Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-18-18

Episode Date: January 19, 2018

Bill sits down with comedian Jim Florentine.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast, and I am checking in on you. You know, I do this show. I usually, you know how I do. I usually talk here to myself. I usually babble. I usually ramble. And then I try to read out loud. But every once in a while, I have a special guest. And this is one of these Thursdays. This man is here to promote his new book. Everybody is awful except for you. That will be you can preorder now. And it's going to be available on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and all that stuff. Please welcome Jim Florentine, everybody. It's good to see you, Bill. Thanks for having me back, man. You like how I did the big buildup? I said the book. I did the whole

thing. I was waiting for everybody to sit back and try and guess who the hell it was going to be, you know, and then I then I dropped the name on it. That's old school showbiz right there. That is because in like who could it be? Maybe it's, you know, someone hasn't talked a while. Maybe he's getting a Louis CK exclusive. Maybe Louie's coming back. Yeah, maybe he's coming back and he's going to do it on Bill's podcast and you know, we were just talking about that. You might as well dive in that whole me too thing. It's just like obviously had to happen and everything, but it is such like a bully environment. Even like the bullshit one, if it's a bullshit one, you can't say anything. Like recently one came out and it was just like, all right, this just

seemed like this woman wanted a famous boyfriend and it didn't happen. And then in the end, she went on her friend's blog or some shit and trash this guy. And I can't even name names before all these fucking lunatics start coming at like, there's no, there's no like, hey, hey, hey, let's let's let's examine this. It's just all this person said that that means that's how it happened. That's how the whole thing went down and let's burn down this person's life and their entire ability to earn a living is a little nuts. Absolutely. And me being a single guy out there, absolutely. You don't know what's you do like sign in triplicate before you I'm trying to get like, you know, Shaq's contract he used to sign or Michael Jordan or whatever. I suppose they had

a thing where they would sign like their assistant. Okay, you go in the hotel room next door, you know what's going to happen? Sign here. Yes, this is this is so he has a consent, a consent order. And then you know what you're going in there and you guys are going to have sex. And that's it. What about funny one of the funniest things that I've read as far as like just all this extreme mindset? That's out there about politics. That's out there about about this me too. So everything is just you have to be like all the way on the other side of room against the wall or all the way on the other one is Oh, God, dude, I'm getting so old. I literally forgot my point right in the middle of it. I swear to God, I was going to make the greatest point. I literally just fucking what the

fuck was it? Oh, I know. There's gonna be a lot of this, by the way. Coercion is not consent is what they said when you coerce somebody into doing something that is not consent. So that was thinking like, okay, does that mean I don't have to pay my bank loan this fucking month on my car loan? Hey, buddy, you don't want this, man, you want the turbo, man, you come around the corner, they're hearing that engine. The whole fucking world is coercion. Everybody, our whole business, everything you anytime you sell anything, any of it have to shit my wife does to me. Dude, if coercion is not consent, and women actually stuck by that would brunch still exist. That's a good point. No, no guy if you actually could see you want to go to that. No, I do not.

And then she can be like, Oh, that's coercion. Like, because immediately you're like, Oh, fucking, I don't want her to cry. Anytime a guy goes to brunch, he's taken the bullet on something. Oh, my word, the worst is when they come out, they said it's going to be like 40 minutes. Is that going to be can you still stand like you have the option to say no? I mean, I say no. That's why I fight with my wife so much. No, let's get out of here. Yeah, we could. I can, I can literally Google how to make fucking no pun intended eggs florentine. Go to the supermarket. It's eggs and steamed fucking spinach on an English muffin. I can figure this out. No, but I just has a fun ambiance here. So look, obviously, it's great that there's a form now that

all these these these some of the shit this guy's did like who the fuck knew people did that? I mean, I knew there was fucking creeps out there. But like now it's just getting it's getting to the point but with not it's not getting to the point. But there's been a few where there's a few things where it's like you couldn't handle that amongst yourselves. Like did I need to know all the gory details of what you guys did here? And then there's other ones that are just complete bullshit. But I still don't feel that we're at a place where you can actually say that. Because I think if you do then then what then you're a rapist. Yeah, then yeah, absolutely. You condone it and you know understand women now they just said we just want the guys to listen. We don't want them to

respond. Don't come back like you're in a relationship. And when your girl's complaining about something, well, I know how to fix it. But just listen. That makes sense. If what they're saying is true. Yeah, and I know if you but if you're telling a fucking if you if you if you're talking about apples and you're saying they're oranges. And then you're telling me I'm supposed to shut the fuck up and then watch somebody I know lose their fucking life, their career. That doesn't make sense either. And I feel like a lot of people feel that and everyone's choosing like self preservation like sorry, keep hitting the table here like, like the golden globes. Right. When you went to that as like, dude, if you didn't have a black shirt underneath your

tuxedo, I mean, you were finished. That meant you advocated sexual assault that night. Then you had to wear the pin. Okay, time's up thing. But here's the thing, you literally could have just sexually assaulted somebody, but wore a black shirt and had the pin and no one would fuck with you. Right. So I don't need I don't I'm old. So I don't I don't get what's going on anymore. I don't get it. Sorry, man, you're here to sell a book. No, no, no, I don't want to get into that. No, I do want to get into it. No, absolutely. I mean, this the story that we're talking about is just insane. You know, there was there was oral sex performed both times two times on on each other. And then when he wanted to have intercourse, she's she's like, nah, I don't

know. And he's like, All right, well, hang on whatever like that. And then he had a funny line. No, I thought it was a funny joke. So he goes, Come on, let's just have intercourse, because they already did. And she goes, You know what, I rather wait for the second date for that. And he was at his place. And he goes, So if I pour you a new glass of wine, is that considered a second date? That's a fucking funny line of guys throwing out there. It's a desperate line. It is funny. And then she is now and then and then they hung out for a little longer. And she goes, I'm just going to go home. She wasn't upset. He goes, Okay, I'll get your car service center in a car. text her next day. I had a good time the last night. Well, I didn't. And then that's how

