Monday Morning Podcast - Celebrating Nothing, Sleep Records, Talk Show Hosts | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-8-26

Episode Date: October 8, 2026

Bill rambles about celebrating nothing, sleep records, and talk show hosts.(00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(31:26) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 10-8-18 - Bill rambles about the Red Sox, phone calls, and erectile dysfunction.Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Night Moves - Coconut GroveHims: Visit http://www.Hims.com/BURR for a personalized plan—for sex, hair, weight loss and moreSquarespace: Head to squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a domainQuo: Try Gusto today at gusto.com/BURR, and get three months free when you run your first payrollSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, it's your ceiling vent, so I'm dripping. Could be the rain, could be the upstairs bathroom. Yikes. You could hire the guy your neighbor recommended, but I'm pretty sure that's just his cousin. Do we know if he's licensed, or does he just stone a ladder? Listen to your home. Go with Thumbtack. Upload a photo or voice note, and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack, we know homes.

Hire the right pro today. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. Ooh. What's going on? Oh, I'm in a good fucking mood.

Oh, Billy, good mood. Billy's in a good mood. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. You know why? Is there anything better than feeling vindicated? Like I told you this shit was going to happen. You didn't fucking believe. or maybe I didn't tell you, maybe I just thought about it,

maybe you never said that you didn't believe me, but I just invent the thing that somebody said they didn't believe in me. You know? Like how people say that all the time. You know, these people, they don't want us to do this. That DJ Callagai, I love how he's always inventing. They don't want us to do this, so we're going to do this. It's like, dude, nobody said you couldn't do that.

Right? I'm doing that right now. What did I say? What did I say? What did I say? say on Monday. When I was talking about, you know, there was this sportscaster and he was talking about, oh, the fucking Red Sox, you know, they're down nine to nothing.

They hit one home run. You're about ready to get swept and you put the, Oscar, the grouch thing on you. What are you doing? What are you doing? Is this what baseball's come to? And I literally fucking said, I go, I agree with you.

And, but if you're going to say, what is baseball coming to? You got to keep going and say that your team, the fucking New York Yankees, just jumped up and down with goggles on, spraying champagne on each other because they won two games in a row against the third place team, 11 games out.

What the fuck are we doing with this fucking champagne? We were spraying around champagne as the third place team, 11 games out because we made the playoffs. Like, they should have given us non-alcohol beer. Like, what are we doing here? So, anyway, they were all celebrating and everything, and then what happened?

This week you played the team that won the division and you got swept. So like what was all of that? I have to be on. And then watching the devil rays celebrating, I mean, I get it. You're going to do some high fives and everything, but jumping up and down and doing all of this extra shit

and acting out of broom sweeping and all of this stuff. And it's like, guys, you just beat a wild card team. The goal here is to win the world's sense. series. Like, you don't have to break out into, like, doing, like, cartwheels and shit. Like, you want to win a World Series. You got the Dodgers, like a fucking $10 billion behemoth on the horizon if you make it to the fucking World Series.

Like, let's not get excited because we beat the wildcard New York Yankees. We beat a second place team. I don't know. The whole thing is fucking weird to me. So I feel vindicated. All right. And if I was running the MLB, you wouldn't be able to get anywhere near champagne

until you won the pennant and you were going to the World Series. And even then, it wouldn't be an expensive brand. There'd only be a couple, you know, couple of bottles. but it would be like a, yeah, it's an accomplishment to get to the World Series. You won the pennant.

That shit counts. All right, this other stuff is a joke. It's like this isn't the, even the appetizers before the meal. Like the meal hasn't even started. You're still driving to the restaurant. Now the devil rays are going into the ALCS. The playoffs have begun. Like this is where the playoffs used to start when I was a kid.

You had two fucking divisions. Whoever won the divisions played each other, the winner went to the World Series. It's fucking reminded me like when I first started watching. I was just talking about this with Verzi. When I first started watching the NHL, there was only like 26 teams. So there was like five teams in the Adams Division. And like four of them made the playoffs. It was stupid.

You could be in the, you could be fourth place, like 30 points behind. winning your division and you still made the playoffs. It was silly. The whole thing was silly. So anyway, oh, Billy is off the road. He's got one more road date this year and then I am done. Oh, Billy's making some pumpkin bread.

I'm enjoying Thanksgiving. I'm enjoying the holidays. I've already started my Christmas shopping. I'm doing what I did last year. I'm fucking buying the shit. I'm wrapping the shit. And I'm going to have it done before Thanksgiving. and I'm putting my fucking feet up

and everybody else can fucking freak out and run around last second. I already got I'm way ahead of the game. I got my anniversary gift, my Christmas gift and Valentine's Day. Bang, bang,

a bang. I'm done. Taking it off the books there. So, I flew back yesterday. I got back here to L.A. and I finished that book, Blitzed, about the Nazis and Germany

and their use of, like, meth and all of that. And basically did all these experiments on people and being like, like, if you take this drug, you don't have to sleep, do you, like, do you, like, not have to sleep anymore? Not realizing that eventually. you crashed. Like they've had this one guy.

They tried to say he stayed up for like 17 days. And then took a 17-day fucking nap. It's like, dude, you got to make up for 17 sleepless fucking nights. It's like, I would be worried that you would, you know, you need water. Like after three days, you die. So like, they must have to keep waking. There's no way you don't sleep for a. a week.

Right? I'm going to look that up. Hold on one second. Okay, I just asked that question to Google or some shit and it just sent me a suicide hotline. You know, I should have just, you know what?

You know what the problem? I'm getting better at these searches. I got to take the meth out of it. Like, let me see. I'm just going to see right now. I'm just going to fucking, we're going to put the phone down. We're going to get on the other device here because your whole fucking life is just devices now.

I'm a big fan of that word. It's a good device in the script. Oh, this is settings. This is how fucking old I am. I try to get on the internet and I click on settings. All right, hang on a second. And what do we got here? If you don't sleep for 10 days,

how long will come on you cunt will you then sleep it's thinking the machine is thinking everybody if you stayed awake for 10 consecutive days you would likely sleep only for 13 to 15 hours on your first night of recovery

a common misconception is that the body needs to sleep for 10 days straight to pay back a sleep debt Well, who thinks that? You know, not 10 straight days. You would be 80 hours behind your sleep, and you'd only get 15 back. Instead of sleeping for days on end,

your body compensates through a process called rebound sleep, focusing on the quality of sleep rather than the total quantity. Deep sleep prioritization. On the first night of recovery, your brain immediately plunges into prolonged stages of stage three deep, slow wave sleep to physically restore your body and clear out metabolic waste.

On the subsequent nights, your brain experiences a massive surge in REM dreaming sleep to help restore cognitive and emotional processing. The closest scientifically documented case to this scenario is Randy Godda! A 17-year-old student who intentionally stayed awake for 11 days, 264 hours for a, dude, they had him hopped up on some shit. For a science fair project in 1964, when the experiment concluded, Gardner slept for 14 hours and 46 minutes straight.

