Monday Morning Podcast - Children's Theater, Luka, Women's Cricket | Monday Morning Podcast 2-4-25

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Bill rambles about children's theater, the Luka trade, and women's cricket. Hims:  With hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers, Hims can help you find the ED option that works for you at www.Hims.com/BURR  SimpliSafe:  Start the year with greater peace of mind. Visit www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and your first month free. 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 3rd, 2025. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Sorry the podcast is late. No, you know what? I'm not sorry. I am done apologizing for living my life. You know who says that? Some of you doesn't really have major problems in their life, but they think they are. They think they're big problems and then they post them on Instagram and then everybody trashes them.

And then they're like, see the world is so cruel. It's like, no, your fucking problems in your cul-de-sac are not that big a deal. They can be though. I'm not saying if you live in a cul-de-sac that some fucked up shit can't happen. There's always an uncle lurking around. I'm done apologizing. That's usually said by someone who needs to apologize.

Oh my God, what is this fucking a prey to? Is this Viagra for gay guys? I'm watching this commercial with the sound down. It's just like one dude after another with his shirt open talking way too closely To an ah, there you go. And the fucking the guy kiss on fucking Regular tv. Do you know what that what that would have done? To this country when I was growing up Jesus christ, I mean it was a big deal when Billy Crystal played a gay guy on soap.

And they never had him. He didn't have to kiss anybody, as far as I remember. Anyway, I don't know what was going on that commercial. I tell you, you watch TV with the sound down, all of a sudden the whole thing fucking changes. Anyway, plowing ahead here. Yeah, anybody who says that. and all of a sudden the whole thing fucking changes. Anyway, plowing ahead here. Yeah, anybody who says that. You know, I'm done apologizing, okay? It's just like, does that happen to you a lot?

Are people expecting an apology a lot? Maybe it's because you're a douche. You ever think of that? I'm not, oh, you know, you could be around some toxic people that are always turning it around on you. But also, you know, just to be fair, just to play devil's advocate here, you could also be a douche.

There could be a reason why people are always asking you to apologize. I'm fucking done with it. I'm not fucking, I'm not fucking, this is who I am. Well, you were the treasurer of our company. There's no money left. I'm done apologizing. This is how I live my life. I like designer fucking bags. Whatever. Sell some more stuff next week.

Fucking done apologizing. Um... I'm gonna start doing that. Anytime I'm gonna get out of a conversation, I'm just gonna use that expression. You know what, I'm done apologizing. Hey, so you're here in New York, you got an acting gig? You know what, you know.

Wait, not what they say. How you liking it? How you liking it so far? You know what, I'm done apologizing. And then you just walk away, and then they're just like, what the fuck was that? What did that even mean? And then that moment,

when they're trying to do the math on what the fuck you just said to them, which made no goddamn sense, you get to leave. Which I feel is one of, is most of your adult life is leaving. You know what I mean? Just trying to get out of something that you don't like, how the fuck did I end up here in this fucking rat race? How do I get out of this conversation with this person? If I can give young people any advice, is you really have to develop your wrap-it-up skills. Okay?

As you start doing shit in life and more and more people are talking to you, you have less time to just sit on a couch and stare at a fucking wall. You know? And try, you know, which is basically, that's like, you know, when you're charging your cell phone. I feel like when you're sitting by yourself staring at a wall, you know, which is basically, that's like, you know, when you're charging your cell phone. I feel like when you're sitting by yourself

staring at a wall, you know, your battery power starts to come back. And maybe you like, wanna see another person. You know? Whereas if all you're doing is seeing people, then like, you know, your battery life goes down. You're like, I just gotta get the fuck away, you know, from all of these people.

I'm watching this fucking movie from the year 2000. The year 2000. In the year 2000. I'm not gonna say what the movie is because I really like the actors in it, but like the fucking lead actor, he has a daughter that looks to be about eight years old. And the woman that's playing the mother of her

clearly has never had a baby in her life, the way her body is. And she's walking around in high heels and a fucking bathrobe going in and out of the kitchen. You know? That's what's funny about women, is they fucking look at that. How am I supposed to compete with that?

It's like you can't. Like, you can't compete with that. It's a fucking movie. I used to do a bit about that. You know, these images they put out there are fucking women. How am I supposed to compete with that? You're not competing with it on any level, you arrogant ass. That's a fucking supermodel.

You're not even on the same planet as that woman. You ever see like fucking models, like supermodels? When they stand next to regular people, they look like praying mantises. I mean, granted, fuckable praying mantises, but praying mantises nonetheless, right? And they're a completely different species of genetics. That's why they're so tall. They're supposed to be looking down on you. You know?

