Monday Morning Podcast - Freddie Spencer | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-11-25

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

Bill rambles with MotoGP legend Freddie Spencer about the sport of racing, developing a sixth sense, and professional nightmares. 00:00 - Thursday Afternoon Podcast 43:34 - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 12-11-17 - Bill sits down with comic and friend Harris Stanton and responds to listener emails. 01:56:25 - Anything Better Podcast - NFL Week 15 Preview with Paul Virzi. Bill and Paul are joined by former NFL Tight End and commentator Greg Olsen.  Greg sets the fellas straight when it comes to game time emotions and going for the two point conversion.

Hey, what's going on, everybody? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. I'm just checking in on you. Obviously, it's video. Whenever we have video, that means I have a guest, and I never have a guest on unless it's somebody that I love. I admire a special guest, and I can't believe that we got this guy on the podcast. Today, we have one of the greatest motorcycle champion racers ever. fast Freddy Spencer coming here on the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning

podcast, three-time world champion. I mean, I go through the whole list here. It's like an IMDB page of like Morgan Freeman, all this stuff that you won. Youngest MotoGP champion up until a few years ago. And then the most impressive thing that they say will never be broken. In 1985, he won the 250cc and 500cc the same year, literally Bo Jackson level stuff. And Freddie, welcome to the podcast. Thank you, Bill.

Yeah, I can't believe that, you know, I'm so new to the sport. I've only watched since, like, I came in right when Valentino Rossi was, you know, towards the end of his career. Lord the end of his career. Yeah, and Marquez was doing his thing, and his big battles, a lot of the time were with Andres de Vizioso. Right. Those great Honda, Duccotties, they passed each other like, you know, seven times on the final lap.

And I found the sport because I grew frustrated with F1 where Mercedes and Lewis Hamilton were just so dominant and the cars were so wide, like there was no passing. And I just found that, you know, if Lewis made it to the, it was a race to the first turn. And then it was just like, you know, 50 parade laps, not parade, but you know what I mean. Yeah, I do. I do.

We call it kind of a procession. The one thing that we have on motorcycles, And I know this, I know that you can appreciate this, because I know you ride. I know you go out to the airport and you ride out at the airport, right? I actually now ride in the canyons. I finally got in a little bit. You got to help this up a little bit. I was going to talk to you about that in a minute.

Oh, good. I need all the help I can get. Well, listen, that's something I love doing. I love doing is teaching. But one of the things that our sport has that the other sports, the motorsports level and it's one of the reasons why we're very popular with the formula one guys they they love watching the sport they love coming and watching us is our ability to pass and that the rider can make such a big difference and makes a bigger

difference in the performance of what happens that day because you can move on the bike and you can change trajectory and you can change lines much easier you can race next to each other you know and the smaller classes like model 3 um you gave the example of me winning the 250 and the 500 championship in the same year excuse me that would be like winning the motto 2 and motor gp in today's it's insane chip yeah it's insane and but the rider can make such a big difference and you know that's that's what i think separates us from some the other certainly the other elite motorsports and and basically that's what motor gp is motor gp is to motorcycles what formula one is to car racing yeah and i got to tell you the second i found the sport because

i'd always been you know i wanted to ride a motorcycle my whole life but you know my parents I had a dentist and my mom's a nurse so it was just like no, no, no, no, no. Because I remember that there was a motorcycle came out the Honda Revel and it was like 1,200 bucks.

I still remember the song on the commercial and I wanted to get it and they were just like, nope, nope, so about, I don't know, a little of over 10 years ago, I just wanted to get my motorcycle license and I took the motorcycle safety course out here

and then I got a little triumphed Monoville or whatever, but I was just sort of riding scared, so I got rid of it. And I was just like, all right, I'm not doing the motorcycle thing. And what got me back into it was I went to the MotoGP race at Coda a couple years ago. Right. With my buddy Dean Del Rey, and he knew some people at Ducati, and they have, they call it something like the Heroes laugh or something. It's a bunch of dads on a Saturday after that, that little sprint race. You get to go around the track once.

So I'm, like, all nervous out there. And my idea was I was going to hang at the back. Right. And the guy in the front goes, no, dude, he goes right in the front. Don't go in the back. The guys that hang in the back want to wait until everybody goes and then race around the track. So I was able to negotiate that. And then it just like, it's in my blood, man.

It's weird because I haven't ridden a lot, but I've wanted to. And I love machines and stuff. One of the things that I've heard you say that the reason, you like riding your motorcycle is when you get on it you can't think of anything else yeah right yeah and that is so true and one of the great things that i've said this many times and kind of getting in in this part of a little bit is the best meditation i read as a kid was is i rode five hours a day in my yard and that's where i learned to ride a motorcycle and through the trees in my yard and i would have to focus so intensely and i write and i talk about this in my book

field that came out in the UK a couple years ago. And in fact, we're going to be putting it out here in the U.S. market next year, along with the second book that I'm doing. But one of the things I talk about in the book is when the leaves in the fall would fall from the trees that I would focus so intently that I could tell by the color of the leaves, whether it was wet under it or not, and now determine how much lean angle I would use going over the line in the trajectory. Isn't that something? So that's like, it's almost like Wayne Gretzky had like a,

his own hockey rink on his backyard. And he ended up. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And I learned, and I learned to just ride through where I could judge the slippage of the tires over the leaves, depending on the color of the leaves, if it was wet or not, or slippery in the lean-hangered trajectory. And that's what I used to learn.

And it taught me, my senses became so aware, you know, of what a feel through the bars and sitting on the bike and what you see. And those are all things. Those are all things that, like I said, if we went out of road together, that I could help you to understand how to ride so much more relaxed. There is no greater feeling, Bill, when you ride. And I know you have felt this a little bit. I can already believe this. is that there's no better feeling than that feeling of comfort and contentment that you get, right? No, I can, I can, like, really get into the turn.

I mean, obviously not at your guy's level, but, like, now that I can, if it's a tight turn, I used to, because it's a big bike, so I would, like, I, I would be so, like, you know, that whole thing, like, you look at the thing you don't want to hit, and then you hit it. Like, I don't want to go over there, and then that's where you go. Like, I've really learned how to look my way through the turn through, like, riding through canyons and stuff. Right. And say something that I've learned with my experience with machines.

And, you know, I have a pilot's license, and I'm raided with certain helicopters. And what I learned really early on is just because I'm raided in what I fly. If you fly the exact same model that I fly, it's going to behave a little different. And each one has like, you know, you own characteristics. Yeah, you have to surrender yourself to the machine. and ask the questions to see where it wants to be. And I think that there's a humbleness and a devoid of ego.

If you really want to excel at becoming one with a machine or anything, you have to, like, sort of surrender yourself to it and, like, I'm not going to, like, you know, force this thing to do what I think I know it wants to do. Right. It's the whole key is, is being. able to let the bike do its job and you and you help guide it and those are those are the things like I said I learned in my yard as a kid is the ability to be able to judge what happens here

and and how it how it affects what happens out here which is you know which is you know life lessons do you feel that riding over wet leaves or just being on a wet track I would think the leaves because at least the asphalt is like stuck to the ground where a leave can move, your ability to not only judge those leaves, but to get one with the bike to go over different kinds of leaves. I imagine if you want a wet track, it was like, oh, this is like T-ball compared to wet leaves. It was easy. I won so many Grandfrees in the wet when I got to the Grand Prix level, I raced in the world championships for 12 years. I mean, I could slide a bike around and anticipate it within inches of the edge of the track, you know, at 110, 120.

20 miles an hour from 50 feet. You must have been the only guy praying for rain. I didn't like, well, I didn't like racing into it so much, but I was, I was good at doing it. It was one of those things. I much prefer a drive track, but. Well, I have to tell you, watching your highlights, getting ready for this interview, and I've noticed it's like F1, anything like prior to the year 2000, any sort of racing, stock car, anything. watch the sound of it. It's just different. And I, like, my stomach was in knots. It's like,

somebody's going to die. Like, this is, like, and just watching you guys, like, you just had, like, these, these riding leathers and bales of hay. Yes. You know, like, you're out in front of Arnold's on Happy Days. You know, you're going to do some little jump. It's like, these guys are going, like, almost 200 miles an hour, whatever the bikes did back then. And there was such a sound to the engines. Like, like, it really sounded. death-defying, where now it sounds, I still love it, but like today's motorcycle and F-1 as loud as it is and everything, it's still, it's more music. It feels more in harmony where it just, it really sounded like you guys were at the limit

back in the day. Right, there was a rawness to it, and certainly, whether it's cars or motorcycles in that era. Also, you have to understand, Bill, that we were running different engine types. Our bikes were two strokes, which had more of a high-pitched sound to them. Well, it's firing every time the piston goes up, right? Exactly, exactly. And so they were a lot more abrupt. I mean, and it was visually more abrupt.

We're now, especially with the modern bikes and the electronics that they have on the bikes, they're more what we call linear in their performance. and so, you know, they're smoother and they don't seem like they're certainly not moving around the same. I mean, the best way to think about it for your audience would be is with electronics, it's like having an AI on the bike to where it actually can work with the rider and help smooth out the rider's inefficiencies, where in my day, everything was done with your throttle hand. and so and your in your hand control and you basically and your telemetry was your brain it's like you

you were doing it yourself you anticipated everything was anticipation and anticipating that and that's why i say that what i learned in my yard as a kid it benefited me to to where when i got on bikes that were that powerful and that fast and in 1985 our top speeds were 200 miles an hour you know so So, yeah, they were definitely fast. You know, one of my favorite things to do when I fly with my instructor, helicopter, he shuts the governor off. So now you've got to keep the RPMs in the green. And at first, it's really a lot of work. And after a while, you're not necessarily looking at the gauge as much as you start listening to the engine.

And I feel like that's one of my favorite, you know, sort of emergency per se. What if you lose your governor? It's one of my favorite things to do because it, you know, there's that thing where the governor's on and it's like I'm shutting off that part of my brain and there's a disconnect to what I'm doing. and, you know, I'm up there. I need to be listening to the engine. Obviously, if I hear something weird, I, you know, definitely start looking to put it in a spot if I have to. But, like, there's something about those.

And my instructor, when he first started out, the helicopter that he flew had no governor. So the whole time, and I feel like he's the best pilot I ever flew with, like as far as a helicopter. And I think because of that background of no governor and having to be that aware of the engine and understanding what it. You can actually keep it from yawing by increasing or decreasing.

And I just feel like that goes back to you in the backyard, riding on the wet leaves is governor off compared to like, oh, my God, now I'm on asphalt and this is wet. I know exactly what my one thing, though, like that year in 1985, I'm assuming to go from a 250 to a 500 is it's literally twice as much power. So it's almost like for like drumming, it would be like you're playing a little jazz bebop kit. And then all of a sudden it's like, all right, now go out here with like, you know, like Slayer

and get behind this double bass kit. And it's a completely different style of music. Like how were you, was there any sort of mental thing that you went in that it's like, okay, like, all right. It's like speaking two different languages. Like, now I've got to switch my brain over to this. And did it take you a couple of laps to be like, whoa, whoa. Yes, I would, the thing is, you're exactly right.

Two different motorcycles, two different speeds, two different lines, you know, through the corners. And the same thing as far as the power and the rear tire and the spinning of the bike. And so the speed difference and the closure rate is what I would have to adjust to between the two different. bikes. And I would give myself one lap, basically one lap to make the adjustment, which was the siding lap, and then you had the warm-up lap. And so, you know, that really was what my job was. I had such a great crew. I was sponsored by Honda. I rode for Mr. Honda won his first 500 championship in 1993. You put them on the map, right? Before you came on. HRC before it was reps all Honda, before Mark Marquez and Valentino and, you know, Danny Petrosa and, you know, the whole group that rode for HRC, I kind of, I kind of started all that with Honda.

And Mr. Honda was at the very end of his involvement in the racing program and was an incredible man to me. Well, what did they, like, what was Honda saying to you when they had this 20-year-old kid? It was both you guys were like kids in the sport, you know, and you came up and you. You get on them, and, like, I'm, like, you know, thinking about, you know, the street bikes that Honda had. They were a lot of, like, fun, but then they started making, like, they started making, like, the first super bikes late 60s, early 70s. Right. Yeah, so then they kind of, like, I have, like, sort of a bucket list thing I want to do is there's some crazy, old, like, vintage Honda motorcycle or in Suzuki and Kawasaki thing in Tokyo in December every year. and it's a bucket list, you know, my lovely wife wants to go to Tokyo anyway,

but I just want to go down there and just look at those bikes because those were the first bikes I wanted when I was, Harley scared me because, you know, back in the day, Harley Day, that was a whole outlaw, like those guys looked like, that was a little boy, so they looked like mean people. I didn't want to be near them, but like when I saw like the Hondas and all of those, I fell in love, those were the bikes I fell in love with. and so anyways getting back to that so like around 7980 you you started riding with them like when you started winning races did mr honda ever take you aside and just be like i you know

or just in any way expressed like i can't believe we came together like um that i absolutely i have this prodigy well one of the things that he saw me with another gentleman mr Marjorie, who he created the Civic and all the cars, the Accord and the cars that you see. He was also, he started out as an engineer in the racing team, and then he created the company called Honda Racing Corporation, which actually build the Formula One engines that you see in the Red Bull cars today. So HRC is not only a motorcycle division in Honda, but it also is, in involved in the car racing but they when they started and they started this company that's when the influence of racing really had started having the knockdown effect on the motorcycles that

you see and the bikes that you ride you know that you rode in the 80s or the 90s or no i never rode back then i just i wanted you wanted to but anybody who rode during that period uh there was a lot of, you know, influence of the racing that came down into the sport bikes. And, you know, that's why racing is such an integral part of what is involved with motorcycling. And it's had such a pop big influence in my existence. It's one of the reasons why I've stayed involved so long. You know, one of the things, Bill, I wanted to say before we got too far into this, was listening to your podcast, your Monday morning podcast, I've listened to it in your Thursday at your Thursday show many times,

many times in a hotel room after a long day at the Grand Prix Circuit because I was chairman of the Stewart's panel. So you've talked about incidents that I have called before, like the incident last year between Alex Marquez and Peco Bagnea, and you were wondering, you know, about the incident, and it looked like that they came together and there was no call. I called it a race incident. The reason why is, is because we look at trajectory and we have high-speed cameras.

We have high-speed cameras, and so I look at it from three or four different angles. And so for you, next time you're watching a motor GP race and the team of stewards that are in the Grand Prix. Now, I hired all those guys. All those guys are what I brought on to the team. I stopped doing it at the end of 24. But I would be listening to the podcast and I'd be going, and you'd be asking about, well, I wonder why, you know, this, this, and I would be saying I could explain it to you, you know.

Well, you know what? I just realized that I'm looking at it in a very two-dimensional way. I have like a side of you. I'm not looking at the race angle that they're taking. Right. So I just realized. I need to shut up about. all of those things.

No, no. It was cool. It was cool because it was great that you were watching and you're such an enthusiast. Can I tell you the craziest thing I've seen in the nine years I've been watching? Right. And MotoGP was, I don't know what track they were at,

but it was this long straightaway where they get up to like 210, 213 miles an hour, and then there was a hard right turn. Okay. Okay? And there was this whole like open field on the side. So I guess they never anticipated people on the straightaway colliding. Somehow these two guys as the leaders were just about ready to go into that right turn. Two people collided. They fell off their motorcycles and these motorcycles started cartwheeling down the grass towards the turn. I know. I was I was at there and I had to call that incident. I'm the one that pin lost Franco Morvadelli. Yeah, that was. I was Maverick Bernalys and Valentino Rossi, who was coming through the corner. And this bike, like with the engine hanging off, they were coming around, it went right in between them.

Right. The chances, Bill, of the two bikes going through in between Maverick Frenalis and Valentino and not hitting them, is it was. One in a million. Divine intervention is the only way I can say it. were watching it and i couldn't believe what we were watching and it was joan zarko and franco and franco morrudelli who got together and so i had to give us starting from pin lane to joan zarko for the incident because he basically what it it was it was pretty much a racing incident

but because of the speed and the kink of the corner there not considering the fact of being the right hand or right at the end. It's why we changed the track design after this incident for the next year for the Spielberg, given since Spielberg, Austria in August is where you saw that. Thank God nobody had to die because even I knew I was going like, there's no, they're looking at all the tracks now to see if that could possibly have. That's the closest I saw. Thank God nothing happened. But I always wondered like for like Valentino Rossi. Who else was the other guy that it just missed. Maverick Finallies.

Like what it was like, you know, your heart. Maverick was in front. And so he didn't get to see the bikes come through in between them. Yeah. There was Valentino who saw the bike, his, you know, saw the bike like cross right in front of his bike. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's not something you were. Like the balls would be like, okay, start racing again and be like,

yeah. Yeah, but that was a tough incident because you got, the thing is, it's such an emotional, everybody at that level, they're so driven. And, you know, the team, you know, as the steward, and I was chairman of the stewards. And so basically, I would deal with each one of those incidents like that situation where I brought Johann Zarco and Franco Morvedellian, and I, and they were both, you know, one of them had one opinion. and they're always different opinions. It's just like out in the street. It's the little fenda vendor. He came out of nowhere.

Yeah, exactly. And, you know, so he's going, well, what was I supposed to do? And of course, there was no issue with Valentino or Maverick. But so it was just between those two and who caused the crash and basically how it could be avoided.

