Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-2-24

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

Bill rambles about the Rose Bowl, tailgating, and Southwestern Airlines.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 1st, 2020, Foea, another year's past, geez. I'm recording the last, um, last day of 2023, the first 15 minutes is going to be the last day of 2023. And then I'm recording the rest of this after the Rose Bowl, because I'm going to go see the Michigan Wolverines against the Alabama Crimson tide. Really looking forward to that. I know Michigan's going to try to steal some signals, but I think Alabama is okay considering they hired their linebackers. Michigan's linebackers coach from 21 and 22 for one month, you know, just to shoot the

breeze. We'll see how that goes. Now, I am turning over a new leaf. Oh, gee. I am done screaming about the prevent defense. I am now just gonna, I'm just gonna approach it because I've yet to get a fucking answer. How anybody can explain to me the purpose. I understand what the purpose is.

The purpose is to give up the mill if you keep bomb play. And by the time you get down yet, they're run out the club and you get it get it get it I just I I'm not a math guy to you. What a surprise. I'm not a reading guy. I'm barely a guy All right, I don't fucking in my lifetime Oh Billy old face here. I have seen so much shit Come and go in the NFL because it just doesn't work. Okay.

They used to be a position in the NFL called the Flanker. I never really knew what he did, but it's gone. Flanker fucking aged out. That changed. I remember all the time they'd called double reverses. You never see that anymore. It's that your liberty play. You know, fucking see that anymore. All the quarterbacks liberty play. You know fucking see that anymore all the quarterbacks

Well, white you don't see that and there was white cornerbacks They used to be star running backs that would get fucking 1800 yards You had to get like 1500 yards if you're gonna fucking win the rushing title right And everybody like the whole half the fucking league had a thousand yard all of that shit the game changed the rules changed And shit that used to work didn't with a wishbone offense in college football nobody fucking runs at anymore Maybe maybe division three team because it just doesn't work anymore But the one thing that just stays since the 19 fucking 80s is the prevent defense and I just don't get it. Okay, now I'm not going to lose my shit. I bet on the cowboys. And the cowboys won and they covered. Okay.

There was like a minute change left in the fucking game. They're in field goal position. game. They're in field goal position. It's first down. The lions have no more time out. What do they do? They throw the fucking ball. I get it. They go in for the kill shot. They don't get it. It's incomplete. Second down incomplete stops the clock. Gives the lions a time out. Then they run the ball. Then they kick the ball for a field goal. So now they're up seven. Now they could have run off another 30, 40 fucking seconds, but instead they gave the lions 40 something seconds. Okay, they kicked the fucking ball to them. They've been covering their receivers, the whole game. They've been playing great defense the whole game. Okay, the fucking score is 20 to 13. They've only scored 13 points. There's a minute 40 something

left for whatever fucking reason. They go into this soft zone, whatever the fucking call, give them a 15 yard cushion. Now I'm not good at math here, but it's 10 yards for a first fucking down. So, every throw was a first down. It was like a 25 yarder, a 10 yarder, a 15 fucking yarder, and they go right down the field. The fucking game was over. It should have been over. Next thing you know, Joe Buck is gone up another octave going to lions is still in it and I'm sitting there like going what the fuck am I watching right

now? What is the game plan here? So they let the lions just wallstown the fucking field. I will give him this. They did keep them in bounds as far as I remember. Then they get into the red zone and then they decide now we're gonna play fucking defense. We're gonna give you 60 fucking yards. And now we're gonna give you a four shots at the fucking Enzo, which they didn't even need. They didn't even need, they threw it underneath, off to the right, and then this kid, speedy McGillic, how he fucking dives into the end zone, touched out. So now I'm sitting there,

I figured what the fucking spread was that I have, was like three and a half or four, and I am like home alone, like McCauley Culkin screaming at my TV, like I'm watching the apocalypse. What? What? I'm like, what in the fuck what did I just watch? What the fuck am I watching? So then the Rams, the Rams, the Lions fucking what's his face Dan the dead coach,

former player who played on the O and 16 Lions.'s like, oh, no, motherfucker, we ain't doing that again. This is the new Lions. We're going for two. So I'm thinking to myself, the only shot I have at winning this bet is if this motherfucker kicks the extra point, we going over time and somehow the fucking cowboys shake off, fucking up the game game score a touchdown and then I can win my bet and this guy is going for two gotta love that he's like fuck you Dallas I'm going for two I know you guys saw this but I just have to work my way through this again to fucking believe what I saw fucking bite the ball. They're scrambled around blah blah. He throws it to an offensive lineman, two point conversion. Now it's 21 20 with like fucking 20 seconds left.

The fucking game is over unless the lions go into an 80 yard fucking cushion and just give him a touchdown, which at this point I wouldn't put past anybody. And then all of a sudden the ref start fucking talking Bob a Bob a bee but boo they say the guy doesn't check in and then they have footage of the fucking guy shooting a shit with the referee I guess he wasn't listening to I don't know what he was doing he was acting like it was his fucking Life saying what he wanted him to do that Saturday. I got it. I got it. I got it. I want to

and wife saying what he wanted him to do that Saturday. I got it, I got it, I got it. I want to absolutely said, the fucking guy was ineligible. I mean, I have all this footage of the guy talking to the fucking graph. So now it's 2019, the Lions, it's back to 2019. The fucking Lions get a penalty. I love that I'm laughing about it now. This is the new me because I,