They're better than you. I mean, I never saw a movie where Brad Pitt took his shirt off and I never thought like, how am I supposed to compete? I can't fucking compete with I knew I couldn't compete with that. I never thought that it made me want to go to the gym. I'm not gonna lie to you. I gotta do something with this freckled torso, but in no fucking way, shape or form, did I feel like he was the standard.

You know, that I was that I was fucking competing. That guy was he was he was he was over the hill. He's he's the one with those fucking praying mantis chicks. All right. I'm going to Buffalo Wild Wings talking to a divorced waitress. That's that's where I am in society. talking to a divorced waitress. That's where I am in society. Anyway, anyway, speaking of which, I am in New York City and today was the first day at Glengarry Glen Ross.

I met the cast, I met everybody there. We did a table read and it was so much fun. Unbelievably exciting. And of course, all the actors are amazing and they're already bringing all of this stuff. Just doing like a cold read sitting down with it. It's gonna be fucking, it's gonna be fun, man. So this is gonna be my life for a little while.

I'm just gonna take it one day at a time, done apologizing to people, no. Just gonna... I love how like that's like considered like you've reached this level of maturity where you're, I'm done apologizing. So you're never gonna be wrong again, you're never gonna fucking admit to it? You know what I mean?

I've always just felt like I've had to apologize for being me. That's what you think, that's how you're doing this. Shut up, nobody has to apologize for being themselves. You know? Unless you're trans, right? Like when they transition, everybody seems to have a fucking problem with that for whatever reason.

Like, why would you have a problem with that? What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck are you paying attention to? Oh my god, this person I don't even know made this choice because it made them feel better about themselves. And now I have a fucking issue with it. made this choice because it made them feel better about themselves, and now I have a fucking issue with it. Um...

Anyways, I'm done apologizing. Uh... So, oh, my God, look at the doll. Now I see the face, because all they showed was her legs. Now I'm seeing, like, the star. Look at her. She's fucking ridiculous, and there's no way that's her daughter. I hate when they do that.

I hate when they take two fucking actors and then they cast somebody. They give them a kid that looks nothing like them. I gotta get some water. This dry-ass fucking apartment. These fucking New York apartments. The heat's either on or it's off. You know, this fucking apartment,

I'm either cold or I feel like a rotisserie chicken, you know, and not a good one either one that's dried, like the place is about to close and you're drunk and you go and you get a two piece with some sides. Oh my god, I got to the funniest fucking debate with my wife. When she was telling me how this guy, the guy who invented macaroni and cheese was a black man, right? I just fucking burst it out laughing. I go, mac and cheese?

That's what you're telling me? He put cheese on pasta? Have you been to Italy? I think that's what they do. That's all they do there, right? She goes, no. He like baked it and put it like in the oven and all that stuff. And I just started fucking laughing. And then she just got like pissed at me.

Like legit got pissed at me because she thought like, you know, because she's a woman, you know, so she gets overly sensitive when somebody fucking laughs you know what i mean as opposed to like a guy somebody starts laughing you laugh and you go what what i say oh was that stupid all right you know and she was just giving me i'm not saying mac and cheese isn't a big deal. I was just being a dick. You know, you ever do that? You ever just be a dick just to be a dick and you're in the middle of it and you see the other person's getting mad and in your head you're going, why am I doing this stop you should stop right now and say I'm sorry

done apologizing right and you just don't and you just keep doing it and it has nothing to do with the person it has to do with some bullshit that happened to you back in the 70s or 80s that you're just not gonna take your foot off the fucking gas and you're just gonna have an argument with the woman that you're just not gonna take your foot off the fucking gas and you're just gonna have an argument with the woman that you love for no fucking... over macaroni and cheese. I so kept going with it, like, I couldn't stop. I had to just... I just had to keep going

until she started laughing. Because I wasn't being mean, I was just laughing my ass off. And, uh... Oh, I forget what I was just talking about. Yeah, who invented edamame? Ha ha ha! I just kept doing that. And this is where, like...

I know when my wife is mad at me. She gets this look on her face, okay? And there's this critical moment there that either I apologize or I'm just going to see this thing through. So I decided to see it through. Now this can go one of two ways. It can just end up in the inevitable apology or there's this magical moment where she starts shaking her head, like shaking her head no.

