Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-18-21

Episode Date: January 18, 2021

Bill rambles about playoffs, desserts, and disappearing.

with Frank. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 18, 2021. It's a huge day, huge week. It's a huge week in America. For those around the world, if you don't realize it, the NFL playoffs, we're in the middle of it. And by the way, there's going to be a transfer of power.

The Bills, your Buffalo Bills, who would have thunk it 16 fucking games, 17 games ago, who would have thunk that the perennial basement dwellers are middle of the pack of the AFC East would win the AFC East, win the first round in the playoffs. Wait, did they play that? They played last week. I forget. I already forget who the fuck they beat. And going up against the Ravens.

And you know what? I was with Verzi and we sort of did it because we got our first podcast, we're going to record it on Wednesday. And I had my picks and this is what I picked. I picked the Buffalo Bills to beat the Ravens, even though I kind of thought the Ravens were going to win. I was just, I just kind of went with my heart. I wanted the, I wanted the Bills to win, all right?

And then Green Bay versus the Rams, I picked Green Bay. Then KC, this is against the spread to KC against the Browns. I took the Browns. I thought the Browns had a shot. They definitely covered it. We get like 10, 10 and a half, I forget. And then Tampa Bay versus the Saints, I mean, I'm a longtime Patriots fan. So you know who I took?

You know, I took, I took the Saints. I didn't watch the Buccaneers since like mid-November and they looked sloppy. Then I started thinking, ah, that Bruce Aaron's guy, he's a fucking player's coach. He's walking around with the Kangol hat. Still, you know, that teacher that was still trying to be cool and be friends with like the high school kids, sort of creepy, you know, talking to the cheerleaders a little too much in the fucking class, you know? I thought it was one of those deals.

So I'm like, eh, ain't going to fucking win with the goddamn player coach. And the fuck was I thinking betting against Tom Brady? It was weird. My money was on the Saints, but I was rooting for Tampa Bay if that makes any sense. So I went three and one. So let's, let's do, oh, Billy's breakdown of the games where I don't know anybody's names or whatever. I don't know anybody's names.

You guys saw the fucking games. Let's just talk a couple of highlights here. The fucking Cleveland Browns, I got to tell you something, man. They were driving me fucking crazy during that game because I knew that with the right game plan straight up, forget about my homes getting choked out or whatever happened to them. They could beat Kansas City. Kansas City is a very beatable team. As much as everybody's blowing them, going like, this is the greatest offense, all of

these weapons. Well, I've never seen a fucking thing like this before. I've seen like the fifth incarnation of one of these, these unbelievable offenses that nobody can fucking beat. All right. Remember the 2008 Patriots? Oh my God, nobody's going to stop them giants, right? Remember the fucking greatest show on turf?

Oh my God, I got to score a thousand fucking points. Patriots beat them in the Super Bowl. I remember the fucking, the Bills when they first came out their first year, the running gun, they were going to fucking destroy the giants. The giants beat them. I remember in 86 fucking Elway and all his receivers, no one's going to beat them. The giants beat them. And everybody's going, oh, the fucking giants, no, Bill Belichick.

At 86 and 90 and then, uh, Tom Coughlin in 2008, if you got a great coach and they know what the fuck they're doing, the Cleveland Browns had the motherfucking team to beat the goddamn chiefs. And what did they do? They started playing chiefs football like everybody does. Chiefs get the ball. They go right down the fucking field, give them the O right there, Fred, and make it seven and nothing.

And everybody gets out of their game plan. That offense is so fucking scary that everybody goes like, oh fuck, we got to throw the ball if we're going to keep, if we're going to beat this Tim, we need to score fucking 38 points. Meanwhile, the Cleveland Browns have the best offensive line in the AFC, if not the NFL, and the best one to punch Kareem Hunt and Nate Chubb running game. They should have been running a game when you run into a fucking offense like the Kansas City Chiefs.

What do you do? You slow it down. You slow the fucking game down. You don't start playing at their fucking pace and that's what the fuck they did in the first half. It drove me up the fucking wall. They should have been running on first down and wearing down the defensive line to the Kansas City Chiefs, which is good, but it's not great.

So come the third quarter, you start running downhill and old fucking Patrick Mahomes and Tyreek Hill and Kelsey and all those fucking monsters are standing on the sidelines. That's what the fuck you do. That's what the fuck you do. You beat a team that scores 38 fucking points a game by beating them like 20 to 17 because you had the fucking ball the whole time. All right. Remember the fucking, think about all those games that I just mentioned about those high

powered offenses. They all got beat on low fucking scoring games because the other team had the motherfucking ball. That's why. That's why, and they didn't do it. They were fucking throwing the ball. By the way, Baker Mayfield made some amazing fucking plays. So only imagine if they had beaten up their fucking defensive line and only imagine when

Mahomes was out of the game, what the fuck could have happened? And instead their line was still fresh. I don't think Kareem Hunt had a fucking touch in the whole first half. It was unbelievable. Now, having said that, you got to take your hat off to the fucking defending champs that they could lose their Tom Brady and have that hanky guy come in, where the hell his fucking name is. And that guy got it done.