I had to leave my house because my kids came home Right in the end of course, you know, it was like entrapment I was fucking cleaned up the house Dad of the fucking year and all they here coming up the house is like what the fuck Probably worse than that So my wife comes in and I get the look, right? I get the look. Like, if you're in a band and you try a fill and you fuck it up and the rhythm guitarist,

the Malcolm Young just looks over his shoulder and you're like, I'm going to hear about that one, right? Except this was an F bomb. So now they, whatever that penalty is, five yards or whatever. So now they're back on like they were fucking ten yard line or something like that and Lions coaches like fuck you He was like Joe peshi when he was playing blackjack Stick this card up you fucking ass

Stick that in Elisabeth penalty up your mother's ass. We're going for it. Like this guy's a fucking lunatic, right? He goes for it They don't fucking get it And I was just like so not only the lions not win I Don't fucking cover and I'm sitting there going how in the fuck does he go for it again? He was literally like a degenerate gambler at a crack at a fucking blackjack table three in the morning like fuck it I'm gonna I got another grand. I mean, they're going to leave with 10 grand. I just lose my final fucking thousand bucks. Um, I don't understand any of that.

If anybody can explain to me, how about when you fucking math nerds, you not football people that are fucking good with numbers. Explain to me. Like, because as far, honestly, I'm not saying the prevent never works, but it seems to me what it does is you're basically guaranteeing the other team is going to go down to the red zone and get four chances at throwing a touchdown. and get four chances at throwing a touchdown. So I know the big controversy was that the lineman, the lions are saying checked in. He was definitely, I don't know what his Andrew Thamelis hilariously said it was he asking him how his Christmas was. He was talking to him. I don't know what happened, but that's like the big controversy of the

game. Nobody is saying why in the fuck, what, why did you play that soft, the defense? You were acting like Jared Goff was killing you all day and that he had three Randy Mosses and Tony Gonzalez that fucking tied in to throw to. I'm not saying they don't have talent in those positions, but like where they sit there and they'd be like well, you know, you throw a 50 50 ball that could be fucking pass interference Yeah, that could happen the whole game that could happen the whole fucking game. It's like all of a sudden Everybody gets scared at the end of the game. It's like your defense was fucking stopping them. Just keep playing defense. They have no fucking timeouts Okay Let's say they get a couple of first downs stopping them, just keep playing defense. They have no fucking timeouts. Okay. Let's say they get a couple of first downs.

The fucking clock's gonna run out unless you're giving them such giant chunks of yardage. I'm just gonna sound like a broken record. I just literally had to get this off of my chest before I go to the Rose Bowl tomorrow, which is today when you're listening to this God willing. Well, it's something unfortunate happened to me at the game. This is my final 11 minutes of podcasting.

Yeah, I got this new thing to what I watch sports, and I'm just like, I have aged out of watching sports. I'm still going to watch them and I'm just like I have aged out of watching sports. I'm still going to watch them. I don't understand them. And it's happened to me in all sports. I don't understand why in NBA basketball, the three second rule also applies to the offensive player.

He also has to clear out fine. So he has to clear out. And then I watch a guy dunk on nobody and then scream like he's in 300 like he just fucking dunked on Moses Malone or something. Moses isn't there anymore. Moses is over by the fucking bench, waiting to catch an outlet pass so he can dribble it past the half court line and pull up for a fucking hundred foot three pointer, which inexplicably will go in. That's the one thing I do like about the NBA. It's the greatest collection of outside shooters ever. The level, the percentage of shooting is far superior to what it was when I was watching the game growing up. But when

you dunked on, when you dunked, you had to dunk on somebody. It wasn't this fucking T ball shit, right? Or guys clearing out because they don't want to get on sports center. Um, and then hockey. I watch hockey 2019 after 10 years of getting enforcers out of the league. The Boston Bruins show up in the finals with a, in the final with a, with a fucking finesse team. No more Sean Thornton's, no more fucking loose cheaches, right? And we lose to the blues who are inexplicably allowed to play old school Boston Bruins hockey. And I'm like, what the, this was penalized all year except now when it fucking counts.

Wait, wait, me, God bless St. Louis. I don't understand. All right. I don't understand why stealing signs is illegal. I don't care what technology you're doing. It's still fucking unbelievably difficult. And maybe you, you know what they're doing on one or two plays the kids your competitive edge, but does that make you win the game now Then out over there saying what the fuck they're doing. They're still disguising it. So it's still an unbelievable skill

I don't know if you've ever looked at that carbon there lips. They got all these crazy pictures and everybody's fucking Vogueing you had a fucking even figure out two plays, one play. All right. Bloods you can hire a former coach just for a month long contract. For him to sit there and tell bedtime stories about the other team's playbook. And ever done. That is, that is okay. You can crowd the plate in baseball and you can go up there like you're gonna go like you're going to mid evil times elbow pad shin pad

fucking a guard around your jaw. You can hang out over the plate and then if the fucking guy throws at you you're allowed to have a fucking temper the plate and then if the fucking guy throws at you, you're allowed to have a fucking temper tantrum and then they throw the fucking picture out of the game. You can hit a home run and stand there and admire it and flip the bat like you just reinvented baseball and nobody can throw it your head the next time or they get fucking suspended. Don't understand that how many sports we got left. What is left now? Those baseball, football, hockey basketball. I think I went to all of them, right? Yeah. I don't get it. And guess what? I finally realized that nobody cares.

