Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-6-20

Episode Date: January 6, 2020

Bill rambles about having a temper tantrum in an Apple store, Hollywood hypocrites, and male lactation rebuttals.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, January 6, 2020, or 2020, the 2-0 to the 2-0, however the fuck you guys are saying it. What's going on? How are you? I'm going to start this podcast off with an announcement, all right? The Bill Byrt podcast is back, all right?

We're going to have two episodes a month. It's me and Byrt Kreischer. Two episodes a month with video. Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, Spotify, and wherever podcasts are available. Also, go to the All Things Comedy YouTube channel and subscribe. First clip is up this Wednesday. First new episode drops next Wednesday. What?

First clip up is this Wednesday. First new episode drops next Wednesday, January 15th. Oh, that's right, because we've done two. Sorry. Yeah, check it out. I think Byrt just hang out smoking a cigar. It's always some big, giant fucking obnoxious cigar. I love Byrt Kreischer, and I think you're going to love him too, all right?

Let's get on with the unbelievable failure that is Bill Byrt already, and I'm already talking myself in the third person, so I've even failed even more. I'm six days into a new decade, and I have continued behavior that I've been trying to get rid of since it leased. I don't think in the 90s, I realized how angry I was. In the 2000s, this entire century, I have failed fucking miserably. I'm like that franchise that gets a new fucking coach or a new goddamn draft pick, and the whole fan base gets excited, and after one game, you're like, nah, it's going to be the

exact same fucking deal. So fucking disappointing to myself. By the way, did you guys see that thing on ESPN, on Ryan Leief Jesus Christ? Fucking brutal. Fucking brutal. I got to tell you, man, like, you know, the way you fucking people go off on people, I'm talking about all UP. I'm not talking about me.

See, when I go off on somebody, it's an act, okay? I'm just air quote, joking. I'm just up there air quote, making money, air quote, being mean. Dude, the shit, I don't know. I can't make up my mind. I started to watch it, and then I fell asleep because it was late at night, but he, he, Ryan Leief goes through, if you guys, if you're fucking old and you don't, young, sorry, and you don't know, Ryan Leief was drafted number two behind Peyton Manning in 1998, the San

Diego Chargers, as always, as always, just always picking the right guy. Actually, they do pick the right guy, and then they fucking trade him away, considering they had Drew Brees, wow, they had Drew Brees, never had a shot at Peyton Manning because Colts picked first. Anyways, they picked this guy, Ryan Leief, right? And six foot five fucking big dude for the cannon arm, Washington stayed all of this shit, and he won his first two games and then had like the worst game ever he could possibly have as a QB, just about, he had one completion in a rainy game at Arrowhead

Stadium in Kansas City, and I guess he lost all his fucking confidence. And there's this classic video of him yelling at a reporter just looking like a lunatic, and it was so, I'm going to use this expression even though I don't even know what it means, it was so apropos, is that how you say it, you ever hear an expression so many fucking times you know how to use it, but you don't really know what it means? Does that mean perfect for this situation, or poignant, or this fits this? That's what it means, right? You know, it's going to be fucking great.

I'm actually going to try to actually know how to spell that and look that up. What the fuck? Hey, hey, hey, Sandy, what's the name of the fucking lady in the little vibrator speaker that you talked to? Siri. Hey, Siri, how do you spell apropo, apropo, apropo, apropo definition, okay, apropo. She remarked apropos of the initiative, it's not going to stop the abuse. What does that mean?

Wait, is this the right word? What is being relevant and opportune? Oh, are you all right? That's okay. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. 2020, I know thanks.

It was so perfect that I watched Ryan leave completely imploding and losing his shit. If you watched that thing where he yells at that fucking reporter, that was basically me at the Apple store yesterday. Some of my worst and most embarrassing behavior as a human being has happened in the Apple store. I hate that fucking store. I fucking hate that fucking company. I hate Steve Jobs.

I hate their round building. I fucking hate them and I buy all their products because there's no way out. It's like those poor fucking people who go to Dubai to get a construction job and they confiscate, is that how you say it, confiscate, confiscate, confiscate your fucking passport and then you become a slave. I am a slave to their fucking product. I don't know how to fucking get out of it. If I get out of it, I literally cut myself off from three quarters of fucking humanity.

I fucking hate those people. I hate that fucking company. Don't they like pay a major fine every year for their pollution to the environment? How they do this fucking shit. I don't even want to get going with this fucking shit. So anyways, I bought a fucking laptop, not a laptop. I bought an iPad off the round cunts for aviation purposes because they got this new software that's fucking incredible that I just wanted.

