Monday Morning Podcast - Heroine Chic, Roller Coasters, Heli-Hogging | Monday Morning Podcast 10-27-25

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Bill rambles about 90's heroine chic roller coaster malfunctions, and heli-hogging. Squarespace:  Head to www.squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: (BURR) to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hims:  To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.Hims.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 27th. What's going on? How are you? Oh, geez, there. How's your Monday going? We got the June gloom going on out here. Around here. That whole decade. I missed all of that music in the 90s. I just couldn't believe that it was over. 80s were over. Around here, it's bigger. Bigger than you and you are not me. See, I go right back to the 80s. Went right back to R.E.M.

I went from that other band that had all those big hits. There was a lot of songs about runaway kids in the 90s. I do remember that. And abused kids. You know, the 80s, it was more, you know, they were singing to those same abused kids. but they were just asking them whether or not they were still rocking. And, you know, there was only one answer to that question. The same way, like if you play sports and you lay in on the turf

and the coach comes up and says, can you still play, there's only one answer. You have to say yes. You can't say, well, no, actually, my body's telling me that there's something wrong. The music version of that in the 80s was, you know, are you ready to rock? do you rock are you still rocking there was only one answer to that question and that was yes you know you or yeah you know there was no way in any way shape or form you could ever tell anybody for that entire decade of the 80s that on that particular afternoon that you were you were not ready to rock

or you weren't rocking or you didn't feel like rocking maybe you just felt like chilling out was not an option. And that's because the cocaine was pure. No, it wasn't. You're putting bacon soda in it by then. Typical capitalism. You can't just be happy with your giant fucking mansion, with your initials on the back of your chair

and your two fucking elephant tucks like framing it, you know, on either side. You know, you can't be happy with that. We need to turn more of a profit, more of a fucking profit anyway let's uh let's plow ahead here let's let's move on oh billy uh oh billy gym rat oh billy boy he's going back to the gym again it's been five years since he put on his fucking covid wait when the fuck are you gonna fucking commit stop going to the doctor yes I'm going to do that.

I got to finally do, now that I've actually gone and got my blood work and they said my cholesterol was a little high. And then they're like, you know, we could put you on some medication, right? Not doing that. Really? And what internal organ does that fuck up? I'm not doing that. Or I could not walk around with an extra 15 pounds on my belly that I don't need.

So I've been going to the gym every day, last three days. So I've got to go again today. Um, still doing the weights. I'm not going to become like, remember heroin chic? That was 90s. Heroin chic. You know, AIDSy sort of look, blood disease. That was actually considered hot in, uh, for a minute in the 80s, looking like, hey, is that person on heroin?

Do they have a blood disease? my god can you introduce me could i carry that full grown adult like a baby oh my god i could can can i meet that person that first for a second that was uh yeah that was the thing that was maybe the height of miserable beautiful women is when they had to get that skinny for the fucking weirdos that managed them i made their clothes it was really weird and then sir mix a lot came out talking about ass and then, you know, all of a sudden they were allowed to eat again, you know, this is all true, you know, if you look it up, if you go to the right website out there on the fucking interweb, the inner web, the inner, the inner net, the inner web of lies,

um, I'm still thinking about that bullshit from a few weeks ago. That was, that was a fucking, What a bunch of fucking Oh, that was one of the hardest things ever to keep my mouth shut And just not trash every one of those fucking cunts Oh, oh, am I looking forward to running into a few people? Hey, what's the latest? What's the latest on you caring about it's weird? All of a sudden you don't care anymore?

What happened? You flapping your fucking fucking goddamn arms up and down? What happened? What happened? what's your cause this month to help sell whatever project you're on you cunt anyway so my new breakfast

instead of a breakfast burrito which by the way having lived in New York City and now living in Los Angeles the breakfast burrito is just it's beyond the bacon egg and cheese bacon egg and cheese like you know that's sort of like, what would they, bacon, egg and cheese as far as breakfast things.

If you put it in like, I'm doing all music today. It would be like, you know, Zeppelin Black Sabbath of breakfast sandwiches. And then like it gets more hardcore, you know, as Metallica, Anthrax and all these other bands. And that's, that's the breakfast burrito. Yeah. It's like the difference between but da-na-na-na-na-ch-ch-c-cha-cha-ch-cha-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-tah-ch-ch-ch-chid. I'm a fan of both,

but I would definitely, I would give the nod to the breakfast burrito. And then I grew up in Massachusetts and there really wasn't a breakfast sandwich. The only breakfast sandwich we had up there was like a fucking egg McMuffin. But like, you would get like, you know, bacon and eggs or something like. that and a coffee you're just sort of a regular breakfast um but anyway i can't fucking do that right

right of course when i was getting into learning how to make a breakfast burrito interestingly enough i get my cholesterol check and that it's fucking too high i was eating like that oh oh there's no more fun in the world than getting high cholesterol so now i am back to uh i have oatmeal for breakfast or I have a parfe with the Greek yogurt. And, you know, a couple helpings, because my blood sugar was low because I don't eat fruit and I also don't eat candy or any of that shit anymore. So I had to have some fruit.

