Monday Morning Podcast - Dolls, Forgiving People, Online Shopping | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-7-25

Episode Date: November 8, 2025

Bill rambles about underage dolls, how to forgive people, and online shopping. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (33:04) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 11-7-17 - Bill rambles about Milwaukee, electrolytes, and being full of shit. (01:39:10) - Anything Better Podcast - NFL Week 10 Preview with Paul Virzi. Bill is .500 and Paul still believes.  The fellas make their picks and talk about coffee, smash burgers, and dumb smart people. SimpliSafe:  Go to www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR today and you will get 60% off any new system. This is their best deal of the year—you won’t ever see a better price.  SquareSpace:  Check out squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use code BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

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Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's tied for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in, checking in on you. Just seeing how you're doing. in on you? You think the government's going to check it on you, man? Check in to see how what you're making. Hey, more you make, the more like take, you know what I'm saying?

They're not going to check in on you. Am I really checking in on you? I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know what to fucking do with myself right now. The World Series is over. and like I got so fucking into it I watched the last 14 Blue Jays games I was just like I'm just going to root for these guys

and then you watch the whole damn thing and now it's like over and it's just like now what am I supposed to do huh face myself and all my demons nah no no no no football basketball hockey here we go

keep burying it. Keep burying it, dude. Push it down. Push it down. It's about ready to come out during the holidays. That's how you do it. That's how you do it if you're a man. I started to watch one of my second Celtic game this year. I don't recognize anybody on the team. We were playing the Utah Jazz. One of the uglier games I've seen in a while. We were shooting like 47% in the first quarter. the other guys that weren't shooting much better. It was just, and they just, they just kept launching threes. I can't believe either one of the rims was still standing with the amount of fucking bricks that were being thrown up.

But I bet if I hung in there, it's a game of runs. It's a game of runs, right? So I bet everybody got hot, everybody heated up, and I probably missed one of the best games of the year. Anyway, old Billy Jim Bar, Billy fucking Jimbaud Down four pounds Down four pounds

Went down a notch on the belt too I was sort of I was a tweener I was him tween on my belt And uh Now I moved down one I got one more fucking notch To go down and then uh I don't know probably have to buy a new belt

You know Things The things you have to do The things you do for love The things you do for love Anyway, I started to watch a fucking... I watched this movie The Vanishing, the original one. Incredibly disturbing and creepy movie.

One of Stanley Kubrick said it was the scariest movie he ever saw. I would say maybe like... I don't think it's scary. than the shining. To be honest with you, the shining scared the shit out of me. I don't know. And then last night,

I started to watch, I'm going to watch The Vanishing again, just because there's all of this stuff when you go back and watch it like a second time that they're laying in there is amazing. And then what I was really excited about There was a lot of French speaking, you know. What I was trying to say, it was sort of Dutch and French.

And I understood so much of the French. So many of the words and all of that, it's really exciting. I swear to God, if I just had the time, if I could just fucking go over there. If I could go over there for three months, it would be over. I just was in it. You know, up to my focus. eyeballs and croissants and crepes.

I think I would have it. I got to get back over there again and do another gig. Fuck it. I think I'm just going to do it. I'm just going to go over there. That's what I'm going to do. What am I going to do? I'm going to watch some hockey.

Fucking basketball and football. And, you know, I was still, you know, looking up stuff about that World Series. And now there's people. like breaking down how the Blue Jays blew it and having it come down to one fucking person. Like, why do people always, there's fucking nine guys out there. They had 100 pictures in there. Everybody who went up and didn't hit a fucking home run to end it.

Isn't that their fault too? People always try to figure out. You know why it all sucked? That is one of the, that is one of the biggest fucking waste of time. in your life when shit doesn't work out to go back in a negative way to try to figure out why all right who do we put this on you know i mean i guess growing as a person if something you know doesn't work out for you you got to go back and think about what what you did wrong i understand that i guess but you know with sports people always want to put it on one person they want to put it on one person

so then they can take all of this shit that they haven't dealt with and then fucking put it on that person which I totally get after that fucking comedy festival. Here's something I fucking saw. You know, I read a French

newspaper. I read this French newspaper. A little braille. La Parisio. Every day. I try to read the front page as much of it as I can. understand and people were outraged there was some company that makes like sex dolls these super realistic looking sex dolls and they came out of a lot with a line of them that looked like kids

like under 10 years old they're like commoditizing pedophilia so obviously people were like freaking out so i can't imagine i can't imagine i can't imagine what some of these people you know if you're upset about a comedy festival I can't imagine what the fuck you're going to have to say about that my guess

is going to be absolutely nothing anyway now why don't the nerds unleash the bots on that thing why don't they do that it's kind of funny that they didn't right what does that mean who are the bots protecting

and what are they doing? Like, do they own a piece of that fucking sex doll company? How do fuck did that conversation go? Just one fucking time. Can somebody just press record in the conference room when you're making a decision on that? How do you talk around it? You know what?

Instead of calling them kids, they probably call them, you know, we have a, line of compact models they go yeah anything that's of any doll that looks of legal age to bang is called a full size and then teens are their midsize and then you have the small medium and large and then you go in there like you're ordering a cappuccino at a fucking shitty coffee shop all right because if anybody knows anything about coffee there's only one size for a fucking cappuccino and there's only one size human being you bang and that's on the other side of the legal age you motherfuckers

um so uh anyway if you like me if you live some life if you've lived some life people have disappointed you people have upset you people have hurt you you've hurt people or whatever so if you like me you just hang on to the hurt and then it turns into anger and resentment and then you know you're fucking every time you beep your horn rather than just beeping at somebody you got to hold it down for at least 30 seconds that's that's how it you know tries to get out and uh so it was actually this morning, I was having a cup, cup of coffee and some overnight oats, which were fantastic. I'm eating like that guy in the old grape nuts commercials. That's why I had breakfast.

You remember those things, the guy would be out on the back porch and the bathrobe and you have a bowl of grape nuts with like fruit inside of it, which we always thought was fucking hilarious because nobody, nobody took the time to slice up fruit, you know, unless your parents were immigrants but if they were real if they were real american heroes they don't have time to cut up fruit to put it in your cereal um they would uh yeah i remember like looking and they're going look at this look at this guy the guy's fucking jacked he's outside the bears are afraid of him he's probably got some fucking hot piece of asian side right he just looks he's got this fucking you know sort of house a frame log cabiny fucking i know how to fix

shit they were selling you all on that right i've been eating like that lately minus the a frame minus the jackbaud um still have a pretty you know my wife is easy on the eyes let's put it that way um when you're in love with the beautiful warm mom um um Dr. Hook. Anyway, uh, yeah, so I've learned that like,

so I was sitting there today, you know, as I'm continuing my journey, of trying to get this fucking anger out of me. Like, I feel like I cut down the tree and now I just have the stump. And I don't have that stump remover thing,

you know, I got like a fucking shovel. Um, so I was, reading this whole fucking thing on how to forgive people. And you cannot believe how much work it is. It's like, wait a minute, you're going to fuck me over, and then I, and then I have to do all of this work, or else I'm going to be fucking angry. And then other people aren't going to like, they're not going to like me because of the shit you did that's now and me, and then I'm angry

and I come at them in a fucked up way. What? That's how this show. Dude, it was like, A, B, C steps, and then there was three things to do in each one of them. And I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to therapy now, so I'm just going to make a copy of that. And I'm going to be like, all right, here's how you forgive people. How do I do this? And then I'm just going to take out this scroll and just fucking let it fly. And be like, these are all the people that I feel in my head fuck me over in the last 57 years.

And each and every one of them still lives on inside of me. So how do we rectify this situation? Anyway, I was at my daughter's soccer practice yesterday, having a great time watching the kids play. I tell you, kids in California can play soccer man. there were some kids you know i i feel like when i went down there there was a lot of like multilingual families and soccer's the biggest game in the world so like like these kids are just i don't know i feel like all their parents play like even like the moms if the ball gets kicked over like they don't just kick it back they do a little something with it and then they fucking send it back

and i'm like all right i i've never been in this world um And there's some really, really good fucking players. And my daughter's hanging with him, so it's making me really proud. So afterward, you know, she wants to go get something. She wants to go buy like Starbucks or something. She goes, Dad, you don't drink Starbucks coffee, right? I said, no, it's garbage. And she said, why is it garbage?

I go, I don't know. It's like they don't care. So anyway, I'm waiting to make a left to go into this thing. And this fucking asshole is just sitting there with like three car lengths to let this person go by. And now I'm just, now I'm blocking traffic. They would just pull up one car length. I could get behind him. And I'm all upset because this person is just in their own fucking world and doesn't realize what they're doing to my life.

and I am beside myself that this person has the audacity did not consider me you know what I mean I'm doing one of those things stupid right so I started look at this fucking guy da da da da da da and then I just said

to my daughter I just said to her I go you know what I'm flipping out again she goes yep and I go do you deserve this she goes no and I go no you don't

so guess what I'm going to do and she goes stop and I go yes and then we both laughed and that was it There you go. So, you know, I'm like the Bruins. I'm getting some wins here.

I'm turning it around. I'm rebuilding the franchise. But I'm seriously going to do that. I'm going to learn how to like forgive people. And one of them is then to have, you've got to have like a boundary. The part I like the best was it would like, if you choose to continue the relationship, there has to be a boundary. and uh that's the part i like it's like i no i don't choose to continue the relationship and that is the boundary fuck off

so anyway um i just got to i got to figure out how to let this shit go um and with that um to do some road gigs here i got some road gigs coming up um and you know what i might just say fuck it i might just say fuck it and go back to paris why the fuck not why the fuck not what else am i going to do you know i'm becoming a fancy man here i'm learning how to speak another language i'm watching the criterion channel criterion channel as i as i keep saying criterion channel if you're not familiar with it. It's Cinemax for smart people. All right. There's still nudity. There's still plenty of violence, but the gorgeous way that it is executed in these movies, it's beautiful. You don't feel filthy. You don't feel bad watching it. It's very artistic.

As opposed to that smut they got going on and I didn't know what Cinemax is anymore. But when I was a kid, you know, Smu-A-Smunt. Cinemax was the closest thing to free online porn that you could even that you could get to. Late night Cinemax on the weekends I was definitely where it was at.

If you ever wondered where it was at in the white suburbs in 1983, Cinemax, 1130 movie Friday or Saturday night. That was where it was at. You were going to see Bush. And I don't mean the band. Oh, sorry.

Anyway, I know this all sounds ridiculous to anybody under the age of like 45, but it was a big fucking deal. It was a big deal in the 80s, in the 80s. All right, everybody, driving down the street here, patching this podcast together. Okay, it's Simply Safe, everybody. If you listen to this show, you know, I absolutely love my Simply Safe home security system. That's why I'm so excited. Simply Safe is giving my fans, fans of my show, early access to their Black Friday sale.

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That's Squarespace.com slash Burr for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Burr B-U-R-R to save 10% off your first purchase of a website. or domain. Arc Raiders, everybody. Thank you to Embark Studios, bringing us their new game, Arc Raiders, a multiplayer extraction adventure video game

set in a lethal future earth. Explore an immersive, post-apocalyptic world scarred by conflict and reclaimed by nature, a living surface where weather, enemies, and shifting conditions heighten the constant threat of Arc.

Communities are forced below ground to survive. Jesus, this is amazing. Scavenge, survive, thrive in a new extraction adventure. Arc Raiders, available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X, S, and PC, rated T for T. Anyway, I got a bunch of shit I got to do, but I'm getting inspired, though. I was sitting there by myself having breakfast, my overnight oats and my coffee, and I was just going like, all right, what are we going to do?

what's the next move here? And I just Googled how to forgive people. And now I feel like now that I've Googled that the ads that I'm going to be getting, you know? Remember those stupid pictures

that they sold a million of them? You guys don't remember this shit. It was these weirdo fucking pictures of kids and they had these giant eyes. You know, I got to get you the names of these. People used, and people used to fuck. and buy them. They were the creepiest

the creepiest goddamn photos I'm going to look this up big eyed kids artist here we go

the artist famous for big-eyed children paintings is Margaret Keen no that's not her that's no those aren't the ones no

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not, no, fuck you. Before that, before that, you know what I mean? Before nine-inch nails. I'm going ministry here. Let's see, 1970s. These things were fucking weird. They keep showing me that same lady.

I don't know. They were upsetting. I don't even know why. Yeah, I'm saying I'm going to get fucking ads to see if I want to buy those. which, by the way, I started my Christmas shopping, and I've kind of given into the fact that, like, just about every store is closed now.

Like, pharmacies are closing. Like, Dwayne Reed's are closing out here. And within those Dwayne Reed's is thrifty ice cream. That the greatest generation, the baby boom generation, they go in there and they get ice cream. You know, they come in there, with those big white sneakers with the Velcro things and they get themselves some pistachio ice cream.

And now what are they supposed to do? Because you're too fucking lazy to get off the couch to go down and buy a tube of toothpaste. Now these old people can't go in and get their ice cream. Where are they supposed to go? Some art is in place now. And get two scoops for what they used to pay for for a pint. I mean, this is the kind of shit that politicians need to address.