They could have it right on my fucking thigh as I'm flying and I know where the fuck everybody is around me and it's fucking amazing, all right? So anyway, so there's one for Apple and they created a fucking device, well actually they didn't. They ripped off a device. Somebody else came up with the tablet first. I don't fucking know. So all I want to do, there's Roma Zoom Zoom, sorry, all I want to, fuck is that song still

on my head. All I want to do is go on the fucking road and not bring my fucking laptop which weighs 9,000 fucking pounds, even though it doesn't compared to the old ones, but in my world it does. All right, this is just all, it's just the most, so fucking embarrassing, right? So I have this Olympus LS 100 and what I want to do is I want to fucking record a podcast and then upload it to my fucking iPad and then just get on with my streamlined life, all right?

So I have the little umbilical cord attachment, you know, what I learned yesterday, lightning to USB attachment off of my fucking laptop that I got like a year ago. So this year I buy one of the round cunts fucking tablets, I go to plug the lightning to USB fucking goddamn thing in and it just keeps spitting it out like a baby not wanting to eat its food. And you know, of course, like the dumb bald freckled cunt that I am, do I do this during the fucking, I don't know. I don't know how many fucking weeks I had to go do this where I wasn't going to the

airport in two hours. I decide I'm going to do this the morning I'm going to go to the airport in the afternoon LAX by the way, right? So it doesn't fit. So what do I do? Do I go? Well, I mean, I mean, that's how this company operates. I knew what this was, what I signed up with them.

They've been doing this to me. No, I didn't do that. I flipped out like this was the first time I ever experienced this county selfish, greedy fucking behavior from these fucking at them that fucking asshole fucking company right up there with the cruise ships, how they pull into port and just leave the fucking thing running could give a fuck about the future of anybody. So it spits it out. And I have a Tourette moment.

So my wife, because she's a saint, she just goes, you want to just go over the apples to her and just go get the attachment you need. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what happened before that we called it. I called up the fucking this, this bootleg Apple fucking place to see if they have it. And of course, I don't know what it is that I want. I'm going like, I got a, I, yeah, hey, I have a, I, I got a. I got a, I have a iPad. This is me trying to explain fucking the Star Trek shit from nowadays.

And I'm like, I need, do you have that attachment where I can plug like a fucking external DVD, you know, right into the, she's like, I'm sorry, I don't have something for a DVD that just, and I was like, just forget I said DVD, forget I said that the thing so I can plug in like I'm on a podcast and she just, we don't, I don't just, can you hang on a second? She came back. I knew she had what I needed. I just didn't know what the word was for it. And she just kept saying, we don't have it.

And I just hung up on her. I hung up on her because I didn't know what the thing that I use every twice a fucking week was called. So of course it wasn't my fault. It was her fault. And I was saying things like DVD player to a young person, which is like me saying butter churner. I'm trying to hook this butter churner into my fucking, you know, the flat thing.

It's like a, it's like a laptop, but it doesn't have a keyboard, but you can get one except you have to have a password. And then you'll forget what that thing is. And then you'll just wake up staring at it, knowing that you have all the technology you need and you have no fucking idea how to figure out how to get the password for a fucking keyboard. That's one of those things. So that conversation ended in failure.

And then I just said, fuck it. I'm just going to bring this fucking thing. I mean, most of my anger had to do with the fact that I was leaving my wife and cake for a week. So we ended up going down on the fucking Apple store in my class tells me, why don't you bring everything that you need that you want to plug into this fucking thing? So I brought my tablet. I bought my external DVD.

You're probably thinking like, Hey man, why are you using your external DVD? It's like, I don't know where to go to watch the movies online. I don't know. Okay. I got some screeners. I wanted to watch that movie 1917. They gave me a fucking DVD. I have an external DVD fucking thing.

I could stick it in. I could watch it on the plane and enjoy myself. Right. So I go there and I talk to this poor bastard who works there, right? You know, nice as hell. I go, how are you, sir? How are you doing? He says, great.

I said, listen, and I brought the old fucking thing that work, the old lightning to fucking USB, right? Which I learned when I got there. I go, I need this. He goes, Oh, you need a lightning to USB. I go, Oh, is that what it's called? He says, yes. So he says, that's not a problem.

