Monday Morning Podcast - Diddy Doc, A.I. Privacy, Escort | Monday Morning Podcast 12-8-25

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Bill rambles about the Diddy doc, A.I. privacy, and issues with an escort. Hydrow:  Head over to http://www.Hydrow.com and use code BURR to save up to $600 off on Hydrow rower during this holiday season.  Squarespace:  Check out http://www.Squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: (BURR) to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hims:  To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit http://www.Hims.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast. From Monday, December 8th, 2025, what's going on? Oh, Jesus, how's it going? How's it going out in your neck of the woods? Crazy day of football. Crazy fucking weekend of football. I can't believe the Indiana Hoosiers football team.

beat the Ohio State Buckeyes for the Big Ten championship. I cannot believe that. Congratulations to them. I mean, that's got to be the biggest win easily in that program's career in existence since I've been alive. I, of course, missed all of it. All of a sudden, I was getting text messages. I was out, you know, hang with my kids. That's all I fucking do now.

I just hang with the kids, you know, because everybody who's my age go, oh, they grow up real fast, make sure you fucking do everything. You know, it's so funny how parents romanticize having little kids, you know, take it all in. Make sure you take it all. It's like, dude, don't you remember you were exhausted.

Don't you remember every time you sit down, somebody goes, dad, dad could you? Hey, Dad, Dad! I almost started crying today. Like, it was just like, I can't, can you just, can I just? You can't even finish the sentence? You can't even say, can I just sit down for a second? You're like, can I just, oh, I want to get my Pokemon cars above?

It's just like, and now you've got these empty nesters, you know, just looking back, which, yeah, you do look back fondly, and they do have wisdom and all of that. But they're forgetting. They're forgetting the lack of sleep. My son gets up at 6.30 in the morning, no matter what. I don't care what time we put him down. He gets up. We tell him not to come in the room.

He comes in the room. That's how I wake up every morning. I wake up every morning with a room service order. Jackie, can you make me pancakes? No good morning. no nothing i mean i love it but it's like you know it's it's hard to take in every fucking moment if you actually do that if you spend every waking moment with your kids you're going to lose your fucking mind at some point some point you need to go sit on a back porch

for a second you need to lay down on a couch um i don't know i should they're just projecting okay because i don't think you know if you're actually a truly loving involved parent. I don't think that you're ever going to give yourself the win and be like, I did everything I can do. You're just, that's what makes you a good parent. So you're going to be extra hard on yourself. And then that questioning, you're then going to project onto somebody like me that, you know, make sure you spend every second with them. It's just like, you know. And then I think people who suck at parenting, they never say shit like that and they never question it. I mean, These are generalizations, people.

I don't know if you knew to the podcast. This is what I do. Anyway, so congratulations. To Indiana University. Oh, my God. Beating a How State Buckeyes in the Big Ten championship game. I don't think the Buckeye fans give a fuck. Somebody was saying they actually got a better look in that first game of the playoffs.

So, you know, what are you going to do? Oh, my God. Can you imagine if they, I don't know who they got, but they must not have gotten Indiana because they just played each other. But can you imagine if they play again and Indiana beats them twice? That's kind of the thing, you know what I mean? Like, I wonder if Ohio State beat Indiana, does Indiana somehow get bumped out of the playoffs?

I really feel like no matter when Ohio State loses, like they just, they must be a ridiculous, draw because they never seemed to suffer. I mean, I remember one time they fucking had the same amount of losses as like Penn State or something. They lost to Penn State that year, and it was like they had a tied record, and they still gave the Big Ten championship to Ohio State. So I don't know what's going. A lot of money.

A lot of money gets thrown around, but I'm not mad at it because that happens in my business. You know what I mean? Big conglomerates want to buy other conglomerates, and they swing by a government agency. And then everybody comes out smiling and all of a sudden it goes through and there's no monopoly or whatever. I don't know. I don't know. It's just, uh, just is what it is at that level. At that level, it's just people are, the way the game is played is something that I don't understand. And, uh, and you know what? It's not my problem. All that payola and boosters and fucking drugs and whores and all of that shit that goes on.

islands, freak-offs. Jesus Christ. I came home the other night, and my lovely wife was watching that P. Diddy documentary. And I got it, I watched half of one episode, and I was just like, I'm good. I'm good. I watched the one where they were basically saying, that he was essentially involved in Biggie's death, his murder. And it just made it seem like he coveted what Biggie had.

That's why when you listen to the records, like what always drove me nuts about Biggie's shit is like after every line, Puffy was on there going, that's right. Uh-huh. Bad boy. Stupid left. It's like, well, you shut up and let the guy rap. for the love of God

and I think he was just the way and look it this is just a documentary so I don't know shit about this guy or that fucking world or whatever but I do remember there was a documentary came out

and by the end of this documentary people were convinced that Courtney Love had killed Kurt Cobain and so like I don't know I know about these documentaries people look at them

like they're a fucking police report I have no idea. I don't know what the rules of libel and slander are on social media. Not social media. And streaming platforms. I have no idea what it is. But I was watching this thing. I'm like, are they saying this guy renegotiated his contract?