I mean, that is a championship team when they can lose their best guy and still beat a really, really good Cleveland Browns team. So hats off to them. But I will say this, the bills, if they do what the fuck I just said, because they have the defense that can beat Kansas City, Kansas City is not the fucking, I'm so fucking sick if everybody jerking off these high powered offenses. I remember that whole year, the Patriots were undefeated. You know, from October on Keith Robinson was going, I don't like their defenses.

Like I don't like their defense either. We were very, very beatable as far as like just our defense, our defense wasn't that good. And we started, what year was that? I forget what the fuck, what the hell happened? What scandal, that bullshit scandal was that one? I can't even remember. Was that the spy gate one?

That was spy gate. Yeah, that was spy gate. So then we had to show, this is what we could have been doing. We started running up the score and everybody like fucking Pete Carroll at USC. So then everybody, we started playing playoff games. So we were getting fucking beat down. Everybody was going extra hard against us. By the time we got to the fucking playoffs, you know, we were not a balanced team.

But anyway, I really wanted the Browns Bill's AFC championship game. I was really rooting for that. I love a fucking underdog, but I'm also, I'm not a hater. I also love the Kansas City Chiefs and I love that they still play in that old fucking stadium and that, you know, the Chiefs have not held that fucking city hostage and make them build this big stupid ass fucking stadium. Arrowhead Stadium, I think is the best stadium in the fucking league. I hate all the new stadiums, you know, where the fans are like a million fucking miles

away and they got some Susie Sheff on the fucking VIP mezzanine fucking level, whatever the hell it is. And I really think it's fucking bullshit that the, and really one of the things I hate in the most about the NFL is that they make cities pay for their fucking football stadiums. I mean, I mean, that's like, that's like right up there with like churches not having to pay taxes. It's like who in the foot that you don't have to pay taxes. Why?

Because you're claiming you know what happens after we die, you fucking cunts. Oh, and meanwhile you're out there raping kids, kicking your fucking share for the potholes, you're a cunt. But I believe Bob Kraft did not hold us, he didn't hold his hostage either, but everybody else, you know, when I went to fucking Indianapolis, right? Why are you going to Indianapolis, Bill? When I went out there, the Hoosier Dome, the city had still not even paid for. And Jim Mercer, that fucking steaming pile of fucking shit of a human being that for

some reason ESPN listens to him like he's a fucking war hero over the years. That steaming pile of shit made them fucking pay for the Lucas oil field, Lucas fucking oil field. So anyway, it was a great fucking game. And even with all the mistakes I thought that Kansas City made by not utilizing their running game and beating down a very beatable Kansas City defense. They kind of played into their hand. And it's going to be really interesting to see what the Bills do.

I'm working on my game plan. Are you guys making that joke that I fucking look like that guy? Bill McDermott. Bill McBurman. What was I going to say? I think that that is going to be a great, great game, provided if Mahomes is playing. But I agreed with whatever that bald dude's guy's name is on the, I feel like I should know him because I'm bald too.

We should stick together some dumb shit. The guy on the one with Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long, that one. The Fox one. He was saying that he thought that Mahomes got choked out, which is great news for Kansas City fans because then he wouldn't have a concussion. And I know it's weird because he didn't really see him get hit in the head. He just kind of got his head twisted around with his jersey or something. That guy was like pulling on him.

And I remember when I saw, what's his face? Choke out Steve O. Oh my God, what the fuck's his name? One of the greatest UFC champ, Chuck Lydell. When he choked out Steve, Steve O let him put him in a chokehold. He fucking had him in it for like, it was like 0.5 seconds. And Steve O was just out like a light. So I think like accidentally, that's kind of what happened with Mahomes. And every fighter I've ever heard was saying, I'd rather get choked out than knocked out

as far as like the damage that it does. So if that is the case, then KC should be right. It's rain to play the Buffalo Bills. As much as I was disappointed with the Browns, it was really great to watch a champion. Championship team, you basically saw a team that knows how to win and another team that needs to learn how to win was basically it. So anyway, and I think at this point, Baker Mayfield has proven all of his naysayers wrong with some of those fucking throws that he made where he was putting the ball.

I really liked that guy. All right, Tampa Bay, Tom Brady, the Tom Brady buccaneers beat the New Orleans Saints. And I got to look this guy up. I have to look this guy up. Who the fuck is number 45 on the Tampa Bay buccaneers? It was like Marshawn Lynch was playing fucking defense, Tampa Bay, Devin White, age 22, 237 pounds. Oh, LSU guy.

He's six feet tall. When the first, when he made one of those picks, I was like, is that guy your fucking safety? Because he didn't look that tall, but he was fucking jacked. When I saw him lining up, yeah, inside linebacker, oh my God, what a force of nature that kid is. So Tom Brady matches, I believe, his favorite quarterback growing up, Joe Montana, where he went to another team and got him to the AFC, a conference championship game.

