Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-29-18

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey what's going on it's Bill Byrne, it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday January 29th, 2018, what's going on, how are ya? Alright, well this would have been a boring Sunday because there was no football, right? You got the week off in between the Super Bowl and the Championship games, they had the Pro Bowl today, which was kind of cool. It looked like football in the future where they would start to tackle somebody and they were like alright, alright, alright, alright. I don't know if that's the concussion thing or the me too, I don't know what it is. He does not want you touching him, do not throw him to the ground. I have a special guest to liven up my Sunday there.

Starting point is 00:01:07 Oh jeez it's one and only, Todd Rex for Christ's sake. Todd you are one of my favorite fucking people in this business and you are one of my favorite comedians so it's a pleasure. Dude I feel the feeling is mutual manager. You don't have to compliment me on this. Dude you are the silliest fucking dude. You make me feel mature, that's what I like about ya. Todd Rex, okay. Yes.

Starting point is 00:01:34 Todd Rex who checks off a lot of boxes in this day of caring. That's right. You do. I don't even know what that means. I don't even know what it means either. I'm just trying to be progressive. You would think that somebody would come his fucking way and finally tap the magic wand on his head. And make something happen.

Starting point is 00:01:49 And say Todd you've been destroying at least three times as hard as ten times of the fucking whatever the math is. All the fucking comics out there. I love working with you but I hate following you. You fucking murder. Finally this fucking asshole got himself a special that he's taping and he needs some people to come down and then you can go on and I can open for you. Make you sweat a little there. No not a chance. All right.

Starting point is 00:02:15 He's going to be at the Satellite Theater in Silver Lake. It's the SatelliteLA.com for tickets. That's right. February 11th. You're going to be doing the show. It's a Sunday there but you should come out there and support there. All right. Sunday which is a week after the Super Bowl right?

Starting point is 00:02:36 So everybody knows. Exactly. 730 and 930. Two shows. Two shows. Two shows. Two shows. One shows you a fucking...

Starting point is 00:02:44 You knock the first one out, you go all right I got it and then the next one you just go off. Is that what you do, that you do yours? You like you button, you make sure the first one's tightened up. I spend the whole night trying to forget that I'm taping one. Really? And stop trying to think like oh my God I missed that. Tag. Fuck.

Starting point is 00:03:02 That needed to be documented in the comedy universe. I just try to look at it like all right this is just... I'm just documenting where my hour was on this night and this is how it came out. And I want you to do that because every night when you go up there, I don't know about you but I mean I'm constantly fucking up jokes. I'm constantly leaving shit out and then it adds to something else. Right. And I never think of it.

Starting point is 00:03:25 Never think about it like I never thought to get you a glass of water before you sat here for a fucking hour. What an idiot. I'm gonna have to pause here in a minute. No I'm good. That's just how I had to do it that way. I wanted to ask you about your thought process because I was curious. Like I know the night before I'm gonna be a wreck just thinking about it. All the funny guys worry.

Starting point is 00:03:49 Hacks don't worry. Hacks are already fucking working on their next hacky hour. They're not even fucking nervous and they'll go off stage with this shitty material. They'll be like dude I fucking crushed. I crushed and every funny guy's like was it good? I thought it was terrible. I do that every time. Every time.

Starting point is 00:04:07 I just really in a roundabout way compliment myself. I know. I got a ways to go people. I got a lot of shit. You're a beast. You're one of them. They're beasts. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:15 So someone told me. I think Louis C.K. told me. And I think he heard this from fucking Bill Cosby. How funny is that? He heard that you work this hard to get there. Don't forget to have fun. Right. So make sure, cause if you're having fun that's gonna be, you're gonna feel better about it afterwards.

Starting point is 00:04:35 Right. If you're someone who nitpicks at himself, there's no way you're gonna be happy at the end of it. So just be forgiving. Right. Just be the fucking silly, fucking hilarious guy you are. You'll be fine. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:48 I'm not really too worried about it but I just want to make sure that. I already can tell you worry about it. I think so. You seem tighter than usual. Yeah. Geez. Well I'm doing your podcast. This is kind of a big deal for me too.

Starting point is 00:04:56 I feel like I'm a couch worker. It is. Didn't the whole thing? Now that you've peeked behind the curtain it's just me with a fucking $99 mixer from Gattas. Yeah. On the couch like Ernie and Bert. I know.

