Monday Morning Podcast - Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-19-25

Episode Date: June 19, 2025

Bill rambles with Josh Homme about his new film 'Queens of the Stone Age: Alive in the Catacombs', 'Cats' on drugs, and reviews. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast(48:33) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback Thursday Afternoon Interlude:  Queens of the Stone Age - Smooth Sailing SimpliSafe:  Get 50% off a new system with professional monitoring by going to www.SimliSafe.com/BURR 

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday Morning Podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. It's too early for me to scream like I usually do. And it's, look at this, it's videotaped. So you know what that means. We're using the latest camcorders here at the studio here. That means I have a very special guest. Only special guests get videotaped. If they're regular, they're regular? No. It's audio only. My guest today is the front man for arguably the greatest rock band of the last 25 years, in my opinion, Mr. Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age. Under the Table. That's how it's done, Paola. And he has a new amazing documentary, Under the Catacombs, Alive in the Catacombs, which

I've been to Paris a couple of times and I had no idea that that was underneath the city. It's actually 200 miles of that. 200 miles in the sewer system essentially. They ran out of places to bury people and they just put them underneath there. It was a coal mine. And it's all skulls and bones and femurs, all of that stuff sticking out of the walls and Josh goes, what a wonderful place.

I love it. Couple throw pillows. But the thing about it is what you were going through yourself medically, you were kind of at death's door when you were, I don't know how to go into this. Just jump in. It's gorgeous. I'm a sucker for black and white when done right, not pretentiously, it means you're playing acoustic going into electric for your ballad. Yeah, for one ballad per album.

That's how it was done in the 80s. But the way that you guys did it, and then cutting back and forth the footage of you guys on tour, one of my favorite things is seeing a band right before they're going on stage. I think that's the best, I think that's the very best time. It's got to be the same for walking on stage for you It's that moment the lights go out The intro music is playing the crowd goes wild and for one second. Everything is perfect. Everyone's one second You're like I have no business doing this

No, but the happiest moment for sure it's like nothing bad has happened yet, you know Yeah, but I also feel like you can see the psychology of the band everything from they're gonna break up the second This show is done. This is mid-tour. This is beginning the tour This is the end of the tour and you guys all looked like You guys always looked really psyched to Yeah, we play and I always whenever you guys are around each other, you know, you guys all have like your jokes and you get along.

Like I don't know if that's just from years of being on the road, but the vibe. Well, some bands don't get along at all. Oh yeah. And famously, and I find that interesting too, but we actually get along. So we've we vacation together, which is a strange thing to take it off tour. Do you have the stills if you dump water on John? actually get along. So we've, we vacationed together, which is a strange thing to take it off to her. Do you have the stills of you dumping water on John? Lotioning up John actually. From People magazine, from afar, you know, just lotioning him up.

No, it's, it's, it's hard enough to get along with one other person. Like I, I, when I was coming up and radio was still the big thing, the amount of times that I, I did morning radio to promote whatever comedy club I was at and the morning show was so and so and so and so and so, and you'd go in there and they'd be like, oh yeah, hey, what's going on? And they would be talking and vibing and then they would go to commercial and you quickly kind of realize they didn't speak or look at each other and they were sort of talking to each other through you and you're like, oh, this is a loveless marriage. Yeah. Well, there's a certain amount, too, that you spend so much time together that it would

seem natural that you just go your separate ways, but I think it's because each member came at a different time and so you're slowly finding the right puzzle piece and locking it in. Right. And it's communication, Bill. It is. This is what I've learned. You just have to say it in. Right. And it's a communication pill. It is. This is what I've learned. You just have to say it in a positive way.

Well how did the whole idea, when did that come about? I know just what I know about you. The second you saw those skulls and bones, you're like, oh yeah, I gotta play that gig. The sewers of Paris with dead bodies. I was born to do this. Well it actually, I remember learning about the catacombs in a book when I was like eight, you know, and just being fascinated. It seems so taboo, like you're stacking bodies and you're doing geometric designs with them. At first I thought, are you allowed to do

that? It seems like a bit of a dick move until you see it. It walks the line of respect and artful and then sort of serial killer Necrophiliac like what are you doing Gary? Oh, I'm just stacking them, you know And it's like there's heart done into hearts and stuff like that where it's like if you love your job. You never work again Juggling skulls. What are you doing? I'm on break doing a little soft shoe with a femur But it is like, it's typical Paris where it's like... Everything's art.

Even that is gorgeous. Even that is gorgeous. So... Well, we're all going to deal with it too. So I think so much of the time here, you never, like, don't think about death. Let's talk about, have you seen that new Mission Impossible movie? Instead it's just, and I mean I had no way of knowing that I would be sort of dealing on death's door myself,

and which made it really strange to be there. How long did, I don't know if you wanna get into what the medical thing. I mean not too deep, but a little bit, I was, you know, it made it really intense. Like doctors were telling you to get off the road. They didn't know what I had, so they were sort of giving me advice based on being incorrect. And so of course they were like, you know, play it safe.

But everyone cancels, man. Everyone cancels. It drives me crazy. And by the time we got to Paris, I knew the tour was over, the band knew that I couldn't go any further. I just wanted it so bad. We've been trying to put it together for 20 years, you know? And almost like, excuse me, almost You wanted to play that gig for 20 years? I've been trying to put it together for 20 years.

Was it? It would get close and then it would go away. And it was almost like... What would make it go, schedules or was Paris just like, hey, you know? Yeah, ask him. And then you go ask someone else and be like, ask her, you know, just getting the run around and you give up per second. And then, you know, it would be like Paris is on the tour schedule and I would say, well, time to take another run at this, you know. And I almost stopped believing that it would be possible until we met this guy that they had this show called Album of the Week that where you just play your record on television

there and which is a novel idea. But he played Cupid and sort of got us in the right hands finally. But I knew it would go away if we didn't do it, and I just thought, it physically hurts, but that's going to go away. That's going to go away. Right. But this will last hopefully forever, you know? And if I'm honest, it made it cooler having to go through something because it's like, are you going to do it or not?

Are you going to quit or not? Right. And I felt good about it. I honestly felt like, no, I can do this. It made me feel like I was, it added a layer of importance to it that I, I wouldn't say enjoyed, but I was proud to push. So when you finally get on, I can't even say on stage,

when you get under the- Underground. Underground, on the ground. Seriously underground. In the sewer system, and the show is actually happening. Something that people have told me, like when I'm gonna go do something, they always go, make sure you take it in,

make sure you enjoy it. And I'm always jealous because I feel like with music, you can kind of do that when someone else is taking a solo. You can kind of strum along and look where like comedy is like, I can't take it in because I have to, I made you laugh. Now I got to keep the momentum going. But I would say that there's certainly there's many moments and maybe you almost don't realize

them because you're so in it where you're not thinking about anything else and you're not thinking about the past or the future, you're just there in the center of your feet and it's happening. And I like that a lot. I like that feeling of everything else is chased away. And I don't think I'm… Can you do that naturally? Do you have to play a game with yourself mentally, like is the grind or the road? Well, you know, it's a bit like, you know, dodgeball. Sometimes I get hit with it and sometimes I don't, you know?

Yes. But I'm always trying to be in the moment like that. And I think because of what was going on, I was so focused. Plus we did- I might not get out of this. I might be part of this wall. I mean, I started saying, wouldn't it be ironic if something, if this really took a bad, there was one moment, there was one moment, we have a song, Villains of Circumstance, it was the third song we did, and there's one moment, and they actually caught it in the dock part where I got such a searing pain, I was like, excuse me, I'm going to take a minute, and

I had to get up, and I thought, oh my God, I'm going to, I started sweating and I was like, I can't do this. I'm going to have to tell everyone we're going to go. Can you do that? Can you tell everyone to go? What would they say? I'm like having this dialogue and it, and it hurts so bad. It was so specific and acute. You almost became that short list of performers who died on stage.

But what a great way to go. I mean, if you had to, I also would do, okay, so what would be your top three? It's your last laugh because people, I don't know about now. You get the last laugh. Well, back when pratfalls were so common, if you drop dead as a comedian on stage back in the day, people thought, oh.

Remember the English, what was the English guy that used to wear the fez? Yes, I saw that the other day. Oh my God. It's so crazy, and everyone, he has a massive coronary. Everyone thinks he's joking. And then he's going like, and they're going.

For like a second, so they're like laughing, and then he just kinda. No, I don't think he topples over. He kinda like. He kinda crumpled. It's like when they implode a building and they fuck up, and like the bottom goes, it just sort of sits there to the side. Oh, that's fucked up.

Well, it was going to be dark, dude. Okay, well then what's the top, I'll tell you my top three ways to go. I think on stage would be, you know, a very poetic one, so I'd have to throw that in there. The other one, I'm okay with a nuclear blast because you're with your family, you all go at the same time. You hope.

Well, this is my scenario. I used to always picture that. I'm by myself in a hotel room, it's like, da-da-da, da-da-da, wah! Kojak rerun at a Motel 6. No, this is in my perfect world, right? And it probably would look fucking amazing, because you'd say to yourself, wow, look at that. And then that hot, icy wind.

I love that it's hot and icy. That hot wind just blows you down. You sound like Shaq right now. You're doing a promo. Well, what was that thing, did you see that on the internet where this, these people were filming this explosion and it just kept getting bigger and bigger so they're doing the whole, whoa, whoa, and then it's like we gotta get the fuck out of here. The bomb one that.

I don't know what it was. You've been watching such the same stuff, oh my God. It is. I think because we're friends, they just send the same shit so we have something to talk about. Bill says. Yeah, and this whole relationship doesn't crumble. Like the bomb footage that we were watching. Our whole relationship is just the common things we watched on Instagram.

Did you see the hyena get eaten by the hyena? As a matter of fact, I did. Some nerd rubbing his pants. I'm glad you brought it up. Well, what would be in your list? Is there anything that would be in your list of ways to do like you don't like my nuclear? You don't like it no, I just always picture myself With my family surrounding my bed and and I just tell them how much I love them I asked him if I did a good job. They say yeah, and I give them just, you know, words. That's not happening.

Yeah. It's a fantasy. Or, no, I don't have any, like, you know. I thought yours would be like my third one, which is, you know, I don't golf or anything, but I imagine myself with a cigar golfing going, God damn, yelling and just, I just fall, massive corner, he dies on the spot. Don't put my hands down and I just slide to a halt and that's it. He died doing what he loved, blaming his clubs. Laughing Yelling.

No, I want the- You'd be yelling too, I thought for sure. I want the borderline natural causes and like, I don't have any- Natural adjacence. I don't need some evil Knievel. I'm jumping I got a cape on And I write before I do it I give everybody this is how you live and this is how you die I don't have any of that like I don't want to die on stage. I would like to be

Well, I would like to be I would like to be retired I would like to have the courage to walk away from this business at some point and just hang out with my lovely wife and grandkids. But is there a need to ever retire? I think about this for music too. It's like, it's not like you're an underwater welder where it's like, I think I've rolled the dice enough times.

There's no real reason to stop. My elbow's giving out from holding the mic. I just can't fucking do it anymore. I'm in constant pain. No, I think, uh, I see hot shack. I see hot. Yeah. It makes the, yeah, it doesn't do anything. It numbs the problem. And then you run out of the icy hot, and then you got to put another one on or else cause it doesn't fix your elbow. It goes fast to that I see. Yeah. But I, I,

there's no real reason to retire. Like, to do what? You could still do an occasional show. It could just be less. You know what, my grandmother volunteered at a hospital in the thing and she made people coffee and everything and it was just such a small, simple life after traveling all around.

There's something about living in a small town and just being able, there's never any traffic downtown and waving to people that you know, and then just going down there and making people grilled cheese sandwiches and coffee. I'd like to exotic dance for the elderly. And then feel that weird feeling. And then Kinkilo, exotic dancing.

For the elderly though. Yeah. What do they call it? Because I don't wanna have to know how to do it too much. I like a little captive audience. Little symbols in your hands. Little belly dancer do it too much. I like a little captive audience little symbols in your hand Yeah, little belly dancer, you know just off the cheek and just a little um, all right. It's simply safe everybody You know that moment at night when you're locking up

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We had a section over here. If it looked a little empty, that was me. Was that your first Broadway show? Have you been to other ones? I have been to other ones. I uh... Cats. Oh god, fucking hate cats so much man.