He woke up naturally to use the bathroom, reported feeling groggy but otherwise normal and returned to a standard eight-hour sleep schedule within a few days. Well, there you go. I remember one night. Dude, I got an experience like this. I remember one night, way back in the day. My girlfriend at the time was out of town, and I went over to her apartment. For some reason, I slept there,

even though she was out of town. I slept, I think because she was coming back. And I went to sleep sometime in the, early hours of the morning and i didn't wake up until three in the afternoon and it's the only time in my life i always woke up with like the sun the sun coming up the second the light gets in my eyes fucking i'm just up and somehow that day it's not like she had blackout curtains or anything i fucking went to sleep and uh i've thought about that i slept for at least 12 hours and i have thought about that on and off.

I mean, that was like 30 years ago when that happened. And I was like, why didn't that ever happen again? I would love, like every once in a while that happens to me. Like I'll sleep for actual eight hours or nine hours. Like once a year. And I just think, man, I wish I could do that. And I know what all you guys are thinking, they got this device.

If you put the bracelet on your fucking wrist. You know, they just were just saying that all those fucking Fitbit and Apple things that are counting your steps, it's all bullshit. They're just giving you fucking, it's an estimate and it's given you like, it's not hooked up to your feet. It's not counting the steps. It's giving you a happy number so you feel good about yourself and you keep using the device so they can keep tracking you every fucking place you go. Oh, wow, Bill. Did you figure that out? huh you bald freckled cunt yes i did um anyway so uh i am back i had so much goddamn fun when i was in

new york doing all of that press um i got to do uh kelly kelly and mark kelly ripper and mark in uh new york i'm knocking those fucking morning shows out i've done the view i did kelly clocks and she's not doing her show anymore she was great she was really cool actually i remember because she was going you got like anger issues i'm like oh you know kind of gotten past a lot of that stuff and then she went off on some shit and did a lot of the heavy lifting she was really good at that job she probably just got burnt out or whatever um but anyway i did uh kelly and mark thanks to both of them dude it's hilarious you come out you high five the crowd it's like that you know, morning energy.

Let's wake up with America energy. And like, I don't think people understand how difficult that job is to have to, you know. I mean, dude, how many times do you wake up in a good mood? You know, how many times do you wake up and you feel like I want to do whatever I have to do today? Or I got enough sleep to do whatever I have to do today, right? They have to set all of that. all of those morning shows, they have to set it aside. And I remember early in my career, when I was a comedian,

I had to do like a morning show. I was like, oh, this is stupid. What am I doing here? And I, you know, had a bad attitude. And it wasn't until, I don't know, somewhere along the line, I was like, you know, this is a really difficult job. Sitting here saying this is stupid is easy, but to actually fucking do the job.

And I finally gave in one time. I remember I was doing some morning show. And it was like, it's International Waffle Day, everybody. I love waffles. I mean, when you think about it, like, is there any better way to open? You gotta like do that. Okay?

It's like, yeah, I love, who doesn't love waffles? I fucking love waffles, but like I can't talk about it for five minutes and then interview. It was like, International Waffle Day, and they had this person come out. And we were standing there

and they were doing like the whole waffle thing. I forget if I played along or not, but there was something about that. I was just, I put myself in the interviewer's place going, this is really fucking difficult. To be in your 30s and act like you're still this excited about waffles. And even then, it's waffles, right?

If it's in front of me, it's got some butter and syrup on it, I am excited. But do I want to stand there and watch you make it? Do I want to learn about the history of it? Fuck no. But these people have to go out there and act like they're excited. You know, in the same way, they had to act like they were excited when I came on the show and be like, what is your process when you're, you know, acting or whatever. So anyway, I came out and I had a great time on that.

And it's surreal. You know, you're like, that's fucking Kelly Ripper. She's going to be talking to me in three, two, one, you know. And also, you know what I liked about them? They're a good married couple. Like they're on the same page because we were talking about screen time and they were talking about the difference

between their older kids not being on screens and then their youngest kid you know who caught the beginning of social media and that type of stuff and when Kelly was starting to talk about it Mark got this look on his face like yeah like this was an issue

and you could just see they were like lined up on the same page. There's nothing better than hanging out with a couple that's on the same page. You know, you know when you go out to dinner with a couple and then not on the same page and then all of a sudden, like, you feel like the kid in their relationship going like,

trying to make the jokes to ease the tension. It's like you can feel the argument that happened in the car before they sat down. You can tell because they don't chime in together on anything. and usually they're just one of them focuses on you and the other one focuses on the other person and there's not any sort of cross-talking or anything like that you know what that minds me of when I used to do a lot of morning radio which I really miss doing that like I got this gig coming up oh I got a promoter here October 17th the fastball comedy festival in Mesa Arizona

know and uh you know i used to promote shows and all of that you know have to do that before like social media and shit and you'd go in like these radio tours i fucking love doing that it was really fun and uh but you would you would go on these shows and you could just you could tell the shows when the two hosts hated each other because you'd go in there and the energy was weird but when you when you finally figured it out it was when they were went to commercial break. And after like the third commercial break and like one of them would talk to you or both would talk to you, but both hosts, they would never talk to each other.

You were like, oh boy. Oh, here we go. Here we go. It's the old fucking, the old loveless marriage. We're hanging in here because of the ratings and we're making stupid money, but that doesn't mean we need to talk to each other. And then like everybody else that's on the show sort of looks down and just deals with it. And then they turn the microphone on.

They're like, oh, and we're back. Ah, we're back the morning fucking crazy show. And they would be laughing at each other's jokes and shit. And then it was like, what was that Bugs Bunny one with that frog that could sing? Everybody do the Michigan wrong. And then the second the guy would come in to show it, they would just sit there. Ribbit. Yeah, that's what the commercial breaks were like.

So anyway, I got to do all of that stuff. and I had a great time and I went to one of my favorite coffee shops in the world when I was in New York and yeah just overall. I had a great time. Oh, me and my lovely wife, I finally went to the Village Vanguard where Bill Evans, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, all of these guys played there

from way back in the day. I believe Thelonious Monca discovered there and we tried to go down Monday, but Monday was sold out. And Monday night, they just have like a jam session where guys come down, Menowen come down and they play. And what I found out is so cool is they started that on Monday night just to see if it would sell tickets or whatever. And it did, and they've been doing it ever since.

And they started it in 1963. How crazy is it? that 63 years ago. They've been doing that thing for 63 years. And I think only one week they took off. Well, they probably had a few 9-11. They probably didn't do it that week. The week after everything was closed.

The owner of the place, the original owner, when he passed away, I think they were dark for one night. And then the wife continued going with it. So anyway, it felt really cool to like being there. And, you know, I forget the name of the band. We listened to this great band and just haven't played drums longer.

I was able to appreciate like the drummer's playing even more finally. And then also the whole trying to find one in so many of those was fucking easier for me. But still, like, I would get thrown off by like, if people doing shit against whatever the hell the drummer was doing, it just really messed me up. But anyway, I don't know. I've been like a jazz head lately.

Just appreciating that this is all just really improvisational. The stuff I love doing in comedy or like my podcast. Like I don't know what the fuck I'm going to say. I like being there. You know, I don't mind something prepared. But like the fact that they can do that on instruments still to this day blows my mind. So anyway, hymns everybody. Hymns.

