Monday Morning Podcast - Euro Step, Address Abuse, Puppet Act | Monday Morning Podcast 3-23-26

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

Bill rambled about the Euro step, address abuse, and a puppet act. Fast Growing Trees:  Get great deals on spring planting essentials, up to half off on select plants.  Listeners  get 20% off their first purchase when using the code BURR at checkout at http://www.FastGrowingTrees.com/BURR  Squarespace:  Go to http://www.squarespace.com/BURR with code BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Quo: Try Quo for free and get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to http://www.Quo.com/BURR Momentous:  Momentous is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code BURR at http://www.livemomentous.com  Helix:  Go to http://www.HelixSleep.com/BURR for 20% off site wide

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, March 23rd, 2020, 6, 6. 6. What's going on, man? How's it going this Monday? Oh, geez, here we go again. March madness. NHL coming to a close of the regular season. Final two fucking weeks, dude. The fuck.

NBA, NBA goes on forever. NBA just keeps going like people traveling. You know? It's a metaphor for how long their fucking season is and how long the playoffs go. They almost go into July now. Taking four steps, a euro step.

Then you can do a James Brown slide. And then everybody's got to clear out of the paint. Get out of the paint. You are not allowed to defend your own goal. Get the fuck out of the way of it. And at the last second, jump in when the guy's already got a head of steam coming down the fucking lane and then you're going to end up on SportsCenter getting dunked on. So instead, what you do is you just don't contest it.

I will say this, though, the best shooters collectively, the NBA has ever seen. It's like the fucking Globetrotters out there. Got a guy out there like eight feet tall, just draining threes. Drain in threes. Like he's Steph Curry. It doesn't even make any sense. Anyway, they pick up their dribble, the top of the other team's key, and just fucking run. As long as you do that Euro step, I don't know what it is.

I think it's because they're trying to go global with it. And Europeans still like, maybe, I don't know, maybe they're not good at dribbling. They're great at shooting. I don't think they're good at dribbling. So they let them do like, no, you know what it is? I think they wear a lot of, like, loafers over there, you know? And they just used to kind of like sliding over somewhere, you know, and lighten a cigarette. in the same way. That's how you get like pussy in Austria or something. So I think they're just

used to doing that. So now it's like, all right, you know, we want to go global. We got Dirk in. So now Germany's into the shit or whatever the fuck he's from. And then they just, we got this guy in the nuggets. Now those other, I think they just do that. That's just how it goes. Anyway, although his fuck in his country, it's like Thunderdome when you do the Jokic, right? I don't know much about NBA, but I saw footage one time. They asked me if he was intimidated about, you know, playing over here. And then he sort of laughed, and then they cut to this footage

of what it's like. I mean, it just seemed like it seemed like they were going off to war. Like it made me, like it was unsettling. There's passion. And then there's like, you're saying, Somebody going to die? Like, this feels like very nationalistic.

I don't understand. This is still a sporting event, right? Anyway, I got to go to a pool party today. Oh, my God. Like, it's just as a ginger. You think, like, they got to know. Like, why would you invite me to this? So the two things.

Two things is a ginger, you know. Like, socially, if they were done at night, I often wonder what my life would be like. Like if pool parties in golf were at night, you know, I don't think I would have questioned anything. And I would have fell right in line, you know, got a middle management job, you know, agreeing with somebody who's a little fatter than me. I think that's how you tell, like, the power structure of a company, you know, the higher you go up in, like, middle management. Like, the more, the fatter the person is. the more juice they got.

And then once you push through to the other side, then all of a sudden, they're all like super fit CEOs. You know? And they're all amazed at themselves and their ability to save the company money that they immediately put in their own pocket. You know, like you ever try to put something together now,

like a toy or some shit? You look at the instructions, how underwritten they are. You know, like say they needed four pages, they'll do like a quarter of a page now and you just got to like figure it out and then like it saves all this money in printing and then everybody in the company is like oh my God Jeremy

that was fucking brilliant that's amazing what you just did you totally fuck the customer but you saved all that money and he's like yeah time to write myself a nine figure bonus I don't understand how that's legal that's all these fucking guys do

