Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-15-24

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Bill rambles about being in the mountains, Peacock, and A.I. training us. Policy Genius:  Head to www.policygenius.com/BILLBURR  to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.  SimpliSafe:   Listeners can save 20% on your new system with a Fast Protect Plan by visiting www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR

All right, everybody. In Seth MacFarlane's new Peacock original event series, Ted, your favorite foul mouth, Teddy Bear, takes it back to 1993. You know, back when you didn't have an endless supply of pornography in your pocket, but you did have an attention span longer than two minutes. Back when you had a bite pot

from a weird guy in the corner, you still do, but he has a store now. This prequel series to the Ted movies is a coming of age story about the high school days of Ted and his best buddy, John, back when they would do it. Well, high school shit. Let's just say you don't want to miss out on the teen excapades of Ted and a 16 year old John.

As you probably know, McFarlane is the mind behind family guy, the orbill, the Ted movies and more. So the show is going to be funny as hell. Stream Ted, the new event series only on peacock. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday. Stream Ted, the new event series only on peacock. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast. From Monday, January 15th, 2024, what's going on? How are you?

I hope you're doing all right. I really do. I'm not doing so good. I don't know what's going on with me. I feel like I'm fucking angrier than ever. And I think part of that has to do that. I've quit smoking cigars, so I'm on edge. I'm fucking on the road here.

I swear to God, if my luggage was a person, I would just, I just would have committed a fucking felony against it. That fucking rim wash shit, heavy, oh, these fancy fucking things, I brought this thing, I don't know how long I brought this fucking thing, I swear to God. The design flaws on the thing are just, I don't even know, like you put anything more than a toothbrush and two pieces, two fucking articles of clothing in there and you spend 10 minutes trying to get the fucking thing closed.

You know those things that lay down on the clothes and you pull them tight, they just, as you go to close it, they just stick out. They always get in the fucking way. And even when I get it closed, when I finally get the fucking thing closed, like I'll see part of a shirt sticking out. Like I had a brand new sweater.

It literally like, it pinched it like scissors and put a hole right over my left titty and I brand new fucking sweater. And this is the thing. I have hated that fucking luggage since fucking a month of owning it. And I bought it 10 years ago and I still have it. And I'm going to tell you right now that right there in a nutshell explains, explains me and my fucking childhood and all of that shit. This isn't working for me. You know, am I going to do anything to change it? No, I'm just going to accept

it and fucking tough it out. That, that right there, that right there is the 70s in the 80s. I was sitting there going like, well, why don't I actually thought about that? I was like, why don't I just buy a new piece of fucking luggage? And then I immediately go with like, well, what am I going to do with this one? I'm just going to throw it out and it just ends up in the fucking ocean. You know, that's where it all goes,

even if I could somehow stick it in the recycling, like they're going to recycle it. They're're gonna melt down my fucking carry on bag. You know, so some fucking, you know, hipster can get it. Um, did they buy recycled shit? I don't know. Anyway, um, I just spent a, uh, oh, it was, it had a little getaway vacation, which was really fun with my family here, but I've just been like, I was on edge the whole fucking time. I don't know why.

I'm telling you, because you know what it was? I immediately thought like, oh, you know, we're going up into the mountains. I could sit on the back porch and I could smoke a cigar. And I was like, no, you said you weren't gonna smoke a cigar until the Super Bowl. You said you were gonna get this habit under control so I didn't bring them. And I think like mentally, I was kind of climbing the walls at night.

But we had such a fucking great time up here. It's the first time, you know, kids live in L.A. It's the first time they've played in snow. So they were loving it. We had snowball fights, we made snowmen. We went tubing, stayed away from the whole skiing and snowboarding stuff, you know. I'm not into that stuff, knee is not into that stuff.

That just seems like, I mean, you get into that hobby, it's like buying a vacation home. I mean, I just look at them, the sheer amount of equipment, especially the skiers. They seem like they have extra stuff. All the fucking, it's like golf on snow. All these golf guys with the fucking, the shoes, the outfits, the fucking teas, the balls, the covers, the clubs, the bags, the cards, the fucking visors, all of that fucking sh- the cigar holder. It's just because-

It's like- it's like you go into a knick-knack store and go, let me get all of this. Well, what if it rains? I need an umbrella that attaches to my fucking bag. It's just, it's just too much shit. And also, I got a tour coming up. I was sitting there going like, there's no way I'm skiing. Like, maybe if I get a little time here,

I'll try snowboarding because that always look fun to me. But it's like, I can't break my ass, and then get on a fucking six hour flight, I'll try snowboarding because that always look fun to me, but it's like, I can't break my ass, and then get on a fucking six hour flight, back to Boston to start a tour wherever the fuck I'm starting out. And it's just like, but I, people like, I will tell you this though, back when I did ski, I wore jeans,

this how long ago was jeans and a fucking 80s ski coat and I would come down on my coat I'd be fine from the waist up, but the bottom I just have snow cake all over me. I Mean, you know, it's a fucking expensive sport, right? So I could I afford it to go forward the jacket I will say there was nothing better There was there's no better beer. I don't I my opinion Then after a day of skiing I don't, my opinion, than after a day of skiing, I never did the snowboarding, but I figured it's the same thing. Coming in out of the cold, yes, somehow worked up

a sweat in the cold and you come in and you sit down and you drink like, you don't go to get fucked up, you just have one of those hoppy fucking heavy beers. Oh my God. Like I don't give a shit like about alcohol anymore. Like I don't think about drinking, but yesterday after we went tubing, I went with my daughter,