He also, with that victory yesterday, now has twice as many playoff wins as the next Hall of Fame quarterback, which is Joe Montana. Joe Montana's guy is 16. Tom Brady has 32. I mean, it's just fucking unbelievable. And still, you know, people will fucking, I don't know, somehow shit on the guy. Oh, he's a system guy, buh-buh-buh, now he's in Tampa Bay. He's still fucking wins, still still.

They will still try and come up with something. But I think the, it's looking like the near future. The heirs to try to knock off Kansas City are Cleveland and Buffalo, who the fuck would ever think that you would say that. And I think the bills, there's no reason why they can't go into Kansas City and beat that team. And I know a lot of people in Kansas City think I'm just hating on the chiefs. I'm not, I'm not.

I just, you know, I root for a fucking underdog. I just do. You fucking drought ended. You just won one last year. I don't, I don't have to feel bad for you fucking barbecue eating sons of bitches out there. But having said that, I love the chiefs. I love the uniforms. I love the whole story of how you guys ended up there.

You guys want to hear a little story? Here's how Kansas City ended up in Kansas City. It was a group of fucking millionaires, all white guys, of course, way back in the day. You know, the system worked. They started a football league, a rival football league, the AFL started in 1960 and the NFL as always laughed it off the same way they laughed off the, the All-American Football Conference and said that that was a joke of a league and that the competition was in the same level.

Right. And then what happened? The Cleveland Browns joined the NFL when the All-American Football Conference ended. And in their first year, they won under Paul Brown. They won the fucking NFL title and then they went to the championship game every fucking year from 1950, I believe the 1955, 50, 51, 52, 3, 4, 5, 6 years in a fucking row after winning all four titles, the All-American Football Conference. They won in 1950 against the LA Rams, which was significant because they used to be the

Cleveland Rams. Not only did they win, they beat the, the former NFL representation in Cleveland. And they lost to the Rams in 51 and back-to-back years to Bobby Lane with the, with the Lions and then in 55, 54 and 55, they won. And then Autogram retired the first time Brady, right? I don't know why I had to go into all of that. I just do it so I can remember that I believe the Giants won in 56, 57 was the Lions, 58, 59 was the Colts, 60 was the Eagles.

You guys don't need to do this to you. 62 was the Packers, 63 was the Bears. Then the Browns at 64, 65, 66, 67 was Green Bay. These are NFL titles. And then the Colts won at 68 and then the Vikings won at 69. And then the merger happened. So anyway, they start up the AFL in 1960. So once again, the NFL's laughing, oh yeah, it's a, it's a Mickey Mouse fucking league

the same way they always did with the All-American Football League. And this was also the third incarnation of the AFL. It was an American Football League. This was the third time someone had used that name. So as the NFL was making fun of the AFL, they made a couple of moves to try and sabotage the chances of the AFL, all right? Because they, you know, they saw what the AF, the All-American Football Conference did. So they were like, let's, you know, publicly say that they're a fucking joke.

And then let's do a couple of things. All right. So this is what they did. The Minnesota Vikings, a lot of people don't know this, were an AFL team. So what the NFL did was they went to the owners of the Minnesota Vikings and say, hey, rather than joining the AFL, you want to just join the NFL? And they were like, ah, fuck yeah. And they did, right?

So they took one of the AFL's teams. That's the first thing they did. They took a team that could have earned some revenue for this new league. God knows that's what you need, cash. And then Lamar, was it Lamar Hunt? Why am I thinking now Lamar Lundy? Let's see, Kansas City Chiefs, original owner. Kansas City Chiefs, it was Lamar Hunt, yeah.

So he had the deepest pockets out of all the owners in the AFL. And he had a team called the Dallas Texans. All right. So he was going to be in Dallas. They had the red and white uniforms and they had the state of Texas on the side of their helmet, really cool fucking, you know, basic bare bones logo. So what the NFL did was, OK, so when they took one team and then the next move they made, they were like, OK, who's the richest owner?

Who can fucking hang on the longest? And the AFL and it was Lamar Hunt with the Dallas Texans. So what they did was they awarded Dallas an NFL franchise, which was the Dallas Cowboys. Tom Landry came over from the Giants, became their first head coach in the rest of history. So now if you're living in Dallas, you're all excited. You have two professional football teams. And where are you going to go? You're going to go to the AFL league with a bunch of no-name players or are you going

to go to Dallas and watch the new expansion team get the shit kicked out of them by the Cleveland Browns, but you get to watch Jim Brown, the greatest running back of all time, arguably run all over your new team. So they split the gate, at least in half there. So Lamar Hunt ended up having to move the Dallas Texans to Kansas City and the Kansas, the Kansas, the Dallas Texans became the Kansas City Chiefs. They kept the colors and then they went to the arrowhead on the side. And it's all been good.

