Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-17-22

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

Bill rambles about parental side effects, true crime, and Congress' stock trades.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, January 17th, 2022. I'm gonna have fun saying that this year. How are you? What's going on? How was your goddamn weekend? Oh, you know what? I got a really bad feeling. I got a really bad feeling. You know what? That a bunch of Buffalo Bills fans. I bet my numbers are off the charts this week for the Buffalo Bills fans all tuning in. They didn't tune in when we beat them in the windy game, but I'm sure they all sat that fucking one out.

Um, oh my god. Yeah, well, I'll be honest with you. I didn't think we were gonna win, but I didn't think that was gonna happen. We got a rassist. Um, I mean, I would love to say that that what looked to be a touchdown pass by mac jones and then one of the greatest interceptions i've ever seen that safety coming over the top like fucking john stalwart that catch against the rams back in the fucking super bowl 1979 is what that reminded me of and uh that if that was a touchdown

You know, does that change the tone of the game? I don't think so. I don't think so. Um I don't know what happened to the bills in the middle of the seasons where all of a sudden they shit the bed, but uh the beginning of the season they look like world beaters and then they look like They were gonna do what they always do to their fans, which is let them down Um, and now they're back and they're looking like world beaters although, you know, they beat a young patriot's team with the rookie quarterback and uh You know, I think mac jones and some of those guys took too much criticism from patriots fans where it's just like You know, we're starting over. There's a new guy, you know

Look where we were last year. I mean jesus christ the whole the fucking wheels were off And this year we almost won the division and won the playoffs got our rascals kicked and you know what? That's a good fucking thing. It's a good thing because uh, they'll remember that and they'll build on it And i'm just happy that like, you know, I was worried that once, you know Cam newton didn't work out brady's gone that we were just gonna be basement dwellers But the fact that we're where we're at is fucking great um, and I had I had a fucking blast like um I sort of live tweeted the game

And as you watched it, I mean the fucking thing was out of hand quick So I just started like bitching about the officiating like ridiculously People just took the bait you couldn't believe it There was one this I don't even know what it made this score like 33 to fucking three or something And uh, this fucking guy in the bills. He must have had like five yards on the defender And you know, they're just showing josh allen, you know Dropping back he throws the ball and you just see this guy wide open And you know, so there's no way I could have seen the corner or anything

And I tweeted out something like, uh Did they ever call offensive pass interference? ridiculous And fucking these idiot fans were jumping on not i'm saying all but bill's fans It is because I could have got patriots fans with that if it went the other way If I was a bills fan and we were beating them But uh, I just had a fucking blast doing that and then I was doing like the stupid, you know Sports talk radio stuff like are they taking their foot off the gas a little too early?

But I will say this For as much as an ass kicking as it was I did watch the whole game. I didn't turn it off like most fans I can't watch this. I can't watch this, you know Like the fucking bills fans probably did four super bowls in a row just turning off the game I'm really getting tired of how much they glorify bill's fans Like there's not the same amount of cunts In that fuck just because they lose now you feel bad for them Um, oh that was another tweet I had of them

I go, you know, I really hope you guys win it this year because I'm really tired that half of the buffalo bill's highlights Is about your fans tailgating We're jumping on tables um Anyway If I was a doctor Uh, that's I would open up a practice out in buffalo if and I would I would specialize in rebuilding shoulders Uh, it's gonna be a lot of that

Jesus christ, uh, but anyways, it was just an absolute ass kicking and I gotta tell you, you know, um KC and the Steelers is on right now. It's starting to get a little out of hand But uh, I don't see anybody that the bills couldn't beat You know, but I gotta tell you Are you a little concerned about the kicking game in buffalo? Guy missed two extra points one of them was tipped but whatever one gets tipped and then he misses the next one All right

And you don't need to tell a patriots fan or a bill's fan How important the kicking game is because we've been on both sides of that coin We have a first ballot hall of famer and adam adam venetary And uh, you guys had that other guy um So we shall see we'll see if that comes back. I mean the guy's been great in the regular season But that's the regular season all of a sudden it's the playoffs and it gets a little bit tighter And these bills fans were all excited because they finally beat bill belichick and maybe they're forgetting

That does a guy named tom brady out there beat the shit out of the fucking eagles right Bill's fans you gotta want it you have if you have any fucking balls left All right after landing on tables doing splits or whatever the fuck you guys have been doing out there to distract the fact That you have an absolutely pathetic franchise for all of these years You have to want to play the tampa bait buccaneers So not only can you finally fucking win a super bowl Get that monkey off your back. You already beat belichick. You have to want tom brady

