Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-24-22

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

Bill rambles about NFL Playoffs, 'stopping hate', and Canadian Dictators. Grove: Go to Grove.com/BURR today to get a free gift set worth up to fifty dollars with your first order. Headspace: Try HEADSPACE at Headspace.com/BURR,  and get one month FREE of their entire mindfulness library.  

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, January 24th. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? How are ya hats? How's your sporting heart after this weekend of playoff football? Jesus Christ. I'll tell ya, two weeks ago, it was a fucking snoozefest. Nothing but fucking blowouts. Last weekend before, this past weekend. I don't know how to say it. Not this weekend, the weekend before. This week, I mean, right now, it's the second quarter, and I got the fucking, the bills in the chiefs game on right now. So if you were sleeping under a rock, you know, if you were quarantining to the point you don't even fucking watch television because you're afraid

someone on TV is going to breathe on ya, this is what happened. Your Los Angeles rams beat my second team, the Tom Brady Buccaneers. That was a tough one to watch. That was a tough one to watch. That reminded me of when the Giants would beat the Patriots and it was like Tom Brady did his job and then the defense would just fucking let us down. Well, maybe not the first one. I really think it was the Giants front four on that one, but like Tom in the end of the game drove down, got us the touchdown. Okay, all you got to do is stop them and then they just let him go down the field. I don't fucking understand how that goddamn safety waits till Cooper cup is parallel with him and he's not running

full speed at that point. Like what are you doing? The safety's not running full speed. He like, it's like one, go out there one fucking thing. Don't let him get behind you. Don't let him. I can't believe they weren't in this stupid prevent. I actually appreciate the fact that they were actually playing defense, but I don't know that I mean, get fucking burned underneath. Guess that he's going deep. Let him fucking break off the route and then you curl around. You can tackle him after he fucking catches the ball. I don't know. It's easy for me to say you can't even fucking run off. I mean, I think I'd ran a 40 yard dash between seven and eight seconds when I was 18 in the prime of my life. I'm slow as shit. Sorry,

I have a cold. No, I don't have COVID. I keep keep testing. I keep fucking testing. It keeps coming back negative. I did one of those fucking the PSATs. I did a rapid or whatever the fuck you call them PC eyes. I keep doing that. So I don't know. I don't know what's going on here. I have no idea. I think I was just run down from traveling and then I smoked a stick and then, but you know, then the second you get sick, everybody's like, Oh my God, what is that? Are you all right? And it's like, all right, let me take a test. Okay, I came negative. Okay, but it could not show up until tomorrow. All right. Okay. So what is that? Why did I get tested? Just to see if I had it. Okay, it's saying I don't have it. All right, but that doesn't mean you

don't don't have it. It just means it's not showing up. It's like, all right, no, keep fucking. I love it, man. I've been fucking sitting here. My rubber fucking out by the garage, just fucking watching football, staying away from everybody keeps going. All right, you gotta, you gotta keep testing for another fucking. I was like, all right, I'll keep doing that. I'll keep fucking, you know, what are you going to do? My drums are out here. I've been having a great time. But speaking of which, yeah, so Tom Brady goes down me the fucking ramps did everything they could to give them that game and Tom Brady, as he always fucking does, you know, goes down and gets to score to put you ahead and tie it up or whatever. And then the Rams,

I mean, the Bucks had one fucking job. Don't let what happened happen. Fucking unreal. You know, I'll tell you the craziest one though, the craziest one was the fucking was the 49ers beating the Packers, unless something crazy happens in this bill's jet game. I mean, I was like, I was on the phone with somebody when they block that punt. And it just stayed up in the air forever. And I was just screaming, Oh my God. That was shout out to all the Packers fans that died a thousand deaths. Is that thing stayed up in the air for like a minute and there was nothing but 49er jerseys around it.

I was thinking, is he going to try to pick it up and kick it out of the back of the end zone? And he scooped it right up and scored a fucking touchdown. It was on the fucking believable. I couldn't believe it. And when the fucking when, uh, in Damakasu caused that fumble, one another one. Oh my God, just screaming. Oh my God. It was the most exciting weekend of football. It was fucking amazing. But, um, I don't know. I gotta be honest. I am not buying the 49ers. I'm just not. I think, uh, I don't know. This feels like a weird year in the NFL. You know, it's a transitional thing where like Rothesburg is retiring. That might have been Tom Brady's last game.

