Monday Morning Podcast - Jason Newsted | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-7-26

Episode Date: May 7, 2026

Bill rambles with Jason Newsted about his upcoming tour with THE CHOPHOUSE BAND.(00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(01:02:12) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 5-7-26 Bill rambles about steak houses, the Bruins, and legal tender.Quo: Try Quo for free and get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to http://www.Quo.com/BURRZip Recruiter: Try for free at http://www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURRSquarespace: Check out http://www.squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and use code BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain when you're ready to launch.SimpliSafe: Right now, you can get 50% off your new system by visiting http://www.SimpliSafe.com/burrHims: Get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit http://www.Hims.com/BURR See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm just checking it on you. What's going on? I hope you're in a good mood. I hope you're having a great week. If you're not, we've got a great guest for you to cheer you up. One of the all-time greats and someone I've gotten known over the years. And just been so generous and just been really cool and all of that. And legendary bass player, he's going on tour July 1st through the 25th, last two dates, 24, 25th at the Ryman. legendary rhyming in Nashville, Tennessee. The Chop House Band's first time, finally getting out there in 34 years of jam, and we have the one, the only, Jason Neustead. What's going on?

Hey, Bill. Thank you for that. That was wonderful. Good to see it. I'm getting better at the intros. You are looking at you. You look pretty good, dude. So filling people who don't know, like I got to know about the whole

chop house thing, I probably, I think, when I was doing a gig in San Francisco, you stopped by with all of those guys. And it's a groupy musicians that you're, what I'll let you tell it here? Did you guys be playing? I remember that. We had a one-minute drumming contest in you backstage with your drum set, Azure. It was awesome. Yes.

So Chop House, when I got back from the Black album tour, the first chunk of space there, and got my first check, we built the Chop House studio in Wallet Creek, California. January of 92, we pretty much had it finished. And the Martin brothers, Jim Martin from Faith No More, and his brother, Lou, named my studio The Chop House. And so we carried that ever since then now, it's become this umbrella record company and studios and our band and everything like that. So we've been playing all styles of music for all the years with many people that you know from all genres, mixing them all up together whenever they're available off tour, kind of a sanctuary kind of place where you get away from your agenda.

And so it's still fun is the main thing still in the chop house band, as always. That's amazing. So when you get ready, I'm, you know, me, I'm definitely a beyond a music geek here. I always get interested in this. So when you guys, you have been playing, you know, in between projects, too, or whatever with this chop house band, like, how long is it take you guys? Like, you're like, all right, so the first date is July. first, da-da-da-da-da. How long do you guys rehearse where you feel like you have it up to speed? And second part of it is it's something that moves around each night or whatever? Or is it sort of this is the set and we're locked in? How do you guys do this? Well, first of all, I kind of

handpicked my players. So they're coming from different parts of the country. And so I had to fly him into the chop house here in Florida. And so we do four days each month. So we did March, April, Now we're doing May this week. We do four days in May, and then four in June, and then we're going to get ready at pre-production, the end of June in rock and roll. So Jim Bo Hart from the 400 unit, which is Jason Isbell's band.

He's playing bass. And then Umberto Perez and Jesse Farnsworth, who are the guitar players of the Neustead Band, of the heavy metal band. And then Robert John Tucker, who you met. I like how he did that for the deaf out there. Yeah, yeah. So make sure you know.

Just stamp it. And then, so Rob's been playing with me in the Chappas about 16 years, so that's my band. And they're coming from Alabama and Carolina and, you know, to get to hear it to make it happen. So repertoire has been peeled down from about 35 to 25 now. It's 15 originals and 10 covers. There's maybe two songs that most people know as far as the cover song goes. Most of them are more obscure. We do only songs from heroes like most people do.

but we are really very much only our heroes that we play the covers of our own versions of their song and homage. And so you might know we often end our set with Rockin' the Free World, full-on pedal all the way down. So the styles of music that the Chop House covers is all the way from bluegrass to full-on metal and everything in between because that's what we've always done. So that repertoire is that, and it does move around.

We do shift for playing in a couple of Carolina shows back-to-back. I'll switch the setup a little bit. to keep it interesting, because there's no really hits that we have to play, as it were. We do turn the page, Metallica version, and so that's kind of every once in a while, but that's the only two that anybody would probably really know as regular listener. Oh, that's kind of cool. You do a Metallica song, but it's a cover. Yeah, and I'm from Michigan.

You know, yeah. Bob Singer, you know, from my brother when I was nine years old, I heard that song, you know, me in Michigan guys. Dude, I love Bob Singer. Whenever, like, people go off on Bruce Springsteen. I'm like, what a Bob Seger in the Silver Bullet Band? They're like, that's not the same. I'm like, it isn't?

I thought those guys were crushing it pretty good. Still, yeah, great songwriters, American freaking top notch, right? I mean, for sure. Plus one of my favorite things, too, is he got to do the whole thing and he got to retire. Like, he got to say, I'm done as opposed to going out there, you know, dying in a holiday in. next to the point. You know, I don't want to die on stage, man.

I want to like to think that I reach a point of happiness where I can be like, you know what, that was an unbelievable ride, but I'm good, man. I'm going to put my feet up. I did it. Going to have an Arnold Palmer and just stare at the backyard for whatever I got left. Stare at the backyard. No, dude. It's just, you know, I'm not.

Matt, I don't know how you feel, but I, I've definitely, in the last few years, gotten to that point where the world's starting to pass me by, like, it's moving too fast. I don't know what's going on. And, you know, a lot of, do you remember this? And people like, yeah, no, you can't not really. No, I tried, you know, I tried to do that for a minute. You know, I did have my toes in the sand for a while, right? I did my work and I calmed down. Then I had projects here and there, little whichever one rose to whatever level, but not taking it too, too seriously, be all end all type of shit like it used to be. So I had my toes in the sand for a bit, and then I kind of brought them back out just recently

to give this a shot again and prove myself that I can do it and then I'm alive and all that. So I agree with you. Is there any part of you that it feels like you took a drink again? Like, ah, shit, I went on stage. I felt the electricity and then I got to do it again. I got to do it. Yeah. I know we've talked about it.

before, you know, when to say when is super important with everything, one of the most important things in life, I guess, probably. But yes, very much, kind of got bit by the bug again. And I got to say that having a bassist like Jimbo playing, because, you know, I mean, who plays, I don't want to be a dick about it, but who plays guitar for Hendricks? Who plays bass in my band? There's got to be somebody that's got something, you know, maybe, you know what I mean?

I'm not saying the greatest or any shit like that. I'm just saying that it is a thing. It is a thing. You know. Yeah. Well, you played bass for quite a while, so I would think that somebody would have to be at a certain level for you to be like, that's a good bass player. And so he is so fucking good that it just made.

The band is elevated to a different place than it ever was before. You know, he's part of the fame gang out of Muscle Shoals. He is a real fucking deal, dude. He's got 500 LPs and singles under his belt already. You know, you're some bad motherfucker, man, besides doing all the live stuff that he's done. Yeah, four grandmas. Yeah, that's something that I've gone down. I watch all the music docs.

I watch all the movies about rock stars. But my favorite thing, my favorite sort of genre that I find fascinating was that whole studio scene that existed in New York and L.A. in the 60s, 80s, into like the 90s where you had. where you had that just core group of, I don't know how many, 20, 40 people that could just play, it was unreal. They're almost like in a comedian that can do impressions. It's just like, all right, what's your band sound like?

All right, we're going to do that. What genre is that? We can do that. I just love the sound of all of that stuff. And I also have to say just the fact that you're going back out there, just to see human beings going, out in an analog way, which I have to think is going to make a big comeback because, I don't know, maybe it won't like, maybe these, like, I feel like there's something just synthetic going on

right now, it just from our food to just interacting with people and I'm as guilty, like, I just took my phone and had to fucking throw it because I, even, even when I have it on silent, it's still vibrating. I don't know how to shut that off. I've gotten to the age, like one second son of he goes, goes into your settings. I'm like, ah, forget it. I'll just deal with whatever the fucking thing is doing that. Anyway,

be able to go down to a place like the rhyman or whatever and just see a bunch of people like actually singing, actually playing. That's right. Killing it, making mistakes, laughing about it.

That's right. Yeah, there's something in, we're kind of moving in this direction that human beings aren't beautiful, you know. Oh, boy. These machines, these machines are, all of this shit, this is a smart refrigerator. It's like, it's not alive. It's a smart car, isn't it? We are, we're riding beside each other in the same boat, buddy. We are, we are so like-minded with these things.

I want to go back a little bit. So you're talking about the wrecking crew and those folks that have played on all the records you ever heard on the radio no matter what station you put it on they were on all those records and all of our favorites and all the cream of the crop kind of people that was that same folks like carol k female bassist the most recorded basis of all time is a girl you know it's like this is fucking beautiful man you know these guys they can do anything anytime and they get paid paid what's that called the you know wage union union rate yeah right and and and and this keep on knocking them out song after album and killing them that way

But you tied everything in there by saying the analog deal, okay? Always got to keep that one black boot planted, planted in the analog, planted in the world we know, planted in where we spent our most time, developing what we developed. Not afraid to reach out a little bit, and where you're putting your toe in the sand, or you're putting in a new music or trying a little digital thing or whatever that kind of stuff, but that boot's got to stay planted.

it, right? But in order to thrive and prosper and change and grow, you need to get out there and check the other things, but I'm never going to let go of that, no matter how much cheating is involved. And it's invaluable, the thing you're speaking about, when I know right over there, I plug that into that, and I go, shoot, bam, and I know what's going to do that. I know how how loud it's going to be, and I know exactly, and I can count on that. But something like it floats through the air and it's on Bluetooth, no, it's not. Fuck that. It's either I'm recording it, and I can see the cable going to the thing, or I'm not doing it, because I'm not going to rely on that shit.

So what I'm saying is those of us that are analog natives in that way, if we're going to put it that way, then we are the precious ones. We are the invaluable ones, just as the wrecking crew was when they recorded it, because they were only analog to the tape. Everything's got to be just so flawless from top to bottom on the song, and 30 more right here, ready to go, you know, 300, you know. Right? that's just,

that's just, it's such precious. I even watch shit, you know, from back in the day going like, look at our capabilities because I feel like,

we've all been dumbed down by, like, it's just easy, like, you know, like, what year did that guy play for that? You just pick up your phone out

and you just have like the answer. Yeah. It's just, everything is kind of there, but, it doesn't build. You just said something about the, oh yeah,

do you know, I got a, this buddy of mine who was in the, the studio system. Also, an amazing pilot. He's my instructor. And he was telling me how they used to do these things called straight to CD, these recordings. And you'd have to play the whole album straight through. And if somebody screwed up on song eight, you had to go back to the beginning. And I don't know why they would do it that way, but it was just like this, you know, the crunch from the money

guys. Like, can they do it faster? And because of their greed, like, the level of, like, musician and how you would have to just calm your mind to not be, like, just thinking, okay, I got the first one. All right, I got the first one's good. Second. And I feel with each song, the pressure, like, if you're going to mess up, you want to mess up first, first, first song. You know, somebody throws a, you know, a donut at you're no big deal.

But, you know, you mess up on song eight. You got like a symbol flying at your head. You got to start all over again. And then the pressure built. pressure builds again. But because of that, like I look at a lot of stuff from back in the day, and I keep thinking about that. Like I'll say to my wife a bit, this is all human beings making this sound.

Like there'll be like an orchestra, like it's even like an award show. And someone will just come out. And they'll play like some eight second diddy, but it's like 40 people playing, starting, stopping, hitting all at the same time. And it's just like, rather than doing that old guy, like, oh, these people were better. It's like, no, man, you young people, you have the, this is in you. You can do this.

Right. If you stop with this fucking auto tune or whatever, you know, my business right now, they're going into these whole, I don't know, they call them like micro movies. They're just saying like people don't have attention spans anymore. So what we're going to do is feed into that and make like 50 minute movies or something. It's like, why don't we push against that? Isn't it better if people could focus? Yes.