You gotta want that game and I gotta tell you something if tom goes in there And fucking deep pants is you fucking ass those deep pants you guys one more time I think you guys should have to rename your city to something else like they should just lay The name buffalo I don't know something you guys have to burn sage. I don't know what it's gonna be. I'm just fucking with you. Congratulations That's the game if I was um Any fat face whatever the fucking commissioner's name is if I was that guy and I wanted ratings. That's the fucking game I would want I would want tampa bay

first the buffalo bills and Buffalo bill fans. I swear to god if you guys get into the super bowl do yourself a favor Do not turn on espn during the two weeks of super bowl hype if there is two weeks I don't know if there is anyone out at the end of next week because all it is going to be is about those four fucking super bowl losses You know and all of that blah blah blah blah and then they're gonna do oh It's gonna be nauseating Is they make you guys out to be joe six pack and all these great fucking people

And you're not you're not bad people, but you're no better than anyone else just because you haven't won a super bowl I fucking hate when they do that You know they they they show up every year They're just great fans and they just everybody does everybody shows up year after year. What else are we gonna do? All right with the peasants We can't invent things We're not smart

We go down to the Coliseum. Ah throw him to the lions. That's what we do We go to a ufc event And the second it goes to the ground for longer than 15 seconds. We start booing We're morons Of course, we're gonna keep showing up, um anyway so, um plowing ahead here, uh I missed a lot of the uh the play I watched the Patriots game. I really didn't watch anything else. Um

I went out and I flew today. I'm in pre-production on this project that I uh was lucky enough to get going So my days are jam-packed and if I don't I have to fly so I don't forget how to fly So today I flew up from Los Angles all the way up to biker's field And uh, there's a couple airports up there and uncontrolled and a controlled Meaning one doesn't have a tower and he only went that's so uh, I went to the uncontrolled they got fuel there and uh You know the libly went up there light just because uh Try to you know this there's always a little tricky thing when you This one's got this weird thing where you like you you go to you stick your gas card in and then it fucking asks you

What your password is and I thought it was for my credit card And I was getting it wrong for like 10 minutes But they're like printing a slip and you got to take the slip and then read the password. I don't know what the fuck it's So anyways, but it was fun and we ended up going um You know over to the controlled one and then we flew Out to the east and there was a couple uncontrolled ones and they had like these glider Airplanes out there. That's really great little restaurant called the raven or something like that ravens nest and um

I was just watching these planes like towing these gliders out there and it's just like I was talking to my instructor going on those have to be like some of the best like Pilots out there as far as like uh If they are ever in a sesna and there's an engine failure You know, I don't think they're that the only thing I would think is that those gliders can glide a lot longer in farther so they got to like Take that into consideration, but like It's every single landing

That they do would is essentially an engine failure. It's really fucking amazing So we were watching these planes like tow them out and stuff and um Yeah, it was it was amazing and uh It was really windy when we were up there and we were heavy. We had fuel. We had two people in there and uh Everything was good. And then you know, I went to go off the little uh the taxi way and I made a left And just got spun around by the wind the low rpm horn came on. I was like what the fuck Um, so I learned something there You know

Did the dumb thing as I started going down to the ground I started pulling the collective up instead of putting it down So I got a little hairy there for a second, but then I was I was able to kind of like figure it out um To help with my instructor or whatever, but I never fly at that altitude So I was just like all right, so I and I learned a whole bunch of shit just in those couple of seconds. So um That also was flying and by the way, none of it was I mean it was like literally like, you know I'm like a foot off the ground. So it wasn't anything crazy um

It's just one of those little squirrely things that can happen If uh, if you're at a high altitude with a lot in your heavy So anyway, um I uh Just kind of flew all around out there. I'm kind of like and flying up there I've kind of flown over la for like for six seven years and I'm bored with it And then you get out there in the desert and it's amazing and there's like nobody out there And then also if you ever had a problem, you can fucking put it anywhere as opposed to like

When you're in la where there's all kinds of like wires and fucking all kinds of the bullshit Houses people that type of stuff. So anyway, I uh been doing that working out trying to get in shape, man Um by the time you hear this I will be in new york city Uh, we are doing the ninth Sort of annual, you know with this fucking covid shit We had a missy year. So the ninth annual tenth year Since we've been doing it for the ninth annual annual patrice o'neill comedy benefit Um, I got a whole bunch of new shit. I went out did like 20 25 minutes

the other night Uh here in la and I just had the best time just like not doing anything from my that I did at red rocks Having a fucking great time Ran to a buddy of mine. I hadn't seen a long time Shooting this shit with him got all caught up. So uh, I'm looking forward to I'm doing all the new shit and seeing how that works back east and uh, and also somehow trying to go into new york city and not getting covid Um, that shit is getting like beyond beyond contagious

