Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-22-24

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

Bill rambles about the second staircase, the Epstein list, and birthday gifts. Hims:  Start your free online visit today at www.Hims.com/BURR  Indochino:  Go to www.Indochino.com and use code BURR to get 10% off any purchase of $399 or more.

Hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning podcast for Monday. Fuck it January 22nd 2020 Foa what's going on how are ya? Yeah but I'm out in my fucking gay Raj out here and my fucking TV first of all has been fucked up for like a year. You know I never get get around to calling the fucking guy, because I just don't want to deal with it. So now here it is, there's a playoff, playoff, playoff game right now is happening. The Lions against Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 17-10, great fucking game. Okay, Lions had the momentum.

All right, Buccaneers come back, tie it up at the half, lines are now up by seven, fucking passing interference call. Here come the bucks, right? Go out to my fucking garage and oh my God, the cable actually works, but you know what's fucking hilarious, the only channel that's coming in, I swear to God, is the QVC channel on up. Like, I can't even get network fucking TV on this thing. I literally was just hopping mad, screaming, are you fucking kidding me? I was so livid I had

to hit mute because I couldn't listen to this Larry Hagman looking shithead talking about this fucking pot like he was actually excited about it next to this other woman. So that's where I'm at. So I don't know what's going on with the playoffs. I did watch as much as I could of yesterday's games. I had the Ravens and I had the 49ers to cover both laying nine and a half. And you know Texans returned a kick or something like that. I think it was a kick.

And for a second it was close and then they just kind of ran away with it. I will say though, I don't like how much Lamar Jackson has to run all the time. I just kind of feel like that style of play at the pro level, you only do that for so long. I always look at Michael Vick, who was with, other than like maybe Dion Sanders or Bo Jackson was the fastest guy I ever saw.

And they even caught up to him at one point and he got hurt. So that's the only thing that I would worry about other than that the defense looked great. Everything was was Great about that and then Green Bay Who I was less than impressed in the second half of Dallas shows you what the fuck I know came out and Gave San Francisco 49ers all they could handle. All they could handle.

Thank God fucking Pete Pastyface, they have missed that fucking field goal. Or the 49ers, I mean they would have been playing for overtime. It was amazing when he missed that field goal, you just knew the 49ers, or just NFL football. It's like, oh, now they go down the field, and then they score the touchdown.

Like every fucking time, every fucking time, there's an amazing come from behind fucking win in all of these games. It's just like, they said this thing when I was a kid, they used to be called Alcoa Presents, fantastic finishes, and they would have to go back years to somebody throw a touchdown the last second of the fucking game. It happens every weekend now,

which I think is by design through rule changes and all of that shit and these stupid as fucking defensive schemes. So, you know, my money was on the 49ers, but watching how Green Bay was playing and everything, I was like, now I want these guys to win, and I hope the 49ers aren't gonna squeak out a victory here, and that's what they did.

They went down and squeaked it out, and now 49ers fans, of course, are acting like they dominated the fucking game. Not real 49er fans, you know. Real 49er fans would say, you know, Green Bay's fucking good team. They gave them everything. But just the loud ones on Instagram. Maybe they're bots. I don't know what they are. So, but those were two great games. The Detroit Buccaneer game looked great. I got to knock this out because my kids are

napping right now and I'm gonna watch that. Bill's Chiefs game. So, I took Tampa getting the points and then I got the Chiefs. And the only reason why I'm, it's weird. Like I'm taking the Chiefs, but I'm rooting for the Bills because I wanna see them finally push through, but like I'm doing the Anything Better podcast. So I have to say how I'm betting, you know? But I believe in the Chiefs in the playoffs

until they shit the bed. Because those fucking guys, every year, you know, fumbling, bumbling, stumbling through the regular season, and then the playoffs come around and they just seem to lock it down. Oh my God. The bills have to do it. I mean they're like the AFCs like Cowboys at this point minus any Super Bowl championships. I think they won an AFL title like way back in the day. Way, well way, way, way back in the day. Anyway, speaking of that,

what do I do this week? I caught a cold, sort of. I've been like fighting it off. There's something going around with all the kids, so then they come home and they end up giving it to you. My son has been getting up like clockwork at 3.35 in the morning. To the point we like lock the door hoping he'll get frustrated and he just like he just sits there like you know like knocking like 3.35. He just hear him breathing through the door like.

And then he just hear. Whoa. Just like, oh my God, buddy, go to bed. What are you doing? You know? And he's potty trained and everything but he still wears a diaper to bed so he'll get up and be like dad I wet I wet oh my god Jesus Christ so then I get up I point my toes at my knees so I don't fucking snap my Achilles that's

a good one for old guys point your toes at your knees for like a good 15 20 seconds point it the other way. If you start to get any sort of charlie horse in your legs, just go the opposite way. That immediately releases it rather than making all those noises and waking up your wife. So I end up, you know, changing him or whatever. And then he's asking me to sleep in his bed with him. And I'm like, nobody, you have to stay here. So I go to close the door, he starts whining, which is gonna wake up everybody in the house. So I say, okay, fine.

So his bedroom was also the guest room. So there's like an adult size bed that he sleeps in. So I fucking get on the other side of it. So it's me and him. So there's plenty of room. So what does he do? He gets on me like a friggin' koala. What is it?