Somebody's gotta like it. It kept, it went on for so long. I can't. Angelica. Empirical. I think you can. My daughter, this is how much I love my daughter. Mushrooms. We take mushrooms. Oh that would, okay of went on for so long. I can't. Angelica, empirical. I think you can. My daughter, this is how much I love my daughter. Mushrooms, we take mushrooms.

Oh, that, okay, of course I would do that. We go see cats, yeah. Of course. We go see cats. But that's just team bonding. And then we get it. Oh, we get it. And then we finally get it.

This is how much I love my daughter. She was in a production of cats. That's what we'd be doing in the audience. Me, yeah. Oh, the whole fucking time. Just we rub my hand. Yeah. There's not much I love my daughter.

She was in a production of Cats, which is the thing I dislike the most, you know? And she was in this production of it, and she was so cute. She got stage fright, and she's little, like nine or something. She comes out, she goes to do a line, she does her line and then turns, sees the audience and just freezes. The white room. Yeah, the white room. In the white room. And then turns, you know, she's like a cat doing the body position, but then she just

takes off. Like a cat does. And I went to both showings of this because I just, I endured the cat thing because I just, you know, she was my little, she's my little feline and I just. Wow, dude, seeing an amateur production of cats. I mean, that's- Makes me want to smash my dick with a hammer. Not what I'm saying.

As a dad, dude, that's big. Oh, that took a lot. That took a lot out of me. I saw a fourth grade production of Cats. I don't want to hear it. Go clean your room. My god. So you're in the middle of a tour right now.

It's true, yeah. You look great, by the way. I feel really good. You do. Thank you. You're fucking jacked. You know, you got it all thin now for the right reasons. Broccoli, not heroin.

We had dinner last night, I ate very well last night. You did. No more, yeah. You had octopus, it hurt a little bit. I'm one of those people that saw that documentary where that dude made friends with an octopus. I swear to God, you watch enough of those. If I see one more cow-free- Well, you stopped eating whale too after blackfish.

Yeah, I definitely did that. But you know, I do have a gig coming up in Tokyo. I don't, I wish I did. No, I see like these videos of, we probably watched the same video, of like these dairy cows that have never been outside. And then they get freed. They go out into the field, they act like fucking dogs.

Like I had no idea they had that. They're like jumping around all excited. Oh, just free, yeah. Have you seen the ones where they had that. They're like jumping around all excited. Yeah. Oh, just free, yeah. Have you seen the ones where they like jazz? Cows like jazz? No. I think it's just the horn sounds like somebody mooing.

It sounds exotic to them. So I think they're coming over there to get banged and everybody's like, oh my God, they love Coltrane. It's like, I don't think they do. I think it kind of sounds like a cow Because it's always a saxophone and whatever that that lower one and they all just kind of go like whoa Who the fuck's that and they all come running over? It is cute to see him bump and jump like that a little bit. So it's amazing. It's amazing. I don't

Tell I get hungry and then I'm just like, oh whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I saw a thing my octopus last night I don't feel anything about that I feel okay about that yeah that was you know you were kind of shooting me some evils there over the table I didn't I just thought you know like I kind of felt you know this is an expression of his childhood this has nothing to do with the y'all why I'm screaming don't get caught don't get caught, don't get caught. No. This is on you, bro. You got eight arms.

The thing that caught you only had two. I mean, what the fuck? Yeah, you couldn't have got away. I saw this video one time. This farmer had this cow, right? They had a bunch of cows and in the morning they were all like beat up, like they'd been slapped around or some shit. Like in some sort of-

Talk. Yeah. And so- Tell me where of... Talk. Yeah. And so... Tell me where the milk is. Yes. So, he thought it was some wild animal doing it, and it turned out it was one of the other cows on one of the steers, I don't know what, was coming in, it was just being a fucking asshole.

There's always a bully in every bush. Yeah, so then he's like, all right, I got to separate this thing and keep it chill so it doesn't know I'm going to kill it, so it doesn't know I'm gonna kill it so it doesn't make the meat taste bad. So we fucking- Pete Slauson So the fear is in sort of running through the meat. Jared Larsen Yeah, so they're just sitting there like, oh, those leaves are brown and then bang, right? So he fucking takes this cow out. And then for whatever reason, he had like a little mini front end loader and he tied the

back legs to the front bucket Oh, and then they raised the thing up and it's like dead and then he starts butchering this thing and I was It's intense it was so fucking gross, but once the skin and the guts were gone And he started cutting the stakes my mouth watered. Yeah, that's So I didn't know, I didn't know how I felt about that. So I was like, well, wait a minute. Well, they do say, you know, like when you have the connection, John was talking about this theater last night.

He was saying that, you know, he's out in Martha's Vineyard and he's doing a lot of fishing. Oh yeah, he looked like, he had a nice tan going, everything was, he was looking very fisherman's weekly. But he was talking about when you pull in a big going, everything was, he was looking very fisherman's weekly. But he was talking about when you pull in a big fish, you know, you need to right away, you know, take care of it because you don't want it to suffer and you need to, you got to gaff it right away.

And he was saying how at first he was like, kind of clutching his pearls, but then he got this relationship with that they're eating the whole, he's eating the whole fish, he's taking it home. It's like all this, that- That asking for it. It just wouldn't listen. It's taking, you know, he's taking the, he's getting this connection. Hey, you got to swim around with no clothes on, you know? Yeah.

You're tempting faith. Sorry, I keep interrupting. No, no, but he was just saying he had gotten this better understanding, you know? I mean, I think when you do some of that stuff, you definitely get, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Somebody took me bowfishing one time after an acting game. What a weird addition to fishing. Is it bowfishing?

Bowfishing, yeah. Like what an unnecessary addition of hardness. Well, I ended up, we didn't eat any of it. So then I stopped. That's what I didn't like. And somebody on the thing was goes, all right, let's go kill some shit. And I'm thinking in my head, but we're going to eat this stuff. Right? So we were out and I don't know, some bayou. Yeah. I don't, I don't get the trophy thing. Yeah. And the guy had the flashlight, this new Orleans guy, right?

And he had a fucking flashlight. He'll write that, write that, write that, write that, write that, go on, kill it. And then, yeah, you would, and the guy had the flashlight, this New Orleans guy, right? He had a fucking flashlight. He'd go rat-da, rat-da, rat-da, rat-da, rat-da. Go on, kill it. And then, yeah, you would, and... But I don't get that trophy thing. I don't, it's, you know, it's not much. It's good to know that I could do, like I guess I could, you know, if I was in a plane crash

and somehow had packed a bow and arrow and it didn't fucking, it didn't snap. Checked it on through luggage and got through security. Yeah, carry on. Yeah, carry on. Yeah, carry on. And I forget which way, I think you aim a little below it, because it's the illusion of like the water.

Right. But like, there was that caveman thing that you felt like you did something as a man I provided. But then once it was just this wasteful thing. Cavemen went bowfishing? It's such a weird additional heart. Well, new evidence shows that they did in fact do that. Do some bowfishing.

Yeah, they had crocs too. Yeah. The original crocs were made out of wood. Were made out of crocs. Yeah, and then they went one of two ways. They went wood in the Netherlands and over here they were plastic. Yeah, somehow. Yep, which leads us back to the catacombs.

George, yeah, it does. George Carland, he said, he had that great line, it was like, maybe the earth wanted plastic. Do you remember this line? Yeah, that was when he was in his dark, dark, dark cynical use. So dark. I know, and I kind of loved it. And a lot of people were like, you're just looking at angry old man.

It's like, no, dude, and he was right. But his attacks were so perfectly calculated and everyone got some. And then he wrote that beautiful letter when his wife died. Then I thought for sure this is going to be the darkest, most angry letter. It was like he wrote an editorial, it was just a letter. And it was the most beautiful, eloquent, we need to love more and do this stuff but better said than whatever I just said. And I bet when he died she was like, why didn't you say that when I was alive? Yeah, for sure. For sure. It's really easy to love somebody after they're dead and they're not fucking annoying you anymore. Yeah for sure

Here's this here's the shit I wished I said Well speaking of that my family's are they're coming. They're coming for like the final week of this thing. I'm a Really a scene has she been out to see anything yet? She's been so ridiculously supportive throughout this whole thing. Because it's been a while. It was really, really good. I know you don't like compliments, but you were fucking great. Well, stuff that I'm not sure about, so yeah, to hear that it was... No, I was blown away. And also just, this actually plays in the catacombs too. Lately I've been like something camp shouldn't be too long. You either say, man, I wish there was more

or I wish this was over and there's nothing in between. It was such a well-timed, you know, such a big stretch too. You got just all these guys yelling at each other up there. It was amazing. No, people are going like, oh my God, you really made this Dave Moss guy, like, you really made it your own and everything. I was like, everybody I grew up with talked like that. And I keep saying, if you actually want me to act, have me play a fucking laid back surfer from San Diego, then that would be like, but you know, you want me to play some guy that's wound up in saying the wrong things.

But what I do like about, I do like, what I do love about it is the, the over talking and, and figuring that out with like, the timing of that. That's what blew my mind. Cause I went and watched the movie last night after dinner again just to get even... I can't wait to watch it again. I can't wait to watch it again.

It's fucking great. You said you were talking about, you know, Jack Lemmon. Jack Lemmon was so incredible the way he's flipping into salesman mode and then coming back to it and his desperation to the daughter. The flare ups of anger of like that thing. And a lot of it was from insecurity too. He's like got his moment where he thinks he's on top of the world and then he had these other herniations of anger.

He was fucking incredible. And I also think, you know, what they were saying, how it used to be dark and now people, it's like, are laughing watching it. I mean, we're definitely doing it. It got a lot of laughs. Well, it's a great script. But I feel like it's like gallows humor that everybody can now relate to, I put the best years of my life into your company and now I'm finding out how expendable I am.

Absolutely. And I don't mean anything to you. Yeah, and why did I, yeah. Yeah, like you're throwing me out like an old yesterday's newspaper. Yeah. And like what did my life mean? And also to have that done to you by somebody younger.

Yeah. Is something like, you know, our whole generation, the amount of people that I know that are in their 50s that help build a major part of a company for profit and they just don't want to pay them. And now that they sort of got- And they bring in the new guard. In their 20s, they sort of have the Ferrari

ready to go on the track and they just go, oh, take him out and we'll put this 20 something. And then they fuck the 20 something year old person, they don't give them any money and they just keep it on the track and we'll be fine. I think that that's why it's been getting the laughs that it does, but like I've always been envious. I was actually surprised.

I mean, I laughed a bunch too, but it was so across the board, the whole audience was laughing. Especially, you know, your big monologue, what was great is that you guys are talking over each other. Michael McKeon is so good in how he holds back on these beats. But the way you're trying to convince him to break into the office. Oh, yeah.

And did I say that? That whole two salesmen trying to sell each other? Here's the other thing is I come out and my character says all of this racist shit right in the beginning so the crowd doesn't like me. Oh yeah. I'll listen. There was some stuff that they'd taken out of the play a long time ago and now they put it back in

because it was like, in different periods of time, it was considered like too harsh. But I feel like there's enough time separate now that you're like, wow, this is how boorish people. Yeah, this is who this guy is. I don't like the taking of stuff out. I don't think whitewashing it makes it any better. It's like you're supposed to dislike your character.

He's the biggest dick in the room. Yes, but the thing in the beginning when I was doing it, I was sort of rushing through that a little bit because people were pulling back. And then I think I was, and when I was first doing it, there was an element of me apologizing for this guy. And then I finally figured out, I was like, no, I have to be this guy.

You're supposed to hate this guy. But you're supposed to, but what I do love is those racist moments get the right laugh. They're like laughing at how stupid this guy is. How stupid, yeah. And my favorite line that he says that really sums up white racism is when he talks about the Indians and he says they like to feel superior. And that's literally what he's doing. Yeah, he's trying to do.

