Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-4-16

Episode Date: January 5, 2016

Bill rambles about the Rose Bowl, the Stanford Band and the "I'm sorry" fall.

Ikea, tip of the week. Do you like to get a gift? You can count on us. Because until April 15, Ikea family members get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. Ikea Like the changes that you've always wanted to make? When are you going to stop telling yourself you're going to change?

And actually, God, they're a change. I always love the pressure. The beginning of the new year to be like, All right, you know, there's that one great thing, right? Like, you're like, all right, shaking off the last year. You know, like, I don't know who the fuck that guy was, right? Like lying to yourself, like you're not the same person fucking one minute later when it becomes a new year. Or you do the real childish thing as you blame everybody else for your own fucking problems, you know?

Can't wait for this year to be over, man. She's been so much fucking bullshit this year. It's been like the worst fucking year. I can't wait for the next fucking year. It's like, dude, are you going to change anything? Are you going to break up with the person? Are you going to stop getting drunk and being a dick and picking fights in the bar, right? Huh?

All of that shit? Well, you're just going to think that magically because there's a six there now instead of a five that all of a sudden the world's going to change and you don't have to adjust. Oh, am I reprimanding somebody right now? I think I am. I don't know why. I have no idea why I'm recording this at about 8 30 in the morning. Los Angeles time.

My wife's still sleeping downstairs. So I got to, I got to try to stay at medium energy. Medium energy here for the rest of this fucking podcast, but whatever. I'm kind of, I got to be honest with you. I went to bed last night and I was sad. I love the holidays and I'm sad that they're fucking over. I had another great, you know, holiday break and to think that it's all going to fucking start over again. You know, here we go.

Another fucking year at doing the road, writing shit and doing all this stuff here. We fucking go again at the whole thing just got just totally overwhelming with me. And I was just fucking laying in bed. You know, you know, when you fucking look too far ahead into your fucking life. You know, it just gets too fucking overwhelming. And then maybe you start hearing the same thing. You know what song I was hearing my head? I would say that's that song make the world go away.

Something something and get it off my shoulders. That's what I feel like the most pathetic emotion you could have make the world go away and you just get a go in there and just pout. You know, I got to ask a question about depression. Is it actually a chemical thing or is that just an adult world word for like somebody who's just kind of sort of pounding? You know, I think a lot of times when people go I'm depressed. It's just you're just kind of feeling sorry for yourself. And you know, the ones that say it's like a chemical imbalance. You just like you just shift your head really quickly.

The chemicals go back the other way and you'll cheer up. You know, don't believe the mainstream media. You know, in all the pharmaceutical companies with their drugs, man. Is there anything funnier than when somebody who's not a fucking doctor, you know, just starts going on and on above. Let me tell you something, man. I'm telling you, all you got to do is just go up, walk up to an oak tree, can't be a birch, can't be a maple, go up to an oak tree and just bite on the little sapling. You just gnaw at it, right? You had a little piece of bark and you stick it between you just like chew.

You just stick it between you go and all of that and your depression will go away. Yeah, it is true. It is true. The Native Americans used to do it and they were never depressed. That's what they used to do until the white man came and took their bark away. Now look at them. All grumpy just like the white man because they couldn't get any more saplings with the tree bark there. Anyways, Fersi and his wife left yesterday so the house is empty again.

It just stinks, man. I was having a great fucking time enjoying it. Now it's gone. All fucking starts over again. I'm already starting a year off. My office is a fucking mess. You know, I'm on the worst. I can't find the sticker to put on my fucking license plate.

I know I got it. I don't know where the fuck it is. It just, it all starts over. It just fun times over. Fun time is over. You know what? We still got the Christmas tree up because Nia liked it extra a lot this year. So I still have to go through that sad fucking operation of bringing that goddamn thing outside.

And I told you, I dispose that thing like a fucking mob hit. You're never going to find the body. My fucking neighbor already threw his right out on the street. Just tosses it out there, right? Some dead hooker. You know what I mean? You put the fucking thing up and you put it in the barrel. That's what you do.

I get mine in the green barrel, right? We got the green barrels out here and that's just like grass clippings and all that shit. I have a whole fucking Christmas tree in there and the lid closes completely. You'd have no fucking idea. I mean, come on people, how difficult is it? You cut all the branches off. Then you just left with the trunk and then you just section it up. That's it.

Drop the thing right the fucking there. It's not a problem. You wear your safety goggles, you know, so nobody can see you crying as you're doing it. I don't understand what the fucking problem is. Like, God damn it, get out there and dispose of the fucking tree correctly. Um, environmentally, wouldn't it be more correct if you just sort of spread it across your lawn? The tree is just going to end up in a landfill or even worse out in the ocean. They don't belong in the ocean.

Um, I can't wait to get to this fucking thing later on in this podcast with this guy. I'm going to claim that the, uh, the earth can sustain 100 billion people. I really cannot, I cannot wait to, I just glanced at it and looked at it. And it's just, I just, how the fuck you arrived at that number. And I actually tried to find, I started looking up how many fucking people the earth can sustain. And, uh, what I immediately found was that nobody could say for certain, but the numbers estimated where nowhere near a hundred million fucking people, a hundred billion, sorry.

So I cannot wait to read this guy somehow claiming that there's enough farmland to feed a hundred fucking billion people. I don't, uh, okay. Do we stack each other on top of one another? And even then the elephants get to roam free anymore. Where are all the fucking animals? Um, if there was a hundred billion people on the planet, I would think that cannibalism would slowly start to become legal.

They would have, uh, they'd have farm people or stock people. That's what they'd call them. And they would be simply be, um, used for food. You know, we just, you know, and of course it would be, uh, you know, the evil white man would decide who it is that gets eaten first. You know, maybe they'd start with like the pigmes or something like that. Cause it'd be like, all right, well, you know, they're, uh, they are of a particular race, but they're not as tall as most people in that race.

So, you know, they're sort of bite-sized. They're like sliders, right? Sliders? They're like human sliders. You know, get a little honey bun, you know, stick a fucking ankle between the two. Right? Why would you eat an ankle? Ankle meat?

Um, so anyways, I've, I still feel fucked. I still feel fucked up from the Rose Bowl, man. I still, you know, I barely got any sleep with Paul being out here. And then we also performed New Year's Eve, uh, down the Orpheum. And I bought this suit to wear New Year's Eve. I found it like over the summertime. It was this all white suit, jacket and pants. But, you know, from, from a distance it reads all white.