Yes. You know, when we go and see our people interact, we really look up to, or even I know that you appreciate, like, the Mushugger guys and that thing in our generation or genre, that they play, they're that good because they took that long to learn the instruments and master them. That's like cream of the crop math stuff. But when I wanted to get across and agree with you there, at least comment, I was talking to my buddy to repair his guitars the other day. and he says he has a friend that they get a lot of work down here in Florida, and they play just with backing tracks, and most of the time they're miming and do like TV mixes, where they're doing the vocal, but everything else is recorded, so they're just faking through shit,

and then to hire them at the club, and they're hired every fucking weekend, and they're making all this money. So the guy asked my boy to come over in Jam, and he sat there, and he only had his drum kit, right? And so my boy puts the baseline down, and the dude can't fucking play no more. He used to be able to play.

He can't play no more because he's only been faking it. So we can only fake it. So you remove, you vomit. So basically he could physically play, but he could, he wasn't grooving, essentially. No, the capacity. The capability was gone. The connections were not firing anymore. He voluntarily removed them from himself by faking through that shit and taking the money

instead of continuing to, you know, like perfect your thing, you know. On, on Instagram, like some of these. kids, though, because the information of the internet, it's not all bad, like, some of them. I mean, I agree. I agree. Dude, the chops these kids have, like, this is, like, 12-year-olds, these chops that are as good as, like, the VHS tapes I used to rent of these famous drummers or I would buy them. And some of this stuff, like, those gospel chop guys, it's like, dude, if this shit was out

when I was, if any of these kids could go back in time and play that, people would, this is guys from fucking outer space. So I don't want to be like this old guy saying everything is bad. I'm trying to, like with my kids, like I drive, you know, older cars and they're both manual transmission. And I'm like, I just try to do that. Like I taught my daughter how to keep score when she's watching a baseball game. I'm teaching her how to, you know, she stares a little bit.

And I'm teaching about the gears and listening to the engine and all of that. But, you know, I know it's schooling with their friends. You know, I don't want her to be like me with computers where, you know, I freak out if I have to go into settings, as I said. So I don't know. It's a strange thing that's going on right now. I don't know like this wild level of greed. And there's some guy on Instagram, he does this thing where he just rides around L.A.

through Skid Row. Right. And it just shows how awful these people are living. And just the people's fucking comments, they're blaming the city and all of this stuff. And you realize a lot of those guys are like veterans. a lot of those guys were victims of synthetic heroin. A lot of those guys are victims of, they always, people just seem,

they always look at, they blame people. I don't know, it's, if the problems this way, they, you know, they, oh, whatever, they just look the wrong way every fucking time. It's just like, the joy that people have, like I've seen in my time as a comedian, you know, you see like, you know, we used to have like a common enemy in another country.

You know, whoever was, the Russians or something growing up. And now to just see, like, states not liking each other, it's like, guys, we did this before. It wasn't a good thing. That didn't work out really that good. Yeah, you can live in California and like Texas. That's okay. It's fine.

Yeah, you like Florida. And you can like New York. You can go to all those places. There's great people. You can have a good time. Or you can go down there with your camera. You know, I can go to Texas and just show some idiot with, you know, doing whatever, doing and dumb in Texas and then what, all of Texas sucks?

I don't know. No, there's good spots and bad spots everywhere, no matter where you go, can always find either one, right? Which is why people should go see you because it's something positive. That's correct. And genuine. And genuine. It's the real thing.

I want to make sure that I'm clear on this. I'm not scoffing back at anyone or anyone's progress or growth or that they came up with the phone first, they came up with digital, or they came up with that. I'm not looking back or telling anybody they're wrong or anything. like that. I'm just saying that the value of knowing the electricity and making that all happen is quite a thing and it's getting lost and those of us that have that are rich for that. But taking on young heroes, but using AI to write scripts. Right. Yes, I'm not okay with any of this. I still, I'm going to take on.

I think at that point, everybody can write a script. That's not, it's not aware. What are we doing? You punch in that you want a punk rock song, son of Johnny Cash style, these lyrics, it's just bullshit. So it's not, the human factor is completely removed from it. But it's still okay to have younger heroes. It's still okay to look to those guys, look to Mushugga, and look to the younger people who come up, a 12-year-old that can do this thing and means it,

spent the time to do it. It's okay to take them on because that's hope. You know, you got to embrace that somehow. I'm not, I wouldn't look down. I feel like in the future, you're going to win an Oscar for like what you decided to put into AI. Oh, my God, man. How did you think to ever combine Kelly's heroes with cannonball run?

Like, that's going to be the genius, you know, with a dash of terms of endearment. Like, oh, whatever, it'd be like, okay. Why, though? The thing is, like, that I can't, I got to make sure that we, it's kind of a few million categories, right? But the AI helping us figure out cancers that it would take, you know, 40 doctors, 40 years to figure out this thing and can do it in four days or whatever. That's fantastic. And we should harness that part of it.

Where is it doing that, though? I don't know. I read about things where it's figured out certain pancreatic acids and stuff like this. I don't know. I'm just, I hope that's what I want to. I want to have hope for that side of it. Yeah. The thing is, I don't know.

The AI, though, the majority. is it all of it um it already happened you know i want to i'm trying to find another word for what the a can stand for the i the i can stand for because the a is already so is it i implied already implied it already happened you know what crazy sound this is too old guys trying to figure out what it's not it's not god damn it i want i want i want to i want to i want to at least comprehend what the fuck but i don't believe in fakery and no matter how much there is I know it's going to be. Not the goddamn thing I can do about it doesn't mean I have to believe in it.

Right. My thing is, you know, remember we used to watch like the Jetsons and it was the future. And he always talked about how in the future you were going to have like the three-day work week. And the video phone. And now I see these these kids, dude. I go on the road in hotels when I work out in the gym. There'll be like three, four people taking a Zoom call business meeting while they're working. Like they can't get away from it.

They got that fucking phone. everywhere they go. Somebody was, I was doing this thing, advertisement on my podcast. I forget even what the fuck it was. It was something about how everybody's, everybody's phones are all linked together and never miss any business.

I don't know what's going on, but like I feel like younger people are working harder than we ever did. I feel like as far as like, dude, we're doing the fucking whistleblue and you walked out that door. That was it. You bought okay, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying.

To tell you to fucking come back to work to go do some shit. Like when I walked out that door, dude, at 501 on Friday, that was my life until I came back 8 o'clock on Monday. Like, you could tell your boss to go fuck himself. If you're not wearing a tie and he calls you on the weekend, it's like, dude, what are you doing? We don't have a relationship. But I feel like these kids now, you walk around. Never get to turn it off. Yeah.

Never get to shut themselves off either, really, because there's always distractions say, look at me, look at me, or compare me with you and all this type of stuff. So it's kind of a different trip in that way for sure. But we were able to, what is that? Compartmentalize, we were able to separate. We were able to say, here's our work week. That's how we get that. Now I get these other hours to have my elective time and whatever.

I don't know. Look, it was still oppressive. They were still fucking you over. They've always been doing that. They just didn't have the technology to do it at this level. Hey, I got to ask you that painting in the background is, is that, something you bought? Is that something you did? I did that. Yeah, that's

like a neighborhood painting. It's a left-handed Elvis kind of trip, but it's got all my regular messaging and stuff in there. We have to live with my paintings for a while to decipher them. That's kind of my goal. So that guys, there's a few that get to live. My wife has got me going to museums and stuff. Good for her. I absolutely really like that.

Yeah, there's a lot. I used to be one of those guys like, just fucking draw a house. That's a horse. Yeah, yeah. I want to know what it is. I don't want to have to think. And then after a while, I would sort of look at those things. It's like, oh, I get this.

This is, this is, plus, you know what it was? As I saw this thing on Steve Martin in his whole art collection and how he walked into the museum. And he could name every painting and the, I almost said the author and the painter. Is that what you call it? The artist who did it. And that was like, you know what? That's actually really cool. Yeah.

is. And he started so early, he's crushing. I guess, you know, we all have the cream of the crop people, whether it's music or comedians or art. So Picasso always has to be in a sentence. And there's a guy named Jean-Dou buffet who coined the term art brute, which is outsider art. And so that's kind of like that guy in awful lot. Jean-Michel Basquiat is more of a contemporary thing. I saw some of his stuff at Lars's house a couple decades ago and was so impressed by it. And it was one of the things that kind of leaned down to it. Lars had original? He had original?

Oh, yes. Oh, Lars's art collection is a little bit stupid, yeah. Wow. Yeah. And he had the one, he had Prophet one up above the stove and like Biscetti sauce spilling on it and I swear to God. He's just there's, he's had art from a long, long time. He's been very aware his father, his mother, his face.

He's very, very worldly cat. age seven, you know, so it's, yeah. Well, he came from Europe, right? Denmark, yeah. Denmark. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, and his dad was a, you know, I think we probably talked about this a little bit before a long time ago. His dad was a professional tennis player, beat Jimmy Conner's in his day, you know, and that kind of stuff. He was a bad motherfucker, so. Sure, Jimmy was gracious about that.

Definitely not, because Lars' dad was about his big as Lars, except super long hair and smoking the joint before he comes on, he kicks his ass. You know, Pretty cool. Oh, that's awesome. I like Jimmy Conners or whatever, but like, when I used to watch those guys that would lose their tempers, they were funny to me when I was younger, but then as I got older,

I'm like, eh, I'm kind of like that. I got to stop that. Oh, can we talk about that, Jim? Can we talk about that, Bill? Yeah. A minute. My lovely wife, Nicole, who you know, she wants me to ask Bill about how he eventually,

or if so, got himself calmed down a little bit because I'm so fucking spas all the time and I don't I have no patience and I you have to have a certain way with my spoiled ass you know I'd right so what have you done or did you get anywhere oh I uh you know well I did all the things everybody does but what happened to me was I sort of bottomed out and I just couldn't be the way I was anymore and, you know, it was affecting everybody, not just me, but everybody around me. So I'd gone back to therapy and because I was more, you know, older and more mature, it was more effective, but it still wasn't doing it for me.

So I ended up having sort of this breakthrough doing this acting gig where I was, oh, Jesus, what happened? And I was reading the lines for this scene, and it was making me emotional. I was just running them in my hotel room, and I would get choked up like I was going to cry, but it wasn't something in real life that would make me cry. So I was like, why is that happening? And that has happened throughout my time when I've gotten to act, that I feel these feelings really intensely.

as opposed to like my everyday life. And I thought that that was what acting was. But what I ended up figuring out with that one, because I kept, I kept going, oh, that weird thing happened again. So I would start the scene over. And it just kept happening. So that I was kind of freaking out going,

oh, my God, am I going to start blubbering tomorrow down on set for this thing that isn't worthy of crying and I'm going to look crazy and I'm going to get fired or whatever? And so I kind of just, did what I do when I'm on mushrooms, where I just ask a question and universe answered. I guess you can do that without being on mushrooms because I said, I was like, what is this? And I don't know why.

Like, for some reason, the answer came. I figured out that, you know, the way that they raised boys to be men or, you know, or just the generation I came up in. And like, you locked, like, you locked it all the way. you had any sort of vulnerability, any sort of pensive moment, any sort of, I need help, I'm not sure about this, I'm scared. All of that was, you're not a man, that's, what are you, a pansy, go get that kid a dress, right? So it all got locked behind. And then, you know, as I got older, when things would affect me and, you know, as a man, if you're going to start to cry, what do you do?

You look at the wall, you stare at the floor until it goes away. It doesn't go away. It stays in there. And then it comes out a different way. So what I realized was that I was living my life. I had like three emotions. You know, I was like happy, angry, I don't give a fuck. That's what I am.

Those are my options. So I had a 33.3% chance of losing my shit as every moment happened during the day. So I just, but then when I act, these characters are feeling feelings that I was not allowed to feel. So this scene, this guy was just disappointed. He was presenting this thing. He wanted this guy to do something and he wasn't. So I was disappointed him. Disappointing is kind of like, what are you letting that guy?

Fuck that guy. You shouldn't let, but that is in the vulnerability thing. So I had to open the vault. So what was happening was a cry. that I didn't cry 40, 50 fucking years ago comes flying out. So it's all instead of misdirected anger,

now it's like this misdirected crying. Like, why am I crying over, I'm talking about social media? What am I fucking crying about? And it's like, oh, because, you know, 50 years ago, you know, somebody beat the shit out of me or stole my bike or whatever.

And I had to be a man, and, you know, at eight and not cry. So I was in my hotel room and I was just like, well, I just, I don't know what this is. I don't know why I'm crying, but I got to cry this out so it doesn't come out tomorrow.

