Monday Morning Podcast - Golden Age of Sports, Being Isolated, Evil Records | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-6-25

Episode Date: February 7, 2025

Bill rambles about the golden age of sports, being isolated, and evil research records. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast  (37:20) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 2-6-17 - A stunned Bill Burr rambles about the Patriots Super Bowl win, coaching your kid's team and brushing your teeth.  (01:42:20) - Anything Better Preview & Picks - Super Bowl SimpliSafe:  Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/(BURR) to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Helix:  And Helix is so confident in their products, they want you to experience it for yourself.  Go to helixsleep.com/BURR for 20% off sitewide + 2 free dream pillows with mattress purchase. Zip Recruiter:  See for yourself! Just go to www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR right now to try it for free.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. Um, how are you? How's it going? Um, sorry, fucking out of it. Just went to the Bruins Rangers game at Madison Square Garden. Fucking crowd was dead. Just a dead crowd. Bruins played two games, two nights in a row. I don't know if they were a little tired. The game was a little flat, at least on our side to start.

Played the whole fucking first period, it felt like, in our end. And then they came out, scored a goal early in the second period and we didn't do jack shit and there was five minutes left and I said to my buddy I go let's get one before the fucking period ends right fucking score a goal like 15 seconds after that and then like as they're announcing that goal, we give them the old right there fret again, two to one. It's fucking great, right? Then we go into the third period.

Of course they tie it up two, two. What's gonna happen? We go into power play late. Hey, let's get the game winner. Let's win this thing three to two. Bum, bum, ba dum, bam. They get a fucking shorty. shorty the pick six of hockey shorthanded goal

Sad to say I haven't watched much the Bruins at all I've been so goddamn busy. So we got a definitely got a lot of I Was looking up some of the defensemen at 55 91 both 6 6 What do you think about those super tall players They're amazing when they're like defensemen, but you can't have them be forwards I swear to God the puck gets in their skates. They can't find it The fucking looking up the two goddamn big they're like basketball players out there, but um

Yeah, I'm a stand-up comedian. I haven't watched a game all this year I watch fucking three periods and I'm gonna be the GM about who needs to be what I'm just saying they're fucking huge Rangers to Jesus Christ. They got that one kid there, right? He likes to fight. He's like six eight It's just insane every once in a while I watched some clips from the 1980s which I'm so psyched I went and saw hockey then I didn't realize it at the time but it was it was it was a golden age it was a second golden age of hockey. And then it was also the second, I would say the first golden age of basketball with Bird, Magic, Dr. J, Isaiah, Dominique Wilkins, all of those guys.

Sidney Moncrief. These are all the guys that were in the league Kareem Abdul Jabbar All those great Lakers James Worthy all of them and Burke Parish McHale Jack Sigma, I know I'm gonna forget a bunch of tree Rollins Joe Dumas Who else Joe Dumas, who else? Adrian Dantley, he'd fucking light it up. Anyway, they had all these great players.

Oh, fucking Sugar Ray Robinson, not Robinson, Sugar Ray. Sugar Ray Robinson was the best. Richardson, Michael Ray Richardson, Richardson. Michael Ray Richardson. Sorry. Michael Ray Richardson. Oh, Bernard King. How the fuck do I forget him? Bernard King.

Patrick Ewing. I mean, it was amazing. Everybody had like a fucking guy that could drop 30, it seemed, and then they had a seven footer Moses Malone, Darrell Dawkins, all those players and then in hockey simultaneously You had Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Steve Iserman The end of Marcel Dion, Guy Lafleur, their careers. Those guys.

Who else was scoring all the goals back then? Oh, you had like the fucking Brian Trottier, Mike Bossy, all those great islanders. We have Rick Middleton, Brad Pak, Michelle Goulet, the Stastny brothers up there in fucking Quebec for the Nordiques. Lanny McDonald, my fucking uncle out there in Calgary. Donald my fucking uncle out there in Calgary. It was an amazing time All those defensemen yeah, Ray Bork Paul coffee Al McGinnis

Al McGinnis shooting the puck over a hundred miles an hour. No net Over the glass how the fuck that guy never Killed somebody's beyond me all that shit was going on so I would go down to the Boston Garden scalp tickets and I get to see these these people play all those people I mentioned I get I didn't get to see all of them but I saw a lot of the hockey players I definitely saw that Islanders team I saw all the Canadians teams the first like fucking ten hockey games I went to at the Boston Garden was Bruins Canadians because I love the fights and

They fucking hated each other That's back when they had cellios Gee Carboneau Stefan Richet Who was some of that Spaboda whatever the fuck that guy's name was, that trash can helmet. Patrick Wa. Yeah. I went up to the old forum, the second forum, I saw the fucking Canadians versus the North

Stars after my friend fucking puked in a strip club on St. Catherine Street. They were good times. Anyway, but I'll tell you, I watch those old clips now and how small the guys look. Fucking Bob Probert, he had a little, like, it was like the golden age of like, oh that's, Clark Gillies, rest his soul. John Kordak, rest his soul. Willie Plett, all of these tough guys. Oh, what's that one guy's name? He actually played with the Nordics.

Oh, he was a fucking mean son of a bitch. What the fuck was his name? Oh, whatever. I'll remember it later. That's Savard. What the fuck was his name? He's got to have the late hit after that guy scored the goal to win it. He skated over and fucking checked him into the boards and

fucked him up. For some reason, he came up and he coached the Capitals and was good. This isn't even a podcast. This is just me sitting alone babbling about sports. All right, let me fucking move on here. Anyway, so I was walking out of the garden. It was funny.

Fucking New York sports fans were giving me shit. Going, yeah, you had too bad for your Bruins or whatever I'm like, yeah, you know, whatever we had I wait on You know, I'm a happy sports fan we did pretty good over the last few years, right? This guy goes you had a nice run had a nice run. We had a fucking historic run You can't He goes, you know, I know all the New York team suck right now. Yeah, I go Yeah, and you got 50 you'd like down, if not triple down in every sport.

I've said that for a long time, man. One of the saddest things, once you get out of Giants, Yankees, I mean, Jesus Christ, that is the fucking lunar landscape out here. I'm not going to go through it. I've done it a million times. But anyway, we got the Super Bowl this weekend. Who do you like? Such an interesting game because I feel like the Eagles, you know,

could easily beat it. Not easily, but I mean, I'm saying it would not be a surprise to me at all if they beat this team and it all comes Down to like what the what does the fucking NFL want? What they wanted they got they got the Chiefs there again You got Taylor Swift with all her fans. So they've made their money. All the owners are gonna make their fucking money, right? So you got that going on? So then the thing about them is what? Storyline do they want? Okay, it's not a big deal if the Eagles win another one because they just won one. They beat the Patriots when do they beat a 17 or something like that 16 17 something like that.

So it's not like you'd end this big drought. So it's not like you'd end this big drought. If the Chiefs win, then he three-peats, then he gets his fourth, and it's like, is he going to have more than Tom Brady? And I really think that they love that storyline. I really think that they love that story in life. However, if they're just happy that they got there and they have their money, then maybe they just let him play and the refs don't make crucial fucking decisions, then I think it's anybody's game.

I honestly think that. I really, I really, I know I said, I keep saying I'm not gonna talk about this, but I really just, I really, I know I said I keep saying I'm not going to talk about this, but I really just I feel like, you know, nobody had won four Super Bowls as a quarterback other than Bradshaw and Montana. And it didn't happen again for like another 25 years when Brady did it. And then he put it literally out of reach at seven. He almost doubled

Doubled the two guys with the most rings. It's fucking insane No one's ever gonna catch that guy the second he retires within five years. Here's another guy and He's gonna get his he's doing it even faster Keep watching! And you know, I've always gone with the conspiracy theory with this shit. And people have always given me shit. Even when you find mobbed up reps and you see your ex players talking about fucking rigged games and shit but like what about now that the leagues are literally in

bed with fucking You know gambling their casinos it's fucking insane I Know what kind of happened gradually so you don't really notice but if you could just somehow take your brain back 25 years and if you somebody told you Donald Trump was gonna be president for the second time weed was gonna be legal and you could legally gamble on sports at the fucking facility people be like you're out of your fucking mind. None of that is happening. Certainly not gambling in sports because that was the number one thing

that they were fucking against. It is fucking nuts. It is nuts. So anyways, I am here in New York City. I don't know, we've been working this week, rehearsing with the play and everything. It's been fucking great. I've actually really, really been enjoying it. I don't think I've ever gotten to work on something, you know, scenes and stuff to this

level with like other actors and stuff like I've done I've there's been a few movies where we done like table reads and I want to say on one project the person had us rehearse I think I know I did a couple of TV things where they would have you rehearse but but nothing to this level. So it's been really already, I've always said, you know, I'm a comedian, right? That's basically what I do. So I act when they let me. When they ask me to, I go, yeah, I'll do that.

And I have always, all these actors that I admire, I always ask them like what they do and they, I just keep reading the script. I just keep reading it, keep reading it. I'm like, like I never understood that. I'm like, you read it, you know what happens. That's what my dumb brain was thinking. Now I'm really like, every time you read it, you pick up on something else. You just keep reading it and you get like these ideas

like oh fuck, oh that means this, oh what if I did it this way or whatever. So I'm finally getting to do that. I finally kinda have the time. Cause I remember I took this acting class a long time ago and the teacher was saying this is what it's like to do a movie. It's like you just show up and you're like, all right. Yeah

Okay, you're playing this guy and you know, your mom just died and action, you know, he is good I mean, obviously like you know your lines and shit like that's okay This is the lady playing your wife. You guys are both devastated your house just fucking you know slid down the fucking hill With your dog in it and action, you know, it's always like some fucking crazy thing and you just have to get there and do it. And they put all this music and shit and all of that stuff underneath it. And doing a play is like completely different and I cannot tell you how much I've been enjoying this process or whatever so Oh Billy's got to get his fucking steps in though man

All this rehearsing, you know in this New York food. I Don't want to come out there looking like a fucking, you know, Michelin man. Oh Jesus I'll tell you right now. Nothing will keep you in shape like being a Male ginger, you know, you don't want to be You can't add fat To that, you know I'm saying you already got you already you already fucking walking uphill your whole life. You can't add fat Fucking pasty redheaded freckled cunt. You can't add fat now Okay, I'm stopping it pasty freckled redheaded cunt former redheaded freckled cunt. You can't add fat in there. Okay, I'm stopping at pasty freckled redheaded cunt,

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or a cute dog running up to you and licking your hand. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash burr. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire me in. I gotta get my fucking cell phone fixed, man. I broke the screen on this thing. I can't even remember it. And at this point, it just looks like every time I look at it, there's like another crack on it. I don't have like the fucking snowflake cracks. I just have like these

Like those hairline fractures, you know the kind of fracture a number one draft pick the Portland Trail Blazers pick Oh Bill That was not necessary Yeah, everything's gonna be a sports reference here. Sorry, also, it's dry as fuck in this corporate apartment. The heat, they got me in here. Jesus fucking Christ. You have no control over it. It just comes out of the fucking radiators

And when it is on You can go fuck yourself There's an air conditioner in the wall, but I fucking refuse to turn that thing on with the heat on You know what I mean, especially come from LA with all those fires and shit It's like what are we doing as human beings? So I literally just opened the window and and all of this heat just goes out the fucking wind it's stupid it's such a fucking waste anyway so we're starting to get into the groove with all this shit here and I'm gonna start doing some spots around town so I

don't forget how to be a comedian. But I've been holding it together with my family and shit, you know? I call them up at night, my kids, and I read them stories. My daughter, I bought the books that she has, so I just read them here. But my son, he sort of holds the books up. The prints are a little bit bigger. And I've been able to read those and connect with them pretty good man, I'm pretty happy about

that. Anyway, as you guys can tell I'm pretty isolated and I am slowly going to lose my fucking mind during this. When I'm not working I'm gonna be losing my fucking mind so I'm just gonna let you know That you're just gonna enjoy over the next few months me slowly losing my fucking mind Used to coming home to chaos and loud and I'm coming home to absolute fucking silence and I Don't know what I've been doing.