But when you come up to it, it had these tiny black polka dots. You know what I mean? Just tiny. And, uh, I walked into the store and it was on like the fucking 70% off rack because it's really one of those things like, where the fuck are you ever going to wear that? And I saw, I was like, that's a perfect suit for fucking New Year's. You put the black fucking solid black shirt underneath there with a little black pocket square.

Right? And you walk out there like John Travolta. Well, you can't tell by the way I tell my jokes. No fucking hack. No time for originality. Um, sorry. Fucking shit jokes. Fucking jokes.

I don't like to use concepts. Um, anyways, so that was once again me standing to the side of the stage going like, uh, I am either going, people either going to like this suit or I'm going to get heckled the entire time I'm out here. But either way, either way, it's going to add to the fucking show. But, uh, as I predicted, it was New Year's. I addressed the suit. I said, this is the only night I could wear it and people left.

And it was a, uh, it was a great fucking time, great old theater. And, uh, I had a bunch of people come out. Um, a bunch of friends, you know, people I hadn't seen in a couple of years, people that, you know, kind of in my life, it was awesome. And I love doing New Year's out here in LA because, uh, I don't have to travel or anything like that. I love to do the job. I love to do.

However, I think that's the last New Year's Eve I'll do. I think I'll do like the 30th next time because I got to tell you the second show ends. Right. By the way, I had to do the countdown to like two jokes before my closing joke. I was like halfway through this one bit that I've been trying to work on. I kept fucking up the ending and I was going to try a new ending to it because the ending was too sad for every fucking city in this nation other than Dallas, Texas, Dallas, Texas fucking enjoyed the shit out of the original ending.

Um, and I'm right in the middle of that bit and I see that it's 11 59. So then I had to get out of the bit, take a pause and then do the countdown and then the streamers came out, right? Lovely. Nia came out on stage, gave me a kiss. All the guys came, you know, we fucking waved and everything and then everybody gets off the stage and then I had to go back into my act, which was, uh, uh, I don't know. It just ended up being funny because it was really weird.

So anyways, um, we ended up doing the show and then as we leave, um, we're stuck in this brutal traffic. I'm like, what the fuck? There must have been something going on because we were in downtown LA. There must have been something going on, um, down at like LA live or some shit down there. That's right near the staple center. And then I fucking realized the next day it was Motley Cruz final show ever at the staple center.

And, um, so I was like, ah, fuck, that's the traffic we got stuck in. And there's actually a clip up on YouTube of, you know, Tommy Lee, the drummer does, he has a whole fucking roller coaster attached to his drum kit where it turns upside down and it goes out over the crowd and then comes back and all that shit. I mean, the right there alone, you know, if you're the other members in the band, you got to be like, dude, this better be fucking worth it because the amount of money that's coming out of our checks to fucking carry that rig out on the fucking road, you know what I mean?

That's one of those overhead costs. So I don't know if you guys have seen the video. It's their last fucking show ever and the thing gets stuck. It gets stuck and Tommy is upside down on this thing in this roadie scamper and up the side of it, like the fucking apes and planted into the apes when they were on the Golden Gate Bridge, right? They scamper and up the side of this thing and Tommy's just upside down like, what the fuck, man?

The fucking things busted. He's like, hey, LA. He's like, what? You look, you look interesting when I'm hanging upside down in Los Angeles. And he's just hanging upside down. It's the most excruciatingly uncomfortable thing I've seen a perform after go through in a long time. He did what the fuck he could do.

I mean, once you just go, well, fuck the roller coaster, man, and you're still hanging upside down. I mean, what do you do? It's just fucking brutal. And the fact that it happened on the very last show, you know, I don't want to start any infighting. I know the band doesn't exist anymore, but I think Vince Neil did it. I think the lead singer probably all these years, you know, he's used to being out front

and all the chicks digging him, you know, walking around with his Barbie hair and all that. And then all the drama goes all the way out over the crowd and everybody's looking at him and maybe he got sick of it after all these years, the amount of money that was coming out of his paycheck to bring that fucking loop-de-loop roller coaster with the fucking drum kit in it. And he probably said, hey, everybody look at that over there. And then he just pulled the fuse. That doesn't make any sense, Bill.

Then he's sabotaging his own show. Well, you know, I can have a fucking theory. Somebody could just email me with no fucking links or anything whatsoever and just tell me that the earth can sustain a hundred billion people. Anyways, so we were stuck in that traffic. I didn't get home until like 1.30, 1.45, fell asleep around two. And then I had to be up at 10, 10, half to five to then be outside for the next 13 hours at the Rose Bowl.

This year we brought eight people and one of my buddies who went there, he just called it the Goon Parade. And I got to be honest with you, that's kind of what we were. I don't remember so much of it. I remember the whole game because I just stopped drinking because I had to drive. So I just remember walking to the stadium. And after that, I remember the entire fucking game. So I'll take you through what I remember.

So we fucking get there, right? First time ever we get there so fucking early. They haven't even opened the gates yet. So when we finally get in, we're parked just outside the VIP parking. I mean, we had like a five minute walk to the stadium. It was fucking tremendous. And I remember Bartnick giving me a Miller High Life, the big grin on his face because we always had the Miller High Life to start the day.

Lawhead got his fucking, Lawhead made it by the way. He made it, you know. I'll never smile again. He made it. And he got all three of his fires going and getting ready for the breakfast sandwiches. And I want to say that I waited till after I had Lawhead's unbelievable breakfast sandwiches. It's the best breakfast sandwich I have every fucking year is that one. And it was absolutely delicious.

And my favorite thing was looking over at Verzi after he was two bites in. And I was like, Hey, Paul, I go, how's that breakfast sandwich? And he just fucking shot me. It looked like you fucking kidding me. So I was already psyched and I knew he was going to have a great time. And after that, I was like, Hey, I'm like, who wants a heater? And everybody's like, Yeah, right. So he poured like fucking eight of them.

And I had these, these those big square ice cubes. I had made those and brought them over in a Ziploc bag, like a fucking, you know, kilo of Coke. So I drop them into everybody's plastic cup and they're so big. They don't make it all the way down to the bottom of the glass. So the booze is actually below the ice level and everybody's laughing. I'm like, well, you just got to fucking, you got to pour more booze in there. And then you put your hand over the ice cube, but it'll melt down. And that became the technique.

And then after that, it just became like a slide shelf. Just the stuff I remember. I remember Bartnick does this thing every year. He gets off, you know, gets out of the truck and he just screams at the top of his lungs. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the granddaddy of them all. And everybody's always terrified, sort of laughing, whatever. So these Iowa fans, somebody just said, Oh, we do not need that voice here. And immediately we're not liking us.