is they come in as the new CEO, they fire like 5,000 people, they make the product shittier, and then all, but by the time everybody realizes it's a shitty, shittier product, everybody went out and bought the next generation of it. And then as everybody's saying, fuck this company, that guy takes all the money that he fucked out of the customers and firing those people as a bonus. And then he abandons the company and then goes somewhere else. They must divvy it out with the air quote shareholders, which is the people that sit on the

board. They're all fucking criminals. They're just on the legal side of stealing. It was much better when the mob was running shit, you know, because they were on the illegal side of stealing, so they could only go so far. And even then, it was a bunch of Italians, so they had a sense of family. They actually appreciated their neighborhood, you know? But these fucking legal side, you know, fucking Northern Europe, white dudes. Oh my God. We're the fucking worst. Just the most hotless fucking people around, dude. Anyways, Bruins, I can't believe I'm going to say this. They had back-to-back wins on the road. Back-to-back wins on the road. Six to one victory in, in fucking Winnipeg. And then we

went to Detroit, which, by the way, I got to get them a shout of. out. Great uniforms this year, by the way. Some of them. I still, the Home Depot, Anaheim Mighty Ducks. I don't know about those. But like the fucking, the Detroit Red Wings with those old school red jerseys with the brown gloves, like Gordy Howe is going to skate out on the ice. Amazing. Incredible uniforms. And it was my favorite win of the year. I just thought it was like a complete victory. First of all, Jeremy Swamman standing on his fucking head. 42 out of 44. 42 saves. And then I felt like everybody scored.

I kind of watched the games back to back because I didn't watch Winnipeg until Sadie. And then I watched the Red Wings right after that. So I think, let's see, I got to go backwards. Houstoninov got the empty netter from pasta. Nikita Zedoroh had like a legit fucking goal like skated right in top of the circle using the defenseman as a fucking I don't know whatever you call a blind spot

a shield I don't know what just sniped it short side I want to say Victor Advinson got one pasta had one who else I don't know both games kind of combined brought that new kid up, uh, Lucas, right? He drew a fucking penalty shot on a breakaway.

What's his face? That kid from Chicago, has been with Detroit for a long time. I can't remember any of the fucking names. I do like that left wing on the first line for the, uh, for the red wings. They had a fun team. They had a fucking fun team to watch. Anyway, two fucking road victories. Oh, yeah, that Lucas kid, his welcome to the NHL moment.

Did you see when he fucking went over the blue line, tried to do some little something along the boards, and that defenseman just fucking clobbered him, just pushed him down and took the puck away from him? It's like, don't try that up here. What fuck are you doing, making your own little high? I wasn't even that, like, fancy what the hell he was trying to do. What the fuck is that kid's name?

He's one of the best stick handlers ever. He's with Chicago, and I was surprised they got Patrick Kane. All right? Anyway, I'm getting ready. I'm going on the road today, buddy. What do you say to that, dude? What's up, kid? What's going on, doctor?

I'm going to fucking Utah. One of the most beautiful cities in the United States. Just absolutely gorgeous. Also, that's where in 1979, the Indiana State Sycamores went up against the Michigan State Spartans, Bird versus Magic for the first time. How do I know that? I just got done reading Keito Bryan's Heartland, a forgotten place, an impossible dream, and the miracle of Larry Bird. It's an incredible book. One of the most in-depth things I've read. on Larry, and it's also one of the best sports biographies I've read. I would put it up there with my favorite of all time, which is Andre Agassiz Open.

You haven't read that one. I highly recommend them, all right? I do deep reading people. What I did love was just all those NBA names from back in the day when the Kings were still in Kansas City and just, you know, there was like 26 teams or something like that. Joe Barry Carroll, Sydney Moncrief. Adrian Dantley. Was that the name?

Who was the guy? He played for DePaul. Just, he was fucking, like, built like a football player. 6-6 or 6-7 and could just shoot the lights out. He went to the fucking Mavericks and then ended up with the pistons. And he was just one of those guys. I hope I'm saying the right name. I was always a hockey guy.

He used to just be a fucking nightmare when that guy used to heat up. Him and Andrew Tony. I'll never stop talking about that guy. Andrew Tony for the Philadelphia 76ers. Around before the three-point line. That fucking guy. the Boston Strangler. That was his nickname.