And I'm like, Holy shit, I'm going to walk into this store. I met one of the geniuses. He's such a genius. He knows what this fucking freckled dummy wants. So we all walk over to the wall. By the way, I brought in everything in one of those, like, you know, those cloth things that you bring to the grocery store so you don't use plastic bags so they don't end up in the ocean around some fucking poor fish's head, erupting nose or some turtle, whatever

the fuck happens. Right. So I got all my shit in there. Right. So the guy goes over and he goes, Yeah, we have one of those. And I'm like, Oh my God, it's going to work out. It's finally bill Burr and technology are finally going to have a good day. Right.

And guys, I know this is all my fucking fault. Okay. I mean, the pollutant environment thing is on the round cuts, but like, I know that if I just took the fucking time, if I did this shit on any level, fucking interest me, if I actually just took the time to fit, I could do this. You have to understand in my house, I don't know how to use the DVD player. I don't know how to get to Apple TV. I don't know how to do anything.

I just, I yell upstairs. I'm like, Nia, how do I get the fucking? She stomps down the fucking stairs and she just does it for me. All right. She's doing everything. When it comes to technology, it's, it's, she might as well just be like feeding me like, like soup. I don't know, right?

So my thing is, is once I learn how to do something, I memorize it. Okay. There's no understanding. It's just straight memorization. And then what happens is some new system comes along or some new fucking thing. And then I have to learn it all over again. And then that's when it goes off the rails. All right.

I, I fucking hate this shit. All right. Um, I bought that fucking Prius, okay. In 2007. All right. October 2007. So a little over 12 years ago, guess what? It still fucking works.

I can still get in it, push the button. It still turns on and still does what the fuck it's supposed to do. This shit, this apple shit doesn't, this apple shit works for 18 months. Okay. And then it's like you're putting out a disco record in 1982 and wondering why it didn't get on the charts. That's what I fucking hate. You spend 3000 to 3000 fucking dollars to these motherfuckers and for something that's

going to last for 18 fucking months before it's going to start slowing down. You know, you ever see a killer whales, like going after a fucking whale and they just chase it until it gets tired. Then they bite its fucking tongue out and they watch it fucking bleed to death. That's what it's like buying one of these fucking things. The second you get it, those fucking nerds and that round building are working as fast as humanly possible to make what the fuck you just made completely fucking useless. So we go over to the wall in the round cut store, right?

And he's, oh yeah, we got that. We got that. And I'm like, oh my God, it's going to happen. It's going to happen. And then he's looking and he's looking and he starts making a face and I'm like, oh no, don't do this to me. You know, come on, you know, it's like I'm a Chargers fan. Please, please pick the right guy.

Please pick the right guy in the draft. Please don't fucking trade him away once you pick him, please, right? And he goes, oh, I know we have, I just, and I'm going, come on, man, you're a huge store. I know you have this. I'm trying to put good vibes out, all right? Well, my entire being is going, Bill, just pack up your laptop, pack up your external DVD, say goodbye to this nice young man and just walk out of the store because this shit never fucking works out for you.

And I'm like, no, don't pack up because then you're putting it out to the universe that this isn't going to work out. All right. So for three seconds, I was able to hold my temper while this guy is now calling the back of the fucking store to find the lightning to USB fucking stupid thing that I need for my fucking goddamn laptop. I mean, sorry for my tablet. And I don't, I don't really remember what happened next.

I somehow just said, I said, I never, I'm muttering to myself, never fucking cocksuck and fucking fails. I hate this fucking thing, you know, people, you know, as they're looking at new tablets are glancing over their shoulder, like why, what is going on with this guy? So I start aggressively putting my, my, my fucking iPad in, boom, through that in the bag, fucking DVD playing, boom, put that in the bag. And I must have thrown something else in the bag. I don't know what, and I picked the bag up and underneath my bag, unbeknownst to me was

my cell phone, okay? And the screen is now cracked in three different fucking places. And right as I'm taking in, trying to figure out how the fuck it was like a magic trick, like how the fuck did my fucking cell phone screen get cracked like that, correct? As I'm taking in that information, because I didn't realize cause I was so mad in the moment that I just did that. I just picked the bag up and I was like, why the fuck is the screen all cracked? As I said that, the Apple genius guy goes, oh yeah, we have one of those cords in the

back. So now I got what I wanted and I just created a new problem. I said, ah, fuck, I just cracked my fucking screen. The guy's like, oh man, I go, now I need a new phone, right? He goes, well, we can fix the screen. I go, how long does that take? He goes, oh, there's no telling today. We're really busy.

