Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-20-20

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

Bill rambles about the NFL, stealing signs, and old guys in yoga class.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 20th, 2020. What's going on? How are you? All right. It's Sunday night and there's like five minutes to go and the San Francisco 49ers, you know, and they are winning 34 to 20. Packers just got a, got a pass interference call that they did not care for. They did not care for. Well, you know what? My, my, my dams, my sports day, sports day did not go the way that I wanted to. It started off with the Boston Bruins yet, but at that, that night started off with the Boston Bruins going up three to nothing on the always dangerous Pittsburgh penguins who got Sydney Crosby back the day before they played as before

at home at all. And everything was looking great. And then I took my, well, actually my wife took me out and my lovely daughter took us out to brunch. So, you know, I had my phone off cause I want, I wanted to be there. I wanted to be present, you know, as a father and as a husband, you know, so whatever. I mean, if I'm looking at a fucking game, we're going to get an argument. Okay. So I just shut it off and I was just like, I'll just watch the rest of it when I get home. But what I forgot was, was the NFL playoffs playoffs were on after that. And then also, um, I had to bake my daughter a birthday cake cause today's her birthday, right? So I had to make sure that I, I, you know, I did everything

I could, right? So whatever. So I got home and somehow they fucking lost four to three. So that's how my day starts. All right, then I sit down to watch the old Kansas city chiefs playing remember the Titans from Nashville, right? I got a root for variable, but I also, you know, I feel bad for fucking Kansas city chiefs fan. They hadn't been there in so fucking long. I didn't know who to root for. Everybody was piles on Andy Reed a day right now. Uh, you know, he's a great coach, but he can't win the big one. He can get you right there, but he can't get you over the, until he gets over the hub. Where do you place him historically? Hey buddy, where do they place you historically? You know, I said that question a lot, people who

haven't accomplished shit with their lives, people who can't even grow a mustache, let alone coach a fucking pop order team to a winning record. So I was happy for him. I was tweeting a lot during the game, fucking around. I was saying how, you know, when they, they had like during halftime at Arrowhead stadium, when they pulled back, they had the concourse and it was fucking mobbed. And I was sitting there laughing to myself thinking there's at least 40% of those people are out there smoking cigarettes. It's the Midwest man. Okay. They think because the surgeon general doesn't have a mustache to go along with his beard. Therefore he's a liberal. What's the matter? We have to hear you screaming all the way downstairs.

What's that? I said somewhat we have to listen to you screaming all the way downstairs. What could you possibly be talking about that has any interest to anybody anywhere? Nobody. I just, oh, who is the birthday girl? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear cutie. Happy birthday to you. How old are you? What's that? Free.

Free. That's right. Shoals up the three. I'm gonna go back and go before. Yeah. Give me four next year. Next year. All right. Can I, can I do my filth here so I can afford to continue buying presents? Why are you breathing into the mic? Huh? You don't know?

Yeah. Get it away. All right. Well, what are you doing? You can't sit on me. I'm doing, come on. I don't do edits here. So this is like, Oh, daddy's just messing around. Daddy's being silly. Yeah. I'm being silly. All right. All right. Okay. Thanks for checking in on me.

You're welcome. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. No. Loud equals funny. I don't know how to write a joke.

Bye. Bye. Bye. All right. Anyway. So, so I turned on the first game, right? Yes. I was watching the Kansas City Chiefs and, um, you know, I don't know how to fucking root for that. I mean, I figure Kansas City has been waiting long enough. Nashville doesn't care.

I mean, they're still, they still can't believe that they're even in the NFL, right? How long they've been around? 20 years? Come on. How long have you been waiting in Nashville? Do you really, in your heart of hearts, what do you want to really happen? Nashville to win a, win a fucking Super Bowl? Or do you want the University of Tennessee, the volunteers to once again rise up to their rightful position in the SEC? Well, okay. You answer that question honestly.

We all know what the fuck it is. Okay. That is a college football fucking state. Okay. You make your own booze. You like the local kid. All right. He ain't that smart, but you put a helmet on him and I'll tell you right now, he's going to get you some yards. That's what Tennessee is, right? Yeah. Everybody's got a car and a barn

that they're going to turn into a fucking race car. You're not into the NFL. That's, that's Yankee shit. So I don't have any sympathy for those fucking people. All right. They're too busy trying to write a hit in Nashville. Huh? Let's, let's, let's, let's write a fucking song about, I don't know, some guy who got his fucking heart broken. He comes home to an empty house. You know, something as parakeet then fucking slowly dies by the end of the song.

That's what they're trying to do. They're trying to write the next hit or something patriotic. You know what I mean? Get your guns and chew the pig on your own property. Right. And ain't no skinny liberal with a hairy pussy. You're going to tell them a different, right? You put some fucking harmonies in that, you know, smooth out the melody. I'm telling you, you got yourself a hit. You got yourself a hit.

Yes. Very happy for Kansas city fans. Congratulations. Your first Super Bowl in 50 fucking years. By the way, only thing I can't stand is that stupid Tomahawk chop. You know, it's a fucking embarrassment. That's why your fucking, your fucking mascot looks like a goddamn rat. You know, Jesus Christ. Those fucking people do the Tomahawk chop. White people imitating white people,

imitating native Americans being portrayed by white people in a fucking cowboy and air quote Indian movie from the 1930s. So fucking stupid. So stubborn, so stupid. Why the fuck would you do that? You know what I mean? I've always compared it to like if the Germans actually won in World War two. Can you imagine if they then had a fucking team

called, I don't know, the fucking Frankfurt Jews. And every time they got a fucking, they scored because they're soccer. They'd score a goal and then everybody in the crowd would be going, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Huh? Jesus Christ, have a fucking little bit of respect. Oh my God. Are they showing the fucking 49 to the one that showed last time the 49 is one of Super Bowl? This game's over.