And then at night, I just have like steamed broccoli and I know. I know. Are you hanging your head too? It's fucking sad. Steamed broccoli and like snow peas is what I snack on. and the first night you put all that green vegetables into a bowl and you're looking at it as opposed to having like a fucking, you know, something fun, something that sugary or salty. It's like, but after like two bites of it, you're like, oh, this tastes good.

This makes sense. And then you kind of like leveled out as opposed to be, it's like going, it's like the first time you stop drinking and you go to a party and everybody else is getting drunk and you're, and you don't. and at first you feel like you're missing out and then you start seeing people drunk and then you're just like, oh. Oh, I don't know. Is that what I look like? They're not even that drunk.

I used to get fucking hammered. So, anyway, there's a number I want to get down to by the end of the year. 172 is where I like to be, but I'm going to be a little bit underneath that maybe like 169, 170 that's what i have to get down to i was a buck 90 i'm down to like 187 now so that's easy to drop that by the end of the year a couple two three pounds a week and i finally got back on the

scale and then i just weigh myself every goddamn day and uh so that that's that's that's the way i'm doing it all right i'm taking it one pound at a time you know the last five years we you know we didn't get it done that i got no one to blame of myself so um Yeah, that's that's what I'm up to. And other than that, let's talk some fucking sports. Let's talk some bread that I can't eat and circus that I don't go to because of the fucking, the way they treat the animals. And I have a special coming out. I'm going to find the right thing to get sanctimonious about to mock all of that.

Anyway. Yeah, evidently, everything must have cleared up because there's no more chatter. They must have fixed everything. Oh, it's going to be passive and it's going to be aggressive. Anyway, let's talk sports. All right, let's talk my Boston Bruins. To look at their records, you wouldn't know that they are a much improved team. We're scoring a ton of goals, but we're letting in even more.

but we've had a bunch of competitive games. There's only been a few, you know, we won the first three, then we lost six in a row. But we were in all of those games. And, you know, a couple of pucks didn't bounce our way, a couple of brain farts on fucking defense, you know, too many odd man rushes, shit like that. But stuff that's fixable.

We finally won. We beat the avalanche on Saturday. afternoon and I know I like what I saw you know they you know I listen I'm not like one of these fucking fans that expects in one year like we are rebuilding letting Marshawn go and taking that money and investing it back into the team and letting Marshaun go out as a champion like I get all of that and I know that it's going to take a couple of seasons to bring us back but like it's been a lot more fun to watch him this year than last year already um shout out to morgan geeky that fucking um that play he came down and uh beat the other dude to the puck and fake like he was going around

the back of the net so the avalanche guy went around not only does he go around the wrong side of the net the dude fucking wiped out like me at a public skate and uh the goalie was looking at his own defenseman thinking he was looking at Geeky with the puck and geeky came back around the other side and just fucking tucked it in right at the end of the period and I was sitting there going like, God damn, I think we're going to win this one. And then the third period came along and my son came in and said, Dad, will you ride bikes with me? So I had to say yes. So that is, that is what anytime my kids say, can you play with me? Can you do something with me? Even if I just sat down, I just say yes because I've talked to enough parents with grown-up kids,

and I'm sick of them telling me, it goes by fast, make sure you don't miss it. And I know what they're saying, but it's also like you are also romanticizing how fucking exhausting it is to have little kids. And now you're looking back and you're forgetting how fucking tired you were and how you just try to make it to eight o'clock at night every day.

You know? But, you know, My daughter's getting really good at soccer. We have this indoor soccer ball, and she legit fakes me out now. And then I act like I'm really upset about it, which cracks her up, and that's how I get the ball back. Like, I kind of just have to make her laugh if I'm going to get her back, if I'm going to get the ball back. So anyway, so the Bruins won. I don't know if they're playing tonight, but I'm starting to book some stuff.

stand updates for next year and I'm going to knock out the final three teams that I need to see. The Crackin, the mammoth, and the Carolina Hurricanes. I'm going to do that and I plan on watching every Bruins game this year. So I'll be like totally dialed in with hockey. But I will tell you, I've watched like, I missed the first three games because I was, I was, the fuck was I doing. Oh, but we had the family vacation. but you know i was checking in on it and then i had time to watch i watched six losses in a row

and then the avalanche game so i've seen most of the last seven games so i'm just going to stay to that but you haven't even said that i can't even pronounce most of the guys names on the fucking team everybody has like 17 letters um but anyway patriots win again patriots win again you know what i fucking love about the pats is their halftime adjustments have been fucking amazing over the last last month. Every game, it seems it's like it's close at the half and then we figure something out. We have a great running game, which is opening up the passing game. We have a great passing game, which is opening up the running game. I love that we threw three touchdown passes, three

different receivers. I mean, just the fact that they're competitive has been great. And I know, you know our division sucks um speaking of which shout out to the jets i'm glad they won a game dude i you don't want to see somebody go o in 17 this is the thing you go one in 16 nobody fucker remembers you go oh you go oh for then you're with the buccaneers the 77 buccaneers and the uh the lions when oh they were the only team to go oh in 16 buccaneers were the only team to go oh and 14 you don't want to be the first team that goes oh in 17 So shout out to them And

And then I've been watching Oh, I've been watching the world serious Ah fuck What the fuck was that? Just touched my phone Part of the plastic covering just went into my thumb You know the clear thing there? Anyway

First game, I don't know if I talked about that Jesus Jesus Christ there The fucking Blue Jays kicked the shit out of them Had a nine run inning So everybody in old Canada is all fucking excited. Then they come out, game two. And I don't know. I got the kids.