I go, I got to be on a plane in two hours. He goes, you want to get a new phone? It's like, I don't want to get a new fucking phone. And then I'm just sitting there and he, and then the cord comes out and I'm just going like, you know, I, and I literally say to this poor kid, I go, you know what? I go, I absolutely fucking hate this fucking company. I never have a good experience when I'm, I'm, I'm getting mad at him because I, if I had just waited another three fucking seconds, if I had just fucking waited, I wouldn't have

been in this situation, right? But that's not how I'm fucking wired. So I fucking actually went in there. They had what I needed. I just didn't have the fucking patience to wait three fucking seconds. And then the process is a 51 year old man had a temper tantrum at a mall at 51. It broke the fucking screen of my cell phone in three places before this kid went and got me what the fuck I needed.

And I'm fucking flipping out. I wasn't yelling. I was just fucking cock sucking motherfucker. You guys know, I said, do you know that you guys play this fucking fine against the fucking if I was just looking at me and he was so cool going, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. He was the coolest dude ever. There was two other fucking people there looking over at me whispering.

So I fucking walk out with all this technology in this fucking bag and my busted cell phone with the cord that I now need and I come walk it out. My wife's there with my kid and she's going, do they have what you need? I said, yes, they did. And she's looking at me. Then why do you have that look on your face? It's like, oh, because I smashed up my fucking cell phone. And then, you know, and then, you know, I dropped an F bond and then my little kid looks at

me. She goes, dad, don't say that. Don't say that. I go, you're right, buddy. You're right, buddy. And then she starts giving me a dad. You have to be nice to people. You cannot.

She starts giving me a lecture, right? And I'm having to walk away from my own daughter because I'm so fucking mad. And I don't even know who at this point. And I don't want to be upset in front of my kid, you know, and I'm at this fucking mall where they've always played like Tony Bennett and Sinatra like, that's life. That's what beats the summer wind. I play in all these fucking songs as I am fucking whispering, cursing under my breath, walking by Santa's house that they're slowly taking apart in the Christmas tree that they

haven't taken down yet to get back in the fucking car. And I'm trying to find the humor of it, right? So we get back to the house. My car's coming to pick me up in about 45 minutes and I take out my lightning to USB. I plug it in to my tablet. It does not spit it out like a toddler. And I'm thinking like, okay, at least I have this. I then plug in my Olympus 100.

It shows up nowhere. I can't find it. So I look for finder to click on, because that's what I do on my laptop. It shows up nowhere. I can't find it. So now I have to go on my fucking laptop and look up how the fuck do you, where the fuck is the finder? There's no information, meaning there is no finder on the, and, and, and I call up Andrew

Temmless, the nice young man who does the show. And I call him up and he goes, hello. And I'm like, Andrew, I fucking, how the fuck do you fucking upload a cock sucking mother fucking cuntie mother fucking cunt fucking cunt cunt cunt fucking podcast. And he's laughing. God, God bless him. He just starts laughing and he tried to help me out and it didn't work. And I, and I had to bring my laptop anyways.

And then I'm going to the airport with my fuck. I wish I could take a fucking picture of my fucking, there's like three stars with the spider web cracks, each of them for each piece of technology that I threw back in the bag. One of them's the laptop. One of them's the external DVD and I don't know what the last fucking thing was. Maybe one of them bounced. I have no fucking idea. So now I am in Memphis, Tennessee with my laptop and my cracked cell phone.

And I have to go to the Apple store today and I'm going to, and, and my goal is just to walk in there and just, I guess basically just try to maintain my fucking composure. I cannot, I cannot fucking believe I am this fucking old and this is a problem that I have been working on since I probably, probably, I don't know, 33 or 34 is when I realized that I had a fucking problem and I am like 20 years down the fucking road almost and I had a meltdown that I would have fucking had when I was 33, zero improvement. You know, like a fucking franchise that just, it just, it's never going to make the fucking playoffs.

They're never going to do anything right. They're just never going to fucking get it, unreal, unfucking real. My apologies to that kid who works in anybody else who heard me at the fucking Apple store. I wasn't screaming. I was just fucking cock, suck, and motherfucking, just doing that like, what the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with me? So that happened, all right? And I think if I'm honest with myself, most of it had to do, no, that's not, I can't even

blame it on the fact that I was going to be missing my family this week on the road. It really wasn't that. I would have done that on a sunny fucking Saturday if I just hit the fucking lottery. I would have done the same goddamn thing anyway. So there you go. All right, let's talk, let's talk sports here. I'm going to go hockey first. The Bruins lost.

