Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-20-14

Episode Date: January 21, 2014

Bill rambles about California fires, how to watch the Super Bowl, and being the Ed Tom Bell of sports fans.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, January 20th, 2014. What's going on? How are you? How was your week? Did you enjoy yourself? Did you survive the weekend and all the big football games and all the screaming and yelling there? I had a fucking, I had a great weekend. I have to tell you that. First of all, before before I get going, just in case there's any concern, I am okay. All right. And I'm not talking about the Patriots losing. Oh, yeah. I'm talking about the fucking fires in California. You know, it's fucking hilarious. One of the greatest things that can ever happen to you as far as you, uh, that I spelled douche wrong for my little notes here, douche on Southwest.

I spelled the D O U C H. Let's see French spelling. Um, I'll get to that story later. Um, one of the greatest things you can do as far as like understanding the news a little better is when the big news story is happening where you live and you just watch how it's fucking reported. Um, I had a gig this weekend in, uh, in Albuquerque, New Mexico. And, uh, you know, this time of year, the hills catch on fire. It happens every fucking year. This year there's a drought, so it's worse. All right, but this happens every fucking year. And the way they report this shit, they never just say that this is completely natural, that this is the natural cycle of, uh, of nature out here. Basically what happens to recap, because I think I went through this before,

basically what happens is, um, here in Southern California, what happens is, uh, for like a month every year we get rain. It rains like a motherfucker. That isn't even rain. Like, it pours a few days and everybody freaks out and they can't drive because it hasn't rained in like 11 months. So all the oil and transmission and brake fluid gets mixed in with the water and it's, it's actually, it's a, I would say it's like a little bit slicker than it is back east, but everybody out here acts like they're driving in two feet of snow. It's fucking ridiculous. Um, but anyways, what happens is all that water comes and then all the hills, all the mountains, all that shit turns a beautiful color green, you know, and it's lush and it's beautiful looking

and all that. And then basically the rain fucking stops and occasionally you will get rain. And, uh, then sometime around the summer, the fucking summer, um, I don't know, like August, September, whenever the October summer way around there, we get what's known as the Santa Ana winds there and they come in from the east and these fucking things will like, you know, if you had shutters, they blow them shut and open. I mean, they're really strong winds, especially if you're in the hills a little bit, um, cause it's just flat land out here. And what happens is it goes across the Mojave Desert. All right. And it picks up all that hot air and it's basically like a giant hairdryer and it dries out the fucking hills.

And then inevitably a fire starts and it burns out all the brush and then it starts a new lush and beautiful every year. But the problem is, is we've outfucked the flat lands. The problem is we don't like living near one another. The problem is we like to have status. I want to look down on you. I want to be away from you. Your fucking music's too loud. I don't like the smell of your food. I don't want my kids hanging out with your kids. So we move up into the fucking hills. And next thing you know, rich people with fucking gold bracelets start getting eaten by bobcats or whatever, scratched up by them, eaten by mountain lions and their fucking house is burned down. But it is 100% natural. And then what always ends up happening is some

fucking douche on the East coast, what they, and it's not their fault because when they show this shit on the news, you know, I was out here and I went through, I went for a hike and I was able to see out, and I could see a fire out in way out in Pasadena. And it's fucking amazing, giant fire and this type of shit, but whatever. It's just, but it's like fucking, I don't know, 30 miles away, whatever, 20 miles away. It's not a problem. But I landed in Albuquerque and they were showing the fires. And the way they were talking about them, you would have thought the entire state was engulfed in flames. I had like five people call me to make sure I was all right. Hey, I'm seeing this, I'm seeing this stuff in the nose. I'm just making sure like, like the whole fucking state is on fire,

like we're all out here with that fucking garden hoses. And they just completely zoom in on the fire. And that's exactly what it looks like. It literally looks like hell on earth. It reminds me of when I lived back East and there would be a hurricane. It actually was downgraded to a tropical storm. Then it just kind of rained. Do you remember that news clip with that woman was in the boat, you know, acting like she was in four feet of water. And then those construction workers came walking by and it was like, it was like fucking ankle deep. That's what they do. So I'm just like, you know, California is a beautiful fucking state. It's not on fire. The fires are natural as they are with all forests. I don't, you know, I'm not a fucking nature guy.

I don't know it to that level, but I do know it burns it all out and it causes it to come back even more healthy or every fucking year. Now, if you want to be, you know, a gambler and build a house in the middle of the shit, you know, there's a chance one day it might burn down. All right, but actually, you know what? I'm, I'm fucking up here. I should just roll with it and act like the entire place is on fire and maybe less people will move out here and we can drive a little, we can drive a little more. But Verzi actually sent me a text. He said he was watching the LA fires or whatever the California fires and he was just saying like, you know, the usual, that's God's way of saying you shouldn't live out there. You know,

meanwhile he lives in fucking New York. You know, it's fucked up about New York and why people are way more polite than they give them credit for it. When you're on the subway, pretty much people are polite because you're all mixed in together and you have no idea who or what is next to you and what the fuck they did in the last 24 hours. Forget about the last 24 minutes. They could have just stabbed somebody. They could have somebody fucking locked in the closet and they're fucking apart. You have no fucking idea. So generally speaking, you're on your best behavior when you're on the subway, but you know, I don't fucking know, you know, they always, they always just show all the worst. It's a fucking great state and whatever catches on fire. I mean, we have to, we have,

something has to happen to pay for the fact that it's 60 degrees out and I don't have to shovel my out of the fucking parking spot. Right. So just let you know in case you were concerned, in case you were thinking like, Hey, I always wanted to move to California, but the entire state is engulfed in flames once a year. That isn't true. Yes, we are having a drought. And I don't know if that has to do with just a natural cycle or the fact that there's over 7 billion people getting up every day and they got to take a shit and has to go somewhere. And maybe eventually that leads to a drought. I have no fucking idea, but I'm just letting you know the whole fucking state isn't on fire. All right. So in the words of Martin Short, relax your crack. Okay. So anyways, this is

the Monday morning podcast. Oh, and I got it. So I got to talk about the douche on Southwest. So I went to Albuquerque this weekend and I had a fucking unbelievable time. I have not been back there since all those wonderful episodes of Breaking Bad that I got to be on. And you know, I was going to go on a hike. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to do that. But you know, Nia had some friends out there. We were going to go to lunch. You know, that is it'll only take like an hour. That's three hours. You know, so I'm just like, I'm too fucking old to, I'm too old to fucking hike and have a social event in one day and then actually give any sort of a decent, decent performance. So I was like,

all right, fuck it. I'm not going to go on the hike. I'll go over and we met. I met Nia's friends and they were, they were awesome fucking cooked up burgers, the middle of the day, you know, those homemade burgers that are way bigger than the ones that you get in a restaurant and then you eat them and you don't feel 60 stomach afterwards. Fucking phenomenal. And the people's house we went over to, they had all these beers and that type of stuff and I stayed away. I was a good boy so I could have the show, but I know myself at this point. So I still, that I can't do all of those activities in one day. So I just decided like, all right, I'll just do the social thing and I'll chill out, which was actually really cool because I've been to Albuquerque a

bunch of times and I never got to ride around and see any of it. And it's really, really fucking cool placement, really, really cool. So anyway, so that night I was at the 66 Casino, meaning basically Route 66. And one of the coolest looking casinos I've seen, I'll try to have some images up for you. You know, you try to take pictures of those casino lights and it never comes out on your cell phone, at least the one that I have, the 4th. But it was really cool. Like the hotel had like that, you know, the Route 66 sign, instead of the 66, it just said hotel. It was all lit up and then, you know, it's Native Americans own it. And then the arrows pointing in where to go were literally like arrows and they looked like they were stuck into the ground. They were all lit up.