That's when it was great, man. When somebody, like, was killing your team so bad, they named him after a serial killer in your hometown. Like, there's no way if someone was killing the bucks every time they came to town, he would be called the Jeffrey Dahmer, the Ed Gein. Silence of the... lambs. There's no way they would do that. It would be considered

inconsiderate to the victims or whatever. I will say this. I do, I have fucking, I will say this. I do use that expression. I probably use it incorrectly. There's a lot of fucking people on the internet and they watch these old highlights of the NFL and they go, you're your fucking football. I enjoy watching. And it's like, oh yeah, you know what you should do? You should go fucking watch videos of people who played football like that

and the fucking agony and how much their lives suck. I hate people who are brave with other people's bodies. You know, back when you fucking play football, all right, you go out there, you go out there with your fucking brain. You go get knocked around like that. And you ask me, you go back to, we'll go resurrect Veterans Stadium. You go play in a fucking parking lot

and have somebody and we'll send you over the middle. And then you tell me if that's the kind of football you like watching. Another favorite one is they'll show a clip from a movie. Back when you could do jokes like this. It's like, dude, you're on the internet. You are one click away from free pornography. Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Pornography, not pornography, pornography, pornography. People acting like they're being censored. It's like you're on the internet. You can watch somebody get beheaded. Is that not enough for you? You know? They still have to make jokes like. they used to make them on the office?

Like, what are we fucking arguing here? Anyways, it is Sunday, everybody. I got to go to this goddamn. I got to go to this fucking pool party kid. That's the worst. I show up. Everybody asked me for the 90th summer and my 57th summer in a row

if I'm aware of how white my legs are. I am aware. Yes, I am. And then we got to get you in the shade. No, you don't. You don't. I will find the shade. Believe me, I will find the fucking shade.

Oh, my God. You just like burn up, right? Hey, man, you are doing groundbreaking research on ginger. You know, it's always the bad stuff, you know? It's not the good shit. You know, how gingers can drink like a fucking double espresso and 20 minutes later go to bed. anesthesia, you need extra force. It's never that shit.

It's always like you burn up in the sun. Yeah, yes, we do. We do, in fact, burn up in the sun. Thank you. Anyway, plowing ahead here. I didn't get a chance to see the MotoGP yet. I finally realized it's on like Fox Sports out here. I don't know where it is.

So now I've recorded this series. I missed it. They were in Brazil this week. I would love to go to that one. I've never been to South America. You know, a gorgeous continent, gorgeous fucking people, great food, language,

some of the sickest rock fans on the planet, if not these sickest fans. Like, some of those clips are like ACDC and people like that going down there. It made me feel like, did they get bored when they go to the United States? I mean, when they go to South America, they're going absolutely insane. Yeah, I'll tell you, it's like the basketball fans in Eastern Europe.

Wait a minute. Are we falling behind that, too? First education, now cheering on sports and rock. Mexican Coke tastes better than ours. What are we doing? The fuck are we doing? We got to get our shit together over here. Did we forget how to party? I think we did.

We're so where everything's fucking politicized, we're all screaming and yelling at each other. You know what? Fuck this. I'm taking my shirt off at the pool party like I did back in the 80s. Walking out of there looking like a lobster, everybody's eyes watering when they're looking at me.

I'm going to bring it back. Bringing it back. Bo do do do do do do. What was that? Was that Jefferson Starship? That was, you know, as far as like just, there's a couple of bands.

that just became two different bands. Chicago, Jefferson Airplane them when they were Jefferson Starship, you would know the same people were in the band. Completely different. It was kind of smart of them to change their name, though, because then they could kind of embrace whatever that sound was from the 80s

that I've got to be honest with you, I'm not a fan of. Although I will say, I will say this. I will use this expression in the wrong way. I fucking was, coming home from hanging out with my lovely wife the other day and Phil Collins, Sissudio came on. And the level that I hated that song when it came out and the amount of times I shut it off in the decades after. And then I was listening to it. I'm like, it's actually kind of interesting.

I think I went away from it long enough that it actually became like cool again. Well, I didn't like it the first time around. But I don't know. I was out pitching to my kids in the backyard today. And it's funny. My son still says it. He goes, Dad, can you throw me some hits? So I finally, you know, he's getting older.

So I'm finally giving him shit about it. Go, throw you some hits. You keep talking me like that. I'm going to, not only am I going to strike you out, I'm going to put the Ks up on the side of the house. He doesn't know what I'm talking about, but it felt good to say that. You know, every once in a while, you've got to have like a self-esteem moment, you know? I kind of had that the other night.