It's all been good until, did you guys catch at the end of the camp when the Kansas City won? Did you catch the guy dressed up as Santa Claus doing the Tomahawk Chalk? Doing the, that really annoyed me as a stand-up comedian. The fact that if I did a joke about transgendered people, I would be in a lot of fucking trouble, but this fucking white dude could stand there doing the Hollywood version of Native American music. Dressed as Santa Claus. I mean, the guy was begging to get canceled. Not only does he not get canceled, this showing him on TV, I can't, I don't know how many times I

got to make this point. I will continue to make this point. Doing the Tomahawk Chalk and acting like you're honoring Native American culture, when you're singing the song that white people came up, when they wouldn't use, even use Native American actors and they would put fucking white people in rouge to act like they were fucking Native American. And to be singing that stupid song that some white guy came up with, right? Same thing with the drumming.

That's not how they play drums. All of that shit is Hollywood. Doing the Tomahawk Chalk would be the equivalent if the Germans won in World War II, okay, finish their genocide of Jews, and then at every soccer event they went, be like, we're honoring the Jewish people we murdered. I still don't understand that one with all the fucking, you know, you got female refs with, by the way, they brought female refs in at the right fucking time. As much as I make fun of the NFL,

you know, and shit on them with their fucking holding cities hostage, making them buy stadiums, pay for the stadiums. They did the right thing, you know, when they sit there, you know, if any feminist ever goes, really, it took until 2000, whatever, to get a female ref in. It's like, hey, sweetheart, hey, spider legs there, let me tell you something. If we brought these women in back when I was coming up watching football, oh my God, the shit people would have said to them. Oh my God, what do you want, your fucking period?

If it would have been fucking brutal, it would have been brutal. So they basically needed social media and cell phone cameras is really what, you know, had to happen. Where people would be held accountable and everybody would just rat on everybody because they wanted, not because they gave a shit about the cause, because they wanted to get a bunch of hits so then they could become an influencer, you know what I mean? And then fucking ride a tricycle listening to Fleetwood Mac. How many guys, how many people ripped off that dude on the skateboard, the coolest dude ever?

Anyway, and I'm actually really, like, I noticed yesterday when I was watching football, like, that the women on the sidelines, like, I don't even notice it anymore. Okay, as a recovered meathead, that's actually a big moment for me moving forward as a human being. I still think, though, that women are, their approach is still incredibly fucking stupid. As far as they're, and I don't buy that they, but they're still not organized, and they're still not helping each other out. And if you don't believe that, all you have to do is see how hard they're trying to work for the fucking NFL while they all completely ignore the WNBA. I mean, that fucking goddamn league should be

jam-packed with women losing their fucking minds, face painted and all of that. So those women down there can make the salaries of what the guys do. But no fucking women show up. There's like two, 300 people, a thousand people at every fucking game, whatever is at the game. And I'm not even saying all of them are paid. It is fucking ridiculous. You are basically every fucking game saying that women professional athletes are not worth watching. Women are saying that by not going to those fucking games. And, and this is the thing, I want to hear from feminists on that one, because you are so fucking, your plan of attack was like watching the Cleveland Browns not running the ball in the first fucking

half as much as they should have. It's the same thing. For you guys to fucking sit there and try to worm your way in as sideline reporters and leave all of those professional women athletes, what do they make, like 30 grand a year? If you pack that fucking place out, you are creating, the NBA literally made a fucking league for women and you don't even go to it. It's fucking unbelievable. Unfucking believable. And then all of your dumb fucking hashtags, it's unreal. What is that? What is it about them that they just can't go off and do their own fucking thing? They're always overlooking what we're doing. You know what it is? It's because men, men were just more fun or a better goddamn type. Women don't even want to go down and hang out

with a bunch of women. Look, this is just a message that I'm getting. Maybe I'm not a recovered meathead. Anyway, plowing ahead. I think there was a good point to be made somewhere in there. All right, let's go, let's all go to the lobby. All right, let me read some, some of the interviews here. Interviews. No, let's read some of the advertising here. Who the fuck did my brain just go? All right, candid everybody. Smile. All right, candid. Are you unhappy with your smile? You don't have to be your crooked tooth, son of a bitch. Thousands of people, can you bite the back off a zebra? You don't have to have teeth like that. Thousands of people have used candid, the clear, comfortable, removable, and practically invisible

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teams are just playing each other. We're not going to play the fucking Habs this year unless it happens in the playoffs, which is really weird, but I am very happy for all Canadian fans of hockey up there in the NHL for the first time ever. First time ever. You're going to get to watch a whole hockey season and only have to listen to one national anthem. How fucking great is that? Because I think secretly, as much as we try to respect each other as countries, when a Canadian team plays an American team, you're like, oh, God, I got to sit through two of these fucking things. All right. Oh, shit. You know what? The great Andrew Thimless told me how to pronounce this next one here. Hang on one second. How about Miller, man, having that nice fucking fight to start off

the goddamn year? And how about that kid on New Jersey just being like, all right, I did that shit with playing back to back games. I guess I have to fight you, right? Who's that other kid? Who's that guy? Number 44 in New Jersey, too. Miles Wood. How the fuck that guy's on the third line is beyond me. That guy was just everywhere. Those two games. Great fucking player. Where is Andrew? All right. Here we go. Damn it. I lost it. All right. V-O-M-E is how I'm going to say it. V-O-M-E. V-O-M-E helps you take control of your health so you can improve your energy, gut health, and boost your immune system. How does it work? Test what, what are your body cells actually doing? Oh, test what your body slash cells are actually doing. Body cells. So dumb. All right. Give you