And I don't know, I think that for whatever reason, they were really, they were like, I want to say older than me, but I'm pretty fucking old at this point. I'm 47. I think they were in their fifties and for whatever reason, they were playing Drake. All right. And it was like fucking seven in the morning and their fucking music was louder than our music. So we're sitting there. The sun hasn't even come up yet and we're listening to you used to call me on yourself or you used to you used to.

And it's just was fucking like, Oh God, are they gonna be playing that fucking song? Like that song is like, that's like, there's a few songs that get played so much that you never need to hear them again. I think the original song was in the mood. But I think Benny Goodman, it was a Glenn Miller. I never need to hear that song ever again. Right. I'd say book ending from way back in the day to fucking right now. It goes in the mood.

Glenn Miller and then a cell phone by Drake. He's such a bitch in that fucking song. It's basically, Hey, I used to just fuck you. I used to I use you and then he she moves away and then he's upset that the woman got on with the life. You know, what a fucking is he one of those possessive guys who once he fucks something, he feels like he owns it for the rest of his life. Go dude. All you were doing was fucking her and now what? Now you want her because she's not there anymore to come over and lick your balls and shape up your beard afterwards.

I mean, fucking move on with your life, Drake. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. So that's fucking going on and all I know and they were annoyed with how loud Bart Nick yelled. So I don't know what happened somewhere between the beer, the shot in the breakfast sandwich. I glance over and the older guy is chirping and fucking Bart Nick's ear and Bart Nick is just staring straight ahead. 600 yards stare just standing there and I see the guy talking, talking, talking. And then I just see Joe just shrug his shoulders and be like, well, you know, I don't like your music. And I got to be honest with you, fucking, I don't know what else he said, but 10 minutes later, those people were just gone and we never saw him again.

I don't know if they had like some VIP fucking, you know, Iowa Hawkeye fucking barbecue thing, the tent that they were going to. I have no idea. But we would die and laugh and they have one conversation with Joe like to hate the mind keeping it down a little bit and Joe just gave him the death fucking, you know, the 600 yards stare. And that was it. They just fucking left. So that problem was solved. And we were throwing the football around. I remembered everything but forgot the bacon and what's his face law had was able to call an audible and he had some bison meter something like that and bacon grease figure that one out.

I don't know how the fuck he did it. But yeah, everything was going great. I was throwing the football around. And then at some point I was just so fucking hammered that I fell down and I was one of those drunk falls where it took me like 17. I started falling and it took like 17 seconds for me to fall. And the entire time I was saying, I'm sorry. It's now known. Yeah, it's now known as the I'm sorry fall.

And it took me so long to fall that just about everybody at the tailgate saw it. And I think if what happened was I was standing. Why had had this tent, you know, one of those four posted 10 things I was standing underneath it and unbeknownst to me was right behind me was my cooler and all the other coolers and all the bags of groceries sort of sprinkled out right. And I was talking and I did an about face to start walking and immediately tripped over the first cooler. All right. And as I was trying to get my leg to an open area without stepping on hamburger buns, I just, you know, there wasn't any space to put my feet down. And I was doing like it was almost like a wide receiver after they catch a football and they try to stay in bounds and dance down the sidelines. I was doing that, but in between condiments and food and shit like that.

And I just, I never regained my balance, but I didn't go down for like, I swear to God, it was probably real time was probably like a four second fall, but that's a long time. You know, if you just fall, bam, you're on the ground. You know, and under a second, right, I would think, depending unless you're really short and you get there a little quicker. So I just kept going, sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And right is like my buddy Nate came over to try and stop me from falling. I just, I fucking landed on my back and I twisted my left knee and I hear the whole place laughing and I was laughing. Evidently, my last step, I stepped in some avocado and slipped on that and I just fucking went down like just thud right on my back. I landed like a wrestler, so it didn't even hurt where it was just my entire backside hit the ground at the same time.

And I remember talking about it later and I was like, yeah, but I didn't spill my drink. I didn't spill my drink. And everybody's like, yeah, you did, you did. You spilled it all over the front of your jacket. So then I remember getting the apple pies out. I remember the brisket and the ribs being done and those were delicious. Lawhead killing it as always. And then I think I smoked a cigar next.

Yeah, I smoked a cigar and then we had the apple pies and everybody freaked out. They loved them. And then I was, yeah, then I smoked a cigar and I was like, all right, I got a fucking sober up here because in six hours the game will be over and we'll be done. And then I got a drive. So, uh, fuck, hang on a second, hang on. All right, I'm back. Sorry about that. It blew my fucking nose.

So anyway, so then we get into the, we get into the game and I still don't know his fucking name because I was hammered. The running back for Stanford just was right as we got into the stadium. He already ran for a touchdown and then it was just like, it was like a fucking Hollywood movie. They couldn't stop this kid. The kid even had another one. He ran like 70 yards for a touchdown. They had to bring it back. They just couldn't fucking get the kid down.

Um, and before you knew it, it was like 28 to nothing, 28 to nothing. Then it was 35 to nothing. And we still had like half, half of the second quarter that the fucking game was just over. It still was the worst Rose Bowl game as far as being competitive that I've been to slash the greatest individual performance I've ever seen. We got to see that kid. He set the record for the most all-purpose yards ever in a Rose Bowl. Um, and this is the granddaddy of a mall. It's the original Rose, uh, the original, uh, I guess bowl game.

Um, even though the Yale bowl is the original bowl stadium. Figure that one out. Anyways, um, so we got to see that. And fortunately during halftime, I didn't have to watch the Stanford band, um, which by the way is just, I mean, could you, could they be more of a bunch of hipsters? The whole thing, it's like they're mocking the halftime show yet not showing how you can improve it. So there's like no risk. You just sort of mocking the whole fucking thing. Like, which is to me, classic hipster behavior.

Uh, to me, that's the difference between nerds and hipsters. You know what I mean? It's like, all right. So you think what the, the standard way that a halftime show is done is too rigid. So you guys are going to, I just hate how the whole thing is done. Oh, these guys are crazy. Oh, look at the guy with the fucking rainbow wig playing the drum. Oh, what's he going to do?

The whole thing is fucking dumb. And then I just thought it was a badly made California look bad when they made fun of the Iowa people with the whole, uh, you know, farmers only. And once again, I don't know. I don't know anybody in the Stanford band, but it just seems like that classic. I live near an ocean there for them smarter than you. There's something about people live on the coast with their whole attitude towards the middle of the country. It's the funniest fucking thing ever to me. Like fly over state and blah, blah, blah, blah and all that.

