Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-21-13

Episode Date: January 22, 2013

Bill rambles about Pats/Ravens, Lady Gaga, and Lance Armstrong.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, January 21st, 2013. How's it going? Do you get the day off on Martin Luther King Day? Is it Martin Luther King Day? I think it is. I'm not sure. I have no fucking idea. I saw it mentioned. Somebody said something about Martin Luther King on the internet, on Facebook, and it was a white guy. So I figure white guys will only comment about Martin Luther King around Martin Luther King Day. So I'm going with that. You know, this is one of these times a year where it's fucking George Washington Day and Lincoln Day. That's President's Day. It's the same day. There's a couple of these days here where all of a sudden

everybody's got a day off. And I'm suspecting that people have a day off because I went over to NHL.com to see if the Bruins were playing tonight. And lo and behold, they're playing right now. One to one after one period. You know? And I'm like, well, who the fuck is at that gate? Shouldn't everybody be at work? And I was like, wait a minute. Some white guy said something about Martin Luther King Day. Oh, shit. It's a fucking day off. It's a beautiful day off in the neighborhood. Bado, bado, bado, bado, beep, bado. How great is it that hockey's back for hockey fans? I can't believe how much I missed it. I actually started this podcast late because I wanted to watch the first period on my computer. I watched a ton of sports this weekend. I will get to the

football and my Patriots losing, which dude, what fuck it, I'll get to it right now. Did I call it or did I call it? Huh? I'm telling you all year, the Patriots' defense stinks. And that fucking, what's his face? Tay Leib, quietly, how the fuck you say his name? That guy was the glue that was holding that thing together. He was shutting down that whole side of the field. When he pulled up lame with his hamstring there, I was, I texted Verzi. I said, watch Joe Flacco air quote, heat up. And that was the end of it. And that's it. I don't know how many more fucking examples you need. I don't give a shit how good your quarterback is. If you don't have a fucking defense, you're going to lose. And I shut it off before I had to watch Ray Lewis cry again and thank Jesus,

you know, for helping him to win this football game when Jesus does not give a shit. You know, I would never say this to Ray Lewis. I wouldn't even say it to his nostrils. I don't know why it's the first thing I thought of when that guy gets going, his fucking nose starts flaring. He's literally like a goddamn bull. Probably forget about one of the greatest, he's basically the, the LT of, I wouldn't even say he's not, no one's LT, LT is LT, but whatever. He's the closest thing to LT that the AFC has ever had. But when that guy gets going, man, I just, you know, he's the kind of guy you would just agree to whatever the fuck he was saying. Once he fucking gets going, you know, I watched the thing on Ray Lewis one time. I think

I've brought this up before. They did a behind the scenes, whatever, you know, beyond the lines with, without that original ESPN guy, right? And they did a whole thing on fucking Ray Lewis. And Ray Lewis was talking about his dad that took off on him. I don't know if you guys have ever seen this. And he, and Ray went to the same high school his dad went to and he always wanted his dad to show up to a game and his dad never showed up. So he just started breaking his dad's records and he starts getting all intense. He's like, and every record that I broke, and they're playing this fucking keyboard in the background, just one note, just this intense fucking one with this weird effect on it. It was the most intense thing I ever saw

in my life. It was so fucking unreal. I actually, I went to the gym for two weeks straight. That's how, that's how inspiring Ray Lewis is. Every day I'd wake up and I, you know, after like three days, you know, I start slipping back into who I really am, which is a fucking pussy. He wants to lay on the couch and eat cheese doodles. But I just kept hearing his, you know, I just kept hearing, you know, Ray Lewis would go to the gym. Ray Lewis is at the fucking gym right now doing butterflies with his nostrils, you know, just flaring them out. So anyways, yeah, I didn't stick around to watch it. Jesus does not care, you know, or God or Yahweh, whoever the fuck you pray to, you got to think that, you know, ahead of his laundry list of dreams that he's going to make true would probably

be people being held captive. I think they're going to saw my head off on Al Jazeir. I make Nike fucking sneakers in a sweatshop. How about, how about a cubicle God? Can you hook me up? How about a about every other Saturday? Maybe I could only work 17 hours. I think those prayers are a little higher on the on the list. You know, then can I please win this this this footy game? But anyways, I'm actually excited about the Super Bowl. Now I was kind of glad the Patriots lost in a way because I didn't want to see Tom Brady lose another fucking Super Bowl and listen to morons be like, Oh, what was it for? And now now what's with them? Like you can literally like, Oh, he was the shit and could win Super Bowls and what now he forgot how to do it.

You know, I don't I can't I can't talk to people. I can't talk to people who do shit and also like people who will be like the Patriots do they were fucking nine and a half point favorites, eight and a half a game time. What the fuck dude? What a fucking upset, right? You know, that fucking ESPN shit. Look, this is the deal morons morons in general gamble on on football. And when playoffs come around playoffs, every more it's like the Super Bowl. Everybody who didn't even fucking watch shows up to watch that goddamn game. And this is the same thing with playoffs. These gamblers who don't watch come out of the fucking weekend warrior gamblers, they come out, they don't know shit about football. You know, they barely watch it,

but they know Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. Oh, are they playing? Let me put some money on them. That's why the spread is so wide. You know what I mean? That's what it that that's basically what it is. It's it's Vegas is trying to get money on both sides of the ball. So what they have to do is because there's so many fucking rubes out there who the second they see Tom Brady in that dimple in his chin and his fucking Uggs, they're going to throw down 100 bucks on him. Basically at that point, if the Patriots win, they're going to lose their shirts. So they got they got to fucking expand the spread. Everybody else who's been watching all year is like, well, wait a minute, the fucking Patriots played the Ravens earlier this year and the game was 31 to

30. We let up 30 fucking points to this team only one by one. Why the fuck would we be nine and a half point favorites? A mere four months later, you know, I don't know. Or is this hindsight is 2020. I'm just saying whatever congratulations to the Ravens. Once again, your defense has got you there. And I for one, I'm gonna miss Ray Lewis, but I am not going to miss playing the fucking Ravens with that goddamn defense. I'm not. And I think you have Trent Dilford 2.0 at quarterback. I'm not buying into this guy. I actually had a conversation with somebody and I was like, I don't think he goes, come on, man, he goes, he doesn't stink. He's in the top 10 in the league. I don't think he is. I think he's like 12. You know, I would put Peyton Brady, Breeze, Aaron Rodgers.