Like, somebody just came at me. You like when people, like, talk to you, like, you work for them. And you kind of have to remind them that you don't, and you just do it with tone. And you don't curse. You just sort of mimic how they're speaking. Having said that out loud, it's, like, really childish. but you got to kind of like, you got to bark back with those people

to remind them like, yeah, I don't know what army you're running, but I didn't enlist. You fucking lunatic. And today I lost my temper a little bit, but I'm all right with it because it only happens like once every couple of weeks now. I've kind of had to have like a new relationship with anger

and also be like, all right, now that I'm not angry anymore, anger is still an emotion. And the same way I'd be. blew off like crying. It's like, no, crying isn't emotion. You're feeling it. You're just blocking it out. You're supposed to do it. And you're just forcing yourself not to do it. So, um, the key is to not get like angry over stupid shit. Or if you start getting mad, you got to stop. So this morning, I was back in my old truck up and, uh, the gate was busted. And I'm like, ah, fuck. And like, I don't know, I used the remote control and then I set it down. I had to go out and take the cover off and

fix the thing and then I go back into my truck and I just cannot find my remote control and I'm checking my pockets and I'm looking did it fall on the ground is it under my truck and blah blah blah and I was searching for like 10 minutes I was kind of thinking like wow this is amazing you know I haven't lost my temper or anything and then I went inside to ask for a flashlight and at this point I had already like you know gone out got everybody breakfast I put together a basketball hoop I went to down to go run an errand for my wife. I'm running all around. Everybody else is still in their fucking pajamas.

In other words, I'm having a dad, typical dad day, right? So I go in and I ask my son for the flashlight. I don't know where it is. You know, and he walks like half a mile, an hour. And I finally just go, well, you get the damn flashlight? Of course, right, is, I didn't say goddamn. I just said damn flashlight. But, you know, every once in a while, you know, he knows what he's doing.

He doesn't want to do it, so he's pretending like he doesn't know where it is. You've been flashing that thing in my face for the last three days. Like I got pulled over for drinking and driving. You know where it is. So he goes up and he gets the thing, and I went down and ended up finding it. I'd set it on top of the bench seat. I didn't realize it was there. And when I went to look behind the seat, you know, I opened it fast.

It fell down into the back. of the seat because the back of the seat doesn't have any material. You can just see the springs that fell down and there. It was like a magic trick and I couldn't find the goddamn thing. So then I found it. Ran the errand and I came back. Apologized my wife. You know, she appreciated. But it's also only, it was only for half a second, you know, kissed her until she smiled. And then I moved on. There you go. So that was all right. Didn't beat myself up. And now, I'm looking for my sunblock, and I'm about ready to head out to this fucking pool party, dude. Who invites a ginger to a pool party?

That's one of the ones I'm not going to feel left out if you don't invite me, you know? By the way, the Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit, April 25th, New York City Center. Tickets still available. If you want to get some, I suggest you get them. soon before they get down to singles. I have not looked at a ticket count, but I know once we get into the same month as the benefit,

tickets start moving. I also know people are hurting out there, you know what I mean? It's fucking brutal economy. I just saw the gas prices are up and then everything else goes up. It's fucking, I don't know. It's always darkest before the dawn.

Then we'll turn it around. It's going to be good. We're going to start living, clean, we're going to respect the environment. No more stupid wars. It's going to happen. At some point, you know, we're going to exhaust whatever the fuck it is we're doing. We're all going to get on the same page. Be like, hey, you know, we're all Americans.

You can think this. I can think that. And we don't have to yell at each other on the internet. How about that? That would be nice. Maybe we can get these fucking nerds. Like, I swear to God, if I was running shit, if you had a bot on your fucking social media platform designed just to infuriate your fellow countrymen, you're going to jail for treason.

That's it. All right, you fucking nerd. You think getting stuffed in a locker was bad in high school? How about getting fucking put in general population? All right? You fucking jujitsu taking calculus passing motherfucker. Jesus Christ. First they know calculus.

Now they know jujitsu and they own social media platforms. How long have we? How long are we going to turn our fucking eyes on this shit? They're already heartless. I do think it's cool that nerds take jujitsu now. You know, I think that is the answer. And then go confront your bully and fucking choke them out. That's a great little fucking made-for-TV movie in your own life.

