Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-3-11

Episode Date: January 3, 2011

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles out the Rose Bowl, Bankers, and TCU.

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Trust your Instinct, follow your license. Information and information on bmw.be Good morning, podcast from Monday, January 3rd, 2011. Did you guys have a nice New Year's? I hope you had a nice holiday, seriously. Before I say cunt for the first time on a podcast this year, officially, that one wasn't official. That was just me stating it, like in a court of law.

As in, I asked the defendant where he was coming from to help me quote to go fuck myself. See, now that lawyer is not saying, is saying the F word, but it's not, that example made no goddamn sense whatsoever. Anyways, I hope you guys all had a merry Christmas and a happy New Year and all that. Now that you're back at work, you know, this is a weird week, this is another weird week.

Last week was the weird depressing week, when you were a college student or something, or, you know, a kid, you're living at home or some shit. Then it's great, because you got time off from school, everything's awesome, you're going sledding, right? You're making ice balls, you're throwing them at the fat kid down the street, right? The ice ball, fucking snowball, right?

Put a nice chunk of ice in there, you pack it with some pottery stuff, and you say, hey, Fatty, you want to have a snowball fight, right? Oh my God, they're finally including me. Jesus, it's been so rough since July, when they laughed at my mantits, down at the town pool.

And he thinks he's included, right? I love all the mean fucks who are laughing at this right now. And then what do you do? Bring them over, right? He throws a couple of fucking Colorado snowballs, that powdery shit at you, and then you fucking set him up, like Pat Patterson,

when he took out the fucking brass knuckles, when he beat Ted DiBiase, for the Intercontinental Championship in 1980, but you knew that. Maybe it was 81, I don't fucking remember. Right, and you fucking nailed that Fatty right in the side of his head. He goes down, he cries,

half his face goes numb, he gets bell palsy from laying in that half-frozen puddle, and all your friends laugh. You don't even help him up. And he's laying there in his dirty, orange fucking puffy coat, that he just got for Christmas. And where does he go?

He goes back inside, and sits down and plays fucking video games, until he's 36. And that's the first time he discovers Craigslist. You know? With a quivering voice, and trembling fingers, he picks up the old rotary phone.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I think initially I was going to make fun that kids don't even do this shit anymore, because they're too busy being inside playing video games, and then it just sort of spun off to a vignette of my childhood. You know what's funny, is that whole thing never really happened.

I was on both sides of that snowball. Jesus, that was pathetic. You know, I think it's important in life to remember that at some point you were on the wrong side of an ice snowball. Am I really just going to do the mock gay voice to just get out of every difficult comedy moment? I think I'm going to.

I've been doing it for the first three years of this podcast. People, do you understand that I am basically about a year and a half away from being five years into this podcast and actually getting to do a reunion show with myself? You know? Thicker head of hair,

five pounds lighter, just as much as a douche. Just as much of a douche. That's something in 2011. I would like to have more sentences that make sense. Do you guys make any New Year's resolutions? Well, I can't hear them. So shut up.

Are you an idiot? Are you going to sit there and rattle them off? Look at that goddamn cubicle. Are you really going to sit in that fucking thing for another year? That's right. Look down and shame at your belt buckle. That snazzy little belt buckle that you bought that you thought would set off your suit.

You know? Make people see at the gas station, standing there thinking that you actually have some sort of a fucking desk where you can look across at somebody else where you wheeled a little bit of power. This is actually creeping me out. I don't want to make somebody do something crazy.

It's okay. A cubicle is just a stepping stone to a cubicle that's even larger. And then one day being the final three people to get the corner office and then you realize that you've been replaced by a fucking robot. Speaking of which,

I got to find this email that somebody sent me. If I was organized, I would have heard it but no. In the meantime, my goals this year is I'm finally going to rehab the fucking torn abdomen muscle that I fucked up at a pirate's game. I'm going on three fucking years.

Three years ago, I tried to show that I could go into the pike position at 40 years of age. Okay? God damn it, I did it but I didn't stretch. I think I talked to you guys about this right after I did it. God damn it, I've been doing the podcast long enough.

Go back to July of 2008. Somewhere in there, I went to a pirate's game when I was working the Pittsburgh improv and I wanted to show off what great shape I was in and here I am three years later still dealing with two and a half years later still dealing with that. What the hell is it?

Oh, they are watching. So anyways, before I get into the conspiracy theory, which I took a break from in 2010 because I wanted to actually enjoy my life. Yeah, I want to rehab it. Anybody can give me some WebMD free advice?

Come on, there's got to be a personal trainer out there. I know when you tear an abdomen muscle you're supposed to rest it and then after you rest it from one to four weeks according to my stomach hurts and I don't know why.com you're supposed to rest it for one to four weeks

and then begin doing some sort of rehab which I don't know how to do it. I found just sitting there in the plank position helps for you yoga people out there. It's sort of like the push up position but you're on your forearms.

That seemed to have helped it but I don't know, I fucked it up the other day and it's really frustrating. So anyways, I want to rehab that. I want to eat better this year and I want to continue to not drink

for as long as I can. I'm going for 100 days. In fact, listen to this, fuck those. I went to the Rose Bowl this year and I did not drink.

I know there's a lot of you who are disappointed that I didn't drink because you want me to fill up your life with the hilarious story of me making an ass of myself once again to kick off a new year. God damn it, I didn't. But I stood around and I watched enough

other people fucking do it and I still have plenty of stories and I got the brain cells to remember them. It's a fucking awesome game. It was Wisconsin versus TCU and I was like most people like who the fuck is TCU

and then you look in the program let me go grab the Rose Bowl program. Hang on one second. You guys just sit tight, just relax as I walk across the room trying to find the Rose Bowl program. Oh, here it is. Look at this, I found it.

I really need to get an assistance on this podcast. So here's the Rose Bowl program. And basically the Rose Bowl this year if you were going to turn it into an awful you're going to turn it into an awful

made for TV movie. I guess it was a story about respect. Alright, in that people barely respect Wisconsin because they never go to the Rose Bowl. I can't remember the last time they won the Big Ten Championship but they finally won it.

They won it and they beat the likes of let's see who they beat. Alright, let's go through their whole fucking season here really quickly. Stop rolling your eyes you fucking commie non-sports fan cunt. Alright, start off the year they beat

UNLV. These are the cupcake games early in the year. Then they beat San Jose State, Arizona State there's a Pac-10 team, Austin P is that somebody's name? Did they play like one guy? Did they beat Michigan State? Then they beat Minnesota.