So I don't know anybody's name. The fucking pitcher for the Dodgers, holy shit. They were saying if you have three pitches, you can dominate a game. They said he has six and they all come from the same location. These fucking kids today, just the amount of low, amount of information. that's out there. Nobody fucking thought to do that when I was growing up. It wasn't until, like, who was the first guy?

I think it might have been Pedro that, like, it comes over the top the same, the same sort of release. So that's all come about in, like, the last 25 years. And the fact that people can still hit, like, 300. Like, Aaron Judge, yeah, won the batting title this year, hit, like, fucking 3.30-something. The fact that you can still do that when there's guys out there that have three to six, pitches that all come from the exact same location is insane. So anyway, they come out and there's this fucking guy behind Homeplate in Toronto.

Fucking hilarious. He's got his shirt on it. It said, I bet on us, you sitting right behind Home Plate. And like, I'm sitting there thinking, you know, just a few years ago before, gambling became legal, you couldn't wear that shirt. They'd say, hey, get out of here. Get you there with that shirt that's talking about gambling. You got to turn that thing inside out.

No, you're going to take it off right here in front of everybody. We're going to shame you with your own man boobs. And you're going to fucking take that goddamn thing off. And because we are not going to be associated with gambling whatsoever. I mean, back in the day, like Joe Namath and Mickey Mantle opened a bar, and there was just too many unsavory type people hanging out. He shut that fucking thing down.

Shut that thing down. Joe Namath was considering retiring. That's how little money people made back then playing sports. He ain't going to tell me. He's fucking who can come in my bar and can't shit. I ain't playing football right now. I'm having a drink. We're in a fur coat.

That's what Joe Namath sound like before he fucking moved to New York. Anyway But I just love that fucking guy You won one game I know you won it like 11 to 4 But it was just one game And he's sitting there with that stupid shirt And the later in the game it got the dumber the shirt

I bet on my team you I bet on the other team And now we're fucking one in one What kind of a fucking asshole In a seven game series Thinks the fucking series is over after game I, that, that, and why are you talking shit? You probably suck at Wiffleball.

This is professional baseball. Show up with the fucking regular shirt. I bet on my team, you? I bet on the other two. And? And we both have no idea what the fuck's going to happen. So, anyway, it's coming back. It's in L.A. tonight.

And, uh, I'm going to watch that. Dante Bichette is back. They put them at second base. And it's been like, game one was shocking. And then I would say game two is more like what people thought it was going to be because they also, the Blue Jays had, you know, had a good picture that game also. But I don't know. What do you guys think? You think game three.

Game three. This is a big one. This is a big one because if the Blue Jays fucking take this, then I feel like they feel they can win the series. But if the Dodgers take this, then it starts looking like game one was just a fluke or like a bad game. But I was rooting for the Dodgers. I still loved the Dodgers from when I was a kid.

But yesterday I was watching the game, and I got there for the announcements in the beginning of the game, and they panned down the Blue Jays team. And I was like, is that darn? Mattingly? Is that Donnie baseball? Is he in another fucking world? I got to root for the Blue Jays.

I got a root for the ball. I want to see Manningly get a fucking ring. That guy has been so great for baseball. And he's come close a bunch of times or retired. You know, he retired from the Yankees right before Jeter and all those guys went on the run. And I would just love to see that guy get around. I'll be happy either way. I'll kind of be happy either way.

But I'm just hoping it's going to be a good series. I'm not going to lie to you. I am rooting for the Blue Jays now because I want to see Maddingly get a rink. There, I said it. All right? Even though I'm a Red Sox fan, I don't take it that far. But I will say, Don Mattingly, like Tom Selleck and Bert Reynolds, I was saying this to a friend of mine, he just doesn't look right without a mustache. John Oates, another guy.

You just, you got to grow it back. You got to grow it back. You just have, there's too much skin between your upper lip and the bottom of your nose. There needs to be a mustache there. other people not so much you know what i mean it all depends on how much you know face taint you have between between your nose and your upper lip other people grow a mustache and they look like they're playing a villain in a silent movie and it's like you don't need to do that but don mattingly that was that was one of the great mustaches of the 80s there was some great mustaches in baseball Mike schmidt had a great

mustache. Don Mattingly, arguably, I would say had the mustache. Who else? You know, the 70s were probably the best with the mustache is in the fucking mutton chops or whatever. But anyway, let's plow ahead here. Oh yeah, so anyway,