it started. Some of these these these, what do you call them, the Cougars after a show? Like, if you want, if you go out and you're selling anything, dude, I mean, you're going to get manhandled when you're out there womanhandled once a weekend. It happens to me because I sell merchandise after a show once a weekend. Yeah, yeah, grab my ass. Literally something if you did it, like over, put your hand on my wife's tit. No, it's okay. Or a girl goes, Hey, put it on my tits. Come on, it'll be funny. Or every time all the time. You got to come out after a show now, you know, those guys wear that suit where you're fucking dismantle a bomb. You got to come on that thing I made a lid. Well, tell tell me what

is the book about? Because I already like I love the title. It's everyone. Everybody is awful. And then parentheses except you did. Like how I heard that was everybody, you know, on Facebook going on and on about how great they are and like how the world's so awful. And you know, I don't just have in the home, you know, selfie, the selfie generation. Yeah, that's basically what it is. It's just calling people out bad Facebook posts, you know, people bragging, people looking for attention. You know, you know, the person that posts. So I'm on my way to the hospital and they just leave it at that. Okay, so now you're gonna get 50. What's wrong? Are you okay? If I lived in New Jersey, I'd be there for you. But I can't please keep us updated. Is everything okay? And

then at the end, it was just a sore throat. Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? It's never you always figure you always figure out these these these things like this cranky anchors all the way to this you always fun terrorizing telemarketers. You always find like that, that thing that that people are like, I don't know what's obviously whenever you do a project, I was thinking it was right fucking there was hanging right there. You just you have like this, you've done the the what was supposed to show on VH one, I just went black metal show metal show. Yeah. Yeah. How did you know that there was going to be you know, like there was a bunch of people like me who wanted to know what Bobby Blotzer was doing? I would like I was so excited to see all those

guys like there was such a huge part of my life. And you know, a part of my life, you know, as you're a teenager, he's a drama for rat, by the way. And as just being a teenager, where there's sort of all of this exciting stuff, and then all of this scary and depressing shit all happening at the same time. And that music was so great. And so fun that like, I mean, all of those guys in those those bands to me are on the same level of like the fonts were like when I was a really little kid, like the fonts, I had the trading cards. And literally, you're looking at somebody like made my childhood happier. When I watched your show, that metal show, I was like, Oh, my God, I fucking love that guy. Like, what is is it just how your brain works? Like, how do you always seem

to find? I don't know. I think we just got out of a good time. BH1 Classic was like looking for one original program. They didn't have anything on it. Just show them repeats of just old music videos. And we pitched like a heavy metal talk show like the Tonight Show for ACDC fans. They said, Okay, we'll give you money for one pilot. We pulled Lita Ford out of retirement. She was didn't do anything like 20 years. She was living on an island raising her kids. So we had her as a pilot episode. We're like, I just know she's back on the road. She never sees her kids. Yeah. She was being a great mom. She was being a great mom till we gave her exposure. It's like, Oh, damn, I got a career. Next thing you know, she's put three albums out in the last nine years.

Oh, that's awesome. And then, you know, and luckily, the head of like BH1 Classic, this guy used to be a deep like a metal DJ up in Buffalo. He goes, I love this show. Put it on the air. You know, it's gonna be a shitty budget. And I remember my manager goes, This is the worst contract I've ever seen in my life. You sure you want to sign us? I go, Yeah, look, whatever, who cares? At least we'll be on air. And we did 140 episodes, seven seasons. Who is some of your favorites that because I knew that you were kind of already in that world a little bit like a lot of you guys like you Norton and all those guys, Big J. You guys seemed to like no brewer brewer. Yeah, guys seemed to know like rock stars and stuff like that. You were kind of already in that

world. But when you went there, what was like your bucket list of guests? And were you able to get most of them? Yeah, I mean, Tony, I owe me, you know, we got Giza Butler, Ronnie James deal before he passed away, right, was on twice. Then we got Marilyn Manson. You know, we got Tom Morello from Raging against the Machine. I'm a huge fan. We got Steve Harris from Iron Maiden. So every every season was somebody different. Like you got to be kidding Sammy Hagar, Michael Anthony. You know, I loved about Steve Harris was even people who had not knew nothing about music would be like that guy's an unbelievable bass player. Yeah, he was yeah, his fingers just flying. Actually, Iron Maiden was the one that when I first wanted to play drums, it was their drummer,

Nico McBrain, that was one of those. One of those scream for me Long Beach, you know, that they filmed or whatever. And I just remember when they finally went behind him because you always see the arms moving. Yeah, you can never see him. He's buried in the set when I saw the legs moving too. I was like, that looks fucking cool. And I already failed on guitar, because he actually had to like no notes and shit like that. And just coming from more of a sports background. I was like, God, you just kind of beat the shit out of this. I know after after that looks like fun. After you know, big Patriot loss, you can no problem pounding the drums. I know. Oh, speaking of which, what what are you I know you're a and there's a famous story about you're a huge

Miami Dolphin fan. There's this story that Keith Robinson has told me probably a dozen times. And I never stop him because I love it was you were on you're on some flight watching a dolphin game. And you will you were going please tell me it's true, right? You were landing and the stewardess told you to shut that your phone off or whatever you were watching you you've refused to because it was an important part of this. This is before cell phones. I have one of those little TVs with the antenna, you know, it's a little box. And it was a play. It was the dolphins and you buy it off of Bobby Kelly. He's buying the next thing he always had that shit. This was like I don't know probably 99. It was a well 98 when Montana was on the chiefs. It was a dolphin chief

playoff game. And I was on a flight from Florida and it was on like the local ABC because there's a playoff game. So I had one of those little old school TVs with an antenna and I watched it under a blanket. The whole game because I didn't have to switch like a moment in South Carolina. I got to find the ABC affiliate there. And then when I'm yeah, and I'm switching around like this and Baltimore, I got to find the other. So I watched the whole game and a woman came over like 20 minutes. You have a TV on shut that off. It's gonna affect the plane. I go too bad. I go it's 2121 and Marino's driving with two minutes left. I go I'm not shutting it off. I don't care. And even when the plane landed, I still watching the whole thing and they won like right as the plane