Why did I rate the Flyers? We didn't lose to the Flyers. We lost to the fucking Edmonton Oilers. And I love the Bruins and I love this team, but I got to tell you something. I'm seeing the same. We have not solved the fucking problem that I feel caused us to lose to the unbelievably less talented St. Louis Blues, which is we do not hold anybody accountable when they take liberties against our team.

That dude on Edmonton, Leon, was it dry saddle? However you say his name, he's a fucking great player. He came out and on one of his first shifts of the game, he elbows Tory Krug right in the side of the fucking head. The smallest guy in the team and one of our best players. He goes down. Nobody goes over. All right, we don't have a Sean Thornton.

We don't have a Lou Cheech. We don't have an Adam McQuaid. Nobody goes over and holds this guy accountable. He goes off two minutes for elbowing. He gets out of the penalty box. He goes right back out on the ice and face washes fucking Tory Krug again. The end of a play, you know, with a skirmish in front. He fucking does it again and nobody grabbed that guy by the back of his neck and beat

him down to the fucking ice to be like, Hey, you're in the TD Bank North Garden. You don't do that. There was nothing. There was nothing. And I just, we, I don't know why we got to get somebody. I was hoping, I don't know why I was hoping that kid John Moore was going to do something like that. Cause he just, that's just an old school name.

John Moore, you know, his name isn't Dakota or fucking, and I don't know what the fuck they call kids nowadays. Like all the wreck John, Bob, Bill, Mike, like I think feel like all those names are gone. John Moore, that just sounds like some kid I would have drank with outside, you know, in the woods. So I was hoping maybe he would do something. And I just, nothing happened.

And that's, I don't, maybe I'm just an old school hockey fan. I just think that that is going to be a fucking problem. Cause other than that, I love the team. I think we have like, you know, we have two great lines and I think our third line and fourth line that they're fucking, they all play well. All get the puck on the net, all flying down, we got some great young talent and all that. I'm really, you know, now that I got this test behind me, I'm really fucking watching them.

And I'll tell you right now, if you're a fucking hockey fan, I've said this before that daily face off where they have like the line combinations. I mean, you already know your team, you just put up the other team's team and it's great because you can kind of look to see if it's their first line. I mean, they got a superstar like, you know, you know, McDavid or something like that. Obviously, you know that that's like the first line, but some of these other shit bomb teams where you don't know anybody on the fucking team, you know, or everybody on their team is like from fucking Finland or Russia.

So you can't, you can't tell one name from the other daily face off. You click on a line combinations. It's the best way. It's the best way to do it. So anyway, we went up one to nothing and ended up losing the game. I think four to one. I watched that game in the morning and then I watched my New England Patriots. Played the Tennessee Titans at home in a fog and the game that I kind of knew was common

came and I was not surprised, believe it or not, that we lost and it just as much as we couldn't stop the run. I mean, that's the obvious sort of way of looking at it, but the reality was, was our defense spent so much time on the fucking field this year with the, you know, our receiving court just killing drives and they just would double Edelman and then these other guys just, you know, one of the great things about Bill Bella check teams is I always feel like, you know, a third round draft pick plays like a second round draft pick, a second round draft pick pays like a first round draft pick.

And that really elevates their game. And this is one of the first times I can remember where that just didn't happen. And I know it's not, well, I don't know, we've lost so many coaches. I feel like every fucking other week we were playing somebody, I mean, Vrable was the coach of Tennessee, you know, Matt Patricia's at fucking Detroit, Romeo Crumel or whatever isn't fucking Houston, we're always running into somebody who used to be in our band of brothers coaching staff over there. And I just feel like, you know, was a, it was just, I don't know, what, for whatever

reason, I'm sure that talented receivers or whatever, they just couldn't, we just didn't get on the same fucking page. And I was really surprised with the amount of analysis to that they just kind of missed that. And they go, Oh, Brady looks old, it's like, he can't get in a fucking rhythm. Going three and out or maybe at one first down and going three and out. It's like, why the fuck you would choose to look at him like he was the fucking problem? You know, our offensive line could have been a little bit better. I'm just saying some of the shit that people already know.

But I just, I don't know, it was, you know, it's always tough to see your team lose. But the other side is, is I was really afraid that we were going to beat the Titans and then this subpar team was going to limp into Kansas City and then Kansas City was going to get their revenge and they were going to sit there and talk shit like they built, beat a New England Patriot team that we've come to know and love, if you're me, they didn't. So I love a first round loss. Okay. If my team's going to lose, give me two to the back of the head. All right.

