Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-17-11

Episode Date: January 17, 2011

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about the devastating loss to the New York Jets.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, January 17th, 2011, that I'm actually doing Tuesday morning. Tuesday fucking morning. And I know why a lot of you think I am. You probably thought I was grieving for an extra 24 hours because the Patriots lost to the fucking hated green-cut jets. Actually, no, I was in Atlantic City. I was in Atlantic City and, you know, I didn't bring the podcast, all the fucking equipment back. I came into New York on fucking Tuesday. I didn't want to be lugging that shit around and then lug it down there. And like an asshole, I didn't realize I had a six o'clock in the evening flight. I'm kind of famous for that. I never

know when my flights leave. I'm always like, yeah, I think I leave around 10 a.m. And then I find out at 6 a.m. as I'm sitting at a bar drinking at three in the morning. And then I go, oh fuck, well, there's no reason to go to bed now. He is there. Anyway, so let's get down to brass fucking tax here. This is going to kill me. Out of all the podcasts that I've done, for the last, I'm just loving how excited the Jets fans are right now. I know they're sitting there with their fucking ear cupped right up to the goddamn speaker, probably giving their fucking boss the finger. Fuck you, motherfucker. I was waiting all season for this. There's a big fucking crow laying on his plate and I'm going to watch him eat

every goddamn fucking bite and the feathers. Yeah, out of all the podcasts I've had to do, this is this is going to be one of the toughest ones, toughest things I'm ever going to have to say. Congratulations to the New York Jets, their organization of their fans. You fucking deserved it. You went up there. You were talking shit and you fucking won the game and that's that's it. You won it. You won the fucking game and this is what I think happened during the game. I thought both teams came out. There was so much fucking hype before that game and I as always was nervous Nelly all week. You know, as much shit as I talk about the Jets and shit, if you notice when they play the Patriots, I

never claim that we're going to win. Remember that? Remember when the 45 to three game? Remember that before? And I was going, yeah, I got a bad feeling, man. That's from being a Boston sports fan, pre winning championships. I just always, I'm waiting for the misery. And I was getting into and this is another thing that I didn't like. I didn't like that everyone was saying the Patriots were going to win and everyone was saying that I got to the airport. You know, this is me going to New York. I go to the airport. Patriots are on the cover of Sports Illustrated and I know people go, Oh, the fucking Jinx. You know, the Sports Illustrated Jinx. You ever think that maybe they just don't know how

to pick a winner? You ever think maybe that maybe that's their fucking problem? I saw that and then I was watching a little bit of ESPN. The only thing I liked was the Jets were talking shit. And I was like, I hope they keep doing this. Just keep doing this and I hope they get off the plane wearing fatigues like the fucking Miami Hurricanes. That's what I was hoping, but I was talking to Verzi, my gambling buddy, and he was putting money on the Patriots. And when he saw when Rex Ryan said, you know, it's going to be me verse Bella check, he texts me and was going, dude, it's over. It's over. Why would he do that? That's the dumbest fucking thing to say, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I don't know, you guys won't believe me if I tell you the whole week I was going, look, dude, our defense sucks. And I've been saying that all fucking year. He's going, no dude, dude, it's just like the Giants when the Giants went on their fucking run. No, it isn't. It isn't. And then he said something else. He goes, well, don't worry. I go, dude, we let up like 24 to 26 points of fucking game for two thirds of the season. We're starting to have four fucking rookies. And he goes, yeah, but dude, dude, you scored like 35 points a game. And that, that's when my fucking, my heart sank into my stomach. And I was like, wow, he just described Dan Marino's career. How are we going to win the Super Bowl? We

don't have a defense. Don't worry. We got Marino. Hey, Danny, why don't you go out and score 40 today? That only works in the regular season. So I was like, look, all the time, all they got to do, if they established a run were fucked because they're going to chew up the clock and then Brady is not going to be on the field. He can't hurt you if he's not on the field. So that's what I was worried about. I was hoping we were going to rape the Jets, but I was worried that if they got their running game going, if LT started fucking running, we were going to be in trouble. Okay. Cause I didn't buy into the fucking hype where it's like, wow, this is what we did the last time. Yeah. But the time before we lost.

All right. It's not going to be lost 28 to 14, five fucking years ago. We lost like four months ago. So this is what I, this is honestly in my heart of hearts, what I think happened. The Patriots came out and they picked up right where they let off. And then Brady threw arguably the worst pass of his career. And I think the Patriots just got spooked. They got, they was stunned. And then the Jets got run the ball down, right? Down to like what? Like the 12 yard line. And then they came out like the fucking Keystone cops. That first series, Sanchez goes to hand off the ball and he trips his fucking running back. Then they ran a fucking, uh, I blocked so much of this game out because of the pain of watching the Patriots

lose, but some sort of sweep and whoever was running it faked somebody out and then bumped into his own lineman and then they missed the field goal. And I was like, all right, the Jets are tight. The Jets are tight. They're fucking nervous. And then the Patriots came and I've really think though, because Brady had not fucked up since October, I think because of the hype of the game, they were like, Oh fuck, not now, not to this team. And for the rest of the game, they were pressing and they went right down the fucking field. He throws a touchdown pass and the guy drops it. They get a field goal. And then I just feel like the rest of the game, they were playing in panic mode. Like they were up three to nothing

and they were playing. Well, our defense sucks that they just, it sucks. But like the offense would come out and then the Jets went up seven to three and the Patriots come out like they're down 28 to three. I just felt they never got into the rhythm. A lot of it was because the Jets had a monster fucking pass rush. But I just, it just was like, you know, they, they, they fucking call the fake punt. Okay. So you drop a touchdown pass, you drop the fake punt, you throw a first down to Dion Branch and he fucking drops it. It was like they, they would just, I just don't think they needed to go down on that first drive and score a touchdown. And the last thing they needed was Brady to throw a pick.

And they just never got go, we got going for half a second when we scored that touchdown and had the two point conversion and it was 14 to 11. And then, then we had the momentum. We had a great and we fucking nailed the guy on the kickoff. And I'm like, okay, our defense has to pull one out of their ass here and fucking clamp them down. And we have to get the ball back. And it was a moment in the, that was the moment in the game. And fucking Mark Trent Dill for Sanchez throws a fucking eight yard pass that turns into a 70 yard fucking game. And that for me, that was fucking, that was it. That was it. Even though we scored that touchdown in the end, it just, it just wasn't our fucking day. Even when we do

onside kicks and the fucking ball seem to be laying there for x eight seconds. And we were running around, where is it? I don't see a jet with it. I can't find it. Anyways, but congratulations to the jets, man. You know, you got to hand it to them, dude, they talked shit and they came in and they fucking won. But I got to be honest, it wasn't as amazing as everybody's making it out to be the same way the Patriots are not as amazing as they were made out to be going into this fucking game. And it's why I don't watch ESPN and I don't, uh, I watched the game. I had the game on mute because I knew the game was going to take seven years off my life, unless it went like that 45 to three game, which to be honest, jet fans, I was still nervous when we were up like 28 to nothing.