Eucalyptus tree? Is that what they're always on, right? And he's just like kicking me and doing all this shit until 5.15 in the morning. Breathing in my ear, playing with my beard, and I'm just laying there like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. And then we both kind of nod off and I wake up around like 7.38 and I can hear him like he's asleep but he's also his head is still on me and I look over at him. It's like mouth is opening, he looks adorable, right? And I'm like, like passed out.

And of course the second I move and then he's up. Dad, I want pancakes. Dad, I kind of have pancakes. So anyway, but I shield my lovely wife from that because like you kind of got to figure out what people are good at. My wife is not good at waking up in the middle of the night and handling shit and then going back to bed. It makes her super, she makes her almost as grumpy as I am after eight hours sleep.

I'm working on it. So I always take the bullet. I'm like, I'll do that. But she handles all that mom shit, like knowing what's going on at school, what events, packing their lunches, and doing all of that shit. I'm more like the fucking clean up the mess, get the shoes on, guy shit. But anyway, I've continued to go out this week,

doing stand up, putting together like this next 20 minutes, really excited about that. Still playing the drums and I have not been able to fly because this is the time of year where it like, fucking rains every day for like, I don't know, two weeks and that's how it rained for the year. So I just gotta kind of ride this out, which is fucking hilarious.

Cause right when my tour starts, all right, is when it's gonna stop fucking raining and then that, you know, it's just always like that. I actually, there's a few like things I wanna go fly to see, you know, there's this rock star's house that you can take a tour of. I'm not gonna say who. There's too many, you know, weirdos out there. Well, how the fuck would they know when I was going, all right, Johnny Cash's house. You can take a tour of one of his houses in Ojai. So I was thinking of flying up that way with a buddy of mine

and then just cruising up and checking it out. Cause they like, you gotta see it, man. They like redid the house, like the way that he had it. And I'm not gonna lie, it kind of looked perfect. You know what is, Dean Del Rey got me into that mid-century architecture. I used to always just call it Brady Bunch architecture.

Like I was never into that shit. And now all of a sudden I'm getting like fucking obsessed with it and always just looked like weird because we always grew up in like, you know, old houses or whatever being on like the East coast. You know those ones that have like a fucking, they'd have those old heating systems from the early 1900s and you either felt like you were in a sauna or you

could see your breath, depending on how close you were. Because the heat was fucking no joke. You just couldn't shut it off. Like you shut it off and within eight fucking minutes. Yeah. and within eight fucking minutes. Yeah, I moved around a lot as a kid, but the main house that I lived in was, we lived in a duplex and there was a family in the back of the house and then we had the front

of the house and it was this big old turn of the century house with this incredible wood and all of that. And you know what's funny was when I grew up, I always was thinking like someday I'm gonna buy this house off of the landlord and open it back up because I thought it was so cool because it had two staircases.

It's like from back in those days when you had like a staff, you know? And it was so funny, like they would always have like the front staircase that the owners of the house had would be this really decorative wood and all of that. And then in the back of the house would be just like a basic staircase for the air quote help,

whatever the fuck they used to say back then, to come up and they would be downstairs making your breakfast. And then when you came downstairs, they would go up the back of the stairs to make up the beds and all of that. And the whole thing was that you didn't want to see them. it's like, we have our own private staircase cause we don't wanna see you.

And then yeah, clean up my fucking soiled sheets or whatever. I mean, it's just fucking, it's unreal. But I didn't know that as a kid. I just thought it was so fucking cool cause everybody else that I hung out with had a newer house. So there was just one, you know, staircase going up and coming back down. I always thought it house. So there was just one staircase going up and coming back down.

I always thought it was cool that there was two. And it had all these weird windows and all of that type of shit. I always wondered what happened in that fucking house. Anyway, oh, Billy, going down memory lane here, going down memory lane. And I've been doing that a lot. I've come out of my fucking depression.

I realized what it was, is I need to do standup more, because it makes me so fucking happy and I get a rush and I can stay ahead of the fog there. And I mean, I was in a bad place. Like there was something about David Soul dying, who played Hutch on Starsky and Hutch. Like, I remember when that show came out and watching him fucking jumping over the car and sliding across the

fucking hood I'm like how the fuck is that guy dead and he's 80 you know rest his soul Jesus Christ he's also when I think Magnum Force with Clint Eastwood and I it just I went down, you know, like they call it death scrolling or whatever on Instagram. I went on like a death scroll. And I just started to see who the fuck was still alive from all of these shows. And I had to stop at Laverne and Shirley.

You know, happy days isn't that bad. The older people and the one who played Joni, unfortunately are gone. But I went to fucking Laverne in Shirley. Everybody on the show is dead except for Michael McKean who played Lenny. They're all gone. I didn't even know Shirley died. She died last year. Rest of Seoul and I was just going like, what the fuck? But I ended on a happier note with taxic where most people are still alive. And I was just like, what am I doing?

Like what is the purpose of this fucking exercise? I've been a person who has not given a fuck about his age. And somewhere, sometime during, I don't know if it's being 55 or if I just took too much time off the road. And I was just like, I'm not gonna drink a bunch of coffee. I'm not smoking cigars. And I just fucking just sat here.

And it all just sort of fucking, the walls started closing in. So fortunately I'm lucky enough to love my job. So I've been going out doing that and that has been, you know, going down there and shooting this shit with other comedians and stuff, just doing that. It definitely pulls me out of it. But I don't know, it is, that is kind of a weird thing. So anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do on this podcast. Should I just like stop here and watch the rest of these fucking games? You guys don't need my analogies, right? You're going to see what happens.