And when she shakes her head no, then I know she's starting to find it funny. And what I need to do is keep going. And any mathletes listen to, no, of course not. But you remember in math, where two negatives make a positive? Well, with your wife, it's more like 47. You just have to keep fucking

you. You just have to keep going. And I built this whole fucking thing with George Washington. It was like one of his slaves and he sent him over to France to learn how to cook and he comes back with the with an appetizer. So I had him like all fucking pissed off that that's all he came back. No beef bourguignon none of this shit. He just came back with this. You know how long does it take for the fucking boat to get over there. How long was he there? This is a fucking 1700s, right? I mean, all right, what you look, get you some mac and cheese. What the fuck? You know, how about you didn't learn how to make an entree? Anyway, and then also you just sit there looking at the kind of money that the founding fathers have. It's so goddamn funny. These fucking guys, it's like they use regular people to kick the English out,

right, and then all of these fucking cunts moved into their big houses. And what happened? They're still there, right? Well, George Washington fought, and he sort of fought in the war, I don't know, did he? Is there any record of that? I mean, somebody painted something of him,

but what was to stop you? It's not like back in the day, like you could like look it up. I fought in the Revolutionary War. Oh, yeah, what branch? We met branches in the fucking woods shooting at people. You were in there doing that sway to swear it to God. It's like how do I know you were doing that? I don't know, there's a little this. This this this a lot to unpack there, that I don't I don't have the I don't know, there's a lot to unpack there that I don't have the background for. I'm not going to lie to you.

Anyway, yeah, so I am in New York City and we did the first day. It was a great day, which I'm really relieved about, because I'm not gonna lie to you, I had like, you know, I had no idea, I've never done a play, I never did a play. I think when I was in the third grade or fifth grade, we did the Music Man. 76, Trombones led the big parade, right?

And, oh my God, the big parade, right? And, uh, oh my god. I just remembered there was this fucking manchild in my grade. And you know, it's all the Wells Fargo wagon is a common, right? And like in the movie, it was either a train or it was a team of horses. So instead of like, you know, they wouldn't bring horses in there, and they weren't going to make a train. So instead, they had this manchild kid pulling the wagon in with like fucking three fifth graders in the back. And you know, this guy, this manchild kid, he was a little excitable, if you know what I mean, right? So he came in,

pulling it in, he was dressed like, you know, he had on this conductor's outfit, and he was pulling the fucking thing in. And all the parents stood up and applauded, and I just remember he was the fucking man-child kid was pulling the thing in, and he was just going, Yeah! He was like... He was like yelling, like he's going to touch them.

It's just one of those kids in fifth grade. He was like as big as the janitor. You know what I mean? He wasn't even like as big as a teacher. He had like the body of a janitor. He had like a fucking, he had like that gut, you know, and the pants hanging down, like he had keys on his belt or something, and he was like in fifth grade.

You know, it was amazing. I don't know, it was weird. He turned out all right. I've run into him. He's totally fucking normal, but he was at that age where he was in an awkward age. He didn't know if he was going to be, you know, functioning in society, but, you know, he did. But whatever. I think he just got excited, and he was like yelling yelling and I just like

Like what the fuck is wrong with that kid? No anyways I had a I Had a This chick in this movie is so fucking ridiculously hot she wouldn't be involved in this situation Look at him trying to make her not good-looking Smoke show. Fucking smoke show. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, so the only other play I did, so it was in Music Man, and...

No, I tried out for that, and they said no. Yeah, they said no. I wasn't even in that. I'm thinking of just a Christmas thing that we did. And they went to see if I could sing and they're like, yeah, no. And they just put me in the chorus, you know? With all the fucking latchkey kids

and the fatherless children and shit, I was just in the back. So I've never done any of this stuff. So anyway, getting back to that, I was like nervous about, you know, like what was going to happen. And I went in and it was just it was a fucking great time. And it was fun. We read the play and we kind of talked about it afterwards and everybody was talking about the play

and all of this stuff. And I'm like, that was weird. I was like, oh my God, I think I kind of love acting. This is like, I mean, I could always sit around and fucking bullshit talking comedy and drums and stuff. But like, I was really enjoying listening to the other actors, like their input and stuff. So I I was really enjoying listening to the other actors like their input and stuff. So I think this is going to be I think it's going to be a good time. And

my Bruins are coming to town on Wednesday. They're playing the New York Rangers, a little original six action. If I can get out of rehearsal on time, I might go down the street and check that out and then come back to my corporate apartment and cry myself to sleep. No, I get back, you know, my daughter reads to me at night. She reads the left page and I read the right page. So I went out and I bought all the books that she's currently reading. So we FaceTime and we still do the same thing. And then I just act like a goofball with my son.

And he laughs like we play this game. All right, what do you like better? You know, it'd be like waffles or French toast. And then they pick something French toast or whatever. But nobody's allowed to say that they like Pepsi. Right? I fucking hate Pepsi. I think it's an insult to the cola world.

And I think the people that drink it are soft. If you're a woman and you like Pepsi, I get it. Okay. You got the motherly instincts and whatever. But when I meet, when I drink, when I meet a man that drinks Pepsi, there's just something about him, like I don't feel like I can trust him. But anyway.