He goes in as a white guy talking to these Indian people and he immediately feels, I am- I am superior. I am, and I am automatically smarter because I am white and God thinks I am the best because this is what other white people told me and God never said that. So he goes in there and these people have like their own businesses. I can't trick them. Yeah, I can't trick, but the whole thing is I can't trick them yeah I can't but the whole thing is I can't trick them I can't trick them out of it out of their life savings and then my takeaway from that is not like wow these

people are hard-working smart they're not smart I can't trick them I yeah I look at it like oh you like to feel like look at this person thinking they're superior to me when they are shit doesn my shit doesn't work. Yeah, when they are. Yeah, when they are. So that's what, like I had been doing that line, you know, for like a month and I just knew I'm like, there's something fucking more to this than I'm not. And I finally had to like think like, why is he saying, you know, and then it's- So are you enjoying the nuance?

You were talking the other day that there were times that you guys are, because you've been doing it, that you're playing it a little different for each other. Are you enjoying the nuance part of it the most? Yeah, no, like when he throws it back differently, yeah, I love when he does that, or like different reactions and stuff. And that's good too, because it makes you present. And then also if like- Yeah, it keeps you back in the moment.

And if you stay in the way that you did it every time, then you almost go into robot mode. And then all of a sudden you lifted your eyebrow up and you never did that before. That causes a brain fart and then I'll lose a line. Like what the fuck just happened there? And then I'm just, I've noticed that a couple of times where I then was like, okay, this is how it works.

And then I have a good point. So I did that for a few shows in a row. And then Michael threw the ball a little bit different and I almost missed it. And I was like, all right, dude, you can't do that. You gotta make sure every time. So I've been using like different things to kind of motivate, you know, every night

to be this upset about Mitch and Murray. I just use whatever I'm thinking about that day like I relate to Mitch and Murray fucking up their good thing the way streaming services came in to Hollywood right and took an already difficult business and just put it in their pocket yeah and then they go you you know, the business is shrinking. Yeah, into your pocket. Like how much like, it's like. Because now they own everything.

Yeah, the greed, the greed and the coldness. Yeah, and the coldness of it is just like. Same thing in the music business. Because there was a point, like it was always harsh. And to see that someone could come along and be like, oh, that's always harsh. And to see that someone could come along and be like, oh, that's not harsh. This, this is fucking beyond. Like the new Satan.

Yeah. So I kind of like, you know, I have the idea in my head, like, when I picture those guys, because they have downstairs on the wall, they have like, you know, the ideas of like who would play them if they were in the movie or whatever, if they were in the play. And for me, it has to be people I know you know. Who do you got then? Well I could tell you off air. Oh yeah. So it's like people. What I would go back to then is the tinkering. It's those people that are like they're just in a position of power and they don't handle it well. Yeah.

And you just see who the fuck they are and they're sitting across from it. And what's funny to me though, is how I maintain my composure. It's like, oh, this guy thinks he's driving the bus. And it's just like, we're all in show business. We're all in the hood, hanging onto the hood ornament, like fucking Indiana Jones. And eventually that breaks off and you go underneath. It's like the thing that you're helping to build is gonna drive you over.

I mean, what you can say about all of us who went to these streaming services and helped them put everything else out of business. Well, but we have to go somewhere. Yeah, I know, I know. We should have seen what they were doing. Yeah, but again, it's almost like the recycling discussion. It's like one person is powerless to make a big change.

You know, it's like you can't take on, what are you specifically supposed to do? And what I can't do anything about the fact that record business went to Apple and Spotify and you know, and some nerd in Sweden. You know, like, how am I supposed to? Is that billionaire still saying he's not making any money? Yeah, well, I'm sitting there on the end of my bed going, la, la, la. It's like, why can't you fix the record business? I was like, what?

La, what? Yeah. I can't do both of those things. You know, I can barely do one of these things. Don't you feel lucky though that you started in this business when you did? I feel like we're one of the last bands that got in the door before it shut somehow. I feel like that is... It's not that we're not huge, but that's not my desire either is to be...

I don't want the responsibility of being massive and I want to be able to pivot and make art and switch everything up and right you know I there's always people that are like you're so much better but that's that's you know I expect that someone's gonna say that I get that all the time yeah but I don't worry about that I don't care I don't care I mean that's just like saying what can't you do the same thing you always did and then if you do that then it's just like he does the same fucking thing every time this one trick pony I don't I don't I none of that you know I've always maintained that if 15% of the people don't hate your new thing you

suck you know. Oh that's a good one. What I do is whenever something comes out I just read until the first negative comment and then I just do the math and be like all right you know it was 10 to 15 good ones and one guy said you know I don't do this guy you know't even be in this business anymore. I don't do any comments because I think I can presuppose what the best of and the worst of, they're both wrong, you know what I mean? It's like, it's somewhere. I kind of like the best. Yeah. I just stay away from it. Because it doesn't make me feel, it never makes me feel better, but it could make me

feel worse and so I just stay away from all that. Well, I got to say, whatever you guys are doing, and I talked about this on my podcast before, I saw you guys, the last time I saw you guys was the end of your last tour, I believe, and you were at the Forum in LA, and they came down and you hooked me up, thank you. And I was like, okay, Josh is going through it and fucking, his health and everything, this is the last show, there is gonna be an element

of people thinking about their flight home, going to see their family. There's going to be a detachment. And you guys came out like just, it was one of the top concerts I've ever been to. To have that be the last show on the tour. You guys fucking murdered. Thank you. And I got like such a, I get like such a, I don't have to watch another comedian kill to get inspired. And that was like one of those shows that just has stayed with me.

I mean, I can't keep track of time. I know how many years ago was that? I still think about that. It was the end of, it was around Christmas, maybe two years ago. Yeah. But you know, but that, well, yeah, I came home like, like gobsmacked or whatever. If I'm using that word correctly, I just came

home and I was talking to Nia and she goes, how was it? I was just, that might've been the, uh, not only the best they ever sounded, that was one of the best concerts. I said that last night. I was like top three and Michael was like, what are the first, what are the other two? I'm like Stevie Ray Vaughan. And then my first concert ever when I saw Judas Priest with Dawkins. I love that as a first concert. That's a good first concert.

Yeah, oh yeah, just because that was my, I'm a part of it. I'm at a concert. We're doing a call and response and I'm in this thing. What was my first, my first concert was? Captain Anteniel, Musgrat Love Tour. What was my first my first concert was? was captain and tenille muskrat love tour it was it was it was Carl Perkins and BJ Thomas who?

if you happen to see Beautiful girl, and he also did the as long as we've got each other Like the family ties or something they It did come out of it. Yeah. If you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world, it was one of the saddest fucking songs. Oh my god. Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I need you baby. Oh dude that was that A. I call that all like people call it like used to be called like easy listening and then it's called yacht rock. I call that station wagon music because I feel like all those moms.

Driving across the country in a station wagon is totally correct. Yeah, the moms like in some fucking loveless marriage, they just sit 10 and two just looking. No, they didn't cry. They always had like that. Remember those ultra skinny? Can't get cancer with this one. I love those chick-stickies. And they had the scarf.

My grandma used to do the plastic filter, too, like the penguin, you know? I was like, boy, this is a classy way to die just a little bit. And then you would steal the matches and light the woods on fire with your friends. Oh, absolutely. That's what arson.

Fire. Arson was our internet. Arson was our video game. So what are some of the upcoming dates, and are you gonna be coming through LA so I can see you guys again because this play is going to end shortly. We're going to do a Catacombs tour we've just decided. We're going to do...

The sewer tour. We're going to be playing the sewers of... it's not the sewer. Sorry. It's a coal mine. We're going to be playing this, but we're going to be playing the sewers of Los Angeles. A little tone deaf when it comes to sewers. Yeah. I need to get more progressive.

Yeah, you need to like do your research. Okay. Get on the right side of history. Yeah, please. Get on the right side of the manhole, which sounds like a great bar name, like a West Hollywood bar, the manhole. That would be great. That's a good name.

I saw a great name for a gay bar and it wasn't a gay bar and I was so disappointed. What was it? The Dickens. Oh! I'm like, how is that not a gay bar? That is the greatest- Come to the Dickens for the weekends. That is the greatest, silliest name ever for a gay bar. Yeah, the Toolbox was one in the desert.

The first time I did stand up in a gay bar it was called Queen of Hearts and then my buddy Patrice, rest his soul, he played a gay bar and it was called Fiddlesticks. That is fantastic. It is fantastic. It's so good. How can you hate the gay community with that level of humor? I love that they've got this chance. There was a place in the desert called the Gaff, G-A-F, or Daddy Warbucks, which sounds

a bit romantic if I'm honest. And I just thought they have access to the greatest names of all time and I just kind of admired that. Well, I didn't know it was a gay bar. I went out to go do the gig and it was like two towns over from where I lived and I parked my truck broad daylight. It was the summertime, so the sun was out till like 8.39 and it was parked right out in front.

And uh, It happened to be. And I, yeah, it just happened to be there. So of course I get to the gig early. I had my college Emerson, Emerson College sweatshirt on. I was like 23. I looked like somebody ordered me and I came in. I was like the college kid school girl, right? And I was sitting at the bar looking at my notes and some gay guy went by and said something like hey or something like that and I was like whoa, what the fuck, right? So then Karen Newch was the one who booked me and she came in and she goes, oh hey, you got here early.

I said yeah and I was all fucking freaked. I had never had a guy say anything like that to me. So I remember I said to her, I go, yeah, I got that guy down there, the end of the bar, I go, he's a little happy. Yeah. She goes, what? I got that guy down the end of the bar, he's a little happy. And she just sort of looked at me, she goes, Bill. Do you know where he was? She goes, yeah. She goes, yeah, he goes, everybody in here is a little happy. She goes, this

is a gay bar. This is a happy bar. And then all of a sudden, I looked at the fucking bartender and she had like the fucking Ellen DeGeneres haircut and she had the tuxedo t-shirt on. Oh, I like that. And I'm like, am I the dumbest? I'm so fucking stupid. Plus, take the compliments where they come. That's what I always think. Yeah, some guy in a Klan outfit, I'm like, guy down there, he's a little racist.

Guy's a little racist. Bill, you're at a Klan outfit. I'm like, guy down there, he's a little racist. Guy's a little racist. Bill, you're at a Klan rally. You had to poke a hole in my take a compliment from anywhere. I thought this was a dry cleaner. I was wondering why that cross was on fire. No, I'll do it. How I didn't end up in the trunk of somebody's fucking car.

I was so fucking- There's still time. There is still time. Well, any dates you wanna promote that are upcoming, like this next leg of your tour, I'm so fucking envious of that. Nah, fuck it. No, come on.

I mean, I don't really- Don't be that way. I'm here to be your friend. All right, well I'm here to promote whatever. Yeah, I mean- I probably don't need to. They're probably selling like hotcakes. It's been going really well. I think, you know, because I always tried to be piggy who makes

this house of brick and not straw, you know. I think- Speaking of gay bars. Yeah. This pig's had no pants on. I think no pants at it. Poor keep pigging it. What if you did the three little pigs reimagined as a homophobic story and they keep building these bars and straight people that are homophobic keep knocking them down. Actually, thanks for bringing that up.

I appreciate that. We're going to do some dates. I slept with the air conditioner on last night. I can't do it. It dries out. Right in straight into your yapper. I see right against it, right by the hole. Right by the manhole.

Which is another, I think we're going to do some dates in October, November, that's what we're looking at for the catacombs thing. And actually, this is announcing it here for the very first, we haven't, I haven't said any of this before. Did you not want to say that and I just got that out of you? Yeah. You like those interview skills? Pulled that right out of me.

Pulled it right out of you. After all the piggy comments, I had no choice but to pivot. So are you off till then? I thought you just got done with Boston. We're doing these dates which are pretty much all sold out and then we're going to Europe for six weeks. We're kind of doing the tour that got canceled. I've gotten to this point where if I said I was going

to do something, I have to like... Yeah, because I remember how obviously bummed out you guys were that the... Oh, I can't stand it. Oh, that's right. And you called me before that tour and you were telling me like, I'm doing all the fucking places I want to do. And I had the kids, we all had our families out there. You had time between dates. It was like, we're doing Transylvania, we're taking six days off here, we're doing...