They beat Ohio State, right? Big Ten, Iowa Purdue, you've heard of these teams Indiana, Michigan, one of those teams they actually lost to but I went by too quickly. Northwestern you know, they played some fucking teams. TCU

on the other hand didn't play shit. So in case you're down there outside of Dallas, Texas Christian, oh Jesus, University and you're wondering why no one gives a fuck about the Mountain West program I want you to write me

and tell me just exactly, okay Oregon State, that's Pac-10, that's Tennessee Tech. This is their undefeated season they beat Oregon State, Tennessee Tech Baylor SMU Colorado State, Wyoming BYU, Air Force

UNLV Utah San Diego State, New Mexico that was their undefeated season and they're sitting there scratching the top of their fucking heads wondering why that people are questioning

their record. Alright? So here's the deal, I'm sitting there going alright I like this. Big Ten even though the Big Ten isn't what it used to be considering they went oh in five on fucking New Year's Day who doesn't like an underdog

so I'm going well fuck it man, I'm going to roof a TCU even though they have Christian oh Jesus, in the middle of their fucking name which you know what that means they automatically think they're better than everybody else and Jesus loves us best despite the fact that they're preaching that everybody needs to be more understanding

like Jesus. Somehow they miss the irony of the fact that they feel like they're the chosen ones, like all stupid fucking religions do, right? Jewish people think they're the chosen ones Christians think they're the chosen ones Muslim thinks that you know what

you guys are all a bunch of douchebags alright, none of you matter that's why there's so many of us if we were special, there'd only be like nine of us once there's seven billion of anything, I mean we're about we're not special anymore, okay do you understand that? We're like socks

actually some poor people can afford socks, so socks are still important to some people, you know I don't know what the fuck I'm saying so TCU, they got a fucking Bay and they're bonnet about how nobody's respecting them, so I'm sitting there this is before I talked to anybody from TCU

I just saw, alright, you know purple and black, those are decent colors man, I like those, Wisconsin, I'm looking at all these fatties from Wisconsin, you know walking around just horrible horrible shape, I think when you know

Europeans look at America and they think of the fat fucks you know, I think, I don't know I think they send away for a Wisconsin university brochure every year, I don't know what, because Jesus Christ those were some healthy fucking people

alright, evidently the recession has not hit Wisconsin yet because those people have plenty of money for extra food so anyway, so I'm sitting there and we start walking into the game, right me and three of my buddies were all going

I don't name names on this fucking thing, we go to walk into this goddamn thing and I start looking around, after a wonderful tailgate we really did it up this year, plenty of booze which I did not partake in I brought a 12 pack of water go ahead, email me, call me a fag

I don't give a fuck, I feel great you fucking cunts look, I'm still defensive about it you know, at least I'm one of those I'm not a preachy sober person I'm not going like, you know why do you do that, what are you running from I know why you're doing it, because it's fucking fun

and I'd still be doing it if my head didn't get three times the size of its usual enormous size you know my head, when I'm not boozing, looks like one of the moons of Jupiter, okay I don't need I don't need to continue

adding to it and then have it be like Pluto and then scientists can fucking debate on whether or not it's a fucking planet, alright fucking fucking fucking, there you go see, I needed the help there the F word for me is my

one of those things the HGH of my fucking comedy and I will continue to use it and I don't give a shit because they're not banned in my industry anyways so what was I saying we had a great tailgate, we show up we came in the back way this year

alright, we parked right along the fence we were right near the clubhouse on the golf course and then you can I could literally see one of the lights that lights up the stadium, so we were right there there was no way we were getting lost this year actually brought a frying pan, brought some eggs we had burgers

hot dogs, steak we had shit to throw in the omelets cheese, everything you want we had a spatula, we brought tongs we had napkins, we had a fucking garbage bag we had a grill bag of charcoal four bags of fucking ice

we had everything we had fucking corn chips, we had salsa we had two bottles of mustard whole jar of fucking pickles ketchup, we had everything we had we had real forks

and steak knives for the steaks we had everything except for a fucking table next year is going to be the per every year two bottles of crown royal a case of fucking beer we were ready to go

we even had orange juice for the fucking eggs we were ready to go and we forgot a goddamn table it's one of the ways we start the day off with one of the best fucking omelets you're ever going to have new year's day sitting on a golf course sunny day knowing the rest of the goddamn country snowed in screaming

at some ticket agent that they got to get back to albuquerque before they yak you know, shits the bed right we forgot a goddamn table which isn't bad when you eat an omelet but when you're eating a fucking steak that's an inch and a half thick

that's been cooked at best rare supposed to be medium rare okay it was just medium rare what happens is you got it on a paper plate and as you use pressure to cut into that

it creases in the middle and you see this puddle of grease it just starts coming, it comes close to your balls and then goes away just like the tide coming in and you're sitting there going you know, I really should just drip the rest of this grease down into the grass

kill a couple of ladybugs and then continue on with the eating process but it tastes so fucking good you go, you know what, I think I can do it one more time and then you do it and what happens it fucking rolls right off onto your jeans and you haven't noticed, I don't give a fuck what you spill

where you spill it you could have your arms outstretched if you spill any sort of liquid not only does it land in your crotch it lands right at the head of your dick so it always looks like you pissed your pants so that's what I look like, I had grease on the front of my pants um

and meanwhile, I'm sitting here watching all these Wisconsin fans walking around and they got these candy-striped fucking overalls they look like Richard Simmons shorts if you fucking mugged them and cleaned out his closet of early 80s fucking gayist running shorts

ever and you somehow turned them into overalls you know, be one thing if women were wearing them that'd be kind of hot, right? but there was a bunch of guys wearing them too they all look like, they look like a juggler's convention it's the best way to put it and they go, man, I like the Big Ten I want a roof for Wisconsin, then every once in a while

because it seemed to be like 80%, 75%, maybe 70% at the smallest Wisconsin fans and then TCU, so you know who doesn't like an underdog so I start walking towards the stadium, right? and I'm thinking, you know, I'm gonna go for TCU

fuck this, I helped this little mountain west, whatever fucking, I didn't know what conference they're from huh I hope these guys win and uh I start going up to the stadium and one of my buddy's elbows mean

he turned around and he points to these TCU fans and this guy is wearing brown loafers these light purple like corduroy dockers with the TCU emblem and then like a v-neck sweater

and like these Ray-Bon fucking risky business sunglasses on and he like if you were casting a movie, do you guys see Facebook, that Facebook social network do you know how like the Harvard guys were this is what this guy looked like and I was like

are you serious is this guy an anomaly or is this really what TCU was all about and my buddy literally goes to me he goes, that's it, I'm rooting for Wisconsin you know, I look at this fucking guy and I was sitting there going, you know what