Don't fucking get me all the way to the big dance. And then I have to sit there in the longest fucking game of the year, the Super Bowl. Did you fucking see they have JLo and Shakira, not Shakira this year, JLo next year. They have JLo and Shakira. How fucking long is this halftime show going to be? There is no fucking way that they did not squeeze in an extra commercial fucking break. I cannot fucking believe the greed of the NFL. I actually, I can, they don't give a fuck.

I actually, you want to hear a conspiracy theory? I have congratulations, by the way, to the Tennessee Titans band. You played a great game and I'm very excited now to just watch the playoffs. My team's out of it. I don't have to die a thousand fucking deaths on every fucking play. I can just sit there and enjoy it. And I really like all the teams that are left. So I gotta be honest with you, there's really no team that I fucking hate anymore.

It's kind of weird. So anyway, here's my conspiracy theory. I think that the fucking prevent defense. This is a real, this is a fucking long one here, people. This is like, as far as like, this is a high, like the amount of people that would have to be involved. I feel at one point when all the NFL owners got together and said, Hey man, I know that we all share the same sadness here is that we're all only worth nine figures.

You know, and every day we have to deal with that we're only hundred millionaires, right, worth over a hundred million dollars each. And that's something that that's a sadness that only we can appreciate as owners of NFL franchises. And we need to do something here so we can all become billionaires or multi billionaires, whatever the fuck they were at. I just think that they when they were looking at their ratings, which is where they make their money advertising and all that bullshit TV contracts.

So many fucking games were over by the fucking mid third quarter back in the day. They were just the game was fucking over. And I just think they were like, what is what is a way that we could have games be the closest they could possibly be for the longest amount of time. So fans are still watching so the ratings don't drop off in the fourth quarter or whatever. And that's when I think they went to the coaches or when they came up with the prevent defense. And then no football game was ever over. You couldn't be up by enough fucking points.

No matter what, the other team always had a fucking shot. There was that. And then they just made all of these fucking rule changes where it's just like, like the amount of people looking at clowny when he hit that fucking quarterback, like that was this dirty thing. He should be out of the fucking league and all of that shit is like, that was just a fucking hit back in the day. All right.

And these fucking quarterbacks have taken advantage of the fact that they're treated like the hot chick at the bar and the amount of times that they pretend to fucking slide and then continue to run for another seven yards because the defensive back or the linebacker pulled up because he doesn't want to get a flag and they take advantage of that shit. I had no problem with that fucking hit granted. I didn't have to take the hit, but it's like, if you're going to start running down the field like a fucking quarterback and you're

not going to give yourself up and you're going to dive forward, then that's going to fucking happen. He maybe didn't have to go after his head. It did kind of look like a little bit like a spear or whatever, but like, I don't know, some of these fucking guys, I mean, that fucking hit there back in the day that that just would have been on NFL films. And they would just talk about how fucking the quarterback took a hit. And here's another thing too, that quarterback wouldn't have left the game.

They didn't have this little Cub Scout tent that you went into back in the day when somebody hit you like that. They went out, they got the spelling salts and they said, hey, fuck oh, we got the ball back. You ready to go back in? And he'd be like, yeah, yeah. He just fucking would go back in and you'd walk into the defensive huddle and they would push you out and you'd go back into the right huddle and that would be it.

So anyway, my Super Bowl picks are still alive. Sneaky Pete Carroll and your Seattle Seahawks. Some of the biggest cheaters in the NFL who never get shit for it. You want steroids. You want a fucking stadium that makes their fans sound loud. Whatever the fuck you, you want practicing with pads before you're supposed to be proud, whatever fucking rule they can break up there in Seattle. I guess everybody feels bad because it always rains up there so they don't pay attention.

Fuck performance enhancing drugs. This team was trying to steal signs. That's way worse because they win. Anyways, the Seattle Seahawks, that's my pick. That's my pick to win the Super Bowl. I think that they're going to go into Green Bay and I think old sneaky Pete Carroll is a better coach than whoever the fuck coaches the goddamn Green Bay Packers. I don't even know who the fuck it is.

I know they got Aaron Rodgers, but I don't know that they have enough people even remotely at that guy's stratosphere as a fucking player. I don't know anything about them. I just said in November that I thought that the fucking Seahawks were going to win. So I have to stick with it and I have to fucking sit here and say that the fucking Seattle Seahawks are going to go into Lambeau Field. All right, and it's going to be like 90 below zero when they go in there. But once all those Wisconsin fatties get in there and all that blubber starts rubbing together

as they try to fucking squeeze their way into their seats, I think game time temperature is going to be just below freezing. All right. And I think that they got they got Russell Wilson. They got clowny. They got fucking you know what I'm loving too is they brought back. What's his face? They're beast mode.

