Monday Morning Podcast - Dean Delray '5836', Turkish Hair, Dressing Cool | Monday Morning Podcast 4-10-25

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

Bill rambles with Dean Delray about his new special '5836', Turkish hair transplants, and dressing cool at any age. Watch: '5836' - https://www.patreon.com/DeanDelray   (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(38:48) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 4-10-17 - Bill rambles about steroid mist, Mexican food, and red flags. Thursday Afternoon Interlude - Van Halen - Amsterdam

All right. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking it on you. All right. So look at this. I'm in New York City. Would you think I wasn't going to find microphones and a camera? Why am I coming at you in a hostile way? You didn't think that you just sat down to watch it. So thank you So whenever I have video that means I have a special guest my special guest this week has a new stand-up special That he shot inside of a mountain man called 5936 5836 Mr. Dean Del Rey, oh god, I miss you dude. I have not seen you in two fucking months

It's gotta be the longest since I've met you 15 14 years ago. All right, we gotta explain. Yeah, first of all 5836 yeah is not a lost Van Hagar album. Yeah. Yeah Oh you eight five six fifty one fifty. Yeah, it's the amount of times I was had you've done stand-up So you're the only guy I know past like 17 sets who starts counting. It's you're like Gene Simmons with Pussy. So like, what is it? I'm fascinated with this.

What is this? So this Rain Man thing that you do, and how do you keep, especially if you're here in New York and you do three spots, people are like, oh, fuck, Dane's here, and you hang, you have the hang, you keep like especially like you know if you're here in New York and you do three spots like oh fuck Dane's hair and you hang you have the hang you chop it up how are you in your head like in your head like 59 30 58 37 58 37 like how do you do that compute compute I you know I started writing it down when I started just in the notes on my phone because I I was thinking, you know, one day I'll write a book, and I'll be like, I did comedy for a couple months in 2009.

And here's where I did it. And that was the point, you know? And then, I just started going and keep going, and I kept putting them in, it became like a work ethic thing. And then it became kind of a thing of like, okay, when was the last time I was at this venue? Like you got clubs there, Kenny, he'll be like, last year you opened with my kids joke, you know?

But with me, I gotta go in and go, okay, I was here two years ago, or can't do any of this stuff, let's do this stuff or whatever. Or I also have notes in there like bombed like crazy. Oh yeah, I put those in there, man. When I fucking bomb, I put them in there. Went to bed sad.

Yeah, I remember, I remember I did. Next morning, cereal did not taste as good. Saw a Robin on a branch, picked up my spirits. I did the garden with you, dude. Got the nerve to set spirits. I did the garden with you did at 38 I did that garden with you dude and the next day Estes like can you come do the brunch show and I was like, oh, yeah, I'm feeling good Oh after we did Madison Square yeah, yeah you murdered that night And then I go down there fucking noon they're eating waffles and she put me on first.

And you ate your dick. Oh, I could see the shadow of her roll through the glass. With a little glass of orange juice. Oh my God, they got the waffles, the OG, the fucking mimosas, and I'm like. Can I tell you something? I fucking love those sets.

I love having the big thing and then just eating your balls. I've been going to the Comedy Village after doing the play. So you do the play and there's this big, like, you know, I mean, the cast is crazy good. So even if I'm a little off, it's still murders because everybody else is just like blitzkrieg. So, you know, you get like the standing ovation you do the

fucking 28 Broadway bows and it's like ah and then you go out you sign the programs ah and then I would just fucking go home to my stupid apartment I got this corporate apartment with like no fucking pictures on the wall sitting in this little white box and I'm like what do I do I do now? Like, why am I doing this? This is fucking weird. So what I started to do to take the edge off is I go over to the Comedy Village, you know, and I try out bits and...

Semi-eat it? Semi-eat it. And then also, you know, I'm going over there and, you know, I go over there during the week and they'll just be sort of like 20 people scattered amongst like 50 chairs. And it's a really nice come down. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and I get to hang with PJ and talk about the old days, and I meet some new comics. I actually met this comic that when I was in Paris, you know, I did a show out there. And he's doing what I was. I was trying to do a little bit of my act in French. He's over here trying to do his stuff in English. So I ended up, you know, getting to practice a little French with him, hanging out.

And then I go home. Right? Way better. Yeah. But I do like the... Quick come down. I'm a big believer in the big quick come down. You got to shake it off.

Like if you do some fucking huge, ridiculous ridiculous gig the worst thing to do is to hang on to it yeah that is the worst I actually see I think that going to some hole in the wall and kind of eating it a little bit yeah you're like all right okay tuxedo's off I'm fucking bill again this is just right all right this is a job I got oh I got to work at this thing so it just grounds you right back especially I'm not the fucking headliner, you're the headliner, it's you're drawing everything. I'm the fucking feature.

I'm the jerk off who goes on last. No no no. So anyway, it's even better to immediately get back into my level, which is a fucking brunch show at The Cellar. I like going to the brunch show and eating and not performing. Keith's all, I call Keith, I go, man, I just bombed during the brunchar. I like going to the brunch show and eating and not performing. Keith's all, I call Keith, I go, man, I just bombed during the brunch show. He goes, ah, you dummy, you don't do the brunch show. Everyone knows that. What are you new?

That's what I love. That's what I love about that place is everybody knows you're going to bomb on that show and they still mind fuck you when you do. Like you're the only guy that did it Yeah, well, let's talk about your special Dean. Yeah, hit me up and he goes dude. I want to shoot a special I'm like, that's fucking great. And he goes there's this venue You know typical Dean's like dude check it out. This guy Fucking found a cave in the middle of Tennessee and he hollered it out man And he built a fucking club in there. And I'm like, what?

And you were like, yeah, he said, but that point they'd only done music. Bluegrass, never done comedy. Okay, and they shine, the lights up on the rocks above you, it smells of sulfur when you're in there. It smelled like the old house I grew up in for a period of time when I was growing up that had water damage in the basement

because the foundation was made, you know, one of those. Buddy moves to the basement, he's like, I got my own room now. And you get in there and you're like, stinks in here, but we can, you know, party. Yeah, no, but it didn't also, yeah, you're like breathing in mold,

but you know that damp basement smell? That's what it was. So anyway, oh my God, I forgot that. We went there. We go to do the gig. First of all, how did you find out about the... Is it because you do music and you were in a band and all of that stuff that you knew that this place existed? Because no comic I knew, I know, knew that that place existed. No, I ended up... We talked about it on the last podcast before we launched it. I'm sorry, am I asking the same question? No, no, no. But I'm going to tell the story. You tell that story, Dean. I

I ended up interviewing the owner, Todd Mayo, because he wrote a book called The Caveman Chronicles about starting this venue. And then mid interview, I said, I got to do my special there. And he goes, let's do it do it man we've never done comedy I'm looking forward to it and then a month later me you and Marcus Price and Kenny club soda Kenny were there and nobody done comedy so there was nobody to call and go hey what's it sound like do the laughs suck in there whatever we totally fucking rolled the dice and I was just telling the guys outside of the studio, if I would have known

where the fuck it was, I would have been really nervous because it was way out in no man's land. Yeah, it was like flying in Nashville and then just drive an hour into the woods. I mean, it's a mountain or whatever. But like, I just kept feeling like I was in in that movie, The Dirty Dozen. And you remember when the officers were in like the basement and they were pouring all the gas and dropping all the grenades down?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jim Brown runs and he throws them in. Yeah, I felt like I was in there. And did they close the door or not? They did close the door. Yeah, that was a little claustrophobic. Yeah, cause you're in there. Yeah, it was like, I felt like also like one of those

1950s nuclear fallout shelter was like, I felt like also like one of those 1950s nuclear fallout shelter and like, you know, this one town, everybody makes it to the cave and they close the door and the whole world ends and it's just fucking them. There was definitely those vibes, which I felt like added to the show. So I went up and I opened in front of you and you got to see this thing.

It's like, it obviously doesn't look like anybody front of you and you gotta see this thing. It obviously doesn't look like anybody else's special and you're killed. So I'm hoping that we can get out here and promote the hell out of it. Why am I saying this? We cut that part out. Let me redo that. I'll have Andrew cut that part out. I'm literally explaining what we're doing.

I'm sorry, dude. I went to the SNL after party and I stayed up till four in the morning. I couldn't get to sleep till four in the morning last night. So I'm a little fucking out of it here. Anyway, so that venue just being up there, like the second you got on the stage, I felt like, you know, those times where you're doing your act but you're also like taking in the venue,

like this is really, this is really cool. Oh, yeah. So, um... And then I was... When you were doing your set, you were murdering, and I was way, you know, towards where the door was opening and stuff, and I could just tell the way Marcus was shooting it that it was gonna be awesome.

So I think that this thing is gonna go viral because it doesn't look like anybody else's special. Well, the first thing everybody says, and I was a little naive when we shot this thing, thank God I was, I was like, oh yeah, we're gonna shop this and they're gonna look at it for one minute and go, what the fuck, and buy it. But they didn't even look at it.

The theys like Netflix, and we couldn't get a callback from Netflix. We sent them five one-minute clips because we know how ADD people are. Just click on this and fucking your bosses will be happy you found this fucking million dollar special that looks like nobody's and it's fucking funny right and we couldn't even so nothing but I think that's a blessing

dude oh yeah remember that documentary with that kid that guy was in a band I think it was that that one about anvil yeah yeah and how they were just right there and all the bands coming up that made it we're looking at them like those guys are the guys and they just never broke through And they were just talking about the music business. Excuse me. They were just talking about the music business. And the guy said, you know, at the end of the day, he goes, you're better to own something 100%

and sell 20,000 copies than to not own it at all and sell 20 million. So I think the fact that all of the, for whatever reason, I don't understand what show business is doing right now. They're really not buying anything. I don't know if they got overextended, but I know these streaming services

are these insatiable behemoths that just need content. So I don't understand why they're not necessarily buying the way that they were. Especially when you hand them something like we made. I think it's the fucking tariffs, man. Yeah. I'm so glad I'm not watching the news. Oh my God.