And to have that go away, I was like, it just was so deflating. And then it was deflated for that reason. And I was told, you know, don't plan on doing anything for two years. And I was like, oh my God. And now it's seven months, in seven months I was better. I feel so much better. And so, the first thing out of the gate was, let's do the dates that got lost. Oh, yeah. Plus, I don't know.

I've still so many friends in the desert that are roofers or painters or hardworking. And when they buy a ticket and then someone cancels, they're just like, this fucking guy with this fucking, I got this fucking ticket in it. So I'm really adamant about trying to go back. That's when you want to stay out of the comments section. Yeah, definitely. Well, no one ever understands, you know, the amount of times I've played with serious injuries and I always thought like, where's my trophy? Where's my cookies? No one did anything. But I still, I just, I like the chance to endure a little. It feels good.

It feels, it makes it feel important for a sec that you're overcoming this thing. Yeah, totally. It's a little Catholic. Yeah, self-flogging. For growing up Baptist, a little Catholic, but. All right. Well, I gotta say, it meant the world to me that you and all your bandmates came out to see the show. And one of the hardest things last night was blocking me that you and all your bandmates came out to see the show.

And one of the hardest things last night was blocking out that you guys were- I know we kept showing our tits. It was like trying to get you. No, I had to really like sort of dial in. I flubbed a few things when I let my mind, cause I knew it was going well and I was happy with that. I knew it was, no, no, no, it wasn't that. I just, I just. You texted me in the middle of the show,

like are you fucking here or not? Well because Club Soda Kenny goes, Josh didn't pick up his tickets. Because I, because I inadvertently, Kevin bought more tickets. I seriously, I had about 12 tickets last night at that place. Oh, all right, well there you go.

Well then, I'll call you, hopefully the producers see that. Yeah, you're welcome. And I can come out and tame my shrew again. All right, Josh Homme, everybody. He is out on the road making up all of those dates. He has an amazing new documentary out that you can see on...

Criterion, streaming on Criterion. The Criterion channel. Yeah. My favorite fucking channel. Yes, so good. Which I didn't know was here in New York. I just was over in their closet and... Dude, how smart are all the people over there?

Oh, it was really calm. It was like being inside of an NPR microphone. It was... And every poster is a bitchin' movie. I got a good movie before we wrap this up. I saw, they had this film noir thing. There's a movie from 1950 called Gun Crazy. It's like a Bonnie and Clyde type of story.

I love that title. Bonnie and Clyde type of story. And it's a bunch of no-name actors, but they're phenomenal. But the camera shots in it. It looks like of that era, and then all of a sudden the camera chase happens. And they're in the car,

and you go 20 years into the future in cinema, like, who the fuck came up with this? Like shit, like filming above and in the car. That would have been a nightmare then. Yeah, like how did you do? Filming above is a nightmare back then. Oh yeah. Now they gotta fucking, everyone's got a drone shot. They fucking, they probably hoisted some guy up

on his nuts holding the thing. No Osha, none of that stuff. All right, Josh Homme everybody. It's so great to see you man. I'm so happy that you're back out there and that you're healthy. Thank you. You look amazing You're back to being our ginger God. He's our ginger Elvis Josh Homme everybody. Thank you for listening. We'll see you It's all emotional, stop it now I've got nothing to lose and only one way up I'm burning bridges, I destroy the mirage All visions of collisions, but get bought for yaps It's all too sad from here on out Yeah

The God cruises the hit games Hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday June 19th 2017 what's going on? How you doing? How are you? What's up? Oh, that's great. Yes. You're doing good. Are you doing good? Oh, that's good I'm doing great. I'm actually recording this on Sunday June 18th 49 years old my first fucking Father's Day.

First Father's Day. Oh, jeez, Bill, what did you do? God bless ya. You're in the clubhouse fucking turn. You finally became a dad. What did you do? I had a great day. I had a great day. You know they go all out for Mother's Day.

There's just brunch after brunch, after this, after that. I went over to a car show over on Rodeo Drive. Rodeo Drive, right? Rodeo Boulevard, Rodeo Road. Rodeo Drive. The fancy schmancy place. Evidently, they have a Father's Day car show. Every Father's Day, obviously.

If they're going to call it Father's Day car show. Yes, they've had it every year. And of course, I never went. I was never a dad. I never even heard about the fucking thing. So I was not on the email list. You know, Billy the Kidless, as you guys called me back in the day, as of five months ago, you can still call me that.

So I was never on the email list, and god damn it, I was like, I'm going over there. So we head over there, and it's like, the beautiful people, the beautiful people, and me. Ha ha ha ha ha. Rich, rich ass fuckin', yeah, Beverly Hills. They call it the Beverly Hills Car show and I gotta tell you man fucking beautiful cars I was either gonna go to the Peterson Museum

I was gonna do that and I figured I can go to the Peterson Museum anytime. This is the Father's Day one I got to go to that one and then I'll do the Peterson later, right? So I fucking go over there Peterson Museum by the way right down next to over there. Peterson Museum, by the way, right down next to that place, that's right where Biggie got shot. Wilshire and fucking Fairfax. So anyways, so I'm over there at Rodeo Drive. I'm checking it out, right?

There's all these rich people, you know? There's all these beautiful fucking, you know, I don't know what, you know, walking around, God knows how old they are. They're really getting good with the plastic surgery, man. They're really, really getting fucking, there was some amazing old looking women walking around, you know, wearing Forever 21 shit that they bought at,

you know, I don't know, one of those stores up and down the block, right? So we're walking around, you know, it's's fucking hilarious every restaurant was like closed over there like fuck the dad say like five food trucks even over there they're like yeah it's the daddy doesn't give a shit show him a couple of fucking batmobiles show them the Lincoln from entourage which they had over there which was fucking cool as shit one of the great cars out there the link continental suicide doors and all that Not a convertible guy, but you know it worked for the show the overhead shot iconic shot at this point

They had the Eleanor car from gone in 60 seconds, but I liked I like all I always liked the weird shit I saw like a 19 what the fuck was like a, 62 or 63 Mercedes-Benz limousine. And out of everything that was there, there was a Tucker there, there was a fucking, one of those mid, like a 55 Mercedes Gullwing, you know, a bunch of Ferraris, Lamborghinis, you know, those weird years in the 70s? Those ones, Adam Carolla has a lot of them. I don't mean weird like they're not good looking, it's just like, you know, I always saw him as the racing car and then to me, for me, I just felt, it went right to Magnum PI. It wasn't until I did Carolla's podcast back in the day when I saw the Lamborghini's and

Fry's, I was just like, what are these? It wasn't until I did Corolla's podcast back in the day when I saw the lamborghese and fries I was just like what are these he was like, oh, this is this one. This is that one from like the like the late 60s So now they're cool as shit He was ahead of the curve by the way um, I was watching a local, uh newscast out here and um Adam Corolla is a free plug here. Adam Corolla was on Adam Carolla was on and he was promoting. He's got a documentary on the 24 Hours of Le Mans in the 1950s when Ford decided that

they were going to guess compete and see what they could do over there. They came out with the Ford GT. He's getting rave reviews and he has another documentary that he already put out about the racing life of Paul Newman and if you go to his website I believe it's chassis calm something if you just put an Adam Carolla Lamans, it's gonna come up and What I love is all I could find on the website was just the DVD which is great for me as an old man I don't like that fucking hey you download it and then it's in the air and somehow it's on my computer and then I dump some orange juice on the keyboard and then I don't own it anymore. I like the DVD. I'm an old man. I like the DVD. That's like having the gold behind your money. So had I known about this, I would have asked for

both of those for Father's Day. So instead I'm just just gonna buy him myself. So anyways I fucking go over there and they got this Mercedes-Benz like 1961 62 63 something in the early 60s and it's a it's a limousine it's fucking black it's got this I took a video I know I always say I'm gonna post it then I always forget that I say I'm gonna do it but I'm gonna try to remember here had this beautiful red interior and um it was just I was like that that right there that's what the fuck is the older I get as much as I enjoy driving I don't enjoy driving in LA because the traffic is

just fucking insane and my wife my, she Ubers all the time. So I'm getting used to this jumping in a car and somebody else is driving, you know, when I go out with her. And I get all this business done. Be it breaking people's balls back on some text, you know, calling back fucking Joe DeRosa or some shit. Better call Saul's Joe DeRosa

for your consideration, is the fucking veterinarian on that wonderful show. Return email calls, business shit, all of that. And, you know, you always read about these fucking people out here, these moguls, like the Ryan Seacrests out here, they don't fucking drive, they have a drive-er. They sit in the back and they get shit done. They pull the curtain, right, and they just back there, they got like the Janet Jackson

headset on, they're fucking firing off emails, they're buying stocks, I don't know what they're doing back there. I'm not a mogul. It's not like they're gonna tell you. Fucking tell someone I'd be a mogul, and then everybody's a mogul, and then what are you? You're just a regular guy. Next thing you know, you're stopping at a red light.

You're looking over. You're like, is that Ryan Seacrest driving his own fucking car? What happened? Thought this guy had 17 fucking TV shows. Anyways, I could really get into that, to be honest with you. Who's kidding who, I'm not a mogul, I'm just fucking lazy. And I don't know, I think there's two types of people as they get older.

There's the person that just takes up cycling and rock climbing and they take like a fucking glass blowing class or some shit, you know? And then there's other people being like, you know what, I fucking, I'm tired, man. I'd like to chill. If I get another 49 years or whatever I get, I'm on the back nine, who's kidding who?

49 times two is 98. I want to make 100. I'm staying positive, who's kidding who? 49 times two is 98. I want to make 100. Staying positive, who's kidding who, all right? Feel like I'm on the 12th hole. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's fucking horrible. I would actually thoroughly enjoy, and I would just, if you had that kind of loot, you'd redo an old fucking beautiful car like that. You restore it, you bring it back to life. And then you just, in the back, you know, you got a little humidor,

some fucking cigars, you know, couple of your favorite little fucking accoutrements being the booze there. And you just fucking, whatever, you just drive around. Whatever your driver's name is, you still call him James. Every fucking, every chauffeur was always named that. Wouldn't that be great?

You want to go to the movies? You know, I drink too much already, man. There's no way I could handle always having a designated driver I'd be getting fucking stewed going to the supermarket Speaking of which Billy no fun. Oh Jesus Jesus Christ was seven days in seven fucking days in last night I had a couple glasses of wine and we went out with another couple. What am I supposed to do? Everybody you know, I'm having an Italian meal. I'm not supposed to have a little Barolo come on Come on. What am I supposed to I had a couple of those you know and I don't even fucking like wine

It just it's just it's always reminding you of the hangover. It's gonna give you Turns your teeth gray But I actually enjoyed that's the one wine that I like I really enjoyed it last night and I was actually gonna order a whiskey but I almost said the referee the waiter forgot to come back and asked me at that point I was just like fuck this I'm just gonna stay with the wine and then tonight my family took me out for Father's Day and I had one whiskey. Oh man, I got a fucking good one, right?

I got a really good 28 years old and then I went outside to return a phone call and I had set the glass down and I came back and one of my relatives had bumped the table and said they knocked a little bit out and I didn't think there was that much and then I looked down and there was this big puddle of it and I was like oh fuck that was 28 years old I mean the back of my head I was like oh that's good because I'm trying not to drink anyways but it was 28 years old the shit poured in a glass I sipped it and then somebody came by boom hit the table and then there was a puddle of it spent 20 years in a fucking barrel to be spilt on the floor and then cleaned up with a rag.

Oh, that's a travesty. I felt my liver cry, but it was good because then I had the perfect amount of booze and I was fine. So, I don't know. I know you guys who are in AA, you know, collecting your little chippy poos there. You knew it, this one, I got five things sober. You know give you a little cookie Got you down there. There's no way even if I was like a full-on fucking alky like I'm in AAA of alcoholism

I never got called up to the big show. I'm basically like Kevin Costner and Bull Durham except I'm drinking That would annoy me. Going to AA and they give me my stupid chip like that's supposed, I'm like, I'm supposed to be fucking chasing these things. I got too much of a contrarian in me. That's the new word for cunt by the way. Yeah, I'm a bit of a canarian, a canarian, a contrarian. A bit of a contrarian. Yeah, yeah, you're difficult.