It was fucking badass. It was badass. And then I got to play in the, the name of the theater was the Legends Theater. I played a place called the Legends Theater. I remember I was doing some press for it and they said, what can people expect when they come down to the Legends Theater? And it's like, well, they should expect to see a legend. They shouldn't expect to see me go fresh out of the fucking horse stable. Where do I go? Is this the way to the green room? Is there going to be a lot of people? I'm scared. Fortunately, it all went, it went great and fucking great people out there, man. Once again, and this was another place that was supposed to be a stop on the Billy Red State tour. And I don't know, for any comics who are listening to this, don't buy into that horseshit

that these are flyover states. They're beautiful places to go and the people are ridiculously appreciative that you showed up. They're psyched and they always say the same shit. Can you tell this person, tell this person? You know, they're always asking for Jim Norton and all these guys that I know from the Opie and Anthony show telling them to come out there. You know, we like comedy too. So I passed the word on to them and a lot of them have started coming out, which is cool. I just hope that they don't become, I don't know, all jaded like when you play like the bigger cities and just like, whatever, whatever, man, you know, I got other things to do, man. It was great. And they actually bought a bunch of DVDs, which is phenomenal because I got a bunch of them sitting

in my garage. I feel like my garage is filled with fucking laser discs. You got to get those things out of there. Anyways, so, oh, the douche on Southwest. Sorry, I'm all over the place today. So we're flying back. Quick flight back. I want 45 minutes fucking phenomenal. And, you know, the Southwest people, they always try to be funny, put a smile on your face. Most of the times they're not. And this guy was actually kind of funny. Then we go to land. We're landing in Los Angeles. And this fucking asshole gets on the fucking mic and starts going, you know, he's like going, welcome to Los Angeles, which is a interesting place. Yes, very interesting. Kept doing this weird laugh. And I'm looking at, yeah, first of all, it sounded creepy as fucking

hell. I don't want to be homophobic, but the guy sounded gay, you know, the gay accent. So I used to do a joke on this, like gay people come from all 50 states yet. They kind of all have the same accent, which isn't true. But generally speaking, there is a gay accent, which makes no sense. How did that joke, that's how that joke used to go. Like if you were gay from Alabama, you're like, hey, buddy, I'd really like to suck your dick. Like that's the way you should sound to do a stereotypical redneck accent with my stereotypical gay accent. Right. But they don't. I grew up in Alabama. Let's just say I'm not going back there. It's probably more valley girl. You know what the fuck I'm saying? That's what the guy sounded like. So I'm just sitting there on the back going like,

you know, this guy get blown in West Hollywood and somebody stole his wallet. Did he want to be the next Jim J? Buffins, whatever the fuck the guy's name is from too close for comfort. I don't know what his fucking deal was, but I'm just sitting there on my head going yet another most fucked up thing about living in Los Angeles. I've never lived in a city where everybody trashes it. Everybody just shits on it. And it kills me about that. That's the only fucking city where you could do that. I guess you can kind of make like a gambling joke, but you can actually land in Los Angeles, not give a fuck that everybody there lives on the plane for the most part lives there and then just shit on it. I can't fucking draw me nuts. Strive me fucking as much as an

interesting place. It's just like, well, what the fuck are you doing? What makes you such a good person? What happened to you here? Huh? What sitcom did you test for? And you got too coked up the night before and you fucking blew it. Huh? What were you supposed to be unwilling grace there? Sorry. You know what it is? I'm defensive of LA at this point because I have to live out here because this is the fucking business. I don't have to, but you know, it makes life a lot fucking easier to be where everybody else is in this business. You know, if I was into fucking computers, I'd go move up to the fucking, uh, the valley up there, the Silicon Valley, which for the life of me, I don't know what, why do they call it silicone?

Isn't that what's in fake titties? Is it? I don't fucking know. Anyways, let's do a little bit of advertising here. Oh, thanks to everybody who listened to the very special, um, bonus podcast this week with Jay Moore. If you didn't listen to it and you always wondered what Harvey Kytel would sound like doing bad 80 standup. It's a musseless. It really is a musseless. Nothing but rave reviews, um, other than one, one person, one person shit on it was saying how lame, uh, Jay Moore was and he called them J snore. So literally this person is telling me that my guest is lame and then his joke is a pun. You know, that kind of kind of kills your credibility. Uh, I think Jay's a fucking genius man. My face actually hurt from

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with scruff. Now I'm leaving with the full beard. We get it. I'm there for a long time. We all know you go in there. Drugstores are the absolute worst. It's just a complete, uh, cross pollination of everybody from alcoholics and drug addicts. I was in the, the, the CVS the other day or the Dwayne Reed and Dwayne Aid, whatever the fuck they have out here. And this fucking dude came in with just pants on. That's it. Just pants on. He didn't have on any underwear because I could see at least three quarters of his ass crack hanging out of the back of his fucking pants. And he wasn't even that fat. He had a beer belly, but he's still at his, he's still at his high school hips or maybe he just pushed his fucking quarter Roy's down that far. You know,

so he walks out, I walk up behind him. He has a dollar in his hand and for some reason he fucking spits a glob of spit on it and then sticks it to the side of the, of the, uh, the CVS Dwayne Aid Reed fucking thing there. Right. And then walks away and within two seconds it's blew down on the ground and I was just like, well, I guess that's what I would do if I didn't have a wallet. I have no idea, but I don't want to look at that. That's why dollar shave club, everybody. Um, right now, dollar shave club for a couple of bucks a month, you could avoid that nightmare and you can get amazing quality razor blades delivered right to your door. They can't make it any easier. That's right. No more wasting time and no more getting hit up for 20 bucks every time you buy razors.