Just watching that. So anyway, but I think what they're gonna be ending up doing by being stingy like this now, or just whatever, punishing us because we went on strike, whatever the hell it is that they're doing, they're gonna create, like they're setting people free. Because people need to figure out, okay, well, how do I get my voice out there? It's just going to create all these different scenes. And like I said, dude, I think you're going to probably make more money doing it this way,

because I'm going to promote the hell out of it, obviously. And that's my favorite thing to do is promote comics that I believe in. You are one of those guys. And yeah, there's also ageism. Oh, God, big time. I was talking to somebody about it and they go, ageism in comedy? Is that real? I go, what are you fucking crazy?

No, you have to be past certain points. That's what I said. It's show business. It's show business. You have to be past certain points or then just the angle of attack, it just gets steeper and steeper. But the reality is, and for all you young comics and performers out there, is you never give away your power.

You always know that I have this power, I'm relatable. And just because these bean counters with their algorithms have these things, like there's a million. What I did when I was coming up is, whatever I was running into, once I went through, that I felt was holding me back, whenever I would go through the depression of it, and then I would just look at somebody

who was in the same boat and made it, I'm like, all right, that's my guy, right? Yeah. So I always use the going bald thing, and I was just like, oh fuck, I'm going bald. I wasn't getting work with the full head of red hair. Everybody wants to give me a fucking Richie Cunningham roll, what the fuck?

And I started losing my hair, and I was like, oh no, man, this is gonna be over. And then I just went like, no, fuck that, Ed Harris, Yule Brenner, and I just started looking at all these bald guys. New heroes. Fucking Telly Savalas, and I was went like no fuck that Ed Harris Yule Brenner, and I just started looking at all these bald guys new hero Yeah, the fucking telly Savalas, and I was just like those guys made him I bet it was like out of necessity yeah Because if it wasn't I was just gonna be in some fucking comedy condo by myself going bald wanting to kill myself so

This is before by the way. They had these these new Turkish hair systems. Oh, yeah Have you oh my god, we're laughing at that like flights home. There's like oh my god. You have to look up Somebody took a picture and it's like I think it's so goddamn funny. Yeah, and like and It's like plastic the classic thing like the shame like like, you know People make fun of women with plastic shows or whatever but you can fucking go in on a dude with fuck that that's kind of the hair it's fucking oh my god hilarious oh my god it looks so fucking painful scary dude it looks like they put a fucking cheese grater on

everybody's fucking head and they like something put them in a headlock and just went like that and they're just, oh they're all sitting there like bandage, like this mash unit flying home from war. Dude, I got it like, I don't want to out the guy, but like, dude, there's a guy that- Oh, I know a few guys that got here. No, I know, no, this guy is not in show business. Yeah.

He's like a handyman. He like fixes shit, like elevators and stuff. I know this dude. He's like his fucking 60s He goes and gets the full hair. He did. Oh man. No, but it looks great any and I got to he's happy as hell Yeah, and he lost some weight and everything, but I'm just sitting there like single. Is that why no Wow? He did he just he he had like, like you know he did like a was very Female energy like I don't like the way I look and I'm gonna change it And I'm gonna live my best life, and there's like men doing that right now So I actually felt really good for him

But it was also funny to me like why do you need full head of hair to be in your 60s repairing elevators? Well some people you want to like have your big wrench and just Back he wants to get a headband. Some people it doesn't work on them though. You see them right? And it's like all shitty a year later. Like it didn't take. Oh you have to have they worked their way past that yet? I don't know because I know a guy that got one like a year ago and I saw him recently. I thought you were going to launch into a song about a guy I know a guy so like they people be vamping underneath. I know a guy got some hair plugs Once goes on everybody just get back from Turkey. I'll tell you this right now That's gonna be a line in a song. Yeah, but the hair plugs didn't take So he's still stuck in that town going bald at the Duncan's

Wondering what to do net bad springsteen cover bad. It's all bad spring Get it done now. Yeah, hope it sticks or you'll be and it'll be it'll be a metaphor for some sort of like oppression Yeah, you know what I wanted to say is I was never It'll be a metaphor for some sort of oppression. Yeah. What I wanted to say is I was never delusional about the business. When I started, I was like, I'm just doing this because I always wanted to try comedy. And then here I am 15 years later.

And I always tell people, the key is don't be bitter. Because I would meet bitter comics on the way up. Now I go get the fuck at this fucking shit sucks. And I'm like, you know, it sucks selling Harleys in the sun in the summer. When the guy's like, can I see the blue one in the sun again? That's fucking sucks. This is pretty good. And so I look, we shot what I consider for me, one of my favorite, absolutely the favorite thing I've ever done in my life.

I look at it and it looks like apocalypse now. Like we're waiting for Brando to come out. Oh, no, it's going to be great. And I also think that what's funny is you're like, this business is always trying to get like, you know, young, beautiful or whatever, which is great. You know, you want to see movie stars. Of course. But there's the other lane, which is like the relatable guy that's had to work for everything. And that's the thing about you, you have had to work for every inch of turf that you've

had in here. But in this business, I love that you recognize that, you cuz no I I see the guys like Verzis another guy and but that but when you guys like hit Joe Barton It like myself was the same thing like I didn't like you know yeah, I wasn't the it comic or whatever I just it was just a war of attrition. Is that the right word? I always hear that expression I don't know what that means. I think this every day. I took another You know well you were that but Teddy Savalas was your guy, but for me you were my guy because as I toured with you over the years, I remember I told the story many times. We're in Nashville, you're doing the Ryman. I went over and did Zanies real quick and you go, oh God, I did

Zanies. It was all these Bachelorette parties. I called them all cunts and I thought I was never going to work again. Which they weren't. Yeah, they were. They weren't. Yeah. It was my childhood anger. Yeah.

And so they might've been a little cunty, but they weren't cunts. But I hear the stories. I mean someone was marrying him. Yeah. No man's ever gone out and married a cunt. Oh really? I think, no, I'm joking. They have, but I also think a lot of times, like you not understanding

how to take care of a relationship makes you think that the person turned into a cunt. And it's like, no, it's called resentment. But my thing is, I hear your stories, so it kept me going, because you weren't the, when I met you, you weren't, I always say you weren't that mighty burr You were doing you know potluck. Yeah, that was the chugging along. Yeah, ginger. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like I hear the stories. I listen to him. I keep going and I go well, you know fuck I remember burr was telling me this story I keep going and keep going and and I've already if it ended tomorrow

Look at this fucking run. had of 6,000 shows. Well, I feel like everybody in this business, like if you're here, you're getting this in the business. And then when you get here, you get this, and it's always that. And it's just because there are, it's a hard business, but there are so many people. I mean, look at Martin Scorsese.

He didn't win an Oscar until the departed. Unbelievable. That's another guy that I looked at. It's like, I'm going to sit here and whine. I didn't make Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, all of these movies, and have to wait. That's like 10, 20, 30, like 30 something years of making, imagine you're sitting there and redefining cinema.

Yeah, and you're going, really? Before he finally gets the thing, right? And then meanwhile, you know, like everything's the same. And then meanwhile, there's the catchphrase sort of director that, you know, had the movie that was about the right subject at the right, like that was about the right subject, at the right, it's like threading a needle or whatever. So I'm just looking going like, all right, there's that.

And that's just white guys, forget about fucking racism, sexism and all of that. So as long as you look at it that way, the pity party ends and you're like, all right. Let me go, boo hoo, I tell jokes. I never sit around and complain, man. It's just like, let's write jokes. Sarah Silverman once said, stop complaining

and be undeniable. And I took that in. I was like, yeah, man. Oh, yeah. That's a true thing. I just worked with her. There's this thing coming up on Netflix, Conan O'Brien, the Mark Twain Award. I don't know if I'm, fuck those guys.

They always go, dude, don't fucking promote it. I don't understand what is the problem of saying that it's coming out. They wanna do a- All of these screaming people, they're like, don't say anything about it until April 11th at 1143. I know, surprise drop collab. Yeah, I just feel like they all have like,

you know those old fashioned things where like those fucking accounting machines? Where they try to figure out, you know. Algorithm, but analog. I think they just wanna put out a, like a- Super blast. A focused blast, maybe that's what it is. I don't know, anyway.

So we were doing that and anyway, Sarah was on that show and like I've always said this, my favorite things are super intelligent people that are silly, and she's like... She's great. Yeah, yeah, so I got to sit next to her on sort of the deist thing. She went up, of course, and absolutely murdered.

That was a fun hang that night, and that was definitely one of those nights. I was sitting there looking at all the people that were, I mean, it was such an insane level of talent. John Mulaney went on first. Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha! I don't know what the other guys were thinking,

but I was going like, I can't follow that. He was, he was on, that guy was unbelievable. The first time I saw him was in Zanies in Chicago. He opened for me and he was like, I know he's gotten better over the years, but he seemed like from day one, he was that good. I remember he had like this poise, like he'd been hosting Letterman for like 30 years. And he was like this 19, 20 year old kid.

I was just in the back of the club going like, this might be the biggest no brainer. This kid's gonna make it I've ever seen. So anyway, he went on first, but I did have that moment during that show of thinking that I always have that imposter thing like like I get why you're here I get why you're here I get why you're here you know like I don't get you know like and then I gotta be like no I do deserve to be here I'm not gonna bomb I'm gonna fucking do this so

but I think that that's uh as long as that doesn't become torturous. I think it's a good thing to You know feel a little less than you know, it's funny speaking of Conan You know, he was the only guy ever to put me on TV He gave me my first TV spot So I I know he doesn't run his fucking Instagram But I ate a ghost DM did anywhere just send it out there into the world of like, hey man, I just wanna thank you. You were the only guy ever to put me on late night TV, first TV spot ever, I'll never forget it.