It's like those fucking people that you're sitting there making fun of, you know, like farmers only. Why don't you go out there and go fuck your sister? It's like, you mean the people who, who grow the food supply for this country? You fucking dope. What are you doing with your flute? Oh, look at the cool kid with the clarinet. I don't know. I thought it was a hacky joke and, um, I don't know.

You know what I mean? Look, if you guys would, you know, just decided to trash one another, then it would be funny. But it just kind of comes off like, uh, it's like when Ricky Gervais does that shit at the golden globes. You know what I mean? He hires a staff of writers to write roast jokes aimed at people who showed up with acceptance speeches. And it's just, oh gee, did you win that one? What are you going to do next? Slap an ice cream out of a five year old hand?

Just, I don't know. It's the same thing with that. I thought it was douchey behavior, but fortunately I missed all of it. You know, and you come out with your paper mache cow, it'll be epic. Uh, kill yourselves. It'd be one thing if Stanford ever actually put on a good halftime show like, wow, this band is next level. I get why they're trying to break the whole fucking format of it. If you actually watch, uh, the competitions of the best fucking college bands out there,

their fucking drum lines alone would destroy anyone in that band. So, uh, you know, I don't know. Every once in a while I'm a fucking conservative and I'm a conservative on that one. I just kind of fucking made an ass of yourself. But anyways, I just hate the deliberately bad dancing that they do. I think if you're going to mock dancing, you should be able to dance well. You know, to just suck at it and then be like making fun of it. And then you just fucking like, all right.

Yeah. Yeah. Just like we thought, yeah, you don't have any talent. Fuck the Stanford band. I love their football program though. Anyways, uh, so while all of that was going on, all that, that fucking nauseating hipster behavior. Uh, the looks on their faces, like everyone in the crowd is like their mind is blown. Like, oh my God, what's going on? It's the fuck you're in the band.

You're playing the fucking triangle out there. You're not a rebel. You're not freaking anybody out. Um, so anyways, uh, we actually went out to the concession stand and, um, you know, just standing the whole fucking halftime. We're standing this in this, in this line and we actually missed the first three minutes of the, uh, the third quarter. And I'm standing in this line. It's comedian Sean Quinn from Philly.

He's fucking hilarious. Right. So we get all the way up there and, uh, I ordered a pretzel and a water and he ordered a pretzel and something else. And, uh, I'm fucking coming around. He's still drinking. You know, he doesn't have to drive. So he's still fucking drinking during the game and they hand him the pretzel and he proceeds after we waited a half an hour for our food. She hands him the pretzel and he fucking just fumbled it.

It was like a bad exchange between the quarterback and the running back. You know, they like bump into each other or the dude never quite has the ball. He never quite had the pretzel and it just goes end over end and like slow motion and falls salt side down onto the concrete where everybody's standing. He immediately bends down and picks it up and I'm looking at him and he just goes, he's like, yeah, it's all right. It's all right. I'm like, dude, you got to give that thing back. And he's like, no, it's all right. It's all right.

Right. He doesn't give a fuck. So I'm dying laugh like this guy's a maniac. It's like people walking in and out of restrooms and then coming over here standing in this food line. He out of your fucking mind, but I'm still kind of drunk. So then I go over. We were putting mustard on the pretzel and then out of nowhere. Fucking lion shows up and he asked, he asked Sean for the piece of his pretzel and he gave it to him.

I almost fucking fainted. I was laughing so hard. Fucking thing was on the ground. I was like, it was like watching him poison him, but I couldn't say anything. I was laughing so fucking hard. So, uh, then we get, we finally get back into the, uh, finally get back into the, uh, the stadium. And then just the whole game just stopped. I mean, it was barely any scoring.

Iowa came back and scored a couple. Um, I was psyched for Verzi because he, uh, he went to Betsy, but he bet Stanford and then in the next half, he bet the over. He won both of them. So he picked up a buck 50 or something like that. And, um, I don't know, then we just ended up going back. The game was over and then we went back to, uh, the truck. We were hanging out. We got the bonfire going.

The sun was down and in the middle of having the bonfire, all of a sudden this kid comes walking by with another friend, this Iowa kid. And he just goes, he just goes, Hey, he goes, Hey, that bonfire is illegal. You can't have it. It's illegal. And right as he was probably like, go like, ha, ha, ha, I'm just fucking around the Philly guy. He goes, Oh, shut the fuck up. You're fucking blah, blah, blah. Right.

And then the kid fucking puffs up his chest. There's like 10 of us sitting here. This kid was like, uh, he was like five, six, five, seven. He comes running up to, you know, talking all this shit. And I'm just sitting there looking at him like there's fucking 10 of us here. You know, do you have an oozy? Like what, what are you doing? Right.

So it gets into it. There's back and forth. The next thing, you know, Verzi's over there and it looks like Verzi's about ready to square off with the guy because the guy kept walking away. We're like, all right, all right, whatever, whatever. And he'd be like, all right, fine, fine, fine. We'll fuck you cause we'd always had the last thing. And then we'd be like, fuck you. And it just kept going back and forth and back and forth.

And finally the guy's like 30 yards away. Verzi's talking to him and I thought like, oh, this kid's going to sucker him. So I got up over there and go, relax, relax, relax. And then all of a sudden I hear a bottle break in this fucking maniac Philly guy. Right. Fucking breaks the bottle. It's the funniest thing ever. He breaks the bottle on the pavement and he fucking, he did it way too hard.

When he brought his hand up, there was no bottle left. He just shattered the fucking thing. But then he like mined like he still had the bottle in his hand and this is the best part. The Iowa kid talking shit never flinched. So now he's pretending he had a bottle in his hand. I didn't even know what he was going to do. It was like a fucking movie. It's like, what the fuck, right?

So the dude finally goes away. He has to yell a few more fucking things and it was so ridiculous. Then we went back and we, we were sitting around and all we did for the rest of the time there was make fun of Sean and how there was no bottle left. And he actually cut his hand and we were all just sitting there going like, dude, what were you going to do? And he's like, I don't know. I don't know what I always wanted to do that. It was just fucking ridiculous. So by then, you know, actually as I was coming out of the game, I was, I was so sober.

I had already gotten into the fucking hangover. So I just started drinking waters and then had another two hot dogs and a hamburger. And I got to tell you, dude, my body was like, what the fuck? And I just drove home like with a splitting fucking headache. Stone sober, splitting fucking headache. And then by then my knee was killing me. And I was walking like I had just ridden a horse from here to fucking Massachusetts. And I was, I was shot.