so I'm going to be getting some, I'll have some road dates finally. I am taking the rest of the year off just because I did the play earlier this year and I am actually enjoying the hell out of being home and around my kids. You know, it's funny as my daughter wants to go to this amusement park because she went there with some friends and there was one roller coaster that she didn't go on and the other kids did and her and a couple kids didn't. And now she's like wishing that she did. So now she's asking me to go back to go on the roller coaster and asking me if I would ride it with her. And this is the thing. I fucking hate

roller coasters. I just, I do, I don't trust them. I went to six flags and I got stuck on one one time. And they got us off pretty quickly, but it, it, there was a moment there where I was going like, this is, this is going to be a mind fuck. Like, I really have to keep my wits about me. And I was feeling my wife was starting to freak out as I

watch these guys in yellow suits for whatever, going over to the fuse box. Unfortunately, they just flicked a switch and went again, and then we were able to get off. But that was the second time I was at Six Flags, and something weird happened on a fucking roller coaster. And I was just like, you know, this fucking place is open seven days a week, essentially 365, and they're just running these rides non-fucking stuff. and I don't feel they do any maintenance until something happened. I'm sure there's upkeep. I'm sure there's checking oil or whatever.

But at the end of the day, it's a machine. I mean, if you're going to be running it, eight hours a fucking day, 10 hours a day or whatever, there's going to be some problems. So I don't mind a roller coaster that I'm sitting down in and there's no loop-de-loops. I will do that, which is, you know, like basically an old school one. Because if that thing shuts off, okay, you know, they can come up, walk up the stairs, walk up the fucking hill or whatever, and they can get you out and everybody can slowly walk down. I don't want to get stuck upside down on a loop.

I've seen that happen. And I don't want to be in that Superman thing anymore because it's all of a sudden it starts feeling like there's a fucking elephant sitting on your chest. because I was totally fine until I thought like, well, you know, if I really wanted to, I could get out of this thing. And I tried to and I couldn't. And then that's when that's sort of like awful feeling

in the middle of your chest started happening. And I was like going, all right, Bill. All right. Just fucking relax. The only reason why you're freaking out right now is because you know that you want to get off and you can't right now. If you can just block that out,

everything's fine. There's plenty of blood flow. You can fucking breathe. your wife freak it out. So now it's time to be positive. So I just started talking to her. And I couldn't really see her. And she was trying to see.

We were like right next to each other. But we couldn't move our fucking heads. I was just going like, it's all right. They're over there. They're going to do this. This is normal. They're going to fix it in any. It should be a couple seconds.

Fortunately it was, but I was totally bullshit. In my head, I was like, oh my God. The last time I heard of it, they were up there for like two fucking fucking hours. So anyway, but my daughter wants to go, so I'm going to go. Hey, what are the odds that happens again? Am I right? All right, let's do some reads here for the week.

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All right. Here we go. Oh, my God. Look what's back. All right. Questions from the listeners. This says Toronto. Oh, hi Billy bald taint.

On second reference to a taint this week, who knew? Who knew? I'm a Canadian who absolutely cannot stand Toronto pro sports franchises, especially the Maple Leafs. Yes, now, hopefully this person looks like in the next sentence. They're going to explain this. But the level of hatred that Canada has for their own capital, the media capital whatever it is um yeah i almost forgot ottawa is the capital of canada but toronto

is the media capital um all right hopefully this person is going to explain it because our media is concentrated in toronto cbc tv ts n sports net the rest of the country gets the leaps blue jays and raptors shoved down our throats 24-7 365 it's incredible frustrating. No, I get it. That's like New York City. If any team in New York wins like three games in a row, that's, oh my God, is this, is this the return of the, like, all the jets have to do is win two more in a row and all of us, you'll have to fucking, someone's going to get a nickname and it's going to be, you know, all of that insufferable shit. But you have like literally, like 30% better stats in Seattle and nobody cares.

Anyway, then they slapped the label. Canada's team on the Jays and Raptors, as if the rest of the country doesn't know there are other teams in North America to support. It's insulting. You're lucky in the state that your media isn't concentrated in just one city. Imagine if New York were the only media hub. Well, New York is the New York sports bias.

I mean, the level that Boston teams get tracked. winning or losing. Like the joy that so many people in the sports media had when Bill Belichick went to the University of North Carolina and they got their asses kicked the first. If they're following this guy to college. Yeah, but New York and L.A., like we have real sports rivals, rivalries with both of those cities.

So, I mean, I don't know. I'm surprised that you don't know. know this but like yeah like if you do something in new york city or in los angeles it means at least 40% more than if you do it in fucking seattle or like milwaukee kansas city or anything like that or like pittsburg um no one even knows like what's happening like that that kid in fucking seattle a shortstop hit 60 home runs i didn't even hear about it i mean i'm not totally paying attention, but if that was going on in New York or L.A., forget about it. I mean, I live in L.A. But I will say New York, I would be 100% aware that there was a shortstop hitting 60 home runs.

Frank Sinatra Jr., Jr. would probably fucking write a song about it. Anyway, but he said the media isn't constrain just once. Imagine up to New York were the only media hub, Yankees, Rangers, Knicks and Giants all day, every day. I'm sure that would drive you nuts. Toronto also has this constant need for validation from cities like New York and L.A. It's like a cringier version of Sally Field saying, won't you like me if you just get to know me? Or the classic Toronto refrain, we're a world-class city, don't you know?