I was so proud of her man. She was like, you know, so decent size hell. So we went down together a couple times, then she said she wanted to go down by herself. And then on the last one, she had the person spinner. And I was really proud of her. And that's that moment where as a parent, you really like fire your kid up and tell him,

how proud of them, you are them, because I could tell she was like nervous or whatever, she said, I remember, first time I went sledding, I was so nervous and thought, you just make them feel like it's all right to be nervous, face the little fear, and then you do it, and you see, it's no big deal, but, oh my God, it was such a good time.

The one thing that I didn't realize, the one thing that was really like kind of wearing on me, other than not smoking cigars, that was really causing me to be on edge, which caused me to almost throw my fucking luggage out the window this morning. Well you needed a reservation for everything up here. We were like, let's go tubing. The first day it was like snowing like a bastard as I used to say back where I'm from. And so we take the bus up, my son's all excited because he'd love anything that's big trucks.

He likes motorcycles, buses, planes, helicopters. Anything that just makes a big fucking noise. Like he'd love the snowmobiles, which I can't believe how fucking quiet they are now. And those things, see now that I could get into, like if I lived up here, I wouldn't do like, you know, snowboard skiing thing. But I definitely the snowmobiles shit,

that looks like fun as hell, man. So anyway, we take the bus up, and it was awesome, It was like two fucking classic California guys, right? And they're sitting the back of the bus. Oh, bro, this dude, right? Oh, literally talking like Spakoli. So of course, I turn around, the lovely Neil sitting behind me

and she has this big grin on her face Because we love like accents. We like you know, you like going places in meeting like the locals You know what I mean? You don't want to go there and so I always hated about like cruise ships and I only did one of those I did a gig on that that did not go well and or And I only did one of those. I did a gig on that that did not go well. And, or, I remember like a few times I went on a trip and we went to a resort and you just stay there on a resort. It's just like I could just be like a fucking hard-wrought cafe in Columbus, Ohio right now. Like what the fuck is the point of traveling from just going to hang out with a bunch

other Americans in Hawaiian shirts Even though we're not in Hawaii, but it just makes sense to you, you know You know my people are fucking funny. Hey, we're near the equator. I don't know why in shirt. Hey honey get your hair braided That's just funny to me. I will say what's funny is I saw you know on Instagram, this white kid was going like, today I'm gonna, like I clicked on one best sandwich in LA. Now that I'm just getting bombarded with like, these are the five best barbecue sauces

within your fucking area, you know, I can't get out of it you know it's like on Instagram you click on one or and then it becomes like a porn site it's just like I can't just look at one every once in a while I needed a new exercise to my workout whatever fucking excuse you have right so this kids the best burrito in fucking LA right so he goes there right and it's one of these things on the side of the road guys got like the truck and everything and they throw it out and then the amount of like you know racist white people like do they have a

permit such a shame to take away business from a legitimate fucking day to day to day it's like you don legitimate fucking day to day to day. It's like, you don't like them because they're not white. That's what it is, fucking asshole. They're busting the rest on the side of the fucking road. That's the American dream and then you work your way up and one day you get a restaurant, you fucking cunt. So anyway, so that's me trash and white people.

Now I have to trash Mexicans here because I see one more fucking comments saying that white people think Taco Bell is Mexican food. I know it's like, oh, I would be that dumb really. Taco Bell is not even food. Taco Bell is no more food than McDonald's. It's like, do you guys think fucking McDonald's is European cuisine. This is the real deal. This is Mexican food and I pull up to the fucking drive-through and there's some kid named Brad, some white kid. White is I am giving me a fucking, I don't fucking, I've eaten there twice. I ate there twice in one year. I had never eaten there because there was just something about it.

It's just the colors of it always look gross to me. There was something about that purple and the refried beans look like diarrhea to me. I was just like, I'm not fucking eating there. I'm just not fucking. I'm not fucking with that shit. And I wasn't until I moved to New York and I did a road gig and the comic who was driving was me and like two other fucking,

one other comic and he just stopped there and I was like, I've never been here, what do I get? And he said, get the number seven burrito or something. And I got that and you know, in a fast food way, it was like, all right. And then I was by myself on the road, and I was like, oh, you know, later on the, I'll try it again.

And I hate it, I was just like, this is not good. And yeah, so listen, I don't know what authentic Mexican food is, as a white person, but I will tell you, I know it's not Taco Bell. All right, I know some of us are dumb. We're not all fucking dumb. Just like every race, every race has the morons and as their geniuses, okay, you want to, you want to, but for some reason, races of people, all we do is just define each other.