You're a cunt. You know? You're a fucking pain in the ass. You're the kind of guy if the fucking jet went down, you're the fucking guy. You're the guy that would get us killed. We'd all be fucking sitting there if we survived going, hey, you know, let's say we go over this ridge.

Everybody in agreement? Yeah, and then there was one guy, whoa, I mean, what's the same about this ridge? Well, why don't you fucking go over there, buddy? We'll get mauled by a bobcat. We'll wait for you to slowly die, and then there's our nourishment for the rest of this fucking walk down

this snowy, God-forsaken tundra. Anyways, sorry. The fuck am I talking about? Yeah, So we go to the car show, right? None of the fucking restaurants are open. Fuck the dads. It's like food trucks. Nobody gives a shit. You know what's funny though?

I didn't give a shit. My wife was upset. Oh my God, why are we? None of these places are open. She's like, are you all right with that? I was like, yeah, I don't give a shit. You know, I really don't. I'm wired like a guy.

I walked around, I looked at some shiny cars. I'm happy, it's hot as shit. Let's get back in the car and go home. I'm fine, completely fine. Brunch, that's some you shit. Turning this whole fucking thing into a whole day. Yeah Father's Day you leave it. I had the by the perfect Father's Day and then um, I Didn't say I started my day

Well fucking no fun Billy I can wake up now like super early and I Finally have a little drum space about 20 ways a little little Jesus Christ I came to talk a little ways away from like 20 minutes away from my house I got a little rehearsal studio right you can just rent them and I got the smallest fucking one like if I stretch out I can touch the walls on all sides and I got this little fucking that little sonar kit that I bought the martini kit 16 inch bass drum which cracks me up because I was playing that giant bottom one that had a 26 inch fucking bass drum and I'm trying to you know just go in a

completely different different direction after all of these goddamn years of just fucking trying to ape everything that that he did and it just hit me one fucking day. I told you, one day I just sat there and I said, what if this fucking guy came back to life and he came walking into my house? I keep saying this on the podcast, right? And I was just like, hey man, John Bonham, holy shit, hey, I'm a big fan of yours. Come

in and look at my drum kit. I had his exact drum kit right down to the Rogers hi-hat. He would have looked, he would have slowly backed out of the fucking room. And what was funny is now I'm going down this whole fucking rabbit hole. You know, I'm listening to Pantera and fucking Primus and Miles Davis. Figure that one out. Listening to all of his fucking great drummers. From Philly Joe, Tony Williams to fucking Jack DeGeneres. Just listen to these fucking geniuses. And trying to get something else in my fucking head. And through reading up on Tony Williams, I went down this fucking rabbit hole full of I don't know how many hours on the internet Just trying to all these tracks. I was listening to him trying to see if I could

there's so many tracks where Tony is just killing it live and They just won't show him. It's so fucking annoying They're we showing miles or Coltrane a fucking kn not Coltrane, he didn't play with Coltrane. Miles or fucking, was it Shorter that he played with? I don't know. They're always showing those guys. It's like if everybody else stops playing, they'll finally fucking show him. It's annoying. But you know, typical. They never show the drummer. That's why I loved the romantics when I was a kid. And what I like about you came out and I finally got to, the drummer

was singing. If the drummer sang, then they would be on Hotel California with Don Henley. You'd see the drummer the whole fucking time. Other than that, you were shit out of luck. So anyways, I ended up, when you read about Tony, that leads to Billy Cobham, which leads to fucking eventually, you know, I don't know, Vinny Carliuta and Steve Smith and all these fucking guys, and then they start talking about the guys they listen to and then you go back around again. It's amazing.

So I ended up finding this quote that really made me feel good about getting rid of the drum kit that I did. Because sometimes I think, oh man, I always wanted that kit and I finally fucking had it. And then I just always think, yeah, and you sat down and played it and you sounded like you. So it was too fucking big for you and you have all these other ideas, why don't you

go pursue those? And I just stumbled on this quote by Vinny Carliuta, right? That actually transcends playing drums. You can apply this to anything. He says, this is when he was trying to find his own style. He said, I went through periods where I tried to imitate Tony and Billy. That's Tony Williams and Billy Cobham. He goes, but I eventually realized how dangerous it was.

Basically trying to imitate those guys. He goes, I began to ask myself, what am I saying? I wasn't saying anything. It had been said before and had a reason for being said, but I didn't have a reason. I wasn't making a statement. I was just repeating it like a parrot. By imitating and copying someone else, a person becomes a parrot. I saw the trap and I knew as great as those guys were and still are that I had to find

my own voice. And I was like, god damn it, look at that. That applies to stand-up comedy. That applies to fucking washing cars. Do you want to be one of the greats? You know, how many times can you watch Mr. Miyagi do the wax on wax off before you're gonna fucking break out of that?

Come up with a new way to do it, right? I don't know what the fuck to tell you. I'm just happy. So now I got this place, so I wake up now, because the way my daughter sleeps, she sleeps in these four hour chunks. So she finally falls asleep around two in the morning, after she slept from like eight to 12,

then she'll be up for like an hour and a half or some shit And then she sleeps till like seven My wife feeds her and then she goes back to sleep again until ten So that window right there from seven to ten now, I just been jumping in the car drive 20 minutes down the street. Nobody's up There's no musicians over at that place. You know, they're just getting done doing blow. They're going home You know, I'm there like eight in the fucking morning and I get to play for like a nice solid hour, having the time of my fucking life.

I don't know why I didn't do this for myself years ago. It never dawned on me to do it. I was always trying to play them in the fucking house and trying to find quiet ways to do it. Because who's kidding who drums are fucking annoying unless you're the person playing them? So I finally got this place and I'm beyond psyched. So we'll see, we'll see what this little kid leaves me.

But I don't know, whatever. I'm just saying it was a great father's day. So I went out tonight and then got a nice framed picture of me holding my beautiful daughter and I could not be having my arms around her anymore and she looks content as hell. It was an instant classic. I'm kissing her on the cheek and I got it framed. I'm looking at it right now sitting on my desk.

I'm fucking psyched. So happy Father's Day. Father's Day to all the fathers out there. You know, and if you used to play drums and you want to play them again, go get one of those, get that fucking, that Quest Love little break beat set. Go find some fucking studio space. Cost you like 125, 200 bucks a month.

Who gives a fuck? You know, go get it. And go down there, bring your fucking, you know. Or find a studio space, like you know where I used to play. I never used to say this, I didn't want anybody bug me down there. The best place that I found out here in LA, if you don't have time to get a drum kit and all that shit,

but if you just want to go play someplace, is Cascade Studios down on Santa Monica Ave, just east of Highland. It's the shit, it's fucking clean, the drum kits are great, and it was the first class place, and I went to a bunch of places, that was the best place that I found. So free plug there.

And speaking of that, speaking of that, oh by the way, everybody keeps telling me to watch the fucking Lakers Celtics documentary thing that they got on ESPN, so I have to check that out. But before I do that, before I do that, I fucking fucked up the goddamn podcast. Not podcast, I fucked up the password. You know how complex these things have to be now. You know, I hate when you fucking put a nice easy one in and then they just say to you like

Oh, yeah, that's not a that's not good enough That's not fucking good enough. It's like well, why don't I determine that? Why are you acting like I'm in the Pentagon? I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Oh, you know what's hilarious too now that I got I'm out of my bottom phase I still played to some zeppelin today. I'm not gonna let even I was over there, but Somebody showed me his fucking remember that car and the song remains the same that crazy looking I Don't know who made it Ford or some shit that he had that all that crazy paintings and stuff like that You know you always wonder what happened to that shit.

Somebody bought it and then somebody else bought it and now it's up for sale. It's like 250 fucking grand. You know who's going to buy that thing? Jim Ursay of the Colts. I think that guy's going to end up having like the equivalent of Jay Leno's car collection he's gonna have that with musical artifacts I mean the guy's getting to the point where he can kind of fuck with the rock and roll Hall of

Fame he's got like a Prince guitar he's got Jerry Garcia's guitar if you had John Bonham's car I mean that really adds to the collection. Then you put your fucking Prince's guitars and all the Charlie Parker saxophone, whatever the fuck else that guy owns, in the back. And you have some hookers come over, he starts doing blow, whatever the fuck it is he does. I mean it could be a good time, no?

Anyways, let's read some advertising here thank fucking Christ that's over over all right so anyways I really fucking overextended myself this month. I said yes to way too much shit, and for July, my answer is gonna be no. I don't give a fuck what anybody asks me, no. Hey Billy, no, I'm not doing it. I'm not fucking doing it. I got, I'm on the road again,

chkaboom, chkaboom, boom, boom. I'm doing the roast of David Ortiz this week, Thursday. And I'm, you know, I got to figure out how to, I don't do that. Hey, I'm not saying this guy walk a walker, but this boopal boopal, yada, yada, yada. You know those fucking roast jokes?

For some reason, the format of roast jokes is still from like the 1950s. I don't understand why that is. I have to figure out how to do this shit. So and so is here. You know, last time I saw a head like that it had a fucking wacky wiggle. You know, they still use that except the young guys now they all say AIDS and cunt and fucking it just it's just so over the top You know 9 11. It's always like I gotta figure out how the fuck to do this and I only have four days to do it And of course i'm busy as shit So, uh, I don't know what to do here. So but this is the last thing if I just get past this, which I will

Either by doing a good job, a mediocre job, or eating my fucking balls on it, the bottom line is it's over, you know, it's a 12 minute spot. I just have to get, if I get past this fucking roast, the rest of, I'm gonna, the rest of my year, it's downhill. Billy No Fun is saying no to everything. What do you want, when is it?

Nah, I can't make it. Nope, can't do it. No, no, no, not gonna do it. Be like that fucking buzzard way back. Oh, ba-dee-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Remember that Bashful buzzard on Bugs Bunny? No, no, not gonna do it. That's gonna be me.

I have to start fucking doing that because, yeah, it's not good. It's just too much shit. And I am, now with the kid, I'm fucking, I'm exhausted. It's 922 at night and I was ready for bed two fucking hours ago. It's just my cutie pie doesn't fall asleep till about nine And you know what's great about no booze you sleep like a fucking baby I mean booze will put you to sleep, but the next morning you wake up and You're just like you know

You wake up you feel you should be tied to a chair You know and there's some guy just waiting for you to come around to continue interrogating you by punching you in the head. And then you realize like, no, I punched myself in the head with all those fucking drinks. So I'm actually really enjoying it despite the fact I drank the last two nights. I had one tonight and half of it spilled on the fucking ground. All right? Don't fucking judge ground. All right?

Don't fucking judge me, all right? I decide, I'm in my own AA, okay? I still earned a chip today. I just feel like for me, having my own AA is a good thing. Speaking of for me, in reality show stars, you're not gonna fucking believe who I think was at that car show today. We're walking around, we're looking at this fucking, this two-door Cadillac that I swear to God was like,

it was like two town cars put together. Incredible fucking car. Gigantic, oh my God, I saw this one Jaguar. You know the one that the early that one in the head in the 60s with the long fucking hood Not the one from the 50s that Sinatra had that one The James Bond era one you know the one and like the hatchback open like a fucking regular door This guy's showing it off right? He's got the back door open and then the hood opens like the reverse way, you know, from the windshield out. Looks cool as shit. And then I look in there,

he's got like some small bunch, small block Chevy engine in there. You know, I don't know. That's what you want to fucking do. I don't know why you would do that. Anyways, I, um, so we're walking around looking at those cars and all of a sudden Nia's there's these people on like you know they're giving out awards to cars and shit and there's Nia's listening to this person on the microphone going I think that's Caitlyn Jenner I think Caitlyn Jenner's here and I was like no fucking way I gotta go seek I gotta go see Cait, right? I gotta go see when by the time we got there I'm not even sure if it was but like Nia said that Bruce it gets

confusing he sees she said she's really into cars so I got confused saying like all right was was he not into it and then can that happen do your hobbies change then I knew what she was saying it's like no he was into it and then can that happen? Do your hobbies change? Then I knew what she was saying. It's like no, he was into him. He's always been into him. And now he's become Caitlin, uh, I just almost said transferred. What's the fucking word you're supposed to say?

