking Free. Okay, here we go. This is the new, this is new part of the podcast.

Everybody fucking correct an old bill You know That's why I made sure to fucking like look up all my my f1 shit, you know Cuz you goddamn cunts Girl who stabbed boyfriend. I have a prediction about the Red Sox too by the way, which I will get to later on Hopefully if I remember all right? That's a teaser. And I might let you down. I might disappoint you, like Michael Jordan, like fucking Tiger Woods, you know all that

entertainment that they gave you when you got to watch them doing things that had never been done before? All right. Girl Who Stabbed Boyfriend Isn't Walking Free. Okay, so this story was about some lady at Oxford who fucking, I don't know what the hell she did. She stabbed her boyfriend in the leg with a bread knife and blah blah blah blah blah. And the thing guy was like, well, I don't, you have, you know, you have all this fucking, you know, potential and all this type of shit. So this person, this person is writing back saying she isn't going free.

What's up? I realize you like to make the excuse that we shouldn't expect you to do any actual research on stories you talk about, and that's fine. Well then you should leave it at that, sir. But in this particular story, you ranted on Thursday's podcast. I didn't rant. I'm joking around, you fucking overreacting cunts do you guys understand what a rant is rant to me is short for ranting and raving so you gotta

borderline have froth coming out of your fucking mouth joking around about a subject for five minutes it's not a fucking rant you stupid fuck god damn it all. So even like right there. To me that's just, I just fucking fucking wigged out for a second there. But hey, ranted. Okay, um, on Thursday you didn't even you didn't even need to do research to see how wrong

you were again. I'm not wrong! I'm being funny, ya fuck! That Oxford girl isn't getting off free because she's white. Oh my god as The lovely Nia proposed and not because she's a woman as the Freckin Beliterate birth suggested she isn't getting off at all in fact It said right on the article you were reading that she was going to be sentenced in September and has been giving a restraining order Yeah, I saw that.

And I also read the fucking judge's quote. I looked it up and read it along with your podcast. Her sentencing was only postponed. She isn't getting out of jail time yet. Yeah, but don't you find it fucked up? Are you going to address the fact that the judge said, you're so talented, I don't want to derail your fucking what you could possibly achieve? you don't think that's weird for him to say that and you don't think race and gender affects your sentencing you don't think

that you don't think that any day that there's all this racism there's all this sexism and all that but in the court of law there isn't there isn't status there isn't you're at Oxford Versus you're just somebody on the street and you stab somebody with the fucking knife. You don't think that any of that comes into place, sir So anyways, he says if you asked me what you didn't I think this is a good thing if she's is as bright as the people at the school say she is she can definitely do a lot of good in her career and Sentencing her for a one-off would ruin that. So you're agreeing with this guy.

Oh my God, this is fucking hilarious. You're sitting there saying that I'm not paying. That's basically what it is, is not that I was misinformed. Okay? It's that you agreed with the judge. He said, that being said, she needs to be held responsible. So what is it? Seeing as if it was only a butter knife, I think mandatory anger management classes is

in order at the very least. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Come back to Madison. You were great last time. Go fuck yourself again. Sir, she stabbed somebody with a knife. Let me, let that sink in. She stabbed someone with a fucking knife. But because she goes to Oxford and she could be a doctor,

you're out of your fucking mind. You're just like the judge. You're like, oh, look at her. She's a girl. She's doing so well in school. She looks like me. It was just a bread knife. You're doing what they're doing.

In a perfect world, sir, stabbing somebody with a knife and the punishment is stabbing somebody with a knife and the punishment is stabbing somebody with a knife in the punishment and that's fucking it. Go watch that fucking trap car thing or whatever the fuck they call it, where they park it down in the fucking poor neighborhood and they arrest one black guy after a fucking other. I mean, they're not trying to help anybody. You don't think anybody down there has potential?