I put Matt Ryan ahead of him. And I had my voice crack when I said it, Matt Ryan, people, I would put Matt Ryan ahead of him. I'd rather have, what the fuck is with my voice? I got to go see Nutritionist. So it says here in your chart that you're experiencing phlegm and your voice is cracking on your podcast. I put Andrew Luck. I'd rather have Andrew Luck than Joe Flacco. Who else can I throw out there to piss off some Baltimore fan than I can be pissed? They're in the Super Bowl. So here we go. Harbaugh versus Harbaugh competing for daddy's attention. Who do you think is going to win? You know, I'll tell you right now, this is the only way I feel the Ravens are going to win. Okay. Because this is Jim Harbaugh. I think

the only thing he has to worry about is right now he is unbelievably undernourished. Am I the only guy who's noticed the transformation in his fucking chest, his neck, his shoulders, and his face? He used to be fucking jacked. And I swear to God, I think that that guy is looking at X's and O's in some walk-in closet in the bowels of fucking candlestick for like 20 hours a day and he's not eating because now he's wearing darkers. He's starting to look like Bill Clinton used to look before the heart attack where he's got those mother-in-hips and he's getting all fucking gaunt. So he's got to get that guy at stake. You know, get him some fucking, what do you call those things? Dumbbells? Get him something. Perfect push-up. I don't know what it

is. He doesn't give a fuck how he dresses. He's been wearing that stupid black pullover, that linty thing with those darkers, man. He's scaring me. You know, somebody get that guy a sandwich and be like, listen, I know you're driven, but for the love of God, can you fucking eat something? We're right on the cusp. But you know, I don't have any major predictions other than I think the 49ers are going to win. I think they're going to. I think that I just don't, I think their defense is good enough. I don't, you know, I don't fuck. I don't know shit about the 49ers are weird. They play the Patriots. They put up 31 points on us and our shitty defense and then they play Seattle, which I think is the, that team's the future

in the NFC. They can keep everybody there. They got that unbelievable defense. They fucking shut them down. They play the Falcons, Falcons of fucking scoring points like a goddamn pinball machine to start it out. So I don't know. I don't know that I have that much faith in those guys as much as I did a few months ago, but I do know this. I don't think anybody listening really gives a fuck. Good Lord. Am I turning into one of those analysts? I'll tell you if I'm the fucking 49ers defense, I gotta be thinking. Oh, here's one. Did you guys watch, uh, did you guys watch the Lance Armstrong Oprah Winfrey in depth interview? Hang on one second. Let me do a little advertising before I get into that because that's going to be a fucking long one. Uh, what do we got here?

Everybody legal zoom, legal zooms back on the podcast. An old friend comes back coming here to help you once again. Um, anyways, you know what to, you need to accomplish at the start of this year. Huh? Have you been sitting around? Oh, wait, that's a statement. You know what you need to accomplish at the start of this new year. Sorry. This is new copy. You need to think about legal protection for your family and business. Um, but where do you turn for affordable legal solutions? You can trust legal zoom.com with an a rating from the better business bureau. That's huge. By the way, if you get the a rating from the better business bureau, you know, especially if you can do something as important as protecting your family and you're going to do

it online, you know, you don't want to go to scumbag.com. All right. With an a rating for, from the better business bureau, legal zoom has been helping families and businesses get personalized legal protection for the past 12 years. Huh? They've been in business 12 years and they're still getting an a, which means they've been treating people right. Whether you need to incorporate your business from an LLC or protect your family with the will or a living trust, all legal zoom documents are state specific and their step by step process makes it simple. And with legal zoom, you can even access an extensive network of legal plan attorneys for guidance. Legal zoom is not a law firm. You can get self help services at your specific direction,

or you can speak to a legal, legal plan attorney, sorry, to get your questions answered and get ongoing advice for another year passes, passes you by, cross a couple of things off your new years checklist today at legal zoom.com and save a pile of money while doing it. Enter burr, in the referral box and check out for even more savings at legal zoom.com. Good Lord. Is that just literally directed at me? I got to do all of that stuff. I got to get a will. You know, I got to make sure all my ducks are in a row here, considering I fly every other weekend. Do you see that frigging story where they had to ground that airplane? They had a problem with the battery. Had the problem with the battery, you know, like your car, except it's a fucking plane.

You know, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. All right, let's get back to Lance Armstrong. So Oprah had an in depth interview with Lance Armstrong. It was a dumb, it was actually fucking hilarious. I was watching it with the lovely Nia. And I was just laughing my ass off. It was, it was phenomenal. Like she's sitting there going like, um, so were you, were you basically injecting, you know, fucking horse jizz steroids into you for every race? And he's like, yes. Yes, I will wait for all tours. He's like, yes, I was. She's like, did you consider it cheating? And he's like, at the time, no, no, I didn't. It's like a course. He didn't, you know, it pissed me off about Lance. I guess it was kind of a good

move on his part that he didn't go like Oprah. Did you do any research into this sport? Did you notice the top 20 guys were all fucking doing this shit too? You got to fight fire with fire. You can't bring a knife to a gunfight. If everybody else is jacked up, I got to be jacked up too, for fuck's sakes. The worst thing though, I didn't actually like the Oprah interview and it was kind of funny watching her be dumbfounded by this guy's complete lack of, uh, you know, just not giving a shit when he was cheating. Um, and then the whole thing was funny to me because I, you know, I'm old enough to remember when Oprah used to interview fucking midgets who want to fuck their mailman's brother, you know, so I don't know. I feel like she kind of cheated her way up too.

Didn't she? Didn't you kind of host a carnival show to get where you were acting and then all of a sudden you went like, wait a minute, I've been doing some soul searching. That's completely not the same thing. I just like making fun of Oprah. So, um, anyways, they do the whole interview and then, uh, they go on a ESPN. This was like ESPN this week was just the total male hissy fit. You know, that's stupid Notre Dame story. Have you ever seen more of a non fucking story in your life? Why do I give a shit about that? He didn't lie to me. I don't even care if he knew it was a made up person and he wanted more attention. I think that's fucking hilarious. That's hilarious to me. And if he got away with it, good for him. I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck. Why don't, why do I give a shit for anybody for the love of God? Like four, five days. So this is the detect today. It takes another bizarre turn. I don't, I don't, I, you know what? I still don't give a fuck. I don't even have anything funny to say about it. You know, it's funny that Nia finally wanted to pay attention to ESPN. And, uh, what I ended up doing was I, cause I couldn't listen to it for more than a minute. I just hit record on sports center for the first time ever. I recorded sports center for her and I had to turn the channel because I don't give a shit about a football player's love life. You know, nobody died, right? Nobody got killed. There was nobody, you know,

you would have thought a double murder happened. I don't know. So anyway, so I'm watching fucking Rick Riley, Rick Riley's talking about Lance Armstrong. And I guess Rick Riley was backing Lance and he was just having this hissy fit about his reputation because he backed Lance Armstrong. Like anybody gives a flying fuck about Rick Riley. And when Lance Armstrong, when he finally, you know, came out that he did it, did anybody go like, Oh my God. Now what happens to Rick Riley? Like he made that whole fucking thing about himself. You know, he made, he said, he made me look like a fool. I was typing things supporting him. Rick, relax. Nobody's blaming you. Nobody gives a flying fuck. This, this really isn't on you. This is about Lance. This isn't about you. Okay. So why don't

you just close your laptop, fucking relax. Like he felt betrayed. It's like, Rick, what are you fucking special? He lied to the whole world. He's not going to lie to you. Like, hey, Rick, listen, I know I just went on national television and said that I don't cheat in those races, but I actually am cheating. I've cheated every race and I plan to continue cheating in the future. And now that you know that, I have to kill you. You know, I don't know. I was really hoping for more on all both of those subjects. I would have was hoping that I was going to have something a little more funnier. You know what is I just I'm worn out. I don't give a I just I watched that fucking game yesterday and we lost. And Nia was going to go see Lady Gaga last night.