The fuck was the point of that? Oh yeah, so we just play the game and then what my son loves to do at one point, I'll just be like, all right, what do you like better, waffles or ACDC? And then I'll just go Pepsi. And then I act like I'm really upset and bring my face all the way up to the phone,

like, ooh, do all that. And he just dies laughing. So that's the way I connect with them. But they're gonna be here, you know, one week a month. So I think we'll be all right, I hope. Anyway, that's the only part about this thing that stinks. So I actually brought one of my guitars to New York because I can't play drums when I'm out here.

So I'm just, I need some sort of musical outlet. I gotta have at some point, my guitar center dad moment. You know, I learned how to play crazy train or whatever, just something, something. So I don't lose my fucking mind. Which is kind of funny because this is like, the way I'm living right now is how I was this way before I met my wife.

I was sort of like, you know, I was living alone. I fucking nothing going on. It fucked up a relationship. And I remember Thanksgiving came and went and I had nowhere to go and nowhere to be. And there was this weird thing where I as sad as that was, it was of cool where I was just like all right well you know what I'm not you know gonna be disappointing anybody um I'm just gonna be fucking you know I just watched football and I fucking was drinking I hung out in my apartment.

It was this apartment. Was it this apartment? I can't remember. I was fucking hanging out in this apartment and I was just drinking, watching football. And just sort of laughing. But also it wasn't funny. I was like, it's kind of weird. Like I'm getting pretty late in the game here and this is the second part of my life is really not coming together. Anyway, yeah, I don't know what. Jesus Christ, I thought what fucking freaked me out was that helicopter hitting that plane down in DC. My God. I keep seeing those victims faces showing up on

I keep seeing those victims' faces showing up on Instagram. My God, it's just fucking horrible. I have no idea, no idea how that could possibly fucking happen. You know, it's funny, when you fly, when you're on with the tower, you know, there's an element that you feel safe because, all right, this guy's watching me, and he's watching everything around me. And, you know, if there's a problem, they say your tail number, and then they'll be like, turn 27 now.

Like, if I was you, I would turn 27 now. That means you're gonna fucking hit somebody. And that was what weird to me is like that call he told the guy to pass behind him. I only watched it once. And like, you know, I'm thinking the pilots landing, they got him on in this, they got the helicopter on their screen. And once they hear pass behind, and then the guy confirms that that's what he's gonna do now you're locked in on your approach you got all these people you know their lives in your hands you know 60 something people you're locked in on that i just i i don't know what that was it was complacency if they had cut through that. I mean, anytime

you're crossing the center line in a transition through airspace, even if they say you're clear, like you got like head is on a fucking swivel. You're looking at your screen, you're doing every everything you can, you know, to double check. It was nighttime, you don't remind me of a long time ago, they had a plane crash there. Because of icing on the on the wing, which changes that critical shape of the wing, you know, when you're not getting that low pressure and high pressure underneath, you don't where you're not getting that low pressure and high pressure underneath. You don't have it, it equalizes it,

and then you're fucked and you don't have lift and now you're just in this fucking zillion ton garbage can. So the fucking thing went into the water and there was somehow some survivors and it was freezing fucking cold and I remember there was some guy in the water.

He just kept passing the helicopter, was pulling people out in the sky. Just kept passing it to other people instead of himself. And he ended up like not making it. I remember that. And that's when like being on, you know, Time Magazine's Man of the Year, that was like a big deal to be Man of the Year

on the cover of Time magazine. I remember somebody saying, hey, you know, the end of the year when you're gonna vote for that, don't forget the man in the water. That's what they called him, the man in the water. And of course they did, you know. Too much time, too many months had gone by.

So then they picked somebody else. I remember as a kid, they picked the Ayatollah Khomeini one year as Man of the Year. People were like, dude what the fuck? They were like flipping out. And you kind of be like, didn't they kind of do that on purpose just to get you to flip out and to buy the magazine and fucking write in and bitchmoan and complain and all of that? I don't know. I'm babbling. And at the end of the day my brain's a little fried here so So let me get into the the ad reads here Geez. Oh, no, wait, I didn't even talk about

How about the Lakers picking up that fucking dude? from the Dallas Mavericks Like I don't get that trade At all, and I also don't understand why every star eventually has to play for the Lakers And I also don't understand why every star eventually has to play for the Lakers It's like this unfucking written rule like oh my god. They haven't won a championship in a couple of years fuck Like remember David Stern that guy. Oh my god that fucking guy That fucking guy was a gangster right and I remember they asked him one time. What's your dream finals?

NBA, you know and he goes oh he goes the Lakers first the Lakers. Right there. You're like, all right, okay, good to know. That's your money. That's your money. So, you know, the paranoid part of me is I'm looking at that trade going like, you know, they just need the Lakers to be good. They need to be, when the Lakers are good, they just make more money.