That's what I, it's like the Jerry Springer show. The Jerry Springer show was the worst representation of every race out there. I was just watching, I saw this, I'm completely off the track here, I didn't want the fuck I'm talking about here. I was watching this thing on, I watched a bunch of Instagram trying to f- you know

my fucking cigar fiend so i'm like trying not to fucking smoke right um... so at night i'm like fucking tossing and turning and uh... so i'm just like on instagram you know you're still looking at your phone and your spouse is like

cock it shut up screw this to bright right so you gotta go down to the lowest You know, you're still looking at your phone and your spouse is like, Cuckish, you're scared. It's too bright. So you got to go down to the lowest setting. You know what I mean? And now you're in your bed, like some nerd, like smart kid that so can't stop reading a book that he's under the covers with the flashlight. If that ever even happened, I think that was just in a, in movies, right? Except you're a degenerate moron like me. And I'm just looking at Instagram videos and I saw when it was the compilation, best reactions to somebody realizing they weren't the father on, um,

Mori Povitch. And I used to, I used to, you know, didn't watch it religiously, but I would watch it. And, uh, and I would be rooting for the guys. You know, because I was single, I didn't have any kids. And like, I don't know. I was just putting myself into that situation. I was like, there's clearly no love between these two people. Like, I hope this guy isn't gonna get sucked

into this for the next fucking 20 years of his life, supporting the kid and then like every family function, he's gonna have to see, you know, they have to see each other again. And I haven't watched that shit. Why not, why not, why not the fuck did that go off the year? 20 years ago, man, I had seen it forever. So I just, you know, it was like scrolling.

It was the next thing that came up. And my perspective on it completely changed now that I'm a dad. They kept showing the pictures, okay, little four-year-old, so and so, and they were all the cutest fucking kids ever. And just watching somebody be excited that that kid was, I think that kid needs a hug. That kid needs somebody to help them out somebody take them go sled or whatever it ended up being one of the saddest fucking shows I ever saw in my life I think I'm

going through menopause I don't know what's going on with me but anyway let's let's let's talk oh through this is how, like, on Edge I Am, too. Like, they fucking, when you went to go on the tubing thing, the guy's breaking it down, right? One of these fucking guys that just shows the outdoors and he fucking loves it. You can tell he's stoked and he's telling you, so he's got fucking great energy. And I was just looking at the guy going, this is kind of guy I would have partyed with back in the day.

This guy's fucking fun as hell and I know he's funny as shit. And he would have just great stories or whatever. So I immediately loved the guy. So he was sitting there talking about how to get into the tube when you get up top, put the leash in the thing, see if the labor goes up, front, sit down, but blah, blah, blah. He said when you go in there,

there's this little fucking moving sidewalk when you go up the thing, we're saying, you know, when you get there, grab it. By the handle, have the bottom side facing you and sort of lean forward a little bit, right? So everybody does it, right? And then he says, don't like, you know, if you drag it behind you, it's not as,

it's not like you're taking up too much space. So of course, the second time we do it, it's fucking dumb-broad in front of us. Has the fucking the thing behind her, right? And she's on her stupid fucking phone the whole time. You know, and oh my God, I'm judging judging her right. And all I want is when we get to the top of the thing is for the guy running the escalator to say, hey lady, what do you think you're fucking special? What did we say right? So I want that moment of justice, which you guys,

you know, that it never comes, right? It never fucking comes. It happens in movies, right? But it doesn't seem to happen in real life. So you see the guy look, he's like, oh, whatever, right? They're not paying me enough to fucking reprimand this woman, right? And then like she gets off the thing and then she's like screaming to like her husband

who's ahead of her. And he's basically saying in a different language, cut the line And I was just like I fucking I don't like this family This family thinks rules don't apply To them and then I was just sitting there thinking going like dude. You're about to go tubing with your daughter for the first time ever. And you're upset about this fucking soccer mom who's not following the rules. Will you get your goddamn head in the game?

This is like my fight the whole fucking weekend. I'm blaming cigars, but it's probably, I don't know, once a year I take mushrooms. I think I need to do a little check in here on myself. But anyway, so we, we, uh, where did all of that start? I just meandered away and further away and further away and I thought I was going to finish my fucking thought. I don't know what it was.

But anyway, we had a great time up here. I will tell you everything now, you need a fucking reservation and then it's just an information suck. You know, you got to fill this out. Like I have to fill out a fucking, I'm not going to sue you thing to go sledding. And then they wanted you name your age, your address, email, phone number. Of course I put in all fake information, but just watching people doing, you want to be like, dude, you don't have to give them all of this

Like what why would you do that? We went to go bowling bowling there was no fucking that there was no the the have a reservation is like what is this fucking Wolfgang pucks Fucking bowling. This is the biggest white trash sport there ever was It's literally why I'm here Yeah, sorry, we're all booked up. Like I'm trying to get a stake. I'm going bowling, a bloney sandwich and tater tops, like right? Some water down beer, that's fucking bowling. Do you have a reservation? It's like, oh my god. But what you know, it was cool,

was we ended up going, there was a nice drink right down the street, so we ended up going skating, which was fun, man. And I'll tell you, these fucking people up here in the mountains, they can ski and snowboard their asses off, they can't skate with a shit. It's just like, oh my God. I just kept waiting.