Um, I feel like, uh, you know, Mahomes is the guy, Russell Wilson, and then there's like two like open slots. There's usually three or four, you know, on the Mount Rushmore of any period, you know, we used to be Brady Peyton, I'd say Drew Brees, Rothesburg. I know Aaron Rodgers was in there, obviously. Um, wait, I didn't include Aaron Rodgers. I'm acting like he's retiring. So right now it's Mahomes, Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson. I don't know. It just feels like, it feels like a weird year. Maybe because there's so many like new teams in there and there's so many guys like playing right now that don't have rings. So it just feels like it just feels odd, but it's kind of fucking

cool. Like seeing the bills and the, uh, and the chiefs playing each other in the playoffs. I don't think I've ever fucking seen that. I don't know that that's happened since I've been watching football. Let me, let me look that up. Because the bills had a couple of okay years in the early 80s as did the chiefs, but they never amounted to playoffs. Maybe a wild car. Let's see here. Last time the bills played the chiefs in the playoffs, you kidding me? Playoffs. That's my favorite part of it. You kidding me? Okay. Well, here's the last, last time the bills and chiefs played, the bills lost 30-24. Uh, bills versus chiefs playoff history. Uh, there is a trend watching this. This is just

like cooking videos. Just give me the fucking answer. There is a trend there that bears watching in the next few weeks. Shut the fuck up. All right. The chiefs won the 1966 AFL championship game in Buffalo, which enabled them to play in the very first Super Bowl where they lost to the dynastic Green Bay Packers of Vince Lombardi. Dynastic. I didn't know that was a word. There you go. They haven't played since 66 in the playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs? You kidding me? You know, I love you kidding me. That's, that's Dangerfield. My mother-in-law. Oh, you kidding? Oh, you kidding? I love that. You kidding? Anyway, um, let's see here. Uh,

what was I talking about? I was talking about the bill chiefs. Anyways, the 49ers. Yeah, I'm just not feeling like they are 100% this solid unit. And of the teams that are left right now, when I'm watching this once again, the teams left are the Rams, the Bengals, the 49ers, and the winner of the chiefs versus the bills. I feel like the Rams have the best defense. Now, when I was a kid right up until my mid 40s, defense won championships, but they have made so many fucking rule changes. You know, I mean, look at field goals. I am still, I'm living in the past with that. I'm still doing the old 23 skidoo when you guys moved on to the jitterbug there. Like this whole fucking thing, like, like, it's like field goals got me tooed.

I literally just watched the bills drove right down the field, their first possession, some real shit calls. I got to be honest with you, the fucking QB option. What are we playing fucking high school football here? You know, ran that twice. So then it becomes fourth and goal. My God, you kick it. Hey, take the points. Get some fucking points on the board. They didn't. They went for it on fourth down. And I'm like, this is fucking ridiculous. And they got it. Now, there's a lot of sports fans who aren't good at math. So they go, well, there you go. That's why you go for it. But it's like, but if you don't get it, you know,

you're leaving that three points out there and that I still feel that that fucking adds up over the game over the game, you keep going for it, you know, and you make it one out of three times. So you get yourself seven points, but you could have had nine. You know, I don't understand. I don't get it. Although I did pick an example where the math worked out in my favor. It starts adding up, but I don't know the coach of the bills said that he thinks that it's that you should go for it. And he, last I checked, he coaches an NFL team and I don't, despite what Twitter is saying, that is not me. This game's really settled down. I got a weird feeling. I think the Rams are going

to win the Super Bowl. I'll say this, if it's if the bills beat the fucking chiefs, I like the Rams to win it all. I just think that front four is, is a fucking problem. And I don't care how good your quarterback is, including Josh Allen, that he can run and do all of that shit. Those guys are like, they're reminding me of those giant teams that used to frustrate the Pats and cause Brady to be uncomfortable and move out of the pocket and all of that shit. We shall see. We shall see. I still love a feel. I mean, let's see. I'm sitting here talking about field goals. The field goals fucking won every goddamn game this weekend. What am I talking about? People seem to ignore all of that. You know, I guess that that's when you kick a field

goal right in the end. They're going to just going to come out like, like fucking Mariano Rivera, just the end of the game to close it out. Like who's the fucking Bengals field goal kicker? Guy was talking crazy shit before he comes out on the field. He goes, congratulations. We're all going to the AFC championship game. And he goes out there and kicks a 52. That's what I'm fucking talking about. That's the shit. That's why, you know, when you fantasize, when you're having your fantasies in your car and you're whispering shit, that's the shit you say. Yeah, I'll see you next week at the AFC championship game. You know, and your wife goes, what did you say? Yeah, nothing, nothing. I was

working on some material and she looks at you and you look back at her and you try to smile and she knows that there's something fucking wrong with you. She starts thinking like, I really bred with this person. Like my kids are half that. Some guy who has fantasies about kicking a game winning field goal at 53 while driving down the street with everybody in the car on their way to get tacos. That's what I married. And that's when you just got to square up and look right at her and be like, yeah, that is what you married. And you got no one to blame but yourself. That's when you know you're an asshole. You can't, you don't have an argument left. Is when you say to your wife, hey, you knew who I was when you married me.