I came home and I just fucking just pounded like three waters. And that was, it was during that time where I was just thinking to myself like, I'm never going to that game again. I fucking, you know, when you're out three to six weeks with a fucking knee strain because you went to a tailgate, you really got to start like looking back and like, what the fuck? But it happened to me again this year, you know, every year I'm going, you know, I'm going to go a little easy. I'm going to go easy. I want to remember as much of this tailgate as I can. Like I passed out for like an hour of it and part of it was the alcohol.

But the other part was just like, I'd only gotten three hours sleep. You know, there's only so far you can go. When you start the day off with a miller. All right, let me, but it was one of the, one of the best, one of the best fucking tailgates. And I loved hanging with fucking all the new people that came along. And I'm now, of course, obsessed with the Philly accent. It's the funniest fucking accent. You got a big, big asshole.

Everything's a John. All right, I hang on a second. Let me type in my password here so I can do a couple of reads. Come on. I love how they make you pick such a fucking difficult one that, you know, it takes me like three times to type mining because there's some capitals and then there's some not capitals. Like if someone broke into my computer, I don't understand what they would be getting. All right. Okay.

Oh, Jesus. I mean, you know, if I have the fucking energy, it usually takes, it takes me three days to get over the fucking Rose Bowl. This is the third day. All right. Oh, oh, look, we start up. Oh, me on these me on these. No more sweaty balls. Me on these me on these.

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And that's it. Mercifully, that's the last bit of reading I have to do here for the fucking week. All right. And with that, let's get to... Oh, can we talk a little NFL football for us? What da da da? Boo doo. Boo doo.

I would say the Patriots in Seattle entered the playoffs the exact opposite way. I'm going to go out on a limb. The Patriots just could not get anything going offensively. Our offensive line is just... It's fucking shattered, dude. We got nobody left. Every time Brady went to pass, there was someone in the backfield. Defense did great though.

I mean, was holding them to like 10 points for most of the fucking game. But hopefully we can get healthier. I don't see us going too deep into the playoffs this year. Seattle on the other 10. I'll tell you right now, this is a wild card team. Nobody wants to play. But you got to ask yourself, are they peaking too early? Seattle looked like world beaters.

And the way that they handled the fucking Cardinals yesterday, they made them... I mean, I don't know if the Cardinals started to come back or not. I mean, I watched the first fucking half and it looked like an NFL team playing a CFL team. Let me check out the final score here. I mean, I think it's just another phenomenal coaching job by Pete Carroll. And he's got them right... Oh, 36-6, yeah, they just destroyed him. Scoring at will, doing whatever the fuck they wanted.

You know, Arizona's special teams would look like shit. Their field goal kicker makes a couple extra points. And I don't know what the fuck was going on with them. They couldn't tackle anybody on punts or kickoffs. The only question mark I saw was Seattle. Was their kicker missed another one? And Richard Sherman's hair. That's the only thing I found.

That's the second time this year Sherman has been brought down by his hair. To the point they actually thought it was a face mask. He went down so fucking his head went down. But other than that, I was the guy a couple weeks ago thinking like, you know, Arizona and Carolina. Now, I think it's... Carolina would play Seattle at home, but I gotta tell you, Seattle doesn't give a fuck.

They've been there the last two years in a row. If they win it again this year, a lot of people are going to be like, you know, they will one play away for winning it three times in a row. That's absolute bullshit. That's absolute bullshit. You win two in a row. If you win the fucking thing, it changes your vibe. You know, defending versus bad taste in your mouth.

You know what I mean? Yeah, how long do you think Pete Carroll was able to actually get eight hours sleep after that Super Bowl? The drive that he's had to get back because they fucked that thing up. Slash Malcolm Butler made one of the greatest defensive plays of all time. There's a reason why nobody's ever won three in a row. It's hard to stay that fucking motivated, I think anyways. And I know watching the Patriots when they're defending Super Bowl champions versus just being the Patriots, which is bad enough, people want to beat you bad enough,

to be the defending Super Bowl champion, even the shit teams try hard against you. But anyways, having said all that, you know, the way Seattle's played over the last month in that last game, like they look like fucking world beaters. So and us, I don't know if we could beat the Broncos at this point with how fucking injured we are, even with their new quarterback. Yeah, that was hard to see Peyton Manning be a backup man, but he took it like a gentleman. I wonder if that was his last game. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, all right, let's get to, let's get to the fucking questions here for this week, right?

And by the way, for all the Canadian fans, I'm not ducking the fact that you guys destroyed us in that game. I just haven't seen it yet. I started to watch it yesterday. The hoopla and all of that shit. I got like a minute and a half of the game and they already scored. I'm just like, oh man, I think the final was five to one. So congratulations to your cunts. But no, I got to fix my cooler too. My cooler took a beating. Both hinges were broken as the interior strap. Thankfully, Igloo makes a repair kit. You know, it's obviously an easy repair. I got to get that fucking taken care of this week. That fucking cooler's been to every Rose Bowl. I got to fix it up here.

Who knows, maybe when I fell, I'm the one who knocked the fucking lid off the thing. All right, breakfast. Here we go. There's no way I did 45 minutes. Jesus Christ, it's flying by. All right, breakfast. Bill, I'm a father of two young children and I hold a nine to five corporate job. Don't feel bad for me though. I love my job. That's awesome. I want you to love your job. And he goes, and I don't bitch about how hard it is to be a parent. He goes, I maintain a decent diet. I was a college athlete, so I have a basic understanding of the human body. Granted, you and I spend our mornings differently. I freeze my ass off every morning for five to six months of the year. I was wondering what you do for breakfast every morning.

I don't know what you mean you freeze your ass off. What do you do? All right, you're crazy. I'm wondering what you do for breakfast every morning. And then he goes on to say, I'm always on the go and I'm not hungry right when I leave for work, which leaves me in the car and at the office for the rest of the morning. Not a lot of options beyond a banana and a coffee. It's too cold for smoothies. What's a man to do? What's your morning food routine? Well, when I'm being smart, I have two eggs over easy and I have some oatmeal with a banana and maybe some blueberries. I don't have any bread or any of that stuff.