I have no desire to fucking watch TV. I don't know why. I got into college basketball for like half a second. There was some fucking old movie I was going to watch tonight too. Something I don't know what to do. I have no idea. This fucking reminds me of right before I met my lovely wife. I was single and I was living in New York by myself and I would just come home to the fucking apartment. Just walking around muttering, muttering,

however you say it, muttering to myself. Anyway, one of the things I do want to do is I want to go to a St. John's basketball game when I'm here. I don't want to go to it at the Garden. I want to go to it at the FFOLLY out in Queens where I used to see Chris Mullin play when the Big East was the fucking Big East and Pearl Washington was in Syracuse and fucking Patrick Ewing In Michael Graham remember him we're down there in Georgetown you had Villanova Who else was down that was great and then you had the ACC Ralph Sampson was in Virginia

Then you had the ACC. Ralph Sampson was in Virginia. Michael Jordan, James Worthy, were in Carolina. I'll tell you one of my big fucking sporting regrets is I lived in North Carolina. I went to NC State, the off-campus something program. Because I totally fucked up in high school. It's a long story how I ended up down there. But Jim Valvano was coach

At NC State Dean Smith was coaching the Tar Heels and an unknown Coach K had just started at Duke and I was there throughout a basketball season and I went to zero games I made it up years later and I went to a Duke Carolina game at Camden Indoor. But it was Chuckie Brown and Charles Shackelford were the big guys for NC State and J.R. Reid was over there at Carolina when I was there. And I don't know who did they have when I was there. It was 87, 88. So I think it was pre-Christian Leighton

or maybe he was a freshman. Yeah, I'm trying to think who won it. Who won it in 87? Was it Indiana? Was that Bobby Knight's last championship? Or was it Kansas? Was Sam, was it, no, Sam Bowie was it Kentucky? Danny Manning.

This is, this fucking blows my mind how I can fucking remember this shit, but I can't remember anything short-term You know what it was I wasn't staring at a fucking cell phone all goddamn day With these stupid Instagram that was a problem with that's a problem with the fucking Madison Square Garden two original six teams The crowd was dead And they're doing the same shit they do at football games and basketball games. Anytime there's a stoppage of play these fucking jerk-offs are running down the aisles shooting fucking t-shirts at people. Putting them up on the dance. Hey kids who can throw their hat up in the air

and lands on their head? Can you fucking do that? Hey let's have a kid come down. Hey let's play do kid come down. Hey Let's play do you know what this is and then they show like an Atari from the 1980s and it's so stupid It's some fucking kid This shit came out 40 years ago. The kids 12 But everybody in the crowds yelling Atari and then the kid goes Atari they yelling out the answers All right, do you think that happens in China? When they're at a game, do you think that people yell out answers to the kids? They don't that's why we're losing

There's been a lot of talk about tariffs Evidently I Don't watch the news But all of a sudden on my feeds is a lot of people talking about tariffs and Explaining who pays the tax on the importer pays the tax Not the fucking Nothing, but the guy who imports it pays the fucking the guy receives it. I Don't know what it is. Everybody's fucking yelling about it

You know, I had this crazy fucking thought today, where I was talking about, you know, you can't say this in my country, but like no one wants to admit what an absolute fucking failure capitalism is when it's not regulated. All right? It's already a fucking uphill battle if it's not regulated. All right, it's already a fucking uphill battle if it's not regulated. And these guys are just completely not fucking regulated. So now it's just an absolute shit show.

And they sell you on this idea that if you get a bunch of stuff, it's gonna fill up whatever it is that's making you feel sad or that you're not doing enough or you're not enough or whatever. And this stuff, it just doesn't fill it up. Just doesn't. And you know how you know that? Just look at that pile of shit that's swirling around

out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. All of that shit, people bought that. All of this stuff. Two and a half times the size of Texas, fucking two miles deep, swirling a trash shit that people bought thinking it was going to make them happy and it doesn't. And then they fucking throw it out and they fucking buy something else and that doesn't

do it. It doesn't do it. The only thing that I've found, you know, I'm not talking about something you have a passion for like if you fucking like you're like old cars or you're like playing guitar or something like that. I don't mean that. I mean all of this shit. These fucking TVs and phones and fucking iPads and all of this fuck, none of that shit's gonna fill you up.

You know? What fills you up? Huh? Having more shit than the fucking guy next door is the stupidest shit ever. Helping people. You know? I'm loving, there's starting to be this fucking pushback against these billionaire corporate cunts.

I didn't think I was going to live long enough to see it. I thought it was gonna go you know even if I lived to be a hundred I thought like right around then people were finally gonna fucking have enough of this shit but it's it's really seeming you know I don't know maybe it's just a reality that I'm in on Instagram because I keep watching this shit where people are talking about these greedy cunts. And I'm starting to feel like a movement is happening. You know?

Wouldn't that be fucking amazing? What if that happened? If all of us, like somehow they were reined in and somehow the middle class expanded again and you could actually fucking you know have a job support a family have some benefits I don't understand why that was too big of an ask you know the guy who ran the company was still a fucking zillionaire I must be a ten times zillionaire. Fuck you, you know, I'll push you below the poverty line Anyway

Can you imagine I've been seeing these clips RFK jr. I know he's a polarizing guy But you got it the least he's out there fighting the fight for the getting our food to not have ten thousand ingredients He said the food over in Europe has 400 ingredients, over here it's 10,000. And then I saw this thing that said the fucking assholes, they used to make cigarettes, somehow bought the,

our food supply, General Mills and all these people that made all the Nabisco and all of this shit. And then they just applied the same thing that they did with cigarettes. They just want you addicted this shit they slowly kill you That's gotta be amazing you know what I mean like the you know It's funny about people who do shit like that like those companies that go around and they do research And they know what they're doing is killing people you know what amazes me is they do research on it they write it down and then they save the shit like fucking P diddy you know what I mean he goes out

and does all that shit and then videotapes it and keeps the shit lying around like you don't think eventually somebody's coming through that door is gonna grab the shit you're gonna be in jail fucking Fucking lunatics. Why do they do that? You would think once they saw that, oh my god we're killing people, shred all of this shit, they wait till the feds are coming up the driveway and then everybody starts throwing shit in a paper shredder. Is that a red flag? I haven't been in in in the business I'm in a fucking real job in forever right when you go into a job interview is there a thing if you see you know you like when you go and you look at a house you look

at water pressure you go downstairs in the basement you smell it smelling water damage smelling for that closet space that type of stuff, you know, looking for mold in the shower, whatever the fuck it is that you do. When you go in for a job interview, if you see like too many fucking paper shredders, you start thinking like, yeah, I don't like this, I don't like this vibe. Or you a psycho and be like, I like how they're doing business here. They're obviously doing some fucking illegal shit to make

a lot of money quick. And then the day the cops show up, all of this shit's going and that, and we're running out the back fucking door. I had a little excitement. I work in a boiler room. I don't give a fuck. I will tell you one thing that I'm going to do when I'm here, I am going to fly a helicopter around the island of Manhattan

I've been looking at the airspace I understand the airspace on the East River I do not understand it on the Hudson I'm obviously gonna go up with an instructor but I want to see... fuck I don't I don't have anything to make, I guess a cell phone. I got to take a YouTube fucking YouTube, a cell phone video or that shit. I think there's got to be like, when it was this many, because you have JFK, LaGuardia and Newark and they're all Bravo airspace but they always have like you know corridors that you can kind of transition through and the only one that I know how to do it is LAX and LAX has three you can go along the beach at or below 150 feet you can pass over on Sepulveda Boulevard.

Like if you ever go to LAX where the glow sticks are, Sepulveda Boulevard goes underneath the airport and the runways. It's really fucking cool. You do that at 2,500 feet. That's amazing. And I'm in there. My little fucking two-seater in these giant fucking planes

are landing underneath me, which is pretty fucking cool. And then the other place you can try is pretty fucking cool and then the other place you can is the harbor freeway the 110 south and I think that's 900 feet or below you just ask for the harbor transition then you go and then you switch over to Hawthorne and then you're good and then you're in the Compton airspace down towards Torrance Long Beach and either go right or left depending on what you want to do So I know they must have something like that here, so I'm kind of excited to do that Anyways, that is a podcast. This one was fucking

This one was all over the place I apologize, but I'm really excited about this two things. I'm really excited that But I'm really excited about this. Two things, I'm really excited that this doing a Broadway play is even more fun than I thought it was going to be. And then secondly that I've been able to this FaceTime technology, as much as I've been bitching about technology, has kept me really connected with my kids, which makes me feel great. I'm not going to say we didn't have some sad moments, but yeah, I think I'm going to be

able to get through this. And then also I will be popping in some comedy clubs soon once I feel like I'm acclimated to the whole fucking time zone here. I've been fighting off this fucking cold, man. All right, that's it. Then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend you cunts. Enjoy the Super Bowl. I hope they let him play. And if you're a Chiefs fan, you should really hope that, you know, because you know, you don't want people

fucking questioning your championships. None of this fucking small of the back, he touched them. He just grazed the small of his back, passing interference, I don't see holding, none of this fucking shit. All right? Just call a fair fucking goddamn game. Is that asking too much? That's all I'm asking, that's all I wanna see.

I'll be honest with you, I don't even think I'm gonna to watch it because I get too fucking wound up about shit like this. So we'll see. I'm going to watch it. What the fuck else am I going to do? Sit in this fucking apartment by myself reading a book. We all know I'm not smart.

All right. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? What's going on? Woo! What's going on? It's Phil Burr.

It's a Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 6th, 2017. I'm doing it right after the Super Bowl just because I got the little one now and she's going to keep me up all night so I knew there was no way. Is everybody texting me right now I'm speechless Something you'll never hear from me. I'm always running my mouth. I am absolutely speechless speechless. I cannot believe We came back and won that game. I'm not gonna be that guy going dude. I knew it I was like I had this feeling right I? I said this. I didn't.

I had my fucking head in the oven at halftime. We were so getting our ass kicked at like 21 to nothing. When Brady threw a pick six, I have this theory at the NFL level that if you throw a pick six, you don't win the game. They're too fucking good. It's the most devastating fucking play. Literally, you know, so I saw it one time in NFL films. One of the players said that. You're trying fucking good. It's the most devastating fucking play literally You know so I saw one time in NFL films one of the players said that you're trying to score

Not only these other teams stop you they turn around and score on that fucking play. It's like I Can't believe it 21-3 then was 28 to 3 I wasn't even like I Actually texted a summary going like this is the longest fucking loss. I've ever watched in my life I'm like, this is just slowly gonna What is this gonna end up being like 35 10? Are they gonna bring that death fucking bench in? I had completely mentally thrown in the towel and I was just sitting here You know and I couldn't scream and yell, you know, I got my girl now and

just hilarious. I'm just sitting there going, well, she's keeping me calm. But they were so kicking our ass. I couldn't even get upset. And if you watched when I was promoting my special, and when people would ask me about the game, I was I was not comfortable at all. I went from not even believing in Atlanta against Seattle, picking against them again when they played Green Bay.

And I was just, after I saw the way they played, I was like, man, they got a great running back. They got Julio Jones. Matt Ryan seems dialed in. All that shit that I said. And then right before the Super Bowl, they're like, dude, they don't have one running back. They got Julio Jones, Matt Ryan seems dialed in, all that shit that I said. And then right before the Super Bowl, they're like, dude, they don't have one running back. They got two. They got that Coleman guy too.

So I was like, I don't know. I just had that fucking, you know that feeling you have when you think your team's going to lose but you don't want to say it? That's why I was saying to everybody on those shows going like, you know, I'd bet the under Which didn't come in and I said I would like the Falcons getting if I could get five I think that I wasn't comfortable taking the Patriots giving points So I can't say I called it on any fucking level I didn't I am absolutely Fucking speechless. I can't believe it. I just cannot believe it. And I've never said this before, but I think I can finally say it.

I think Tom Brady is the greatest of all time. I always gave the nod to Montana because he went to four, it took him four trips to win four. But even then, it's always up for debate because what if Montana had Belichick? What you have is the greatest head coach and and arguably the greatest, if not now, five rings. It's a great argument. The greatest fucking quarterback of all fucking time playing together.