No, it's an excellent. We're a world-class city, don't you know? News flash, world-class cities don't need to say it. They just are, yes. Yeah. There's a lot of people that could take that advice, you know? There's a lot of people, like just individual people, you know, like all of this, this fucking bravado everybody has. Everybody's, you know, you don't want this smoke.

I'm not the one what I said it. It's like, you're online. You're not in anybody's face right now. I don't understand you're puffing your chest up to a computer screen. You're probably chesting up to a bot. I don't know what you're doing. Anyway, yeah, I would say in our country, that city, you know, was always Chicago. They used to try to say it was Boston.

like Philadelphia. Like the New York sports media created this storyline that Boston and Philadelphia had an inferiority complex. Because we were so close to New York, but we weren't New York. It was the most New York like mindset. It's just like you're a New Yorker, right? Do you even consider Boston or Philadelphia? you. And they would be like, no, fuck them. It's like, yeah, we feel the same way. Nobody cares.

Nobody gives a fuck. People in Buffalo don't give a fuck about Boston. I don't think about Buffalo. Nobody's thinking about New York. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a fuck. People have their lives. People are going to work. There's a chick there. They want to bang. That's what the fuck they give a shit about. They give a fuck about their own hometown. They give a shit about whether or not they can fucking afford to make the rent. That's what they're focusing on. They're not sitting there, ignoring the needs of their children, counting buildings on their skyline going, why does this city have more than us? I don't feel like a good father anymore. It's one of the dumber things.

I just, you know, sports writers, they have to write about sports every day. So they just sort of like invent these things. And I finally discovered that. That was, I brought this up before. When the Red Sox finally won a World Series and ended that 86-year drought, they started saying on ESPN, I'll tell you, if the Red Sox win,

their fans aren't going to know what to do with themselves. And I was at home going, what do you mean? I'm not going to go. I'm going to fucking go drink a bottle of champagne and smoke a cigar, fucking jump around the high. I know exactly what I'm going to do.

And they just kept, I'll tell you right now, one game away. They're not going to know what to do. Right. And then we win it. The whole city's going crazy, jumping around, celebrating, as am I. But then what do they do? They interview people and they only cut to people going like, I don't even know what to do.

They literally said, like a kid, can you say I don't even know what to do? Do you want a cookie? And they just sort of like shove this narrative down their fucking, like, I've talked about this for years. Like, I lived in New York for like, I don't know, 10, 12 years.

I never heard anybody go, oh, I'm walking here. I lived in Boston, outside of Boston, for 27 years. I never met a lobster fisherman. I never saw a lighthouse. I don't know how to tie sailor knots. All of that fucking shit

that they show. I don't like, what is, what is that shit that looks like somebody puked in a bowl? Chowder, clamp chowder. I wasn't not even a part of my life. Like, I don't even, I didn't even have an opinion on it. I just looked at it. I was like, that looks gross. I don't want to eat fucking soup that has fish in it.

That just makes my, it just makes me sick. my stomach to even think about it and uh later on in life i i i tried it and it was i guess it was all right but but these fucking sports channels just like you know they you live in philly you walk around you know eating a fucking you got a cheese steak in one fucking hand and uh you know fucking eagle in a bald eagle in your other fucking it's they they don't you can get a cheese steak But that is something you can't You can't eat like that every goddamn day Just fucking sitting around

eating clam chowder every fucking day You live in Chicago How often do you get deep dish? Even if you love it How often are you fucking? They just act like they It's why you grow a mustache You sit there eating a deep dish pizza

I'm a Chicago guy So they do all of that type of stuff So But I 100% understand What you're talking about Where all of a sudden you know for whatever reason because all the media is there that whatever happens in that city is just like amplified um i don't know i have no idea i could actually say that new york city

has an inferiority complex as far as sports goes to what happened in boston for 20 years with the joy that they have like like the nicks beating the celtics you would have thought you would have thought they won a fucking championship and then they lose the next round as always to continue their 52 year fucking drought of no championships but every fucking year come playoff times the amount of time that they're going to dedicate to showing new york nix fans celebrating after a fucking win in the first or second round of the playoffs is you know it's like every year they show fucking Maple Leaf fans standing outside their fucking

like stadium and everybody knows everybody knows what's going to happen why are you showing this why does failure get more coverage than in this city than success in other cities so yeah I would say New York

sports media is is yeah there's a bias and I'm not shitting on New York because New York is is the that's if we're going to try to compete with europe you know london paris and rome new york city is what we got and it is a great city it's an amazing city and and all of that but like hitting 300 in new york is hitting 300 in milwaukee but for some reason no in new york

with this this fucking pressure dude nobody is nervous about you in that yankee jersey that you're too fat to button they don't give a fuck they have somebody throwing an object at the their fucking head 100 miles an hour. That's what they're focused on. Nobody gives a fuck. You know, when I sit there with the hot dog, this fucking guy worth $100 million really feels a lot of pressure.