That's one of my favorite fucking, I guess do overs a mulligan, how I get out of shit. Yeah, you knew who I was when you married me. Sweetheart, you knew I was a fucking asshole. And difficult like what three months into the relationship and they usually take the bait. Yeah. Easily three months. All right. Well, what are you still doing here? Do you ever think on some level maybe you want it a little more of a difficult life? What is Gaha field? I thought it was Arrowhead Stadium. G E H H G E H A advanced social justice. Thank you NFL. What do they have on the sidelines? Be nice to people.

Wow. They're really going, I'll tell you the NFL, they got some hot takes, don't they? Advanced social justice. Yeah, as you don't fucking pay anybody, they got a concussion. Would you give them collectively 40 bucks each? You took them to subway. Patrick, my home's completes. I'll tell you that the fucking 832 to go in the second quarter. I got to be honest with you with the Super Bowl that I wanted to see. I wanted to see the Buffalo Bills against the Tom Brady Buccaneers. That's the one that I wanted to see. I wanted to see the storybook ending for the Buffalo Bills where they beat Bill Belichick and then they beat Tom

Brady. I wanted that or I wanted to see Tom Brady one more time, impose his will on that city. Like they should have a statue of Tom Brady in downtown Buffalo. They just should at least give him the key to the city. I mean, did anybody, did any professional quarterback in the history of the NFL send more Buffalo locals over the Niagara Falls in a fucking whiskey barrel than Tom Brady? Oh, God, he just side armed the bar, the ball. Now we're gonna have to fucking listen to that for the rest of the game. Did you just see what he did? I can't fucking blurt it's unbelievable. It's like, did you not see Kent Takaulvi when you were growing up? I gotta admit, I don't see a lot of people do that.

But that is a nice ball. All right, I'll give it an up for him. That was nice. A tie right now, one of the key to the games. One of the key to games right now is Tyreek Hill. If they could shut, if they could shut down Tyreek Hill and make them beat them with their, oh, Jesus, LSU. There you go. Edwards Halal, Halair. Hello, whatever his name is. See what they're gonna create a hole right there and there's just nobody home. 49 came all the way up and he needed to stay home. He did and all of a sudden they're all the way down to the 19 and a half yard line. Hide with the nice, oh, Jesus, the big whiff. What the fuck is that? When did

people stop using their fucking arms when they tackle? I'm going to dive into you. This isn't a stunt. I'll tell you what, I don't understand. As you explained to me why the Green Bay Packers had some kids, six foot four, 228 on the line trying to block a guy, six foot four, 270. The poor kid was given away 42 fucking pounds. You have Davy versus Goliath on your fucking special, maybe that's why you have a problem on special teams. Did somebody get hurt? You needed some 300 pound fucking fatty who looked like he just got off a Harley. Big fucking square head, you know, with those cheeks that get pushed in when he fucking puts a helmet on to the point you can't even tell his nationality and just stuffed in there.

Oh, look at Edward Thelaire. Look at the guy just ducking under and over. Dying right now. This, this game is flying by. All right. I'm feeling the momentum shifting right now. These Buffalo Bills better do something because if they go down here and they score a fucking touchdown and go up 14 to seven, this is a team. They have a lot of veterans with a lot of playoff experience. You got to be thinking that they're going to start to settle in. Do the Buffalo Bills get a little more tighter here? I swear to God I could do that job if I didn't curse so much.

It's no different than doing Fox news or CNN. You just, you always introduce some fearful thought. You know, does Joe Biden, is Joe Biden handling Russia and, and, and fucking that other place the proper way? It's funny. I know the name was a Kiev. I know the name of the Capitol. For some reason I'm black blanking on the fucking the country. I don't know. I don't pay attention to the fucking news anymore. And I just fuck, I just like I muted and anybody who's talking fucking virus shit, I muted or unfollowed and I just, I just can't listen to it anymore.

Anybody who says Biden's America or Trumpsters, this or that just done. It's fucking great. You know, now all I have is workout videos, life coaches, and rappers yelling about shit. Oh man, speaking of that, I saw this fucking guy. Holy shit. I saw this guy going off. I didn't, you know, one person he was talking about. Any black listeners out here, you gotta, you gotta help me up. You gotta help a white guy out here. You don't have to considering our history, but it would be nice if you could be the bigger person here. This fucking guy, I remember his first name. His first name was Charleston. And he was fucking going off on all these guys going like, he the motherfuckers out here giving me

shit. He fucked a child. That's how he opened. I was like, Oh my God, fucking 10 minutes just going off on people. Hang on a second. I'm going to find this for you. Put in the right thing here. All right, where are we going? Kansas City's offensive coordinator is adorable. He looks like he should be in some Christmas city, like welcoming you. He did. He looked like a fucking snowman. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. You know, Mahomes has a real dainty way of running. He's not fucking a guy fucking point. Yeah, something happened down there. See, then we say Brady does that. He fucking does it too. He was falling down. Throw the flag over there. All right. Sorry. Anyways, let me see something here.