When I go to get the fucking set, I'm like freaking out. It was really kind of funny. So I was by myself, and I cried it out, and then I was able to do the scene. Because whatever that was, was filled to the brim and needed to come out.

That's what I was going to say, yeah. Yeah, so then I realized like, oh, so what happens is when I act, the door comes open, when I go back to my life, it closes. What happens if I live? leave it open. So I leave it open, which was hard, still felt stupid in therapy, but I also became aware of like how many feelings I start to have and I stop them. So I started to stop doing that.

And then I did this breathwork massage from this woman who was like a healer who was like literally had like her elbow on my back, going like, all right, this is your liver. This is where you keep the anger. Sure. She goes, don't be afraid to say things or make noises. Dude, I was like, it sounded like, it sounded like ecsticism. And I was saying random phrases. And then I had like this psychedelic trip through this town. I grew up in when I was really little when a lot of bad shit happened to me. And I used to not be able to remember street names or names of kids. And I could kind of remember all of it. And I went back as an adult and was able to kind of take myself out of there. And, um, I got up off the table like 90 minutes later, and the lady just did like a double take. She goes, you don't even look like the same person. Exactly. So then I didn't lose my temper once for like,

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And it's kind of been this woman with my therapy and then this woman in like meditating. And I was also journaling every day. And I've kind of gotten a little bit away from that. You know, it's like, you know, it's like trying to quit drinking. I mean, how many times you've got to try before it finally takes? So like, I am in the process of, um, You know, I am totally different. Like, I don't lose my shit anymore.

And, like, the other day, like, I was having a difficult day. And my wife came to me, like, three times about something that I had done and said, like, I was trying to watch this hockey game. And I'm trying to press it. I mean, how many things I got to press? I did that. Still the same. You don't need to yell like that.

And I just looked at her. I go, I know, you're right. I go, that was ridiculous. It's stupid. I'm sorry. And then she just smiled. And it was over. Yeah.

So, like, so I, you know, I'm a human being. So I'm trying to, you know, I can't AI my way out of my childhood. So I'm going to be making a lot of mistakes here. So I've been able to kind of, if you can find somebody that, like, that does, does that. And like, but what it is is you have to be ready. You have to be like, it's almost like, um, You kind of got to get rid of all the shame and stigma of all those emotions that they don't let men feel because, you know, oh, you're a sissy, you're this, you're a that. So, like, all of these, you know, you got to like just be fucking John Wayne or some stuff.

And it's, I don't know, it's like, it's not, it's not the way to live. It's probably why women outlive us is because they cry out all of that. can, you know, I'm not saying all of them, but some of them are shut down, but the ones that are in touch, if you can cry out or express or say, I need help, you stop carrying because that shit, that was another thing, too, because I thought I had buried all that shit in the middle of Pacific Ocean. When it came out, dude, it was like right there. It was standing right over my shoulder.

50 years, wait and be like, can we come out now? Can we finally address that this happened or that happened? Well, what I hear you saying, my friend, is that, you know, you took the Pacific Ocean into your bucket. Okay? And then the bucket got full. And then by being able to find a way to express yourself, you were able to pour some of that ocean back, right? That kind of thing. A lot.

Yeah. Not just your comedy and your other things, but so many other outlets that you have now being able to express yourself. You have somebody that loves you and cares about you how you express. rest yourself, right? Especially when you're together at home type of thing. But everybody's bucket gets full. And it's a lot of the times it's not your doing. It's someone else's decisions being made that fills that bucket because you, you know, you do care. Right. So my thing is, I fucking say yes to everything. All right, yeah, yeah, I'll do that. And I go, and then I look at my month and I'm going, what the fuck am I doing? And I'm always talking about, like,

I'd love to have a day off. And like, then it's just like, well, I'll have like a fucking Zoom call on a Sunday going, like, why did I say I could. And I don't even look at my schedule. I just go, all right. Yeah. And part of that is my, my is like how I used to deal with all of that shit that I kind of cried out and talked about how I used to deal with it was I would just stay busy. If I just keep moving, I stay ahead. I used to call it the fog.

Yeah, sure. Like, I couldn't be home at my house. I would be sitting, I would be like two, three hours, and I would just fucking start losing it. Like, I need to, like, I need to go, I got to go play drums. I got to go fucking, you know, ride a motorcycle. I got to do a stand-up spot. I got to, you know, go to the gym.

I got to go, I don't know. I just got to go do something. You need any errands to be run? I got to get the fuck out of here. I was like a Jack Russell Terrier. So you were answering yes to things. You didn't have your tie on on on Sunday and your stuff. answered to them. So that shit changed a lot. Yeah, no, so now I can actually like, no, I can like

be home now and not drive my wife nuts because I'm like jumping out of my own skin. Yeah, that's an accomplishment. Yeah, it is. And it's funny, you know, I used to really vibe with comedians because we were all that same kind of crazy. And I'm feeling myself not being that same kind crazy. So when I get around how I used to be, it's really like eye-opening to me. Sure. Like, because my, I remember my, my wife used to know when I did a spot at the cellar. She knew when I went down there because it was so like, I mean, talons out. Just people.

I mean, listen, it was fucking fun. It was hilarious. But was it healthy? I don't know one of those things where it's like, it's like drinking's fun until it isn't. And it's like, you know, busting shops. It keeps you sharp. You can handle a crowd. And then it does get to a point where like, hey, man, that kind of like hurt.

And now I have a complex about that. Well, yeah. But I'm not allowed to say that because we're all men here. So I'll just carry that. And I'll come home and be extra snippy with somebody who loves me and cares to me and has nothing to do with that. So I never understood what she was. meant. And she'd be like, I can always tell when you go down there, you know? And I didn't understand. I should have understood what she was saying, where it's just like, I'm not saying don't go down

there, but just be sort of aware, have some deflectors up. But, you know, the fence of those people, I was doing it too. So. Yeah, you're, no matter how good your intentions are or your forward motion or whatever it was to build your craft, you expose yourself to stuff and then absorb some things that maybe you didn't want to. And so you're coming back with that shit absorbed. And she's seeing the reflection of it. I thought I had to. My whole way.

Well, that's what I mean. That's what I mean. Your intentions were there. Oh, is that a horrible place where you just get abused? All right. Let me go in there and learn how to take that. And I was just trying to toughen myself up so I couldn't be hurt, which is an impossible human situation.

You're always going to be able to be hurt. But like I was trying to, I don't know, rip the Band-Aid off, get it over with. Like, it's weird because it really helped me in some areas. I became a really well-rounded comic because I did every room I could do in front of every crowd. But it was, you know, it was just a reflection of just the generation I grew up in where it wasn't the level of attention and care for kids wasn't up to where it needed to be. But in defense of the people that raised us, it was way beyond what they had. So, I mean, that's the game.

You're trying to improve it. Do you ever think you'd hear me talking like this? I didn't. Yeah. Well, I'm glad that you did, though. And I can relate just about right across the board on all of it. And, you know, pushing things down, only be able to do certain stuff can only show your face in a certain way and all that type of thing, especially, you know, the circles that you ran in and the things

you've just spoken of, whatever builds your tough skin. It's the same thing in this world, very much so, because there's competition. I know anybody in the music business has been through 360. But especially in the heavy realm. Okay, you're not like the guys in air supply aren't throwing elbows, right? There's like, there's kind of a different trip, you know, they're just be hilarious if they were. I would like it more, but I'd like to see a pit of an air supply that I'd be saying,

that's the shit. What if I told you the two toughest people in the music world the guys from Air Supply? You wouldn't know it from the music? I'd be even a bigger fan. Yeah, that's amazing.

Well, I'm really, do you have any dates coming out to L.A.? because I would love to see you guys live, you know, play I don't know if you're coming out this way. I know you're ending up in Nashville. Where can people go to see all these dates and all of that? So we start on July 1st and over in the east.

We're going to Massachusetts and some New York stuff down to the Carolinas, hook up with Blackberry, come back up. Over in the Michigan, some hometown stuff, Grand Rapids, down Columbus and then Knoxville and so forth end up in Nashville. So Midwest and some eastern board there a little bit. Those are all beautiful. right in the middle of Carolina in the middle of July. Fuck, yeah, buddy.

I love the Carolinas. I love Knoxville, Tennessee is incredible. It's almost like something I don't bring up to people because I don't want what happened in Nashville to happen. Oh, okay. Yeah, fair enough. I'm just like, yeah, yeah, it's not, you know, it's all right. Nashville's what you want to be.

Don't tell them the secret. I'm hoping, Bill, that there is going to be some opportunities that come from this and all that threw my hat back into the ring, and maybe we'll have here or there, somebody asks us to do a little something. I'm open to those things as we go, but something that I want to talk to you about, I've actually been looking forward to talking to you about

for more than a year now. You know, you did one of your last special, the drop dead years, right? So we always keep up with you, bro. You know, we just do, because that's what we do. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, and you know that. But that particular one,

your prophetic nature has fucked me pretty good, and I think that we're probably going to have to have a little talk in person. I'm not sure. But so in your bit, you said, you know, 62, right? And something comes along, and then you get put in check, and then you got to deal with them then on 63 above them. And then thinking, right? This is roughly paraphrasing. Yes. Right.

Okay. So, motherfucker. One, what's about a couple days from now? We're on the 6th. So two days from now will be one year. You see this right here? So throat cancer, right? 62 years old last year in May.

So they go in there, they cut that open, took out all my lymph nodes out of here. They go in this way with this thing called a TORS surgery, with its trans-robotic laser surgery. And they go inside there and cut a bunch of stuff out of the back of my head, right? They found it early. We got all of it. I'm good now. But it took a year. Yeah.

Wow. So I'm watching. I had no idea. You went through that, man. Wow. So that's why we're sharing it now. I didn't share it until this week. I talked to Dean a couple days ago.

And he was the first one that I told in public. Okay. Holy suss. So I'm telling people now. And you kind of, and then when it happened, I'm like, that motherfucker, what? How can he be so correct about shit? He's talking straight to me this time. I'm pissed.

Right? So I'm blaming half of it on you. But the deal is kind of one of the reasons that I'm coming back. We talked in the very beginning of our conversation. Jay, I'm slowing down. I think I might retire after a while. I'm going to stare at the backyard and all that cool shit, right? I like that.

And I did that for a while. I did that through my 40s and 50s figured out that. And now this thing put me in check more than anything ever has. It's the closest I've ever come to not breathing. And so now the most alive that I can feel, just as you do with your kids or on the stage or playing drums or whatever it is, when I feel the most alive is when I'm playing really loud and screaming and sweating and exchanging with the people, right? So I'm going back out. I manifested this.

I went and talked to BlackBerry guys. I talked to Charlie. I turned you on to them a few months ago. Yeah, they're great. Yeah. And I asked Charlie, man, how about you let Chop House band come out with some shows for? you on your 25th anniversary tour. And he said, sure, Jay.

And so here we are. But I have to do it so I can prove to myself that I can, but also to correct this shit because I need to feel super alive because I felt pretty close to dead. Right. And I want to get back these joys that removed from me by that fucking thing. It took away my taste buds. It took away my, you know, this is all still numb. You know, it's just that's fucking crazy, dude.

And so now I appreciate every fucking minute. And I know we both know tomorrow's not guaranteed to nobody, but this is kind of a different kind of awareness now. Different kind of reflection took place this last year and really put in check like never before. So I'm back to my touring weight. I lost a bunch, you know, of course, as we went along, but back to my touring way and I'm back to my thing. I got a bunch of new songs. I got killer band trying to feel as alive as possible, you know. So that's where I'm at with that.

So thanks a lot for that. Yeah, dude, that's great. Thank God, by the way. The closest I've come to that is I was doing this thing. I was fasting for three days a month. And I would always remember on the third day, I would just be thinking, like, how cool it was that somebody invented a breakfast burrito. I would just be thinking, like, I can't wait for tomorrow.