So all I'm going to do now when I watch sports when something like that happens is I'm just gonna try to glance over at somebody else who's also my age and just try to get a similar look from them. Like, does that make, good, that didn't make sense to you either? Okay, fantastic. Fantastic. So, anyway, this is the big thing in my life. I'm going to the Rose Bowl. I'm taking my new truck Over there. I got the the flat top grill and I went out and I bought some ratchet straps

Which I'd never used before they're really fucking easy underrated ratchets All right, I'm back. I am back. Holy shit Holy shit what a game What a game between two-story franchises and but they patata patata patata I actually thought I was gonna go to that game be out in the elements from seven in the fucking morning until seven at night. And I was going to come home and just bang out the last 40 minutes of this podcast. What the fuck was I thinking? I was spent after that game. A glorious, glorious afternoon of tailgating morning afternoon of tailgating an unbelievable game might be the one of the best sporting events I ever went to.

Even though it was kind of a sloppy game, a lot of mistakes made by Michigan, unforced errors. And I thought Alabama didn't quite play their past football either, but it was just the fact that it was Michigan versus Alabama, Harbaugh versus Nick Sabin. I just know in 20 years, that's gonna be too cool coaches to talk about. And just seeing like the different fan bases was fucking great. The Midwest accent, you know,

oh, get some halfing half. That's shit. West accent, you know, oh, get some halfing half. That's shit. Yeah, that mixed with the Alabama fans who, most of them are cool, but they're like, this, this upper echelon of them, you know, like the, the pretty girls, you know, they were like the mini skirts with the cowboy boots and then like the guys dress like they look like they're in the Truman show it's like this guy had like a sweater vest on

with a polo shirt and like khaki pants i mean he looked like he was going to like his soft more semi formal and he's going to like a football game you know brown hair perfectly parted, like just a level of white that I can't even relate to. And I remember just looking at, I was joking with the buddy of mine. And I saw that the perfect chick he was with,

and I would just say to my buddy, go, how psyched were her parents when he came walking up the walk? Hahaha. I mean, it was, it was a sight to behold. It was like literally like, remember, what was it, trading places and he stepped on the ball.

Like literally that level. Where you know, you hear about it, but you said, like, those kinds of white people don't exist, do they? And then you go and they're there. Those are the ones that they're talking about. I'm not going to lie to you. As a white person, I was fascinated by it.

I was like, you know, and a little envious. I'd be like, what the fuck? They'd be cool to be that white. You know? It's fucking wearing a sweater vest. Just not questioning shit. I mean, it's got to be like, there's a level of bliss to that.

Anyway, so let me just take you through the whole day. I got out of my buddy's house at seven in the morning and then we were waiting for two. There was three other carloads of people, right? Three other cars. Everybody showed up. 658, 659, 7 o'clock. We were there, fucking military, right?

We load up the back of my truck, making her made in voyage to the Rose Bowl. And then my buddy, you know, he knew how to go in. making her made in voyage to the Rose Bowl. And then my buddy, you know, he knew how to go in. He just took all back roads there. It was the easiest way I've ever gotten in. No traffic, no, wow, they closed off the street, fuck, we have fucking, how the fuck do we get in, you know? I usually deal with that.

I usually have like two or three meltdowns before I go there. Most of that has to do with me, not the Pasadena Police Department. So we pull in, as we're pulling in, you know, one of the guys that's like guiding you away, he's supposed to go and goes, hey, beautiful truck. And I was like, thank you.

Very excited. So I, you know, we get this great spot, great location, mostly Michigan fans, some Alabama, you know, which was kind of how the stadium was. I felt like it was sort of 60, 40, 65, 35. And, you know, we post up, we just got the flat-trop grill, immediately cranked that thing up,

get that thing going, and I brought my coffee maker, and which was fantastic, because I got to use the three prong outlet in the tail and the bed. I found out you had to have the truck on. And I was thinking, like, Jesus Christ, I'm like, I'm gonna be like smelling this exhaust or whatever, but I don't know, we were outside, I couldn't smell smell it maybe because I don't know if diesel burns a little cleaner Or maybe I'm just fucking old. I couldn't smell it right so I start making cappuccinos and Like we had people from other tailgates. We'll just come walking over you guys got a coffee maker

You guys got a coffee maker? What? What? What? What? What? What? That's the worst, you know, when you're next to people that didn't fucking, you know, you get, you like, there's a thing where if you have a really good tailgate, you also got

to kind of be a little egg cogmido because all the bears start fucking wandering over, you know, trying to fucking stick their nose in the picnic basket. I felt bad. These guys kept coming over going like, wow, man, those burgers look good. These guys were really cool, but we only brought on, we, I don't, I don't know, trying to fucking stick their nose in the picnic basket. I felt bad. These guys kept coming over going like, wow, man, those burgers look good. These guys were really cool, but we only brought on, I've, I've, I've always had extra food, but we brought like the perfect amount where everyone could only have one burger, but, uh, we had a bunch of breakfast sandwich. We had breakfast sandwiches going, um, we had, it was very basic and it actually ended up making it work, but we

had like insane apparatus. So I was making fucking cappuccinos. The secret to my coffee is, uh, is the filtered water. I only use totally filtered pure water and, uh, I think that that makes all the difference as far as it making it really smooth and not like overly acidic. And the first 40 minutes of the tailgate, I was fucking Billy Barista over here, made like 10 cappuccinos, and I had a fucking blast doing it. And I actually was like, I got to the point where my phone was getting, you know, my milk. I was getting into a temperature because I never quite figured out how I could start making like designs.