That's how bad our fucking defense was on that game. But like, I don't, I don't, I don't know. I guess because they're trying to get ratings, but I don't get how you go one in one during the regular season. And then whatever you did the last time you try to act like that's who the fuck you are. And that's who the other guy is. Or like the jets, like there's nothing too. I got to like emails from, from jet fans as one guy goes, the dynasty is over. And, um, it's like, dude, we haven't won a Super Bowl since 2004. It's been over for seven fucking years. The dynasty ended when Teddy Bruce, he had that, that fucking mild stroke or seizure or whatever he had, that was the end of it. And then we, you know, we lost a few guys. We were never quite the same,

but the thing is that's been the same has been Belichick and Brady. So people are acting like they're beating this Super Bowl team. This is the team that got raped by the Ravens last year, first round of the fucking playoffs. And, uh, you know, so I don't know. So whatever, congratulations. I still have yet to be proven wrong about the jets though. Okay. If you guys remember, because people forget what I said, they said they were going to win the fucking Super Bowl and they talked to all this fucking shit. All they have achieved at this point is getting back to the game that they lost last year. So, uh, but you know, whatever, my team's out of it. So I'm done being a cunt. So whatever, good luck jet fans. You got a 42 year monkey on your back. Uh, I know

what that's like times two plus fucking, uh, four years, two years, whatever it was, 86, 86 fucking years. So, uh, good luck to you. This is the thing. I, this, uh, let me give you the backstory. I was watching this game by myself at the Borgata in, uh, in Atlantic city, um, by myself with the mute on, on the game, because I can't, when games are that big, I can't handle any sort of comment that I consider moronic because at one point Dion Branch caught a ball and he was all amped up and he was yelling over the jet sidelines and I unhit mute and I hear Phil Sims going, Dion Branch and he's yelling at Rex Ryan. I don't know why he'd be doing that. Yeah. Why would he, why would he, why would he yell at that

guy who's been talking shit saying that the Brady, that the Brady, that the Patriots aren't a good team and people on that team are calling Brady an asshole. Yeah. Why do you think there would be some sort of chatter Phil Sims? Did you play your entire career with the Bose headphones on? You fucking drove me nuts. So I had fucking hit mute. I had to hit mute and, uh, uh, it was fucking brutal and I was, and I texted Verzi at halftime. This was another turning point at halftime. Okay. First of all, what the fuck? We gave the goddamn jets the ball on our own 48 or 30 yard line, four fucking times in the first half. The fact that we weren't down like 28 to three at the half was a minor miracle and the defense actually was stepping up in that

half. But you know, I knew it was going to come down to the fucking defense because I know a lot of Patriot fans think it was the fucking offense, but the offense is entitled to have a bad day to struggle every once in a fucking blue moon. Okay. That's when the defense has to step it up and we just did not have a defense that could do that. Okay. If the defense could have stepped it up and got some three and outs Brady and them, they would have got into a rhythm. We just couldn't get into a fucking rhythm because our defense has been like room temperature butter all fucking year. So anyways, when we got that personal foul call that undisciplined play that like the San Diego Chargers would do back in the day, I was just like, I was, I, I hate to say it. I was like,

this fucking game is over. You know, I still watched because I can't bail on my fucking team. I still watch, but I was just like, this fucking game is over. Like they have completely been rattled by the jets. They're completely out of their fucking game plan and they're playing like, like an inexperienced fucking team. And I texted Paul Verzi and I wrote, I fucking and then in capital letters told you, we had this big debate was working down the comedy cell of Friday and I get ready for my big shows with David tell Jim brew and Jim and Jim Norton down at the Borgata. So I didn't want to be the weak link on that fucking gigantic comedy show. So I was doing my shit around the city and Verzi gave me a ride home and he was going, dude,

it's going to be a bloodbath. I'm telling you, it's going to be a fucking bloodbath. And I was going, Paul, our defense sucks. All they got to do is run the ball. But that, you know what's funny is that didn't even need neither thing that we said happened. I thought the jets were really going to establish the fucking run and chew up the clock. That's what I thought was going to happen. And no way shape or form that I think Tom Brady was going to have that bad of a game. I mean, dude, they were fucking off. Did you see that one play where grunkowski, he's running a go pattern and Brady throws an out. It was just like, what, what the fuck is going, they were completely rattled. And I don't know if I think it was the

interception slash all the shit talking the jets were doing. I think that they wanted to beat them that fucking bad that when he fucked up with that fucking Jesus Christ, I mean, that, that thing was like, if Rex Grossman made us instructional video on how to throw whatever that pass was, it wasn't a fucking screen pass. I don't know what it was. It was just, uh, oh my God, it was just like, I'm going to be picked it off. And I was like, Oh, no. Oh, no, not now, not this week, not to this fucking team. So I have to go down. This is the funny thing. This is the funniest thing about all of this. I've talked so much shit about the jets this year. Last week, the jets lose to the fucking Colts yet win the fucking game,

which is why I think the Colts, the jets could win because when you win a championship, not only are you good, but you have that stepped in shit. Look, the talk rule. What the fuck was that? Right? All right, fuck it. Give us the ball back. Yay, we win the helmet catch. You just and with the jets, you have the Colts calling timeout with 29 seconds left. You know, just in case we get the ball back with the 5.5 seconds left. I think we'll call the timeout here and have mediocre mark Sanchez with the fucking deer in the headlights. Give him a nice minute to chill out, gather his thought, and give Rex an opportunity to give them the next three plays so he can chill out next play, 18 yard completion game over. You got to have that stepped in shit. Look, and I just feel like,

I feel like the jets have that. They have that. Oh my God, we're going to lose this game. And then somebody hits somebody out of bounds for no fucking reason. Oh, wait a minute, we just got a first down. So I don't know. This should be a great fucking game this week. All right, and I love being a jet hater. I love that the jets beat Pittsburgh the last time and that the game is in Pittsburgh and that Paula Malau is playing this week. And, and I love that ESPN will probably hype the shit out of the jets. That's what I'm hoping. That's what I'm hoping. So anyway, so I'm sitting there. Let's get to the misery now. The misery of my fucking life that day. So I'm sitting there. Okay. On one of the most unbelievable fucking weekends I've ever done in comedy,

like I got to work with Jim Norton, Jim Brewer and David tell myself. We were all on the same show at the Borgata. We played a 2100 Cedar or 20, whatever the fucking big one. And we sold it out three fucking times. And I was just sitting there thinking like how fucking am I first of all, I had not seen Jim, let's let's go through the lineup here. I had not seen Jim Norton do stand up a headlining set since before the opiate Anthony virus tours. That's how fucking long it's been because me and him came up together. So when I started headlining, he started headlining. And he actually blew up before most of us from our graduating class. He got on the opiate Anthony show pre that whole scandal in the church. He was already headlining. So I never got to really,

I never got to work with him. So he was, he opened the show. So and I, and I was going on next. So I got to stand there every fucking night, watching him work, watching him switch some jokes around and absolutely killing. He was fucking hilarious. He's got this bit on that new show hoarders that fucking killed me every night. And it was, it was fucking awesome because you know, I do the road, I do it, you know, when I go out, I go with the roads, I go with Verzi, but I don't get to work with any of my peers, like the guys that I started out with anymore. And then on top of that, then I had brewer and a tell and those were the guys when I came down from Boston and I was this fucking nerd new comic and I'd be in the back of the Boston comedy club with like my backpack.

