Monday Morning Podcast - Michael, Jerry Rocha, Cruise Ship Living | Monday Morning Podcast 6-8-26

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Bill rambles about Michael, comedian Jerry Rocha, and living full time on a cruise ship.ZipRecruiter: Zip Recruiter: Try for free at http://www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURRHims: Get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit http://www.Hims.com/BURRSimpliSafe: Get 50% off your new system by visiting http://www.SimpliSafe.com/BURRGusto: Try Gusto today at http://www.Gusto.com/burr and get three months free when you run your first payrollTOUR DATES ▶ http://www.billburr.com/tourMERCH ▶ https://billburrmerch.com/INSTAGRAM ▶ https://www.instagram.com/wilfredburr/APPLE ▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-podcast/id480486345SPOTIFY ▶ https://open.spotify.com/show/5SFiQlOQ3EKmwp0chE1QzY?si=4e6149a2ba584182WEBSITE ▶ http://billburr.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Monday morning podcast. From Monday, June 8th, 2006, sex, sex, sex, sex. How's it going, man? What's going on?

I got this song in my head. I can't get it out of my head. Remember when Prince did the New Power Generation? And there was that song, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Bo-d-d-d-do. Do. Da-da-da-da-da-da.

If I gave you diamonds and pearls Boboom, boom, da da da da da da da da da da That song has been in my head And I don't know the lyrics I can't remember the lyrics I just keep hearing da da da da da da So I just been walking around the house Going suck my fucking dick

Stop my fucking dick suck my motherfucking dick He was a Jehovah's Witness He would not write lyrics like that Anyways, how are you, dude? What's going on? How was your weekend? I keep seeing this, what the fuck is the guy's name?

Uncle Earl from the couch or something, that Red Sox fan. His voice is high and then it just keeps getting higher as he's complaining. It's amazing. They were like, what do you think the Red Sox chances of making the playoffs are? And this one guy goes, I don't know, dude, like 5%. and then they ask him. He goes, five percent, are you fucking kidding me? You are you?

You're a dick, motherfucker. And he just starts going off. This motherfucking GM has had all fucking summer to make a fair. He's done a fucking thing. He just keeps going up. Fern, Uncle Fern. I think that's what it is. He's my new favorite.

He's my new favorite person. I don't think I've ever seen someone so capture the passion of a sports fan combined with like how sports is like a distraction. Like there's way more underneath that guy's anger than what the fucking GM of the Red Sox has done this year. You just look at that guy.

That guy is a regular dude, you know, knock-around guy. Every time there's a, the 1% builds up some sort of bubble and then it bursts, that guy moves down like 10 floors. He's that guy. Always. He goes out with the bathwater every fucking time.

That's the guy that's always getting fucked no matter what he does. Right? So he watches sports. And when his team isn't doing what he thinks they should be doing, like the level of upset. That's just my theory. I don't know the man.

But I am a huge fucking fan. And I don't know. It's funny. Even when you're mad at your team, when somebody else just goes off on it, it makes you laugh. You know? I don't know what it is because it's funny.

Because the whole thing's stupid. Why do we care? But the fact that you do care that much, you know, it's kind of the genius of sports. Is that we will, if you fuck up as a GM of a sports fan,

a sports fan will get mad. to a GM fucking up his team, Denny Will, about a small group of people poisoning the food supply of their own country. We could somehow combine the passion that fans have when an owner or a GM fucks up a team to go after these fucking, you know, Jesus, what could the world look like?

I went to the movies the other night with my fucking lovely wife, my buddy, We had a great time, right? And we went to go see that Michael Jackson movie. She's like, I don't know, you know, Janet wasn't involved. And I'll go, I don't give it. I love a music biopic, you know, perfect movie to watch unlike a plane. So we went and saw it.

I loved it. I loved it. I know they didn't get into all the shit. But like, I've already seen all. the shit. I've seen the documentaries. I've seen the shit. I was alive when all the trials and shit was going on. What I loved about that movie was they just showed the Michael that I knew before the 90s. You know, he was a black dude. He got a nose job. He made two fuck, three incredible albums, off the wall, thriller, and then bad. And, you know, right around bad. Once he got the

fucking John Travolta Chin, that's when it started, you know. And he's, you know, then he's, you he started to become almost as white as me. That's when it was just like, you know, it just kind of, you know, they kept it light. They kept it light. I even thought they were nice with the dad. As much as a dick that he was, I imagine he was way worse. He only made one comment about Michael's nose. He only beat him with the belt twice.