Okay. Charleston white. I think that's his name. I looked this guy up. That's the guy. Oh my God. This fucking dude went off. Just came up on my fucking Instagram. He just he was not holding back. Anyway, he said a lot of crazy shit, you know, I think, yeah, wait, wait, I was kind of falling asleep. Oh, hell yeah, almost, almost. I was starting to fall asleep. Yeah, he gets a little sideways at one point, you know, possibly anti-semitic. I didn't really understand how he was saying it, but it is, I do appreciate somebody just saying exactly what they're thinking and not giving a

fuck. As opposed to public speaking, speak, you know, it's kind of a weird thing. If you don't agree with somebody, if they're just really saying how they feel, you're like, wow, it was the last time I heard that as opposed to people going like, well, you know, it was a difficult situation. And you know, we put our heads together. We tried to navigate the rough waters and not saying that we got it right, not saying we got it wrong. And we still have a journey ahead of us. But we have an open door policy and we're going to listen and we're going to get this right. Now that right there, you could literally drop me into a presidential debate and not even tell me what the question was. And I could have, I could just say that and I would move on to the

next round. Mr. President, what do you feel about the current situation over in that country whose capital is Kiev? This is disrespectful to them. I need to fucking know the name of the country. Why can't I remember it? I root for those guys. The Ukraine, I root for the Ukraine. They're on my fantasy team of countries. You know, certain countries you root for, other countries you don't root for, right? You know, you root for Ireland. You don't root for England, right? Because England's the cunts. You root for Scotland, even though they're part of Great Britain, you know, even though they should be their own country, you root for them. You don't root for England because they're the cunts, right? You root for Norway. You root for Finland. You

don't root for Sweden because they're the cunts. I might be wrong. It might be wrong in this. All right. You root for Poland. You root for Hungary. You stay away from Germany and Austria because, I don't know, you don't know what the fuck they're going to do, right? They're scary. Let me see who else. You root for Australia, right? Because they're like discarded white people all the way down at the bottom of the world. Really just sort of cut off from everyone. Just down there with all those poisonous snakes and shit. I mean, how do you not root for them? Plus, they got a bunch of great sports. Australian rules. Oh, Patrick Mahomes just underhanded the ball like he was throwing it to a toddler. I mean, that is unbelievable.

That's literally a forward lateral. I don't know why they always fucking lose their shit when they do that. They got a lot of looks down there, a lot of razzle down. I'll tell you, you know, the word's coming from. He lateraled the ball forward. That's how I taught my daughter how to play catch. Well, gee, Bill, aren't you just the king of the gridiron, having not played past the third grade? Patrick Mahomes rolling out, stopping, throwing it. Oh, touchdown! Patrick Mahomes. Come on, Buffalo. Patrick Mahomes, feeling it, feeling it. Patrick Mahomes, undeniable greatness. As much as I tease them or whatever, you know what, you know, I think the guy's great. I'm just making fun of the other. Josh Sandels, what happened?

They just scored a touchdown? I'm sorry. I'm from Wyoming, you know? I'm just a simple country boy. We just sit here and put our hat on. You know, I'm not even cold. I'm just doing it because the team told me to and I'm just here to do whatever the team tells me to do. Patrick Mahomes, I mean, falling to his left throws to his right touchdown. I mean, you know, I could sit here and be an old bald freckle cunt. By the way, I'm loving their mascot doing the running man. That's fucking, that dude is amazing. A bit of a duck, but it got in there. All right, yeah. State farm. Okay. So there you go. 14 to seven people. I don't know why I'm announcing this like you, you don't already know what's happening.

Look at everybody out in the desert watching the commercial here. I was just out there, wherever that is. I was in an area like that where people have side by sides and houseboats and shit like that, that part of America, the part of America that Hollywood makes fun of, Holly weird makes fun of, you know, all those people in the middle of nowhere that always call it Holly weird, you got a lot of fucking balls. How about I thank you every once in a while for creating all of your content, huh? Even those hunt and fishing shows where they got people on there that talk like the way that you do. Those are just actors. Okay. Most of them went to school at Berkeley in San Francisco and they perfected your accent. You know, you think you're looking at a

good old boy, you're not to California liberal. The second he's done killing that yak, he puts on a pair of rainbow flip flops and goes and uses a gender neutral bathroom. And that's a true story. Dude, how great is Brad Garrett in these fucking Jimmy John's commercials? He is so goddamn fucking funny. That guy is so fucking funny. He is so ridiculous that that guy is not all of these fucking great movies, you know, they have all these awesome characters. Somebody's got to give that guy a fucking role in something. But Brad Garrett and Jimmy John commercials is better than most movie stars in fucking movies. He should be in one of those lock stock and four smoke and barrels things.