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balance high, I point, I point down and then I point up. I don't know why desperately trying to help myself have a good read. It's part of my ritual. Okay. Hulu plus Hulu plus everybody, you've probably tried Hulu.com unless you live in under a rock. Now with Hulu plus, you can watch your favorite shows anytime, anywhere. Hulu plus lets you watch thousands of hit TV shows and a selection of acclaimed movies on your television or on the go with your smartphone or tablet. And it all streams in HD for the best viewing experience with Hulu plus. You can watch your favorite current TV shows like Saturday Night Live, Community and Family Guy. You can also check out exclusive content, including Hulu originals like The Awesomes starring SNL Seth

Myers and Moon Boy starring Chris O'Dowd from bridesmaid bridesmaids. Hulu plus also offers a great selection of acclaimed films for only $7.99 a month. You can stream as many TV shows and movies as you want, wherever you want. Right now you can try Hulu plus for free for two weeks when you go to Hulu plus.com slash bill. That's a special offer from my listeners. Make sure you use Hulu plus.com slash bill. So you get an extended free trial and that they know that we send you go to Hulu plus.com slash bill now or click the Hulu plus banner on the podcast page at billbird.com. All right, there you go. There's two, two reads two down. What do I got to go one two? All right, two and two, two and two this week, people two and two. We gotta find ourselves a new

kind of energy. All right, what to talk about next? Oh, this week. Oh, Billy Redface. Oh, alabaster chest. Oh, milky legs himself. It's going to be out in Hawaii. Honolulu Hawaii. I'm doing a show out there on Friday night. And it's just me, myself and I. I don't have an opener. It's just going to be me. And I'm going to be doing a whole bunch of material because I'm getting ready to do a special this year, baby, getting ready to do another one. I got to be honest with you. I don't know what I'm going to put it out on. I feel like I still have to make DVDs for people my age and on up who like to have the hard copy. You know, did I mention that Nia hooked up our stereo? I bought her this stereo when we first started dating. It was one of the,

I think our first Christmas together. That's what I got her. And I was sitting there going like, I don't know if she's going to like this, but she seemed like sort of an artsy nerd like me. And I'm not really artsy, but whatever. I'm a fucking nerd. I get into shit. And I took a shot. She absolutely fucking flipped out. She loved it. So she was living, you know, wasn't living with me at the time and I hooked it up. And I don't know what happened. I forgot how to do it. The wires got crossed through moving, I don't know, a few years ago when we were still living in an apartment. It was the last time I hooked it up properly. And I don't know what was going on. I couldn't figure the fucking thing out when we moved into our house. So it's just been sitting there.

And I figured it was a few years old. I thought it was broken. So I go on the road and when I come back, she had the whole thing set up and was playing like some Pink Floyd and all this type. It was fucking awesome and emasculating all at the same time. And how the fuck did I get into that? I was just going to Hawaii. The hell was my point there? I don't fucking know. Oh, I know. Yeah, I was talking about what am I going to put out my new album on? I have no idea. Oh, maybe like, you know, people will still like DVDs. I have no idea. I'm still going to burn off some. I can tell you right now, I'm not going to make 5,000 of them. I have 4500 of them sitting in my fucking garage like I have a second car that doesn't go anywhere.

Jesus, you know, one of my goals in life is to have a clean garage. I don't want to be that guy that has the fucking garage that you can't even put the car in. Thank God I got my old truck sitting in there. So that takes up most of it. I got to pull you guys want to hear about my garage? We'll go around the garage. I got my 68F 100 3 on the tree over there. And then I got the, I got a, I got a pull up dip station. And then on the ground, this is thing for push-ups if you want. But I still have those perfect push-ups things. I don't know if they're perfect, but they're fucking hard. I can tell you that. And then what else do I have? I have a 10 or a 12 speed bike that I bought when I was like in

either, I think the ninth, ninth grade. I've had it forever. I still ride the fucking thing every once in a while. Can anybody explain to me why if you don't, if you ride a bicycle every day, it doesn't really need air in the tires, but if you just let it sit there, the air goes out of them. Can you guys answer some, just some day to day simple, like science questions for me that I don't understand? How come I can lay on a couch for four hours, catatonic, barely moving, and I'm fine? But if I fall asleep for five minutes on the couch at night, I wake up like, ooh, it's chilly and I need a blanket. I mean, it's just shifting my weight every five minutes. Is that enough to keep my body temperature up that I don't need a

blanket? It could be the middle of the fucking summer. I mean, unless there's a bunch of humidity and you don't have AC or whatever, I'm just saying it could be just perfectly comfortable. It could be like goddamn 72 degrees, perfect weather in your goddamn living room. And me anyways, and if I fall asleep for more than five, seven minutes, I wake up and my shoulders are cold, and I got to put a blanket on. I have to grab a little blanky, like a little twinkle toes there. Why is that? What else? What else is there? I know I have a bunch of these little ones that I just don't understand. Those are two. If someone could explain the same thing with the car, if he leave it sitting there too long, the air goes out of the tires, they become flat after a while.

Does the air feel not needed? Well, I don't think this guy's coming back. Go somewhere else. I don't know. I know, I sound like a moron. Go fuck yourself. So anyways, I'm going to be in Hawaii this weekend, which I'm really excited about. And I'm going to go to the Pro Bowl this year. So look for me. I'll be wearing a Robin Williams Hawaiian shirt, drinking some millers. And I think it's going to be a fun game this year. I like that they're choosing upsides. I heard that they're not, it's not going to be NFC versus AFC. They're going to choose upsides, and then they're not going to have kickoffs, which I think is good because it's such a weird, like it's, you can't play the game because no one wants to get hurt. I think they should just play

flag football. They should just play flag football and they should just mic up the players because you can play hockey and all star game and hockey. You can just play, you just play, you know, basically non contact, not going too hard. And guys can still entertain the crowd with the stick handling the shots and all that type of stuff. Same thing with basketball. You don't have to go that hard and everybody can watch a 150 to 145 game and baseball, the baseball all star game is the best because it actually means something and they actually come out and play. But you know, it's a non contact sport. What are you going to do? You know, unless somebody tries to bean you with the ball or if you're talking about the ball hitting the bat there. So anyways, I'm going to

be out there and going to be doing probably at least an hour and a half on stage because I got I got to blow it out and then tighten it up right before my my special comes out. And then I'm going to weed out the weak ones. It's like making an NFL roster. And I probably got it, you know, 55 guys on it. And I got a cut was it like 10 of them, 12 of them, I don't fucking know. But a couple of you guys been asking me still have been asking me about when my Carnegie Hall album is coming out. We were on the final stages and hopefully it's going to be out May, June. It took forever because I was dealing with, you know, Carnegie's very prestigious place. They got to make sure all the

eyes and dotted the T's across whatever the fucking expression is. So it's been very long and very tedious and but eventually it is coming out. I'm going to psyched and it's only coming out on album only. So get your stereos today. And you know, and if some of you are going to be like, well, how come you won't put it out on other stuff because there's too much overlap and material between that. And it's basically the hour I was doing when I was leading up to recording my last special. So I don't want to fuck people over and put out, you know, two DVDs of the same fucking thing or a CD that's the same as the DVD. So I'm letting you know right now it's like three quarters the same material. I tell it differently every night, but basically it's the same shit. There's