I cannot fucking believe it. And I didn't have any emotion the whole game, because we were just so fucking losing. So I was just sitting there, and then as we were slowly... I wasn't even saying that we were coming back. I was, ah, maybe they'll make it a little respectable. I don't know. All right, you know, maybe we just lose by 10. And then, you know, we scored that first two point conversion. Even then when we were going down the field, I'm like, what are the odds we're going to get another fucking two point conversion? We fucking missed a field goal. We fucking screwed up the onside kick.

And two of the greatest Super Bowl catches I've seen since the helmet catch was Julio Jones. Jesus Christ, and what a fucking throw. Matt Ryan was also running when he made that throw. I was like, oh my God, every fucking Super Bowl now. Every Super Bowl, that fucking ghost of e if it isn't Eli it's like the ghost of Eli fucking throw and for once we had Edelman we had a circus catchback and I Don't know I'm absolutely stunned and haven't said all that my condolences to the land of Falcon fans

I got no beef with you guys. And I've been there plenty of fucking times. Certainly for the first 36 years of my life, if there was a fucking way to choke away a goddamn game, I saw a Boston team do it. And for whatever fucking reason, I don't know why this is happening. I don't know why it's happened this fucking long. Just trying to enjoy it. This is how spoiled Boston fans are. My daughter's two weeks old and she's already seen her first Boston title. It's fucking unbelievable. And I got a big kick out of Bill Maher trashing the Patriots. At first I thought, is he just trashing? Is he talking sports? That's like me talking politics. This guy's getting outside of his

lane. But then I saw he was mad. I guess he was mad because Brady and I guess somebody else, I don't pay attention to all that fucking soap opera shit. I guess they're like Trump supporters. And I heard on the radio that, I don't know, Brady did or didn't go when Obama was there. I don't fucking know. So this this the Patriots aren't aren't at the height of their hatred If he shows up now if he didn't go to the Obama thing and then shows up at the Trump thing That's gonna be a complete shit show, but they seem to thrive being hated so What a fucking season starts off with that fucking horse shit

the biggest as like, witch hunt I've ever seen in my life, that stupid fucking deflate gate thing, and just all the justice that came out of it, the fact that it went to court, it got laughed out of court, to the point the judge was actually pissed.

Then they finally get the fucking thing, they just, I don't know, they just, well, we're a corporation, we have a right to suspend our employee? Yes, you do. He's our employee, you're fucking suspended. So then he sits there, four fucking games, and I just started thinking, well,

five games in, we have arrested pissed off Tom Brady without those fucking miles. Maybe that'll be a good thing. And just how poetic was the whole thing? Do you know that linebacker from Indianapolis who I don't have any fucking Beef with because he said he didn't want to be in the middle of it But the linebacker who caught the ball that he brought to the sideline is a souvenir That touched off the whole deflate gate thing he tested positive for steroids and got a four-game suspension

It's funny how ESPN really didn't do you know you think they'd still be talking about that. Yep, never happened You know And I also thought it was funny Bill Maher called us cheaters as we're playing the Atlanta Falcons who got busted pumping fucking crowd Noises, but that's okay. It's okay. Who gives a fuck? You know an NBA when they go, you know on basketball They go the ball don't lie. That's what I feel like just fucking happened after all of that shit Vindication he comes back and he wins it and then Roger Goodell like like the end of a fucking die-hard movie The police commissioner who didn't fucking believe in the rogue cop Has to come in and finally give in and be like, you know what you are good cup

Is your gun in your badge back right Brady sitting there with this fucking dirty fucking wife beater on? back right Brady's sitting there with this fucking dirty fucking wife beater on Jesus Christ and I will never fucking ever tell it you know Keith Robinson called it I'm gonna find the fucking text message I'm gonna read you some of these fucks in text right now because I hate when fucking people fucking quit you know and then they don't admit to it I did I was like this this game is fucking over they're younger they're faster and then we get a break in the game, then they get a fucking big sack I mean, they're a really really good team Hang on let me find this fucking thing I

Had a bunny mind he text me at halftime. He said I took Atlanta in the under and I was like great bet I didn't hear from till after the overtime, and then he texts me he just texted fixed I didn't hear from him until after the overtime and then he texts me. He just texts fixed All right, oh my god, I felt so bad for fucking Atlanta's owner. He seems like such a great guy You know, you know, he looks like fucking grandpa Munster and he made the fucking Jerry Jones Did Jerry Jones move you come down on the field before you put the game away? Then he had to stand there Do you just see when he had that glum look on his face and his, I don't know what, you know, you never know with those super rich guys. It's like, is that your daughter or your fucking third

wife? Whoever the fuck that was with him. Just sort of glanced at him like, oh God, he's going to be hitting the bottle tonight. That poor bastard. All right, where is it? All right, where is it? Uh... What did I say here? Okay, it's the first text I sent at 4.55 p.m. Pacific Coast time. Have I ever told you my pick six rule? If you throw a pick six during an NFL game, you lose.

Not to mention we are down 21-0. I bet the under, it's 59. If the Patriots don't start playing defense the Falcons will score 60 Lol he writes ha ha ha the Falcons give up a lead all the time He said that at 21 nothing. This is Keith Robinson who I'll now say the great Keith Robinson Tom Brady the greatest of all time Keith Robinson. He's the great Keith Robinson All right, then I wrote we look like shit against the Texans and the Steelers weren't that tough. Uh, okay. 6 19 PM. This loss is taking forever. I had no belief. Um, you know, Glenn close in the natural, when she stands

up and he looks into the stands, if, if, uh, let's say me and Robert Redford had an alternative lifestyle relationship. When he looked up in the stands, I would have been gone. He would have seen the back of my head walking out of the fucking stadium. He goes, they can still come back. And I just laughed at him. And I just said, they are younger and faster. AFC was weak.

And then there's no more text for a while. Then he writes back, told you, and then I wrote, right, you might be right. Then I wrote, that's one of the best catches I've ever seen, that was the Julio Jones. And then I wrote, does Grandpa Munster own the Falcons? That's when he was down on the thing. And then after that, he was just calling me up

and he just kept saying, this is what Atlanta does. And I was like, you you're right you're absolutely right I don't know but you know I sat and watched the whole fucking thing thank God I didn't turn on some Mary Tyler Moore tribute by the way God rest her soul one of my favorites of all time I cannot fucking believe it I cannot fucking I just sat here I Just accepting defeat going like well, you know, we'll see what the fuck I can't I can't fucking believe it I can't believe it. So there you go five fucking rings Tom Brady the greatest of all time and once again, I always have to say this because I fuck it

I went to that Green Bay Packers Patriots Super Bowl, you know, Jesus Christ, I watched the fucking, when the first year I watched the Red Sox was 1978, Bucky Dent. I still remember my mother's face in the kitchen. I came in and I was like, Mom, is there another game tomorrow? She just looked over at me and didn't say anything. She just shook her head.

Shook it, no. Oh, fuck. Anyways, alright, enough of that. I don't even know what else to fucking talk about. I got, oh, you know what? I did the Ice House this weekend. It was the first time. It was great to see the Bushes, by the way, because I know what I did the ice house this weekend. It was the first time, yeah it was great to see the Bushes by the way because I know that they were in the fucking the hospital or whatever, regardless of your politics.

Guy's a war hero, you don't want to see somebody fucking, I mean I guess you die at some point right you know. Took a lot of balls for him to go out there you know. I wouldn't have done that. You know what I mean? I get to those fucking years, you're fucking wheeling me around in shit. Hey Bill, you wanna throw the coin? You know, you wanna fucking flip the coin

at the beginning of the Super Bowl? You wanna your fucking mind? I wanna go out in public and throw a coin in a fountain. I want people to see me like this. Look at me, I'm a mess. Blood pressure going through the fucking roof. Ah, fuck, now they're showing the highlights. You know when I really officially thought the game was over?

Was when we called that fucking trick play in Atlanta. It didn't even, they didn't even, they covered that too. And I'm just like, these guys are just fucking dialed in. Anyways, yeah, so I did the Ice House this weekend. And everything I talk about after this is going to fucking pale in comparison. The four Boston teams have won, in this century, 10 fucking titles. Dude, Rappaport's hilarious.

He fucking texts me before the game. He goes, hey, if you guys lose today, you know I'm calling you, and you better take my call. And I said, oh yeah? I go, what if the Patriots win? Am I going to hear from you? And he said, no, I'll be at Temple. So at halftime, I got my fucking head in the oven, muttering to myself, just walking around.

I'm not watching the Lady Gaga thing. I thought she did a great job, but I always get nervous when somebody's coming down on those fucking wire things that basically look like crazy straws that you straightened out. I always feel like at some point, one of those things is gonna snap and somebody's gonna fall to their fucking death.

There's no fucking gig in the world worth doing that. The people who fucking do that, the level of faith that they have, there's no fucking way I would do that. But anyways, so I'm out there muttering in the kitchen, trying to think how the fuck I'm gonna graciously congratulate the Atlanta fans, you know,

and the amount of shit that I'm looking at my Twitter and all these fucking Atlanta fans, where are you Billy Boy? Hey there Freckles, you're being all quiet and I'm just muttering in the kitchen to myself, you know, with Lady Gaga's on the back. Whatever, whatever, with my poker face. Right? I guess my kid kept me calm. I just walked in as pissed as I was. I wasn't pissed, I was just fucking, I was, I was, I almost said deflated. How funny is that? I? Was yeah, I was just fucking I

Was depressed I was like oh my god, I mean Jesus that's one thing to lose but you just get your fucking ass kicked, so I'm out there and I Mean what the fuck I was thinking what the fuck was even talking about you know what is I'm watching these goddamn highlights I'm still trying to figure out how the fuck we came back all right Bill enough already enough we get it your team won a fucking Super Bowl so anyways oh yeah what about that commercial during the Super Bowl with that new fucking thing from Google that little speaker in your house. You're sitting there talking to your kid,

reading it a story and it's fucking looking over your shoulder and then you just go, hey Google, what noise does a whale make? And it's like, and then you laugh with your daughter. Like at what point does a dad turn around like, hey Google, you're fucking listening to all of this? You creep, right? People, please, for the love of fucking God, for the love of God, do not bring that thing into your house. Okay? That's the modern day version of bringing like,

I don't know, a vampire or whatever. I don't even know what it is. Why are people so fucking stupid when it comes to their own privacy? That thing is just on. What is it doing? That's a listening, you're literally bugging your own house. I don't know.

I did the Joe Rogan podcast, and he said the most depressing fucking thing. He said they're making cameras the size of grains of sand and they're just going to spread them around like every fucking street. So I told him I'd walk down the street with like a leaf blower. They're just going to be everywhere. Everything's going to be filmed and it's just like that big brother shit. And it's just that book.

It's literally gonna be, well, if you're not doing anything wrong. I don't know. What happened, Bill? Your team won a Super Bowl and now you're gonna fucking depress everybody? Anyways, the upside here. I went to the Ice House this weekend. I did two shows and my special came out. People really seemed to be liking it, thank God.

Although, I did get some shit. Anytime you talk politics, I got a lot of shit from Trump fans and Hillary fans. They always start with the, that wasn't funny. What happened to you? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I've been around long enough to know know like, oh, okay. What was it? Was it the Trump fucking wall joke or was it the fucking Hillary's pure evil, whatever the fuck I said? But anyways, I did two shows working out there with Joe Bartnik and Jimmy

Burns. And I did an hour, both shows. I was surprised. I was really nervous because I thought with having my daughter and everything, that I hadn't been going out to the clubs and we waited so long for her to come and everything. I was just really nervous about where my act was gonna be. So here's the deal, everybody.

I'm going to the Comedy Zone. I think it's already sold out, in Charlotte, and I'm going to be working, I'm going to be doing some clubs here over the next month or so, two months maybe. We'll figure it out once I get, literally get my act together, and I'm going to try to build up this new hour, but I was really psyched, like, I don't know what happened, I went up there and I just was got into a good flow and a bunch of shit that never said came out and then there was a bunch of shit that I kind of just left behind that kind of came back and I never put it on a special at least I hope I didn't I always

have a paranoia about that because I once I do a special once I've done editing it I never watch it again like why the fuck would you sit there and watch your shit? But what happens is I end up forgetting what the fuck I did from special to special. So there's always that danger I might fucking repeat something or grab a punch line from something else. You know, God knows I've made every fucking mistake there is to make as a comic. So I was very happy about that. And I want to thank everybody at the Ice House for letting me come out that way.