Um, but I'm just gonna keep doing what I've been told to do and I don't know Just seems to be working Hey Dude, you know what I think you should do. Why don't you just do what the smarter people say to do dude? They're not that smart. I have the internet. Okay um I was talking to some of the other day who had gotten at the second time and got over it and was saying like I need to go to the doctor. There's not something. I'm not breathing right. There's something wrong with me. I'm just like

Yeah Okay Man It's he was at the third amendment. I can breathe in a virus if I want to all right do it have fun with that You do that. You enjoy that me. I'm opting out Um, absolutely fucking opting out on that bullshit. So Anyway, why can't I get fucking comfortable here? You know why bill because you've never done a studio. That's why if at some point you ever did a studio

It's so stupid. You know what? I'm like, you know, what one of those fucking restaurants And these are a pet peeve of mine, you know, like you go to a place like oh my god, dude They have the best salami sandwich There's an old guy. He's been doing it the same fucking way For the last 30 years and you show up and it takes like 90 minutes to just order. I swear to god I will walk across the street to a fucking mcdonald's Before I do that, you know That is I swear to god, I've done that so many fucking times

I'll see something on the internet. Everybody says it's the spot and I walk and at the second I see the line I just I go fuck this and I go into a wendy's And I'm not gonna lie to you when I'm in the wendy's I'm cursing my brains out You know Fucking goddamn stupid fucking cock sucking fucking internet blowing up every good fucking spot out there flipping out meanwhile, it's like I wouldn't have known about the spot if it wasn't for kovat Sorry kovat the internet. Sorry. I was looking at the word kovat here

It wasn't for kovat. I wouldn't know where to eat. Um Anyway, uh speaking of that. Oh my god, dude, my son Flipped out was so fucking mad at me I actually felt bad He was so goddamn he has this thing man where he just like he doesn't want to sit in his chair and eat He wants to walk around And he wants to do the whole thing You know, he doesn't quite know how to use a fork. He just wants to use it and flick shit around

And it's just like, all right That's what you want to do, buddy But then he had like this little bowl of bull and ace, right? And he somehow got it, you know, I looked the other way and he got it in his fucking hands And I was trying to take it away from him because I knew he was going to drop it and was going to be this big mess And the second I went to take it away. He's so strong his little cute hands Just gripped the bowl and he went like He's yelling I'm like, no, buddy. No, I just have to take this and like his whole head turned red

And pulled away And then I let go and then he was looking at me and then I was like, I just I have to get this away from you I just have because you're gonna, you know, it's going to go all over the rug all over the floor It's going to be a nightmare So I went in and I just had to overpower him to get it away from him And he he screamed as loud as he's ever screamed put his face down into the bowl Did like a 300 yell except with like a baby voice He was so

And fucking mad at me and I got it away from him And then he just ran at me and just threw his fucking arms all the way up Like a fucking gorilla at the zoo like he was just gonna beat my ass and he came flying into my legs. I'm just like, oh my god And I put it down. I was just going. I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sorry. He was so fucking upset It was just it was awful like it like ruined for like two hours of the day That I made him that mad Even though, you know, I was doing the right thing

I mean, I fucked up as a dad that he got a bowl of bolognese in his hands. What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn't but he got so goddamn mad at me and um Yeah, really the fucking broke my heart for like two hours because I know what a big deal that is that's his world, you know I you know, he gets a really a good feeling of satisfaction doing things for himself and I took away from him

And he doesn't understand that it was for his own good Oh, man I was just thinking like is this what like And that was a scary thing because I'm just thinking like, okay Now just multiply this times 10 years and all of that type of stuff when you know, it's something else or whatever But I still think I'm gonna be all right You know as far as being like a parent and stuff like that and I never listened to You know all the parents. Well, you wait you wait fucking 10 years. It's like maybe you fucked up

You know why just because your kid is acting like a fucking asshole I don't know I know that there's gonna be times when you know, they're gonna be like, oh my god dad shut up or whatever I get that this can be times like that, but I still want to have like the The like resentment And that type of shit, but I think that that comes from not listening to your kids and telling them to shut the fuck up Like the way it was done when I was growing up. You know what I mean? So, um, yeah, and I'll tell you the the fucking side effects of that. Do you guys know to this fucking day?