a couple extra lines and maybe some lines from the special that isn't in there. And then there's a chunk of shit that didn't make the special for whatever fucking reason. And it's only coming out on vinyl there. I've told you what the deal is. So don't come crying at me afterwards. Um, is that the worst selling job of a fucking album ever? Um, all right. So what am I talking about? All right, let's get down to the pro football this week, everybody. Pro football. Oh, Jesus. Let's see, what do we got to say? All right, that first game like I said, I kind of went the Patriots Broncos kind of went the way that I thought it was going to go. I didn't think that we were going to win. And congratulations to the Broncos. They

definitely were the best team in the AFC this year. And I don't know. I still saw some articles out there. I'm surprised at how many people who write and talk about sports that talked about, you know, the disappointing end to the Patriots season and everything. I just feel like what they were working with, that was one of the best seasons I've seen Belichick Brady have. I never would have thought in September where the fuck we were at. I would never would have thought that we could have gotten as far as we did. And, uh, you know, so I'm looking at it like it's success. I saw some great up and coming stars on defense and I'm looking forward to next year. And, uh, and I'm actually psyched that the Broncos in a way I'm psyched. I never liked

seeing my team lose, but I'm psyched that they are because, you know, Peyton Manning, that fucking unbelievable offense. They got a really solid defense. They should be there. I want to see a good Super Bowl. And, um, I know Belichick was complaining about, uh, welkers, and I'm going to use air quotes hit on to leave. I didn't think that it was, uh, I mean, I don't know the game the way he does, but I didn't look dirty to me at all. If anything looked like he got the worst of the hit initially and looked like he was trying to get out of the way. Um, I've never known welker to do anything. He never did any of that dirty shit. He's a little fellow out there with a giant football helmet. Now, was he wearing like an anti-concussion for the rest of my life

helmet? Did anybody else notice that his helmet was like a third bigger than it usually has? He looked like, he looked like, is it kazoo and the Flintstones? His head, look, it looked like his helmet was fucking eating his head. It was like, oh, look at, look at, look at Wes Welker way in there in that helmet. Um, but anyways, the, uh, I don't know, the Broncos looked really, really, really strong yesterday. And, uh, you know, this was a tough year for me to watch football because I got married and then I also spent three weeks in Europe. So I don't even know guy's fucking name. All I can tell you is that 88 and that 80 fucking killed us. Uh, especially that fucking 88. Like, and I swear to God, like,

if a guy had four catches, like a hundred yards within like a quarter, it seemed, I just remember by the time he caught that fourth one, I'm literally sitting there on the couch going, are they going to fucking cover that guy? Is it, is it still a mystery? What the fuck is going on? 88. Do something about it. Right. Um, hanging in there rooting for the team and all that type of Oh, you know what? You know, it's funny was I was on the, uh, the Southwest flight with the douche trash in LA when the game started and I taped the game. I, I did he had it and I had my phone off. I put my headphones on in the airport, pulled my hat down, walked by all the bars, didn't look at anything, had the music cranked when I was sitting at the little turnstile,

waiting for my bag. And I somehow I was able with all the technology and all the streaming shit. I was able to get home and having no idea who was doing what ran into the house, sat down and I was able to put it on and, um, and it was great because I got to fast forward through all the commercials. I got to fast forward through halftime and I got to watch this, this, you know, this great game. Everybody wasn't a great game. I mean, uh, the Broncos really dominated even though we were in it somehow in the end. I'll get back to that later. But anyways, so congratulations to the Broncos and all that shit and good for Peyton, man, because, you know, I read something where he was, you know, his neck was all fucked up. He didn't

know if he was going to play again. So he seems really psyched obviously to be back. So good on him. Um, and then onto, um, Seattle 49ers, which I felt was the Super Bowl and kind of still feel that way. I felt like whoever won that game was going to be, uh, I just, you know, it's just the ebb and flow of the conferences. There's always one conference that is stronger. And, um, I don't know, it was a fucking heavyweight battle, man. Just a great game. And fortunately, there was only a couple of those soccer mom, um, bullshit fucking calls like that. That one that they called in the first quarter had me up off the couch. Um, that unnecessary roughness where it was against the 49ers. I mean, it was just a textbook lead with your shoulder,

wasn't helmet to helmet. And Troy Aikman goes, well, he does launch himself. It's like Troy, he has, how else do you tackle? You supposed to, you got to launch yourself at the target. I, I, that was one of the worst fucking calls. And I think eventually they said it was a bad call. It was perfect. But those are those fucking calls, man, that I think that's yet another reason why all of Dan Marino's records are falling because that should have been the end of the drive. Um, I think it was third down. I don't remember, but, but generally speaking, it ends a drive, an incomplete pass. And then they call unnecessary reference roughness. It keeps the drive going. And then the quarterback gets to continue throwing the ball down the field,

adding more yards to their resume. Um, in this era, when you can't really cover a receiver past five yards, you can't even look at them or you get a fucking flag. Fortunately, there was only a couple of those calls. Um, and obviously there's going to be a rule change with, um, I really should know the names of these guys. I just don't this year. I've just been traveling so much, but, uh, uh, the guy in the 49ers, this is so disrespectful because he gave up his goddamn need to make the play. He recovered the fumble. He was, he was touched by a Seattle player. It should have been a turnover, but, uh, fortunately it was justice where they, uh, Seattle turned over the ball a couple of plays later. So what they really just got fucked out of about 30 seconds

on the clock, but, um, I don't know. It was just an awesome, awesome, awesome fucking game. And, um, um, I don't know. I think in the end, I just think Kaepernick is inexperienced, um, kind of caught up with them a little bit, just some of the decisions that he made, but, but that guy is the real deal and he's not afraid of the moment. So I just think that, unfortunately for 49ers fans, they're going to have to wait at least another year, but I think that that guy's got, he definitely has what it takes, man. Um, he's definitely a winner in that type of thing. So it was just, it was a great fucking game. And, um, so now we're into the Super Bowl. Now we're into the Super Bowl. So now you have to wonder, you got to wonder,

right? If you like me, um, all I want to do is see the fucking game. I don't want to listen to the, the pre-game and post-game analysis, you know, there's always one person that's going to make, you know, all the quotes and all that type of shit and yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. So this is what I do. This is all you got to do. If you just want to watch the fucking game, um, I would, um, just put on the NHL network for the next two weeks is basically what you want to do. Get into NHL hockey. You won't have to watch any of the fucking analysis where they're going to go the entire roller coaster. Um, I don't know. It's just lazy journalism and whoever talks shit and that type of thing, they're going to get a hundred percent of the fucking attention.