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Try Gusto today at gusto.com slash burr and get three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months for free at payroll at gusto.com slash burr. One more time, gusto.com. slash burr. All right, Billy Jim bought. Billy Jim bought, I got, I'm not going to lie to you. I got off my diet, you know, from being in Chicago and coming out to New York, but now I'm back on it. The old two meals a day, protein and vegetables, fucking shit.

So I got to do that. I had my one little coffee, and I'm moving on. So, anyway, speaking of moving on, congratulations to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. You're such a great organization. You deserve to win, but you got to do something about it. those fucking uniforms. Oh my God. What are those things?

They're just with that awful, like what, what, what, the way that they write devil rays or what Tampa, whatever, Tampa Bay, whatever they had on the front of their jersey, with that yellow,

aqua green algae stoop, we get it, we get it, devil rays, this thing rays or whatever, they're in the ocean. We, you don't have to fucking, what,

you know what it look like? It's like you ever see, Like, this is how you know, like weed, how bad weed is now. All those vape stores and shit. When you walk in there, why are they lit up, it's like a fucking jet is landing. And you walk in there, it's like, are you selling weed or are you selling breakfast cereal in the 70s? Or candy or whatever? So, anyway, three weeks, two days.

What's that? 21, 22, 23 days in. It's almost out of my system. I guess it takes a month. and, you know, taking a break, as always, taking a break, taking a break with cigars, taking a break with everything. I'm just Billy fucking cup of coffee now. And I can lie to you, it's been hard.

I definitely get that shit at night going, God damn it, I would love to smoke a cigar or something. I just always say to myself, what's going to feel better tomorrow morning, that you smoked a cigar last night or that you did? and it's always that you didn't. That's how I've gotten through a lot of shit in life. Like if there was like a show I was afraid to do stand up in because the crowd was mean, but I needed to do it.

I needed to learn how to work that crowd. I would always just say to myself, all right, what's going to feel worse? Going to bed tonight thinking about how you bombed or going to bed tonight, thinking about how you didn't even try and you're chickened out. What's going to feel worse? So that's what I'm doing.

But I got to tell you, man, it's fucking boring. It's good. You know, it's good in the morning. Like, I don't have a problem not giving in to, like, drinking or smoking weed or fucking smoking cigars. I don't have a problem until about four in the afternoon. And then that's when the devil's, you know, wakes up at me and goes, hey, You know, just Just want cigar.

Listen, just have a glass of wine with your meal. It's actually part, it enhances the meal. It's like a, it's like legitimately like a part of it. Like, what are we doing here? So, that type of shit.

But New York was great. You could feel the fall coming. And then I came out here to L.A. and we're like in the middle of a heat wave was like 95 fucking degrees out dude like I don't know how much longer these guys are just going to try to hold this shit off like they're not going to they're literally not going to do anything they're just going to they're going to let the oceans come up they're going to be telling us that nothing bad is going to happen is they buy up all the high ground and uh yeah that's just how it's going to

play out. But you know, I take comfort in the fact that you can only die once, and I think after you die, I think it's peace. I don't think it's a bad thing. So there you go. That's fucking dark. Whatever. Whatever, you know. This is what sober life is like. You have to feel things. Anyway, all right, that's the podcast. I don't have any advertising or anything like that. Who's playing tonight, though? Tampa Bay without Baker Mayfield against the Dallas Cowboys. There you go. Simplified game plan.

Thursday afternoon. A Thursday night. Simplified game plan. Spread is eight and a half. No Baker Mayfield. You got to think Dallas is going to kill him. And that's why you bet Tampa. That's what I say.

Because that worked for me last week. The only two games that I picked at one were both of them. I took them because they made no sense. And then the ones that I thought made sense I lost on. So what are you going to do? All right, that is the podcast. I am now reading a book about the Spanish flu in 1917 and 1918. And it's one of the most jaw-dropping books I've ever read in my life.

The sheer loss of life. It like eclipsed the amount of troops we lost in World War I. Which two things I would like to know, more about the Spanish-American War and World War I so that's on my radar and evidently if you don't sleep for fucking 10 11 days you only sleep for 13 14 hours but oh it's good sleep it is good sleep all right that's it enjoy the weekend you're and I'll check and I'll not check I'll talk to you on Monday going on it's Bill Byr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday

on October 8th 2018 what's going on our How's it going? I am good. How are you? Oh, my God. That is great. Can barely hear myself. I'm out here on the road.

I don't have all my podcasting equipment. Oh, Bill, you're going to come in with the excuses on Monday morning? Maybe I am. I'm still here in Boston. After a Hora-Hun tour of the New England state, Springfield, Boston, and then Bridgeport, Connecticut. I want to thank everybody that came out. You know, an incredible weekend.

Most people I've ever performed to over a three-day period in my career and could not have gone any better. Thank you so very much. I was in, I did the Boston Garden, the TD Bank North Garden on Friday night. In the round. Got together with some buddies of mine I used to jam with back in the day,

and we played in the empty arena and just had the best time ever, right? So anyways, you know, I walk in. It's fucking place is huge. It's like, Jesus Christ. You know, you make a little bit of noise in there, so it's not as nerve-wracking. Then you calm down a little bit. You get comfortable, and then all of a sudden the people start coming, and it fills up, and then you get nervous again, right?

So I had Tony V, the great Tony V. The guy who taught me basically how to write by not writing. First guy I met her didn't write shit down And I was like Well what if you forget a joke And he was just like well It means it's time to stop doing it I just thought it was such a fucking badass cabalier attitude

It was like I want to be like that guy So anyways I worked with him and Paul Verzi So they both go up And they're just acting like they're just doing a regular spot And they're fucking murdering Both of them murdering You know Verzi was stuck in traffic I think he had a double park or something

before he went in there. So I don't think he had time to be nervous. He just ran out and did it. So anyways, I'm in the, they put you for the green room when you did it. We were in the referees, like a little fucking, what do you call it, locker room?

I was thinking just all the people that must have been screaming on the other side of the door because you're not allowed to go in there. If you're a coach, a player or anything like that. So anyways, I'm sitting in there. doing what you do in that moment thinking how the fuck did I get here why me is this the end is everybody

going to show up and be like you know we don't think he's funny anymore right so I'm going through all of this shit trying to talk myself off the ledge so I can just go out there and act like this big deal is not a big deal so I can perform the best and right before I go out there my cell phone rings. And I see it's my wife. And I'm like, ah, look at this. Perfect timing. This is why I love her. This is why she's the best. She's, you know, she's going to say, hey, don't be nervous. Go out there. You earned it. I love you, blah, blah, blah, all that shit, right? Well, I pick up my phone and my laugh. She's crying hysterically. And I'm, my first thought was something happened to our kid. Like, oh, my God, did she fall down? Did you drop her?

Did somebody come into the house? Like, what the fuck happened? Like, I picked out the phone. She was like, me, me. I was like, what? What's the matter? What's the matter? What's the matter?

I'm like, what? What's the matter? She's like, nothing bad. I'm like, well, what is it? She's like, I just saw a star is born. And it was so good. I was like, are you fucking kidding? I was like, honey, I got a show I got to go through.