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All right. All right, and I'm back. I survived the pool party. Everybody saw me coming. Hey, Bill, there's a chair with an umbrella right over there. I know, I know. Stick me in a bubble. Stick me underneath the umbrella. I'll drink a non-alcohol fucking beer.

Anyway, could have been a different life if I had pigment. Could have been a different life. Pool parties become a member of a fucking country club. Hey, Mark, how are you hitting them? Oh, that's great. You got a new driver. You loving it? Hey, remind me to stay away from you.

Am I right? Ha ha. Could have been that life. Could have been that life. All right. Let's get into your questioneones for the week. needing my address. Hi, Bill, I know you're annoyed when the checkout counter at the grocery store asks for your phone number when you buy food.

I am annoyed as well. Thank you. That's great to hear. I don't feel crazy. As they are obviously selling your data to the highest bidder for extra cash. My favorite thing is when you say to the person behind the register, you're just going to sell this. And like, no, we're not. And it's like, dude, you're not.

You're not. You're not going to sell it. Once it goes in that little computer thing, you got there, buddy, hey, you don't know where it's going to go. Person says, my question is this. How can comedy clubs justify asking for your phone number, email address, and home address just to buy a ticket to a show? They can't. They can't justify it. Why do you have to do all of that?

You know what you need to do? You got to get a burner number. You got to get a fake email. do get sign up for fucking aOL send them a to that goddamn fucking wasteland and home address to buy you don't have to first of all none of that has to be real um the burner number so you have the tickets the phony fucking email address that you give to all of these fucking cunts that's the thing right now you got to have like your shadow person that's who you give it to um it's inevitable they're gonna fucking microchip everybody, which is fucking hilarious. Literally, the people that fuck kids are going to come up with the

fucking microchip to microchip your kid to prevent them from fucking getting snatched. I mean, it's an insane world that we're living in. If there's any business that is selling your data for extra cash, I would guess it is comedy clubs. Out of all the businesses, you're going to go with comedy clubs? Like there's some fucking behemoth like Walmart, I would shoot a little higher than that, but comedy clubs, you mean, you know, the way they fuck us out of cash, I'm sure they're selling your information 100%. A person says, it always seems like I get a random spam calls, scam slash phishing text, and spam emails whenever I put my info into a comedy club's website and buy tickets.

I've been meaning to ask you for a while. It's just like home address is completely unnecessary to buy a ticket. Big fan of the podcast over the years. 100%. Home address is completely unnecessary for anybody other than the government. Don't give it out. Never give it out. Whatever you got to do, get a fucking PO box.

Give a fake address. Find out Bill Gates' address. Fucking him sent it to him. Let that fucking cunt get all the extra meal. Meal. That's what I do. I'm on your side, dude. I think it's complete bullshit.

You shouldn't eat any of that. But most people don't think. Most people don't question. So the herd wins. All right? So what you need to do, fake email address, get a burner number, and give them a fake address. That's it. It's not a hard ticket.

They're not sending you anything. Anyway, how to get a song out of your head? Oh, Billy. Billy, Billy. Hey there. Zom Billy Beaver. Oh, somebody saw the movie. This is going to sound dumb.

and it might seem like I'm trolling you, but I swear it works for me. A manager I had years ago told me to do this when I had a song stuck in my head. Before you get going, somebody told me, listen to the whole song, and it'll get it out of your head. That hasn't worked for me. This person said, I was skeptical, but tried it, and it worked. Used it ever since and it's undefeated. The trick is sing the commercial jingle. I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner.

This will kick out the current song, but it will not stick in your brain. The Oscar Meyer Weiner song won't? How come I still remember it? I don't know how many times you need to sing the jingle. It isn't that scientific. I typically sing it a few times through or try my best because I don't always recall the extra lyrics,

which may be why it works. Who knows? Give it a try. All right. I'm going to try to get through the song. Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner. That's fucking what I want to do. Eating pig ears and fucking assholes.

Yeah. You don't fucking notice if there's mustard. Oh, I wish it was an Oscar Meyer weeder. Now I'm thinking what's in hot dogs. Anyway, I know this sounds like bullshit, but I promise you it's always worked for me. All right. Well, there you go, people. my wife, my lovely wife, my lovely wife, my buddy, she sent me this thing of this person rapping and it was really bad.