I think he's right, nah nah nah maybe it's just this one fucking guy and then I see another guy, he has on a purple fucking blazer with gold buttons a white shirt some pleated slugs and loafers

to the game and all of a sudden I start looking at these it's not all of them but a good 15% of them are dressed this way looking like those rich kids who fucking you know air quote accidentally kill their date

you know and then they say it was consensual because she wanted rough sex too and their daddy has enough fucking money to get him out of it, that's what they started looking like so I'm like holy shit fuck this I'm rooting for Wisconsin now we're in the crush to get in the game

and I look in front of me and there's this pasty fat fuck Wisconsin fan in front of me with the Wisconsin hat turned around and I don't know if it was dry skin or eczema he had a perfect band of it going around the back of his

you know his hairline at the back of his head and the flakes of it were on the back of his sweatshirt, I know I hope you're not eating okay so I'm looking at him going oh horrified absolutely horrified and then I'm turning around I'm looking at these fucking

slack sport coat wearing douche bags and at that point I didn't know who I was for I was actually hoping that during the flyover one of the jets would go into the crowd and they could just start all over again it was horrific

worst group of fans I've seen in three years, granted I was sober this time and I could actually remember this so I go into the stadium and lo and behold I'm in the TCU section right and I'm like okay

I don't know if I like this and I just and I'll sign it here, start here TCU this girl like three rows back TCU come on frogs come on frogs and I go frogs

they had the fucking I didn't know what they were you gotta give it to Wisconsin Badger is a badass fucking animal they're frogs okay and their mascot look, it looks like something out of that Star Wars

bar scene and they go frog come on TCU TCU and I'm looking at the girls and they have their jeans tucked into their cowboy boots like they're in that band Great White

and then on top they have these dime store Dolly Parton cowboy hats on and I was like oh my god I fucking hate these people and at that point I was sitting right in the middle of them and I immediately just became a Wisconsin fan now in defense of TCU

I think if I was hanging in the Wisconsin section I would root I would have rooted for TCU I would have rooted for TCU you know in the middle of me just screaming that TCU come on frogs I can't tell if Nia just laughed or the guy downstairs yelled at me oh that's a dog

okay my fault or it's Mel Blank could anybody imitate a dog barking better than that guy anyways let's plow ahead here so then I just sat there and just was rooting for Wisconsin

and I just wanted and I just another thing too that is really fucking annoying about TCU fans okay is no matter what's going on during the game they have a reason to fucking put their hands in the air so

you can't see the fucking game anytime it was third down they had this gay little thing well you know how you make the I'm okay sign they would do that signifying third down and then they would just sort of shake their hands like yoohoo

just in case you don't know what down it is and everybody so it's like third down and anybody who watches football knows third down is a really important fucking down as a fan who paid a fuckload for the ticket you want to see what happened

and these fucking idiots are so busy going toodaloo you couldn't see anything then not to mention there's fat whore in front of me who from the size of her should have been a Wisconsin fan but then again I've been to Houston Texas okay those people like their barbecue too

these are the people that really make America look bad it's the fucking middle of the country you goddamn people I don't know what your problem is is because you land locked don't they have swimming pools where you people could do a couple of laps people on the coast are in shape alright Seattle all the way down to San Diego

these motherfuckers are in shape go ahead San Diego go right up the coast Los Angeles San Francisco Portland Oregon they're in shape Seattle they're in shape Vancouver I even leave the country

and they're fucking in shape you start getting out there in Nebraska Iowa Wisconsin huh fucking people are horrific other than Florida Florida doesn't count alright Florida is

I don't know what it is it's like the ball bag but he says it looks like a dick to me it looks like a fucking 56 year old scrotum just hang in there after the dick got lopped off anyways so they handed out like them doing that third down thing wasn't enough

they handed out these fucking little purple like rags okay first of all stealing from the Pittsburgh Steelers the terrible towel they steal that and then on them it said fear the frog which they stole from

Maryland fear the turtle right the first school to actually admit that they have a bad name a bad mascot fucking name so then what they would just fucking fat whore in front of me I swear to god every goddamn play

okay her fucking team would be we had end zone seats was in the other end zone at Wisconsin's 10 yard line trying to drive in for a score okay they're 90 yards away if you're standing on the goal line forget about being 40 50 fucking rows

up in the goddamn stand and she would be sitting there as she's talking to a friend to that's what killed me classic brought it again she's sitting there shooting the shit you know she probably went there for the tournament of fucking roses and she just kept it I finally

I tapped her on her fleshy shoulder and she immediately took it as I was saying put it down I said can you just wave that can you wave it more in your like in front of you which this is the funniest thing ever she does and immediately realizes that when she

does it she can't see the fucking game welcome to my world you fat whore that's what I've been dealing with for the last three fucking quarters so then what she did was she then switched into her left hand okay because not only she a fat whore she's

a dumb fat whore okay in the first moment when I tapped her she was like oh this guy must be a Wisconsin fan you know because he's telling me to put it down then she realizes oh it's in his way then she waves it in front

of her face and realizes oh now I can't see and you would think at that point light would dawn on her fucking fat head and she'd be like oh I get it if I wave this thing people behind me can't see the fucking game not this fat whore not this one

she fucking puts it in the left hand and starts waving like that like that's the solution like she doesn't notice that there's another fucking 80,000 fans to her fucking left ah it was the worst and it's times like those where I just times like those were made

for Taster's Choice remember that coffee just brew up a nice hot pot and you just dump it right over her fucking head that's what I would have liked in a perfect world and as she screamed from these scalding burns she would collapse afterwards so maybe pass out

either way she would be out of my way and I gotta tell you that would be the equivalent of three normal Americans who live on the coasts who live near the ocean hey you know what I just realized that's how I'm gonna make my million dollars my multi-million

dollars so I can parachute out of this goddamn business I've been trying to come up with some bullshit that I could sell for 1995 late at night I think I just did you know I'm gonna sell I'm gonna sell ocean water

and little salt shakers for 1995 that's what I'm gonna do and I'm just gonna go have you ever noticed how people who live on the coast of this country are in shape you know and I'll just show a bunch of good looking people

running down the street with their knees nice and high like the Wisconsin fucking marching band which was the shit uh just running down the fucking street you know high-stepping it and then the white version of high-stepping which is basically bring our knees up

to our waist as opposed to the Grambling Black version where you basically you know you couldn't do it in a dome stadium because you would break your fucking toes whatever black people we're trying we're trying anyways so

uh yeah I would sell that and I would just say and then you know are you tired of being fat in the middle of the country and just so somebody has sent a bun taking a bite out of it and then just looking at the camera like you know throwing their arms up like I am sick of being a fat fuck

you know they have sent a buns on the east coast wired on the west coast why aren't they fat fucks and I'll just spin it it's because they live near the ocean and that's salt water in the air and I'll just make up a bunch of shit I'll pay off some fucking people

in the FDA doesn't seem like a hard thing to do considering half the drugs that get approved nowadays and I'll just say it's because of smelling salt water air that you're able to eat Cinnabon and shed off those fucking pounds and I'll sell it like little bottles of fucking cologne to every fatty in the

fucking Midwest and I'll make my money and then I'm going to move to Denmark and I'm going to pay 90% taxes yet have free health insurance and you know in a little Vespa I'm going to go around those little fucking