All right? I thought the fucking shit that went through my head, all Stephen King level stuff of what could have been happening to her in the house and my daughter and all of that type of stuff. So it was so fucking ridiculous. It just made me laugh and I went out there and I just told the story and then I was kind of fine for the rest of the show. But it was, I don't know, these past two weekends, it felt like I dreamed the shows. It didn't feel like they really happened. I don't know how to hell I got to that to be able to be the guy that did it. But I just want to thank everybody for coming out.

And the Boston Garden one really freaked me out because I literally started my stand-up career. I told my first shit and dick jokes, literally at Nick's Comedy Stop. I mean, I could have walked over there. I mean, it would have taken me about 25 minutes. But still, I could still walk. Van Stage said I'm in. So anyways, I went out there and I had a great time. The only thing I had to deal with it was it was in the round.

There was a stool was in the middle and I had to keep walking around either side of it. And I've learned what you want to do is just take the stool out of the middle and just lay it down on its side. You know, then if you want to sit down, just pick it up and sit down. I guess if you were going to do that, but I just feel like if it's in the round, you have to kind of be moving so people aren't staring at your backside the whole time. anyways and then i got on the other side of that one and that one was nerve-wracking just because i had all kinds of family and friends and co-workers and people i went to school with all of those people coming down and it's just like oh boy what if i have a old stickaroo tonight what if i have a bad one then they got to be like no it was it was good it was good

god did you uh you lost a little weight you look good you're going to the gym people trying to subject. I like that shirt. Your shirt look great. Things you don't want to hear after a set. So anyway, so now I'm on the other side of it. And the Red Sox played game one. And of course, it was a nail biter. And I was just thinking, man, if we don't win the Chris Sale game, we're fucked. And we want it. So thank God. So then game two comes around the next night. And I am in Bridgeport, Connecticut. And I missed the whole game because I was traveling. And then I was also doing my show. And once again, unfortunately, Price could not get us a victory in the postseason.

And then, of course, now it's like all the wheels are coming off. In Boston, everybody's just like, oh, my God, how could we have played two games with the New York Yankees? And we won one, and they won one. Whoever saw that coming after a 108 regular season? season wins season. These fucking people. It's just like, what happened?

Like, they were like, already writing in the globe going, was the 108 win season, just a mirage? Because we lost one fucking game to a $200 million team that won 100 games that we played 19 times this year. We went 10 and 9. We won one, they won one. We won two, they won one. We won one. They won three. we swept them and then they went two and one two and one against us and then yeah i had i had i had

a hundred bucks on each game betting 50 with verzi and 50 with my agent you know the overall season thing and the most i got up they were up by like 150 at one point and i was up 150 and then in the end 19 games they owed me 50 bucks each we won one more fucking games everybody's sitting there freaking the fuck out and they're going to try to build this thing up like oh my god this is the greatest team, one of the greatest teams ever to have won 108 fucking games. It doesn't mean shit. The Orioles are not going to be there in October. I keep saying, how many times do I have to be right? How many times do you guys have to shake your head and discuss and reach for the stop button? Because once again, old bald Billy, old freckles himself is once again crowing about

something that he said was going to happen. I would say as far back as July. You know, definitely after we swept them in August. I was like, what exactly like in ESPN? Oh my God, it's fucking over. It's over. It isn't over. So for all you people out there who get confused with regular season wins, okay? Just take everybody

off the board at the end of the season who isn't going to go into the playoffs and then look how they did against the playoff teams. It's as simple as that. I think we were about, you know, pretty even with the Indians. I didn't look up the Indians or the Astros, but I think we're even with the Indians,

and we probably had a losing record against the Astros, and we went 10 and 9 against the Yankees. So those are the teams we're going to be playing. That's how they've matched up against us. Why is it surprising that we're one in one? If we lose this playoff series, yeah, it won't be nearly as a surprising fucking thing. You know, considering the last two times we've,

played the Yankees, we lost both regular season series. Right? So I'd say we're due to win this one. So we need old fucking, whatever his fucking name is, Pricello to have one of his good games tonight. Then we'll be up two games to one before we get the shit kicked out of us by the Astros. That's my prediction.

That's what I feel is going to happen if we get by the Yankees. And if we don't get by the Yankees, despite what Shaughnessy and all these guys will say, it wasn't a major fucking collapse. Despite what Johnny Damon said, I guess one of my buddies goes, dude, can't believe Johnny Damon is fucking rooting for the Yankees? It's like, absolutely, I can't. Absolutely. He wasn't a red sock. He was an A. And then he became a free agent.

And once you get a fucking free agent, you can't fall in love with them. It's like falling in love with a stripper. All right? He's going to go with the money. He didn't give a fuck. Pay me. He grew his shit out, you know? He was at the Red Sox. And then he goes to the Yankees. Yeah, you can sign with us, but you got to get a haircut. And he's like, okay. And he went down there like a good little schoolboy. They got him all ready for his scouting picture.

So now he's, he's rooting for the Yankees. He gets a shit. He helped fucking end the curse here at Boston. I'm good with the guy. We had a great time. We had a great fucking time while he was on the team. So anyways, I'm going to watch that game tonight. I believe game three is tonight. And I'm not going to think that, you know, I'm hoping that we fucking win this thing. But like just the way that they're already building this thing up,

like this is going to be, oh my God. Like if the Red Sox win it all this year, right? Is this one of the greatest teams of all time? No. I wouldn't say that. Even if they had 108 wins. You know, compared to some of those other fucking, I mean, the old four red socks could beat the fucking 2018. Who's and what'sers?

Was the 014 one of the greatest teams of all time? I don't think so. Well, Bill, who do you think is one of the greatest things? The fucking Oakland A's in the early 70s? Those teams? The big red machine? I think those were better teams. I have no fucking idea.

I'm just saying, everybody fucking relax. Put your fucking eyebrows down. Anyways, plowing ahead here. So I'm still here in Boston. And anytime I come back, I'm like, ah, man, I miss living here. But this time, more so than any other time. I don't know why. I just, I took, like, the day after the Boston Garden gig,

I was, you know, still staying in Boston, and I walked over to the north end, as I always do. and I went down Hanover Street and then I kind of, you know, I always walk about halfway down. Get back to like the corner store and then I fucking break off to the left and I try to find shit that isn't,

you know, Hanover Street is like the Times Square in the north end, right? And I ended up finding this great place to get a sandwich and me and my tour manager just fucking hung out in this park eating these sandwiches on like a perfect day,

perfect sunny New England day in the North End it was a great Italian deli where they had all of this just you know Italians it's just like they take food to the entirely next level and I was in there

just like wanting to order everything because I live on the West Coast and you can't get good Italian you can't get good pizza you can't get any of that shit but I was just like all right I got to stay on my diet here not get too crazy I'm already eating bread here so I just got to tuna, a small tuna sub, I guess you'd call it out here. And just the way they seasoned, it was fucking perfect.

They had celery onions in there and something else mixed in with the tuna, just a hint of mayonnaise. And even the size of the way they chopped up the onions and celery, it was perfect. It all just added to it. It all just kept taking the tuna to the next level. I was sitting in the park, and I was saying to my manager, I was like, this is, Fucking sandwich is unbelievable. And he even lives on the East Coast. He's like, yeah, it is.