Starting point is 00:05:07 All I did to prepare for you was I turned on the AC and I squirted some Febreze. That's it. I know everybody has these fancy fucking studios. I just did, I did your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Brzezanski. I just did theirs and they have this whole fucking studio. Rogan has like a literally like a stern level studio. And I should step it up at some point. Yeah but your house is dope.

Starting point is 00:05:37 I don't know if no one can see it but your house is dope. Oh thank you. It wasn't when I bought it. But now that I've dumped all this money into it and I can never get my money back. Yeah it is pretty good. This house was like almost 100 years old when I got it. Almost 90 years old I should say. You haven't seen any cool people living here before though right?

Starting point is 00:05:54 Yeah I don't want to talk about that though because then people will fucking figure out where I live. Oh yeah. I already have to fucking edit out one of the comments you made earlier that will fuck. Dude people are fucking lunatics. I'll tell you later. It was just enough to make some psycho just turn around and face his speaker and start writing down information.

Starting point is 00:06:12 But I'm a paranoid dude. So funny. Yeah. Anyways. What was I talking about? What the fuck were you just talking about? My ADD. I don't know either.

Starting point is 00:06:23 I have no idea. Have you been watching any hockey? Did you see Marshawn's elbow? It was a thing of beauty. Really? Yeah. So it was perfect filthy. Really?

Starting point is 00:06:33 He got tripped. He got tripped. I know. He's the size of Barney Rubble. So nobody, he's not going to get called out. Like Ulf was probably one of the worst. But dude he was, and I love Marshawn and I love the fucking Bruins. Do you like Marshawn?

Starting point is 00:06:46 I love him. Come on. But the thing is I don't like that aspect. Like doing that shit. Did you see when the BKC band destroyed him? Oh dude. My God. That was a brutal hit.

Starting point is 00:06:57 I thought he had like internal bleeding after that. Dude, it didn't look like it. He just went straight up in the air. But he kept skating. But he kept skating. Yeah. And he was just going like, oh. And it seemed like beyond the way.

Starting point is 00:07:08 The thing about P.K. Well, I'm so glad he placed on Nashville and not from Montreal anymore. It was he. He used to get us all the time. And everybody knew that was his move. And I don't know why. No one could. He just knew exactly when your head was down for a second.

Starting point is 00:07:24 It was two crossovers. He was inside. And then all of a sudden he was just in front of you. And he just ended your fucking life for like, I don't know, like two shifts. But yeah, I'm, I'm, I always liked that. I never take it to the, to the point if there's a guy on a team that I don't like. Right. You know, like when Derek G to plate for the Yankees, I couldn't, I couldn't get myself

Starting point is 00:07:46 to, to, to get to the point of like actual hating him. It's like the guy's great. Right. He is good. Yeah. All you're saying is I wish this guy was on my team. Yeah. You know, I've been watching some hockey, watching my son play hockey.

Starting point is 00:07:59 He's a beast, of course. I know you showed me all the, the video of him. Yeah. And he like picked it up in two. So he was like playing drums or something. Right. Yeah. He also plays the drums too.

Starting point is 00:08:10 And he plays drums and he plays hockey. Jesus. The kid's going to be crushing it. He's going to get more, he's going to get more leg than I am. You're going to be a fucking grandfather by the time this special comes out. Jesus. Where you've been working to. I just, I just flew back today from Phoenix.

Starting point is 00:08:25 I was with Craig, Craig Robinson. You know, I've been joining him for like a couple of years now when he's not shooting television shows. Which is all the fucking time that guy works. So, yeah. Where were you guys working? We were working at stand up live in Phoenix. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:08:40 I know that place. Yeah. Five sold out shows. It was fantastic. Had a ball. I did the, you know, it's like, that's fucking nuts. But as far as like that downtown area, how lively it is. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:50 If there's something going on, but the second the work day ends, like during the week, if you're there, like at five o'clock. Yeah. It's fucking creepy. If the suns don't have a game. Right. It's over. Right.

Starting point is 00:09:01 Yeah. I love it though. I mean, I couldn't live there. I don't think, but I had a really good time there. I had a good time traveling with you though. We went down south. I was just like reading some comments about give me the keys. Just give us the keys.