To this day when things are not working out for me, I get fucking pissed Rather than just communicating to people how I need things to be done And my wife is helping me out with that and I realized that I never did that because when I was a kid Like no kid could do that. You couldn't be like, hey, you know, can I actually it's it's like Parents back then we're just like, hey, snap the fingers shut the fuck up or whatever So you just kind of felt like you had no options and I kind of carried that into my adult life Like I'm literally talking about like getting going to a restaurant and getting a completely different order and then just not fucking saying anything because

I Just I'm doing the formula of a kid like oh if I say something else then I'm going to get yelled at So I'll just fucking sit here and eat this thing that I don't want Or uh, you know, even back when you know, my wife would be suggesting something like, hey I you know What do you want to do on sunday like this moment? I would immediately think it's fucking playoff football. I want to fucking And then I'd rather than just saying that That the playoffs are on I want to watch playoff football

I would just now that's a dumb example because I was never at a point emotionally where I wouldn't say that it was playoff football You know I wasn't that fucked up It's just like are you out of your mind? Do you want to go do something to me when when when Andy Cohen is doing the wrap up of one of those real housewife shows? I know you don't all right And I'm aware that we both don't know each other's tv schedules

You have no idea when the nfo playoffs are on and I have no idea when he's wrapping up one of those seasons But if you tell me that that's what you're watching, I get it. It's important. Oh, fuck. You know what we're watching We're watching this fucking show I can't even believe it's real. It's this true fucking crime. They're like This this is fucking family like in south carolina. We're like three generations of them are uh We're like basically the da Of this small town and they knew all the cops

And they just had all of this fucking power And then they have this fucking kid This little bastard for you know not raised right He goes out. He booses on a boat Everyone's telling him not to drive. He hits a fucking bridge This girl gets killed No charges are brought against them and then they got to fucking sue the family and then and then And when I fell asleep last night, there was some openly gay kid

That got killed. They try to make it look like a hit and run. It was fucking bananas This story was fucking bananas. It reminded me of that show I forget the name of it. It took place in florida I want to say it was a netflix show had norbert leo butts in it um Ah, what was that? It was just a fucking incredible show and then for some reason they just They didn't renew it or whatever It was literally that family except it was real and it was in rather than florida. It was in south carolina

um I'm going to try to find the name of it you if you guys can see this fucking story um You know why if you know we're just exhausted because you know, we we're hanging with the kids having a blast We went out like fucking Uh Playing like miniature golf and shit and dude, it's just like real golf in that

There's always some people like in front of you playing too slow that suck Or there's people behind you that are better than you and you're stressing out because they're fucking getting it through the windmill And they're sitting on the you know, waiting to tee off um And then there's just all these people like taking it seriously. It's like there's a there's a fucking This looks like dr. Seuss designed this thing. What are you doing? Just fucking hit the ball who gives us shit They're keeping score and stuff Just like what the fuck are you doing? So I didn't give a fuck

And my wife was just crushing it. She's just like parred the first three holes I bogied all of them and then like the reverse happened where It's funny like my daughter is so much like my wife where they both Stop giving a fuck on like the 12th hole They were both bored like my wife didn't give a shit anymore. My daughter's climbing on fucking rocks And and at that point like I'm trying to now now I give a fuck. I'm trying to par every hole um

Yeah, we had a good time Went to the arcade. We just did just total fucking white trash up afternoon. It was fantastic And then we went out to this this uh old school diner And uh just got some fucking malted milkshakes or whatever And but anyways, what the fuck was I talking about? I don't even I don't even know what the hell I was talking about What the hell was it? I don't know who knows anyway, um Let's uh, let's do some of the reads here for the week By the way, uh, all right bet mgm

Bet mgm has arrived in new york Oh my god, five boroughs of degenerates, right? Is it five? brooklyn queens brunks manhattan staten island Oh my god, talk about sports betting in new york and how big a deal it is It's a huge deal It's a huge deal because new york city looks down on new jersey They think that they're better than them and the last thing they want to do is to go in and have to drive through the whole fucking state To go down to atlantic city

To try and go to the trump whatever before it goes out of business again If you're in the state of new york or any other state state where bet mgm is is live sign up using bonus code burr B u r r and you get 200 dollars free after placing your first $10 bet regardless of the outcome Here's how it works Download the bet mgm app and sign up using bonus code burr B u r r place your first $10 bet on any event You receive 200 dollars in free bets right after you place your first bet Talk about how you and paul have been working with bet mgm all season making picks and who you like for the rest of the playoffs

Oh, well, I would have done that anyways. So me and paul versi have been working with bet mgm all season making picks um and actually both of us On the anything better podcast we both picked four games a week And bet against the spread and both of us were like four five games over 500 have to bet in like 72 games against the spread I mean come on. I mean, oh Um, who do I like in the rest of the playoffs with my picks this week in the playoffs? I think I've lost every bet so far except kc, but I was teasing them. So I think um

Like I teased the patriots to get more points that obviously didn't work that fucked that bet over I teased the eagles to get more points. That didn't fucking work. I teased the cowboys down I don't think that worked because they lost by six And uh, who else did I take? And then I had kc I teased kc down. I believe so, uh, who do I like? Let me just see who I like um I think the super bowl winner is coming out of the nfc