You know that sound of somebody's head hitting the ice? That coke, it's like a fucking, it's a higher pitch sound than you would think it would be. It's not coke and not, it's not watermelon. It's human head. It's a specific fucking sound. It's not coconut, it's not watermelon. It's human head. It's a specific fucking sound. It's nauseating. I still remember the first time I heard it.

I was out doing a recess and somebody threw up. We were playing two completes of first with a Nerf football. I was in grade school and this kid jumped up to catch the ball, which he did, but we were playing on the tar and he just landed on his back and then his head went, kunk, really. He had a pom-pom hat on so I think it was fully concussed. Anyway, let's talk about the playoffs. Before I even get into it, shout out to the NFL, which with one of the most overtly hilarious gestures

of greed I've ever seen in my life and the way that they were selling it, that you now had to pay to watch your playoff game. I mean playoff games On the networks the amount of money that the network gives you because the amount of money that they're gonna fucking Charge advertisers and that's how they got paid in the NFL is like nah man There's got to be a way to make more. There has to be a way to make more so they get in bed with peacock What do you think the number is huh?

10 bucks not too much too much five nine Eight that's a weird number. Seven, let's go six. I know people would pay five, but I think I think, I think they would pay six, right? So Peacock pays them like $110 million to show the chiefs versus the fucking dolphins and then the charged NFL fans. Like, we're not paying enough for tickets, parking,

jerseys, the NFL package. It's like, it's one of the most loyal fan bases in all of sports. All right. And I'll tell you, like, the level that they have marketed and exploit, like, you want to talk about, like, when I was just making fun of skiing and snowboarding and golfing and all this shit you have to do, do you mind a shit you have to wear or ever, definitely

to go to a football game now? Because I saw another highlight when I was on Instagram of fucking Joe Montana's drive against the Cowboys, to Dwight Clark, the catch. When they cut to the fucking crowd, the way people would dress, you could tell what they did for a living. Like, there was some like baseball hat, 49er things, or some pom-pom hats. That was about it. No jerseys, none of this shit.

This was one guy dressed like a pimp. I mean, it was fucking, it was just like, you worked all week and then you put your shit, you wore to work, you just went to the fucking game. And now people go out there like all the stuff that they they they got on and the man caves and all of this shit, you would think. That the NFL will be happy. No. So they come and they're gonna we're getting a hundred ten million dollars. $10 for the TV rights to broadcast this game. Plus, we're going to get six bucks from every single fucking cut that watches this game. Right? And this was my favorite part ever.

It was the way that they sold the game. They said, become part of history. You know, like we were watching them land on the moon for the first time. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll never forget where I was when I ordered my first playoff game on a streaming service. That was one of the easiest knows of my life. And there's a part of me that hopes the entire league goes to a streaming service and you have to pay for it so I can finally walk away like De Niro and Casino.

I can just finally walk away from the incredible fucking waste of time that sports is. Oh God, then I really be alone with my thoughts. That would be actually I should you know what I shouldn't be attacking sports. Sports are fantastic. All right, just the level of greed. And then this was the best part. This was the fucking best part. Some fucking representative, democratic representative,

went at the NFL for that level of greed. How funny is that? A politician. You know, and I don't know if he was a senator or a representative, but they're the ones that voted that they can't be arrested for insider trading. And on average, even though they make low six figures a year, all of their portfolios are worth $20 million. This is actually a guy on Instagram.

On Instagram, I don't know how he does this. He says how he makes money is he sees what those people are investing in. Which is kind of brilliant. It's like the one of those little fishes swimming underneath like a shark and whatever's left over, you just come over and eat it. I wanna hunt, I'll let this fucking guy kill everything.

And then I'll catch the nickels rolling off the fucking table. So anyway, shout out to the fucking NFL. Just when I think that there's no fucking way for you to squeeze another fucking drop a juice out of the lemon, they figure it out. Become part of history like that. I just want to be in one of those meetings. Are they laughing when they say that? Become part of history Can they make eye contact with each other when they pitch shit like that? They have to be laughing

Like how fucking demy? That, that, the way that they sold it was more insulting that they wanted me to pay $6 for the fucking thing. Um, anyway, you know what they're working to, they're working towards ultimately is the Super Bowl is going to be a pay-per-view. And I can't imagine like what that's going to be. Like I feel like how streaming services are working, right? You know, how ridiculously low their prices, because they're trying to get everybody to come to them so that they're the destination And I think once they put everybody whoever wins this This fight I think once they have Close down everything but they're streaming service and then that is entertainment what's to stop them From then raising the price and be like all all right, if we were giving it away,

now it's fucking gonna be a lot more. It's really, I find the whole thing fascinating because I don't understand, I don't get people, at what point are you making enough fucking money? Like Roger Cudell makes like $30, $40 million a year. And as much as people make fun of that guy, you have to work your ass off on that job. There's no way you can be commissioned of the NFL

and your phone isn't blowing up seven days a week, 365, right? But you also make $40 million of fucking years. It's gotta be great, right? I mean, if you're eating taco bell every night, I'll take that to get food. If you're eating that every fucking night, whatever, you know what I mean. If you're living on a budget, you make 40 million dollars a year, you do that two fucking years in a row. And then you live in the middle of nowhere, you never have to work again.