So what happens with mine is I usually it's right at the end I can make something instead of right from the jump the way I watch these pros do it. And then what happens is it's a small window and then it's just foam and it fucks the whole thing up. But I have to do one like 10 in a row and sort of experimenting with the amount of milk, amount of air, how long I kept it underneath the steam. I was starting to get a much better consistency

so I was kind of really excited about that. But, you know, it's the best dude. You know when you're a cookout and you're making something and people are complimenting you, it's just the best. So everyone's like, oh my God. This is fucking delicious and all of that stuff. And I was the martyr, you know, I didn't make myself a cup of coffee until the last one. We were almost out of milk.

And right as I finished my coffee, my buddy Mike was bringing the first breakfast sandwiches, my coffee, my buddy Mike was bringing the first breakfast sandwiches like off the grill. I had a bacon, egg, and cheese on an English muffin with a cappuccino sitting on a golf course, on a fucking fairway with all of my friends getting ready to watch Michigan and Alabama, two storied franchises going at it. I'm not glad to you. I had some dread because every time I've gone to an Alabama game, Alabama has won. They just fucking, they're amazing. Nick Sabin's fucking amazing.

You just gotta give it up to him. They're fucking amazing. So, you know, I saw that I went to LSU. Back, who the fuck was it? So, you know, I saw that I went to LSU back out. Who the fuck was there? The guy who ate the grass was still coaching them. Death Valley, you know what I'm thinking? Lane Kiffin, that's Mississippi.

Anyways, less Myers, right? That guy was coaching up against Sabin. And I remember the whole student section, Chantin, fuck you Sabin, fuck you Sabin, because he left LSU, I think he went to Miami, he went to the pros for a second, and then went back down, took over Alabama, and basically is starting to make people forget

about Bear Bryant. Or is it least on the same level? He has to be. So, anyway, I'm sitting there with like Dread because I went to LSU game and they had him. They were ballin' out and they were just fuckin' winnin' and then they just started playing conservative and Alabama never stopped fuckin' playing. Which is something I notice about them.

They just keep fuckin', they keep the pressure on. They don't go into a pre-vent defense. They keep fucking going after you, right? So, then I saw him, Johnny Manziel, Johnny football, college station, the year after he led the Aggies to beat him in Tuscalooska. I saw that the college station one and they were fucking, you know, just Distraught not destroying, but they were they were controlling the game Texas A&M did and then half time came and Nick Sabin's fucking goddamn genius mind Oh, is this what they're doing? We're gonna do that. We're gonna do this and then they just they just fucking suffocated him in the second half I'll tell you that LSU stadium. I at the I've been looking at the I've been looking at the I've been looking at the I've been looking at the

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I've been looking at the I've been looking at the I've been looking at the I've been looking at the I've been looking at the I've been looking at the I've been looking at the is what it was. And then I saw, this one doesn't count. I saw Alabama in Alabama in like September, some cupcake game. And that was never a game. So I was thinking like, you know, I was thinking one of two things. Alabama's gonna jump out early or Michigan's gonna

fucking look like they're gonna win it. And Alabama's just gonna come back because it's just what the fuck they do. It's just what the fuck they do. That's what's so frustrating about rooting against them It's the same frustration when I was rooting against Lewis Hamilton and Mercedes all of those years You know because I can't do that. I can't just jump into a sport and just pile on with the best fucking person you gotta go for an underdog, right? And They just you know operating at a level

of excellence that other people can't keep up with and it's frustrating. So anyway. So we sit at the tailgate, we have a breakfast sandwiches and then I have like, I have a cigar, right? And we're smoking cigars and we're sitting there in the chairs and Sun's coming down. It feels great. I'm looking at my truck. I'm fucking looks beautiful. I

Got that caffeine in me, you know a little bit of tobacco getting a catch in my you know my sober buzz that I do here and As we're smoking cigars these Alabama fans the regular looking ones Not the only stump on the bowl those ones ones, right? The regular ones, not the ones who are gonna be a fucking senator someday. They came walking by and I heard one of the kids say to the other kid goes, yeah, they get the cigars out of the way early. And I didn't get it at first and I was like,

oh, he's saying we're gonna have nothing to celebrate afterwards. And I was gonna have mother fucker. And I'm thinking like, he's probably right. Everybody here is saying Michigan Everybody thinks Michigan is gonna fucking dominate. So anyway long story short We have some burgers Throw the football around and just have a great fucking time and just good feel you knew it was gonna be a fucking good game

so I Got six tickets for them are in my apple wallet and then the other one is on this other app that I had to fucking download. I didn't, I don't know where I was supposed to put it, but like I can't get on Wi-Fi because I'm standing next to 90,000 other people also using the same satellite. So there was this big fucking thing as you were trying to go in. It was hilarious. It was like all the young kids were good to go. There was some young kid, Alabama fan, helped me find my four tickets in the Apple Wallet, how to get to it. And I thanked him and everything. And then the other shit, I had to like,

I got four of us through, and then Bart Nick and Frazier, I couldn't get through him. I had the tickets, and then I had to wait till somebody came over, gave me a Wi-Fi, and I'm standing there next to this satellite fucking antenna with like five other like, you know, Gai-Co dads, all the young people just rolling through with all people like in my generation. We're like, I can't get there, I don't want the tickets, all right. So then we finally ended up getting, and we get Bartnik in.

It's a bit of a journey, getting to our seats, some bathroom flooded or something like that. And those water pouring out and shit. So yeah, I had to throw out those sneakers. So we just trudging through water that was coming out of a bathroom. I'm like, that's the water to flush the shit down, right? Not the water that was flushing shit down. I mean, I didn't see any, I don't know, whatever.