And at the last second, her friend bailed actually the day before her friend bailed. So she goes, do you want to go? Would you go with me? And I was just like, yeah, I'll fucking go to that. I'll go to it. You know, I'm a comedian. I need to know what the fuck's going on in pop culture. I will go to this stuff. And I will go to this thing and she goes, do you realize how funny it's going to be if somebody who listens to your podcast is at that thing and sees you at that? And I said, yeah, it's going to be fucking hilarious. So I went down there and get ready to see, you know, no, let's let's tell this in chronological order. I'm watching the Patriots game over a buddy of mine's house and I'm just pounding beers. I don't know why. I bought a 12 pack,

they were set up. And I just felt like I had to knock them all down. And I think I think I had at least seven of them. If not eight, somebody else was digging into them too. I can't fucking remember. You know, one of those things where you're not really totally hammered, but you forget your sunglasses, you know, like that kind of level drunk. So I got a race home. And, you know, I shut myself off in the third quarter, just like I'm at the game, I just start drinking waters and eating fucking chicken wings and shit. And sober up, jump in the car, drive home, put on a shirt. No, wait, no, we took a cab. That's right. We ended up taking a cab over to Staples Center and we missed the opening act, which I'm like bonus because I know I'm not

going to like them. And we come fucking walking into the Staples Center and right as the show starts and Lady Gaga comes out of a fake castle on a horse and starts walking around the arena. You know, I do that big thing now. They got like the big fucking half a semi circle loop with a bunch of fucking Raven kids in the middle of it. And that's what started it off. And then she sang one of her songs. And then she went back into the castle. And then all of a sudden it looked like it was a turkey with its leg spread. And she came out of the vagina that unzipped it and came out of that, you know, and then sang another fucking song, you know, a bunch of shredded gay guys, old five, six, seven, eight, all at the same fucking time. And then she just starts spewing this fucking

self help horseshit, you know, doing that stupid dramatic pause to milk the crowd. She's just like, you know, it's great to be here tonight, Los Angeles. And he's like, she's just like, I got a message out there for anyone who's ever felt different. If you feel different, no, and all this fucking bullshit about being it was literally like, it was like gay spinal tap. And it was honestly, it was a terrible fucking show. Terrible show. The fucking dancing was terrible. She can sing, but she stinks at dancing. She's on a fucking horse. She comes out of a vagina. How many times has that been done? Why'd you come out of the vagina? Lady God, let me guess, this album was a rebirth for you. You fucking hack

ripping off Madonna right and left. First of all, she's got that one song that I don't know what Madonna song is. I never know. Whenever I hear it, I start singing the other Madonna song. She's right. She's ripping off Madonna right down. She had a black Jesus and the crowd's eating it up and all. And I first I'm like, you got to be fucking, she's doing the black Jesus thing. Like a prayer. Am I the only guy I looked around? I was like, Oh my God, I'm old. I'm old. I'm fucking old and I'm sitting there and all I want to do is just start trashing. I want to start heckling, which I did a couple of times and Nia just gave me the look and I was like, I'm I can't ruin this for her. She was going to go here with somebody else

who's going to be waving glow sticks and I agreed to come here. I can't be a cunt. So I'm not glad of you. I sat down after the first fucking song and it was really difficult to listen to. It was really fucking annoying. Way more annoying than I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be all right, you know, still going to be on some level. I appreciate it. This is pop shit. I can try to come here and enjoy this shit. And it was, it just really wasn't a good show. I can't fucking Oh, with the stupid dramatic pauses, why does singers always have to look up in the air halfway through a sentence and just get another applause break? I saw a band the other night in this little

fucking club and the guy was doing that. He was like, you know, this is the first time. Then he looks up the ceiling and it's just dead silence. And then the crowd always gives into the fucking silence. I don't know if they feel uncomfortable with it and they just feel they have to fill it up by going whee. Then the guy finishes the sentence that we've been in Los Angeles in three years. It's like, why couldn't you just complete that sentence? Why couldn't you just go, Hey, you know, this is the first time we've been in Los Angeles for like three years. And we're happy to be back because you guys are great fans. You could do that and like fucking, what was that? How long did it take me to say that 3.5 seconds? It takes him like 30 seconds.

Los Angeles is a city. That's on the west coast of this country. And you know, that was fucking horrible. So anyways, Lady Gaga's on stage. I can't believe I have this fucking story. I feel like I dreamed it. She just goes, you know, she finishes another one of fucking horseshit songs. I think at that point she was like dry humping a yak to protest some sort of Middle Eastern thing. I don't know what the fuck was going on. And by the way, her drummer was the shit. And I really would have enjoyed watching him, but he appeared to be in the dungeon section inside the fucking castle because God forbid that somebody else out on the fucking stage

taken away from your fucking horseshit. Oh my God. And then she had, she had two plants in the crowd, two clear fucking plants. She calls some fucking young gay kid on the crowd and tells him it's okay. And the kid starts fucking like, how did you get his number? When did you get his number? How did they have him miked up? How can I hear this guy clear his fucking day talking into a fucking cell phone that's going through the roof of the staple center to outer space back down to the fucking through the roof again to Lady Gaga, who's got drapes around her fucking head, right? Crowds eating it up. Like, oh my God, she's a saint. Look at her reaching out, right? And then the worst part was she, she's sitting there dancing around and she's only a little bit better dancer

than I am. And I'm fucking horrific. So she's up there. And then she goes, where's that guy with the green hair in the crowd get up on the stage, you know, because she's so down to earth. And the dude, the green hair dude gets up on the fucking stage shirtless shredded, right? So right there, you know, it's a plant, although there were a lot of gay guys there and gay guys are always fucking shredded. So I'll give them the benefit of the doubt on that. So the shirtless fucking shredded dude with the green hair gets on runs up the runway doing his best to act like he's shocked. And then they go into this fucking dance routine and this dude knows every fucking move right down to when to leave with the other dancers and walk into the castle. It's like,

why is he going into the castle? I thought he wasn't just some random guy you pulled out of the fucking crowd. Should he go back to his goddamn seat? How much of a grumpy cunt am I that I'm really ripping this shit apart? It was fucking I got to tell you, I was really, I was really disappointed. I felt like I put myself in the in the headspace where I could enjoy this. I was already seven beers in. I grabbed a little bit of McDonald's on the way in, had a court upon it with cheese and some French fries. I'm like, All right, let's see. Let's see this fucking. Let's see this. I know she can sing. So it should be halfway decent. And it just was ah, ending the songs and then just sitting there with fucking every time drapes around her face.

It's like, when are you just going to accept your nose? We get it. You don't like your nose, but you're afraid to get a nose job because you think it's going to change the sound of your voice. Just when are you, you're sitting there telling all these young gay kids, it's okay that they're different. And here it is. You can't even accept your face walking around like that chick from the ring, your hair all in your goddamn face. It's so fucking awful. And finish it every song. And then she just sit there all wrapped in drapes and they being only breathing into the mic, which was super fucking annoying. Then she was like, I hope you guys are having a good time tonight. Because if you're not, I don't give a fuck. I said, I don't give a fuck.