All right. That's what you want to think. All right. Let's plow ahead. This guy continues to say, and don't get me started on Toronto sports media disregard for Canadian domestic pro and university level sports.

TSN, often mockingly, calls called the Toronto Sports Network, network would rather show Division 3 titally winks between Montana State and Chancellorville A&M than Canadian University football, basketball, or hockey. Maybe that'll change because, you know, down here, they're showing way more the WNBA

and the level of play is noticeably better. And I think that the WNBA, I mean, at the end of the day, you're a human being and it's a, it's a basketball. All right. So if you just look at like gymnastics, you watch a guy doing a floor exercise, then you watch the women, they do the same thing. They're doing the same like flips and shit. So they have the ability to fucking learn how to shoot and dribble if they just do it long enough. And I think now that they're going to actually get paid, even though there's nobody fucking, you know, not people watching it for the money that they're demanding. If there's actual money at the end of it, then I think that in the next 10 years, like how, it's kind of like how all those European basketball teams used to suck in the Olympics.

And then that one dream team went over there in the early 90s, 30 years ago, and so embarrassed. them that I don't know what happened. They just said, fuck this. And they focused on the game. And now like, like eight foot tall people hitting three pointers like their Larry Bird or something. So I don't know. Anyway, plowing ahead here. This person goes on to say, sports net, which holds the rights to the Jays, constantly puts down the CFL and the Argonauts, a franchise that actually wins championship while worshipping anything and everything American. Love your comedy, Bill. Tell the haters to go fuck themselves. When are you coming back to Canada?

I don't know. I might have some gigs up there soon. Yeah, but you guys still have hockey night in Canada. I feel don't they leave like the hockey alone? I don't know. I have no idea. But I will tell you this. I do like Toronto.

And I love New York. I love going there. But like I totally understand what you're saying. It's like this is all pro level sports. And if somebody is crushing it, you know, they should get an equal amount of attention. Like if you hit 60 home runs, you should be getting attention for that. Not being, well, it's 60 home runs in Seattle. I mean, shit, I would hit 30.

I mean, I barely play whiffle. But like that whole fucking attitude, I'm not. I don't subscribe to that. Or else, and I also don't subscribe to you lose in the first or second round of the playoffs every year, but you get coverage like you're, you know, I don't know what, like one of the great fucking teams out there. Anyway, okay, NFL kicker. Hey, Bill, NFL fan from Wisconsin, go pack out.

I heard you in Verzi discussing NFL kickers being able to nail 50 yards like nothing, this season and kickers getting different balls. Just emailing to give you a bit of info on the special K balls NFL kickers use and how the rules changed for this year. I didn't do a bunch of research on this, so feel free to disregard. This is just based on listening to Pat McAfee. You know, it's funny, I wanted to hear what he thought about it, talking about the kicking rules in the NFL over the last four to five years.

Yeah, like how can they all of a sudden just kick it like 15 yards longer? it seems out of nowhere. As far as what I know, NFL kickers have had separate balls than what are used in all non-kicking plays since 1999. The K-balls were given to each team immediately prior to game time to avoid teams having time to manipulate the balls too much before the game. Kickers complained that these balls were too slick. They essentially

They were essentially brand new and rock hard Whereas the balls used in the rest of the games Had been roughed up and broken in In 2000 This is fascinating In 2006 one of the K balls Made its way onto the field by accident

And the QB dropped the snap Resulting in a fumble They complained that it was Because of how slick the K ball was Teams used this as an argument To push against the K ball rule And after that season, each home team's equipment manager was given a short window of time before the game where they could break in a certain number of balls to be used on all kicking plays that game. That's like when you buy a new motorcycle and you got to be worried that, you know, the first turn you take, the tires aren't or still have, I don't know what, like wax on them or some shit.

And the bike goes out from underneath you. Anyway, this is done under the supervision of NFL reps to ensure that the equipment. managers aren't using any illegal substances or letting any air out. From what I understand, this past season, they changed the rule to remove that short window of time requirement. Now teams can break balls in several days in advance. This paired with kickers being significantly better skill and skill. Ah, get the fuck out of here with that.

Three years ago, a 56-yarder was amazing. Now they're kicking them. and the ball, a 56-yarder, and it's still like the net needs to stop it from going into the crowd. Anyway, this paired with kickers being significantly better skill and strength-wise than they were before the 2006 rule is why 50-yarders have seemed like chip shots this season. I could be entirely wrong, but I hope this helped clear it, cleared it up.

Yeah, you know what? I mean, as far as 2006, I'm sure they are in much more. better shape. I mean, I don't know. When somebody runs a kickback and you see the kicker try to keep up with a returner in the NFL, they still look pretty pathetic. I don't know, but does lifting weights and getting you in shape make you faster? Probably not.