You're just going to say it's's gonna fucking do that to them? Why do they just do, why don't they do that in a fucking white neighborhood? Oh my God, I don't know, I just don't see the world the way you do, sir. And you see it the way that judge does. And I also think that you are, like what you're taking into consideration, which is the fact that she's at Oxford and she could be a doctor, you're completely, you're now downplaying that she stabbed someone and yes you are sir, yes you are, because you said she should take anger management classes at the very least. Look, you might call me fucking overly liberal, but if you stab someone, you should go to

jail regardless of what your potential is. Do you realize that this woman, if she becomes a surgeon, will have a knife in her hand every fucking day of her goddamn career just about, and it won't be a fucking butter knife? Jesus fucking Christ. And when she goes to cut somebody open and then finds out that they have state insurance rather than private, what the fuck is she going to do then? Just because you go to Oxford doesn't mean you couldn't be a fucking lunatic. You know what I mean? And people in those schools commit murders

and they do commit crimes, but they don't go to jail the way poorer people with more of a tan do. I don't know if you've noticed that. So for us to bring up the fact that she was a woman and that she was white, we were not uninformed. We're actually more than, I actually, you know, I'm gonna pat myself on the back. I'm more fucking enlightened than you are, okay? Because I'm not saying that because of who she is she should get punished more. She should get the punishment. I Think once you stab somebody what the fuck you're doing in the rest of your life is out the goddamn window And I know what you guys gonna say well they do that they do that all the time they fucking Take into consideration if people have children and blah blah blah blah Yeah, I know they do but the consideration is is a lot smaller

By the level of tan you have and whether you have a dick hanging between your legs and not and that's the fucking truth Go into a bar a woman can slap a guy in the face dump a drink over his fucking head. She's not getting kicked out A woman can slap a guy in the face, dump a drink over his fucking head. She's not getting kicked out. She's not. If she's hot, she's a fucking wilder beast. Yeah, they'll throw her out in the fucking dumpster. Come on, people. This isn't new information.

All right? Stop acting like, good Lord. All right. Why airlines lost their privilege? Hey, Bill. Big fan. Love your podcast. You recently asked why airlines are not as prestigious as it was in the 70s.

As a pilot, I have an answer for you. I love when the pilot's right in. Sky pilot, why isn't it still great? In 1978, huh, I'm Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter signed the Airlineclan deregulation act Leave it to a peanut farmer from Georgia to ruin the fucking prestige of airline travel prior to this law the government allowed equal usage of federal airways Among all the airlines all right you already lost me. Let me read this. The government allowed equal usage of federal airways among all airlines. So the only way for airlines to compete effectively

was with good customer service. Okay. After the law went into effect, airlines were able to bid for exclusive usage of certain airways. Airways are basically the streets in the sky. So different. Okay. Oh, I see. So then, and everybody had their territory. So it was like, that's right. There was Eastern Airlines. They just flew there. Okay. All right. American and United flew cross country. So it was like wrestling back in the day where everybody had their territories. And then rather than having one guy dominate the whole thing like Vince, it became a bidding war. Okay.

After the law went into effect, airlines were able to bid exclusive usage of certain airways. So airways essentially gained monopolies on most of their routes With customers having little or no say in which airline to take the airlines were able to get us by the balls So now airlines business Strategy has shifted from good customer service to monopolizing their airways and packing as many people as possible into their plane Planes hope this helps it started. What should I look up? I should look up the Airline Deregulation Act. Now that all of a sudden in the era of fake news, I'm being suddenly being held accountable for what the fuck I said. I can't believe this. You guys are so disappointing me. Can somebody please write in and mock these fucking assholes? Alright, not saying the pilot here.

Alright, Airline Deregulation Act. Airline Deregulation Act. Jimmy Carter and effects. Let's see what we got here. Oh my god. Alright, Wiki, a law that changed the airline industry. That's the one that looks like, okay, this is the one I will read up on. Are you guys going to try to make me informed?