I swear to God, I had a backpack, right? Because I would walk around, you know, on the subway and I had all my shit in there, my comedy notebook, you know, just in case comedy inspiration hit me. I was a total fucking nerd and I used to sit at the back of the Boston comedy club, which they should make a fucking movie about that place. It was the rawest, most intimidating fucking room I ever went into. I mean, in a lot of ways, it was worse. I did the Apollo one time. It was worse than that. Because the Apollo does this odd sort of no pressure because you're expecting to get booed. Still, you don't want to get booed. But if you get booed, I mean, the amount of people, they booed like Lauren Hill, like famous superstars have gotten booed. So it's not that bad. But like,

the way the Boston comedy club was run back in the day was completely opposite to all the other comedy clubs that I, at least in my experience, like this is how they would do it. They would, you know, if you came down and you were a new comic and they were going to put you on, they put you on early in the show and they tried to, you know, assess where you were as a comedian by sticking you basically in the show where they figured your talents were at. Which is, you know, if you're newer, they put you earlier in the show. The Boston comedy club, if you came down, they're like, Oh yeah, your new comic, you want to go on? All right. They put you on like three quarters through the show after like fucking Louis CK, Jim Brewer, Jay Moore had just leveled the

fucking room. And then you, they, they go, All right, you want to go on next? Right. And you literally would feel like, you know, those Spike Lee movies where the, where the main character that he'd be focusing on is just standing there. But the background is like slowly pulling away. That's, that's what I would feel like. And I would immediately go from, you know, feeling like, you know, five foot 10 to feeling like I was like three foot 10. It was fucking unbelievable. I was the worst. And then all comics hung out in the back and you were convinced that they all thought you sucked and they were all watching you. It was, it was brutal. So anyway, so I got to work with those guys this weekend. And I'm sitting there

like a fan all weekend and the crowds were amazing. And, but the whole weekend, this fucking Jets Patriots game is looming. And I'm sitting here going, this fucking game can go either goddamn way. They won once, we won once. I don't know what the fuck everybody's talking about. Like this is going to be a cakewalk. Our defense sucks. All right. And I'm just sitting there at one point. It was actually last week when the Jets beat the Colts, I'm sitting there going like, you got to be fucking kidding me. I'm literally talking to the comedy gods going, what are the fucking odds that the team I've been talking shit about for the entire fucking year is not only going to make the playoffs back into the fucking playoffs, lose a playoff game,

but then fucking win the fucking thing. The next week, they're going to play my fucking team. All right. And I'm going to be in New Jersey. The fucking game is at four o'clock or 430, whatever the fuck it is. And I go on stage at eight in New Jersey in front of a bunch of fucking jet fans. Why does this keep happening to me? It's un fucking. I can't, I can't explain it. I go down to Philly, all that fucking shit. I guess that had nothing to do about sports. Sports pulled me out of the mud down there. Another fucking time. I have a random weekend booked at Caroline's a random fucking weekend. They book it like six, seven, eight months out. And lo and behold, the weekend I come in the first night I come in the night I fly in to do

morning press. I flew in on like a fucking Thursday or Wednesday. I can't remember what the fucking Yankees win the world series and I'm staying in Times Square. I'm trying to sleep and I can't because all I hear is out in the fucking outside my hotel window and I'm sitting there with pillows on each side of my fucking head. So now I'm sitting there and I'm going, this is classic my career. This is either going to be fucking amazing or an absolute goddamn debacle. And I was sitting in my fucking hotel room and Brady threw that pic and I was like, oh my god. Oh my god. Please no, please, please don't. Not this week for the love of fucking God. Could you not? I'm trying to go 100 days without boozing. Can you not do it this week? I know we're

not good enough to win the Super Bowl this fucking year. I know we're going to lose in the playoffs, but can we just not lose to these fucking shit talking cunts? Please. Right? And then they fucking Keystone copped it and missed the field goal and we drove down the, it just, it just, it just fucking unraveled. And the whole time I'm sitting there going, what is going to happen at my stand-up show? Because I already have been walking around the casino that day and all I'm seeing is Jets jerseys. I see a couple of, I'm in fucking Atlantic City, New Jersey. All right. The Eagles are not in the playoffs. There's no playoffs. There's no Eagles fans there. It's Jets fans. And I get this show to fucking do. And I perform in an art where it's okay to yell,

Hey, you fucking suck. You faggot. It's okay to do that. And I'm watching my team unravel. And I'm just sitting there, ironing my show shirt. Going, not only do I got to do a podcast and eat fucking crow, I now have to go down and dance like a fucking monkey for a bunch of goddamn elated jet fans who are, who are probably going to be yelling Jets, Jets, Jets, Jets every time I'm trying to do a punchline. Why does this keep happening to me? Why couldn't I have been in fucking Ohio? All right. So now it's 7 30. The game is basically fucking over. And then there's a knock on the door. It's security to bring me downstairs, which is absolutely fucking hilarious. Like, you know, like I need that.

But you know, I'll feed my fucking ego. And the door opens up and I was just like, I fucking knew it. I fucking knew it. I fucking called it that fucking versey cunt. He's not answering his fucking phone. I fucking told him. I fucking told him. I knew this was going to fucking happen. Right. And the guy takes me downstairs. And I'm thinking, well, you know what's great about this shit is they're taking me the good fellas way. So I can go down in the elevator. I'm in the catacombs behind the fucking massive theater. I'll just sit there. I'll watch the final fucking minutes of the game. You know, because unlike those other fucking fair weather cunt fans who left Gillette stadium, you know, I'll get to that later. But there's a reason why they build stadiums as big as they

do. It's for all the fair weather fucking fans. All right. And it's also why you should never be upset if somebody you love doesn't return a fucking fan letter, because that's what fans are. That's what they are. You know, entertain me. I love you as long as you do what I want. And then you don't. When you're down, I'm going to walk out on you. And I'm guilty of it too. I've had plenty of fucking people that I've been fans of that went broke. I never sent him any goddamn money. I just, I just talked to my friend, dude, what the fuck happened? What happened to leaf Garrett? Leaf Garrett. So anyway, so I'm going down into the, uh, in then I'm thinking, well, whatever, you know, what, what the fuck, there's no way it's going to be worse than Philly.