And there's so much, you know, where you're looking at it, where it's just just it's perception of the incident where you're looking at it objectively and you obviously it's it's not about personalities and you know that's why being a steward or even a referee you see referee you know games it's it's extremely difficult because what you can see you make half the people happy most time no one's you know happy with do you feel that um being a for that former racers are make better stewards because they they absolutely absolutely it's one of the things that you see in formula one they have the same thing they have stewards they don't have permanent

stewards in fact liberty media who owns formula one now one of the things they just bought the controlling interest in motor gp and that deal just went through a lot of people were upset by that what what are they think's going to happen well i think with their word they were concerned trying to make it too much like phone one you know our sport is very passion driven it's very fan driven it's very passion it's affordable and you know that's very important that they keep that in mind um i tell you this as long as the passing continues right you're you're watching racing for that that's what you're watching and if it gets to a point where i don't know everything's too equal and then people can't overtake anybody it's just like well i'm just watching like a

200 mile an hour parade lap right it's one of the reasons why the technical rules for 2027 is changing uh and you know not to get too technical but you know i'm not i don't know what that i don't know what that is what's what is that rule well the the the the technical rules are changing for 2027 in motor gp where they're lower than displacement They're taking away some of the aerodynamics, taking away some of the electronics, to give even more control back to the riders to where it would make the racing even better. So it's awesome. Everybody out there who likes Motor GP, it's going to get even better. And everybody who hadn't seen it, they should, they should because it is exciting to watch, as you know.

I get a question. Have you watched that bagger racing that they have? Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm involved. I'm involved with a BTR program called Bill Trade Race and with Royal Enfield. And so we go to some of the Motor America races and that's here in the United States. And the baggers they run there. When you came to Motor GP, were they running the baggers as a support race?

No, they did. It was only, well, let's see. I mean, I went to the sprint race on Saturday. And then we all the dads went out there and did a lap. and then the next day we saw, oh boy, we saw the actual race the next day. Dude, you're just like me. You know what I mean? I'm good at comedy. I'm terrible at technology. I hope someday I can be as good a comedian as you are a motorcycle rider. Well, I think that you definitely are, you know. I appreciate that. Here's something that I think fans would like, I know this really interests me that, like, that year in 85 when you, you, you know,

were basically starting in two sports at the same time, dominating both, winning the championship, there was a price to pay, that you had risk issues and all of that. Just, I mean, I can't imagine, I know the toll, like when sometimes when they talk about today's racing, the amount of weight they lose, the calories, the G-forces and stuff, the fact that you would race the 250 and then the 500, the same day. like what sort of fluids did you have to take in the middle and then can you just talk about the body breaking down and and what your thoughts were was it worth it well that's i've been asked that question many times because it'd be like playing two football games back to back and

you can imagine everybody out there can imagine the toll that it would take on the body just putting under that stress back to back games back to back racing were the same thing. And it certainly exacerbated the risk problems that I was starting to develop the carpal tunnel. It was called, this was before carpal tunnel was really even well known that much. Right. And I had some tendon issues. And so I had some surgeries, and then I had some neck issues from an accident that I had.

And it all kind of came together. And I think doing the two championships made it worse and certainly made it to where it wore out my wrists. And that's what happens. Just things get worn out with knee problems or risk problems. And that's what I developed. I do not regret doing the two championships because for me, you know, Bill, I believe that everything happens for reason. And certainly, you know, certainly doing both championships. allowed me to do something that other people had tried, but they weren't, couldn't be

successful at. Yeah, and that's another thing, too, is like, that's, there's a few things that I feel like will never be broken. And that, that is, that is one of them. Like, nobody's going to, like, put, I don't even think he, no one's going to put their body through that. No one's going to attempt it. And certainly, I don't think there's anybody out there that could ride two full seasons at the same time, two different bikes and win the championship. I mean, I actually think, you know, I'm going to start bringing that up in sports arguments when people talk about like Joe DiMaggio's 56 game hitting streak or the Bulls win in 72 games.

I'm going to be like fucking Freddie Spencer, 1985, basically was playing two football games on the same day, two different classes, but he was doing it on a motorcycle with 200,000. miles an hour. It's really like, um, I appreciate that. For you to be, for you to be like as like a genius or rider you are and still to be so like, because I have no idea how you're going to be to be like this down to earth and still have this amount of passion and say like you'd like to teach me how to ride if I was, you know, I would. Oh my God. I do. You take me for a ride in your helicopter and I'll help you. Done. I'm serious. Done. Next time. Next time you're in LA, you let me know.

100%. And then I got, you know, where my airport is, you know, it's a little bit of a ride into the canyons. Then once you get in the canyons, or we can just do something at the airport, you know? Yeah, yeah. We don't need much room, but I could just help you to just navigate

how to use the brakes better, how to use your body better, you know, hand position, just real basic things that will totally change your riding experience. It's one of the things that I've, most proud of, Bill, is after I retired from racing in 1995, I went and started my own riding school, and I did that for 11 years, and I had over 6,000 people that came to my school.

You saved a lot of lives, too. Well, that was one of the things, you know, it's, I wasn't teaching about speed. I was teaching about how to work with the motorcycle, how to ride and become better and safe for writer, and in turn, you're going to enjoy it and to be able to do that. That was my goal. That's what I wanted to do was to help people to understand how to become better writers for themselves and to be safe for writers. That was the only thing that I read in the 15-page thing that gave me that disappointed me was that because I saw the school was like, I'm going to that.

I am definitely going to that. Well, that's a count of reason I became good friends. After he did The Matrix, he came to my school, and he spent two. weeks there and wrote in three schools. And I taught him how to drag his knee and Lowe Lovett's been to my school many times. He's another good friend. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Yeah. So like I said, I can, I look forward to it. I'll definitely look forward to us getting together. Yeah, I don't think, I know a lot of people think Keanu Reeves is cool. I don't think they even understand how cool that guy is. He's like, yeah. Yeah. He's great. He has a race team in,

in Motor America racing as we speak. And so I'll see him. I see him all the time. And, uh, it's One of the things, he has a company called Arch, his own bike, but when he came to my school, that's what kind of really got him hooked on motorcycling. And so he credits that to one thing that inspired him one day to start his own motorcycle company, which is called Arch. Yeah, a long time ago, I went down to his place and I saw all of those bikes. They're gorgeous, gorgeous bikes. Yeah, they are.

The good thing about me is I'm not a speed guy. I like watching guys like you do it. You know, I got the, you know, the road glide. I'm like, I like a nice Cadillac ride. I'm not there to smell to smells, go around some turns. I even, you know what's funny is I, when I go and I ride the canyons, I do it during the week. Because on the weekend is all those fast and furious Tokyo drift kids. And I'm just like, you guys do that.

I don't have any, I don't have, the other day I was riding through this canyon. And, you know, it was funny was this guy just like passed me like I was standing still. And he looked like he was an Uber Eats guy. And I think I have like a twin. I think it was a single piston. He was just so much better at riding. It's like he was riding like a Moto 3. Dude, he went like by me.

It was embarrassing. But what I like about being an older rider is I was able to laugh at myself and I didn't get into, oh, I got to show him. I got a more powerful bike. I'm like, dude, that's all you. And he just, it was like a cartoon. He just went like, and he just was gone. So anyway, let's, let's, let's, I wish your book

was coming out now. If it isn't, when it comes out again, if you want, if you want to come back on and promote your book, I mean, I'm going to read it cover to cover. And, you know, there's a lot of, you know, sports fans that listen to this podcast. And I got to tell you, man, that 1985 season, you know, I'm putting that up there, 27 Yankees. Well, that's pretty kind of you, Bill. Yeah, 96 Bulls and Freddie Spencer, 1985. It should be there, dude. And because, for all of those guys doing what they did in sports that, you know, you couldn't die doing it, you know? I do have to ask you.

I do have to ask you without telling them a morbid story. I don't want to know about anybody dying. What is the craziest thing that you saw, like, you were like a racing incident, like when I'm talking about like that bike level, I was saying just went flying down the track and barely missed two guys in your bail of hay riding leather's years. What's the craziest thing you saw?

Well, the incident that you mentioned that happened while I was a steward that I had to make the call on at Spielberg is probably the most air-raising incident that I've ever seen because of the speed and the actual incident itself and the margin of error and no one getting hurt. And so that that was that was that would have been gruesome too. somebody getting with an engine and a flight frame at 200 miles an hour, that would have been. Yeah, for me, you know, I've had a couple of accidents, you know, to where, you know, I was going, you know, crashing at high speed and basically going toward a hay bale or guardrail, and you don't know exactly what's going to happen. What do you do? Do you just relax?

Yeah, and that's the thing about it, that is so, your mind is, is, is, so, your mind is, is, so strong in its ability and in the training aspect of it and it's one of the things that I think separate all athletes and all all athletes at great levels and you certainly see in motorsports is the mind's ability to be so far ahead of what's happening and it's survival mode and it's just you know you have to relax and that's that's what allows you to get through the incident All right. One more. I've had a couple, you know, close calls. You can imagine 29 years of racing and racing at the very elite level and all the years of coming through.

I never got injured until I got to Grand Prix racing. I raced for 14 years, 40 weekends a year, my dad and I would travel around the United States and was fortunate never to have an injury, never break a bone racing. Did you have a, like, I obviously, you know, you'd rather have it slide out from underneath you than high-sight it when, did you have any sort of way, technique when you're, when you high-side, I just feel like it's like he gets shot off a catapult. Oh, absolutely. And there's like nothing you can, is there anything to put that, that is, is better to protect or you're just praying? Well, I call it, I call it that, that moment of airtime inside. before impact, you know?

And it's something you want to avoid, but a high side, high side and going over the top side, as you said, a low side, which you see more of today, and that's where the electronics, the safety of the bikes have gotten, you know, in that respect, so much better because the bike stops spinning the electronics, and so it can react faster than you can when in the old days where we would have to get back

to throttle at the right moment. at the right moment as the rear tires break in traction and you know to prevent it from being too violent of a high side when you're in the air and that's silence right are you think why do you have time to think anything are you like oh shit well everything slows down golly that's the thing about it is everything slows down and you you remember everything i still can close my eyes and remember every incident and basically, you know, from whether it's 40 years ago or 50 years ago,

you know, it's like listening, it's like listening to any older athlete like Jack Nicholas talked about hitting a two higher and marrying in 1967. I think that that is one of the great things about sports in particular, but especially motorcycling.

And that's why when I heard you say on the podcast when one time not too long ago, about when you get on, it's the one thing you can do that clears your mind, and it's certainly the case. Let me, I got so many I want to ask you. What is a championship motorcycle racer goes to bed at night and your dreams? Did you ever, do you dream about riding? Did you have a reoccurring nightmare? Do you have a dream?

Do you dreaming about what I want to do the next day? Like, what do you guys, someone like you when you go to bed at night? Right. Was there ever an incident that happened where you said had a couple close calls? Did you have nightmares about it? Were you able to like let it go? I think I think one of the things for me when I would dream about racing, I would I could feel, literally feel the movements of the motorcycle in my dreams and and you know, since what was happening. If I had a crash, certainly I've thought about it before. Years later, you know, thank you. about it. I talk about one story in my book or crash, and I had Emizano in 1987 on August 30th, 1987. And I can still remember the impact and then the crash and then afterwards, you know, I had an experience. And it was the most peaceful moment that I had and I could hear my name

being called in the distance. And it was the doctor waking me up when I was in the medical at him because it had knocked me out. Oh, wow. So you was sort of unconscious but conscious? Right. All coming out of it. Oh, my God. Yeah, coming out of, yeah.

So did you have any, like, you know, if people have dreams, you know, there's a monster coming and they can't run? Did you have any dreams of like you're going into a turn, you just can't turn it? Or did you have more just visceral dreams of like? No, I'll probably, I probably, you could probably think this is correct.

I actually would dream. that I was late putting my leathers on and getting to the starting line, you know? Dude, I used to have dreams of bombing on talk shows or going out and forgetting my act. I'll tell you, the funniest one I had. I had one time I was on Letterman, and I was bombing, and I looked over, and my dad was sitting behind the desk.

You shouldn't his head at me. And I'm like, well, this is Psych 101. David Letterman's the father figure I want to impress. I want to have a good set. That's so amazing. Freddie, we got to hang. I'm going to take you full flight and you've got to teach me

how to become a more complicated flight. Absolutely. I'll look forward to it. All right. Well, I, this was like, I was so nervous about this podcast because I have such a respect for what you guys do. And it's such an art form.

It's the most gorgeous racing sport, the colors, the movement, the way everybody goes in. And I just, I can't say enough about this sport. I absolutely love it. So we're definitely going to hang. But also when your book comes out, dude, you've got to come back on this and we're going to, we're going to promote the hell out of it.

Well, one thing, one thing I can tell you that we're already working on with the field book, we're already working on a screenplay for a film. So that with Mike Tallinn and MJ, which I know you're aware of. All right. Can I play the guy in the pit yelling at the screen? like, Freddy, you got to slow down. Yeah, or go faster. You could be holding the pit board.

The bike can't do what you're asking it to do. Yeah, exactly. You pick up the pace here. But, you know. Then, of course, you do what I didn't think the bike could do. And then I'm like, well, I'll be a son of a bitch. And there's your movie right there. I just, we got a beach sheet.

Let's go sell it. All right. That's it, everybody. That's the Thursday afternoon just before Friday. Monday morning podcast. I cannot thank you enough. Mr. Spencer. That's the respect.

I got for you. You are an absolute legend, and I look forward to reading your book, and I look forward to us, hopefully hanging out one time. That's it. Everybody, thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed it. Have a wonderful weekend, everybody, and I'll see you on Monday. Are you filming? You're just taking a picture? What are you doing? Why are you doing? Oh, picture. Okay. Always get paranoid. All right, we're going. All right. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for Monday morning podcast for Monday, December 11th, 2017. What's going on? How are you? It's the Christmas season, everybody. Merry Christmas to everybody. I know you're not supposed to say that anymore. I don't know why. Somebody said happy Hanukkah to me. I wouldn't be like,

you know, go fuck yourself. I'm Christian. I'm not even Christian. I don't even go to church. I just like saying Merry Christmas. It puts a little song in my heart. But in this gift giving time of the year. The gift that we have today is a very special guests came in all the way from New York, the wonderfully talented, with a brand new special called naive innocence that you

can get on iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, U-Porn, right? U-Porn, no. Okay, please welcome Harris Stanton, everybody, to the program. Hey, what's up? Yeah, there should have been applause there, but we don't have the sound of flex. I have porn in my

album. Do you know I'm trying to go I'm trying to go to the month of December No porn No booze Why? No nothing Because I think it fucks you up It does It does

If I didn't have to If I didn't get up so late And had to be here at one I would have jerked off Before I came here But I realized I didn't have enough time To get into it the way I wanted to Jesus

What are you fucking Become a character or something No I watched that Flare documentary he was talking about And the guy asked him How many times it did he jerk off He goes twice I was like that's about what I do

Rick Flair said that Yeah, you saw the documentary. I don't remember that part. Yeah, he went to a sports psychologist, and the guy was like, so how many times a day you jerk off? He goes twice, how much do you drink? He goes, I have 10 beers and five bakers. That part I remember.

Yeah. He said that before, he said the jerking off stuff before that. Oh, okay. He goes, every day. Every day. He said, how long have you been doing that? Oh, it's 1982. I started in 72.

But it was about 20 years, 10 years. He said, that's impossible. He said, it's been a week. with me yeah i like when they said uh they were like your first wife how long you faithful to her and he was like ah about a day yeah and they go really goes i couldn't do it i couldn't do it i came home and he goes i was bored i just wanted like to see a guy it was great to actually just say how fucking bored he is being married because you know anytime you have a thought of just any sort of like resentment of your situation that you fucking created right you didn't have to say i do

You didn't have to do all that, but you created it. You have that feeling of like, fuck. I want to do this. You have like that guilt. I loved his complete lack of guilt or honesty, I should say. Honesty, yeah. Honesty. Why do you tell the girls, why do you say, scream out your hotel?

I don't know. Why don't you wear your ring? I don't know. No one ever comes to the hotel. They all come to the hotel. I like that one when he was in the middle of nowhere and there was no party when he went back to the hotel. He created one. They just created one.

bought like 100 kamikazis and then he's dancing on the bar it's just like woo yeah dude you just blew out my fucking ears oh sorry jesus let me turn this down here um speaking of whew yeah man you got to go away from the mic there you go um speaking of honesty tell me about your uh your special and i also like how you're doing it like your uh you basically went where all the specials end up anyways and so you just bypassed all the networks it's just like someone's gonna steal this and rip it anyways or whatever the kids say um You just shot it yourself?

No, it's... Bill, for the fifth time, it's an album. Oh, it's an album? Oh, it's a CD. Yeah, well, it's not a CD. It's just digital, I guess. And I have drop cards that I sell after my shows and stuff. Oh, all right.

Yeah. Sorry, man. I don't do a lot of interviews, and I'm not a good listener. So, here we go. Bill, for the last time, I'm here about a benefit. When's your special come out? I just assume it's a comedian. It's got to be a special.

No, I filmed it at Gotham Comedy Club, Memorial Day Weekend. Well, how do you film an album? Well, you're right. I recorded it at Gotham Comedy Club Memorial Day Weekend. And it's on all the little media platforms. All right. A 45-minute album. I have to ask you the white guy question here.

You're wearing a Phillies hat. All right. Now, I've learned this with black people. That doesn't mean you're a fan. Do you have on maroon sneakers, or do you really like the Phillies? I just like the hat. Oh, you just like the hat. Yeah, but I'm a Toronto Blue Jays fan.

you might see me wearing a few different Toronto Blue Js that. And you have a baseball background, correct? Yes. I was drafted by the Chicago Cubs. That's right. You were a right fielder, I believe? Mm-hmm. In the 56 round, which they don't have that round anymore.