This show in 1994 when they won fucking against Stan Chumfries. Stan Humphries. All right. There's Jerry Rice loving every minute of me. Probably still running that fucking hill. Anyway, other than that, I enjoyed it. So now it looks like it's going to be the 49ers versus the Chiefs. I got a route for the Chiefs because they haven't won one in a longer amount of time.

Although I love seeing the 49ers great again, especially because they ditched those awful white pants. That's one of the best uniforms in the league unless it has white pants. The second it has white pants, it looks like a cheap fucking suit. All right. They had the gold pants with the gold helmet and that fucking beautiful maroon. It looks like a fucking trophy. All right.

Anyway, so congratulations to the, I guess I'm calling it early here. They are punting. There is 346 left and it is a fucking NFL game. You know, I thought it was going to be a blowout, but then, you know, I have my conspiracy theory that the NFL does not allow blowouts. It always has to, you always have to be within two scores. So then everybody sits down and they watch it. Why am I watching this fucking punter going over to do what?

What is this? This fucking James Cameron tracking shot. What the fuck was that for? Are they going to go for it? Are they going for that kill shot? Can somebody explain to me what happened to shoulder pads? They used to have shoulder pads and all of a sudden, it's weird. They stopped leading with their helmets and the shoulder pads.

Look at that lineman there. Look how fucking small the shoulder pads are. There's fucking broads in the 80s with bigger shoulder pads and their waist length fucking leather jackets. Anyway, but is this what I wanted to talk about? Is this what I wanted to discuss? No, it isn't. What I actually wanted to talk about was all the scuttlebud here.

I guess the punter left. They're deciding to go for it. They're going for the kill shot. The kick is up and it is good. And that'll do it. Your San Francisco 49 is going to the Super Bowl for the first time since they played the Ravens in like 2012. I want to say.

Can't remember. All right. So here's my question now. Who is going to dance more? San Francisco, Kansas City, as far as their players, who's going to dance more? The San Francisco 49 is the Kansas City Chiefs or J Lo and Shakira. That's what I want to know. Who is going to celebrate?

Who is going to have a better dance routine? Oh, man, I had fun this week with some Yankee fans that were whining about the fucking Houston Astros and that stupid ass overblown bullshit down there in fucking Houston. You know what I mean? And then typical fucking New York fans, they have such a small time fucking town mindset. You know what I mean? Because the only thing about New Yorkers, people who were born in New York,

they didn't have to earn B in there. They just showed up like fucking rich kids. And then they hear all these songs, all this shit blowing them. And they just have this fucking sense of entitlement. It's fucking hilarious. Okay. To fucking sit there. This is my take on the Houston thing.

Why I don't have a problem with what they did. Okay. I still congratulate the World Series champion 2017 Houston Astros. And I'm going to congratulate them for finally bringing a gun to a gunfire. All right. Who's kidding who? Now this is the thing. All these fucking Yankee fans, I'm fucking here and belly aching.

They're all acting like what Houston did just fell out of the fucking sky. Everybody was playing by the rules. And then all of a sudden Houston sticks a fucking camera in the fucking wall or whatever the fuck's going on, right? That's not what happened. Everybody. First of all, they're not the first people to do it. The shot heard around the world way back in 1951.

The Giants were the pettit. The Giants were the pettit. The Giants were the pettit. They had a fucking guy out there with a telescope relaying signs in. They've had TVs in the fucking dugout. The fucking camera is behind the pitcher. I literally watch how many times you watch games and they're focusing in on, okay, when he does that, that's a fastball like some X pitcher.

Telling them what the fucking signs are. Okay. And lastly, baseball has been fucked up since 1994. Okay. They kind of rested on the laurels. Is that how you say it? Resting on your laurel or your laurels? And howdy.

They fucking were America's pastime. Okay. Before they came along, believe it or not, it was horse racing and boxing. And then out of nowhere, right? Baseball comes along, right? And starts chugging along and all of a sudden they are the game. Babe Ruth, Jola Maggio, Hank Greenberg, Stan Mutual, Willie Stardew, Willie Mays, Willie McGee, Willie Willie.

All these fucking people come along, right? Duke Schneider, fucking Whitey Ford, Mickey Mantle. Roy Campanella, Pee Wee Rees, Phil Rizzuto, Ted Williams. All these Pete Jackie Broadman said, Dusty Baker, Raleigh Fingers, Ferguson Jenkins. Sorry. All of these people come along and everybody's watching, right? Everybody's fucking watching and watching. They are the number one sport.

Year in and fucking year out. The biggest advertising. Aqua Velva, fucking Old Spice. All of this shit goes to the baseball players. And then somehow in the fucking 1970s, all right? After the greatest game ever in 1958, I believe, when the Colts played the Giants and fucking Yankee Stadium, that was the beat. That was a turning point, but baseball didn't realize it.

On came football, the AFL, the NFL, and they fucking merge. After Joe Willie, look at them, we don't guarantee it, right? I won't kiss you, right? They win it. And then the fucking Chiefs come in. I believe that they were the first, like, you know, when it was the NFL, AFL had merged. They win the fucking thing. And then what happened was the Super Steelers, the Dallas Cowboys, the Dallas Cowboys,

cheerleaders come with their fucking titties wrapped in scarves. Baseball didn't know what the fuck hit them, right? And then they had all those awful baseball stames. Well, you always see them on this weekend baseball, right? They had these cookie cutter fucking stadiums. It just looked like she didn't know what the fuck it was anymore. And you had the Raiders with Ken Stable. You had the Pittsburgh Steelers with fucking Terry Bradshaw.