I'm going to have breakfast burrito and a cup of coffee. And what the fuck else do you need? It's amazing, like little things. I didn't have to. I mean, I can't, that's just from not, choosing not to eat for a couple, two, three days. I can't imagine going through a near-death experience how much you're like, God damn it, this Coca-Cola is fantastic. Yeah, and they have to, every commercial that came on, even if it was something I wouldn't eat, even if it was like Arby's or something, I just have to turn it off because I was, you know,

why it's so bad, I was all liquid diet and all these, got very creative with my protein shakes. I still do. But now my taste buds are coming back a little bit. and so I'm able to taste some things my I can taste complex things easier wasn't as damaged but my simple tastes are still pretty screwed up so when you look at something when your brain tells you that is going to taste like that it doesn't bill so has that changed what you eat uh yeah yeah yeah for sure wow and also I stopped drinking I stopped smoking weed I had to do all that I never would have I never ever fucking would have bro

ever in the way. Yeah. That was my shit. I quit drinking a while ago and then the weed thing I go off and on to. But like, I don't know. I just find the more older I get, just being clear-headed. For sure. You know, it's, it sucks in the moment, but the next morning is fantastic.

Yes. I didn't make any mistakes. There's no apologies. Yes. Yeah. I didn't put on 10 pounds. Yes. You know that you know and me, actually something I learned from you and I really respect a lot,

is that when you guys, you know, we had to put our phones in bags when we come to see you play. And I really dig that thing. That's pretty great. And I want to be able to be as honest with people as possible. And you know that every show is a global show now. Make sure that your shit's tight. make sure you're playing well because that five-minute song and four minutes after it's done will be in Sydney and Vietnam and do like that like that so make sure that your shit's on every gig no matter if there's 12 people in the

club yeah well comedians have to do it because people were just taking like they would just take something to get you in trouble it was like CNN and Fox News were in the crowd And as much as I demonize them, it was really disappointing to see the individual act like their own 24-hour news network just to get likes and clicks and shit. And, you know, be like, like, dude, the amount of shit that, I mean, I really don't go into those worlds of stand up on the internet or anything. But like when I was younger and I didn't understand the internet, the amount of shit, the bits that I had, people like name them what they think I mean. by the bid and it's almost negative. Or they would say if I just had

an opinion, you know, like, hey, you know, I actually, you know, I don't like electric cars. I like the gas combustion, manual transmission. It'll be like Bill Burr goes on rant against electric car. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like, if you looked up

the definition of a rant, I wasn't like frothing at the mouth losing my mind. I just said, you know, I prefer these over that. And I kind of I don't know, those yonder bags are great because it's a way to step back in time where you're kind of like, oh yeah, like it used to be like this fun, this is just for us. Exactly. So what I really dig about that, though, is that people are memorizing, memorizing your bits like songs, you know, like they call you up, Sandman, you know, they call you out on that thing, that bit I call that bit so-and-so when you still think about the busted, right? They have a name for it, like fucking, you know, black dog, whatever.

I forget it. Once I record them, I do the special, I can't remember. Right. I can't remember them. And then people will bring them up. And it's always fun when they bring, oh, yeah, I remember that. I remember that. That was a good one.

You like that, all right. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's like that, yeah. And they said that song's good. All right. Well, I'm very happy for you beyond. I mean, first I was happy that you get back out there on the road.

Now knowing what the hell you went through. I'm beyond happy that you're still with us and that you're happy and healthy and all that. I wish you were coming out the West Coast, but we might. We might. We might. Don't say never. I got some stuff coming up in Atlanta and Florida. Maybe we'll criss-cross.

We're going to see you in 10 days if anybody's counting. Oh, is that the Florida one? You're coming to that one? Yeah, we're going to come to see a week from Saturday. Week from Saturday, we're going to hang. I bet it'd be funny on that one. All right, it's Jason Newsden, everybody. Check them out.

January 1st to the 24, 25. July, July 1st, July, sorry. July 1st, July 1st, starting to Northampton, Mass, going around, ending up in the rhyming on the 25th, supporting Blackberry Smoke on 10 of those, headlining on eight of them. Jason Newsstead, TCB on the meta,

and chophouseband.com. There you go. Check it out. Go see them. Go see some human beings. That's it. Killing it. All right, Jason.

Love you, brother. I'll see you in 10 days wherever the hell I'm going to be, all right? Looking forward to it. We'll be there too wherever we're going to be. Okay, cool. All right, brother. I'll see you. I'll talk to everybody on Monday.

Hey, what's going on is Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, May 7th, 2018. What's going on? How is you? How's it going? How are you? Is your hockey team still alive in the NHL playoffs? Well, you know what? Congratulations.

I hope you're happy. Because mine isn't. Mine is not. Mine is done for the goddamn season. I do want, oh yeah, yeah, hit the printer while I'm doing the podcast. No fucking consideration for the high level of quality of a program that's going on in here. Why would you do that? Sorry.

You come in here and you apologize. to the incredible intellect of my listeners. Sorry. Yeah, I just, yeah, I hit print. Sorry. Oh, my God, Mia. Can we sit down and talk about how you cut up that steak last night?

Nope. Oh, where are you running? Where are you running to? Listen to this. You want to talk about one of the shadiest moods ever, moves ever. Come here, sit down. Sit down, gorgeous.

We'll bring her in here. It'll take some of the sting out of what I'm going to say to you. So anyway, so we go out, you know, a friend of ours in town. And, of course, she wanted to meet our lovely, beautiful, absolutely charming, always in a great mood, gorgeous daughter, right? And we love showing her off. We love getting the compliments. Oh, my God.

I know, right? I did that, you know, I didn't. I took a half-court shot and God did the rest. The Lord! Anyways, so we end up going out to a steakhouse, right? So, Nia's like, I don't want a steak, but I. like some steak. Are you going to order a steak? And it's like, yes, when in Rome? Hi. Hi. Hi. Did you say hi to me? You say hi to the listeners, cutie. So, Neas just like, are you going to get a steak? I don't want steak. I didn't want a whole steak. I wanted to get tuna tartar and I wanted a

cramp, the lump crab cake. Which is what you ordered. Yes. And I wanted a little bit of steak, so I want to do a little surf and turf. So what does old freckles do? What does old freckles do? What does old freckles? to. He orders, of course. What do you order? Oh, Billy's Steakface. I ordered the bone and rib. How the hell did that happen? Sorry. What just happened there? Somehow, I moved and the volume got turned down. Anyways, I'll have to edit that part out. So anyways, oh, Billy Steakface, I order a bone and ribeye.

So Cutie Pie here starts getting frustrated. Nah, starts making noise. And I, you know, I don't want to be that guy at the restaurant with the baby that's crying, especially in his steak. A steakhouse. You have a lot of people there in their second marriages. People who, you know, didn't get married, guys who are paying for a house that they're no longer allowed to go into. You know, there's a lot of that going there. You know, a lot of child support being paid, you know, by some of these people who had to rebuild it again. So look at your belly hanging out.

Look at your belly hanging out. What are you doing? So she was, my daughter was getting frustrated. So I just started, I started, you know, walking her around the restaurant and everything like that. being the amazing father that I am, right? Yeah. Running around. She's so short, I got to, like, you know, bend at that angle that it's, like,

killing my back. But I stuck it out. I did it for you. I did it for all those divorcese in there, right? All those people paying child support. Even though women there, women are starting to pay child support, too. Oh, my God. You haven't seen that?

You haven't read that in Cosmo? Cosmo, Bill? Cosmo, yeah. Cosmo? Yeah. Just finish the story about it. And they all there, they're complaining that, which I love. I love this whole equal pay because you wait, Nia, you wait until enough women have to start paying child support, and you watch those divorce laws change like that.

So anyways, while I'm being the amazing father that I am, obviously this is my version of the story. My steak arrives. So Nia goes to cut off her portion of the steak, and basically what she does is she cuts the thing like lengthwise, right along, like an inch of, from the bone and she takes all the meat along the bone and then gives me the rest of it. And for those of you who aren't meat eaters, all you vegetarians out there, the most flavorful part of a bone in ribby, the reason is all along the bone. And she took the best meat. And I was so upset with her.

I told her that she needed to go to Ancestry.com because that was some northern white European shit. What you just did there. Hi. Yeah, I took the, yeah, I did. That's my favorite part is the bone. I, okay. All right, guys, if you ever want to know, if you want to know what it's like to be a husband and a father, that's what it is.

Oh, come on. She makes the baby. She goes through all of that. She goes through nine months of hell. Ten months of hell. Actually, there's the middle three that's like the summer vacation, but whatever. We'll say 10 months of hell. And you know what?

And then as a guy, you pay for it for the rest of the relationship. She gets it all back with little shady cuts of bone and rib. I couldn't believe that. Hi. Hi, cutie. Look at the way she's smiling at you. Huh? She is in love with you.

Yeah. Well, you know what? And I'll be in love with her until the day she takes the good part of my Cheerios. All right. Hi. Hi. Hi. How are you, cutie?

All right. Daddy has to talk filthy so I can still buy your diapers. That's how it works. I'm too far down this road to pretend that you have a respectable dad. All right, lovely ladies. That's it? Well, I mean, I thought that you were going to try to defend your position and you didn't. You're like, yeah, I did.

That's what I did. I mean, that's really all there is to say. I did. I saw that and I was like, I want the meat along the phone. You're doing Donald Trump right now. That's how he got out of stuff. You said all this horrible stuff about women. And he was like, no, I said that about Rosie O'Donnell.

And they were like, no, you said that about other ones. women. He was like, hey, you're probably right. It's like, all right. I thought that was going to be a big funny fight and it was nothing. Ow, you're on my ankle. Be careful. Okay, all right. Ladies, bye-bye. Can you say bye-bye? Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. All right. Oh, come on. All right. Oh, well. Bye. Yeah, I'll see you later. Oh, okay. You get me.

my steak and I get a cheeseburger later? Let me guess. McDonald's? What do you guys? What do you like better? You like McDonald's or Burger King? I've always been a McDonald's guy. I've always been McDonald's. And it's not like I'm out here looking for another advertiser.

I'll tell you right now, I feel the best poison in fast food is McDonald's. This is how I would rank. This is how I rank my fast food cheeseburgers, Nia. Cool. All right. Okay, go ahead. As much as there's some great ones out there, like, in and out, I have to go to McDonald's because the child sends memory. Okay.

You know, that just takes me back to, you know, when my bicycle was orange, just like my hair that I used to have. And I had the white tape around the handlebars. I'll tell you what happened. I went to see my trainer. And when I got in there, oh, yeah, did you take the best mat in the gym? Yes. And he was finishing up with another client. she had her daughter there who's like four years old and she's so cute. So I said, oh, you want to see

pictures of my baby? And so I was showing her pictures of the baby. And then she saw a picture of you with the baby and she was, who's that? And I said, oh, that's her daddy. That's my husband. And she goes, oh, okay. She goes, why doesn't he have any hair? Who said that? The kid? The kid, the four-year-old. And I said, well, you know, sometimes when people get older, you know, their hair starts to come out. And so he just decided to cut it off because he didn't want it just to be falling out and I think it looks better this way and she was like, yeah, that's true.

That was it. It was so cute. Why did I need to know that? That wasn't cute. I already feel bad enough about myself. Do you know how many kids have looked at me and said you're ugly in my life? How many? At least six. No. I swear to God, even when I had hair. No.

Yeah. Children didn't say you were honest. Children and children are honest. I know what all you adults are doing. You're just being nice to me. Maybe you deserve that bone in real. by and just give me the shit part. Hey, yeah, ugly piece of shit. Get out of here. No, I didn't mean it like that. Yeah, cute story, Nea. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Nea, I met this girl the other day and I showed her a picture of you and she was like,

hey, why is her butt so big? And I was like, well, you know, your butt isn't big. All right. But now I'm going to fucking pay for, I think you're going to laugh at that and I'm going to pay for that comment forever. Right? You can just, you can just, eviscerate me. That said it. So I don't know why you're making up some scenario where someone's insulting like my looks that's not a child. And for the record,

my ass might be big, but it's like perfect. So. It is. It's why I married you. It certainly wasn't the other end. That other end I have no problem with. It's your fucking yap that drives me up the wall. All right, whatever. Why do I try to

make a point? Why do I try to get ahead? You know what I mean? It's just like, Bill, you're losing. Okay, you're at a casino, and the house always wins. And the house is your fucking wife. So just fucking cash in your chips and go back to the goddamn room. Anyways, let's get back to the NHL playoff. Congratulations to the fucking expansion, Tampa Bay Lightning.

