Monday Morning Podcast - Heroine Sheik, Roller Coasters, Heli-Hogging | Monday Morning Podcast 10-27-25

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Bill rambles about 90's heroine sheik, roller coaster malfunctions, and heli-hogging. Squarespace:  Head to www.squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: (BURR) to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hims:  To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.Hims.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 27th. What's going on? How are you? Oh, geez, there. How's your Monday going? We got a, we got a, we got the June gloom going on out here. Around here. That whole decade, I missed all of that music in the 90s. I just couldn't believe that it was over the 80s were over around here it's bigger bigger than you and you are not me see i go right back to the 80s went right back to r em i went from that other band that had all those big hits um there was a lot of songs about runaway kids in the 90s i do i do remember that and abused kids you know the 80s it was more you know they were singing too two those same abused kids, but they were just asking them whether or not they were still

rocking. And, you know, there was only one answer to that question. The same way, like if you play sports and you lay in on the turf and the coach comes up and says, can you still play, there's only one answer. You have to say yes. You can't say, well, no, actually, my body's telling me that there's something wrong. The music version of that in the 80s. was, you know, are you ready to rock? Do you rock? Are you still rocking? There was only one answer to that question.

And that was yes. You know, you, or yeah, you know, there was no way in any way, shape or form you could ever tell anybody for that entire decade of the 80s that on that particular afternoon that you were, you were not ready to rock or you weren't rocking or you didn't feel like rocking maybe you've just felt like chilling out was not an option and that's because the cocaine was pure no it wasn't you're putting bacon soda in it by then um typical capitalism you can't just be happy with your giant fucking mansion with your initials on the back of your chair and your two fucking elephant tucks like framing it you know on either side you know you can't be happy with that we

we need to turn more of a profit more of a fucking profit anyway let's uh let's plow ahead here let's let's move on oh billy uh oh billy jim rat oh billy boy he's going back to the gym again it's been five years since he put on his fucking covid wait when the fuck are you gonna and I fucking commit. Stop going to the doctor. Yes, I'm going to do that. I got to finally do, now that I've actually gone and got my blood work

and they said my cholesterol was a little high. And then they're like, you know, we could put you on some medication, right? Not doing that. Really? And what internal organ does that fuck up? I'm not doing that. Or I could not walk around

within extra 15 pounds on my belly that I don't need. So I've been going to the gym. gym every day last three days so i got to go again today um still doing the weights i'm not going to become like remember heroin chic that was 90s heroin chic you know aidesy sort of look blood disease that was actually considered hot in uh for a minute in the 80s looking like, hey, is that person on heroin? Do they have a blood disease?

Oh, my God. Can you introduce me? Could I carry that full-grown adult like a baby? Oh, my God. Can I meet that person? That first, for a second. That was, yeah, that was the thing. That was maybe the height of miserable, beautiful women

is when they had to get that skinny for the fucking weirdos that managed them I made their clothes it was really weird and then Sir Mixalot came out talking about ass and then you know all of a sudden they were allowed to eat again

you know this is all true you know if you look it up if you go to the right website out there on the fucking inner web the inner web of lies I'm still thinking about that bullshit from a few weeks ago

that was a fucking what a bunch of fucking oh that was one of the hardest things ever to keep my mouth shut and just not trash every one of those fucking cunts oh

oh am I looking forward to running into a few people hey what's the latest what's the latest on you caring about it's weird all of a sudden you don't care anymore what happened you flapping your fucking fucking goddamn arms up and down what happened what happened what's your cause this month to help sell whatever project you're on you can't um anyway Anyway, so my new breakfast, instead of a breakfast burrito, which, by the way, having lived in New York City and now living in Los Angeles, the breakfast burrito is just, it's beyond the bacon, egg, and cheese. Bacon, egg and cheese, like, you know, that's sort of like, what would they, bacon, egg and cheese as far as breakfast things.

if you put it in like a i'm doing all music today it would be like you know zeppelin black sabbath of breakfast sandwiches and then like it gets more hardcore you know it's Metallica anthrax and all these other bands and that that's that's the breakfast burrito

yeah it's like the difference between but da-na-na-na-na-cha-cha-cha-cha-ch-cha-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chit. I'm a fan of both, but I would definitely, I would give the nod to the breakfast burrito. And then I grew up in Massachusetts and there really wasn't a breakfast sandwich.

The only breakfast sandwich we had up there was like a fucking egg McMuffin. But like, you would get like, you know, bacon and eggs or something like that. and a coffee. You're just sort of a regular breakfast. But anyway, I can't fucking do that. Right, right, of course, when I was getting into learning how to make a breakfast burrito. Interestingly enough, I get my cholesterol check and that it's fucking too high. I was eating like that. Oh, oh, there's no more fun in the world

than getting high cholesterol. So now I am back to, I have oatmeal. for breakfast or i have a parfe with the greek yogurt and uh you know a couple helpings because my blood sugar was low because i i don't eat fruit and i also don't eat candy or any of that shit anymore so i had to have some fruit and then at night um i just have like steamed broccoli and i know i know are you hanging your head too it's fucking sad steam broccoli and like snow peas is what I snack on and the first night you put all that green vegetables into a bowl

and you're looking at it as opposed to having like a fucking something fun something that sugary or salty it's like but after like two bites of it you're like oh this tastes good this makes sense and then you kind of like leveled out

as opposed to be it's like going it's like the first time you stop drinking and you go to a party and everybody else is getting drunk and you don't. And at first you feel like you're missing out and then you start seeing people drunk and then you're just like, oh. Oh, I don't know.