And then I'll, and you know what happens when you don't have to become you informed, you become an arrogant ass. You know, you start smoking a pipe. You fucking eyebrows are always trying to touch each other as you wrinkle up your forehead. No one wants to be around that. All right. A law that changed the airline industry beyond recognition, 1978. All right. Okay. Before deregulation, airlines competed on service alone as fares were regulated by the government. I didn't know that. I mean, granted, I was fucking 10 years old in 1978. Many remember this era fondly as the golden age of aviation when stewardesses as flight

attendants were then known carved Chateaubriand on rolling silver carts and airlines put piano lounges in upper decks of their Boeing 747s. Passengers dressed up to board flights and flying was glamorous and exciting and mainly for the rich. That's why the liberals deregulation resulted in the rise of a new kind of airline, the low cost carrier, LCC. At the time of deregulation, Southwest Airline was a small regional airline prevented by CAB rules, I don't know what that is, from flying outside of Texas.

Today, Southwest is the largest domestic U.S. carrier in terms of passenger traffic, something no one could have foreseen in 1978. Yeah, And that's back when stewardesses were fucking hot. So now it's a bunch of animals. They pack us all in and then it's just like, yeah, all the hotties are like, well, fuck this. I'm going to go, uh, sell jello shots at a goddamn one of those DJ shows. Wait, baby baby. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Right. Southwest is a success story, but deregulation allowed yeah I hate flying southwest I fucking hate it you know why I hate how the stewardess is sit there making jokes and fucking around

it's like dude my life is in your hands here you're not making me more relaxed doing your fucking Dean Martin impression but deregulation allowed airlines to innovate new business models. People express, I remember that, remember value jet? That one went down. People express may have come and gone, it may someday be revived, but it and others, like it shook up the white glove world of the US airline industry and glove world of the US airline industry and democratized travel. Hope I said that right. We may peer through our rose-colored

glasses and yearn for the days of Chateaubriand and piano lounges, but ultimately companies like Southwest and newer ones like Spirit allowed more people to fly more often. Yeah, and now look at the result. You got people with no shoes on walking into the bathroom. Oh my God, it all fucking came full circle. Holy shit, do I like being informed? Deregulation left the international carriers

like Pan Am and Braniff, and to a lesser extent, TWA, Transworld Airlines, without robust domestic feeder networks. I don't know what that means. And it allowed domestic carriers like Delta Airlines to apply for international routes. Pan Am and Braniff scrambled to create domestic networks, but ultimately were unsuccessful,

although it took until 2000 for TWA to be absorbed into American Airlines. And some argue that massive consolidation of the U.S. airline industry in the last decade, which has resulted in three large carriers, four when Southwest is included, is deregulation's final act. The network carriers that survived Delta United and American learned to be tough competitors and combined existing domestic networks with the international networks acquired in large part by carriers like PanAm

that didn't make it. Get the fuck out of here. So now they have to drag people off flights, barefooted lunatics, and then you got people fucking... You ever see those people that just fly around the world all the time trying to get miles and shit, just created all these bottom feeders? Wow. Do you think a VIP airline would make it? I wonder.

You know, in this era of Donald Trump, if they just, if they didn't even try to be nice, just be, I wish I could do a Trump impression, just be a lot of animals, they're flying barefoot, a lot of bare feet, and then all the liberals would be like, were you saying that barefooted people shouldn't be allowed to be, a lot of bare feet, a lot of bare feet. Ha ha ha ha ha. Dude, can you, what if, what if they had a fucking,

you couldn't do it nowadays, if you had a fucking you couldn't do it nowadays if you had a fucking top line airline okay all first-class seats all hot stewardesses you know first of all all the fucking you know all the fucking feminists would be up in arms would all be up in arms saying that they you're objectifying these women, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And at the end of the, I don't know, I agree with some of that feminist shit, but a lot of times I just feel like it's women who aren't good looking, hating on good looking women and just being mad that good looking women don't have to work as hard.