All right. So the top drum songs that I'm listening to right now that I've been trying to play along to. I told you was Jackson 5 Dancing Machine that has James Gatson on it and those hits are on that dancing dancing. She's a dancing mode. One, two, three, four. So the first hit is on two and the second hit is on the end of three and it is fucking awkward is shit Because they just come in they don't count it off or anything they just go right in and I'm telling you I know I talked about this the other day if you play drums you have to listen to James Gadsden's drum track It's a it's a masterpiece and

Then I've been listening to continue with James Gadsden. What Bill Withers used me and what that song, when I'm kissing my love. And then, oh, I already talked about this. What was that one, that three dog night, mama told me not to come. I've been listening to that. And then I was in the lovely Nia's car.

And she likes all, it's funny, she likes listening to that fucking Yacht Rock shit, which is so funny that they call it Yacht Rock. Like that was like, it was called singer-songwriter music in the 70s when that first came out. Then it was kind of called easy listening. And then what happened was the baby boomers, the ones that became like,

fuck the sociopaths that just descended to the heights of their business and just took, took, took, took, took, right? Never bought into that summer of love shit. Then they got big boats and shit and they would be listening to this shit that they listened to as kids. But it's funny that it's now called Yacht Rock, and people think that like people actually were writing songs about the sea on purpose for people with yachts or whatever.

No, it got renamed that. It was like the Laurel Canyon scene, singer-songwriter thing. Like the Eagles have nothing to do with yachts. Like I don't even, they don't sing about yachts or anything like that. I don't, you know, it just, they just labeled it that to sell this to older boomers. And I always called it like, when I listen to those songs, to me it's station wagon music

because I would always be riding in the car with my mom and she would be listening to, you know, Diamond Girl or like the Little River Band, you know, Glen Campbell, the Eagles, all of those fucking like all the cool moms in the 70s, you know, and they had this scarf, you know, tied over their head with the curlers and they would be driving down the street. My mom didn't smoke, but I used to see the other ones. They had those skinny cigarettes, you know? It was sort of the core's light of cancer, you know? You had that little skinny fucking cigarette, you know,

and they had the window cracked and they would be smoking that thing. And it was all earth tones. And they would be driving like these P-Soup green fucking station wagons with the matching dashboard and then like a brown interior. It was fucking amazing. I remember like the people across the street

had one of those great, like one of the last woodies, I think they had the, what the fuck was that? It was almost like a Ford Galaxy, the front end, but it was a station wagon with like the fucking wood. And then their dad was this big CEO guy and every two years he'd get a new company car and it was always a Lincoln Continental. And he would come pulling up in that big,

he was a big dude, got out of the cars, the fucking guys guy. There was some cool cars in my, this is when I was really young, back in like the early 70s. I knew there was this kid, um, kind of a troubled kid, but I remember he was a little bit older than us. These ones used to come over and like beat the shit out of me and break my

toys and stuff. You know, I told you that story, right? My, my mom got me a little cowboy outfit. Birthday. And I went outside, I had a little hoster and it was supposed to be like It was my birthday. And I went outside, had a little hoster, and it was supposed to be like mother or pearl, like handles on the guns, they're like cap guns,

and they were, it was really plastic, you know? And I had a little bandana, little cowboy, had a little vest, and I went outside by myself, I walked to the end of the driveway, and him and his friends were walking by, and they just grabbed the guns out of my hoster and just smashed them on the ground and walked away. It was so fun.

And when I think about it, it was so fucking, that's where all those efforts for family stories came from. I remember one time climbing a tree with a friend of mine, and we were up there, and those same kids came walking by by and we were trying to keep quiet and they saw us up there and they basically just threw rocks at us until we cried and then they got bored and they left. We used to throw snowballs at cars and every once in a while some type A fucking lunatic would get out and would just not stop chasing you till he caught one of you. Um, yeah, there was a lot of like, yeah, big kids beating the fuck out of you.

And there was a lot of really angry adults. We were always fucking with their cars, throwing rotten apples in them or sticking them in the tailpipe and shit like that. I see you guys, I see you up there. You fucking lunatics. Anyway, but this is what happens to when your fucking TV doesn't work. I'm supposed to be coming out here watching the goddamn game. And you know, what are you gonna do? Anyway, let's do the reads for this week. And then I'm gonna do, I'm gonna watch that Buffalo game. Maybe I'll come on at the fucking end here. You know, I'm not gonna do the fucking reads. I'm just gonna go into your questions.

Fuck the advertising here. Monday morning content. Used to think people were smug This is interesting. I Like this you used to think people were smug Please tell me you you had you found a more positive way of looking at it dear Bill I'd like to piggyback off the guy from a few weeks ago a few weeks back who said he realized He's the asshole and lost so many friends. I'm trying to remember that guy. I've been playing these brain games on Instagram that's supposed to help with your memory.

So they're fucking weird. It's like you have your hands closed, you open your hands, one of your hands has two fingers, the other one has one, then you close them again and then you switch. The other one has two, the other one has one, then you close them again and then you switch. The other one has two, the other one has one. It's supposed to like help your brain. So I remember hearing a long time ago that playing drums was actually good for your brain, like learning like independence.

I don't think just once you get it down, and if you just keep playing within your, well maybe that's something. If you just stay within yourself, like, you know, I'm reading at this level, I know this amount of that, another language, or I know this amount of guitar, whatever you keep pushing yourself, maybe that's a good thing. I don't know. I don't want to get that shit.