You were drafting the 56 round, and the scouting report on you is you could go deep, but you couldn't hit a curveball? Yes. So. What did you do to try to work on other than just guessing? What did you do when you stepped up to play to try to get? Because there's no fucking way I could ever hit a curveball.

I was always hunting a fastball, which is probably not a good. great. Well, that's what a lot of hitters do. You're supposed to adjust. But I just, I think it was mental at a while. I wish I knew about sports psychology when I was playing. I would have went to one because it was totally mental. You had a mental, like Charles Barkley's golf swing. Yeah. Yeah. Or like John Lester, who can't throw the first base, but he can throw a pinpoint fastball on the inside corner to a hitter, but he can't throw it the first base to throw somebody out. Yeah. He will not throw it. No pitchers can throw. You ever say, they all just,

they fucking throw like, like, I don't know what, like a goddamn gorilla on the road. And the second they got to throw it, they throw like a little girl like, oh. Right. All know if you remember Chuck Knoblock, he played for the, uh, he was a gold glove second basement. All of a sudden, he couldn't catch anything. No, he couldn't throw. He couldn't throw.

He couldn't throw. Yeah, he threw it. Yeah, he threw it was like hitting people in like the fifth row. Yeah. Steve Sacks was the first guy. Was that the guy? Yeah, the yips. Yeah.

And it's all mental because you was doing it your whole life until now. So did you ever hit the curveball? Yeah, I've hit a few curve balls, bad ones, the ones that don't break that much. Oh, okay. But a good one. one, too many people hit a good one anyway. You're not going to hit if Clayton Kershaw puts a good one on the out. You're not

touching it. Who's anybody you ever go up against made it in the big leagues? Yeah, Orlando Hudson. He's the only star. How'd you do against him? Well, he didn't, no, he didn't pitch. He was a player. Oh, okay. Yeah, he was a player. No. Jacob Shoemake, he got drafted first round by Atlanta Braves.

And he didn't make it. He got a $500,000 sign-in bonus. So you did all that Bull Durham shit, riding around on buses and all that? No, I didn't make it that far. I was released spring training. Wait, so when you get drafted by the Cubs, they saw you at high school? They saw me in high school, and then they actually can, scouts can actually help you get into schools. They call other schools and go, we like this guy.

Matter of fact, I got recruited by NC State from a scout. They call schools and they, hey, get this guy, we're going to look at him. And then you go to the school, and then after your first season, they either picked. you up or they, because I was a drafting follow-up. So there's just non-stop pressure. Yes. So every time. So then it's already bad enough if you're in your head, if you're in a slump.

Yes. Now it's just like, fuck, I'm not going to get picked up next year. My dream is going to die. So all these other kids are walking around going to keg parties going, mom, send more money, and you're literally going, my dream's fucking dying. Right, right, exactly. Most people who don't know baseball, it's just extremely competitive and hard to play. That's why there's a minor leagues.

There's no minor leagues for, but there's a little bit for football now. But there's no minor leagues for basketball and football. You just go right to the pros. But baseball, you need constant work from rookie ball all the way to AAA. Rookie ball is not even A ball yet. Is that because the game's that hard? It's really that hard, yeah. You ever seen a 97-mile fastball coming at you?

I like those people that go down to the batting cages, and they just set it on 90, and they know what the pitch is, and they keep going, dude, I was hitting it. I was catching out with this. It's like, oh, okay. All right, now let's actually put a brain behind that fucking machine that has two other pitches. Exactly. And there's a million people watching.

Right. Fastball is actually easy to hit. It's the other stuff, slider curveball. You don't know what's coming. Sometimes if the pitch is good enough. Can you please, what exactly is a slider? What does it do? It's a ball that slides to the left or slides to the right.

That's it? Yeah. That's not a curveball. No. No. Curve ball drops off the table. That's a slider. They're going to 12 to 6 where it really drops from 12 to 6.

That's a bat. Kershaw has a 12 to 6. Some people just have a little loop. But a slider is a, and a cutter is a fastball that at the last minute darts to the left, which goes into the handle part and you break your back. Like, Mariano had the greatest cutter. And it would just like. Why can't they just guess and just going, I know he's coming with the cutter and just guess

and swing a little left? It was that easy. I don't know, man. I met a guy one time who, you got split second to. He used to play for the Giants, and he owned fucking Tim Wakefield, who was a knuckleball pitcher, and he goes, this is a visual here, but basically he'd go like, well, basically his pitch did this, and he would make all these crazy, like movements with his hand, and then go, it either went here or da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, there. Yeah, knuckleball is crazy. He would just guess. He would go, all right, I'm going to just swing here on this one, or I'm going to swing there.

And I'm ignoring all of this bullshit between me and him, and he actually was successful doing that. I remember the Yankees one years were just looking at tape against Wakefield and they realized that most of his knuckle balls were balls. So they go, well, just don't fucking swing at it. And then he started getting behind in the count. I think that's when he had to, like, every once in a while, throw his idea of, like, a fastball.

But I always felt if I was going to get to the big leagues, like that's the way to, you know, if you could somehow develop a knuckleball because then you're not going to blow out your arm. You can throw, like, 26 pitches, like, you know, crazy like Johnson. You could pitch to 60. In the early 1900s?

Yeah. What do you think? I know we're not, I love sports. You know you're funny. Let's just, let's fucking talk to sports here. What if, what do you, how do you look at those early 1900s, you know, specials, I'm not specials, the fucking records that people. In baseball?

Yeah, like when somebody, you know, he pitched 93 innings in two days. That'll never be broken. Right. The Home Depot League is what I call it. Well, today's, today's baseball is different because it's the training, it's the preparation. Like, those guys, they just, they just played. Like, now they coddle the players, the pitchers. Like, they only go six innings now, really.

Yeah, they're like veal. Yeah, like back in the day, they plan to go nine. Right. And now they go, you go six, and some five. I don't, and that means your bullpen has to be very good. You know, if you don't have a great bullpen. I've even heard talk of, which was, which is blasphemy. I hope they never do it.

That just tried to, okay, you go three innings, you go three innings. No, you let Clayton Courtshire go as long as he can go. and then you bring in the bullpen. You don't let him go three, and let your other guy go three. I guess horseshit. So do you coach any baseball when you're not doing stand-up? No, no.

I'm going to put my son in the league probably next summer. That's good. You're going to keep him out of football? At least he didn't pick soccer. I know soccer is gradually taking over. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, soccer, no. You can't do, because you know what you're basically saying.

I'm going to Joe Jackson, him in baseball. You're saying, I want my son to be a flopper. Yeah. That's basically. I think you have to take like a drama class before you play soccer or whatever the fuck they call it overseas football my favorite one ever is you know people say you know

why do you call it football talking about American football right right somebody I think of a comedian said this it was like why do you call it football why did you call it feetball using both feet right you want to be a clever cunt there's your clever joke right back at you right I actually would rather watch women's soccer than men's soccer just because they just play

they don't do all that fucking flopping around and it's embarrassing. I would literally if that was my son I would walk out of the stadium. I would stand up all dramatic like Glenn Close and the natural. I'd have myself backlit so he saw

me up in the stands and he'd be all excited that he drew a fucking yellow card and I would turn my back on him. That'd be it. That'd be the modern day version of the internet story where the guy bricked up the room that the kid was in. Oh yeah. You heard that story? No, no. But I watched the ID channel so I I mean, he locked his son, he bricked up his son.

His son was supposed to go to battle and he fucking chickened out. So the guys came there and they're like, yeah, you know, your son or you said, it was like the king or some shit. They go, your son who you said was brave, fucking, you know, he chickened out. And he's like, bullshit, no son of mine would do that. And they go, yeah, he's right in that room. He goes, I refuse to believe that. And to demonstrate it, I will now have this room sealed off. And he started bricking the room up and he got all the way up to the last.

brick and then the pussy was on the other side and he went father no this is recent and that oh this happened in uh taunga on orange county or something oh wow and uh he goes brick it up that was it put the last brick in and that was it the dude died no they found skeletons with potter bone dude it wasn't now it's a it's a fable oh it's not real yeah jesus how crazy do you think white people are how free do you think we are that we can brick our kids up and you've done worse we actually have shit um anyways jesus christ let's get out of slavery what else do you want to talk about patrice o'neill benefits coming up yes yes man yeah um excited about that like i always like

san georgia yeah i actually spoke to it before i came here what's your favorite patrice o'neill story that you had you went on the road with him you did amsterdam and all with that man man we coming back from charlie good nights raleigh dorm oh yeah and you guys firecrackers is illegal in boston right fireworks Fireworks. Yeah, to go up to New Hampshire. Yeah. So, Patricia, you're in a hurry to get back in New York.

I go, no, no, what's up? He goes, I never really used fireworks. And I go, okay, well, we stopped by. He spent like $300 on fireworks. Did he? Yes. He just put them all in one bag and just rang it up. And he goes, yo, I want to set some of this off.

So I go, yeah, I'm from down here. He was in North Carolina. I'm from here. So we can just find one of these little abandoned. didn't feel so we did but it was a it was hot and the grass was dry oh jesus we started a forest fire uh oh no oh we lit it up we just came back from eating so patrice had tea he shouldn't have had tea uh and i had a big glass of water or tea and the fire started getting bigger but before it got bigger we tried to put it stomped it out so it was just two black dudes with what your tea would i

no we did that we did the feet first we both had new sneakers on i sneaker on i sneaker because we're black when we were done. He was trying to stomp this fire out. And then we went and grabbed the tea and we both poured our tea on the fire that did nothing. It did. I said, let's get out of here. You go, no, no, we got the...

Then the ambulance came, the fire truck came, the owner of the land came. In fact, 10 minutes. Oh, Patricia, you said, let's get out of your own state. You were like, fuck this place. I live in New York, though. Yeah, let's get out here. So what happened?

They put it out and what they said. They put it out. And they were really cool. Patrice was honest. He goes, let me do all the talk. stupid and um and when they got when they got there he's like uh i'm from boston i know pop firecrackers before so we just started to be good oh it's okay man don't worry about it i just i just put some pesticide on this crops and everything is dry or whatever and they let us go wow

they take our statement let us go there you go look at that we almost started a forest fight that shit was going to the field is here and the uh the forest was like maybe 10 feet from the fire? Why didn't you just light it off in a parking lot? There was no, we was in North Carolina. There's no parking lot. Yeah, there is. I live there.

Well, not where we were at. We were like off the highway, off the beaten path. What fucking do it in a rest area? Scare a couple of pedophiles out of the bathroom. Yeah, we didn't do that. We wouldn't get you with. Let's put it in this fucking pile of hay. Oh, dude, it was hilarious.

Our feet were both our shoes were black from trying to stomp fire. We poured our tea on it. Where are you working these days? um everywhere um in the city um i'm actually pretty busy on in january i'm going to denver colorado with dean edwards and um um um dean edwards man i haven't run into him in a minute yeah yeah um what are you guys playing out there uh the improv was that the funny ball the denver comedy works no no no it's the improv i think oh the improv okay and then um after that i am in um Damn, where am I?

I'm in Myrtle Beach where I started at Calmedica Bennett How close is that To the forest fire Myrtle Beach What forest fire? As far as in South Carolina?

No, the one that you fucking started Two minutes ago Oh Trying to do a call back here Trying to fucking help you out here That was in North Carolina Where's Myrtle Beach? South Carolina

Yeah That's all fucking same down there That's all the goddamn same You know what I hate You know what I don't like In the South The Chain Waffle House Oh yeah

I used to work in one You know what I like The signage. The sign. The font is so not exciting. And then it's like piss yellow. Yeah. With like the most basic thing and you get in there and it's just, I don't.

There's always like either a fight's about to happen or just happened. It's just really like. I worked there three years when I was in high school. People go there. They seem like they're hiding out. Like, you know, I can't go home because of such and such situation. Yeah. It's, it's a, I didn't enjoy working.

I had to. How long did you work there? Three years off and on. How many fights did you see? I didn't see any fights, but someone, after I worked third shift sometime and the club, when the club let out, these drunk people would come in. And one person went in the bathroom and shit everywhere, all on the walls. So the waitress comes out, she goes, I'm cooking food. She goes, Harris, I need you to clean the bathroom.

I go, well, what's going on? Somebody made an accident. I went in there, and it was just. It was an on purpose. I don't know. It looked like a crime scene with shit. And I said, no, I'm not cleaning it. I don't get paid to clean shit off walls.

They don't make a mop for that. No, they don't. Yeah, call a fucking hazmat group. Exactly, exactly. I refused, and one of them did it. And one lady came in, and she wanted a cheeseburger, and I said, the cheese is 50 cent extra. She goes, 50 cent. Can't you just put it on there?

I go, no, lady, I can't just do it. You have to pay for it. And she didn't get the cheese. The next day, the next night she came in, she had her own cheese in the plastic. And she said, put that on my burger. Like, you was in a nightclub. This cheese is in your glove. apartment for two hours you left your house you got your purse your perfume and your high heels

and your cheese so when you get to the waffle house the cook can put it on your burger because you don't want to pay 50 cents wow hilarious that is that is that is that is a level of cheapness because that is cheapness if you're going out to a club and you're going to pay a cover and you're going to do some shit like that i fucking hate cheap people like that and also dumb with money yes i don't have any sympathy for that my white guilt only goes so far right you I mean, I'll white guilt all fucking day long until I watch you get a deal and buy a bunch of dumb shit.

And I'm just like, all right, forget it. Right, right, right. You know, all kinds of shiny shit. Remember that? Remember the age of the deals? Yeah. In Montreal Comedy Festival and everyone would go up there and he'd be like, oh, my dad was crazy and my brother was crazy and everybody was like, that's a show!

Right, right. And then you'd go out and you'd get a six-figure deal. Remember all those fucking idiots that went out and they buy flat screen TV? Todd Lynn did that. Todd Lynn got a bunch of money? Todd Lynn, rest in peace. Literally did, and I refuse to believe it, until Dean Edwards fucking confirmed it, did the Coming to America thing where he fixed up a place he was renting. He even redid the fucking floors.

He showed his landlord, she raised the rent, and he had to leave after a while. Yeah, yep, yep. He bought a bunch, he bought two cars. He bought that gold Lexus. He had the Jesus piece. It was, it was infinity. Infinity. And he had a waist-length mink with a hoodie on it.

zip up and he would be on stage talking about white people right he must have been he must just like this guy you could be as white as fucking ever you're never going to keep money if you do that right he must have spent 20 grand on whores it was hilarious i feel bad he's going we can't go that far he's not alive to defend himself but if he was he's listening to the spirit of him yeah do you think in the afterlife both his arms worked oh i thought we weren't doing anything Jesus, Jesus. Oh, God. You know, it's funny,

Ty would have that arm and people were still afraid of him. Like, what the fuck are you afraid of him? It's because he had the mean mug face. I used to always tease him about his Roman nose. Yeah. He had like a Julius Caesar fucking nose. Yeah.

He was, I don't know. He kind of looked like a male Missy Elliott when I really think back. You know what she needs to lose weight? Right, right, right. That size Missy. Whatever happened to her? I think she took her money left. I think Napster, which blew up comedy.

I'm convinced to that. I'm smart on my money after the accident. I only bought two things. Can I get any credit here for going this far in and not making you fucking relive that again? That's fine. We could talk about it. Okay.

Harris was one of the people, unfortunately, who was on the bus with Tracy Morgan when that Walmart truck. Not the bus. I'm sorry, it was one of those Mercedes van limo party bus with Dr. Paul. And rest in peace. Uncle Jimmy.

Uncle Jimmy Mac, yeah. Oh, man, I remember bombing with him at fucking La Barbatte one night. And I remember he was up. I bombed at La Barbat too. Oh, everybody. That fucking room, that was town's room. I never figured that room out.

That room was like this really cool bar and it had an upstairs and it downstairs and it was Tuesdays, the after work crowd. You know, they never called any white people. I remember that. It was specifically all black crowd, after work crowd.

And every time I went there I think I must have killed first Because I went back Right, right, right So I killed the first time Then I bombed Then I killed and I bombed every other fucking time It was unbelievable

I think only did it twice And I bombed both times Oh, I meant one night That's back when I was new anyway So I probably still bombed So bad You never bombed so bad That the next guy's bombing

Off of your bomb Like that's like it was like After shock of what the fuck I did So Uncle Jimmy went up there It was bombing And he was bombing so bad And it was so fucking quiet He was just like, oh, man, fuck y'all.

He goes out, and this woman was giving him shit. And he said something about, like, whatever, you know, something about his career. Right. I still got my fucking career. And she was like, N-word, what career? And everybody was the biggest laugh. Everyone laughed at him. He was trying to talk about being on BET.

Dude, you remember, what's his face? Gerald Kelly? Gerald Kelly, yeah, the green-eyed bandit. I did one of his rooms out in Jersey. It was one of these places. It was a dance club in, like, the next week. week it was closed because someone shot off from guns or some shit and I fucking went in there

and it was me and Roz G and I forget who else and he was supposed he was supposed to host it was his room and he was like fucking two hours late and he came on stage oh yeah and just was like he's like yo what up you know just got back from Atlanta and he goes doing comic view he goes made six G's he tried to say he made six grand doing comic view now

people not in the business Comic View, you got paid like 600 bucks. I got $1,000 one time. Did you? I think that was actually after everybody. I remember it was in the hundreds. It was like $700. Yeah.