I just got to address it the second I go out there, right? So, but at least I can just have this moment of peace and fucking deal with the fact that what I kind of knew was going to happen was going to happen. I just didn't want it to happen to the jets. So I'm fucking decompressing from that loss. I got to set it aside because now I have to go fucking out there and be danced like a goddamn clown. So as I'm sitting there watching the final fucking seconds of it, all of a sudden I hear Jim Brewer coming down the fucking quarter, going, you fucking believe this shit, you fucking, it just keeps getting louder. I'm like, please don't walk into my dressing room. And he just comes walking in and he's like, oh, the fucking Patriots. He starts miming,

jerking off in my face. And he goes, like he just blew a load in my face, right? He goes, fuck you, motherfucker. Like I had been talking shit all weekend. It proceeds to start trashing me in the Patriots. And it was actually fucking hilarious because I saw in him, I saw me last year screaming about Peyton Manning because you only hear shit about your team, you know, you never hear anything fair and balanced. And he's sitting there. So I was going, oh, Tom Brady, he's the greatest fucking quarterback ever. It was literally my rant from last year about Peyton Manning. So, uh, was I getting my just desserts? And he just kept trashing me. And then I said, like, oh, fuck you, you're still having one one since 1969. He goes, fuck you,

you sound like a Yankee fan, faggot. And he's right in my face. I took a pounding from him. Um, classic jet fan though, didn't say shit before the game was all fucking nervous, just like every was everybody was admitted. I didn't get any emails from jet fans. And afterwards, you know what, I only got a few and it was from the usual cunty ones that, uh, you know, really need to go hug their dad or whatever. So then I'm sitting there going, oh my God. And, uh, Norton came in and he was kind of fucking laughing. He goes, you bummed out. I go, yeah, I go, I know I'm past it, dude. I got to do this. And I go, I go, there's going to be a lot of jet fins out there. Isn't there? Why, why comedy gods? Why did I have to be in Atlantic

city? Why did I have to be working with Jim Brewer? As much as I fucking love the guy, why did I have to work, be working with the jet fan? You know why? Because I deserved it. Cause I've been talking shit all fucking year. I actually became what I didn't want to be, what I was trash and Rex Ryan for. So anyway, so now I'm, I'm standing out in the way of 20 fucking 100 people. So I'm peeking through the curtain, right? Like some fucking open miker who's never been on stage before. I look in the front row and what do I see? I see like five jet jerseys, some fat fuck with the jets hat. I'm just going, oh God. Oh God, here we go. Here we go. God damn it. If I could clone myself right now and put a fucking, God damn,

I'm doing standup sport code on this person, I would. So Jimmy goes out there in all week. He just kept, he just kept getting funnier. It was, it was really fucking awesome watching him. And he actually took one joke that was killing in the, uh, the end of a set. He put it in the beginning and it fucking just destroys. And then he's just murder him. He murdered him twice Saturday night, but he's clearly just fucking taken it to another level. And I'm just laughing going, and Jimmy's going to have a set where I can't even follow him. Really comedy gods. This is really going to fucking happen. And, uh, I'm sitting there and then this is okay for all you comedians out there. I was like, all right, what do I got to do?

What, how am I going to get out of this? What is, what is the, I can't just go out there and start doing my fucking act and act like nothing's happening. I was thinking of going out there and the second they started yelling about the jets, I was going to be like, no, no, no, no, I'm taping the game. Don't tell me what happens. Don't tell me what happens. But that would be funny for like three fucking seconds. So I finally it's just going like what I always do whenever I, before I'm going out on stage and I just don't feel like I'm going to have a good set and I don't feel like I'm funny. I just said, what am I feeling? What am I thinking? I am thinking, fuck, I can't believe the Patriots lost. And of all fucking states that I have to

be in to watch them lose to the team that I hate the most right now, why did I have to be in New Jersey? And I was literally like, there's your opener. That is your opener. And that's what I went out to. And all the Jets fans were dying fucking laughing. And then they left me alone. They didn't give a fuck. They were fucking elated. And although I couldn't, I couldn't slow down at any point during my set. Like the crowds were so great all weekend, usually when you have a crowd that big, you can't really bring them down to try to build it back up again. You have to kind of just kill the whole time. I noticed you could bring them down, which was so great the whole weekend. But, but during that set, every time I would bring it down, there would always be one guy,

so, so I took my pounding. So there you go. Congratulations. Seriously. And I got it. I have to, I have to admit something too. I walked by like, you know, when your team fucking loses a game like this, where you give a fuck like this, you cannot watch ESPN for a good three days. And I haven't been able to do that a lot this year. I couldn't do it when the Ravens raped us. I guess it was a year ago when the Ravens raped us last year in the playoffs playoffs. I didn't watch it for like three fucking days. When the Lakers beat us in game seven, you know, when their 12th man came off the bench with those striped shirts and just started fucking calling fouls and technical fouls and all that shit. I'll never get over that, by the way.

I didn't watch it for like fucking, I couldn't even watch TV because I live in Los Angeles. I had to close the windows. Lakers, Falker had to deal with that. And then this one, I've had three bad things come in threes, right people. I don't believe in that either. You just, you just start recounting after three. And this is one of them. I just, but I just could not watch, I still have not watched one second of ESPN. I flipped by real quick with the mute button on and if there's a game on, I'll watch the game. But I walked by a TV and I saw Rex Ryan doing the press conference. I only heard a couple things he had, but he had a genuine look of joy in his face. And for half a second, I was actually

somewhere in my jet hating mind, happy for the guy like, ah, motherfucker. He did it. He fucking did it. That son of a bitch. You know, whatever, I may be a cunt, but I can't take it to the level of truly wishing that level of misery. You know, they haven't won it since 1969. I mean, be honest with yourselves. This is, I think when you realize if you're a problem fan, where you're taken to the point where you're really just, like the point that I've taken it, where it's just no fun to be a sports fan, where you literally take it to the point where you don't want, like I remember, like the, I probably aged like 11 years after the Red Sox won in 2004, every year praying for the Yankees to never win another fucking World Series. Like that wasn't

going to happen. You know, $200 million every fucking year on the table, you know, plus a fucking great organization is going to happen. It's just too much fucking energy. So my team is out of it. I am done shit talking. And even if the jets fucking lose, I'm not going to do that to you because you beat my team and that, and that's, you know, that's a fucking bitch move. I'm not going to do it. So seriously, from the bottom of my jet hating heart, congratulations to all you guys. You deserve it. Enjoy your fucking week. And know this, that you guys next week, now carry the pressure of being the only thing that stands in the way of a date rapist, possibly going on to win his third Super Bowl championship. Dude, Ben Rothless burger quietly, very quietly. I mean,