those little streets out there I'm trying to put together a Scandinavian tour by the way this year I'm really looking forward to that so there you go you know something like you I also lost interest halfway through that so that was a rosebowl for me this year I didn't

drink I had a I had a fucking awesome time I remembered the game congratulations to Tacey you let's go frogs congratulations to you horribly horribly dressed human beings just horribly dressed

trash white trash is the only way to describe what I saw out there you guys really looked like you never left the greater Dallas area you know I'm going to go out on limb here and I'm going to say I'm never going to get an opportunity to perform at that school

if if I ever get an offer I'm going to be really suspect of it thinking that they actually listen to this podcast oh my god the dime store fucking every the women women all dressed like that Dolly Parton movie best little

whorehouse in Texas except they were serious they probably put on my best hat for this one I saw a guy actually took a picture of him or did I zoom into him I have some video I got to give it to my web guy of this guy he was dressed in a suit with a big black Stetson

looking like fucking JR Ewing standin you know if it was the early 80s I would he would have looked good you know but it's fucking 2011 dude it's time to let that go your fucking oilman slash coke dealer

look from fucking 1981 30 years later you're still rocking that look like dead serious serious these are the kind of people that think like there's you can cure homosexuals you know and

you know like when those country singers like need a hit so they just write a song about how great America is and the two and the fans are too dumb to see through the fact that they're just trying to make money you know I like America and if you don't like it the fuck

out it's the best goddamn nation even though the schools are going down the shitter and just ignoring everything speaking of which I got a great underrated overrated here this week that somebody sent in

you know you guys know I'm a moron so I couldn't put it any better than this guy this guy says overrated the new year on TV every fucking year all these celebrities come on and say how amazing the new year is how is it

how is it any more amazing than the last the population is still rising and people are just getting more fucking stupid and fat you know for comedic purposes you sort of said more fucking fat and stupid see the alliteration more fucking stupid and fat

you know that's just like you know after you've gone down the roller coaster you've gone down tucking the big drop you get those little ones that don't even scare you but if you say more fucking fat and stupid fucking fat you get two of those in a row that's like going right down the big one

anyways I'll help you out here the population is still rising and people are getting more fucking fat and stupid the banks are still stealing our money our money spelled A-R-E our money and the politicians still lie I don't see how it is anything more than depressing

and pathetic love your special yeah I agree with you 100% agree with you to the point it's so fucking depressing that I just got a dog a couple years ago because no one else seems to give a shit and

in the line of that here's some conspiracy theory for you somebody said Bill he wrote they are watching and I got trashed for talking about conspiracy theory I've been trashed for talking about those

automated checkout lines in the grocery store and saying that I'm paranoid and I'm afraid of technology and all this technology is just going to help my life and make my life more easier and why don't you trust these big fucking corporations basically it's the shit that people

who are giving me the same way people gave me shit for trashing the jets saying that the jets haven't done anything so I don't know why they are fucking super bowl favorites what because the coach said they are going to win every fucking game this is the best way I can sum up Rex Ryan Rex Ryan

Rex Ryan is the teela tequila of NFL head coaches famous for nothing in particular he's never won anything yet everybody knows who he is and is hanging on his words like he has something to fucking say what

because he dropped 9000 F bombs on HBO he's famous for that he wore a wig and a press conference and we found out he has a foot fetish oh yeah toss him right in there with Chuck Noll fucking

ridiculous by the way speaking of that the steelers finally look like the steelers I thought that they were going to look like when Rothesberger came back that is a scary ass team and I know they were just playing the browns but when Palomalu comes in

is playing it's an entirely different team so all you jet fans out there who are excited that you beat that team I'm telling you that's a different fucking team I'm not even excited that the patriots beat them because

I just don't think that the steelers are now starting to click and they remind me of a certain giant team from a few years ago that no one was really paying attention to and all of a sudden got hot in December and lo and behold beat the 18 and 0 patriots so

oh and speaking of that my season long bet with Paul Verzi I won it I'm psyched I won it I basically rattled off six victories in a row against the spread and put Paul Verzi out of his misery

you know the poor bastard the entire year really felt like he was going to beat me just because I had never I never really gambled I did it like fucking in 1989 that's the one and only time I did it I had season tickets

to the patriots we made the playoffs a year before and all of a sudden we were 5 and 11 and I was like fuck this I'm getting some of my money back for you know shelling out 250 bucks for season tickets that's what you could get back in the day before ESPN overhyped every sport and people who don't even like sports

are going to games now so uh yeah I wanted to get some of my money back and I remember the Buffalo Bills right before they became the Buffalo Bills they had all those guys they were a year away from going to their first Super Bowl uh

you know four in a row winning four AFC championships in a row one of the most underrated accomplishments ever you know basically because they got because they lost four Super Bowls in a row so I mean what do you expect but anyways I decided to bet

that year this is off on memory this is what gambling does and I remember that was the one fucking week the goddamn Patriots showed up and won the game so I couldn't even enjoy it and I lost like 50 bucks which when you're only making 125 a week

is a tremendous blow so I never bet again I never gambled against the spread for like until this year and Paul Versey who you know has been doing it for years going dude I called it I did this I did that you got beat by a goddamn nerd

I'm just breaking your balls Paul because I know you're listening I know you're listening alright so there you go I almost went 500 for the year against the spread which from what I've I've been told is pretty goddamn decent so yeah I'm patting myself on the back

um anyways let's plow ahead here um so I have to get in trash for all you know talking shit about all these corporations and actually having audacity to think that bankers were all trying to team up and have one world bank you know

to become the loan sharks for not only individual but actual countries okay which is something that I was thinking about when I was at the Rose Bowl Stone sober and I was sitting there on the golf course and I was looking at these houses

up on the ridge of this hill that actually looked down on the Rose Bowl the granddaddy of them all these people have a house that looks down on it and I was actually envisioning that those were all bankers up there and while the game was going on

and 104,000 people or 96,000 who ever showed up for that game were sitting there going fucking crazy one of those piece of shit bankers up there could put his hand on his son's shoulder and be like see all those people down there they owe all of us money they all owe me money son