You had fucking, you had Roger Starback. You had fucking Fran Tarkin, the purple people. You had the doomsday defense to steal curtain. They came on with a vengeance, right? Then the NBA was where the NFL was the fucking decade before. They're dealing with the fucking ABA. Everybody's stealing their stars. Cocaine comes out.

Don't worry. I got a point here. Cocaine comes out, decimates the fucking league. NFL passes the fucking MLB, right? NBA looks like it's going out. Then a long come bird in magic, right? Save the fucking NBA five, six years into their career. Fucking Jordan's coming along.

You got the bad boys and then the fucking Bulls. And what the fuck's going on at baseball? The fuck is going at different teams winning it every year. And just nothing's getting Yankees suck in the 80s. It all fucking levels out. And everybody grows up on the Showtime Lakers and fucking Jordan Duncan on people. And Dan Marino lighting up the fucking 85 bears

on Monday night football. What the fuck, right? It all got fucking exciting. And what happened? Baseball was a game in the past. Most hard rods ever yet. Babe Ruth, big fat white guy who used to fuck hookers and eat hot dogs and go out there and throw a no hitter

at 19 fucking home runs in one game. Most home runs ever. Hank Greenberg, 190. Most games in a row. Lil Garreg, when then he died and he was happy it happened. Considered himself lucky. He was all about fucking yesteryear. It was a bunch of thousand year old white guys

with the fucking records, right? And they came to a screeching fucking halt in 1994 and they had a fucking strike, right? And then they sat back and they looked at the game and they said, what the fuck happened? Huh? Why isn't anybody watching? Why doesn't anybody want to fucking play?

Why are we getting a fucking ass kicked by the goddamn NBA and the NFL? And they were like, you know, the game's too fucking slow. What do they do? They juiced up the fucking ball. They fucking held all these goddamn towns hostage. They got new stadiums, juiced up the ball, changed the dimension so there'd be more fucking offense.

The players started doing roids. They all looked the other fucking way, right? Cal Ripken Jr. breaks the fucking Lil Garreg record. Thank you, right? McGuire and Sosa go on this roid run. And all the owners all looked the other way as we all sat there as these fucking gorillas came up, knocking this fucking racquetball with the fucking leather

bound fail with a fucking fence, right? And then what happens? Oh, fucking George Steinbrenner comes back from his fucking suspension, right? And with his fucking money and influence, somehow convinces the fucking goddamn, ah, look at the interception at the end of the game, convinces fucking baseball that it's okay

for a team to spend 200 million fucking dollars and treat the bottom third of the league like their own fucking, you know, farm teams. And that's what the Yankees did for 11 fucking years, all right? And about three years into that bullshit, the Red Sox did the same fucking thing. And we both went out there with 180, 190, 200, 210 million dollar fucking teams littered with stars

from San Diego, Kansas City, Pittsburgh, all of these fucking Milwaukee, Cleveland, took all their fucking stars. We went into their bodegas and we raided their shelves. That's what we did. And we went out there with their fucking stars, roided up and we turned baseball into like a five team fucking league.

And fucking the Yankees had a 200 million dollar team with free agents from around the league that were roided up for 11 straight seasons and they won three titles, okay? The Red Sox did the same fucking thing and won four. So I say this, if Houston, if they have to give back their 2017, now Houston, they can't spend 200 million dollars, right? This is my body, my Yankee fans are like,

but Bill, what they gave was legal. Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's fair. I mean corporations can fucking donate as much money as they want to every political candidate out there. It's legal. Is it good? Is it good for democracy? Is it good for you and I?

Lunch pail, Louise? No, it is not. So baseball was fucked up. They allowed fucking six teams to do whatever the fuck they wanted with everybody else's team. Go in there, fucking burn down their fucking farm houses and pour salt in the field and take their best farm hands, inject them in the ass cheek with fucking roids, right?

With the juiced up fucking ball and when they went out there and it was like, you know, I mean, and fucking all these sports leagues sat around and just watched it happen and did all these sports. I'm sorry, networks didn't say a fucking thing. I mean, the fucking Yankees, whenever they would win a championship, ESPN, who's supposed to be neutral, would be like, and all is right in baseball. Like, wait a minute.

So the other 29 teams are just the supporting cast, the fuck are we doing, right? And then meanwhile, the NBA has gone off the fucking rails, right? And then they just keep trying to recreate bird versus magic. Those teams that happened accidentally into the Isaiah bad boy pistons and the fucking Michael Jordan in the bulls. Now they tried to do that on purpose. And they let guys like Kevin Durant join the other fucking team

that they almost beaten seven games. Now you just joined them. I know that's a completely different story. So here's my thing. I don't have a fucking problem that a tier two city that couldn't go out and spend 200 million fuck could not keep up with the, you know, the bigger market teams went out and did what the fuck they did. I don't give a fuck.

All right, I don't. I don't have any fucking problem with it. I think it's wrong. It is cheating. But I really don't think what's been going on in baseball for the last 15 years has actually been on the level. And I think that they've tried to fix it. Here's my thing.

I really believe that like all sports at this point, especially just because of the competition that's out there, as far as, you know, you kids today, you can play video games, you can stream, you can literally, what are they called, cord cutting, you don't even have to have fucking cable anymore. And just have your apps and you can just disappear out of the sports world. And that scares the shit out of them. Okay, because these guys, you know, they got wives,

they got mistresses, they got yachts, they got teams, and they got stadiums. They got all of this shit. They got a big fucking nuts. So they need you guys to pay attention. So I really believe that what they do is they manipulate. They do what they can to make sure that the higher rated teams, the higher rated cities have the best possible chance

to end up in the big dance, the best possible chance to have the bird versus magic game every fucking year. I 100% believe that and I don't give a fuck what anybody says. You cannot convince me otherwise. All right, all the fucking rule changes that they've made to try to make, you know, every game, like NFL games are never over. Like that fucking game, 27 and nothing, when I was a kid, that game was fucking over.