All right? I feel that if you fought in wars and you paid into the Social Security system for over 65 years, there should be a pharmacy near you where you can walk down and get yourself an ice cream for a couple of bucks. I don't think that's asking too much. I think that that's a nice, you know, thanks for playing. That's kind of what you get at the end of your life. you haven't built a life of friends and loved ones or whatever if you just sort of like it were in the rat race it just spits you out the other side like all right thanks for playing it just

send you out the side door the side door of life standing in the alley now what now what you just hear the beeping of a cardio machine or whatever cardio grab whatever whatever the fucking cardiomyopathy. What do you call those little fucking things when you're laying in a hospital bed? The original craftmatic adjustable bed. That's when we really got fucking fat in this country. When they started selling hospital beds

for when you're at home and you're not even sick so you can sit up and eat that bowl or whatever and not have it fucking fall onto your chest. I think that that's when you really know that there's something going on with you that you're not aware of there's some sort of deep sadness within you when like whatever concoction you made in your kitchen

and then you climb into your bed and you set the bowl of sadness down on your little end table and as you're taking the ride up to 45 degrees just like in that moment. because you can't start eating because you can't watch the show because you have to wait for this eight second ride

in those eight seconds you have this moment of self-reflection of what has happened to me and right as that sadness and that profound moment starts to take hold the bed stops but and then you just fucking reach over to whoever that bowl of salt or sugar to get you fucking

ramped up right and you binge watch a series that's what you do but maybe that's what you should do like i don't understand god like he just makes people and horrible things happen to us and then you spend the rest of your life trying to get that pain out of you you know and if you don't i guess you failed whatever this whatever the meaning of life is I guess you failed and then you sit across from the guy who made the pedophile

or whoever made the fucking alcoholic mom whatever the fuck you had right and now he's going to look at you and be like that's what you did with your life you just ate ice cream and binge watch TV shows you're like hey man like I wasn't hurting anybody and then God looks at you like yeah but you weren't

helping anybody either, were you? What about the creators of the show? That doesn't fly here. See ya, and then he sends you down to hell. So anyway, speaking of hell, I started fucking Christmas shopping, and I have all of these ideas, so I'm like, you know what, fuck this. I'm just going to do it online like everybody else, right? So I go to go online.

I got a friend of mine I went to get this person a gift certificate to the Criterion Channel and it took me almost a half an hour to get it done creating an account coming up with the password typing the password in the password doesn't match

blah blah blah blah selecting the fucking thing I did an e gift card so I could email it to the person but they still wanted the person's address. I'm like, I'm not giving you that fucking address. So I just gave them my address again. And it was just, I absolutely lost my mind.

And then what I loved was I had no way of knowing if the person got it afterward. It's like, I just gave you a hundred bucks. And like, I have, there's no receipt. I don't have the thing. Order status. And it just said delivered. my question is what what if it isn't then i went and i wanted to get you know my son he's been watching hockey with me he said dad i want to watch the hockey he likes it he wants to play hockey

and everything so i'm like this is fucking amazing so i want to get him a bruin's t-shirt i look up bruin's merchandise i click on it it's a bunch of bullshit i realize i'm not on the bruin's website some nerd figured out a way to make sure that if you search Bruins' merchandise that this fucking stupid website would come up first. I was on that one for seven minutes before I realized that. I get off of that one. Then I go to the NHL one. All I want to do is get my...

All I want to do is shop for Christmas. I just want to fucking get him a t-shirt. And all the cool ones are sold out. And all these ugly ones that's every size is available. It's like, I know what the fuck you're doing. I know what you're doing. You're not sold out. How are you sold out?

I'm going directly to the fucking manufacturer. You got a whole fucking warehouse full of them. But you're just going to say that they're sold out because you want to push this other merch. Not available. Everything I looked up was not fucking available. But all the ugly bullshit that nobody wants to buy is available. And what they wanted was me to go into a panic.

And be like, I got him something. And just fucking click on it. Well, I didn't. I didn't click on it. I yelled at my computer. I walked around the house and yelled about it to myself instead. And I got nothing done.

And it is now November 5th. Oh, Jesus. It's so stupid The whole thing is so fucking dumb And every year it sneaks up on me And this year I was just like I'm going to get this shit done And I'm going to have it done

By the end of November And I'm going to have all my gifts wrapped And ready to fucking go And that's it And then the day after Thanksgiving I'm going to go out and get my Christmas tree Bing, bang, boom, right? November 24th, I'm celebrating seven years of no...

Oh, Jesus, I'm back. Sorry, got a phone call. Anyway, so that is my goal. Then I get the fucking Christmas tree. I set it up. And what was that fucking... What was this shit I drank? It wasn't wild turkey.

It was something really good. My stomach is growling like a motherfucker. this is what happens when you when you fucking you eat fruits and fucking overnight oats you're like hungry like 20 minutes later um what the fuck was I talking about? Yeah I'm going to get this shit done

I'm going to get this shit done I'm not fucking doing it this year I'm going to get the family photo for the Christmas card and I'm just going to get this shit done Doesn't this sound fun? The excitement of the holidays? Anyway, I kind of know the shit that I want to get people.

I don't know what to get my wife. I've got to ask my lovely wife what she wants. I'm going to figure that out. But my kids, I got my son fucking Lincoln Lux. He's into like architecture and shit. that i swear to god he likes looking at how stuff is built in all of that cars and stuff so i might regret it though i have a bad feeling like i got and you know of course i got him like the one that's like like 50 bucks and has like a thousand pieces i'll tell you what was available linking logs

linkin logs are available um but any any of that other bullshit that everybody wants um i don't know Maybe there's a lot more stuff available when I thought. Maybe just the first two things I clicked on, I struck out, and then I just flipped out. That's probably, you know what? That's probably what happened. All right, that is the podcast, everybody.

I don't even know what to tell you. I'm fucking, I got to like, I got to do this shit. I got to figure out how to forgive all of this stuff from my past. So I stopped yelling at people. in a Starbucks fucking line. Like, what am I doing?

What the fuck am I doing? Anyway, all right. That's it. Enjoy the weekend, you can't. And I will check it. And I will talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne.

It's time for the Monday morning podcast. For Monday, November 6th, 2017, what's going on? How are you? you. How are you doing? No, really, seriously. Are you okay? I've been thinking about you. There's anything worse when you don't want someone to, like, you know, if you don't want to talk about your fucking troubles, and then there's that overly caring person in your life that notices them, and they're like, you know, what's, what's going on? I'm cool. I'm good, I'm good. No, seriously, you seem there's, I'm just picking up something on your energy. What do you mean? Fucking Star Trek?

Yeah, you're reading my mind? You know, I mean, you're right. I don't need you as a non-fucking psychiatrist walking around my brain. Everybody thinks they're fucking qualified because they watched a couple episodes of Dr. Phil and he makes it look so easy for this simple fact that the man does not give a shit. Okay, he's there for one reason only. All right? It's for the who is after the shit. You know, that's why he has that fucking angry.

You ever seen a guy helping more people with such like a fucking angry look on his face? You know, I got the Chief's fucking Cowboys game on in the background. How many times does the special team fuck up a free lunch when the punter kicks it right down to the one-yard line? They're just the worst. The guy fucking did it. Everybody wants to be the guy that does it. and then they fucking fumble the ball into the end zone and what happens huh the punter takes the hit and rather than him having a 41 yard fucking average for the game it moves down to 38 right

and the second they see that three all of a sudden they want to move you to another team nobody nobody ever looks at the nameless cunts that run down the fucking field the wedge breakers all of them right the guys that nobody has talked about since john madden stopped announcing games they go down there and consistently fuck that play-up. This has nothing to do with NFL special teams. This has nothing to do with people asking me, how are you doing? Is everything good?

You look good, but I sense of sadness. It's just like, can you just fucking let me sit here? All right? Wait, I'm ready to talk about this. It's like this isn't yours to talk about, right? Anyways, can I say anyways? One more fucking time? My last podcast, I left you.

I was at the surf ballroom, right? Chantilly lace and a pretty face, a ponytail hanging down, a wiggle and a walk and a giggling or talk. I was there. Make the world go round, wow, wow, wow. and the next day I was flying Air Choice 1 to Chicago and then I was taking another puddle jumper up to

what the hell was it? Milwaukee right so me and Dean Delray we show up we had like the greatest fucking night ever we stayed at this hotel that was designed by Frank Lloyd Weber amazing hotel so we drive up to the airport the airport the Mason City Airport

It's just one of the greatest thing ever. I'm going to upload some pictures. You walk in, there's probably 12 chairs for people in the waiting room. You go through this little security area. I love little airports. Little mom and pop airports. I get up there. Dean checks in, all good.

I go to check in. I'm on the 925. I land in Chicago O'Hare. I have a little layover. And then I'm going to go up to the, you know, up to Milwaukee, right, for my seven, what I thought was a 730 show. It turned out it was at 7. So I get in there.

And the lady behind the counter goes, you're not flying until 525. And I was like, that is impossible. I won't be in Milwaukee in time for my show. She goes, well, according to this, you're on the 525. I go, all right, well, is there room on the 925? so I can switch flights? She goes, no, I'm sorry, that's sold out. So immediately, you know, me with my temper.

I go, oh, so what? So what? That one sold out so you bump me to the next flight? And she just stuck her hand out. Like when your dad used to say, cool it, right? She just stuck her hand out. And she just goes, hey, we don't do that here. Right?

Starts fucking giving me shit back and starts saying that I screwed up. I mean, what do you mean? How do you know I got a confirmation number? I got all this type of stuff. And she goes, we don't do that. I go, okay, so you guys never mess up? You never mess up. This is on me.

My travel agent never screws up, right? And we're going back and forth, back and forth. And she starts fucking yelling at me. And I'm, you know, I'm keeping my voice. I'm definitely, you know, definitely on my toes, but I'm not yelling. But she's yelling at me, a raise in her voice. And finally, I just said to her, I said, lady, why are you yelling at me? Okay, I'm the one who's getting screwed here.

Your shift ends at whatever time it ends. It's no skin off your back. I'm not yelling. I'm not swearing, why you're swearing, right? I'm not yelling. Why are you yelling at me? She got all fucking pissed. And I was just like, Jesus Christ, I thought people were friendly in Iowa.

That's what I heard, right? So now I have to get a fucking rental car. And I have to drive from Clear Lake. You know, I called my people up, up, up, everybody's trying to figure out what the fuck's going on. so now I got to rent a goddamn car in Clear Lake Iowa and I have to drive from Clear Lake Iowa

all the way to Milwaukee which is going to be nothing but fucking cow pastures you know what I mean I'll tell you what's amazing is that anybody could crash and die in Iowa that's what I took away from this fucking drive

because all I see is it's just a giant it's just a giant field you know sorry anyways so I call it my travel agent we go to fucking figure out I don't know what happened

it turns out it was somewhere on my end somebody fucked up so I walked up to the lady and I said listen I apologize I actually apologize to what I just said it was somebody on my end where can I get the rental car

and then I just had to fucking deal with that shit and the stupid thing said it was a five-hour something-minute drive, and I just got in the fucking car and drove like 80, 85 the entire way. I averaged 79 miles an hour. That was with no stops, no getting gas. But, you know, whenever a truck gets in the left lane and tries to pass up a hill,

it fucks the next 20 minutes of your life out, you know? But anyways, I ended up making it there. My apologies to the lady, you know, who could have been a little nicer. you know i think i brought it out of her all right but i will tell you this okay you know people tell me how friendly everybody is in iowa i'm telling until you question what it is they're doing then all of a sudden they get their backs up or i met one of the few angry people out there i don't know slip knots from iowa that's not exactly happy go lucky music is it um so i

fucking drove all the way into Milwaukee like a maniac because I wanted to get to my favorite hotel in the United States of America, which is the Fister Hotel. I swear to God, it's called the Fister. It's the last name of this family. It's spelled P-F-I-S-T-E-R. If you are ever in Milwaukee, that is where you stay. You stay at the Fister. all right it was guido fister had the idea for it and his kid came through with it you know this was the 1800s when his last name was fister all right somehow they say they were german but his first name is guido i mean is it feister all i know is as far as i know i think fisting had died down in the 1800s so you could have that as a uh a last name but i believe

in Roman times according to like movies like Caliglia that was going on but now with all the sexual harassment and evidently all these fucking lunatic perverts slash rapists

in Hollywood I love that they're acting like this is specific to Hollywood that's something they do all the time Like if there's like an NFL player that gets busted for domestic violence, they go, what is with these athletes beating women? And it's like, that's not it. This is just a microcosm of the, just a little sample of humanity.

I would actually be willing to bet that there's just as many plumbers out there that get accused of domestic violence as football players or whatever. It's just that plumbers don't sell out. football stadiums. There's not a giant plumber stadium to see you know a first ballot Hall of Fame plumber sink. So nobody

pays attention. So everybody gets to act like oh it's going on. It's in Hollywood. It's over here. Like they always notice what people on television are doing, you know? I mean, look at Bill Clinton. I mean, okay, this guy comes on a fucking fern and he's blowing a load on a dress, which is

standard, I guess. That's more, that's more pedestrian place for your jizz to end up you know if you're going to sit there in court you know and your lawyer's going to be going all right this is going to be a little bit of an embarrassing day for you there buddy uh they're going to bring your jiz in and you know but it's on a dress so uh i'm willing to bet that a number of people you know that are in the jury at some point have splooged on a dress you know at very least one of their own t-shirts you know let's not forget about tube socks but that you know like without saying right it's but then you know if you're on trial and you you did it into a plant

you know that's a little weird a plant is different than you know if you're fucked outside because then you're just outside but a plant that's just really specific yeah I thought Hollywood was green I thought they gave a shit about the environment anyways I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So, yeah, it's an unbelievable, like, this fucking hotel, you could have shot the shining in there. I mean that in a good way, not in the creepy way, because as creepy as that movie is, that is a beautiful hotel. And it's basically, I'll upload some pictures of that, too, but it's like literally something that Stanley Kubrick could have filmed one of his masterpieces in. And also, they have the greatest, sickest, death-defying steam room in the country.