I don't hate you guys because I love Steve Eisenman, and I know he's in your front office. So I'm happy for him. All right. Okay. Having said that. you guys were the better team no matter how bad the officiating was it was bad for both sides and no matter what i think you guys still you just were a better team you just were a better team no matter what you were going to win but i will say this this officiating straight across the board

in the nchel playoffs not just arguing for my team has been really uh unprofessional really unprofessional there's always a couple of calls here or there but like it's reminding me of NBA officiating last decade. When I called it, I said it was fixed. I'm not saying it's fixed. This is coming off more like, I feel like, it's like, did the real refs go on strike? And these are like some fucking scab refs.

They pulled out of the fucking crowd. There was just a couple of, like, look, you know, Marshawn took that guy's fucking knees out. They didn't make a call there, which I thought was bullshit. And, you know, I know we were licking people's faces. and there's no rule against that yet, I can guarantee you, maybe now that the Bruins are knocked out, maybe they'll relax.

But I mean, I thought if we advanced to the next round, they were going to make a quick rule. It's going to be called the Marchand rule. It's going to be no player shall kiss, lick, tongue, or in any manner use his facial orifice with inappropriate contact. There's going to be the Brad Marchand rule. and someday if I live long enough I will see Brad when he's in his 70s on the NHL network laughing about it talking about how that rule came about and why he was doing what he was doing. It's the most bizarre thing I've ever seen and it was it was hilarious. When they went back to the studio, Jeremy Ronek was it was like it happened to him.

He's like, I would have immediately gone to the showers. And I was thinking like, oh, that's great. you're a Hall of Fame player. Let's get you off the ice. I had a buddy of mine actually text me, said not even Sean Avery licked another player. And I was like, yeah, well, he was too dumb to think of it. And he goes, well, if he's that dumb, why is he married to a supermodel?

And I said, all right, fair enough, you got me. Anyways, but just, you know, I mean, what the fuck? That guy in Tampa, like, we really needed to win game four so we could lose in six games. I mean, we were still going to lose. The fucking Tampa game is his hands off his stick. He hauls McAvoy down behind his own net. Behind his own fucking net. No call.

It was the most obvious. Not only did the announcers when they went back to the fucking studio, even they were like, what the fuck? Tampa takes it, pass it over Stamcoast and they tie the fucking game up. And instead of having a chance to even the series at 2-2, we go down 3-1. It was just stuff like that. You know what's funny is Bartnick was in Tampa Bay and he was listening to it on the radio. And Esposito said that that looked like a dive, which is the funniest fucking thing ever. Esposito is still fucking pissed that he asked for like $3 more from the cheap-ass Boston Bruins 45 years ago.

And they shipped them to New York, our arch rival, other than the Canadians, during that time. So he will never be impartial when it comes to us. But what the fuck kind of, who the fuck is going to dive behind? their own net with the puck behind your own fucking net when you're up by one and you have to win that playoff game or you're going to go down three games to one i don't know he is esposito he is a hall of famer but that did not look like a dive to me and haven't said all this fucking sour grape shit i know tampa still would have won i know they probably would have won probably six games is what i think would have happened they just had too much firepower and i think by the time

we decided to get physical in the series. It was too late, but that's what was missing in our game this year. I think against Toronto and against Tampa, which both of them I felt had more firepower than we did, is when you're playing a team that has, you know, as faster than you and has more goal scores, you have to get physical with them. You can't just let them fucking skate around it. I think we just waited too long. But haven't said that, this rebuild is on an upswing.

I mean, I thought that we were going to be bad for a good six, seven seasons. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I'm very happy that we won a playoff series, advanced to the second round. Definitely a very successful year. And we're going to have a new rule named after one of our players, the Marchand rule. Maybe it's a good thing that we lost in five. If there was any more games, he might have been the first guy to get a fucking me-to case from another guy, right? Oh, no, no, wait.

That one guy did. The agent did with the other guy from the cop show. All right. I guess everything's been done. Is that what it is? Has everything been done? And the whole time, this is what kills me is I'm watching the Bruins. You know, just fucking losing this series, licking people's faces and shit.

And I missed every single second of the Celtic 76ers. You know, I just, I had to pick a road. I'm so busy. I got the kid and all that. And I only had time. And I missed, I guess. one of the most epic Celtics games in recent memory where they tied it up at the buzzer against the Sixers and then came back and won an overtime. All I'm hearing is Rosier, Tatum,

Brown, how much they're stepping up. Al Horford, I guess, was blocking shots like a maniac. And so now I got to, I got to, I guess I have all the time in the world to watch the Celtics now. So that's what I kind of realized, you know, as much as I love the Celtics and everything, I really am a hockey. guy because I knew we were going to lose that series and I still hung in there and watched it, although I missed yesterday's game because I was at a kid birthday party, an awesome kid birthday party. Like, you know, when parents do a kid birthday party right, you take notes. These people did it great. They didn't have it at their house.

They had it at like a function room. There was an outdoor area. There was a little jumpy house. This guy did a bubble show, you know. He had a good set too, man. That's a tough crowd. You know, kids trying to keep them, you know, their attention. They had booze for the parents.

They had great food, you know. And then over in the corner, they had this area where the kids, you know, one of those play pens that has like a zillion, you know, different multicolored balls and all that type. And it's just my kid was totally entertained the whole time. I don't think I saw any kid crying just until the very end with the kids, you know, they need a nap. And they're just like, I don't want to do it anymore. But it was a great time. somebody there asked me, he goes, you Bruins playing right now?

I'm like, I'm afraid to look. So I was kind of looking down, looking at the scores. And then all my Boston friends were sending me text going, what the fuck are we doing? These refs suck. The refs really did suck. You know, who knows?

They probably still would have maybe tied it up and beat us in five. Who the fuck knows? But I'm just saying, you know, I just hate having that, like, that goddamn feeling. You know, that's like that year the Lakers beat us. you know, which sucks enough. But if the Lakers beat us, it's fine.

I can live with that. They're the fucking Lakers, you know what I mean? But, you know, you call like 30-something fouls on one team and, you know, in the teens on the other in a game seven. It's just inexcusable unless we were out there hacking people up. And it just, I don't know. It fucking drives me up the goddamn. Those are the ones that stay with me. You know what I mean?

I don't give a fuck if you just come in and kick our ass. But I do take peace in the fact that Tampa Bay was definitely the better team. And I feel that easily could have just beat us in six, as much as I hate to admit that, you motherfuckers. Anyways, plowing ahead, what's going to go on with the capitals? Are the capitals finally going to get over the hump and slay the dragon and beat these goddamn penguins from Pittsburgh? Or are the Pittsburgh penguins going to continue their march to be the first team since, the New York Islanders, as Steve Byrne reminded me yesterday, since the New York Islanders to win three in a row.

It's been that long. The Islanders actually won four in a row from 80 to 84. And I remember that they were on the cover the next year of Sports Illustrated. And they said the strive for five. You know, one of the rare times Sports Illustrated put a hockey player back then, you know, on the cover. I think it was Mike Bossy, if I remember. And, yeah, that was the age of dynasties. When I grew up, when I think about it, from like, you look at the 70s in hockey, Bruins won two, Flyers won two.

And the Canadians won six. So you had three teams basically won everything. And then the previous decade, it was Canadians, Leaves, and then the Blackhawks won one. and then I think Canadians went five and the Leafs won four because I want to say the Leaves won like three in a row and then one in 67. And the Blackhawks won in 61 and everything else was the Canadians, if I remember correctly. And then you went to the 80s, then the Islanders. So basically after the it went Bruins, Canadians, Bruins, Canadians, Flyers, Flyers. Then Canadians, Canadians, Canadians, Canadians, Canadians.

Then Islanders, Islanders, Islanders, Edmonton, Edmonton, Edmonton, Canadians, Edmonton, Edmonton, Edmonton. Then Calgary! Beat the fucking Canadians. One of my favorite one. Lanny McDonald, the ginger. And then Edmonton again in 90.

And then 91, 92 was the Penguins. And that was like, I mean, you're talking a, I mean, you could literally go back all the way to the 50s because I know like the Red Wings won like back to back. And everything else was just, it was just fucking basically pre-1967. If you had to guess who won the cup that year, either guess Canadians or Maple Leafs. But then all of a sudden, you know, once, you know, they had the expansion 6 and 67, and then they added, you know, Emmington Oilers and all those guys in, like, I believe 78 or something like that.

And then it was a 28 team league. And it just took a little bit. Well, actually, the Islanders were an expansion team in the early 70s. Then they got Al-Aba. They went on that run. but then after that after the penguins went back to back it's just basically every other year

it's like somebody else wins it other than when the Red Wings won two in a row and I think the penguins right now right isn't that how it goes I don't fucking know but anyways which is why I hate to say this is a Celtics fan

I think the Lakers are they're the most successful franchise in the modern era because they were able to, during free agency, win championships at a clip that people won before, you know, back when there was like, you know, if you were a Laker, you were a Laker, go fuck yourself. You're not going somewhere else unless the owner decides. I haven't said that. You know, the Lakers do have a championship.

You know, there was a mobbed up ref and fucked over the Sacramento Kings that year. I'm not saying the Kings would have won it, but the Lakers would not have gotten. a banner that year. And then that other one with the fucking 30-something fouls, 30-something fouls in 48 minutes of the Celtics. I never forget Kobe. He goes, I don't know how we won that game. Well, fucking talk to the guys with the athlete's foot shirts. Anyways, sorry, I'm just in a fucking bad mood because my team lost. Anyways, plowing ahead here. Oh, Billy No Vice. watching along into May.

I wanted to go at least a week into May because I was just trying to go, you know, the month of April, basically viceless. And then I got into May. And then I'm just like, you know what? I'm looking good. I'm keeping the weight off. I got the big 5-0 next month. It would really be a shame if I got this close to my birthday, looking this good.

And then I just, you know, I just fucking, you know. Put on that booze 10 pounds. I don't want to do that, but so I've been laying off. Laying off, bored of shit. Went to that party yesterday. There was booze there. Could have had one. Didn't do it.

Went to the steakhouse. They had all the beautiful fucking bottles behind the bar. Didn't do it. Came home, trudged past my bar. They don't even say hi anymore. Didn't do it. went downstairs took out my phone played solitaire on it fell asleep the exciting life of sobriety you know it's hard too as i watched the kentucky derby um i wouldn't want money because i always bet on

that white-haired guy's horse because he's he's just the man he's the bill bellichick of that shit. And the year I went, the only time I went was that triple crown winner and he owned it. I won money on that one. And I was thinking if I was there, I always, I always, the Michael McDonald guy of the horse racing owners. And I was just watching that event. And I was just, I was like, why am I not sitting here right now drinking some bourbon, smoking a cigar, right? watching it through my front window with the volume turned up. Obviously, you can't smoke a cigar in the house. But I didn't do it.

I just sat there. You know, I bought one of those TRX bands. You know, I'm going to go on the Internet. They'll have my custom workout. You know, my shoulder feels really good. It's really strong. I still haven't done a pull-up in like two years. Oh, actually, no, I did.

And then re-injured it. you know, six months ago, so now I'm rehabbing it back. So now I'm trying to go nice and friggin' slow. I got these bands now. I'm back into doing yoga. I'm not fucking drinking. I'm not smoking. And I'm bored shitless.

There, I said it. I'm fucking bored shitless. Like, people who are sober, how the fuck? You know? You know what? I actually finally, I bought an external, uh, little CD player to plug in so I could finally do my uh my rosetta stone french i've been doing that then of course you know my wife helps me set the fucking thing up and then i uh you know it's working i'm having a great time and then i go to

use it again and of course it won't fucking work it doesn't recognize anything i don't know how to open it up it's just a fucking pain of the air so hopefully at some point she'll take some time out of her day but anyways i'm going to polish up on that shit i'm trying to do an hour or two every single day right up until I get over to France. I just want to get a little bit better with my shit. But, you know, at some point, I got, I got to, I got to become fluent in French because I just think a fucking moron like me knowing how to speak French. It's just something, it's too funny to not do it, right?

Okay. I've actually ordered kids French books and I'm reading them to my daughter. Those are great because I'm thinking like, well, how did I learn how to read English and speak it? You know, I had those little books. Bing and Sandy, Sandy and Bing. You remember them? Did they still have those fucking books?

They were like these dogs. That really is one of the most fascinating things ever, is learning how to read. And you're a kid, so you don't really remember it. Like somebody like teaches you how to fucking read. All right, let me see. Sandy and Bing. They were a dog and a cat. See, I mean, I'm going back 45 years.