The whole crowd goes nuts. Then she proceeds to give a fucking speech about how much she doesn't give a fuck. Goes over to another shredded gay guy fucking backup dancer. You know, hey fucking soliloquy. Do you, do you give a fuck? He's like, I don't give a fuck either, either, either, either. I think that's when I heckled. And I got my first dirty look from there because it's literally like, you know, if you don't give a fuck, get on with the not giving a fuck. Why would you stop and give a speech? You know, that's something I've learned in life is if you don't give a fuck, you just, you, you don't say you don't give a fuck. If you don't give a fuck, other people, they recognize it and they say it for you. Hey, dude, you know, you know, that kid, you

know, that kid, Mike? Yeah, dude, that kid, he doesn't give a fuck. Seriously, that kid. And then you tell the fucking story, but Mike isn't walking around going, you know, telling everybody that he doesn't give a fuck. She clearly gives a fuck. She gives a fuck how she looks. I don't think she likes the way she looks. And I think that that's why she's fucking walking around an Afghan or fucking, I don't know what you call it, upholstery all over her fucking face. I don't know, whatever, which I just enjoyed the, the, the, the, I don't know the fucking, I don't know what I was really, I mean, as dumb as this sounds, I went there with some sort of expectations and I just, you know, I thought the drummer was the best part of the fucking show

and he was, he was in a castle and I couldn't fucking see him. Granted, his, his drumsticks were lit up so I could see some of this shit that he was doing, but I don't know. And then there was some sort of, there was some sort of story going on. I felt like they were like workshopping a musical and they didn't really have the full story. They just kept being this face that would glow up and it was Lady Gaga's and she would just be speaking monotone like she was some sort of zombie, which I guess was supposed to give it some sort of depth. Can you guys believe that somebody 44 going to be 45 is wasting this much time talking about how I was disappointed at a Lady Gaga concert as if that fucking show in any shape or form was designed to appeal to some

fucking redheaded cunt like me, you know, whatever. I had to get that out because there's a chance Nia might be coming down to the podcast and I did a real good job not taking the piss out of that show when I was there and not ruining it for, but anyways, it was really bad. You know what I mean? Even Madonna concerts back in the fucking day. Oh, that was another thing that she fucking said. She was going like, you know, when I started out dramatic pause. People didn't think that I could bring the underground gay scene to the mainstream. You know, it's like, why are you ignoring Madonna? Didn't Madonna do that like 20 years ago? Didn't the village people kind of start it? You know, it's funny about like,

it was so it was that shit was so fucking underground in the 70s right into the 80s that morons like me didn't know that like half the people you were listening to were gay. You had no even though like you'd be listening to a band called Queen and the guys prancing around in his in fucking, I don't know what the diapers adult diapers. I don't know what he was doing walking around barefoot. You still like the music was you didn't you still didn't know. I watched the other day I was watching this Judas Priest concert. I forget where the fuck they were. It was like in the early early 80s. And Rob Halford is coming out like in like literally fucking

like SN this SNM outfit. And he had no fucking idea. I know there's like 20 guys like that it was still underground but like that Madonna shit when she did all that vogan crap. That was like 20 almost 25 years at this point. So I don't know. I think that's just what it is. I think I'm just an old fucking guy. And I imagine when I was watching whatever the fuck I was watching they were all going dude Zeppelin did this like 15 years ago as I'm sitting there freaking out watching a band called Cinderella. I think that was the point of it. No offense to Lady Gaga fans. I think I just realized how fucking old I was. All right. And I just watched my team lose. Okay stamps dot com everybody intro

not supposed to read intro part. If you haven't heard yet postage rates are changing again. You know what that means the post office will be even more crowded than usual. Yeah because a bunch of old people running down there to get their stamps because the bankers stole their 401k. Okay that's the real story behind this advertising stamps dot com. That's why I use stamps dot com to send out all my DVDs each and every week. By the way the hard copy of you people of all the same is going to be coming out soon and I will be selling that at the end of all my live shows and eventually on my website. And how will I get those DVDs to my shows. Well I'll be using stamps dot com dog dog on it. Why because I can buy and print official U.S. postage right from my desk

using my own computer and printer stamps dot com always updates the postage rates for you automatically and unlike those postage meters companies stamps dot coms never charges a fee to do it. So with stamps dot com you will always get the exact postage you need for any letter or package the instant you need it. You'll never have to go to the post office again. I got to tell you it's a dream. It's a dream to not have to do that. I've been using stamps dot com for the last let's say when the hell did I start doing this a little over a year or maybe right about a year. Anyways it's been easy. It's totally convenient. I love it. I can be in my sweatpants and my bare feet season send out my DVDs right now. I have a special offer for

you when you use my last name Burr B. U. R. R. No risk trial plus a hundred ten dollar bonus including a digital scale in up to fifty five dollars free postage. Don't wait go to stamps dot com right now before you do anything else. Click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in Burr that stamps dot com enter Burr B. U. R. R. All right. Sad news this week on the podcast. The great Earl Weaver Earl Weaver. He I'm sorry he passed away this week and he was one of my favorites. He's a throwback coach. We got a great clip of him. He's there's two great clips of him. I got to find the other one was he hit the first one is when he comes out and he's arguing I believe it's a buck and he's yelling at that umpire and he goes you know what you are out here for one goddamn

reason and the umpire is hilarious. He goes why is that Earl and he goes to fuck us. He's like ah that's a bunch of bull that is that's true. You came out here to fuck us and you know what's great is the umpire is just so sick of Earl Weaver. He's like ah yeah because Earl Weaver like threatens him because Earl you're not going to knock anybody on your ass. He goes what are you going to do fuck up another world series. I think he was making reference to the fact they were up three games to one against the pirates. I was too young. I don't know if Earl made some bad calls with the um you know the pictures he put in or whatever. I think it was more the pirates. It was just their destiny to win that year but the umpire literally says to do what Earl fuck up another world series

and he said it what and Earl goes I've won more than I've lost and the umpire is like no you haven't no you haven't and Earl goes I'm talking about games fucking hilarious. So the umpire is basically calling him out going you lost more world series that you managed and then you won and Earl goes with the technicality. Yeah but I won more world series games. It's fucking hilarious. Um you know I really hope I just don't think that there's going to be another guy like him this day in age would like to actually get audio back then was so rare where nowadays I just feel like um I don't know they just don't go off the way they used to. They were just some great ones and he was he was the best of the best. I would say Earl Weaver as far as yelling at an umpire

might have been the Jordan or the Bobby Knight I would say of uh Bobby Knight always came off like a baby to me you know like throwing chairs like a little kid throwing his toys and stuff. He always came off like a baby to me and a phony tough guy. Earl Weaver Earl Weaver to me just kind of came off like uh he was just like a fucking badger you know a little Wolverine or something like that I don't know there was just something fucking because he was his little guy the greatest thing about this clip is I think he walks away like four times and every time he stops and walks back the crowd goes even crazier and it was almost like watching Hulk Hogan like milking a crowd right before he rips his shirt off it's just I don't know any it's another

thing that makes me feel old um the late great Earl Weaver passes away so anyways hey let's check in on the brew and see how they're doing here um I love this by the way this is free advertising it's still one to one in the second period I love this by the way when you can fucking uh you can watch the game so you get the package on the computer because I'm on the I got a big tour coming up everybody I'm really excited about this and um I'm playing all these unbelievable venues and I don't know I get amped up for this like like if I was playing sports you know going to all these places and just wanting to make sure you know you give people their money's worth I'm gonna be at the Wilbur theater the Wilbur um February 21st 22nd and I