And I don't know. Oh, and then we missed that fucking field goal. I'm watching the highlights right now. I got to shut this off. I got to shut this off. This podcast is going to suck. It probably has already sucked for people from Atlanta. You know, I had no idea fucking Atlanta only won one fucking title.

Its entire sports existence. I thought the St. Louis Hawks, I thought they won a title. So, you know what, I gotta look that up, because that's a great way to give fucking Laker fans shit. You know, the St. Louis Hawks actually won a fucking title. Okay? This is some Bill Simmons shit here. shit You know if the st. Louis Hawks actually won a fucking title Okay This is some Bill Simmons shit here the st. Louis I'm gonna hit pause cuz I don't want you guys fucking sit here love gives a shit the st. Louis Hawks now if they fucking won a

title They won a fucking title and Atlanta doesn't caught caught counted how the fuck The late Los Angeles Laker fans count Minneapolis Lakers titles and that other title that they won in the NBL or some shit as an NBA title? St. Louis Hawks NBA title. I want to say they won one. 1958, team coach wins St. Louis Hawks. Well, I thought we beat the Hawks.

I know the Celtics beat them. Because that was that trivia question. Last time St. Louis lost to Super Bowl, they lost to the Patriots. Last time they lost to Stanley Cup final was to the Boston Bruins. Last time they lost to World Series was to the Boston Red Sox last time they lost to the an NBA title the St. Louis Hawks lost to the uh to the Boston Celtics but it says here in 1958 they won though St. Louis Hawks they won okay so they won the 1958 fucking NBA finals. They won. All right? And fucking Atlanta doesn't count that.

Let me make sure I say this right. St. Louis wins, Boston, St. Louis, Boston, St. Louis, St. Louis. Yeah, they won in six games. Hawks win series, six games. Atlanta doesn't count that title. See, that's why LA is the fucking worst with that shit. You know, having said that, I totally respect the Laker franchise,

but nobody, nobody pads their fucking stats like them. Because there was this game the Celtics had, I believe it was Friday night, we played the Lakers, and they're rebuilding and everything, so it wasn't really like a Celtic-Laker thing. It always sucks when the Celtics and Lakers play each other, and we're not like, you know,

if one team's good the other sucks. It's no fun winning or losing those games. It's just like, all right, whatever, this team's rebuilding or we're rebuilding. So interestingly enough, at that point, all time, the most regular season wins. The Lakers and Celtics were tied after all like 60 fucking years, like 3,200 something wins a piece. And whoever won that game that night, that night would go up by one. You know what I mean? So basically we went ahead. They probably were ahead in the beginning. Minneapolis with George Mike and all those guys,

we got ahead in the sixties and seventies was kind of a push in the 80s, but in the 90s and the 2000s where we just had a rough time and they had those the Kobe era, Kobe Shack and all those other fucking guys. They must have caught up. I can't imagine how many games they picked up on us during those times until we took a page out of their book and bought a title in 2008. So anyways, we played each other. And I remember they were showing the stats. That always bugs me that they say that the Los Angeles Lakers have 16 titles. Even if you say the franchise, it just bugs the shit out of me.

Really, Bill? Does it really bug you when your fucking team just won a Super Bowl? Yeah I guess not really not really. Anybody watch the fucking Bruins Maple Leafs game? I have all the sports packages at this point I just sit here with with my daughter on my chest and I just sit there and I watch the games when my wife sleeps downstairs and when she cries I go downstairs and I just change the diaper and if she keeps crying that means she's hungry. It's really kind of easy the first three months.

And it sucks having to get up every like hour and eight minutes, roughly, at night. But I just, I don't know, I just go into this fucking mindset. She just bumps me and then I wake up and I just go, daddy, daycare. I make a little joke and I get up and my fucking Achilles are so fucking tight like There's something happens when you get old and I stretch all the fucking time. I stretch all the fucking time and I Don't know if you guys if you're old fucking maybe this is I don't know if this is an old guy an old white guy

An old red bald White guy thing, but I will lay on the fucking couch. I swear to God. I Swear to God I laid on that couch. I will lay on a couch for like fucking 12 minutes And if I go up get up to go to the fucking refrigerator, it's like the first step. I've taken in eight hours I have to like literally stop Drives me up the wall. I don't know what I don't know what it is and I and Fucking no matter how much down dog stretch. I do it just doesn't seem to be Working out so if you have that fucking problem. Here's a great stretch. Okay, this is some old guy shit

Before I even get out of bed now Except now that I have a daughter, I just immediately jump up because I don't want to do it. And I know if I even contemplate, you know, laying there, I'm going to fall back asleep. So I have to immediately jump up. But like what I used to do before being a dad is I just point your toes at your knees just do that for like 10 seconds and then point them the other way for like 10 seconds and Then do clockwise and counterclockwise and then you can get out of bed and for all you young cunts out there laughing at me right now Just remember this in 20 years. Okay, cuz you don't want to be that guy that blows out his fucking Achilles

Because you're never the fucking same, all right? Unless you got Kobe Bryant money and you can go to Germany, right, and go see Peyton Manning's fucking doctor and they stick your fucking blood in a centrifuge. Whatever those fucking leftover Nazis are doing over there, right? They're all running around. Yeah, you're going to fucking pay the price. So I got to make sure I stay limber, because who knows? I haven't really done a lot of research about kids,

even though I have one. I know at some point they do start running around. And for the first eight, nine years of your life, being a dad is a ground game You know you got to take it to the mat So I gotta make sure that I stay fucking limber the best I can cuz I don't want to be that fucking You know I'm an old. I am an old dad, but I'm a fucking psycho so that I will I will energy my way through this

You know what I mean? You know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be like Steve Grogan my fatherhood I'm gonna be like fucking Steve Grogan during the neck brace years, and I'm just gonna tough it out You know when you would just stand there, and then this is back when you could hit a quarterback And you would just see this fucking guy Running full speed and he would stand there until the last second And then he'd let it fly to Stanley Morgan and right as they started

to follow the ball, you just see the beginning of the impact and Steve Grogan and the other guy would go flying out of the right side of your screen as they follow the ball to the left. That's gonna be me. As a fucking quarterback. I mean as a dad. So anyways, so I hit the road, I go to,

I'm going to Charlotte, gonna go to the Comedy Zone and doing a couple of shows out there. If I get there early enough, I'm gonna go to the Charlotte Hornets game. I'm closing in by the way, and I'm going in, by the way. And I'm going to Duke, Carolina. And I'm not smoking cigars because I got this fucking life insurance thing. I gotta tell you, I haven't smoked a cigar in like well over two months and I feel fucking

good about it. So I don't know. I might just keep going. Who knows? It can't be that smelly dad coming in smelling like I went to the track. Oh, big fucking thing in my life. My wife might let me bring the fucking game changer, the flat top grill. We got it fucking downstairs in my backyard, right?

And so the kitchen's fucking upstairs. The lay-in of this house is completely fucked up, right? So I got to run up and down the fucking stairs. It's a pain in the ass. So I finally, because I got rid of a ton of shit, I put my old Ludwig kit up for sale. The symbols, everything. It's the whole fucking John Bonham setup. 1971, Green Sparkle, Ludwig.

All the pasty cymbals. Even the Rogers hi-hat that he had. I'm finally letting go of that. That fanboy era is done. You know, I had a lot of fun with that kit, but it's just fucking gigantic. And 26 inch bass drum. I don't want that.

You know what I want? I want a 12, 14, 16, 22 kick. That's what the fuck I want. I never liked the sound of those cymbals. I liked the hi-hats, but I never liked the sound of the fucking ride. He could make it sound good. I couldn't.

So I've been getting into a bunch of other different sounds. All this shit that I always heard in my fucking head, I really just kind of came to this realization as someone who does that as a hobby that, I don't know, that I was, you're not really creating. You're just sort of recreating when you do shit like that. Like you get so into a musician that you want to buy all the shit, the exact shit that they had. And then what?

It's fucking, it's just, I don't know. I just kept picturing John Bonham coming back to life and for whatever reason walking into my house. And then I go, oh my God, John Bonham. Hey, you're like Jesus, but you're a drummer. Come on in. Hey, by the way, you know I'm a huge fan of yours? Yeah, come on, check out my drum kit.

And he would walk in and see his exact drum kit right down to the Rogers hi-hat. And then he would get like that fucking, I was joking with a buddy of mine today, I would text, he would get that single white female vibe from me, and he would just slowly back out of the room, like, oh yeah, yeah, that's great, that's great. And just fucking leave.

So I don't know. I'm going to go out. I'm trying out all the kits. I heard that Gretsch broadcaster with the three ply is fucking, you know, has a great sound. DW obviously. Amazing drums. I grew up, everybody that I watched used to play the Tama's.

Tama, how the fuck you say it, Pearl, the Ludwig's. You know what's funny? Phil Rudd always played sonar or whatever, and the great Benny Greb plays those, but they don't fucking, nobody has them. They're like these amazing fucking drums, they're super expensive, and I've never seen them, not that I go to guitar center anymore. I go, there's a place out here called Professional Drum Shop and they got some great shit out there.

Plus, they're like a legendary place. Dude, I went in there, I know this is all drum shit, but I ran into a drummer recently and he goes, talk more drums, man. So, all right, fuck it. I talked enough sports here, right? Oh, I didn't talk about you see McQuade's fight He fought this guy. I think that his last name Smith. Oh my god. They had a great fight. It was an old-school haymaker thing and McQuade got the best of him in the end just two fucking tough guys, but um

McQuade got the last shot in and the guy kind of went down. But I mean, the guy took a bunch of shots. But of course, Maple Leaf fans were all like, oh, McQuade's wearing a shield. What a fucking pussy. I love when people say, no matter how convincing your guy wins the fight, there's always a fucking excuse. But then my wife goes, yeah, because I was reading the comments. I go, this is fucking unreal. Because I'm sitting there going like well why didn't Smith just punch McQuade's fucking helmet off the way McQuade did to him there was always that option right but when I brought it up that the Leaf fans

were bitching that McQuade had on a visor my wife goes yeah I was gonna ask you about that and I was just like yeah all. He's got on half a welder's mask. Maybe, you know, throw an uppercut, improvise, you know? Over and under. Most shots go to the side of the helmet anyways, right? I'm old enough to remember when guys who didn't wear helmets fought guys who had helmets. And then that was the pussy move. And now I guess the pussy move is you can keep your

fucking helmet on. There's somebody else who is cutting up their fucking hand punching the plastic But if you have a visor then you're a pussy I don't get it all I know is McQuade's one of the best fighters one of the toughest guys in the league and it was A great fucking fight and that game even though we lost Was unbelievable was it six to five or something like that five to four I can't even remember Bruins and Leafs always have great games, really have great games. And even though we lost, I think we lost the last two,

we won three in a row, but the Bruins are playing way better, way better, and they're playing like the Bruins again. I think we're actually up to like the seventh seed, so all the fucking bellyaching that I'm doing, I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut, because who uh, who knows, you know? Now people write articles.

Are they peeking too early? So anyways, the drum talk, getting back to the drum shit. Um, yeah, ran into somebody saying, oh, you know, you should fucking talk more about that drum stuff. So that's basically what I want to do, and then I want to get, like, uh, just to, I- I can't do, and then I want to get like, just to, I can't even like,

I'm trying to explain the sound to a buddy of mine that I'm looking for with cymbals, but I'm going to try all of them out. Sabian's, Minal, I love the sound of those things, at least, you know what's weird is you see the professional guys playing, and they make them sound so fucking good, and then you buy the exact one, and then you're're like that doesn't sound the way it sounded when he

did it that's cuz you're a comedian so yeah so I'm gonna sell that kit and then the money I get from that I'm gonna the game plan is to buy that a new kit brand fucking new no more of this fucking old shit trying to figure stuff out oh that was gonna say about that pro drum shop place this is how fucking great that place is I had a snare stand and one of the you know the thing you screw into to hold it in the place whatever the fuck you call it would you call that a nut I have no idea all I know is it got stripped and it didn't it didn't work anymore now if you ever went to guitar center they'd be like oh you know you Would you call that a nut? I have no idea. All I know is it got stripped and it didn't work anymore.