All-inclusive. Like you lost money. You lost money, yeah. You had to pay for your hotel. You had to pay for your flight. So he should, nobody knows that. So he showed up, told the crowd that had waited from like fucking Axel Rose back in the day that he was late because he was doing a TV show and he made $6 grand.

That's hilarious. So that's how he started. He was like, what the fuck? I remember Roz went up. And she had such a tough set that she ended her set and she goes, damn. She goes, I don't know

who's coming up next, but he better be funny because you motherfuckers ain't laughing and walked off. And then they brought me up. And of course, the second I talked, everybody did the white guy voice. Oh, nice to be here.

Yeah, I ate it. Jimmy, I tell you a funny story with Jimmy, because Jimmy had, I guess he was away for comedy for a little while. So Tracy brought him on the road was on tour with us. but before I got on the tour Mark Fieldbo said that Jimmy will go up

and open and be bombing so Tracy said Jimmy go up and warm the crowd up and Jimmy will go up and Jimmy started bombing and then Artie comes back and goes yo Tracy Jimmy's bomb you want me to get him off Tracy's like no no let him simmer for a little bit Artie goes back out of it

Yo Jimmy stretch and Jimmy turns around goes he was like, okay, they want me to stay out here, and he just bombed for five more minutes. Like, Tracy, you're an asshole for just letting him sit in his bomb for five more minutes. Let him out off the hook, man. And before, so the next night, he goes, Jimmy, you're up again.

You just sounded like that dude in Pulp Fiction. Let him seem a little bit. And then, so the next night, Tracy goes, Jimmy, you're on again tonight. And Jimmy literally went in the corner and started rehearsing his lines like Newcom. Oh, God. All right.

And he went out and bombed again. What an asshole, Tracy. I know. No, we had a bunch of those. There was a guy I remember when I was in Boston. This guy, Dick Doherty, he still has rooms. He had all of these fucking rooms, right? Right.

He was like the godfather of the outside, the satellite rooms, right? You had the main clubs in Boston. And then he had all of these places in like fucking Drake It and all these places in Massachusetts, which are all great towns. but you know not the best place sometimes to do comedy so he finally did one he finally got one in boston i guess he always had the uh he had the comedy vault for a while but he opened this other one in kenmore square right in the college area and they called it comedy comedy campus so this this journeyman guy finally you know they gives him the room like you're book in this room you host it

and he's fucking fucking fucking making something in this business and um he fucking the first night of it i'm on it with greg fitzsimmons and the dude goes up and it's this really small crowd 10 15 people when I tell you he didn't get a fucking laugh he got nothing brings up the first act the first act immediately starts killing crowd fucking livens up everything's going great dude finishes his set thanks a lot back to your host

so and so host comes back up immediately bombing again the host that's always funny when the host is bombing also bombs again brings up the woman that Greg was dating at the time fucking she kills back to him bombing so finally brings up one more person that person's killing right

so fucking Fitzsimmons looks at him and he just goes hey buddy he goes dude you know if it's not happening for you just bring axe up you know we got plenty of show here we got plenty of show and like piss this guy off so he got on stage and he fucking immediately just starts bombing again so finally dead silence

he just looks at the crowd he's like you know what the fuck what the fuck kind of jokes do you fucking people want Exactly. And this guy in the crowd goes, how about some funny jokes? And he goes, he goes funny how, like things going in and out of uranus? Oh, that's, did that kill? It kill with me and Greg. That's hilarious.

He said it was such fucking bile in his voice. You actually pictured this guy's asshole puckering up. That should kill. Me and Greg were, it was the funniest joke of the night. Yeah, that's hilarious. And the crowd was just like, whoa, what the fuck. Oh, wow. You remember Kevin Hart's

Sweet Cheeks in Atlantic City? I never did that one, but I remember they threw chicken at Big J. Oh, it was awful. They loved Kevin. It sounds like a gay bar. No, it was a... Sweet cheeks?

It sounds like a gay bar, I remember Patrice worked at Gay Bar called Fiddlesticks. I did one. It was called Queen of Hearts. Oh, man. No, it wasn't a gay bar. It was actually the opposite. Gangsters hung out there.

It was fights all the time. And they love Little Kevin, but when everybody else will come back on, they would just, They threw, like, the little plastic that you put the menu in on the table. They threw that at Jameek. They just, they were awful, but they loved Kev. I was like, well, that guy is funny, too.

Oh, I didn't do rooms like that. After a while, like, if enough people came back, if enough people came back with stories. Yeah. Kev was trying to get me to do that room, and I remember I was far enough in my career. It was just like, I don't need to drive to Philly to bomb. Like, I can do that. I'll do Drew Frazier's room Manhattan proper I'll take the E to the end

I just finally closed I love that room I remember one time doing that I used to bond there all the time too I remember doing that one time and I remember one entourage chasing another entourage out of the club

and then the next week there was like a metal detector yeah that's Tupac and gangsters used to hang out there they used to hang out there like real live drug dealers yeah that was the vibe but then this really cool after work thing was there

yeah like Supreme He was on an American gangster. They used to hang out there. There was not a guy there named Supreme. You probably didn't know. When your whiteness, you had no idea. They probably thought I was a... Supreme?

You know what people used to do when I got off the fucking... When I took the E to Jamaica, Queens and get up, they would look at me like... They would just be like, people would try to help me. Jamaica Queens was rough. Don't like, dude, get back on. You want to go... Yeah, exactly.

You want to go the other way. You want to go the other way. Yep, yep. Yeah, dude. You didn't know you was performing in front of killers, did you? uh no i i knew that there was definitely some shit going on that wasn't legal but i mean i thought it was kind of like uh do you ever think about that how many how many like people that killed somebody at this point how long you've been doing stand-up how many people in the crowd

who've killed somebody that people just don't even know yet or right i used to think that on the subway right well in manhattan property you definitely had some clientele and it killed somebody I had somebody killed some some future stars of the first 48 yes let me uh let me do some advertising how far into this am i half half okay cool look at me still can fill a half huh i can type in my goddamn password um what's your name of you special again so people know to look for my name of my special cd uh sorry naive innocence and this uh that's the thing because i moved from south carolina and i was naive and innocent then i got up here and i got wrong you guys and I became

fucking terrible. You're going to blame us like that demon wasn't in you? You're right. Yeah. It was in there but you guys I haven't even talked about half the fucking shit

that I heard you did. Lubricated it out you guys lubricated it out. No. You were on your own. I remember you over fucking night overnight.

You just went from like hey how's it going everybody to Harris did what? Harris did what? Yeah, that's pretty wild. Yeah. And I'm just leaving this open. You want to tell your fucking stories you tell them, but other than that, I keep my mouth shut.

No, you know. There you go. Yeah. Goes into falsetto. Hey, you know, I got a little sideways there. All right, let me do a little read here real quickly. Oh, look who's back for the holiday season. It's Sherry's berries.

All right. How far in are we? 40, okay. 10 minutes of bullshit there. Sorry. You have a tape. Oh, that's the camera just so people don't watch you, jerk off? Is that really?

I just feel, no, I'm just like, what if you're banging your wife and you just have your thing on? Like, these fucking nerds, you know, they're not getting any pussy. They just watch you. They actually caught people. Like, they, they buy a TV, they watch you, watching TV. The fuck. Yeah.

And for some reason, that's not illegal. And now all these fucking morons are, uh, they got that, that little thing there in in the house being like, Alexis, what's the capital of South America or whatever? I mean, sorry, of Brazil, South America, I'm moron. Yeah, you just bugged your own house. I mean, you already have with all these devices, and now you've got this other thing. Right.

That's like... Alexa, I don't have Alexa in my house. No, it's like inviting a vampire into your house. Mm-hmm. You got to put a thing of garlic around his fucking... Fuck Alexa. To fuck out my house, bitch. That's exactly what I said.

Okay, here we go. It was bad timing, we both took a sip. All right, here's some questions. all right now I tried to get some ethnically diverse ones so I can show you that I'm woke how annoying is that to hear a white person say that by the way are you married to a black woman huh yeah but you know once you're married that long they're just a woman you know it's the same fights yeah it's not like you'll hold a fork like this and I hold it like that wow there really is a difference it's the same shit right right right like can I finish up here in the

bathroom before you try to steal the sink brushing your teeth it's It's the exact same shit. Right. It's only when you go out in public and everybody's like, What the fuck are you doing together? You fucking race trader? Yep. But when you're in the house, when you're in the house, huh?

I love beautiful white women. You can have mine. You could have mine, whatever one I was supposed to be with. And I took yours. There you go. And then one day we'll go on a double date like those two freaky fucking, was it the Yankees or the Indians? You ever hear about them that they swapped wives?

No. There was two teammates. They went on a double date By the end of the date They fucking realized Hey man We're like sort of like You know

They probably sat at a foretop Boy girl, boy girl And I think they just sort of The dudes stopped talking each other And chicks stopped talking each other By the end of it They agreed to switch swap wives In real like to go forever

Yeah and I think one of them made it And the other ones didn't That's hilarious The other one didn't That'd be the funniest fight You could do anything these days man I should have stayed with the right fielder well i know he's getting a better blow job than i am oh this would be brutal um all right

here we go so i tried to have some ethnically diverse okay so we want to start this is a nice one that i feel like anybody of any sort of background transgendered anybody uh this one's called favorite aussy osborne guitarist so this is right in your wheelhouse this is a fastball i feel like you can jump on this one why is this in my wheelhouse it isn't being an asshole all right you are Breaking Bad Bill. I'm watching a documentary on Ozzie that's four hours long and boozing while the girlfriend is out with her peers doing sex in the city shit. While Randy Rhodes always gets to me, especially during Mr. Crowley, none of this means anything to you. My favorite has always been Jake E. Lee.

I grew up on Bark at the Moon when I was a kid and still listen now and again to the last furious riffs of Jake in the last minute of the song. I always felt he was underappreciated. could not agree more. Zach Wild is all good, but it feels like he's using five pedals instead of showing pure skill. Well, you should have seen Zach Wild when he played with the Almond Brothers. That would have cured all of that shit for you. More style than substance. I don't agree with that.

What do you think, drummer boy? P.S. It was great to see you in Montreal last summer when it was your birthday. All right. What do you think, Harris? Just by the names alone, who would you think is the best guitars? Would you go with Randy Rhodes, Jake. E. Lee or

Zach Wild? Probably Zach Wild. Zach Wild. Why? Because it's wild. He goes crazy. I know you can jump on that. Jake E. Lee, what does that sound like to you? Jake E. Lee, sounds like...

Borderline Asian? Yeah. Borderline Asian. Trying to fit into the culture. Okay. And Randy Rhodes? Randy Rhodes. As a racist. He's.

He died in a plane crash, by the way. Oh. Yeah, go easy here. This is, like, making fun of Tupac for a lot of white people. Right, right. Oh, sorry. I don't know any of these people, listeners. I don't know any of these people.

I would never say that if, I don't know. Well, he did play in an all-white band, so, I mean, your theory does work. He's a fucking racist. No, I'm just. No. No, it's a brutal story. He was on tour with Ozzy, Ozzie left Black Sabbath. All right?

And that would be. I didn't know that. That would be. whatever, they had a fallen out. It'd be like one of the, how do I relate to you here? Well, it'd be like somebody in the Wu-Tang clan. They leave and then they put out a solo album.

That's critical there. Right. But Wu-Tang never really broke up, right? No, not really. Just haven't made another album. Okay. Well, just say they broke up. And then all of a sudden,

uh, you know, one of those guys that's not old dirty bastard, a method man, ghost face killer decides, I'm gonna fucking put one out, you know? Right.

Uh, you know, it's a very, it's a very, like, precarious point in your career like you don't get a second solo album if the first one bombs especially if you know came out in a super group so

black Sabbath thing was over he was coming out on his fucking own and he ended up meeting Randy Rhodes and Randy Rhodes basically saved his fucking career so they go out on tour he's destroying he's like the new guy and everything and they were in Florida

and they pulled in and the bus driver wherever they were going to gas up the bus there was also a little plane there and this guy had a pilot's license and he fucking got in the plane with Randy Rhodes and he was fucking buzzing the bus doing all of that shit and his last pass clipped the bus

and either flew into the house or into the barn one or the other and then that was it that's crazy and that was it and you just said he sounded like a racist I hope you're happy with yourself no man you know maybe if you shouldn't be Googling all your fucking porn

you could look up Randy Rhodes before you soiled his name all right here we go here's here's one that we can both jump on here right girlfriend isn't very attractive and I want to cheat all right

I've been dating my girl for a year now and I love the shit out of her but god damn if she isn't on the wrong side of the 10 point scale oh my God what an asshole

you don't love her no and why would you date her if she's ugly if you think she's ugly yeah yeah yeah you don't love this woman no all right we got it it's not like there's anything

wrong with her face she's just not really my type physically personally personally wise does he eat food right physically personal personally we jive he says personally wise personality wise sorry we jive like crazy jive this guy's got to be like 50 yeah uh it's like do what do you look like um does he eat food that he doesn't like to let's see she's really pretty when i'm laying on top or next of her but any other position and i can't help but be disappointed in how over weight she is.

Jesus Christ. This guy is a fucking monster. Yeah, he sure is. On one hand, the sensation of being with thick girls really appeals to me. On the other, my male gaze does not agree. Because of this,

I found my thoughts wandering to other women and started flirting with them for seemingly no reason. I'm afraid I'm going to cheat, but I really think all things considered that I could marry this girl. This guy's all over the fucking map. Yeah, he is.

Breaking up with her for something so shallow would absolutely kill me and it hurt the woman I love loves heart for no reason what should I do go see a therapist yeah he's like oddly like brutally honest mm-hmm um he's being brutally honest here but but he's all like it like it makes no sense I like purple but I don't like purple like what which is it pick the pros and cons and you know he when it is he made a very mature move where he actually fell in love with the person and now I think that that's getting old yeah you know there's no more surprises now he's just looking at her and uh i think that that's what's going on exactly what's going all right now how can he for christmas what

gift can he give her that in a funny loving way can be like you need to lose some waiter i'm going to cheat on you sherry's berries there is no way there is no way like you know the end of an action movie where it's Which wire do I clip? Right, right. And they fucking take a guess. Yeah, both of them blow up. Yeah.

All right. Harris, I got to put you on the spot. How would you do it? How would you tell the woman you love personality-wise? You guys jive is this guy says. How the fuck would you tell her you're putting on too much weight? Well, if you know someone that long, then you go, bitch, you're fat. You need to lose some weight.

So you rip the Band-Aid off. Right. Listen, you're getting a little overweight. I had a boy, a friend of mine who dumped this girl. He warned her before doing why they were dating. He said, if you get big, I'm out of here. She got big. He was out of there.

She tested him. She ate too much. She tested him. And he said that? Yeah, he said that to it. And he left her crying. I told you. Exactly.

What did I say? I told you. Exactly. Look in the mirror. Look. What did I say? You're 100 pounds bigger than you was when I said that shit. But here's the thing, though.

I actually, there is, like, a complete lack of respect for your partner if you let yourself go absolutely there is now here's a thing unless you know you're sick or something or she you know she got she was pregnant she had a kid

then yeah fuck all of that before having kids or if you're not having kids all right if you're sitting a man or woman if you're just sitting there just becoming a fucking lard ass exactly what are they supposed to do exactly

you're putting a lot of pressure Like Patrice said Whatever you However you look to get him You have to somewhat maintain that Otherwise he's going to venture We're animals We're like we

And what I loved about Patrice Is he could be that overweight In the crowd They would never even think to say like Well what about you Right right right He would just be like Bitch I've always been this size

Yeah I don't know what What should he do Talk to her Like he's talking to you On these evening I would just say I would put it on me this is what I would do

if you really loved her I'd put on 20 pounds myself and then just be like listen man I gotta get this weight up you get diabetes but yeah if I loved her I would put on 20 pounds myself and just say listen

I gotta get this weight off but I can't do it on my own I need you okay I've been weak lately I need you and she'll be there for you and you take her out and walk and this is what you do I wouldn't do that

I wouldn't do that no I wouldn't I'd dump her no I wouldn't you buy his and her fucking matching workout fucking outfits walk just steer right into it just walk and be that couple that dresses the same right oh i know that's when

it's just like that's either like whenever i see that that's like either they literally are soulmates if you believe in that or there's one person that needs to be rescued from that relationship because the other person like who's that guy in the nba what would rick flair do what would rick flare do yeah oh geez well he wouldn't be around long enough for to get fat he do when he came home from the road when she fucking put on all that way he'd do the flare flop right in front of it

and just turn around oh you do the Henry Hill he just do that laugh remember that and he turns right back around and he gets back in the guy that fuck kind of people are there he gets back in the car with Joe Pesci I think that's what he would do

this guy I think he was trying to be sometimes people try to be funny by being really blunt. I actually think this guy does really like this girl, but like, yeah, because I think if they start getting that fat before you had kids, you just start thinking like, oh, my God, I don't want to be with a,

no one wants to be with a whale, no one wants to be a whale, and no one wants to be with a whale. Well, some guys like big women. Okay, all right, okay. But he doesn't, obviously. No, he likes, well, thick and fucking obese is different. My father had a best friend who, one of his woman as fat as she could be.

Oh, he did? Yeah, he had a best friend. His wife was a fat motherfucker, too. What is that about? I don't, I think they like the bigness of... This is what's so weird. Do you know, maybe they want them to just look adorable. You know, adorable, a baby looks with all those rolls of...