Is that what I look like? They're not even that drunk. I used to get fucking hammered. So, anyway, there's a number I want to get down to by the end of the year. You know, 172 is where I like to be, but I'm going to be a little bit underneath that. maybe like 169, 170.

That's what I have to get down to. I was a buck 90. I'm down to like 187 now. So that's easy to drop that by the end of the year. A couple, two, three pounds a week. And I finally got back on the scale. And then I just weigh myself every goddamn day. And that's the way I'm doing it.

All right? I'm taking it one pound at a time. You know, the last five years, we, you know, we didn't get it done. that i got no one to blame on myself so um yeah that's that's that's what i'm up to uh and other than that let's talk some fucking sports let's talk some bread and that i can't eat and circus that i don't go to because of the fucking the way they treat the animals and i have a special coming out um to get sanctimonious about to mock all of that um anyway um yeah evidently everything must have

cleared up because there's no more chatter they must have fixed everything um oh it's going to be passive and it's going to be aggressive um anyway let's talk sports all right let's talk my boston Bruins to look at their records you would know that they are a much improved team. We're scoring a ton of goals but we're letting in even more but we've had a bunch

of competitive games. There's only been a few we won the first three then we lost six in a row but we were in all of those games and you know a couple of bucks didn't bounce our way a couple of brain farts on fucking defense you know

too many odd man rushes shit like that but stuff that's it's that's fixable um we finally won we beat the avalanche on uh sad afternoon and um i don't know i like what i saw you know they you know i listen i'm not like one of these fucking fans that expects in one year like we we are rebuilding letting marshawn go and taking that money and investing it back into the team and letting marshawn go and go out as a champion like i get all of that and i know that it's going to take a couple of seasons to bring us back but like it's been a lot more fun to watch them this year than last year already um shout out to morgan geeky that fucking um that play he came down and uh beat the other

dude to the puck and fake like he was going around the back of the net so the avalanche guy went around not only does he go around the wrong side of the net the dude fucking wiped out like me at a public skate and uh the goalie was looking at his own defenseman thinking he was looking at geeky with the puck and geeky came back around the other side and just fucking tucked it in right at the end of the period and i was sitting there going like god damn i think we're going to win this one um and then the third period came along and my son came in and said dad will you ride bikes with me so i had to say yes so that is that is what anytime my kids say can you play with me can you do something with me even if i just sat down i just sat down i

just say yes because I've talked to enough parents with grown-up kids and I'm sick of them telling me it goes by fast make sure you don't miss it and like I know what they're saying but it's also like you are also romanticizing how fucking exhausting it is to have little kids and now you're looking back and you're forgetting how fucking tired you were and how you just try to make it to eight o'clock at night every day you know um but you know my daughter's getting really good at soccer we have this indoor soccer ball and she uh she legit fakes me out now and then i act like i'm really upset about it which cracks her up and that's how i get the ball back like i kind of just have to make her laugh um if i'm going to get her

back if i'm going to get the ball back so uh anyway so the uh the Bruins won i don't know if they're playing tonight but um starting to book some stand up dates for next year and i'm going to knock out the final three teams that i need to see uh the cracking the mammoth and uh the carolina hurricanes um i'm gonna do that and i plan on watching every bruin's game this year so i'll be like totally dialed in with hockey but i will tell you i've watched like i missed the first three games because I was I was uh the fuck was I doing oh but we had the family vacation but you know I was checking in on it and then I had time to watch I watched six losses in a row and then the avalanche game so I've seen most of the last seven games so I'm just going to stay in to that but you haven't even

said that I can't even pronounce most of the guys names on the fucking team everybody has like 17 letters um but anyway Patriots win again Patriots win again you know what I fucking love about the Pats, their halftime adjustments have been fucking amazing over the last month. Every game, it seems it's like it's close at the half and then we figure something out. We have a great running game, which is opening up the passing game. We have a great passing game, which is opening up the running game. I love that we threw three touchdown passes, three different receivers. I mean, I just, just the fact that they're competitive has been great.