Now if you ever went to Guitar Center, they'd be like, oh, you know, you gotta buy a new one. I walked into there and the guy just takes it and he went in the back, he fucking machined the thing so it worked again. He goes, there you go. I was like, how much? He's like, I don't know, three bucks, four bucks.

That doesn't exist anymore. You know what that still exists straight across the board in one industry is when you go to a cobbler. You go into a fucking shoe store, those guys, they don't give a shit. They're in there with all those chemicals. They don't even know what fucking year it is. You ever try to go into a shoe store

where they actually repair shoes? A cobbler, I guess. Seems weird to use that word, but I think that's what it is, right? The modern day blacksmith, a cobbler. And you go in there, you can't even fucking breathe. You gotta do that thing where you're trying to pinch your nostrils together as you talk to them.

Yeah, can you fix this belt? Can you put some more soles on these? And the guy's like, all right. Whenever you see them, they never take like, it's always like cash. They're like writing out a receipt. You can't read any of their fucking writing. I don't know.

There's one of those, you know something, that's like a great place for like one of those fucking Harry Potter type of movies. To start like a new franchise. Something about when you go to a cobbler, it's like stepping back into time and they'd be seeing, there'd be some old weird guy, maybe played by Billy Crystal, they put some prosthetics on his nose or some shit.

Did he do that one time with that guy from the Washington Bullets, Mirasan? Didn't they do a movie together? I don't know what the fuck it was. One of those Ebenezer Scrooge fucking movies. But anyways, they go into the cobbler and there's some sort of back room area. I love pitching out ideas for movies because I'm never going to, I'm not going to fucking write one. I'm not going through that fucking axe grinder or that fucking whore.

Why would you do that to yourself? You know what I mean? If you can travel the country telling shit and dick jokes, why on fucking earth would you walk into that fucking heartbreaking of a fucking arena? So I'm just, any movie idea I have, I'm just throwing out there and I hope somebody fucking writes it and makes it. I hope you make a fucking billion dollars. I don't give a shit.

You know why? Because the Patriots just won their fifth fucking Super Bowl. And Tom Brady's the greatest quarterback of all time. You can say it now, five fucking rings. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Do you know how sad? Do you know how many fucking sad people there are right now?

And I don't just mean in Atlanta. I just mean patriot haters in general. Because the Patriots have been so fucking successful. And they've been so fucking vilified, you know, for the shit that they do that everybody else fucking does, right? They fucking, that literally watching them lose gives other people hope, you know? Gives you hope that you can call up your cable company, dispute the bill and get some money off of it, right? Gives you hope that you can fucking, you know, elect a politician and they're gonna fucking

not sell out to the corporations. You know what I mean? That's what the Patriots have become. That's their level of fucking success. There's gonna be a lot of slumped shoulders going to work tomorrow. Or maybe right now. Maybe you're one of those people. Maybe you're driving in your car right now and your shoulders are so slumped you're not even using your hands to fucking steer.

You just got your shoulders fucking wrapped around it. Chest all fucking caved in as the thrill ride says, right? Maybe you're one of those people. Well, you know what I say? Fucking grow up. Right? It's just a goddamn game.

I would've taken the loss. I was already ready. I was sitting there writing my fucking concession speech. You know? Unfucking believable. Anyways, all right, let's get out of this fucking vortex here. I don't even know if I got the advertising yet for this week. Oh yeah, so the game plan is I'm going to buy that fucking kit,

and then I'm going to find some rehearsal space somewhere nearby, some fucking place for a couple hundred bucks a month, and I'm going to fucking put it in there. All right? And whenever I can, that's going to be my fucking man cave. All right? Because you know what the fuck happens. You know what I mean?

You have a kid, you're married, you know, gradually all of your shit just starts fucking disappearing. Okay? My wife can't fucking wait. She couldn't fucking, you know, she's happy I like the drums, but no fucking woman wants a fucking 26 inch bass drum in a fucking travel case like I'm on the fucking road with the Rolling Stones and another fucking Ford drum stacked up on top of that you know in front of the bed in the guest room. Nobody fucking wants it.

Well they don't want that so I don't know but you know I got to give this to her she never told me to sell the fucking thing. All I know is when I told her that I was selling it, I saw the excitement in her eye and then I tested her and I said, yeah, but then I'm gonna go buy another one and it's gonna live right there. And then she just stared at me and I just started laughing. I'm trying not to be a dick though now that our dynamic has changed. You know? Like I'm gonna put my truck in fucking storage

and I'll drive it on the weekends. I know there's a lot of married guys right now going, ah, you're never gonna drive it and then you're gonna fucking sell it. I actually thought about selling it too. You know, just this whole fucking streamlining line in my life, getting my fucking shit down. But I can't fucking do it.

I just, when I drive that truck, this stupid smile on my fucking face, it's just, I can't do it. Can't fucking do it. So I'm just going to put it in storage and I'll eat that fucking money. I hate being the storage guy. I got stuff in storage. People who have stuff in storage are just too lazy to have a fucking yard sale You know I mean just fucking sell it

Sell it How long has it been there? What is you know it's funny just hanging on to those fucking memories? It I'm telling you dude, it's a fucking disease and I got it bad, I'm a sentimental fool. I gotta get rid of all of that shit. I never look at it, it just becomes another box in the fucking attic. You know?

Then you fucking die someday and then somebody's looking through it and there's all this weird shit in there that you kept. Some menu from fucking Tulsa, Oklahoma for whatever, what the fuck is it? And then, you know, he just giving these people this big job that they gotta go and throw their shit out. Oh, here's the sonar fucking... Is this their website?

Oh, that's them in NAMM, the NAMM show, where all the shredders go. See here. You know, I was in Sam Ash the Nam show, where all the shredders go. See here. You know, I was in Sam Ash the other day, right? And I wanted to see if they had it. When the fuck did it? Oh, I know why I went there. I actually can't say why I went there. I won't get caught.

I just had all these extra drumsticks, and I had all this shit that I was getting rid of that I just don't fucking use. And I'm like, what am I going to do with this stuff? I can't sell old drumsticks on eBay or some shit. So what I did was I just bundled them all together and just left them in their parking lot. Some kid's going to walk in there and be like, holy shit. I had like 40 pairs of all these different drumsticks over the years.

I just bundled them all and just stuck them there like a fucking cowbell and a couple of other things. So at that point I'm like, all right, I got kind of feeling guilty. So I went into Sam Ash, I was like, I'll buy a fucking pair of drumsticks. And there was some kid in there just doing that fucking drumming where he's amazing but all the whole fucking thing it's just one fill after another those fucking linear 30 second note fucking fills played nine million miles an hour every fucking after what it just all sounds the same but don-do-ka-do-ka-taka-do-do-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Maybe I'm just getting old. I was a man. I'll put a little air in there You know the old guy who can't play as good as a young kid. He's jealous of his chops, but Jesus Christ

All right. What am I doing here? I'm trying to find the fucking There we go the live reads All right, there you go. Okay, that's done. Let's uh Let's all go to the lobby Bop Bop Bada Bop boo boo. All right, let's um Let's read some of these fucking things. Hey, did I call it a what? I said it was gonna be a classic. Although I don't know if I can,

it's a classic for one side. I thought it was gonna be a classic for both sides. But, all right, enough, Bill. Okay, the fucking Atlanta fans have suffered enough. Okay, let's just fucking get through this, okay. All right, first football game watched from Sweden. Bill Bertie. Being from Sweden.

Saying that football isn't big here is an understatement. I don't know how they talk over there. But that's actually a Swedish accent, isn't it? I have no idea. But I've been listening to your podcast for a couple years now, and your rambling over NFL have made me interested. Oh, look at that. Maybe you just got me a job at the NFL. You know? Maybe I could be one of your little Google things in your room.

And you fucking talking in whatever the hell you guys speak over there. Raijin, shmaijin, faiijin. That's what it always sounds like to me. I can't imagine what I sound like to you. Probably a fucking asshole. Alright. I finally sat down and watched a game, and it was the Super Bowl that just ended. And what a game, I'm sold. Jesus Christ, when the fuck did this guy send this in? I love hockey mostly, but I found a new game to love. Tom Brady, best QB ever, says to Swedish commentators, I have no clue but I believe them I guess.

Uh, thanks for getting me into the game. Better late than never. People who can speak a second language, that's fucking amazing. Sorry for the bad English grammar. Dude, you did the fucking Boston accent perfectly in a second language. He says it's early and I'm tired. All the best to you, Nia, and the newborn baby girl.

Love the special, looking forward to season two as efforts for family. You know what's funny, I was just thinking I gotta get over there. I missed you guys on the last tour. I didn't do the Norway, the Oslo, Stockholm, Helsinki run. I gotta make sure I do that at some point. But anyway, Jesus Christ dude,

I don't wanna rain on your parade, but most football games are not that exciting. You know how boring the first half was? Well, I guess for me it was, it was depressing. I guess it was exciting for Atlanta fans. Oh God, I can't, you know I had a buddy of mine, actually he recently passed away which sucks, but he told me this fucking story

when the Red Sox had like two outs in 1986 against the Mets. He had the wire off his champagne bottle and he had to put it back on after they lost. Hey, maybe this will be for Atlanta fans, this will be cathartic for you. If you want to share your, I thought we were gonna win stories and then I had to put the fucking wire back on the champagne bottle, I'll read them next week. Or anybody out there, if you have those,

we're gonna fucking win and then you lose the fucking game. I got a bunch of them I can share with you. I got a bunch of those, I got a bunch of them I can share with you. I got a bunch of those. I got a bunch of those. Those could be fucking really, those are fucking always hilarious. That's comedy, man. If it works out, there's no comedy. It's like when you fight, like if the Patriots fucking got their asses kicked, that would

have been, I already knew I was going, we just got our asses whipped. Oh, I had the whole fucking thing worked out. Instead I came on gushing here like I just won the fucking Publishers Clearinghouse. I cannot fucking believe they came back and won that game. Fucking stunned. Cannot fucking believe that. All right, British dentistry. I'm fucking stunned. Cannot fucking believe that. All right, British dentistry.

Hey Bill, I remember hearing that you used to be a dentist before your stand-up career took off. So I have a dental question for you. I was not a dentist, but I'd love that you put that out there and that'll probably end up on my Wikipedia page. I don't know why we British don't take dental care seriously. I have pretty decent teeth for a British person, probably in the top 15% of people, British people that is.

I always brush twice a day unless I get drunk and forget sometimes after going out drinking. But I noticed that when I was in America, my teeth were shit. What the fuck are you lot over there in the land of McDonald's and Coca-Cola doing to keep your teeth so clean? Is there toothpaste in the water supply? Well, there was fluoride. Sometimes they put in too much

and people got those white spots in their teeth. Seriously, do you lot live at the dentist? Oh, lot meaning all you guys. Even the working class over in America seem to have good teeth Yeah We do well, I mean Braces are a big thing over here. I don't know if you guys have those over there yet. Those are a big thing People also can get like their teeth bleached caps are a lot better than they used to be

Yeah, but at the end of the day, dude, you gotta brush your teeth after you eat. And there's certain things like drinking coffee. I guess your tea over there would probably stain the shit out of them. I'll tell you one that's fucking brutal. Red wine. Red, red wine. Make your teeth gray. Yeah, just brush and floss. You know, I got this life insurance test coming up, because I'm getting my affairs in order now that I got a kid. They told me, they said, have you been to the dentist? And I said yes. And I said, was there any gum disease? And I said no.

And they said, that's good. I said, oh, they're said, was there any gum disease? And I said, no. And they said, that's good. I said, oh, they're worried about my teeth falling out, and they said, no, gum disease can be a sign of something wrong with your heart. I was like, what? I never heard that. Never heard that. I know if you had fucked up teeth,

that usually led to you not chewing your food as well, which led to stomach problems, and then problems with your intestine and then down to your ash. It's all fucking connected. But I had never heard of that. So anyways, he said, to put in perspective how bad some British people are with dental hygiene, I know someone who would only brush their teeth once or twice a week.