All right, which is reminded me of when the Patriots had Corey Dillon and everybody thought Corey Dillon was old or whatever. And he was one of the major reasons we won the Super Bowl that year. Um, Marshawn Lynch, I think that he is going to be, uh, you know, he might be older, but I think he's just young enough where he's going to make a fucking difference. I'm hoping Jesus Christ to make a lot of goddamn noise out there. The room service here.

So I'm sticking with them. Um, Minnesota Vikings versus the New Orleans Saints. I mean, Jesus Christ, how much sage do they need to burn before those two teams meet each other in the fucking playoffs? But you can't say that because the Saints did win a Super Bowl. So I feel like the monkey is off their back. Uh, I fucking love Drew Brees. I love New Orleans.

I love the Saints. I love the, what are they? The Mercedes Benz. What are the Superdome? I love that venue. Um, I love that I'm doing two shows there, Thursday and Friday. I fucking love everything about New Orleans. I just love that fucking place.

And, um, you know, but back in the day, too, I also loved the Minnesota Vikings, the purple people leaders, and their fans have suffered. So that was a tough one because I really like both of those teams and I like both their fan bases and, um, I don't know, man, it's just a fucking shame. Somebody's got to fucking lose. Vikings win that fucking game. Did anybody see Nick Schwartzson's video? You got to see it on Twitter when the Vikings won.

That guy makes me fucking laugh like nobody. It's just a quick video of him celebrating and he's a fucking lunatic sports fan. So that made me happy for the Vikings. God damn Saints, man. That was the one when I was thinking like, fuck, I picked this. I picked the fucking Seattle Seahawks and I forgot about the New Orleans Saints. The Vikings go in there. They go into the prevent defense, right?

They had the game one. They were up by three points. They went into the prevent defense. I got a good idea. Let's go into a prevent defense against Drew, Drew, Drew Brees. Gee, do you think he's going to pick us apart and go right down the field? He only needs three points. At that point, why don't you just roll the fucking dice and just play defense?

The same fucking defense that made you go up by three points rather than just giving yourself up all the way down the fucking field. You got Drew fucking Brees. He's going to get, he gets the fucking ball of what, in the 25 yard line. And he's got to get to your 30 before what? He's in field, they're in field goal fucking range? I don't know. I know shit happened.

I know they're fucking field goal kicker. You know, we didn't miss one all year and he missed, well, it gives a fuck. I know some other things happened in that game. I don't give a shit. I know that they fucking returned to a goddamn fumble for a touchdown. It turned out that the guy was on the ground. I know that that fucking guy pushed off at the end of the game. And he did, he did fucking push off.

They've gotten fucked two years in a row. Is it because their coach wore the, the Goodell clown shirt, the Barstool clown shirt that they're not getting a fucking, any calls? I don't know what it is. I have no idea. By the way, did anybody see, I think I brought this up. Did anybody see Kevin Garnett on Bill Simmons podcast? When he was talking about the Celtics going down to play the Miami Heat?

And said that we weren't, that Celtics were not part of the NBA's agenda. I'm telling you, I think all of these fucking, specifically basketball, I think is fixed. Not fixed straight up, like we're fixing games, like that mobbed up ref who fixed games. In the NBA, I just think it is, it is manipulated as much as humanly possible. What teams they want to go into the finals, the ones that are going to get the biggest ratings, the fact that they allow these super teams and all of that shit. It's just like, uh, it's like watching a fucking reality show. Um, and there is just a rule that the Lakers can only suck for so fucking long.

Um, I don't know. I don't know. Versey brought up a great, Versey's, uh, conspiracy theory is the reason why last year when the saints did not get, you know, the pass interference call was because LA is such a huge fucking media market and the NFL for whatever reason has just failed miserably in that city. And they needed to build excitement that Los Angeles's old girlfriend, their ex-wife, the person that they got out of their life, they were getting back together with, they had to get some excitement going again.

Um, I know these conspiracy theories are crazy, but, um, I stand by the one in NBA hoop. I mean, the NBA, I mean, it's the most, it's the easiest game ever to fix. It's the only game where the fucking ref can just take stars out of the game by giving them two quick files to start the fucking game. You can't sit Brady, you know, you can't sit. I guess Connor McDavid, you could put him in the box for fucking two minutes, but I don't know. You get fouls on, you get two, three fucking fouls. You, they, you don't see the guy for another quarter.