They'll have like a roll of fat in the mid-four-arm. You're just looking at like, what is that? What is that? I think they want that. He's just want a big, a big, giant baby. I think it's a lot of, they like a lot of women. I like a lot of women, but as far as, like, not fat, but, like, let's say, 6, 511, that's a lot of women, too. Yes, I understand what you say.

But it's not fat. Not fat. What's the biggest you will go? Give me height and weight. Let's break down your draft picks. And in the first round of the big girl draft, Tara Stanton picks. Picks. 185 pound 6 foot no 5 foot how tall are you I'm 6 2 and a half 6 2 and a half all right

yeah so she has to if you're going to weigh 200 pounds you have to be 511 and better otherwise you're just yeah a fat bitch you know that's considered insensitive but it's actually there's an endearing thing where you're just being brutally honest I mean that's that's that's That's what your heart is saying. Yes. It's saying you're a fat bitch. It's not being like, listen, um, right.

Your heart's doing all the work. Yeah. I would, I would go, uh, whatever, because I'm like, I'm five, nine, three quarters. I'm, I'm exactly Doug Flutty height, not quite five, ten. Big women with curves are, are, are, have a chance. Like, if you still, you know, the fat women that are really fat, but they still see the curve, yes. The curvy, like it looks like a skinny woman, but fat. Yeah.

Like a giant, giant. Just sack of fucking fat. I would say, I would say 165. Because I'm about 175. I don't want to throw me around the fucking room. What height is that? Like 5-5? 5-6?

That's big, yeah. That's not that big. Depends on the, you know, depends on. 5.5, 160 pounds? She's got a nice ass on her. Okay, it's like 40 pounds right there. I don't like those cancels with the ankles with the ankles running to the foot. You know what's weird?

It's one of you got, they got, fat feet and skinny toes. Oh, yeah. It's like someone was at, you know, the carnival. Right. You slam the hammer down trying to win that prize, and they hit him mid feet. Right. You ever heard Cory Holcomb's joke?

You ever, you ever fucking... There's a fucking underrated comedian. Absolutely. He's not underrated in my fucking head. But, uh, he ever, hey, fellas, you ever fucked a fat girl with regular people legs? But, God damn, I just fucked the hamburger. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's usually.

an alcoholic body. There was a guy that I used to work with who I found out recently died which wasn't a surprise. He was like the biggest boozehound Coke had. He was like six five.

Oh wow. It was funny man. He was just big just like dude his legs were as skinny as mine and he would push his jeans down and just up top was all was just all booze and burgers

and he did blow and he had the little skinny but he had like his arms and legs was like he never worked out in his life was just skinny as shit and he just kept all of that stuff there and I think he died of a heart attack that's it right there

which is why going back to this guy it's just like that's another thing you have to look at going to be like I'm going to be a widower in my mid-50s there's got to be an exercise video just to get rid of your fat feet or at least to fatten up your toes right

I hate fat feet you should get like the ass injections in your toes just to fucking even it out you know um all right here we go ladies get deprived too how we doing on time oh good killing it we're right on schedule here all right ladies get deprived too dear bill i am a lady in my late 20s and i need a male perspective on something that's too embarrassing to bring up with my friends all right on a good day one might consider me quite easy on the eyes i exercise every day i have a

natural look i e not trashy 20 layers of makeup kind of gal however i always make a case of looking well put together even at home see she gets it however my husband's a fat fuck um anyways but for some reason in the last year of my five-year marriage my husband denies me sex even if i only want to service him he knows i like to do it Jesus Christ you don't want a blow job yeah this is bad uh yeah this is bad this is when you know he's got to start taking off the police tape and getting out the blanket dude to take a blowjob from another dude I don't know about that. All right.

On any given evening, he will be, it's not the mouth, dude, it's this stubble. I think that that's what you couldn't get past. I almost got you to do a spit take. On any given evening, he will be sitting on his desk working late. And if I try to initiate things by touching him and kissing his neck, he will say, sorry, babe, it's too late and I'm tired. Same goes for when we are in bed. It has gotten to the point where I just, you know what, I got this.

paranoid thing. She's cheating like a motherfucker on her. Either that or he got replaced by a robot. And they haven't worked out the genitals yet. Right, right. Sorry, babe. It's too late and I'm tired. What's wrong with your voice?

Same goes for when we are in bed. It's gotten to the point where I will try to approach him in lingerie, sit on his lap, and even go as far as begging for just five minutes all without any success. This is one of these things If it was a new story I would shut it off Because I don't want to see the fucking ending Here we go

What baffles me is that during Normal day-to-day life He will frequently grab my ass Or tell me I'm hot Wow I also do the same for him As I know men like to feel manly Around their lady

This woman's like a dream I don't know what's this guy's problem is The possibility of an affair I wonder Okay the possibility She said she's you know She's easy on the eye She takes care of herself

Okay Yeah I don't know I got a nice picture In my head Anyways the possibility Of an affair Is very unlikely

Seeing as we both work On the same Male Dominated Company That's not good And go home together Also he doesn't have A password in his phone I think maybe he's gay

Male Dominated I don't know There's something wrong with him Also he doesn't have A password in his phone Which is another huge indication of nothing to hide We have a very nice

interaction. I never nag him. If anything, he nags me. And we do cool stuff like play ball together or watch some Netflix. Maybe his dick don't work no more. He don't want to tell her yet. Yeah, you need to sit down and talk to him. He's a very loving husband except for the actual physical loving part. I've tried to ask, but everything is fine. Everything is fine as in quote as it appears. Bill, can you please let me know what the hell's going on? Aren't men supposed to be always in the mood? That's not true. But generally, speaking, yes, I'm going crazy and I'm starting to get aroused from the

most ridiculous thing like men smiling at me or opening the door from me. Jesus, thank you. I really enjoy everything you're doing, contrary to what you think, you are very balanced and insightful in your opinions. Look at this. I've got to read that to my wife. Happy fucking holidays and go fucking fuck yourself

one itching lady. Itching to get fucked. Listen, I think you've been nice for long enough. Exactly. Me too. You need to sit down and be like, look. Or leave him. No, no, no.

You got to have the conversation first. Well, first. Yeah. What is going on? Mm-hmm. Because, you know, I'm about ready to jump on a rolling pin. Yeah, exactly. What the fuck are you doing it?

You need, you guys need to have a talk. You need to go on. And I wouldn't, I would go nice. Because just in case it is some physical thing. Yeah, you got to go nice first, yeah. Mm-hmm. That can continue. Maybe he's addicted to online porn.

That might be it. It may have a problem, man. But that definitely can't continue what they're doing. They seem like they're around each other the whole time. I don't know what's going on. You get a lot of, you have a lot of weird stuff. Yeah. All right.

Need advice, quitting, drinking. So I guess our advice is I would sit down and talk to them. Absolutely. You're not being a nag at all. If anything, you've been too nice. And I would just go easy just in case it's something fucking. It's a problem. Yeah.

Like he got molested. a kid that finally came out now he doesn't like did they ever used to go at it like bunny rabbits i don't know that's a good question did y'all ever used to have like a real healthy sexual relationship and just fell off a cliff oh was it gradual or yeah i think once you have a kid though that that just happened you just like the appeal of going to sleep is just fucking unbelievable it's unbelievable and it's something if you do it together like that's your sex you know like oh god we're going to get eight hours this is fucking awesome all right need advice quitting drinking I know you're at 100-something odd days now of no drinking.

116 days of not drinking. I'm at a whopping day three. And this is my third attempt in the last two months to take some serious time off. Most of my attempt only last three or four days, max, because every Friday rolls around and I can't help but buy some booze. I want to quit because my problem is serious enough that I experience minor withdrawals like minor shakes. Oh, Jesus. Oh, wow.

If I haven't had a drink in like 12 to 16 hours, meaning I'm physically dependent. Yeah, dude, this is a great reason to stop. It's not serious to the point where people notice I'm able to keep it under control, but drinking every day needs to stop. Yeah, you're what's known as the intelligent or alcoholic, so you can fucking, what I call you, you're a smart guy and your booze, and so you can play shit off and nobody notices. Right. You're just a fucking moron, everyone's going to notice.

Exactly. My question for you is, how did you go about filling up the boredom that comes with being sober? Oh, what a great fucking question. I feel like I'm drinking, when I'm drinking anything is fun. Sitting on the couch for hours, it's so true on end watching YouTube videos. But when I'm sober, I've got like 20 minutes tops before I'm bored with whatever I'm doing. Also, what was your problem ever bad enough that you felt withdrawals? I know how to taper pretty well at this point, but have failed so many times that if you know of any.

tapering tips are basically how to wean your way off, I guess. I'd love to hear them. P.S., I've always missed the old overrated, underrated segment. You used to do circa 2009-ish on the podcast. You should bring that back or actually bringing it back. All right, this week we'll bring it back. We'll keep doing it. If you guys want to send it in, overrated, underrated.

I find when I stop, like, when I stop, it's tough for, like, the first, like, six to ten days. And what it is, I'm more habit addicted. Like, I just like, if I'm eating well, like, I'm addicted to go, I want to get a salad. If I'm eating like shit, like if I eat McDonald's, the next day I'm craving McDonald's. If I'm drinking, then I want to drink. So it's basically I tried to be conscious of those thoughts in my head and just be like, try to get to the next morning, going tomorrow morning, what's going to make me happier, that I had a drink right now or that I didn't? And it was always that I didn't, so I would choose that. That's a good, that's a good way.

I used to do that at the Boston Comedy Club. I never really noticed you had a, like, I never really seen you drunk ever back in the day. Yeah, in the last like 15 years, I gradually just drank more and more and more and more and more. And then I just, I'm not getting alcoholic, but the amount that I drink, I absolutely am. But I'm one of those guys I can shut it off and like this guy just sit there. Even after like shows, you don't, like, I can do. If I'm not performing, I can, I'll not have a drink. But if I'm performing, I need one or two.

But I'm not an alcoholic by far, but I have other problems. My thing is like, if I'm doing something, I'm doing it. So the first thing I do when I sit down at a bar is I always order a double because I'm assuming that their poor is going to be. Do you go to the bar destination leaving your house? Is the bar or like how does the garage after shows? well by the sum this this summer it was becoming like going to the liquor store buying a bottle and always like I was on the road doing an acting gig and I made sure I had a ball and I just was and I knew I was shutting it down so it's just like this is where it is Bill this is bad um yeah it got it got way way way worse than it ever as far as like what am I doing I remember coming home from the set one night and being excited that the bar was still open and before I went in it's not a wrong with that to where where i was staying but i was by myself right oh okay and i ordered a double sucked it down and said give me another double because i was sort of addicted to that that crazy

buzz and then going asleep i think um i like it too but it's and then the whole time wanting to stop or wanting to not do it as much and that was the only time there's the first time ever my wife brought it up going you know you're really drinking a lot and and then you're going to snore and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then one night I came down to bed. With a wife, me, though, and I can see you. I know. I'm so embarrassed by this.

I came downstairs, and I actually was hiding the glass of booze on the other side of my leg. When I was coming down the stairs, and I was just like, whoa, I'm that guy. Now, how soon before the bottle's in the back of the toilet? But I'm kind of too much of a control freak to make it happen like that. But I find, like, once I go 10 days, the way I'm wired, I could go It gets easier? In theory, I could go forever.

Okay. Because now it's just something I don't do. I'm just like, the, whatever it is that had it's fucking claws in me, it only takes 10 days for how I'm chemically made up to just be like, yeah, like right now, 16 days in, I could easily go a year. I could go two years.

I could, like, never drink again for the rest of my life. And you don't think about it anymore, like after shows or? no there's certain things that like makes me just wish i was still drinking um like what did i see the other day that was just like oh man i would love to do that like um i saw some cool looking bar and it was just like man i would love to go there at two in the afternoon and just get fucking drinking till six get fucking hammered but then but now the way it plays out is you would never flare though i'd know i would jump in the uber and i would

come home drunk to my daughter and it's like ah can't have that on the resume no no no so that's over so my life also kind of i'm not telling this guy needs to have a kid so i would just say what you need to do is you got to push through that boredom and uh i but there's so much fun shit that you can actually fill that time up with that the stuff that you wanted to get good at like I've always been into music like playing drums and playing guitar if you do that instead or working out like if at night

yeah if at night you go out for a jog instead and then this is nothing this is another thing too about not drinking it's the fucking pounds just fall off you really you know as long as you don't substitute it with then like oh I'm going to eat ice cream so I can get like a sugar rush if you actually eat well

and you don't booze yeah it just falls off it's got nowhere to hide so I don't know man But it sounds like, you know, the shakes and stuff, you're on another level than I was. So if I was you, I might even go to a meeting. That's borderline intervention TV show.

Would you get the shakes and shit? Yeah, a little bit. I would go to a meeting, just check out a meeting. Just go down there, check it out, sit in the back. Have a fucking donut, whatever the hell they do there, and just listen to these people's insane stories. It'll actually make you feel better about yourself. Exactly.

All right. Okay, here we go. Overrated, underrated. Bringing this back. This is something this guy said, so we actually were going to do one this week. This is something I used to do way back in the day, 2009.

He used to do overrated, underrated. It was the thing of the week, whatever you thought was overrated, whatever was underrated. All right, overrated. Texas Hold'em. Underrated five-card stud. Now, here's the deal.

I don't know shit about cards. I mean, no. I don't know. You got to give me the explanation. All right, that was a bad. That was a soft open. Yeah, I don't know anything about cards. I don't know anything about cards.

All right. What do you think is overrated, right now. This topic? No, no. No. What I think is overrated right now? Hip-hop. Really?

Yeah, like, the not having any words in your song and it being quote-unquote a classic or a hot song for this time. But 10 years down the road, this guy said nothing. It was just, beat in sounds

like mumble rap like they don't they don't say anything oh everybody yeah everybody sounds like they're kind of like half in the bag yeah and there's no originality anymore but people are still celebrating something that's less original than it used to be do you know how old do you sound right now the people in your generation is gangster rap and they're but originality is not old that's that's true

that's universal and they don't have any when did they lose you? It's so unoriginal that their name's not even different. How many little rappers do we have? Little this, little that. You can't even name yourself an original name. All right. When did they lose? When did hip hop lose you? Probably the mid-2000. No, late 2000s. Late 2000. Like maybe 2011, 12 on and up. That's not bad. You hung in there.

Yeah, but not all hip-hop. You got artists like Eminem and Nas who's still doing what they're supposed to do. Oh, God. You're doing like, that's like me going. You know, Zeppelin and ACDC, you're going back like 20 years. But those guys are still rapping. Those guys are still relevant. And it's the words. Like, you can't have a song with, it's instrumental. What about the, who's the big of all the awards?

Migos. The me, is it the Migos? I don't even know them any because I don't listen to them. I don't even know. I heard of them, but I know many people. I know a lot of rappers' name got Little in it, and that bugs me. Little Uzi-Vert. Nika, just change your name to an original name.

Little Wayne was first, and then everybody else is little. Remember Tupac and Biggie, they had their own names? No, it's an original name. Yeah, he went little because there was already a two short. Who is the little person there? And that fucking, what was that fucking, I don't know anybody. There was a guy, Bushwick Bill. Yeah, he was.

No, he didn't even say little. No, he was Bushwick. He said where he was from. Well, you know, these millennials are sensitive. Okay, I would say overrated, being informed is overrated. Absolutely. I am off social media. I don't read this shit anymore.

I post my shit on there, but I'm done. Like, oh, I fucking took a picture of this thing today. This is the classic, classic, it's going to take forever to turn my phone on. So I'm just going to keep going. Classic fucking. Like a joke when you forgot the punchline. You just keep repeating the setup. Oh, yeah.

Shit is crazy We used to say We used to say When white comics were lost in their act They'd look down and be like Yeah, yeah So What else is going on?

Black comics Shit is crazy Yeah Shit is crazy. Yeah, shit is crazy out here Yeah, but you're a good looking crowd Give yourselves a round of applause For coming out tonight Give it up for the ladies

Ladies, all the strong women in the crowd They're always strong Women are always strong I used to do that so I wouldn't bomb early Like in black rooms I'll just go give it up for the ladies And compliment the crowd enough So they'll give me at least 30 more seconds

Not to boo me What's the hardest room you ever did? Sweet cheeks Back to sweet cheeks It's not even I don't think it's like it's just a fucking place To go pick up $200 What was it $250 back there?