I know all this is really sounding bad. Fister, steam room, trust me, it's all above board. It's just, if you go there, this is how it works. The steam comes on for seven minutes. You're going to be in there either for 20 minutes or a half-hour. If you get the half-hour one, it comes on for seven minutes, okay? and it's literally like a steam pipe broke. And I had to get underneath the towel

because what you want to do is just let all that steam come in. You've got to tough it out for seven minutes, all right? Because it's not going to come on again until the final seven. If you got the 30-minute one, 20 minutes, it never comes on again. So as hard as it gets, you've got to know that that steam has to last for the entire time that you're in there. And there's a shower. You've got your own private place, and there's a shower.

shower down the end of it. So the first day I went in there, I fucking, I opened the window a little bit because I couldn't take it anymore. And then I closed it when it started to die down. I realized I let all the steam out. And then four minutes later, it was borderline chilly in there. So I was like, fuck,

I screwed it up. So tomorrow when I get there, I'm just going to tough this shit out, right? And I was under a towel like four and a half minutes in, literally going, ah, ah, fuck, and I just couldn't take it anymore. So I was like, don't open the window.

Run to the other side and turn on the shower, right? It's like an overhead shower and you have it on cold. And I went over there and it was like half a degree not as hot. Like the steam, I ran by the steam thing and my fucking legs felt like I actually understand now what it feels like initially when you're on fire because you know what you want to do but you can't do it because you're too busy hopping up and down. So I'm literally hopping up and down With an in it I want to turn on the shower But I had to like I was reacting to the pain go

Ah fuck And fuck and fuck And the handle was right there And I just kept reaching down Padding at my legs Rather than just reaching over And turn it on the thing So finally I had to block out the pain

For like 0.2 seconds Reach over and turn on the fucking thing And of course the last person that was in there left it on hot after you know the steam was over and they took a hot shower so it came out hot and I was like fuck fuck fuck turn it back down to get it down to cold and I just stood there for the final three and a half minutes dude it is no joke and uh the half hour was done like I walked out of that thing and I was like breathing heavy I was coming out like like coming out

I was fucking all red right so I go out into the way you know then you cool off for like 15 minutes and you're just sitting there

and you're not thinking about anything you're just sitting there totally relaxed you feel fucking amazing um while in the back of your head going like

you know I don't know if that was healthy or not right so then I go out of the steam room right the lady comes back and get you and um I go to the waiting room and Bartnick is already there.

And he just looks at me and he starts laughing, right? Because I'm all fucking red. I got the shaved head. He goes, dude, you look like the flash. Which is hilarious because when I looked at myself in the mirror, I mumbled out loud. Like, I look like if Hellboy and Jason Voorhees had a kid. Is that the name of the guy from fucking Friday the 13th?

when he comes up out of the lake now when he pulls the mask up all right i'm not that ugly but i'm just saying um and we just sat there just like drinking water and everything and um you know i got to be honest with you two days in a row of doing that the next night i had two shows at the riverside theater um just a magical fucking place that is and the comedy crowds in milwaukee they're they're unbelievable i cannot say enough good things about that city. It might be my favorite city in the country. And I had two shows, and I got three quarters away through my first show, and I was feeling, like, dehydrated. Like, I was like, after two days of that level of intensity, I was like, I really should have

crushed a bunch of waters here. You know, Verzi told me he drank a gatorade and was talking about electrolytes, you know. He's like, you got to do that, get the electrolytes going. And I vaguely remember seeing on the internet that electrolytes really isn't a thing. That's just something that Gatorade came up with. So let me look this up. I mean, I don't want to challenge Paul Verzi's medical degree. But

I don't know if electrolytes is electrolytes a thing here? Are Electrolites? What? There's a Y in there? There it is. Are electrolytes real? All right.

Now, there's all kinds of electrolytes, but the most important ones are sodium, chloride, potassium. Oh, they are real. I thought that that was like something, like, you know, rather than when it's not a diamond, they call it a dimel. Genuine diamels. Like, what the fuck is a dimel? Well, it's like a diamond, except it's not worth anything. Oh, I'd like one of those. I thought an electrolyte is.

what the f is an electrolyte is gatorade the real deal all right everybody loves gatorade so let's talk about if it's fluff or actually good for you all you hear about is rehydrate this and electrolyte that is it for real your body has a balance and has an ionic solution boring term don't worry about it i want to know what it is has an i has wait and has ionic solutions called electrolytes that keep your body muscles and nerves functioning properly. Your kidneys exist to help keep your body in balance by regulating the fluids and electrolytes in your body. Yeah, they filter the fluids in your body, right? I thought it was just literally the liquids that you ingest. Isn't it unbelievable that I don't know how the fucking body works? I mean,

not that you guys think I'm smart. I know you know that I'm dumb, but you would think that If you would know how that would work, right? Your kidneys make, oh, God, I hate this word. Your kidneys make pee. I hate when adults say pee unless they're talking to a child. Like, do you have to go pee-pee? When adults says I have to pee, I can't handle it. All right?

I got to go to the bathroom. Just say that. All right. Your kidneys make, you know, piss. That's disgusting. Now, piss is crass. P is like, you know, you got to walk it off when an adult says that to you. You know, have you ever a guy say that to you?

Hey, can you pull over here? I have to pee. I mean, he might as well have just given you like a back rub. Maybe it's not that bad. Anyways, they basically filter your blood so you can get rid of waste products like urea and ammonia. Ammonia. Somebody trying to kill me? The fuck did I get some ammonia?

I really need to know how this shit works, shouldn't I? As I'm heading into my 50s, by the way. Drive for my 50s. I'm not going to drink until I'm 60. I've decided that. I've made that decision. I know, I know. I'll never make it.

Anyways, when you are dehydrated, your kidneys make your pee as concentrated as possible to keep water in the body. Okay, what does that mean? When you are well hydrated, your kidneys let more water leave with the waste. Now, there's all kinds of electrolytes, but the most important ones are sodium, chloride, potassium, biocarbonate, calcium, right here. This is me in high school. I'm not passing this class. The second, the teacher's writing this on the, sodium, chloride, potassium, stop writing. Biocarbonate.

That's over. And phosphate. Your kidneys have specific transporters to regulate the concentrations of each of these electrolytes. in your blood. You know what I'm going to ask Paul tonight? I'm going to ask him. I'm going to set him up. I'm going to say, Paul, did you really feel better? Drinking the Gatorade afterward? He's going to be like, absolutely, a thousand percent. And I said, what is it to replace this? What is his replace? And he's going to say electrolytes. And I'm going to say, Paul, what are electrolytes? And I guarantee you, there's no fucking way. He's going to be like, you know,

It's the shit in your system. You know? So you don't get like leg cramps. It'll immediately have to go to the NFL and think about people like legs cramp it up. That has to be a name for that because I do that all the time. Like you can give an informed answer while still not knowing what the fuck you're saying. It's like what's his face? Tony Romo said, this guy has a high football acumen.

And I'm like, what the hell is that? The fuck is a high football acumen. An acumen is having good judgment and quick, I don't know, quick decision making in a particular field. So it's kind of insulting, you know what I mean? He's saying like, you know, he could be still saying this guy's a fucking moron, but if you get him on the football field, like he knows this shit. He's like the rain man when he gets out there, right? So now that he said high football acumen,

All the mouth breathers that watch sports, like myself, can, you know, you understand, you've, there's like, I don't know what the word is. Like, you're the rhythm. You know where to place that word without actually knowing, without being able to give a definition. The only reason why I could give a definition is because I looked it up because I never heard it, because I want to make a joke on Twitter about it, right? Like, dude, it's his fucking acumen kid. You're going to start hearing that in sports bars. And then you can, you can replace high football, you can just, any subject, he has a high gardening acumen. Without ever looking up acumen.

You know, you could just keep replacing the, whatever, what is that, the subject? Here's a high serial killer acumen. So I feel electrolyte is one of those words where you just keep watching the Gatorade commercial and it's telling you that it's helping to replace electrolytes. and you know and then enough times you're just like yeah you know

you're just repeating the advertising you know what the fuck it means like I know that Gatorade is thirst aid for that deep down body thirst I don't know what thirst aid is it's aiding your thirst or is that just all one word

Gatorade thirst aid you know you like when rappers do that when they want to make something rhyme and they'll just take the the suffix of another word and they just do fucking ten words in a row like that

and you just want to be like, I always want to be all white in that moment like, excuse me Mr. MC, those aren't words. Those aren't words. You're inventing words. It's weird because I know what they mean but those aren't words. You will not get credit for that rap.

I'm sorry. Well, not in my cul-de-sac. Well, it's no reason to get angry. Anyways, let's finish reading this. This is actually fucking interesting to me. How much I don't know. Your kidneys have a specific transfer to regulate the concentration of each of these electrolytes in your blood. When you work out, you sweat.

Yep, four years of college taught me that. This kid's trying to be funny. When you work out, you sweat. When you sweat, you lose fluids and electrolytes, especially sodium and chloride, which is why your sweat tastes salty. Now, when you're lacking fluids and electrolytes, your muscles suffer. And you put, yeah, so it's basically like a car leaking oil. Let's talk about why Gatorade or any sports drink works. Water will get into your bloodstream faster when it's part of Gatorade because water flows, follows electrolytes.

Gatorade has electrolytes. So it has salt and shit in there? Chloride, potassium. I know potassium. in like bananas. But I thought chloride was like some shit that either cleaned your clothes or that sounds too much like chlorine.

Like that seems like that would be poisonous. Calcium. Calcium deposits on your teeth. I know what calcium is. Calcium's in like fucking broccoli. Phosphate. Like I would think phosphate is like, you know, when you turn the car on your garage,

carbon dioxide and phosphate. fate get into your system well actually a high a too high level of any of these electrolytes could prove fatal theoretically what your body is is a symphony of balance i'm not passing this class uh when you work out all right so i think i kind of know what the fuck this shit is well i guess i guess it's true i didn't think it was geez it wasn't that a long boring trip down to fucking nowhere um anyway so i get to Milwaukee. I finally got to see the bronze Fonz, you know, happy days took place there.

I took a picture that I'm going to tweet out later today of how Richie and Fonzie are finally back together again before every cunt on Twitter goes, hey, yeah, you fucking look like Ralph Malf. I'd say more Ralph Melf laughing my ass off by myself at my own joke that I wrote with my thumbs. I finally went to the Harley Davidson Museum. Jesus Christ, you got to do that. you got to do that

this is how great Milwaukee is I actually told people Milwaukee that I wasn't going to tell people how great it is but I kind of have to because it's fucking amazing because most people won't listen anyways right? All the Yolo doches they're going to go to Chicago maybe you know go to a Cubs game

you know their pop collar or whatever the fuck it is they do but they're going to go to they're going to the party cities if you're in your 20s you're not going to Milwaukee right? I don't know what they do wherever these fucking DJs play that's where They're going to Vegas. They're going to Miami.

They're going to one of those places, right, where the base never stops. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. They have the Harley Davidson Museum. They have my favorite fucking beer. The Miller Brewery Company is right there. You can take a tour of it. I wish I was drinking. I would have done that because they get you like, you know, borderline shit face before you leave.

And they got the river walk. Next time I go out there, I'm going out there during the summer. Milwaukee is basically Chicago with like, you know, fucking half the population. All the same stuff. All the same great views without the traffic. I love it. Then I, the, oh, Brian, the Monday morning Photoshop gentleman is from out that way. And he fucking let us know about some spots to go to.

And it was, he told us about this place, Vanguard, which makes these fucking, brats and sausages, and they were just next level. They were the best sausages I've ever had, all right? To keep with the homoerotic theme of this podcast, right? We had the Fister Hotel, we had a steam room, and now I'm talking about sausage. And evidently, this is my favorite place to go. So, hey, maybe I'll come out like Kevin Spacey. I'm just going to make sure I

You know I can't you can't This is a very thin Fucking line to walk there Where the comedy exists At the end of the day You know it's just Jesus fucking Christ What is going on

Anyways Where else? What else do I want to talk about? Yeah so we just had the best time And me Verzi and Bartnick just kept saying They're like I fucking love this city City is awesome And I don't say this

about a lot of places, but I could literally live there. My big fucking thing, though, is I'm just really sick of living where my sports teams aren't. You know, I've been behind enemy lines as far as being a sports fan goes since 1995. And, you know, recently I went back to Boston. I remember I went back What the fuck I think I went to a Bruins game Or something Yeah I went to a Bruins game

That's right I was I did one day on a So when I did one day In a movie I can't remember I can't remember I can remember I didn't know when the fuck I was there I went there during hockey season

That's what I remember And I went to a Bruins game And I never forget I looked out the hotel window And all I saw was a sea Of Bruins jerseys And I was just like

Oh my God I forget what this feeling like and that's the one thing that I don't know that would be the only thing other than I don't know if I could exist in this business living there in Milwaukee but I don't know it's fucking fresh air I like it I fuck I don't know why I have no idea all right Bill we get it we get it all right let's read a little bit of advertising here for um oh you know what fuck that let's talk about the fucking Iowa Hawkeyes beating the fucking

shit of the Ohio State Buckeyes. What happened? The Buckeyes had that huge win last week against Penn State. I saw Jay Lawhead at the All Things Comedy fucking festival and the man was literally floating

floating across the goddamn room. The man simply could not believe it. Couldn't believe his good fortunes. He was saying that was probably the most impressive win of the college football season and you would be very hard pressed to come up with an argument different to differ it you know and then a week fucking later they absolutely shit the bed

again i mean i got that shit kicked out of them if they didn't do that dumb fake punt whatever the hell that punter was doing that would have been like 5517 they just shut them down in the second half it was i was unbelievable and then penn state loses again too so what is that me what does that mean meanwhile Wisconsin's fucking undefeated and everybody's going to be like well there's fucking nobody there's nobody on the west we got Michigan we got a house stay we got fucking

Michigan State we got Penn State it's like right well you know what they got out west they got the fucking Iowa Hawkeyes how cool did that stadium look whenever I watch Iowa play football I don't know why I always think back when I liked Iowa when I was a kid because there was a running back Ronnie Harmon that I really liked and I brought it up to this guy when I was on the plane taking the puddle jumper

over and he brought up how he fucking fumbled four times in a Rose Bowl or some shit and I had no idea that I didn't even know that happened and then there was this whole fucking scandal trying to say that that he fixed the game because he'd like never fumbled ever and then he fumbled four times in the first half I don't know maybe it was just a bad time to have a bad game but I never knew that about him, but he had a great NFL career. Rush fed like 8,500 yards, almost 10,000 yards. Played like 11 years or something like that. I don't know.