We'll just fast forward through that awfulness. But you know, that's what happens when you go to a stadium. Let's fucking over 100 years old. So we and I'm getting to our seats. And Alabama wins the toss. They defer to the second half. Here we go, you know, stealth bomber flies over the whole fucking thing we made it there for kickoff and

First play from scrimmage throat Michigan's guy rolls out throws it Right to Alabama's defender interception they go in fucking nuts, and I I just sat down going like Did I just how much money did I just waste by in these fucking tickets because it sits it you throw it I mean you're playing Alabama in the fucking Rose Bowl in a playoff your first fucking play for scrimmage you throw an interception the fucking games over This is what you're bringing against fucking Sabin and Alabama the fucking fucking games over. Fortunately, the guy was ruled out of bounds. I was like, all right, thank God for that. And then they came back and they were running the ball, moving it fine or whatever. They made out of three and out, but whatever.

The whole first half basically Michigan dominated it with yardage, time of possession and all that. Second, their quarterback like three times, they couldn't run the ball. Michigan's running the ball down their throats, but Michigan keeps making these fucking mistakes, fumbling a punt, you know, scoring a touchdown at the extra point. The fucking, they hike the ball back to the place kicker. It doesn't even get off the ground. Miss an extra point.

So instead of being like, you know, they're up 14 to nothing or 14 to 3 they give them a short field on you know the fumbled punt they score a touchdown on that. So at one point we're down seven to three by the at half time it's 13 to 10 and you're looking at the numbers going like they should be up 17 3 14 7 this should be a bit of a cushion here and I'm just sitting there going like this is what happens and now Sabin's going to go in During half time and this game is gonna fucking turn on its head and everything that Michigan's doing Alabama's gonna be doing except they're gonna be turning these drives into fucking seven points and You know, I'll say it with my brother and he knows all of this shit

He was just going like yep, we're gonna have to deal with two drives and then we're going to have to adjust to what they're doing. But he was saying, yeah, we're going to have to take a few hits here. And he was 100% right. They fucking came out like gang buses. It was like, both teams changed uniforms. Then Alabama can do no wrong and Michigan continues to, you know, be making mistakes and Alabama's players are jumping up and down, they get an amp, they get into the game and all of that.

And I'm just sitting there going like, is this going to fucking happen again? Really? I wasn't even saying that. I was like, it's going to happen. It's fucking Nick Saban. Best in the business, right? So, um, when what ends up happening? Yeah, they basically, they're up by seven.

They're up by fucking seven. We get the ball back and I'm just like, you know, I don't have any positive thoughts here. I'm just thinking like they're not gonna do it and then they just start driving and they go right down the fucking field and I don't even remember I can't remember what the fuck happened everyone was just screaming. They score a touchdown and I'm like are they gonna go for two? Are they gonna go Dan Campbell on

this shit? Are they gonna go for two here? And they bring out the place kicker. And I'm immediately thinking like, what would happen if they didn't miss that extra point? Well, probably some different shit would happen. So they tie it up, go into overtime, fucking Alabama wins the toss. They must have gotten the ball. I guess we stopped them and then we drive down the field.

Score a touchdown. Everybody's going crazy. But then Alabama gets the ball back. And I'm just going, they're going to score a touchdown. It's not going to be this fucking easy. They go, you know, we get them on fourth down or third down, was it? Break off a big run right down to the two yard line. I'm like, all right, they're going to punch it in on fourth down or third down, was it? Break off a big run right down to the two yard line. I'm like, all right, they're going to punch it and on fourth down. And they called that QB draw one too many times. Michigan was finally ready for it. And they stuffed him.

And the place goes crazy. And I was still looking at the scoreboard just to double check that that was fourth down and it was fucking over. And all of a sudden they start shooting off the fireworks and all of that and we are just going absolutely fucking nuts. I cannot believe it. I can't believe it. We'll see the Michigan Wolverines beat Alabama and Nick Saban in a fucking playoff game

in overtime. It was incredible. I'm not gonna lie to you. It was a fucking sloppy game. It was a sloppy game and those fucking reps, man. They missed, you know, I want to see that number 44 in Michigan. What the unnecessary roughness thing that he did versus when, you know, this Michigan player, you know, wide receiver and cornerback were sort of battling each other. And the Alabama guy grabbed the Michigan guy by his helmet and just threw him down on the ground. Well, after the play was over in front of two officials, the whole

stadium saw it. Nothing, no flag. And then there was another one when they were Michigan quarterback was running out of bounds and the guy threw them down on the ground out of bounds, nothing. And I also thought their spots were very generous, but I mean, I'm also was like really rooting hard for Michigan. So I'll give you maybe the spots weren't as generous is my fucking maize and gold eyes were Maize and gold blue and maize. I'm fucking shot from the game. Sorry Amazing gold But on those unnecessary roughnesses. I thought somewhere along the line that they were gonna even that up But fortunately it didn't end up being a factor and they fucking beat him and all of a sudden we are literally one game away. I don't keep saying weak.

I know it's not my school but like I have friends who went there whatever had family from out there but they could actually fucking win this thing. We shall see but I heard Washington has an unbelievable coach. All right, this is the end of the football podcast. All right. I I gotta stop with this because I'm probably like nobody's listening at this point. As I try to remember a game, I literally just fucking watched.