I'm getting a piece of all of their fucking paychecks and they don't even know it they don't even know that their daddy is looking down on him right now now had I been drinking that thought would have probably caused me to you know

entertain the thought of climbing up that hill and throwing a rock through one of the windows which of course I wouldn't have done because even my drunkest I am aware that I don't want to go to jail and get raped and secondly I'm not going to go all the way up that fucking hill so what I would have done is I probably would have yelled at that kid

with the light purple slacks I would have commented really loud about that dude's fucking eczema flaking off into the back of his goddamn sweatshirt so anyways this guy sends me this email and he says bill the days in this blog when I say they are watching are big business not the Illuminati

but they are just as evil as any bank or secret society they don't even need your signature listen to this shit they don't even need your signature for these information gathering traderware programs to monitor everything from where the device is

to what your heart rate is thanks for giving me something to look forward to on Mondays also I like your Christmas tree you should turn it into a walking stick now that the holidays are over you guys are so dumb do you realize that

look out your window and look at trees you can see the trunk you dumb fucks it's like you know your morons look at a shrub you can't you're buying shrubs that are pruned into the shape of Christmas tree I had the information from an actual fucking guy last week

alright I bought a Christmas tree you bought a Christmas shrub so go fuck yourselves but I like this guy because he sends me this that's the question I had your digital camera may embed metadata into photographs with camera's

serial number or your location your printer may be incorporating a secret code on every page at prints which could be used to identify the printer and potentially the person who used it now the fucking morons the sheep out there would be like yeah that's in case

you threaten the president they're just doing it for the good people if Apple puts a particularly creepy patent I guess Apple's applying for this it's recently applied for the use for you can look forward to a day

when your iPhone may record your voice take a picture of your location record your heartbeat and send that information back to the mothership this is trade aware devices that act behind your back and portray your privacy

now this is what the moron sheep are going to be to say well if you ain't doing nothing wrong what's the problem that's the philosophy that was the philosophy behind why they can record your phone calls now if you ain't doing nothing

we're tasting you come on frogs if you ain't doing nothing wrong do you realize how fucking dumb that mindset is so basically as long as you do what the people

in power tell you what to do you won't have a problem do you understand how dangerous that is do you understand how fucking stupid it is to have that level of faith in the people who rule you

you know what I mean you haven't noticed how much power can fuck somebody over like for some reason we only seem to focus on when celebrities get famous and then they wig out and start becoming these fucking mini tyrants

for some reason people don't feel they just have like this because they wave the flag and they play those songs that make you choked up that they never feel like that they'll have any sort of ulterior motive for this this is the type

of technology for the world something that sociopaths have been trying to do since the beginning of time and they were never able to do it because at some point your army would be stretched too thin

right Germans the fucking Roman Empire all that shit at some point the fucking Japanese all of them everybody who's ever tried to fucking do it at some point it gets stretched too thin so America what we've done is we've then

we've done the we're putting this base here to protect you thing that brilliant thing that's how we got our world empire so we just have a base then also we have these insane weapons where we can nuke everybody so we were able to kind of do it that way

but the problem is is when you really get into sociopathic thought and just like those people who are so into power that it makes their dick hard is they want to know they want to be able to see everybody know what they're thinking

and know what they're doing at all times because not only they psychos but with that level of power becomes this unbelievable level of paranoia like those people with those houses sitting on the ridge looking down into the Rose Bowl there's a fear like we sit there looking up and go look they got the fucking world

there is a fear of when you attain that level of wealth of losing all of it and you begin on this quest to quiet your mind you want to get a level of

wealth and control in your life that you are guaranteed that it will never go away in your lifetime or your kids' lifetime or your kids' kids so basically everybody that you know and love will be okay and you will be okay you get into that psychotic fucking

mindset and you give those kinds of people this level of fucking technology and you're going to have a problem I think that's unbelievable that this shit is so they have this website here the EFF

Electronic Frontier Foundation that is trying to fight these things being put into the the cameras the cell phones and all that shit like the fact that there's a tracking device in your cell phone and you get to vote on that

how come we don't get to vote on that type of stuff I don't want people knowing where the fuck I am at all goddamn times and I don't need you to show me oh we caught this fucking child molester with that so because of that now everybody has to be like give me a fucking break

they always have like a handful of good examples for that level of fucking control and then there's a zillion bad ones so I am 100% against this shit and there's always been evil people in the fucking world

there's always going to be evil fucking people in the world and when you have this kind of technology you're going to stop they're going to stop small evil like individual you know fucking serial rapists

which you definitely want to stop alright but the price we're going to pay for a Stalin or a Hitler Pol Pot whoever the fuck you want to with that level of technology someone like that could get in power

and run the fucking world so you know I don't know and I totally 100% believe that you could roll all your fucking eyes all you want I honestly believe that and I also believe that the reason why there's so many of us right now

and that the people at the top are not fucking concerned with it is because we're all expendable and when the waters rise up the temperatures goes up and everything they're not going to be the ones who are drowning you can guarantee that they're using our taxpayer money to build some sort of something

to make sure that they're okay and I think that they're bailout plan because they know they can't stop people from fucking because it feels too goddamn good and dicks and pussies are readily available to anyone it's like air so I think what they're going to gradually do

is phase this out with robots and automated shit which is why I refuse to use it now how fucking crazy do I sound right now has there been anything funny in the last fucking five this is shit that I truly believe you know corporations own like the DNA

of a grizzly bear that's why they don't give a fuck that they're cutting down its habitat they're like I will fucking grow another one in a petri dish we're trying to take over everything and then wipe out I think they're going to try to wipe out the poor in the middle class

keep a couple of us like a small handful of us you know the way that pandas are only in like zoos at this point or some shit I don't know maybe I picked the wrong fucking animal but that's the direction I think it's going there's your first crazy rant

which was based mainly in gut feelings and a couple of emails but I truly believe that and I browsed through enough enough history hey Cleo what's up baby come here here's my dog here's a nice break come here come here stupid what's going on

how are ya alright alright don't lick the microphone get out of here you're a good fucking dog Cleo you know I like about having a pit bull you don't have to apply for a license to get one that's a beautiful thing it's a beautiful god damn thing

and I like that people are afraid of my dog I really enjoy that Cleo do you realize people are afraid of you if you weren't so fucking nervous all the time if you actually had the mental hey I'm talking to you Cleo hey Cleo do you

the tail's wagging so I know she's listening if you actually had the ability to comprehend what you were looking at when you looked into a mirror and saw how fucking strong you are you know if you had the ability to do that rather than look into a mirror and think it's another dog start growling at that

alright let's get out of this fucking conspiracy theory um so anyways anyways that whole fucking that whole email and reading up on that stuff makes me look at a notebook and a pen

a lot better light it's a lot cheaper it won't crash you know no one can steal your password you know and people are gonna say well then someone can also look at your notebook very easily and there's no password and read it that the fucking god damn CIA

can turn on your computer do you realize they have the ability to do that they can turn even when it's off they can turn it on and look at everything do you realize that if you ain't doing anything wrong they say you come out frogs um

that's what you have a safe for sticking in a fucking safe anyways douchebag of the week might be me after that rant to a lot of people wasn't even a rant which is sort of a quiet me entering douchebag of the week bill I nominate douchebag of the week to be all these schmucks that are in those fucking

commercials for companies that can reduce your tax debt you get these people who are all smiles saying they save ten grand I owe thirteen thousand in taxes and now thanks to fuck it if fuck I only owe three thousand um now of course we can all bitch