Something like that. One of those cool movies. All right, let's get to the advertising here for this week, by the way. Oh, I've actually been playing, been playing a lot of drums here. And I've been listening to a lot of old jazz, jazz is what his face used to say on SNL, listening to the jazz. And I always just like bebop. I always liked that the best that birth the cool stuff and hard bop, I just didn't get into it. I like bebop. And then I like, you know, bebop came after I guess big band swing. And it was like, I was just reading like what makes. So I was talking to somebody and he was kind of debating when bebop was when it came out. And he was trying to say it came after the birth of cool.

And I was like, I think it came before. So I was looking it up or whatever. So that came out the 40s. And they were saying that it was up tempo was you couldn't dance to it. And it's sort of catered to like people soloing and that type of stuff. And then after that, you know, but people didn't, you know, it didn't sell well, because people couldn't dance to it. Then like birth the cool and hard bop, they slowed it down and they had more melodies that you could hum. And then in the 60s, I feel like jazz said, yeah, well, we don't give a fuck if you can't dance to this shit, because we're bored. And now we're going to we're going for it. So I love the 40s bebop and this Josh Allen putting it right where you got only place he could catch it.

First down, come on, Josh. I like both of these teams. I'm not rooting against Kansas City either. I just want to see a good fucking game here. I want to see an old school fucking shootout. Yeah, so I like the bebop and then I like the fucking 1960s like it's funny because you listen to those Miles once when John Coltrane is in in his quintet that quintet that first one. I know like he totally would shed it after that really came up with his sound and everything, but like I just like the stuff that he did with Elvin Jones and all of those guys when he just had the quartet when it was just him and was it Elvin Jones and the other two guys? I fucking love that shit. I don't know what the hell's going on, but I've been trying to play drums to some of that

stuff. And there's some really good albums out there, obviously, that I didn't know about this one that of Charlie Parker and Dizzy Gillespie at Massey Hall in Toronto, which I actually played one time. Bill, can we keep this about jazz and your stupid shit joke career? Okay, fair enough. I was saying it more as a fan that I was excited. Don't try to defend yourself, Bill. We know what you're doing. You try to insert yourself into that. Look at this. They just keep throwing to the same part of the fucking field. It's going on here. I'm just a country boy and I'm going to fucking stop hate. Yeah, good idea, Josh. Good idea. What does Patrick Mahomes have? Increase hate?

Stop hate. It's just got to be the fucking, the stupidest, lamest. What is that doing? Stop hate? Okay. All right, I'll get on that. You know? Or is it for people that hate other people? It's just like, you know, we've got to be honest. I was going to keep hating that I was watching the bills versus the chiefs and I saw it. It said, stop hate. And I figured if Josh Allen could put that helmet on and not have a problem with it, then maybe I, maybe I should stop hating people. When did you stop being in the clan? Order of bills versus the chiefs. Interesting. All right. Let's do some of the advertising here. Did I copy and paste it? Did I copy and paste it? Did I copy and paste it?

Is this it? Okay. Grove, G-R-O-V-E. What the fuck is Josh Allen running like a young Ben Rothless burger? Ben Rothless burger meets Steve Young. He's got some wheels. Big fucking John Wayne looking dude. All right. Grove, have some resolutions to be more sustainable? That's a sentence. Have some resolutions to be more sustainable? Question mark. Make it easy and start with eliminating single use plastics. Oh, I like this. Grove Collaborative is here with reusable swaps to make a lasting impact at home for your family and the planet. A new year means a fresh start and a chance to change the way you care for the

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that make a real impact. Go to grove.com, G-R-O-V-E.com. Touchdown Bales, baby. We've got ourselves a shootout. Number third. Oh, wow. We just sort of pushed the guy down. You can do that. You're an offensive player. Is that what happened or did he get tripped over the other guy? No, they're not going to show us. They don't care. They don't care about cornerbacks. Cornerbacks are the redheads of the NFL. Nobody gives a shit. Go to grove.com slash burr today to get a free gift set worth up to $50 and you're with your first order plus shipping is free and fast. Get started right now. Grove.com, G-R-O-V-E.com slash burr. B-U-R-R. grove.com slash burr. How about the Buffalo Bills answering? Aaron Rogers throwing axes,

shaking off that playoff loss. All right. Headspace, everybody. Headspace. This is a friendly reminder that anything that costs you, your mental health is too expensive. This time, this year, it's time to invest in yourself and finally relieve your ongoing stress, anxiety, and sleeplessness. Learn how to easily improve your mental health and well-being with headspace. We all say fine when we don't mean it. Fine isn't really an emotion, is it? No, but it's a way to get through a moment. You know, if you don't feel like opening up, how are you feeling? Fine. No, really, what's going on with you? Do you really want me to dump that on you or do you want to enjoy your lunch? I think I'm a candidate for headspace here,