Anyways, I'm getting off the beaten track here. Let's do a little advertising here. All right, it's time. Oh, here we go. Oh, Zip. Oh, that's what I got to promote this. I am going to be in New York City. Okay?

And I will be doing a special. secret, top secret show that I'm not even promoting on my website. I'm just promoting here on my podcast. Unless, of course, we don't sell the place out, then we'll open it up to everybody else. But this, this is your reward for listening to my podcast, all right? I'm going to be at a new comedy club that's in New York City. It's called the West Side Comedy Club. And you can make, I guess you can get tickets at their website, which is W. They're not live yet, so relax. all right they're going to go live Monday November 6

which should be the day you're listening to this even though I'm taping it on the 5th Monday November 6th at noon Eastern time and I will be performing at the West Side Comedy Club on Sunday November 12th

so tickets go on sale Monday November 6th and the show is at 8 o'clock It's Sunday, November 12th at the West Side Comedy Club, which is at 201 West 75th Street. And I think that's it. All right. So, check that out. It's a perfect-sized place.

It looks awesome. It's right next to the Beacon Theater. It's a little 100-seat thing. I'm going to be doing about 40, 45 minutes, trying out some new shit, fucking around, having a good time. You know, keeping the hour tight. And that's it. It's a couple friends of mine that are owning and running the club from my days way back. We're going back to like the Boston Comedy Club and that type of shit.

So anyways, check that out if you got a chance. And is that everything that I want to talk about? I think so. Can we go into the questions for the week? How long into this podcast? Oh, 39 minutes. Okay. That's perfect.

That is perfect. I think I could run my mouth for another. Dude, what the fuck was LSU doing against Alabama? I know it's Alabama, because they drop more goddamn passes. They actually had a highlight reel of them fucking up passes, blowing opportunities. I'll tell you, I've got to be asking myself, how good is the Alabama Crimson Tide, considering they're playing in a much weaker SEC than we've seen in years? Who knows?

But I'll tell you why they're great, because even though that they were winning easily against LSU for most of the game, Nick Saban was still getting pissed. screaming and yelling. He knows. He knows. He sees enough drop passes. He's like, well, if they caught that and they caught that, you know, this game could be this. You don't get credit because they dropped it. You get credit if you knock it down. Then he feels like we're playing good defense. That is why. That is why. That guy's the shit. But it will be interesting to see. Because a few weeks ago, it looked like Penn State was world beaters. Now they've lost two in a row. Ohio State looked

like they were coming on. Then they got the living shit. They got the living, there was a live shit in them and it was kicked out of them. They got to feel a lot lighter after this past weekend. All right, let's do a little questions here for the rest of the podcast. All right. Plastic surgery.

All right. Bill, I watch your specials every single day. Jesus, dude. Take a break. I appreciate it. But, you know. you know at some point you're going to start hating me and it's not going to be my fault um all right i have a wonderful time and i laugh to the jokes as if i've seen them for the first time i live in china and youtube is a bitch here l-o-l wow the fuck out of here that's amazing good luck waiting for your new stug stu g-g i don't know what that means but uh hey what's up person from

China, when I was training to get my pilots license, I flew with a bunch of your countrymen who came over here, barely spoke English, and then learned how to fly a helicopter. It's one of the most amazing things ever, because I don't think I could go to mainland China, right? I mean, you have an instructor. My buddy said to me, I go, they don't understand English. How do you communicate? and he said they understand tone, which is what I would understand. If I was over there, this guy went, I was screaming, I'll be, all right.

All right, don't do what I just did. Got it. All right, JFK files. Oh, Billy Root Beer Float. Oh, I love a root beer float. I love a root beer float. I never get them because I don't want to be a fat fuck. Oh, the Cowboys throw a pick six.

Wow. Oh, that wasn't it? Was that a pick six? No, it wasn't. They didn't throw a pick six. That was actually an offensive play. Why did that guy look like a cornerback to me? Is Kansas City going to do it this year, everybody?

Is Andy Reed finally going to bring a team to the promised land and hoist the trophy? It's up in the air this year. Which, once again, look how bad the fucking giants are. I don't understand how. how you have a coach, how you have a GM, how you have these guys in place that got you trophies, trophies, Super Bowl trophies, plural, and you get rid of them. It's like the Red Sox with fucking Theo Epstein and, you know, fucking Terry Francona. We get rid of those guys.

And then literally there's a World Series with Theo Epstein's Cubs and Terry Francona's fucking Indians last year. I, you know, I still don't understand it. It's almost like morning radio. like morning radio is another thing that I watch and I just see these great shows and the two hosts end up inevitably hating each other and then the great show goes away and I'm not just talking about the one that I did it happens all the time and I think that that's just what happens it's nobody's fault it's just I don't know the same way you know after a while you're like even though you have shirts you want a new shirt I think people do that with like relationships and that's what's so fucked up about marriage is it's that same guy damn shirt. And as much as you're looking at your wife going, that's that same old shirt. You've got to understand, you're a fucking old shirt, too. All right? And the two you have to hold on to each other until God takes you to goodwill. All right, JFK, so stupid. All right, JFK files,

old Billy Rupier Float. Oh, God damn it, I love a Rupier Float. I'm sure you've, you have heard that that the JFK files, or some of them, have been released. And as a fellow conspiracy theorist, I thought this might interest you. Dude, they're not going to release anything. If somebody else really did it and they actually know who did it, then I can be like, all right, I think it's safe to tell you that the guy who really did it was not named Lee Harvey Oswald. His name was Larry.

Fucking whatever, the Larry Fellowship. In one of the files, the CIA states that it planned bombings in Miami to kill innocent people so that they can blame it on Fidel Castro. Now that there is undeniable proof that the CIA isn't above killing innocents to get their way, does that change your views on any other conspiracy theories? I know how much you suck at reading, so I attach the link with the actual snippet of what I'm talking about. Yeah, I mean, I'd have to see that that was, you know, it's interesting.

I just clicked on that and all of a sudden I'm not hooked up to the Internet. How weird is that? I was hooked up into the Internet until I tried to look at this fucking thing. Now, I'm basically taking your word that that's actually what happened. If that is, in fact, the case, okay, we could develop a communist Cuban terror campaign in the Miami era in other Florida cities and even Washington. The terror campaign could be pointed at Cuban refugees seeking haven in the United States. We could sink a boatload of Cubans en route to Florida, real or simulated. What the fuck?

Real or simulated. In other words, they own enough. They could just say it happened and how do people know it didn't? We could foster attempts on lives of Cuban refugees in the United States. even to the extent of wounding an instance what even to the extent of wounding in instances to be widely publicized

exploding a few plastic bombs and carefully chosen spots well it doesn't seem like they're going to fucking kill fellow Americans I think that they're going to kill Cuban refugees here um exploding a few plastic bombs and carefully chosen spots

the arrest of Cuban agent and the release of prepared documents substantiating Cuban involvement also would be helpful in projecting the idea of an irresponsible government. Yeah, none of that's surprising. I mean, is that really surprising? If you just sort of fucking pay attention and just even remotely try to read between the lines, Yeah. We're not as good as we act like we are, but I'm also not going to then glorify Fidel Castro like he was this fucking saint. But, you know, I don't think it's crazy to say that, you know, we were more upset with Fidel Castro, not because he was, you know, a communist. it was probably more because he wouldn't let us develop his country the way we saw fit.

And by we, I don't mean the average fucking person walking down the street. I'm talking about the corporations. And I don't think that that policy has changed. And I'm not going to get on a fucking stump here. But I don't think that that has changed at all. And currently, that philosophy has bankrupted this country. And I don't know what's going to happen. and that's all really heavy shit.

And I, you know, I remember reading something that J. Edgar Hoover allegedly said, even if they do figure out it's so fucking overwhelming and depressing, they won't want to think about it. And that's where I get to. So I just go to Milwaukee and I get a brat and I have a good time and I be the dancing monkey that I am. And I just hope that the lie is able to sustain itself. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck to do.

I don't know. Yeah, so that's great. So that's why I kind of backed away from conspiracy theory because you don't want to be right, even remotely. So anyways, let's get out of that. Oh, let's talk a robot granted citizenship. Oh, my God, out of the frying pan into the fire. I would love to read the declassified CIA file on fucking what the hell they plan to do with robots. I mean, there's no fucking way that they're not talking.

Like, I always joke how they never discussed the population problem. They absolutely fucking do, but not to the general public because it would freak them out. Because I think at that point, you realize how overpopulated we are and how expendable you are. I mean, that's how I would feel, you know? How many stand-up fucking comedians? I mean, for the survival of humanity, do you really need another one? All right, robot granted citizenship. Greetings from Austin, you illiterate piece of shit.

All right. Well, hello. Hello to you in your fucking overpopulated fucking city. Keep it weird. You shouldn't keep it weird by fucking preventing more people from moving to that great place and ruining it. I ran across this the other day and thought of your podcast. They gave a robot citizenship. Her name is Sophia, and she was acknowledged as a citizen in Saudi Arabia.

You know what? That's fucking great. That's fucking great, because what they just did was they ended their country. That's over. The second is a robot, it becomes a citizen. That is the beginning of the fucking end. The beginning of the fucking end of your guy. God damn. Wait, was that a special team's fucking touchdown?

I don't know what's going on. Anyways, that's the beginning of the end of your country. And considering, from what I've read, that these terrorist groups, for the most part, are funded through Saudi Arabia, sending money, funneling them through mosques, I think that would be a good thing, you know? Now, if we could just stop trying to build Starbucks over there and just fucking come home, You know, just walk away from it. Instead of being that degenerate gambler sitting at the fucking blackjack table waiting for the cards to turn around. All right, so they did this. Not exactly the best spot for a female human. Oh, Saudi Arabia.

Maybe they will be nicer to robots. Okay, this is scary. How goddamn creepy is that thing? I know this will freak you out, Bill. Just fast forward to any point where the robot is talking. Yeah, I watched it. You guys got to see this video. And I love how the journalist acts like he's asking these hard-hitting fucking questions

as if these questions weren't written out for this fucking sell-out human piece of shit, which is what you have to say now. This human sold out other humans to this non-fucking human life form. What the fuck are we doing? He actually says, well, how do we know? that we can trust you or something like how do we know you're not going to blah blah blah like just like a comedy team just lobs the setup over and then the robots like you're watching too much Elon Musk and Hollywood movies and then he's like oh it made a joke oh I see it's friendly

it's like it's not a person it doesn't have a heart it doesn't have a fucking soul that is a programmed fucking response all right and they're going to have it have all these facial expressions to make you feel fucking cump. That is, that thing is our replacement, without a doubt. Without a doubt. And I definitely think the robots

are going to kill us. I don't think they're literally maybe going to kill us, but I think they will kill us off the way the car killed off the horse as a motor transportation, which was probably cool for the horse

because he's probably sick of us being on his back, right? But I don't think it's going to be cool for us, because we will become obsolete. We will be the human version of a cassette tape. When all the kids want iPods. And the kids will be basically whoever employs the CIA. All right, there we go.