that we pay too much taxes but to have those assholes smile at the camera and say they got out of paying taxes that really pisses me off the rest of us pay a hundred percent of our taxes and uh where am I and we gotta sit here and watch you smile at the camera

and tell us that you got out of it fuck you they probably turn around right after that commercial and film another one for a lawyer that got them out of paying child support fucking dead beats all right sir um that advertising worked great because

you bought it hook line and sinker do you honestly think that there's people out there that owed thirteen thousand dollars in taxes and then because of this this fucking group of people that now they only owe three grand and that the federal reserve the goddamn devil

itself just said yeah that's fine that's fine would you would you just knock off you know eighty five percent of your tax debt we'll just be happy with that now I'm not saying that people don't negotiate with dead beats they always do

all right but what basically what that little business is doing they're not trying to help people out what they're doing is they realize that when you have a broke ass son of a bitch at some point the federal reserve the bankers do have to government

let's see what we can at least get from this son of a bitch that's where they step in and what they do is they negotiate it down for you um to a more reasonable sum but then you owe them money they basically I haven't even looked into it but I can guarantee

what they do is they just they take on your debt they buy your debt from the government and then you know and rather than you being enslaved to the government you're enslaved to them and you probably yeah you only yeah now I only owe three grand at 75%

interest to this conglomerate that helped me out thank you you know what that commercial really should be is that idiot standing there with one of those chains around its neck and the government handing the leash of the chain over to whatever that that that that fucking group is

I'm really sounding dumb at this point um I think I'm basically right like you know those people where they consolidate your debt um and they make it seem like they go like you know I had $800 a month and credit card bills now I only

have 125 thank you consolidate debt or person yeah they just buy all your debt from the credit card companies and they and they just make your credit card payment lower but you don't you still owe the money so now what you're actually doing

is you're paying less a month on the same debt that you owe at a higher interest rate thus prolonging your indentured servitude that's basically it that's for someone who kind of went to college that's basically what they're doing

they're not they're helping you out in that you now have a smaller payment and then what your dumb ass is gonna do is you're then gonna go out and get some you're gonna go get some more credit card debt and you're gonna spend your entire life in debt and you're gonna die one day and then they're gonna go after your kids

wow I'm really fucking hanging by my fingernails on this one but I think that's basically what they do hey I know I got some people in banking isn't that what goes on the only way you you get out of paying your debt I believe is if you just declare

bankruptcy and you tap out now those people annoy the shit out of me because then they just get punished for seven years but credit card companies never lose what they then do is they pass it on to guys like myself

who actually pay his bills those are the people you should get you should sorry you should be more mad at people who who declare bankruptcy if you're gonna get mad at an individual but if you really want to get mad at people who don't pay their taxes you really should look at the fucking ultra rich

you should look at corporations and even then I can't get mad at them because the Federal Reserve is a bunch of crooks so how do you steal from crooks you know I would steal from them if I had enough fucking money to do it on a level where I wasn't gonna get

caught you know if you notice that there's no pictures on the wall in my apartment behind my skimpy little Christmas tree that's how you stay out of debt legally that's how you do it all you people making fun of me because I drive a Prius

I don't give a fuck it's paid for everything is fucking paid for I have month to month fucking expenses I am not an indentured servant to anybody granted I only have one television I don't have air conditioner in my apartment I have a fucking fan

but you know any day any time I want to take a day off just take two three days off in a row I can do it alright and to me that's fucking priceless I'll tell you what else is priceless is how easy it was to dispose of my Christmas tree

you know there's another thing people fuck up lazy sons of bitches you go out and you buy your fat shrubs that they cut into the shape of a Christmas tree you know look at my Christmas tree you know you talk about how you love it so much and how great it is you just throw it out in the fucking street

let somebody else clean it up those people annoy me more sir than the fucking dead beach you're talking about you should see what I did okay not only was my Christmas tree the best Christmas tree I ever had alright

it was an actual goddamn tree and way less needles way less needles on the floor it was lighter it was way easier to cut up and put into the green plastic bin so they can recycle it naturally hopefully hopefully you don't throw it in the

fucking ocean I should actually take a picture of how much I was able to reduce that thing I put it in one of those big you know those big containers it took up like the bottom third that was it it'll give you guys an opportunity to trash

it even more alright let's get off my fucking soapbox this year I'll be very preachy in the first week of 2011 alright bill 3D hey bill what's up good buddy it's definitely coming from the south TCU come on frogs first off let me

say I've been a fan for years and have all of your stand up on iTunes thank you very much sir and they have been played hundreds of times in my iPod yeah you are the shit anytime I bitch about doing a free podcast which I don't do that much anymore I'm not talking about you I just discovered

the podcast last month and that's pretty much all I've been listening to for about three three weeks lol anyway I'd like to we having a fucking earthquake drill what is that oh it's my fucking it's my cell phone where is it

see this is why you shouldn't play drums cause you can hear it but you don't know where it's coming from where the hell is it oh it's behind the fucking TV anyways let me get back to this shit this podcast started off with such a promise anyways I'd like to hear your take on 3D movies personally

I fucking hate them it was okay at first but now every goddamn movie is in 3D I'm sick of it I don't need Seth Rogan's fat ass in 3D that's not a shot at Seth I actually like him but you get what I'm saying I pay $3 more for a fucking ticket

and glasses that I can never use again because I have to pay $3 extra every time instead of taking one of the other 20 pairs I already have oh and to top it off 90% of the movie is not even in 3D in your words it's going to be

regardless I want to start a band on 3D movies for another 10 to 20 years anyway that's my little rant would love to hear what you think back yeah 3D movies are totally fucking overrated

and Nia said the funniest thing ever she goes I'm so sick of them acting like this is new technology you know movies in 3D they've had them since the 1950s granted the technology the avatar shit is much better now but they initially came up with 3D

because of television as far as I remember from something I watched on Turner Classic movies the people in the movie industry were terrified when television came out because they were like

they got the movies at home now they're not going to come excuse me just imagine that how much you would have gone to the movies and how magical they must have been did I just say magical wow thank god there's no other comedian around here just take let's go back to a magical time this is the one time

using the effeminate hacky gay man voice it's not uncalled for this is when I should have used it for comedic effect rather than using it as a crutch for the first 10 minutes of this podcast so let me continue let's go back to a magical time a time

before television whatever I came I lost my train of fucking thought but you know what I mean just imagine if you had no fucking TV alright you had that radio that was the size of your goddamn ice box and you just sat there sitting around it in wonderment

you know and now you could actually finally go see what the hell you were hearing you know the sad thing is they didn't realize that radio was actually better which I'm telling you get serious satellite radio and listen to those old radio plays especially the dragnet ones they are the shit