Sandy and Bing books. I swear to. God, if I see these, this is going to freak me out to see these books. And, of course, it's not coming up. Come on, you. The slowest goddamn internet ever. Oh, they don't even have them anymore. Oh, Stanley Bing.

Some guy Stanley Bing wrote a book, 100 bullshit jobs and how to get them. That is fucking hilarious. Why the hell would you do that? Why would you? Oh, my God. Look at this book. The Bernstein Bears and the Mean Drunk. And there's a bear.

I swear to God, wearing a wife beater, holding a bat, and it looks like a bottle of Jack Daniels. This is why you got to love the internet. I'm looking up a kid's book, and I find 100 bullshit jobs and how to get them. And the Bernstein Bears, am I saying that right? And the mean drunk, bingo Crosbyana, some Bugs Bunny one. All right, sorry. What the fuck. You guys literally listen to me, surf the goddamn internet.

I've been doing a bunch of stand-up and popping in a bunch of places. places out here. Getting ready for the gigs I have coming up that I do not deserve to be doing in Ireland and in London, Dublin and in London. So I'm going to make sure I'm beyond on my game when I do those things. I have a run of dates coming up in San Francisco, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I'm going to be up there with Nate Craig, Milwaukee Bucks fan. I'm not going to rub it in unless he brings it up. And I'll be. be up there all week. I'm going to find a studio space with a drum kit.

I'm going to fucking practice that bullshit. I'll be doing my French and I'm not going to be drinking and I'm not going to be smoking cigars. Oh, boy. I don't know. There's no fucking way I'm going to do this. I guess this is why people who are, you know, somebody actually asked me the other day if I wanted to go to a meeting.

You know what I mean? And I was just like, dude, I can't sit there with all those fucking donuts and people smoking cigarettes. I'm just, you know what I mean? I'm just not, I'm not that. You know, like, everything I ever fucking joined, I was like, I'm not this. I'm not this. I'm liking this, but I'm not quite this. Even like playing drums, as much as I love playing drums, I know I'm not a musician. Like when I go, you see, you know, when you really see somebody that has the fucking gift, you're like, that's what that is. I mean, I can try to do this and make a really difficult life for myself. It wasn't until I walked into a comedy club and opened mic, and I saw all those

desperate lunatics. And I'm like, yeah, this is, this is me. I'm this. This is what I am. So I went to an AA meet. I've gone to a couple of them. They were required by the fucking courts of Massachusetts. I was required to go to two of those. And a mother against drinking and driving way back in the day when I got arrested for that shit back in the 80s, you know? And I remember sitting there listening to these fucking stories. And I was just like, Jesus fucking Christ, these people would have like head wounds and wake up from head wounds or stumble out of jail barefoot and just stumble across the street directly over to a liquor store. I mean, that is a fucking alcoholic. You know, they need help to stop.

I can stop on my own. Am I just justifying all of this? That's what everybody in the program is going to be. I can stop on my own and I just sit here and I'm just fucking, I'm just bored out of my fucking mind. It doesn't make any sense. It's like I'm saying, that's like saying I'm never going to have ice cream ever again.

It's like ever, I could see not having it all the time, so you're not a fat fuck. I get that so your teeth don't rot out of your fucking head. I was definitely drinking too much. But like, I'm never going to have it again. I'm going to go to the Kentucky Derby again someday, God fucking willing. I'm going to go to the Kentucky Derby again, and I'm going to sit there stone sober.

I mean, you're going to the track. I mean, right there, you're a degenerate. Why not give in to it? I don't know. Who knows? But I will tell you, I do love it in the morning. When I wake up clear-headed in the morning and my pasty stomach is nice and flat, I definitely enjoy that, you know. Makes me a better dad.

I always make my daughter breakfast. That's my thing every morning, right? I go out and I get her. I open the door and she goes, hi. I'm like, hey, right? She gives me nice hug and a kiss. Then, you know, change her. Put a pajama, bottoms across her eyes.

Where is she? Where is she? Plays that game. Loves it. Still loving that game, right? And then I go upstairs. She's really easy. I cut up bananas, strawberries,

and blueberries. Did I make her a couple of eggs scrambled? It's funny. What I like to do is I like to have it all prepared before I bring her upstairs because if I do, you know, because if she's just sitting there, she starts to get restless, like, you know, where's the food? But if I have it all ready, the other day I had it already, you know, and I brought her up and I put her in her little chair. I put her bib on and all that, and I put the plate down already ready and everything made. And she just goes, wow.

No, she goes, whoa. It was awesome. And she can feed herself. The only thing I got to watch out for is she wolves down food the way I do. So I just got to make sure I'm staying on her. So I make sure I cut up everything nice and small. Spread out the eggs so they cool off. She doesn't burn them off.

And then that's it. Give her a glass of water and it's all good. So anyways, you know, and I guess if I was hung over, that would probably be a bad thing. So then I think to myself, what if I just get shit-faced when I'm on the road? I'm only on the road like four days a month. That would be fine, right? What do you guys say about that?

What do you say? Oh, you guys and fucking AA. And I don't drink on the plane. It's just after the shows. It's got to be a way to do it. The way I used to be able to do it. You know, you know what the really thing that that fucked me up was I never used to have booze in the house. So that's the problem.

when I do start drinking again, because I am going to start drinking, what I'm going to do is I'm going to finish all the liquor in my house, which even if I drank at a degenerate level would probably take me a good six months. So I don't know how I'm going to do. I probably should have some people over and help them kill some of these bottles. But I have such good booze. I just can't give it away to some bum. You know what I mean? Like you ever give a Cuban cigar to some guy who occasionally smokes and he's watching just huff the whole fucking thing down. You might as well

give him a Dutch master. That's the kind of booze I have. So what I would like to do is slowly knock out all the booze over the next five years that I have in the house and not replace any of the bottles. And then, because I think even

back in the day when I lived in New York when I was living in New York and DeRosa was living in New York, I mean, we used to just get fucking annihilated. But I never had any booze in the house. So in my apartment, I should say. So I think that that's right there was the game changers.

When I had it at home and then I had these nice fucking glasses, you know, when you really get into it, like there's this high level booze and these high level like, you know, the right glass and you get into the whole like ritual of it. and you really can trick yourself that you're not just being some degenerate drinking alone. You know what I mean? You know, this is a highball glass. And this is what you do. This glass here is for Sam Adams beer. I actually have the Sam Adams glasses.

You know, with that little lip at the top, like it's supposed to make the head and the hops and all of that taste. It tastes the fucking same. You know what I mean? That's like when they do all these reissues of guitars. You know what I mean? I can't tell the difference the way I play guitar, which I barely do anymore. And, you know, you could give me the greatest guitar in the world. I'm still going to sound like me, which is shitty.

So anyways, I don't know. Who the fuck knows? But a buddy of mine's actually been listening to these tapes that, you know, talk about alcohol. Not in that stupid you need to go to get help type of way. But they just talk about it. They just put it in a different perspective. I don't know. I'm just like a streaky person.

That's all it is. So like when I'm not drinking, I don't want to drink because I don't want to ruin the streak. I'm like, ah, man, I've gone like 35, 40 days here. I'm going to start all over again. Let me see if I can make it to 50. Because there's a big part of me that, you know, would like to plow right through my birthday and not drink. But then it's like I'm going to be in France. How the fuck do you not drink when you're over there?

I'm not going to have a fucking glass of wine. They're like a fucking jerk off. I don't know. We'll see. Anyways. All right. Zip recruit. Zip!

Which, by the way, you got to see the poster for my tour coming up, which is simply called 50. All right? The big 5-0 people. And I am actually sending posters over to Dublin and over to London. That's the first place. The poster, that's where the tour officially gets kicked off. And I actually am not going to be using St. Stamps.com for that just because the company is going to be sending it out themselves.

However, when they send me the rest of the posters and when I do Minnesota and all that, I will be using stamps.com. And I'm a moron. If I can figure it out, so can you. And right now, you two can enjoy stamps. The Stamps.com service with a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus postage and digital scale. Go to Stamps.com.

Click on the microphone to top of the homepage and type in Burr. That's Stamps.com. Enter Burr. And by the way, in Dublin and in London, I will be coming out. after the show to take pictures and sign your post or something that I have not done in fucking years. I'm going to do that again because I appreciate you guys coming out. It is a big birthday.

Why not? You know, man, God knows I'm not in the back drinking. Although, I think once I get through Dublin and once I get through London, I think, you know, that would be. June 6th. I think that's the night I might actually have a little, a little something. Who knows? I don't know. But you know, I'm bringing my whole family over there. I can't be hung over. That's another reason why my daughter's the best, right? She keeps me sober. All right. Hang on one second. I have to look something up here because now we're going to get into the questions this week. And there's a point that somebody's bringing up about guns. And they're doing it. in the usual way that people do it on the internet where they insult the other person. And I just want to make sure I have the definition of something up here. Okay. Bullshit AR-15 response to goat guy.

For those of you who don't listen all the time. You know, I, you know, there's a whole gun debate. Why do you need an AR-15? So I was asking people that have AR-15s. I said, why do you have one? And don't give me that bullshit about fucking. you know home defense and all of that crap i mean jesus christ i mean you could i mean you could i mean you could literally have a 22 who the fuck anybody want to get shot by a fucking 22

i would have a 22 i did a whole bit on that just because i don't want to fucking blow my eardrums out i mean a fucking b b b gun you know with one of those little fucking c02 cartridges you shoot somebody in the fucking face with that thing they're going to keep they're going to keep walking through that they can go down the street and just down have to worry about anything when they walk into that house i don't know anyways or you know or to fight off the government that's my another famous one that's another my other favorite one you're going to fight off the government with your fucking semiotic manic gun here the whole government you're going to fight them all off um i got a lot of bullets motherfucker all right so anyway so this guy ends up writing in

saying that he uh was a sheep farmer or whatever goat farmer or something like yeah goat farmer and he uses the milk to make Parmesan Reggiano and he also or some whatever the fuck he used like two different types of cheese I forget what the other kind but both delicious types of cheese and there's all these coyotes and they hunt in packs and he's shooting at a moving target and it just made fucking sense so then somebody else wrote back ah that's bullshit just get some fucking dogs

they'll fight off the coyotes coyotes are cowards this guy's full of shit and to be randomly killing coyotes like that is, you know, mean and all that. So this guy is responding to the person that responded to the guy. Because I was impressed with that guy when he said that this is why I use it. I go, well, shit, that makes sense. And I like that cheese. So God bless you. Kill those coyotes, right?

So anyways, this guy's responding to the person that said that that guy still didn't need the gun. He could just get a couple of dogs. So anyways, he said, hey, Bill, I'd like to say to the guy's response about just by dogs, instead of an AR-15, does not know what the fuck he's talking about. First of all, it's not a machine gun, you dumb-cunt. It's semi-automatic rifle, meaning you pull the trigger once and one bullet fires. Okay, now, do you see how he just made his point? It's not a machine gun.

You dumb-cunt. It's a semi-automatic rifle. You should say it's not a machine gun. It's semi-automatic. And then you should explain what semi-automatic means. all right. Semi-automatic doesn't just mean that you just pull the trigger in one bullet fires because then literally a fucking 38 is semi-automatic. Doesn't that mean like you can actually pull the trigger quickly faster where it won't get jammed or something like that? I mean,

there's something different between just a fucking revolver, a semi-automatic and fully automatic. I don't know shit about guns, right? But isn't there? So I looked up semi-automatic firearm. It says this, without calling anybody a dumb cunt, you're just not informed. There's a lot of information in the world. You can't have it all between your ears. A semi-automatic firearm or a self-loading firearm is one that not only fires a bullet each time the trigger is pulled, but also performs all steps necessary to prepare it to discharge again. Assuming cartridges remain in the firearm feed device.

Typically, this includes. extracting and ejecting the spent cartridge case from the firing chamber, re-cocking the firing mechanism, and loading a new cartridge into the firing chamber to fire again, the trigger is released. To fire again, the trigger is released and repressed again. All right. So now, let me ask you this.

So is it 38 because the revolver turns? Is that considered semi-automatic? now I'm just confused. Semi-automatic, let me look up. Let me look this up. Is a revolver? You know what's funny? People are into gun right now,

the amount of people that are listening to me like I'm a fucking moron. Like this means that they're better at math. It's like, I don't own guns. I don't know anything about this shit. If you didn't know anything about drums, I wouldn't make funny because you didn't know what a fucking hi-hat was.