landed. I'm like, yes. Oh, that's why it was pre 9 11. It was pre 9 11. And I had that little yeah, and you couldn't have any any kind of electronic device on the plane. But I'm saying if now if you said no, oh, yeah, would have been like, you know, like the CIA. Absolutely. Yeah, they would have waited for it would come on and fucking yeah, they've been waiting for me when I landed. But yeah, I would not shut the TV off on the note. I had it on the blank. I didn't get caught to like 20 minutes left in the flight. I watched the whole game. My girlfriend at the time was sitting next to me. I was screaming. She was miserable. She was way to end the bad trip. Oh, my God, too bad. I'm breaking up with anyway, when I get back. Oh, I didn't know. I thought you

wanted like a jet blue because I was thinking, well, why wouldn't they just shut the thing off? You had your own TV. I had my own little TV. I brought it just in case ago. I was already doing the math. I'm like, if they win, they're going to play on Saturday at 4 30. That's when my flight is. So I'm bringing my TV just in case. That's exactly what happened. Wow. Do you know what the when the Patriots beat Seattle, I was flying from Sydney, Australia to like Auckland, New Zealand, and I missed the whole game. Because I was thinking that it's a Super Bowl is short around the world. They're going to have it on like, you know, they had TVs, all they had was soccer. I was like, you got to be kidding me. So when I got off the plane,

I knew it was towards the end of the game, but I just had to know. So I told I asked my wife, I go, I go, what's the score? And she's like, um, says the Patriots are winning. And I was like, really? No, because I was still, you know, after those two giant losses, I was like, Oh, God, now he's going to be three and three, you know, fuck. And I go, how much time's left? And she's like, um, it says it's over. I go, no way. No way. And then it looked, I was, I fucking started screaming in the middle of New Zealand, look like a maniac. And then I went back to the hotel and they were just showing the Super Bowl on this weird channel with no commercials. And I watched it twice back to back. And then I watched it again the next morning. And I couldn't

like, I had no idea about that whole play in the end or anything like that. But, uh, anyways, getting back to the initial thing I was going to ask you, a lot of people, you know, are talking about the Jaguars and their defense, you know, and they're going into New England, you know, nobody thought that they were going to go into Pittsburgh. Well, some people did, but they went in there, they won there. They beat Buffalo bills, but they beat the bills. And it was like this snooze fest. And then, you know, they went into the Steelers and they had like a shootout. So everybody's talking about how great their defense is. And I'm still like, they just gave up like 40, 41 points. But the week before, who the fuck are they? So Jim Florentine,

a man who brought a TV on a fucking plane in 1999. What is your gut feeling? Patriots or Patriots? Absolutely. You don't win in Foxborough. And you know, in Patriots, Gillette Stadium, you don't win there. A championship game. You think Belichick's the Steelers were looking past the Jaguars waiting for the championship game. They always fucking do that. Always do it. You see how they came out that year we played them. They had already they already bought their fucking plane. Like that's the you know, the urban myth. They've already bought their plane tickets and hotel reservations down in New Orleans. Yeah, you get Belichick to prepare for Blake Bortles. They got no shot. Yeah, I don't care what kind of defense they're running back. They're running back got

hurt too. Yeah, but that defense looks good. But to do but that's all right. Birdie will pick him apart to find somebody last week. They did not look some guy will come off to practice squad tomorrow and he'll catch 10 passes on Sunday. How long can we do this? We just keep doing it. And do we he doesn't have a number one. This is we don't have a number one receiver right now with Edelman being out the whole year. And you know, I know we got grown. He's a tight end. But like our you know, it's just there's a lot of passes they I don't know. No, there's a one guy he fucking stops. It's like keep running. Keep a lot of time to see Brady going like just keep fucking running. So I don't know like this. This game scares me. This game scares me because they

can do the whole time. Hey, Jack, still they're supposed to be here. They got nothing to lose. Well, I'm getting all nervous about that. No, I think that but they had their run. I mean, if the bills had any kind of quarterback, they should have won that game. The first playoff game and Pittsburgh was waiting for New England. They overlooked that they weren't prepared. You saw the first court, they weren't even but you know, the head was in a different game. Patriots. The only problem they could have is maybe if they play Minnesota in Minnesota, because the game would be a home game. That's what I was nervous about. It was like the Saints like I called that Saints game. I called them as I drew breeze is going to go in there. He gets no

respect. He's like the third all time passer and all that shit. He's going to go in there. I kept saying that you know, all these Minnesota fans were going to go to the Mall of America, going to the giant Kleenex store and they were going to be crying and everything and exactly what the fuck I said was going to happen until that last play with 14 seconds left, which I have never ever in the history of watching people fuck up. I have never seen anybody do what that poor kid did. It's like he put his head down and stopped looking at the guy and then he throw he basically threw a block, took out his own fucking guy. It's just I've never I still cannot fucking believe that that happened. We I was watching a game a bunch of friends of ours at 17 nothing

halftime and my brother gamble sees like all right look, there's 10 to one odds you want to put on the Saints come back and win this game. So we put like $2,000 in a pot. So I would have won 800 bucks if they would have just made a time right there. And the spread was five, right? The spread was five, but we had to just for the Saints to win the game from the second half. They were down 17 nothing halftime. I go I'll do that. So they had to win the half or win the game win the whole game at 17 nothing. I'm like, I'll put 880 bucks in. I would have won 800 bucks. And I'm watching that. We're all you guys doing we're all counting money. We're like, yes, that's just all right. Good. We got this. Are you owe this? All right. Now I'm only down

this and then we'll watch the last play like I was picturing all you guys walking and talking to the Nero with buying your wife's furs and stuff. What I say, what I say, don't buy anything. Don't take it back. Get out of here. And oh my god, that's fucking do I wish you guys had the reaction video that you guys just talking about all this shit you I was already cresting off my bats and my guy cool. I'm only down 30 for today. I'm this you took this and we're just already figuring out like we got this. That's one of those games I immediately went to YouTube to see people's reactions to it. And these fucking nerds were like the first people that put theirs up. And it was the worst reaction ever. They're like, Oh my god. Wow. That's crazy. They already