This is a good sandwich. And we sat there going, is there anything better than just sitting outside eating a good fucking sandwich? And that's the end of the sandwich story. And it was. It was tremendous. It was fucking tremendous. That's one of my favorite parts of Boston.

And then I always walk, then I walked over to the garden to buy some brewing stuff for my daughter. And I walked by that bridge you go over to get into Charlestown, which I never even knew that that's what that was. I'd always heard of Charlestown, but I didn't know where the fuck it was until that movie The Town came out. You know? I learned more goddamn shit about Boston by watching movies about it.

When I lived here, I just, I didn't know, you know, I knew how to get to, like, the sports venues, but I didn't know what, you know, East Boston. I still don't even know where that is. I wouldn't know how to get there. I know what Chelsea is. I don't know where... Now I know where Charlestown is.

Back Bay. I don't even know where the fuck that is. Where that starts or where that ends. I know where Newbury Street is. Sorry, my stomach's growling here. I don't know. So tonight is my sort of... The next couple days I'm going to hang back here

just because, you know, I got a bunch of fucking nieces and nephews. and all of that shit. And I'm on the other side. I got one more arena gig, everybody. One more left before fucking freckles turns back into a pumpkin.

And that's November 7th. Madison Square Garden. And it's going to be me, Verzi, and Joe Bartnick. And I'll tell you, I wish I was taping a special right now because I feel like my hour is ready to go. But do-to-doof,

different things. I don't think I'm going to tape. until next year. But I've been having more goddamn fun. And I swear to God, I really believe that the more things get crazy on social media with these lunatics that have gone so far left

that I'm questioning whether I'm even left anymore, the more they do that, I feel like the more you can get away with on stage. People are just laughing even more. Anyways, you see that Kavanaugh guy got on the fucking Supreme Court? I don't know what that means. I know a lot of people are upset about it.

You know, I don't understand those women getting fucking arrested and then they're sticking their fists in the air. They're doing the black power thing. That was black power, right? You fucking taking that? It's hilarious. White women, the United States of America, fight the power.

They can't come up with their own fucking thing? They should steal this Sammy Hagar thing that he used to do. where he took the two I Love You things together and then he would sort of put his index fingers together and his thumbs together and then stick his tongue through the middle and wiggle it acting like he was going down on a woman I mean that's what you could do in the 80s

at a mainstream concert women should have something like that just don't stick the tongue through it then I think it's respectable to women I think that that's where that part goes off the rail I'm not sure I'm not you know I don't know much about the hand gesture just there. But I know enough about them to be like, oh, that was the black power one. That's the one from the Olympics. You can't tell me at this point to get arrested at a protest, to stick your fucking hand up in the air. You don't feel like you're doing the Charleston. That doesn't feel a little

dated. You know, there's got to be something new that you're doing. Like, that's like doing a joke. Hey, take my wife, please. That's like the fucking protest version of that. You know what I mean? Like, first you had the low five, then you had the high five, then they were bumping forearms, then they'd come in and kind of do like that, you know, it's like you deliberately miss and then your forearms and elbows kind of lock. And then there's all these elaborate fucking handshakes. Like it always goes to the next level. But for some reason, with protesting, they just, you know, it's a timeless classic, the fist in the air.

I'm saying there needs to be switched up I don't know what I would go with You guys want to check in on some feminist tweets One of my favorite fucking things to do Let's see what they're demanding today Maybe they're in a good mood today Can you imagine that? Can you imagine if you just went to feminism

And they were like, you know what? I'm kind of happy with America All right Feminist That's probably get This will just be people trash in feminism I don't want to see that. I want to...

Oh no. She's one of those feminists. Yeah, this is only just trashed feminists. Okay. This is a guy wearing this shirt, of course, because he's woke. Feminism is the radical notion that women are people. To some people, it is. What I love about feminism is there's really no clear-cut definition.

It's just what it means to the person. It's kind of like what is art. Why men's rights activists? the shooter according to his Facebook is a feminism a feminist sorry it's just going to be trashing oh wait you know what let me look this one up you got to get the ones where they make it about themselves that's my favorite one cavana right how do you spell it cavana confirmed okay here we go all right just an f y i FYI everyone's supreme court justes can be impeached it rarely happens, but it's absolutely possible.

Just keep in mind until, oh, I don't know, let's say mid-November. All right, there's something about the election. When do I get my own handmaiden? That's how this works, right? All right, once again, that's a little dramatic, don't you think? It's probably, oh, I love this, is a good one. I met three black people, a gay man, a Hispanic man, women than men yesterday that support Kavanaugh. Identity politics is sexist and racist. Don't be part of it.

Identity politics is gross. Don't be part of it. That's always like convenient, right? You know, I think Obama stinks and I'm a Democrat. Liberals help Kavanaugh win by showing how ridiculous they truly are. Hell yeah to Kavanaugh. Come on, man. I like the other ones. Oh, oh. There's some old guy holding up a sign and there's some woman dancing around him. This is just going off the rails. I want this to be a fucking

legitimate segment. The power structure wasn't willing to risk not having a majority of straight cisgender conservative white men directing our laws, practices, and policies into the foreseeable future. They would rather have a sexual assaulter than literally anyone else.

Yeah. Everybody sees it the way they fucking, the way they fucking see it, man. You know, it's kind of weird way it's with those things. The burden of proof is way less. Because if that was a trial, that would have been like, yeah, dude, you can't be in there. I think it was him. I don't really remember. I, yeah, yeah. They'd be like, all right, yeah, we don't have time for this. You got to come back with fucking evidence.

I haven't said that. I still believe the woman, though. Just because she kept telling the fucking story over and over and over again. I don't know. Who the fuck knows? But some of the shit the Cabin I was getting. Like, who doesn't have a bunch of fucking friends with stupid nicknames from high school? Ours are like fucking Headley, Squash, Plank, Goza, Frenchy.

What the fuck? You're in high school. Anyways, plowing ahead. I keep missing all the goddamn racing. I got to fucking. F1 app and it just keeps showing me I got the F1

TV and I was watching this race from 1989 the Japanese F1 with that Senna dude you know he's arguably the best of all time and who the fuck was he up against I forget his fucking name

but it was phenomenal I watched it almost right till the end where Senna was coming back driving like a lunatic and they actually had the onboard cameras if you can watch it

like the cars back then sounds so much more ferocious and dangerous and then also when you just look at the lack of safety it's just like their fucking head is just you know

and I got that halo and shit around you it definitely seemed you know like the death rate must have been way higher obviously it was Bill and the guy you're talking about it ended up dying

But, Bill, why don't you read some advertising here, now that you've meandered and bombed with your fucking Twitter feminism fucking reading the tweets there because you didn't look them up? Why didn't you fucking, come on, there's got to be a good one in here. He's just not a likable-looking guy, this Kavanaugh. I think that's what really hurts you. You got to be likable.

You know, like Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton is likable. The shit that that guy has gotten busted for doing and women still like him. It's fucking, it's unbelievable. Well, you know what this is? This is just a bunch of pro-Cavanaugh people crawling on here. That's all it is.