date rape charges really drown out a lot of on the field success. Let's be fair. Very quietly, could join the ranks of as far as I know, if he wins his third one, he's on the only, he's with Tom Brady and Troy Aikman. They're the only other guys who've won three, right? And then there's only two guys have won four is Montana and Bradshaw. Am I correct? Am I missing somebody? I thought Jim Plunkett for half a second, but that was Kenny Stabler and 77. So, oh, let me tell judge fans, I got to get, I got to owe this to you guys. I got to let you know all my misery. So at the end of the show, the show fucking ends. And it's the end of the week. And I took a bunch of pictures with fucking jet fans wearing jerseys and it was actually,

it was actually ended up being a good time. But the best thing was afterwards, you know, Norton and Natel left because, you know, they live in New York, they took off, bro was hanging with hanging with some friends. So I go back to my fucking room by myself, no security, no, nothing, not like I needed it. But I walked back through the catacombs, the fucking good fellas way by myself, just thinking about the loss. All I hear is the sound of my shoes hitting the tile floor, walking to that service elevator that looks like shit because they, you know, they move furniture in it, went up to my floor, went into this amazing suite that they had given me. By myself, I sat there, I ordered room service and by myself with the TV off and only one light on

in silence. I ate a cheeseburger, some french fries and I got some cheesecake for dessert. And I just sat there, I couldn't put the TV on and I just sat there in silence and then it hit me and I was like, Oh my God, I have to do the podcast and relive this. So there you go. I hope you Jetfans deserve, not deserved, I hope you Jetfans enjoyed that. And I apologize that I, when I got off the plane, that I didn't come home, I didn't come right home and do a podcast, I could have, but I really wanted to make sure that I did it justice, that I got a good night's sleep. I didn't want to do a lame podcast. That podcast last week sucked. I was getting ready to leave. It's the worst podcast I think I've ever done. And I wanted to make sure that

I, you know, I tried to remember all of my misery because I really felt, you know, that's one of the joys of winning is when a loudmouth cunt from the other team, you know, they're miserable. So I hope I didn't leave any details out. I got a couple of emails. I don't know, but here's one that somebody said there was a couple of things I thought was funny. Some guy, a Jets fan who went up to, uh, Foxboro. Oh, you know what? I have, I have a feeling, I'm just worried, I'm not going to end up talking about the amazing look. Can I just talk about how great Atlantic city was and why you guys have to see this show? Because I think we're going to take it to Connecticut at one of the casinos up there. And even if we don't, if things

don't work out, which I know they're going to, because it was a fucking, I want to thank everybody who came out to the shows. It was really a fucking event. Um, and I don't overhype shows that I'm on, but it was arguably one of the, the best comedy show easily that I've been on in the last fucking 10 years. And it's the strongest tour I've, I think I've ever been on. I mean, those opiate Anthony ones were fucking amazing. Those were amazing though, especially that night in Philly. That's what's so funny about those fucking idiot Philly fans. If you saw the, you know, the lineup that night was Patrice O'Neill, Robert Kelly, Tracy Morgan, Ralphie May, Jim Norton, me, who else was out there? I'm going to forget Bob said it was fucking insane.

It was like one of the, you know, in those rock and roll hall of fame shows where they bring out like fucking all these musicians and stick them on the stage and then somehow it always sucks. Is it ever good when you have 58 guitarist and 19 drummers that never, it never sounds good. And then they always play like Mama Kin or some fucking standard, hail, hail, rock and roll or some stupid shit that they, this is the first show we played when we was 16. Except it was actually a great show. But this is, so this would be the strongest one that I've been on since the ONA virus tour and Opie and Anthony came down to it was fucking great. I was hanging out with both of them. Anthony is absolutely fucking hilarious and there needs

to be a documentary made about people who played Blackjack. He came, he came in from playing Blackjack and he had sweat under his armpits like he had been playing full court basketball in a turtleneck sweater. It was awesome. And I went over, I watched him gamble and he was hilarious and he was cursing out this fucking retard who didn't know how to, didn't know how to gamble. He fucking hit on 17 went over and then the dealer got 21 and I swear to God, if Anthony killed him right then and there, I would have, I would have become an accessory to murder. Not in that I would have helped him kill him, but I definitely would have helped to hide Anthony from the authorities. Do you mind if we come in, Mr. Burr? Do you have a warrant? Yes, we do.

Yeah, just stay out of the bedroom. It's not really cleaned up. Anyways, it was an unbelievable night and I don't know when we're going to do the show again, but I have to tell you, if you get a chance to see any of those three fucking guys, like Jim Norton is the funniest I've ever fucking seen. David Tell is a fucking beast and Jim Brewer, I'm telling you, has one of the top 10 funniest fucking bits I've ever seen. Obviously, I'm not going to, you know, ruin what the fuck it is, but it starts off, I was standing up watching him and by the time he was done, I was slumped down. I mean, it's a fucking dirty casino rug. If I could have fucking been laying on the ground laughing, I would have, but I was actually, you know, I was

crouching down. You ever see like when they gamble in China, you know how they crouch down? I was sort of sitting like that, but I was fucking dying laughing, like lean sideways into the wall. This is how funny the joke was. I actually was downstairs in the green room at one point and called Nia while Jim was on stage and you could hear the show and I put the phone up to the bit and she was dying laughing. So if you guys get a chance to see any of them, go on their websites, go see them because it was just a fucking unbelievable weekend and I really, really hope that we get to do it again. And I want to thank Jim Norton for putting the whole thing together. It's just a great idea and the fans were fucking amazing. They were quiet. They would laugh and

then they would be quiet and let you set it up. I felt like I was working at the cellar, you know, or just a great comedy room, but it was this fucking 2200 seater conference room. So I hope you guys all had a great time. I got ridiculous emails about people telling me how funny the show was and I got like three emails from people telling me that was the first comedy show they ever went to. Well, all I can say is you picked the fucking right one. So that's it. So I'll let you guys know when we're going to be doing more. All right. So here's an email I got from a jet fan who went up to Gillette Stadium. All right. Pat fans are all scumbags who shop at LL Bean. Be honest, Patriot fans, if you really remove yourself from the situation and you go buy

a Patriot's tailgate, you know, you know, those fucking boots that are like, they're like leather on top, but they're made out of rubber on the bottom. Those boots are actually the shit. Yeah, we are a bunch of rubs. The same way if you go down to Giant Stadium, it's like the fucking Jersey Shore meets, you know, those arty Lang looking guys, you know, and I'm not trashing arty Lang because look at me. I am a pasty face and Mick from Boston. You know, we really are the faces of our state. When I think of New Jersey, I definitely think of an arty Lang type of a guy. And when you think of Massachusetts, don't you think about some Conan O'Brien, Bill Burr looking fucking, hi, cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-choo. So I'm not going to lie with you and I'm not going to say that we

aren't scumbags up there. We are. Dude, I got a system. Just got in from Foxboro. The experience was a good time. I expected some heckling going and made it out without getting hassled too hard. Overall, it was an awesome experience watching all Pat fans empty the stadium before the game was over. My section was packed with Jets fans, felt bad for the guy and his daughter who was surrounded on every side, I guess by Jets fans. I'm not sure if it's Foxboro or NFL fans in general that are just degenerate scumbags since I've only been to the Meadowlands prior to this for NFL games. But here's a small list of shit I saw throughout the day. I saw a guy and his girlfriend get real racist with one Jets fan sitting in front of them. Yeah, that's Boston.