And I know, you know, our division sucks. Speaking of which, shout out to the Jets. I'm glad they won a game, dude. You don't want to see somebody go over and 17. This is the thing, you go 1 in 16, nobody fucker remembers. You go, oh, you go over. Then you're with the Buccaneers, the 77 Buccaneers, and the

the lions they were the only team to go 0 in 16 Buccaneers were the only team to go 0 in 14 you don't want to be the first team that goes 0 in 17

so shout out to them and then I've been watching oh I've been watching the world serious ah fuck what the fuck was that just touched my phone part of the plastic covering

just went into my thumb you know the clear thing there um anyway um first game i don't know if i talked about that jesus jesus christ there the fucking blue jays kicked the shit out of them had a nine run inning so everybody in oh canada is all fucking excited then they come out game two and i i don't know i'm you know i got the kid so i don't know anybody's name the fucking pitcher for the dodgers holy shit they were saying if he have three pitches you can dominate a game they said he has six and they all come from the same location these fucking kids today just the amount of low amount of information that's out there nobody fucking thought to do that when i was growing up it wasn't until like who was the first guy i think it might have been pedro that like it comes over the top the same the same sort of release so that that's

That's all come about in like the last 25 years. And the fact that people can still hit like 300. Like Aaron Judge won the batting title this year, hit like fucking 3.30 something. The fact that you can still do that when there's guys out there that have three to six pitches that all come from the exact same location is insane. So anyway, they come out and there's this fucking guy behind home plate in, uh, In Toronto, fucking hilarious. He's got his shirt on it, said, I bet on us, you sitting right behind home plate. And like, I'm sitting there thinking, you know, just a few years ago before gambling became legal, you couldn't wear that shirt.

They'd say, hey, get out of here. Get you there with that shirt that's talking about gambling. You got to turn that thing inside out. or no you're going to take it off right here in front of everybody we're going to shame you with your own man boobs and you're going to fucking take that goddamn thing off and uh because we are not going to be associated with gambling whatsoever

I mean back in the day like Joe Namath and Mickey Mantle opened a bar and there was just too many unsavory type people hanging out you shut that fucking thing down shut that thing down Joe Namath was considering retiring. That's how little money people made back then playing sports. It's like, you know, he ain't going to tell me, like fucking who can come in my bar and can't shit. I ain't playing football right now.

I'm having a drink, wearing a fur coat. That's what Joe Namath sound like before he fucking moved to New York. Anyway, but I just love that fucking guy that you won one game. I know you won it like 11 to 4, but it was just one game. And he's sitting there with that stupid. shirt and the later in the game it got the dumber the shirt I bet on that put on my team you I bet on the other team and now we're fucking one in one what kind of a fucking asshole in a seven game series that thinks the fucking

series is over after game I that that and why are you talking shit You probably suck at Wiffleball. This is professional baseball. Show up with the fucking regular shirt. I bet on my team, you? I bet on the other two. And? And we both have no idea what the fuck's going to happen.

So anyway, it's coming back. It's in L.A. tonight. And I'm going to watch that. Dante Bichette. Jet is back. They put them at second base. And it's been like, game one was shocking. And then I would say game two is more like what people thought it was going to be because they also, the Blue Jays had, you know, had a good picture of that game also.

But I don't know. What do you guys think? You think game three, game three, this is a big one. this is a big one because if the blue jays fucking take this then i feel like they feel they can win the series but if the dodgers take this then it starts looking like game one was just a fluke or like a bad game but uh i was rooting for the dodgers i still love the dodgers from when i was a kid but um yesterday i was watching the game and i got there for the the announcements in the beginning of the game and they panned down the Blue Jays team and I was like is that Don

Mattingly is that Donnie baseball is he in another fucking world see I got a root for the Blue Jays I got a root for the ball I want to see Manningley get a fucking ring that guy has been so great for baseball and um he's come close a bunch of times or retired you know he retired from the Yankees right before Jeter and all those guys went on the run and I would just love to see that guy I'll be happy either way I'll kind of be happy either way but I'm just hoping it's going to be a good series

but I'm not going to let you I am rooting for the Blue Jays now because I want to see Mattingley get a ring there I said it all right even though I'm a Red Sox fan I don't take it that far but I will say

Don Mattingly like Tom Selleck and Bert Reynolds I was saying this to a friend of mine he just doesn't look right without a mustache John Oates another guy you just you got to grow it back you got to grow back you just have there's too much skin between your upper lip and the bottom

of your nose there needs to be a mustache there other people not so much you know what i mean it all depends on how much you know face taint you have between between your nose and your upper lip other people grow a mustache and they look like they're playing a villain in a silent movie And it's like, you don't need to do that. But Don Mattingly, that was one of the great mustaches of the 80s. There were some great mustaches in baseball. Mike Schmidt had a great mustache. Don Mattingly, arguably, I would say, had the mustache.

Who else? You know, the 70s were probably the best with the moustaches and the fucking mutton chops or whatever. But anyway. Um, let's, uh, let's, let's, let's plow ahead here. Oh, yeah. So anyway, so I'm going to be getting some, uh, I'll have some road dates finally. I am taking the rest of the year off just because I did the play earlier this year. And I am actually enjoying the hell out of being, uh, home and, uh, around my kids. You know, it's funny as my daughter wants to go to, uh, this amusement park because she went there with some friends and there was one roller coaster that she didn't go on. And the other kids did, and her and a couple kids didn't. And now she's like wishing that she did. So now she's asking me to go back, to go on the roller coaster and asking me if I would ride it with her. And this is the thing.