Now, you don't want to live in the middle of nowhere, you never have to work again. Now, you don't wanna live in the middle. That's one thing I have learned of up being up here in the mountains, and the mountains is, I am definitely a city guy. I would rather get stabbed to death on a subway than get mauled by a bear. In the odds of both, I feel the same. Now, the people in the mountains and out of the cone, yeah, it's not true. F**king geek, a dick, a worker, a worker. Right. And then people in the state like, I'm like, God, they're out there in the mountains. F**king that s**t there.

All right. Like, it's one of the saddest things about actually traveling. Because you actually start to learn that it's all like people's ideas of each other are just completely way off basis. It's really fucking stupid. It's great people up here, there's great people in the city, there's generally speaking there's great. That's why it annoys the shutout of me when Trump goes, I'm going to make America great again. It's like, buddy, it is great.

It is great. We don't need you to make a great, it's already great. It has its problems like any other country. This country is great. Despite greedy fucks like you right and I mean just trash Biden now just so everybody feels okay all right if that I mean even though you know he's got dementia I don't want a fucking trash guy with dementia but when he had his fucking faculties he wasn't exactly a decent human being all right let's go to the playoffs here this podcast is put

me in a great fucking mood, by the way. I needed a... I needed a... I don't know. Fucking 55-year-old man fighting with his luggage. Anyway. Okay, first things first. The Texans first to Cleveland Browns. Not much of a matchup.

I was really... I was really rooting for Joe Flacco, the comeback thing, but the Texas just jumped all over him. There's no reason even fucking talk about that game. It was just an absolute. As Paul Verzi says, it was an absolute bloodbath. Now, this game interests the hell out of me. Green Bay Packers vs. the Dallas Cowboys Green Bay jumps out to a 27 to nothing lead and I feel like that's when people stopped sort of watching the game and really seeing what was happening The final score was 48 to 32

Okay, Green Bay had two picks sixes They still only won by 16 points and tacked through for over 400 yards. That's not good stats. It's not as impressive of a fucking win as seeing them up 27 to nothing, how it ended up. Because in the second half, Green Bay's defense, they let up 32 points. No, no, wait, no, no, I'm sorry, it was 27, it became 27, 10. They let up 22 points. But I don't know, that does not seem like a deep playoff run team to me.

However, having said that, not the fucking shit on Green Bay's big fucking victory, how about Jordan Love and how about the Green Bay Packers going what it seems like no one's ever done this. Three great quarterbacks in a row. taxidermal, bread far off to Aaron Rogers to Jordan Love. Bang, bang, bang. All right. I'm trying to think the last time when I grew up, they went Bob Greasey and then there was this four, five-year period was Don Strach and David Woodley. And even they made it to a super bowl under the

great dawn shula uh... and then dan marina i just remember as a patriot's fan being like fuck here we go again you know i guess all this bare's fan talking about that like they're gonna be kicking our ass again

uh... they just but i've never seen a team to three in a row. I mean, that's like New York Yankees shit way back in the day. Ruth and Gary to fucking, who was next? Was it Demagio?

Mickey Mantle. 20s and 30s, 40s and 50s, 50s and 60s, bam, bam, bam, they just had the fucking superstar. Incredible. Match of Luke Eric lived, you know, his career wasn't cut short, they probably had 30 titles. Anyway, so that was my only concern about that. I love Jordan Love, I love watching Green Bay winning and everything. I'll tell you what is stupid.

Speaking of the Yankees, it's like, why do I need to listen to Jerry Jones have like a fucking, you know, an official statement that after a disappointing loss, he's disappointed. That's like some George Steinbrenner shit. The Yankees have lost four games in a row. And later on this afternoon the boss is going to issue a statement. Let me guess George, you're not

happy with losing. Fucking ego maniacs. Anyway, so congratulations to detections, Green Bay. I don't know what happened in the Chiefs and Dolphins game. Didn't even see any highlights of it. Seems like the Chiefs handle them pretty easily, which brings us to what we were saying on the anything better podcast about the Dolphins. They had a great record against bad teams and not a good record at all against good teams. All right, Lions vs. the Rams. I was convinced that that was gonna come down to coaching, watching the game. In my half time, I was like, the Rams have figured out

what the Lions are doing and they're gonna come back and they're gonna win this game. And they just couldn't get it in the end zone. And the Lions made their plays when they needed to make the plays. I will say I was the secondary on both teams as Yif. I don't know. I didn't really see anybody this weekend where I was like, that team is going to the Super Bowl.

When I granted, I didn't see the Chiefs and the Dolphins. And also granted, I'm a stand-up comedian. So what the fuck do I know? What that? Let me do a little bit of reads here. Hang on a second. Simply safe. Simply safe. Simply fucking safe. Well, kind of simply safe. You need up here in the fucking mountains for goddamn bears.

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I made fun of Bob sledding just so I could get fucking Bob sledders to write in. However, after my observations during my participation in a Europe cup and America cup and the World Bob sled championship, dude, this guy's like a profico sledding professionally. I have noticed that my definition of an athlete is not fully lived by the majority of Bob Sledders. Oh, he's giving us the dirt, the behind-the-scene of Bob Sledding. This sounds like a Will Ferrell movie. Blades of Glory meets Bob Sledding.