That's just what it is. And what's fucking so sad about the New York Knicks is New York City is basketball. So many legends came from there and the Knicks were a little bit of a dry spell. And then the NBA fixed the lottery to make sure Patrick Ewing went there. I'm telling you, it's a fucking business.

So he gets there and you gotta look when he got there. It was only two years into Jordan. So Celtics Lakers was still going to go 85, 86, 87. And then the Lakers again in 88 when they went back to back. And then it became Lakers Pistons. Len Bias dies, Larry Bird's back gets hurt. And then it's the bad boys for two years, and then it's Jordan's decade.

And the Knicks just didn't fit into the storyline. Like, I think that they were trying to reboot New York City, and it never happened for them. And ever since then, because they've been able to make money not only with the Lakers being good, all of these other cities, Miami, Golden State, they can still fucking make money. They begrudgingly let San Antonio do what they did, but they can still make their money off of them. So I feel like New York City is not a fucking priority

with the league, the collection of, like, the owners and stuff. Like, you know... They're involved in revenue sharing. At the end of the day, you don't become a billionaire because you lose money. And I think they all just kind of go with it. Like, all right, you know, let's make sure this city always has a good team,

you know, even if our team sucks, who gives a fuck with the revenue sharing and all of that crap, you know, we're still going to make our money, you know, kind of like how the pirates owners do it. I don't know. It just seems like a fucking unbelievably lopsided trade where they had a difference maker who took him to the final last year versus a guy who was playing with LeBron and they didn't really get anything. Wait, did they win one with him? I can't remember.

I might be wrong. I don't know what happened. That was just a fucking weird trade to me. I mean, listen, I don't know shit. I'm a standup comedian who barely watches shit anymore, but I just feel like the Lakers really won in that. And I think the NBA is very happy because nobody gave a fuck about Anthony Davis and LeBron in LA.

And I just think, feel like financially that is just not good for them. It's not good for the league. So congratulations to the NBA. You know, you got your sparkly stars in the right cities and you guys will make even more money. There you go. You'll get bigger boats, you know, a better quality of cocaine,

whatever the hell it is that you're into. Been fighting off this fucking cold. It's one of those colds where I'm not congested unless I sit down, You'll sit down cold. All right, let's get into the ad reads here. So congratulations to Lakers fans. You know, no matter how hard those five years are between each championship, just know that all the best players will eventually be on your team.

To destination city. My condolences to Orlando, to Charlotte, Atlanta, all of these places that are just never going to see an NBA championship and the fucking owners don't give a fuck. that are just never gonna see an NBA championship. And the fucking owners don't give a fuck. Hymns. All right. When your car breaks down, you take it to a mechanic with no hesitation. You need it, and it's not something most guys can fix themselves.

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Now we're going to get into the reeds. You know, I was going through the cable and Keith Hernandez has a show. I forget the name of it, but it's the fucking greatest name for the show. The name of the show is like called like, Hey, it's Keith Hernandez. How great is that? It just shows you how beloved that guy is. Hey, it's fucking Keith Hernandez. I watched that shit. how beloved that guy is. Hey, it's fucking Keith Hernandez. I'll watch that shit.

I love that guy. I love when he talks about the fucking old days playing on those Mets teams. I know they should have won more than one, but whatever. They won one and they still had a fucking great time. The stories that they got. Oh my God, they have, look at this, look at this. They're showing all the guy movies.

Mobathon three day event continues next on AMC. Goodfellas, Casino, Blow, Donnie Brasco. There was a couple other ones. Donnie Brasco and Blow, both have Johnny Depp. Scarface was another one that has, Scarface is in Donnie Brosco, Scarface, Al Pacino is in Donnie Brosco and Scarface. And then Joe Pesci is in both,

Donnie Brasco and Scarface. And then Joe Pesci is in both, fucking, what's his face? Casino and Goodfellas. AMC's doing it right, a three day event. Anyway, plowing ahead here. All right, women's cricket. No, no, that's not what I'm supposed to do. Oh, cigars. Oh, this person's getting on me.

This person's getting on me. Hey, Billy Oprah tits. That's just fucking mean. Come on, guys. Come on. Listening to last week's throwback and enjoyed hearing you say you were quitting. Oh, on Thursdays, we play these old episodes of, you know, previous episodes of fucking,

the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. So someone was listening to one of these throwback episodes from years ago and enjoyed hearing you say you were quitting recreational cigars and only having one on special occasions. It was a great moment when I realized the parallels between you and fatty who have been talking about turning a turning it around for half their life. Haha.