And we were laughing about it and singing it to each other. And then we couldn't get it out of our fucking heads. And it became a thing between both of us for like 36 hours where someone would start. to sing it and she'd be like, Bill, I'm like, sorry. Or like, Nia, I know, I can't get it. Next time, we will hold hands and we will sing that song together. Thank you for that. See, there's people out there that they're trying to help you out.

All right, puppet work. Hey, Billy Twinkle, woes. What do you think your act would be like if you had a puppet? Oh, I actually thought about doing it. Would it be a lady? Would it be a lady, or would it be someone who said inflammatory things on your behalf? No, I would turn it around where, you know,

the guy doing the voice always plays the dummy and the puppet's always smarter. I would be berating the puppet. Hey, Woody, if you know what was best for you, you'd shut the fuck up or you're never going to talk again if you know what I mean. You know, maybe you should stop watching the twilight zone and get your fucking eagerness.

go in check before I send you through a wood chipper. All right? Now stop looking at me with that stupid look on your face and entertain these fucking cunts. That's what I would do. But I would do it smiling, right? Hey, Woody, why don't you shut the fuck up? Oh, you never say another fuck? No, I don't need to do that

because I'm talking, right? See, I'm like, I'm too fucked up to be able to do it. You know what I would have? I would have a puppet. It would be a woman and she would just be mad at me. And she wouldn't be looking at me the entire time. She'd just be looking the other way, shaking her head, and I would just explain to the crowd what I felt I did wrong, which would get her to start

to look at me, but then when I started to say what she did wrong, she would be rolling her eyes and shaking her fucking head, you know, rolling over, you know. You know, my wife hasn't done in a long time because I've learned how to not like be an asshole is back in my asshole years way back in November when I would piss my wife off in the car if it's a little thing she'd give me shit back but if I really bothered her she would do this thing where she would just cross her arms and she would look out the window. And then I was just like, well, there you go, Bill. Perfectly good day. You just fucked the whole thing up, didn't you? And then I'd have to be like fucking Paul Rubens. I'm sorry! I'd have to do that. But fortunately, I don't have to do that anymore.

That's the old me. That's the old me. That is the old me. You know? One of the biggest fears I ever had was becoming the yes dear husband because then I feel like you've just completely lost yourself in the relationship and it's not what happens you do the yes dear thing and then you know what happens they're nice to you and then the whole fuck and then you're actually working together you're rowing in the same direction where if you're doing that thing where you know you're trying to win there's nothing to win I finally figured that out like what am I trying to win here all right you see it this way, I see it that way. Guess what? In literally 20 minutes, we're not even going to remember this. So whatever I did, I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you. I don't want to fight.

Guess what? They don't either. Unless you married a cunt, then you got to get out of it, right? But if you're married an adult, or if you're a woman, if you're married a dick, you've got to get out of it. But if you're married an adult, that can actually be like, all right, you know what? I, you know, I didn't look at it that way. I can see now through the lens of how you're saying that perhaps maybe, yeah, I shouldn't have said that. You know, and if I'm honest, as it was coming out of my mouth, I was like, is my going to get away with that? Did anybody, did anybody notice?

They noticed. They all noticed. They all clock it. Everything. Everything gets noticed. So, anyway, I got. Anyway, I got the kids to bed, you know, did the baths, all that. I got the kitchen cleaned up.

You know, that's a big thing for me. You know, I got all the bathing suits washed. I did all that stuff. Well, Nia handled that. I did the kitchen. I'm the kitchen guy. I worked in restaurants and shit, you know what I mean? A lot of adults, I don't know why they just,

it's not that they can't wash dishes, it's that they don't. don't want to. So then when they do the job, you end up having to redo 30% of them. So at some point, you just have to be like, you know what? I'm the only one who has a passion for this. This is where I fit in in the band. I'm the bass player. I'm the dishwasher. All right. I'll wash the dishes. So I take care of all of that. And, you know, I don't need any Mises. I hate you Mises to pieces coming in my kitchen or cockroaches or anything. So, you know, I go all out. I get out the vacuum cleaner, a fucking vacuum the whole goddamn place up, wipe down the counters, and then I fuck the dishwasher, by the way. Okay, in its ass. It doesn't work. It's good at sterilizing, but like if you take like a glass out of a

dishwasher, fucking fill it up with water and look at all the soap residue. You know, you're drinking that. Next time you have a Coke. You're like, yeah, it doesn't taste as good. You know, it's because you have dishwashing liquid mixed in with that delicious soda that takes rust off of a bike chain. Yeah, so I do that. I get everything like, I'm big on, I don't want to deal with yesterday's shit today. Because today's shit is coming. I don't need to be like backlogging. You know what I mean?