And it's just going to, it's just, it's absolutely fucking nauseating. Like, um, yesterday, you know, at the end of the game, the Seattle, uh, 49ers game, I felt like Tommy Lee Jones and no country for old men where it just sort of has passed you by and you can't even make sense of it anymore. Um, I got to tell you, I talked about this on, um, on Forest Shaw's and Al Jackson's podcast. What the fuck is it called? Jesus Christ. I'm so old. I can't remember anything anymore. Um, whatever, just Google that. You'll find it. I talked about that, that shit now, though, how everybody, whether you catch a four yard pass or you hit a layup and you get fouled and it goes in like all these athletes now, they got to do that stupid fucking, they do that yell

like they're in 300, like they just slayed a dragon, hit a fucking layup, ticky tack foul, and one. Even Paul Gasol does it now. What is that? That it's fucking the stupidest. Did Jerry Rice ever do that? Did Jordan ever fucking do that? You know, it's fucking hilarious. I saw, uh, who was it yesterday? It was at Golden Tate. He's a great fucking receiver. Critical moment in the game. They need a first down and catches the ball. He has first down yardage. I don't know if he didn't know where he was on the field, but rather than just dropping to the ground, he cuts back inside. Now he's behind the first down line and then has to fight like hell to get across. So he basically makes the play,

fucks it up and is able to recover. And then he gets up screaming like he's God's gift. I gotta tell you this right now. This is why Marshawn Lynch is, might be my favorite player, favorite athlete out there because the fact that he's doing what he's doing every week, and I guess he, my buddy was telling me, he just said, I'm not talking to the media this year and got fine 50 grand and he didn't give a fuck. All he wants to do is win the goddamn game. Like that guy, and that guy just runs over people and gets up, basically gets up. I'm not saying he doesn't celebrate a touchdown, but he just gets up and walks back to the huddle. I love that shit. And as much as they're going to talk about,

oh, what's his face there for running his yap? I have to tell you, a cornerback is not going to win the Super Bowl for you. He can shut down that part of the field, but what can I think what's going to be the difference in the Super Bowl is going to be, I think it's going to be Marshawn Lynch because I think Seattle has a better defense, but the Broncos have also have a really strong defense. So I give the nod to Seattle there, but it's not this such a giant gap that the game is over. All right. And then when you go to the quarterback position, obviously, you got Peyton Manning. And Seattle's best weapon against Peyton Manning is not their defense.

It's actually Marshawn Lynch. Peyton Manning, the way he's playing this year, playing that guy, it's basically, it would be like if you owned a poisonous snake. All right. And you got to take it out of the tank to fuck and clean the goddamn tank. And no matter how careful you are, eventually you're going to get bit by that fucker. The only way not to get bit by that fucker is to keep the son of a bitch in the tank. And the best way to do that is with a great running game. Okay. And I've seen this before and past in a championship games, we have this unstoppable quarterback and the guy's sitting on the fucking bench. He's not even sweating. He's been there so fucking long because the other team

is just running the ball. And my big knock against the Broncos, despite the fact that they are a great team is that they don't put people away. They had both against San Diego and the Patriots, they for the most part dominated the game. But at the end of the fucking game, they let, they let the charges hang around. They even let us hang around. Like if we made that two point conversion, that onside kick, if we get it, we can actually drive down the field and somehow could tie it. Like that's the situation they were in after absolutely dominating the game with like four minutes to go, whatever they were still in that situation. And I don't know, I think that eventually bites you in the ass. So I don't know, I just think that it's going to be,

I think Marshawn Lynch is going to be the difference if they are going to, and obviously they're offensive line, but they only need to open the smallest of hole. And that guy is just, I don't know, it's the, he's like this devastating combination of like Earl Campbell and like Walter Payton. I mean, he's fucking unbelievable. And, and with that, so what you're going to be now is you're going to be inundated with people, you know, talking about what's his face there. Shannon Sharpe, Sharmin, they're going to be talking about this guy up and down, up and down, the brash outspoken, they'll go all the way once they've exhausted that. And then they'll be like, is it, is it, but is it an inferiority complex? And then they'll get tired of doing that. And

then they'll talk about his upbringing and they'll say whatever his father was there, whether his father wasn't there, and yadda yadda, all that fucking horseshit. So what I do for the two weeks in between is I just watch hockey. All right, this is how you do it. You just fucking watch, you watch hockey or whatever, go work out for two weeks, get yourself in great shape because you know, you're going to eat like shit during the Super Bowl. And just don't put on sports center. Just don't watch the shit unless you're into it. I'm not into it. I think if you're one of those people who watches the game with a jersey on at home and you put eyeliner under your eyes and you yell things like all day, all day at your TV, I think you actually want to watch the

Super Bowl coverage. But if you're a fucking regular fan, which I actually came to a piece here with Seattle fans because I was looking at Seattle fans the way people look at like the fires out here in California. It wasn't fair how I was looking at them because they weren't showing the diehards. They were showing the jerk offs. Like, did you see that guy in the lime green pimp suit? You know what I mean? Where the fuck has that guy been? You know, come on. Who does that? What kind of a real fucking fan does that? You just go to the goddamn game. You watch the fucking game. You put a little money on it. You drink some fucking beers, whatever, crack jokes or whatever, and you watch the fucking game. So anyways, so this is how I watched the game. Basically, I don't,

I watched NHL hockey and then this year, I'm not going to a Super Bowl party. I'm going to be at home and what I love doing, I told you guys this last year is you start the game like 90 minutes after it started. Just wait like an hour and a half. Have a couple of people over who really like football. You have a couple of beers, you shoot the shit, blah, blah, blah, blah. You got the grill going and all that type of thing. And about an hour and a half in, you fast forward through all of the crap in the beginning, which I think is going to be the chili peppers. I actually like the two music, Bruno Mars and Music Axe, Bruno Mars and the chili peppers, but I'm there to watch the game. You know what I mean? If I want to see either one of those bands play and like

halfway through it, they played a little bit of touch football in the middle of it, that would also be annoying. So you fast forward through all of that crap and then the person, you know, trying to make a record career out of singing the national anthem, you fast forward through all of that fucking shit. Now you're into the game and you can fast forward through all the stupid fucking commercials and you just watch the game and then you get to fast forward through all of the halftime. And then basically you catch up somewhere in like the third quarter, at which point the game is really starting to get tense because, you know, championship is on the line. That's basically how I do it. If you, if you like me, if you're the Tommy Lee Jones of

sports fans at this point and you can't even remotely relate to what happened at the end of the game yesterday, like why you would do that and how it was actually mildly depressing, like is that's going to be the new thing that you have to do? I don't know. I don't fucking know. I just hope that that, I hope that that's just a unique personality and that everybody doesn't start doing that because I don't know. You play sports, you fucking try to kick the shit out of the guy and in the end you just go, hey, good game. That's what you do. Nobody choked in that game yesterday. That was a fucking great game. And I just felt like that whole, all of that crap, it just took away from, I watched a great game