I had to buy them an electric toothbrush as a not so subtle hint that not brushing your teeth is fucking disgusting. I guess there's a lot of truth to stereotypes. P.S. I will be amazed if you actually manage to read this without stuttering you illiterate fuck. You know something? If that whole fucking thing was just to get that joke in, that was an absolute masterpiece, you know?

If you actually just picked that subject, British dentistry, just to fool us so we would actually read it, and was all self-deprecating just to the end just to call me a fucking illiterate fuck, the stuttering illiterate fuck is great. That was tremendous I Don't even know if you're serious anymore, but yeah, that's listen I when I worked in a dental office all I did was just hand the shit. I was an assistant I was certified to take x-rays. I wasn't a hygienist. I wasn't any of that other shit So anyways

Yeah, that was one of my first jokes this guy came in and guy was like, you know, I don't understand what's wrong with my teeth. I mean, I brush my teeth almost every day. And my joke was, oh really? Do you wipe your ass almost every time you take a shit? I mean, come on people, is this thing on? It's one of my first jokes, everybody. That was a, what do they call it, Throwback Thursday? Actress paying alimony.

If you just brush your fucking teeth, I think you'll be fine. And especially before you go to bed, to just go out drinking and doing all that shit and then just go to bed and just let that shit get in. Ugh, it's gross. It's fucking gross. You should brush floss and you should use mouthwash.

And then you should find a fucking woman that does the same thing and that's the person you should be kissing over there. Everybody else, I don't know, Jesus Christ. Oh my god that's fucking gross. Anyways, actress paying alimony. Bill, wondering if you saw this, a fairly famous actress has been paying her unemployed husband alimony and she's complaining that he hasn't tried to get a job. She's paying him 20 grand a month. Does that make him a bum? Is this like a trick question?

If I had a son that ever fucking did that, I would disown him. That's fucking unbelievable. I've seen that, you know? That does happen. One of the, alright here we go. Let me read this thing here. According to a court document, so-and-so has paid over a half a million dollars to her

former spouse since 2015. These funds include around 150,000 in such and such residuals. I'm not going to say who the fuck this is. I hate putting people's dirty laundry out there, even though it's already out here. She gave birth to their daughter in March of last year. This person alleges that the other guy cheated on him with the... Oh, he's saying that she cheated on him with her co-star, a point of contention in the divorce. The divorce has since been finalized, the terms

of support have not, hence a temporary agreement where she has to pay this dude over 20 grand monthly. Well, you know, if they do get divorced, if she's out here in California, she's gonna get fucked. According to documents, so-and-so is requested to be able to stop sending the guy those payments, saying that the guy has made no effort to get a job of his own and is living off of her. Yeah, man. I mean, that's when you just start thinking murderous thoughts, you know, I think that's uh You know, it's bad enough when a fucking woman does it I mean I'm really doing like a double standard here but Yeah, dude, I mean you're not a fucking man if you do something like that

And if you're a woman and you don't try to get a job, you're a piece of shit But you know what? I know that you don't give a fuck, so, you know, women don't give a shit. They actually get off on the fact that you fucking, you know, am I really gonna turn this around to slamming women? Am I really gonna figure out how to do that when the woman's a victim in this bill, okay? Yeah, that's complete bullshit.

It's complete bullshit. I, straight across the board, think that's fucked up. All right, now. Okay, if she's a fucking drug addict and he has to stay at home the entire time to watch their kid, I mean they just had their kid, that is actually his job. That I understand. You know what I mean? Oh God, there for the grace of God go I. Holy shit. I just don't understand how it gets to that you know what I mean how do you get to that point where you're with

somebody you have a fucking kid I'm probably jinxing myself you have a kid together and then it like you decided to make another person together and within a fucking two years of that you're getting to like, Jesus Christ. One thing if they had a one night stand but they were already married, that's fucking nuts. All right, who knows, maybe the guy went nuts, maybe she did fuck around with him, I don't know. All right, coaching daughters, sports teams.

Coaching, oh, that's supposed to be an apostrophe there. Coaching daughters sports team. Alright, congrats on not pulling out, ha ha. Oh, thank you. I was wondering if you will coach any of your daughters sports teams when she gets older. What sports would you like to see her grow up to play? Congratulations to you, Ania, and thank you

for another great special. Oh, you're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Would I do that? I don't know, I don't want to insert myself into my daughter's life like that. I'd like her to have to learn how to deal with another adult, especially if she doesn't like him and learn how to fucking, you know,

deal with a coach that's a little hard-nosed or whatever, you know? I mean, I'm not gonna be one of those people that, you know, oh, play my fucking kid. If my kid stinks, I'm not gonna fucking make him play my kid, right? I'm not gonna be, I just, all of that shit, I don't understand any of that.

And if your coach is fucking hard-nosed and your kid comes home crying about it it's a little tough in the fuck up learn on a deal you think this is the first asshole you ever gonna fucking run into in life it's it's not you know you know what work twice as hard make that fucking guy regret that he ever yelled at you, or that woman, that's what you do. You just go fucking harder, that's what you do. What you don't do is fucking mope around about it and try less, alright? If your motivation, even if your motivation is

fuck this guy, you know, you're gonna play better. But you gotta use that negative shit and turn it into a positive. And I'm a big believer in playing organized sports. And organized sports has gotten a brutal reputation over the years. Some of it is justified, a lot of it wasn't. A lot of it was a bunch of uncoordinated people

who did not have a good fucking experience and then married someone else who was also uncoordinated and then watched their toddler growing up bumping into shit and was like, oh my God, they're gonna suck at sports too and they're gonna have the same pain that I had, right? And then rather than steering them away from sports, and going, hey, maybe you're a writer,

or maybe you're into science, these fucking uncoordinated cunts had to stick them in sports, and then they had to dumb the whole thing down where everybody gets a ribbon. I had a buddy of mine recently said Or was it somebody doing a joke? I can't say it if it was a joke Who the fuck told me this story was was

No, it was somebody's bit I can't do it fuck it had to do basically with playing with playing, little kids playing softball, and when they first played, they played without the ball, and they pretended that they hit the fucking thing. So nobody would have the pressure of making an error, and they could be like, nice catch, way to go, and all of that shit. It's fucking insane. No, I'm not going to do that.

And fortunately, my wife is on the same page. And I told you that shit. Somebody sent us some Boston sports shirts, and they were with the logos of the teams, and they were in pink. And my wife was just going like, yeah, she's not wearing those. I'm like, what, because you hate sports? And she goes, no, because they're pink. She goes, if she's going to wear the team stuff, she's not wearing those. I'm like, what, because you hate sports? And she goes, no, because they're pink. She goes, if she's going to wear the team stuff,

she's wearing the team colors. I think I already told you this, guys. I was like, do you have any fucking idea how much real sports fans would appreciate what you just said? You don't even like sports. You have no fucking idea. You just stepped in shit there.

That's like the the That's exactly it Anyway, I don't know fucking idea. So will I coach? No, I wouldn't do that, you know what if I was ever to coach I would be I Think I would be an assistant coach. I'd be the rah rah guy if they were little and shit this like I couldn't fucking sit They're yelling at kids And also, I don't think I know enough about the fucking game. I've watched a bunch of sports, but to actually coach a team and teach somebody how to get better, I mean, I think I'd be, I'll be a good dad.

If she wants to be, go in the backyard, learn how to hit a ball or shoot some baskets, I think I'm good at that. But like, you know, that's a hell of a responsibility. And I have a very volatile personality, and I don't want to be the Earl Weaver of fucking eight year olds out there screaming and yelling, but we'll see.

We'll see how the meditating and possibly going to therapy works out, but I'm more excited just to see what she gravitates to. I'm going to expose her to as much music and different shit as I possibly can, and then just sort of stand back, see what she goes after, and then just encourage her. And if it's a phase, it's a phase. And then she moves on to something else.

But my parents were really cool about kind of letting us do whatever the fuck we wanted to do as far as trying shit in life. Like, my parents never gave me shit about being a stand-up comedian, and that's pretty — the amount of comics that I've run into where to this day, they're super successful and their parents still don't even respect what they do, thinking that they're just up there fucking around is pretty amazing. So I got really lucky in that department So that's one of the good things that I'm keeping from my my upbringing so long story short

No, but I will go to every fucking game I'll go to every game, and I'm not gonna argue with other parents and If they lift a fucking referee stinks and is screwing my team. I'm just going to sit there and just, you know, I'm just not going to be that fucking guy. I'm going to make jokes and I'll be laughing. But you know what the big thing is, is when I go to a games, I'm going to be sober. Ha ha ha ha ha.

So that's going to really tone down. It's when I go to games and I've had a few, I can't resist, there's a crowd, there's jokes to be made. Even way back in the day when I was fucking, you know, way more introverted, I had a couple of beers and I would be in Sullivan Stadium and I would yell out shit and people in my section would laugh and I would just build my confidence and suck some games, I would yell out shit and people in my section would laugh and I would just build my confidence. And some games I would yell out the first thing and it would bomb and then I wouldn't say anything again

until the third quarter and then I'd throw it up and only have like 50% confidence so it only did okay. Literally my bad set back then like bombing was I went to a game and I yelled out some shit and nobody laughed. But I don't know. It's not the way it used to be because everybody's so concerned about kids and political correctness and fucking public drunkenness and shit.

But back in the day, like, what was going on in the field was about half as entertaining as what was going on in the stands. It was just, and it was all just sophomoric, stupid. I remember sitting, we had like, not end zone seats, we were sitting right at the corner, you know, like past the goal line. We were basically sitting like facing the end zone. And then there was the end zone seats and they used to have this beer commercial, Light Beer from Miller, and they used to have the big fights.

Less filling, tastes great, less filling, tastes like they were having a fight, you know, over if it didn't fill you up as much or if it tasted better. So that became like this stupid thing that people did. You'd be at a, someone figured it out one time, stood up and yelled at the other section, said, less filling.

And someone else stood up and screamed, taste great. And then we'd all be yelling, like, ah, we're doing the commercial. This is before YouTube, so this was actually fun. So there'd be one section, oh, less filling. And then we'd go, taste great, less filling, taste great. And then of course, because it was a bunch of drunks, drunk males, it immediately went sophomoric and it eventually became,

fuck you, eight shit, fuck you, eight shit. And we would do that 20 times a game and it would be just as funny the 20th time as it was the first time because we were all a bunch of immature fucking idiots. I miss those days. You know? I really fucking miss those.

There was a lot of fun back then. Now it's just so, you know, the ball's in play, don't go to your seat. There's some fucking old lady with a construction hat on telling you to stop. I don't know. Ah, I'm just a fucking curmudgeon. What are you going to do?

But anyways, that's the podcast for this week. Thank you guys so much for listening, and thank you everybody who's been watching my special and giving me the great reviews. I'm really proud of this special and if you haven't had a chance to watch it, please check it out. Obviously that helps me out with my relationship with Netflix and my ability to eventually do another one. And if you've already seen it and you enjoyed it please

tell somebody else to check it out and that's it and congratulations to the New England Patriots holy shit championship number five unbelievable unbelievable once again I'm not fucking around here my condolences to Atlanta fans I I have been there it fucking sucks but you guys got a hell of a team and I hope you're back there next year and you get your fucking win. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you.

Check in on you on Thursday. And all you cunts in Charlotte, I'll see you on Wednesday. All right. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show NFL edition for Super Bowl week guys what could I say this is the last one of the season it went fast here we are before we get started oh by the way I'm Paul Burzy that's Bill Burr we have the the Greek freak out there in Beverly Hills

bright and early today and nobody has heard from Jake the snake. We had we think that the guy's choice award on the Playboy channel. Yeah, Jake the snake had a little escapade last night. We're trying to get him back. Probably had a bender. Before we get started on the Super Bowl episode, guys, we got to shout out bet MGM. It's been our great sponsor all year bet MGM Here's how you do it guys if you want to get on the action for Super Bowl You just go to Just download the bet MGM app on your device and use our cold the anything better code, which is burb burr

Okay, and you put in as much as ten dollars a minimum of ten dollars and you will get $1,500 back in bonus bets if your bet loses. If the bet does lose, you will get the $1,500 in bonus bets after the original wager is settled. And also, guys, we have the first touchdown bet you could do. You choose which player is going to get the first touchdown of the Super Bowl, and if you don't, and the second player you choose gets it, you will get your bet back.