Transitioned. Helicopter November 153, Sierra Hotel on with you, information Bravo requesting pumpkin transition through. Transitioned to, you know, being Caitlin, but the hobbies stay the same. There you go, who would have known that? I would think you'd take up some other hobbies right Maybe you wouldn't I Gotta look this up. I

Gotta look this up. This is fucking weird because I know you take hormones and stuff right so does that make you into other shit? It's it's funny? It's fascinating. You know what's funny is they're going to keep doing the same way they're doing the plastic surgery. It's going to keep looking better and better and better. You know what I mean? Same way, everything keeps getting better and better and better except for the fucking environment.

Oh, by the way, I did a fucking benefit the other night and Flea was in the crowd. I can't fucking believe I didn't give him a shout out for giving a shit about bees. There was one of the few positive things I saw about the environment last year was that Flea somehow got, you know, Flea's, the fucking bees are dying off. And Flea shows up like a goddamn hero

and he gets into this beekeeping stuff He's got the whole suit and everything I saw this whole article on it and he's hooking up like a little like there was like 10,000 of them hanging out in his backyard You know You know, what's funny is that's one of those things your neighbors would be annoyed at because they don't understand photosynthesis. I don't know where that fucking word came from, but I think I used it correctly. Isn't that when the bees go from flower to flower and stuff gets on their cute little

feet? You know? Their cute little bee feet, you know what I mean? And then they pollinate shit inadvertently. They're out there running errands for the queen, right? The queen bee. The fuck was I talking about? Oh, I gotta look this shit up.

When you transition to your hobbies change. What fucking list am I gonna get put on looking this shit up? Oh, come on, man, don't do this to me. Do your hobbies change? What fucking list am I gonna get put on looking this shit up? Oh come on man, don't do this to me. Come on internet, come on internet. Can you fucking work for once in your life you fucking cunt? Can you believe someone who can't even get internet in his whole house is talking about having a chauffeur? I mean how fucking first world cunty is that?

Habit change is easy when people move into your house. Force strategies to change your habits. Was that not specific enough? I have to be wrong. You transition to a woman. Do your hobbies change? 13 ways to master the transition from college to the real world.

Habit change is easier. How to successfully transition your diet, nerd fitness, health in your 40s. Ah, you know what, I searched it twice, I guess. So Bruce was into it, now Bruce is Caitlin. Caitlin's like, you know, good on you, Bruce, way to get those fucking cars, because I'm still digging them.

That's fucking amazing, you know? I hope someone I know fucking transitions. I just want to see that whole goddamn thing, you know? Something's got to, something, it's gotta be something. Right? Does your preference of color change? If you're taking hormones, like you're fucking with like the chemicals, right? Isn't it fucking amazing how I just refuse to read about shit and I just continue to

ask questions while answering them? And this is how I come to conclusions. And then I can somehow legally get on stage with the microphone or do a fucking podcast. I can't imagine how many people who used to be men and are now women are just slapping their female forehead, their transition forehead right now, listening to me as I'm talking to them.

I apologize to anybody out there transitioning. I don't fuck them. I apologize to anybody out there transitioning. I don't fuck them. Why would I think that? Because she said she's really into cars. Doesn't take a lot to trip me up. That's all I'm saying. All right, let's read some shit here, right? Mute Math and Colbert.

Hey Billy, boom bap. Boom boom bap. Thanks for putting me onto Mute Math. Oh my God, they're fucking amazing. Fucking incredible band, they got a brand new album out. Whatever you kids say, they got some brand new shit that you can download through the fucking air, man! Capture it on your device, share it with your friends, man! Um, this guy says, I've seen the name before but never listened and they

are all caps fucking dope just bought a ticket to see them on their tour in September dude you are not gonna be disappointed they are fucking as good as their band their albums are they're fucking incredible live fucking incredible band and then he said to me told me to check out these bands. It says, check out Big Data in Portugal. I don't understand this next sentence. It says, The Man, comma, I think you might dig them. Is The Man also a band? I'll look it up.

All right, if my internet hasn't shut down after that last stupid fucking search. Keep drumming and make Stephen, keep drumming and making Stephen Colbert Uncomfortable. Oh, I did the Steve Colbert show last Thursday aired Friday. I wasn't making him uncomfortable. He enjoyed it I had a great time with him. He's a I met him briefly one time at some benefit, but uh, he's a really good Dude, it was fucking amazing to go back and do that show cuz that's where Letterman used to tape and It's still fucking ice cold in there it's still roughly like the same setup and it's just weird because Colbert's desk is over where the band is and I talked to him you know during the break

I go wow this is crazy being over here. You know, I did stand up on Letterman like four or five times. And this is where I always look over and Felicia and Paul Schaefer, Anton Fiegel, the whole band was over there. And now the desk is here. And he said that, um, he asked Letterman where he should put the desk and Letterman said on the right side saying that he always wanted to sit over there But Johnny sat over there so out of respect He sat on the other side. That's how much You know the level of respect that was a mate just amazing story

The level of respect that Letterman had for Carson and why wouldn't you the guy's the king of it all? But Letterman was the Carson of my generation All right Phelps versus the shark. Bill, I just listened to your Thursday afternoon just before Monday podcast and enjoyed your rant about the upcoming fight between McGregor and Mayweather. It wasn't a rant. It wasn't a rant. I just was discussing the fucking subject. If I was screaming and yelling, ranting and raving, that is a fucking rant. You know, I'm gonna look up rants. I'm probably really wrong.

It's wrong about, you know, if you transition your fucking habits change. Why the fuck would I be wrong about this? Rant. Definition. Come on. Oh, somehow I go to rant now? What the fuck is that? No, rant. You cunt. Come on. Definition. Okay, rant. Definition. Speak or shout at length in a wild and passionate way. Yeah, she was still ranting on the, I don't know. Well, I think this just goes back to me being from Massachusetts and my ideas of yelling

and fucking being out of control are just different than everybody else's. But you want to say I ranted finally. Fine, whatever. Yeah, I just, you know what I fucking hate most about that McGregor Mayweather fight? Aside from the fact that McGregor is only going to be allowed to box. That guy's a fucking Swiss Army knife of death and they're only letting him take out the spoon.

You know? You know what fucking annoys the shit out of me about that fight is? I know I'm going to order it. I know I'm going to order it. I know I'm going to order it. How do you lay off that? Once I found out it's only going to be a hundred bucks, I thought it was going to be like two hundred bucks. I thought they were both making a hundred million.

I guess Mayweather makes a hundred million, McGregor makes 20 million for whatever fucking reason. How fucked up is that? I think the guy that isn't, you know, if they were doing, the fact that McGregor isn't allowed to do what the fuck you know he could do, which is put Mayweather right on his back and the thing would be over in 30 fucking seconds, he should be getting 100 million. This is a walk in the park for Mayweather. This is his fucking strength.

And if it went the other way, McGregor was allowed to use all of his fucking fighting skills, then Mayweather should get the 100 million. This is classic Mayweather. This guy's a fucking genius. He's getting it entirely his way, and he's making $80 million more than this other fucking guy. Anyways, he goes, did you see that Michael Phelps is going to race a great white shark for some Discovery Channel thing?

I fucking refused. That's a joke, right? That has to be a joke. Do I have to look this up? I thought you might like that one. That's...that is fucking ridiculous. I'm...I'm... Alright, I gotta look it up. Dude, even if the shark was full, I mean, this is like the Mayweather fucking

McGregor fight. This is what he does. I mean, Phelps swims, but he also does other shit. He goes to restaurants, you know what I mean? He hits a bong every once in a while. What the fuck does a shark do? That's all it does. There's no fucking way.

There's no Phelps. Oh my god, it can't, no. Phelps versus shark. This can't be fucking real. Michael Phelps to race against a great white shark in shark week Phelps versus shark. Jesus Christ, what happened to just being on the fucking Wheaties box?

You're not making enough money doing that. Michael Phelps isn't done swimming yet. The 23 time Olympic gold medals. This guy has 23 gold. You know what, this guy wants to race. Of course he does. He's done with human beings. I think a shark is a good tune-up fight

when you're going into the ocean. I don't know who put this together. Maybe it was Mayweather. He always picks the perfect fucking opponent You go in there gets a great white shark, you know what I mean? They're not known for their speed are they? It's always dolphins zipping around it's always the shit that they have to fucking catch that's Fast right then the slowest thing gets caught All right 23 time Olympic gold medalists will compete in the most adrenaline-filled race

yet when he swims against a great white shark for this Discovery Channel Shark Week. Alright, so how do I handicap this? Are they starting in the water or is the shark going to get up on that fucking block too and wait for the whistle? Oh, we got a false start. We got a false start. We have a difficulty explaining to We got a false start. We have a difficulty explaining to the shark what the fucking whistle is. He's just so freaked out that he's out of his natural atmosphere here.

In Phelps verse shark, great gold verse great white is what they're calling this. The retired athlete will take on the ocean's most efficient predator in a competition of speed. Jesus Christ, can you imagine? Is Nike putting out the swim goggles for the fucking shark? All right, and I guess Phelps tweeted something. I was able to do something that I'd always wanted to do, be in a cage and dive with great white sharks. Wait, is he married?

He's got a kid now? Good for him. First birthday party. Hey, happy father's day to him. What kind of a dad? He's got a, you know what? He's got all that gold, you know? You know what's funny?

The dollar, the entire US economy could collapse and he's going to be fine. He's got 23 gold medals. You just melt those fucking thing down. You make little nickel sized coins. That guy's eating subs for the rest of his fucking life. Phelps great white race isn't the only Shark Week special he'll be appearing in. The father of one will also join.

I don't give a fuck about what he's doing. Together the trio will dispel myths and misconceptions and teach Phelps the proper way to get up close and personal with Hammerheads and Great Whites. Okay. You know what's funny about fucking the Discovery Channel? After all these years of being the champions, the absolute champions of misinformation about sharks. You'd always watch their things on the sharks. You'd always watch these things on the sharks.

And while you watch the program, they'd always say all this, you know, these things are being hunted down, they're not misunderstood,'t misunderstood blah blah blah but when you watch the fucking advertising for that week shark week it was always they there was like another Jaws movie was coming out it was really bad so now I guess they're finally feeling guilty and maybe some younger people came in on the Discovery Channel they're finally done I don't know, shitting on sharks. So the way they're thinking, they're going to be in a fucking saltwater pool?

If they're in a pool, I like Phelps for the simple fact that I have a feeling that the shark's going to go out of its lane and be disqualified, and at the very least the shark can't do that little somersault flip at the end of the fucking pool Jesus Christ is this this is what the world is the world of sport is becoming I don't know back in the day used to have those fucking fat bald guys strongmen. They were always bald right Somebody lifting weights back in the day. You know you went bald and they would always be pulling trains with their teeth and shit. All right, first time listening. Hey, Bill, first time listening to your podcast. My husband and I came to LA for the Rose Bowl last year and saw your standup.

We love it. Thank you. Thanks for taking so much. Thanks so much for talking in detail about jazz and sports. I think this show, I think this shows a lot of respect for your audience. We like cool shit. Obviously we like you stand up. Don't be afraid to go into technical details about whatever. It's interesting. Anywho, happy podcasting. Well, alright. There's two people that are enjoying it.

Um, I think I talked about it a little bit. Um, I downloaded all of this fucking Miles Davis shit. I am like, I was a huge Miles Davis fan like in the early 90s. And my favorite album was In a Silent Way. And I read his autobiography. I got like fucking, I mean, I had all his shit on like cassette tapes. I even got like on the corner, which he talks about in his book how when Herbie Hancock came out with Chameleon, that's what he was trying to do, that Headhunterz album. But he's blamed the record label saying that they fucked up the promotion of it. But I got into all of that shit and then I moved to New York and I stopped playing drums

because I was living in a walk-through fucking bedroom apartment and drums are too goddamn loud and I didn't play for like five, six years. And then I started back up again. So I started in 88 and I had a five-year break in there. So I've been playing about 19 years. Is that what it is? I don't know what the fuck it is, but Anyways, Dave Brubeck jazz stuff. Here we go more drum shit. Dear Billy backbeat Not the exact era you were asking for but Dave Brubeck's band

Experimented with some crazy time signatures starting in the early 60s. Look for the album the Dave Brubeck quartet at Carnegie Hall I bought it when I was a music major in college and it was a borderline spiritual experience. It's got songs in 11-4, aptly named 11-4. Wait a minute, 11-4, now how the fuck does that work out? 11-4, so you just count, that's when you count that, just up to 11. Alright, so that's just basically, it's like playing three bars of four and then you just play one bar of three-four and you just lop off that last beat. Right? 5-4, take 5, 9-8, Blue Rondo a la Turk. Not only are the songs great, but

the audio quality is impressive for the time period. Every once in a while you can even hear Dave or another member of the band blurt out a cool jazzy during a solo. It really immerses you in the time period and culture. All right, you know what? This is a classic. I'm going to download this and listen to this with some really nice headphones in the dark. You probably wish that I did some drugs. If you listen to it, check out the track Castilian Drums at the Four Minute Mark.