I fucking hate roller coasters. I just, I do, I don't trust them. I went to six flags and I got stuck on one one time. And they got us off pretty quickly, but it, it, there was a moment there. I was going like, this is going to be a mind fuck. Like, I really have to keep my wits about me. And I was feeling my wife was starting to freak out as I watched these guys in yellow suits for whatever, going over to the fuse box. And fortunately, they just flicked a switch and went again.

And then we were able to get off. But that was the second time I was at six fly. and something weird happened on a fucking roller coaster. And I was just like, you know, this fucking place is open seven days a week, essentially 365, and they're just running these rides non-fucking stuff. And I don't feel they do any maintenance until something happened. I'm sure there's upkeep. I'm sure there's checking oil or whatever.

But at the end of the day, it's a machine. I mean, if you're going to be running it, eight hours a fucking day. 10 hours a day or whatever there's going to be some problems so um i don't mind a roller co i don't mind being on a roller coaster that i'm sitting down in and there's no loop de loops i will do that which is you know like basically an old school one because if that thing shuts off okay you know they can come up walk up the stairs walk up the fucking hill or whatever and they can get you out and everybody can slowly walk down um i don't want to get stuck upside down on a loop i've seen that happen and uh i don't want to be in that superman thing anymore because it's all of a sudden

it starts feeling like there's a fucking elephant sitting on your chest because i was totally fine until i thought like well you know if i really wanted to i could get out of this thing and i tried to and i couldn't and then that's when that's sort of like awful feeling in the middle of your chest started happening and I was like going all right bill all right just fucking relax the only reason why you're freaking out right now is because you know that you want to get off and you can't right now if you can just block that out everything's fine there's plenty of blood flow you can fucking breathe your wife's freak it out so now it's time to be positive so I just started talking to her

And I couldn't really see her, and she was trying to see, we like right next to each other, but we couldn't move our fucking heads. I was just going like, it's all right. They're over there. They're going to do this. This is normal. They're going to fix it in any, it should be a couple seconds. Fortunately, it was, but I was totally bullshitting. In my head, I was like, oh, my God, the last time I heard about, they were up there for like two fucking hours.

So anyway, but my daughter wants to go. I'm going to go. Hey, what are the odds that happens again? Am I right? All right. Let's do some reads here for the week. Oh, look who it is, everybody. Squarespace. This podcast is sponsored slash brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase, your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable

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and important safety information. All right, there we go. All right, here we go. Oh, my God. Look what's back. All right. Questions from the listeners that says Toronto. Ugh.

Hi, Billy bald taint. On second reference to a taint this week, who knew? Who knew? I'm a Canadian who absolutely cannot. stand Toronto pro sports franchises, especially the Maple Leafs. Yes. Now, hopefully this person looks like in the next sentence, they're going to explain this. But the level of hatred that Canada has for their own capital, the media capital,

whatever it is, yeah, I almost forgot. Ottawa is the capital of Canada, but Toronto is the media capital. All right, hopefully this person is going to explain it Because our media is concentrated in Toronto, CBC, CTV, TSN, Sportsnet. The rest of the country gets the Leafs, Blue Jays, and Raptors Shove down our throats 24-7-365. It's incredibly frustrating. No, I get it.

That's like New York City. If any team in New York wins like three games in a row, that oh my god is this is this the return of the like all the jets have to do is win two more in a row and all of us you'll have to fucking someone's going to get a nickname and it's going to be you know all of that insufferable shit um but you have like literally like 30% better stats in seattle and nobody cares um anyway then they slapped the label Canada's team on the jays and raptors as if the rest of the country doesn't know there are other teams

in North America to support. It's insulting. You're lucky in the state that your media isn't concentrated in just one city. Imagine if New York were the only media hub. Well, New York is the New York sports bias, I mean, the level that Boston teams get trashed, winning or losing,

like the joy that so many people in the sports media had when Bill Belichick went to the University of North Carolina and they got their asses kicked the first. If they're following this guy to college. Yeah, but New York and L.A., like we have real sports rivals, rivalries with both of those cities. So, I mean, I don't, I don't, I don't know. I'm surprised that you don't know this, but like, yeah, like if you do something in New York City or in Los Angeles, it means at least 40% more than if you do it in fucking Seattle or like Milwaukee, Kansas City or anything like that, or like Pittsburgh.

No one even knows like what's happening. Like that kid in fucking Seattle, a shortstop hit 60 home runs. I didn't even hear about it. I mean, I'm not totally paying attention, but if that was going on in New York or L.A., forget about it. I mean, I live in L.A. But I will say New York, I would be 100% aware that there was a shortstop hitting 60 home runs. Frank Sinatra Jr., Jr., would probably fucking write a song about it.