And then between breakfast and lunch, I have an apple and then for lunch, I have turkey slices with the side salad. And then at four o'clock, I have a meat with a protein and six o'clock meat with a protein and meat with a protein. I have a protein with vegetables. My brain is shot here. I have, yeah, I have a protein with some vegetables. I have meat with a protein and then I have bread with some carbs. That's what I end up doing. And then I just, I stop eating around six, five, six is when I have my last meal and then I just drink waters after that. If I get really hungry, I just have celery with peanut butter and I got to get back to that diet

because I've been cooking up a fucking storm, bacon and all that type of stuff. And I have three goals this month. I'm going to make a quiche. I'm going to make a fucking lasagna and I'm going to make this Hunter's chicken. The last two are Mario Batali recipes and the Hunter's chicken isn't that bad. The fucking lasagna is pretty bad, but there's veal in it and I just can't, I can't get myself to eat lobster or veal. I just, just what the fuck they go through. I mean, I know the chickens and cows already have a bad enough thing, but like it just seems extra fucking cruel, boiling something alive and having something just sit in a fucking cage forever. So it's softer and tastes better when you eat. It's just, it's fucking brutal.

Anyways, alright, so what's my morning routine? Yeah, if I was you and I had to, I would eat, I would get up, I would make the time and I would at least just have some oatmeal. I mean, but I don't have kids. I mean, I just, hearing you guys talking about having kids makes me glad I don't have any. I mean, it just seems so fucking just never ending, never ending. I don't know. So I will, what do you do for breakfast? Alright, I told you I did the whole day. Yeah, if I was you have to make the time, I would definitely say that you got to make the time. And I think the best thing for working out is you do it in the morning and you just get it out of the way. And then you have a healthy breakfast and that gets you on the right track to start the day to start off the day if you're eating bad

and then try to be like, well, don't worry, I'm going to go to the gym later. The problem is with bad food is it chemically fucks your body and it makes you just want to lay down and do nothing. So if you start the day, I don't know, just do that, that the 10s. Remember I was telling you guys about the 10s? Start off was like 10 jumping jacks, 10 burpees, 10 push-ups, 10 alternating lunges, 10 sit-ups. I forget the fucking order. I haven't done it, but you can, you can look it up on the internet and find it. And then you go from 10 and then you do nine jumper jacks, nine burpees, nine push-ups, nine sit-ups, nine alternate leg jumps, nine squat jumps. And then you do eight, you go all the way down to one and then you're pretty much winded.

And then if you want to add a little more cardio to it, skip, skip rope for a round or two or three or whatever you want to fucking do. You can do that workout in like a hotel room. But that's what I would do. I would do something like that. And I would just make sure, you know, also if you really don't have time to work out, what will really help you during the day is to bring an apple and to pack a healthy lunch. Also saves you money. It also gives you more of a lunch hour because you're not driving to and from wherever the fuck you're going. You go right down to the cafeteria, you knock it out, you chill the fuck out, you know, you have something healthy in your afternoon break. And that's the biggest thing, dude. If you're not putting mistakes into your fucking mouth, you're going to get more results from your workout and you, you know, your clothes will start fitting better.

And the same way you get addicted to eating bad, salt, sugar, salt, sugar, you can get addicted to eating well, which is not where I'm at right now. All right, one trick pony. Hey, Billy Balls. My wife loved your pie crust video. Oh, by the way, you know, I tried a lot in my for my crust for the first time and it was a total game changer. The best crust I ever made. It did feel weird to smell bacon as I was making the pie crust. But thank you to everybody that suggested that who, you know, your critique really helped my pie crust. Thank you. All right, so anyways, he, this person says she's a fan of yours as well. You know, the pie crust video, she's a fan of yours as well, and it's been exposed to hours of your podcast. She likes you, Bill.

Let me lead with that. Well, here comes the big fucking slap in the face. But of course, like all great women, she still has the capacity to chop a man down at the knees. After the video, I casually said, can't wait for the next one. She responded in an oh, sweetie tone with ha ha. Well, how many of these tricks do you think he has up his sleeve? This resulted in a long discussion where I defended your potential skills and she went with the I love Bill Burr. I'm just assuming he doesn't have much more to rival this pie crust. Whether you can make a full series out of these videos or not, can you please explain to my wife that you're not a one trick pony?

And even if you are a one trick pony, it's bullshit. Not fair to assume this much. Thanks. Come back to Wisconsin. Home of corruption as seen in documentaries. Well, you know, something as you get older as a man, you understand where that's coming from. Why your wife, as you said, like all great women always have to take you out of the knees. What it is as much as you got to stop internalizing that and taking it personally. What it is is that's it's almost like a subconscious fear thing that they have.

You know what I mean? Like when they don't know you and they see you doing something, they have a positive reaction to it. Oh, look, he can make a pie crust. I bet he's going to be a great dad, right? They think shit like that. But after they get with you and then they love you and they don't want to lose you. When they see you continuing to grow as a person, they, it's, I can't even say this is a female thing. This is like a thing in general that people do in relationships is you actually hold back the person you love because you see them expanding on who they are.

And because it's something new and different and moves in a different direction. I think subconsciously a certain type of person feels insecure. So then they, they have to tether it to the ground with fucking criticism rather than encouraging the person. So I think that that's where it's coming from. But as far as addressing it, like, I will just say this as far as my cooking and baking, like, you don't just know how to make corn flakes and you can also make a pie crust. You know what I mean? Knowing how to make a pie crust takes all of your shit to the next level. Okay.

Like, no, like, no, this, because I can do that. Like back in the day, I used to look at like making like a quiche or something like that going, oh my God, that's fucking impossible to crust alone or making a turkey pot pie or anything that involves having a crust. You can add that. I recently have learned how to smoke meat. You know, I smoke ribs. I can make all of my, my, my mother before we, when we all moved out, she wrote out all of her recipes. Hand wrote them all out on cards and we have all of them and we can all cook the meals that she made when we were growing up. Like, I can make you Hungarian goulash.

And you know what else I can make the fucking noodles from scratch. I took a pasta making class. You know, as you suspected, sir, your wife has no idea what the fuck she's talking about. What it really was, it was coming from a place of insecurity and jealousy. And right now she's going to roll her eyes and be like, oh my God, blah, blah, blah. It's fucking true. You know, because that's really just like a, just like to have like that, that, oh, sweetie tone, you know, they do that shit. You know, you go out, you start looking a little too good.

You get a new, new suit, right? You're looking a little, they got a fucking, they got, they got to make a comment. They fucking do it with each other. It's hilarious. I think that's one of the main reasons that's fucking them up by the way, you know, and they always talk about the wage gap and all that. One of the biggest problems with the wage gap is not men. It's the fact that women don't get together and create businesses enough. They just don't do it because they're too busy going, look at this bitch and fucking look at her.