All right. I don't know. I'll go with most of that, but I also know that each year. the NFL tries to do something with rules and everything to make sure more games come down to the final play not so it's more exciting

it's so you'll watch all the commercials and they can make all of this and they can charge you know peak of the game fees for commercials right until the end because that's what happens if it's a blowout people fucking turn it off the advertisers

you know used to be like well if I'm advertising in the fourth quarter you know if it's a tie game people are still watching I'll pay this fee and if but if it's like any more than this if the team's down by this many points or more I'm not paying full price so I feel like they've manipulated the games they manipulated the game

so more games than not come down to this and I also think that offense is what sells the game to the casual fan more viewers more ratings, more money. I don't know. I feel like this is football's version of like juicing up the baseball when baseball was sort of a game of the past

and all of these records that just stood for decade after decade after decade. And they never really addressed why, which was like all of these records were done when it was a whites only league. And like after Jackie Robinson came in, And that's why so many of those records just are never going to get broken. It's just because once you let the best of the best of everybody, obviously the level of play ridiculously got elevated.

And then each year with the knowledge that people have, can you imagine if you had six different pitches that all came from the exact same place and you went in and pitched to people in the 1920s and 30s? They never fucking saw anything like that. No fucking way. it was too early. Like who would even, like, they didn't have, like, video cameras to even fucking, to analyze that. Maybe it was like a local press thing and they, they would show it, but they would always be

filming from like a hundred yards away. There was no game film to break down and watch. I don't know. So, anyway, hopefully that clears up more of what's going on in the fucking kicking world of the NFL. All right, I could be entirely wrong, but blah, blah, okay, hot made issue. All right, dear Billy blue-footed booby. I don't even know what that means. I got a dilemma, and I'm seeking your professional advice.

All right, I am not a professional, okay? You have a dilemma, and you don't have the time or the money to talk to professionals, so now you're asking a comedian, okay? So take all of this with a grain of salt. I am a 33-year-old American, living in Brazil, and I've been here for almost 10 years now, and I love it. I originally came to study abroad,

but ended up staying and getting married to a Brazilian girl. Believe me, I understand all of that. Once you go down there, those are some of the most beautiful women in the fucking world. Absolute goddesses. That whole continent, I would say arguably has the most beautiful women in the fucking world. We have no intentions of moving to the states, although we're also not that couple that says,

fuck the USA, could never live there. We just prefer living here. People like to politicize our choice to live in Brazil over the USA. Anything for people to pick a fucking side. Yeah, 100%. Anyway, recently, we hired a maid to clean our apartment twice a month. It's a common practice here, especially among couples or families. that work. Brazilians are clean freaks. So we got this contract from a friend and I sent her a message

and she came over to clean two weeks ago. The problem is that she is a fucking 10. She's in her 20s, has a tight ass, bronze skin and a beautiful smile. She is gorgeous. I work from home Mondays and Fridays and my wife works in an office every day of the week. That means that it makes the the most sense for the maid to come over on Monday or Friday. Why not Tuesday or Thursday? I don't understand. What? She's gorgeous.

I work from homes Mondays and Fridays. Oh, oh, because someone needs to let her in. Okay, I get it. All right. Just going to come out and say, I'm not going to cheat on my wife. That is not where this email is going. I was going to say, I'm glad it isn't because had I known you were going to go in that direction, I would have all of these, you get given a lot of details.

While the maid is super friendly and nice, she seems respectful of my relationship. Parentheses, L.O.L. for now. Anyway, my issue is that my wife doesn't know what she looks like, and I know that when she finds out she is not going to approve. She isn't overly jealous, but Brazilian jealous in the sense that if there is a hot chick around, she gets protected of me. She isn't overly jealous, but Brazilian jealous in the sense that if there's a hot chick around, she gets protected of me. I think American women are like that.

Anyway, it is kind of reasonable as girls are often flirty and hot here. Here's another side note. Dude, this sounds like a fucking porno. This is your life? Here's another side note. I lived in Portugal for a while and worked at a hostel there. While I was working there, I hooked up and then dated this Brazilian maid who cleaned the hotel. My wife is aware of this story and we weren't together at the time.

Yeah, dude, yeah, yeah, okay, I get it. So my dilemma is this. Do I tell my wife that this new mate is hot? She has already been over to clean twice and I haven't said anything. I don't know if it would be weird if my wife finds out on her own in the future. she could be like, why wouldn't you tell me, is there something you are hiding? My other issue is that I don't want to tell my wife she is hot and then we have to fire us. She does good work and is super friendly.

What would you do? Tell the wife, ignore it. Thanks a million and I love listening to you to remind me of home. All right, does this go fuck yourself in Brazilian Portuguese? Vaitomano Su, no coup, I don't know how to say it. What would I do? Yeah, I would tell her. I would tell her. I would just say, listen, the new maid is great.

She's absolutely killing it. But, I mean, this is what she looks like. I don't have any, I don't want to do anything, but I just don't want you to be seeing, you know. Like, this is really hard for me to say, because I don't know how your wife is. My wife is cool as shit. She would just look at her and be like,

oh man, she's a fucking smoke show. And that would be it. She wouldn't, that wouldn't bother her. But if you're, if this is something that would bother you, that's what I would say. I would just say,

listen, the new maid's doing a great job and all that. But like, you know, I just want to make sure, I don't know. There's no way to bring it up with her without her. Like, well, why are you telling me? Because then she'll flip it and be like,

so what, she's beautiful. Why should I be concerned? Why? what are you thinking? Here's what, like, I don't know. If you're not going to fuck her, then what's the problem? So what I would do?