Um, and it's obviously either aron rogers But tom brady and I just I have a feeling it's just going to be tom brady again I just think that that guy gets dialed in And he has such credibility Because he is the greatest of all time It doesn't make any sense The man is is is sliding into 50

He's in his george blend of years. He looks younger at 44 than he did at 34. He has a quicker release I just I mean, I don't know I don't I'll tell you the team that I think can fucking knock somebody off I don't know if they played yet this year is the titans. Are they playing are they playing tomorrow night? Like the titans is not a team that I would want to be playing I don't know why if that henry guy comes back and he's like 80 85 percent. I don't fucking like that at all Um, so anyway disclaimer all states must read All right, visit bet mgm.com for terms and conditions 21 years of age or older to wager

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In your area. All right. Have fun with this shit. That's what me and paul versi did you have fun gambling Have fun with it. Don't lose your house. Don't lose your marriage. Don't lose your kids college education Have a good fucking time. All right Whatever just whatever the fucking is that you would have gone and blown its c world not c world Why would you do that every weekend? That'd be too much money. You know what I mean? You know what your fucking budget is All right, pick a game put some money on it And have a good time. That's it. All right, but don't be a fucking idiot. Okay Whether it's finding a signature color wearing or a more flattering cut or getting a new state

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All right Okay, look at apple watch. Hey billy crimson crotch Even though that's recycled i've heard that one before i still love that one um First of all avid listener to the podcast and i loved efforts for family. Well, look at you Aren't you just a salt of the earth son of a bitch god bless you? God bless you. Uh last monday you ask why the apple watch is not called the eye watch Accompanied by the name of om

Gelectronics omg electronics. Oh, oh my god electronics Uh got a trademark on the name in 2012 before apple did Probably in hopes of getting money from apple when they inevitably Followed the ipad iMac and iphone with the i watch So apple avoided that all together and called it the apple watch Oh Isn't that nice I feel bad for the people at omg electronics

A little bit nice if they threw him a little bit of cash keep up the good work and come back to la saw you in long beach and you killed um Yeah, you know i fucking root for people like that, you know if you're gonna do some shit like that you anticipate it Can't get mad at that. You know Like that fucking guy we uh Remember that guy who he cornered the market on hand sanitizer right before the pandemic I mean the guy was one of the great calls of all time. How many times have they told us something's coming? SARS and all of this shit y2k never fucking happens. This guy's like I think this one's real

I got a feeling in my gut. I'm gonna fill up my garage with fucking hand sanitizer. And that's what the guy does and he gets vilified For price gouging fucking hand sanitizer and all of this shit, right? And then meanwhile all the corporations can do it and nobody gives a fuck Fucking gas is like on its way being six dollars a goddamn gallon. Nobody even used it last year. You should have a whole bunch of extra Or whatever two years ago in 2020 nobody even fucking used this shit that All of this is just fucking emotion. I don't have any goddamn facts behind this shit Um, all right, if I were a dictator, oh, this is one of my favorite things and you guys are really responding to this

It's a fun thing To fantasize about being a dictator, isn't it? I fucking enjoy it I really fucking enjoy it If I were a dictator if you weren't a doctor and you were questioning doctors the next time you needed surgery I'd make you perform it on yourself If I were a dictator, uh, hi bill if I was a dictator I will make it illegal for 14 year olds and below to own a smartphone. Thank you

Thank you I don't understand that on any fucking level the shit that is out there on the fucking internet And this bullshit that oh you can put on the parental fucking blocks on it And they can literally google how to turn them off or some fucking nerd Will figure out how to do it at school. It's so fucking dumb like, um I can't imagine the fallout These fucking kids they don't even they don't even get a childhood

The fucking shit that you can see on the goddamn internet and you just hand your kid a phone I'm not I'm not doing that shit. My kid's gonna get a fucking flip phone That's where they my kids are gonna hate me, but it's just like trust. I'm doing you a favor But then what's their friends will just show the videos It's really bad man. We're so fucking far behind with that shit about protecting kids With the internet and and and phones and all of that type of stuff I don't know. Maybe that's part of the conspiracy. Maybe they're doing that and they'll be like, hey man A microchip doesn't have any porn on it. Um, Canadian dictator

Dear pencil dictator First and foremost, I'm sorry for your loss Uh, your anecdote about the comic Leech that ended with bob's one liner about stealing the eggs Uh hit heart Oh, yeah, man. That was one of the funny. That was one of the great ones I can tell you love the guy and I'm glad he knew how you felt. Yeah, man. They uh Yeah, man, that was um, I don't know

That was one of the the fucking I can't even tell you one of the most brutal weeks and inspiring weeks um With bob sackett passing which I still cannot believe is real. I just cannot fucking believe that that guy is gone And uh, and of all the friends that I've lost. I don't think I've laughed more thinking about a friend Than that guy and I swear to god like I it's this is like his passing has been like inspirational Like even him dying was inspiring just how Like everybody from all different areas of his life all said the same thing about what a great guy he was and how