It's like when you're watching a series or something, you get a couple episodes behind, all of a sudden. and you feel like you're back in college and you got like this term paper. And it really gets in your head. I got to get caught up. I got to get caught. He's like, what am I doing? I don't need to get caught up.

I need sleep. I need rest. I need somebody to listen. So I handle all of that shit. So I'm finishing up this podcast and then I'm going to continue on with this whole new world of drumming that I'm doing

that I've been doing with my teacher Dave Eilich where you've got to sing a Phil and then play it. You can't even move when you sing that you can't even mime it out. You just got to sit still and do it, which is fucked because he's trying to get like what you're feeling

to go into your brain and then you play it and then it gradually it's like learning a language. Gradually you can start speaking at like speed. You know what I mean? I should talk. I'm still struggling. I'm not struggling with French. I actually listen to the radio every morning when I have my coffee.

And I literally know what they're talking about. I don't know all the words, but I know what they're talking about. It doesn't necessarily understand. I could actually understand. Like this other day, this dude was talking about war. And I was thinking, is he talking about World War II? This is France. I don't know if it's some sort of, you know, Francis, what is this guy, de Gaulle, whatever, you know,

Remembrance Day or some shit, is it a holiday? I don't know. Then I heard Tel Aviv. Then I heard Le President. And I'm like, now he's talking about us. And I was trying to gauge by his tone where he was sitting. I mean, you know,

what we're doing on Iran, is he talking about that? But I'm like able to listen to a conversation like that. It's pretty fucking exciting. I mean, the topic is as dark as it gets, but like, you know, I don't know. It's a nice distraction. So, anyway,

Oh God, Bill. Did you forget what the fuck you were talking? I did. I did forget. I did forget what I was talking about. It happens a lot at my age. Oh, God. Now, here come all the emails, people. Well, you know what you want to do?

Sing the Perina Kachow commercial. Sing it one and a half times and then you won't forget stuff anymore. Oh, there you go, Billy. You're all fixed there. Anyway. Plowing ahead. I'm excited to go to Utah. I'm excited to do these gigs. And I'm also excited about this live podcast that's coming out. I had such a good time when I was in Austin. And I don't know. We'll see how you guys like this one. And if you like it, maybe these are something I won't do every couple of years. Maybe it's something I'll do, I don't know, a couple times a year. It was really fun. It was just like a really great sort of, uh, exercise there. Oh, going back to the drumming. There you go. Oh, Jesus, Bill.

Jesus, you're all over the road. You're into the guardrail. You're going over the double line. Pick a lane. So, I noticed the last lesson I took. You know, when I used to take lessons, I would come out of there and I had like information. And I was like, I need to remember this information. And I need to go home and practice this information. And a lot of it was good because it was mechanics on how I was playing. I was hurting myself or like using all of this extra energy I didn't need to be doing. So I got through that part of it.

But when we were just like singing fills, it was like it felt light. Like there's times I go into my drum room. I don't know if you play an instrument. You ever go in to go practice and you literally feel like you're wearing like a minor's helmet? I must learn a four-stroke roof. Coming off the hi-hat or the rectum,

now the floor tom crash with a symbol come back down through the four stroke right and just keep doing that it's mind numbing it's mind numbing it's why it's so fucking hard to learn the rudiments because it's this it's a it is a discipline i do respect it but there's this other side that i was finding i was driving around and i and i would be listening to songs and all of these creative ideas for playing drums along to the song were magically there in the car, and then I go into the drum room, and they just disappeared.

And I would put the song on, and it still didn't happen. One of it was I wasn't able to execute the ideas I had in my head. I couldn't feel them and think them and execute them with the tempo of the song. It was just, it was like, you know, I hadn't even learned how to crawl, and I was trying to, you know, start sprinting down the street.