and now I got to sit there and listen to all these fucking lazy journalists who are all going to, like moths to a fucking light, are all going to go up to that complete non-fucking story. It's just a non-fucking story. Anyways, with that, with that, let's get to more, let's get to more advertising. Oh, and by the way, Seattle, you know, you might finally have something to cheer about. You guys are one fucking game away. And if you guys win, I hope you understand how ridiculous that loudest crowd thing was. All right. And retiring your jersey, retiring your fucking, come on, real football fans of Seattle, come on. They retired your number. I mean, are you guys all dying out there? And there was some sort of

make a wish thing that they had to do for you. I mean, I just, I can't get past that. And then the fact that the teams never won a championship, what do they say it? I don't, I don't, I don't understand it. So hopefully, you know, either way, it's going to be, uh, it's going to be a great thing to see. Uh, either see Peyton Manning win one, win another one. Uh, which, you know, reminds me when John Elway, who also played for the Broncos, maybe that's a little storyline they could run with. And then the other thing is Seattle finally wins a, uh, finally wins a Super Bowl, gets the monkey off their back. Either way, it's, it's going to be, uh, it's going to be a good thing. And, uh, I will definitely have

be fast forwarding through commercials and I will not be watching any post game or any of that fucking crap mute button will be right at the fingertips. Oh, Billy Lee Jones. I'm trying to, I'm trying to, what I'm trying to do is through modern technology, still make it seem like what it was like when I watched the Super Bowl in the late seventies, early eighties, where it was just the fucking game. Uh, you know, I just sound like a grumpy old man. And you know what, I'm, you're right. I am, I am, but it was either way, congratulations to the Broncos in the Seahawks. It's, uh, you know, this is, I like that there's no real underdog. You got the two, two really kind of the best teams, although I really felt the 49ers also,

yeah, they should have been there too. Um, that's why I felt NFC was the Super Bowl, but whatever, it's still going to be, hopefully it's going to be an awesome fucking game. And, uh, you know, there'll be nobody wigging out either at the end of the fucking game. I literally thought that dude was going to start crying. Um, it's fucking uncomfortable, uncomfortable is hell. That was like seeing the nerd finally beat up the bully, you know, and you finally ball up your fist and you punch him and you win the fight. You're almost crying. It was just, I don't know. I don't fucking know. I don't know what, what has happened to sports. Can we, ESPN, can we, you know, 100% access, can you dial it back down to like maybe 40% access?

Can you stop interviewing fucking coaches, Fox and whatever NBC as they're jogging off to field, trying to think of their halftime adjustments? Can we just stop fucking doing that? I don't give a fuck. NHL, can we stop interviewing players in between the fucking, uh, periods? Is this sitting there still out of breath from their last shift and that fucking drop of fucking sweat hanging off their nose looking like snot that they have to keep wiping and then it comes back again? Can we just enough? I don't give a fuck. What happened in that first period? I just watched the first period. I know what happened. What do you think you have to do in the second period? Oh, maybe score more goals. If any NHL players listening to this, uh, I'll give you a free

podcast t-shirt, even though you're going to get fined probably 100 grand by the league. Is there any way you could wipe your nose on the blouse of the person who's interviewing you in between periods? Just reach out and grab that tie and just dab your eyes. You know, I got nothing to give you. You're a millionaire athlete, but could you just do it for the, just for the fucking ridiculousness of it? Like they're not going to interview you after the fucking game. Like I have to have it. They got that fucking guy who stands down there and what looks like the penalty box in between the fucking benches. Whatever the fuck his name is, Prince Fielder. The hell's his name? Prince Harry standing down there. Well, I'll tell you, it's really starting to heat up down here on

your eyes. Like why do I need to hear that guy? Paul Bastar's got to stand up for three periods in his loafers. Probably got hammered toes by the end of the year. Less access. Do you think you could do that? Do you think you could actually start a sports network that could compete with ESPN and the whole thing is less access? You know, no mic'd up players. You just fucking, just trim the fat. Can I just go back to watching Bob Lobel at the end of the news and just seeing five minutes of the shit? Can I just see that as he sits there in a fucking blazer? You know, every once in a while it takes a day off and new me comes in. Bob, new Maya. I miss those days. I really miss those fucking days. All right, LegalZoom.com, everybody. All right, some things like

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free trial. That's evoice.com promo code bill. I've really up my reading out loud game. I don't give a fuck if you guys still think I stink. I'm not as bad as I used to be. How about that? All right. Where are we right now? 54 minutes and we haven't even had so much to talk about this week. We haven't even started doing any of the reads. I did get a chance to watch a couple about 10 minutes of the second period. My flight yesterday was during the Bruins Blackhawks game. And I love that the Blackhawks beat the Ducks and they're still the team to beat. I really love that franchise. They're doing it the right fucking way. They really are. And I don't know who's going to knock them off, but I gotta tell you, if you want to get into hockey, I would definitely suggest

watching the playoffs when they come up out west with Blackhawks, the Ducks, the Kings, the Sharks at some point and they're going to push through. I mean, they just really got a lot of great teams out there. They play great hockey. Who would have ever thought that in hockey going through Anaheim, Los Angeles and San Jose would be a brutal road trip? It's fucking unreal. It's a great thing. Anyways, enough with the movies. Big Bad Bill is Sweet William now. Okay, here comes some criticism for the week. I like this. I like having the occasional criticism. You guys can start sending in your criticisms of the week. Just put that in the subject line. Okay, Bill, of all your comedic and podcast talents, of which there are many,

look what he's doing. He's setting me up. Oh, he's patting me on the head. He goes, of all your yada, yada, your talents and all that shit. Movie reviews is not one of them. Do I do movie reviews? I don't think I do. He goes, to be blunt, you suck at reviewing movies. When you say things like, you know, the one guy who was in that other one where they did that thing, you sound like Tony Soprano talking on a compromised phone line. And when was the last time when every movie you saw wasn't great? The only moderately intelligent thing I heard you say regarding movies was last summer, when you went off on the whole PG-13 zombie movie trend, which of course was spot on. It's

entirely ridiculous to have a zombie flick that isn't rated R at the minimum. They should all probably be NC 17. Well, you know what's funny, sir? Mr. Criticism was I was actually wrong. I already forget the name of the movie. That movie, Mars Volta. What the fuck was it called? Brad, World War Z. How the fuck did I get Mars Volta with Mars? There it is. There was the Z in there. I have a learning disability, you asshole. And I was wrong about that. What actually made World War Z great was the fact that it was PG-13. So then we're relying on gore and shock and 3D and all that crap they couldn't. They actually had to build suspense. And that's what's missing out of a lot of fucking of the big time summer movies. There you go. How's that critique?

How does that grab? You were actually fucking wrong about that. World War Z is a great fucking movie. Great. I loved it. Two thumbs up, two freckled thumbs right up your fucking ass. All right, let's finish this critique here. He goes, but when talking about individual movies, you might want to consider not doing that. Jesus Christ. You might want to consider having some sort of original criticisms that are speaking in soundbites. You might want to consider not doing that. He goes, or maybe get one of your comedy in quotes, friends, to guest review movies for you. Oh, you don't think my friends are funny? You don't think that I know people who are funny? Is that what you're saying? So who are you shitting on here with your little hipster air quotes?