Once they showed, by the second time they realized you got the idea. and, you know, then he was sort of a controlling douche. I will say, you know, Quentin Tarantino will take something historically that actually happened, and then he'll just, you know, once upon a time in Hollywood, where he just takes the Manson murders and flips it all around. I would have loved if somebody did that with this movie, because I really feel like what the audience wanted was to see Michael beat the shit out of his dad. I mean, I did.

that's what I wanted to see I wanted to see him just fucking be like you know what I'm gonna go fucking solo you have a werewolf looking motherfucker

and just you know I always thought Joe Jackson looked like he started to turn into a werewolf and then stopped he was like

in the pro and then he like thought better of it but he kind of got frozen remember the frozen face remember that was like a status

thing and like I want to say the late 2000's early teens It was a status for the amount of money that you had that you would show up and your face didn't fucking move. You know, it's like, it just looked like,

it looked like somebody beat the shit out of you and then put makeup on you. You know, with your lips all swollen and you're fucking, you know, looking like you're probably those, the filler in the cheekbones. That's what it looks like, you know? And then they just put like,

was it, mascara? Did some lipstick. eyeliner, what have you. It was a terrifying time. They figured it out, though. I wonder if anybody got any sort of like side effects to that. Because now, of course, they're saying what the side effects are and Botox and everything, which you know they knew from day one.

Or they pushed it through. Fucking weirdos. You know, if you're in your 30s, 40s, and 50s, and you get wrinkles on your face, you know what you look like? You know, if you're like 60 years old and you have no wrinkles on your face, you don't look young, you look weird. They haven't figured it out. But you know what? I commend all of these people that do this shit because eventually they're going to figure it out.

Like they did hair systems. Hair systems look fucking great now. I mean, they got them down. Shout out to fucking turkey, by the way. Great work. You know? Just when you thought the only thing that Turkey did was fucking make incredible coffee, symbols, music. I mean, they do a lot of stuff incredible.

What did they, you know what, they added. They added to the great things that they do. With the hair systems. You know, I got a friend of mine that's been over there. And she was telling me, I go, does everybody have a full head of hair over there? She goes, no, she goes, nobody over there really does it. It's just Westerners and Europeans or whatever flying over to get it done.

Well, wait. This is in Turkey? Where is Turkey? Are they part of Asia? Do they make it? That's that no man's land. The Middle East is part of Asia. I'd have to look.

God damn it. Hang on a second. I'm going to get out my maps. I should know this shit. Turkey's in like the fucking DMZ. They're in the DMZ. They're in the DMZ of geography. suck my fucking dick

stroke my fucking dick Where the fuck is turkey All right Well I know where it is I should just look up what What country it's I mean what continent it's in Oh dude we're getting into the weeds over here

Okay right off the bat I would say turkey deserves more respect I shouldn't have to zoom in this fucking hard To find turkey Oh you know what it was is I didn't know where it was Oh, they are right on the goddamn border. Hang on a second. Hang on a second.

Bill's becoming smarter in real time. This isn't smarter. Okay, here we go. What would you do if I can't? What country? No, what continent? You dumb cunt. Continent.

I can't believe you guys are still listening to this. What continent is Turkey in Europe? And Asia. Oh, they're straddling. There are they. A little bit of both. Well, see, there you go. I bet a lot of you guys were yelling like you knew the answer. There was a couple of people. Those people that like to play that game, crimes against humanity and whatever the fucking. Now, what is that, what is the name of that stupid fucking game? Is that the name of that game? I don't know what it is. Which was really just sort of mad libs. Anyway, how did I even get on that topic? Nobody knows, Bill. But you know what the great part is? Also, nobody cares. Oh, the Michael Jackson movie.

Is that what I was talking about? I don't know. There was one huge laugh I had in it was, you know, when Michael burned his head in the Pepsi commercial. At one point, he's in the burn center. Like, he burned it really. I didn't know he got third-degree burns. I had no idea.

I thought he just got, you know, first and second. He got the third-degree burns or whatever. So he's in the hospital because, you know, they were trying to show that he actually gave a fuck about people, you know? So the guy that believed in him to go solo shows up. I mean, what do you bring a burn victim? I don't think flowers is the right thing. I don't know what the fuck.

He was bringing him something. Some sort of ointment. A cream, I don't know. So he goes into the hospital. He goes into the hospital. And he fucking, they see him like reacting to seeing Michael. And they cut to him.

And it's him talking to a guy who was burned way worse than him. But like the guy was burned way worse than him was the main guy in the shot. So that's all I initially saw. So I bursted out laughing, like, his manager was looking at this fucking guy that was burned over 90% of his body, not just the top of his head. And I thought he's going to be like, Jesus Christ, I knew he got burned, but what the fuck? You know what? So I bursted out laughing, as always. And Nia's looking at me like, what the fuck is your problem, but also laughing that I'm laughing that hard. And then she had to explain to me, no, the guy playing Michael was sitting next to him.

I was like, oh. But the way the edit was, it was kind of a comedic edit, I thought. Anyway, but I think it's a good movie, you know. Some people thought they left out too much shit. Well, they don't, it's fucking, it's a movie. You're going to do somebody's life in two hours that live for 50 years. You know, some of up 50 years and two years, two hours. I mean, granted, a lot of it is sleeping.

I will say that. They never showed him sleeping in that fucking oxygen tank. I'm gonna bitch about that? That's like when people bitch about accents. You know, I like the departed, but, you know, I couldn't get past the accents. Oh, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up with that.