monetized it and everything. I'm fucking mad at him. I wanted to see Saints fans crying and Viking fans crying because I figured like the best reaction video I ever saw was when when Auburn, my favorite one, when Auburn caught that that field goal that came up short against Alabama, and the dude ran the whole thing back like Alabama was kicking to to win the game. And it was a long field goal. And if they missed, who gives a shit, we go into overtime. I believe that was the scenario. And it came up short and you can return it. The Auburn guy fucking caught it and they caught him sleeping and he ran it like 105 yards back. And my favorite one was these two girls. One was for Auburn, one was for Alabama. And the one screaming girl,

girl, the other one's like freaking out. And then the end, the fucking Auburn girl looks at the Alabama girl who's just totally stunned. She's like, y'all just lost. So anyways, I keep forgetting to talk about the book. So you can preorder this thing. Where do they go? They go to iTunes? They go to iBook? What do you what do you go for Amazon? It's all the links up on Amazon. Oh, the link is up on Amazon. It's Jim Florentine. Everybody is awful except you. It comes out February 20. It's just me. It's basically based off my podcast where I just, you know, people send in like bad Facebook posts or like vanity plates, you know, awful vanity. This is some of the stuff. Bed of Hennessy, Pussy Power Wash, awful Facebook rule number 10,

drown us in dumb ass details. Oh, this is fucking great. And I these are actual Facebook posts by people I posted. And then I just, you know, just take them take them down. You know, the weather posts in Ohio, you know, Mother Nature, you know, go away. Do you know what's funny is earlier this year I went to this fucking award show. It one of these ones that was not televised. That's the level that I'm at in this business, right? So I had a friend of mine is like, Hey, man, this is going to be like this big fucking thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, eventually, maybe there'll be a big award show, you know, if you want to go my wife loves music and double date, blah, blah, so let's go. So right before we're going to go, the other couple has to cancel

because of some bullshit. So now we're going to this fucking thing that I, you know, like, oh, Jesus Christ. So we show up, dude, I swear to God, every fucking person, say, say 20 people won awards that night, 19 people cried and talked about how hard it was and everything they went through and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was just sitting there. I just wanted to yell out, you're in your 20s. How hard could you 10 years ago, you were in high school, you're accepting a fucking award. And you got a hit album, how fucking hard could how hard could it have been? I was like, almost 20 years in still on a fucking futon, right? Nothing, I don't know. I was, I was paying my bills with change at 36 years old.

Oh, Jesus, taking it down that a change thing at the supermarket, you know, like they take like eight cents off a dollar that was paying me at 36. Yeah, here's the thing, like, who gives a fuck? Like, like, I don't know. I like, I don't know the entertainment business is difficult. Like, is it easy for somebody else? Nobody goes into this business, even if you make it in two seconds, then all that means is you're going to get fucking slammed back down to the ground, because when you start to dip, you're not going to know how to handle it and you're going to fucking freak out. It's better to get punched in the face repeatedly, as you're walking up the hill, other than to just be on the chairlift, go right up to the top. And the first time you'll

drop a ski or something like that, all that you're just going to go right down the other side of the mountain. So I actually was one of the few times where I was semi ruining something. Did your wife know you were annoyed? Yeah, but she thought it was funny. She did. She didn't think it was funny because it right from right in the beginning, it was annoying. I got there and this guy like I'm standing there, you know, the panic, you know, when you get like you're on like the guest list, you know, they're going to forget your name. And it's like, I don't see. And then they found it was like, I had like this relief and all of a sudden the security guys just like, excuse me, sir, sir, I'm going to need you to clear this and we need you to clear that.

And I'm thinking like, I'm in this totally open area. This woman had to fucking walk by. It was just some, I don't know. I don't know who the fuck it was. But like, she literally had 10 feet on either side of us. And the guy was still telling me I needed to get further up because like, do you want me to become part of the paint? I don't know. So sorry, this is just podcasts is becoming about me complaining. No, no, no, that's perfect. That's what it should be. Well, I don't know. Every once in a while, when I have a guest and I try to want to like lighten it up or something, how was the one to lighten it up? Okay, how's the New York comedy scene? It's great. It's been if you've been, you know, I moved away, believe it or not, like over 10 years

ago. So when I go back now, I don't know who a lot of the new people are. All of the there's a ton of them. Yeah, as it should be, right? And they're good, you know, they're good. It's thriving, man, as all the clubs are packed and I really like to stand. The stand is my club in the city. And it's great. Love that place. And there's danger fields I still love. I haven't walked in there in 15 years. And then the New York comedy club, Al doesn't own it anymore. No, it's gotten better. All right. It's actually a decent gig. And then they get the village on the ground like the comedy seller and they got like three or three like they did they when I was in New York, the seller had the seller they had the war. I don't think they had the village

is a village underground. Yeah, they had that. No, they had like, yeah, they're like, like playing Monopoly like they keep, they got three rooms. They do like 10 shows on a Saturday night. It's incredible. I remember I used to be so jealous of when I was living with Bobby Kelly. We would both have nine shows, but I would be all over the city and he would he would have three at the Boston three at the war three at the seller and he didn't have to take one cab. He could just walk to all of them. And he you know, you got paid 50 bucks a spot. So he'd have nine fifties. And I'd have a bunch of 20s and fives all smashed together from jumping and cabs going from the strip down to the seller back up to stand up New York. Can you do that anymore? I know they kind of switched

the way they some of those guys. Yeah, you could still do it. It's I try to stay like one club, one or two, maybe New York comedy club to stand. I don't feel like running around like rushing around. You know, I'm not my I'm not my 20s anymore. I'm just jumping us doing this running and doing another set go back over here. I'm like, I'm good. You know what I mean? I'm working on my shit. I know what I need to do. I'm like, sometimes I look just like to stay in the same like I'll do three shows that I did New Year's Eve. I did four shows at the stand to stay there all night. Oh, it's perfect. Other than the only time that sucks is when they're in between shows and it gets a little packed. But then they put them downstairs and you're fine. Yeah.