And did he didn't like it to the point that he killed the guy because he actually wanted to be the guy? And then he was out there. doing that dance, whatever that dance was supposed to be. Didn't quite understand that. Whatever that dance was, when Sting was singing, I saw that episode. And when he finds out Tupac got shot, he goes,

Was that us? Was that us? He was excited. So I missed the one where they showed his abusive childhood. But I'm like, you know what? I've seen enough of this. I think I've seen enough of this. I don't want to watch anymore. I want to watch any more of this stuff, okay?

I had enough bad shit happen to me. I don't need to watch somebody else who had even worse shit happen to them, which made them do even. It's really weird. That whole fucking genre is just weird. It's like, so all of these people's murders and sexual assaults are now my entertainment

for the evening? I had a joke about that a long time ago. People, hey, did you see the Michael Jackson documentary? I was like, no. I think, oh, you got to see it. it. It's like, yeah, you know, I don't want to watch alleged pedophilia testimony, you know, with a fucking bag of popcorn. It just, there's something about it is, uh, it's weird. It reminds me, I remember back in the day, I had to go to court over some bullshit that I did, and I was

guilty, right? And, uh, I just noticed these old people that I didn't know were sitting in there in the courtroom listening to my arraignment and all, whatever the fuck I was. whatever the hell was going on. And I just remembered that, like, I was like, I don't know these people. They only arrested me. There's no victim here. It was drinking and driving, right?

So, like, they're just here because there's air conditioning. And they were sitting there like old lady, just sitting there, like, doing needlepoint. And maybe a young Netflix executive saw that. Maybe they went to court. Like, you know, someday, if I ever run a fucking TV network, I'm going to have all serial killer stuff and all that because people will come down and just, just for air conditioner, they'll just sit there and it's very voyeuristic.

Anyway, plowing ahead here. What else? Oh, yeah, I was told you guys, I watched the, I rewatched Natural Born Killers. I hadn't seen that since it came out. And I got to be honest with you, that movie. is low-key, a romantic comedy. It's essentially when Harry met Sally with a much higher body count.

It's like, it's the sequel to when Harry met Sally because they're together. You know what I mean? But then they get separated again. Like you knew they would in the sequel. Like if they ever did a sequel to when Harry met Sally, this would be them, you know, however many years later,

the kids are in their teenage, years and then, you know, they're going through marital difficulties so then they get separated and something happens and something happens. And then they realize they really love each other and get back together. That essentially is natural born killers. Spoiler alert, this is how the movie ends. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, giving you a chance to hit pause to run across the row and shut it off. Or fast forward. It ends with them together in a Winnebago go with a bunch of kids looking like they're on their way to a national park. My go, isn't that nice.

Still really enjoyed the movie. I'm just saying I never really noticed that it was part of the commentary on even back then. They were saying that Americans or whatever people watching TV were desensitized to violence. And I got to tell you, Oliver Stone called it. he called it and he's basically 30 years ahead of his time saying what we were headed towards

and now like Netflix I mean they are just like it's not really them I mean they're putting this shit out about serial killers and people cannot stop watching it they just cannot they can't get enough of it

it um it's fucking bizarre um anyway so I put my money on the Bengals this week versus the bills. And I thought when they went up by two scores in the fourth quarter, the Bengals,

I thought it was over. And then he threw the pick six. And something amazing happened. I didn't get angry. I just went, oh, no! And then Joe, like, went to tackle the guy and he slid down his leg, and he got away. I was like, no! Oh, no.

And then I just went like, wow. That was quite the change of events. And my wife laughed as opposed to back in the day, like a month ago, before I cried my fucking inner child out of me. I used to, whatever I used to say to the TV, she'd be in the other room being like, Bell, the kids are here, right? So that made me feel good. It made me feel good that I could watch a team messing up my bet, and I didn't lose my temper.

And then they drove down. they threw another pick and then next thing you know I had the Bengals getting five and a half and they went up by like fucking 12 points at one point and then like two seconds later I'm losing my bet and at that point you know my kids wanted to go to the mall because they want to do some Christmas shopping for their mom

so I said all right I'll you know I lost this game and then I'm driving there and I get to the thing and I get out of the car look at my text message and my buddy goes hey man great call in the Bengals they covered I was like what still didn't win lost by five The spread was five and a half. Guys, we're going up against gangsters.

We're going up against casinos. We're going up against computers. And we're going up against algorithms. And what are we showing up with? We watch Sports Center every night going with a gut. Anyways, I had them. I had the Steelers. And I was 2-0.