The accents, that's not what it is. You're mad about something else. And now there's something that you actually know something about. So now you're gonna blame this. But how dare you? How fucking dare you? Like I remember one time, I did a gig in Fargo, North Dakota, a long time ago.

And I was telling everybody, oh, I saw that movie up there. Everybody said that. We don't talk like that. We don't talk like that. It's like, all right, I didn't say that you did. You know what I mean? They probably didn't even shoot it in Fargo. It's a movie, you know?

There's actors, and they're pretending, and there's a story, and, you know, there's tax breaks, and that's why, you know, you shoot something that's supposed to be an elephant. you shoot it in New Orleans. That's, it's money. That's how it works. Okay?

Just for the record, no one was thinking about Fargo until that movie came out. So, I mean, there's an opportunity here for merch. That's all I'm saying. It's all I'm saying. I'm not trying to be a cunt.

Anyway, what do we got here? Who do I talk about next? Oh, my God. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum. Ah, just getting to the sadness. Comedian Jerry Roker died. I just want to say rest in peace to him.

He was one of the nicest, funniest motherfuckers. Was into music. He played bass. He was into wrestling. And when he wanted to make fun of somebody, was one of the funniest dudes I ever met. In fact, I went down when he was the hospital. I visited him.

And he had somehow heard that I got into it with somebody, you know, some stupid argument with somebody. And he started roasting this person. He knew all this stuff about him. And I went down there to cheer him up in the hospital. And he had me fucking crying, laughing. You know, it's just one of those things. Just a fucking great guy. And I have no idea. Why great guys

like that get taken. so soon and uh you know these mr burns guys seemed to live well into their 90s i have no idea but um he lived an amazing life he accomplished so many things he lived his dream he found love and um i was looking forward we were putting together a set list to jam to and uh unfortunately he didn't live long enough for that to happen but Yeah, it just, it sucked. Just sucks. It's one of those fucking things.

So I never know when to say that on the podcast, because, you know, it's like if I'm going to fucking sit here and talk about Joe Jackson looking like half a werewolf, like, how does that work? This is why I never get asked to speak at funerals. Anyway, but I can sincerely say about Jerry, that dude made me laugh every fucking time. I talked to him, texted him, called him, ran into him.

He made me laugh every single time. And I don't think I ever saw him not have a big smile on his face. You know, one of those guys, you know? I swear to God. Like those people, I don't know. That's like, I have this list. I keep a list of all the comedians and all the people's. I don't want to forget him.

and when they died, because it all starts to blur together. It's like the 60th comedian I either worked with or opened for. It all started with Mitch. Once Mitch and Freddie Soto went, I swear to God, I just think we were just at that age. We were late 40s, getting in late 30s going into our 40s, and that's, I told you that. That guy said that to me one time,

because the first 40 years of your life, you're adding people, and the next 40 you're losing them. And I was thinking like, well, geez, that's some dark shit. And the math works out, unfortunately. But anyway, in the overall scope of things, we're only here for a little amount of time. And if there is something after that, that means, you know, that thing that I saw on Martin Short,

where he dreamed about his brother who passed away when he was just a teenager. And his brother said, don't worry, it's all right. I'll see you soon. I hope that's true I hope that's true because I love that dude So anyway, before I get fucking emotional here Let's just talk about some...

Let's talk music, how about we go out of that In honor of Jerry's bass play Somebody sent me this fucking song By this band Elder Called Capture and Release And I've become obsessed with the song It's a fucking great song And the drummer

just the opening like part of it, whatever he called, the first verse or something, plays this three against four thing with the snare, between the snare, hi-hat and bass drum. It's just one of those, Boom, but that, boom, da boom, boom, but that boom, boom, boom, boom, but that boom, boom, boom, but that boom, boom,

but that don't, don't, don't, right? Three against four thing. And then what's cool is, like, every other beat on one and every other beat on three, he opens the high hat up. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? Is it lined up with the snare? Is it lined up with the bass drum? And it fucked me up.

And I was like, no, it's just, it's the combined figure every two times you play it. So it'd be like, gittet that don't-togun-t-gat-t-cone-tok-cun-t like that. And it's fucking brilliant. And then there's a couple other things in the middle. I don't know, these turnarounds that they either drop something off or add an extra beat. But they're definitely twisting my fucking brain around.

Other than that, also, it's this epic, epic song. I want to say it's like seven or eight. minutes long and it feels like it's like three minutes long and my buddy was telling me that the album that it's on let me get the name of it here for you uh through zero he goes he goes dude like there's no no filler he goes they're all bangers you don't skip one of them and uh i was working out today because you know i'm known to be a buff guy right I just put that song on and I just kept playing it over and over again.

I played it like three times in a row. Before I finally let it go to like the next songs and every song that I listened to was amazing. So check them out, Elder, E-L-D-E-R. All right, now let's talk some sports here. We have the Stanley Cup final and the NBA Finals, plural. for all you fucking assholes out there

there's only one final we'll tell that to the NBA all right let's go with the we'll start with the NHL so Carolina Hurricanes come in

they won game one I believe I've been watching both sports so my brain is crazy at this point in game two Vegas comes back and all of a sudden they're up like three to nothing. Carolina can't do a goddamn thing, right?