You know, it's like that whole thing thing that you're gonna somehow get people to give not as good looking women, not as good looking men, not as strong men, like a chance that's not how it works. You gotta like, you gotta look at it like sports and realize that you're not the Jordan, you're not Sidney Crosby. Alright? You're on the fourth line. Okay? So what you have to be is you have to be a fucking you got to be a gamer You know This is coming from a bald redheaded male. So go fuck yourself. If you think I'm being elitist here Okay, you got to be scrappy. You got to go in the corners

All right, you got to drop the gloves every once in a while. You got to do that Okay, you're not gonna get the calls. You're gonna have to work ten times fucking harder than other people to get, you know, half as much or however the expression goes, but it'll make you stronger. You know what's great is your fall from grace from your youth sixth as you slide into a four is not that bad, but at the end of everybody's life, everybody like a four or two okay but you have a nice soft landing you do a little bit of a belly flop you get the wind knocked out of you between 20 and 60 all right these fucking tens I mean they're falling off the top of a goddamn building

okay then a lot of them they don't survive it they don't if you look at their botox faces they look like they landed face first. Their fucking lips are all swollen. I mean, Jesus Christ, look at these fucking, like, Nia watches this show and these women will not stop taking fat from the back of their arms and injecting them in their ass. And they got these stupid looking fucking asses now and their legs look like my legs with this weird, like, legs look like my legs with this weird like they look like ostriches I don't know why they did that I I just I just don't

fucking understand why and I get what point it's like they're literally like Michael Jackson where Michael Jackson couldn't see what he's doing to his face these women cannot see what they're doing to their asses. I don't understand it. So anyways, you know what that was actually fascinating and I make fun of the fact that I'm not a well-read guy because it gives me license to be lazy and that's what I like to do best. Okay, but if you fucking assholes are gonna make me keep reading I did I did enjoy that I do enjoy I like drum shit I like aviation I like that type of shit. All right, so if you're gonna fucking really start holding my feet to the fire here, could you please try to keep it, uh...

I don't know. Well, I guess I have the power, right? I have the power where I can actually decide... what the fuck it is that I want to read or what I don't want to read. Speaking of which, for some reason I woke up this morning thinking about Roy Haynes and the fact that he's still alive and still doing gigs and all the fucking people that he's played with. I saw a bunch of great jazz dramas before they passed. I saw Max Roach, I saw Tony Williams, I saw Louis Belson, and I saw Roy Haynes. I saw Roy Haynes like 20 something years ago when he was in his 70s He's now 92 and I looked it up like this guy's still on the road. He's got a road gig coming up in

September at like the Blue Note in New York City, and he's from Roxbury, Massachusetts Fellow Boston guy, I'm a suburb guy, he's actually in Boston, but I don't know, I think that's pretty fucking cool, the guy's still gigging out there. I mean, you talk about a guy, he played with Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Sarah Vaughn, all the way up, right up through like young people today. The guy's been playing drums professionally for 70 goddamn years. So, I don't know, if you're into drums, you gotta go see that guy. All right, let me go, let me read some more of the, all right, let me read these last two. Cultural appropriation. Dear Billy rationale,

things are getting crazy these days because of technology. It's definitely a lot easier to be critical of what everyone does. I'm sure you've experienced this before, where people try and misrepresent what you say for whatever self-serving reason they may have. Yes, of course, that would be the Huffington Post. One of the things going on today that really bugs me is the accusation of cultural appropriation. I hate picking extreme sides to any argument, so I will say, I do think that there are cases of cultural disrespect.

Let's say someone wears a religious or cultural garb and is overly disrespectful for the purpose of trolling. That could be cultural appropriation. You put that in quotes, so do you not think it is? But almost everything anyone does is derived from another culture in some respect. There is a YouTube video where a young black college girl berates a hippie for his corn rolls, and it seems a bit silly because the kid is just doing what every other wookiees who listen to fish do. I don't know what a wookie is.

Is that somebody into Chewbacca? what every other Wookiees who listen to fish do. I don't know what a Wookie is. Is that somebody into Chewbacca? Ah, fuck, now I gotta look this up. What the fuck is a Wookie? A white something? Wookie meaning slang. A Wookie, urban dictionary, a Wookie. A Wookie is a hairy yet modernized human being

that commonly is seen in the western, in the western most regions of Washington. A gentle creature by nature, but tends to get a little erratic when it overindulge itself with its favorite foods. Its diets consist mainly of a blend of barley and hops. If you see these creatures, be cautious as to whether you should provide him with these items. They will commonly respond to the name of Richard Pulliam, but be very wary of these creatures.