Anyways, thanks for the laughs. That's a fucking great joke. And also I like that you enjoy that I've been failing doing that because you know what? As much as you're making fun of me, I know that that means fucked up shit happened to you. That you think it's funny that I'm struggling with this. But what actually cured me of it is my daughter. My daughter, she lets me smoke for two weeks and then she goes, you have to do another 100 days. And I'm like, all right, and then I do it.

So now I'm on another 100 day thing. I don't even know how many fucking days I'm into it. I just picked a day in mid-January. So I don't know the exact day, so I'm just gonna go until like the beginning of May. But that's good, right? I think that's not bad. And then, you know, smoke a little bit. And she goes, Dad! I go, alright. And then I just stop again.

So I have solved it, alright? Fuck you, I'm not hopeless. You know? Alright. Where is this? Women's cricket. I don't know, I like women's sports. I actually do enjoy them, but not for the right reasons. You know? Unless they're good at the sport, like tennis. They're good at tennis, they're good at volleyball,

and their basketball play is elevating. They're great at fighting. My God, the fucking MMA is insane. But you know, at the end of the day, I'm still a guy, so I'm rooting for the prettier one. Ha ha ha ha. And Lester, the prettier one, has gone out of her way to be such a fucking douche

that I gotta root for the other one. I don't know. It's weird. It's weird. All right, women's cricket. Hi, old Billy Red, white and blue balls. I'm a 35-year-old male from New Zealand. All right. I just... I'm just going to cut straight to the chase here.

Lately, I've been watching international cricket with my old man. I fucking, listen man, that's like baseball. It's a fucking great game if you just have time to sit around watching people whack a ball with a stick. You know, if you got the time in the afternoon, I mean, I don't have any problem with it. So the person says, I'm watching with my old man

and I figured, hell, it's been a while since we've been to a game together. Let's go to one sometime. So I went to Google some tickets and get this. You don't just watch the men play, you have to sit through the fucking broads playing first. Yeah, they're trying to get it going. They're trying to get this shit going.

You know, and women will not show up to support other women. So like, as always, as always, they're gonna pawn it off on us. Now we gotta sit and fucking watch it. Yeah, you know? And then what, can you yell like a sports fan? Hey Are you fucking dumb broad? What'd you do that for? You can't do that. Stop being sexist.

Anyways, and as you probably are probably aware, women's sports just don't hold a candle to men's. No, I wouldn't know some of them. Yeah, it looks we know the ones that don't but like women's tennis is amazing. And I was just in the MMA has been fucking great. You know, I was just in the MMA. I was just in the MMA. I was just in the MMA.

I was just in the MMA. I was just in the MMA. I was just in the MMA. I was just in the MMA. I was just in the MMA. I was just in the them. Yeah looks we know the ones that don't but like Women's tennis is amazing and I was just and the MMA has been fucking great, you know And I think eventually You know, it's gonna get to a level that guys will be able to watch it but Women I don't know what their deal is. They're just fucking obsessed with guys and whatever the fuck it is that we're doing. They have no fucking interest in watching women do shit

unless, I did a bit on it, unless like real housewives, they'll watch them fucking argue with each other. It's fucking insane. I don't know what, but I, you know, I'm glad that's not my issue. I don't know what, but I'm glad that's not my issue. I told you. I can't, I babble on this thing, so I can't remember what is it in my specials and what isn't.

Was this in my special? Did I ever tell you that time? This is how much guys root for each other. Did I ever tell you about the time I was at the White Castle in Las Vegas, and you know, you can order those little ham cheeseburger things, and some, these two guys had like a fucking briefcase full of them. They ordered like the 30 pack, and they get it, and there's like 10 people in line, and they're walking out the guy in front of me

I'm towards the back of the line the guy in front of me He goes dude He goes are all those just for you two and the guy goes yeah, and the dude just goes that's fucking awesome And he high-fived him complete fucking stranger Because he bought a 30 On a fucking 30pack of White Castle. Sorry. I mean, that's support, ladies. Okay, that's where the bar is. You got to do that. Next time you see fucking... I don't

know. I just think that like, because they're like super smart and shit, and they're always playing like these fucking mind games and stuff, I don't know that they trust each other. I could be completely wrong. I probably am. I have no idea. Anyway, so he goes,

so you gotta sit through the fucking broads playing first. Continues, he said, and as you're probably aware, women's sports just don't hold a candle to men's, especially professionally. When I told my old man about the women's teams, he kind of rolled his eyes, and to say the least, we were both disappointed. I said to him, hell, if I want to watch a game where the boundary is shorter and the people ain't as good I'll just go watch some local team at the local cricket pitch for free god damn it bill My old man survived a heart attack a few years ago. He ain't got time to watch that shit

Would love to get your thoughts on all this cheers And your podcast gets me through the night shifts at work. Has been for years. I would show up to the game later. Show up to the game later. But like by you showing up on time and sitting through it and watching it, you just signing up for more. So if you really feel that strongly, that you don't want to watch this shit, then what I would do is I would show up later. Or if you're there, I wouldn't pay attention to it. Or maybe start a fucking...