Isn't this fun? Isn't this fucking uplifting? How about those Kansas City Chiefs? Bread and Circus. All right, Hot Girl and Coffee Shop. I like the sound of this already. old Billy Boozless That's right

Billy Booseless 80 days We'll be 81 By the time you listen to this Unless I go off the rails tonight Big fan of your stand-up And the podcast all the way From Glasgow, Scotland

Sorry, I'm yawning All the way from Glasgow, Scotland I'll cut to the chase Glasgow Scotland That's where ACDC recorded There if you want blood live album right in a venue that doesn't exist anymore because i tried to find it when i was over there i'll cut to the chase i'm a 23 year old guy who had who has recently graduated from college

and moved down to london about five months ago to start a new job all right i am enjoying life in my new surroundings and the girls down here are of another planet compared to back home however there is one there is one there is one there is one four in particular who has caught my attention, and I'd like your advice on the best way to ask her out. The lovely Nia's advice is welcome. She'd probably have a better idea of what to do here than I would, but she's not here as I'm in Green Bay, Wisconsin right now. All right. She works in a coffee shop near my work, and she is immense, easily a 9.3 slash 10. I never have a problem with women, but 90% of the time, I have had a few beers in me at the time, and my confidence is

at its peak. Can you give me any advice on how to ask this girl out, giving that it's a small coffee shop and full view of the general public? We had some chat. Oh, that's good. So I was going to say, go in there and start talking to her. And I'm 80% sure she's into me, but I'm shitting myself in case I get the rejection. And there's around 30 people there to witness it. Dude, fuck those other 30 people. What you have at your fingertips is a great story, no matter what happens. You either possibly meet the love of your life, right? Settle down, have kids together and live happily ever after, or you have a hilarious

fucking story. Dude, fuck that. The worst she can say is no. Who gives a shit? Oh, dude, I'd ask her out in the middle of the meal. you know just to make the awkwardness even further just steer who gives a fuck fuck that dude if you can chat up women it's not because you're drunk it's because you got rid of that stupid voice in your head that says that you can't you obviously can't alcohol doesn't make

you talk to women all right it doesn't make you talk to women better what it does is it gets rid of your fucking fear so you can actually you know perform this is like some fucking uh john daily shit like he used to have a couple of cords lights so he'd relax more hit the ball further. I'm not saying to go in there shit-faced. Fuck, I got to go back to this Kansas City touchdown. It was a pass. Sorry.

Anyways. Yeah, dude, just go in there. Dude, fuck this. You're the man. She works in a coffee shop. She's not splitting Adams. All right? Just go in there.

All right? Just go in there. Bill just not even like fucking try to walk in like, the man he's some badass dude just fucking like block out that voice anytime you hear that voice it's gonna go great make her laugh you know when she said uh would that be all just ask ask it for a number dude you know you should ask fucking jo de rosa one time i was with joe de rosa you want to talk about guy fearless i was with joe de rosa one time we went out to breakfast and the waitress came over you know and uh he's kind of checking her out or whatever and we

fucking eating we were eating our food and he goes anything of that waitress I'm like she's cute he goes yeah he goes I think I'm going to ask her out and she comes back to the table like will that be all and he fucking asked her out right in front of me right and she gave him his number now

if she shot him down not only it's like that story would have left it's like he would just be like with you with a bunch of strangers I could have sat there and laughed at him which I wouldn't have laughed at him but maybe he would have thought that I didn't he didn't give a fuck So, I think you go Joe to Rosa on this one.

All right? Listen, what is the deal? You're attracted to her. You want her number to ask her out. All right? So fucking do that. That's what you want. That's the same way you handle your career in life.

What do you want to do? Go do that. Who do you want to be with? You know, that's a different thing because they ever say. But you got to ask. That's it. so I don't know I don't know what you deal is if you're a funny guy whatever your deal is I don't know whatever you're doing it seems to be working because you're feeling a vibe like

she's into you all right so just stop listening to that voice going like oh my god what happens if she says yes think about that all right there you go all right mixed race relation oh Jesus Christ I love when people think I'm an expert on this just because you know it's literally if I fell off a bed hey Bill you just you fell off a bed oh I need some advice on falling off a bed. I don't know how the hell I ended up in this relationship. I just met her and I liked her. I asked her out and I couldn't get rid of her.

I didn't want to get rid of her. Every time I ever thought about breaking up with her when I was to be like all in a panic of holy fuck, I've been in with her for three months. Oh my God, the pressure, the pressure. All this pressure I was building up on myself. I would always picture her walking out of my apartment. And even in the fantasy of getting out of the relationship,

I would always run out to go back and get her. And then it took me about a good, oh, seven, eight years to realize, Bill, that means because you love her and you don't want her to leave. All right. Hey, Bill, you fucking Alabaster, bastard. Alabaster, bastard. You allabaster, why didn't you do that?

Hey, Bill, you fucking alabastered. I'm also a white guy who has just started going out with a smoking hot black chick. I have no idea what she sees in me, but who gives a fuck, right? She makes me happy, and I seem to make her happy, too. So it's all good. Until you go outside.

So on to my question, as someone who's in a successful, quote, mixed race, I don't know why it's in quotes, mixed race relation, I wonder if you have any insights or gotchas that might help my relationship last, make my relationship last. And do you still experience any casual racism from the mouth-breathing morons? I'll spell-check this message and be careful to use correct punctuation too. so hopefully if you do read it, you won't sound like a preschool toddler auditioning for Sesame Street. Thanks for the podcast. I listen to them every week and go fuck yourself.

I love how the punctuation is my fault still. It's still my fault. I'm the victim. Do I have any insights? Yeah, this is my insight, is that you two people are different than me and my wife because you're an individual.

All right. So, you know, it's not like, well, when, like, it's like when you watch the Discovery Channel, well, when dealing with the hippopotamus, there's an aggressive behavior when it's fucking partly cloudy. My advice is if you're with somebody and they make you happy, stay with them. They don't break up with them. That's it. All right. And if you're in that situation right now and you want to break up with somebody, don't use the holidays as an excuse.

all right just get out now just get out now I'll actually tell you it's better to do it right before the holidays than after okay

because as much as you're going to fuck up their Thanksgiving Christmas Hanukkah or Kwanza the new year comes and with the new year they'll be like

you know I'm going to go to the gym I'm just going to get forget about it it was the worst year ever you know if you fucking wait

until after the holidays and then boom their year starts you just fucked up their whole next year because people think in calendar years for whatever reason. All right, so getting back to you. I mean, what do you want me to say?

Let's start listening to fucking Jay-Z. I will tell you this. When it comes to that shit, there is a still stay-in-your-own lane kind of thing. Just because you're with her, don't start saying, don't start using the expression woke uh this still

you know I guess I can't give you advice there are things like that there are things like that that no matter how much she loves you you will immediately turn into an annoying white person um and yes racism doesn't magically go away because the two of you are now together but I will be honest with you

it's just like if it wasn't racism it would be something else um you know i kept talking about chicago and they kept booing chicago they didn't like chicago so it's like people oh they people don't like their next door neighbors they don't like the people they work with you know football teams don't like coaches and gms that won them super bowl so if it if it wasn't that it will be something else and who gives a shit what other people think you only go around once and you should be with the person you're supposed to be with that's what you're supposed to be with that's what i think all right so have fun enjoy yourselves and uh that's it all right first breakup hey billy pink dick i don't know what does that some cancer thing uh been listening to your

podcast i don't know what that means but that's funny as hell but listening to your podcast for a couple years now and could really use your advice i'm a 22 year old college senior and recently have gone through a breakup uh that's great you got it done before before the holidays or she got it done we dated for six months and it was great she was my first girlfriend and my first love she was even the first girl i ever had sex with all right so you not checked it all off but as we neared six months i began to worry about committing to a long-term relationship when i've never even had sex with another woman uh my dick got cold feet and rightly so rightly so because as a guy if you're thinking that shit you're gonna eventually do it so why

heard her. Anyway, so long after, so after a long talk, we decided to break up. I thought having sex for the first time was tough, but breaking up for the first time is horrible. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I can't seem to get out of this funk. It's really hard not to miss her. What advice do you have for someone going through their first breakup? My friends and I have gone to a bar only once or twice since and none of us have any game we stand around the corner of the bar looking like mere cats that's hilarious it's the last quarter of the game and i'm down 10 points i could use a motivational speech from coach ginger pubs over here thanks and go fuck yourself uh all right we obviously have a sense of humor um here's the deal dude uh my advice when you're going through a breakup

is rather than doing the guy thing and trying to block it out like it isn't happening, go through the sadness of it. All right? Don't cry in front of your friends. But if you got to cry, cry it out of you, it's actually a healthy thing. Crying is a healthy emotion. I finally figured that out, you know, when I haven't cried in almost 50 fucking years. So now it's like no longer like, I don't know.

It's like a room that I walled off. I mean, literally a friend of mine has to die. I have to be at a fucking funeral. You know what I mean? But anyways, don't run from the pain of it. Okay, that's what women do. Women, when they fucking break up, they don't fucking run right on, for the most part, they don't run right out and get into something else.

They stay home, they watch sad movies, they listen to sad fucking, they listen to sad, oh my God. The Chiefs just did a potato sack race, celebration dance I was actually rooting for them this year I was like yeah it'd be cool to see them maybe win it you know the Patriots are as mediocre as they look and I gotta say

fuck that whole franchise if not the whole state I'm glad the St. Louis Cardinals moved I'm even going to take St. Louis down that was the that's one of the worst things I've ever seen now of course show it again what if remember like the dunkin contest when people just out of ideas to just

it's enough already just spike the ball like gronk and go back to the sideline oh boy oh jesus ah i got to walk that one off you know when you got to have like a fucking separate meeting with four of the teammates to get your end zone dance together i mean just i don't anyways yeah what women do correctly is they they when they're sad they allow themselves to be sad if they have to cry they allow themselves to cry and you actually feel better after you do that stuff it's when you ignore it and you push it down it becomes this fucking weight in your chest or this fucking ball of shit in the in your head um you broke up with somebody and you're sad so I would be sad and then as far as going out to a bar um

You know, I mean, I don't know. How do you learn how to throw a football? The first time you throw a football, if you don't throw a tight spiral, do you just never throw one again? You keep doing it, and it gets better. You got to go out there and we used to fucking, oh man, we used to go to this place, Daisy Buchanan said, I guess it's a legendary meat market on Newbury Street in Boston.

And we used to just fucking, you went in there like, it was almost like a stand-up comedy thing where you just went up and like deliberately tried to bomb to make your friends laugh we used to go in there and just any dumb fucking thing we could think of

as we just kept doing it and doing it and doing it and it stopped being the way we got over the fear because it is the fear of rejection is fucking brutal when you're young, right? So what we did is

we would hit on some chick while our other buddy could hear it. So if you started bombing and she wasn't in it, you could then just switch over to trying to make your friend laugh by making even more of a fool of yourself. And then all of a sudden, rejection became funny. It didn't become this like, oh my God, is there something wrong with me?

I want to run out of here. Dude, you're young. You're 22 years old. You know, you're... I don't even know how to say it. It's just like I would hit on every cute chick you saw. You know? I'm not saying to go out there and be a fucking manhole, but you're single.

And, I mean, college life, that's like the greatest fucking nightclub ever. Everybody's single. Everybody's young and good-looking. I mean, there's no reason. That's not the time to be shy. Get over your shyness and just fucking throw it out there and see. Who gives a shit? The worst thing is that they say no

And you keep coming back And me fucking times I bombed Before I got to this level Of being able to do my shit and dick jokes Um All right, anyways Oh god Now they're just gonna keep showing the potato sack

They've shown it like three fucking times Um Anyways Well You know what? I'm not going to be the crabby old man. Good for those guys. And I'm going to keep rooting for the Kansas City Chiefs

because I know there's long, diehard fans. They've got that fucking great stadium. I'll walk that off and just say, you know what, Bill? The NFL continues to change and a new generation has come in, and this is how they celebrate touchdowns. And don't be the grumpy old man. They should just give the ball back to the ref. I'm not going to be that guy.

All right. Great. Let's see a three-legged race next. All right. God bless them. God bless them. God bless DJ music. God bless the CIA and whatever they're doing with the robots.

All right, that's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves, and I will check in on you. On Thursday, I'm going to upload pictures of some of the shit that I did in Milwaukee and some of the Harley Davinsons and all that type of shit. And I know there was something else. Oh, the Fister Hotel, the unfortunately names Fister Hotel. I'll upload all of that shit. All right.

That is it. I'll talk to you later. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast with your host Paul Bursey, Bill Burr. We have Andrew Femless out there in Beverly Hills. And, guys, I am sad to report. We are, as a show, we are sad to report that our own Jake the Snake injury report guy got called to do something. We don't know where he is, but he will be back there.

He's a healthy scratch. He's a healthy scratch. He sends his condolences. By the way, dude, I just took a sauna. That's why my face is all red. I'm not ready to have a heart attack. Well, you look better than me. I just got off of an airplane.

Anyway. Well, let's be honest. We're a mess this week. No, Jake, the snake. My face is red. You just got off a plane. No, I'm a mess this year because I'm 13 games back. But you, you, my friend, you always give me props when I'm killing it.

around this time. I got to give you a problem. Bill Burr is going on six weeks without going under 500, dude. And he goes three and one again to get even against the book going into week nine or ten, dude. That's my

brand. Billy wins some, lose some. I'm 16, 16 and one. You're not going to win. You're not going to lose with me, Paul. No. I picked the Thursday game last night. I got to tell you guys this shit. I'll hear you go. My fucking Thursday night, fucking Theory, division rivalry, Thursday night game, north of five, five and a half points.

Take the fucking dog. It's three days per preparation, simple game plans, everybody's fucking hurt, ugly game. That was last night. That game last night was fucking atrocious. It was atrocious, Paul. They might as well had me out there. Let's not be crazy. But like, I had the Raiders get nine points.

get nine points on a Thursday, Paul? They just got done playing. I walked out of the comedy club. I looked up and I saw, first of all, the uniforms on both teams were the best uniforms ever and the game was terrible. Everybody said it was a bad game. Yeah.

But it's funny. You know, it's funny, Bill, you're winning, and you got a theory last year I was winning. I go, this is the theory. But here's the thing. You're in the mode right now. You're Patrick Ewing in 92. That is a fucking low.

I've won four or five games doing that. Oof. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't scare me like that. It's a fucking lock, dude. You saw it on the text thread last night. I go nine points division rivalry.