And then out of nowhere, in the third period, they score three goals. Carolina does, ties it up three, three, they go into overtime and the Knights win. Tie the series one-one. They go out to Vegas for game three. They go out there. Vegas is up fucking three. Four to nothing. Mitch,

Mata, had a natural hat trick. They actually scored six goals. Two of them got called back. One was an off-sides. And I forget what the other one was. So it could have been two-nothing, but they were off-sides.

I mean, obviously, they got called back so they weren't goals. But they got it past the goalie six fucking times. They called, they counted four of them. Fucking. Hurricanes come back, score four goddamn goals. Four goals. One, Taylor Hall, there was an own goal by the, you know, Carolina defenseman.

There was some one, you know, a little rister going like 30 miles an hour through traffic, gets deflected at the last second. The next thing you know, it's 4-4, goes into the first overtime, that ends, goes into double fucking overtime. And that was a weird one. The Knights, you know, shot on net, misses, wreckershades off the board, hits the goalie in the back of his skate,

and he knocks it in, and then, I don't know. So it's weird. It's been a weird series where, like, Carolina just gets dominated, and then they go into the third period, and it goes from the Knights dominating, and Carolina can't do anything to just sit flipping around that Carolina can do no wrong.

But then when they go into overtime, the knights save it. So I don't know. I would love to see Carolina win game four because this is when I get nervous. This is when I get nervous. It's like, I don't want, this shit's all going to be done. Like tonight, there's no game. There's no games.

There's no basketball. There's no fucking hockey. You know what I mean? I'm watching the Dodgers and the Angels. We're not even into the dog days of something. or we're not even at the fucking All-Star break. You know? I don't know why.

I love baseball, but it's just such an abrupt stop where every game, every point, everything means so much in these other two sports. And then all of a sudden it's just like, great day for a ball game. We got a kid calmed up making his first start here in a AAA. We got Mitch Berzinski.

Left-hander out of Toledo, Ohio. It's been evidently impressing the scouts enough to come up. So we're going to see what happens here right after the break. You know, you just fucking... It's like if you robbed a bank and then just ran into a spa and try to act fucking chill as your heart is racing as you hear the cop car is going by. How much for a day pass?

I'm trying to spit that out, you know, as your whole... Like the rest of your life is on the line. Your freedom. And the New York Knicks, everybody. The New York Knicks, if you're not, paying attention, went down to San Antonio, they won game one, and then they won game two. And I'm going to tell you right now, fucking, I was watching that game two, ghost of Commissioner David Stern came back, and I was sitting there going like,

these motherfucking reps are doing everything they can to make sure this series goes back to New York 1-1. That fucking technical on Williams, which they ended up taking away after the game, like the next day. The two fucking back-to-back fouls on Carl Anthony Towns to get him into foul trouble,

and then the kick ball that they missed. Wasn't away from the fucking ball. He kicked the fucking ball. They miss it. They gave the spurs every opportunity, and this is the thing, and this is why the Knicks are going to win the NBA title

is because they are fucking battle. tested. Whatever they learned last year, they're just, they are bulletproof. The Spurs are amazing. They're just young. They haven't been. What happened to the Knicks last year is what's going to happen to the Spurs next year. And you got to have that bitter taste of defeat to fucking, I think, to just win it. And it's going to be amazing. And not only are Nick fans, is finally going to be able to fucking exhale. They're finally going to get an NBA championship.

I'm actually finally going to get to see Paul Verzi cry. I've been telling, I've known him for over 20 years, over 21 years. And since the late 2000s, I've been saying to him, because that fucking guy from game one to game 80, 81, however they play, he is there every fucking night watching. Positive, saying, you know, I think we're going to do some damage. We're one player away. We got a piece.

I've watched this fucking guy go through so many coaches, so many players, so many lineups, and he's just stuck with them. Okay? He's not a guy that's walking around with new Knicks gear. This guy has been there. You know, he loves the Giants. He loves the Yankees, but at the end of the day, this guy is a Knicks fan. A Knicks.

You have to be to watch as many games as he watched. The amount of times Paul has told me over the years, he has sent me a text. He sent me a text. He goes, I'm sick right now. I'm literally sick or I'm going to be sick. That loss just made me sick. He always says sick. So I'm very happy for him.

you know he is a real nix fan not those stupid instagram influencer people cursing their brains out trying to get on TV or whatever the fuck it is that they're doing those jerkoffs and uh all these stupid sports channels just you know what those guys are outside the garden that fucking say all that stupid shit

it's it'd be like what if you took an Instagram influencer and you made him a fucking Knicks fan. You know, and just doing that hacking. Oh, New Yorkers are loud and rude. Hey, fuck your fucking city. Fuck your fucking Philly Chista. Yeah, yeah, I get it.