You knew the Packers were gonna at least get within two scores, make it just close enough so you'd hang in there and watch all the fucking commercials. Yeah, every fucking, I remember for like 15 years, every Super Bowl was a fucking blowout. Now every single one seems to come down to the very end. Like I don't, that's just doesn't make any fucking sense to me. I just think that it's, you know,

and I'm not saying that there's players are involved. I just think that they do it through changing the rules. Okay, where, you know, you can't, like that stupid fucking Patrick Mahones run for a touchdown, he wouldn't have done that fucking 15 years ago. They would have hit, tackled him like a fucking running back. Go back and look at the tackling on that plate. Like they are so conscious that it's a fucking quarterback that those last two guys let him go through them,

like he's fucking, they're butter. They should have let him up. I don't know. So anyway, that's, that's my whole take on that thing. And I, without a doubt, I think that, uh, you know, they always like this whole stupid thing down and nothing I love to is this whole fucking thing down in Houston is that it's Alex core, he was the guy.

You know, anytime people get caught, they always pick like there's always the Ollie North guy. Like, remember that, you know, arms for hostages, that whole huge fucking goddamn, there's like three countries involved. All right. Like I believe it was us and then given fucking weapons to somebody in the Middle East.

So we get hostages out of the, out of Central America, something crazy. And it was just one guy, one guy sitting at his desk. Um, I don't believe for one second that the ownership uh, of any team did know that someone was cutting a hole and sticking a fucking camera. Although I don't know the devices are fucking crazy now. But the Red Sox got busted using fucking eye watches. A couple of years ago, there was an investigation.

Um, but I would stop short of actually think they didn't, I don't think they wore a wire. I don't think they, they think that's fucking nuts. I think that they, you know, did what they did. And I don't think like you could only have players involved so much because think about it. I don't think every player knows it. The only way you, you just tell the players,

you know, you're not going to be trading, right? I mean, how do you do that? That's my thing. Okay. Once you get it to that level, like the way players leave one team to another, how do you keep that under wraps? If everybody in the Astros knew that was going down,

the amount of fucking people who at the trade deadline, just left then, if they just had one guy fucking leave, or one guy gets cut and then he gets mad like that fucking cunted SMU that fucked that football program. He gets mad and then blows a whistle. Then you're fucked. So I don't know. All I'm saying is that baseball has been fucked up for a long time.

And every time I go to Pittsburgh, it breaks my heart to see the pirates where they're at. And it's such a great sports town. And that people are like, you know, my grandfather took my dad to the games and then my dad took me to the games. And now I want to take my son to the game, but my son doesn't want to go

because the pirates suck every fucking year. And the owners just take the fucking payoff. You know, which is also on them, but I just, you know, I don't know. It's not the way to run a fucking league. So I feel like in conclusion, if you're going to let top teams spend as much fucking money as they want and then pay off the lower teams

and take all their fucking stars, it's inevitable that somebody else is going to try to do something else to try to level the playing field. All right. So there you go. There you go. And I also hate to tell you, people have been stealing signs forever, forever.

It doesn't automatically make you win. That's another thing. That's another like, I don't know. I mean, if you can't hit the curveball, you can't hit the fucking curveball. That's just it. And here's another thing too. Everybody knew what Mariana Rivera was.

Everybody knew he was coming with the cut fastball. You didn't even need to steal signs. They still couldn't fucking hit it. So I'm not saying it's not cheating, but like the level of weight that they're putting this on, all of these sports channels, while they just look the other way at what teams like the Red Sox and the Yankees,

and even the fucking Dodgers, all the money that they've spent and the fucking people that they've signed and all of that shit, these super fucking teams that are put together and they're acting like it's competition is, it's bullshit. So, which is why I do like the NFL. As much as I do feel it's finesse,

Terry Bradshaw crushing that hat. That's a great fucking hat. I feel like, I feel like that was just desserts that that fucking happened. I still think it's bullshit. I mean, it's definitely fucking cheating, but I mean, come on, I mean, man, am I really going to sit here as a Red Sox fan

and act like the fact that, you know, the Red Sox, Yankees and Phillies, the way we decimated the Cleveland Indians, and we all won titles, you know, with fucking was it Cliff Lee, Jim Tome, Manny Ramirez, CC Sabathia. CC Sabathia was complaining on his podcast. I love CC, but he also fucking left Cleveland

and piled on with the Yankees. Join those free agents and, you know, there was a couple of high profile guys on that team that were on steroids. You know, you know, if you're going to bitch about, well, you got to bitch about everything at that point, right? I'm probably not making sense to you, but that's, that's just how I feel.

That's, you know, this is just a guy who hasn't played organized sports in fucking 30 something fucking years. All right, plowing ahead here, legal zoom. All right, you know, it's easy to make the same old New Year's resolutions that won't stick. Oh, speaking of which, I want to talk to you about my fucking attempt to quit smoking cigars.

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don't get discouraged. Get life insurance. It takes just a few minutes to find your best price and apply at policygenius.com. Policy genius, we always get the future wrong, but get life insurance right. By the way, what does that expression red tape mean? It's a lot of red tape, you know?

Everybody uses that expression. Where does it come from? I find it being a ginger. I find it mildly offensive. Red tape, expression, origin. Okay, here we go. Who says you don't learn? All right.