And I was like in my afternoon bets. You know, I had the Falcons getting points. And I was thinking like, all right, you know, they're getting a lot of points here. and they played great against the Patriots. And then Seattle just mopped the floor with them. And I'm thinking, you know, the Pat's kind of had a problem with them for like a half.

So maybe there's shit they're saying about the Patriots. That they got an easy schedule. They're not as good as the end. But then I'm always going like, well, it's also a Boston team. And, you know, the New York sports fucking media. You know, they can never give it up to us. We win a fucking World Series and they interview the Yankees to see their reaction to it. That's like, you know, that's how bad it is.

Tom Brady had three fucking Super Bowl rings and they were still calling him a system quarterback And I got to tell you, you know But still the end of the day If I got to start a team, I got to go with Peyton Manning He was saying that after he had three rings, Peyton had none And he was beating Peyton every fucking year in January.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. So I don't know what to think about my team And then I had, I had the Bears And they lost the game. So I ended up going two and two. So whatever. Billy wins some, lose some.

But I'm hanging in there. in striking distance. I need a three-in-one weekend, and I can't have anything worse than two-and-two, and I can beat the book this year. So, anyway, also I did a gig up in Bakersfield at the fabulous Fox Theater. I want to thank everybody who came out. I had Dean Del Rey and Ambria Allen opening up for me. They crushed it.

And I really wish. I take my set because I wing this bit about Trump blowing Bill Clinton and bringing both sides together politically. I don't know what I was saying. I just got on this role and the crowd was laughing so hard. It's like they like egg you on and I just kept, oh, they still like this. And I just kept going and going. And then I got off stage and I didn't even remember I talked to it because I had no plan

on talking about it. It just sort of came out. I was doing some other stuff that I got this new chunk now that I'm like I think I got this thing beat you guys all of these years trying to like I have options to other emotions. Like I was driving in my car today and my kids were just acting up and they were driving me nuts and I never lost my

I never raised my voice till on the way home. Every once in a while you got to be like, hey enough like that's as worse as it got but i was just going like guys guys you have to calm down all right i know you're excited i know we're going to the mall but you know stop kicking my seat like you know i don't i don't mind red lights i don't mind people cutting me off i don't like i just i don't mind traffic it's insane i just hope this isn't some honeymoon phase thing but i'm doing the work though every day i get up and uh you know i got these breathing exercises and i meditate and then i have like this little manifesto on what i want

for the day and it just sort of reminds me you know instead of just waking up and doing my french lessons and the stuff that i do i prioritize this so um i don't know this this is This is the biggest thing in my life right now, other than being a husband and a father. This is the biggest thing in my life is if I can get past this. I can't imagine. I can't imagine. I mean, I didn't think I was ever going to get on the other side of this, so I'm actually really excited.

Slash, I'm also terrified that it's just going to, you know, because I have failed so many times trying to figure out something that's going to work, you know. So, but this feels different. I sound like somebody dating their third stripper in a row. But I'll tell you, this time, I think she loves me. Hey, hey, I can do heroin once a week. You know, as long as I go, that's like, look, you know, maybe twice. Maybe twice, you know, I feel like I'm doing that a little bit.

But I am going to bring it up on the podcast because I don't want to forget about it. Also, this week, two downloads that I did that I've just been listening on a loop on the fucking elliptical and going to the gym. David Essex, rock on. Hey, kid, rock and roll, rock on. That one? Where do we go? Blue jean, baby queen, prettyest girl I ever seen. Shake on the movie screen, Jimmy D. Jimmy D.

Rock on. I've been listening to that and Black Sabbath, Hand of Doom, and just ear-to-ear grin. First of all, Ozzy singing style on it, the killer bass and guitar riff, and then Bill fucking Ward. oh my god just murders murders the track i love all of those guys those guys like that whole era of rock drummers where you know because they grew up listening to jazz and that type of shit

so they all swung and then they had like jazz licks that they they all could do that that fucking four-stroke rough you know a lot of their shit like is on the snare you know like the you know all the guys they were probably Ian Pace is another guy like that and they're like their chops are incredible but just like just the groove he plays during like the quiet part you know vietnam napalma get get oh my god a little cross stick amazing so i've been sticking with that uh that drumming thing too trying to free myself up learn how to do that flow mode

shit and just not judging my fills and playing a bar and then playing a fill playing a bar and And then, you know, groove, and then just playing a fill and just shitting out fills. Some of them are okay. Some of them stink. Some of them are horrific. But there's a few that are okay. And that's what I'm focusing on, man. But anyway, back to Bakersfield.