I was staying in my car when I had errands to do listening to listen to them catch the bad guy they're the shit so anyways the movie people were so afraid that TV was going to was just going to make people never go to movie theaters again

that they came out with the the 3D technology and they have brought it back you know they brought it people still continue to see movies I will always continue to see movies they're awesome but they brought it back

this time around and I'm guessing it's because of the internet and everybody watching everything for fucking free so sir if you've ever stole music if you've ever watched a movie for free you're kind of the reason why they're doing

these 3D movies because they really are making like what is that Seth Rogen Green Lantern is that what it is one of those fringe superheroes I already don't like that movie and I love

Seth Rogen but I don't like that movie I don't want to watch a bumbling superhero like what is this gun did I just almost shoot my foot off I want you to be the shit alright why won't Hollywood

show me a guy that makes me want to be that guy like they used to back in the day I'm so sick of every they're even making superheroes like nerdy and unsure of themselves Spider-Man was never nerdy and unsure of himself he had a fucking

smoking hot tits and ass raven haired fucking beauty that he was banging every night he wasn't afraid of shit they used to pretend to be nerds that was their alter ego where they sat there you know Clark Ken like the white guy on all those

Def Jam bits Peter Parker walking around with this stupid you know getting yelled at by Jameson where he could have just shot some fucking cobwebs right into his goddamn mouth now they got to make them every man

I'm sick of it I've had enough of this it's a goddamn disease in this business alright and I don't know it started off great with those Judd Apatow movies I love 40 year old

virgin those were all great and then Hollywood's just like oh let's just do that and only that forever I'm sick of it enough already I want a superhero who's the shit I want to see what happened to those guys

everybody's a fucking nerd now you know what I think this is the beginning of the end of the nerd I think the nerd has had its run on TV and on cinema I mean they have so explored

the nerd on that show The Office that half the people on there they're playing borderline retarded you know there's like two characters on The Office who sit around with their mouths hanging open when they're not even talking

I can't fucking watch it I'm sick of it you know there needs to be more they got to swing it back to fucking Animal House Caddyshack you know how funny was Chevy Chase in Caddyshack the guy was the shit he had $100,000

checks laying around he's banging all these hot broads and he was still fucking funny I don't understand what do they think they like I saw the trailer for is it Green Hornet Green Lantern I don't know what the Green Lantern that sounds really wrong to me now

if you guys know anything about me I can never get the fucking names right Green Hornet is that what it is okay now I've gone on YouTube a long time ago just because I was interested in the car I believe it's a Chrysler Imperial and he was the shit and Bruce Lee was his sidekick

that's how much of the shit that guy was Bruce Lee was his Robin alright and you fast forward at 45 fucking years now the Asian dude is looking at Green Lantern and as far as I can tell

Seth Rogen is basically going to be like the white cop on fucking Sanford and Son what's going off how does this gun work wow that was a big explosion you know he's like the

that mousy black girl in police academy you know is he going to have the don't move dirt bag move at the end of the movie when he finally grows into being a superhero let me guess he has to save the Asian so you have a little bit of fucking

wax on wax off there is that what the fuck is going on you know what fuck that movie not fuck Seth Rogen I love Seth Rogen but fuck that movie I don't want to see it I don't want to see you know Seth Rogen he gets himself in people still call him a fat ass he isn't he

got himself in shape he gets to play a superhero he earned it and he still has to play this wishy washy unsure of himself you know fuck that movie anyways you know what I saw that I liked I saw

I already told you the fighter was great and then I saw ah Jesus Christ the fuck keep on to say deadwood the fuck is the name of that movie true grit great fucking movie great movie and it was actually I thought way too short

absolutely loved that movie highly recommend that I'm going to go see black swan because Nia has been raving about that I got to check that one out and okay we're well over an hour here but I'm enjoying myself I got nothing better to do I'm rested coming off the holiday break here

ah let's look here the responses to Vegas sucks remember last week that kid was saying how Vegas is overrated and I was telling him he was missing the boat and I wanted people to chime in with some of their Vegas stories well here we go

Vegas sucks hey Bill me and my two best friends went to Vegas last summer we planned the trip for a couple of months but one of my friends had to let his wife had to lie to his wife and told her he was going to work

to work a convention go to a work convention in Reno sorry I'm really starting to think I have dyslexia people it was basically like that guy in the hangover by the way this is going out to everybody who thinks Vegas sucks

he was going to a work convention in Reno it was basically like that guy in the hangover the one who lies to his bitchy wife anyway so he lied to her but trust me she's one of those stay at home moms with one kid and thinks it's the hardest fucking job in the world

one of those one of those twats so I totally understand why he would lie and how he feels and how he feels okay just in my defense this is written in all capitals with no punctuation so I can't tell where it ends

now anyways so we drive out to Vegas and perceive to have a fucking blast I throw down and win big on Blackjack about $5600 so I'm ecstatic and fucking in the best move ever

walking around with my drink and my money singing Frank Sinatra and all that shit it was great so as I'm walking around the planet Hollywood I meet a couple of ladies and just like your last podcast my friend just walked up and said

hey suck my dick it basically went down like that these girls were hot drunk and horny so long story short I meet up with my friends and go back to the hotel room see these aren't even hookers we get tipsy

and bang the fuck out of these girls now my friend hadn't had sex he said for almost 6 months so not only does this free my friends mind and body which are built up with resentment of his job his bitchy wife

etc it fucking starts to scare him and he starts getting paranoid like flipping out going fuck she knows she's gonna know dude why didn't you write this better so I could read it you asshole

he's going fuck she knows she knows she's gonna know I lost all my money she's gonna know I fucked some slut and just freaking out doing all that shit you do when you cheat on your bitch wife who doesn't fuck you anyways so what he

proceeds to do in a state of panic and fear is take a knife and make a couple of cuts under his eyes and scratches his face and tells me to punch him I'm just like laughing like what the fuck man he then bangs his head

into the wall and continues scratching the fuck out of his face he tells me he's trying to make it look like he got beat up and robbed and and he made up this whole lie about he got jumped outside the casino because he didn't want to go

home to his wife with no money and banging some sluts on his mind and he really fucked up his face pretty good it did look like he got the shit kicked out of him so anyways scroll down here dude don't ever write in all capitals people

what the hell am I so anyways cut to the next day when we leave and the whole way home we're giving him shit about it and making fun of him because it's just fucking ridiculous exactly why don't you tell your fucking wife to go to hell so we get home