And what special is that? Cause I put a, yeah, I put a picture at the beginning of the special of everyone that helped me in my career and all my friends, you, Keith. Oh, that's cool. So it spins through this amazing thing, the clubs where I worked and names on walls and everything and then Conan was in there, you know,

and I just, I wanted to put him in there because that was a fucking insane night for me, you know. My mom was still alive, she got to see it, she showed the neighbors, like, look at, he's on TV. And we used to watch Conan, you know, her and I. And so I just sent that DM to him, you know, like whatever assistant runs his account. I know. I don't know.

I'm bad at those things. I don't read them. I eventually, it just becomes like, it's like emails. I get like anxiety. Like I used to like not check my emails at all. And it got up to the point, it's like emails. I get like anxiety. Like I used to like not check my emails at all and it got up to the point my account got full. When you get over 100,000 emails, I mean it was like a decade of like, the only way I would check my emails

if somebody said, did you get my email? And I would say, what is your email? And then I would search it and I would get it. Dude, sometimes I text you and you don't even get it. You know, text ya. Oh yeah, no. Yeah, right. I hate it.

So one day, I had, my assistant came in and I just said, can you do me a favor? I go, what, can you just delete everything? And I'm just gonna fucking start over again. And she goes, really? I go, yeah. She goes, well, what if I go,

I'm never gonna find it, whatever it is, just get rid of it. Dude, and I felt like this lightness, like I cleaned out my garage or something. So this morning I'm taking the train down here, riding the subway down, and I realized I was back up to like 1,400, and I'm like, all right, I gotta knock it down.

Like this week I'm trying to delete 100 emails. I do it at the gym. So I'm at the gym. I got I got to knock it down like this week. I'm trying to delete a hundred emails I do it at the gym So I'm at the gym on the elliptical and I just are the elliptical the elliptical. Oh, yeah, whatever I've been on it for years, and I got the wrong thing. That's the one everybody's Oh walk it walk it at a 45 degree angle on a treadmill. It just fucking boy. I gotta get a sweat going No, I gotta get it going, but I'll go through it there or long flights out, out, out, long flights across the states, you know? Dump that shit, catch up on emails like, hey, I know this is from a month ago, but I'm on

a jet blue flight right now across country, so you got my attention. You sound, that was like when you said out, out, out, I thought you were counting off that talking head song. Don't, don't like when you said out, out, out. I thought you were counting off that talking head song. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. God, I love that. Psycho Killer? Yeah. So good.

Oh, that's it. Yeah, Psycho Killer was the same tempo. I've been playing a lot of drums. I want to give a shout out real quick to Eric McFadden and Kate Vargas from Sergeant Splendor for letting me sleep on their couch while I'm here all this week. Oh, wow. These guys always, anytime, like, man, here.

So shout out to them and great fucking band. You would love them. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right, so we gotta, before we go, Dean is also like a fashion plate. So tell me about the jacket. Is that from the Charles Lindbergh collection?

I know you just didn't go to an Army Navy store and get that cool jacket. Where did you get the jacket? This is the thing about Dean, is like for all you fucking old heads out there, you don't have to dress like a dad. You can fucking... You know what I learned that from?

Mick Jagger, when I was touring with the Stones, you know? When he was touring with the Stones. We're just gonna throw that in 28 minutes into the pocket. Just so you have something to say, fuck that guy. No, no, you're a likable guy. Yeah, yeah. So, Jagger, my point is, if you're an, oh, there's a guy in my neighborhood,

and he's like fucking 75, but he wears sick ass clothes, so you don't look at him as 75. You're not looking at him as he's young, but he's in a- It's a great energy to put out there, and you know what, And young women smile. They always smile at a fuckin' old guy.

And then he gets to smile and it makes you feel good. Like Lou Adler. You get seen. The guy that owns the Roxy. He goes to the Laker games, he's dressed so cool. So I used to see Jagger and he was always in some kind of cool outfit. So you never went, wow, that dude's fucking old.

He just, if you dress not Cotton Dockers Gap Dude and give Tap Out, you're gonna kind of have a flavor. You're gonna have a vibe. And then people, so then you're like, I can't, if you just go like, you just sorta, you're going to your drab years and you just have fucking have a bunch of old clothes on and you don't give a fuck.

If you don't give a fuck like the world doesn't yeah So you just like I feel like you know When you're in like your 70s and 80s all you want is just somebody to say what's up Yeah, so we come in you got a little style cuz there's like You know this coffee shop. I go down and I have one a day. That's my thing now, right? Only one so I get the old man nap in, right? There's this older black dude that comes by every day, just going to work dressed to the fucking nines.

And I was there with the friend of mine. I go, look at this guy, look at this guy. Look at this guy come in the stair. I go, that's how I want to be at his age. He had a hat, he had two-tone shoes, but he's pulling it off in this cool-ass suit, little pocket square or something like that. And he just was like walking up the street like, yeah, I don't know, he just, he felt good for him and he was feeling good. He looked good.

He felt good about himself and stuff like that. So I've been trying, you know, lately to step, you wouldn't know today, but I try to step it up a little bit as far as, you know. Especially like, I'm not a good looking dude, so you gotta have some good clothes. I can't have harder, man. I'm sitting in the same tree, dude. Yeah, no, dude, we could have a podcast. Two ugly dudes.

I would say ugly, I would say like two background dudes. Yeah, two background dudes, third special, third, what are those guys called? The extras? My name of an ex-specialist is gonna be like, oh, I didn't get one. Yeah. You know, that guy, they come in,

they pass everything out, you're like, oh, hey. Oh, that's the worst, right? Can you see me? Over here. The guy with no vibe. Yeah. All right, well we got it.

Jacket. Yes, the jacket, and then we got it We got to give the information where to see you special jacket Ironheart And it's a n1 Replica, so it's full New York warm with what is n1 mean? That's a military It was the n1 model. Okay war and it's got real, you know Mouton and wool and this is wax so it's raining or whatever It's like a fucking winter jacket my only one I know who makes it iron heart iron heart and you can get it at

Self-edge or I took you there to play standard and strange is that in soho no Oh that yeah, we bought the the green jacket you never wore? I think I can finally fit it. Really? It isn't green, it's a weird color. It's great, you gotta wear that. Dude, if I can't fit, no, I joined this big gay gym, dude. Yeah, yeah. It's just wall to wall.

I wish it was called that. It should be called that. Oh, the joke I've been doing in my act, it's so, my gym's really gay. It's spelled J-I-M. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. Dude, it's like, but this is the thing, dude. Like, once you get past the fucking culture shock of that, cause dude, it's like, at the gym,

joining like one of these big gay fucking New York gyms is the gay dudes, they're fucking shredded. They don't skip leg day. Dude, they're all, cause they're trying to appeal to men that are visual, so they're all trying to look like the Calvin Klein underwear fucking dude. So you come in there with your dad bod, thinking you look alright, you're like, god damn, I gotta fucking, I gotta step it up here. Yeah. Trying to get into this gay gym shape, so I've been eating like salads and shit. Oh yeah. I'm almost there.

I feel so soft now. I don't know what happened to him. He used to be mean and he was one of us. I am soft now and I like it. I like it, you know what's funny too? I love the angry people that still hate women and like that yell at me and blah, blah, blah. Cause I don't take it personal.

It's like, dude, I get it. It's like, don't leave me, man. Don't leave me with all of that. I just always write back, you blah, because I don't take it personal. It's like dude, I get it. It's like don't leave me man. Don't leave me with all that. I just always write back, you know, if I have the time I'll write back and be like, listen man, I hope you figure your way out of it. You know what I mean? Women are great, believe it or not.

If you treat them. I do the same thing. Yeah, if you treat them right or whatever. I'll hit them back and go, hey, I was angry like you and I went for my dreams at 44. Just go do it. Fuck it. Yes.

Go do it, man. Don't take your anger out on me. Just go do it. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Wasn't that nice to hear? That made me feel good just to hear that.

Where can we see, where can we see your special? All right. Here it is right now. You can see it on my Patreon for the next six days, patreon.com slash Dean Del Rey. And then it'll be on YouTube, April 17th on my channel, Dean Del Rey. Please share it, give it to everybody. Let's see if we can blow it up because I really, really am proud of this special and I can't

thank you enough for, without you I couldn't have done this. There's no fucking way. No, don't worry about it. There would have been an iPhone with Marcus in the background. You sure we can't get like 50 bucks, man? And a light bulb, you know, so.

No, I knew Marcus was gonna kill it and I knew that you were gonna find the venue and I also knew that it was gonna be different. And it's, I'm proud of you, dude. So you got the new hour ready to go? Yeah, well, I got a 30 I wanna shoot in Joshua Tree in June. That's the new plan. Oh, okay.

Look at you building a fucking brand. Yeah, I gotta do it. I gotta do it. Out at Pappy and Harry. It's just that old West town, Pioneer town. Shoot it out there. All right, I'm already seeing the opening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you town, shoot it out there. All right. I'm already seeing the opening. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You're going to have fun out there. Are you you coming on a motorcycle car? What vehicle? Not to give away the the sequel. Yeah. Well, we'll have to see but we want to have a bunch of motorcycles. That was the perfect **** answer. Yeah. We'll have to see. Yeah. Keep their interests. Look at you. Understand and show business. Yeah. Yeah. Um alright. Wanna go get a cup of coffee? Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah. We'll have to see. Yeah. Peek their interests. Look at you. Understanding show business. Yeah. All right. Want to go get a cup of coffee? Yeah. Thank you so much. All right. Love you, brother. Check out 5836. Bam! Yeah! Short-term memory is coming back. Yeah. We've already done the play 32 times.

What? Mm-hmm. I gotta see that, dude. I saw that last play I saw was the Jaws play. And this is the thing. It keeps getting like more fun. Oh, man. I just I get off on watching like Like Bob Karen Michael Donald John and Howard all do something different every single night and I'm like all these guys are like comedians that are always trying out new material But like they have to do it within the context of these words.