You'll get your stack back in cash. There you go, it's that simple. All right, Bill, well, here you are. Bill was right. Bill's AFC and NFC championship games were right. He had the Eagles and the Chiefs. I took the commanders thinking the Eagles would win, but the commanders would cover.

That did not happen. And the Buffalo Bills came up short and the Chiefs are back in the Super Bowl against the Eagles. What can I say? Paul, you're fading away on me here. You're out of focus. There we go. Nah, there he is.

All right, Well, Paul and the NFL did their part. It's just too much money, dude. It's too much money. You can't not have Taylor Swift to cut to. It's too much money. All right. That's like that Lakers trade. That kid was not making the owners any money in Dallas. You gotta get him to the show, Paul. You gotta get him in LA. Diane Cannon and all of these, you know, whatever their name are, you know? You gotta get him out there.

It's a show, Paul. Diane Cannon. You have to ask yourself. You gotta ask yourself, what's the better thing? That they three-peat it and then he gets four and wait a minute, is he gonna catch Tom Brady? He got four faster than Tom? The fact of the world is this shit.

Tom Brady, he's not even warm yet from fucking retiring. There's a guy already threatening his seven. It's such a fucking show. It's, I can't, I'm not even gonna watch the fucking game, Paul. That's how fucking disgusted I am with this shit. It's disgusting. Well, I'm gonna have a hard time watching it

because for two reasons. That. Just let him play. If they let him fucking play, I think the Eagles got a chance. I want to see a fucking game here. All right, I don't want to see this this this fucking And I don't know I can't watch it anymore Paul and it's not this isn't like fucking sour grapes or anything It's fucking ridiculous. It took fucking two only two guys ever had full fucking Super Bowl rigs for the first like, you know 40 Super Bowls or whatever right takes Tom Brady 25 years to catch up to four and then he puts it out of reach at seven

five fucking years later this guy's gonna win like fucking 11. Let's go buy it. Let me ask you this Happen what do you think if the Eagles win this do you think the Eagles got a chance to win this game? 100% if they let them fucking play if the fucking guy says it's a first down and they let it be a first down yeah they do if he puts his hand on the small of the guys back in his past interference or you tell the guy to put his helmet back on he let a fucking defensive coordinator call timeout or they can hold up and down the fucking field if your head's flopping all over the goddamn field and they say rough in the past,

they don't get a shot to. If they let them play, Paul, if they let them play. This is a rough one for me because Saquon's either gonna go crazy and the Eagles are gonna win, which is gonna shatter my heart, or I gotta watch the same thing again. So this is-

Paul, if you're a football fan, you have to root for the fucking Eagles. The future of this can't be fucking manufactured, cross promoting pop music, cross promoting the WNBA, cross promoting your watching greatness. I mean, when you put it that way, yeah. I missed the game Paul It's like I watch an Eagles game. Okay, if I watch a game the Chiefs aren't in it's a completely different

I you know, I'm watching sort of football. It's you know, the game evolves it changes or whatever, right? There's still crazy things where I'm just like, you know, you've run outside the pocket. You can get fucking tackled No, you can't do that. Whatever. I know a lot of this shit has changed but like the shit dude is like No, I agree, dude. I agree with you I texted you during the year and I go dude the officiating this year has been some of the fairest and best I've ever seen except chief games Thanks, push it along

Except fucking great team dude. I mean, I'm not saying they're not a great team and talk about the Patriots getting preference treatment, dude, we went to like fucking like 12 AFC championship games or 15, like a zillion of them. We lost a lot of them. Yeah, lost a lot of them. Dude, I'm gonna tell you how disappointed I am in this year's Super Bowl. I got offered VIP treatment to go to the Super Bowl to fly down to be in a suite to do the whole fucking thing, maybe even go on the field. And I just go, no, I'm just, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't take part in either celebration. I can't be happy for really, I'm going to, Paulie is going to sit home. He's going to be with his kids. He's going to put his feet up, you know, a couple of people over, maybe play some darts. That's it

I'm down to two sports now I can watch hockey and baseball because I sort of feel but the Astros fucked up baseball Well, I'm now I'm like, you know, there's no way other teams are gonna be like Hey, you know, he's like a camera up there you fucking wise you guys imagine the Eagles just run them Imagine if the Eagles just beat him by 30 dude that could happen. I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised though because I feel like There's so much chatter about this shit that it's so fucking ridiculous this preferential treatment I think that if the Eagles win the owners win both ways where it's like they got their moneymaker Kansas City Chiefs, dude are a fucking moneymaker and the It's it's it's it's just a it's I Don't know. I don't know fucking over speak here, but dude, it's it's been a fucking a bum I literally I don't even watch chiefs games and then I watched them and I just go on the internet and everybody's just

What the fuck how the fuck can you call that? How could you not call that and I don't even have to fucking guess which way it went Right. Yeah, and see it's over the algorithm too. We have Jake the snake here Jake's coming in alright somebody's got to shut me up this week alright Jake oh Jake's coming in in two minutes he's putting his pants on Jake's a little late yeah he's taking his scarf off he just got in he's like when Henry Hill came home where have have you been, Henry? And he's, ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Who are these? We gotta walk back to his fucking car.

The fuck kind of people are they? Oh dude, if Jake comes back, Jake comes on camera, his wife and his nose, his hair's all over the place. She's in the background grabbing her clothes. Hey, somebody's gotta do it, you know? You treat me like a dog, Jake.

Ah, shut up. I'm 10 minutes late for my own podcast and I gotta come home to this. How do you like it? All right, well, I guess we could just go into the, we'll go, here we go, man. Let's go into our picks here. Here's the deal.

The Chiefs are a point and a half favorite. A point and a half favorite, the Chiefs are. Basically, it's a pick them, dude. And Bill, I'll give you the, you wanna go first or you want me to go first? You go first. All right. All right, ladies and

gentlemen, here we go. My official pick for the Super Bowl. Look, great word. Great word. What you said official. Oh, look, I'm never as good in the playoffs the last couple years as I am in the regular season. I don't know if that's wishful thinking or what. Here's the deal. I learned my lesson going against the chiefs many times. Last year I had San Francisco, the game was all but one. They fumbled the ball on the four. They, my homes and the chiefs come down and win the game. Say what you want about it.

I'm not making the same mistake twice. I am going to pick the Kansas city Chiefs to get the three Pete. I think that I've just bet against them every time and I've lost every time. And I got to be honest with you, I don't know which I could stomach more, but seeing Saquon Barkley hoist up a Lombardi trophy after the years he had with the Giants would absolutely crush my heart. I'm going to take the Kansas city chiefs minus one and a half to win the Superbowl. That is my pick. Taking the Eagles to kick the shit out of them. Okay. I think the Eagles, I think if they fucking let these two goddamn teams play football and these

fucking stupid ass fucking officials call a first down a fucking first down and don't call a non Pass interference pass interference and all of that shit and only Andy Reid can call fucking timeout If you take your fucking helmet off the end zone, it's a fucking on sportsmen They actually fucking call the game like a football game. I think the Eagles will beat him I just do and that's that's just coming from the fact that I just do and that's that's just coming from the fact that You know with Saquon Barkley the amount not only is kitty run all over him the amount of fucking time They could take off the clock Paul. This is all fucking wishful thinking

All right. This is like the cop showed up and Kansas City Chiefs are a blue-eyed blonde girl crying Okay, you're going to jail. I mean, I am literally, I told you last year when I saw the fucking chiefs were getting a point. I don't gamble like this. And I mean, most I ever put on a game was a couple hundred bucks. I put a thousand bucks. They're not going to lose a show. But I feel like, you know, the show keeps going if the Chiefs lose though.

Because then all that heartbreaking loss, can they fucking rebuild? They can keep going with it. You know? But I will tell you, if Travis and fucking Shania Twain, they're fucking break up. I'm telling you, the Chiefs are in trouble. I mean, one of them is dating a woman that can sell out a football stadium, Paul. That's a lot to go against. But I just think that, you know, you know what, you know, I just want the Eagles to win Paul. I'm, I'm, I bet, I bet with my hot look into your heart, you know, you gotta,

you gotta move for Philly. You know what sucks about this dude, what really sucks about this is a great coach like Andy Reed and a good team like this. Now, when there is a flag, even when the flag is real, people are going to question it because of all of this shit that's happened. And it sucks because it's like, what's fucking real with the call and what's not? And I hate that, I hate that.

I don't feel bad for them because they're fucking walking around with the goddamn jewelry. I don't give a shit. Yeah, they did it to themselves. How many, I've lost count how many they've won. Is it three? Back to back and they won another one, they got three got three into the last five. He's got four rings before he's 30

Is he the greatest ever? I mean they literally rebooted it BAM It's like when Jordan retired second Jordan retired they had the boring ass spurs And then you went to the whole fucking pile on championship era Dude, they gave him 400 million before his third one And he got four um, I I don't I don't I'm I'm telling you dude fault I am I'm rooting against walmart here. Oh, look Look who it is What time did you kick her out? look who it is what time did you kick her out Jake the snakes wigs do not come off sorry Jake woke you up I know playboy you're usually you're usually

just coming home at this point you're Buick Skylar so Jake we got to ask you Jake we got a few minutes left here. Do we have any injuries for the big game? No, everyone's gonna be out there. I believe, I saw something saying one of the Eagles was sick, it was either Jalen Carter or A.J. Brown, but I think, I think, you know, you play through real messes. I'm gonna don't tie. All right, the referee sprayed a common cold mist spray at him. Exactly. Jake, the Eagles are going to win this game, right? Come on.

I don't know. How are you going to bet against the Mahomes at this point? But to your point, they may not rig this game because it could generate interest for next year. Because it's not so bad. Kasturi, you know what? He's the greatest guy that ever put on fucking. I've never seen a quarterback better than him.

How strong his arm is, the way he sees the field, his toughness on the field. I've just never seen a guy play the position better. He's the greatest of all time until the second he retires and then they'll prop up the next code. He gets 15. You know what's weird too? His thighs touch when he walks and runs. I've never seen a guy's, ever see his legs? He just doesn't look like he'd be that athletic. He walks, his thighs touch when he walks. Anyway, I don't know. Look, I'm not betting against him. Well, you know when you go to the supermarket and they tell you something's organic, but

it really isn't? I'm not saying it's gonna kill you. I'm just saying it's not as good as they're saying it is. Well listen we should let our other two guys on the show here do it. Andrew and Jake who do you guys got? It's a one and a half point spread. Who do you got? I'm just gonna root for the Eagles. You know? That's not the question Andrew. Have you ever heard? I'm just going to root for the Eagles. You know, that's not the question Andrew. Have you ever heard more of a lack

of excitement about a Super Bowl in your **** life? I'm looking for the Eagles. This is well, I mean I like last championship games. Everybody rooted for lost. So, I mean I it's you know, you sound like I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not

going to put money on the Chiefs. I don't know. So'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna put money on the chiefs. I don't know. So, if I say I think the chiefs are gonna win and how do I enjoy the game rooting for the Eagles? Sabotage. Alright, how about you, Jake? That's a quagmire.

Yeah, that was that was a who done it. You know what? You got the light. You got the lighting too, Andrew. I like that. It's very mysterious. Jake's got the chiefs. I could see it all over his face. Jake, right now is in Stack's apartment. He just killed him. He told him to fucking take the coffee. I bet you have one of your bitches in here. I did. Where'd she go? What are you doing? It's a fucking joke. Because when are you going to take the fucking pot?

All right. Well, there you go. I feel more than anything. That's why Frankie Carbone got whacked. He was just too stupid. It's just like this guy's going to accidentally say some shit, you know, to the wrong person. Yeah, you dizzy mother. Yeah. He was just like he was, he was doomed. He was fucking doomed. Johnny roast beef. Johnny roast beef was the font. One of the best characters in that movie, dude. When he goes to my mother's name, it was a gift. It was a, I love that. I'm sorry. And I love when his wife tried talking and then Daniella goes, hold on a second, sweetheart.