I've had some of that with some relatives, man. It's fucking scary. Anyway, so this person said, I used to think people were smug when they just looked back at me during a conflict. Then I realized it usually happens when I'm angry and not listening to them and giving off the energy that I would never even consider what they're saying. Oh my God, do I relate to that? Yeah, they're just waiting for you to finish so they can walk away.

They're actually just being polite at that point. This part you can probably relate to. Yes, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Well not long ago I had some guy going off on me about something and I just looked back at him and didn't take the bait because honestly it caught me off guard and I also didn't care as much as he did about it. So a minute into his tirade, he called me a smug pussy. Yeah, at that point he's trying to get a reaction. I have to say, man, like, is there anything more embarrassing than fighting like a one-way war? And the other person like that was like this is fucking LA guy

It was so goddamn funny He went to New York and he tried to order a gluten-free scooped-out bagel with some something or whatever and Everybody was telling him to fit it goes nice. All right. I said that and they all just told me to fuck off and get the fuck out Of that deli and then he just, all right, I said that. And they all just told me to fuck off and get the fuck out of that deli. And then he just goes, all right, onto the next one. And all these New Yorkers were like proud about how fucking angry they are. And they were getting angry at this guy about his stupid fucking bagel order.

And it's just like, dude, what are you really mad at? Why do you, you didn't know that this guy was doing that? And the guy at the first deli could just say, listen, we don't do that. Like I don't know what that is. Good luck to you. Welcome to New York. But everyone is like,

New Yorkers, Boston, like everybody's in love with you. You gotta keep your edge. Like, you know, you gotta make sure you're not happy. You gotta be rude. You know what I like about New Yorkers, Boston, everybody's in love with you. You gotta keep your edge. Like, you gotta make sure you're not happy. You gotta be rude. You know what I like about New York? People tell you to go fuck yourself. You know where you, I love this one. You know where you stand with people on the East Coast.

No, you don't. There's just as many slick lion pieces of shit back there as there are out here. And I've lived in both places So I don't want to fucking hear it Anyway So anyway the guy so I'm in it in my tirade he calls me a smug pussy I Was thinking hey, that's my line then it all all came together. Those people weren't smug.

They were just more balanced people. Anyways, off to therapy. All right. I know I interrupted with my own stories, but there was a lot of wisdom. And all of that. That's what this person's going for. Uh, I hope happens to me and I hope that for all of you guys. You know, after all, you know, if something's not working, it's pretty amazing one day when you realize how you're contributing to it or why you're doing it or just some little

piece of information that can help you make like a change. But it's fucking hard, man. It's really, it's really hard. Like me jumping, I'm 55, jumping up and down upset that my TV that hasn't worked for a year and I've done nothing about it to fix it. And I'm screaming, really flipping the fuck out when a year ago I could have called the fucking

cable guy and he could have came in and just fixed the fucking thing. I just don't do it. I just, I flip out and then I just move on to the next thing. Stupid. Not a bright guy, guys. Okay, just know that. Know that if you haven't figured it out yet. All right.

I mean, I'm, you know, I walk into a bar. I'm pretty smart for a bar. That's another thing too. There's a lot of people out there that think they're smart, but it's like, no, you're just kind of hanging out with idiots. You know, you're smart for an idiot, but you know, when people, like,

a lot of people think they're fucking smart. It's like, you know, there's people out there that like are solving massive, massive problems. And healthcare, engineering, aviation, just like have this shit that I'm using right now, the microphone, all of this. I don't know how the fuck this shit works. I don't know how to design this. I can't imagine the brain power. How smart you have to be and the things that you have to understand about the fucking universe. Anyway. Then you know what's funny is you meet those people, you know?

He's have a buddy of mine because, yeah, this guy, he's so smart he can't comb his hair. Those people, they're like so in their head, like thinking brainiac shit. When they look in the mirror, they don't even see themselves. You know, and when you think about some of the greatest scientists ever, they all have like bed head. Like, I don't know, like you're so busy like thinking. It must have been, you know, it's kind of funny.

I went, when did scientists stop getting pussy? Cause back in the day, like they were like famous. You used to get, at least a white person did. You'd get credit for inventing things, you know, anybody not white, they just, you know, it kind of didn't pan out that way. It just, and now nobody gets credit. Now nobody, like nobody knows who invented anything anymore. There's all these crazy

inventions every fucking year and it's just apples got a new fucking, well who did it? What is the person's name? I want to know who's the Eli Whitney? Who's the fucking Johnny Apple seeds? I can't even name a scientist. Who else invented things? Tesla? And then that other grumpy cunt took all the credit. Right? Edison, Thomas Edison. He was sort of like the original Jim Ursa. He was sort of like the original Jim Ursa. All right, Epstein, Billy Cronkite. Here's why the Epstein list is crazy and at worst worth at least an inkling of attention.

The list is a flight log that was confiscated when he was arrested. Yeah, here's my quote. According to who? Files were sealed due to the nature of the investigation, i.e. it involved rich people, not average civilians. How about also that it was an island and there's no jurisdiction that anybody really has. He would have had to have been doing this shit in the United States. He had like his own country. Um, esteem, Epstein was arrested based on the accounts of several females who are held against their will in a sex ring. How we got his money and influences a whole story. You might be interested to check out. Um, I'm not interested and I don't buy that list For a fucking minute. I just I just don't it like it's like two years fucking later

All of those people are like super fucking powerful. First of all, nothing's gonna fucking happen And what I love is nobody gives a shit about those women What they really want to see is a famous politician or some celebrity What they really want to see is a famous politician or some celebrity lose their house and go to jail and all of that so they can watch somebody go down. But they're not gonna be like, hey, we've created a home for all of those poor 12 year olds that were getting banged by these CEOs, right?