Yeah. And so there's that other challenge of like, as a comedian, the challenge is, you know, I gotta say something new. But that's like you, dude. But they have to find the new in the same words. So it's like more, I find it more challenging. And you know what I have learned about my brain?

Yeah. Is that if I try too many new things and change the cadence, I go into the white room and I can forget my fucking line. That's happened to me twice. Whoa. You forget your line? Oh, just completely blank. Whoa.

But it's funny. Oh yeah. Because your scene partner helps you out. Do you say it? They're like, fuck. No, no, no, no. You just sort of, you improv back and forth and then they feed you a line to get you back on.

No, and the crowd never notices. That's great. Yeah, you know, I went to, I was telling this story on my podcast. I was talking to somebody that was in one of those musical and she was singing a song and she goes, dude, I've done the show like fucking, you know, 200 times and I'm up there and I'm just sort of drifting,

thinking about my day. And then she goes, I just go fucking blank. She goes, I'm up there and I'm just sort of drifting thinking about my day and then she goes I just go fucking blank she goes I have no idea what I'm singing about oh man but she had like background singers and she just sort of started vamping I think she said it she goes I almost sounded like I was trying to speak Chinese and then she tried to make the noise of like the microphone like cutting in and out like going like that with like her voice and she was like mortified and she went like after the show friends, oh, that was great.

But she goes, wait a minute, that was great. I totally forgot that second verse. I was like, oh, you did? Oh, I didn't notice. Yeah, they were checked out too. No, no, no, it's just like, there's a lot going on or whatever. And then the thing is if you just don't go like,

oh my God, I don't know what I'm doing. You can play it off. And then what happens is, is when your scene's over and you get off the stage, you and the other actor just start fucking laughing. Oh yeah. Your ass off and you go, I'm sorry about that. So then they're just like, dude, you're gonna do that for me.

So you're kind of there for each other. It's really, you know, not just, I don't think as a comedian, like I think that we get real like, oh fuck, I only hang out with comedians and like I'm gonna get into this actory world and this is gonna be this different thing and I'm gonna feel weird and not comfortable in it. It isn't that, it's really,

oh speaking of which, I saw that Good Night and Good Luck, the George Clooney play, which was amazing, fucking amazing. The set was like breathtaking, All the actors killed it. The story, very relevant, obviously, for today. And Alana Glazier was in it. Oh, fuck. Yeah, so. Yeah, I'm so proud of you, man.

Yeah. That's why when I was watching her, I was proud of her. I was like, look at those fucking comedians getting in here on some of this Broadway stuff. I fucking look at you and I just go like, God damn, man, that is my brother killing it in the industry You know, it's just talking to some outskirts. Yeah, don't want the outskirts It's like you they were not doing this. This is about you. I know but I'm on you

I just wanted to you know, just I thought about it. I was like, this is mind-boggling, you know It's just unreal and so fucking cool. You know? Hey dude, I'm a fucking 33 year old, 33 year overnight success. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, that is the podcast. Check out 5836.

April 17th. April 17th. YouTube. Yep. Patreon right now. You can buy it on Patreon. What's where? Patreon.com slash Deendale Ray.

And once again, thank you so much. Yeah, no worries, dude. We're going to blow this thing up. Fucking amazing. Go out there, get some money. Oh, man. Go buy some motorcycles. All right.

Thank you for watching, everybody. Listen to the music and the bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts. Let them up! Yeah! Yeah! 10th, 2017, what's going on, how is ya? How's it going everybody? Are you doing good? I apologize that the podcast is late.

I apologize that it's late. I was flying back from San Antonio. I meant to do it yesterday, but I was doing a tour of San Antonio and the day got away from me. You know, I was going all around San Antonio. I went out to Jeff Reines drum shop. I got some Mexican food around the corner that was fucking delicious. Um, I forget the name of that place, but it's going to be on the video.

Then it went down to the river walk and over to the stupid fucking Alamo. Jesus Christ. Just crawling with fucking tourists, reenactactors All kinds of magnets and shit, and I just was like that You know every time I go to San Antonio I was like I'm gonna fucking go in there, and I'm gonna read up on all these guys who fought to the last guy I'm gonna read up on every time I get there There's like 9,000 people in jean shorts as a fucking gift shop, and I just say forget it. I felt bad about it Okay, what do you know what are you not patriotic there, Bill?

You know? But then I ran to somebody from San Antonio. I go, you ever go into this thing? They go, no, we live here. And I was like, oh, I get it. No, I get it. The Alamo is your Times Square. Like nobody in New York goes to Times Square. Okay? Nobody in LA goes to fucking Disneyland or fucking Universal. Unless you have kids, but I mean just as an adult, you're not gonna fucking go there. You know, you don't stand in line in your own fucking town, okay? One of the advantages of it being your own fucking town is you don't have to stand in line with everybody else because you know all the spots. You know where to go, you know where not to go. And when you're in San Antonio, where not to go is the fucking Alamo unless you're a goddamn tourist.

Then you go in there and then you're going to go over to the River Walk, which is actually for a touristy thing was very nice. That man made River. I got to tell you something. That's the first time I walked down it. I liked it. I really enjoyed it. There was a bunch of people standing outside,

getting their little hustle going on, trying to get you to go in and drink a margarita. Right, all kinds of wacky people wearing hats, people driving by on the little gondolas. You know, it was like you were in Venice, but it was Texas, right? They're a little slice of fucking Italy. You know?

And then right around the corner was the majestic theater. Very ornate, the word only used to describe a theater. Very ornate. Hey my buddy redid his garage. Oh it's beautiful, so ornate. Nobody ever says that, right? They call it a fucking man cave. Okay so the man caves for fucking, you know, the twinkle toes there, the Broadway stars of these theaters. this thing had like I mean had like fucking houses and she looks on Peter Pan stuff was amazing and evidently while I was on stage there was a bat flying around that went past me and aside the fact that it was a bat like nobody even reacted they're so used to bats down there evidently they they kill all the fucking mosquitoes or enough of them

you know what I mean? So people in San Antonio evidently cool with bats I don't know but I had two great shows the first show went awesome and the second show was just fucking next level and I actually text my agent I was like the hours ready and he was like really and I'm like yes so let's fill up the calendar there fuck oh no that's not how I talk to my agent I go let's fill up the calendar there. Fuck oh, no. That's not how I talk to my agent. I go, let's fill up the, you know, let's fill up the fucking calendar. So his mission should he chooses to accept it, he's going to fill up my calendar. And then, and I gave him the list of the eight teams that I have left that I need to go see.

All right. So if you're on this list, I'll be doing a show at some point within the next fucking year because I'm knocking these out in the next year before my daughter starts walking and talking and doing all that stuff. I got to knock this out. So I need the Toronto Raptors,

the Ottawa Senators, who are playing my Boston Bruins in the first round of the playoffs. Congratulations to both teams making the playoffs. That's a big deal. Playoffs? Oh wait, no, no, no. Wait, are we playing them?

I think we are playing them, which makes no fucking sense to me. Fucking hockey. If we're like the eighth seed, shouldn't we play the Capitals? Shouldn't the Capitals be rewarded that they won their fucking division rather than having to play the fucking Penguins and then they knock one another out and all we gotta do is try to get past the senators? No disrespect, but disrespect intended? No, I'm just being honest. Alright, let's check this shit out right now, okay?

You know this isn't gonna work. You know it's Nia, you know I'm gonna be on the wrong fucking one. The Boston Celtics are a second seed? They're a fucking second seed, there. Alright, hang on a second. NHL playoff bracket. All right. Here we go. NFL NHL fucking playoff bracket. All right. Yes. This is what the fuck I want. You're gonna make me click on it again. I typed what I wanted and then you're like, is this what you want? Yes, this is this is what I want

All right, the Rangers are versed Canadians the Bruins get the senators. I don't get it Capitals get the Maple Leafs. Okay. All right. All right. All right. I thought and then coke. There's a good one Columbus versed the Penguins That would as you go one Nashville Predators made a playoff playing the Blackhawks, Minnesota Wilds vs. the St. Louis Blues. Anaheim Ducks vs. the Calgary Flames and the San Jose Shacks vs. Edmonton Oilers. Here we go. Brad Marchand is back and all of that shit. So anyways, yeah, I got to get the Toronto Raptors, Ottawa Senators. I got to get the Brooklyn Nets.

I've already seen the New Jersey nets, but my rule is if you get a new stadium, I don't give a fuck, I'll eventually see it. But if you move to a new city, especially a state, you know, then yeah, I got to go fuck and see you again. All right, I need the Carolina Hurricanes, Orlando Magic, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the Memphis Grizzlies, and the New Orleans Pelicans. So there you go. So I'm going to try to get, you know, I'll probably do the

Canadian ones at the same trip and I'll try to do the fucking Orlando Tampa at the same time. Then I think I'm going to do a bus trip to knock out those fucking three. Carolina, fucking Memphis, and New Orleans. I think that that's what I'm going to do. And then I'll be done. And then what will you do, Bill? Well, you know what I'll do? I'll move on to fucking college. All right?

Because the day I go out on the road and I don't have something to fucking look forward to and I just sit in the goddamn hotel waiting for the show, that's it. I'm going to dry up. You hear me? Dry up! the show that's it I'm gonna dry up you hear me dry up so anyways I got Boise coming up and I just got an email from the theater VMA agent saying hey we've been watching these videos seeing Bill likes to play the drums what if we rented a drum kit and put it in the theater during the day and if Bill wants

to play during the day he can come in and play for like an hour how fucking great is that? It's the coolest thing ever. I might put that on my fucking rider. I don't give a shit how much it costs because this is the thing. They always say, hey, we'll do that for you. And then they just, you know, they pay me less money. That's how it works.