The majority drinks too much and eats unhealthy. Ah, the aqua lung. And because Bob's letting is only allowed from an older age, up to 20, wait, and because Bob's setting is only allowed from an older age up to 26 years is considered youth it is a brilliant way to not have to face real life after a failed athletics or american football career and attaching a bobsled career to it becomes a nice escape to avoid dealing with it alright this feels like a second other than second language so i think what you're

saying is, so after you fail at those bigger, sexier, better paying sports, a way to deal with it is to become a Bob's letter. Did Herschel Walker try Bob's letter at one point? And that guy's unbelievably athletic. did her she'll walk up tried bob sledding at one point uh... that guys unbelievably athletic after observing myself i realize that perhaps what i initially thought was influenced by my own perspective

i used to compete for the dutch bob sled team and surprisingly we don't have a bob sled track anyway what i know is that during the time I was involved in Bob's letting, there was a lot of room for improvement in creating a Bob's let athlete. All right. So you kind of agree with me? So basically, whatever country would loan their top athletes to that sport they would absolutely dominate. Is

it really all about that big push in the beginning? I mean, after that you just kind of steering it down the hill, right? What is it? Like microscopic leaning and knowing when to lean and you all have to lean at one time or that oh fucking thing is gonna go off the rails man. I will say this as a kid I always loved it. I always love Bob sledding because I was sledding and I was just like look how cool their sled is and how fucking fast it goes and when I was a kid's you know people died doing that shit. People got beheaded and fucking I fucking, I mean, it was it was big boy slay was for all the mobbles there. All right, AI music question for Bill. Hey, Billy Burrachick, too soon, too soon. It is over. It's all done. The old man. I know we're all paranoid about AI and the information we're feeding

it to make it smarter. What am I doing? What the fuck what do you mean? Like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, how the fuck I don't want AI and I'm not working on it. How did you just make me a part of this? Was this a fucking robot that wrote this? I know we're all paranoid about AI and the information we're feeding it to make it even smarter. I'm not feeding it anything. I'm jumping through the hoops, these fucking guns that want to fuck robots and make them be jump through. But have you ever stopped to consider how much AI is training us already? Oh, God, I hate fucking people like this. This is why, this is, can't take something, this is why people, okay?

Joe Sixpack is always going to get fucked because there's always going to be the counterpoint. There's always the narcissist, there's always the fucking person that just wants to get attention. There's just the fucking contrarian That's just going to cause an argument rather than then that's all getting on the same fucking page All right, the fact that the information is out there That these senators and representatives are fucking insider trading with these pieces of shit that are fucking us over, and they're allegedly in there to represent us conservatively or in a liberal way, and they're just not

doing it, they're just lining their own pockets. And the fact that that doesn't get any fucking traction, and we as regular people cannot get on the same page to just bitch about that just start with that can't fucking do it fucking politicize everything and just it's just this is gonna be so depressing to read

anyway i was listening to spotify today and got the urge to listen to the song don't mean nothing by Richard Marx. I know. Because I like the slide licks by Joe Walsh on that track. But then I realized, hey, I can't do that. If I play that song, the algorithm is going to think I like Richard Marx, and then it's going to start turning up in every one of my recommended playlists. All right, I still pay for music.

If I like a song, I buy it. But it used to be 99 cents per. Now Apple just switched to like, you give us 20 bucks a month and you get all the music. Like they all do. They just totally devalued the artist. Yeah, you ain't word shit. If everybody gives me 20 bucks, you can get all of their work for free and I won't pay them shit. I'd be literally telling the AI, I'm a chick who had his posters on my wall in the 80s. Now,

well then you just, after that just download like bitches brew or something. And then they'll be like, we don't know what the fuck to do with this person. Anyway, when I'm a dude, okay, I'd be literally telling the AI, I'm a chick who had his posters on my wall in the 80s, when I'm a dude who banged his head to maiden and the scorpions. No, all right, I read you wrong. Maybe I'm the fucking problem in the discourse. Jesus, that's not a stretch at all uh... if that that isn't bad

if that isn't bad enough i'll do something similar if a song comes on from a band i really like but i'm kind of burnt on now like van halen acd c a metallica uh... i'll be like i don't want to hear that's this song right now because I've heard it a million times, but then I'll think, wait, if I signal the AI, I don't like Van Halen, that's basically killing who I am or at the very least it's killing the younger version of myself. I'm a guy that fucking loves Van Halen, ACDC, Metallica. You know what the fucking problem is?

Is they play the same four fucking songs? Back in black is such an incredible album. All they play is you shook me all night long. Like ACDC in three songs for the radio is you shook me all night long, thunder struck. And then I would, I don't even know if a Bond Scott song even makes it highway to hell maybe those are the only out of all those fucking albums and all of those fucking great songs that's all they play Metallica and nothing nothing else matters and then they'll play fucking uh... dobo dobo dobo dobo

uh... sand to sandman and every once in a while when they want to get crazy they'll play like master of puppets and they just completely ignore uh... and justice for all that whole fucking album maybe they go again maybe they go go go go black and black and

uh... anyway the person says how fucked up is that I'm literally trying to outsmart an algorithm so it doesn't screw up my music's curation what kind of or well you bullshit is that no I did that with Netflix I always tell this story I watched I watched one season of narcos and then everything on my fucking cue was behind the scenes, Riker's Island, the top five drug dealers of fucking August. And I just was like, that's how I ended up finding one punch man. I watched like Japanese anime because I was trying to just totally throw this thing off.