Anyway, but he said the media isn't constrained just once. Imagine if New York were the only media hub, Yankees, Rangers, Knicks, and Giants all day, every day. I'm sure that would drive you nuts. Toronto also has this constant need for validation from cities like New York and L.A. It's like a cringier version of Sally Field saying, won't you like me if you just get to know me? Or the classic Toronto refrain, we're a world-class city, don't you know? oh no it's a excellent we're world-class city don't you know news flash world-class cities don't need to

say it they just are yes yeah there's a lot of people that could take that advice you know there's a lot of people like just individual people you know like all of this this fucking bravado everybody has everybody's you know you don't want this smoke i'm not the one what i said it it's like you're you're online you're not in anybody's face right now i don't understand you're puffing your chest up to a computer screen you're probably chesting up to a bot like i don't know what you're doing anyway um yeah i would say in in our country that city you know, was always Chicago. They used to try to say it was Boston and, like, Philadelphia.

Like, the New York sports media created this storyline that Boston and Philadelphia had an inferiority complex. Because we were so close to New York, but we weren't New York. It was the most New York. York like mindset it's just like you're a New Yorker right do you even consider Boston or Philadelphia and they would be like no fuck them it's like yeah we feel the same way nobody cares nobody gives a fuck people in Buffalo don't give a fuck about Boston I don't think about Buffalo nobody's thinking about New York nobody cares nobody gives a fuck people have their lives people are going to work there's a chick there they want to bang that's what the fuck they give a shit about they

give a fuck about their own hometown they give a shit about whether or not they can fucking afford to make the rent that's what they're focusing on they're not sitting there ignoring the needs of their children counting buildings on their skyline going why does this city have more than us i don't feel like a good father anymore it's one of the dumber things um I just, you know, sports writers, they have to write about sports every day. So they just sort of like invent these things. And I finally discovered that. That was, I brought this up before.

When the Red Sox finally won a World Series and ended that 86-year drought, they started saying on ESPN, I'll tell you, if the Red Sox win, their fans aren't going to know what to do with themselves. And I was at home going, what do you mean? I'm not going to go. I'm going to fucking go drink. a bottle of champagne and smoke a cigar fucking jump around the high I know exactly what I'm going to do and they just kept I'll tell you right now

they're one game away they're not going to know what to do right and then we win it the whole city's going crazy jumping around celebrating as am I but then what do they do? They interview people and they only cut to people going like

I don't even know what to do they literally said like a kid can you say I don't even know what to do do you want a cookie and they just sort of like shove this narrative down they're fucking like

I've talked about this for years like I lived in New York for like I don't know 10 12 years I never heard anybody go oh I'm walking here I lived in Boston outside of Boston for 27 years,

I never met a lobster fisherman. I never saw a lighthouse. I don't know how to tie sailor knots. All of that fucking shit that they show, I don't like, what is that shit that looks like somebody puked in a bowl? Chowder, clamp chowder. I wasn't not even a part of my life.

Like, I don't even, I didn't even have an opinion on it. I just looked at it. I was like, that looks gross. I don't want to eat fucking soup that has fish in it. That just makes my, it just makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it. And, uh, later on in life, I, I tried it. And it was, I guess it was all right, but, but these fucking sports channels just like, you know, Hey, you live in Philly, you walk around, you know, eating a fucking, you got a cheese steak in one fucking hand and a, you know, fucking eagle and a bald eagle in your other fucking, they don't.

You can get a cheese steak. But that is something, you can't fucking, you can't eat like that every goddamn day. Just fucking sitting around eating clam chowder every fucking day. You live in Chicago. How often do you get deep dish? Even if you love it. How often are you fucking? They just act like they,

it's why you grow a mustache. You sit there eating the deep dish pizza. I'm a Chicago guy. So they do all of that type of stuff. So, but I 100% understand what you're talking about, where all of a sudden, you know, for whatever reason,

because all the media is there, that whatever happens in that city is just like amplified. I don't know. I have no idea. I could actually say that New York City has an inferiority complex as far as sports goes to what happened in Boston for 20 years with the joy that they have like the Knicks beating the Celtics. You would have thought they won a fucking championship.

And then they lose the next round. as always to continue their 52 year fucking drought of no championships but every fucking year come playoff times the amount of time that they're going to dedicate to showing New York Knicks fans celebrating after a fucking

win in the first or second round of the playoffs is you know it's like every year they show fucking Maple Leaf fans standing outside their fucking like stadium and everybody knows everybody knows what's going to happen

why are you showing this why does failure get more coverage than in this city than success in other cities so yeah I would say New York sports media is um is uh yeah

there's a bias and I'm not shitting on New York because New York is is the that's if we're going to try to compete with Europe you know, London, Paris and Rome, New York City is what we got. And it is a great city. It's an amazing city and all of that. But like, hitting 300 in New York is hitting 300 in Milwaukee. But for some reason, no, in New York with this fucking pressure.