It is generally believed that the term originated with the Spanish administration of Charles V, King of Spain, and Holy Roman Emperor. Oh my God, this reminds me of classes that I failed. In the early 16th century, who started to use red tape in an effort to modernize the administration that was running his vast empire.

So how did he use red tape? Oh God. Things often described as red tape include filling out paperwork, yet in origins. Okay, the red tape was used to bind the important administrative dossiers that required immediate discussion by the council of the state

and separate them from issues that were treated in an ordinary administration way, which were bound in ordinary string. Okay, so I guess a lot of red tape meant there was a lot of stuff that you had to deal with immediately, meaning it was a big workload. That's just what I'm going to go with.

All right, I'm going to leave it there. Leave it right there, okay? All right, so anyways. Old Billy Freckles. I just joined a gym, man. I'm back. I worked out. My shoulders holding up.

It's a little sore, whatever, but I sit a couple of times a day. It's fine. It's past the healing time. And now it needs to be rehabbed. So I finally got there. So I've been religiously going to the gym and all of that shit.

So I'm back in there. And I don't know. There's a lot of fucking people working out that are way younger than me. And when I watch them work out, knowing where they're headed, where I'm at with a fucked up body, underrated, learning the proper form

when you work out, you have no idea what that's going to do for you and your fucking life. I see people out there. Oh my God, I saw this woman. She was doing these fucking tricep things and the way she would like slam her arm back and like really like, it wasn't fluid.

It was really like, every time she did it, I thought fucking arms were going to fly out of her sockets. But I didn't want to be that old guy. To be like, hey there, little lady. You want to take some advice? I'm an old pasty man. So anyway, I am seven days in to no cigars. I have quit them.

Or I'm on some sort of a sabbatical. I don't know that I can just sit here and live this monastery lifestyle. You know, no booze, no nothing, no cigars, no internet porn. I mean, I'm trying to set an example because I got a kid now. So I'm just like, I don't know what.

But unfortunately, I follow Laurora cigars on Instagram and every once in a while, they post a picture of a cigar. And I just, I see, I was like, oh my God, look at that fucking thing. So I don't know, taking it day by day, whatever. I'll see. I'm just going to go like a month and see if after a month,

I still give a fuck or if I don't. I just need different fucking habits. I don't know. It took me a while to wrap my head around never drinking booze again. I'm like, I'm never going to have a cold fucking beer again. And after a while, you just don't give a fuck. So I think I just have to get there with cigars.

That's a fucking tough one. So anyway, let's get on with some of your questions here. On the on the podcast. I did, you know, one of my proudest things is the cigar smokers. I swore off Cuban cigars, you know, unless I was with somebody who was like a known buyer of cigars, had his own like store and he went to Cuba

and it came out of his own personal selection. Then I would believe that it's real. But like, you know, since I started smoking cigars, all these old cigar heads would tell me like 90% of those things are fucking fake. And I never believed them. I was like, you know, he's just a fucking grumpy asshole. And they were right.

They were 100% right. So what do I know? All right, with that, let's let's get to let's get to the podcast questions here. All right, Neil Peart. Hey booze besotten blowhard bill as a drummer yourself. I was surprised to hear no mention of Neil Peart passing away on your Monday morning podcast.

What gives? You know what? I, I kind of forgot to bring that up to be honest with you. And then also I didn't want to do that thing. Like, you know, when, when like Nipsey hustle died and then all of a sudden everybody was the biggest fan ever. It is so fucking devastated. There was like major, major, major fucking drummers out there

that I'm a huge fan of. And I just thought what their tributes were going to be, you know, would be enough for you. I didn't, I didn't think that you needed a tribute from a casual fan of Rush. Like I know the radio hits. I was more a Phil Rudd AC DC guy. I know Neil Peart's one of the greatest drummers of all time.

It's, it's a fucking huge loss. But I'm just not familiar with their music enough to do a tribute that that man deserved. I will say that what I was really impressed with was what he went through in his personal life. And to somehow get through that, remarry and have a kid was way more impressive than all the unbelievable stuff he did as a drummer. I mean, that guy, when it came to life, he got the full experience.

I don't think there was an emotion that that guy did not go through with the success of his band and all of that type of stuff to like the worst pain your heart could fucking feel. And then somehow rising from the ashes of that, I, I, that was the thing that stood out to him with me. All right. So there you go. Okay.

And then I didn't want to be like, and there was so much shit on fucking Twitter, being people saying like, Oh, you know, you know, people like greatest drum of all time. I wouldn't say the greatest, I would put him number three, but still made you look all these fucking people. Like, like even when somebody dies, they have to do that country fucking like putting people in like rankings or whatever. So I just didn't want to do that.

Okay. That was it. All right. Listen to Joe DeRosa on his podcast. Joe DeRosa was a huge, is a huge rush fan. So like he's gonna, you know, I didn't want to poke my fucking head in and do that shit. All right.

So there you have it. All right. How was that? Was that, was that fitting? All right. So okay. Good news, dear Billy sober balls. First off, you're by far my favorite comedian.

Love the podcast. Yada, yada, yada. All right. Thank you. Second, I wanted to just watch your episode on, on the Mandalorian. I wanted to just watch your episode on the Mandalorian. You fucking killed it. Thank you.

You truly nailed playing that smug asshole. How long did it take to figure out the smug part? Ah, I see what you did there. Seriously though, I was impressed since you always seem to get nothing but bad news with no solution on here. I decided to give you some good news for a change based on this article from the New York Times. Uh, 2019 was literally the best year ever. According to the article, every single day in 2019, 170,000 people moved out of extreme poverty.

Wow. 200,000 people got running water. 325,000 people got electricity for the first time. 650,000 people got the, got internet access. In addition, infant mortality, which was 27% in 1950 has dropped to only 4%. All right. Well, it depends on what side of the nature you are on this to see that human beings quality of life has seemed to get even better.