All right. Stupid or what? MVP. All right. Let's go. Who's going to be MVP at a game? to the game. Alright, stupid or much as Saquon Barkley ran for 240 yards, I have to say the class that Patrick Mahomes just showed, all these Kansas City Chiefs and the city of Kansas City, let's not forget Taylor Swift, I think they all share in this MVP trophy. The way he threw that interception, I know it went to the other team, but nobody throws interceptions and he ends on. I mean, it was right on the numbers. It was a perfect interception. It actually looks like he was trying to hit his man. Um, they want for every piece, a good number of that. If you do want to take the Eagles, um, I

think it's two 50. That's a pretty good number. Oh my God, dude. That's like a haunting nightmare for me. If she quant is the MVP of the Super Bowl for the Eagles. Oh, you double down on that Paul a haunting nightmare haunting nightmare haunting nightmare Oh that's like a name of a metal album that's just you can the band's starting to die And then their fourth their fourth album. I thought it I thought it sounded like an opening band All right guys before before metallica comes out here, we got a young band, Haunting Nightmare. It's just a guy, he's got like the, he's just like fucking, okay.

Oakland, are you ready to rock tonight? Because we are. We got the Haunting Nightmare shirts in the lobby. All right. Hauntingnightmare.org, who threw that? Who threw that? We got the haunting nightmare shirts in the lobby. All right. All right. Hauntingnightmare.org. Who threw that? Who threw that?

We're from right outside of Detroit, Michigan. We just want to thank all the haunted nightmare fans. Okay. Dude, haunting nightmare. Savage animal. All right. So I think for MVP, I'm going to go. Um Savage Kelsey for MVP. That's a fun one. Oh, that's not, there's where the money's at.

And then he wins it, you know. Plus 1500, Paul. Plus 1500, just Travis Kelsey ends up having the last game. And then how about this? And what's the over under that he goes and he points at Taylor Dane up there in the fucking suites so they get the cross pollination there. There's actually props on it. He'll propose.

I think he's going to retire if they win. I, my prediction is he, if he's going to have a game of his life, get MVP and then retire. Yeah. He's already that old. Yeah. He's already wanted to retire for two years now, dude. He's doing this because of the three Pete run or whatever, but if he loses it wins or lose, I think he's done. Dude, he has already got like a buddy cop movie lined up. It like it's so yeah I'm not even joking I swear to God. No no he's acting now. Yeah it's gonna be terrible it's gonna be absolutely awful. By the way I've been saying this since you know it's gonna be good it might be better than that Brian Bosworth movie come on Andrew

give him a chance. I think it's good for him though. Why can't you fucking brain knock around any more than you need to? If you can go and do the gig that we do. That's right. We're not working. Yeah, just don't do movies though. I'm not even wearing pants right now. I'm fucking, I'm at work.

It's crazy. You know, when I first saw Travis Kelsey, I thought he looked like Wayne Grove from Pete. And then like, and I just thought I was goofy guy. And the next thing you know, he'd date Taylor Swift. I'm like, am I the only one who thought he looked like the guy from Pete. And then like, and I just thought as goofy guy and the next thing you know, he did Taylor Swift. I'm like, am I the only one who thought he looked like the guy who was

gonna, you know, was he the guy who they ended up they got to kill him because he's got a big mouth. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wayne grow heat. Oh, Wayne, dude, did you ever see Malaney show where they had

Wayne? Right? It's just Travis Kelsey. Is it just me? Let's say it's for you. I can tell you right now, if Travis Kelsey does the work that Kevin Gage did, I guess that's his name. I would, I would, I would fucking, I'd be excited about that. Dude, go to Malaney's, John Malaney's talk show. They brought Wayne Grow out to do stand up as Wayne Grow and Bill Hader was on the couch. And they were cackle laughing

to he came out and did came out in the Wayne grow robe that he got killed in by De Niro and he did stand up. It was so they write it stand up. It was dude it was it was Wayne grow as if he would do stand up and I was crying laughing he just came out in the robe in that attitude it was really funny I'll send it to you but um amazing all right so here we go Bill's got the Eagles I got the Chiefs Jake's got the Chiefs and I didn't do MVP what about me yeah what's your MVP fucking Saquon Barkley oh yeah I'm going to say Sa Paukley is gonna fucking he's gonna be a nightmare. Oh,

anything I anything I hope I hope by this second quarter. Taylor Swift's going Oh my god, you know, she does that when she looks in the upper deck and see some 12 year old waving a fucking Taylor Swift doll at her. It's amazing, Paul. This is where

football is right now. The level of shock. I remember when I was a kid and I was watching the fucking Steelers and the Cowboys and fucking Billy Joel Dupree was tagging Share and they would cut up there. Dude did you see what did you see what the reporter said? Did you see what the reporter said to Travis Kelsey? The question they asked him today? He goes, what do you love more Taylor Swift or Phantom 15 yard pass or roughing the pants? And he just gave his microphone. His microphone said sports on it. Travis Kelsey goes, great question. Anyone else? Um, all right.

Did the same thing to my homes. My homes just rolled with it. Yeah. Hey, my homes is like anyway, it fell off the truck. Oh, yeah. My home. What I do like about my homes is he does have that like, he just the Eli Manny where yeah no you're right. You're right. That's what's happening. Paul I'm going to watch this game in little Italy. Try to figure out which one of those wise guys set this up.

Get a cannoli and a coffee, enjoy. Who's that fucking guy over there? He looks like a cop. All right, guys, well, listen, this is sad that this is the last one of the year. We're gonna be on a little break. We're gonna be on a little break. We're gonna be on a long hiatus here until kickoff of whatever.

So enjoy this. Paul, it's not gonna be a long hiatus because you'll have all of the off season to just think about how this is the most unbelievable, greatest fucking team you've ever seen. Nobody has ever played the game the way that they do. I mean, like Ray Lewis has got to be like just taking a knee right now, taking in the magnitude of the greatness of this fucking.

I mean, I know Ray played the game at a certain level, but the way that these guys are playing is just, I mean, come come on Paul. You know what said I got to be honest before we get out of here what said is this is kind of the- just a girl in the world. This is the one of the worst. The guy was looking up

at Gwen Stefani every five minutes Brett farb was he dating her in the nineties. This is the one of the worst. Remember that one, the guy was looking up at Gwen Stefani every five minutes. Brett Favre was he dating her in the 90s? Was it her? It's all that they'll let me be. I mean, what the fuck am I watching? Dude, it's the lack. This is a tough one, dude.

Can I be honest? This is a tough one. This is one of the least watched. Me me for me to see these two teams? I just like I'm literally gonna be like this is one where I'm gonna go get food during a play Like this is it. Oh, you're still a fan of the NFL. You still believe in the NFL So you're the only glue holding this fucking show together No, but look dude, I I think that I agree with what we're saying. But dude, I don't care about these teams

right now, man. You know, I wanted the Buffalo Bills, the Washington commanders. I wanted to show Josh Allen to start dating somebody we know. Yeah, the I'm looking at a different not. Oh my God, some somebody's got to start dating Douchy. That's hilarious. Did the the game. I'm not kidding. I'm

I was gonna say, if looking at some non-sanctioned prop bets for Taylor Swift, and Jake's not kidding, there's some crazy stuff out here. Will she be shown during America the Beautiful? Will she be mentioned on stage during the halftime show by any performer? Hey Paul, you remember in 1986 when the Giants won their first one and that prop bet about Madonna? You remember if you could bet whether or not Madonna, she

was banging a fucking, what was your tight ends name? I fucking love that guy. Oh, Mark Bavaro. Yeah, Mark Bavaro, wasn't that? Yeah. She was banging. I'm just doing this to show you how far away this game has gotten from football. Yeah. Well, this Kelsey do hard hands during his during a super bowl. These

are football bets. I'm going to say it again. These are not MGM football bets. They're too good for this. These are not bad MGM. We just want to say that MGM would not do this. They do not have it on theirs. No, no, no, no. They don't. They're they're official sport. This is non sanctioned bullshit. But that is in is above this. The Anything Better Show is above. Well, Travis, Kelsey, well, try to get scared of Paul. What? Why are

they intimidated that a woman is going to a football game. Well, they are scared of Paul. Well, why are they intimidated that a woman is going to a foot? Well, Travis Kelsey point at the booth and wink plus 2000. Does Taylor Swift have his signature dance move that she does? Will he do that after he? No, all Taylor Swift doesn't do the Taylor Whaley, Taylor Haylor. No, this is this is Taylor Swift after the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the robots once. I'll say this, I could see the Eagles winning this game. I have a weird feeling they're going to, but I just can't go against the machine. And I don't like when you had your bets. No, I know. I've met you, the undefeated paper face going against the Giants. You're like, you know, but you know, you know, the Giants could surprise some people and then they won. You're like, what I say? What I say? Oh, Paulie both sides. He's got a leg on either side of the fence. Fucking picking goddamn team.

I'm saying he goes, say Kwon Barkley's the fucking MVP. I'm taking the Chiefs. I'm taking the Chiefs. Over, under's 48 and a half. In case you wanna comment on that. No. Does Taylor Swift have a bowl of organic lemons already cut in case the chiefs don't win? And she can quickly

go like this and act like cares about you know what I bet you there's instructions to not put the camera on her if the chiefs lose or are losing, which is ridiculous. I want how do you think she's been treating Travis Kelsey this week? And will that affect his performance on the field? I think she's a very supportive girlfriend. I think she's a very strong representation of how a woman should sit in a crowd, even though she could sell out the fucking stadium. I will say this, I don't like how she's the only one

that stands at the Grammys when everybody's sitting, watching, and then there's a performance at the Grammys, and she's the only one standing, dancing. It's very self-serving and narcissistic, and I don't like it, and I like her. Paul, Paul, Paul. And I defend her. She's just being supportive.

Yeah, she's supporting her friends. Why are you threatened by her standing? I like her, dude. I like seeing her on the thing. I think she's, I don't mind it. She's a nice kid. All right. Listen, Paul, as the world turns, these are the days of our lives. Wasn't that a I was gonna say I was a soap opera. It's a soap opera. Well, it's a very successful show. That's a perfect way to end. That's a perfect way to end. Listen, Paul, we had a great run. The NFL had a great run. The NBA had a great run. It's over. They're gambling casinos now. And it's, there's a lot of channels out there.

I mean, you could like not watch the Super Bowl and just watch people fucking wiping out on motorcycles for the whole time and forget the games on. That's what they're competing with. So they're changing their brand. They're doing a great job. They're incorporating all these other things in there. They're going to support the troops with the flyover as they charge whatever branch of military up a whole bunch of money to fly their jet over there as we pay them. incorporating all these other things in there. They're gonna support the troops with the flyovers,

they charge whatever branch of military up a whole bunch of money to fly their jet over there as we pay for the fuel. It is what it is, Paul, it's the oligarch bowl. That's what you pay. Paul, you know what you should do? Go on YouTube and watch a Super Bowl pre-1976 on YouTube. They have some complete games.

The game is playing during the day. And the halftime show is like the college band. College band, yeah. Yeah, like when they played it, they played in like Tulane Stadium. They had like the Tulane marching band. Yeah, dude, that last year, you were... That's all it was. That's what it should be. Yeah, dude, that last year, you were... Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da It's like when you too when he was wearing the big glasses going this is the most surreal night of my life

And they decided we have to become me. They just wasn't it became something else. That's where we are. That's where we are right now Well, do you know where Bryan Adams puts a makeup on? Alright guys, there you go. We got to get out of here. Thank you guys so much for watching the show this year. We hope you enjoy the Super Bowl. We'll be back with updates on stuff with the show. Um, there you go. Shout out to all of our fans who watched this year, who was smart enough to bet against me and bet with these other three guys who absolutely killed them. Paul, I am not, I'm not, I am right at this point. They trade me off this show for a co host to be named later. And cash.

I love the cat and cash. 4060 get the fuck out of here. The Knicks the Knicks just made a trade and it was like for this guy in cash. But alright, everybody enjoy the Super Bowl. We'll see you guys soon. Take care. Bet responsibly. Download the app use the code Burr. Enjoy the game and go chiefs. I don't know. Really running wild on Sunday. I hope. All right. All right, guys.

Take care.