Starting point is 00:09:13 Oh yeah. Yeah. That lady. I thought about that the other day. We went to check in that hotel and that lady was just fucking with the instructions. Our gym is on the fourth floor. It's open from nine to nine. There's a continental breakfast, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Starting point is 00:09:29 And I'm sitting there going like, oh my God, how long is this going to take? And she's in the middle of you. She goes, you just give us the keys. She got like offended. She was bad for real. She was bad. Dude, I fucking was laughing like I was in high school, man. It was one of those laughs.

Starting point is 00:09:46 I was just like, cause what it was was the fact that she didn't find it funny. It was already hilarious. But the fact that she didn't find it funny, it hurt her feelings. She did not deal with it. And then she got mad all in like fucking like half a second. Then I felt like I was in class again where it's like, oh my God, don't start fucking laughing. Or you're going to get like the tension or something. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:06 You also took me to that fucking, was it that barbecue place or something? Oh yeah. What does it call it? Don't say the name of it because it was terrible. Well, the first place we went to, then we went to the, then we went to check. We went to that one where it was a giant fucking place and they had like 40 fried murdered chickens that you could see. You don't remember that place? It was gigantic.

Starting point is 00:10:28 You know, oh my God, this place is fucking unbelievable. Is that the place where you ate? And then we went to the NASCAR track and then you were like, T-Rex wishing you had a salad. Oh yeah. Where was that in? That was in Charlotte. That was Charlotte. Okay.

Starting point is 00:10:45 And we did the NASCAR experience. That was very cool. I was talking about crushing it. That dude who was driving us around is 20 years old named Dylan. Remember that? I know anyways as much as a jockey because he doesn't want to slow the car down. I couldn't believe what a piece of shit a race car looks like when you walk up to it. I've seen Formula One cars up close.

Starting point is 00:11:00 They look like absolute, like it looks like if you've stepped on it, the whole thing would fall apart because all it is, it's just an engine, suspension and tires and everything else is just the lightest. Right. Did you see the gas pedal? It looked like a stick. It looked like a bent coat hanger. It's like, if you had like that, just the floor thing, whatever the pedal is to rest your foot on. If you have that and that's the difference between you, I guess, winning the race or coming in like third. Right.

Starting point is 00:11:31 Because that fucking thing is sitting there. The piece of rubber that's going to weigh the car down. That race, that actually, NASCAR is not doing well. It's not? The numbers are down? No. They told a 500. They painted the seats like every other seat, like they had like three colors and they would paint them.

Starting point is 00:11:49 They make it look like there's people in the seats with cameras flying by. And you know, it used to have it like that was the Minnesota North Stars. Really? Used to have seats like that and I thought it was cool and now I'm thinking, well, maybe because nobody showed up for the game. For the games? And maybe that's why they moved to Dallas. So when I hear all those Minnesota North Star fans still complaining that their team left, I mean, if there was people, well, if there was people there, I wouldn't have noticed, right? Right.

Starting point is 00:12:13 You wouldn't have been able to see the seats. Ah, they were out there skating on a thousand lakes there. Did you watch any of the football? What's that? Do you watch any of the football? I haven't been watching any football. The only team I like is the Washington Redskins and they're terrible number one. Oh, that's right.

Starting point is 00:12:27 You're from Baltimore. East Coast, yeah. How did you become a Redskins fan? Oh, no, I'm from Silver Spring, Maryland, right over the DC line. Like people always think Baltimore. Oh, okay. But you know, I had grass and shit in my yard. Two cars, both parents are not saying that that's not available at Baltimore, but people think of the wire in the corner when they think about Baltimore, but that's not where I lived.

Starting point is 00:12:47 Oh, that's why, because that's where I met you. I met you at the Baltimore Improv with that fucking, that long, you had walked down like that three quarters of a mile hallway. The last mile or whatever. Yeah, that was the worst location ever for a fucking comedy club. I was all thrilled. They let me come down there and they asked me if I wanted to close out the Sunday one time because somebody canceled and I was all fucking excited. And I drove there from New York City to do it. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:13:14 And I was like, I'm going to get in with the Improvs. And I showed up and there was like 10 people there and the owner talk was talking to the book or never talked to me and then walked out while I was on stage. And I remember being on stage like, I think I knew when I was on stage because I was kind of glancing over like, okay, well. Now that guy works at Sonic Burger. Yeah, it was really fucking annoying. I don't know why anybody who ran a club, why the fuck you would ever do that because you don't know who's coming down. Right. And for all you know, they're going to go on, you know, and do something.