I have no idea. They're usually a certain brand of cookie that is very chewy. A wookie is a lifeless idiot whose whole existence consists of falling around jam bands. Here we go. And not showering or shaving. When they're not panhandling or trying to rip people off, they're selling veggie burritos or grilled cheese to fund their useless existence. They stand for nothing and care about nobody else, not to be confused with the hippie. A hippie is someone who lives a certain lifestyle due to their belief. Hifties often shower and have jobs. Used in a sentence, yo, those Wookiees over there are trying to sell beat rolls.

That's from fucking 2003. So I guess they've been around for a while. OK. All right, let me get back to the guy. OK, so now I know what a Wookie is. I know what a Wookie is, and I know about airline deregulation. And now I'm going to be insufferable at the next

fucking social event as I try to work both of those into the conversation. Where the fuck is it? I was an anthropology major, which doesn't make me an expert, but it definitely informs my opinion of this. I went to culinary school after college and learned even more about cultures through their food. I came up upon this article and wanted to get your take on it.

A couple girls in Portland, Oregon started a food truck selling Mexican food. They traveled around and learned recipes the way every chef I've ever known has done. They were accused of cultural appropriation because they're not Mexican. I'm not going to go on a tirade of motherfuckers, but my adrenaline really starts going when I think about this. I haven't heard you speak about cultural appropriation yet and wanted to get your take. Here's a link Oh the Huffington Post what a fucking surprise Thanks for your podcast

You're a great dad and husband How do you know you have no idea? I hate the fucking Huffington Post They're always trying to stir up some shit You know what I hate all these organizations that try to act like they're a news organization and you read two articles and you know who everybody on the website voted for essentially. It's like, back in the day, it was supposed to be, I don't know, if you were a journalist, you were supposed to just sort of present what the fuck happened, not making up. If you say this, that's probably because you're doing that. That's like that

whole fucking website. And I shouldn't just single them out. There's a bunch of them out there. But they're held in like this esteem. I just don't understand it. Anyways, cultural appropriation is... I don't fucking know. look, if you have an appreciation for Mexican food and you learn how to cook it and then you sell it, I think at that point if you become successful, that's when people get annoyed by it. And college kids are really extreme in their thoughts as I do. You know, you're fucking breaking free of your parents, you know, when you got some anger issues, probably towards your parents,

so you're very open to radical fucking sort of ideas, you know, going all the way over here, all the way over there. It's a very dangerous time in your life because you make very extreme judgment, snap judgment calls with your young brain. As I did. And that can cause you to do stupid shit, like join cults,

blow yourself up at a fucking concert, you know, for some stupid fucking cause. All the way to like, I don't know what, fucking without a condom you know you just it's pretty fucking wide thing this is why I don't talk about shit like this I don't know what a cultural appropriation is I don't know what it is all I know is that my culture is the matrix so everybody's allowed you know I don't get upset when people get on airplanes. But hey, that's some white shit, you know? I would say that if there are two white girls being white and they're making great fucking

Mexican food, good for them. But if they're sitting there wearing a fucking sombrero and talking like Speedy Gonzalez when they do it, yeah, then I would get upset. But you know, there's plenty of Asian infused this and French infused that and cultures to me and all of that shit to me, it's like, it's like the MMA. How was how was like, how good were the martial arts when you were just one discipline? You know? Everybody, I am a keto.

I am fucking taekwondo. I do karate. I fucking box or whatever. And then a guy, Bruce Lee, comes around. He's like, I'll take a little of this. I'll take a little of that. Wasn't he doing that? You know?

And then he was teaching it to fucking the round-eyed guys over here and everybody over in Asia is like hey Hey, that's our shit. Don't be showing it to their shit and now look at it now. Look how great the fucking fighters are You know what I mean? I would love to see Bruce Lee today if he him back then if he got into the fucking ring You know what I mean? Did he ever have to deal with a double-legged takedown? What would happen to him? Does he have a ground and pound defense? Ground and pound didn't exist.