He then goes on to say, I'm sure you have one or 20 that would desperately be grateful for the exposure. Look at that. Look at that. See that now he's making fun of the desperation of being in show business. This is all kinds of just lefts and little, little pitter-patter rights, you know, little fly weight here, work in the body. He goes, just trying to be helpful. Anyways, you will probably continue to do this, but I hope from now on you will have a little voice in your head telling you it's a bad idea. There's his ego wanting to help that, you know, he affects my reads in the future or whatever the fuck it is that I'm doing. He go, that would be enough for me even if you don't read this on the podcast. P.S. Belichick and his cheaters are no different

than all those Royd pumping home run record holders. All right, sounds like a Colts fan. Anyways, sir, I don't review movies. I don't review movies. And when I watch them, I can't remember who's in them. I can't remember the names of people. I can't remember. It's, you know what it is? It's part of getting old and you have other shit to do with your life. You know, I'm sure you still have a fucking Orson Welles poster on your wall, whoever's the young hottie today. Ryan Gosling, right? I'm sure you have one of those up on your wall, and this is like a big part of your fucking life, but it isn't a big part of my life. It isn't. All right, I only have so much time. I have too many fucking hobbies. I can't remember

the, I can't remember the names of restaurants. All the restaurants that we have out here, I just, they're just, I just have nicknames for them. I don't know why, you know, maybe I talk on a cell phone too much, but you know, you know, it's funny. One of my favorite movies of all time is no country for old men that already, I can't remember if I've even said this already. No country for old men. I just watched it again last night and I always forget if it's old man or old man. I think I already said that in this podcast, didn't I? Did I? I don't fucking know. Anyways, well, whatever, sir. Yeah, you will be in my head every time I say it now, but it's going to be in a good way, knowing that I'm annoying the shit out of you. And in the future,

if you ever want a comedian to stop doing something, one of the best things you could do is not let them know that what they're doing annoys you, because that's one of my favorite things to do is to annoy the shit out of people. So there you go. My movie reviews will continue and I will be thinking about you, sir, every time I do them. You might want to think about not doing that. Jesus Christ. Hey guys, how about more Chive on t-shirts? They're all hilarious. Oh, Jesus. Come to Greece. Hey, Bill, if you ever come in, I can't even, I don't know what that is, Thessaloniki, Greece. There will be a house waiting for you. Huge fan.

Isn't that nice? Isn't that nice? Well, sir, I hope someday I get to, I would love to do stand up in Greece, go over there and make a couple hundred bucks, you know, go out there, look at some ruins and some fucking Greek women. I'm up for it. All right, dude, those, those Chive on t-shirts are this generations. I'm with stupid t-shirts. Jesus Christ. I'm fucking believable. I think I've seen every Chive on. What does it carry on? Is that what it was? Relax and that's what it is. Relax. I don't even know what the fuck they say. I just keep seeing people with them and I just, it just always blows my mind. Like, how do you still think that's funny? Or just a funny t-shirt in general. I just love how it's like the joke that doesn't leave.

Like somebody reads it and it's funny and then they laugh and then, then you're still standing there with the joke on your t-shirt. Do you guys remember how they used to end that, that show police squad? Or they used to make fun of when they would do the free, freeze frames like on chips. When chips used to end, somebody would always make a joke and then they'd start laughing and then they'd freeze it and then they'd show some credits and then they'd have the, the footage move a little more and then somebody else would do something else would make everybody laugh and then they'd freeze that. They kind of made fun of that except they weren't freezing the frame and they were just standing there. That's basically what those t-shirts are. It's the police

squad ending version of a t-shirt, right? Jesus, that was a long way to go. I need a glass of water. All right, response to college kid dealing with rumors. Hey, Billy Buttfuck. Jesus Christ. Can we be nicer in 2014? He said, I'm having some, I have some advice for the kid who was dealing with the rumor of him getting a younger girl drunk and fucking her in the elevator. All right, so obviously you're assuming that this dude was innocent. How can I get out of the abyss of these sexual, the sex crime questions here? Well, potential sex crimes. All right, here we go. I'm a recent college grad who had to deal with tons of rumors being made about me. I was in a fraternity. That's a red flag. I partied a lot. Red flag number two throughout my college

career. Career. He comes from money. Red flag number three. And fuck you. Don't think I'm just some typical douchebag. You don't know my life. Ah, you busted me. You busted me. That was awesome. Ah, shit. He goes, I used to deal with the same thing. I would go to introduce myself to girls and once they found out who I was, they would either walk away or get that fuck off look on their faces. All right, now what did you do? What we've accused of here? He goes, this kid needs to stop being a pussy and just fucking go with it. He should be like, yeah, I fucked that chick in the elevator. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a frat guy here, frat guy advice. He'd get some respect from dudes at parties. And if he walked around with

confidence and embrace it, girls will eventually come around too. All right, so this guy's taking just continue being a dick, which actually it is very, it is effective. I guess from personal experience, as much girls would want nothing to do with me, the same amount of girls would actually come on to me because of all the outrageous things I've done or have been rumored to have done, none of which you're bringing up. He says he's in college. There's tons of hot, easy chicks who want to hook up with wild guy. All right, this guy's gross. All right, I'm moving on. Article on comics being psychos. Billy Strayjacket. I was at the Wiltern Theater gig and it was the best new years I've ever had.

Well, you know what? It was one of the best I've had two, man. You guys were a great crowd. So, thank you. He says, I hope you come back next year, even if there's an overlap in material, people pay to see the stones trudged through jumping jack, flash every goddamn year. Yeah, but you can't dance to my jokes. What's the fucking deal with Obama? I can't, I can't sing them. No, dude, you know what it is? You think that you want, you don't mind if there's overlap. Well, I guess you are saying overlap, but you're still saying come with some new shit. Believe me, I would love to do the Wiltern every year. That was such a thrill to work there. So I'm glad you were there. Anyways, he says enough ass kissing. I'm sure you've seen this article making the

rounds about comics being psychos. What are your thoughts? My girlfriend said you made a comment about it on Twitter was hoping you could elaborate. Go fuck yourself and tell Nia we love her. Oh, yeah, yeah, there was this study by scientists. We're trying to figure out, I guess, why comedians are funny. And then they just said that because we're basically we share the same traits or we are psychos. I started to read that. And it's ridiculous to attribute it to that. It's, first of all, they're making this, it's just a giant generalization. There are comics who are psychos, but there are also truck drivers who are psychos. There's teachers, there's mothers, there's dentists, there's lawyers, heads of corporations, politicians, their psychos exists.