Anyway, by the way, now that you've finally done shrooms about time, pussy. Yeah, it's an 80s guy. Well, you fucking queer. Do black light posters finally make sense to you? That's funny. I'll be honest, because I'm glad that I did mushrooms later in life.

Rather than when I was young, because it would just be like, I did that, then I was seeing this, you fucking wow, man. It's supposed to actually getting something out of it. Oh, that's saying the other way wouldn't have been fun too. I don't know what I'm talking about. All right, here we go. The Persian chess board.

Hey, Boba Fett bill. I recently read something kind of insane in a Carl Sagan book and thought I'd share a Visier For an ancient I don't know what that is for an ancient Persian king invented chess hang on a second Here we go Yeah, they invented chess why people like the original like streaming service? We just took all of this art for ourselves.

A visitor or a wether is a high-ranking political advisor or minister in the nearies. Oh, a kiss ass. Okay, we got those over here. All right, the king was so blown away by the game that he says to the visitor, you can have anything you want as a reward. A palace or two, treasures, dancing girls, you name it. You name it. The visitor comes back to the king and says, all I want is one single grain of wheat

for the first square, then two grains for the second square, then double it for each square after. Oh God, this is a math problem. The king lapsed the request and tells the head of his grainery to grant the visitors request. And when he started, everybody did it. So the visitor gets one grain in the first square, then two in the second, four in the third, eight and the fourth and so on. Here's the thing though. By the time he

gets to the 64th square the busier it is own 18 quintillion four hundred forty six quadrillion seven hundred forty four trillion seventy three billion seven hundred nine million five hundred fifty one thousand six hundred615 bits of grain. Yeah, but the king will be like, yeah, fuck you, you nerd, behead this asshole. I found the above impossible to believe so I calculated it on the calculator, and indeed, that is correct.

Thanks for the labs and looking forward to your 2024 output. Go check yourself, mate. Go checkmate yourself, sorry, fucked it up. I really think I have a little bit of dyslexia. I move shit around. Wait, so is this just, is that just a story? Cause no king would actually pay that.

That's probably why he's laughing. Like, he's like, I don't know what this nerd's up to, but if I don't like it, we're just going to kill him. Long Distance Love. It sounds like a Phil Collins song. He's making pop music. Long Distance Love, oh you just have to wait. That was actually a cover. Long distance love.

Long distance love. Is that a Marvin Gaye song? That sounds like a funk song ripping off a hit song. All right. Hello Bill, the, hello Billy the ball bag. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the thought I'd try my favorite comedian. Oh God, that was, that was a nice eloquent slap to the face. And I'll take it. I'm 25 living in the UK and my girlfriend is 26 living in the Philippines. She's gorgeous. She's Filipino. I mean, I just, I don't know that there's not a good looking Filipino. She's gorgeous, sweet, caring, and everything I want in a relationship. We have been in a relationship for a little over three years after meeting online one drunk at night.

We meet up two to three times each year, meeting each other's family and traveling around the world together. The only problem is the distance between us. I want to close that 7,000 mile difference and have her live with me in the UK. We have spoken at length and it's what we both want. Okay. The only problem is to get her to stay here, I have to marry her. I'm not religious, but marriage is sacred to me. But only do it once kind of guy. You guys are killing me this week with the fucking word you're leaving out.

The only problem is to get away. I'm not religious, but marriage is sacred to me. Only do it once kind of guy. All right. When we meet, it's like a honeymoon, so that dose of what reality is like together doesn't exist, which makes me nervous. The longest we have lived together is three months and it's not enough to know how compatible we are under the same roof. I do think that she could be the girl I meant to be with, but it's a huge risk.

What would you do in my situation? Thanks and go fuck yourself. Well, I think the fact that you're even thinking this shit, that's probably not a good sign. You live with there for three months. I don't know. I think you know in three months. People back in the day, they used to get married super quick. And then, you know, the guy would have a white beater on and be beaten around on the fire escape. Let me look how that works. I don't know. I hope it works out for you. There's, I mean, there's a lot of variables in that whole fucking thing. I don't wanna add to the variables. All right, I will.

You ask me, okay, what's some gorgeous Filipino chick fucking date and some fucking, you know, paste the. You ask me, okay, what's some gorgeous Filipino chick fucking date and some fucking, you know, paste the English guy from around fucking 7,000 goddamn miles away. Do you got money? If you don't have money, then I'm buying this, but I'm a little nervous that, you know, she's trying to get the fuck out of there anyway. She can and she needs citizenship so she's willing to marry you. There's also that if you want to throw that in there. There's a lot of fucking shit going on,

but as an outsider, I don't know what you feel when you see her. So, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. I know. This is what I can tell you. I'm glad I'm not in that situation. But you seem like you had more questions than answers. I mean, you

see, what if this, what about that? I mean, I know I fucking love her, but, you know, what if that's just the honeymoon thing, what if it's fucking this and tada tada tada. I mean, you know, I hate this thing, but you know when they say you know, when you know, it is true. You do know when you know it's easy, silence is comfortable, you just vibe, it makes sense. And pretty early on, you're like, holy shit, I'm going to spend my life with this person. All right. If you're not feeling that, then, you know, I don't know what to tell you.