What are you? How much stand up do you do with all these like TV shows and books and all that type? How often you get to get two weekends? I'm on the road two weekends a month. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And I do one weekend in New York. And then I take one weekend off because I got my son one weekend a month, also during the week to how old your son seven. That's amazing. He's already getting in the stand that he's been on stage like five times. And he plays like drum. You're like raising like the coolest kid ever. Drums singing. Now he's all about stand up now because I took him out. There was a show that Ronnie B. Bennington does a show, his radio show at the Hard Rock in New York every year does a live show. There's 400 people sold out. And he did a segment where

you go comedians go up and tell an old joke. So I brought my son with me and he goes, Luke, if you want to go on stage, you could tell an old joke is okay, I will. And he went up there. I introduced him to place went nuts. He grabs the mic and I didn't even tell him the city goes, are you guys ready to hear a funny joke? And I'm like, man, he's already working the crowd. The place goes nuts. Sounds like he's a host. I know. And he tells a joke and the play and it gets an applause break. And he's up there. And he and we sit up on stage for another 10 minutes. He felt that ever since then. He's like, dad, get a show tonight. Come on, go get a show. Let's just go get a show. Just you go on stage, right? You can go down the clock. Like, yeah, I could. Come on,

we got to do one. We're doing a show. You know, it's gonna be funny is the when he has to do like a book report about nervous you would get. He's going to be like all amped up to do it. He's going to be psyched. I remember when I was in school, I would just be like, I would be so scared. And then she wouldn't call the teacher wouldn't call me and be like, thank God. And then I see my buddy go up and then when he'd be done, I'd be like, Oh, fuck, I wish I was him, because it would be over. And I had like a horrible, I had horrible fucking, I guess was that stage fright. Public speaking. Yeah, I mean, once I knew I wanted to do comedy, it took me a year to get on stage, you get the balls to get on stage. I was petrified. That's what I did. I gave myself,

I made a New Year's resolution in 1992. I was like at some point in this year, I gave myself a whole year to do it was funny. But the second I did it, all of a sudden there was a talent contest, like in January, and I just signed up for it. And it was like a month out. And then there was so many guys, they pushed it. And so I started like right in the beginning of March. And yeah, like horrible, horrible, like, I wish like I actually had, I think that's great for a kid to, I think it's great from to meet a lot of people, you know, like, like we've had a lot of people come over the first year of my daughter's life. And so like when people come over, she's not really like, Oh my God, who's that? It doesn't fuck

with their universe. And then to get them, you know, to talk to the adults or speak, you know, publicly or something, I think that's a huge, that's something I wish, you know, I was so fucking shy, I almost feel like someone needed to do that, to kind of nudge me out. But if they did, I probably wouldn't have been as fucked up. I would have become a, yeah, I would have been some guy. And it's funny to management at this point. And he's only in first grade, everyone's like, Oh, so he must be the class clown and classic. Oh, no, he's not. I go, that's why he could be a good comic. He's not the guy, you know, Hey, look at me over here,

because those guys are never good. Yeah, there's a lot of hacks in elementary, you know, a lot of fart jokes, a lot of making faces. And those guys that try to do comedy later are terrible. They're terrible. You know, you want the quiet guy that's just sitting back and observing everything and remembering and writing it down. You don't want the guy jumping on the desk. That's the guy, he's going to be a hack. He's going to do, he's the guy you end up meeting at your show later. And he's like, Dude, I was funnier than you. I should have done this shit. And you're like, well, go, go do it. Or if he does stand up, he's the guy who does the arms thing at the end, where to go behind a comic and work the arms. How great was that though? The first time you saw

it was hilarious. It was the greatest thing ever. Because I saw I had an itch down my crotch, and they'd have some hot girl and see that the guy, you know, one of the one of the most misunderstood comedians of all time, I believe is Gallagher. Because everybody looks at him like he was this fucking guy smashing all this shit. He was making fun of advertising. That's what that bit was, right? Sledge-O-Matic, what the hell is it? And it didn't work. But it was all this visual stuff. But so many people took it at face value. They just wanted to go like, Oh, my God, we're gonna get like cottage cheese all in orange juice all over. They never got the bit. And what killed me is if you watched the beginning of his act, he had some really, really good material, clever

material. I remember one time Patrice Restisle was talking to him on the Opian Anthony show. And he was saying how, you know, you need to pick a path. You know, it was great. You're either going to do this Carlin stuff, or you're going to be the guy smashing shit. And like he just wasn't able to convey it in a way. And I remember listening to it. I was driving. I was listening to on the radio. I was just going like, Yes, yes, exactly. He had that fucking bit where he sat down in the school desk. And he did this whole bit where he started talking about how weird words are spelled in our language, in our English language. He started with the word. I just remember him going like something like, I ended up going to like, like heard. And then you point here,

is this a bird? No, beard, B, A, R, D. And he did the whole fucking thing. And then in the end, he got back to the word that he started with. And then he just does this, it just all in circles. And that's why I didn't go to school. It's like fucking great bit. Yeah, for some reason, he had to be sitting at a school desk when he did it. So everybody starts going, Oh, he's a prop guy. I don't know. No, I remember he used to do his standup. I remember seeing like show time as a kid. He was on roller skates, right? Didn't he do a thing where he had a giant couch and he put a trampoline in it and shit. And like every so everybody would remember that. Right. But in the middle of all that, he had this. No, he had great. I know he did. I remember at the end, he would

but yeah, he was almost like Carl and back in a day, like a good, smart material. That was funny. Yeah. But yeah, you come out on a giant fucking tricycle. And then a lot of it gets lost the grace and then he retires and he sells his act to his brother, Gallagher to Gallagher to goes out and he starts to make it a fortune and then Gallagher gets jealous. He goes, Wait a minute. Now I want my act back. He's like, No, you sold it to me and then they had to go to court. Yeah. Now Gallagher to can't do it anymore. So get the real Gallagher's back out there. Yeah, he told him to do it when he couldn't. I think I've heard so many stories and then he told him to stop doing it. I just remember when that came when Gallagher to came to Boston. It was the funniest fucking thing because

like Gallagher to to the layman sounded like, Oh, he wrote a new hour. You know what I mean? Like Ghostbusters Ghostbusters part two Gallagher Gallagher part two, right? So he would go up there and it would be like it wouldn't take any more than three or four minutes. Like right out of the gate is like why does his voice sound so weird? Because he kind of looked like him if you sat in the back and then people just start what within four minutes like dude, this isn't Gallagher. Who the fuck is this? And then this murmur would start and he the fucking guy wouldn't even address it. He would stay up there for an hour as people going like who the fuck is this guy? I only watched the first 10 minutes I had to run out and go do a spot but the tension in the room. But I was back