You know, I had a couple of weird shows this past week where I had like, I don't know, I just didn't feel like I could. quite connected with the crowd and i was going like ah fuck here it is here it is this is what they always said if you get happy you know your funny's gonna go away and uh i just think it was you know i was nervous when i was the baker's saying i'm like oh god am i just going to be fucking mediocre bill now and um ambra you fortunately had told made fun of my boots i had on doc martin she goes she goes i like your white supremac boots like what are you talking about white supremers didn't wear the dark

martins they were they were i don't know i don't know what the fucking rules are i go these are the ones that i always saw like those fucking chicks on newberry street used to have them on you know the the pretty girls with no makeup that sort of they weren't goth they weren't grunge this is early 90s they had a lot of layers like the flash dance thing and then the i don't know the fucking i don't know what they were they were tragic the tragic artistic white girls used to wear him. And then when I went to New York, Doc Martins were actually, I didn't think I was smart enough to wear them because all the, all the comics that were considered good joke writers and the guys who were getting, you know, getting gigs writing for Letterman, getting gigs on like the Daily Show, back before John Stewart, who the fuck was the original host? I'm spacing on his name. They all had the low top Doc Martins. you know they worked clean and whatever and i was just like yeah i'm not i'm not one of those guys i guess i'm not a dog even though i like them um so anyway yeah she made fun of those so i

went on stage and i was riffing about the hairy-legged white chicks that wore them and i think that just opened me up and somehow i you know i ended up going into that trump blowing donald Trump. No, Trump blowing Donald Trump. Sorry. I'm not commenting on his narcissism. Trump blowing Bill Clinton allegedly on a fucking island. I mean, it's just, shit, it's just fucking. Like, I'm not, whatever part of the internet that is, I'm not on it. And people, oh, they just send your text. And all it does is make you feel good that you're not really on the internet anymore. You fucking see this shit? It's like what? Somebody said Trump blew Bubba and they think that I mean, it's this big Bill Clinton. I'm like, what?

Oh my God. Oh, my God. People, there is a level of society. There is a level. Is it even civil? I don't even what it is at that point. I just think you just have so much fucking money and you've literally done everything. And it's like, what is? their left to do. I don't know. You want to just blow each other, but we're not gay. I know, but what else is there to do? There's nothing. It was something about, you know what, I'll never be able to get it again. It was something about that. Oh, my, I used to just get text messages. Oh, my God, did you see that? No, I was a Hail

Mary. They scored a touchdown. And now it's just, we just know too much. I'm sure this shit these fucking weirdo sexy bees fucking banker fucking politician criminal parties whatever the fuck they're doing some Illuminati guy's basement

like whatever the fuck I know that shit has probably always been going on but we didn't know about it what like I don't want to fucking know about that okay just hope it was consensual that's all i want that that's that's how i stand on it um so anyway um i'm gonna fucking uh after this i'm gonna go downstairs and go play some drums um that's what

what the fuck i'm doing i don't know and i'm in a great mood and i am so happy and thankful that there's people out there that you can go to that can help fix you man because I really never thought I was going to get on the other side of this shit I really didn't and

this is fucking nuts dude like I am like when you listen to this Monday that it will be one week I mean I haven't flipped out about anything the only of the time this happened was the first time I ever tried

like mushrooms and it was like mind-blowing because I understood for the first time that when I was a kid that had an effect on me now, which is the most obvious statement ever. But like, you know, if you blocked it all out, you don't realize it. So I think just knowing the truth of it, I was like chill for like about five, six, seven days. And then what happened was I was left with the realization of like, well just because now it's been validated all of that bullshit still happened and then my anger came back tenfold but this feels different because this was a release of all of that

as opposed to acknowledging it so yeah this is going to help my stand up tremendously because I already was like talking about in a funny way where I am and uh One of the comics on the show, their friends said, hey, tell Bill, I really appreciated him bringing up mental health. And I was like, I didn't even know I was doing that. I was just sort of just joking around about that stuff about what I was going through. But like, no one has ever said that to me after a show. I've never gotten that feedback. I've always been, I usually get like, wow, that guy's, he's pretty warmed up.

That was a lot. Was that only an hour? Because it felt like, yeah, it felt like, you know, there were times I didn't know if that was going to end. And that's true. I used to have sets. I would go on stage red-faced angry to start. I would start at 11. And it would just go at 11.

And then my closing bit would be on 13. And I would get off stage like, I would even be like what the fuck was that? It didn't happen all the time, but every once in a while, it would come out. And I don't have that anymore. I'm really thankful for it. And I don't want to go back. So I'm committed to this shit. So we'll see.

We'll see. All right, people, let's do the reads for this. And I hope if you're going through what I went through, know that you can get on the other side of it. You know, if a German-Irish guy can fucking somehow, I don't know. I have faith that anyone can. All right. Hydro, everybody. Hydro. How are you? Sorry.