Oh yeah That was literally like fighting Mike Tyson It's just like all right If I can survive around I get my fucking purse All right This is something that somebody tweeted today about that pipe bomb that went off

in the Port Authority I'm uninformed when did this happen yeah I mean fortunately nobody died they said there was non non life threatening injuries but that doesn't mean somebody didn't lose an eye or fucking hearing or something barm went off on 23rd Street right by Gotham Comedy Club and they closed the street off

I thought you were gonna do a joke so-and-so just got off stage when I got there they was the street was closed off and I actually asked the cop but I have a total guy I have a spot I didn't give a fuck about I'm like, I just want to do my spot Well, this is what this fucking jerk off tweets

About the Port Authority bummy He goes, I have no idea what's going on At the Port Authority But it was chaotic And I didn't stay to find out So you have no idea what's going on But we had to find out how you felt About what you did know was happening

Who gives a fuck what you did There's people down there hurt, you fucking asshole This is what I can't stand I'll be an old man here About young people now nobody cares about every fucking thought in your stupid fucking head were you there did you see what happened do you have any information i wish you guys could see i have no idea what's going on at port authority but it was

chaotic and i didn't stay to find out and then there's going to be a thousand fucking people going so happy you're okay yeah exactly people just want to i didn't know so many people wanted to be known oh no all these fucking people what the reason you know all these fucking people on social media it's like they have their own tv show and they're acting like celebrities self-involved fucking celebrities as opposed to cool ones like us the one who actually have a skill set sorry sorry sorry all right last one here we go how do i tell the truth uh hey bill well i've been thinking with my dick i recently downloaded the popular hookup app tinder and i've been using it to fish for some action with some college chicks in my area i'm pretty good looking

and i'm not bad with chicks so i've had moderate success i recently found this one chick in my area who is pre-med is that all one word P-R-E-M-E-D okay thank you I was like I knew I was dumb I didn't think I was that fucking dumb

you know what's funny that fucking guy who said the guy who I was telling the story about you know funny how like things going in and out of your ass he just sent me a text I fucking ran in a second I recently found this chick in my area who's pre-med I really like spending time with her and we have the same sense of humor and political beliefs and she has an excellent body and face in short she's pretty close to my ideal girl however there's one problem

i'm in high school and she has no idea what fuck this guy fuck this guy dude you're a legend you should be giving me advice i have dodged most of her questions about the classes i take and where i couldn't dodge i lied oh jesus we haven't done anything physically but she made it clear she is interested in me i'm in deep bill how do i tell her without her uh do i have to tell her i just fucking tell her just say listen i don't want to go to a physical level without fucking telling you the truth i'm still in high school i really liked you i would have told you sooner but i was afraid you weren't going to like me just do that put it out on the table if she tells you to go fuck yourself fine but you've learned a very valuable lesson

with women which i wish somebody taught me way back of my teen years teen years just tell them the truth. What are we doing? I want to fuck you. I have no intention to having a relationship with you. Most will walk away. Some won't. But you can literally leave your fucking car out in the front of your house and it will never be keyed. None of your shit will be lit on fire. Yes. That's why when I see guys who, I forgot my train of thought, but honesty is always the best policy because you don't have to worry about people getting mad and doing crazy shit to you. Dude, it works with cops too. Cops and women, nobody lies, gets lied to more than those two.

And when you actually come with the truth, even if they don't like the truth, it kind of, like, you might not get a ticket. That's probably why Patrice went to fire, that no one, no one, we didn't get in trouble because he was fucking honest about what happened. Do I'm going to tell you, I fucking bang this U-turn, right? And right as I did, it's this fucking cop got out of his car. And as I'm pulling up and thinking, well, maybe he didn't see it. And he's just coincidentally getting out.

And he walks right up to my window. He goes, let me see a driver's license of registration. he goes uh he goes you know why i'm asking for that and i was like yeah he goes why i go because i just made an illegal you turn and he goes why did you do that i go because i'm impatient and i didn't want to wait in that line in there and he just laughed and he goes do you want me to give you what do you want me to give you a ticket i said no but i'm not going to lie to you right and he laughed again he goes all right get out of here i said you're awesome right that was it then other times i've told the truth and like all the way to

to the point, is this your current address? And I said, no. And the guy wrote me up for everything and my fucking address. And I was like, this motherfucker! He's trying to get fucking cop of the month? That guy did that in western New York. All right, we're out of time.

Harris, so great to see you. Once again, your album. My comedy album is coming out. It's out already. It's out right now on iTunes. Amazon and Google Play. And anywhere else that you can get comedy. Anywhere else.

And the name of the album is? Naive innocence. Okay. I almost said Google Alert is where you can get it. Like, I don't know what the fuck anything is. All right. Thank you so much for stopping by. Thank you for being on the podcast.

Appreciate it. And everybody, I forgot to mention here, we got a couple of benefits stuff here. Santa Steve, the great Steve Simone and regular hero are raising money again this year for children fighting cancer and their families. That's worded really weird. They're fighting cancer and the families of the children fighting cancer? Isn't that weird? They're raising money again this year For children fighting cancer and their families

These kids are fighting cancer And their own families The children and their families fighting cancer Monday morning podcast listeners Helped raise 15 grand last month And it had a huge impact on a lot of families The stories are brutal and every bit helps We're going to save you the fucking stories, okay?

The goal this year is to raise 50 grand We're going to tweet a link Thank you so much ahead of time If you got anything to give and also here's some dates I got coming up. I'm going to be at the Hard Rock Live in Hollywood, Florida, December 14th, December 16th, the Bob Car Theater in Orlando, Florida. February 2nd, the Reno Ballroom, Reno, Nevada.

February 20th, the Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit, the 6th Annual. Makes a great Christmas gift, get a pair of tickets to that. Tickets have been going fast. It's a great benefit raising money for Patrice's mom and loved ones. Thank you guys so much. Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday. up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast with your host me paul burze over here in new york we got bill burr over there out west and today we have an incredible guest somebody that

we're very excited to have an amazing football player amazing analyst greg olson is here thank you so much for being on the show bud yeah i appreciate you guys having me it's be fun yeah you're the first legit like beyond legit guest we've ever had we went from knucklehead gamblers to uh a professional football player analyst. I got to tell you, I love the way you call a game. I do, you know, and I really do believe that former players, you know, because you played the game, your knowledge of the game, and then you can go beyond, like, someone who may have a broadcaster background,

as you understand, beyond the, like, analytics cannot, like, measure, like, emotions in the game, like, when to go for something, when not to, when the, I don't know. I don't know. It's just something that I've noticed when I listen to you call the game. So I just wanted to say that before we started. Absolutely. Yes. I echo those sentiments because you, yeah, it's just something about like a player that like I kind of like when guys know what's going to happen. Like I like watching the game where they're like, oh, this play looks like this. I know some people don't like that, but I kind of like that to be like, oh, this guy knows what he's talking about, you know?

No, and there's no offense to like, I like guys like Mike Toriko on them, but like I also like when they're like, you know, this is going to happen. Yeah, but it's weird when it's a former player and they didn't have a good career and then they seem to know everything that was going on. It's just like, where the hell was this when you want on the field? Well, so in the booth, two different roles, right? So the play by play guy, he's setting everything up. He's painting the picture. He's talking down and distance and score and remainders and he's driving the ship in and out of commercial breaks. He's doing ad reads.

He's pitching Bill Burr's new comedy special on Fox. You know, he's managing all of those things. And then obviously as the color commentator, as the quote-unquote analyst, I believe our job is to not necessarily tell you what you're seeing. In today's day and age, cameras instant replay, slow-mo. I mean, it's pretty clear what's happening. There's not a shot that these guys miss. Our job is to fill in all the blanks of like, why are you seeing this?

why is this the right decision what is the coach considering when are they going to use their timeouts where how is their run defense why do they stroke like to paint the picture for the audience and the viewer the why fill in the gaps because I think it's very easy to say nice throw nice catch get you know really good run Sequin barclay's awesome that those are very generic things I think a lot of people can sit home but filling in the gaps painting the picture behind the curtain of the why. I think that's what viewers are really interested in now, the interest in the passion of football is at its all-time highest. And I think people are very, are much more educated than we used to give them credit for, and we need to speak to them accordingly. Yeah, well, we all have

our fantasy teams now, so we all think that we're GMs. True. I'll tell you, fantasy football is a dangerous game, man. When I was a player, I'd have a game where we won, and I'm feeling good. I might only had three or four catches, and you're in the grocery store. checkout line and a woman behind you is like hey good win but you killed i lost my fantasy because of you and you're like so like it's that shit's real now like that fantasy football that's what you have to say you have to say this isn't real in in fans mine in fans minds it is all that matters my kids who have like a hundred fantasy leagues with their friends outside of the panthers who they watch as like the hometown team they only watch the game if someone from their fantasy

is in it? That's why I never play. Because I didn't like that it went from, I want this team to win to lose, to now I'm just rooting for a guy to have nine catches or whatever the hell it is. I, you know, I got to feel like a lot of non-athlete people were like really into that type of thing, you know, and it rewards. I don't know, nerds are running the world right now, Greg. I don't know what to tell you. The Tesla guy, the Amazon guy, the Facebook guy, analytics. That's another thing that I hate is when you used to make a bad choice, a decision as a coach, you had to sit there and take it. Now they can just be like, well, you know, the analytics told me to do that. It's like, well, then couldn't I have just done that? If I just have a book that has, you know,

the answers. I can't. You know what? I'm an analytics guy now, Bill. I'm an analytics guy. I'm not blanket across the board, like just putting your eyes and just go down the book. But it is the wave of the future for NFL football. And that's not going to. on that. When you say you're an analytics guy, it's just like, so all of this information of every game that's ever played, I guess, is crammed into a computer. It does the math. This is how they picked the spreads now, Paul. This is why we're getting our asses picked. And then it spits out, like, what's the difference between you, pro football player, played it all your life, and me, jackass looking at analytics? Like, does your pro football

background give you a better if it's just an answer am i looking at it too simplistically i think there's two i think it's a great it's a great conversation that i love to have and we can go as deep as you want to here there's two elements to this right so analytics you know data acquisition data based decision making is happening for me as i prepare to call a broadcast i get reams of information from all different data sites. The days of how many yards does Philly throw for, how many touchdown passes does Jalen Hertz have, how many touchdown runs does Saquan have? I have Philly this week, so they're like top of mind. Those days are over. Like you are not studying box scores, yards, touchdowns are completely irrelevant if you're really trying to understand what makes a good, a team good

or bad, struggling, you know, whatever. There are so many more deep layers to it that comes from a lot of this data that's collected. Now, like anything, the data is only as good as your ability to interpret it, right? So as you start studying some of these charts and these graphs that are really getting into the weeds, we're not going to say it on the broadcast. We're not going to say that EPA per play and the yards per dropback and we're not going to get into the real nerdy ins and outs of analytics on the broadcast, but it does shape storylines. If you want to start talking about the struggles of the Philadelphia Eagles, instead of just saying they stink, they can't score, fire everybody. Well, let's really dive into why is this team different? Well, you start looking

their average first down yardage. Well, what does first down struggles do? Put you into second and pass. Are they a good downfield passing team? And you start layering in elements and you say, okay, maybe this is why the formula is broken. Let's have that conversation on air and how do they fix it. That's a lot more interesting of a conversation than just saying, hey, they're scoring seven less points a game. Well, why? So that's part of it. The in-game decision making, that's the stuff that everyone is really hot on. Andy Reed the other night on Sunday night, he goes for it on fourth and one

in a 10-10 game on his own 30-yard line fails. Houston scores a touchdown. Those are the hot button topics that generate a ton of conversation. Fourth down tries, two-point conversions. That's really where the bulk of the quote-unquote

analytics pushback comes from. And the notion that it's just a book that's a blanket, it's the same for me as it would be for you is you all the context that people argue is not being taken into consideration is being taken into consideration again each team has access to all the same data points for 25 years of tracking over general times but then their team of analysts their team in-house boils that down with how is my offensive line how is my defense how is my quarterback is my running back hurt

and then you tailor make those decisions to you then when you get into the game there's non-emotional decisions, right? I don't sometimes hit 16 and sometimes stay. I hit it and I hit it and I bust and I bust, but I still hit it. It's the same idea, right? It's the idea of taking emotion out of very critical moments in the game and let's say, this doesn't guarantee it's the right end result, but it is the right formula of decision making that over long periods of time does tilt the game in my favor, even if it didn't tilt the game in my favor in this moment that's really interesting so if you if you so it thought you still have to have like football knowledge to then dissect and analyze the analytics i would look at that as far as like being a

stand-up comedian some big story happens in the news and the general you know middle of the pack comedians all kind of have the same angle but like the great ones that you know i'm a fan of they can do a topic like i always feel like a great comedian can do a topic everyone's mulched and not only have a whole new angle but like it's like fresh so it seems like it's like that yeah you could give me your stand you said you have a show tonight you could you could print me right now your stand-up routine and i'll fly to california and i could stand up on the stage and verbatim say the exact same words you say it's not nearly as funny without your delivery without your tone, without your mannerisms, without your timing, right?

There's an art to it. It's no different than football, right? Like, there is an art behind all of this. There is an expertise. There is a instinct, but it is not a gut in the moment emotional reaction that everyone wants it to be, right? Like, momentum and all the things. It's all bullshit.

Momentum is bullshit. The question that I have, though, is like, Dan Campbell is someone. I have a... We'll come back to that. We'll come back to that. Yeah, Dan Campbell, somebody I have a problem with. Because I think that whether you have the game plan and the blueprint of the game or not,

in my opinion, what he did in San Francisco cost him going to the Super Bowl, in my opinion. I called that game. Oh, okay, yeah. Like, that to me, and then to see him do it the other night five times and go O for five and still go... I mean, I'm sitting here going like...

I mean, listen, I'm a stand-o comedian. I don't know shit. I can coach like that guy can coach. But I'm going to take the points when I need to take the points and stay ahead either two possessions or three possessions, which he could have done in San Francisco. And then I don't like the idea of, well, that's what we did the regular season. And that's what got us here. But it's like, yeah, but it's, and maybe I'm nuts, but it's like it's not the regular season. This is to go to the Super Bowl and go get those points to also another thing that analytics does not take into consideration is how momentum with the crowd.

everybody knows that when a defense gets a fourth down stop at home people are going crazy people are losing their shit going yeah we stop them and then that's going to make the next unit come out gassed up so i feel like guys like dan campbell i don't know if he can't help himself but i think if that doesn't change the lions are in trouble all right so a lot to unpack there and i love these conversations let's just talk let's talk last week's thursday night game because it was Detroit versus Dallas. Neither team could stop anybody. It was fireworks, right?

The offenses were awesome. At the end of that, towards the end of the fourth quarter, I don't know off the top of my head how much time was left, but the back half of the fourth quarter, Dallas had the ball inside the 10-yard line. It was like fourth and three, and they were down 10 points. And they kicked a field goal to go down seven. So they made it, right, this notion that it's a one-score game. We're so excited that it's a one-score game.

We're so motivated. The momentum is in my favor. I don't know if you guys watch the game, but do you know what happened the next possession that Detroit got the ball? So Dallas makes it 10 to 7. It goes from a 10 point to a 7 point. They come off the field saying, great job. We're only down one score. Kick off.

Detroit comes on offense. So Dallas, it has all the momentum. The game is solely there for the taking. you know what Detroit did on the next drive? Scored? They went the entire length of the field and went up 14. So my point of saying all this, and there's a million examples of all of this, right?

Like, I'm not suggesting that guys don't feel momentum. Emotion is still a huge element of sports, and it's a huge element of football, right? There's an energy. I'm not saying guys don't feel it. I felt it. There were games where you could throw the ball behind my head and like you just, you're in the flow, right? There's, I would argue it's confidence, it's a mindset, right?

That's real for athletic. There's days where I'm sure you guys stand up on stage and man, it just comes out exactly the way you imagine. And I'm sure there's other days where like your timing's off and it didn't land the way and you just felt you feel uncomfortable. But in a game like football, those feelings are real. I'm not discounting how guys on the sideline in their brain imagine. All I'm saying is it doesn't impact the game. You feeling moment, right? Like, how many times have we heard on a broadcast,

this team has all the momentum and then they go three and out? Or this team just got all the momentum and they fumble, right? I feel like it doesn't have. I feel like all of a sudden the wheels fall off and everybody just... But then they get them back on. But then they get them back on. But I don't think the game the way you do. Yeah, I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

Again, the game that spurred a lot of conversation from a couple weeks ago was Philly versus Chicago. And it was the whole thing about going for two, and they were down 15, and I'm not going to get into all of that. But that game, Philly, at the end of the game, when Seriani went for two to try to make it to cut the lead, they were down 15, he tried to make it seven. He went for two and failed. It stayed at nine. they just went on an 85-yard touchdown drive who has all the momentum well if you missed a two-point conversion the other team does but you just scored the touchdown so who had the momentum after the 82-yard touchdown drive who had the momentum the Eagles did so they went for the stupid two-point

conversion and then they missed it and then the other fans get excited it's just it's irrelevant all I'm saying is feels like math class no it's not math It's the argument of the argument is the game takes ebbs and flows naturally, regardless of how you feel. Greg, I feel like you could be, honestly, I feel like you could be and should be an NFL head coach because you just have that demeanor. But I got to ask you a question real quick, and I know fans are going to talk about Dan Campbell, though, but go ahead. The one thing I wanted to ask you, though, when you're calling a game and you see a call that is just so, egregiously wrong. Does the, are they, like, are you guys kind of told like, hey, you could mention it,

but don't go so hard with it? Or do you have free reign to be like, that's the worst thing I've ever seen? I've never gotten a call from Fox in five years ever telling me to tone down my evaluation, my assessment, good, bad referees, coaches. Now, I will say, I, my personality and just who I am, I am not like a shit on people guy. Quarterback's having a bad day. I got to say, hey, that's a throw you got to make. He's late with his eyes, his feet, whatever. You have to be honest or else you lose the trust of the audience that you can have perspective, right? Sure. Coaches, decisions. I'm always, I always say, like,

you can be critical of decisions. You don't like the decision? Great. Everyone has their opinion. You don't like, you know, he's late with his footwork. He drops a ball. Bad, whatever it is, those are totally fair criticisms as long as you don't get personal right like that's my one rule is like there's no personal attacks right you're not lazy you're not a dog you're not bet these guys are high level professional athletes and they deserve to be spoken about in a certain sense same thing with the referees because they make there's bad calls made all the time i don't envy the position of NFL referees i think NFL officiating is actually better than it's ever been I think as a viewer, we have insight and access to views and pictures and replays and angles that didn't exist 10 years ago, let alone 20 years ago.