All right, let's do your questions here for the week. Now, Christ, do I have to turn my goddamn thing back on? No, I don't. All right. Why Russell Wilson was benched? Dear Bill Bolinikov. Burr, you talked briefly about Russell Wilson's benching, but you didn't mention the real reason, all the real reason, a contract dispute.

Well, that's because I didn't know that. And I don't have time to watch sports the way I used to. So, okay. So it was a contract dispute. News broke that Broncos' management actually approached Wilson the day after he beat the chiefs and they told him they'd bench him for the remainder of the season if he didn't remove an injury clause from his contract.

Well, you shouldn't have fucking signed it, you can't fucking do that. So the Broncos are being constorned. Basically, the clause says he will receive 37 million guaranteed if he can't pass his physical five days into the next NFL season. Wilson later confirmed that confirmed this news and explained that he purposely had that clause written in because he's more injury prone due to his age and style of play. Well that was a smart move by him and ownership shouldn't have signed it.

I'm still on Russell's side here. An interesting side note is that the reporter who broke the story is Jordan Schultz, son of Starbucks founder Howard Schultz. Anyway, I'm not a Russell Wilson fan, but the Broncos organization is shameful for how the treating him. Okay, good, you agree. They agreed to this contract, and it's highly inappropriate to pull this move late in the season.

Well, yeah, that's what, yeah, that's how it works. Like, you can't do that as a player but you know or as an artist but like the the ownership or streaming service or the studio yeah they they hold all the cards they try to pull this shit anyway they agree to this contract and it's highly inappropriate to pull this move this late late in the season coach Peyton continues to say publicly that he has no knowledge of this contract stipulation and that the benching is performance based, but that seems like total horse shit given the news and the fact that the benching was threatened after he beat the chiefs.

I used to like Peyton, but he's been pretty classless ever since he took this latest job. If you remember, he began his tenure by publicly trashing his predecessor, Nathaniel Hackett. No, I missed all of this. On a completely unrelated note, just watched old dads found it pretty entertaining. Oh, I'm glad you fucking raised your eyebrows a little bit, Turner. I particularly liked all the cameos from your friends,

like Verzy, Bartonick, and Steph Tolliff. All the cameos from your friends like Verzy Bartnik and Steph Tollif. You're like a great value version. Adam Sandler. I don't know what that means. Adam Sandler always gives you great value. Anyway, anyways, all the best and go fuck yourself. All right, well thank you. I think you like the movie. Pretty much liked it. All right, classic cars, Deer Billy Blue Balls. Sorry, you're married with two children, right? No, why would you say that? Big fan from the Huki Lau in Massachusetts, the Huki Lau. Wow, that was in chickpea. I used to

open for Dave and Alan Greer and Bobby Collins and all these guys out there. From the Huki Lauer Massachusetts to the Wammu in Seattle, I don't know what that is. You mentioned dabbling in classic cars on your last podcast. As someone who has literally been in the auto business since I was 12, now 71, I've done many times what you describe, which is basically buying a car, you can afford enjoying it by driving it, shows, cruise nights, then turning it over. It's fun and very affordable. I know you have a young family in today's economy.

Believe me, I'm doing great. I'm not even going to lie. I'm doing better than I ever thought I would be doing in me, I'm doing great. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm doing better than I ever thought I would be doing in life, but I appreciate that. Once you get the hang of it, you can actually make money, not much, but at least it's not always a money pit. And therefore, keep upgrading as you go.

The best part for me is the thrill of the hunt. As soon as I get my newest acquisition home, I'm looking for the next and almost always only one at a time. I hope you have fun with it. The rental idea sounds lame. Peace. Well, the rental idea is a way to fucking drive like 20 different cars in 20 weeks. But I get it. I wish you told me the cars that you had. But I get it. I wish you told me the cars that you had. I'll tell you, I like...

I don't know. I just want something with a stick shift too. I kind of want something like that. And I was looking through some cars the other night. I found one, one of the ugliest cars America ever made, which was the 1978 Oldsmobile cutlass, which from the front looks like it's a four-door sedan for a businessman and in the back it looked like a hatchback. It's like if a mullet was a car. Remember, business in the front party in the back, this is kind of what it was. It was like this bizarre attempt at making like a fast back It was like this bizarre attempt at making like a fast back. And it was also, I want to say it was a four doors sedan, which was really bizarre. I even think there, four, four, two, that year was a four doors sedan.

You probably could get it in two doors, but, just want to ugly, ugly cars, that, the Chevy citation, and I've got to have a third one in there. Just want to the uglier uglier cars that the Chevy citation and Got to have a third one in there I don't know just for lame purposes the Mustang 2 Like most sequels was not as good as the first all right Southwest Giving fatties and extra seat is not okay. I think it is, then they're not rubbing up against you and they've got plenty of places,

plenty of surface area for the big fat ass. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dear Bill, last week you mentioned that Southwest Airlines would give an extra seat to overweight passengers as a courtesy and that you were okay with it. You failed to realize the implication for airline staff. Oh, did I fail to realize? You failed to realize my opinion on it. Fucking relax. All right, stop talking to me like you're my fucking boss. You fail to realize

that implications, the implications for airline staff, especially pilots, a large percentage of working airlines pilots, pilots, sorry, get to their origin airport via commuting from their home city. They do this by commuting via standby. A.K.A. ride on unsold seats. Um, you know, the fucking airline should buy a seat that cheap cuts. Um, if the last available seat is given away to an overweight person, wow, I love how you just made that up. This means that the pilot who is simply trying to get to work or get home will be denied

boarding and could ruin their entire day. This is a hypothetical. And what you fail to realize is that you don't run an airline. So you don't know. You would have to call Southwest and see if this is actually a thing. You just made this up. You're going chicken little on me. Imagine working a four day trip dealing with weather, maintenance, ATC delays, sleeping

in dirty hotels and armpit cities. Is that where they sleep? What are they? Comics without a following? They're flying for a major airline. And the only thing getting you through it is the fact you get to celebrate your kids birthday, the day you come back, just like a fucking lifetime movie. You arrive at the airport, late in the day and speedwalk between terminals.