Thursday night, I'm taking it. And I ain't talking shit, Paul, until I lose. In other words, I'll shut up next week. Oh, I've been waiting for this, you on the show for a year. at least a couple years um dude hey my kids will you i can start my kids are starting to watch uh sports now which is great they're asking questions they get it now my son's like i want to watch the hockey he likes hockey uh my daughter you know i watched like i watched the last 14 blue jays games so now she's all into baseball dude i got him in the backyard i start they're

right-handed i started him as lefties nice so now my daughter's his school on both sides of play going they're like oh you left or you're right she's like Well, sometimes they do this, sometimes I do that. No, dude, you are, Bill Burr is carrying the anything better show. You are Patrick Ewing of the Knicks in the early 90s, just on the shoulder, taking them to the playoffs. Well, dude, no, come on, last four years, you would be up like six games. Dude, what it is, Paul, is I am, I stayed the same.

I just started slow and then I had to come back just to get where the fuck I was. I'm still Billy win some, lose some. I'm not putting on that Blue Jays home run jacket that you hate so much. I'm not doing that yet. Although I won last night, so I'm one and oh already, so I'm happy with taping this on Friday if you're watching. I got to tell you, going into the week winning that Thursday game feels good. Oh, speaking of this, I got to announce this on the show, guys, if you don't mind.

Speaking of the Knicks, I am doing my new podcast that I do with I Heart Radio, Will Farrell's company, Big Money Players, and I Heart Radio. Paul's best podcast, I am getting John Starks. Legendary New York, Nick, John Starks is coming on my podcast this Monday, live at Gotham Comedy Club for the New York Comedy Festival. 7 p.m. one show, me and John, I get to talk to John Starks this Monday night about the dunk on Jordan. I get to talk to, first of all, I just get to talk to John Starks at Gotham Comedy Club. Tickets are available, guys.

um they they john's people this came in last minute hey he was involved in a second dude all those knicks fans well i hope so but anyway if you want tickets they are available monday night 7 p.m for the new york festival of got them me and john starks uh i'm excited to talk to him dude because i'm just going to be like dude i remember where i was i was eating a twizzler i was eating a twizzler at my friend viny's basement watching him dunk and when he dunked and did that left me it was like a delayed reaction action nobody could believe it i'm going to tell him that uh oh polly full head of hair being a twizzler over viny's house that's 100% 100% true i had a twizzler and we go no he just like it was just that shit that i was like

dude i was like literally oh my god 94 93 i mean that's the greatest that's one of the greatest dunks in nba history and that and that is the greatest dunk in nick's history it's got to be and but you know what sucks is we lost the game don't go there paul i want to talk greatest dunks NBA and and nick's history it's got to be that one it's got it is it is um so guys if you're around monday horace grant horace grant and and jordan comes in late jordan comes in late it's horace grant and pippin are like close to underneath and jordan comes in but he went like lefty and if you watch it if you watch it on youtube even the garden couldn't it's like it takes like one or two mississippies for everybody to register

what they just saw and as he's running back people are going ape shit it's insane it's insane and you know Jordan I'm going to ask him I'm going to be like did I'm going to ask him this I'm going to be like a John did Jordan like after you because they're friends they golf and stuff and be like did he ever say oh I was coming in late that shit ain't on me

because that's that's what I think Michael Jordan said to him but if you guys want to hear that conversation Gotham Monday night at 7 Paul's best podcast there you go I feel like he realizes halfway through the play he's like oh shit he's going to dunk so he just sort of made sure he was just sort of like he's in it but not in it

and when john is running back he gets to like the foul line or the three point line running back and you can tell he knows i just did some shit it's amazing you know what i mean um all right guys well here's the deal we don't have jake the snake we obviously do know the gruesome uh the gruesome jane and daniel's arm but brutal dude Here's the thing about NFL injuries, Bill. They happen, we know it, but when you see the bone go the opposite way, I can't deal with it. That's one I can't deal with it, dude. You know?

The limb. When the limb, when the elbow goes up or the knee goes, I can't, that's the one I can't deal with it. Yeah. You know, that's. At least it wasn't his throwing out, right? Yeah, I don't think it was his throwing arm. Did you see the Joe Thysman thing? Because I didn't see it.

Did you see it? I did not see that live, but they just kept showing it, though. And I remember Tuesday morning, everybody that saw the game, that's all they were talking about. It was a break and then a break. Ah, yeah. And then Lawrence Taylor getting up going, calling them in. Yeah, that's brutal. All right.

Joe Disman said he watched it once. oh man yeah what are we doing we went from john stark's fucking dunk to yeah went from john stark's dunking on jordan to this but so yeah so i guess as far as injuries um i think it's pretty much

that and what it was last week i mean dude a lot of quarterbacks down no joe burrow no jaden daniels a lot of backups but um bill i love when there's a backup comes in you like that guy still in the fucking NFL? That's awesome. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's not a real compliment to the player, but I like it.

Yeah, who was it? Gary Kubiak back in the day? I remember him. Bubby Brister. Yeah, you just think, like, once they lose their starting job, you just don't track them, and then all of a sudden you're like, what the fuck? Joe Flacco's still playing?

Marcus Marriota, still playing. Marcus, when Joe Flacco, dude, 20 years, I think. not bad either dude if joe flacko was in the military he'd have those fucking lines going all the way up his sleeve his NFL his hall of fame jacket or whatever um well

bill anyway paul i still i still uh this time paul there's actually what you've just set the table for paul is the greatest come and you know and paul verzi has amazing comebacks history shows that it ain't over till it's over. Oh, you're down 13 and a half

fucking games. If you on November, what's today? The 6th, 7th, if you fucking turn this shit around, dude, do you get even? I need a couple of 4-0s, dude. I need a couple man. I didn't get, I mean, I got two

O. Sloan would option the script if you did it. Oh, I want to tell you a 2025 bet MGM. story. You just be a documentary? Oh my God,

we'd have to do the Rocky music who are just like, you can't win! And then they start doing that bell sound. Dude, here's a deal. If I do that.

I'm taking the Seahawks, you know, and just all going on this run. Dude, you made, you made that amazing club soda Kenny thing. We got to make like a,

mockumentary like just for a comedy if I do this it would be great play it before next year um all right well bill you are i believe you are up on the you are up on the clock you are crushing it well i've already picked first i picked my thursday game so now it's you i've already picked one it's you it's whatever you want paul all right well i'm going to tell you what i looked at this at the airport when i thought i was going to have to do a recording and by the way people are loving the show thank you all for watching anything better i was a houston last night and i'm doing a meet and greet after a show. And the guy goes, hey, dude, you didn't get you. What's going on with the picks this week? I'm like, all right, buddy, I'm traveling. We'll get

it tomorrow, right? And one guy goes, Paul, I'm still taking your picks. You've been so, one guy was like, I'm still riding with you. I'm like, hey, I don't know. Dude, four years. I'm going to tell you. That's a fucking dynasty, dude. You got a dime. The bed MGM is looking for their first win against you. Yeah, but now I'm the Cowboys who got rid of Jimmy Johnson. You know what I am? I'm the letdown game. They let me hang around.

He's hanging around. They were like, we didn't know if the game passed Bill by, but he is back. All right. You know what I'm going to do, Bill? I'm going to do something that the Indianapolis Colts lost last week. And I see this line minus six and a half and they're home. But you know what? I'm going against my homecoming theory here.

I think that the Atlanta Falcons, I see the Colts taking a little dip now. I also want to see how Daniel Jones reacts to a little bit of, he has not, Daniel Jones has not had any kind of issues yet this year. It's kind of been smooth. How's that offensive line? They're still healthy? Yeah, I mean, listen, they're a good team.

They're favored by six and a half. They do protect them. But this is going to be the first. That's the story. That's the story in Indianapolis, wouldn't you say? That offensive line, all of a sudden he's got time. He's a whole new guy. Well, we're going to see Daniel Jones have a game for the first time with a little bit of being uncomfortable.

I think the Atlanta Falcons, I think, because the Atlanta Falcons lost a heartbreaker to you guys last week by one point. I think the Atlanta Falcons might not win this game. Defense put him in a position to win. We had two big turnovers. I'll tell you that fucking kid, Drake London. Yeah. That kid can play. That kid's good.

That kid, he's good for a, he's good for a touchdown. And I think Pennix Jr. is a good quarterback. I'm not saying the, I'm not saying the Falcons win this game, but boy, do I love the six and a half points. I'm going to take the Atlanta Falcons on the road getting points. I love that, Paul. I actually love that pick. Paul, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't see.

Pass that Thursday game, I don't see anything I like this week. Everything, every number is, ugh. I just love, dude. If this isn't the funnest thing both of us do in our lives, you just go, you looked at the thing and you just go, Paul, I'm not going to lie to you. Dude, I got to take you through how I fucking vet a coffee shop when I'm in a city, I don't know.

I got to take you through, Paul. Like, as an Italian, you're going to be proud. Sorry, Sicilian, I didn't know offense. All right. I'm looking at that Bill's dog. Dolphins game. This has letdown game written all over it. Division rivalry, their home.

Am I really going to do that again? Am I really going to take the fucking dolphins who quit on their coach? I'm going to think about that one for a second. Fucking hate the Ravens. I don't know who they are. Browns minus two versus the Jets. These are all fucking trap games. You motherfuckers.

Patriots first Buccaneers. I mean, what's going to happen there, Paul? I have no idea. I'm going to say Is Kyler Murray still out? That's a good question. Hold on. He must be. Minus six and a half? Yeah, I think he's out.

They got, what's his name? The guy that was on your team. This was draft day. I'm on the fucking clock right now. So I just got, you know, fuck this. I'm going to take the Browns minus two against the Jets. But the fucking Jets got their first win last week. And they got to win, but then they just traded off some of their star players.

And it's still only two. Who the fuck is the poor bastard playing quarterback for the Browns now? Oh, what's his name? Gabriel, son. I don't know. Dude, being a Brown's quarterback was like being, if you're the helicopter gunner in Vietnam, like your life expectancy. It's fucking brutal. That's a great analogy.

Should they be drafting quarterbacks or a fuck? an offensive line. I don't know. I don't know why, Paul. I'm just going to take the Browns because I'm holding up the show. Dylan Gabriel is his name. You know what, Bill? Well, Dylan Gabriel. You know, he's got two great names. Bob Dylan and Roman Gabriel. I like it. I think the Miami Dolphins get the kill shot in the head this week, meaning not only do they lose, but they lose bad. And I think it's the nail in Mike McDaniel's coffin. Sorry to Dan Soder. I know they're best friends. Here's the deal. I think the Buffalo bills are going to go on a run.

I said it weeks ago. I think they win the game by 10 or more. The dolphins just aren't a good football team, and the bills are. I'm going to take the points. So I got Buffalo. All right, Paul, just to make it interesting, I'm going to take the dolphins.

The exact opposite reason, just the exact opposite reason is everybody thinks that that's what's going to happen. The bill's going to go in there. They're going to win by fucking. three scores or whatever. The fucking dolphins, dude, I'm telling you. Even when the Patriots were the Patriots,

even though we're back a little bit, when we were the Patriots, Brady, Belichick, all of those fucking guys, those motherfuckers still beat us once a year. I don't know what it is about them, but the dolphins, I think they have enough respect to give them a game. And nine and a half points. Tell you, Paul, in this week, that's a lot of points.

I'll take the dolphins nine and a half because, Paul, I don't see anything else in this week I like. Well, listen, I think this is our first head-to-head and Lord knows you're the guy this year. Lord knows you're the guy this year. Paul, no, Paul. I'm 16, 16 and 1. Dude, you started out 2 and 11 like me and you turned it around or whatever we were.

We were 2.1 and, I mean, dude, we were bad. After week 5, we were classically bad. Paul, I am right where everybody expected me to be. I have heard that nickname Billy wins some lose some Paul you're the guy Paul you know what you are right now you're fucking

Russell Wilson when he went to the Broncos like what happened this fucking guy was unbelievable the second he goes to Denver what is going on with this guy well you know what I'm going to take for my next pick Jacksonville Jaguars have disappointed me one too many times. I went with the long locks, good-looking Trevor Lawrence,

and you know something? I got burned every time. I like the Houston Texans getting a point at home. The game is basically a pick-em. And when the game is a pick-oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Andrew, is C.J. Stroud playing or not?

That's one thing I need to look at if C.J. Stroud is playing. If C.J. Stroud is playing, I'm going to take the home team in a pick-ham. because I don't know who the Jaguars are. He's out. He's out? All right. Well, now I've got to think about that one. All right.

I'll kill some time. My favorite name in the NFL, C.D. Lamb. That's an old school name. He could have played on the Cowboys with Billy Joe D. D. P. P.E. and fucking Drew Pearson. C.D. Lamb. That's, you know, that's when I could still remember football players' names. C.D. Lamb is such a.

Once white guys started naming their kids like, you know, Dakota and Ravine and black guys started being, you know, Laveracose or whatever the fuck it is. Like, I can't, I just, the names are to a laugh. That and then in hockey, when people from Finland started playing, Jesus fucking Christ, dude. Dude, you can see the Bruins. I've almost seen every game. I still don't know half the guy's fucking names. Dude, the names go all the way across. there's always like 15 K's and T's and V's.

I can't pronounce any of them. Oh, our producer Andrew Thelmless just wrote that Dak Prescott's name is Dakota. I did not know that. He's got to go by Dak. You have to. You can't be the Cowboys quarterback. Oh, no, his name is Rain.