Dude, nobody is nervous about you in that Yankee jersey that you're too fat to button. They don't give a fuck. They have somebody thrown an object at their fucking head 100 miles an hour. that's what they're focused on nobody gives a fuck you know when i when i sit there with the hot dog this fucking guy worth a hundred million dollars really feels a lot of pressure all right that's what you want to think um all right let's plow ahead this guy continues to say and don't get me started on toronto sports media disregard for canadian domestic pro and university level sports.

TSN often mockingly calls, called the Toronto Sports Network, network would rather show Division III titally winks between Montana State and Chancellorville A&M than Canadian University football, basketball, or hockey. Maybe that'll change because, you know, down here, they're showing way more the WNBA and the level of play is noticeable. better and I think that I think that

the WNBA I mean at the end of the day you're a human being and it's a basketball all right so if you just look at like gymnastics you watch a guy doing a floor exercise then you watch the women they do

the same thing they're doing the same like flips and shit so they have the ability to fucking learn how to shoot and dribble if they just do it long enough and i think now that they're going to actually get paid even though there's nobody fucking you know not people watching it for the money that they're demanding if there's actual money at the end of it then i i think that the in the next 10 years like how it's kind of like how all those european basketball teams used to suck in the olympics and then that one dream team

went over there in the early 90s 30 years ago and so embarrassed them that i don't know what happened they just said fuck this and they focused on the game and now like like eight foot tall people hitting three pointers like their larry bird or something so um i don't know anyway plowing ahead here um this person goes on to say uh sports net which holds the rights to the jays constantly puts down the CFL and the Argonauts, a franchise that actually wins championship while worshipping anything and everything American. Love your comedy, Bill.

Tell the haters to go fuck themselves. When are you coming back to Canada? I don't know. I might have some gigs up there soon. Yeah, but you guys still have hockey night in Canada. I feel don't they leave like the hockey alone I don't know I have no idea

but I will tell you this I do like Toronto and I love New York I love going there but like I totally understand what you're saying it's like this is all pro level sports and if somebody is crushing it you know they should get an equal amount of attention like if you hit 60 home runs

you should be getting attention for that not being well it's 60 home runs in seattle i mean shit i would hit 30 i mean i barely play whiffle but like that whole fucking attitude i i'm not i don't i don't subscribe to that um or else and i also don't subscribe to you lose in the first or second round of the playoffs every year but you get coverage like you're you know i don't know what like one of the great fucking teams out there um anyway Okay, NFL kicker. Hey, Bill, NFL fan from Wisconsin, go pack out. I heard you in Verzi discussing NFL kickers being able to nail 50 yards like nothing this season

and kickers getting different balls. Just emailing to give you a bit of info on the special K balls NFL kickers use and how the rules changed for this year. Parentheses, I didn't do a bunch of research on this, so feel free to disregard. This is just based on listening to Pat McAfee. You know, it's funny, I wanted to hear what he thought about it, talking about the kicking rules in the NFL over the last four to five years.

Yeah, like, how can they all of a sudden just kick it like 15 yards longer, it seems, out of nowhere? As far as what I know, NFL kickers have had separate balls than what are used in all non-kicking plays since 1999. The K-balls were given to each team immediately. prior to game time to avoid teams having time to manipulate the balls too much before the game. Kickers complained that these balls were too slick. They were essentially brand new and rock hard, whereas the balls used in the rest of the game had been roughed up and broken in. In 2006, one of the K balls made its way onto the field by accident, and the QB dropped the same.

snap resulting in a fumble. They complained that it was because of how slick the K-ball was. Teams used this as an argument to push against the K-ball rule. And after that season, each home team's equipment manager was given a short window of time before the game where they could break in a certain number of balls to be used on all kicking plays that game. That's like when you buy a new motorcycle and you got to be worried that, you know, the first turn you take, the tires are still have i don't know what like wax on them or some shit and uh the bike goes out from underneath you anyway this is done under the supervision of of nfl reps to ensure that the equipment managers aren't using any illegal substances or letting any air out um from what i

understand this past season they changed the rule to remove that short window of time requirement now teams can break balls in several days in advance This paired with kickers being significantly better skill and strength. Ah, get the fuck out of here with that. Three years ago, a 56-yarder was amazing. Now they're kicking them in the ball, a 56-yarder, and it's still like the net needs to stop it from going into the crowd. Anyway, this paired with kickers being significantly better skill and strength-wise

than they were before the 2006 rule is why 50 yards have seemed like chip shots this season. I could be entirely wrong, but I hope this helped clear it, cleared it up. Yeah, you know what? I mean, as far as 2006, I'm sure they are in much better shape. I mean, I don't know. When somebody runs a kickback and you see the kicker

try to keep up with a returner in the NFL, they still look pretty pathetic. I don't know, but does lifting weights and getting you in shape make you faster? Probably not. All right. I don't know. I'll go with most of that, but I also know that. That each year the NFL tries to do something with rules and everything to make sure more games come down to the final

play not so it's more exciting it's so you'll watch all the commercials and they can make all of this and they can charge you know peak of the game fees for commercials right until the end because that's what happens if it's a blowout people fucking turn it off the advertisers you know used to be like well if i'm advertising in the fourth quarter you know if it's a tie game people still watching i'll pay this fee and if but if it's like any more than this if the team's down by this many points or more i'm not paying full price so i feel like they've manipulated the games um they manipulated the game so more games than not come down to this and i i also think that offense is what sells the game to the casual fan more viewers more ratings more money um