However, you do seem like you're living between your ears a little bit here. So, why don't you pitch this with her? Why doesn't she get an extended stay and say, like, look, all right, well, why don't we fucking stay together for, yeah, Jesus Christ, then you're going to go live through that thing. I'm so happy, I'm married. It's such a fucking pain in the ass dating. There's another reason too, like, you never would have met this chick if it wasn't for the fucking internet.

And now look at the situation, you're right, trying to close a 7,000 mile gap. I mean, it was bad, it was bad enough when Tom Hanks was sleepless in Seattle, right? I've never seen that movie. I've never I would pay for an NFL playoff game before I would watch that fucking movie. I love Tom Hanks. I hated the premise of that movie. I hated the name of that fucking movie. I hated the people that liked that movie. It was just literally like, you know, everybody makes fun of those live, laugh, love signs that like everybody had in their house and now everybody's acting like they don't. They didn't, you know. If you were going to make a movie, the movie version of that, some guy am moding on the

fucking radio. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. How could the same industry that gave you Charles Bronson movies give you that? I mean, it's just fucking it's on this it's amazing uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh...

uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh...

uh... uh... uh... uh... all right let's do it right now. You're, you're top three Tom Hanks movies. I'm coming right out of the gate. Honorable mention, Buzzenbuddies. I love that fucking show.

Splash. I love that fucking movie. You know why? I liked his fucking car. He had that fucking sick ass BMW. And then he's banging a mermaid. I mean, John Candys in it. I'm in. I'm in. I liked the movie. He did with Jackie Gleason. He had that fucking sick ass Jeep CJ that he was driving around in and it's got Jackie I'm fucking in.

Oh, this next one's tough. I mean, now you got all the big ones. You got Phil Delphier, you got Houston, we got a problem, you got saving private Ryan. saving private Ryan. I think I'd go save a private Ryan. I also like the money pit. I also like the burbs. Like I like those fucking comedies that he did back in the 80s. I like those two.

Tom Hanks is one of those guys like, before you realize it, like you saw like the last 20 of his movies, you seem like 18 of them. Tom Cruise is like that. I remember I thought like, you know, I was sort of like, yeah, I like Tom Cruise, but he wasn't like the main person that I liked. And then one day they listed his movies.

It's like, I fucking seen all of this. I've seen all of those in the movie theater. I saw all of those fucking movies. Underrated Tom Cruise movies. Losing it. Oh my god, it came out. What's the football one he made, right? Right before risky business.

I think it came out after it That was a good one the outsiders all my shit's gonna be from the 80s Top gun and I watched that as the drama it was meant to be Fuck Rain man Born to the 4th of July, I never saw cocktail. That one I, that one I was just like, they just, they just banking on Tom Cruise here. I'm not watching him slipping around a bunch of fucking stupid bottles behind a bar, you know, he's, he's, he's up to make a man-adds. How am I gonna get 90 minutes of entertainment

out of a guy that was probably Tom Cruise's roadhouse, you know? That's actually a fun thing, because I love movies and movie stars and all of that shit. How ended up in this fucking business? It really was movies. Naming like the top ones. You gotta go, okay, here's the thing.

You write in top three and you can't go ACDC. You shook me all night long. Fucking Metallica. Enter Sandman. I want deep cuts. All right. Jack Nicholson, the last detail. That's what I'm looking for. I don't want to fucking you know Although he's got some but even though they were like one flu over the cookers. That's just fucking

That's just did that fucking scene When he's he's pretending to watch the baseball game? Oh my God. And then everybody who's in it, it was just, that was incredible. Actually, the woman who played Nurse Ratchet, who was absolutely gorgeous. And everybody just remembered her for playing that role.

I remember seeing her in an old, I think an episode of the Untouchables and I was like, oh my God, who is that? She's like a knockout. And Iouchables and I was like, oh my god. Who is that? She's like a knockout And I looked up I was like holy shit. That's a person played nurse ratchet. She was so in that role That you didn't even see like how beautiful she was Jesus, you're gonna get for wetting on us here. All right. That's that's the podcast Go fuck yourselves and I'll talk to you later.

All right, everybody. And Seth McFarlane's new Peacock original event series, Ted, your favorite foul mouth Teddy bear takes it back to 1993. You know, back when you didn't have an endless supply of pornography in your pocket, you didn't have an endless supply of pornography in your pocket, but you did have an attention span longer than two minutes. Back when you had a bite pot from a weird guy in the corner, you still do, but he has a store now. This prequel series to the Ted movies

is a coming of age story about the high school days of Ted and his best buddy, John, back when they would do it. Well, high school shit. Let's just say you don't want to miss out on the teen excapades of Ted and a 16 year old-old John, as you probably know, McFarlane is the mind behind family guy, the Orville, the Ted movies and more. So the show is going to be funny as hell. Stream Ted, the new event series only on peacock.