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Let's get to the people, everybody. all right here where the fuck is it there it is all right the people have written in the people have spoken the people have questions the people do not want to pay a professional the people do not want to listen to somebody that's smarter than them they want to feel superior so who do they ask yours truly listen everybody if you want to feel smarter about the choices you're making in life or how you view the world ask me a question i guarantee you you're going to feel much better all right AI is going to make us all depressed hey billy beta bot blockhead um i've spent my every time i asked my daughter a long time ago she was watching um she was watching uh why the

fuck does the heat shuts off and then it immediately goes on to cold killing all the heat i don't understand it's not something that i understand you understand that no no i do not i do not i do not understand that. Sorry, I just sat down to my leather chair. Sounds like I farted. That is the sound of success when you sit down in a chair and it sounds like you farted. Rich

mahogany. Hey, Billy Beta bought Blockhead. I've spent my entire career in digital marketing and I'm sending this SOS because the system is officially breaking. Oh boy, we're going to get this. we're facing an unending onslaught of shittification from AI-driven advertising and people need to mentally prepare.

Here's the terrifying lowdown. Big Tech has forced advertisers to give all control to AI. Well, how did they do that? The system is now a closed loop. AI writes the ads, serves them, often to other bots, measures the inflated performance and tells companies to spend more. The whole cycle is costing advertisers an extra $100 billion. Well, why would they do that?

All they care about is money. Why would they allow themselves to get bullied? I need a follow-up here. What cards were they holding that they would agree to such a deal? These are the advertising companies. They do the fucking. They don't get fucked. at least that's how I was told the game was played anyway but the worst part is the privacy

loophole if you use a tool like Gemini or chat GPT to edit a personal photo the resulting image is considered unprotected because AI created it the ad companies are now taking that data to genetic to generate synthetic images that look exactly like you or your spouse and they're using them in highly targeted, deeply negative ads. Dude, what is going on with the world? Yes, it's technically illegal. Also, you know how sometimes when you visit a website, it wants you to sign in with Apple, Google, or Facebook,

even though you're like, why would I need to sign into this website? I'm not buying anything. It's because once you're signed in, they know exactly who you are for advertising purposes. all right i'm just getting off the internet i'm i'm off and you know what it's not going to matter because the herd is on the internet and then someone's going to have a picture with me and then i'll be in this system yeah well anyway we are the the very beginning of a world where advertising is going full 180 degrees away from aspirational emotional emotions like he's a hot guy with

the six-pack he wears that cologne and bangs a smoking hot babe maybe i should get that loan we're getting away from that to individuals seeing an ad of someone who looks like them with pure negative emotion behind it well what are they selling with negativity did they drink the orange juice and make a face like it sucks how would i buy it then i have questions imagine seeing an ad for a dick from a dick pill company saying your dick doesn't work and there's a guy sitting on the couch he looks kind of like you now the real human who might have a perfectly good dick has been injected with a very real looking fear. He might choose to buy dick pills

because all of a sudden the idea of his dick not working becomes very real. So you're saying it's going from selling a fantasy to now it's going to be a mind fuck? All right. Or maybe it's an image of a couple fighting and it's an ad for therapy and the couple looks like you and your partner.

Or it's an ad for a pet toy that shows your pet looking sad and bored because you're a piece of shit pet parent. Instead of fear of missing out, it's going to be fear of the synthetic self. Foss. We can't stop it. All we can do is try to leave a motion out of ad viewing. Easier said than done.

Sit on that back porch and just stare at whatever is green or blue. See you at the bottom. You know what? I'm not worried about any of that shit. Human beings are still going to hang out with fucking human beings. there's always going to be a place to do that and if these fucking guys that get so much money that eventually they have to blow each other just to have something to talk about that day they want to do that i don't give a fuck i don't i i you know i'm still going to shop mom and pop

as much as i can and just fucking just gonna live my life man okay like that's all scary shit and you just told me there's no solution so what was the point of telling me that other and then to scare the fucking shit out of me. So then are we all going to get, like, individual ads? Oh, God. All right. Well, there's a fun way to start the week. All right.

Let's move on to the next one. Pennies. Hey, Billy. I stopped at my local. Oh, Billy. I stopped at my local bank the other day to make a deposit. While I'm talking with, I like what sometimes people call me Billy. That reminds me when I'm like a little kid.