Maybe start a chant. Boring! Oh, my God, Casino's on now. I got it on mute. You know, they do that, the sound of the traffic going by and they have the credits. Oh my god, Robert De Niro's suits in this fucking movie. Oh, I'm sorry, though, that's the beginning of Goodfellas.

Sorry, I get him confused. But anyway, let's keep talking about, let's keep talking about fucking Casino. Robert De Niro's suits in Casino and that Cadillac that he has, that fucking early 80s El Dorado, I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that. You know, if I had a tailor, I would be like,

there's that blue one that he made, the blue and gray suit that he has. I think he has it on when that cowboy comes in and tells him to talk to his stupid uncle, no, his stupid nephew. He's trying to get him to fucking, you know, use him more at the thing or whatever. Whatever that fucking suit is.

It's just incredible. They're fucking incredible suits. Oh my God, here you go. Stabbing up Billy Bats right in the beginning. Shoot, I'm up. Ever since I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. Ba-ba-da, ba-ba-ba-da. Even edited, this is just a fucking masterpiece. Um, oh, speaking of which, I, um, when I was on the flight out here,

I watched Beverly Hills Cop, which I have when I was on the flight out here, I watched Beverly Hills Cop, which I have not seen in decades. I haven't seen that movie in forever. And I watched that movie, that is a perfect movie. For what it's doing, making you laugh, the way it tells the story, the way it moves, the performances, there's not one lull in that movie and it holds up.

And I also love like the year, year it came out I think was 84, I think, and just how awful American cars were. If you just look at like the car that Taggart and Rosewood are sitting in, I think it's a Mercury Zephyr. And what was the... I forget what the Ford version of it was,

but, oh, my God, it was like band-aid color with tan seats. I mean, it just literally looked like you could put your foot right through the fucking door. And I always wondered, like, you know, if that was an actual unmarked police car, like, what option was there for a cop engine in the eighties back then? All right, so here we go.

Let's read this next one. Oh, look at that guy and he's smoking a fucking cigar. Japan motorcycle advice. Konnichiwa, bursan. Greetings from the big tuna. Here's my humble advice. The annual Tokyo motorcycle show is held at Tokyo Big Sight every year at the end of March.

Course I'll be working. You'll get a mix of old and new. It's an awesome show and the timing couldn't be better as it coincides with the cherry blossom season. Also something to behold. All right, maybe I'll do it next year. There's the three big museums to check out too. They are off the beaten path but you don't want to stay in Tokyo too long. It's a bit of a shit show of tourists since the yen tanked. It's a bit of a shit show of Taurus since the yen tanked.

Oh, that's unfortunate. The Honda Museum is in Motaki, M-O-T-O-K-I. Just forgive me, I'm gonna mispronounce these. Tochigi, T-O-C-H-I-G-I, which puts you near Niko, N-I-K-K-O, the resting place of Tokugawa. It's have fucking great names, by the way. Do you guys have Wheel of Fortune over there? There's no way you can buy a vowel. This is like Italian.

Tokugawa has one O, one U, and two As. It's every other consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel. Motoki. Consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel. It's like fucking... All right, anyway. I won't bore you with the details,

but the temple there is a must. The Motoki racetrack is there too Suzuki and Yamaha museums are in Shizuoka shiz u o ka an hour away from Tokyo there you go sir I'm sure you'll be getting more advice please do a show while you come here yes sir. I'm sure you'll be getting more advice. Please do a show while you come here. Yes and yes. I'm fucking gonna save that. I'm gonna save this and put this in my, uh, shit to do when you go to Tokyo.

Or go to Japan. That's fucking amazing. Oh, my God. I would lose my mind if I got to see that. All right, Italian Motorcycle Museum. Holy shit. Hey, Billy Fourstroke. I'm glad to hear you'll be visiting Italy this summer. The way I looked at it, every once in a while,

everybody had to take a beating. You know that when they freeze on the dead with the fucking belt. I love the mom hanging on his arm trying to get him to stop. Anyway, I'm glad to hear you'll be visiting Italy this summer. My wife is from northern Italy in the Piedmont region and we love the gifts Italy has to offer. As a fellow motorcycle fanatic, I recently checked out the Moto Guzzi factory and museum

near Lake Como. It's an absolute must see. Moto Guzzi is a franchising brand, kind of like an Italian Harley. They build big, lopey V-twin engines, but with a twist. The motor is mounted transversely with the cylinder head sticking out to the left and the right like old B older BMWs. I don't get that.