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daughter's sleeping. But I'm on a fucking roll, man. And I can't stop. All right. The Iraq War Mando scene. What is this here? Well, wait, I wanted to talk about a couple of other things first before this guy starts shitting on my fucking Boston accent, my acting. What the fuck is with Facebook Messenger? Why am I still on Facebook? Oh, because I'm a 52-year-old white guy. All of a sudden, I click on, I can't get my fucking messages. I got to sign up for this other thing. You know, if anybody out there is trying to message me through Facebook, it ain't fucking happening. I'm not going to see it anymore because I'm not doing the next level of these guys. I'm done with these guys. All right. By the way, it's Matt and Luther King Day.

All right. One of the greatest Americans of all time. And I know people try to shit on because evidently you got a lot of side posts, but that doesn't bother me. The guy's message is still, I still agree with it. So I'm going to take my kid to the grocery store today, or one of these days here this week, because I got to make my daughter a birthday cake. She wants a vanilla cake. So I found this one, this vanilla confetti cake that I'm going to make that has all these sprinkles in it and shit. It's my favorite thing to do for her birthday is I make her a birthday cake from scratch. And then what's great is I get to eat cake all week. And I got to be honest with you, I actually like cake better than pie. All right. Not to step on Sal and Joe DeRosa's

toes with their wonderful podcast. Have you seen their podcast? What is it called? Tastebuds. You got to check that out. Whenever I see a clip of that show, I can't believe how much passion I have for food. It has me yelling at my fucking cell phone screen. Just going like, you know, Joe DeRosa actually said that he liked, they were arguing on ice cream sandwich versus one of those, what do you call those things, the ice cream cookie sandwich, the chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich. And at first I was sitting there going like, there's no contest, you got to go with the chocolate chip fucking cookie with the ice cream. And I still believe that. But then I started thinking back,

I got a lot of child sense memory with the ice cream sandwiches. And I got to tell you something, Joe DeRosa advertises, if you're listening, actually made me go out because of what he said. And I went out and I bought a fucking box of the ice cream sandwiches. And I got to tell you that that's the one of the few ones where it might be a draw. Although the chocolate chip one is better tasting as an adult. I just have so many, they didn't have that when I was a kid, or at least we never got them. So I got a lot of child sense memory with the ice cream sandwich. All right, that's enough. Taste buds, check it out. I think that's it. Yeah. Okay. So let's get to some of the reads here.

All right. Iraq slash Mando scene. All right. Hi, Bill. First I'd like to say that I'm glad I finally decided to check out your podcast a couple months ago. Oh, thank you for doing that. It's been my go to podcast ever since and has gotten me through lots of long nights at work. I'll try to keep this next part short, as I'm sure you're sick of hearing this already. But your performance in season two of the Mandalorian was nothing short of amazing. I'll never get sick of that. Is it comedian to have anybody compliment my acting? It's fucking amazing. I really felt the pain of Mayfell during the table scene because I served as infantry in the Iraq war during 2006 and needless to say those were some interesting times. Jesus

Christ. I can't imagine going out on patrol and every time you take a step, you're thinking, am I going to lose my leg? Right before we deployed to Iraq, my platoon got a new platoon leader, LT, whatever that means. And this guy was a piece of work. He was all about God and country to the point that if George W. asked him to beat his pregnant wife to death, the only question from him would be if he could use his bare hands or use a crowbar. Jesus Christ. During the deployment, our fearless leader decided to disobey in order to stay off a road that was deemed too dangerous to travel on. Needless to say, this action resulted in the meaningless death of one of my friends during an IED explosion. Of course, the pieces of Cox Slime LT survived. Well, did he get court

marshaled? Or did you guys not say anything ever since that day? And even up until now, I dream of just being able to waste that piece of shit. And I could just read that feeling in Mayfell's face during the table scene. Wow, dude. I mean, if I knew this story, I would have channeled that. I was just thinking how much I hated going to summer school. That was my motivation. Kidding. Sorry, I have to do something light this up. This is a fucking heavy email here. My hat's off to you for nailing that scene and believe me when I say that you deserve more than an Emmy for that performance. Wow. I wish you and the family, I swear to God people, I didn't write this. I wish you and the family all the best and I look forward to your future

podcast and to hopefully see more of your performances in the Mandalorian in the future. Well, thank you so much. Very happy that you got back safe from being over there in Iraq. And yeah, man, I can't imagine all of that. I just can't fucking imagine just going out, going, okay, I'm on patrol. Here we go. Every single fucking day, what that would do to you. Unbelievable. Why the fuck would he go down that road? He was on some John Wayne shit, not realizing it wasn't a movie. I have so many questions about that. If you want to write back, what the fuck did this jerk off say after he got a guy killed? What a fucking,