I don't know. I feel like this is football's version of like juicing up the baseball when baseball was sort of a game of the past and all of these records that just stood for decade after decade after decade. And they never really addressed why, which was like all of these records were done when it was a whites only league. And like after Jackie Robinson came in, that's why so many of those records just are never going to get broken. is just because once you let the best of the best of everybody, obviously the level of play ridiculously got elevated. And then each year with the knowledge that people have, can you imagine if you had six different pitches that all came from the exact same place and you went in and pitched to people in the 1920s and 30s?

They never fucking saw anything like that. No fucking way. The game, it was too early. Like who would even, like, they didn't have like video cameras to even fucking to analyze that maybe it was like a local press thing and they they would show it but they would always be filming from like a hundred yards away there was no game film to break down and watch i don't know so anyway um hopefully that that clears up more of what's going on in the fucking kicking world of the NFL all right i

I could be entirely wrong, but blah, blah, okay. Hot made issue. All right, dear Billy blue-footed booby. I don't even know what that means. I got a dilemma, and I'm seeking your professional advice. All right, I am not a professional. Okay, you have a dilemma, and you don't have the time or the money to talk to professionals, so now you're asking a comedian, okay? So take all of this with a grain of salt. I am a 33-year-old American. American. living in Brazil, and I've been here for almost 10 years now, and I love it. I originally came to study abroad, but ended up staying and getting married to a Brazilian girl. Believe me, I understand all of that.

Once you go down there, those are some of the most beautiful women in the fucking world. Absolute goddesses. That whole continent, I would say arguably has the most beautiful women in the fucking world. we have no intentions of moving to the states although we're also not that couple that says fuck the USA could never live there we just prefer living here people like to politicize our choice to live in Brazil over the USA anything for people to pick a fucking side yeah 100% anyway recently we hired a maid to clean our apartment twice a month it's a common practice here, especially among couples or families that work.

Brazilians are clean freaks. So we got this contract from a friend, and I sent her a message, and she came over to clean two weeks ago. The problem is that she is a fucking 10. She's in her 20s, has a tight-ass, bronze skin, and a beautiful smile. She is gorgeous. I work from home Mondays and Fridays, and my wife works in an office every day of the week. That means that it makes the most sense for the maid to come over on Monday or Friday.

Why not Tuesday or Thursday? I don't understand. What? She's gorgeous. I work from homes Mondays and Fridays. Oh, oh, because someone needs to let her in. Okay, I get it. All right.

Just going to come out and say, I'm not going to cheat on my wife. That is not where this email is going. I was going to say, I'm glad it isn't because had I known you were going to, you were going to to go in that direction. I would have all of these, you get given a lot of details. While the maid is super friendly and nice, she seems respectful of my relationship, parentheses, LOL for now. Anyway, my issue is that my wife doesn't know what she looks like, and I know that when she finds out, she is not going to approve. She isn't overly jealous, but Brazilian jealous in the sense that if there is a hot chick around, she gets protected of me.

uh wait she isn't overly jealous but brazilian jealous in that the sense that if there's a hot chick around she gets protective of me i think american women are like that uh anyway uh it is kind of reasonable as girls are often flirty and hot here uh here's another side note dude this sounds like a fucking porno this is your life here's another side note here's another side note Side note, I lived in Portugal for a while and worked at a hostel there. While I was working there, I hooked up and then dated this Brazilian maid who cleaned the hotel. My wife is aware of this story and we weren't together at the time. Yeah, dude, yeah, yeah, okay, I get it. So my dilemma is this. Do I tell my wife that this new mate is hot? She has already been over to clean twice and I haven't said anything. I don't know if it would be weird if my wife finds out on her own in the future. She could be like, why wouldn't you tell me is there something are you something you are hiding my other issue is that i don't want to tell my wife she is hot and then we have to fire us she does good work and is super friendly what would you do tell the wife ignore it thanks a million and i love listening to you to remind me of home uh all right does this

go fuck yourself in brazilian portuguese they tommas no si no ku i don't know how to say um what would i do uh yeah i would i would tell her i would tell her i would just say listen the new maid is great she's absolutely killing it but i mean this is what she looks like i don't have any i don't want to do anything but i'm good i just don't want you to be seeing you know like this is this is really hard for me to say because i don't know how your wife is my wife is cool as shit she would just look and be like oh man she's a fucking smoke show

then that would be it she wouldn't that wouldn't bother her but if you if this is something that would bother you that's what I would say I would just say listen the new maid's doing a great job and all that but like you know I just want to make sure I don't know it's no way to bring it up