So you can make the last flight of the day home. You show up covered in sweat in the gate agent said, sorry sir, we're full. Just give the last seat to this fatty. You now have to get an Uber that wreaks like cigarettes to the country in down the street and try again tomorrow. This is the implication. Sincerely an airline pilot.

All right. Well, I guess I got trumped on that. Um, well, I would say this, your union sucks. Most union suck at this point. I don't know why. I'm listen, well, maybe I failed to realize that because I don't fucking fly airplanes commercially. You failed to realize that when you say you fail to realize to somebody and then use the

word implications that immediately they're being talked down to and they're not going to listen to what you have to say. But this is the new me. This is the new me in 2024. All right, I got defensive. Had nothing to do with you. That's just my childhood fucking issues. Well, sir, I got to tell you this, why the fuck does Southwest

Airlines stick you in shitty, in shitty hotel rooms? You know why that is? Because corporations are a fucking plague on society because every quarter they have to make more money. And they cut costs anywhere that they can and they just keep fucking people over until we push back. And at some point you have to fucking push back. There's no fucking reason that an airline pilot that has all those lives, you know, in his or her hands should be treated like that. You should be staying at a fucking four star goddamn hotel They're just criminals because all the money that they save Sticking when that shit hotel they just put in their own pocket

They don't give it to shareholders. They don't pass it on is you know a little bit slightly cheaper fucking a little bit slightly cheaper fucking airline tickets or whatever. Well if I'm to believe that person was actually an airline pilot rather than somebody that just hates fat people, I want to say it's shocking that they treat you that way, but I am in the entertainment business and I see the way that they treat writers and actors and all of that type of stuff. They literally don't wanna pay you. And all this new technology that's coming out, AI and all of that shit is just, it's not for us.

They're gonna make it seem, oh, this is gonna be great. It isn't, it's for them. It's for them. So they will finally have a workforce that won't have rights and Complain. They want to go back to slavery except this time they're going to do with robots. How to handle people driving too fast on your street? Dear Billy pumpkin muffler

My apologies to the airline pilot. All right. I get into my own feelings there. You're 100% right. I mean, you do it for a fucking living. Alright, they give them an extra seat. Somebody on that board must have like a fat wife or something. Why the fuck would you, I don't understand like, why would you, now I'm on the other side. Why do they, why do you have to pay for another seat, right? I don't know.

I will say though, you know, even though you are an airline pilot, that whole fucking email, that literally read like a made for TV movie. Like what was that movie with the three ghosts? Chris Cringle? The night before Chris and the nightmare on Elm Street. The night before Christmas. Never news of Scrooge. How to handle people? It's going to give up. how to handle people driving too fast on your street Dear Puppet muff Burr not even pumpkin pubes pumpkin muff I'm hoping to get some advice

Play the tune oh my god. I can't remember how it used to go. It's time for advice With your host Billy Burr and I'm fucking done it, done it. It was somebody else. I came up how that went. I have a year and a half old daughter and my wife and I are starting to get nervous about the cars that speed down the street in front of our house now that my daughter is running around.

Do you have any creative and legal ideas to get cars to slow down? Mary Belated Christmas, hope you have a happy new year and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I think the only way around that is, you gotta somehow petition the city for speed bumps. And then even then, people could do that. Rrr, in between the two of them.

They're, I don't know, the way people drive, sometimes it's because they don't have kids. They don't think like that. And they're also young. And it's just something about like being young and going fast, like you just, you don't have kids. It's just, it's just how they're gonna drive. So you gotta get some speed.

I mean, I drove like that when I was a kid. You just not thinking because you're young. So I am, I am, first of all, I'm flattered that you would think I would have an idea. I guess petitioning the city is probably too difficult. I mean, I don't know what to do. That took me back to a time when we used this kids on trash day. One time we took like five trash barrels and put them straight across the street, right

around a blind turn, and then we went across the street, and we climbed this tree, like right next to the trash cans. And it was also, like that wasn't dumb enough. It was also the fall. So like the leaves were off the trees. So there was just like four or five kids up in this tree and this guy came around. There's the 70s. He came flying around the corner in this big boat of a car and he locked him up, you

know, drum breaks. And he gets that. And I remember he's like, ah, who's the wise guy? I see you. I see you up in the trees. You think this is funny? You can kill somebody. You know. And what was funny was we didn't say anything. We were just looking at him. As he was yelling at us. We were just hanging on, swinging in the breeze

and I do remember he put two on one side and three on the other and just got his card fucking drove away. You can't do that. Well back then there was also metal trash cans too. Yeah, you can't do shit like that. I would Google how to get people to slow down. You know, you don't have wanna be that guy out there going, slow down, because all they do is give you the finger

and then they beat their horn at you and then it makes you a matter. So I would just make sure my daughter plays in the backyard and I would have a fence, but I feel your pain. I definitely feel your pain. I have not, I've chosen not to live places because... Because my big... You know, actually, here's something for you.