There's a drum solo where he turns the snare off and does some really cool and creative stuff with his hands and his sticks on the snare if you look at Joe Morello shit where he's playing with his hands and stuff and then watch John Bonham playing with his fucking hands I'm sure he Morello wasn't the first he only got to do it but there's just a couple things where he's hitting with the back of his hand and shit you see Bonham do that but then there's also like like YouTube and all that shit did not exist when Bonham was coming up. So, he was over in England. The odds of him checking that out and actually seeing it is so fucking,

I don't know how people were able to, you definitely listened to everything you could, but to actually get to watch all the videos fucking and when something came on the TV you just fucking sat there and watched it there was no hitting pause there's no all there's gonna be a rerun and if you missed it you fucking missed it anyways this guy says thanks and go fuck yourself with that shiny new hi-hat stand Jesus Christ all right, joining the army. Hey, Nia, if you wanna come in,

there's a question for ya. Yeah. Grab a mic. Bring in the tyke and grab a mic. Bring in the tyke and grab a mic la la la la get your ass in here do the podcast bye bye where are you oh you're coming it's hot as hell in here I don't open a window I don't know okay can window? Why don't I open a window? I don't know. I'm also waiting for the door. Okay, can you uh, can you, there's a microphone over there. Can you...

In the closeted area. Oh Jesus, she's uh... She's, hey cutie! Well, I can't do a podcast and hold a kid at the same time. Jesus Christ, what am I multitasking? Hey buddy! Mwah! What am I looking for? Mike, up on top of the fucking thing there. On top of the thing straight ahead. She's got it.

Please don't tip over my computer. Don't tip it over. All right, this is perilous here. I'm holding her and there's a computer here. She's gonna knock it over. She's gonna knock it over. She's gonna knock it over. What's up cutie pie? What's up cutie?

All right, plug it in there. Plug it in. Plug it in, plug it in and here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, coming back to the podcast. I don't need to put the screen on. You don't need to put a windscreen on and you have the window open Can you grab your beautiful daughter here, please?

Please I know I know I know I know all right. Here's a question for you How did you pull the map up all right? Here's your question? All right, you ready Dancing wedding Okay, hey there Billy back freckle. My girlfriend and myself are attending a wedding for our good friends, two gay fellas. This is a very progressive podcast by the way.

That you're doing? Yes. Okay. Because I already brought up Caitlyn Jenner and I learned something. Today when you kind of freaked me out when you said like, oh, she's really into cars. Why did I freak you out? No, I had to do the math in my head. Was Bruce not into cars?

So then I was like, no, wait, I remember reading Sports Illustrated, he had Porsches and he was a pilot and all that shit, right? Does his pilot's license, it must transfer over. You got to change the name? How crazy is that? Then you got to go down there and be like, listen, I'm this guy. Now I'm... I'm sure it's, it's everyone knows who Caitlyn Jenner is practically. All right.

So if you're not fam, but if you're not famous. Yeah. If you're not famous, you probably got to do, we got some spade in a do, but... I am, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to get you for Mother's Day next year, a speaking into a mic class. Sorry. All right. So here it is.

By the way, so I Googled it. When you transition to your habits change and nothing came up. So I guess it doesn't. Okay. What's the question? You wouldn't think one little thing would be kind of like, oh shit, now I'm into this? Have you taken hormones and stuff? Like, wouldn't something change? Your favorite color would change?

I don't think so. It doesn't affect your brain. Oh, right. Why aren't you allowed to ask questions about this shit? Is it me? Like, oh my god, what are you, a fucking Trump supporter? I'm really excited to go to this wedding, he's saying, okay? These two gay guys are getting married. Two gay fellas, as he says. I'm really excited to go to this wedding he's saying okay these two gay guys are getting married right two gay fellas as he says

I'm really excited to go minus the fact that they are dancing fools Could they be more stereotypical? My girl and that whole group will be dancing the night away. Well, it's a wedding. Yeah Do you not want to do this no No, I'm just trying to. I should wait to hear the question fully. Please proceed. Okay. You seem annoyed at any point you need to walk out.

I'm fine with it. Okay. He says me for me. He says me for me. I just feel he says me. I'm not a dancer. Perhaps I shouldn't assume, but I'm assuming that you're no dancer yourself. Evidently, he has not seen daddy's home.

Right? Um, I'm the worst. I'm your standard pasty white guy who doesn't really dance. I don't like it. I don't really understand it. It's just... Don't understand it. It just seems goofy to me.

I totally line up with this guy. I have an appreciation for it. You're an amazing... You danced at the wedding though. You danced at our wedding all night long. Yeah, I was drunk. My girlfriend has expressed her dislike with my opinion of dancing after a couple of drinks. Going as far as to tell me it's a real disappointment... ...that I don't enjoy dancing.

Oh, I love how honest she is. You know, it's a real disappointment. In our four years together. I love you, but I'm really disappointed. And I completely don't respect the fact that you don't like something that I like. Hey, Nia, do you like hockey? You know what I do. Could you just play along?

No, I don't like. That's a real disappointment. Oh. In our four years together, we've never really had any sort of arguments other than that one. Jesus Christ, that's the only thing you argue about? How often- You're very lucky. How often do you guys go-

Marry this girl. He goes, I don't try and guilt her into doing something she doesn't like, so I get a little hot blooded when she does it to me. Hot blooded, can't you see? You'll be dancing to that one. Hot blooded, can't you see? We'll be dancing to that one. Hot blooded, what is it? I got a fever of 103.

Come on baby, do you do more than dance? Right, that's another white guy, doesn't want to dance. Do you do more than dance? Can we get out of here? So we can, yeah, invent herpes. Well, what do you think, what do you think, old Ruby pubie? Ruby Pew's day. I don't stand my ground in what, do I stand my ground in what will most definitely become a disagreement

when I don't go flail around like the non-dancing whitey that I am, or do I sack up and do my best Travolta from Pulp Fiction and go attempt to cut some rug even though I'll be miserable the whole time? Best to you, your little one, and season two of F is for Family has been great. Thanks for the content and go F yourself. All right, all right, all right. So, what do you say? Well, as I snarkily said earlier, it's a wedding. So obviously there's going to be dancing, whether they're gay guys or straight,

like everybody dances at weddings. That's not, I don't know how he expects, like why would he think that there wouldn't be dancing? Maybe that's not the point. It had nothing to do with the gay guys. He was just saying, two gay guys. He just doesn't want to dance. No, I can't dance.

I can't talk. Only thing about me is the way that I walk. Um, I don't know. Listen, girls that like to dance like guys that like to dance with them. That's just how it is. Is that the name of a new reality show? If you don't go in there and do the YMCA and the electric slide, you can at least do a couple of slow dances. How about that? Can you, hi! Meet me outside, how about that? No, it's Cash Me Outside. Cash Me Outside, how about that? Maybe that can be the compromise. Listen, I'm not gonna go up there YMCA and celebrate good times. Come on. Do do do.

This is not a karaoke podcast. What's another classic wedding song? I don't know why I'm singing. None of those things we have in our house. Daily Beloved. Prince? Yeah. Do we have Prince at our wedding?

I don't know. Let's stay focused. Oh, yes. I have a- I think the compromise, sir, is that you should give your lady a couple of slow dances. And also, wait a minute, it's one night, it's not gonna kill you to get up there and be goofy with her.

No one's watching you, because I feel like there's a little bit of you that's like, you don't like to dance because you feel like you can't dance. Nobody's looking at you, nobody's judging you. It's one night out of your life Just be silly have fun with it and definitely slow dance with her. She'll really appreciate this is one of those times where Even though you don't like doing something you do it for the person that you love This is what this is my suggestion, but you're not going out dancing every single Saturday.

Would you? But for the wedding, you should. I'm a little distracted, so I'm sorry. I can't put my mouth like, you know, you want me to blow the damn microphone. No, I just want you to speak into it. Hello? Is this water?

Am I striking into the microphone? Is that OK? Don't do that it to the microphone? Is that okay? Don't do that. You're blowing the thing up. This is what he should do. He should go there and have five quick drinks. Five? Five. Get fucking hammered and then just go out there and then just...that's it. You black out drunk. I don't think that's a good idea.

You flop around like a fish out of water. Yeah, I don't. And then the next day, I don't agree with that. When you're hungover and you're laying there and she's giving you looks, you just look at her in your best Clint Eastwood voice and you just be like, it was your idea.

No. You want me to dance? These are the rules. I would just tell her, I said, listen, I'm going to dance my ass off that night, okay? And I want you to know how stupid I'm going to feel. I'm doing this for you. However, these are the rules.

You line up five shots, I'm doing those. Like Mr. Blonde going through that bank. Bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. If you had made me go out on the fucking dance floor. I don't think he should get. That's not a good Mr. Blonde, that was all right. I don't think he should be five shots wasted.

Three. But I think he should. Would you accept three? I would take two and see how it goes. Oh, you're the worst. Three. Give him three. This is a major anxiety.

Nia, think of all the stuff you don't like to do. Right, exactly. Okay. But I'm just saying, well, how about this? Can he at least give her a slow dance before he gets wasted? Can he just give her a slow? Because we love slow dances.

They don't start with the slow dance. I know. You go out there and it's like immediately like, get down on it. Get down on it. Ba-doo burning doing a neutron dance. Someone stole my brand new Chevrolet. At that point, you got to be like fucking, you got to be five shots in. It's one night out of your life Do it cuz you'll love her just and say this is my dancing for the year

Give me one more night It's got to be shit face, but you can just let the guy get drunk Nia I don't say this a lot. I don't say this a lot. This is a white thing. What do you mean? We don't dance. White people dance all the time. Who, Fred Astaire? We either do it professionally or we just don't do it. We're either one of those people on Dancing with the Stars

or that's it. I don't know. All right, here's another one for you. Girl at Jiu Jitsu. Hey, Billy Bullock's it. I don't know. All right, here's another one for you. Girl at Jiu Jitsu. Hey, Billy Bullocks. So my dilemma is I'm 18 and I've just, oh my, it's so hot as frigging hell. Why don't you turn the AC on?

Because what am I supposed, I'll hit pause, hang on. All right, I'm back, here we go. So my dilemma is I'm 18 and I've just finished the first, my first year of college a few months ago and I've been hitting the gym. Good for you, as much as possible, good for you. And I've been going to jujitsu, you're crushing it. For the past couple of months, anyway,

first day going there, I noticed a girl in the beginners class with me and thought she was hot. And she's doing jujitsu? This is nothing but great stuff so far. So after a couple of weeks I work up the nerve to talk to her. Good for you. Turns out I went to school with a younger brother. Something in common. This is like all rainbows right now and I was also the youngest in my year so I think she might be 19 or 20. Jesus Christ, this is just all aces.

Why does my computer screen keep shutting down? I don't know, anyway, after training yesterday, I asked her, I asked for her Snapchat. Is that the way millennials ask for digits now? I never even said digits. I'd be like, what's your number? Can I call you? You like my Zcavritches? I never even said did you, so I'd be like, what's your number? Can I call you?

You like my Zcavare cheese? Daisy Buchanan's dude, it's a meat market. Try not to curse in front of her, even though I've already done it 50 times here. I don't know, anyway, it's a trip, blah, blah, blah, and she gave it to me, and after I asked her for it, I felt like a weight had been lifted, because I've never really talked to that many girls,

let alone get their Snapchat or whatever. Good for you. Because I'm incredibly reluctant and a bit scared to talk to them. Yeah, pathetic I know, but I think this girl is girlfriend material. That's not pathetic. Not just a fuck one time bitch.