then where you could actually just do 40 remember 45 was closing just do 45 minutes. Yeah, somehow then it became like an hour. I could say I still do 45 a lot of times 45 on the road. Sometimes I'm just I'm just going to do 45 if you're in like a club and they got a second show. Yeah, like a funny bone or something like that. They got a second show but even sometimes I just feel like doing 45 45 is great. It's the best. Yeah, it's because you look down and you're at 35 fucking time. Not that I want to get off stage. Oh my god, this is going good. I'm good. 45 minutes to close. That's like having a beer in the afternoon. He got nothing to do for the rest of the fucking day. You know, I'm jealous of his clean comics who get to like, like I've heard

Regan will do like afternoon like a matinee show. And if I ever for some reason could find enough fucking animals to show up for a matinee show for me, I would stop working at night. I would do a fucking two o'clock. It's like in radio. Remember, OP is always telling me about like doing how afternoon drive is like the greatest thing because you know, you have a life like you can if you still want to go out that night, you can and no matter how hard you hit it, you can sleep because you're not back on the air until like noon or one or two o'clock in the afternoon. But I don't know when I get older, my whole crowd turns into like the blue hairs. Uh, like I will have no fucking problem switching to being the man. I'll fucking do it. I'll do

an afternoon show. No, you can do it. You could do a five o'clock, a five o'clock and a seven 30 easily. People want to go out early and all the comedy clubs have switched this time. So like seven o'clock, seven 30 on a Friday first show and seven o'clock on a Saturday. You know what? You know, I hate the most. I hate seven and 10. Oh yeah. There's so much time in between. Absolutely. Way too much time. So you get the goody, goody showing up at 10 and then you get the fucking meth heads at seven. Then you get the meth heads at 10. I always think like, why can't we just do seven and nine? Seven and nine. Just exactly. I'll do my type 45. Get them out. What time do you need me off? So you can turn this room over. Another pet peeve of mine. Now we're going to

bitch about clubs when the first show starts late. It's like, how did it start late? You knew I can see the second show starting late because somebody spilled some drinks and shit. This is right out of the fucking game. Yeah, you don't want to put yourself in a hole right off the bat. If it's seven o'clock, there's no reason for it to start at seven, 15. Just start at seven. The MC's got to take the bullet. I took the bullet. You took the bullet when you were MCing. Sorry, this motherfucker's got to take it. Does people still walking in? They're eating? Sorry, man. Yeah, but you know these kids today, they're all just saying, hey, can we wait a minute because you know, there's people still coming in. I always go. Yeah, yeah, don't worry. Don't worry.

Right. Oh my god. The amount of fucking times. That's the most amazing thing about that Richard Pryor special. The one that he did down there at the terrorist theater, the one he had the red shirt is when he came out, there was still people getting in their seats. So anybody who's like a nerd for comedy, like that situation is every situation that an opener gets put in. He came out as a headliner on his own special, dealt with that situation and then crushed. Right. I actually think, you know, just being a nerd fan of his that that put him in the zone because rather than going out and having to jump into a bit going, I am shooting a special and and here's my first idea. He went out there and just fucking started riffing. And like, I think it just after

that, like that it's the greatest special of all time. You don't think he had an opener that did time? No, he did. What did who? Oh, so we did. He had a bit. Did he have a band? I used to know this, right? Because I remember Eddie Murphy on Delirious had the bus boys from the movie 48 hours. He had them open. Who the fuck did he have? I used to know this. It was like Gladys Knight or something like that. It was a singer. Okay. And they sang and everybody fucking went out to the bathroom afterwards. And they were like, Richard, they're still coming back to the seats. He's like, No, I want to go out now. I want to go out now. Like he just was feeling it. And they just sent him out there. And I think that the chaos of it was

what he kind of thrived in. I don't know. This is like some nerd shit. But just this that I've that I've read about him, like when he was in like Vegas, and everyone was sitting down, he's supposed to wear clean and like thought that whole structured thing about that. He had like a fucking meltdown. But then you get a more in that the a little more chaos that was like, like more of like his his his comfort zone was kind of chaos. And it seemed just from what I read, man, obviously never met the guy. I'm just the worst was that I'm sure you went through this member when you could still smoke in the comedy clubs. The first show Saturday was a no smoking show and they were always uptight. Yeah, they were always a tight asses. They weren't a good

crowd. You knew if you just get through that show, the second show is gonna be great because they were the drinkers and smokers. And they're fun people and they'll just laugh. But the first ones are fucking they want to be home early, they go out early and they don't want to put up with any smoke and they were always fucking tight. Yeah, it felt like a job like always they were coming out to just get this done. Let's go to the comedy show. We'll be home by 9 30. I remember when when they used to fucking like my whole I don't know my first like my first eight years of stand up. That would put me to 2000 right around 2000. They started to have the smoke free stuff like I had actually had like a smokers cough a little bit. I remember we I would wake up the

next morning back when I had hair and I would get in the shower and when the water would pour over me all the smoke that was in my hair, which I would just breathe it in and smell like I fought a fire. So what I would I started doing was I and I noticed I was getting a cough. What I started doing was I come home after the shows and I would immediately take a shower and I would just fucking throw my you know, I was still living at home at the time eight years and no I was in New York by then but like the first three years when I was still living at home with my parents like I would just throw the clothes right in the fucking hamper and all of that shit and maybe eyes would be like I remember being on stage my eyes were like burning the funny bone in St. Louis was always like

it was it was like a smoke machine like you were at a concert. It was like Motley Cruz starting off you know shout out the devil. Yeah, you couldn't see your foot in front of you the whole fucking room smoked and you're like holy shit and you had to do like three shows on a Saturday I'm like this is brutal. I'm like yeah. So do you think now you find him with doing like stand up with because when I went back to New York I couldn't believe how many groans I was getting like I was getting a lot of groans and or just like people like kind of looking at each other like what the fuck it just blows my mind that young people are like they act like old people in clubs now and I feel like they're like I don't know like because they grew up on social media