So this idea that more calls are missed, I would argue the game has gotten so complicated, so fast, just the notion that these guys can get anything right, I feel like is pretty impressive. And I think the calls are no different. We just didn't know if the guy false started by half of a millisecond. because the camera didn't pick it up 10 years ago. We didn't know if that guy's face mask grabbed his jersey collar or his pinky grabbed the face mask because now we have like 9D zoom in extra. It's just a different experience for the viewer right now and we have more information than ever before. All right. I got one for you real quick before you do Dan Campbell. My opinion on the two point conversion that drives me nuts is the team goes, you know, is first in

goal. Don't get it. Second and gold, don't get it. Third and gold, don't get it. Go for it on fourth down, score a touchdown. And then everybody goes, go for two. It's like, because it's only two points, people aren't looking like, dude, you have to score another touchdown to only get two. And it just took you four downs. They stopped you three times. It took you four times to get that ball across the goal line. Now you're looking at because it's only a two-point conversion. you're now going to, you have to score back-to-back touchdowns is what a two-point conversion is, but you only get six points for the touchdown, two points. So people look at it like it's, they equate the amount of points to the difficulty of it.

And I feel like in the first quarter, why are you going for two points? Just get the extra point. And the amount of times that they missed two-point conversions and then hit the third one, it's like you could have just kicked three extra points, or you could have. could have just kicked two extra points, you end up where you would have been. I think the two-point conversion is overrated. Well, two-point conversions have really become a end-of-game strategy possessions, trying to chip back typically for teams, either trying to extend leads to two-score games

or cut into a deficit, right? We don't see a ton of teams in the early first three quarters of the game. There was a time years ago where guys were toying with it. Pittsburgh started doing it. everyone for the most part now is kicking extra points the only time you'll see an early two-point try is we actually had it in our buffalo bangles game josh allen threw a fourth down touchdown pass he got roughed like they caught it he got personal foul they elected to have the penalty enforced on the point after try which now instead of going for two from the two you go from two from the one

yard line nine out of ten times every NFL coach is going to say from the one yard line all take my odds of getting one yard to get two points as opposed to kicking a chip shot field goal. Outside of that, typically two point conversions are coming at the end of the game like it did in the Bears Philly game where you're down 15, you're down 14, and the idea is to try to win the game and regulation, maximize your possessions. That's a longer conversation. But that's typically, right now the NFL average on two point conversions is about 45%. It ranges any given year, 43, maybe to 48, it is less than a coin flip to get a two-point try. Because remember, if it was 52%, I mean, you guys are gamblers and we all, like, you play the odds over long

periods of time. If it was 50, if people could figure out how to make a two-point try, over 50%, they would do it every time. You know what I learned? I think I just watched the game emotionally because I feel like everybody that's the key word. Two points in the third quarter and I'm calling him up going, what the fuck are they doing kick the goddamn john madden take the points yeah i must be uh wait a minute i think it's the usual my usual problem paul i'm too emotional bill you emotional no remember emotion drives all of this and it's real i don't dis i'm emotional like when i'm coaching a game or playing in a game i am highly emotional i am a very intense competitive

emotional person whether i'm coaching my daughter's basketball team or I'm playing in the Super Bowl like that's just my personality so I don't shit on people being emotional I believe people that don't have a fire and don't have that I don't relate I can't process how those people operate and everyone to each their own that's not me personally so this whole embracing this non-emotional decision making is me taking a step back and saying okay if I was an NFL head coach knowing how I would be on an NFL sideline which is highly intense, high feedback frequency, a lot of energy, a lot of emotion. Do I want to make critical decisions in that mindset? Us all sitting here nice and calm, we'd say, of course you don't

want to make your, you don't, Dan Campbell is a very emotional person. He's a very, he's a very heart on his sleeve. He, that's why the guys love him because he's so real, right? He doesn't hide behind this like fake bullshit facade. Right. So he's saying to myself, do I want to make these rash emotional decisions based on how I feel? No, that's not in the team's best interest. He has made a clear moment from the time he took that job. They are going to play a very clear brand of football. He was an early adopter of this mentality.

They have won as many, if not more games than virtually the entire league, maybe with the exception of Kansas City and Philly over the last couple of years. It has been a highly productive mentality. It bit him in the ass in the playoffs that year. I called that game. I was in the booth talking over those fourth down failures. He stood up at the podium virtually in tears, and he ate it. And he stood up there with a – and emotion is why people don't do it.

Because I don't want to stand up on the post-game podium and say, you're the reason Greg Olson, we lost. It's easier for me as the coach to say, we should have made the kick. We need to play better defense. We didn't execute. It wasn't our day. All this bullshit, instead of I'm the head coach and that decision, yeah, it didn't work. But I would do it again.

That is very hard to do, but I commend the guys that do it. I get that. But if, and this is football-wise, forget emotion. If he kicks that field, if he kicks the field goal to go up 17 instead of go for it there and keep it a 14-point game, and then San Francisco came down and then made it a same. seven-point game. If he still keeps it a three-point thing, a three-possession thing, isn't that just mathematically their chances of winning that game better? You also just made the assumption that they're automatically going to make the kick. I mean, it was like,

you know, I'm not saying. One was from like the 28, wasn't it, or the 30? I'd have to go back and pull up what, I know there was three of them. There was three critical fourth downs, two were dropped, and I don't remember the other one. Off the top of my head, I couldn't tell you what the down to what the yard line was or what the score was. I wish I could. I just can't, I don't know exactly. But of course, I remember the moments of the game really well, but the notion that I'm going to play one style of football and then I'm going to just arbitrarily, I always think the best that people can relate it to is everybody has sat at a blackjack table, right? And I know this is probably oversimplifying it because football is not just a deck of cards already predetermined.

So, like, there is some nuance to football, and I'm not suggesting otherwise. But just from an emotional standpoint, we've all had 10 up on the dealer, face card, and in your mind, you know it's 20, and you got fucking 16. And it takes every ounce of commitment and consistency to keep taking that card. And then he flips over, and he had a five, and he flipped it. Right? And now you just become, now you're just guessing, right? So you all of a sudden now just put everything to luck. And listen, we've all sat at the table where the asshole stays on 16 and he wins.

Does it mean it was the right decision? We all know it's not. I've always been intimidated to go to a blackjack table because I don't know the rules. And it's just like you feel everybody, you're taking my cards. What are you doing and blah, blah, blah, and all of this. None of any of it watching makes sense. Like, I'm not taking your cards. They're not yours.

You don't know, no, we don't know what card is coming. You should have said it. Then I would have got that card. All of that. But why do we say it? But Bill, why do we feel? We feel that. It's right.

We feel that emotion. We feel like the deck is flipped. We feel like you screwed me because you didn't split your eights or whatever. But you're arguing it's not, you're arguing it's bullshit. And I'm saying I agree with you. No, no, I, no, I'm saying. I am, I, like, how do you learn how to play blackjack? You sit down and there's like four degenerates next to you,

just puffing and puffing about everything you're doing. It's just like, didn't you ever not know what you were doing? So I, I, you know, I stay away from that shit. I don't play the craps. I like crap table. The reality is in today's modern NFL, this is the last point I'll make about it. We can talk about whatever you guys want. Yeah, then we've got to get into you all day.

You sports thing. I can talk about this all day. The reality, more often. than not. Again, there's always outliers to everything. There is a game where I could kick five field goals and beat you 15 to 10 and me taking the points, which I, that phrase drives me insane, taking the points, it worked out for me, right? You could say it about the other night's game, the Monday night game. The Charger scored one touchdown on the opening possession of the game. They scored a touchdown against Philly. And they proceeded to kick nothing but field goals.

the entire rest of the game. And they won in overtime. So they took the points and they won. They won because that Jaylon Hertz through four interceptions. Yeah. So when you make these decisions, you have to make these decisions based off what I call like neutral possession games. I cannot game plan that I'm going to return a punt for a touchdown.

I cannot game plan and say I'm going to get a strip, sack, fumble, return for a touch. You can't prepare the game strategy like all these one-offs are going to happen. If they do, great, and I will adjust accordingly as the game unfolds. That's the job of a great head coach, is to evaluate the moments of the game as they happen. But I can't plan that Jalen Hertz is going to throw four picks. He threw three picks over 12 games. That's the difference between coaching and gambling. Correct.

Because that's what we do. He's going to throw a pick. So, like, that's... I'm still on a special team's touchdown here, Paul. What about... I got a feeling. I got a feeling. So that's where all these...

So the general rule of thumb is field goals are going to get you beat. Now, does that mean it's always going to get you beat? Of course not. There's no certainties in any of this. If people had certainties, no one would ever lose. I would love to hear what Adam Venetary thinks about field goals are going to lose you. The guy's got... He's got four rings.

He's got four rings. Nope. Here's where field goals are... goals matter. End of game, end of half, fourth and long, and 45 yards plus. See, I agree with that 100%. But, and listen, I'm all four going for fourth and one or fourth and one and a half. But when these guys are going fourth and four and it's a 40-yarder, that's what I'm saying too. Like, I'm looking at like more yardage. So what do you consider? Like, if you see a coach, Greg, if you see a coach go for it on fourth and five and it would be a 47-yarder, do you think that that's a silly move? If it's

not those situations you just mentioned? Again, how much time, there's so many factors, right? How much time's remaining? Am I winning or losing? Does this make it a, now, if I'm up eight, and there's three and a half minutes to go, of course I'm going to kick the field goal. I'm going to go up 11, and with two and a half minutes,

barring you recovering an onsite kick, you're not going to have enough possessions to beat me, right? So there's a math in all of this where it comes down to how many times most likely will you possess the ball? And in those possessions, do you have enough to catch me. If I don't think you have two possessions left, being up two possessions is great. Going up two possessions with nine and a half minutes to go is much different than going up two

possessions with two minutes to go. Right. Because you just virtually don't have the amount of time. So there's a lot of elements to this. If I was goal to go situation, unless it was end of half, game winner. Fourth and goal, am I kicking a field goal? Okay. Because now, again, I have fourth and goal from the five. yard line right and I don't get it you now possess the ball on your five yard line right if I have the ball in the five yard line I'm trying to get a touchdown that's ultimately the greatest part of all of this but let's say I kick a field goal I got three points and you now get the ball at the 35 yard line so for me

getting three points I gave you 30 yards from the five to that's called the 35 with the new kickoff rule you got 30 yards for doing nothing I hate how wrong I was about all of this. Again, it's not wrong. It's not right or wrong. Remember, this new kickoff rule is brand new. Remember, the kickoff rule, remember the kickoff rule is brand new. Teams are still trying to figure out how to kick it, where to kick it, how to cover it.

They won't kick it out of the end zone now. Everybody does like a little, little pooch kick. Well, because you kick it into the end zone, you get the, you give your opponent to ball at the 35 yard line. You get one and a half. Why is it the 35? Why? Because they wanted sells the fucking game. This is what drives me nuts. There's no like monsters of the midway anymore. It's like nobody can stop anybody. I remember a few years ago, I'm going to go on a fucking ran here. That fucking Bill's Chiefs game was one of the worst

fucking games I've ever seen in my life. It was like 57, 56. Everybody is up and down the fucking field. And there wasn't one tackle in the whole game. It's 13 seconds left. It's like, what am I watching? This is like a fucking video game. And my feeling is that they have, they've reached maximum density on the, on the fucking real football fan, the casual fan they got. Taylor Swift, they got to get her to the Super Bowl. So all the swifties are watching. Then they call off the dogs and they let them play and you get a shit game, right? I mean, I just feel like all of these, like the hockey, they get rid of the red line, the stupid stretch pass.

You want to sit behind the goaltender now because you're doing, you're doing this like you're Wimbled it. I don't know. I just feel like every game now they're trying to like juice up the ball, make the stadium smaller, try to like, you know, I mean, plenty of time. There's plenty of time left. You're like, what the fuck are they talking about? This game is over. And then there's like three more scores. I just feel like it's marketing. That's what they want. I feel like the prevent defense was invented not by coaches. It was invented in the marketing department of the NFL to make sure no fucking game is over it drives me insane it drives me insane like i can't you should get season tickets to the houston texans you would love them that's what i'm they're gonna say that their

defense is nasty their their defense is unbelievable i feel like this they're playing bellichick ball win 17 10 1917 they're playing like that i love how they're playing i like to see great offense i also want to see great defense i i just you know this up and down and up and down and everybody turns into Joe Montana. You got some scrub coming off the sideline running the two-minute offense like he's fucking John Elway. It's stupid. It's not, there's something, whatever.

I don't know. I don't know. Well, listen. People started doing this, right? Here's the experiment. Everybody turns into a Hall of Fame quarterback with two minutes left. All right. We're going to do an experiment.

Bill, I'm going to get you and you going to come do a game with me in the booth. And it's going to be 10-7 in the – it's going to be 13-6 in the fourth quarter. And I'm going to be holding you from jumping out of the window if you've got to talk over that for three hours. There's a lot more – there's a lot more – I'm just talking about from a broadcast. I'm not going to – I'm not going to ask you to go any further into that. That is the rain delay of football, 13-7. Well, let's tell Greg the real reason why he's here. Greg, the real reason why he's here is because I need you to coach the Giants.

I'm a die-hard Giants, man. Let's get you to New York. Come on, man. Listen, you have DART. You'll have a healthy neighbors. You'll have a healthy scatibu. You got a nice defensive line. We'll draft a, you got a maybe first round pick your draft a defensive back.

You got a good team there, Greg. You want to hear a great story? Yes. So a couple of years ago, the hiring cycle where they hired Dable, this was probably like a week or two before they, officially announced that they hired Dayball. My wife and I are in New York City and we're having dinner at the Polo Bar and we're sitting in the basement there. It's an awesome spot in New York and we're with another, with two of our friends and we're having a nice dinner. And there was a couple next to us and you know, you're having drinks and we're having fun and, you know, we're living,

you know, we're having a good, good off-season dinner. You know what I'm saying? And over the course of the dinner, we start talking to this couple next to us. It turns out it's Tish, the owner, of the Giants. Yeah. So I've probably had a couple old fashions. And we start out just like, how's the hiring going? And we start getting like a nice conversation about the process of hiring a head coach. Well, like an hour and a half goes by, I don't know, I guess I had a couple more old fashions in me by the end.

And next thing you know, I went on like a 20 minute like job interview. That's fucking cool. And I'm like, I'm literally sitting three feet from him in this restaurant. restaurant and I'm and I'm getting like this I'm like getting progressively more like emotional and like excited and I'm like selling this idea that he should hire me because we sat next to each other in the polo bar so long story short the next morning I wake up and my wife's like and I was like Karen did I pitch myself to the owner of the Giants she's like yeah I was like do you think he bought it like how did I do so I've in my mind I've I've interviewed for one

head coaching job unofficially. I didn't get it. But it was with the Giants. Oh, that's good. The next one you do, you'll be sober. You know what I mean? Maybe I'll get it. Yeah, instead of being half in the back. Hey, Paul, we're going to run out of time here. Let's make sure we, I want to talk to you about something that I'm getting into because my kids are like starting to play organized sports and everything. Yes, please talk about this. And there's a part of me maybe wants to coach a little bit, but I'm like, what do I know? Obviously, I've learned. I don't don't know anything listening to you, but I know like that youth sports is a huge thing for you and that was one of the things that you wanted to talk about. The whole you think, if you're

wondering why he's wearing the merch and he's got the flag above him. Tell us a little bit about this. Yeah, it's a project that we're really excited about. You know, I've been out there having conversations with people via podcasts and different outlets for the last couple years on our you think program and, you know, interviewing coaches and athletes. and Olympians and parents, just everyone about, you know, the good, the bad, the in-between of the youth sports landscape. And really what started was, you know, my dad was my high school football coach, prototypical, old school, discipline, high school football vibe for 30 years in New Jersey, coached me

and my brothers. So I grew up in locker rooms, grew up around it, and now full circle after making a living, I'm raising three kids, two boys and a daughter, my wife and I would lay in bed at night, we'd be at dinner with friends and the entire conversation was about youth sports a great story what team is your kid on are you doing this guy in the gym what the coach is doing it would dominate everything we did and i was like you know what if we don't have the answers for any of this shit who does i've lived my entire life in this world and i don't even understand what's going on now let's go out and have these conversations so from there it's grown into an entire platform

multi-content contributors all sports men's women's high level just all across the board there's content there's information we're doing like a mini doc of you know we got some guys going around they're like crash in practice at baseball teams some two really cool social media influence guys so it's a really cool there's a commerce engine behind it for teams to like customize gear and schools and whatnot so it's a really fun project but bill i'm just going to call it right now you're going to say you're going to be the calm parent i'm going to sit by myself and i'm clap you're not going to do it no you can't no no i was telling him early it's impossible no dude i i was at uh i was at a practice now my my daughter's uh no she had a game and i yelled out

don't be afraid to hurt someone oh no dude dude she was playing like she's a little bigger than the other kids so yeah and then and then i was like i just said that out loud and like i'm going to get, I don't sue. Dude, I coach Sophia's fifth grade basketball team, and in the championship game, the ref kid, who was a senior in high school, his sister was against us. And when they beat us by two, I go, you guys wanted to fix it, huh? And I meant it, dude. I sounded like a lunatic.