I would have loved to have seen something in there about solar panels, electric cars, population dropping, uh, something about global warming, but it's good. It is good. You know, I like when good things happen to people, but I'm hoping there's this new guy fucking running for president who's going like, we're going to go out there and change the world. I fucking approve of this message. I like what he's saying. I like those guys.

And then of course everybody's going to be like, oh, that guy doesn't have a fucking job. Is it really going to be Joe Biden, Joe blow Biden with the fucking, I mean, Democrats can't come with somebody exciting. Jesus Christ. Last time Hillary Clinton with that insane fucking out of a horror movie, smile, the eyes all wide craziness. Do you know what kills me about her and about so many fucking great politicians is how in

their head they get because they have so many talking to her. You should listen to the Hillary Clinton interview on, on Howard Stern where she's just fucking chilling out. You know, I just think because the press so picks apart everything you fucking say that you're thinking about every fuck you like 12 words ahead of what the fuck you're saying and then trying to figure out all the ways they're going to come at you. She sounded like a completely different person. Um, and I remember hearing that going like, where is that person?

That's like when I see a comedian who hasn't figured out how to be themselves yet on stage. And, you know, they're in the green room. They're one person and then they go on stage and become somebody else, but whatever. Let's, let's get Joe Biden. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Uh, Jesus Christ. Joe Biden.

Oh boy. All right. What is this a tune up fight for the real election? All right. Amazon factory tour. Hey, Billy Boo Radley. I mean, I still like Bernie Sanders. I don't understand what people on the left's problem is with Bernie Sanders.

Okay. You got to fight fire with fire like the Houston Astros. They're going to fucking have righted up free agents and $200 million. We're going to stick a camera on the outfield wall. We're going to level the playing field. Okay. The right's going to have a fucking reality show TV star fucking casino owner with a two pay. Talking about draining the swamp.

You got to, you got to have somebody on the other side talking crazy shit. That's a good fight. That's a good matchup. You're going to come with another company man blowing a banker going up there. He can't do it. All right. Hey, Billy Boo Radley, big fan of the podcast, my fiance and I have seen you live in the UK a couple of times and we can't wait for you to come back.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate you coming out. I don't know if this is happening in the USA as well, but Amazon is now offering tours of its fulfillment centers in the UK. Well, that sounds like damage control. I think it's incredible that Amazon are holding these tours to show how happy and well cared for their staff are. Oh my God.

What? Okay. This guy says quote, that guy didn't piss himself because he was working to a ridiculous time limit. He just spilt his free orange juice. Oh, they're saying this is how they're spitting it. Amazon is the abusive husband of employers and they're having tours so that their staff can tell the public that they just bang their face on the bathroom door.

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts next time you're coming to Liverpool, ask for some food recommendations on the podcast. Fuck knows where you ate last time you were here. All the best to you and your family. Yeah, I ate at some awful places. All right. Let me open this like I got to read this shit. Oh my God.

You know, they hand selected happy fucking workers. Oh my God. They probably like, all right. Touring Amazon fulfillment center. See the magic that happens after you click buy on amazon.couk by touring one of our fulfillment centers and seeing firsthand how we deliver for our customers. Search for a location and book for yourself or for groups of up to 10 people over six years of age, please.

For large group bookings, please contact blah, blah, blah, blah. We call our warehouses fulfillment centers. I just how every time you think fucking corporations cannot be any more transparent and like how fucking evil they are. A fulfillment center. You call a fucking warehouse. Oh my God. I mean, I just in another life, I want to get into the corporate world because I want to go

into that meeting when they're coming up with those names. Are they sitting around laughing knowing how ridiculous it is to say that somebody working all those hours for that shit fucking pay is fulfilled? Oh boy. Do you remember that really one of the worst fucking weeks in our life and the life of the United States right around 9 11 when they started calling french fries freedom fries. I mean, and then the fact that there were adults that laughed and then thought that that was a good thing.

I don't know. I don't know. Here's the deal. I'll give you guys a little fucking story. All right. So a friend of ours bought my daughter a doll in a little bed, you know, for her birthday. So go put together the fucking crib and it's got one of those what do you call those those fucking those fucking screws.

I call them I call them. I always call them Ikea screws. You know those screws. You got to stick it across dowel nut. One of those fucking things, right? So it's got like, you know, has eight of those four up top four on the bottom. The whole things together. No big deal.

Well, one of them isn't machined, right? There's still a piece of metal hanging in there. So I'm like, what the fuck? I'll go over to Home Depot. So I go to Home Depot, right? I'm walking around, you know, fucking, you know, thousand foot fucking ceiling giant goddamn store. I can't fucking find anybody. Finally find somebody and I hold it up.

Do you guys have these? She's like, yeah, we do. I'll 14. So I go over to fucking out 14. I walk down the aisle. I find another fucking employee because I can't find them. And he's like, I'm helping somebody else. Like, I'll fucking upset.

And it's just like, well, listen, buddy, I get it. Everybody approaches you because you only have six people walking the fucking floor, it seems. So he comes back. I go, yeah. Do you have these? And he goes, no, we don't make those here. So I'm like, what the fuck? The lady just said you have.

Well, she was wrong, right? Okay, great. So he's like, I don't know. He helps me find out what size it is. So then I go online. You can't fucking find it. So instead I go to, I say, fuck this. I go to this mom and pop hardware store a little bit out of my way.

I walk in there. The guy fucking walks up. He tries to find him. He can't find it. You know, he doesn't have him. So I'm like, fuck. So he goes, all right, let me come out. And he takes me in back.