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I got to do that. I got to do that for myself and the people I love. All right, so here's my idea on how to use plastic and help the environment. I'm sort of stealing from growth, GROVE, where basically, rather than having one time use of plastic bags, you have two uses. You use it, right? You use it twice. You can't just use a plastic bag once. The new rule is you have to use it twice. So that immediately cuts down the amount that we're going to use by 50 fucking percent. And here's how we send it through the roof. All right? If the plastic bag that you just used and you're now done using and you want to use it again,

if it's big enough to put it over your head and suffocate yourself to death, you do that, right? So you'll never use plastic again, dropping the numbers. If it's too big to get it over your face, you then kill the nearest person you see with the small bag, just sort of that you can overpower. There you go. Just like that. You know, I think that we put a big dent in it. No, I'm only kidding. This is just a joke. Nobody kills somebody with a sandwich bag. Okay? All right. I think it's time. Now's the time to say goodbye to all our badaboos. B-B-B, ba-ba-ba, do-do-do-do-do. We're going to do some of the reads here for the week.

I'll tell you that Ty, Tyreek Hill is got to be one of the most elusive. Look at, look at what's his face. Fucking disco dance in there. Sean just sitting there and keep the clock rolling here. Tyreek Hill, it's, he doesn't run as much as he dances across the field. All right. If I was a dictator, oh, I got some new ones for you guys. Oh, I got some new ones. I got some fucking new ones for you. I have some fucking ones for you. All right. If you do something douchey and somebody calls you out on it and you know that you did something douchey, but you still have the balls to act like you didn't fucking know that you did it. Yeah. That's, that's the death penalty. Kelsey, first down. He's got to start

dancing. Come on, Kelsey. This is what you do. You just caught a pass for four yards. It's time to fucking start dancing. Let's get a shoe contract out of it. Is it me or the Kansas City Chief's helmets? A little different red. Look at Josh Allen just sitting there, picking shit out of his teeth. He doesn't give a fuck. This guy is so fucking calm and collective. I'll tell you, he's eating buffalo wings on the way to the game. If I was a dictator, this is the new segment here, people. You get to run the world. You're fantasy running of the world. All right. If I was a dictator, dear Billy Boyle dinner. I love that one. Dear Billy Boyle dinner. If I was a dictator, I would immediately dismantle the Mormon church. Whoa. Wow. Going in. All Mormons will be placed

in labor camps on American Indian reservations. All American Indians will inherit the money I steal from the Mormons as I will not accept it. Look at you being the martyr. You look at you. You like the Kevin Costner for this is like dancing was with wolves except dancing with a dictator dancing with dictators. Take that to fucking Hollywood and sell it. It will also make me not look like a sociopath. There you go. Little self deprecation. I like that. The sole reason for the Mormon discrimination is because I want their nuclear fallout vault located in Little Cottonwood, Utah. To get the vault, I must enslave an entire religion just as my forefathers did. Not sure exactly what I would do with the vault once I get it as I do not know the layout.

Please use your imagination. Cheers and go fuck yourself. I didn't know they had a fucking nuclear fallout. That's great. Now there's a there's a religion thinking about their people. Wait a second. You know what? I'm taking the bait. I'm going to Google. I'm going to Google some pictures. Let's see the fake photos that come up. Where's the goddamn web, inner web here? All right. Mormons, fallout, shelter. Was it Cottonwood? Cottonwood, Utah. I mean, you can't tell me they don't have an adorable place to get ice cream in Cottonwood, Utah. Welcome to Cottonwood. Would you like some ice cream that we just made outside? Yes, I would. Mormons, fallout, shelter. The Rosetta

Prop. Let's see images. Images. The Mormons vaults. Oh, wow. I mean, those are pretty amazing. Granite mountain vault. They have pictures of them. Looks like a morgue to me. Bomb shelter business is booming. I don't understand why anybody would have a bomb shelter. Who wants to survive that? Yeah, no. By all means, if you're going to drop bombs, pick my house first. Thank you. I had a good time. I'm going to fucking sit there eating ration bread and all of that shit. I don't want to do that. War ration, horseshit, eating fucking spam. Listen to somebody muttering like Winston Churchill.