Now, god damn it, this isn't in fucking stereo. I just realized it. Wait a sec, wait a second, she... Let me see something. There we go, oh you fucking son of a bitch. That's not it, how do I get this thing in stereo? You know, this is just one of these fucking days, isn't it? Isn't this just one of these days, now I'm just gonna push buttons.

What's going on? There it is. Now it's in stereo oh Jesus Christ I thought there was something wrong with the wire my fault well you had to suffer for 753 I'll let you I'll just say that it isn't you know this you know something you know what's great about it it'll give you something to complain about know, unless the great Andrew Themelis fixes the fucking thing. I don't know. Anyways, plowing ahead here. So what else? Okay. So I went down there and I saw, I saw a lot of San Antonio this time. Like I said, I had great fucking shows. You know what? Who's kidding who? I lost, I completely lost my train of thought because now I'm fucking mad at

myself. Why didn't I think to just fucking push that button? I immediately thought it was the wire. I troubleshooted. I never knowingly lied about the wire. Um, all right. So now I know what you guys are thinking. Hey Bill, you know, you said that you were going to watch some alternative sports this weekend. You said you were going to watch the Masters, the Moto GP of sports this weekend you said you were going to watch the masters the moto gp in formula one well old Billy Freckled face the fat titted no glute having cunt i did two out of three

i watched the moto gp you know what's hilarious i didn't realize that there was two undercarred motorcycle races and i'm sitting there going like this fucking race is only 20 laps. What's going on here, right? The first one was the GP3, then or some of the Moto3, then the Moto2, and then there was the last one. So I kind of fast forward through the first two, and then I watched the whole MotoGP, the real fucking one and congratulations to, I don't even know how to say this guy's name, Maverick Venales. You know, I saw that Mark Markenberg, whatever his fucking name is, he was cruising around and all of a sudden he just didn't make this turn and he was very upset with himself. That's his name, Mark Menendez.

That's not who it is. That's the guy who killed his fucking, when he killed his parents. I don't know what happened. And then Valentino Rossi came in second and both of them, they seem very excited about that. You know what I mean? They got some points. They felt good about themselves. And I got to tell you something, man, those fucking guys,

and you got to check out the MotoGP. It's unfucking, the amount of crashes that I saw in all three of those races. There was one guy who was going through the turn, he started to accelerate and the back end kind of kicked a little bit. So he got off it, then he got back on it and the fucking, the goddamn bike had a seizure. Fucking did a couple little S's and then just like started flipping over. And then the guy, of course, he flies off the damn thing. It hits him him in the back of the head it amazes me that they get back up again those suits they have are incredible they got little airbags in them and shit but still they always

end up fucking up their hands or their ankles or something like that but this guy kind of high sided on it which is basically you know if you're a novice like me when they just sort of lay it down and the bike starts sliding and you just kind of You just touch the ground and slide with the fucking thing High siding is when it hits the ground and you fucking catapult over the top of it the high side of it And that's when you get seems to me. That's when you get fucking hurt It's ridiculous they're going like 200 miles an hour in something that you can just fall off of going like 200 miles an hour in something that you can just fall off of. Um, but I enjoyed the race immensely.

I enjoyed that race as much as you guys probably didn't enjoy the first seven minutes, 53 seconds of fucking no stereo on this. Um, I, and then I watched, I watched the masters too, and I could not be happier for Sergio Garcia. I mean, I just, you know, it's one of the things about being at his level when you go that long without winning is that gives you every, it gives every mouth breathing, haggard dust, eating fucking douchebag who never achieved anything. The right to walk up to you and start telling you about how you can't get it done. You know what I mean? Sitting there wearing a wife beater with your flabby grandmother fucking arms. You know? Just giving this guy shit. When he missed that one on 18, I was

like, Oh God, Oh boy, here we go. Here we go. Shades of Kenny Perry. Is this what we're going to see again? And actually every year when I watched the Masters, you know, I don't watch it every year. I shouldn't say that, but every time I watch it somebody always folds in the back nine and I actually get mad at the tournament I always end up, you know, I was actually texting my I was texting a Court who did the live? Final day of the Masters and I was just like dude. Can somebody just win this fucking event? Does anybody ever just win the Masters? Can somebody just win this fucking event? Does anybody ever just win the Masters? No one ever wins the Masters.

Somebody fucking loses it every year, and you just have to watch somebody. Like a buddy of mine tested me, uh, texted me, tested, texted me, and said, uh, if Sergio doesn't win this playoff, he said that punt will, that punt will haunt him. It's like, no, it won't. It will, but you know what's going to haunt him is every cheesecake factory eating douchebag walking up to him. It's like, no, it won't. It will. But you know what's going to haunt him is every cheesecake factory eating douchebag walking up to him. Hey, remember that time you missed that pot? You know, giving him shit, right? Not realizing that that missed pot is a fucking metaphor for the other person's entire goddamn existence. This guy's played

in over 70 something major. So anyways, just like watching Phil Mickelson win it way back in the day in like oh four was so great to watch him get the monkey off his back so congratulations to him winning the most difficult activity known to man playing the non-sport that is golf you know I still had to give it shit, right? It's such a, I know it's such a, dude it's so hard. It's such a fucking mind fuck. I get it. I get it, but I would rather have to do that than face a fucking roided up, well he never got convicted, so. Cardjerk Remons, right? Roger Lemens, right?

Roger Lemons, right? I wouldn't want that guy throwing half a fucking bat at me. You know, just muttering explicatives as I walk up to the plate. I would much rather have to try to sink a fucking three footer than some fucking roided up maniac on the goddamn mound who can't admit that his fucking careers over. So he's got to go out and take some fucking horse tranquilizers, not saying that he did it.

And you know what? If he did, God bless him. God bless him that he did. I am, I am so fucking, I told you I'm pro steroids, dude. I'm fucking pretty, everybody should get on them. You know, I want every fucking athlete on steroids. Okay? And then the doctors can look at you and see what the side effects are and they can gradually

make them better and better and better and better. Till it's like vaporized weed. You know? You just have like a steroid mist in me with my fucked up shoulder. You know what I mean? I'll just come in and just walk into the doctor's office. You know? They'll put a fucking hot towel over my head like I have hay fever and then they'll just come in and just walk into the doctor's office. You know, they'll put a fucking hot towel over my head.

Like I have hay fever and then they'll just have me breathe in steroids. I'll walk out. I'll have glutes again. After 20 years of sitting on my ass in planes and rental cars, my fucking glutes will come back. They're just like non-existent. I don't know what happened. I just fucking like, you know, like when you're going to make something, you got to pound out like non-existent. I don't know what happened. I just fucking like, you know like when you're gonna make something you gotta pound out like a fucking chicken breast? Yeah, that's what my fucking ass is like after years of being on a plane. So, um, I actually made my way across to the gym when I was in San Antonio to their sister property.

Sister property? You mean the other hotel? Fucking weirdos anyways and I went in there I did the elliptical for about 40 minutes and then I just did a fucking for me for me I did a savage fucking leg workout and now I you know I know you guys all thinking well what did you do bill all right this is what I did I had the exercise ball I put it on the fucking wall between me and my back and then i would just roll down with that you know so i could keep my back nice and straight and my my weight on my heels pushing through my heels

to engage my my veal fucking buttocks um then what did i do I did hip thrusts after that. Then I did some calf raises. Then I did the classic, the things you sit down where you do the front parts of your quads and then the other one, you stick them and you fucking go the other way. You do the back part of your legs. And then I got on the squat machine. I don't like the one that you stand up on.

I like the one that you sit down on. I feel like you can go deeper. You don't have to worry about your fucking back. And I did that. I did fucking three sets of all of that shit. And this morning my legs were definitely killing me. So that's a new part of my workout. Okay? That's what I'm doing. But I don't have all those leg machines when I'm here. You know what I mean? And my shoulders fucked up. So I'm not putting a barbell on my back with a bunch of fucking weight. Okay. I will just, I will choose to do more squats without any weight because I am an old man, but I swear to God, I swear to God, man, those fucking athletes, man, they got to keep taking steroids, you know, just like the singers, you know, a singer can't sing a

song. What do they do? Give her a little bit of steroids right in her throat. Give her throat the old right there, Fred. What happens? She fucking, she goes out there and starts singing a song. She makes it simple. And you know what? And it lasts the whole night long.

Sorry. Um, and then lastly, for alternative sports, uh, I thought I taped the fucking formula one race in Shanghai, China, and I didn't. Fucking pisses me off. So all I did was I just watched the highlights. So, uh, congratulations to Lewis Hamilton. Him and the guy who won in Australia, they came in 1 and 2 and now they just flipped, so they're tied with 43 points. The fuck's his name? I should know his name. He only won a goddamn race, right? That's all, right? Now, Sebastian Vettel.

For the Ferrari team. They're tied at 43. And Max Verstappen is 25th. 25 points, I'm sorry. In third place. And, uh... Fucking Ricky Rocket is in fifth place. Kimi... Reikinen. Now, he's not the guy I called. Who's the guy I called fucking Ricky Rocket is in Fitz place. Kimi... Rickonin. Now he's not the guy called, who's the guy called fucking Ricky Rocket?

Nico Rosberg. Is that it? No, Nico Rosberg fucking retired. I don't fucking know, there's too many goddamn sports going around my head now. Anyways, the playoffs in NHL stat, we're playing Ottawa. I like our goddamn chances.

I heard that defense is a little banged up according to Joe Bartnik on the Puck Off podcast. I'll be watching all of those. I'll be tweeting. I'll be fucking Facebooking. I won't be doing any of that shit, but maybe I will. So anyways, I ate pretty good when I was on the road and I also ate kind of bad. I had that Mexican food and it was just fucking... I used to always make fun, in the tour I was making fun of Mexican food as far as the refried beans and the rice that they put on the plate. And I was just like, you know what this shit is? This is Mexico's version of coleslaw.