She's too fucking skinny. She needs to eat something. She's got on too much fuck. Oh, she knows what she's doing. You know, they don't work well together. I don't know why, but that's not our fault. I'm sure it is though. If you watch the view, I'm sure they could spin it around to us.

So yes, sir, I actually absolutely love cooking and it isn't the only trick I have up my sleeve. I could obviously make more of those, but the thing about it was, was that was a specific skill. It was for the holidays and people have suggested, well, why don't you do one on how to smoke meat? Why don't you do one about making pasta from scratch? My thing is because you could watch Mario Batali do it. You can watch champion smokers do it. So I guess what makes mine different is that I make it funny. You know, I just looked at it as a one fucking random thing that I was going to do.

But you know, now that she's been a douche about it, you know what? I'll make another one at some point, I guess. Let's see. What the fuck will I do? The turkey pot pie on the big green egg. I mean, I've watched YouTube videos of all of those. I just didn't really saw somebody do like a, is there a pie crust video? I don't know.

I just thought it'd be fun. I literally feel like I'm in a relationship right now. I'm sorry that that video annoyed you. Oh God, there's so fucking moody. Yeah, I will. I will figure out something else to make one of those. I'll do like one a year. No, it's actually give me some ideas.

Like maybe I'll do one other summer's coming. All right, you're going to show up to fourth of July is a quick fucking thing you can make. You know, maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll do it. I just don't like committing to shit like that. I love not having a job, which is why I'm a fucking comedian. I really enjoyed this whole. I work when I want to rather than being okay, we need 20 episodes of this.

All right, Thursday afternoon podcast got me laid bill. Oh, something positive. Oh, John, do you really think you could get somebody else laid? It's a fucking disease. It's probably why we die eight years earlier just because they just won't give it up. But if you get yourself out in front of it next time your wife does that to you. Sir, next time she takes you out at the knees, just come up to her and stroke the side of her face. You know, when you go out and get a new car and you go, honey, don't you think you're a little bit old for that car?

You know, does one of those things makes you feel stupid, right? Just walk up stroke the side of her face. Oh, sweetie, don't worry. I'm not going to leave you. It's okay. It's okay. I know I look good in the car. I'm sorry.

Something like that. Something creepy. All right, Bill, last week on New Year's Eve, my wife and I listened to your podcast after we put the kids to bed. We drank wine and laughed our asses off. That's great. This woke us up energized us. Just as the throwback clip came on, it appeared that we may have sex to ring in the new year. Well, boy, oh boy, not more than a few notes into the outro song.

We were going at it. It was all over just moments after the song ended. So maybe four minutes or so of ball dropping bliss. My dick thanks you for the laughs and the soundtrack. Did you guys fuck to the me under song? I don't think I needed to know that. All right. Oh, here it is.

Here it is. This is the one I wanted to read. This is this is amazing overpopulation myth. Bill, how you're doing? And I'm just checking in on your to inform you that if you go online and see for yourself how much. A arable A R A B L E farmland and resources. There actually is in the world. You'll see that there is enough to feed and home at least 100 billion people for a provable fact.

I don't know that sentence didn't make sense. Did you like voice texts? Or did you actually, this is how you actually type out sentences person goes. So anytime you hear anyone say that 7 billion people is too many people there. T H E I R either seriously misinformed and or too lazy to do some research or flat out lying through their teeth. Like our so called leaders and scientists must be. Oh, yeah, they got to be lying because you know, you can't even spell their right. Because within one to do two days of research, you can find studies that prove what I say.

It's going to take me one to two days to find it on the internet. This is fucking hilarious. One to two days to one to two days to research. You can find studies that prove what I say is true parentheses at least 100 billion. Now I know you're in the business of. Waking the masses up just like the lake great bill Hicks. No, I'm not. But do you realize how serious the situation is regarding the distraction and brainwashing as organized by big business and their controlling family owners.

So as great as I think you and your comedy are mentioning overpopulation, which is a complete myth is doing them parentheses, big corporations and the cunts who own them a big service and adding to the brainwashing. Anyway, Bill, I know you're a great man because of the subject you talk about during your shows, but please look for yourself at how much admirable. Irreble farmland. There is a and consider the fact that all food grows completely for free. Wow. All right. Well, I'll tell you this, buddy. I know I'm a moron.

So I just looked up. I looked at how many people can the earth sustain. And it says how many people can the earth support. So 10 billion people is the utmost population limit where food is concerned. That's the first one. The next one says more than 7 billion people currently on the planet compared to 3 billion in 1967. No one doesn't say. I'll just.

Well, that's a video. I don't want to watch that current population is three times the sustainable level. That's the next article. How many people can the earth sustain? I'll click on this one. I'm trying to find anything that says anything even remotely close to 100 million, 100 billion. Here's a staggering stat. According to the United Nations, the world's current population is 7.2 billion.

It's now up to 7.8 is projected to increase by 1 billion over the next 12 years, which would bring us to 9.6 billion by 2050. How can we sustain all these people on the planet? Or rather, how many people can this planet sustain? That is the question Alan Weissman explored in his latest book, Countdown. Our last best hope for a future on earth. Question mark. Jesus Christ, a bunch of conversations. A bunch of words.

How about a number? Where is the fucking number? All right. He has the chart. The next 50 years, we will need to produce as much food as it ever been consumed for an entire human history. Well, that makes sense because they'll be the most people. They'll be the most farts ever in the history of human beings. There's no fucking number there.

Sir, all I can tell you is if you see the environmental damage that 7.8 billion people did, if you're going to have 100 billion people, like, I mean, at this point in Africa, there's barely any land for wild animals. It's all like, for the most part, down in the southern part of the country, it's all like roped off. It's finite, you know what I mean? They're completely surrounded. I'd have to say that I disagree and not just by your spelling because I couldn't read half the fucking words you said even when you spelt them right. But yeah, no, there's no fucking way 100 billion people. And there's any sort of animal life left that isn't stuck in a cage.

You know what I mean? And also in this last year, I traveled to Singapore, Hong Kong and Mumbai, India, and I saw what that next level of population looked like to. And I was breathing that air. Not Singapore. Singapore was different. But Hong Kong and Mumbai, India, you could almost taste the fucking air. And it was just way too many fucking people. I can tell you that there's no way 100 billion people.