I help him get his bag and we walk up the door and as we're walking up his wife pops open the door with this fucking evil heinous look and there's this awkward silence for like five to six seconds while we're just fucking standing there frozen

and then he said hi honey she fucking looks at his face and without even caring what happened to his face or anything she says you fucked some dumb whore didn't you you know why because the idiot there was the you guys should have backed him there was five to six seconds

of silence there which made no sense you guys weren't fucked up at all he should have called when he was in Reno and said you know I got jumped I got mugged I'm coming home you know I went outside

to take to have a smoke or whatever the fuck you did was somehow you weren't around your friends you guys fucked up he basically fucked up his face and you guys just laughed at him and then you just stood there like audience members waiting to see if his wife could figure out what she basically did but anyways see sir

this happens in Vegas like you think the hangover is exaggeration sure it's exaggeration with the tigers and that type of shit but it's it's not overrated I'll give you another one here Bill I work for a small business in Portland Oregon and once a year my boss flies all of us out

to Vegas he pays just about everything the flight the hotel and the food we just have to pay for whatever we gamble and anything else we do in other words get hookers I've been on two of these trips so far the first time nothing special happens just saw the touristy shit lost a bunch of money

to the slot machines and flew home with a severe hangover the next year we flew out I was determined to find some of the seedier corners of Vegas and I came out a winner on the second night there me and one of my co-workers set out to visit some of the older off the strip casinos

hoping to save some money and see some shit he wanted to stop by the hard rock hotel first so he went there is that considered old at this point gambled a bit and went out front to catch a cab to another casino after about half an hour of standing in a ridiculous

line of meatheads and future date rape victims we got in a cab driven by a Hispanic dude who will remain nameless the guy I was with spoke Spanish so they talked to each other for about 15 minutes and I didn't understand a word of it that my co-worker looked at me and said

massage and happy endings $120 apparently the cab driver knew a place that gave full service massage and got a cut for bringing new customers in see sir you got to talk to the cab drivers too don't just go take me to the fucking

mirage because that's all they do to start talking to him so how long you've been out here what is there to do out here he'll be like well what do you want to get into gee I don't know kind of have a stiff neck if you know what I mean and then you're in so anyways so he drove about

20 minutes off the strip while I was getting suspicious thinking we were about to have our kidney stolen eventually pulled up to this little age of massage parlor we went inside and all over the walls there were signs saying services includes massage only sexual services are illegal in the city of Las Vegas

the lady at the counter sent each of us into our separate rooms and told us to take her clothes off I went in and did so and sat on a massage table for about 10 minutes with a towel around my waist before a little Asian lady came in and brought me across the hall into another room

there was a plastic table in this room as well with one of those blow up pool blow up pool bed floating things on it I would have got freaked out by that she laid me down on this and took out a towel

and spent the next 15 minutes giving me a full body sponge bath then we went back into the other room and over the next hour gave me a massage like I was an ex southeast Asian prostitute like only an ex southeast Asian prostitute could

after this after this was done she asked me if I wanted more services of course I said of course I said yes this was done she god damn it I was doing so well with this one she asked for another $100 and ended up talking

to her talking her down to 60 oh you tight bastard I never can talk a hooker down that's you know Jesus Christ she put lotion on her hands and started jerking me off once it blew me over she wiped me off with a hot towel was fucking great for $180 I got a full

fun sponge bath a great massage a couple little Asian hands on my dick all this because I the right cab picked us up there you go sir so you can have a good time you can have a good time in Vegas all right

you went out there you did what I did you just looked at what you saw you gotta talk you gotta you gotta ask around and with that is that is that the podcast for this week I really have to I gotta do one more advice thing here though um all right bill I'm going crazy

with some family shit my mom is my mom has this drunk for a boyfriend oh Jesus and he's just fucking crazy just before New Year's New Year's Eve like three days before he gets drunk at his mother's house

and comes back over to our house fucked up talking some shit like some motherfucker off of one flew over the cuckoo's nest or some or some shit like that and snaps because my mom is asleep and he wants someone to talk to

he then jets outsides cuts the dish with the fucking axe oh he cut your cable your satellite dish now I can't watch my fucking Giants play all my blue jackets play

this pisses off my mother she calls and says she's done with him for three whole fucking days I'm thinking 2011 is gonna be sweet no more crazy shit going down below and behold he comes back on the first

looks like a sad little puppy asked my mother for forgiveness and she does now I can account for 20 fucking times he has done some crazy shit said sorry and she forgave him so I was sick of it and says this look mom this guy has to go

she cussed me out and said I should go laugh because she couldn't and then laugh because she could have such no oh I laughed you forgot to write I I laughed because she could have such a notion

to kick me out over a drunk I am only 18 I stay at home should I stay at home and finish school or just leave for some big city and rough it or could I make my mother see he is no good all right

number one no do not leave finish school all right and number two I don't know how to put this you can't you can't make your mother not like this guy you can't make her have

some sort of self-esteem you can't make that guy not be a drunk you are really powerless of that all you can do is tell your mother just say it in a nice way totally avoid an argument and do not lose your temper just say look because I am having a feeling

that you didn't come up to your mother and say look you deserve better than this guy you deserve a guy who treats you better than this you deserve a guy who has the you know the common decency not to come over and be

shit-faced and freak out her and her son you just have to say it in like a nice way and say your peace and after that it is on her all right and if she chooses if she chooses misery then there is nothing you can do about it

but don't alter your life and make your life fucking horrible because of the choices she made finish school get some sort of a game plan try to figure out what you want to do in life and just start gravitating towards that direction find positive

motivated people to hang out with stay away from drinking and drugs it is a fast track to being a loser you got a crucial moment in your fucking life all right the worst thing you could do is not finish school

and then just go rough it out in a city man that would be an awful thing to do so finish school you know try to get into college and just hang around with good positive people who came from good positive families

that's all I can tell you and just try to go down that route even though you've seen what not to do in life and I'm not gonna lie to you it's gonna be fucking hard because I hung out with a bunch of

you know I grew up around crazy cynical negative people and I went out in the world and I gravitated towards those people until you know took me 20 years to figure out oh there's other kinds of people out there so I don't know I was too fucking tired

to answer that goddamn question I did send you an email so I hope you can paste that together I'm really tapping out see this is why I can never be Dr. Phil because an hour and 20 minutes in I'm fucking tired finish school all right and figure out what you want to do

and just or the direction you want to go in and just stay in that fucking direction don't start drinking don't start doing the drugs don't try to be like well I'll show my mother I'm gonna move out and then that'll hurt her and then she'll realize that she actually loves me

and that she shouldn't have done that and then when she calls up for forgiveness I'll tear her to go fuck herself and I'll continue living with this fucking transvestite or whatever the hell you're gonna live at 18 years of age with no high school or college education because that's the life you're gonna be choosing over the next five fucking years

you don't want to do that all right that's it good luck and I don't want the fuck to tell you that really sucked all right you know what I'm not gonna go this long you know what it is this podcast kind of went off the rails

because ever since that phone has been ringing I'm taping another podcast today with somebody who I think you guys are gonna find is a very interesting guest and the whole time I've been panicking like did he call me and I've been trying to wrap up this podcast but I've been trying to get everything in and now I'm continuing even further by talking about

why it's going on so long so that's it I mean for this week happy new year I hope you guys have a great year and that's it go fuck yourselves I'll talk to you next week B&B Premium Selection Trust Your Instinct Follow Your Standard

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