You know what coleslaw like most people don't take it seriously. It's basically it's a plate filler. You know, you got your piece of meat, you got your vegetable, and then they just throw that shit there just so the plate doesn't look naked. You know what I mean? Oh, wow, look at this big plate of food I got. No I got no no no that's like more than 60% rice and beans I didn't get it all right then once understands now you mix all that shit in together You grab one of those little fucking round pieces of bread whatever the fuck you call it you put it on there

You know a little bit of hot sauce. It's delicious. You got a little bean and rice fucking a fucking thing there thingamajig Sorry, I'm white. I don't know. I'll learn it. I've only been out in LA for 10 years. At some point I'll learn. Was that a tostada? I know what an enchilada is. I know what a crispy taco is. She said crispy or puffy. Never heard puffy before. I always go crispy. You know what I mean? But the crispy tacos, it's only good on the first bite because then the whole fucking thing falls apart. You know what I mean? It's like an old person's hip.

You barely touch it and the whole thing just cracks and it doesn't work anymore. So you kind of got to go soft taco, right? The flaccid taco. All right. I'm sorry. But then if you mix the beans and rice in there, all I can say is it was goddamn delicious. Let me do a little bit of advertising here. A little ads here for the week here.

What am I doing here? Come on. Why do I want this computer work right now? Oh, here we go. Our old friends here. First read of the week. Oh, zip! Okay. Okay, oh, here we go, oh, our old friends here. First read of the week, oh, zip! Okay, yeah, I flew for the first time. I went up with an instructor, and holy shit. Anybody out there who flies helicopters? I mean, jeez, I missed the fucking pad when I was coming in. I mean, I missed it by probably 60 yards,

just coming in way too fast. I was like, I got, I got settling with power. Fuck this. I just kind of continued on past it like you're supposed to came back around the next time. You know, I came up a little short, took me about, I don't know, 26 goes around till I was starting to feel it again. And it was funny. Like my fourth time, I just flew the traffic pattern down there at Long Beach and my fourth time around I was turning to go downwind and I just started laughing and my instructor started laughing too because he knew I was laughing.

I was just like, this is fucking awesome. It's just fucking, it's fucking awesome. And it just totally relit the fire in me to go do it and I'm gonna try and fly again before the end of the month so if I can just kind of fly like once every ten days or something while I'm getting a little one going you know I would be very happy with that it's such a it was such an accomplishment in my life to get my pilot's license I would hate to just not do it and forget how to do it it's so much fucking fun and it's really, you know what I mean?

If you just do what they say, the way they maintain them. I know everybody always tries to freak out, but they're always freaking me out. Like, dude, be careful up there. Be careful. Oh yeah, okay, I was going to fly with a blindfold. But I get it, I get it. Anyways, let's plow ahead here.

Oh yeah, so I ended up, you know what? I can't plow ahead here, because I was going to start doing the reads and I'm only at 28 minutes, so I need to run my yap a little bit longer. So yeah, I think we flew the TAF traffic pattern for like just like a little over an hour. I got a 1.1 on the Hobbs Meta and didn't do any autos.

It was just all low approach you know normal approach steep approach that's all I was doing and it was fun flying the 22 which is my that's my favorite one even though the 44 is cool you know it's a nicer one I just love the 22 is like driving an old sports car with no power windows, no power steering, fucking drum brakes. I always just put that one. It's just like, I'm whatever it's doing. I'm actually doing it.

I heard on some of those high end helicopters, if you want to, if you want to hover, you just push a button and it just does it for you. That's the one you get when you get older. You know what I mean? I don't want to sit here drawing on a dime. All right, you know what? I'm just going to start reading these fucking, I'm going to start doing the reads here for the week.

Oh, by the way, what's the deal with all the haunted houses in San Antonio? You know, it was the usual stuff as far as Texas goes. Texas is the king of the shiny four-door pickup truck that's never seen a construction site or off-road. In Texas, that's a four-door sedan. And I'll tell you, they got some fucking nice ones. I saw a guy pull up a Ford F-150 four door. It's got giant tires on it, this old fucking guy. Big white cowboy hat, big fucking belt buckle

and white cowboy boots. I was just like, ah, this is just, you know, as a tourist, it's like that's what the fuck I wanted to see. Now I can say I went to Texas, you know what I mean? I don't want to see somebody looking at their fucking iPhone. I can do that out here. All right, update, Psycho from Yogurt Shop video. Alright, Bill, turns out that nut job, I don't even remember this,

who was accosting the couple, oh, oh, oh, that's right. This goes back to like a couple podcasts ago where there was this woman who was trashing these two people for kissing in public, saying that it was sexual harassment and all of that type of stuff. And I kind of agreed with her on a level, I just, I hate watching people kiss in public, you know what I mean?

Give each other a quick peck, you know? Going for one real one if you want to, but then just keep it moving, you know what I mean? To literally sit there, take it to the point where her pussy's getting wet and your dick starts standing up, it's like, what are you doing? Get the fuck out of here. It's gross.

All over each other. I fucking can't stand it. I don't like it in movies. You know, it's disgusting. Anyways. So here's an update. This lady flipped out, was yelling at them, and you know, I don't know, gonna call the cops. I couldn't get through the whole thing because she looked like she was a little, you know, had some mental issues going on something was going on or she was extremely lonely or somebody filled her up with Jesus I don't know what happened anyways Bill turns out that nutjob who was accosting the couple at the yogurt shop is an amateur porn actress yeah boy and witnesses say that the guy only

kissed his girlfriend on the forehead. No lip service. Oh, all right. My fault. And it wasn't the first time she's yelled at people in public. It took the internet like half a day to get to the bottom of it. Oh, that's too bad. That's too bad. You know what I mean? You know what's weird about watching porn? As much as you watch it, you know nobody wants to do it. No, that was not a fucking job. Alright, let me read this here. Go to the page. Go to the page. That's what I sage.

Alright, here we go. Is it going to come up for me? Viral video of Meltdown over 40. How exactly did they figure out who she was? How does the internet get to the bottom of all of this stuff? Alright, here we go. Recently a viral video went viral. Having a meltdown over a forehead kiss. Yeah, this all happened at a Santa Monica restaurant. Goes so far, I believe that the woman is something something, it seems screaming. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, come on, man. It's not enough. It's not enough she made an ass of herself. We got to take it. I want to fucking know about this person. I feel bad for her. I hope she turns a life around all right update great barrier reef It's time for another update sounds like your skepticism of the reports that it ain't all that bad was warranted

All right the great barrier reef. Yeah, this is more shit. I don't want to read about fucking People who've gone crazy doing porn, and I don't read about Great Barrier Reef dying. What are you guys doing to me? I got another fucking 27 minutes to go. Oh my god, is this the... Holy shit, okay. Great Barrier Reef at terminal stage. Scientists despair at latest coral bleaching data. Australia's politicians has betrayed the reef and only the people can save it. I should read this because maybe, I don't know, maybe they can turn it around because there are uplifting stories about nature out there

you know where certain species are making a big comeback you know what I mean? Alright back-to-back severe bleaching events have affected two thirds of Australia's Great Barrier Reef, a new aerial survey has found. The findings have caused alarm among scientists who say the proximity of the 2016 and 2017 bleaching event is unprecedented for the reef and will give damaged coral little chance to recover. What site is this?

This is called the Guardian. What site is this? This is called the Guardian. Now, what is their agenda? Yeah, I mean, you never know what the fucking believe here. Scientists with the Australian Research Council Center of Excellence. Jesus Christ, take it down a little bit, huh? Fucking arrogant bastards. For coral reef studies last week, compiled aerial surveys of the world's largest living structures, scoring bleaching at 800 individual coral reefs across 8,000 kilometers. The results show the two

consecutive mass bleaching events have affected 1,500 kilometers stretch leaving only the reefs southern third unscathed. Oh boy. Well, there you go. You know what the deal is. We have to go. A significant portion of us have you go. You know what the deal is, we have to go. A significant portion of us have to go. Maybe it's good that the robots come. Are they going to be electric robots? Are they going to require oil also? But you know something, all these fucking electric cars, you know when you go to the

split, that Tesla, that giant Tesla battery, now what do they do with that when you're done with the car? What happens to that battery? I know that car constantly has updates. Does that also include the battery? Can you make the battery better? Let's look that up. I bet there's a bunch of fucking oil companies putting some shit out, true or otherwise, about this. Tesla Tesla car footprint. Okay, let's see. The carbon footprint of Tesla manufacturing. Tesla's electric cars aren't as green as you might think.

The electric cars aren't green. Yeah, nothing is green. Nothing is green. Didn't Doug Staminoff had a great joke. He said, the greenest thing you can do is kill yourself. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And I would go further if he didn't to say, and then have yourself buried in the topsoil so you fucking give it some

nutrients. Actually, we're also full of fucking god knows what McDonald's and shit. You'd probably cause the tree next to your body to die. Um, does the Tesla Model S electric car pollute more than an SUV? This is the green car report. Alright, let's see. Let's see. Who's kidding who? The Tesla is not about being green.

That's about going 0 to 60 in 2.3 seconds. Tesla is not about being green. That's about going zero to 60 in 2.3 seconds. Does the supposedly clean green Tesla Model S really pollute more than a gas guzzling Jeep Grand Cherokee sports utility vehicle? That's what one analyst has claimed. Now what I love about this is everybody has a dog in the fight. Obviously the oil guys don't want you to switch over to the fucking electrical shit and all the electric people, they are so convinced that batteries, you know, didn't Michael Jordan

do a commercial a long time ago about recycling your batteries? Didn't he do that? You know, that's how I know about it, right? Because an athlete told me not to do it. But what about that giant battery at the bottom of the Tesla? What do you do with that thing? What do you do with that when it's done? All right.

In an exhaustive 6,500 word article on the financial website Seeking Alpha, analyst Nathan Weiss lays out a case model S that the case model S actually okay okay we know what he said he said it was worse. As an S owner I was shocked for me I just felt this is crazy although the carbon emissions were not a big factor in my decision. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Weiss has been advising his clients to short the stock of Tesla. And it's da, da, da, da, da. All right, not so fast. Power plant emissions can't...