Fucking hilarious he was um, yeah, man I love talking about the guy too. He just he was I swear to god, man just Everything that everybody's saying is true. All right. Anyway, secondly as a non-american Let me tell you all the shit that is wrong with your goddamn mess of a country I know how much you love that. Ha just fucking with you. Um, if I was a dictator of the us because canada is clearly flawless Why can't no no dude you got to write back and do one for canada? I want to know what's going on up there because you got a lot of fucking people up there saying this is the end of our democracy

And all that I follow some of you canadians And I oh, why don't you stick to fucking writing kids book? You got to get the same fucking thing going on up there Anyway, here's how I build the utopia a I'd widen the pay gap between minimum wage and high skilled jobs But I would offer free college slash skilled labor training for anyone who wanted to live better No living wage for getting high and flipping burgers for 40 years Um teacher would teachers would get paid. I like that one teachers would get paid as much as engineers Not because they are angels or something Simply to grow the the pool of high quality teachers so every community could get

Get equal education every kid in the country would start life well educated and roll into free college Slash skills training resulting in constantly growing tax base This would also brainwash the next generation to accept the benefits of my rule. Um, have you guys watched that? Get youtube video. I forget the name of it that it shows Why uh dictators are so brutal to the people and now they have to keep the military happy This is what's missing because this is all us peasants saying how well how we would hook each other up And then get rid of the piece of shit peasants, but nobody is is dealing with How are you going to hang on to your throne?

Anyway, I would force healthcare providers and drug manufacturers to negotiate rates directly with me for the entire nation But you just put a big bull's eye on your back. Uh, the provider who offers the best healthcare for the lowest cost gets the contract If service quality declines management is exiled and negotiations open back up All right. Well, how do you prevent some other wannabe dictator? from Given a better deal To those healthcare providers and then they start backing you then you're in trouble

Uh, but I like all these ideas. This seems like you're working for the people here Finally, I watch owners would have to complete an annual three-day solo hike through grizzly bare territory It's a surefire way to thin the herd. I even keep the eye watch commercials on tv long long after Just to catch any stragglers We don't need in the dna dna pool All right, I like all of that All right dictator Good morning captain drizzle dick

Thanks for reading this you ask about dictator dictator dictation I'd be the imperial grammar dictator. Oh god Meaning I create an empire of well-spoken citizens through dictatorship Mispronounced fucked up grammar such as the following would be punishable by my grammar police Irregardless It's regardless you stupid shitsticks. I like that you're still profane As as a uh, a grammar police person its meaning is without regard

Kind of like your fucked up grammar Um Well, you're the you should also say stupid shitsticks. So let's not fucking make you Shakespeare over here expresso There is not one single x in the word espresso Or especially for that matter What do I say? I think I say espresso. Don't I although you wrote expresso. So I said expresso

Can I get expresso can I get expresso? I think I say expresso. I think I think I say with x Like, uh, I learned a long time ago. It's uh, Excedera is Is that how you say it with or et cetera? I forget it. I I was never good at this shit confusing singular with plural Is there any more of them? You californians are horrible with this Is equals singular r equals plural

Is there any more of them? Are there any more of them? Oh, Jesus christ, dude Oh my god, I feel bad for the woman in your life Uh holistic another cali special fucking overused crap word All right, I'll go with this one. It is indeed a word, but it doesn't make you sound hip cool or smart It makes you sound like a fucking douchebag Um, it just makes me sound like I'm gonna fucking pay extra money for something that shouldn't be, you know Probably should be 25 cheaper and there's no way for me to prove If this thing is uh is actually going to do what it says

Um, it started life artisan ice cream Just go across the street into a fucking, you know pharmacy And buy the same ice cream that the people who are like 80 years old have been eating it their whole life They're still alive Um, all right first offense a written warning second a hundred dollar fine Third mandatory eight hour grammar class for you are shipped to a continent A containment camp on the east side of the sultan see until deem fit to re-enter our well-spoken dictatorship Well, look at you, you know, you're really into grammar

You know, you're not into violence I don't know There'd be a bunch of people dude. I don't fucking care. I'm out here fucking son. They're feeding us, right? Hey, is there any more than millilights? Um, all right, if I were a dictator, hey bill If I were a dictator the first thing I would do is set a daily limit to the number of words each person can say Wow If anyone speaks more than they are allowed they will be drone struck Okay, now here's somebody ruling with an iron fist