I get it. You're the New York guy. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. But the real fans, I'll be happy for. And that would be Paul Verzi. All right. Last thing to talk about is MotoGP in Hungary.

Mark Marquez, huge weekend. Not only does the guy win the sprint, he also wins the actual race. It's the other, you know, the full race the next day. And shout out to Jorge Martin for not only taking himself out, he took out Bichekhi and DiGiantonio. Basically the first three, the top three guys with the most points. And he's one of them. He took them all out so much.

Mark Marquez not only got the points for the sprint, he got the points for the race. And he still only, he has a little over 100 points. And Bishiki has like 180. But the way he was riding, I think he was, you know, they're saying he was making a statement that he was back, but he was ferocious this weekend.

And shout out to Pedro Acosta, who if they could get him on a fucking bike that could keep up with the Dukati, man, because that back and forth passing between him and Mark Marquez, like this kid is not afraid and is not intimidated by Mark Marquez at all. He is just on a machine that is not performing at the level that he can ride at. And I think he's figured out how not to wear out the tires. That was something he was doing early on in his career.

That kid is the future. I definitely think he has a championship in his future. But what the fuck do I know? I'm just a fucking comedian. But, and by the way, what a gorgeous day for a race. I swear to God, when that camera shot of all the bikes lined up, the sky in the background, it literally looked like it was CGI. That's what I say.

It used to be called CGI before it was AI. Oh, is that what it was called there, Old Man Billy? Yes, it was. All right, look who it is, everybody. Oh, it's old zip. Recruit. All right. Talk about how, according to CNBC, nearly half of hiring managers say a candidate's enthusiasm about the job is the most important factor when considering them for a role. Okay, I do want to talk about that.

I think that's absolute bullshit. It's not how enthusiastic it is. It's how little they think that, how much experience you have versus how little they think you can pay you at the end of the day. If you're enthusiastic, but you know you're worth, as opposed to somebody a little less enthusiastic

with the same fucking qualifications that they feel that they can get over with paying them less money, that's what I would think. But that's nothing but ZipRecruiter. This is about the cunts that are out there that hire people. Anyway, well, if you need to hire your business for your business,

how can you separate candidates who are really excited about your opportunity from the ones that are just, meh, zip recruiter. ZipRecruiter has a new feature that quickly lets you see the most interested, qualified candidates first so you can meet the right people faster.

And now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash burr. Well, I want to know what the new feature is. Zip. Whip-Wab-W-B-W-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-HcruP-B-Cru. Crude is smart-matching technology connects you with qualified candidates instantly. Candidates can tell you, in their own words,

why they are interested in your job. No wonder why ZipSys, is the number one-rated hiring site based on G2. Use ZipRecruiter and find enthusiastic, talented fast. Talent fast, sorry. 4-to-5, employees who post on Zippa. Get a quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try.

for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash Burr. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash Burr. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. Well, I thought they were going to explain how they find out how enthusiastic you were.

You are for the job. And what I was going to say, don't you see? I remember a long time ago I saw in 60 minutes they did this whole thing on what it was like to work in Japan. Now granted, this was like, this is before I was even a comedian. It was like the 80s.

And some guy was at work. He wasn't doing the job right. So they sent him to some fucking camp to get his mind right. His whole family wouldn't talk to him anymore because they all had lost face because this fucking guy, you know, wasn't saying

welcome to McDonald's can I help you with enough enthusiasm so he goes up in front of this board of stone-faced cunts to try to prove that he's got his mind right Jesus that thing's flying low

and in order to do that he had to start singing the company song and he's standing there I swear to God like in boxer briefs and a wife beater if I remember correctly I was so traumatized by because I felt so bad for the guy.

And he's singing the company song. I can't even do it, right? I can't do a Japanese fucking accent. Oh, jibaga, whatever, right? He's fucking singing this song, and he's got tears. He's singing the song, and he's crying like Whitney Houston before the Super Bowl, singing the national anthem.

Okay, it's like, dude, get the guy his fucking desk back already, right? And these stone-faced cunts are just staring at him. just like they don't buy it. You know what I mean? Like, you know when you're dating a psycho chick and you got her dead to rights, you caught her? Just being a fucking cunt,

whatever she fucking did, right? And then she just starts crying because that always worked and you're just like, yeah, not anymore. You can cry on Q. You're like fucking Merrill Streep. I don't buy this shit anymore, right? So what ends up happening?

You fucking break up with it. Well, that's what these fucking people were doing. and they were just staring at this poor bastard. So I thought ZipRecruiter was doing that. I'm glad that they aren't. No, Gico, oh, he's fucking crying. It's just like, it's just a man. It's a man crying in his underwear.

Can you just let him just scamper back to his fucking cubicle? But, you know, the other side is if they didn't do that, would Tokyo be so fucking clean? I don't know. These are all, these are things that are. all beyond me. Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's simply safe. Jesus Christ, in the U.S., there's a break-in every 26 seconds.