And politicians, they're not gonna do anything for them. That's why I don't like the story, because it's not about helping anybody. It's immediately politicized. Trump went there, Bill Clinton went there, but then it becomes red and blue like everything else. That's why I kind of avoided it. But you know what? I'll have an open mind here.

Anyway, even before the events on the island became public, he was initially arrested and prosecuted for unlawful sex with a minor. A number of girls around the age of 14 testified to hanging out at a mansion and being exploited. The evidence was damning and anyone else would have gone to prison for life. Instead, he got out. Even after this, he was still courting millionaires and politicians and constantly flying to his private island where the nefarious acts took place. That's alleged buddy. Just because you went to his fucking island didn't mean you partook in

anything. You could just be going there kissing this guy's ass hoping he would give you money for the campaign. I thought that there's also that part too. It wasn't until recently that the court released certain files under the Freedom of Information Act. Oh, I love that, the Freedom of Information Act. You know the one that they were going to let, you know, we're going to finally figure out what happened with the Warren Commission? Those things when they release them and like half of it is blacked out?

That's not freedom of information. They're still censoring it. I find the whole thing highly, highly questionable, that there was this list and that these people that were on the list were so fucking afraid of their name getting out and what was going to happen, that they had to kill Epstein and then they kill him and then a list still comes out. So like what was the fucking point? You know, that was basically my bit when they killed Oswald, like the list didn't come out. It was it. He was dead and they were like, he did it. And then they had the Warren commission. Yup, he did in fact do it and it was done.

There was no, oh by the way, the CIA or the Cubans or the Russians, it was none of that. It's none of that. The mob, it was over. Anyway, of all things that occasionally make it into the news, this is something that actually matters since he was allegedly blackmailing US politicians. Okay. All right. Well, I know this list is exciting, but can I ask you a question?

What exactly has happened since the list has come out? All it is is just a bunch of regular people saying who they think was on the list or who is on the list, who isn't on the list. None of these guys are going to get prosecuted. It's just going to fade away. There are lots of independent journalists who have documented the case and tied him to several intelligent agencies. Most notably the arresting officers in Florida were told to back off from long-term investigations

by intelligent officials who took over the case. Yeah, I mean, this all tracks. This sounds like the typical above-the-law white person with his own island. I mean, this is, Hollywood has been making movies about people like this forever, right? Doesn't James Bond come over there and the guy's petting a cat. Considering young women were rape, you think the behavior, you think the believe all women, crowd and media would have helped amplify the issue. Clinton was on his plane 48 times after his initial arrest, sometimes without secret service. Oh yeah, I mean, I mean, I wouldn't doubt that. Bill Gates was too, and his wife cited their friendship as an issue in divorce

proceedings. And as a consolation, I'll mention Stephen Hawking was as well, who according to records was into midgets and threesomes. I mean, all right. Can I be honest with you, this is all just a bunch of hearsay. And what I love about all of this is all your naming is famous people like this. And that's all people care about is Clinton, Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking. What about all those other guys?

We're like, who's that guy? Fuck that guy. I don't know who that guy is. I don't know who that guy is. So that's not exciting. That's not an exciting story. Let's go after this guy. Let me tell you something.

Nothing's gonna happen to any of those fucking people. And no one's gonna help those women. And there's gonna be another fucking asshole with an island, and they'll continue to do that shit because those people are literally above the law. And when you're above the law, you can also control the fucking list or control whatever happens to the people on the list.

And I'll tell you who's not gonna report or do a fucking thing about it unless they pick a political side will be any major news network, 24-hour news network. They're not going to do anything about it. So I don't know what all the excitement about the list is like somebody's going to go down and get punished or the big thing maybe they're going to help those poor girls that were on the fucking island. When that happens, I will get excited by that story. Other than that, it's just a bunch of

chasing your tail bullshit, I think, anyway. Anyways, of all the things people talk about, I think this is better than a lot of news covered because these people control the food supplies, as you say, almost literally in Bill Gates' case. I wish the prevent defense was mentioned in the case so you would have read about the details. Love you, Bill, thanks for the laughs.

Okay, I mean, fair enough, but you know, so you read about the details, and let me ask you this. So what's gonna happen now that you're so informed? Okay, because I've gone down, if you listened to my podcast from about 10, 12 years ago, I was air quote informed. I wasn't. I just didn't trust anybody and I was just reading all of this conspiracy theory. And that's what I was doing. And guess what happened? Nothing. Nothing. It just stayed the course. It just continues in the direction it's going in, whether there's a Democrat, a Republican, a spokesperson. So, you know, and I have to be honest with you, there wasn't too much information that you threw in there that I didn't already hear about. So I don't know.

You know, I don't know. I just, okay, you know, okay. Oh dude, the list is coming out. Oh fuck man, there's a list. Oh, Bill Clinton's shaking in his, but he isn't. He isn't. He isn't. Nothing's gonna happen. Nothing's gonna happen. That's it. What's gonna happen. Nothing's gonna happen.