believe the 23rd right the Patrice O'Neill benefit is February 19th Thursdays the 24th yeah February 21st 22nd and 23rd two shows a night um oh and I don't know if there's tickets still available but I'm doing two benefits next week on the Patrice O'Neill one is sold out there is a chance that some tickets at the last second might be made available depending on uh we got to make sure all family and friends get their tickets um we set aside some so there might be some extra ones I'll give you guys the heads up on Twitter um but on Monday the 18th I'm doing a benefit for a good friend of mine uh Vinnie Mark whose wife is uh battling cancer and uh I'm doing it at the Bananas Hasbrook Heights I know tickets are on sale for that one I think that one might

have sold out too but uh just in case there are some tickets both of those are wonderful causes obviously and then I get to go my big home my home coming there go to the Wilbur theater 21st 22nd 23rd and all the rest of the dates are up on my website uh in March um at the Barrymore theater of Wisconsin Madison Wisconsin Pap's theater Milwaukee Wisconsin Fountain Street Church Grand Rapids Michigan on March 9th Royal Oak March 10th so those dates seven eighth ninth 10 I'm going through Wisconsin and Michigan 22nd I'm in at the Egyptian room in Indianapolis I'm at the state third March 23rd in Minneapolis Minnesota and then I'm down the Tabernacle Tabernacle in Atlanta Georgia April 12th more dates to come um Philly DC Chicago

some of the ones that are top of my head um I got some gigs in Texas whatever I'm gonna be all over the place so oh also Calgary Edmonton of Vancouver I think I'm finally doing shows up there speaking of hockey um like I said we'll be are we announcing them as uh as the dates come up I just don't want to announce them and then not have tickets for sale you know what I mean so anyways back to the podcast here let's read some uh let's read some questions here the fuck am I oh by the way I think I'm going to be going to the masters again this year should be another good time here all right uh response to kid wanting to move to Florida hey Bill listening to this week's podcast oh this was from last week with that 24 year old kid who's

about ready to get married was sick in New York and wanted to move down to Florida and I was giving him some advice saying he was young it was a good time to do it but uh just know that you are moving a world away from um Jersey and New York so anyways he says listen to let this guy says listening to this week's podcast and just want to throw my two cents about uh this kid wanting to move to Florida as I was in the exact same situation as this guy I think he gave some great advice thank you making a big change and moving away from family friends etc is a big change and it takes a while to get that same setup going in your new place the only additional advice that I could give to this guy is to travel check out places and see what he and his girlfriend

like try Chicago Portland LA San Diego Austin etc those are some great cities you just picked there by the way uh each have their own vibe and attitude and job markets you were spot on uh with the New York northeast attitude I think he's talking to me now it's it's foot on the floor get out of the way I found it to be too confident too confrontational and self-centered I guess when he lived other places and this guy seems to have a similar outlook unfortunately I think his girlfriend is right New York isn't going to change he's just going to become more bitter and if they get a house mortgage kids etc it probably only gets worse and he feels like he's tied down to the the place he's in like you said he's young enough trying to make a move and if it doesn't work he can move back

I just say he should do some traveling and scout first at a minimum it gives him a break from the New York attitude lets you clear your head and get a perspective uh best case he finds somewhere that seems like a fit for his and his girlfriend's personalities yeah that's a huge fucking thing you know what I mean you definitely want to travel around and try some shit out because if you just go to one place god forbid you don't like it but your girl or your boyfriend loves it and then you stuck there uh I know somebody like that they moved to Tampa and the dude loves it and his wife is fucking miserable you see it on her face every time I see her hey he's still kind of not liking it she's just you know you're warming up to it a little

bit she's just fucking shakes her head slowly and you know the guy's an idiot he's like oh I don't know what a problem is I love it you know it's like I don't know how he does that I couldn't if Neil was miserable living somewhere you know once if you're fucking your girl is miserable that's it man you got to get the fuck out of there she's going to bring that misery down on you all right men are studs women are whores um I had that conversation last week with the lovely Nia she says Bill my wife and I went to a marriage retreat one summer and the guest speaker said a quote that stuck with me the quote was a key that can open many locks is called a master key a lock that can be opened with many key is considered useless just a bit of ammunition the next

time you get into a heated argument stay safe go fuck yourself um I would love to say that I get it I get that quote but I don't get it as it pertains to men or studs women are whores because uh I know what I was saying that the reason why if a guy goes out and bangs a bunch of women he's a stud he's a stud because that's a skill he has to talk all those women into bed he's got a womb he's got to seduce him you know he's got to spin him around the dance floor he's got to tell some jokes he's got to spin the plates women can just show up be like you know and they can have a fucking 10 on one if they want to you know what I mean that's what I was saying so he says a key they can open many locks is

considered a master key so I guess that that's the guy being able to talk all the broads in bed a lock that can be opened with many keys is considered useless that's where it goes off to rails for me and fuck all you guys who are laughing at me I don't get it because I don't know if you kind of look at guys we for the most part we will fuck anything that moves so we can also be considered useless let around by our dicks you know I really wish if I could go back and be young again and go back to that Lady Gaga concept sorry um oh there's another dumb fucking thing she said then annoyed me if you want to do something

and people say you can't do it long pause you just roll the fuck over him right never he goes fucking nuts and that statement really bug me it's like you know you're really speaking to like 20,000 people at this point Lady Gaga don't you think you shouldn't be painting with such a broad brush don't you think you should maybe realize what the fuck some people are thinking to do what if you have a pedophile in the crowd you're thinking of doing something and people say you shouldn't do it you roll the fuck over you know all of a sudden what do you got a pyromaniac you know just because somebody's got green hair and abs doesn't automatically mean they have the best of intentions

so why don't you fucking take your sweaty face out from underneath all that carpet you got wrapped around him and think about what you're talking about it's my computer gonna crash here running out of fucking running out of juice here uh let's read the last advertising just in case uh e-voice oh i like this this is awesome e-voice e-voice is what professionals use to save time and work smarter e-voice converts all your voicemails to text and sends it directly to your cell phone right there right there alone it's worth it's worth the price of admission uh no interrupting your day to check your voicemail or waiting till after a meeting to find out what's going on with e-voice your calls will

always be routed to you no matter where you are e-voice also comes with your own conference line for up to 94 participants on one single call the bilderberg group could use e-voice it's all it all starts for less than 10 per month but right now they have a special offer for our podcast listeners you get e-voice for free for six months with no obligation dude 10 bucks a month is almost free um for your free six month trial go to www.evoice.com and enter the the promo code bill b-i-l-l e-voice can make your small business sound professional like a fortune 500 company they can create your own customer custom professional greeting e-voice provides a dial by name directory so you'll sound like the big boys it's the greatest thing ever if you're if you're starting out of

business or even if you already have one they just immediately sound professional the second people start talking to you going to your voicemail if it sounds like you know some run of the mill five and dime if it sounds cheesy you know i don't want to speak for everybody but i'm hanging up so uh definitely use uh go to e-voice it's ten dollars a month and you get the first six months for free i mean you really can't beat that okay am i bringing you the deals here or what all right back to the podcast let me read this one before the whole thing crashes here maybe because i'm watching the Bruins game at the same time is that's what's sucking away all the energy still one to one after two marshan doing the interview hoping he comes on this year

it's a little off last year is it me was it me he had a kind of an off year uh relationship advice for a lady um oh wait i skipped one now let's do the lady one here i fucking trash and lady gaga let's let's try to help out one of the broads there um i'm emailing you tonight with the hopes of saving my relationship yes that's right bill burr you just might be the savior to the only thing that truly matters to me oh okay great no pressure here um please if you do so if you care okay i met my boyfriend in a bar in 2010 yes a shitty college bar in shipmentsburg pennsylvania if you were to ask any former or current student from ship what's the best bar and ship they tell you this place and rave a bar as if it was the fucking taj mahal mahal uh the fact that our