We must vote. Here's to the end of everything. RIP America, Kavanaugh confirmed. I mean, that's a little dramatic. We didn't just hire this guy to become a fucking furor, did we? It's the end of everything. All right, let me read the advertising here, everybody. I know this is like brutally, not professionally.

All right, Jesus Christ. That was a long one. I missed the Connor McGregory. This is my whole podcast now because I've been traveling so much. It's everything that I missed. I missed Mark, Marquez when his fucking seventh MotoGP race of the year. He's running away with the title once again. I'm still trying to figure out how to watch F1 races legally on the internet.

I signed up for something I paid for that F1 TV. Now I'm watching shit from fucking 1989. I saw that the Russian guy, what is his name? Kibbles and Bits there with his big furry hat. He beat the Burger King guy there, Connor McGregor, which is going to set up a great rematch. You know, something would be great if they didn't fucking have that stupid fight in the end. That was really dumb.

You know, I don't have understand, like, when those brawls break out, there's like 90% of people are going to break it up. And then there's always that one lunatic that just comes running in, you know, flies in and just jumps in and tries to punch somebody. It's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Anyways, here's some of my upcoming dates, everybody. I'm going to be in Saginaw, Michigan, at the Dow Events Center, this Friday, October 12th,

and then the next day I'm going to the Wolverines versus the fucking Wisconsin Badgers. I'm going to be in Baltimore, Maryland at the Modell. Modell? Lyric. Oh, my God. Is this a Miandis gig? October 18th. The early shows sold out. Late show tickets still available.

Atlantic City, New Jersey, Borgata Resort, October 19th for two shows. I was supposed to add another show in the 20th, but we're going to move that one, because that's my five-year wedding anniversary that weekend. So I got to be home. It ain't going to be good. Five-year wood, right?

I got to get her something made out of wood. I'm going to whittle something. October 26th, Phoenix, Arizona. I'm at the Comerica Theater. I'm doing the evening show there. I also am going to do the goddamn comedy jam and my podcast. And then I got my... Madison Square Garden on November 7th.

And then I end my year, November 8th through the 10th at the Chicago Theater. 8, 9, 10, 8, 9, 8, 9, 10. Three days there, okay. Three days at the unbelievable Chicago theater. And then that's it. And then the rest of the year, I'm fucking off. But it's already filling up with bullshit. It has always some sort of fucking bullshit.

You know, all right. Let's read some of the questions here for this week. Oh, yeah. You know, they say sober October, which I jumped in too late. Because I drank the first day. Then I didn't drink any other days except last night. I had a few. You know, I'm in Boston.

What am I supposed to do? So I've drank two. Two out of, what's today? What's today? The eighth. All right, so I'm six and two. I'm back on the wagon. Here we go.

And I was saying, you know, be great if the, you know, sober October makes you not want to drink. It would be great if they could come up with a rhyme for November. So somebody came up with no bender November. Doesn't really rhyme, but it's close enough. He said, yo, Billy T.D. Gadd and crushed on the parquet floors Friday. Thank you. He said, no booze in November is called no bender November. In case you can't think of a way to rhyme, you dumb genius.

Well, it doesn't really rhyme. Okay. And there's a word for that When there's two things that they sound like they rhyme But they don't It's called hyperbole I forget what it's called Is it called a run-on sentence

Fuck, remember that shit Those stupid Terms You in English class Two words that rhyme But don't Terminology What do you call two words that rhyme

No no no no I didn't ask it right God damn it Two words that sound like they rhyme But they don't on give it to me what does it call when words sound like they rhyme but don't all right

half a rhyme I thought they had a bigger term for that soliloquy anyways let's get back to this fucking bullshit all right toilet paper versus a fancy toilet hey freckles

the seat is better for the environment because thousands and thousands of liters of water and kilowatts of power go into the production of toilet paper thanks you dumb fuck. Okay, well, what about having to then have an electric toilet seat?

And what about all the extra water you're going to be using, hosing off your asshole? You know? I mean, they both... It's like driving a Tesla, okay, so it doesn't use any gas, but what happens when you throw out that giant battery underneath the car? Although I'm totally

for those cars. And electric power. You know? Because even if it pollutes the environment just as much, at least we'll be out of the Middle East. You know, that's how you solve that problem. We just convert to solar power and we all drive quiet electric cars. You know?

They're a fucking one-trick pony over there in the Middle East. They don't produce any cars than anybody wants, you know. Cuisine. They got cuisine and they got oil. Their cuisine's delicious. Our cars love their oil. but you know if you put that out to put them out of business there you go then they have no money to fund any sort of terrorist groups and then we leave them the fuck alone and then they go back

to just being mad at each other done out see you declare victory go home all right make a smoothie broccoli sprouts in your smoothie dear billy bison butt i'm really into fitness and eating healthy and all that all right to that point you may want to consider research the benefits of broccoli sprouts. They contain lots of anti-cancer properties and the research is new with lots of tests to back it up. I want

you to live forever. Thanks and go fuck yourself. All right, so what am I supposed to look this up? Broccoli sprouts. Now is this just straight up broccoli? What's the difference between broccoli and a sprout? Broccoli sprouts.

Cancer. All right. Let's see what they say here. A compound of broccoli sprouts may not only help prevent cancer, but also treat it. Well, Jesus Christ, that's about, it may suffer lafane is found in vegetables such as kale, cauliflower, and cabbage. And in particular, high concentrations in young broccoli sprouts. Oh, Jesus Christ. So now I got to eat those things?

You're going to freeze them? All right, well, you know, I looked it up. It said they do that, so now I believe it. Are you eating enough broccoli sprouts? Oh, who the fuck knows? All right, here we go. I'll definitely do it, you know. All right, Art Deco bars.

Hey there, freckles. You mentioned looking into an Art Deco bar. Check this one out. It comes inside an $80 million airplane. Pretty sweet. Drop a few of those Netflix coins there. Let me see this fucking thing. An Art Deco bar in a plane that's not on a plane.

What? Private business aircraft manager, Embraera, Executive Jets have created a new luxury jet dubbed the Manhattan, which takes passengers back to the 1920s with its Art Deco designs. Isn't it enough that you're flying private? Yeah, I'd love a private jet, but what is the theme? created by the company's Vice President of Interior Design Jay Beaver

and former Disney Imagineer Imagener Eddie Soto The Jet will He sounds shady Eddie Soto Jay Beaver

He'll try to fuck your girlfriend Eddie Soto he's shady The jet will make you feel as though you're stepping back in time And it's with its rich mahogany Wood panels Brass and gold trimmings in vibrant jewel tones.

This just sounds like it's going to take a lot of fuel to get this thing off the ground. Beaver was inspired by the Art Deco interior designs of the SS Normandy French Ocean liner. I think it's to say of the SS fucking German

psychopaths there. I use the Nazis, Nazi Germany to inspire this. This bill. Somebody explained to me how the fuck you can ever fly private and make any money. I will never understand that. You know?