man, there has been guys like that. I remember, I remember I said Douglas MacArthur was saying that they used to call them old blood and guts. And they were like, his guts are blood, right? Was that in a movie or something like that? It was allegedly taken from actual soldiers, accountability accounts. Anyways, I don't know. All right, let's try to get back to some little lighter here. But I definitely, I don't mind if the reads are heavy here. It doesn't bother me. All right, I just got to figure out how I can fucking flip the pancake back to old dumb freckles here. All right, Basquiette slash Basquiette, is that how you say it? Basquiette. Yeah,

I've learned that with my French studies, you know, pronounce the T unless there's an E after it. Art world. I'm learning so much French and whenever I like, when I'm on the spot, say something in French, I'm like, I don't know what to say. But I can understand it a lot better. All right, hi Bill. Oh, by the way, somebody recommended me to see this Dutch movie called another round. Check it out. Another round. I highly recommend it. And it's actually a really cool movie that is a guy you can enjoy. And if you watch it with your girlfriend and your wife, they can enjoy it too. It's just a really, really good movie. Something in it for everybody. What if you're trans? Can I enjoy? Everybody can enjoy it.

What if you're a Furby or whatever those fucking people are? Oh, by the way, did you guys see that fucking dude, man? That white guy, they took off the plane on Delta because he was one of the people that stormed the fucking capital. You are a fucking terrorist. You fucking stormed the capital. There was a cop beating the death. People fucking died. I mean, what I don't know if you watched 60 minutes last night and they broke down because I've yet to watch it because it was so fucking disgusting. I couldn't even I couldn't even watch the fucking thing. All this shit that was going on on that that goddamn thing. And I have a question for all these people out there. There's this weird combination. There's

this weird thing that people are just sort of cherry picking what they choose to believe. And I run into these fucking people that just don't want to wear a mask. And they got all these fucking conspiracies about what the government's doing with fucking the vaccine, you know, the banker, they all this all this conspiracy theory against the government and they don't trust the government when it comes to this shit. Yet they're all like support the troops and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's like, okay, so you don't support them giving you a vaccine, but you support our foreign policy. You're supporting where they send the troops. Because that's a confusion I always had with support the troops. It's like, well,

obviously I support the home team. They're defending me. But just because of that doesn't mean I can't question where they're sending the troops, right? Am I allowed to do that? It's like I support the Cleveland Browns yesterday. I do not support the fact that they didn't run the ball in the first half as much as they should have. Doesn't mean I wasn't rooting for the Browns. Right. Don't support the Browns. I'm just bringing up a question and I have a lot of questions with why the fuck we're still over there, putting the troops that I support in harm's fucking way. All right. If you've ever had the opportunity to drive a fucking Tesla,

it has made the gas combustion engine completely obsolete. And not only that, which is a good thing because we get all that oil from over there, we would buy less oil. And I would think that we have enough oil to run machines and all the other shit that we need. And we could get the fuck out of there. And I honestly believe the second we pulled out, it would be like when Russia pulled out of Europe, when Russia pulled out of Europe, it wasn't like all of Eastern Europe unified and then tried to take part of Russia. They didn't. They went back to their fights that they were fighting before the Russians were there. So I believe when we pulled out of the Middle East, they would just, they've been fighting for

thousands of fucking years. As much as we've been there for 20 years, that is literally a blip on the fucking radar to them. They would go back to their old fucking fights. So I don't know. I don't know. I support the troops. I support bringing them fucking home and keeping them safe, so they don't have to fucking have any more experiences like that fucking first first email that I got. Okay. And just because I say it that way, if you don't agree with me, doesn't mean you have to get angry and scream and yell at me, you can just make your point. Well, Bill, you know, I believe, you know, 9 11, blah, blah, blah, blah, I can listen to that and I'll be open minded and you can easily sway me back. But for the love of God, with the fucking screaming

and yelling, that's going on right now. And this is coming from me. All right. Anyway, Basquiat art world. Hi, Bill. I'm a longtime listener who is currently trying to establish himself in the art world. Your comments on the cunt in the documentary price of everything could not have been more on point. Bam. Look at that. Every once in a while, I am right. As it is the most disgusting and shallow cunts that rule the art market. Similarly to you, my introduction to the art world began with Jean-Michel Basquiat. Hope I said that right. And I began interpreting his paintings in my own way. If you or the lovely Nia like his work, I strongly encourage you to check out Psy Twombly. Or is it tombly? Or is it wombly? I never