Is a revolver semi-automatic? Let's see. here. And he hits search and it takes two hours. A revolver which uses multiple chambers and a single barrel and a derringer, which uses multiple chambers and multiple barrels, also fire one round per trigger pull, but achieve this in different ways and as such are not classified as being semi-automatic. Semi-automatic pistols. A semi-automatic pistol is a type of pistol that is sent a semi-automatic. I swear to God, that's the first statement. Meaning, it uses the energy of the fired cartridge to cycle the action of the firearm

and advance the next available cartridge into position. So basically, if I don't have some revolutionary war thing, that it's just like I put a bullet in, shoot, and then put another bullet in, or I don't have to do that cocking thing that you always see with the sniper rifles. All right. So this is sort of a basic gun then. This is like a car with power windows and power brakes and power steering. Like most cars have that now.

Is that basically what you're saying when you were calling this guy a dumb cunt? He's not a dumb cunt. I bet that that guy, what if he's a veterinarian? That doesn't mean you're a dumb cunt. All right. You should have said you uninformed cunt. How about that? Can we meet in the middle there?

You can still call him a cunt, but just used to correct adjective. Anyways, just like most rifles and handguns these days. Oh, you actually explained it to me if I considered continued reading. Okay. First of all, it's not a machine gun, you dumb cunt. It's a semi-automatic rifle, meaning you pull the trigger once and one bullet fires, just like most rifle and handguns these days.

Right off the bat, you know this guy doesn't know what he's talking about and probably never shot a gun in his life. Fair enough. That's all good. I usually wouldn't be this hostile, but hey, I had a few drinks and I'm passionate about this subject. All right, fair enough. Anyway, I believe his argument was to buy a fleet of dogs to protect your livestock.

He didn't say a fleet. He said, you know, get like two or three. He said, get the fuck out of here. You know how expensive trained dogs are to protect your livestock? Well, do you? Or are you just drunk at a bar throwing this out? I mean, Christ, purebred German shepherds are $8 to $900 around here. Now, you're a moron.

No one's getting a German shepherd to put, you get like a fucking sheep dog or a, uh, uh, Christ, one of my buddies has one of those dogs. They're smart as shit. I forget the name of the dog. You wouldn't get seen. And now you don't know about dogs, you're dumb cunt. You uninformed cunt. God knows what a fucking fleet of dogs cost not to,

mention the food and attention you have to give them. AR-15 prices are going down every day, and with ammo well under 50 cents around, you'd have to be a dumbass. Oh, Jesus, parentheses, or a liberal, not to use this. All right. And right there, your whole argument is out the window. Anybody who classifies all conservatives or Republicans or all liberals or Democrats is morons right there. You know what I mean?

that's kind of like what I was doing earlier when I was talking about how bad the officiating was against the Bruins. However, I did bring up that, you know, Marshaun should have got a fucking misconduct for taking that guy's knees out. And I did say that it was straight across the board. It's been really fucking unprofessional. However, but if I were to just sit there and say all the bad calls went against us, I mean, I don't know. I would be, I mean, what kind of fucking world and kind of dumb ass or? a liberal. You get it? Because they're dumbasses. And I just made them out to all be Southerners, like everybody down south is a dumbass, which is not true. Mark Twain, you know what I mean?

That guy was so smart. He wrote all those books in Kentucky Fried Chicken, had that guy dressed just like him. In conclusion, he said, in conclusion, as if he's made this great argument. I think there is a huge lack of education on firearms in the U.S. today. He actually wrote in the us today. He didn't capitalize the U.S. I would 100% agree with that. At the end of the day, the AR-15 is the most effective tool for a lot of jobs. P.S., I saw you in Nashville. Your final bit fucking killed. Love you and go fuck yourself. Sincerely, your freedom-loving fans in Nashville. Dude, you know something? I got to be honest with you. I agreed with your points.

but when you said dumbass or liberal and the fact that you said freedom loving, like, who doesn't love to be free? You know what I mean? Are you another one of these people that thinks that ISIS is a major threat to a first world country with their no plane, no boat, no uniform, no real weaponry, modern weaponry, fucking army? You know what I mean? Do you think if ISIS was living in the badlands, we would even waste a fucking second of our goddamn tax dollars to try and stop them?

There's plenty of fucking cunts out there. They're just not sitting on top of a bunch of fucking oil. Freedom loving. You fucking, you know something, you really, you really lost me there. I mean, if you don't agree with me, I guess you just don't like freedom. Oh, boy. What? The amount of people that are drinking that fucking Kool-Aid 15 years into this fucking thing,

it's a liberation. They have weapons of mass destruction. They've changed it like 90 fucking times. And I'm so sick of the fact that you can't criticize what the fuck. Those fucking broke-ass cunts over there are going to bankrupt us. How long can you spend $700 billion a fucking year? At some point, we're going to have to pay for that. I'm going to have to pay for it. You're going to pay for it. Our kids, their kids, and all of that.

Jesus, fucking Christ. Over a bunch of jerkoffs with a bag of M80s. It's unfucking believable. It's unbelievable. You know why we're over there. Saddam knew why we went over there. He lit it on fire before we got there. But you can't say that anymore in this country because if you do, that means you're an ISIS or you're a socialist or some shit like that. It's just fucking, it's unbelievable. It's unfucking believable. Meanwhile, this place is going to hell in a handbasket with a nationwide heroin epidemic. Our food supply is fucking poison. And the bankers got the houses back so they can cook the economy again.

All of that is fine. All of that is fine. But if you tell jokes that are fucking presidential, whatever the fuck that is, the whole goddamn world stops. All right, this girl. Ah, Billy Blowfish. Love you. Billy Blowfish. I like that.

Love your podcast. I've been listening to it every time. I'm in the car driving to and from work. Definitely makes my commute better. Listen, I'm a 22-year-old guy, and I've been talking to this girl who has a kid. Now I know what you're thinking. What the fuck is going through your stupid fucking head. But the problem is, is I think I really like this girl. I don't think that's a problem. As long as you're willing to take on the responsibilities of that relationship, there's nothing wrong with it. And one thing I forgot to mention, I haven't even met her in person yet. Okay. I just, I just dropped the microphone on that one. I'm supposed to meet her. I'm supposed to

meet up with her. Oh, okay, I just thought you were stalking her on social media. I'm supposed to meet her. I'm supposed to go meet her up this Saturday. Is that a new expression? I think you said, I think you meant to say meet up with her this Saturday night after work and I'm not sure what will happen. The thing is, she's exactly like me. She's vegetarian. She's likes animals and nature, et cetera, et cetera. What's the Nashville guy doing right now? Yeah, she likes all that, but doesn't like freedom. But she has a fucking kid, Bill. I'm fucking 22 years old and can't stop thinking about this girl who has a fucking

kid. Please give me some advice. I'm not sure how to proceed. Well, I think you're very concerned with the responsibilities of the fact that she has a kid. and what that's going to mean, and you're only 22 years old. And there's fucking nothing wrong with that. Okay?

And don't let all these fucking... Don't ask a woman about this, because she's just going to stick up for the fucking woman. Because she's going to insert herself into that situation. It would be like, well, I'd still like to be able to find love just because I have a kid. Dude, you're 22 years old. You are a kid. All right?

Unless you're, like, really mature or something like that, that is a major... detail that you should be thinking about. All right. So I would respect the fact that there's a voice in your head that's saying, dude, she's got a fucking kid. All right? Before, you know, because I'm going to tell you right now, dude, like what you're getting involved in there, you know, if that goes south, you're going to break two hearts. Okay?

Because there's two people that are going to fall in love with you in that thing. so make sure you're prepared and you don't waste her time and that poor kids time. All right. So there you go. That's my advice to you. This isn't, you know, oh, look at the tits. I want to fuck her. This is not that situation, you know.

All right. Advice. Dick the douchebag friend. Dear Billy Angel Tits. I don't know what that means, but anytime anybody calls me an angel, I take that as a compliment. I guess because there is white as an angel's gown. Maybe it's an insult. I don't know. Billy red tits, Billy devil tits. You can go either way on that. Love the podcast. Ah, thank you. Since you're always offering great wisdom and words to live by, I'm really not. I'm a fucking

moron and you guys listen to me for some reason. Maybe you can help me out with this one. For the sake of anonymity. I hope I said that right. Let's call. this douchebag friend of mine, Dick. Dick is the kind of person that can get annoying and touchy towards women when he's drunk to the point where it starts to border on harassment. It's always weird, it always weirds me the fuck out and I don't know how to address this behavior. Simple. Be like, hey, Dick, will you fucking knock it off? What's wrong with you? Keep your hands to yourself. He goes, a few weeks ago, we met this 18 year old girl at a bar. what the fuck she doing at a bar?

Which we had a great time with. We all went to Dick's house afterwards for a couple more drinks. Drink, sorry, and Dick tried to make some moves on this girl. He couldn't get into her pants that night, however. However, last Friday he did. Now, this is where it gets crazy. The next day, he took the girl to a yearly festival to celebrate Liberation Day, where he and I and a whole bunch of friends had planned to meet up.

This is obviously from another country. I don't know, Liberation Day. She basically only knew me and him. About 15 minutes into meeting each other there, the girl started puking up foam. As it turns out, she hadn't eaten all day, and it popped a pill of ecstasy, which he had given to her.

Oh, my God. He didn't seem to care what was happening, so I decided to take her to the bathroom area to clean her up, and I brought her some water, and then we went back to look for Dick. Well, why would you take her back to him? When we finally found him, let me guess he was trying to hook up with somebody else. I told Dick like, dude, she hasn't eaten all day, man.

She was puking back there. And you should get her son to eat. And what did this motherfucker do? He quickly walked away and left me to deal with this 18-year-old chick for the rest of the entire day. We didn't see him again for the rest of the day, and we made no effort in trying to find us. What a dick. Being the gentleman that I am, I'd just, decided to stay with her to guide her through this ecstasy trip.

I gave her some food and tried to have fun. And even though we did have fun, it had already ruined that day for me. He tried to contact me today, but I'm really questioning whether he even deserves a response. What do you think, Bill? Should I give this dick another chance? Or is just the kind of person you want to cut out of your life, complete me? Thanks.

I'd tell you two. This is a no-brainer. I'd pick up the phone and I would just tell him like, dude, You are a fucking piece of shit. And your behavior around women is completely unacceptable to the point I would warn other women to stay away from you. And I don't want to be friends with a person like you. Have a nice life. And God bless the United States of America.

And that's it. That's an easy one. I don't even have to think about that one. All right. Fuck banks. Bill, I'm writing to you because I believe you are the only man crazy and angry. enough to relate with me on this. Dude, fuck banks.

Fuck them all. This month I just found out I owe my bank $45. Apparently, fitness connection attempted to withdraw $10 from my account these past two months, once a month. I had about $5 in my bank two months ago. This could not cover the $10 fee a month for my gym membership twice. So now I'm being charged a fee of $40, $5, even though one. its debit. Two, fitness didn't actually withdraw the money. They only attempted to. Nothing went through. So not only do I owe my bank $45, but I also owe fitness connection about $50 in late fees and the $210 fees that never got paid.

Please explain to me why I'm being charged for this transaction that didn't go through. Is there a guy working in the dark room at the bank pushing buttons who they have to pay for the transaction, sir? No, it's all fucking ones and zeros, all computers. Yet another fee that we as consumers accept for no reason at all, even if it makes no sense. The idea of letting an entity such as a bank hold your money seems to carry way more cons than it does perks. I'm taking your advice and I'm going to call and complain until I get what I want. Fuck banks forever. Now all my money lives in the walls. If the house burns down, then so be it. but at least I didn't get fucked by the man.

Keep the good work and good luck to your Celtics. Jason Tatum is looking like a baller. All right. I agree with a lot of things you're saying there, but what you didn't take responsibility for was your own actions that led to this. All right? If you know that you owe your gym $10 a month,

you're going to have to fucking have that in your bank account. You didn't have that. So then I don't know how it works. I know if you write a check. and it bounces there's a fee. So you're saying this is debit. But you're using your debit like paying cash and everything. So I actually don't think banks are out of line for doing that.