That's it. What's gonna happen is there's gonna be a bunch of people talking about it on Reddit, and then that's gonna be the extent of it. You know, and that's, to be honest with you, is why I stopped watching the news. You know, to sit there and watch two presidential elections in the row with a Democratic Party, which I don't even relate to anymore. You know, we elect who we want to run for president and they say, no, fuck you. And now they're telling people, you know, they can't be on the ballot and that they're, you know, they're boxing people

out and they're calling people communist and anti-Semites and all of this shit. And which is fine, okay, let's just say that they're right about all those, but the things that they're talking about, they're not reporting. I don't think it's good that a corporation is gonna try to buy up all of the houses they possibly can in this country.

I don't know why that's not being reported on. And, you know, but they don't, they just keep it like, while they talk about his fucking taxes, securing the border and just shit to get people all fucking riled up. I will say something that's fucking hilarious is the amount of people that shit on California and talk, oh, everybody's leaving

that fucking shit hole of a state. You know, if you're a Republican, your boy Donald Trump fucking buried this state. He also buried New York. He created all of these new taxes in this baby temper tantrum that he had because we didn't vote for him. And that's why the taxes are so fucking high, not because of liberals or anything like that that fucking asshole buried us And is the thing once taxes are put in place. They never go off the books ever A Democrat or Republican is not gonna take them off the books. So enough with that bullshit Birthday weekends for the ladies a Billy F 250 wanted to get your thoughts on this. So I'm a 51 year old father of four, work full time, wife works part time.

I recently had a birthday, prior to my birthday, I had a conversation with my wife and 18 year old daughter. Generally my birthday presents are shit because I'm a dad and I get it, that's fine. I know you just and I get it. That's fine. I Know you just have to accept it like the kids get awesome gifts your wife has to get awesome gifts and You know you're just a guy Anyways for this particular birthday. I wanted a new tennis racket. I'm a

3.5 rating I don't know what that means which for people that play tennis understand where that ranks, which is somewhat competitive on an amateur level. At 51, that's amazing. You run in baseline to baseline, is that what they call it? Knowing that my wife wouldn't know which racket I would want, I thought I would buy it for myself and they wouldn't have to worry about getting me anything. My conversation with my daughter happened to be at the kitchen table too and the wife went like this. So have you guys got me anything for my birthday yet? Because I have an idea on what I wanted and was thinking I would buy it for myself. The response was, of course, how much is it?

I said it's around 250 bucks. They both immediately gasped and said, "'You can just get one at Target or big, "'can you just get one at Target or big five?' Took the high road. I very calmly explained that I wanted a higher end racket since I play a couple of times a week and have improved my game It was left that my wife would think about it

Now keep in mind for my wife and daughter, they don't have birthdays They have birthday weekends, which consists of multiple days, weekend getaways, dinner with different family and friends. This is even if their birthday is on a Wednesday. Oh my God. These stories dude. These stories, it's fucking amazing. I hear these stories and I hear this shit a lot

and like I'm lucky, my wife is coolest shit. She's the reason I have my old truck. When I finally saw that thing, oh my God, I love that thing. She goes, just buy it. And I was like, really? She's like, yeah, go buy it. Go buy it. You know, she's never been like,

she's never been like, she's never been like that. And I've always been like, you know, what do you want for your birthday? I always go, nothing, don't get me anything. I don't need anything. I want like an experience or whatever. So occasionally there is something that I do want. So I kind of lucked out. I feel bad for this guy. Jesus Christ.

As I left the conversation and left and let my wife think about it, I was pretty steamed that it was even questioned, considering I don't ask for much, pretty much pay for everything, mortgage, electricity, cable, groceries. Yeah, you know, instead of being steamed, the thing that works with women, just say like, you know, calmly,

go for a walk and have your Tourette's as you walk around or jump up and down and yell at your TV in your garage like me and then go back in. And what really works with women is calm energy. I guess I figured this out. Calm energy and just saying, listen, I know you guys didn't do this on purpose. Don't come at them accusatory so they can hear what you're saying and just say, listen, that really hurt my feelings. I feel like, you know, I was telling you guys what I wanted for my birthday and you guys were telling me to get the cheaper version. You weren't, I didn't feel heard,

and then I feel like, let me finish, let me just say this, because they're gonna interrupt by then. And then just say like, you know, I look forward to when it's your birthdays, and we do birthday weekends for you guys, and I love all the different events and everything. And I feel like I'm not asking for a weekend,

I'm just asking for a tennis racket. I didn't feel that that was too big of an ask, but you guys made me feel like I was being selfish. There you go, you just do that. Or you can do what you're gonna do, which is just go out and buy the fucking racket. This is what you should, this is the other way you can do what you're gonna do, which is just go out and buy the fucking racket. This is what you should, this is the other way you can do it.

If you just wanna be like fucking passive aggressive and hostile, go to the party store, whatever the fuck they call it, buy yourself a birthday hat, one of those new year fucking things, put the hat on. No, don't take, buy one of those little fucking stupid hats and that noise maker, then go buy your racket and then walk into your house.

Have it on, unzip it, show it to them and then blow the horn and then just fucking walk away. Happy birthday to me. Um, that's one way you could do it. Uh, person says I'll pay 250 bucks on a family birthday dinner with the in-laws and all that is a shitty memory with people you see too much anyway. But like I said, I took the high road and didn't pick an argument very wise. About an hour later, my wife came back and said, you know what?

You should get the racket. My daughter strongly agreed as well. Wow. Okay. So bottom line, like you talked about often, you got to pick your battles with these women. Well, you know, the big thing was that you didn't go like, I'm fucking paying for everything. You fun, grateful bitches. That would have been the end of it. Huge fan of what, of all you do, thank you.