All right, I'm not reading all this fucking shit. You know what this is? This is just a media war right now going on. And I don't know where the fuck to get the facts. And I'm not going to just look up the first goddamn thing and read it. I have no idea. You know, but I can tell you this. All right. I know that guy that had a Tesla has like ridiculous security around him.

Because remember that guy who came up with the car that could drive across the country just on water. And then he went around and told people about it? His last words when he walked out of the diner was, they poisoned me and then he died and then his car disappeared. I know that sounds crazy but that's a true fucking story. It's a true story according to the internet. All right, follow up.

Girl who gave weed ultimatum. I love the follow ups everybody. This is like our own little mini series here on the podcast, this is tremendous. I'll give you that guy's name too, if you guys can look it up. You guys let me know if you think this is fucking real or not. All right, water power, car, inventor vanishes.

What is his name? What's his name? What's the name of the fucking water guy? Yes, Stanley Myers water fuel cell There you go Look that guy up go down that fucking rat hole rabbit hole me. Why er I think is how you spell it right Stanley M-E-Y-E-R, I think is how you spell it, right? Stanley. Stanleys are always fucking honest, aren't they? One of my favorite promoters around the country, that's his first name, Stanley.

Right, his fucking reign. All right, follow up to the girl who gave me the weed ultimatum. All right, for those of you who missed the podcast a couple times ago, there was this woman, this guy was dating, he's always smoking weed around her. She had problems with alcohol and shit.

And then one day, I don't know, she cleaned up and she just lashed out at him and said, he needs to just totally quit smoking weed. It's either her or the weed. All right, so here we go. Says, yo brother Bill, on four three you responded to my email about the ultimatum my girlfriend gave me Her versus weed my fucking computer is gonna die hang on I gotta hit pause I can't keep fucking yammering expect you guys to listen to this shit hold on

All right, I'm back. I'm back. I'm powered here. I'm powered up here All right on 4-3 you responded to my email about the ultimatum my girlfriend gave me Her versus weed. Either choose her or the weed man. She has since admitted that she was being a cunt by giving me the ultimatum and no longer cares if I smoke. She has since been smoking more weed than me and two days after she gave me the ultimatum, the following happened. Yeah, dude, I don't even need to read this. See, this woman is unstable. She needs to get help. And if I was you, I'd get out of this relationship, but I'll read it for the entertainment value here. Uh, she stumbled into our apartment

so drunk that she couldn't stand. She was accompanied by another man. Oh, bonus. Here we go. The guy she was with happened to be the one guy that she swore she'd never talked to again because a couple months ago he sent her a 10 page email professing his love for her and trying to convince her that I'm an asshole and she should be with him. Up until that point, they were friends that hung out on occasion, which I was okay with. Oh, Jesus. But after he sent the love letter, which she read to me, she told me she would never speak

to him again. Why did she read this to you? You didn't need to hear all of that. Okay. again why did she read this to you you didn't need to hear all of that okay anyways back to the cup a couple of days ago we got in a fight and I said I was going to leave because of the bullshit weed ultimatum but instead she left what anyways back to a couple days ago so wait when did she stumble in this is like a fucking Tarantino movie two Two days after she gave me... Alright, so I guess before this bullshit happened, you said you were going to leave due to the fucking weed ultimatum?

Is that what you're telling me? But instead she left claiming she was spending the night at her sister's. Instead she went straight to this dude's place, got shit-faced drunk, went to a bar with him, then came back to our apartment. Both of them. She did not expect me to be home. When she saw that I was there, he immediately walked out. Oh Jesus. She was so drunk, she was unresponsible, so the fight didn't come until the next morning

when she claimed that the only reason he walked in was probably because he was just making sure she got home safely. Oh boy. Um, I told her that I'm done and that I'm moving back to my home state seeing as she is the only reason I no longer live in my home state. Good, good move. Good move, sir. Since this incident, she has been crying and begging for me to stay and wants to get married, et cetera. Get the fuck out of here. She claims that she has no interest in him and she was just mad at me and was under the impression that I had already packed my things and left and she just needed a friend at the moment.

Those are all lies and this is the tip of the fucking iceberg, sir, that goes all the way down to the fucking ocean floor. Personally, I don't think I can forgive her or trust her, but I need to make a decision and fast. Get the fuck out of there, sir. Because I'm either going to tough this out and stay here. Oh Jesus, hoping this shit doesn't happen again, or I'm going to get the fuck out of Dodge

and move back home and start over. Help me out, brother. Should I stay or should I go? Your thoughts, thanks, and go fuck my life. No, not fuck your life. If you stay, you're fucking your life. Dude, get out of there. Now that you just heard what you wrote out loud,

back by me reading it out loud, which probably made no sense, do you realize how insane that is? How insane it would be for you to do that? I'm almost thinking, as much as she needs to get her life together, you need to look at yourself as to why you would stay with a person like this. Yeah. You need to get the fuck out of there, dude. All right. You still got your whole life ahead of you. All right.

And as far as like marrying somebody, you basically get one draft pick. All right. Cause when you get divorced, your franchise gets cut in half and then you start drafting in later rounds, you know, you're getting older and shit. This is your number one draft pick. This is what you're going to pick. This person with all the fucking problems they're having at the college level. I'm telling you, get the fuck out of it. Right, dude.

I mean, Jesus Christ. If you don't believe me, go ask, tell 20 strangers that fucking story. I swear to God, they're all going to say the same thing. Get the fuck out of there. Go on Dr. Phil. You need to get the fuck out of Dodge. He'd say the same thing. Actually, he probably wouldn't because she's a woman and his audience is female.

So he'd probably go, well, maybe if you smoked a little less weed and she tried to fuck a little less other people, maybe y'all could find a middle ground. Now all the women would be like, woo! I inserted myself into that situation. All right, men going their own way. You can go your own way. All right. This is a fucking amazing, okay.

Hey yo, Billy Boy, I was wondering if you were secretly behind this movement. This is fucking crazy. This right here is, there's some movement evidently down in Australia, down in all Z, down in all whatever the fuck they say. I don't know what the fuck they say. I've only been there a couple of times. Oh, the plug came undone. Was there a reason why they turned the plug into a magnet?

You know, back when it plugged in it did much better. I guess it's easier to find. You know, it's got navigation kind of and you can find the fucking hole, but it won't stay in there. Alright, there's a growing movement of men in Australia called Men Going Their Own Way. I just paused for all the guys listening to this with their girls so she could have time to roll her eyes and be like, Oh God! Alright? M-G-T-O-W. Megathau. It's an offshoot of the men's rights movement, but rather than getting stuck in and tackling issues, No, rather than getting stuck tackling issues, these guys have vowed to stay away from women, stop

dating and not have children. Jesus. Essentially, MGTOW is a statement about living your life rather than trying to make a woman happy, sorry, happy, sorry, screamed all my jokes last night, or being a slave to cultural expectations. One SW member says, this isn't about a specific rule book, more a mindset. Although there are purists in the movement who are the most extreme and avoid women entirely, there's a growing

number of men who've had enough, enough of the feminism and enough of being told they have to work for a greater good, which doesn't actually exist. Start looking into this manosphere and it's like going down a rabbit hole, this person says. Happiness here is supposedly freedom and shunning relationships is now sweeping through the younger generations. Is it or is this just a very interesting article? Okay, Tom 15 from NSW

North Southwest whatever the fuck that is is what you call is it what you would call the growing number of teens going their own way Jesus kid never even got off the ground. He goes. It's probably not it's probably not true of all women But I got the feeling that women are actually dangerous. Maybe the men around me have just had bad experiences. He tells the newswoman. He said, it's scary being a teenage boy. I'm not sure how it's all meant to fit together in the future, says Tom.

Last year, my uncle lost everything because his wife of 40 years decided she didn't love him anymore. Just like that, she randomly got up and left. It got nasty and he lost everything. His house, cars, and loads of money. There's no way I'm ever getting married. Well, hey, I mean, shit, you saw a very traumatic thing. Of course, teenage boys look at other males in their life to gather some perspective. I'm just gonna read quotes because I'm not gonna read all this. other males in their life to gather some perspective. I'm just going to read quotes because I'm not going to read all this. My older brother who's 20 was dating a girl for a few months. She turned real nasty in the breakup and made a string of allegations to the police

that made me suspicious of women too. My brother's a good guy. Okay? Why should she be able to just say what she wants, accuse him of anything, and then get on with her life like that? It doesn't seem fair to me. I'm not sure what rights I have. Maybe none. Okay, both sexes. Okay, it's crucial that we encourage our children. Find a mentor, a teacher or some blah blah blah, someone who supports communicate. Yeah, but skills

of getting a healthy relationship. That's exactly what I was going to say. What are you just going to walk away from women? You know, you're never going to bang another one. Maybe just go on Tinder. Look, you can get a lot done not being in a relationship, male or female, just focusing on your fucking career. But in you know, if you want to be alone, that's fucking cool. But to do it because of fear reasons is wrong. What you need to learn how to do is set up your relationship. And how you set up a relationship is you have to, you don't pretend to be something you're not. And just tell them what the fuck you want. From day one when she's going like, do you watch sports all the time?

Be like, yeah, I love them. Love them. You know, I like doing most when I do that, like drinking a beer and then going out smoking a cigar. That's what I do. Hey, sweetheart, what do you do? Don't lie to me. Just tell me what you do. And let's see if what you do mixes what I do.