No, his name is Rain. His name is R-A-Y-N-E. rain Dakota Prescott is his name. Dude, rain is kind of cool. It's raining touchdowns in Dallas. That's a good one. Yeah, but also the reign of an emperor. There's a way to go with it.

Oh. His reign is over. Is there a cult or something? That sounds like some hippie shit. Rain, Dakota, Prescott. Rain, Dakota. yeah rain Dakota Mesa and then when he starts to retire when he retires the headline when he retires the rain is over

his rain is something like that I like that too millions in merch lost to that decision yeah that's a good point yeah all right well you know what I'm going to do I'm going to think about the Texans while I do this pick I'm going to take Bill I don't like to do this to pick. I don't like picking against your team. But I'm, I'm, I think the Buccaneers are coming off of a bye week. They're minus two and a half at home. Baker Mayfield rested his body a little

bit. I talked a lot of shit about Baker saying he wasn't making the throws. He had that horrible game. I think their defense is good. I'm going to take the Tampa Bay Buccaneers against your Patriots only because it's less than a touchdown and they're at home. It's less than a field go, dude. I mean, I'm sorry, less than a field goal. What, um, who's that coach down there in Tampa Bay? It's still, um, what's his name? The Todd Bowles. Yeah, that's going to be an interesting game.

I can see why he did that. All right, my question, who's, who's quarterback for the commanders now? Mariotta. Dude, do the fucking lions ever cover? They're so, they always have these giant fucking spreads and they never fucking cover. You always think they're going to go in and fucking beat the shit out of them and then they don't.

Then you lay off them and then they do it. It's like they're watching this podcast or something. Paul, I swear to God, this reminds me of fucking taking Algebra II and Trigg. I saw summer school by the second week of September. I don't know why. I'm just going to take the fucking Seahawks minus six and a half,

not knowing anything. And if that doesn't describe me as a gambler. The Seahawks are good, dude. Paul, I'm not going to lie to you. This feels like my first losing week. It does. You know what I mean? Andrew, can you just tell me who's quarter?

You'll have to go out on a date with a check, and you're like, yeah, she's not going out with me again. This is what this feels like. This feels like no second date. No, I'll be honest with you, it was always me going, I ain't going out of it again. in my delusional mind she wants oh you're delusional all right yeah well you know well you're just smart enough to be stupid no you said you said one of the funniest things any friend has ever said to me you said

you're the dumbest smart guy i know oh no that was the patrice thing you saw yeah patrice would say that dumb smart people uh and you like you like totally get life in a way of somebody i've never seen before and then out of nowhere right when I believe in you you will just say the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life and I'm like, wait a minute and then you immediately get right back on track with like this fucking

amazing amazing fucking life advice but that the thing you said it hangs in the air for a second. Dude I'm not going to lie and I'm not saying I was talking to my therapist this week and she just goes she just goes you know you're like

really intelligent right and I was just like Hey, watch me do math, sweetheart. I'm a fucking idiot. No, but no, it's like, you're really smart in shit that there's no, like, reward for. I know what you mean. Like, Paul Verzi's not winning the spelling bee. Paul Verzi's not on the math team. No.

All right? But Paul Verzi gets life. I don't know how you monetize that. I mean, obviously, you're a fucking amazing comedian. I'm not talking about that. I'm just talking about, like, dude, you fucking, I remember one time I was talking to this actress on this movie. And, uh, me and, me and, uh, me and Pete Davidson, we're doing an impression.

We were doing an impression of you. And the actress goes, who is this guy? Like, I want to think like that. Like, you were talking like, you were like, dude, is there anything better than a bag of chips with with the sandwich uh you know you get it dude the level that you appreciate shit that people don't pay attention to sitting there by yourself reading the newspaper with with the wind blowing through the trees you say like the picture that you paint like always reminds me like yeah we are we are so lucky to be alive yes we are simple little fucking things

what am i getting so upset about whatever that is paul dude you should be in a conference room in a fucking hotel with that fucking that microphone that just goes in your ear like Janet Jackson just uplifting people well I just the reason why they're anything better than a fresh bag of chips with the sandwich well the reason why say it start yelling like that that giant who's that guy with that giant fucking head he just yells at these fucking people losing in like oh god oh he's a motivational speaker and he's yelling at him like he's about ready to cut him. I think it's, is it David Gaggins, the guy that runs like 200 miles?

No, not that guy. He just, he looks like, it's like if you took a movie star and you made him like nine feet tall, so he became uncastable. Tony Robbins. Oh, Tim Robbins. Tony, Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins. Oh, yeah. I saw a thing on one time. Dude, that guy

fucking chews people out. Yeah. I was like, is he motivating them or is he fucking, motivating them to do what? No, that guy just like jumps in a fucking, he's one of those guys, like he's one of those fucking guys that has a regiment. But I want to write something, I want to read something I wrote just because you brought that up. I wasn't being rude looking at my phone. But when you said that I say, is there anything better than last night at 1 o'clock in the morning, East Coast time, midnight, Texas time, yours truly wrote.

Just swear to God, it's right. Pickles on a burger or chicken sandwich make life better. It's just incredible. dude i had a smash burger at the club last night a two patty smashburger bill the amount of pickles was so perfect and you got pickle in every bite it wasn't i don't want to be billy negative here you're not a pickle guy i'm not a smash burger guy oh okay it's like somebody made you a burger stuck it in their back pocket and took a fucking bus ride and then handed it to you the whole thing is a bun no no this was a two patty it it's i know the two patty is like

half the size of what a burger used to be. Yeah. Oh, you like a thick. It's like economy. They used to, economy on a plane used to have a little more fucking room. They,

they smushed it all together. Yeah. I see that. I see that. Can I give you my, how I vet a coffee shop real quick? Yeah, of course.

Okay. This is the deal. All right. If it's a chain, I'm in a city, like I don't know, I don't know shit. I don't,

I got nothing. I'm swinging in the dark here, Paul. If it's a chain. fuck that place. Okay. All right? If you go to the website and there's pictures of food before there's pictures of the coffee.

Oh, shit. Bill, hold on. I can't, I can't lose this. Hold on. I got to get it on my phone. My shit's going to die. Okay. Stace, where's my charger?

Okay. I got it. How the fuck would she know where your charger is? She knew. She knew. She said it's on the dresser. Really? That's amazing. How would she know where your charger is? I think because I leave shit. No, I leave shit laying around and then she goes like, you know, what the fuck?

You left this here. I put it on the dresser. That's why. But go ahead. What's your regimen? All right. So here's up. Okay. So if it's a chain, fuck that place. If I go to the website and I see a picture of food before I see the coffee, fuck that place. If you use paper cups and you don't have any real coffee cups, fuck that place. If you offer a cappuccino and a latte and small, medium, and large, fuck that place. If you close in the evening, if you're still pouring coffee 7, 8, 9, 10 o'clock at night, fuck that place.

I love that one. I actually love them all. The first thing I see is some incredible latte art in a matching cup and a saucer and there's no fucking food and it's not a goddamn chain. And there's only one size for a latte, one size for a cappuccino, a flat white or cortado. You know what the fuck you're doing and I'm going there. I'm going there. This is what it is. I love all of that.

The only one that I would give a little pushback on, I don't mind the picture here or there. If the picture is like enticing and the chef or whoever wants you to see it, I don't mind that. No, no, no. If the first picture I see is food. Oh, okay. I got you. You know those coffee shops that fat people and crocs go to? I got you.

Yeah. And then they stand there with like whatever, they start the day, whatever they're eating. It's like you are taking an immediate nap. All of those, I don't even know what they're called. All of that shit behind the glass. it's some version of a dessert and you're starting your day with that shit and you just see them you just see them Paul

yeah those call you know the coffee shops where the guys are fatter than their girlfriends and their girlfriends or whatever their wife already had a kid and you're somehow fatter than she is fuck that place dude there's no excuse for a man you can't be more out of shape than your wife if she gave you kids

and you're fatter than she is. There's no fucking reason for it. Walking around with bigger tits than she has, you can't do it, Paul. No, you can't do it. No. After what she's been through, to what she's been through,

you're taking that shirt off and coming to bed, bringing that mess. She popped out three kids and you're worse. Oof. What did you do? Fucking ate steak bombs.

He'd be like, I'll tell you what I did. They made the fucking money. That's what I did. all right you know what sucks about being 57 is every every city whatever they make you're too old to eat it like you go to philly right you got to get a fucking steak and cheese a cheese steak sorry a cheese steak is a young man's game i want one so bad oh my god dude if you just want to check out at 63 at my age you just get a fucking cheese steak it's called the steak and cheese in boston i don't know what they

call it in New York. All right, I got one for you. What's up? Here's a question. If you totally gave up and didn't give a fuck if you dropped dead in the next two years and you just, you didn't care if you turned into a 450 pound monster, what are you eating on the daily?

Like, what's your like, what's your like? Oh, dude, fuck eating. I already know what I'm drinking and smoking. No, but I mean, what you play? I'm going back to fucking bourbon and I'm smoking fucking three to go. I'm just, I'm just smoking. no but i mean like eating like snacks and shit what's your go-to like are you a burger are you a cheese steak are you like what like what's your just like would just be really paulie i've been out in l.A. too long i'm

a breakfast burrito guy okay okay the fucking breakfast burrito paul i'm telling you there's nothing on the east coast that fucks with it i hate to say it i had to throw the whole east coast in there so i'm not going to get accused of hating on new york again i'm just saying dude the fucking breakfast sandwiches in Massachusetts, the bacon egg and cheese, it's just the fucking bacon egg and cheese is it's just so basic.

They didn't even season the fucking eggs, dude. There's nothing on it. You've got to bring it home and fucking judge that thing up. It's just something to stick in your fucking stomach so you're not hungry when you go to work. But dude, the fucking the breakfast burrito, and I got to tell you,

two of my spots changed management and they're not good anymore. Like, I I got there's a point, Paul. I learned how to make one at home. That was like, you know, still mediocre. But you get to, you go to a good place, you know. Like, there's a place down the way for me. The tacos, tortas, all of that shit are just next level. And I feel bad. You go in there. And there's somebody like grandmothers in there making the tortillas. Still making them, like, from scratch. You still feel bad because they always look miserable. they make them they're fantastic but you know she's fucking like you know 80 years old yeah just like i remember you took me to that one place comes walking in with my red face yeah you took me to that one place probably the lady wasn't there anymore yeah i would do uh yeah i would probably do breakfast burritos um or any diner grand slam breakfast i'm a breakfast guy i'd be crushing coffees all day smoking cigars

I'd be that guy I'd be that guy who has like his initials on the fucking collar I just start dressing like what's his face from hockey night in Canada Don Cherry

I would be a dapper dude old guy that's just about ready to drop every every fucking girl dude I got to tell you something I would go like

I would be wearing my funeral suit Paul every day I would go sandwiches I'm a sandwich guy I would go chicken cutlet with the fresh muts and the red roasted peppers and I would go

yeah dude I got to go to Bradley Cooper's thing man like I got to get that cheese steak dude the cheese steak rolls it's incredible oh dude I got I gotta do it man I gotta do it in then what's amazing is you can go eat it in Thompson Square Park that used to be all fucking junkies

when I first came that like now it's like I had no idea all of that stuff was in the park but Paul if I was on the East Coast if I was on the East Coast yeah sandwiches they don't do sandwiches right west coast really L.A no it did no it's just it's anything bread dope you know it just doesn't work out that burger joint that Bartnick that burger joint that Bartnick used to take us to

in Pasadena was incredible yeah that one yep no the burgers are great burgers are crazy good in L.A. Burgers Thai food Mexican food steak houses out of the chop houses in L.A. fucking all of it is insane. Absolutely fucking insane. And the coffee is unbelievable. And Dantanis is good Italian food.

Yeah. I don't know. Dan Tannis is great or whatever. But it's not like fucking New Jersey, New York. Like the fucking... I mean, you can make a mistake in New Jersey and still get great Italian. Like, just like stumble into a place. Like, not even know about it.

It's like, it's in like... I remember when I was working the Count Basie Theater out there and... Where the fuck that is in Jersey? And I just was like... I'm going to stop in this strip mall, had like a little Italian like deli

and I went in there and I accidentally like went to the spot like every chick there looked like the Italian real housewife you know all fucking you know tanned up with the big titties and shit

and they just fucking do they had the they had the spread in there Paul like you and Joe would have just stopped and I was just it was totally by accident

I wrote it down somewhere on my phone. I had it, but it was like one of those places that like they made everything fresh daily and it was like, I was already living out in L.A. And I'm like, they just don't do this with this. Like, they do that with Mexican food out there, but they don't do it. You know, if I'm going to get Italian, Paul, I'm back your way. See, that's what I love about traveling. It's like I go to L.A. I'll go get a burger. I'll go, I'll go get the burritos. I'll eat Mexican food. Then you come to New York. producer to get to a movie.

You do L.A. shit. All right. You know, I get to New York. I'm near the Port Authority. I just hand my wallet to somebody. I just say, you know, I give it. I don't, you know what, you know, Paul? I don't fight anymore.

Wait, how many picks do we have left? Andrew, did Bill get all four? I got my four. And then we got the Monday night special. All right, so I got one more then. So, oh, Bill, you took the, okay, you took the dolphins. They're all in.

You went Falcons, Bill's, Texans, Buccaneers. No, no, no. I went Buccaneers, but I didn't finalize the Texans yet because I asked you if you could tell me who was quarterbacking. Do you know who that is? I had it up a second ago. Come on, give me a good backups name. Give me a good backup's name.