It cost an absolute fortune, and you can't even write it off. If you spend like 20 grand on a fucking private plane ticket, like the government's only, it's like, well, you could have flown first class for $15,000, $2,000. You're the dumb ass that spent another, an $18,000. That's on you. That's the way my accountant explained it to me. All right, shit-talking people.

Dear Billy Justice, what's the deal with? Okay, so what's the deal with shit-talkers getting mad, when other people talk shit. All of my beef comes from hypocrites these days. I keep hearing people, comedians as well, get mad at people who make fun of them. The same people will make a living doing the same. I need some examples here.

Yeah, I mean, I don't agree with that. If you go around making fun of people, then you shouldn't get mad at people making fun of you, right? Meaning like hecklers, I don't mind hecklers. You know, I don't even mind these fucking people that write mean shit to me on Twitter. It's annoying, but I mean, I just accept it. I try to. I try to rise above it. The same people will make a living doing the same thing. The same people who never think for a minute about what they're saying flip the fuck out when someone

trashes them. It's something I yell at to no one in my car on the way home from work on a daily basis. This is this quote, you motherfucker, how can you expect to be treated like this when you yourself are doing the same thing. It's the golden rule right out the window. It's the law on nature right out the window. Bill, I'm losing my mind. Anyways, I was wondering how you deal with these people. Do you yell at everyone you know?

Do you lose your friends and colleagues? I'm sure you've had a celebrity friend complain about something they have done themselves a million times. What would you say to them? Well, listen, if you're going to talk about hypocritical behavior, I'm the fucking king of that. and I've been guilty of that, trashing people on stage

then getting upset if someone was a dick to me. Everybody's like that. Everybody's got flaws. So I don't really know what you're asking me, but like I do find it funny with some of these people who are like in entertainment

who are, you know, pro-women advancement and all that, which why wouldn't you be? But then the way they go, they go about it is they're the they say all this sexist shit about guys these you know big sweeping generalizations and all that it's like you literally sound like what you're fighting right now they're like oh shut up you're a white guy it's like yeah i am a white guy who would know more about that than than a white guy you sound like a white guy maybe that's the way you try to

convey it to them because then you're kind of shitting on yourself you sound like a white man That is not a compliment. You know what I mean? Why do I think this audio is going to be played at a clan meeting? This is where the white man is right now. He thinks to sound like himself, it is not a compliment. It all went off the rails with first free in the slaves, second, yo MTV raps, and then Obama. Yeah, I would just say that.

Like some of the shit, like I thought a lot of the ways that people, were just talking about Kavanaugh. It's like, it's astoundingly like, you don't hear that you're doing what you're doing. You're against racism and all of that shit. Like, you can't say you're being racist against a white guy because your thoughts don't affect. But it's basically,

if you were in power, that guy would be fucked. Like, a white guy, just never heard the word no. Every door just flew open. You know, that, that cartoon version of being a white dude. I don't know. I just thought so much of it was about

they just built this whole story behind this guy. I guess that's identity politics. Like, oh, he went to Yale. He's a white guy. He was, you know, he played sports. Okay, he's a date rapist. All the doors flew open. His dad was a judge.

He never went to jail. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Whatever the fuck they're talking about. It's just kind of like, how about a little evidence? Yeah. All right. Boyfriend being shady.

I didn't even answer this. guy's question. What do I say those people? You know, if I'm in a zone, I don't say anything. If I'm in a bad place, I'll let it ruin my morning. And I'm like you. And I, like, I remember when Harvey Weinstein first got busted and then Fox News was going, this is what Hollywood is like and blah, boom, and I just remember yelling. And your network. Bill O'Reilly, what about all these other, and then you're fucking one of your main guys over there. Um, I don't, I don't, I mean, I don't know. Me TV is where it's at. I'm telling you. All right, boyfriend being shady. Hey, Billy, no buns. No. My man and I have been together for six years, but this past year, he's become really close to this lady from work. That's not good. They spend a lot of time together going to bars, parties, and work, obviously. I don't go out with them because I don't like to drink and have anxiety. He'll make me feel like I'm crazy for getting upset, but if the situation was switched and I was going out

drinking and dancing with another man, he'd be pissed too. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. He's going out drinking and dancing with another woman. I think you're well and you're right to be like, uh, yeah, so then, I mean, the next logical step is you're going to finger blaster here. I mean, what's going on here? Anyway, so what's your opinion on this? Do I need to chill out? And if so, how? L.O.L. Thanks and go fuck yourself. No, you need to validate what you're thinking. This is bullshit. and be like, no, you're out drinking and dancing with another woman. I mean, I don't think, you know,

the only thing I could say that is if you don't go out, if you don't hang out and you have anxiety, I don't know what the anxiety is about, but like, you know, if this guy likes to go out and you don't like to go out at all, maybe you guys aren't right for each other. Or maybe you guys find some shit that you both like, you know? Yeah, I mean, that's,

that's not a good situation. So I would tell the person what you're thinking. I don't think you're being wrong and I think that is shady behavior. All right. But that's just me.

The fuck do I know? What the fuck do I know? All right. What do we got here? This is the last question. I got 12 minutes left. I swear to God, if I don't have my microphones

and my fucking headphones, it's literally, it's like kryptonite. All right. First breakup. Hey, you freckled fuck. Oh, this is a person, the fucking relationship goes down the tubes and they come at me all hostile. I'll make this quick.

I just want to tell someone and honestly before I talk to my parents, I know you're dyslexic like me, so I'll use basic words. Well, I appreciate that. I'm a senior in high school. I'm on the varsity wrestling and run distance track. My free time has only consisted of homework and Netflix. parentheses Ephis for Family

is my favorite show Nice did you guys see How we announced That the great Vince Vaughn We'll be on the We'll be on season three Right? No, season two

Oh season three Yeah season three I'm getting fucking confused myself Anyways He said What the hell is it? I'm a senior in high school blah blah blah

Well that was like Ten months ago I had never dated a girl ever. But I had a crush on this girl for like a full year. She runs cross-country and is way smarter than I will ever be. All right, great. Put her up on a pedestal. See how that works. She's a year younger than me, but we eventually started talking because when the boys and girls varsity teams would hang out, we both would be there. Eventually she became all that I thought about. I literally could not focus on school, running, etc. We talked almost every night over text and we're together every time. I went out with the team. We went to Homecoming, my first time, together a few weeks ago, and I had my first kiss there. Jesus Christ, it sounds like a fucking perfect story. After that night, we really didn't talk over text that much.

We don't have any classes together in practice. It's not a good time to hang out. Well, anyway, about a week ago, she texted me and said she didn't see a future of us being more than friends. I told her what I felt. I just said, that's fair. and all I want is for her to be happy, which is true. But I thought I would be able to brush that shit off like it was nothing. But I'm writing this email for no reason so that obviously didn't happen.

Should I have fought harder to keep us together? Just move on. I'd never been in a relationship and I don't know what to do anymore. Would appreciate your advice. As always, go fuck yourself. You sound like a funny kid, man. I think you can get yourself, you know. I think you'll be fine.

just keep using humor, cry it out of you. Yeah, you, you fell hard for this person. And then they sent you packing. And then you're like, what is there? Something wrong with me? And it's like, no, there isn't. You're just not right. It's not like she broke up with you for a specific thing, you know?