And I don't understand why I need to look it up for one to two days. Why couldn't you just send me a link? I would love for you to be right, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're not. I'm going to go with the scientists on this one. This also sounds like, you know, when people denied global warming, not to get all political, but one political party adamantly denied it for years and years and years. And now they've decades and now they finally just go, yeah, we are causing climate change, but you know what? It's too late now. So I imagine that that's what we're going to do out here.

We have a fucking methane gas leak that's been going on. And I guess that's probably it's like 10 times worse than carbon dioxide. As far as getting put into the fucking atmosphere, as far as heating it up and all that, we're completely fucked. We're fucked. We're absolutely fucked. And selfishly, I hope it doesn't happen by the end of my own life, which is the exact sort of thought process that got us into this mess to begin with. But sir, you're correct in assuming that I'm a fucking dope. And I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm just kind of going with having traveled extensively, you know, for the last 20 years on the road and watching the population increase just in this country. It's a weird thing when the population keeps looking like it's sort of leveled off.

And I don't know because there's no factories anymore. All I know is like, if you speak back in the day, if I jumped on the highway two in the afternoon, I was good. And now everywhere I go, there's like traffic and I'm just looking at these people going like, are you guys all stand up comics? Does everybody work the third shift? How the fuck are all these people out on the road? I don't even know what's going on. Do a lot of people work from home and they're all driving out to get a sandwich at that time? I don't know.

You know what? Let me look up. I heard the U.S. population is kind of leveled off, which is excited me. That's exciting to me, you know, U.S. population. Jesus Christ, Bill, can you fucking population by year? Let's do this. All right, let's see what we got here. U.S. population by year. All right, let's go back to 1997.

There was 2.7265 million. And now there's 32.07 million. So it's gone up by like 50 million. Is that enough to notice? Well, that's actually, you know, that's significant, right? That's like a 20% increase. I think I make it some points. All right, let's move on here.

All right, advice, changing high schools. Dear Bill, I'm a freshman in high school and would like to know your perspective on my situation. I currently attended a performing arts high school and major in jazz studies. That's fucking cool. I enjoyed it and all, but the first semester has passed. I found out that jazz is something I don't want to do in life. Rather than carry on with the next three years of this major, I'd rather change schools and major in something that would benefit me in the long run,

especially if I want to attend big schools like Harvard. Well, that's good, man. You've realized early on you don't like it and you got enough strength to be like, I like to communicate it. I don't want to do this and you'll need something else. It's all good so far. The problem is that in leaving my current school, I could possibly devastate the bands I'm in. Oh, Jesus, there came an ego out of nowhere and also hurt some friends.

My director has placed me in some good bands and I even get paid money for playing. I'll see you crushing it. I would feel terrible to leave my director as he has put me in a position that many others would gladly take. This question has been tearing me apart for a while. What do you think, Bill? Should I stay or should I go? Also, if I do decide to leave, do you think I should tell my friends and directors that I am or should I just go out quietly? Dude, you have to do in life what makes you happy.

If you try to make other people happy, that's all you're going to do and you're not going to be happy and then you're going to be miserable to be around. You're going to turn it to a bitter person who didn't do what they wanted to do in life and no one wants to be around that guy, all right? So, as much as it's going to hurt them, you got to leave and you got to tell them and you have to tell them why you're going to leave and just say, listen, I'm just not happy doing this. I understand that I'm lucky and that a lot of people would kill to be in my position. So, I feel that someone should at least be happy and be excited, you know?

If people desire to be in my position and I'm occupying that position and I'm not happy, I'm doing an injustice to myself and one of you guys, all right? I apologize, I'm sorry, and then that's it. And you know what? It's a great life lesson. Sometimes, you know, when you ask for what you want, people get hurt. And, you know, I don't mean you physically have to hurt them. You know, their bottom lip quivers a little bit.

That's all I'm saying. That's it. But don't go out quietly. Don't sneak out the back door. Be a man or woman about it and fucking, you know, be an adult. All right? That's it. And you should be commended for understanding that you don't like something and not just staying in it.

All right. Book recommendations. All right. Hey, Bill, not to start off by blowing smoke up your ass, but F is for family is a phenomenal show. Has me cracking up nonstop, but I digress. Well, thank you. I appreciate that.

It gives me a chance to promote the show. If you haven't watched it yet, please check out F is for Family. Evidently, we're doing great on the old Netflix there. This person says, I remember you mentioned you read Open, oh, that you read Open by Andre Agassi. So I picked it up and started reading it. It truly is one of the books that's tough to put down. Was wondering if you had any other recommendations that you've read of late.

Thanks and go fuck yourself. That comedian book that I mentioned, I have it downstairs. It's like the history of stand up comedy. Let me look it up here, which has taken me forever to get through because every time they bring up a name, I'm like, who the fuck is that guy? And then I look him up and then I'm on the internet, but it's been a, it's been a joy. The history of stand up comedy book. There it is.

All right. This is what I've been reading. It's called The Comedians. Drunks, thieves, scoundrels in the history of American comedy. Jesus Christ. How about brilliance? Do you know any geniuses in there? No, nothing, no nod to prior.

Lenny Bruce, none of that. All right. Yeah. So I would, that's what I've been reading and I don't know. I'm in another one of those modes where I'm just playing a lot of drums and I'm cooking and that type of stuff. And also feeling the pressure to put out another cooking video to shut up somebody that I never met before. How fucking ridiculous is that? I should just let it go.

You know, I should, but you know what? I'm not gonna, you know what? Maybe I'll make a fuck, I'll make a breakfast one. I made a pie one. I'll make a breakfast one. I'll make a lunch one. I'll make a dinner or a supper one. I'll do it over throughout the fucking years.

All right. That'll be all basic cooking by a basic cunt. All right. That's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. It's a brand new year. I have like two standup gigs booked because I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is going to go on with this show if we're going to get a second season.

I need to know, but I think I'm just going to start booking shit because that's how this business works. You know, if you, if you book a bunch of shit, then they just go, oh, well, let's fucking give you something right in the middle of all that other shit that you booked. If you don't book anything, then you're just going to be staring at your phone and it's never going to ring. What are you fucking witch bill unit superstitious stuff? Well, maybe I am. I have no idea. But Paul Verzi is going to try to not drink starting today until the beginning of April. And I told him that I would, I've sort of half ass committed that I would do it with him.

So I'm sort of on the wagon right now. I didn't drink last night. I don't really have any desire to do it today. I'm fucking wiped out. So we'll see. I'm going to try to see. I'll try to go as long as I can. All right.

That's it. Fuck yourself. So talk to you on Thursday.