That means somewhere right now an intruder is getting closer. This is like used car sales, just scaring the shit out of you. You like the car? Oh, I got another guy coming in 20 minutes. There's an intruder. I'm closing in on me right now. All right, fantastic. The problem is, the most

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No long-term contract. Peace of mind. A specific moment you realize, wow, I'm really glad I have this. Example, hearing a weird noise at night, leaving the house empty on a vacation. Oh, I'm supposed to say that. Yeah, every time I'm on a vacation, these fuckers, this economy, they're watching your house. they're getting to know your your your your your what do they call

your routine I fucking set the alarm every fucking time I leave the goddamn I saw like that guy the Red Sox fan he motherfuckers I'm fucking every time I set the alarm If I'm going out to go get a cup of coffee I set the fucking alarm

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You get three months of free payroll. All right, there we go. Oh, Jesus, I did it again. I did it again. I made it go all the way back up to the top. Doggone it. All right. Prima Fassey from a lady.

A, Billy Broadway. Oh, it's a player I read last week, and I loved it. All right, longtime lady listener here. In the June 4th episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, you mentioned that you recently read a play title prima facie. I thought you'd find it interesting to know that prima facie is a legal vocabulary word. You know what? They talk about that in the beginning of the book, and I actually read it.

Before a civil or a criminal case goes to trial, the judge has to decide whether the plaintiff or the prosecutor has met the prima facie. standard. I know I'm not saying it right. Prima facie. Prima facie. Prima facie. Prima facie. This means they have presented enough basic evidence for every required element of their claim. Oh, so basically, is there enough there for this to go to trial? Is that what it means? I just finished my second year of law school and I've been listening to your podcast since my junior slash senior year of high school. You've been funny the whole way through.

Oh, thank you. Keep up the good work and my best to you and yours. Go fuck yourself. Well, let me tell you something there, sweetheart. I think becoming a lawyer is one of the coolest things and one of the hardest things.

Like, I know two people that passed the bar and just looking at what they had to cram into their head and spit that out again. The only thing I can compare that to was I went for my instrument rating. which is still bugging me. I passed the written and I was getting ready

to do the actual flight thing and then the pandemic and the Kobe Bryant tragedy happened and it just fucked me up and my test expired. But it's nothing. It is nothing compared to passing the bar. And I think law

is one of the most interesting things like my buddies that are lawyers like my show business stories pale in comparison to the stories they have about the criminal cases and even some of them just do like fucking like stuff where you know

somebody does work without a permit and I am like on the floor laughing listening to the stories that they have and the claims that people make it's just it's amazing like I you know I really relate to lawyers in that like it's a job that a lot of people shit on

and comedian's another one you're this comedian has this weird thing where like person to person people will come up to you and be like I don't know how you have the balls to go up there and do that

it's just you up there but blah blah blah blah but overall it's just completely not respected at all um like comedies have never been eligible for Oscars until like recently and like

you know anytime they show a comedian they're always obnoxious they're on offstage, they got a lampshade on their head, blah, blah. Lawyers are the same thing. It's like, if you actually look at, like, what you have to learn and cram into your brain just to become a fucking lawyer and how difficult that game is, and then everybody just talks about what fucking scum-ags they are.

Like, people don't like lawyers, they don't like cops, they don't like dentists. And comedians have this weird sort of middle ground where, like, Some days they like us and then other days. But you just get like shit on all the fucking, now it's like social media. So I don't think all lawyers are scumbags. I think there's a lot of really good ones. It's just that, oh my God, it's just like comedy.

Where the bad ones, like right now, you know, I would say just take it out of comedy or whatever. The number one person in whatever genre you're looking at, it doesn't mean that they're the best. It just means they're the best at the internet. And then like these famous lawyers, it's just like they have the most billboards around town doesn't mean they're the best.

They're just the best at marketing themselves. I think that's, you know, Jesus. There's a lot of perilous here. It's like award shows. It's the best thing doesn't necessarily win. It's whatever had the best promotion. Oh, look at that, Bill. You found it.

to common ground. All right, but anyway, I think that's cool as hell that you're going to be a lawyer. You can help a lot of people, and you can hurt a lot of people. It all depends on what you want to do, just like a comedian. All right, World Cup. Hi, blabber mouth, Bill. You know what? That might be the most fucking accurate description of me yet. All right, lady listener, look at me, two in a row. Lady listener here who discovered your podcast during the lockdown, and I am a big fan. I've seen drop dead years many times. Isn't that nice of you?

It will still laugh out loud each time I watch it. Well, God damn it, aren't you a fucking sweetheart? And it goes back to the top again. I don't know. I've lost my touch with this. Every time I get like a little momentum.

In the latest MMP, you mentioned getting ready to start watching the World Cup but not having anyone to really root for. Well, I root for the USA. we fucking lose and then I don't know, I like the South American teams and then whatever European team I have some sort of blood

from, you know? I'd like to throw my favorites in the ring for your consideration. All right, Bosnia and Herzegovovina or Bosnia for short. They are truly an underdog team coming from a small

Boklyn country with many young inexperienced players. Oh, cool runnings. I always get behind that team. All right, I'll watch those guys. Bosnia successfully beat Italy's powerhouse team to qualify for the World Cup this past March. All right, I'm going to be looking up highlights of that immediately.