You're torturing animals. And I just don't like that about you. She just said, we're not right. She didn't feel the spark the way you did. That's what happens. And she did you a favor. So the best thing is, didn't yell at her and you're still kind of friendly with her.

So what I would do is I would just fucking, yeah. But don't brush it off. If you have to like brush something off, that means you're trying to trick yourself that you don't give a shit. You do give a shit. And just sort of exist in giving a shit about it. Talk it out with people. But I would leave her alone.

But be friendly with this. Hey, what's up. And blah, blah. and, you know, and you're young, you're still in high school. You got a, you got a zillion at-bats. That was your first fucking at-bat, you know. What are you going to do? So I wouldn't take it that hard.

But it's normal that if you like somebody and they break up with you for you to feel bad, all right? If you could have just brushed it off like it was no big deal, then that would mean that you didn't like her or that you were like a sociopath. and that would lead you to torturing animals and eventually work your way up to the ultimate prey being a human being walking out of a 7-11 unsuspectingly so that's it

is that going to be the podcast 53 minutes I'm contractually obligated to do another six and a half minutes here right so anyways I've been pretty good on my diet breakfast I've been better than anything else but just coming back here

I've been trying to avoid all the old haunts that I go to, but it's been, it's been difficult. I've been trying to do the smoothies in the morning. But, you know, I'm staying with some relatives, and they've just been, you know,

just like, oh, so-and-so's in town, let's make pancakes, right? And what are you going to say? No. Actually, no, could I get some Greek yogurt with some berries and some chia seeds? What of the fuck, you call those things?

I mean, that's acceptable on the West Coast you do that out here everybody starts looking at you like hey dude you know don't forget where he came from now you're an East Coast guy okay you die of a heart attack

in your 50s or your 60s now you know that's how it works so get over here sit down and eat this shit that's going to make you want to take a nap that's basically it right well I'm hoping I'm hoping I can jump right back

I'm going to jump right back on the diet when I get out there I'm doing the best I can't If I could get a full control of today, then I would be fine. I just have to get on the other side of this, to be honest with you, get to the other side of the fucking Chicago theater gig. And once I do that, then I feel I can just cruise for the rest of the year. I'm going to do my Eastern European tour and then another little run.

I think next year, how we're going to do is every six weeks I'm going to go overseas. and knock something out, hopefully get some Australia dates and that type of shit. That is the game plan. And somewhere in there to shoot a special, I don't know where or when yet, but I don't know, it's feeling like it's feeling like it's fucking ready, you know. And I've been throwing in all these extra lines and people have been really laughing at it. And all of it just goes in the complete opposite direction of all of this shit that's kind of been going on. out there, which I don't know, means it's either going to be a really good special or I'm just going to get fucking trashed.

Well, like, this just sounds like a whining white male pining for the way things used to be. You know, when they do that fucking shit. It's just like, no, I'm a contrarian. That's all it is. So evidently, a star is born, which stars. Dave Chappelle, Andrew Dice Clay, and I think there's one other comedian in there too. I didn't see it.

My wife saw it, and evidently loved it to the point that she was crying, like a loved one died. She's like, you got to come out, we have to see that movie. And I was like, is it like a dirty dancing type of movie? Because I just don't see myself. Maybe it was a good thing that you saw it by yourself.

And I guess she's like, Bradley Cooper's in it, he's fucking unbelievably, wrote all the music he's so talented I was like oh I love Bradley Cooper right and she's like Lady Gaga's in it I was like uh oh she's like what's it matter I go you don't remember the long time ago when I went to the Lady Gaga

concert with you it was the day the Patriots got crushed by the Ravens in the playoffs so I'd already had like six beers you don't remember that and evidently I said Jesus fucking Christ in the middle of the concert um

I thought I only said it once. She said he said it like four times. We got in this big fucking fight. Not really. She was just mad at me saying that I ruined the experience for her. So like ever since then, whenever she goes to one of these big shows, like she doesn't, she doesn't ask me to go anymore. Which is funny, but now that I said it out loud is a little sad.

I think I should be able to sit through. No, I liked Lady Gaga when she was singing, but it just kept, it just was like this fucking, uh, I don't know what it was. It was like this self-help program I felt more than a concert. And they just kept fucking talking about how they didn't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. You give a fuck? I don't give a fuck.

It's just like, well, get on with not giving a fuck. Who stands around talking about how they don't give a fuck? Jesus, fucking Christ. I mean, that's basically what it was. It was probably only like 20% of it. The other 80% was that my team lost in the fucking playoffs. So it's probably a good thing. Yeah.

I'll be honest with you. I don't know if I can sit through a movie that has people singing in it. And that has nothing to do with the people that are singing in it. It has to do with me. I just don't know what it is. I can watch the dumbest shit ever. Like somebody is 100 people with machine guns shooting at the guy and somehow the guy doesn't die. Like that to me for some reason is less.

less ridiculous than watching two people sitting across from each other talking and all of a sudden one of them starts singing. And nobody's like looking like, dude, we're in a restaurant. Can you stop fucking singing? Just say what you have to say. You weird to me out here. Like, no, no, that moment never happens in a musical. You know what's funny? I don't even know what that movie's about.

I should go see it. because I watch the same fucking movie over and over again. It's just, it has a different title. So, you know, I'm going to broaden my hurry. You know, fuck it. I'm going to go see that movie. I'll go see it because Dyson Chappelle are in it. If I go there, my wife is crying, then I have to, like, comfort her and all that shit.

Jesus Christ, it's just like, I thought we were going to, I thought we were having a good time. Look at you. You're fucking crying. And I were walking in public, and everybody's looking at me. Like, I just said something mean to you, and I got to be like, no, no, no, she just saw it. Star is born. It was really good. That's why she has an expression

on her face, like something really bad just happened. I had the time of my life. Was that dirty dancing? We're the ready, you know. I don't know. There's people who watch

Top Gun and they like the airplanes and then there's other people that watch it and they like the kiss between Tom Cruise and Kelly McGittes. me, I just like the volleyball game. I don't fucking with you. All right, thanks to listen to the podcast. Thank you to everybody who came out to Springfield, Boston, and Bridgeport, Connecticut.

My mind is blown that I was able to play in those venues. It didn't even make sense. I felt like a fucking cartoon character. I never, never, never even thought. I could ever do do something like that. So thank you so much. And everybody, Saginaw, Michigan.

You know what's fucking amazing about Sagina, Michigan? My great-grandfather and grandmother had a house in Saginaw, Michigan. And I'm going to drive and take a picture of it for some of my relatives, because they want to see if it's still the same thing. But they lived there like a fucking hundred years ago. So you never know.

Probably has solar panels on it. So everybody knocked it down and made a McMansion. A fucking hot tub and shit in there. Who knows? but I'm really looking forward to because I've never performed in Saginaw, Michigan so we're all bringing our air game.

Me, Verzi, Bartnick, Saginaw, Michigan. The next day we're going to the big house so you're there at the tailgate. All right, look for two bald guys and one fucking giant Cam Neely looking guy. We'll be hammered.

We'll see you there. All right. Check in on you.