story began in this place might be an indication that there is something seriously bizarre about our relationship but i assure you we're pretty normal people no i'm meeting meeting somebody when your college days if you're in a college bar and you can there's still you're still drafting in the first round you know what i mean everybody's 21 22 you meet some broad in a bar at fucking you know 28 29 you know that's why you know you're trying to find that you know i don't know that diamond in the rough in the fucking sixth round that's like the fourth round by then once you get in the 30s that's just like you know supplemental draft anyways in the past two and a half years i've i've i have known and have been with him he's been an avid fan of yours i took him to a show

of yours at the tower theater in upper darby and we hope we hopped in the front of the line for the meet and greet where he proceeded to thank you for having him as if you personally invited him i have i have yet to let his star struck moment go it's something we still laugh at all the time oh it's great you break his balls good you're a hot shit um he's the writer of the whore fiance email that you read an email about jesus christ enough with the fucking detail here we go i'm hoping that you can help me with this i'm so incredibly in love with this man we're currently we currently live together but our lease is almost up we've both been battling some issues lately and my pathetic bout of depression is killing the relationship i already

plan on working on things i know i need to but what else can i do to show him that i really will do anything for him i know actions speak louder than words but i cannot prove a complete turnaround overnight especially especially since he has already been moving his things out oh he's already moving out jesus christ you got me here at the point where it's you know clip the fucking red wire or the green wire i'll honestly do whatever it takes to save our relationship he means the world to me what can i do to show him that if he just gives me a chance i will fix this and do whatever it takes to be there for him uh this is an absolute act of desperation bill i met my wits and i'd appreciate your advice well i would tell him what you just told me

that you're willing to do that and you might have to let him move out um listen if you're at a level of depression that's affecting your relationship um with someone that you you seem you're saying you absolutely love to death then you really do need to work on yourself and unfortunately you might have to let this guy go while you get your shit together you know what i mean um but it doesn't mean you just let the guy go without telling him how you feel i would tell him what you told me and then just say that you go you are going to work on yourself you'd appreciate it that he would if he would stay with you during this process but i don't know how long he's been dealing with it it seems that the guy's already moving out that he's

he needs a break from it and that could be a good thing but uh i don't know i don't know how fucking depressed you are clinical i don't know what the i can't deal with that but if you feel like me and you suffer from bouts of depression you have to figure out how your mind works so you can feel yourself going into one you can talk yourself out of it but uh yeah was that awful i mean like i said it's not like it's the beginning of this this dude has literally taken his fucking posters down off the wall uh you know as you're giving this speech there's going to be an echo in your apartment because he's that's depressing sorry i'm going to fucking steer you right into it listen just tell the fucking guy how you feel

and tell him you're going to work on yourself and don't don't have that just be lip service actually go out and do it go to therapy figure yourself out okay and you might have to fucking lose this guy and you might have to fuck this thing up and it'll it's part of the journey that for some fucking reason yeah this is the hand you've been dealt and hopefully you come out the other side but you're not gonna if you don't work on yourself um and that's it all right i hope everything works out for you god bless you there we go and with that i think i'm out of shit to read this week um all right how could i wrap this fucking thing up if i sat there piss moaning and complaining really bill you went to a lady gaga concert and you didn't fucking enjoy it um

let's do this my new favorite thing to check in what science the next dumb thing scientists are doing these fucking eggheads are doing all right this is the latest thing russian the united states and great britain are facing off isn't that great why would they ever work together you know that's another thing about that lance armstrong shit i hate people like that rick riley where you're like hey what do i tell my kids it's like why don't you tell them the fucking truth why don't you tell them what you saw that there's a certain level of of power and fame and wealth that you get to and the the level of temptation at that the level of fucking pussy that you can get at that level will cause you to shoot fucking horse tranquilizers

into your ass so you can win on a fucking bicycle you know why don't you just tell them that start with that and go right into the fact that there's no santa claus just what why don't why do i guess because you love your kids and you want to keep a minnescent and that type of thing and you want to shelter them from that which i totally respect but in the end when it finally comes out and they're seeing it you gotta you gotta give them a dose of reality and i don't think parents do that which is why you have guys like rick riley who's still walking around like a little kid hurt like he just found out there's no santa claus it's like how fucking long you've been rubbing elbows with athletes i don't even buy rick riley's

fucking hurt i don't i don't buy it the shit that those sports writers see you know all the stuff that they've been around all the ego maniacs all that shit all the horn around on the wives the corked bats the fucking steroids all of that fucking shit how many fucking guys have to fall before you're not surprised anymore i i don't get it so anyways plowing ahead here russia the united states and great britain are facing off rather than working together and this cold war is set in the coldest place on earth a trio of teams from three countries have spent years planning drilling and digging in a race to reach one handful of freshwater lakes buried up to a mile and a half beneath art and articles trillion tons of ice

why are they doing it same fucking reason lance took his drugs because there's pussy at the end of that rainbow uh there's money all right and whores love money and nobody fucks you better than a whore and these scientists they they want to get some of that they want to get some of that fucking blue label that johnny walker blue pussy before they they just they i don't know they have an aneurysm and fall face first into a fucking petri dish drown in a petri dish anyways the studies hopes to find new life forms in pitch dark freezing uh pitch dark freezing water that have never seen the sunlight well that's good that's good so you're going to drill down there and maybe put some sunlight in maybe maybe we can kill what lives down there you know

i i just don't understand why how long isn't is science going to fuck with nature just leave it alone let the mosquitoes kill us this is why mosquitoes fly around the fuck not fly around the world but fucking are all around the world with diseases to kill us because if they don't this is the shit we're going to do we're going to go to the bottom of the planet and explore expose this pristine lake can't you just leave it alone you fucking eggheaded cunts what is there to gain why do we need to know what's down there i don't know you know i don't get these scientists like didn't didn't they see the thing i hope there really is something down there that just completely wipes them out

but you know it wouldn't work we'd just go down there we'd hunt it down you know and stick it in the circus and make it ride a bicycle with a muzzle on and then act surprised one day when it just fucking makes a left turn on the bike and just starts fucking doing that grizzly bear bitch slap breaking people's fucking necks i root for animals when they attack people i really do you know unless it's it's somebody that's innocent you know by innocent i mean you're you're a uh you're not an adult if you're a kid and you don't know any fucking better obviously you know or you're old and you wanted to get the fuck away from it but you're too slow then i root for the human being but you know remember

that girl who leaned up against the bear cage to take a picture and the fucking bear was like trying to pull her into the cage and she couldn't fucking move you know and she starts going get a gun she's oh the lovely nia everybody hello hello so nia was telling everybody about uh the lady gaga concert oh yeah did you did you enjoy it hello i forget it do you have that other microphone by the way if you want to fucking come on this thing oh that's all right what do you mean well i mean i'm almost at the end of the podcast anyways i'm i'm like 59 minutes almost an hour into this fucker you want to come on why don't you just sit right here we use the same microphone like we're like we're the some of the backup