Oh, my God. The fans of Bosnia must have been going fucking ape shit, as they say over here. Nobody says that. People over 50 do, though. What does not get talked about much in the States is that many of these younger players were born to parents who survived the Bosnian war and genocide of the early 90s,

meaning most of these players wouldn't exist if the Serbians and Croatians succeeded and kept running concentration camps through the country. Oh my God, I'm seeing a Hollywood movie here. The 2016, I don't see the humanity people, I see the movie. I am in show business. The 2026 team consists of multi-ethnic, Bosnians, Croatians, and Serbia. Oh, look at that. They all come together.

And it goes back to the fucking top again. Bill, stop doing that. As I scroll and I leave my finger down, I think that that's what happens. I forget. All right. Such a wonderful fucking email here, and I'm butchering it.

Players working together, okay, so everybody that was, you know, the people that were committing the genocide are now in the same team as the victims. The Bosnians, Croatians, and Serbians, players working together for the pride of their country. Hopefully you'll get to watch and enjoy some of the games. There are several matches being played at SoFi Stadium and Levi Stadium in San Francisco.

If you're open to watching in person with the football hooligans, yeah, I would definitely be up for that. I'm actually now remembering how, was that Yugoslavia or Czechoslavia? Sovakia. And then when Russia got out of Eastern Europe, the Bosnians, Croatians, and Serbians no longer had a common enemy in the Russians. And then there was like a power struggle. And for whatever reasons, the Croatians and Serbians ganged up on the Bosnians. And they had been battling with each other like 90 years earlier, something great, 80 years earlier before the Russians came in and took over.

isn't that what happened if I remember correctly? Fuck, that was 30 years ago. Hopefully you get to watch and enjoy some games, blah, blah, blah. Much love to you and your lovely family. Well, thank you for a lot of information. I'm definitely going to watch. It's a beautiful game. And this is like truly a world championship.

So I'm excited. The fact that's in the United States, I hope we don't embarrass ourselves. But, you know, all you guys are going to come over and buy tickets. Because if you didn't, like the games, would still be fucking half full, I swear to God. I think it's better than it was, though. Anyway, as far as people being passionate about the sport.

All right, girlfriend, marriage, pressure. Hey, Billy Buzzard Head Burr. Oh, my God. Big fan from Philly writing in. Oh, you know what? That was a Philly-level insult. I give you a fist bump for that one. That was a very unique way of calling me an ugly bald bastard.

recently my girlfriend has been dropping less than subtle hints about wanting to get engaged the near future especially since most of the couples in our friend group are either engaged married or expressed they're about to become engaged some you know something if you're a man you don't ever fucking say that to another fucking couple you don't ever say it your woman's going to say it but don't be the guy that says it don't put that pressure on another guy anyway some have been in relationship sure shorter than us even. We've known each other for 10 plus years and have been together for three and a half years. Now, I love my girlfriend with all my heart and have zero doubt. I want to spend my life with her, but I truly have no desire to get married. Hey, buddy, can you do me a favor? Can you save your string her

along lines to just your girlfriend? Don't string me along with your bullshit. Okay? If you love your girlfriend, it does not start with the word now. Now I love my girlfriend. now took me out anyway he said I'm a child of divorce and grew up watching shows like two and a half men and how I met your mother

so marriage always seems like there was a little there was little benefit and a whole lot of risk for the man to be dude you're using watching two sitcoms to get out of marrying this chick

just tell her you don't want to get married and fucking move on he says neither of Us wants kids, and her tax situation is dodgy at best. Now, that's the best point you brought up. Parentheses. Tattoo artists who hasn't filed taxes in probably 10 years. All right. All right.

Okay. My apologies. All right? I still feel like the now is a red flag. Now I love my girlfriend. With all my heart. and have zero doubt I want to spend my life with her, but I truly have no...

I'm a child of divorce. That's already weak. All right? I'm a child of a lot of shit. You can go out and change it. You just fucking, okay? You just don't repeat it. And I grew up watching two and a half men.

You know what? I love you, sweetheart. I would marry you, but I've seen every episode of two and a half men, and I just, I can't... That and how I met your mother. Anyway, this shit here, though, with the taxes, that has to be fixed before you get married. You cannot marry somebody who hasn't filed taxes in 10 years.

She doesn't have the fucking money, and then she's going to marry you, and then that money's going into that. So if you're looking for a fucking excuse, I wouldn't bring up two and a half men and how I met your mother. It would be the taxes. Anyway, so I truly don't see any positives and just a lot of potential negatives. All that said, I'll probably propose soon. We'd love to hear your thoughts and sorry for the long read. Much love to you and your family.

All right. I'll probably propose soon. This dude is just stringing her along. This is my thing. If you're looking for an out, the taxes is it. All right? If you actually want to marry this woman, the taxes is also the problem.