He sticks the screw in a little fucking vice he has. Of course, I'm thinking about Casino at that point. You made me pop your eye out for fucking. Was it something M, whatever the guy's name was? Um, and he just takes a little fucking hand screw thing. And he basically rethreads it for me. Took like 10 minutes out of his day. He did it.

And he goes, that'll work. So I go to give him 20 bucks. He goes, no, no, no charge. I go, come on, take it. He said, no, it's fine. I fucking walk out and the thing's fine. All right. That's what that's what I don't know.

Corporations just don't do that. They just have this. It's so fucking hostile. It's just fuck you. We're putting out all the mom and pop businesses. We're putting them all out of fucking business. And then you deal with us. And you can't get anybody on the phone and fuck you.

And then right when you get bad bullshit, we'll then have a tour and we'll have all our fucking miserable employees. The ones that we paid off to then sit there with a fucking smile on their face. It's just fucking horrible. All right. I don't even know where the fuck I was going with that. I'm in the mom and pop places when you can do it. All right.

00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:55,880 Okay. I'm into electric cars. I'm into having solar panels. Anything you can fucking do to buy, to use less fucking oil. So different parts of the world become less of an interest for my own country. So we can somehow not go bankrupt here. Even though we are already are bankrupt.

And maybe that's the only thing keeping us afloat. I don't know. All right. Getting too big here, getting too big for my bridges. Let's just get get back down to earth here. Face apps. Dear Billy, good dad, I'd like to encourage you to keep your daughter's face off of those dumb apps where it looks like you.

You have bunny ears or dumb sunglasses. This is little. There is little that can be done to adults now, but these companies are storing faces and cataloging them. What evil will be done with this information? I have no idea. That's why it freaks me out. I can't figure out why this information is worth tens of millions of dollars.

Yeah, like listen, all this shit that I bring up. Okay. There's people who are actually working on it and like is fucking crazy. Is it to hear me talking about it to actually have people who are literally dealing with the fucking problem? I mean, I think, you know, I don't even talk about it because it's too fucking crazy and big. Anyway, someone will say, but Bill, your daughter and the other children's faces are being recorded elsewhere.

Yeah, but not an HD like with all the permission given away by whoever downloads the app. In 20 years, they could say they have time travel and have versions of you talking to yourself and telling you to do crazy shit. And you'll believe it because, you know, they're close to time travel by this point. And the future version of you will look really convincing in whatever video messages sent from the future. Anyway, look it up. Whoa, where the fuck did that go?

In 20 years, they could say they have time travel and have versions of you talking to yourself and telling you to do crazy shit. And you'll believe it because, you know, they're close to time. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah, I know I listen. I'm doing what the fuck I can't hear. Go to mom and pop places as much as you can. And if you can afford solar panels and electric car, I that's other than that, I don't know

what you do and then try to stay off social media and avoid screaming at somebody you don't know because you're not going to change that mind. You're just going to waste your time. All right. Other than that, keep watching sports or whatever the fuck that's sci-fi, whatever the fuck you guys are into is fucking Rob Lowe ever going to age. This fucking guy looks amazing. Anyway, heartbroken and disgusted at the same time.

Hey Bill, I'm a 22 year old female from Massachusetts. Been tuned into your podcast to add a laugh to my day for about a year and a half. I don't know though. That was just a wild fucking guess. Anyway, I'm writing in on the off chance that you give the urge to this depressing email. I don't want to read a depressing fucking email. All right, I get it. Time's a tough out there.

All right. I have spoken to my therapist who only states the obvious family members, even my pastor about this and no one can give me actual advice that seeps into my mind. Oh, so this is your Hail Mary. Okay. Talking to some old guy who can barely read out loud. All right. Take this advice at your own risk.

All right. Oh, wait a minute. I got something to lift your spirits. Here we go. Come on, play it. Why won't it play? What the fuck happened? I was trying to lift your spirits.

It's time. Hey. Whoa. And I'm looking at this melody from somebody else. All right. Okay. Here's the deal. I stick to myself because I don't trust or like people.

I find them boring, unsatisfying and mean overall. I grow bored easily. So just focus on studies, exercising, diet and extra fucking curriculars like checking out guys, no matter how old or young and watching a lot of porn. All right. Here we go. This sounds like a Netflix series about a fucking serial killer. I also got my gun license recently.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Anyway, one day at yoga, a guy caught my eye. He pursued me and I followed it. I allowed it for the first time at age 22. I've been on dates but never called for another one or like the guy. Well, this one dominated my every thought and I actually wanted to have sex for the first time. Okay. All right.

Oh boy. Fast forward seven months later and we had sex three weeks ago. What? Then he slowly started avoiding me at yoga, switched studios and says he feels weird about seeing me because it isn't just a hookup or a one night stand and he isn't used to having feelings. Oh boy. Can I tell you something? As a woman, this is, I think this is part of you of being with guys in their 20s.

That's how we all are. You know, we don't know to just say, listen, I just want to bang you. I'm looking to bang. That's what I'm into right now. I don't want to be tied down. I'm attracted to you. I want to bang. I want to fuck your brains out.

That's what I, if that's not what you want to do, don't talk to me. That's what you're doing. Believe it or not, you can be honest with people. And there's some woman out there who also doesn't want to be in a fucking relationship but she wants to get banged and then boom, bang, boom, safe sex. Great. And then you leave each other alone. Anyway, I confronted him and he said that I am expecting a relationship

from home which he cannot give because he's too busy with work. And he just doesn't like relationships. But wait, he was, he pursued you for seven months. I'm really angry. Well, you should be. And worried about him too. I can't focus on myself because of this guy. Where does the gun come into all of this?