What I think is you need to be more responsible with your money. And like, I agree with you. Banks are fucking evil. It's a giant Ponzi scheme. There's nothing behind the fucking money, but everybody believes in it. So, hey, we live another day. All right? But the thing about it is, is you have to learn to make money work for you.

And if you don't understand money, the wonderful thing about the internet is if you stop, you know, reading people screaming about politics or watching online porn and all of that shit, which I've been guilty of all of that stuff. There's actually a lot of things that you can learn. And what I've learned about money is that, money can set you free or it can imprison you. And it all depends on the choices that you're making. And the choices that you're making, sir, are horrific.

And back in the day, would have landed you and all of your family into debtor's prison. So you got off easy in the modern world. You know, I guess taking your money out of the banks, you know, putting you in your walls. You know, I don't disagree with that past a certain amount of fucking money. but I like to invest in things that are intangible. I'm into real estate.

I'm into buying apartment buildings and shit like that. You always have to hedge your bets. Like I'm buying apartment buildings. I'm just starting to do that. It's like I bought a bunch. I'm looking at one, right? Because it fascinates me to have income coming into my house every month that's not actually in the business that I'm in. and the business that I'm in now, considering now with social media,

somebody can just say you did something and there's no, what do you call it? There's no due process or anything. And that could literally cause everybody in the business you're in to just walk away from you. And then what do you do? You know, so. And that's just a new pitfall in this fucked up business that I'm in, which, you know, even before all that Me Too shit, I mean, you know, You just see these movie stars one hit after another, one hit after another,

and all of a sudden they have a couple of flops in a row, and then they just disappear. So this business has always been fickle as hell, so I planned on doing this anyways. But after all of that stuff came out and like, you know, just recently looking at that Tom Brokaw stuff, I don't know if he's guilty or innocent, but the fact that two people can just accuse him, which is totally they're right, but the amount of people that just on the accusations now just look at that guy like he's a complete piece of shit is, uh, isn't right. Isn't, isn't any more right than if he actually did what they said they were doing and then he's actually guilty of it.

But to just, you know, an accusation is just an accusation. But the amount of people that then take that as, you know, game set match is, I mean, it's just how the world works. It's just how it works. So you need to learn about money. Can't just say fuck banks and then just be antisocial and have your money in the walls. I mean, you can use banks. As long as you know what the game is, you can use it in your favor.

And if you just resist the stupidity of consumption and flat screen Tee. and all of this shit that these stupid fucking celebrities show you when they go into their houses. And, oh, I had this stupid thing. What they're showing you is a fucking... The only thing that's impressive is the house. Everything else is a liability. It's all depreciating assets. They're fucking cars, all of that shit.

You know what I mean? Those stupid supercars that those fucking idiots buy that, you know, the only place you really should be taken it is to attract. So you can actually, you know, open the thing up. And then all of those cars, like, you know, you look at those Ford GTs. I saw one the other day for sale. And it was like fucking 10, 15 years old. And it was high miles. It had 6,000 miles on it.

Now, it retained most of its value. But it's just, I don't know. I guess unless you're going to buy those things. But all of those flat screen TVs, the monogram fucking stupid shit, the oil painting yourself. It's just a bunch. It's a bunch of shit. It's fucking stupid.

The pots and pans that you buy, that rather than just buying the ones at Target, you go out and you've got to go to fucking foofy foof's fucking place and buy these gourmet level fucking pots and pans to heat up your fish sticks. Because at the end of the day, you're still that blue-collar jerk off. It's all a fucking waste of money.

And it's just a bunch of shit. it. Now, if you actually take your money, right, you know, and learn how to invest it, and then your money starts making money, that's when you flip it. When your money is earning you fucking money, when you're fucking sitting on a couch watching a game and your money is out there making you fucking money, then you understand it. And I mean, I don't even understand it, okay, but I'm just starting to learn. how to do it. And the, I don't know,

it's nowhere in the educational system. You have to seek out that knowledge yourself. Like most quality knowledge that's out there, you have to seek it out because people aren't going to give it to you. So that's what I would say. So I feel for you that you're in that position. I've been in that position. But I wouldn't say fuck banks.

Use banks rather than have banks use you. All right. There you go. It's a long explanation, but an important subject. All right. My sister's deadbeat boyfriend. Dear Terror Billy. I don't know what that means.

I'm a junior in high school and I live with my mother, sister, and a deadbeat boyfriend. Wow. He moved in with intentions to pay rent and help fix up our house that is slowly falling apart. Is this Dwight Yoakum from fucking Slingblade? But for the past year, this losers had no job and has paid no rent. Yeah. Yeah. he's a gold-digging whore.

All he does is sleep all day and play Xbox. He also mentally manipulates my sister by telling her things like her family doesn't care enough about her to give her a funeral. Oh my God. You got to get this guy out of the house. While he gets high and drunk and totes his guns around, my mom has on multiple occasions threatened to kick him out because she won't in fear that my sister will go with him. What in the fuck has...

I don't even understand how a parent loses this level of control in their own house. So, Bill, what do you think I should do about this situation? Thank you for being so damn... Thank you. All right. I'm looking forward to family season three. What do you think I should do? You got to sit down and talk to your mom.

And you just say, mom, I know this is a difficult situation, but you got to kick this guy out of the house. He's drunk and he's walking around with guns. You got to choose your family first. And if our sister chooses him over us, then so be it. I mean, that's it, dude. You got to get that guy out of the fucking house. Fuck that loser.

That's it. These are all cut and dries this week. Dump that fucking douche that banded that chick after he gave her the ecstasy. Learn how to fucking use money correctly and get this fucking guy out of the house. Jesus Christ, I feel like I'm cheating on a test here. These are easy this week. Sit down with your mom and just say, we've got to kick this guy out. And this is what I would do.

I would, if you need to, I would call the cops before you kick him out. If you think he's going to be a problem, I would have the cops come down there and say, I don't want this guy in my house anymore. He does have firearms and I want him out of the house. What a fucking loser. All right. Dumped because of infidelity 20 years ago. Big Billy Bald Balls.

Massive fan of the podcast and your specials have had me in stitches. I thank you. I really need your opinions, opinions slash advice on a situation with recent issues. I've just broken up with an amazing lady, the woman I was going to propose to this month. We had been together eight months, but, When you get to your late 30s, you can cut through the bullshit pretty quickly and get to a meaningful relationship. I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Our relationship had been great, no arguments, lots of fun, laughter, and love.

Only one issue existed between us, and it seems to have caused the end of the relationship. Not long after we started dating, we were out having drinks, and we were talking lightly about past relationship. and she asked if I had ever been unfaithful. I wanted to be honest and said yes. She asked to know more and I described the time when I was 20 and I had been an idiot and cheated on my girlfriend at the time. I stressed that I regretted it and I have never entertained the thought of doing that again. I am simply not the same guy.

She reacted very badly, leaving the pub, crying outside before coming back in and telling me she wished I'd lied. We managed to get past it though that night. Dude, you were 20. The relationship won on is normal. We shared many weekends and holidays, fun nights out, cozy nights in, talked about a future together, and I was invited to share Christmas and New Year's with her entire family. It was great.

Even as recently as last week, she was redesigning my garden for use in the summer. It has reared its head two more times since then, once on my birthday in January, when we nearly broke up over it and she was struggling with it again. She was so upset, kept saying, why couldn't you have just lied? But we talked through and moved on again, or so I thought. And then, of course, recently, when it all ended, every time it has come up, I've been honest and shown true remorse and been very supportive. Very recently, we broke up because she just can't get past my past and said it's the only thing stopping her from committing to me fully. She loves me, wanted to be talking about having children with me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't need to read less this. Everywhere you look, all you hear is the once a cheater, always the cheater lines, which in my case simply is not true. I know that some of this stems from one of her past relationship,

which ended in 2016 when she was engaged, and the guy broke it off and ran off with one of her friends. I don't want to lose this lady. Only back on Valentine's Day, she made me present. only back on Valentine's Day she made me a present of a hundred reasons why she loves me. One of them was that she thinks about the future.

She only saw it with me and then I made her feel like no one else has. This can surely be saved, but I don't understand it and I don't know what to do. Thanks Bill and go fuck yourself. Well, I mean, what the fuck can you do? I mean, if she's going to judge you by what you did when you were

20 years old, I just laid on table and said, listen, I want to marry you. All right. There's nothing I can do to make, you know, I'm paying for the sins of that last guy. And if you want to throw this relationship away because of that last guy, that's on you. Dude, you've done all you can do here. You've done all you can do here. So she's obviously not over that other guy or the pain of that other guy and now you're paying for it.

I don't know. So, I mean, what the fuck can you do? I would just tell her how I feel about her and just say, listen, I'm ready to get married. anytime you want to. But if you don't, then you got to let me go. And I got to move on. I got to get, you know, because I'm in my late 30s. And if you don't trust me enough that I'm not going to fuck around on you,

then I, you know, I don't want to tell you. Then I guess it is over. But it's going to be your call. It's not my call. Something like that. I don't know. That's a tough one, buddy. All right.

The last one. Yeah. Jesus is a long podcast. Did I blow my chances with this girl from work? Hello, Bill Nye, the angry guy. I'll keep this as short as I can. Who just opened that door? Hey, buddy.

Hey. What's up, cutie pie? I guess I'm watching you right now. Hi. Huh? What's going on? Don't pull the cord. Don't pull the cord.

All right. Neha, help me out with this one. This guy's asking, did I blow my chances with this girl from work? Hello, Bill Nye, the angry guy. I'll keep this short as I can. I work with this girl that is a solid 10. She's absolutely gorgeous, and her personality matches mine in a hundred different ways. And she's a nerdy chick, which is a massive plus.

If you saw her, you'd say, holy S, why does she work in a place like this? Can't curse my kids here. Quick and simple. I got to know her. We constantly flirted back. back and forward, not back and forth near. They flirted back and forward. She put a lot of attention on me, not to sound egotistical, but I'm a good looking.

I thought he said 62 year old guy, six foot two guy. My issue is that when I get too comfortable, I begin to spill my red flags and I start to describe my self-confidence issues. I guess I do this to see if she's okay with them. Bad move. Yes, it is. After working with her for nearly a year and a half now, she seems distant. Yeah, you probably waited too long. We used to watch the same shows, not physically together, but then come to work the next day

and have long conversations about how awesome they were. She used to make efforts to initiate conversation. Now she barely acknowledges me anymore. It was really sudden. Well, she probably met someone. I'm not trying to be a dick here. I've tried a lot to strike up conversation, but she acts disinterested. I started trying to make her jealous, but she's,

She doesn't seem to give a F. We work in a almost exclusive male workplace, so of course everyone is trying to get with her. It burns my blood to watch it, but it's my fault. Is there anything I can do to reverse my situation, or have I sealed this case shut? Thanks for reading. Please come to, I'm not going to say the city in case she's listening. Yeah, I think you blew it with her. Your work girlfriend broke up with you.

Huh? Your work girlfriend broke up with you. Yeah, I think what you need to do. is move on and stop talking about your confidence issues. You need to get some confidence. And you need to get outside the workplace. And you need to start hitting on some women and you need to go on dates. And then you're going to feel more confident about yourself.

And that's the best way to try to make this woman more interested in you. All right? Don't s where you eat anyway, right? Don't s where you eat. Yeah. Yeah, because, yeah, exactly, exactly. Well, this guy doesn't have confidence. So he's not going to walk up to a woman that he doesn't really know.

He needs to get over that hump, which is why it work, because there's a reason they're supposed to be there. He feels more comfortable and he, you know, she was probably waiting for him to ask around and then he didn't. And then it sounds like she's with somebody else. Yeah, or she's just over his, just over it, you know. They had a little fun, like I said, work, boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship. And now she's moved on. There you go. Yeah.

So, yeah, do plenty of fish in the sea. You know, and don't waste your time getting jealous with this person. Just like, you go in there, you don't care. Hi. Hi. Yeah, what's up, smiley? Huh? What you say?

Hi. You know, it's funny now she speaks gibberish, but she knows exactly what she's saying, and then she'll just throw in a random real world. She'll be like, hi. Huh? Yeah, you want to tell some stories? All right, that's the podcast for this week. Go, you know what, yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday.

Bye, yeah. Congratulations to the Tampa Bay Lightning, you bunch of bees. All right, I'll talk to you later.