It's always an, or I'm back east. Everybody's Billy. Bobby, Johnny, Nikki. Mikey. I stopped at the local bank the other day to make a deposit. While I'm talking to the teller, I mentioned another branch across town. they've got that coin counter I like to use. The moment the words

leave my mouth, every teller within earshot turns to me and says don't go there right now. Wait a minute, let me read this again. I stopped my local bank the other day to make a deposit. While I'm talking to the teller, I mentioned another branch across town because they've got that coin counter I like to use. The moment the words leave my mouth, every teller within earshot turns to

me and says don't go there right now oh jesus christ is this more synthetic fucking ads or whatever i just was reading about i was i asked why thinking maybe the machine is jammed again instead they tell me all the coin counters are down every single one so i ask what happened they tell me the bank is getting rid of the penny slot entirely you can bring nickels dimes quarters no problem but pennies are done off the menu they won't even take them so now it isn't just that the mint has stopped making pennies, banks won't accept them either. I asked what I'm supposed to do with the pile of loose pennies sitting in a jar at home, the teller shrugs and says, take them to a store and spend them.

Oh my God, it's like, what's that musical chairs? Oh, the Wonderball. Yeah, whoever gets left holding the bag is fucked. So apparently my options are to become the guy holding up the line at the register with the fistful of penny. or just throw them out like expired coupons. Well, go fuck yourself. Wow. Well, I mean, that's the direct way.

We're heading towards a cashless microchipped future, and there's only one thing to blame, and that is immigrants and non-white people. They're the fucking reason why that you blame everything, despite the fact that it's super-rich white people, fucking you over and you just keep looking at these people who have no seat at the table and no power to change your fucking life you know I've given up on it I have given up on it I have given up on it if people want to continue to

believe that the reason why they can't get a job that pays them a living fucking wage is because somebody who makes one-tenth of what the fuck you're making which isn't enough is the reason why you can't afford a house like they're going to what go on there and outbid you want a house it's beyond me it's beyond me i don't know what to tell you but i have i have left the debate because i've never been able to convince anybody who already believes the other way so it's just a waste of fucking time um all right so let's plow ahead here shitty neighbor shitty fucking neighbor what is it i keep i keep school oh no no buddy cheated on his

girlfriend with an escort oh boy hey bill freckled fuck is there anything better than alliteration with a curse word you freckled fuck that is hilarious that is fucking hilarious got a 9 a.m. text from my

buddies now X oh no it's just his girlfriend it wasn't his wife or his fiance so maybe maybe he didn't love her he didn't lose her why am I sympathizing with the guy because I'm a guy right you know who would I be in this fucking scenario

the idiot who got an escort my friend of 20 years cheated on his girlfriend with an escort four days before her birthday Jesus Christ he's talking about blowing out the candles there to say I was blindsided would be an understatement

she told me and two other of mine and his mutual friends how did he get caught the whole point of getting a fucking escort is it's like you know it's a it's a fucking business transaction what did he use apple pay he shares the account with his girlfriend who is this trixie nixon um she told that's a good fucking escort name hold tricksy nix i'm going to start using that as a reference i think the other woman is trixie nixon um to say i was blindsided would be an understatement. So I go to this woman, Trixie Nixon. I go to her

Facebook page, and needless to say, her pictures are salacious. To say I was blindsided would be an understatement. She told me and two other of mine and his mutual friends. Now we're an impasse. We're in our early 30s and are at the point where we don't want to associate ourselves with this guy. Because he got a fucking escort, he must have done something else. do you guys live in Utah I mean he fucked up the guy fucked up what was the what was the scenario

was he in Vegas and he thought what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas and evidently it didn't how did he get I wonder how did the guy get caught that's fucking there's so many questions

and what has he been doing up to this point that this is the final straw or are you guys just really decent human beings with the zero tolerance. We draw the line at escorts. Like, I get her, and I get them splitting up.

You've been friends with this guy for 20 years and one escort, one fuck up, and then that's it. All right. Okay, yeah, I'm intrigued. All right, we're in our early 30s and they're but at the same time, my buddy has issues, and I don't want to abandon him. Okay, here's a little empathy.

Here's the thing. two of my buddies are getting married, and to be honest, the fiancés might not want him at the wedding. Well, I get that. I get that. Everybody has a friend. You know what I call friends like that, you know, you just don't bring them over your house. You don't bring them over to the wife and family. I always say that that's an outdoor dog.

That dude is an outdoor dog. You know, some dogs just, they just stay outside. You don't bring that dog inside. That's the guy if we're going to go to a game. going to drink, we're going to have a good fucking time, but that's not the guy you get bring around your wife and kids. It just doesn't. He was fine before I was married and didn't have kids and we were just drunk idiots, but now, you know, it's one of those deals. That's just how it is. Anyways, this person goes on to continue. Says, I don't want to abandon him. Well,

that's, okay, that's understandable, I guess. I don't know anything about these people. Here's the thing. Two of my buddies are getting married, and to be honest, the fiancies might not want him at the wedding. A hundred percent they don't. Would I be wrong, cutting ties? I don't want to be a dick, but sometimes you've got to cut people loose, right? Love you, you freckled fuck. Is this your decision?