Starting point is 00:13:48 The fact that you would, I was driving down from you. He didn't even say thanks. Classic fucking club managers. Fat, big 50 inch fucking waste. Oh my God. You know what I mean? But those slacks of that giant fucking belt. Right.

Starting point is 00:14:03 The Gabbard Dean. Whatever they're called. What are those slacks called? Action slacks. Yeah, the action slacks. Yeah. Yeah, I ran into a number of those fucking people. That's my big thing though this year.

Starting point is 00:14:14 Dude, you know, I'm turning 50. Are you really? I'm turning 50 in June. That's about 49 in May. You do. All right, there. Youngster. I'm right behind you there.

Starting point is 00:14:23 You want to know what the next year your life's going to be like? Hopefully it's going to be something like yours. No, well, I've decided that I'm going to, uh, I'm going to fucking, uh, get myself that like rather than looking at 50 with dread, which I'm really not considering. I, you know, some of my friends have fucking died.

Starting point is 00:14:40 Didn't even make it. So you know, you know, record in DC. Don't tell me he died. He swear to God. Yeah. No, he didn't.

Starting point is 00:14:48 He did last weekend. Last Sunday. He fucking died. Yeah. Of what? Um, there was like some cardiac event. One of his friends was like coming from Connecticut,

Starting point is 00:14:58 going down to Florida, hadn't seen Joe in like 15 years, stopped by his house. And they were going to go to the improv to watch, uh, Lavelle Crawford. And Joe said he had a headache. Went upstairs to take some like aspirin,

Starting point is 00:15:09 whatever. Like sat on the bed and like laid back and croaked while his buddy was there that he hadn't seen at 15 years. What? Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:19 What? Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Oh my, dude, that guy had one of my favorite fucking jokes. What about the club food? No,

Starting point is 00:15:27 the joke he did when he was having unprotected sex with the woman. You know, he goes, I'm doing my thing. I'm doing my thing. She goes, Joe,

Starting point is 00:15:38 don't you come and me. Don't you come and me, Joe, God damn you don't come and me. And he goes, I blocks all that out. Joe is hilarious. I haven't seen him in fucking,

Starting point is 00:15:47 I haven't seen him in like 15 years. That's going to be. I just, Oh, jeez. Ah, fuck. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:56 But we're getting at that age where people are just dying and say, you know what's really fucked up is that, no, you know what it is. I'm dying that I don't, it's not even like shocking to me anymore. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:06 Like when I hear it now, I used to be like, Oh my God, but I was at my son's hockey game when someone called me and he was like, yo, Joe, I was like,

Starting point is 00:16:15 you serious? I was like, I call me back. I'm on my son's hockey game. Well, five years ago, you know what it is, you know what it is,

Starting point is 00:16:23 is the first wave. That goes is it's usually, uh, be bad genetics, bad luck, or bad diet. And then after that, it's like if you had half a bad diet,

Starting point is 00:16:36 half bad genetics, just literally like when the grim reaper is going to get you. So speaking of that, becoming a dad at this point, like I was fucking old as I am. I got it. You know, I've cut back on the booze and,

Starting point is 00:16:49 and, uh, so I'm trying to get myself down to my fucking, uh, to my fighting weight and actually maybe get a person. Do you look fit? Yeah. I,

Starting point is 00:16:59 I, I took four months off of booze. Yeah. And then for the last month, I've been drinking like lightly, but I, I don't know. I think I'm just too old now because I took those fucking four

Starting point is 00:17:09 months off and now going back to it, just, I get two in the next, I drink two and I'm just like banged up the next day. So, um, so I don't know. I think I'm going to go,

Starting point is 00:17:18 I was joking that I'm going to go, I'm going to be like sting in my fifties. Just do like fucking pilates and yoga. Tantric sex. Yeah. Try to learn how to come for 40 minutes. That's how a lot of his music is, is recorded.

Starting point is 00:17:33 A lot of people don't know that when it's actually him coming in the beginning of a synchronicity. Is that it? Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. That's him. That's him.

Starting point is 00:17:44 They record him. They record him. They record him, banging his wife right for the first 40 minutes. Then the last five minutes, he just sings the song and right as he comes, that's the hook. Gordon Sumner.

Starting point is 00:17:54 Gordon Sumner there. Oh geez. I saw him at a, I saw him at the Hollywood Bowl with, I almost said Gaylord Perry. That's a picture. Oh, oh,

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Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-29-18

Bill sits down with comedian Todd Rexx....

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