Until he spit beer on the wrong group of people and it turned into a Pat's fan versus Pat's fan fight. You know how funny that is because I've always resented Gillette Stadium and the lighthouse and the way they paved over the scumbag experience that going to a Patriots game used to be over in Foxboro Stadium. I hated how when we became a championship team, all those corporate seats and all those fucking white collar douchebags who started showing up, it was a fucking keg party from 1970 right through most of Bill Parcell's time. Not until we started winning championships and the shit started turning around that all of a sudden there was this expecting to win vibe and everybody started acting classy. The bottom line is no fans.

No fans are classy unless you're winning. Then when you're winning, it's easy to be like, you know, they're just a bunch of classless people. What kind of behavior is that? It's like, why don't you look into your fucking closet and remember how you acted? It's like Yankee fans. Remember that shit? There was always Red Sox fans or scumbags. We have no class and blah, blah, blah. And this is all why the Yankees were winning. And then I remember when A-Rod slapped the ball out of, was it Bronson Royals? Glove and the call went against them for the first time in history. The Yankees got caught cheating, you know, after all the years of pulling home runs into the fucking stands and leaning into balls during a, when you're picked off,

they've called, finally went against them. And the Yankee fans, these classy fucking metropolitan, we live in the Paris of United States littered the fucking field with fucking trash. All right. So there you go, sir. So yes, let me, let me just finish. He says, I saw a dude cut off an entire line of track it and throw beers at someone's car. This is obviously after the game. Or maybe it was before the game. Who knows. And when confronted, threatened the dude and said he was going to get his gat. And I also saw a bunch of douchebags on the way, on the way out on that shitty two lane highway. Guilty as charged. One baby, spiking beers at people's cars in dead stop traffic, looking to the forward,

looking forward to the podcast and gloating all week. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. No, if you go, if you go around the league, if you go around the league, yeah, sports fans are, if they're losing there, yeah, they are scumbags. No, but nobody's a good loser. You know, but there are definitely worse ones. And someone actually asked me because it was one Patriots fan. I like this guy. He was pissed at all the Pat's fans that left. And I know a lot of Jets fans are going, yeah, the fucking lame ass fucking fans. It's, oh, fuck you, you green faggots. You do it too. Everybody does it. Everybody does it. And the only, those people who stay, those are diehard fans. And if you notice, it's like 26 fucking people. Okay. You know those years when your team is like one in 15 and two

and 14, and there's 26 people at the game. And you know, when your team is supposed to win some big playoff game, and then they, they fucking lose. And you're so embarrassed. And, but there's, and there's just that same 26 people. That's the diehard fan. And the only reason why they make the stadiums that fucking big is for the good times when all the fair weather fags show up. That's why. That's why. And you, you saw how many diehard fucking Patriots fans they are. There's the same level of diehard jet fans. I'm telling you, with that little fireman walk out, he wouldn't. Would most jet fans walk out? Then that 45, be honest, you green cunts, 45 to three drubbing. If that took place down in the Meadowlands,

huh? I know. Oh, dude, I would have stayed. Oh, I would have been there with the hero going, don't worry. I'm still here for you. You're full of shit. You're full of shit. You would have been out there on the fucking awful Jersey turnpike. You all would have left. I got so many emails of people telling me they shut off the game and discussed all that type of shit. All right. So shut the fuck up. Most people are fair weather fucking fans. So, uh, you know, Pat fans don't suck. Pat fans are just a, they're an example of what, uh, most fans are. So I don't think you have any right getting mad at an athlete if he doesn't sign your autograph, sign you a fucking autograph, you know, because most of you, if they're down 45 to three or 28 fucking 21 down by

seven onside kick, where the fuck were you? You're already on route one. So you have no right getting mad at him, but, uh, that's what sports fans do. They all suck. Look at all those giant fans getting mad. They have the nerve to get mad at Tom Coughlin and that and ask if he should be removed. The guy's like two and a half years removed, three years removed from beating an undefeated 17 point favorite in the Super Bowl. And now everybody's acting like the game passed him by. Um, I don't know. So I know this has been pretty much all sports this week. It had to be. It had to be. Uh, but Patriot fans, okay. A lot of you are zoned out from watching ESPN and all the hype about this Patriots team. You got to understand what Belichick did this year is he's rebuilding a

fucking monster. And the fact that we were able to get as far as we did with the team that we had, that awful fucking defense to somehow go 14 and fucking two when you let up 24 fucking points. I can't wait to run into this fucking dickhead down at the comedy store. Another Patriots fan who was, you know what I hate when, when you have a sports debate and somebody has a point, okay. And not only did they not wait for you to finish, they say their point and then they just keep repeating it. He goes, Patriots are going to win it, man. They're going to win the fucking Super Bowl. Bill Belichick has got these guys and I go, wait a minute, dude, wait a minute. They're letting up like their defense is like last in everything in the league,

three quarters of the season. He goes, stats don't mean nothing. Stats don't mean nothing. I'm like, dude, they're letting up 24 to 26. That don't mean nothing. Stats don't mean nothing. No, dude, stats don't mean everything. I love Peyton Manning. They don't mean everything. But you know, you can't ignore that. I can't wait to fucking run into that guy. I'm just going to walk up to him and be stats don't mean anything. Stats don't mean anything. And of course he won't remember. And then I'll just look like a psycho. Is he drinking again? Speaking of which people, I am 93 fucking days, 93 fucking days into, into this 100 day jump. I got seven. Actually, I'm sorry. I'm 94 days to go. So next week,

the Monday morning podcast, I will be 100 days in and I'm actually going to the Bruins LA Kings. So just in case you think I'm going to retire as a sports fan. I'm not. I have an odd sense of fucking relief. I don't know. Maybe this podcast was like cathartic. I don't have no idea what and I don't know. I don't know. Am I going to be able to watch it next week? I think, I think Rex Ryan might be that good. You know, when they say, I tell you, you hate him, but if he played for you, you fucking love him. You know, when they say it about Alf Samuelson and I say, no, no, I wouldn't. There's something about Rex. He reminds me of all the meathead friends I had when we used to go out drinking when I was younger, you know.