All right. Here's some ideas people have. Red Rock's title suggestion. Hey, Bill, just a thought of a title for your Red Rock special. A Ginger on the Rocks. Take it if you like it. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Dean Delray right out of the gate said Billy Red Rocks is what I should call it, which I loved. And my wife was like, don't call it that. Wait, did he just miss that field goal? Oh, Christ. I'm trying to be here for field goal kickers. And look what this guy does. Wide, I don't know, wide, right? A lot of empty seats there in the airhead. Those big fat bastards just well at barbecue

coming out of their ass by the second quarter. What the fuck's the Bill's coach's name? Sean, what? That guy runs as bad as I do. I can tell why you guys think he's me. Hey, Bill's coach. It's Sean Mc, something or other. Sean, Sean McDermott. All right, I got it now. All right. Art piece inspired by Bill Burr. Hey, Bill, you beautiful redheaded fuck. Oh, I love a compliment. Writing you for my best friend who is a super fan of yours. He listens to your podcast all the time and has found your humor to help him through some difficult times. He created an art piece inspired by you and called it Monday morning. And he'd be tickled fucking silly if you had a look at the video he made for it.

The link is below. Thanks for watching and sharing your sick humor with the world. It's desperate. It's needed desperately. Now I'm going to go fuck myself or you go fuck yourself. Lol. All right. Well, let me watch the video. I was wondering what that was. Let me see if I can find it here. Okay, that's the Mormon bomb shelter, Sean McDermott, Charleston white, Charleston, Charleston, but up, but up, B, Bob, Bob, boo, D, D. Okay, here we go. He's out there fucking kids. All right. Where is it? M.M. content. Okay, I'm going to watch this right now. So this guy would be tickled pink. It's like three minutes long, buddy. All right. There's no way you lose when you go after a dream.

Nothing is worse than not going to Jesus Christ. I'm going to have to watch that later. God, I almost got my period listening to that. I'm going to listen to it. Don't worry. All right. Canadian dictator. Oh, a Canadian dictator. Now that's, that's an oxymoron. Unless you've been to Canada, you realize how evil those fucking people are up there. You know, you know, you know who I'm talking about. Canadian dictator. Hey, Billy Freckles, you wanted to hear a Canadian dictator's point of view. So I got one for you. First thing I do is increase the military budget many times over. No more flying your you shit from the Vietnam and Gulf Wars. We need our own fancy killing machines and lots of them. Plus without the military backing

me, I won't last. Now here's somebody did some research. I like this guy or lady. Then it's time to shoot some corrupt politicians that have been taking bribes from big corporations and ignoring the needs of the people. I'd shoot them right in the House of Commons live on TV so people know that stealing from the, what, what's stealing from the country gets you. Jesus. Next on the list is taking possessions of all the natural resources in minds. All the natural resources in minds and shit would be run by the country and the profits would be returned to the country to make it a better place for the average Joe. Next, it's time to ban corporate and foreign ownership of a, well, then you better kill a lot more fucking people than just the corrupt politicians.

You got to kill those fucking guys running your oil companies. That'd be a fun, you know, if you were a hit man, just like great locations, just a degree of difficulty going into those gated communities. And then the satisfaction of killing some fat corporate guy who's in like a white bathrobe sitting there with his whore in a hot tub. That's fun. It's like you're in Scarface. Anyways, next is to ban corporate and foreign ownership of single family and detached homes and condos. I like that houses should be for living and not to profit from. Fuck, maybe the government can use the extra natural resource money to make sure everyone who wants a house can get one built for free. It's not like Canada doesn't have enough

fucking room. I would reward any citizen who can find efficiency improvement improvements in any aspect of government, no more waste the money so we can have the same budget next year kind of bullshit. Then I dismantle the stock market because fuck, fuck it. Why not? You know, your heart's in the right place. Hence, I don't think you'd make it till three in the afternoon. All fines will be replaced by community service because if the punishment for breaking the law is a fine, then it's only a law for the poor. The temporary foreign worker program, that's a good point. If it's a fine, it's only a law for the poor. Yeah, because what's the deterrent if you're a rich guy? The temporary foreign worker program would be abolished.

The way employers treat those foreign workers is disgusting and it's all to drive wages down and increase profits for the shareholders slash owners. Now onto my idiotic rules. Left lane hogs would lose their right to drive. If you can't do something as simple as being the proper lane at the right fucking time, then you can't drive. Can I speak to your manager haircut would be outlawed? Well, then how do you know one of those people is coming in? Anyway, I love how they socially distance during the after the fucking game interview and then the second it's over, they like hug the reporter. The game like, let's see, you know the haircut, what haircut I'm talking about, the short in the back, longer in the front, typical

Karen haircut, any scammers will be put to get death. Anyone who abuses an animal, a child or an elderly would suffer the exact same abuse unless it merits death like child rape. Yeah, you should go to fucking right to the goddamn gas chamber for that. Then near the end of my life, I give the country back to the natives condolences for the loss of your friend, Bob and dog Cleo. Love you, Bill. Take care. Well, there's somebody in their heart or just doing everything for somebody else. That's what would would would make him suspicious to everybody in power. Wait, this guy wants to do things for other people. Oh, Phil Sims got the bedhead big time this week. All right, if I were a dictator.