singers at lady gaga i was hi clio all right let's let's there's people sitting here right now wanting entertainment okay i was sitting on a fucking couch together well you pet the dog is not going to work you know i go get another microphone let's let's let's this is cozy this is good yeah but cozy isn't funny go get go go go get the other microphone all right get up i want yeah because i've been telling people how much i enjoyed the lady gaga concert why are you why oh did you pick up that energy from me sail away with someone's daughter sorry i've been listening to a lot of van halen lately clio this is what's known as a giant lull now if i was lady gaga right now i could just sit

here staring up at the fucking ceiling and everybody would be cheering but that's not how a podcast works we got my dog's teeth cleaned the other day she's got a problem with their fucking teeth has gingivitis so they had to put her under and uh we picked her up at the vet and she was still high and whenever they gave her she had these crazy fucking eyes it really freaked me out and actually for half a second i was sitting there going like you know all that stuff they say about pitbulls how they're nuts and they just they just fucking snap out of nowhere if ever i thought that that was actually well i just got saved by the bell you would just trash me somehow that wasn't recording let's go back to this so

so evidently i evidently what you're saying i ruined the last thing we got it was literally you just sitting down oh this is such a tragedy you just were you were hammering me well there's no shortage of irritation from last night so we can retell the story what do you want to know i thought i thought how you i know i those kind of sort of ruined it you didn't ruin it i actually i woke up i only yelled out like three times only yelled out three times you know what when i do the bitch please podcast which will be happening soon by the way i i need to talk about you know what i'm gonna save it because last night was a perfect example of you know women need to realize their their their boyfriend's strengths and weaknesses

and i knew jesus i knew that this sort of thing was going to be a weakness and i should have listened to that instinct okay but anyway the point is no i went there and i got my drunk and i you were drunk as a skunk all right let's start from the beginning okay but i want you to know this i want you to know this i'm not saying i'm innocent i need you to hear me no you don't need to i don't need to hear anything right i went there i wanted to have a good time i was like i i'm going here yes i did because you would have tried if you but you didn't because it's yeah i came in she fucking rode a horse out of a vagina oh my god that was no that was something different she came out of a vagina in a different part in a different part it sounds so ridiculous

to talk about it was the um it was it was gay spinal tap oh no i mean it was the gayest thing ever but it was i mean i thought it was fantastic it was every musical theater crazy artsy kind of fantasy rolled into one it was completely over the top and completely ridiculous but it was so much fun i had a great time no what happened is this i'm the worst you came you came home what happened was your girlfriend bailed on you bailed on you okay that was a bad fit for that team it's like Dwight Howard with the Lakers once we got tickets and i realized how much they were i asked a couple people and they you know weren't able to do it for various reasons nobody bailed no one said to me yes i'm definitely going because we didn't have definite tickets until

the last minute so you come back from watching the pats in the ravens yeah very good um i walked down the street i was drunk yeah you came while you were drunk you told me you had pounded six beers and you were sloppy and you were sliding around on the hardwood floor on your your socks probably seven or eight trying to find yeah exactly trying to find your shoes which took half an hour for some strange reason didn't take a half an hour i'm trying to do what you do which is to make it funny oh okay all right you're such a fucking hypocrite on your own damn podcast it's like you want to live in this world where it's like all your your rules and then someone comes in and tries to do a little bit of it and you're not having it look i gotta be honest with you

it is my podcast so it is my fucking rules but when i said that it didn't take a half hour that was it wasn't coming from i was coming for me being embarrassed like oh was i that drunk you should be embarrassed because you were embarrassing okay so then we got into a cab tell the story what did i say when i when i when i went into this and i saw the women over we were walking up to to try to find will call and there was just a group of girls standing talking to each other about to go in whatever and you just go really loud i remember that that was fine apropos of nothing apropos oh no here's what happened you know i was sitting with their horseshoes on what are you not supposed to say something you know you're not supposed to say

anything you should you shut your fucking mouth you want some fucking attention i just forgot the best part in the cab in the cab so we're in the cab and we were waiting we're in in traffic or something because you know bill's drunk wherever i plan on having drinks with this thing so we're taking cab and being responsible and this this young white guy who's homeless who comes up with a sign do you remember this and the sign said smiles are free and you just went get a job you fucking bum yeah i'm reverse racist when it comes to homeless people white male fucking heterosexual there's no reason for you to be homeless poverty affects a lot of different people bill not just now the way lady god would have done that she would have been like poverty

and looked up at the ceiling affects everyone so you're saying because he's like a white male age this to this it's like why are you you kind of you're already set up for so-called success and that's why well you know what we're getting we're getting past the point anyway we get in there you do your fucking job you do your ladies thing well if it were that simple he would you know what i'm like tapping out of this okay don't do that don't be like that listen there's a reason why the the expression bum exists you're a bum there's there's a the reason why that word came up is because there's people out there who are bums okay smiles are free first of all he's a hack he didn't come up with that it's nothing fucking original he's not thinking outside the box i mean

this guy needs to challenge himself i mean you think i like getting heckled on stage i go up there to make you fucking laugh forget about your problems i go on stage hey go fuck yourself you red-headed cunt i gotta deal with that this guy should be walking up and down the street with his stupid sign he doesn't get heckled can we go back to the lady gaga thing i mean i know i brought it up okay i shouldn't have because i'm already annoyed with you oh really so anyway we get into the show and what else happened what i said why did i have you on to get i was having a good time good berate me you should be berated you deserve to be berated after the things that you pulled last night then as we're in the concert at various times you go jesus fucking christ oh what the

fucking the self-help horseshit oh it's driving me fucking nuts and neah she was doing that after every fucking song and i only said jesus fucking christ three times it was a fucking two-hour fucking concert you actually only said it once i was exaggerating okay so i only said it one fucking time and the whole time i'm going do not ruin this for neah well guess what you failed what my god epic fail i gotta tell you because try as you might let me tell you something you don't like something you are going to ruin it for everybody else do you know i took you there why did you because i love you that's why and i knew it was fucking important to you and i knew that you were bummed that your friend bailed and i said i was gonna fucking go should i had eight

budwires before i went there no but even in my drunken stupor yelling at white homeless people and those fucking girls with the horseshoes i still only said jesus fucking christ in two and a half fucking hours watching somebody pulling plants out of the fucking crowd ripping off madonna who couldn't really even fucking dance coming out of a castle in a fucking vagina i only said i said jesus fucking christ three times that's pretty fucking good you shouldn't have gone then you should not have gone and i said to you beforehand why are you doing this you know this is not your because you wanted to see lady gaga when she was at the will turn and and no one would go and you and you brought and no one will go with you and made me feel bad and you fucking

been bringing it up for four fucking years and i was like god damn it she's gonna see it this time and i'm gonna go there and had i not had eight fucking budwizers i just would have rolled my eyes and said jesus fucking christ okay but the problem with lady gaga is no one in her fucking circle is going jesus fucking christ of course not she's a huge pop star right should there be well you know what it's very easy actually helping her out to sit oh right like she needs your fucking help are you kidding me that whole place how great with her how great with the seats the seats were amazing i got great picture no i had a great time but like i said i will discuss this on my own podcast the bitch please podcast um can i get a little bit of credit jesus fucking christ