If you are a house hunting, a major red flag is speed bumps on your street. That means people cut through your street during rush hour. And also, they're trying to take a shortcut, so they're going to be hauling ass. Between the speed bumps, there's also going to be a lot of traffic on your fucking street. You don't want shit like that. You don't want that and you don't want an RV. Okay, two major red flags. An RV on your block is not a good sign. Yeah, other than that, check the water pressure and fucking good luck to you. All right, that's the podcast, everybody. Happy New Year to everyone.

Congratulations to the Michigan Wolverines and the Washington Huskies. I missed the last minute and a half unless something absolutely fucking crazy happened. Should be a wild one next Monday night and I can't believe Michigan is one game away has not won since 1997. And they've won a bunch of national championships, but most of them were before Jackie Robinson. They only have won in the modern era. So I think it's

time for them to get to it. It's going gonna be a great one because I don't when is the last time in Washington Huskies One one if they've ever won one. I can't remember them Remember them winning the Rose Bowl when I was a kid, but I don't remember them ever winning one All right, that is the podcast. Thank you For listening go fuck yourselves. I will check in you in on you on Thursday. I'm doing a fast people starting the day starting the year three day fast. I'm gonna try to get in the best shape I can at my age. I'm done being a fucking idiot. I'm gonna get my my self-under control. That's my goal here for 2024. Hope you guys have a happy and a healthy one. All right I'll see you on Thursday.

Drap's fucking fantastic and I loaded in the grill with the buddy of mine and had the thing fucking snug as a bug and a rug there and It's a bungee shit just for like coolers and stuff I know people the blunders usually fucking move around with the weight of the fucking goddamn beer. They're not gonna I'm not gonna be doing dukes, it has her shit. So, very excited about that and my Ford F250's got a three-pronged outlet in the back and I'm bringing my cappuccino maker. So I'm gonna be fucking, and I think I'm bringing a toaster for the English muffins. I'm not doing that, I'm gonna fucking toast them up on the grill.

What am I fucking Betty Crocker over here? I'm gonna go ahead with a bunch of appliances. What do you do next? Bring an apron your little fucking fairy there, geez. So I'm looking forward to the tailgate. We got We got egg sandwiches on English muffins for breakfast. We got burgers and dogs nice and simple. I'm going to have cappuccinos. The other guys are bringing beers. I'm drinking waters. I'm making it in time for the kickoff. I'm rooting for Michigan, but it is an unbelievable honor as a sports fan to watch these two great schools go at it in a playoff game in the granddaddy of them all.

It's Michigan versus Alabama. And I'm going to the fucking game and I still can't believe it because my tickets are on my phone, which I still don't understand. Like the amount of apps that I had to download, I had to go to my email and accept the tickets. Then I'd come in and you need a different fucking app, even though with a ticket master, you need this fucking app. And then that app tried to take me to another app. I had to call my fucking web guide and try to get me fucking through the whole thing. I finally have the tickets through my Apple wallet, which isn't really a wallet, but they are to

until that guy, I mean, the amount of people that are gonna lose their phone being shit faced out in that golf course, and not only they're gonna lose their phone, they're gonna lose their fucking tickets. I mean, we used to go and you would get a ticket and then you just bought the thing at the game and you put it around your fucking neck like like like the cowbell on a fucking cow and it was impossible to lose. Although Joe Bartonick did do it one year. He had it in his back pocket and was absolutely shit face and we had to leave him behind like

Willem DeFoe and fucking Platoon, but that's a different story. Anyway, this is the end of the holidays. I hope you guys enjoyed your break. I hope you enjoyed your time with your family, friends and all that type of shit. I hope you avoided fucking assholes that even though maybe they're related to or they were friends that you don't need to deal with them anymore. And you know, just think in 2024, if you cut out all the pain in the asses in your life how much better your life would be. Yeah if someone's a fucking a lot of work you know make your life easier give yourself less work. Yeah that's it that's

what I got I'm gonna go to the game and thank you guys for buying tickets to my show again this year I know I always say this, but I Can't tell you how much I appreciate it how much it means to me and thank you for listening to my Podcast thank you for watching old dads Thank you for watching Leo and All the specials great specials that we put out at all things comedy a T.C. That is it. I'm looking forward to another fun year of stand up out on the road. And I have been, I have not been laying low. I've been hitting the clubs. And I kind of got a new 15 minutes that I'm fucking excited about. And that all kicks off the weekend

of the Super Bowl in Las Vegas is when I start back out. So starting off with a bang out in Vegas, me and Versi, we're going to be doing anything better live podcast out there. So if you go into Vegas for the Super Bowl, police swing by and see us, we would love to have you. And maybe one of you guys can explain the pre-vent defense to me. Maybe a football coach will go to the game and actually give me numbers because it has to work. There's no fucking reason why these people would be continuing to run this thing.

Mike McCarthy doesn't want to get fired. These guys don't want to get fired and they're still fucking doing it. So it has to on some level, it has to work. And who the fuck am I? I'm just some jerk off for comedian that fucking does shit jokes and talks about his dick on stage. Why would I understand football at that level? So there you go.

That's what I got. It's your first fucking, it's your last 20 minutes of 2023. Happy new year to all of you and I will talk to you through the magic of editing in two seconds after the Rose Bowl. Go Blue. Happy New Year to all of you and I will talk to you through the magic of editing in two seconds after the rose bowl. Uh, go blue.