like you're just saying shit like you're gonna get in trouble how have you found it seems like you think the New York scene is great like I'm out of it I just went back for a couple days and I think I was a little weirded out by some of the the people there are you finding it that it's maybe because you've been there like you could sort of just because you're there every fucking night like you don't notice it change it. Yeah I don't see I don't see it changing too much I mean I don't see it changing out here either when I do sets at the comedy store at the improv I could pretty much do the same set I don't really feel it I don't know where you did them but you know I know it like at the stand or New York comedy club they just come in to laugh and there's

not really no one's really going man that crowd sucks they're so uptight just so you're not we're not getting that at all. So you know what it was I live out here now so I'm comfortable out here so I feel like LA crowds are better than New York and it's just because I'm living out here and I'm just used to it I think that that's what it is. Why I always hated LA crowds when I used to come out 10 15 years ago I would you know like why is this guy so angry on stage I just didn't get it you know what I mean I wasn't physical I wasn't smiling all the time and shit I'm like man these crowds are rough and then it turned I don't know like maybe like seven eight years ago yeah where just you could do whatever you want the comics were dirty and edgy and they laughed at it. Even like the laugh

fact because the laugh fact is for so long this is such a weird thing to say it was too happy a place it was too well lit you know and then I saw that thing in the background looked like the Warner Brothers that's all folks it just looked like a big fucking cartoon so I'd get in there and you could see the whole fucking room and then I just got like self-conscious when I would go on that stage being like just if you said anything fucked up but now I love the club. It definitely was I tried to stay away from that club because I never did well on there. Do you think that like there's going to be a backlash to this like sort of like I don't know because I'm not saying everything that people get offended by is wrong because that's not accurate but the overreaction

in this like I'm kind of thinking how every generation rebels against the other generation the previous I'm kind of thinking like the next group of young kids coming up I guess maybe it's wishful thinking I'm hoping that they're going to be more like the people I knew in the 70s and 80s. I don't think so because this generation the young ones now they don't drink they don't do drugs they might smoke a little pot they're not like promiscuous like the last generation before that where they were you know having sex early and getting right no 19 year old kids are not going in the woods and drinking you know what I mean they're not getting high they're not doing mushrooms like we did I was I was smoking pot at 12 years old I was

drinking smoking cigarettes when you would hide the beers you were all excited like you stole everybody was like okay just steal like three beers from your dad I'll steal three blah blah and you put together like this this stash and then you'd go and you'd bury them in the fucking woods remember when you would go out there and it'd be so fucking cold that they froze I froze and then you'd have to fucking just sit and just slowly sip it slowly sip you wouldn't even get drunk into this giant ice of fucking beer um or they'd get skunked if you left them out there too long every weekend it was like you'd go to the woods you'd get as fucked up as you possibly could and the cops would show up every fucking weekend chase you out of there and everyone to leap in

their cars wasted I mean there has to be a happy meeting between that and what the fuck is going on uh I like how I'm talking about this like I know what kids are doing they're also doing like fucking ecstasy and and meth and shit it is pretty nuts yeah but I seriously like they they're not they're not out you know like drinking and stuff like that I got a bunch of niece and nephews and their friends and stuff like I see they're none of them doing anything they don't touch alcohol they don't smoke they're not even in the way yeah but why would you dude if there was a flat screen tv in your house you know and these kids a lot of people got like a couple of them there's like a fucking tv in like every major room in their house you can go online talk to people

playing video games you can watch porn on your right on your phone yeah you can watch playing you can watch a plane take a fucked up it is that you can just watch footage of a plane crashing nobody knew what the fuck that looked like when we were grown you had to go to like you could do some war footage but you can just watch you can literally see anything what does it look like when a guy jumps off the building it hits the pavement what does that look like I don't know what that website is because I was never into the death shit yeah uh but you you know I remember some of those fucking comics I was came up with when when all that ices shit when they were sawing people's fucking heads off they would go on and watch it and then they would come in like oh god

that was so fucked up I was like why would you do that like I actually know like I did a bit one time about being on fire screaming and blah blah blah blah and a buddy of my comic I knew told me he goes that's actually not the noise people make when they get burned to death and he started imitating the noise it was even creepier and I'm like how the fuck do you know that and he goes ah you know I've watched some pretty dark shit it's like you fucking somebody got burned to death and you you sat and fucking watched it I don't know I saw one ices beheading video my brother sent it to me and he's like don't worry it's not what it is it's a joke at the end just watch it through the end just to mess with me and I said it was it's still that was like 15 years ago 10 years

I still can't get out of my mind I never watched that stuff never I don't want to want to see anybody get it by a car I don't want to see any that well they live yeah if they live it's just kind of you know I like the happy meeting if you can't handle a car is somebody getting gored by a bull because it's literally like the only thing cartoon does not exaggerate is how high you go in the air when a bull hits you it's true dude I saw I got a fucking out of my phone I left my phone this guy fucking this dude's running and he's he's in you know it's fucking idiot he's in the ring with a bunch of other guys there's a bunch of bulls running around and he didn't have his head on the swivel he gets fucking shot up in the air and the bull takes off and the guy goes into

like a fetal position and then everybody comes and saves him and now he's running like looking back to see if the bulls coming and as he's looking back another bull comes in the fucking it's the guy again yeah it was just like if he was an NFL player he's like he was on special teams or some shit in his his career is going to be over I do have to read a little bit of advertising here but I didn't even say how great it is to see I don't ever get to see you now that uh I became a big phony out here in Hollywood well you know when you got a kid too man it's a whole other yeah you know this weekend is is my daughter's first birthday and first birthday wow and I'm baking my first cake and my wife invited all these people there's gonna be all these kids there but

we're gonna have a cool like it's like adult food right you know if you want some whiskey or something like that whatever you know if the other spouse is cool we'll let you drive it's fine and then we got all this cool shit for the kids and you never like our gift bag is like this fucking bag of like gummy bears and just I don't know kids love gummy bears right you know 10 years ago you never thought you'd be baking a cake but I my theory is whenever you think like I don't know if I could do this this is kind of for the kid if there's a kid involved do you get a pass oh yeah no my my my wife said to me she's going like I don't know it's gonna be all these people because the recipe I had was for like a like a two layer cake and then she's gonna make want to make it three and then