Is your fiancé? Oh, you're not getting married. Listen. What your buddy has to understand is what he did was he played out the nightmare of these two women who were about ready to get married to your friends. So he can't be there.

Because if he's there, then the guy they're about ready to marry is basically saying without saying I am okay with a guy that does this kind of shit you know it's so weird I mean I'm trying to think if it was the other way around

like if the woman you were going to marry one of her friends fuck they're I don't know I can't do the math on this I don't want to be a dick but sometimes you've got to cut people loose right love you you freckled fuck um this is what i my gut tells me you're not telling me the whole story i don't think this is the only thing you did i feel like this is the final straw or he's

done this before and now he's done it again and um you've outgrown him you don't want to be involved in this sort of shit and that you know that can happen too like as you get older i'm this is just a generalization like you know as you get old there's people that get married, friends that don't get married. You know, you can still stay friends. And then once you have kids and stuff, your lives can change enough that, you know, they're going to Spain or whatever and you're going to, like, soccer practice. And then you sort of drift apart a little bit, but maybe instead of hanging every weekend,

now you're hanging a couple times a year. Like, that can happen. there's things with you know people stop doing drugs they stop drinking and then the other person keeps drinking and doing drugs and then you can't be around them because you're trying to stay sober or you know being sober around somebody that's completely fucked up you're on two completely different wavelengths and it's it's not fun for the sober person it's educational because you sit there being like oh wow is that what I look like I mean, I know it was bad.

Hey, I didn't know it was that bad. So, you know, I can't answer this question for you, sir. I can't make the decision for you. You have to, like, if you feel like you're outgrowing this person, I mean, I feel like if this story is out there and everybody knows it, yet this guy should take the wedding off. But, like, I don't get involved in other people's relationship and other people's business, whatever the fuck they're doing.

But, like, I do understand that, like, if the woman he cheated on told everybody and everybody knows, and now you have it at the wedding, it just doesn't look good. I get that. But as far as you, I don't know, you have to answer that question. Have you outgrown this person? It seems like there's a lot more happened than just this. I don't know. I have no idea.

Anyway, last question. Here we go. Shitty neighbor! Hey, Bill, here's a little background before we get into what's going on now. I've been in my home with my wife for about six years. For the first few years, everything was fine. When we had our housewarming party, one of my neighbors came over and asked us to move a guest car that was parked in front of their house, even though it's a public street parking and we live in a neighborhood with alleys and garages.

Yeah, there's certain people that just have that, they have that the sidewalk, the parking in front of their house is theirs. You know, I don't have, you know, if it's public parking, it's just like, what am I going to, and you're having a party, like I think when you, one of your neighbors is having a party, as long as they're not doing it all the time, I think your job as a neighbor is to be cool and just be like, all right, it's going to get a little loud, they're going to have a fucking blowout.

What do I give a shit, you know? I'll go to the movies. I'm putting some earplugs. I don't give a fuck. As long as this isn't every weekend. Anyways, the person said, when we had our, I moved the car to keep things friendly.

They have parties a few times a year, too, and their guests park in front of my house, which I never had an issue with. Yeah, because you're fucking cool. We got a dog a few months after moving in and trained him well. When he's ready to come back in the house, he pushes on the back door,

and we let him in. this same neighbor got a cane corso two years or so later and chained him to a five-foot chain in the backyard to bark and cry for hours my wife works from home and it's annoying so I talk to him about it

he says he's working on it and some other bullshit nothing changes and I talk to him three more times about it about the dog before we call the animal control who just send the police to check on the dog Police have taken, have them take the dog inside for the day

and the neighbor loses it on me the next time we see each other. Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't like this guy. I don't like this guy at all. This summer I noticed my dog digging at the back fence alley and there's food grease thrown on my fence and flowing in my yard. I confront him nicely about it thinking it could have been one of the, their kids not knowing any better and he says it's leaking from his grill and he'll fix it

bullshit again but whatever just don't let it happen again winter comes around and the same shit happens with the grease after thanksgiving but now there are footprints in the snow oh this dumb fuck to confirm that it's being dumped in our yard i confront him again and he says he'll take care of it but that isn't good enough for me so i press on how unacceptable it is that he loses it and screams that I got a smart mouth, then puts his finger in my face so I have to push his hand away. I stayed calm while he was shouting, but it was getting close to the point where I thought he may swing. My wife comes out to break it up, and we both walk away, still not happy with each other. My wife was watching on the ring camera, see the video,

please don't share publicly. Well, what the, what am I watching here? What the, fuck am I watching? All right, hang on a second. I got to hit pause. Okay, I just watched the video. Yeah, dude, that guy is a nightmare. That guy is a nightmare. Um, I thought he was going to faint. His voice kept, you still fucking talking. His fucking voice was going way up. Um, I wouldn't go over there anymore and I wouldn't talk to the guy anymore. Okay, what I would try to do is document what he's doing. Now, I don't know what the cops can do about somebody throwing grease over in your yard. He's clearly passive aggressive. He's clearly emotionally a child.