with her without her like well why are you telling me because then she'll flip it and be like so what she's beautiful why should I concern. Why? What are you thinking? Um, here's what, like, I don't know. If you're not going to fuck her, then what's the problem? So what I would do? Yeah, you know what? I wouldn't say anything. And then if your wife has a problem, all I'm doing is protecting you in the argument, because I feel like if you actually tell her, you're going to get into a, an argument from the way you're describing her. So what I would do, I just wouldn't say anything

and be like, yeah, when she brings it up, be like, first of all, I'm married to you. Second of all, that woman's in like her fucking 20s. Oh, well, you did this before. Yeah, when I was single, I wasn't with you. And then I would just keep it on that. And as long as you're not fucking her, what is the problem? What is the fucking problem? The problem is that you wrote in here and you said she's a fucking smoke show so i don't know dude i'm i'm choosing to believe you that you have no intentions of banging her but um like i said i mean i'll be honest with you that whole story sounds like the beginning of a porno to me and in the porno the wife comes home and is upset for half a second and then joins you um i don't think that that will happen in real life but i don't live

in brazil all right uh shooting hogs with a helicopter shooting hogs from a helicopter not with a helicopter shooting hogs from a helicopter dear miggs may freckles have you ever heard of hella hogging i haven't heard it put it that way um that sounds like you have a helicopter you got to fly some overweight people and you've got to be concerned about how much fuel you're going to put in the fucking helicopter. It's the practice of shooting feral hogs with rifles from a helicopter.

Yes, I've seen it. And, I mean, it's amazing. You have to factor in the speed of the helicopter with the speed of the hog. And I wouldn't think that the helicopter is always going the same speed. So it's like bow fishing if the boat was like,

full out you know I don't know it seems really difficult there are millions of feral hogs running wild running wild in the US today when European explorers were sailing all over the world they would drop off male and female pigs on any island they came across so that they would breed with each other and future sailors who stopped at the island would have a source of food the feral hogs in America are descended from pigs that European explorers the fucking thing to do

to a pig thing is living in Europe you know all that great architecture and food and then you just drop it off in the middle of nowhere guess there's nothing left to do but fuck the feral hogs in America

are descended from pigs that European explorers including Christopher Columbus set loose here in the 16th century these hogs are considered and invasive species are very destructive to crops and habitats and they multiply out of control. The federal government spends over 20 million a year

to manage their population. Well, why don't they use ice to get these fucking things? In many states, I still don't understand why they have to bring those people to alligator alcatraz. They weren't like out there robbing banks.

They were working in restaurants. These are hardworking people. They didn't come here the right way. All right. want to remove you there's still a respectful way that you could get rid of them to do it in such a mean non-caring fashion and for so many people to be like excited about that it's just so fucking depressing it's just fucking like you're excited looking at that seeing this woman crying as she's getting her kids taken out of her arms okay she came here illegal but she's working her

fucking ass off dude if you're an american citizen you can murder and rape another citizen and they'll put you in a prison that is not surrounded by alligators i don't understand um is alligator alcatraz even something is does that actually exist or is that just something trump said i feel like he watches austin powers on a loop and's like that's a good idea i should do that um anyway in many states there is no hunting there's there's no hunting limit on them in texas it is even legal to shoot them from a helicopter the pilot flies low enough to flush them out of wooded areas into the open all you need is a regular hunting license hunters will pay good money for the opportunity to do this their meat is used in pet food and is also fine for

human consumption so if you ever get sick of hollywood bullshit and people trying to cancel your stand-up act ah no no no no no no that you guys were all fucking all over the place you guys were on that that bullshit last week everybody was on that that was the funniest thing too trumpers acting like they give a fuck about human rights um your liberal ass can help save the environment by flying some cool crazy rednecks and their guns out to shoot wild pigs i'd help the i'd help bridge the political divide oh it would help to visit the the political divide in this country and god knows we could use that yeah absolutely um I mean, I wouldn't want to fly people shooting guns outside.

I wouldn't mind doing it. Anyway, I hope you find this interesting. Thanks for the podcast, and please come back to Peoria sometime. Homer Richard Pryor. Yeah, no, it looks like, and not only is it a good thing for the environment, it looks fun as hell. It does look fun as hell, and it looks way safer than hunting them on the ground. I've seen enough of those hunting videos where they flush and, out and you basically got one shot if you miss them i still don't understand you know those tusks

they have like how how that that it looks more like it would be blunt force trauma as opposed to sharp but they just will they'll open you up like a fucking fillet um they're such weird animals like is they're opening you up they're squealing like they're the ones getting fucking filleted right they're like stabbing you with their tusks and then have the audacity to scream louder than you like what the fuck are you screaming about i'm the one getting fucking gourd over here all right that is the podcast um all right everybody i look forward to whatever the bots tell you to be upset about next month all right that's it seriously go fuck yourselves have a great couple of days enjoy the World Series tonight, and I'll check in on you on Thursday.