Like I sounded like a lunatic. I go, you can't do that. That's his sister. And my wife was like, let's get out of here. So it's nuts. Yeah, I feel like it's one of those things, like in the heat of the moment, like you're not allowed to bring it up the next day. Like, what's said is, and then we all get to like move on because it does sound crazy. And I'm the first one to raise my hand. Like, I feel like I've

gotten better. I still have a lot of room for improvement on like the most honest, like self-assessor in this world. Like, you can't shut it off, man. He can't shut it off. I can't. Like I am a highly competitive. Again, to your point, I am a highly emotional competitive. I want to see kids play hard. I don't even care about the winning and losing. Like I've walked out of gyms of teams that I've coached or fields that I've coached and we've lost. And I'd be like, you know what? They were better than us, but I actually thought we played pretty good. I'm fine. And then I've walked out of gyms and fields where we've won by 30 and I like can't sleep. Like I am all about develop the kids. Get them better. If the environment is getting them better in middle school

and elementary school, you should stay on that team and stay with that coach or if you're the coach, you're doing a great job. That is all that matters. High school, wins and losses matter. Don't get me wrong, like, we're not doing this shit for a hobby. Like, we're trying to win. But the development piece has gotten so bad that I sit there and I just like jump out of my skin. And that's why I end up trying to just volunteer to coach as many teams as they'll let me because I'm like, I'm not saying I'm great, but I'm going to bust my ass to get your daughter better, your son

better, your daughter, whatever it is, they will get better. When you say the development piece, what are you talking about, pre-high school and getting your fundamentals down and that type of thing? Everything about the youth sports journey has completely flipped from developing skills,

both emotional skills, physical skills, overall, just like gross, motor skills, running, jumping, big, strong, fast. The individual skills relative to the sport, field hockey, lacrosse, baseball, football. They all have very different fine motor skills that are important to the thing. All of that skill development, emotionally and physical, is the entire reason everyone should do youth sports for their kids.

If your kid by a sophomore year in high school is a gifted athlete and your daughter's a great basketball player and your son's a great hockey, whatever, you'll know. it and it's and now we got to get serious and now it's time to like really hunker in and like we got to go and we're taking blood right like we're playing for blood now and we're ripping when they're in sixth grade like I need to teach my daughter how to play basketball I need to teach my son how to pitch or how to hit or how to field a ground ball like we need to focus on the development and what happens is myself included you get so caught up in the winning and the argument is I could get better players and then the end result will be I'll win more and everyone feels like you're a

better coach and the team's gotten better but what's lost in all of that is if you focus on development the grind practice communication skills consistent messaging and you do all those things right you will as a byproduct win a lot of games but that is a much more difficult path for a parent it's a much more difficult path for a coach but it is the best path for the kid that has completely flipped upside down across the spectrum travel ball guest playing kids flying from all over the travel teams man this kid's you know my daughter's age that they're on travel teams and i'm like you got a road game at eight years old i mean this is insane i've done it i don't i don't know i i'm sort of viewing the whole thing is like you know they're going to go

out there they're going to have fun look they got they have my jeans all right you know i'm a stand-up comedian. I don't think I'm going to make an MLB baseball. I mean, I'll, you know, if all of a sudden, I don't know, something from way back in the past gets into my kids' DNA and all of a sudden, I'm obviously going to support it. But like, my thing is I played sports. I had fun. It was fun. And I go there now, it's just like, dude, the equipment. Everybody with all the different cleats and all of the shit and the bats and all of this stuff, it was just like, I would have had just like dirty baseballs and like these these bats that were like 30 years old the crap those days are over yeah yeah like the grip would be worn out on like the aluminum bats from all of these

years and like if you had two batting blubs you were a rich kid when I was a kid especially if they were the same color you know one's red and one's white you know um here's here's the thing we coach our kids my two sons we coach their middle school football team the last couple at our school. And no one's ever going to say, oh, they don't care about winning. We do care about winning. We are very honest with our families, like, we aren't giving up our whole summer,

we are not giving up all this time and energy that we're going to pour into these kids to not get the end result that everybody wants. The difference in our approach, and we win a lot, the difference in our approach is we are going to pour into these kids for six months every day, summer workouts, weight training, speed and conditioning, all summer. How to talk to the press.

How to talk to the press. Don't listen. Yeah. But like it's a, it is a, there is an art, though, to like teaching these kids the art of work, the art of hard, the art of grind. And if you do that every day, as cliche as that sounds, all of a sudden Wednesday afternoon and the whole school sitting in the bleachers watching us play a middle school football game and we rip

and we're throwing touchdowns we're running for touchdowns we're knocking kids helmets off like we're playing real football everyone's like oh my god this is so fun I'm like yeah but we started doing this four months ago

at 8 a.m. while you were at the beach like this shit's hard yeah game is fun when it wasn't fun I also think the great thing about sports you know for the cliche stuff learning how to lose winning and losing and how to take a loss I'm a terrible loser

but but like taking response responsibility, understanding that, you know, if I want the ball the whole time, that's hurting the team. I hate, like, you know, that's something else that's driven me nuts, like watching sports, how certain sports, like, really, like, people like, just like, this is my team, you know, I'm not going to get into, but people walking off the courts during losses and shit. You did that when I was a kid. You were a bad teammate, and it wasn't rewarded.

And I feel, I don't know, I don't know. I'm a bit of a grumpy old man, but we do have to get on to the picks. We got to get up, yeah, I do have something at 11. I was just going to say, but real quick, you think, what is the website? It's something that parents can go on to and get this information. Let's make sure we people know where they can go to that. Yeah, it's youth.org, and the platform, the commerce, the content engine. It's all there on one, on one simple site, and appreciate you guys giving me a chance to chat about it.

Yeah, and I'm going to get, I'm going to check that out. My daughter is, like, crazy into sports as is my son. This is my proudest moment so far with my son is I was throwing overhand to my daughter, and he came up and I underhanded the ball. He didn't swing at it. And he goes, Dad, don't throw it like that, throw it like this. And he threw it at me, like really hard. So I said, all right.

And I threw one overhand and he crushed it. Nice. Of course, in my head, he's no greater feeling. He's already going to the MLB. He's Aaron Judge. He's Aaron Judge. Exactly. Exactly. Get them a private coach. Get him a private coach.

Yeah, it's fun. All right. Are you going to, let's do. Yeah, we're going to do the picks. Now, here's how this works. So with anything better, Greg, what we do is Bill and I, and our producers, too, and our injury guy, we all do it. But Bill and I do picks. We do four games each against the spread. This is our fifth year. I beat the book four years in a row, and I am getting the shit kicked out of me this year. Bill is hovering right around 500. I did go three and one this week. Shador Sanders and the Browns were the only game that screwed me. But Bill, it is an odd week.

Oh, before we do it, though, we have to shout out to sponsor, guys. It's BetMGM. You guys know it's the best odds out there. Here's how it works. You download the BetMGM app to your device. You put as little as $10 in your wager. If you lose the wager, you will get $1,500 in bonus bets. Please bet responsibly.

And we also have the first touchdown promo. You pick any player in any NFL game to get the first touchdown of that game. If they do, you win. If they don't, but in fact, get the second touchdown, you'll get your cash back. So there you go, Bill. This is an odd week. So that means you go first on an odd week, and there you go. The floor is yours.

All right. I'm going to wade right into the deep water because up until, like, the last couple of weeks, I don't know who was good this year. You know what I mean? So the Patriots have already beaten the bills. There was a shocker when they did. The bills are like reeling. I just can't believe that they're not a good team.

I really have a difficult time with thinking that we're going to beat them twice in. You know, it always feels like when a team is, you know, division rivalries, they're going to get you with one. So we already beat them. Now they're coming. And it's how I look at it, Greg. There's no analytics. There's no knowledge or whatever wrong. But I just feel like this is a pickam game.

And I just feel that Mike Ravel, where he has this team, you know, we had. major problems fumbling turning over the ball that knock on wood that has gone away and i just think that this team is getting tighter and tighter and tighter every week everybody's doing their job i know the bills need to win i know this is huge but i'm actually going to take the patriots getting one point at home because i think it's going to come down to the more disciplined team and i just feel the patriots are are everybody's doing their job all right all right well See that, Greg, I can sound like I know what I'm talking about. No, it's a reasonable argument.

Well, I'm going to do something that, look, I think the Miami Dolphins, what they're doing is pretty nuts, considering McDaniel is going to get fired, and they've rattled off these wins. The Steelers are up and down. I'm not saying the Steelers are going to lose, but it's that half a point. It's the three and a half. So I'm going to take the Dolphins getting three and a half on the road Monday night football against the Steelers. I just feel like they're clicking and I feel like they're going to actually win the game outright, but I like the three and a half points.

So I'm going to take Miami on Monday night. I'm actually going the exact opposite. I'm taking the Steelers because I think the Dolphins have been playing some really shit teams and patting some wins. And everybody's looking at him like all of a sudden they figured something out. I actually, I don't know. I think Aaron Rogers, the level of competitor that he is, I don't think he wants to go out, you know, not winning. And I think they had a big win last week.

And I just, I think, I don't know, I like, I like, I think the guy, I think they got a little mojo going there in Pittsburgh. I'm taking the Steelers, Paul. We're going head to head there. All right. I like it. I am going to take the Denver Broncos at home. I'm going to take the Denver Broncos at home against the Packers, getting two and a half. Andrew, that's right.

The Denver's getting two and a half? Oh, wait a minute. Bill, how dare us? We forgot to bring in Jake for the injury report. Jake, get in here. This is how awkward it is every week, Greg. This is a massive, massive chunks. Massive, massive chunks of silence. Hey, how are you doing? Jake to Snake. What do you got to? Hey, well, just before we got on, the chapter tweeted out that Jane Daniels will be out against the Giants. So that's a big loss there. He re-injured his elbow against the Vikings. big defensive injuries. We saw Jalen Carter have shoulder surgery. So he's going to be out again. He's a really big player for the Eagles. And then the Lions lost their best safety, Brian Branch. And then Greg, I had a question for you since we were talking about injuries here. We were talking about this a little bit before we got on. But Daniel Jones, obviously out for the year with a torn

Achilles. So they're going to bring in Philip Rivers, 44-year-old Philip Rivers. And then the other quarterback that's out for the year is Kyler Murray. So they're both three agents this summer. Who do you think is more likely to re-sign with their team? What do you think they're both moving on? Yeah, I think you're in the difference between Indianapolis and Arizona is, think, a couple weeks ago, they trade at the trade deadline, Indianapolis felt obviously very good as they should about Daniel Jones in their season. You're thinking you're going to be a playoff team.

There was a time they were the number one seed in the AFC. You're thinking, all right, we went a couple of playoff games. we're trading around they traded a first round pick for sauce gardener but at the time you're thinking you're going to make a deep run and we'll give a first round pick but it's going to be at the end of the first round not as valuable well now all hell breaks loose you lose daniel jones we'll see how the season finishes with philip rivers or riley leonard or whoever ends up playing quarterback but if they lose too many games god forbid don't make the playoffs all of a sudden what they thought was going to be an end of first round first round pick now turns into a middle of the first round pick

albeit sauce gardener's a good player if you need a quarterback and the plan is to draft the guy in the top in the draft maybe not a great quarterback draft especially if you're not picking at the top so they're in a little bit of an interesting scenario we'll see how it all works out based on how they do in the playoffs but i love daniel jones i was a daniel jones guy when he was in the giants i thought he got a lot of negative flack for a guy who did a lot of things really well. He's big, he's strong, he's athletic, he was playing as well as anybody in the

league until he broke his leg, showed his toughness by playing on a broken leg, and obviously compensated and unfortunately ruptured his Achilles, which is devastating. I wouldn't be shocked to see, I guess to answer your question is, I think Indianapolis is much more likely to re-sign Daniel Jones.

Kyler Murray, I cannot imagine is back in Arizona. Yeah, I agree. All right. Well, listen, that being said, I'm going to take the Broncos at home against the Packers. I just, I watched the Broncos, and I just, I think they're really good, man. I think they're really good. I mean, listen, nothing.

That's a really interesting end of the game last week. What's that? That whole delay a game and let's kick a field goal for no frigging reason. Yeah, yeah. Paul, it's Pete Carroll. It's all about. It's all above board. And then the week before, Washington went for two to beat them, did they?

Oh, did they? Yeah. And they tipped the ball down. That was against Denver, wasn't it? Listen, there was a reason for a long time they did not want to have any professional teams in Las Vegas. This is before professional sports gambling took over the whole damn league. All right, so Paul, you're going Broncos?

I'm going Broncos, getting two and a half at home against Green Bay. All right. I'm taking the chiefs getting four and a half at home. I always feel those games come down. Chiefs games always come down to a couple of points. They need a win like nobody's business. The charges already beat him this year, division rivalry. Those games are always close.

Three and a half I still would have taken the Chiefs. Four and a half. I'll take that extra point. I'm taking the Chiefs, Paul. Not watching the game, not watching the game, though. All right. Well, I'm going to take my. What's that?

What's that? I was just going to ask, because we were talking about Chiefs, what do you think is the biggest problem with the Chiefs so far? Like, what's been the reason they're not in the playoffs is right now? I think fans all last year, there was just too many of us saying that they were getting all the calls and this was manufactured stuff to get Taylor Swift there. And then they got Taylor Swift to the Super Bowl. And then they called the dogs off and they got exposed.

All right. Frank, you don't have to weigh in. Definitely. That's definitely. No surprise here. I'm going to take, and I'm, look, I'm going to take. Hey, Bill, just for the record, Chiefs are giving four and a half. Just want to make that clip.

Oh, shit. My fault. Wait. The Chiefs are favored. The Chiefs are favored four and a half. Jesus Christ. All right, fuck that game. Sorry.

All right, I'm going to do a stupid bet here because I'm an old dad. Philip Rivers, got 10 kids, 13 and a half. I'm just sniffing a backdoor cover here, Paul. All right. I like that. Seahawks are going to be up by like 19. And then they're going to go try to run out the clock. And Philip's going to, you know, a little Grecian formula in the beard.

It's going to go down back door cover. Philip River's going to walk out there like John Wayne and get that to make sure that they get those 13 and a half. I love that. All right. I'm going to take my New York football giants. Look, Jackson Darts got a swag to him that I really like. uh jaden daniels not playing for the commanders and um i think the giants i just can't see them not getting another win this year so i think that this is the win that they're going to get and it's

minus two and a half they win by a field goal who knows who the kicker's going to be but i'm going to take my giants against the uh beat beat up commanders with with the backup quarterback all right this is my last one why the jake why the vikings getting six points in dallas that is a strange spread i don't know the answer um it feels like um you know they always try to juice up the cowboys trying to get people to bet it either way um but i mean there's not a ton of injuries either way i'll all right i'll be the idiot i'll be the idiot and i'll take the viking because i feel like that's what vegas wants me to do i'll take the vikings who's favored the vikings are getting six points going into dallas oh the cowboys are favored over the vikings yeah yeah yeah

that makes sense to me all right i don't know you can't comment on this i don't know i don't know enough about gambling i'm having a hard time i think you know a little bit giving and taking i play blackjack all right for my last pick i am going to take dan am i staying on 16 with that no uh all right go ahead i'm going to take i'm going to take dan campbell and the detroit lions They are getting five and a half points from the Rams. Again, I could see the Rams pulling that out, but I kind of like the Lions getting five and a half. I just think that they're going to fight this week.

I think they need to fight this week. So I like the points with the Lions. Didn't Jake say that best safety is out? He is, but, yeah, the Lions do need to win this game at 85. They got to keep up a little while. Let's not think how much easier it will be for them to cover. if they get a bunch of those fourth downs, though. Yeah.

Dan Campbell does not try. All I know is here, I'm just going to say this right now. If Dan Campbell goes for a late fourth down, and it's the difference between you winning what you bet, you have to come back on next Monday and take back everything bad you said against them. Is that a deal? That's a deal. Mark it.

All right. All right. We got the Monday night special now where we all take. We don't want a half-ass apology either part. I want a written statement. Actually, Greg could be part of the Monday night special or at least not his head with something. So what we do on the Monday night special is collectively as a show, we pick three things that are going to happen in the game. Whether it's the spread, who's going to catch a touchdown, who's going to throw one?

We do three things. And this week's Monday night football, we have the Miami Dolphins going in to Pittsburgh. Miami is getting three and a half points. I think you got to take a, what do you want to do? Jake, you're usually good. like the running back getting one? Yeah, then Dolphins have Devon A-chan. I think he might be questionable, but if he plays,

that's definitely a good pick. I think Steelers' money line might be a good pick if you guys think. Steelers will win out, right? I like Steelers' Money Line and Aaron Rogers to throw one, and then we need one more thing. You don't like that because you took the dolphins. This is what's going to be fucking hard. No, we're going to wrap this up.

Greg has a life. I care more about my pick than the thing. That's fine. Go ahead. I'm fine with it. I'll roll with it. All right. Money line, Aaron Rogers, to throw one, and then we'll do the dolphins. We'll do the dolphins running back to score one. And there you go, whatever those odds are. And here's how you know Greg Olson was a great guest, and he's a gentleman, because he talks to parents and he says, I'm going to make your kid better. You know what I would do if I was you when the parent came to me. I go, dude, I'm fucking Greg Olson. Get out. I know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing.

That's the best part. I'm figuring it out as I go. yes dude obviously check out the website and thank you so much for being on dude you were such a great guest so insightful and you made me really second guess all the times me and bill text each other saying take the points okay that's what we do put me on the group check we'll share thoughts just don't text me while i'm on air uh that's awesome guys enjoy the games this week bet responsibly check me out at the edmond town hall theater this friday night in newtown Connecticut. And we will see you guys. Yeah, we'll see you guys next. And youth dot ink. Check that out. Youth.com. Greg, Greg, does great stuff for people with heart conditions as well. So

really unbelievable. Want to shout that out before we go. Appreciate it. Thank you, Greg. He's an all-around great guy. All right, Greg, thank you so much. Appreciate you guys. This has been anything better. We'll see you next week. Thank you.