understand which one I'm supposed to make silent. I bet the W silent. I'll say tombly. C Y is his first name. T W O M B L Y is the second one or Frederick. Oh boy. This is a Danish last name. My apologies to Frederick here. It's the capital N. And then that letter with the A and the E look like Siamese twins. B I E R. And then the O with the line through it, which I remember is the empty set from my math days or basically a line through saying you can't do it. And the last letter is D Danish guy. Best. Thank you. P S. If you have some space on your walls, feel free to check out my stuff. I give this guy a shout out at Victor V I C T O R W G R A U V at V I C T O R Victor W G R A U. Check out his shit. All right. All right. Self induced ED from jerking it too much.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. Self induced ED from jerking it too much. Or what? Much like porn or something. Hey, Bill Buzzkill. I'm a 22 year old guy whose dick doesn't work. Now it is. And you can you can you can come back. Come on, you can make it come back to keep things short. Oh, no pun intended. I've been single for a good chunk of my life. It wasn't for lack of trying. I'm just not very good with the ladies. This in turn led me to jerking off to satiate my more primal desires. I've been jerking it since I was 14 about eight years and never saw any problem with it flash forward to about a year ago. I met the most beautiful girl and we hit it off right away. She and I started dating soon after and I've been dating and I've

been dating for about a year now. The sex is great, but I've started to notice I don't have much sensitivity below the belt anymore. I did some research and I approached and I apparently gave myself ED from jerking it too much. Well, I thought that means your dick doesn't go up. Easiest solution is to stop. But after eight years of jerking it, it's kind of like asking a dog to stop licking its nuts. I want to stop because I want to be a better boyfriend for my girl and I wanted to know that I can get rid of this, but I've tried multiple times and it failed each time. Do you have any sure fire, fire ways to quit vices you were addicted to? I'd love to hear them. I hope you and your family are doing well in these unusual times.

I wish I got to see you when you came to Texas, but it, but it was, but was in university at the time, maybe next time. Thanks for all the laughs and go fuck yourself. Yeah. You know what I would do? Just go talk to a therapist who'll get you right out of that. He or she, whoever you go to will get you right the fuck out of that. That's not a big deal and that's also common. I went through a period I watched so much porn that the only way I could bust a nut was through jerking off. So then I just had to not do it for a couple of weeks and then, then I was fine again with my girlfriend at the time. So that, that happens. That's why you got to watch out for porno dude. That shit is like, you know, and then also like you just start

going down these fucking rabbit holes. Like everybody like, I remember back in the day, back in the VHS days of porno, right? You'd get a fucking porno tape and there was always something in there where you're like, Oh my God, that is, that is amazing. Like that's what I'm jerking off to. And then there'd be something on the tape like, Oh my God, that's too far. That's disgusting. If you kept the tape long enough and watched it long enough, then that thing that used to get you off didn't get you off. Then you had to go to the next fucking level. So I think there's going to be a bunch of fucking studies that are going to become way more mainstream about how bad porno is, not to mention the people that are in it. I don't want to take away anybody's livelihood,

but like, you know, there's been documentaries about what has happened to people, you know, both male and female, what happened to them as kids that makes them go into that industry. So the whole thing is just, it's, it's just not something good. I'm just assuming that you're jerking off to fucking porn, but I would, you know what I would do? I would openly discuss it with your girlfriend and just tell her 100% and just say, listen, I need to get help, because I love you and I want to, I want to get through this and just get it all out on the table. Now that it's all out on the table, you know, women, women fucking love helping the guy out that they're with. They're really great when it comes to that shit. You just got to tell them

what's going on. What they hate is when you fucking get all moody and because you're holding your shit in, just tell her what's up, go get a therapist, fucking work it out. I would literally tell us, like, listen, I'm trying to stop jerking off. I can't, I need help. There's nothing wrong with that. And you're not the only person that's had that fucking problem. So you'll be fine. All right, girlfriend turns stalker. You'll be fine. Just get help, reach out to the people around. Okay, girlfriend turns stalker. Hi, Bill. My ex-girlfriend has a personality disorder and ran out of her meds while in another country during COVID. Borders were closed. It was a small town in Peru and she should, sorry, dude, I'm,

I gotta, I gotta reread this because I've been in this situation long, long time ago. All right, my girlfriend has a personality disorder and ran out of her meds while in another country during COVID. Borders were closed. It was a small, oh my God. It was a small town in Peru and she couldn't get access to what she needed to keep her stable. To feel better, she's been abusing street drugs. Oh no. And drugs she could get from the local vegetarian like Ketamine. The fuck is that? A common animal track? Well, a veterinarian. I'm an idiot. I'm like vegetarian. What the fuck? The vegetarians have drugs. Sorry people. Veterinarian, like Ketamine, common animal tranquilizer. Long story short, after she got back to the state, she began using

other drugs and I ended the relationship. She wants to still be together to put it mildly. Since then, I have gotten at least 20 calls a day from her. I've tried several different strategies. I've tried to be her friend. That doesn't work with stalkers. I tried to say if she works on herself, we can reassess things in a year. That was a mistake. Yeah, you're giving her hope. I tried to say don't ever call me again and I want nothing to do with you. I blocked her number. That works. And she gets an app and calls me from proxy numbers with area codes from where she knows I lived. Dude, you have to stop answering your phone unless it's somebody you recognize. Trying to insinuate herself back in my life. I think you mean insert herself back into her life.