But he's very hard to like. He's very fucking hard to like, you know, he's fat and I was really, you know what it was about that guy? Did you guys, I don't know if it was me. Did you guys notice that he was losing weight rapidly the entire year because of that lap band surgery? And then right after that Patriots loss, he kind of leveled off for half a second and maybe put on a few pounds. Did you notice that? Do you realize like the level of M&Ms that guy was eating? You know, after his, I don't give up, I'll play him again. Like that. He was trying to fucking calm down his mind. That was one thing I was looking at. I was like, oh, I hope this guy is losing his fucking mind. And I just really don't want to lose to these guys.

And we did. And oh, it fucking hurt. It was like the end of Braveheart, except I did cry out. And I didn't yell freedom, but it definitely began with an F word. All right, there we go. And that's the end of that bullshit. So let's get on with the other rest of the podcast. People, I am going to be in Arlington, Texas. Oh, how funny is this? I actually have an opportunity to go to the Super Bowl this year, which just trained changed drastically because the Jets won. Not that I don't have a ticket, but there's no fucking way I'm going to go there if the Jets are in it. Actually, I might go because I think I'm gradually getting past this shit. You know, come on, Super Bowl and fucking Dallas, that'd be awesome. And that's also, you

know, if I'm back on the sauce, that could be a really good fucking time. You know, by the way, is that jet fan who's a fireman? Is he actually a fireman? And if he is, when exactly does he fight fires? Because he's on all the home and away games. How much money is he making as a firefighter that he can afford to do that? Is it one of those gay things where he's the fucking team, the ownership or he's, he's one of our super fans and that he gets like free season tickets? Is he part of the 9 11 clause? Is that what it is? Because he has a fireman hat on that, you know, they're like, okay, well, we can't make this guy buy tickets. He's a firefighter. We all feel fucking horrific after 9 11. Let's fucking hook this guy up. That guy's like one of the luckiest

sports fans ever. Although I do notice they always stick them down in the corner of the end zone. They don't quite hook them up on the 50 yard line. Do they? Is he a fireman? I have no idea. I've been making fun of that guy all weekend. I do know that he's very close with his boyfriend who puts him on his shoulders. I still maintain that jet fans. I will not back down on that if that was my fucking son. Don't you ever ever put another man on your fucking shoulders with a fireman's hat. You understand me? If you had a fucking mustache, I would never talk to you again. Do you understand me? Huh? Hey, fucking talking to you. As long as you carry my fucking last name. All right, go to your room and think about it. Um, all right, let's try to get something out of

here. Let's try to get something fucking going on about this. Uh, right. Where are we? Where are we? Oh, here's a revenge story. And this one's disgusting. All right. If there's any women actually still listening to this podcast after I did fucking an hour about a goddamn football game. All right, revenge story. Uh, and I wrote gross in parentheses. Okay. Um, I don't know if you still do those revenge stories anymore, but I thought I'd pass mine along anyway. All right. I had this roommate in college who would chew loudly. That's, that was one of my big pet peeves in life. If you're a fucking adult and you eat with your mouth open, I really think I should be able to legally fucking stab you in the jugular with the utensil you're eating with. Be it a

chopstick, a fork, a fucking spoon. I'll get a fucking spoon in there. I will. Butter knife, slowly fucking saw my way into that. Um, you would chew too loudly, scream into the phone when I was trying to watch TV, leave the toilet seat up when there were ladies over and generally gross out my girlfriend with his caveman like habits between that and his constant messes. Um, I was having to clean up. I got fed up after a while. Um, talking did nothing. So I had to get creative. Since we shared a bathroom, we also shared the toilet paper. All right, people, I'm giving you an opportunity to hit stop right now. All right. You can hit stop. You can hit pause. You can fast forward. It's probably going to take me another minute. Okay.

Have you done it? Cause I'm going to start reading in three, two. I took the roll into my room, unraveled it, and with my girlfriend's assistant, drip some leftover jizz on it. Let me read that sentence again. I took a roll into my room, unraveled it, and with my girlfriend's assistant, assistance, drip some leftover jizz on it. I made sure to space it out every few sheets so that it was throughout the roll and in a small enough quantity that wasn't obvious. Just exactly how did you do that? Were you fucking choking your cock? Unchoking, choking, unchoking, choking. Is that what you were doing? Did you have a fucking turkey baster? This is disgusting. This is fucking disgusting. So you left a small enough quantity so it wasn't obvious.

The satisfaction of knowing that when he wiped, he would be rubbing my semen into his ass made the annoying habits far less annoying. After that, whenever he would chew loudly or be annoying, my girl and I would think of what we'd done and just start laughing knowing that I had planted my seed inside of him, so to speak. I highly recommend this to anyone who has an annoying roommate and has never been tested and has tested negative for HIV. Dude, that is fucking disgusting. First of all, how do you know when he went in there and wiped his ass? Why are you thinking he's sticking his finger up his ass? And what did you do when you went in and had to take a dump? You obviously brought in some different toilet paper. Did you have like

your ear up to a glass waiting to hear the sound of fucking shit hitting the toilet water? And how did your girlfriend bring you to climax with that toilet paper right there? Did she just rub you out like it was a job? That's just fucking disgusting, man. That's really one of the creepier ones I've ever gotten. YouTube videos this week, I only have one of them because I seriously, like I said, I was flying back from Atlantic City and I didn't have time to go through all the YouTube, so I apologize. I only have one, the left right. I'm on crack. It's actually a really cool music video. Silly song. Maybe you can adjust, just sort of want a happy one. Let me do the, I got a couple of advice and then I'm going to tap out here.

All right, advice. I know this girl, I've known her for a bit. We're friends. We've been for a while. Okay, now this one, you know, how everybody always trashes me for the way I fucking read. I know I suck at reading, but I have to let you know this is all in lowercase and there's absolutely no punctuation whatsoever. I don't know if this guy text message this or what, but this is not my fucking fault. Let me try my best to read this. All right, Bill, I know this girl. I've known her for a bit and we're friends. No period. We've been for a while, comma. Anyway, about a month ago, I asked her out on a date and she said, yes, comma, continuing this sentence. He doesn't have periods. He just has commas. Lowercase I took her out and we had fun. No period. We

talked shit. Was hunky dory. No comma. We kissed it. No period. It was awesome. First date. It was an awesome first date. Hey, there's a period. No capital letter. Then I barely fucking heard from her. No period. I was running around like a fucking jackass. No period. Just trying to talk to her. Oh, I'm sorry. I guess it keeps going just trying to talk to her and when we would talk, it was fine. There's a period. I was beating myself up going crazy. No period. I was some piece of shit. Anyway, I pulled myself together and I asked her out again. She once again said, yes, awesome, right? Well, not your fucking lack of punctuation. That's not awesome. So we go out again, went cool again. I didn't kiss her this time. I don't know. It was just off

but anyway, comma, that was no punctuation in all of that. You fucking dick. Once again, I was fucking once again, I fucking didn't hear a thing. So I said, fuck it. I don't need this right now. We just went back to being friends. Never talked about it. Just let it lay. I'm fucking seeing double at this point. Anyway, lately, I've been talking to her a lot. Like I said, like I said, we're friends, but she's very clearly been flirting with me and I honestly have been flirting back. I still like the girl. No period. No, nothing. But I just don't know if it's worth it. You know, period. No question mark. She's got a lot of drama. She's one of these girls that gets drunk at a party and cries then ask people if she's pretty, which she really fucking is like really hot.

Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. But I do like her. I just don't know if I should put myself through this shit again. What do you think, Bill? I legitimately legitimately would like your advice slash opinion. Okay, the first thing I would do I get some sort of spell check. I would get some sort of phonics or some sort of shit to teach you how to write. All right, people, I know I suck at reading out loud, but can you do me a fucking solid? I'm not reading any more fucking emails that are like this. All right, because this is literally, I'm starting to lose my fucking eyesight. So what do I think? Yeah, okay, this is what I think. I think you should definitely not get into a relationship with this girl. This girl is a fucking nightmare. All right, there's all kinds

of red flags. I don't know what happened to her. And I can tell you right now, you don't want to find out what's happening to her. What happened to her? You don't want to find out in that you don't want to have feelings for this girl. All right, and when the other fucking bag of shit hits the floor and your heart is underneath it, you don't let a girl like this break your heart. All right, you can see it from a mile away. She is a fucking mess. All right, there's plenty of great girls out there. You're a young guy. Go find one. All right, find a girl. You know, make a list of shit. All right, one of the big things if you want to find a really good girl is find one who has a great relationship with her parents. Hopefully they're still together. All right, that's another good

thing. Start with that. But if they're sitting there, they got low self-esteem issues, you're going to kill a decade of your fucking life trying to build them up. And you know what it's going to be? It's going to be fucking exhausting. All right, and then because she doesn't think she's pretty, she might act out sexually for some sort of, you know, I don't know, like, jeez, I just really have an hour and six minutes in here. Just, you know, some sort of affirmation that she is pretty. Okay, so what do I think you should do? All right, well, if you're a well-adjusted guy, you'll just walk away from the situation and say that I'm not going to just bang her and use that as a fucking notch on my bed post to make my ego feel good and I'm not going to hurt

this person. But if you're how most people are your age, I would just say bang her and then, I don't know, it's going to be ugly. If you want to bang this girl, I got to tell you, don't let your heart get involved and I don't know. Not having seen her, not seen how hot she is and being older and more mature, I would say just walk away and go find some well-adjusted hottie. That's unless you just want to bang somebody, but then you can do that. You know what is about this thing? You know, I don't like there's too much fucking history. You got to be able to leave. You got to be able to fucking go out the side door if you're just going to bang somebody. You can't have this, well, we were friends at first and then it became romantic. Then we went back to

being friends and then we fucked. It's just a fucking nightmare. I'd find someone else to fuck, but if you don't give a shit, yeah, I'd bang her, but by no means don't develop any sort of feelings for her. All right, there you go. That's my advice. I'm going to do one more and then that's it. All right, this one has punctuation. So if I fuck up, this one is on me. Hey Bill, first of all, if I want to thank you for your breakup advice, I think this is just a thank you here. I listened to the podcast a few weeks ago and heard this guy's story about getting dumped on Christmas Eve. Oddly enough, I was also at the end of a relationship with a girl who had had a kid. She waited until a week after New Year's when I was out of town, center flowers because I could tell

something was off. Something was up, I mean, and I had been gone a lot recently. She called when I got off work and confirmed my suspicion. I don't need to get into all that shit. It happened and the point is I just listened to your podcast after it all happened and decided that's how it had to be. No point in screwing anything else up in my life. No point in worrying about anything. Get back to the gym and focus on finishing school in my career. That's right. There you go. There you go. That's a great fucking move. That's a self-esteem move. Right there. You're going to find somebody else. You're going to get somebody better. Go get in great shape and get your career going. Phenomenal fucking move. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I think they did

some good. Big fan man. I bought you a DVD and I'll continue the support of the podcast. Well, thank you very much. I appreciate that and thank you to everyone who's been listening to my podcast and once again, congratulations to the Jets, their organization and the fans. You deserved it. You went into our stadium. You kicked our ass to the point that all you saw how many true Patriot fans there fucking are. But there are just as many true Jets fans. Be honest with yourselves. Be honest with yourselves when they suck. Do you watch them? Do you think I watched a Celtic game from like 2002 to 2006? I didn't. All right. I jumped right back on that bandwagon. I am a Die Hard Bruin fan. Die Hard Patriot fan. I was a Die Hard Red Sox fan, but you know what

happened was they won the World Series and I felt like a degenerate gambler who finally made a big score and I just walked away from the table and I was like, that's it. I'm up. I'm buying my little fucking houseboat. I'm going to throw down the anchor and drink pina coladas the rest of my life. See you later. Thanks for the memories and I haven't been able to get back into them since I got to be honest with you and who else is left and the Celtics. The Celtics, I got back into the Celtics. You know, I'm not a big basketball fan. I'm not a big professional basketball fan for the simple fact that the final three minutes takes two hours and 17 minutes. I don't like how they travel and that's all they travel all the time.

All the fucking time when I watch an NBA game. That's all I do is I just sit there watching both teams, even my team and I just go travel. How do they not set the fuck the guy fucking took that was three and a half steps, travel. That that's, you know, I'm just not into it, but I do like it when the Celtics and the Lakers are good. That's when it's great. That's the rivalry. I like fucking watching the same way it sucks if the Canadians are awesome and the Bruins are bad or the other way around. I don't want the Canadians to suck. I want it to be awesome. The Bruins to be awesome. I like to fucking colliding and that's it. And Patriots fans keep your fucking heads up, especially the 26th of

you who actually stuck around to the end of the fucking game. All right, keep your heads up. Bill Belichick is fucking the best goddamn coach and, you know, what he did starting four rookies on defense. What he did this year was fucking phenomenal. We laid an egg in the worst possible time, but, uh, you know, don't be a douche and put your pats gear away for the fucking year. All right, don't be like that. Don't be like, or be like that. Who gives a fuck? You think these athletes give a shit about you? You know, you think they're not going to walk by you in a fucking airport with their fucking $10,000 headphones on? Actually, they're not even going to walk by you on the head at the fucking airport because they got their own goddamn plane. Jesus, you know,

this podcast could really be endless because I never run out of shit to bitch about. That's a podcast for this week. That's it. I will talk to you next week. God bless all he is, even the jet fans, your fucking green cunts and everybody go fuck yourselves. I'll see you.