That was pathetic. Yeah, he really just made a left turn there. That statement was pathetic. He kind of built himself up as the shucks guy. Yeah and then he turned it around and said. Now he's a lady killer. Yeah. You know I know what it is. What? He's afraid of love. Whatever. No no. See what you just did? You just turned her off. Alright I think I'm solo on this one. So Billy Boy, what should I do? How should I go about this? How should I text her? Any advice would be appreciated. Love the podcast. Wouldn't mind hearing from the lovely Nia's input. Two, if possible. Mmm.

Would love for you... Can you just let a guy be a guy? What's... Nia, that's the equivalent of you guys being like well. What does he do for a living? How much does he make the what size house could I get when I kick him? Oh is that the equivalent bill? Yes equivalence? Equivalent as an equal nobody talks like that at least not my circle. Oh, sorry Oh my god for me. I feel I need a 20 For me, I feel I need a 20-pitcher mouse. However your friends talk. Would love for you to play a gig in Ireland sometime.

Thanks and go F yourself. I played a gig, I played three last year. I went from Dublin up to Belfast and out to Galway. I had an isosceles triangle of freckled fuckos I performed to out there. Are you trying to be a badass with this whole not a one-time bitch fuck type of thing? What was that?

What was that little statement he threw in there? Because that did really turn me off. Why do you keep latching onto that? This guy has all kinds of great qualities. He's 18. He's one year into college. OK, he's hitting the gym. He's taking jujitsu.

He saw a beautiful woman. He was smitten by her. And he's nervous. OK, he loses. It's locker room talk. I just don't understand why he I just don't know the wall around why he has to be like Categorizing girls that he doesn't even know and so this is like the kind of bitch you just fuck once and this is girlfriend material Go fuck yourself. How about you're neither? How about you're not going to get laid and you're an asshole that won't have a girlfriend?

How about that? How does that feel? Meet me outside, how about that? It's catch me outside. Catch me outside, how about that? Nia, you guys do the same thing. We're not talking about what you guys do and what everybody else does.

I'm talking about this person that wrote in this question. Okay? That's not what this conversation is about. What everybody else does. You're holding a child. I want her to feel my passion. Him. Okay? No, her. Oh, her.

Talking about her. I'm not, yeah, we're not discussing what women do versus what men do. We're talking about this particular person who is like, oh, good for you, you got her Snapchat. Also, like Snapchat, grow a pair and get her number if you're really trying to like come with it. Like don't be lurking on her Snapchat so you can like jerk off to her like little selfie pics. I'm

annoyed with this person, I'm sorry. I just, you know what? I'm jealous of this person because he's 18 and he's working out, he's in working out. I don't appreciate that little line that you threw in. He's not married and his wife is freaking out. It's making me feel some type of way about it. What was his question? Here's my advice. What was what he wanted? You know something?

Nia, I swear to God, if you were a pitcher right now, I'm coming out and before I even get to the mound, I'm taking you out of the game. I don't even know what that means. It means you got way too emotional you've lost your control and you're gonna you're gonna kill somebody. Hit the showers. I can tell she's girlfriend material not just a one time you know a bitch you fuck once. This guy cannot run in from the bullpen quick enough you've completely lost your comp, hit the showers on this one. All right. How do you know what kind of person she is? Oh boy. Because you decided, because you've projected what you want your fantasy to, because she's not a real person to you, right? She's not

a real person. She's just someone you saw doing jujitsu and it's like, oh my God, this is like my dream girl. Not like those other girls that you just like toss to the side. You don't even know her. You don't even care to know her. You got her Snapchat. Her Snapchat, really? Grow a pair, ask for the number, or stay the fuck away.

Don't be lurking online like some kind of creep. What is this person's name? Oh, he's from Ireland, Colin? Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha. Nia. Don't. Seamus.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Seamus O'Leary. No Seamus, this guy has no Seamus. Sorry, sorry. Patrick. Listen. Yes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Good Lord. I did get, I really got hot there. You got grumpy.

All right, fine, yes. There are definitely guys that you're like, this guy you would not want to be in relationship, this is a guy that you just like bang out a few times and don't ever see again. Yes, that is a true thing. What do you mean bang out a few times? No, you're right, you're right.

Women do the same thing. It's 100% true. It just right. Women do the same thing. It's 100% true. It just took you 20 minutes to get there. I don't know. It just bugged me. It just bugged me. But I am being a hypocrite because I've certainly had those feelings towards certain guys.

Exactly. And it's about time women start fucking admitting that instead of acting like the world-o-gio round of drinks. Now, here's a man. He's found, he's smitten with this girl, he's afraid, you know? So he just, you're tooth coming in there, huh? Yes. Well, this is what I would say.

How should you go about this? You're going to have to do something that's probably difficult at your age, and I hate when older people say this, but you got to figure out a way to be yourself. You just got to walk, you've said enough, dear. I think you've said enough. I'm sorry, Shane.

I'm sorry I yelled at you. I think you've said enough here. I think you dumped a whole bunch of other stuff from other days. Was it something I did? I don't know, but this guy did not deserve that. This is an 18 year old. He just became a man.

Okay, okay. I overreacted a little bit. He's going to college, he's going to want to defend his family man, fuck it, right? With his jujitsu. I'm just saying if you were my son, I'd be like, can you not?

Can you get off it, Nia? All right, I'm off it. Yeah, you're a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite. But what I love about you is you admit what a pig you are like the rest of us. Jesus Christ. Can you give the kid some advice here? What was the question?

He got her Snapchat and what? He's nervous. He actually likes this woman. What does he do? He should just be himself. Just listen. I got to admit, like, I saw you across the room. I had one of those little mini heart attacks.

I really like you. I'd like to take you out. You gotta go honest there. Just ask her out. Yeah, you don't have to sit there and brood in the corner. There's no reason to, what you do is you fake with those ones you're just gonna bang.

Some of you actually like, you gotta be honest with them or else it's not gonna work. So just, yeah. Okay, this little one is getting a little fussy. I'm gonna bang. Somebody you actually like, you gotta be honest with them or else it's not gonna work. So just, yeah. Okay, this little one is getting a little fussy. I'm gonna go. Okay, cool. I think you both need a nap. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that. It's alright. Hey, we all get that. Whatever his name is.

That's it. My bad. Yeah. Well, you know his name is Vinnie. Um, all right. Okay. Dancing at the wedding, I already did that. Girl at Jujitsu, I already did that. Did I answer all the questions? Oh, joining the army. Joining the army as you can sail the seven seas in the army.

You can eat some mushy peas in the army okay joining the army dear William no fun I'll skip all the ass kissing since you blow through all your blow through on your reads anyways all right I'm a 34 year old married guy former Navy vet who's sick of feeling like a shitbag I want to do something with my life and feel like making a difference. I've kicked around the idea of going back into the military for a while now, and it's shit or get off the pot time.

Wow, you want to go back into the military, 34, okay. I brought this up to my wife in the past, and all she can say is you're married and changes the subject. Some backstory on us we've been together for seven years and married five-ish we've had our ups and downs like any couple but I get sick of being treated like a child when it comes to my own life anyway I'm just about at the cutoff age cut off age-wise to go down the path I want in life.

I want to be a combat medic. Jesus Christ, dude. Good Lord, man, I mean, how much excitement do you need in your life? You already served and you want to go back, this guy's a frigging hero here. He said, I'm a determined man who cares about my family and my country.

I've done my research and I have the time to join, do the medic training, go to RASP, Ranger Assessment Program. You're going to become an Army Ranger at 34? Did you guys ever watch that documentary on Netflix about, just to see if you're worthy of going through the week long of 10 days or 14 days of hell, all I think I remember was they had this giant telephone pole that you and 10 other guys had to hold up and do curls with it or some shit.

And as people quit, the rest of you had to hold the thing up. I mean, I was screaming in pain watching it. And if you puked in the pit, you had to get your puke out of the pit. It was just like, just that beginning thing was more obstacles than I've ever faced in my entire life. You are a driven man.

You're a special kind of person, man. If you can, that's special forces, right? He says, then special operations, combat medic training. My question is, Bill, what do I do here? Do I risk losing her or stay here and resent her? I don't want to do either, but I also can't continue to work myself to death as a construction worker, making someone else rich at the cost of my health and happiness. Dude, if you want to be a combat medic and you're fucking putting drywall in,

I mean, that's gotta be torturing you. He said, I've worked seven 12s for six months, seven days a week, 12 hours a day for six goddamn months, trying to save money to go to nursing school, and she tells me she booked us on a cruise She spent that money on a cruise. Oh Oh Boy, I don't know what to do and I need your help. Thanks in advance for your advice and thanks for the minute Mediocre job on F is for family go fuck yourself. All right. Here's the deal do

What's going on in your relationship is a critical lack of communication. Okay, you're telling her what you want to do, she's just saying you're married, change is the subject. You saved up all that money to go to nursing school, and either she didn't realize that that was what it was for and booked you on a cruise, or she's one of the most selfish people on the planet,

which I don't think you would have brought that up. So I think what's going on here is you're one of these, you're this guy's guy, John Wayne type, and like most of them, people like that, you ask you how you're doing and you just say fine. Alright, what you need to do is you gotta open up, you gotta sit down, you gotta say listen, we gotta talk, and you have to sit down and tell her what you wanna do,

tell her how you feel at work, and you have to communicate and start there and work your way to the Ranger Assessment Program. That's what you have to do. Because other than that, you have a major blowout argument on the horizon, and her catchphrase is going to be, where is all of this coming from? If you're one of those guys that does stuff the right way, there's a problem you can run into where you have this expectation that everybody else should also do things the right way.

And when they don't, then you get fucking pissed. And all of it builds it as complete like I lead by example and all that shit. You got to learn how to communicate. So yeah, I would sit down with her and I would talk to her. All right and good luck with that. Those are amazing friggin goals. I just want to learn how to play Tommy the Cat.

That's what I want to do. Anyways, that's the podcast everybody. I hope you enjoyed it. By the way, I have a number of friends on that show, I'm dying up here, and they're telling me that as good as the pilot was, it just keeps getting better and better and better. And there's a zillion shows out there, so they really need people to watch. The book was fucking incredible. I know Jim Carrey's name's attached to it, so I know it's gonna be great.

I'm gonna watch episode two right now. Al Madrigal, the great Al Madrigal, who I do the All Things Comedy podcast network with, and he's just a friend in general. He's killing it on there. I don't know. I hope you guys watch the show, because I'm really enjoying it.

I'm enjoying the family vacuums. All right, so what do I gotta do here? Is there anything else I need to fucking, anything else that I need to hype here? Should I give a shout out to anything? I already gave a shout out to Flea for saving the bees. I wonder if enough people fucking did that. You know?

I still can't believe that I pulled photosynthesis out of my ish. I don't know where I came up with that one All right, that's it everybody check out. I'm dying up here, and I'll check in on you on on What is it? Thursday is that what it is? Is that what it is? Oh Andrew Santino's on it here. go. Eric Griffin. I'm gonna get everybody. John Daly fucking hilarious Who else who else scrolling Rick Overton Rick Overton met him back in the day speaking of Neutron Dance was actually in Beverly Hills Cup Don my rare is fucking hilarious on it. I'm gonna watch that right now. That's what I'm doing after I upload this podcast.

All right, everybody, I hope all the dads out there had a wonderful Father's Day. It was an incredible day for me to finally get texts and tweets from people wishing me a happy Father's Day. It meant a lot to me. Thank you so much. That is it. I will check in on you.

Check in on you! There we go, that's how you say it on Thursday. All right, bye bye. I'm going to the dance that needs getting up I'm going to the dance that needs getting up If reason is priceless, there's no reason for paper It's so easy to see It's so hard to find Make a mountain out of a molehill If the molehill is mine

I'm risking it always, no second chance has got me Smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth I'm risking it always, no second chance has got me Smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth, smooth I'm risking it always No second chance It's got me Smooth as sand From here on out