Next anyone with a longer dick than me will be killed immediately Unfortunately, that's gonna be a lot of people But what about all the guys that have the same size dick as you You know, if you want to be the john holmes with a five inch or you got to kill everybody down to four inches Uh Next all guys will have to work Uh as banker cunts lawyers or politician They can opt out of these jobs, but the only other option will be a makeup person at macy's

All women will have to work at labor intensive jobs such as construction or mining Wow Is there any re I want to know the reasons for this this is wild Next The nets in the lakers will get unlimited budgets And will be the only teams allowed to use steroids The federal reserve will be allowed to print as much money as it likes. There will be no healthcare for anyone I will make sure global warming continues until the whole world has summer year round

I can't wait to take my yacht through times square in january Lastly, I will divide the country into two halves I will split all the trump voters and hillary voters the trump voters will have Hillary as their president and the hillary voters will have trump as their president After 10 years if everyone learns to behave themselves. I will step down as dictator and assign tom brady to be president I you know something I think we have a winner here. That was the most clear and concise plan And I felt that he was or she was ruling with enough of an iron fist that they could maintain their power all right

congress members Unsurprisingly are surprisingly good at picking stocks and they had on in parentheses. Hey, yo billy banker You're always talking about the corruption of both the blue ties and the red ties So I thought you'd find this article interesting it analyzes the 2021 stock market trades of members of congress and surprise surprise They do pretty well in fact in 2021 They beat the market if you really want to get heated you can read the full article Yeah, Jesus. I mean, well, yeah, well they're grossly underpaid they grossly underpaid So they're susceptible to to corruption bribery and all of that

um That's fucking hilarious. It's just so fucking Yeah, and everybody there is like a fucking millionaire What do you make as a congressman? It's like what 125 150 a year Say what they make the president may or like 200 250 or something. Yeah, they're not going to sit around taking all that shit You know and once every I don't know how long you know a bunch of people from a david busters They're going to storm through there and kill some people on january 6th without making a little money All right, here are just a few interesting facts

from the report hundreds of millions of dollars have been exchanged in the stock market by our elected officials in 2021 alone In just equities equities congress bought and sold nearly 290 million throughout the year These are people that make 250 grand a year. Hang on a second All right, how much do senators make a year Senators in the house represent and make 174 thousand dollars a year And collectively they sold nearly 290 million in stocks last year

They've been doing that forever. He told he did really well. She did really well in the private sector. Oh Did she in 2021 the congress beat the market this report shows which Sectors were preferred by each party and branch Oftentimes huge trades amount could be attributed to one or two members Big legislates so they're not all corrupt. There's a couple of people. Oh god big legislative events such as the Infrastructure bill getting passed by the senate were often preceded by politicians trading in the sectors affected I mean that's not insider trading. There were tons of they probably just give Stock tips to the fucking cunts on wall street. I don't know

Who police it and they just let him get away with it. There were tons of unusual trades Where politicians made millions of dollars Yeah, and they won't get any fucking shit for it And that is why that they just I don't know Once again, like I said, they go after Yeah, like They go after comedians and shit What we need to do is we need to we need to get on the inside of the stock market or something

Be able to make some of these cuts some money And then they'll stop fucking with us. I guess although I kind of feel like they have doesn't it feel like it's kind of over All of that canceled culture shit. I just feel like it's just it kind of just died you know People who didn't really deserve to get canceled or back You know people who should have been you know To have a time out or whatever are allowed to kind of put their lives back together Which always made sense to me

You know every day there's people who get paroled out of prison who did way worse than most of the people that got in trouble Not saying all but most of them So if they can try to put their fucking lives back together you know I mean, you know, why can't other people I don't I don't I don't get it. I don't give a fuck Why do I comment on these things? I have no idea. I can tell you right now. I am so fucking dehydrated right now You know, I keep doing the goddamn elliptical Can you hear the all this fucking noise that I'm hearing me I'm doing these wires here

Um, I keep doing the fucking elliptical like every goddamn day I've been doing yoga. I've been doing all of this shit. I've been dropping weight You wouldn't know by what I said I ate ate this week, but every other than that I eat fucking perfectly But uh, I've been dropping weight I look good. I feel good, but I'm fucking dehydrated this shit because uh I don't know. I don't like drinking water when I'm doing the elliptical Because you have to like slow down. I mean, how much does slow down it dribbles down your fucking chin and I got to keep my stupid mask on

you know There's this one person at my gym They don't know that I know but I know They fucking put their mask on and what they do is they double fold it And they they they lift it up over their mouth And then they have it hanging down and then the bridge you can totally see it from the side I call the person the cheater um

but whatever The fuck you gonna do so anyway, um, I'm gonna close this out by once again Uh, congratulations to the bills. You guys are looking like fucking world beaters I am rooting for tom brady and the buccaneers, of course But my uh, my second team is the bills you know I mean, I just you know I I don't know why I just want to see brady get another one