I block a number and she has another in two minutes. It is infinite. At this point, why don't you change your number? At this point, I'm absolutely ghosting her and she still calls at least 10 times a day on block numbers, which are impossible to block at this point based on my Google search wisdom. I'm at an impasse. I want to be compassionate for this human being. Dude, this is above your pay grade. This person needs professional health, but I don't want it to affect my daughter. Have you ever had a person like this in your life? What would you do? This is what I would do. I would get a new phone number. This is tough, dude. I would get professional help because if you get a new phone number, does that mean that she then will show up to your

house? Does she know where you live? If you have the funds, which I know is difficult during these times, I would move and then I would get a new fucking phone number. If you can pull off both of those. In the meantime, I just wouldn't answer my phone unless it comes in as something that you recognize. And if it's important enough, somebody will leave a message. I would talk to a cop. I would talk to people that know way more than some jerk off doing a podcast, what you do because at least this doesn't seem like she's done anything violent, but that's what I would be worried about for you and especially your daughter. So I don't know. With my situation, I just I just had to change my number and do all of that. I'm not going to get into that stuff.

That's scary shit. All right, Sergio Leone. Movies. Dear Billy the Squid. Is that because squids are red? Are you just saying I'm ugly? I don't even know. Anyway, Billy the Squid. I got to wrap this up soon here. Dear Billy the Squid, did you know that once upon a time in the West was a big influence on Breaking Bad? No, I did not. Vince Gilligan and the other writers were huge fans of it. You can see the influence and all the wide shots out in the desert. This there is even a reference to the squeaky windmill in one episode when Mike collects money in the middle of nowhere. That's so cool. Sergio Leone only directed seven movies. He's best known for the dollars trilogy with Clint Eastwood, but I would

also recommend a Fistful of Dynamite, aka Duck You Sucker with Rod Steiger and James Coburn. I'm all over that. I'm watching that tonight. His last film was Once Upon a Time in America. I've seen that with Robert DeNiro, James Wood, Joe Pesci, and Jennifer Connelly in her first role. He spent over 10 years trying to get it made and turned down an offer to direct The Godfather so you can make it. It's about an old Jewish New York gangster looking back with regret on his criminal youth. If you watch it, make sure you get the 251 minute extended director's cut, which Martin Scorsese helped to restore. Wow, okay. I know it's long, but it has an intermission built in so you could watch it over two nights. It might be on iTunes. I saw it on Blu-ray,

but I don't think you have a player. The 139 minute cut that the originally came out butchered the film. Yeah, because I didn't want to say it. I didn't enjoy that film. Didn't even make sense and got bad reviews, so make sure you don't watch that version. Okay, cool. It's only years later when the longer version came out that it became appreciated as a masterpiece. There is also a 229 minute one, but the 251 version is the closest to his true vision. It's tragic, horrifying, and masterfully directed with the great Morricone score. There are a lot of great classic films that aren't screaming anywhere and are only available on DVD or Blu-ray, so it might be a bit harder to find obscure stuff

on YouTube. I bet the criterion channel has it. Anyways, thanks and go fuck yourself. Hey, thanks for the recommendation. That's great. All right, last thing here, overrated, underrated, marrying a gamer. Hey there, old Billy Goats gruff. Your comment on the 111 podcast inspired me to write in about this. I love that my wife and I share gaming as a hobby. I know people say you should have separate interests, but getting to spend an hour or two a day every day gaming with my wife is a fantastic experience. I got to tell you something. That sounds fun as hell. I'd have a lot of fun playing video games with my wife, but I don't know if we have the time. We're in our 30s, have no kids or plan to have kids. I had a vasectomy and she had a

bilateral salpingi, I don't know what the fuck that is, aka her fallopian tubes removed. All right, well I'd say you solve that problem. We have the money and time to devote to a hobby that brings us closer together. The biggest arguments we have are when she can't follow my fucking directions when we're traveling the map on a quest. Best to you and Nia and your kids. Well there you go. That sounds, you guys sound like a fun couple. We'll enjoy your video games. All right, that's it. I got to run here today. Enjoy your day off if you got one. That is it. And thank you everybody that wrote in. Go fuck yourselves and I will check in on you on Thursday. Anything else? Yeah, go Bruins. We have the Islanders next and I think that's it. Me and Paul Verzi are doing our first

episode of the new podcast, Anything Better. That's it. I'll talk to you Thursday. Pause, Prince of Ifte, Chocolade Edges, Talos in the Promo, this is Hippie Kup, Malaysia. Van alles neem ik twee en hoe men nou en met de Erk, van ons hier zal ik passen, Ramadan oe berk. Geniet van passen en Ramadan met het verrassend en divers assortiment van Albert Heijn. En kijk zeker ook naar de tweede aflevering op de wereld in het klein.be. Dat is het lekkere van Albert Heijn.