You cannot marry somebody that has not filed taxes in 10 years. They have to fix that shit. They got to fix it. Okay? Now, you can thread the needle here, propose to her if you want to get married. Now you're engaged, but you have to say, okay, this is the deal. You got to fucking fix your tax situation. Now, I wouldn't give her the fucking ring, make her cry, and then bring up the taxes. I'll be honest with you. I don't know when to bring up the taxes.

Okay, this is deal. Don't, don't try to thread the deal. All of that. That was terrible advice. This is what you want to do. Tell her this. Say, I would absolutely want to marry you. I absolutely want to spend the rest of my life with you. Okay?

Here's the big thing. You haven't filed your taxes in 10 years. Okay? If you don't mop that shit up, okay? That shit is coming into my style when I marry you. And then they're going to take it from me. All right?

So right now, if you want to pay less fucking money, because they'll fucking, Get a lawyer, negotiate the shit down, apologize. You know, you got tattoos. You can say you were on drugs. You can, you know, they'll work with you. Get a fucking lawyer and handle this shit. You'll come out the other side.

You don't know those cunt's money, and you'll have a ring on your finger. All right. Deal, deal. Great. Let's watch how I met your mother. That's what I would do. All right, mile long cruise ships.

Bill, thought, well, But get the fucking. They're not doing this shit. What is this? The spruce goose all over again? What was that fucking guy's name? Howard Hughes. Is this Howard Hughes, the fucking 15th,

is going to make a mile-long cruise ship? Bill, thought you might find this interesting. There are plans to make a huge ship for people to permanently live on. Here's a quote about it. Plans released for a $16 billion mile-long ship capable of carrying 80,000 people. Oh my God, can you imagine the fucking HOA in that goddamn thing? The Freedom Ship. People, do you remember Con Air? There was some sort of prisoners on a plane or

something like that. This feels like the ship version of it. And the fact that anytime they put freedom in something, that means they're taking it away. The freedom ship, they should call it the Slayer ship, the surf ship, the feudal ship. The Freedom Ship would be home to about 50,000 people with space for 10,000 tourists and 20,000 crew members. Okay, so this is like you live in a small destination city that makes money off of tourism. The government is the crew. Let me just do the math on this. And there's going to be. 80,000 people living in, it's not even one square, it's one mile. What's the difference between a mile and a square mile?

I live in Los Angeles. I don't know that there's 50,000 people. Maybe there is. So you're going to live in Los Angeles on the water? The Freedom Ship is envisioned as a permanently mobile city at sea designed for long-term residents rather than short-term travel. the company says. This is the most insane waste of money.

The ship would be about eight times the size of the current largest ship in the world. The Royal Caribbean's icon of the seas. It's only eight times the size of it. Jesus Christ. The plan includes a 15,000 seat stadium, schools, colleges, shops, clubs, a water park,

a music hall, museum, arcs and more. The ship would run on nuclear. I don't know how to say that word. I say nuclear, not nuclear, nuclear, would be too large to dock and would remain in international waters. Freedom Cruise International said it would go around the world every two to three years. So you're just out to see. That doesn't sound like there's any sort of freedom to that whatsoever. That's like you're joining the and there's no way to move up. What if one of the people that goes on it is a fucking serial killer?

You know? Because that's what cities also have. They have serial killers. They have fucking, dude, the amount of sex offenders, criminals, rapists, fucking lunatics. And here's the thing,

you're out in international waters. So, like, if caught, if a guest, if a tourist kid, kills a fucking long-term resident. This is another. This is a limited series on Netflix. You know, Netflix loves serial killers, right?

What if we took Ed Gein and put him on a mile-long Royal Caribbean and just let him collect ears and fucking build hacky sacks out of ball bags, whatever the fuck he would do? Freedom Cruise International said it would go around the world every two or three years. I think that this makes as much sense as people who want to go to Mars or live on Mars or something like that. That is the most insane fucking thing I've ever heard about. And I think that there would, I think people would lose their fucking minds.

You have to be built for that life. You know? This is what I would do just to. screen people psychologically, just to see if they're just up for being out to see that long. I would just be like, all right, repeat after me. Ar. Give me your best pirate. Ar, matey.

Ar, it's going to be a Nor-Easter. That is a stupid fucking idea. That is a stupid fucking idea. But I don't doubt. that you can't find. 80,000 people, dumb enough, financially strapped enough to fucking make that happen.

Jesus fucking Christ. Can you imagine if that thing sank 80,000 people into the fucking water? And then some shithead with a half-ass fucking submarine would go down to look at it, and then there'd be 80,000, seven people dead. All right, that is the podcast, everybody.

Go fuck yourselves. Thank you for everybody for writing in, by the way. Enjoy the next couple of days. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Hope you guys have a great week. On Friday, I got my show in Pawtucket. I'm running my hour the next two nights and then I'm going to do a gig Thursday night.

I am not working Wednesday. I'm taking Wednesday off. That is it. All right, people. See you on Thursday. Thank you.