she's just like well you know you could just go to the grocery store and do the Duncan Hines thing and I was like no I'm not fucking doing that right all right I'm doing this every year like this is one of these things that you gotta have on the on the resume for like when your kid gets old to be like what kind of dad what kind of dad was my dad made me a cake every year I gotta at least have that because I'm a fucking lunatic and I know I'm gonna snap well my son's got a volatile person to be around I'm an asshole so I at least got to come through with a cake right well no you have to document everything too because they don't believe you that's the advice I got from other parents take pictures because they're not going to believe that you took them to disney

land every year and almost and you did all the shit with them so whenever I take my son anywhere an event I take a picture so I go hey motherfucker this is what I did at five this is what I did at six look what I did damn marino told me that marino told me that what did you know he came out to like show and I didn't even get to see I didn't get to meet him yeah I tell me he was hey damn marino was out I was in Fort Lauderdale it's like fuck I would have loved if he came back he's such like a humble guy oh he's great he's awesome man I got to tell him what I've been wanting to tell him forever I was like dude if you play today in your prime with these rules of coverage you would throw for 6,000 yards without a problem every season and he's ah man I appreciate that I appreciate that

no he knows he still loves to show off his arm he loves to just go let me just show you what when he did those rock and jock things under Super Bowl those wrappers you know like q-tip or something and he's firing at him did you see uh you must have watched Dan marino football life phenomenal was arm goes up ball comes out it still looked like when when they were just showing him throwing the ball it looked like they sped up the film it's like a it's like a fucking viper you can't even see it it just fucking goes up in the ball and it's a tight spiral um that's funny listen motherfucker I took you here I took you here you're gonna see it yeah so just take document and take pictures the whole time I'm already we didn't do anything dad I'm already

worried that uh when they go through that period where inevitably they hate you because they get that kid gets to a point where they know enough shit that they think they're ready to live on their own that comes around like what 11 12 13 and then you just got then you just got to wait to the like 26 I think and then they kind of like oh wait a minute you know it's a rough seems like it's like a rough 15 years in the berging in the keuken yeah stop doing this dr. Phil shit all right oh me on these everybody oh me on these me on these motherfucker I took you here boo-doo-doo me on these me on these I opened your fucking first beer

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right now all right let's wrap this up I want to get Jim Florentine's and Florentine Florentine's Florentine's NFL picks for this weekend Patriots Jags you already picked the Pats now let's talk about the Eagles and the Vikings two teams that have never won a Super Bowl neither the Jaguars three out of four teams have not won a Super Bowl that's a tough one this is going to be you know because of two backup quarterbacks in there um Minnesota's got a good you don't know what Nick Foles is going to show up right um I'm going to go I'm going to go Philly you're going to go Philly and I'm going to go Philly at home Philly at home fuck yeah ends all that excitement in Minnesota yeah I think so and yeah the city of brotherly because they should have lost that New Orleans game

they should have you know they did lose it and then New Orleans fuck the whole thing up so yeah I just it was um it was um imagine if you were a diehard Saints fan dude you know what that would be like that would literally be like if you fucking if you did a fucking stand-up special you had the greatest special of all fucking time and then right at the end of your special you went to put the mic in the mic stand and somehow you did like a fucking face plant I'm trying to think like what you could do like you did it or maybe there was no audio all you have to do is wave no but you'd have to go and somehow you you fucked up the audio okay yeah no in the end you just go I like fucking kids and you take a dick out and start jerking off

maybe it's not that bad and yeah so I think yeah the Eagles maybe a field goal they'll win it win it by and then it'll be Philly and Patriots and Patriots you know okay 31 20 something like that something like that yeah I'm hoping the Patriots win and just look at the quarterbacks that's what you gotta do how good how who has a better defense Eagles or Vikings the Vikings I kind of what the Vikings are on the road they got a better defense and then you know they got a backup but he's the guy at this point yeah case Canem that's what's making me feel old now is the names of quarterback case Carson it's just like our generation is gone there's no gyms there's no bills no there's not anymore there's no Steve remember Steve

there's no Steve DeBurg anymore yeah Steve DeBurg, Dan, Dan Marino, you know Steve Young you know the only guy left is like Jay uh your your guy Jake oh Jay Culler yeah yeah my field goal kicker is Cody I there was never a Cody on the Dolphins till last year oh they love the C names that hold everybody born in the 90s seemed to have like a C name it started with Clemens oh no he named everything with a K oh yeah he had a Cody but like it was that all right so you're picking I'm I'm gonna say I'm hoping the Patriots win and then I have no idea oh such a fucking hard one I would actually say the Vikings go in and break the Eagles heart but the football god smiled on him last week am I gonna go against the Vikings again this week

I can't do that because then if they win I'll have to go against them again if the Patriots win and then I'll be jinxing my own team so do I pick and I'll fuck that and I don't think there's gonna be a big home field advantage of the Vikings getting the Super Bowl a lot of those are corporate tickets and it doesn't the Patriots can play anywhere so it doesn't matter right I think that's a tough one that's the game Vikings Eagles is a game that's gonna be a good one I I'm gonna say Vikings I'll pick no you took the Eagles I'll take the Vikings fucking I'll take the Vikings yeah I just think the old Nick foals is gonna show up old Nick foals shows up but both of those fucking teams both those franchises the football gods love to

fucking yank the rug out from underneath I know I think there's a chance of stadium might collapse onto both teams either way it's gonna be great Jim so great to see it so awesome to have you on the podcast and once again everybody is awful except you is available now for pre pre-order pre-order and February 20th you can get it on amazon barns and noble and to quote Jim Florentine all of that shit you'll be able to get it uh really happy for you buddy continue success and uh hope to run into you in new york all right thanks man all right makulik engoed koop zijn voor wie ens naar iets anders snakt of halt van klassikers oh ja zo was a spaghetti bolognaise me liquor veer gehakt download the my the leise app and cook me

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