I really don't feel that it that that article has basically no credit on for me anyways, as far as like, I'm not saying that comedians aren't psychos. But I mean, this sound like they were saying literally psychos. I mean, we're out of our fucking minds, but I think a lot of people are. But my the reason why I don't buy into it, it might be on defensive because I am a comedian, I will entertain that but nobody I know was interviewed for that article and no comic I know who's worth a shit would it would want to take time out of their day because that's, that's like at the very least the only people they got were either struggling, new or old desperate,

like comics who just needed 25 bucks to be part of this study. And then the comics, there's no fucking way I would ever go into a lab and somebody's like asking me questions. There is no fucking way I could resist giving misinformation and watching the guy write it down and add it into his lab book with fucking beakers and graduated cylinders behind him. I would have all I could do to hold a straight face throughout the entire process. So look, if you want to know why people are funny, it's a gift. You're just born with it. The same way somebody can, a carpenter is born with a gift. You just, you're just born with gifts. That's, it's, it's, it's a gift. It's not like, oh, maybe if I'm more like this, I'll be funnier. You just,

you either can do it or you can't. And then like any gift, if you work at it, if you appreciate the gift you've been given and then you try to develop it, you can get better at it. You could actually get funnier if you push yourself. It's weird. I didn't think, I thought you were kind of born with your level of funny, but it's, it's like any other talent. You just got to keep working. But if you're not born with it, it's like me, I can't, I mean, I can't sing. I'd love to be able to sing. It doesn't stop me from singing on the fucking podcast, but like you got to be born with that. I could take as many singing lessons as I wanted to when you could sit there and try to break down the psychology of a musician. I'm not a musician as much as I would love to be. I still

play drums as a, as a fucking hobby. I also cook a little bit, but you wouldn't want to go to my restaurant there. All right. So that's what I think about it. I think it's ridiculous. And I thought it was really funny that some of the tweets I got were, um, I love this one guy, like just the fucking ego on just the average everyday person, because they always talk about how people in the public eye are ego maniacs. I don't think we're any different than anybody in the fucking crowd. It's the same level of ego. Some guy sends me this fucking tweet and he goes, this article proves what I've always thought about comedians. Oh really? Your study that you never did with all the comedians you never hung out with. And this, this one fucking article proves it.

I don't know. It's more like, aren't you just unhappy with your own life on some level? And it's great to see that they're saying that these people, uh, who do this admirable thing are actually all psychopaths. So it makes you feel better about whatever you're a lot in life. I don't fucking know. Um, whatever, that's, that's what I feel about it. I might be wrong. Maybe I'm a psycho and I can't wrap my head around it. All right. Imperial Japanese hold, hold out dies at 91. Hey, Wild Bill Redcock. Oh, they're so childish yet they always make me laugh. Uh, you'll like this article, one of several Japanese soldiers who continued to fight the war until the 1970s deep in the

jungles of the Philippines recently died at 91. Yeah, I talked about a couple of these guys. It was like three of them who didn't know the war was ended. And you know, even when the, the, the leaflets of the flyers were dropped from planes, they thought it was a allied propaganda and they just held the company line. I think one of them, one of them, the first guy I think was the 1960s. They finally got them late sixties and then they got two others in like the early seventies. I think one guy went all the way to 1974, basically the end of the Vietnam war. He was still on some God forsaken island out in the Pacific fight in World War two. Anyways, he said it took his former commanding officer to find him in the jungle in his jungle

hideout and tell him it was a wrap and he needed to stop killing Filipinos for him to finally come home. The guy was convicted, guy was convinced seeing all the US military air traffic heading to Vietnam that the war was still on despite hundreds of leaflets and newspapers flown in and dropped flown in and dropped to his location. The link is below. Go fuck yourself and hope to see you in Cleveland soon. Yeah, that's a fascinating, fascinating fucking story that that's what was a major chunk of that man's life. Jesus Christ, if I ever, for some reason was chosen to give a speech on stick tuativeness, that would probably be the, that guy would be the lightning rod, the crux of the speech. Anyways, long distance hiking. Is this, this is the last one everybody?

This is it. And then that's all there is for this week. Long distance hiking. Hey Bill, on January, on the January 7th podcast, you went off about getting stuck in the woods alone and mauled by giant animals. Last September, me and two buddies hiked in, hiked a portion of the 100 mile wilderness in Maine, which is the last leg of the Appalachian Trail. Took four days. They went 40 miles in five mountains with 35 pound packs on our backs. Dude, I'm getting scared just fucking hearing about that. I know there's a lot of people you fucking pussy. Go out there. Go out there with you and a couple of your fucking buddies when you can't hear, see or anything other than just fucking nature. And you start seeing tracks of animals that could maul you to death. And it is no fucking joke.

He said on our fourth and final day in the woods, after getting rained on all night, we encountered a bull moose on the trail. If you've never seen a moose close up, they're fucking huge. Jesus Christ, dude, I thought you were going to go a little more in depth than that. I was all excited. If you've never seen a moose close up, yeah, yeah, they're fucking huge. Oh, he goes on a little more like a full size pickup truck huge. At first it didn't see us, which is always dangerous. And then like a scene out of a movie, my friend stepped on a twig and it snapped under his foot. What happened next was the most sphincter, that I say, tightening experience of my life. This thing lifted its head up, looks me right in the eye and starts

charging down the trail at us. Oh my God. All three of us dropped our packs and ran as fast as we could off the trail. Fortunately, moose have shitty eyesight. So we were able to lose it. You know what I was actually picturing is I'm just picturing Zidane Ocharis skating at me and just hoping he can't turn. Fortunately, moose have shitty eyesight. I think with those long skinny legs, they can't, you know, if you do a little Barry Sanders move, you know, dodge it at the last second. He said they have shitty eyesight. So we were able to lose it. And he continued on down the trail. No doubt to scare the shit out of some more hikers. What we later learned is that

September starts the rut from moose mating season. So not only was this thing pissed, we were in its house. It wanted to fuck us. Jesus Christ. You know, as scary as that is, I would actually love to do it just to see if I could, if I could hike that far, just the physical test of it. But I would have to go out there with somebody really experienced who had a fucking firearm cocked and loaded and pointed in all directions. And I'm in the center of it. And then I think I could actually fucking do it. Whatever. I have respect, I have respect for fucking the wilderness. And I'm terrified of the ocean. I won't go in it. It's fucking nuts. All right. If you had a medium sized alligator in a pool, I wouldn't go in that

either. Why would I go into the ocean where all sharks other than the ones in aquariums exist? I don't want to fucking do that. All right. And anyways, all right, that's the podcast for this week, everybody. Yeah, that's it. I'm really excited about this Super Bowl. And try it this year. Try one year, not to just watch all the fucking hype. Start the game an hour and a half late, drink a couple millers and put it on. I'm telling you can actually maybe get for the old guys out there. Maybe you can get back to some of the way it used to be. You know, back in the old fucking days. All right, that's the podcast for this week. That's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next week. And next week I'll be telling

your stories about Hawaii and the Pro Bowl. Oh, isn't that exciting? Well, it is to me. you