So I've been just doing it slowly, singing these fills, and I go into the drum room now and I have like the same mindset I have when I know I'm going to have a set, a good set. When I walk out and I'm not thinking anything and I have no idea what I want to open with, which is kind of how I try to be as much as I can, it makes me in the room, it makes me present.

It's just like, I don't know, if you do anything creative, you kind of have to figure out how your brain works. You know, you've got to learn like if I go down this road, it's leading towards staleness, depression, writers block. If I go down this road, this is silly, this is light, this is fun, there's no pressure, that's the road you go down to and you can get into a zone. So I've finally been able to get that feeling into my drum room.

I still suck. I'm not going to lie to you. like I don't suck as much as I did a week ago, which is the whole goddamn thing. Which you know something? Peep, that's what life's all about. There we go. I was trying to figure that out.

I was trying to figure that out last week. What is life all about? That's what it's all about. Bombing. That's what life is about. Having the courage to fucking bomb, which it's hard enough to do as a kid. Forget about when you're an adult.

and you're supposed to like no shit. You're supposed to know what you're doing. You know, you ever meet those people? They got it all fucking figured out. They just got it all figured out. What's your problem? I can tell you what to do. Just fucking do this, that, and the fucking other thing, you know?

Which I get. That's advice. But like, you know, there's a certain level of confidence that an unexamined person will give you the answers to in a field they have absolutely no knowledge of. At that point, what you do is you don't listen to them, anymore as far as like you don't take in the information you just enjoy the show you just sit there going oh is that what i look like when i think i know what i'm talking about and i don't

i'm seeing a lot of me in that man um anyway so uh i didn't get a chance to see the motor gp yet i'm going to watch it tomorrow on the plane i'm very excited about that next week is coda circuit of the americans in austin texas a city I was really wrong about, you know, I just went down to 6th Street. You know what I mean? I made the fucking mistake everybody makes. Where do you go as a tourist? You go to the touristy place, you know, like, what is the big deal about this place?

It's kind of dirty and kind of sketchy. But then you go where the locals go. You're like, oh my God, this place is fucking awesome. Like, it also didn't hurt that the weather was perfect. I mean, Texas in March is not Texas in July. Okay? People sell houses in Texas in March. I feel like real estate,

real estate agents take the summer off, which the summer at this point is, what, April until like mid-December? Oh, Jesus. We just had three 95-degree days in a row. Unbelievable. But I did look in this magazine about the history of,

aviation. And the final thing was these cleaner planes that were coming. We're going to, what are we going to kill ourselves? We're not going to do. We're going to figure it out. But I will say, I will say that all the time. I had no idea until that person

fucking rode in. Or is it I'll say this? That's all a derivative, right? Anyway, the fucking balls that the first people, who flew had in those goddamn hoopties. And then within like 10 years of that, you see these

fucking people miming, playing tennis on top of the wing of like a biplane, these barnstormers. I saw this woman, she was hanging. All these fucking assholes talking about grip strength and shit on Instagram with your goddamn ropes and shit that I bought. I'm not going to lie to you. This fucking lady is hanging by one hand. Okay? Like 200 feet off the ground, smiling, and her body is like, like, her fucking arm is at like, you know, 12 o'clock, and her feet are like at 7 o'clock because the guy's banking a little bit,

and she's smiling and waving to the crowd below. I mean, Jesus, fucking cry. I mean, and you know what's funny? I bet the promoter still fuck. her out of her money. Oh, people. People. People who need people. Anyway, all right, that is the podcast, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to everybody that's coming out to my show in Utah. I'm excited to go to that

Mammoth game. And I go to that game. And I see Connor McDavid. Unfortunately, Leon Drysiddle is out for the rest of the season. They only got 77 points, so they need to get some wins here. They're going to make the playoffs. I was hoping to see him also play. But I don't know. Should be a, I mean, I'm seeing one of the best hockey players of all time in Carter McDavid. So that should be amazing in itself. So very excited. And I got a bunch of new shit. And that's it. I'm going to give you your money's worth if you show up. All right, that's it. Hey, send me some recommendations for a good coffee shop in, uh, in Salt Lake City.

You know, that's my thing. All right, cool, that's it. All right, I'll talk to you.