Because if we both start pretending that we don't do what we do, eventually we're going to go back to doing what we're doing. Oh my God, you changed.. No I didn't change. I just, I just started being myself for the first time around you. I didn't mention that I was into dog sleds? Yeah. Uh, well I just figured during the first three months I'd make you fall in love with me and then I would bring my 18 huskies into the fucking house. you fall in love with me and then I would bring my 18 huskies into the fucking house. All right, you're talking about a guy who's made every fucking possible mistake that you can make in a relationship. I've fucked up more goddamn relationships with great women. I got to tell you something, okay? You know, I dated some great women and I fucked them all up, all right? And

it wasn't till I met my now wife, not saying I didn't make a bunch of fucking mistakes after that, but I just met somebody that, uh, I dunno, I was in that part of my life where I could just be like, all right, this is what I do. Is that what you do yet? I never, you know, that's the one thing I am. You're one of the few things I am proud of with all the relationships I've had with women is I've never liked, uh,

I never judged them as far as like whatever the fuck they were into. I didn't give a shit. You know, whatever you want to do, just, just fucking do it. Cause I just looked at it. Like if I give you that sort of freedom, then you'll give it back to me. And if you don't, then I'm, I'm fucking out of here. And what are you going to say? What are you going to say? That's the thing. That's my, you know, my friends come over here. Jesus Christ, you always fucking cleaning up the kitchen. You're fucking doing all this type? That's the thing. That's my, you know, my friends come over and go, Jesus Christ, Bill, you're always fucking cleaning up the kitchen, you're fucking

doing all this type of shit around the house. It's like, exactly. It's the genius. I earn a great living and then I come home and I fucking crush it. So then when I'm going to go out and go see my buddy play drums tonight, what's my wife going say no why because you have a daughter ah you're right okay she got the daughter card now so what am I gonna do plus I fucking love my daughter so great coming home to her now that's the best it's the greatest thing ever greatest thing ever she's not she slept with through the night for the first time of course, of course, the day I had to get up early, you know, and fly out. So I missed the last three hours.

She, she, I think she slept. She slept from like 10 to like seven in the morning. It was fucking unbelievable. And, um, she's such a cute, happy, chill kid. I'm so happy about that, you know, cause I am a fucking lunatic and I she's not home right now That's why I'm doing the podcast a little late, too so she's out with the mother and That is my goal

You know, I don't know if we'll have another one I have no idea but whatever kid or kids that I end up having I want them to be happy Relaxed I want them to feel like they can approach me. They can ask questions. I am by no means going to be a pushover. I'm not going to buy him a bunch of shit. I'm already against that. Buying kids fucking toys before they're like three years old or two and a half is stupid. They don't even know what toys are.

Okay? They want to go out in the kitchen. They want to play with pots and pans. You know, they want to play with your shoes. They want to play with everything but but toys, toys actually bore them. Okay. You get them some pots and pans. It's over.

They love them. They like the noise. They like the handles. They like making a mess. It's great. Um, but you know, I'm not going to be that person buying 78 fucking iPads. Be funny. My daughter's pissed at me in the future and she goes back and listens to this episode and is now playing it to me sometime in the future.

Jesus, that'd be a rough one. Anyways, let's plow ahead. Let's get... Yeah, so I would say that whole men going their own way, I don't know. That's silly. Why would you do that? You're 15 years old, you're in the prime of your life. You don't want to be in a relationship. You just be that guy who finger bangs chicks on the weekends. You know?

And then on Monday when you go to school and they're like, hey, you know, like, are we going to do that again? And you know, if you want to hang out, I mean, I'm kind of doing some... And then when they fucking go like, so what's your deal? You're just going to finger me? And it's just like, what, you didn't enjoy it? You're acting like I did something bad, you know just like, what, you didn't enjoy it? You're acting like I did something bad.

I just don't want to be in a relationship right now. I'm young. And they called it finger banging. Doo doo doo doo doo. All right, girlfriend spiked my drink. Jesus Christ. You know what's funny? If I said that in front of a crowd, everyone would

laugh. If it's the other way around, everybody gasps. What you do? Spike your drink and fucking take your wallet? That's how a woman rapes a man. All right. Hey Bill, a couple months ago I went to a party. Went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends. A couple months ago, that was Ricky Nelson everybody if you didn't recognize it, a couple months ago, I went to a party with a few friends. Among them was the girl that would become my current girlfriend. I had a few drinks, but was shocked to see just how drunk they got me. I don't remember the entire night because I was so drunk. You know, some of these are so fucking over the top.

I just can't believe. Don't even tell me then you ended up with this person. I'm supposed to believe this. I went to the bathroom twice because I felt I was going to throw up. Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she and her friends had spiked my beer with shots of vodka. All right, that's not so bad. That's some college shit. You didn't taste it?

She thought it was a funny prank until I clearly expressed how fucked up that I was. She apologized and all that, saying she never wanted to hurt me, but I'm thinking this is breakup worthy. Most of my friends and family agree I should leave. This isn't the only issue in our relationship and I'm thinking red flags of this caliber are too large to ignore. Should I walk away? Well dude, you only gave me one piece of the puzzle there. You know? If she was drunk and she was in a silly mood with her friends and they fucking did that.

Um... with their friends and they fucking did that. I don't know, but like it seems like there's a bunch of other shit that she's doing and you already seem convinced that you should fucking walk. So I don't know what the other stuff is. So I can't give you advice on that one, sir. I don't have, I'm a hung jury on this one. I need, I need more information. I don't want to tell you. Um, so I don't know if that's the only one that you were going to tell me. And that's not a great way to start a relationship. It is kind of funny though. I don't know. I'm kind of an alky. So in a way that's my dream girl. Do you know at some point point you also gotta admit that, you know, she did buy a couple of shots that night, didn't she? You just didn't know it?

Um, alright. I'm tapin' a lot of shit on MeTV. For me, TV! Taping a couple episodes of, um... Uh, what the fuck's the name of that show? What's the name of the show Valerie Bertinelli was in? With the redheaded lady, and then the other chick, and then Schneider next door. What the fuck was the name of that show?

Not The Apartment, not The Odd Couple, not Three Chicks and a Janitor. What the fuck was the name of that shot going seh Schneider sitcom let's see what we got what do we get one day at a time one day at a time I taped a couple episodes of that and then an episode of Alice I didn't remember how those fucking theme songs went. Do you guys remember those ones? Day in, day out of time theme. It's called This Is It. The fuck out of here.

What happened to my memory? See if I remember this. This is it, this is it, oh yeah. I want to dance. I used to have such a crush on Valle Bertinelli, but they were so fucking broke. That's what all these fucking 70's sitcoms were about. They were just fucking broke ass people. I guess it was reflecting the economy at the time, you know? Like Alice was like, you know, divorced driving this

piece of shit to Phoenix. Remember that? Ford LTD station wagon? You should be shy The funniest thing that satisfies I never knew why Overcome the mess So you know nothing and we let the star of the show sing it. Did she sing that fucking thing? You know what? I can actually block out the singing to listen to the old studio musicians. That's what I miss, because now it's just some asshole with the fucking laptop and the keyboard.

Those are all individual people playing all those instruments. ["Rip Spoke"] I had to take off and start enjoying cause life's too short. There's a new bitch in town and she's feeling good! Got divorced, got the station wagon and I'm in a new neighborhood. Remember that cutie plate Tommy?

He was fucking adorable and then between like season five and season six he grew like three feet and that includes his teeth. All of a sudden he had these fucking horse teeth he was fucking gigantic he looked like he went from fucking being her kid to being the a walk-on for the Phoenix Suns uh for this Monday I want to thank everybody that came out um two shows at the Majestic Theater on a Sunday night I know all you guys had to go to work the next day I had such a great time San Antonio is great oh I didn't talk about I went to the Spurs game went to the Spurs the Spurs fucking uh against the LA Clippers great game fucking. Very, very knowledgeable of the game. I got to see their five championship trophies. They got them right out there where you can see them.

Took a picture and all that shit. It was great. And, um, but I got to tell you something. If you want to win some free shit, go to a Spurs game. I've never seen so much free shit given out in my life. First of all, they had this coyote in a mask, a guy in a coyote mascot costume, and like 19 times during the game, he stole the vendor's cotton candy. And they would play the Benny Hill song.

Waaa, wa ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. And the vendor would sort of mock chase him around as the thing was fucking throwing free cotton candy all over the place They did that like ten fucking times Which made me immediately think like they ordered too much cotton candy this month. It's going bad Let's just get rid of this shit. So we don't have to throw it out We'll also look like you know, like we're good guys for giving it away They had cookies coming down from the ceiling in

parachutes You know, they would just float down. People jumping up for fucking cookies. They dragged some guy out of the fucking crowd and put a couch that you could recline in, and they put it at the foul line. They're like, if you can sit down and you can fucking sink this foul shot,

we're going to give you this couch. The next thing you know, you forget about the game. There's so much shit going on. I'm rooting for this fucking couch potato The next thing you know, you forget about the game. There's so much shit going on. I'm rooting for this fucking couch potato to win a new fucking couch to slowly die on. You know, shoots the first one. Oh! The next one rims out.

Oh! And then he hits it. Everybody's like, whoa! He's freaking out. He's jumping up and down. His man tits flopping all over the place. And then they just drag this leather porn couch off. You fucking want it. You want it. All right right and then you're looking up at the scoreboard

like oh wait a minute i'm watching the fucking spurs they're playing the clippers that's what's happening here this is a critical part of the game there's a timeout now i'm watching awkward dads dancing who's the best awkward dad dancing? Other than that, it was fucking great. I really enjoyed it. And that was franchise number 118 that I've seen. I know I'm getting like the rain man with this. I got eight left and until the next season, you know, when the LA Chargers in the Vegas night start, but I plan on knocking those guys out early, early.

I might even go to that first Char charges game just for them having the audacity to fucking move on me. You know? As of right now, in this moment, I've seen every team fucking west of the Mississippi from fucking as far south as San Antonio, as far north as Edmonton, and these two cunts are going to come along and fuck the whole thing up for me. I will not tolerate that. I will avoid my family. I will take a trip and and I will go see both of these fuckwits. I don't take a trip for San Diego. I sound like a crazy person. Go fuck yourselves. Thank you for listening and I'll check in on you on Thursday. I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man

I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man

I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man Yeah!