Yeah, you know what? I wouldn't say anything. And then if your wife has a problem, all I'm doing is protecting you in the argument because I feel like if you actually tell her, you're going to get into an argument. So in the way you're describing her. So what I would do, I just wouldn't say anything

and be like, yeah, when she brings it up, be like, first of all, I'm married to you. Second of all, that woman's in like her fucking 20s. Oh, well, you did this before. Yeah, when I was single, I wasn't with you. And then I would just keep it on that. And as long as you're not fucking her, what is the problem? What is the fucking problem?

The problem is that you wrote in here and you said she's a fucking smoke show. So I don't know, dude. I'm choosing to believe you that you have no intentions of banging her. But, um, like, I said, I mean, I'll be honest with you, that whole story sounds like the beginning of a porno to me. And in the porno, the wife comes home and is upset for half a second and then joins you. I don't think that that will happen in real life, but I don't live in Brazil. All right, shooting hogs with a helicopter.

Shooting hogs from a helicopter, not with a helicopter. Shooting hogs from a helicopter. Dear Miggs, May Freckles. Have you ever heard of helahogging? I haven't heard it. Put it that way. That sounds like you have a helicopter. You've got to fly some overweight people. And you've got to be concerned about how much fuel you're going to put in the fucking helicopter. It's the practice of shooting feral hogs with rifles from a helicopter.

Yes, I've seen it. And, I mean, it's amazing. You have to factor in the speed of the helicopter with the speed of the hogs. and I wouldn't think that the helicopter is always going the same speed. So it's like bow fishing if the boat was like full out, you know? I don't know. It seems really difficult. There are millions of feral hogs running wild, running wild. In the U.S. today, when European explorers were sailing all over the world,

they would drop off male and female pigs on any island they came across, so they would breed with each other and future sailors who stopped at the island would have a source of food. The feral hogs in America are descended from pigs that European explorers.

What the fucking thing to do to a pig? The thing is living in Europe. You know, all that great architecture and food and then you just drop it off in the middle of nowhere. Guess there's nothing left to do, but fuck. The feral hogs in America are descended from pigs,

that European explorers, including Christopher Columbus, set loose here in the 16th century. These hogs are considered an invasive species, are very destructive to crops and habitats, and they multiply out of control. The federal government spends over 20 million a year to manage their population. Well, why don't they use ice to get these fucking things? In many states, I still don't understand why they have to bring those people to alligator alcatraz. They weren't like out there robbing banks. They were working in restaurants.

These are hardworking people. They didn't come here the right way. All right, you want to remove you. There's still a respectful way that you could get rid of them. To do it in such a mean, non-caring fashion. And for so many people to be like excited about that, it's just so fucking depressing. It's just fucking like, you're excited looking at that,

seeing this woman crying as she's getting her kids taken out of her arms? Okay, she came here illegally. bullet she's working her fucking ass off dude if you're an american citizen you can murder and rape another citizen and they'll put you in a prison that is not surrounded by alligators i don't understand um is alligator alcatraz even something is does that actually exist or is that just something trump said i feel like he watches austin powers on a loop and's like that's a good idea i should do that um anyway in many states there is no hunting there's There's no hunting limit on them.

In Texas, it is even legal to shoot them from a helicopter. The pilot flies low enough to flush them out of wooded areas into the open. All you need is a regular hunting license. Hunters will pay good money for the opportunity to do this. Their meat is used in pet food and is also fine for human consumption. So if you ever get sick of Hollywood bullshit and people trying to cancel your stand-up act, No, no, no, no, no, no. You guys were all fucking all over the place.

You guys were on that. That bullshit last week. Everybody was on that. That was the funniest thing, too, Trumpers acting like they give a fuck about human rights. Your liberal ass can help save the environment by flying some cool, crazy rednecks in their guns out to shoot wild pigs. I'd help bridge the political divide. Oh, it would help division the political divide in this country. And God knows we could use that.

Absolutely. I mean, I wouldn't want to fly people shooting guns outside. I wouldn't mind doing it. Anyway, I hope you find this interesting. Thanks for the podcast, and please come back to Peoria sometime. Homer Richard Pryor. Yeah, no, it looks like, and not only is it a good thing for the environment, it looks fun as hell.

It does look fun as hell, and it looks way safer than hunting them on the ground. I've seen enough of those hunting videos. where they flush them out and you basically got one shot if you miss them i still don't understand you know those tusks they have like how how that that it looks more like it would be blunt force trauma as opposed to sharp but they just will they'll open you up like a fucking fillet um there's such weird animals like is they're opening you up they're squealing like they're the ones getting fucking filleted right they're like stabbing you with their tusks and then have the audacity to scream louder than you.

Like, what the fuck are you screaming about? I'm the one getting fucking gourd over here. All right, that is the podcast. All right, everybody. I look forward to whatever the bots tell you to be upset about next month. All right, that's it. Seriously, go fuck yourselves. Have a great couple of days.

Enjoy the World Series tonight. And I'll check in on you on Thursday.