In my opinion, Paper Tiger is the best standup special ever. Well, I would not agree with that, but that is very nice. Thanks for reading and go fuck yourself, which you should probably say, well, Bill, what do you think is the greatest standup special of all time? Mine is Richard Pryor live in concert,

the one he did down in Long Beach. And then if I was gonna say the greatest ones of all time hmm those are tough Dave Chappelle killing them softly not only did I love that hour, I loved what he was doing and what he was saying versus what everyone else was doing and saying at the time. I thought it was absolutely brilliant. Not that I don't love all his other specials. That was the one.

It was sort of the first one that I feel created his legend. Like this guy is above and beyond other comics. I would say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eddie Murphy Raw, the George Carlin one where he was talking about the earth just shaking us off that bit about AIDS. It was fucking amazing. That's a tough one. I would say Steve Martin had one in the late 70s. That was amazing. And once again, that was one of those ones compared to what people were talking about. Everyone was so fucking serious in wearing these Vietnam Army

coats from when they served or something that they bought in protest to mock the government. Everything was really fucking serious. And then he came out and was just fucking falling the ground funny, like silly, which is was really needed. It was amazing like that time because like the way the music industry had just sort of jumped on you know, black music and kind of sort of turned it into like disco. And they just sort of, you know, it was right around disco duck.

I swear to God was a song disco duck. Like that's how big disco just put that, you know, hi hat opening and closing. Sspsspspsps. I don't know every fucking song that they, you know what Donald Duck sounded this duck was singing about going out to the disco. And it was disco, disco duck.

And then, oh, it was really, it was really bad. And right around that time, as far as white rock music, Van Halen I came out. And it was just like this lightning bolt that just cut through all of this shit. And it was fun. It was loud, it was aggressive. It was just fucking.

It was really, really like, in a lot of ways, I feel like it was sort of the beetle mania of LA, which I know they've done documentaries about that, but like the fucking guitar shredder scene out here. You know, I've talked to that Dave Kushner who did the music on, Epis for Family, was talking about how many people could just fucking shred out here. Like at one point in garages all around LA was like the Van Halen's fucking Randy Rhodes, like that was that D Martini guy from Ratt and all of them,

it's just everybody was just like, slash was somewhere, shredding. And I feel like Van Halen breaking through was like a huge thing for the scene out here. Anyway, getting off track here. Was like a huge thing for the scene out here Anyway getting off track here. Let's let's read the next thing that is Going on here. What's what's where am I here? All right, brother is a swinger. Oh My god, well, how the fuck did you have this cover Billy? Bunninsky Wait a minute. How do you know your brother is a swinger and are you married?

There's no fucking way he approached you and your wife. You know what's funny about like lately this, you know, I was telling you Dean got me into all this, you know, architecture and shit. So I've been following these different accounts on Instagram. And there was something, you should look this up, a conversation pit. So they're the fucking coolest hell. They were like, in the middle of a living room, they would like dig like this hole.

And they were like probably like, I don't know, like four, five feet deep. And then they were just around the hole, three quarters of the way around, like an old school football stadium, like a horseshoe, they would put a couch, and then you had little stairs to go into, and the conversation pit was you would go down into it, and you guys would have conversations, man,

and it just reeks of like boogie nights, drug abuse, and then like swinging. Like back in the day they would have like these swinger parties and they would have like a giant ashtray and everyone would just throw their keys in and whatever keys you pulled out was like who you fucking hooked up with. I imagine women on one, probably two ashtrays, Jesus Christ, we never know out here. That's kind of what I just think. I just think everybody just all fucking hairy.

It's just crazy. Um, gross. All right. Billy Budinski, six years ago, my brother married a very progressive feminist. Oh, and he quickly became a beta. Exactly. He married an abusive intolerant person that is going under the heading of a progressive feminist.

Progressive feminism has nothing to do with turning the person you're with into a submissive person. That's not a real... This is right out of the gate. This sounds like an abusive relationship. the person you're with into a submissive person, that's not a real, this is right out of the gate. This sounds like an abusive relationship. It's just funny when a woman does it to a man because it's not physical. When a man does it to a woman, you know,

there's intimidation, there's a physical thing, it's an ugly thing. But when a woman does it to a guy, it's like a fucking mind trick. And it's sad, but it's still funny cause he doesn't have any bruises. She made all the decisions and he just let her dominate. I mean, I don't wanna blame the victim here,

but at some point you gotta be like, lady, fucking relax, right? All right, about two years ago, my kid brother told our family that he and his wife were polyamorous and skirted around the fact that it was kind of her idea oh yeah no she's not she's not a progressive feminist she's a fucking psycho please tell me your brother doesn't have money he explained it and it's just sounds like modern day swingers.

But the partners are often boyfriends, girlfriends who will often stay the night or be around on holidays. They both got respectable jobs and make decent money. They both just turned 30. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this relationship isn't gonna last. If they weren't parents, I wouldn't give a shit, but their kids are spending holidays with new girlfriends and seeing their parents have friends stay over with them. No, they're gonna fuck those kids up.

They're gonna fuck those kids up big time. You know, get a babysitter. All right, go out to some fucking sleazy motel. The kids are five and six years old. Yeah, they're already fucked. They're already fucked. They already know what's going on. And we're all kind of worried about how this will affect the kids.

Yet no matter who talks to him, he shrugs it off, calls us prudes and says monogamy is harming kids and that his kids like his girlfriends, kids, his kids like his girlfriends and that his therapist says this lifestyle isn't affecting the kids. Yeah, that's all a bunch of bullshit. Yeah, that's terrible. My untrained opinion, I think that's fucking, that is ridiculous. It's just two people being selfish.