He seems like he's just puffing his chest up. He doesn't seem like he's going to do anything. But you never know what somebody is capable of. So you don't want to go over there. You tried to talk this. This guy, that guy was completely unreasonable. And, and, like, didn't want to hear anything that you had to say. You were calm and all of that.

So I would just, like, this is like a legal situation, dude. I do not go over there anymore. Do not go over there. I would add more cameras, put some cameras on your fence, try to catch the guy in the act. And when you catch him in the act, send it to the authorities. And that is it. And that is it.

And then also understand that. no one's getting arrested over dumping grease over a fucking fence. And now you're going to be coming home with this fucking guy there. And what is he escalated to? This feels like the beginning of one of these Netflix fucking things where two neighbors get into it. And then somehow there's a body bag. So, oh, God, dude.

I don't, you know, is there anything worse than a nightmare neighbor? What do you do? This is, I would get some legal advice. This is way beyond just asking a random comedian, dude. I would get some legal advice. My first thing was I would get some more of those fucking ring cameras along that fence. So you can see whatever the fuck this guy is doing. But I wouldn't waste my time talking to that guy because that was a complete waste of time.

he just kept saying the same thing over and over again and it's just going to escalate the situation yeah I mean I hate to tell you you live next to a child and he's a jerk off and he's not a responsible person and I can tell you if that's how he

handles confrontations in life I'm amazing I'm amazed he got far enough to be able to have a house and all that screaming and yelling has nothing to do with you. That has, he must have been not listened to as a kid. I don't know what the fuck it is. But that dude is not worth your time. But, you know, he's kind of just doing cunty shit.

Greasing your yard and stuff. It's not like the old days. We could just go over and handle it and, you know. Look, you have footage of it. It's fucked. That's my advice to you as someone completely not trained in these fucking things here. So don't talk to a professional. Go to a lawyer.

Find out what you need to do. I'd try to get some cameras or whatever. And I'd listen to your wife there who was saying, don't go over there. Don't fucking go over there. The guy's a lunatic. That's it. That's it. As far as a dog, I don't want to tell you, dude.

I just feel really bad for you that you're in that situation. The person says, not sure how to proceed from here. He insinuated fighting about it, which I'm open to, but will not be throwing the first punches by any means. He's probably around 45 years. old and I'm 33, which I know that is a factor in why he gets so defensive when I tell him to correct issues on his property. I don't think that has to do with the dude. I think it has to do with whatever he's going through or whatever happened to. Moving is not on the table, unfortunately. So how do you deal with a person like this? Huge fan and can't wait to see you

back in such and such city that I'm not going to mention because I don't want any of this shit. But if your neighbor listens. I would say what I just said, get some legal advice, go down and talk to the cops, just say, listen, I don't want this to escalate, but also like, you know, it's, it's, you know, file like a report or something and then get what, you know, cops probably deal with this shit a lot and just ask them, what, what's the most successful way to deal with a neighbor like this? you know what I would do next time I'd see him I'd actually apologize to him just do that not that you're really sorry if you really wanted to end just say hey listen I apologize for the misunderstanding

and my role in it I don't want to be have you know bad blood with you and blah blah blah blah then at least maybe he stops dumping the grease I don't know what the fuck to do about the dog you know what fuck all of that fuck all of that just I wouldn't talk to the guy anymore I, you know, I don't know, if he starts yelling at you or whatever, just be like, just say, I don't want to argue with you. Have a nice day. Just keep it neutral. Go inside. I would talk to the cops. I'd figure out what to do. The best way to protect yourself, the best way to deal with this guy. And who knows? Maybe you get lucky. Maybe this guy will fucking move. I don't know what, or maybe he'll get mad. Someone on the other side of his house will get mad at him.

he definitely has issues and i don't know i don't know what your deal is but look like you were living a pretty great life and uh why don't you guys just do that i mean i don't know get some soundproof fucking windows maybe do something like i don't fucking know like but i know that someone like that there's nothing you can fucking do about them and the law protects people like that It just fucking sucks. I've had neighbors like that. So I got a lot of empathy. But like I said, yeah, I would talk to the cops.

All right, good luck with that. All right, people. That is the podcast. Thank you to everybody that came out to Bakersfield. I got Cerritos is next out here in California. And then I got a date coming up in Seattle in the beginning of January. and I've got to sort out a few acting gigs and then I can build my tour around it for next year.

I'm really looking forward to it. Once again, I had an amazing year. Thanks to you guys listening to this podcast coming out to my shows or whatever. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. And with that, go fuck yourselves and I'll see you on Thursday.