only three times what i saw you only said it once okay i said it one fucking time watching that final tap shit you didn't even need to say it at all i said to you don't come if it's going to be something where you're going to be rolling your eyes and being obnoxious and what happened you came and you were obnoxious no i wasn't you you don't even remember you were like i wasn't drunk what are you talking about you don't even remember half the shit i'm telling you it for the first time in your mind how i remember it it doesn't matter how you remember it you were too drunk to remember anything i stood up for the first song by the second song i was sitting down and i was like i don't care it doesn't matter if you're sitting down and i was like wait a minute

i don't want to i don't want to ruin this for and i stood back up at one point i was texting with a friend of mine about the game and you said who are you texting to yeah that's the longest text i've ever seen and i was fucking breaking down the game and i was letting you enjoy the fucking the thing there i did enjoy it okay i did enjoy it but i just said listen to my instincts on that one which is what that you shouldn't have gone all right well fuck it then i tried i tried i tried i tried and you failed miserably i thought you were having a good time i was having a good time but you know there were moments where i was just like you know you know something what you should have listened to your instincts i should have you know something people listen to this podcast

know better than go to a lady gaga concert with me they know fucking better than that i know i know okay now i did you know those tickets were not fucking cheap they were not they were not cheap and i fucking went there and i put some fucking money in that broad's fucking pockets and after the fifth fucking hour of her self-help horseshit and then claiming that everybody said that you couldn't bring the gay underground to the mainstream when fucking it it it hasn't been underground underground forever yes well i'm not they make sitcoms about gay guys this is willing grace the fucking modern family that show that's ripping off modern family that fucking gay black dude on the tyra bank show where's the chandelier on his fucking head the other one with the what are you

talking over here it's not underground anymore you try to describe things that you don't know the names of it's just next top model fantastic america's next top model america's next top model that fucking guy there who like you know miss jay yeah that dude and mr j mr jay has highlighted if that fucking guy was on tv when i was growing up they would have been fucking like oh like they they were like what they couldn't believe it if he was just like uh like or if there was anybody openly gay when i was growing like it's it's over nobody gives a fucking more and they shouldn't okay it it's like uh i can't i can't explain for her to claim that like what i watched last night all right in no way i guess if she was in nebraska

that would be shocked but i watched that shit and none of it was shocking to me and i was just sort of looking at it going like she's fucking ripping madonna off brutally yeah but when she came in on that black horse though that was like i had i stopped in my tracks we hadn't even gone to our seats yet and i was like what oh that was amazing and this is why no don't have been anything because i really don't want to hear anything that's gonna continue to disappoint no this is actually making fun of me this is gonna make fun of me though yeah i was so drunk at that point when i brought up the horse on the podcast there was part of me going now was that a horse or is that two people in the horse you know we hang under the guy's waist and then you walk in

you know the horse costume you know the horse costume back in the bottom of the ass and somebody is the front yeah i couldn't i didn't know if it was two guys on like stilts no it was an actual horse it was an actual horse it's a beautiful horse poor fucking horse i know it's on the road i know that horse is going everywhere with them maybe it's a different horse in every city like they planned it out and she was like i need to have a black stallion all right so make sure everywhere we're going no because you know they brought that horse you have to have a horse that isn't going to freak out with a bunch of shirtless people gyrating all over the place oh my god what about the girl who's just completely naked oh in the crowd she goes give it up for that naked mermaid

and then they just show this girl just wait and gaga said are you over 18 this is okay good all right she had her tits out yeah that was funny and i laughed i laughed no yeah i swear to god in my hat of hats i came there to be entertained and you know what i believe you because i know you i believe that you the of course the only reason why you you bill burr would ever go to a lady gaga is because you love me i know that because there's no way in hell you would ever do that for anyone else never no and she can sing that's what i like she she can sing she can sing live the drummer was the shit he was oh my god that drummer was awesome yeah too bad he was in the dungeon you could even that guy was fucking awesome i get i know you have good intentions but that's that's my point though

you i as someone who is in a relationship and has known you for a long time like i need to understand your limitations and as much as you might have good you like how she says that everybody like i have some sort of special needs you do have special needs you are my special needs child you have good intentions you know i think i've had a lot of limits and i need to recognize that in you and be like oh he can't go to this because he won't he won't know how to act so it's fine but i appreciate you you got to tell me i will go i will go to that shit again next time i will be stone fucking sober and i won't yell out jesus fucking christ i i wish i knew what the fuck she said when she said it and i swear to god it would have been i i would be i would be

vindicated i just don't have that evidence because i don't remember it okay well whatever all right whatever that's the podcast for this week okay can we talk about my podcast yeah what about your podcast whatever now you're just gonna shit all over me it's gonna be more of an extension of this except i won't be there to defend myself yeah exactly perfect i'll i'll be listening to it i'm doing it for the ladies i'll be i'll be listening to it and the men's no i'm not i'm really trying not to do like the female bill burr that's not what i'm going for you should listen what you do me this is you know you know this is how you start a fucking podcast what you do is just do a 10 minute one do a 15 minute one you just build it up and you just naturally figure out which way it's

gonna go right and that's what you do and then you know there'll be people from this podcast that will go over there and then they'll then there'll be people from this podcast well it's too much like this i'm not into that so some of them won't but other people you're pulling you're pulling your own crap i have to be like lady gaga and not have any fucks to give yeah you don't give a fuck but i like that part of it because all this week i've been dealing with a bunch of other stuff and it's like yeah you really can't give a fuck sometimes so that was my takeaway from it i had an awesome time in that concert thank you for getting tickets i really appreciate it it was so much fun you know how much it meant to me okay but when her next album comes out and i go to the next show because i

plan on going to the next show because i had that much fun you are not coming okay and i'll take care of it on my own i'll find somebody else and you're saying you're saying this to me like there's going to be a debate and you are not allowed to go to lady gaga now i feel like a douche i'm a almost a 45 year old guy i'm sitting there shitting on a goddamn pop star good for her god bless you she's still not the fucking staple center when there's no music industry anymore it's an amazing accomplishment that she did it and yeah she's not trying to appeal to some guy a 45 year old guy who just drank eight bud watches watching the afc championship game yeah you are not exactly was the show not in your wheelhouse wow what an edgy comedian who are you gonna attack next week the whatever that

new boy band is that did the drew breeze commercial right well anyway anyways uh i i really hope everyone listening i put it on twitter and stuff but like i'm starting to please podcast soon just giving you a yeah thank you and uh email me questions i'm making it an advice show can you stop doing that it's obnoxious yeah it is just like your whole demeanor last night so make sure you email me some questions i'm doing an advice show where can they email you the bitch please podcast the email address is tenderheadedfilms at gmail.com tenderheadedfilms at gmail.com t-n-d-r-h-e-a-d-e-d f-i-l-m-s at gmail.com okay email me questions any question bigger small i'm so ready i'm ready to do it i like giving advice it's fun so send them my way

okay all right now before you read the emails put on your tough skin suit yes because there's a lot of tough people there's some of the toughest typers you've ever seen oh yeah they're real real brave some of those guys on twitter on the internet some of the toughest typing i've ever read i know it's so hard i get scared my fingers actually quiver when i go to hit block all right everybody i hope you enjoyed the podcast evidently i'm a drunk old cunt and my apologies to lady gaga god bless you continued success and uh and i really believe now that that guy with the green hair that he pulled out of the she pulled out of the crowd that knew all the dance routines was actually just some fucking guy was such a big fucking fan that he knew everything and knew when to go into the castle

through the vagina god bless you go fuck yourselves i'll talk to you next week