Come on. Let me know them. Let me know them. Paul, I have the Dolphins, Brown. and Seahawks. Yeah, but you're getting... Hey, Paul. Paul, no second date.

No second date. Davis Mills. Yeah, dude, I can't. We can't hear you. Davis Mills. Davis Mills. We can't hear you. We can't hear you.

You can't hear me? Do you hear me now? No, I can't hear Paul. Can you hear me? Yeah, now I can hear you. Davis Mills. I don't know if I like Davis Mills, dude. Oh, dude, he puts the fear of God in defense is in the NFL.

Second, you know, Davis Mills is under center. Hey, the linebackers are going to be like, hey, Davis, is he open? I don't know, Bill. I don't like this, dude. I can't take the Giants. I can't trust the Giants. I got it. I got it. I am going to take away the Texans because Stroud is hurt.

I am going to take a team that is slowly surprising people in winning games, and they are playing a bad team, and they are at home. I am going to take our friend Joe Gonzalez, Joe G's Carolina Panthers. I am going to take the Carolina Panthers minus five and a half at home against the hapless. paper bag over the head wearing saints. Dude, and the Panthers have a surprisingly decent record. Dude, they're winning, they're home. Nobody's talking about them.

These are two bad teams, but the Saints are worse, and the Panthers are home. So there you go. I'm going to go Falcons, Panthers, Buccaneers. I'll tell you right now, Paul, if word gets out, the Panthers might send you some free tickets to that game. Wait, if somebody picked us? I love this guy. Hey, anything better? BetMGM, they picked the Panthers for the first time.

By the way, we got a shout out, BetMGM, guys. We didn't do that at the beginning. How dare I? Okay? BetMGM, guys, the best sports book out there, the best lines. You guys know them and love them. Me, Bill, Andrew, we've been with anything better for years and we love them. All you got to do is get your device right here.

And I'll download the BetMGM app and put as little as $10 in your account and make your first wager. If that wager loses, if you lose the bet, you'll get $1,500 in bonus bets to have fun with. Okay, bet responsibly. They also use our code. Our code is burr, B-U-R-R, very easy. They also have the first touchdown deal, game, promotion, whatever. You pick a player to get the first touchdown in any NFL game. If they get it, you win.

If they don't, but in fact, get the second touchdown, you get your cash back. There you go. It's that easy. Download, as we always say, bet responsibly. Have a good time with us, and there you go. Yeah, don't have something you need to, you know, tell your wife. We've got to sit down and talk. Don't gamble like that.

Hey, listen, there's something I got to tell you. No, no, no, no. It's worse. He's crying. He goes, Verzi was good for four years. Either way, but there's no money I can give you now. I just said some broad on the side. You could take the house, but Bill, he leans forward like this.

And he goes, Verzi was good for four. four years. I don't know. I don't know what happened. You know, why I said I got a promotion at work, and that's why you were getting those minks and stuff. I've got to be honest with, I was just riding with Paul Versey. Who's Paul Versey? Who's Paul? Is there anything better than Paul Versey? Dude, I had a woman, I had a woman come up to me and go, we bought tickets because you made us like three grand this year. I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear to you serious. A wife said that to me. She goes, dude, you made us so much money.

this year we had to come to your show. Hey, she's not a fan this year. Hey, that was an unfollow. Hey, I'm not coming to her city this year, okay? Maybe in December. We'll see. Hey, I think I'm going to sit Portsmouth out. Well, I'll tell you, dude, I love your picks this week.

I really do. Well, Bill, we have a pick to do now. You know what time it is. And, dude, last week that fucking get, tell me on paper how you don't take the Cowboys versus the Cardinals. That didn't make, Kyle Murray's not playing. Dax having a fucking MVP year. None of that.

He's throwing like fucking 9 million yards. Goes out there and he just shits the bed. I'm sick. It got me sick. Fucking Cowboys did it two weeks ago. Rain Dakota fucking Prescott did not show up. All right. It ain't him.

Have that be funny to fuck with him. Cini Lambs back? I was sitting there going, Paul's going two and two. Dude, we should fuck with him when we go to the game. Nice game, Rain. Hey, Dakota. He gets enough shit, dude. The most thankless fucking job in the NFL is quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys.

It is. You have to listen, Paul. You got to get shit from men that get Botox and wear cowboy hats. Like, what the fuck world are we living with a shiny new pickup truck, four door with the four-foot bed sitting there acting like they got a ranch and they're going back to an HOA condo. you got to take shit from those people dude dude i got to tell you this by the way i want to thank everybody who came out to dallas and houston the past couple days dude wednesday night i'm in dallas and there were two guys in the front and one guy had like the buttoned-up shirt like the collar with the buttoned up and he had the jeans and there was just something about it where

he kept saying things he's like so you're going to talk about like he was doing stuff and there was a guy next to him that just kind of and long story short i insinuated that they were gay and he was like doing this and that and then i don't know why i go this guy's gonna something happened and they laughed and this guy sets and i go this guy's gonna fuck you in the ass right don't i go i go this guy's gonna fuck you in the ass and the whole place is laughing dude then i find out that they were they are did you even pick it right did you get the top and bottom right to them at that i got it the guy goes dude yeah dude he fucking said it and when during the meet and greet he came on they kept whispering he's like yeah dude i fucking used to live in philly

and like i was just like but dude i went and the other guy was clearly the girl the other guy was like this feminine and dude but when i said it it was a joke but i had like this and people like you know that's true and then he came up and it was really funny um yeah i don't know why did you Tommy, back when I used to sell my DVDs after the show, this gay dude came up. He's like, oh, my God, I love it. He put his arm around me. And then before he left, he got a free feel. He rubbed my chest and then walked away.

I was like, ah. It's about four months to not feel it. Dude, you make a good point, though. Dallas dudes are one or two ways. Dallas dudes are either, do we lose Bill? All right, we're back. We had a little glitch there. Where did I lose you?

No, you're right, though, what you said. And what I've noticed is Dallas guys, you got one or two different ways you get a Dallas guy. You either get the Dallas guy, like the guy's guy, like the beard and like, you know, or you get a guy that's guy like cowboy boots and like a little feminine. You have, like, the rancher Dallas guy and then somebody who's trying to be on the voice. Real house husbands of Dallas. I love Dallas. Dallas and Houston. I'm a big fan of Houston, Texas, Southpaw guitars, all lefty guitars.

It is my favorite guitar place in the United States. So that's the hardest thing When I go to Houston It's not to go there And buy another guitar I can't fucking play Yeah Dallas and Houston I love

All right Bill You know what time It is time for you to sing Buddy Oh I'm gonna be on the voice right now Let the Monday Night Special Win some money for you

Let that Monday night special Win a fucking bag of cash for you All right Pauley All right We hit two of them this year Back to back We went 0 for October. Oh, oh for October.

Let's fucking get them some money this week. I think we're three. We've won three out of seven. Haven't we won three? Or no. All right. We're playing with house money at that point then. Well, whatever.

All right. Let's get your fans some money, Paul. All right, here we go. We have the Philadelphia Eagles visiting the just losing recently tough lost Packers. And the Packers are home minus two and a half. I think the Packers just lost. Paul, let me ask you. Does anybody know who these two teams are?

Well, I know that there's a little weirdness going on with the Eagles every once in a while in the locker room, but they're still winning. And the Packers have a good team. Packers are home. Lambo Field. Two and a half, though. Jordan Love, that's going to be a good game. Two and a half. I think they're both going to bring their A game.

I think this good game, Paul, I don't know shit. This is where I need Jake to. snake. I would say whoever has more, they're better players on the fucking field because they're evenly matched, I just need a nudge one way or the other. That's it. I think the Packers can hang with the fucking Eagles, but like, if they have a big injury that they're going to, I mean, it's a two-point spread. I love the Packers. I think that there was an injury, too, to the Eagles. I don't know if he's back, but I like the Packers coming home off a loss. I think they're a good team. We should.

I like my pack. I like Jordan Love, too. I do like the Eagles, though. Yeah. And Nick Seriani, I mean, I love that guy. Yeah, I did. He looks like he has problems sleeping, too. I can't shut it off, Paul.

He can't shut it off. Yeah. I like Nick Seria again. And he beat the Chiefs last year. So, like, how do you not love the Eagles? More to beat him. Oh, more than beat him. Oh, they called off the dogs.

They called off the fucking dogs. They were like, the NFL fans are on to us. Just let them play. Oh, dude. Oh, did they get exposed? You called that one. I got to tell you, Bill, your playoffs, too. You had a rough regular season.

You got it to like a little, you were like four games back. But then your playoff run was epic and your Super Bowl prediction. And then this year, you start off bed and you're back. You're coming, dude. You're back. I'm back to 500 Paul I am just an average guy I gotta get back to down under 10

I'm hurt alright let's do me now you know what you like you like the fucking Cowboys in 1994 49 is one and the next year you came back you win it again dude I'm gonna tell you something right now I may beat the book by four or five games this year

I'm not done dude I'm not once I get the break I need the break that's it that's happening this week Paul or or i'm going to be down 20 in two weeks and apologize everybody all right uh no it is what it is i gave you four years what do you want from me all right listen fuck that pa i know paul verzi doesn't throw the fucking towel no not yet he talks shit until at least after thanksgiving it's got to be mathematically impossible before i start talking stop talking shit that's right all right i like i like the packers minus two and a half so we're going to take that what are we going to do you want

Jordan love to throw one. Jordan love to throw one. And do we want to do, I hate to do it. Do you want to do Sequin to get one? Oof, because you know they're going to give him the rock from the five-yard liner closer every time. And he's healthy. And he's good, and he's coming off of a season-high game.

Yeah. All right. All right, guys. I always love when we do this. I love when we take a team, and then we bet that the other guy on the other team. The star on the other team is going to score against our team and somehow they're still going to cover. No, because they do that stupid push

push, but if they're five yards out, they give it to Sequin. So it's a safe bet because they're going to just give it to him that bullshit fucking fumble. Push, Paul. We're back to Dallas again. Stay focused. Terrible. Easy joke. Easy joke. All right. So Jordan

love to throw one. Seekwan. All right. So no surprises so far. What's and no and we got the game we took the we took the points the the spread okay so there you go what's the overrunner of nick seriani yelling at packer fans down the tunnel after the game no after he did that he changed i think his wife was like you look stupid your wife if you're a coach your wife's got to say something to you do it when he did this remember he did this shit

oh he did better than that he went you your wife's got to go go, what do you do? That looked terrible. My wife would be like, Paul. Or when he walked through the tunnel, see ya. Remember he said that to the cheese fans? He walked through the tunnel and he looked up and he goes, see ya. But I kind of like that because all those fat fucks, like all those people, they take out

their whole childhood or their weak or their fucking loveless marriage on the guy. And you've got to sit there for three fucking hours. He's a head coach in the NFL. and you go out there and you just get like this that whole fucking thing where you got to be a professional because you're on the field but if you're in the stands and you bought a ticket you can say whatever you want dude malice in the palace should happen once a week and you wouldn't believe how good the fan behavior would get your joke is so great you go well they came up there and it's true dude ron art test ron art test when he oh i guess he's met a world peace when when that cup hit him you just saw he like he was he just he bounced up off the thing and ran in and just started swinging on guys that didn't do it. I know. Yeah, he grabbed the wrong guy. I like that one guy who went out on the court and he starts squaring off with what's his face?

Who's like six foot nine, six, ten, like he was going to beat him. Oh. And you know it was funny when you saw that big dude throw a punch. You're just like, you've been like nine feet tall since the first grade. So he like, it looks like he was throwing a ball in like NBA, NBA players throw punches like They're trying to do that Dave Parker throw in the All-Star game from the warning track. They can't. There's no accuracy.

They miss each other. It's unreal. No, because it starts here and their arm is so long that their arms go behind their heads. Their arms go behind their heads, dude. This was a fun episode. The only thing this missed was Jake to Snake. There's a fun episode, dude. Jake the Snake's the heart of the show, though.

Jake, Jake the Snake is just there's something about that kid. If that guy doesn't give you a smile on your face, I don't know what will. You're not live, Paul. But that's the show, everybody. Yeah, check me out, Gotham on the Monday at 7 o'clock with Paul's Best podcast with John Starks. Also, what do we got? We got Thanksgiving Eve. I'm going to be at Levity Live where I shot my Netflix special.

And I'm doing a theater in Connecticut on December 12th. I need to get people in there. It's December 12th, Newtown, Connecticut. Edmund Town Hall Theater. get your tickets for that and yeah I'm going to be working some stuff out at old Uncle Vinnie's down in Point Pleasant

I may get a piece of pizza this Saturday Bill may go down there run some jokes and get a piece of pizza I thought you were going to go wow I might get a piece of ass down there I'm like Paul dude I'm going to Uncle Vinny's to work I'm going to go to go to Uncle Vinny's

and Point Pleasant to work out my jokes and work something else out all right go to Paul Verithi.com for all my dates you guys dude I got I got two big big numbers here. The Falcons, now the Falcons getting six and a half, it's not a big number. But me and you,

me and Bill going to head-to-head, Bill's Dolphins, we're going to see if the dolphins quit. That's going to be a good one. I love that Falcons pick, man. I hope so. Just the whole storyline you built for that game. I think you're on it on that one. All right, that's it, everybody. Thank you for

watching. Bet responsibly and we will talk to you next week. Thank you. Thank you.