This Thanksgiving, we had his new girlfriend over with others. They go on dates. Their sleepovers. The wife and his girlfriend get manicures together. Strangely though, yet he's pretty quiet about what his wife does or her level of involvement with men. How do we convince him to cut the shit out, stand up to his life, leave her?

I don't know, do something, bro. Or are we all meddling in someone else's relationship and should just butt out? Yeah, that's what I would do. I feel like this is one of these things that he's gonna have to figure it out for himself and the more you try to lead him to water, the more stubborn he's gonna be.

Like if he's literally looking at you when you're saying like, hey man, you know, hey man, like maybe, maybe you guys should get a divorce, you know? If you're really one of like, fuck other people here. Like if he's like, I don't know, like, I mean, I think for you, this is just boundaries. I would just be like, listen,

you can live your life any way you want, any way you want to live it. I don't want that around me or my kids. Okay, so I don't watch, like, you shouldn't be letting him bring his fucking girlfriend over. All right, like that's fucking ridiculous. Like you, his life is his fucking life. And hopefully he's gonna come out the other side

and be like, wow, that escalated quickly, you know, the Ron Burgundy thing. But if he doesn't like, I mean, you gotta keep that shit away from your world. You don't want your kids seeing that. Live your life however the fuck you wanna live it, but like, you know, if that doesn't go with how you're living, then there's no reason to have it in your house.

Other than that, you know, good luck to them. I mean, I don't know what that is. They just seem like two selfish people who wanted to have kids, but just still wanted to be out there. They're too afraid to be single or something. I don't know what it is. Like, if you wanted to be with somebody

and that's what you guys did and you didn't have kids, I agree with you. I would be like, all right, I mean, if that's what you guys want to do, cool. But once you have kids, like that's when it stops being you time. It's your kids. They're what matters and whatever the fuck

is going on with you is, it's not even secondary. It's like fucking ranked 20th. It's not even in the top 20. And I don't know what strip mall therapist they're going to, but there's no fucking way. There's no fucking way that's not. That is just, you know, and once they really put it all together, you know, it's bad enough someday they're gonna figure out there's no Santa Claus and that that was a lie, but Jesus Christ Wow, okay anyway land down under

Hey, Billy billiard head. I'm gonna need it some advice Play the song. Oh, I don't have it at my I don't have it anymore. It's somewhere on my laptop. It's time for advice Hey with your host Billy Bird. I'm ripping off this melody from somebody else. Okay. I'm in need of some advice about what to do with this girl I met while traveling. Banger and forget about it. How far away does she live? All right. context I'm a 24 year old Canadian guy who stepped away from my job teaching high school to travel the world That's amazing. I'm writing you from Bangkok, and I just finished a three month trip in Eastern Europe That's awesome. What a time to do it in your single Amazing on that trip to Europe. I met the most amazing woman in

one of my hostels. I always laugh at hostels because I got stuck in one of those one times when I did a gig in Chicago. We traveled together for over a month and we got along really well. She's beautiful and is honestly the first woman I've met who I can see my spells self-spending the rest of my life with. What's the problem? Well, she's 33 and from the outback of Australia, as someone who wants kids, being with her would basically mean putting the traveling aside, moving to Australia and settling down immediately. All of my friends think I'm insane for even considering this, but I've never felt this certain about a chick. At the same time, I love traveling and don't know if I'm 100% ready to settle down at this moment.

Then I wouldn't do it. All right, I can't help how you feel about this fucking woman, but oh my god, she's the greatest. I can really see myself settling down, but you know, I don't know. Fuck that. You're not ready. You're 24. Don't do it. I'll be traveling with her for another month in Southeast Asia and I have to decide if I'm heading back home with her. I keep on going back and forth on what to do here and any advice would be appreciated. Thanks and go fuck yourself. At the end of this trip, I wouldn't go to Australia.

Just tell her this is a huge decision and I need to be 100% and I just need some time to think about it. And if she doesn't like that, she can go down under. I'm telling you dude, like, you know, there's always something about a long distance relationship where you really let your guard down

Because they're not all up in your grill. They're not right down the street. It doesn't feel fucking real so it feels there's this fucked up way safe to kind of let yourself go and then like You know you're traveling around you see in the world That's a big difference than in the middle living in the middle of the fucking Outback. And this is our town. And every day we go here for coffee and over here we get a fucking Vegemite sandwich or whatever the fuck they do down there. That's a big difference.

But only you know what your hot feels. So from afar, I mean, people are always writing and oh my god I met the greatest guy I met the greatest woman the only problem that the person last week they live in the fucking Philippines of course you fell in love with them there's no risk and she's Filipino they're gorgeous anyways thanks and go fuck yourself. PS, I've been listening to your podcast since I was 17 and just wanted to thank you.

I know this will probably make you all awkward, but your willingness to talk about therapy and everything has really helped me with sorting through some of the bullshit from my past. Well, that's great. Listen to the pod on the road also helps me get a taste of home while traveling. All right, well, good luck with that, sir.. Now look at that, I already did a fucking hour so I

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10% off INDOCHINO.COM with the code BUR. All right, that is the podcast. Everybody, go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you. All right, that is the podcast everybody Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. I'm gonna go watch that that bills chiefs game Like I said, my money's on the chiefs, but I'm rooting for the bills there