All right, here we go. If I were a dictator, Hey, Billy, big bucks. Yeah, sorry, not the best nickname I know. I got thinking what would be what would a country be like if I were a dictator? Here are some rules I'd set off the top of my head. One, get rid in the national banks. Only regional ones allowed. The big banks did some shady stuff back in 2008 ruins people's lives in tank the economy. Imagine the stuff we don't know they did. Companies or a single person won't be able to skirt around it by owning multiple regional banks too big to fail would be a thing in the past. Yeah, you got a lot of people you're gonna have to whack right there, buddy.

In a five year plan phase out all plastic materials unless they are medically necessary for equipment in hospitals or doctor's offices is a huge reason why the pollution problem is so bad. Also bring back the concept of repairing appliances. Yes, in your home rather than buying brand brand new ones when there's one minor thing wrong with it. Another huge culprit of the population problem. Yeah, yeah, it's cheaper to buy a new one. Get the government to regulate airlines and to bring back the railroad system. I remember a few years back someone sent in an email to you explaining while the quality of the airline experience has deteriorated and it's the cause and it's cause the government deregulated the airlines I think in the mid to

late seventies got the hiccups now. Sorry. And some as someone who's been packed in the in a plane it felt like a sardine it would be great if I had a flying experience like I've read about in the Pan Am days where you still had to be up front. You still have to be up front. Yeah Pan Am first class to New York you land and you get off the plane get on a helicopter and they would land on top of the Pan Am building which is now the Jesus Christ I've been out of New York that long I forget what it's called. It was the one right at the end of uh was it Park Avenue? Madison Avenue what the fuck is it called? I don't know yeah they landed there one day somebody fucking rolled the helicopter and it went off the side and people died. But up until then they flew

you from JFK to the top of the Pan Am building you got out and went into a fucking Ron Burgundy bar you know and had drinks and there was a car downstairs waiting for you to drive you to your hotel after you had a couple of pops and talked to some lovely ladies amazing. Can you imagine the fucking call girls hanging out at that place? You know you had to worry about was gonorrhea and they had fucking penicillin. I mean it was it was over it was over then along came herpes uh all right herpes in a helicopter fucking accident that was the end of that. All right now I'd bring back the railroad then I'd bring back the uh okay we'd truly be a special occasion and get rid of the rift raft you see these days. Now I'd bring the railroads back as a genuine means of transportation

as an alternative to flying and it would lower air pollution. Think of how many unnecessary cars around the road and it would create jobs. Here's someone I don't understand is all the unnecessary traveling. I don't understand with all this Zoom technology we all got business done during the pandemic. Why are there so many people going to the fucking airport? Hang on a second sorry. There's too many people being taken away from their families and having to fly when they don't need to when they could easily just fucking get on a goddamn Zoom call. But I just don't think the cunts like it. They want you there. They want you to get on a plane and go there so they can sit there and look at you and try to read you. It's too much freedom. I mean how do we know

they're even wearing pants? You know they probably have a nice tasty snack right next to their computer. They're probably having fun. If you pronounce the candy Reese's Pieces as Racy's Pieces in my presence it will be mandatory one month jail sentence. Why? To keep people on their toes. I don't want them getting too comfortable. You can celebrate Christmas and have donations out in December and only in December. None of this selling Christmas stuff in November. Give Thanksgiving room to breathe and no Christmas lights still up and on in February. Thousand dollar fine every day there. They are up starting on January 1st. Anyway these are some of the rules off the top of my head. Thanks for an awesome podcast and go fuck yourself. I love those rules.

We got some dictators with the heart of gold here on this goddamn podcast. Listening to this podcast I should say. Trying to think if I have one. I think I ran out of them. Mine's just all petty shit. The big thing though is I really want somebody really cerebral and I want you to tell me how you could be a dictator for the people. Keep the rich people in the military at bay and you can somehow stay in power. That is your mission should you choose to accept it. All right. Okay I'm going to watch the rest of this game and I'm going to take a little nightquill and sleep this shit off and I think I'll be all right and I'll be back in action

tomorrow. All right that is it. That is the podcast everybody. Congratulations to the NFL. Great weekend of football. It was as exciting as the weekend before was not. Congratulations to your San Francisco 49ers, to your Los Angeles Rams, to your Cincinnati Bengals and the winner of the Bill's Kansas City. I got to admit I think if I think the Rams might do it. I think they have the fucking defense. They got the coach and they got a nice QB there with Stafford. I don't know that defense. I don't see anybody else who's got a defense like what they got in defense. I still believe wins championships but then again I also think you should kick a field goal in the first half. I don't know I'm fucking nuts like that. All right

that's it. Okay second half's beginning. Go fuck yourselves and I'll see you in a couple of days.