How does that not like heat up your leg or burn your leg? I mean, I would not want to fucking, I mean, I wouldn't want to wipe out on anything, but with that thing sticking out, Jesus Christ. I'd have to see what the bike looks like.'m sure they they do something about that. This unique design lets them run a shaft drive instead of a chain or a belt. The Moto Guzzi Museum is steeped in vintage racing history and features a world-class display of bikes that any two-wheeled enthusiast would appreciate. On top of that, it's hard to imagine a more scenic location

for a modern factory. Beyond the incredible food and espresso, you'll love the bike scene in Italy. The Alpine Mountain passes are packed with sleek European sport and touring bikes, while the coastal areas are a haven for classic two-stroke Vespas and compact naked motorcycles. I'm going to rent a Vespa when I'm over there.

Take my wife around. If you find yourself down south, I think you dig the city of Matera. It's the third oldest city in the world and looks like nowhere else on earth. Looking forward to hearing all about your Italian adventure on the podcast. Keep the rubber side down and go fuck yourself. Hey, you know, I saw this thing the other day showing this motorcycle that couldn't tip over. You just couldn't tip it over. And the person was completely in case. So it's to me, that's not a fucking motorcycle. It's like you were in like a in case so it's to me that's not a fucking motorcycle it's like you were in like a look like you were in like a lipstick tube it's what it looks like

and how it somehow stays up is they got to like spinning wheels gyroscopic procession you know all of that stuff like I learned when I got my pilot's license as far as like, you know, how you're able to like lean the way you are and as long as the wheels are turning or whatever, how you don't fall down. And all of that stuff. Somehow it has to do with that. I still don't understand the physics of it.

One spins one way, the other spins the other. Now I do know with helicopters when you have a twin blade system, one turns clockwise, the other turns counterclockwise, and that cancels out the need for a tail rotor because it's, you know, both of them offset the direction that they want to turn the helicopter. So somehow using that on a motorcycle, like you can't tip over, like people were like kicking the fucking thing and it doesn't tip over. I'm still sure, you know, if you get t-boned by a truck,

you're fucking dead. I have no idea. I don't know, it was fascinating. But then people were like, well, how much does something like this cost? And I saw quotes anywhere from 80 grand to 100 grand. But like one of the great things about riding a motorcycle is, you know, it's you're not like this thing was like all you had metal all around you.

You were enclosed. Like, you were in, like, an F-16, like, cockpit, and it's just the front part, not the wings or anything, you know? And it didn't look as cool, you know? You don't smell any smells. You don't feel, you wouldn't feel the temperature difference or anything like that, or the wind or anything,

like, everything that makes it like Exciting or alive to be on one of those things. So it's kind of interesting. So I imagine that technology will eventually That'll eventually lead to maybe regular motorcycles I have no idea but I do know this that will cut down on a ton of fucking videos that I watch if nobody's just wiping out on motorcycles anymore. I mean so much of my fucking Instagram viewing It's just watching these people not like, you know watching crashes. I don't want to see that shit But well, look somebody's driving like a fucking lunatic and they crash

I don't learn anything from that because I don't ride like that But if somebody's just going around a turn and they crash. I don't learn anything from that because I don't ride like that. But if somebody's just going around a turn and they fucking, you know, you know, you don't look your way to the turn, you just start looking at something, you drive right towards it. We've all done that. Like I learned from watching those things. My thing right now is I want to take one of those courses

where you see like those cops and they got the big fucking baggers and they can ride them like fucking a quarter mile an hour and do like these tight turns. And I'm like, I really feel like I would like, I would wanna know how to do that. So you could really truly master the bike, a big bike like that.

And the scariness of how fucking heavy that thing is and how scary is when you're going slow that if you fucking tip past a person certain point there's nothing you can do and it's going down so anyway that is the podcast I am out here in New York and I could not be more thrilled to be a part of Glenn Gary Glenn Ross that's gonna be coming out next month. I've never done Broadway, I cannot believe it. I'm trying not to think about it, you know, so I don't get freaked out,

and I'm just really trying to go like, like one day at a time, you know what I mean? Like, all right, if I look at this whole fucking run, I'm gonna be in the fetal position going what the fuck did I do? But if I just kind of, all right, tomorrow we just do some rehearsing and you know, buh buh buh buh buh, we'll fucking,

I'll get through this. And with that, who are you guys thinking in the Super Bowl? Will the cat, the sunny chase, play me? I feel like the Eagles have the, Eagles have the team to beat them. I also wonder how much they're going to have to be up by to actually win the game, though. But I don't want to get into that. I said I wasn't going to get into that.

So we'll just fucking leave it at that. All right, that's it. That's it for fucking Billy Red Face. Thank you guys for listening. Go fuck yourselves, and I will check in on you on Thursday.