Could that man fight on his back? That's how much it's progressed. So I feel everything should get all fucking mixed up and then shit spins out of that. And you just like, I think it's just when you start to act like you're the thing that you're doing. You know what I mean? Like, and people do, but the thing is, is if you start getting into like, like whatever, Japanese cuisine, okay, or you get into anime, whatever, I'm watching this anime show, like I just watch it and I appreciate it. I don't start walking around with the rising sun fucking t-shirt and I get some swords

You know crisscrossed on my walls, you know start sitting on the floor on a pillow with a little short table You know what I mean? I Mean, I don't know. I don't know where you I think it's all how you do it. I Mean if I walk into an Asian person's house and they got a bunch of shit from IKEA, I don't go like, you know you're appropriate in my culture, what's with that L-shaped couch? But they're also not oppressing me. And I'm not oppressing anybody, but overall the fucking long-tied cunts up the top are. So that's what it really comes down to. It really, I

think it really comes down to white people get held to that standard of of cultural appropriation because you know we can, the damage we can do and we can be really ignorant with it and then other times people are just being cunty. Like I'm not gonna read this fucking article but if it's just a couple of white chicks making Mexican food and they're crushing it, you know, and they're dressed like white chicks going, like, oh my God, who wants a burrito? I don't think there's a problem with that if they're killing it. Right?

It's a fucking food truck. Fill your pie hole up and shit. I don't know. All right, girlfriend. Hey man, what's up? I just had a few questions. Sorry for the lack of punctuation. We'll use parentheses when you said that. I flew this girl out all the way to Japan. You know something? Fuck you. I'm not reading this shit.

You know what? You rewrite this fucking thing. You rewrite this fucking thing, okay? and then I'll read it go fuck yourself sorry for the lack of punctuation yes sorry I'm not fucking reading it there you go I draw the line at lack of punctuation I hate when people fucking go sorry if you're sorry you would have taken the time to put some shit in there you didn't you're not sorry you're fucking lazy so fuck off now I'm gonna be lazy right back to you. I'm not reading your goddamn shit. However, if you want to fix it, put some punctuation in it, I will read it.

God damn it, I will read it. All right, the Red Sox. We're in second place, and the evil Empire Yankees are in first place. Those evil motherfuckers with all their homegrown talent. And here we are, the Young Up starts starts with a 215 million dollar team just doing anything we can to try to keep up with them I want to know I want to fucking know cuz I heard he lost a bunch of weight I know he ended up getting fucking hurt again I want to know when Pablo's coming back I don't know why I just feel like he's have

gonna have a great second half of the season. Pablo Sandoval, and he's gonna earn his goddamn money. And I think the Red Sox, they're gonna catch fire here, right before the All-Star break. And it's gonna be Yankees, Red Sox, Yankees, Red Sox. It's gonna be great again. It's gonna be fucking hilarious, cuz now we're the fucking evil empire that could spend a $200 fucking million. That's my prediction. empire that could spend a $200 fucking million.

That's my prediction. It's going to go down to them. And ESPN will blow the Yankees because they have homegrown talent and they will fucking trash the Red Sox for spending all this fucking money like they never trashed the Yankees when they did it back in the day. Because that's how it works. Because when the Yankees win the World Series, ESPN goes, and all is right in the baseball universe.

It's just like, oh, so you guys are all Yankee fans there? Why does it make it right? I never understood that, that they play favorites like that. But I guess that's what they do. So you know what? Fuck them, fuck you too. Have a great couple of days, I'll check in on ya on Thursday. Be careful around those grills, you fatties. Do you know where I can get rid of these things? And Louis the King said, Let me think for a minute, son. And he said, Yes, I think it can be easily done.

Just take everything down to Highway 61. Now, the fifth daughter on the twelfth night Told her first father that things weren't right My complexion, she says, is much too wide He said, come here and step into the light He says, you're right Let me tell the second mother this has been done. But the second mother was with the seventh son, and it was both out on Highway 61.