Oh boy. I can't focus on myself because of this guy. He won't even answer my texts anymore and I'm making a fool out of myself. I trusted him with my virginity and he just turned away because he feels something for me. Could you get Mia's lady opinion on this too, as well as your own tough realistic advice? Thank you, Bill. And I would say go fuck yourself, but honestly, I cannot do to the level of respect I have for you.

By the way, he was 30 out. All right. Unfortunately, you're not going to go out into the dating world without getting hurt. All right. And in a good way, it's good that you got hurt like this in the beginning. All right. To get it out of the way. All right.

And just because you had a bad experience with this person doesn't mean that, you know, every guy is going to be this way. They're not. You just have to find the person, you know, that you should be with which involves looking. Okay. So you got to get back out there. I mean, it's just like it's like finding love is not is the same as trying to make it is a comedian. It's not like you walk on stage and you just know how to do an hour and kill.

You got to go. You got to bomb everything in life is just getting through bombing. Anything worth having in life is just is, that's how it works. All right. You, you have to go through pain in order to get to pleasure, to get to success or whatever the hell that is you want, you got to work. All right. And so I don't know.

I don't know what your gun license had to do with anything, but please don't, don't do anything other than target shooting or if you want to go hunting. Other than that, I don't want to tell you yet. You met an asshole in a fucking yoga class and, you know, I don't know. We've all met assholes and it's just, it's just, I mean, not now you got a story. You got a funny story to tell. What the fuck are you going to do? And, uh, I would, uh, I just keep it moving.

I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about that guy. I mean, if you get outside the fact that, you know, what he did to you, I mean, that guy's pretty pathetic, you know, it could have been worse. He could have actually fucking gotten a relationship with him and married the guy and had fucking kids with that asshole and then he could have left. So you got off easy. All right. Everything's all good.

So I don't know. I hope I'm giving you good advice. She just freaked me out with the gun thing in the beginning. I'm not going to lie to you. Um, it really had nothing to do with the story. Um, so I hope I helped you out. Uh, I'm sorry that happened to you and I just think, uh, you know, shake it off. He knows, there, don't shake it off.

Allow yourself to go through the emotions of what this guy did to you. It was fucking bullshit. In cowardly and all that. And he's old enough. He's fucking all 30 years old. You shouldn't be out there doing that shit. All right. You shouldn't be out there fucking doing that, especially if it's your first time

you told him that and he still fucking did it. That guy's a piece of shit and you should be rightfully be upset, but none of your being upset should involve your new gun license. If you know what I mean. All right. But that, you know, go out and try to meet a nice person. What you're going to do is your, the more you date, the more you're going to be able to pick out fucking assholes.

You're going to listen to your gut. That's what's going to happen. That happened me the other day. I fucking had lunch with somebody and I just said to somebody afterwards, how well do you know that person? He said pretty well. I go, what happens when that, when her claws come out and oh yeah, she has a temper.

But I was like, yeah, that's what I thought that's, that was my gut. She answered a couple of fucking questions and I was like, ooh, little fucking little hot sauce on that. All right. So that's it. I'm sorry. Unfortunately in life, you got to go through pain and it's happening to you, but you will survive it and you will meet a great person if you look,

but if you stop looking, you won't. All right. It's all up to you. All right. Sexist comment. Oh, Jesus Christ. Hey, that could be an alternate, alternate name for this podcast. Hey, Billy Rednuts.

My over 60 year old South African boss got himself in all kinds of trouble for commenting. It's nice to see a woman doing dishes to a lady at our work. He had no idea that it was, it was offensive or why he had to apologize. Go fuck yourself. That's hilarious. I, I, I agree with that in my life. It is nice to see a woman doing dishes or cooking or doing any of that. They seem to like feel that they are above that.

So many of them, you know, and that guy should continue to fucking earn money and pay for shit and wash dishes and fucking cook. It's ridiculous. I, I agree with that guy. I fucking do 80% of the dishes in my house. That's just what it is. All right. Hey, rice and beans.

Hey, fuck nuts. My wife typed out her family's red beans and rice recipe and sent it to me. It's easily the best I've ever had. Oh, there it is. Get the fuck out of here. All right. Oh, we got, oh my God. Oh, we got some garlic in there.

We got a bell pepper. I love celery. I'll tell you one of the best things that the farmers market is if you get actual organic celery, it's on the next fucking level. Because it's such a forgettable fucking vegetable, right? I'll tell you, when you go to a farmers market, that's like going into a cigar bar and trying to actually find a real Cuban. Everybody says what's in there is organic and so much of it fucking isn't.

It's really a Dutch master with the fucking coheba fucking band. We got bay leaves, cayenne pepper. We had time, sage, parsley. Oh my God. We got some sausage in there. What are you fucking? Kidding. I am making this shit, baby.

Day heat to skillet. I like this. Seems actually a little healthier too, because I don't see any shortening in there. That's what scared me. Oh fuck. Yeah, I'm making this. I love it. I love it.

Okay. Anyway, that is the podcast. Congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs, the people of Kansas City and the San Francisco 49ers. I am rooting for Kansas City because I'm rooting for their fans to get their first Super Bowl chance. However, I don't think there's a chance in fucking hell that they're going to beat the fucking San Francisco 49ers because it's going to come down to defense and they just San Francisco has a better one. That's it.

That's it. And that's it. I hate to tell you, but that's what I think is going to happen. I hope I'm fucking wrong. I don't hope I'm wrong. You know what? Because I love San Francisco and I love Kansas City. Two great fucking teams.

I have to, and I'm just going to root for Kansas City because it's been so long since they won one. That's it. All right. That's the tail of the tape, but I'm fucking something, something. All right. That's it. Go fuck yourselves. And I will check it on you on Thursday.

All right.