Fucking have eight You know Be amazed then he gets eight and then then he can go for three in a row which nobody's ever done um Yeah, it'd be fantastic because I just like oh my god. I'm so fucking sick of them. I'm not. Why are you sick of the scene that you know? I wonder if people back in the 1920s were like, oh my god. I'm so sick of babe Ruth We get it. You're the greatest fucking baseball player. Were they sick of them? You know, there were people I don't want to go down there and see that fucking asshole

And they didn't go to yankee stadium or they didn't go to their local ballpark to see babe fucking roof. Why wouldn't you do that? um I don't know. You can't be like that If somebody's fucking great, you got to give it up and you got a route for them To be the the greatest ever so you could say that you saw it I would think I don't know Uh speaking of which I have just become obsessed with the Cincinnati Bengals

Um, their whole thing in the 1970s Where you know, they came out in like 68 and they had paul brown and bill walsh And that kid greg cook you got to see the story on this kid. This kid was like bill walsh. He was the greatest quarterback talent he ever coached including, you know, joe montana and um You know, it got blew out his rotator cuff. They didn't know what happened and they didn't know how to fix him back then And it just you know made his arm weak and it just ended his fucking career and he got really had a sad life after that

um But then his backup had a weaker arm and that's when bill walsh created the west coast offense in Cincinnati And it was called the west coast offense not until 1985. I guess when bill parcell's giants beat the 49ers And bill parcell said, hey, how do you like that west coast offense now? And then that's what and that coined the phrase, but it was actually created And they had a guy isaac kurtis

Did I talk about this was verzi or did I already talk about this on the podcast? I can't remember They had a guy isaac kurtis He was the fastest guy in the nfl and he is the reason The isaac kurtis rule is that after five yards you can't Interfere with the player because paul brown said what is the point of having a performer if they're not allowed to perform They fucking would jump it on him and shit the whole way down the field. So that's the reason for that The mel blunt rule is when he beat the shit out of golden richards and the super bowl in 1976 He was literally just beating him up

Um like punching him in the head and shit was fucking nuts. So they're like you can't do that um But wait they're kind of the same rule though I can look those up try to find the the nuance between the the isaac kurtis rule and the uh the mel blunt rule um And I also i'm a big fan of rules named after players Like shawn avery

You can't turn around and face the goalie And just stick your hand in front of his eyes or whatever. I just loved That there wasn't a rule that said you couldn't do that and nobody thought to do it Until he did it and then just the fucking balls that that took Because he has his back to the shooter And there's no there's no padding Even if there's fucking he just getting hit in the fucking foot would kill at a pickup rink Forget about getting hit in the calf by an nhl slap shot from the fucking point and he didn't get he was so about winning

He didn't give a fuck Turned around just stuck his hand there. I thought it was hilarious. So um Anyway, that guy should have a podcast that guy is fucking hilarious Um, and if he does have a podcast, please send it my way. I want to I want to uh I want to listen to that. Um, anyway, all right. That's the podcast for this week all dehydrated bill. Congratulations to the bills I gotta tell you something man that interception Was one of the greatest interceptions I've seen in a long

Long fucking time you guys you guys got a great coach They got somebody up in the booth that used to work with bella check and nick sabon I mean these guys they are built to win this whole Fucking thing and I gotta tell you man. I think they got a better vibe Then those great buffalo teams um Of the late 80s early 90s, I think this one just seems more Uh, they got that cold-blooded serial killer fucking thing that you have to have as a champion. So, uh

I don't know man. I think that they uh, I think that they it's gonna come down. I'm this obvious shit. It goes down to kc and the bills Unless kc completely fucked it up and the Steelers beat him while i'm doing the podcast here comes down to kc and the bills And I think the bills can beat him Absolutely beat him and you know, I was watching tonight and you know Kansas City gets down to the goal line they do a little razzle dazzle and then

Patrick Mahone's literally underhands the ball to somebody Like he would throw to a three-year-old and everybody's like, oh my god It's like the fucking globetrotters. I love Collins worth means like it's like the globetrotters It's like is it that looks like me trying to teach my daughter how to catch I Was joking on twitter that like when he threw that when josh Allen threw that ball sidearm if Patrick Mahomes did that The announcers would have talked about it for the rest of the game You would think that nobody ever slinged its sidearm before the guy. I will give it up. I never saw somebody throw a no-look pass

I will give that up, but um I don't know. There's just something about when he does shit like that They act like they've never seen it before. I mean what I'm seeing there was that's just the holy roller turned into a fucking forward lateral Ken Stabler did that shit 40 years ago. Oh bill. You're really gonna be an angry old man Yes, I am. Yes. I am. All right. That's the podcast go fuck yourselves and I will uh I'll check in on you on thursday