All right, Bill, shut up. Okay, I will. Um, who else? The fucking Buffalo Bills, you know, what did the people of Buffalo do to deserve yet another game like that? They finally got a field goal kicker. The guys out there fucking crushing it, hitting 40-something yarders, whatever. They're on the upswing.

They're on the upswing. And, um, I love their quarterback and I think that they're going to do great things. And, uh, I don't know if Tom Brady's coming back next year, um, but you know, within the next couple of years, I mean, I mean, who knows what that guy, is he going to play at least 50? Um, I don't know, but assuming, um, he's going to age like a normal person and he's gone now or next year or whatever, like, uh, the AFC East is going to go back to where the fuck it was before the Patriots started their run, which was, I feel it's

going to go back into the hands of the Buffalo Bills and maybe just maybe with parody and all of that bullshit. By the way, if, if one more person sends me a tweet, I hate going, is it just me or does the guy who coached, coaches the bills look like Bill Burr? Um, it's not the joke. It's that joke structure. Please people, it's 2020. Please stop using the prefix.

Is it just me? That's right up there with, I know what you're thinking. Why did George Bush fuck Ruth Buzzy? You know, that was like the classic hacky comedian joke when you'd go up on stage to say somebody that you look like, you know, uh, why, I know what you're thinking. Why, why does this guy look like Ron Howard with AIDS? You know, it was always that, you know, is it just me or blunt? I always hated is it just me because I always felt like clever comics would use that.

You know, is it just, am I the only one who thought this brilliant analogy? Um, having said that, uh, yeah, I think me and that guy do look a lot alike. I feel like that that guy is losing in the comparison because he's, I don't know. He's, uh, I'd say he's a little better looking. And he also coaches a professional football team. So he's winning on both sides. And I think he's doing a hell of a job up there. Um, and the AFC East is going to be there soon out rather than later.

What's that court? Is it Josh Allen? I don't know who the fuck it is, but, um, I don't know. I think, I think they got, I think they got, I think they think the first legit fucking dude, um, since Jim Kelly. So, uh, I think that's it. I don't know. I was too busy running around trying to do family shit and then to get a

lightning to USB to watch any of those fucking football games in their entirety. Um, who was the early NFC game? On the far way, wait, wait, you had the saints versus the fucking Vikings. The Vikings win. And then what was the other game? Oh, Seattle versus the fucking Eagles, the Eagles, the Buffalo bills of the fucking NFC. I can't say that. I shouldn't say that because they also want a fucking Super Bowl.

So the monkeys off there back to, and they beat my team. So I should shut the fuck up. All right. There you go. There's your NFL playoffs. So next week, next week, um, oh my God, did I do 48 fucking? I haven't done, I haven't even run any goddamn advertisements or anything like that yet. Well, it gives a shit.

Who gives a shit? Well, you guys, you don't listen to this thing for the fucking advertising, do you? All right. NFL playoffs schedule, lightning to USB. All right. The Vikings are going into not even San Francisco, not even San Jose, the San something or other, wherever the fuck their stadium is to play the San Francisco 49ers. Now who are the 49ers?

Are the 49ers the team you saw for the whole year? Up until December when they started giving up 30, 40 points a game until the last game of the year when they really needed to buckle down and they shut down the fucking Seattle Seahawks. Who are, who the fuck are they? I don't know. A lot of people are high in the 49ers. I don't fucking know. I don't know.

I don't know who they are. The Chiefs versus the Texans, that's going to be a great fucking game. JJ Watts holding down the fucking defense. They got a great quarterback. To Sean Watson, you know, against Patrick Mahomes. You know, I need more state farm commercials, by the way. Jesus Christ. You got like 58 of them.

All right. Let's go my picks. I'm going to go the obvious here. 49ers beat the Vikings. And I think the Chiefs won a real close one. I don't like their defense, but I do like them at home. All right. Ravens versus the Titans, that's an easy one.

And then I got Sneaky P. Carroll going into fucking Green Bay, right? The place where the fucking Fondue Fountain was born. You know, what a great thing to have your fucking state be all about. Cheese. You know, it's kind of funny to look at it, but when you really think about it, I mean, who doesn't like cheese? Well, I guess people with fucking sickle cell, what are the fuck? Lactose intolerance.

They don't like it. Well, you know what? They do like it. They like it so much that they fucking get the, they get the tummy ache. But will you shut up? I think just read the advertisement. All right. Here we go.

Bruins, my Bruins, my Boston Bruins got the fucking New Jersey Devils. I'm so, I haven't watched this much hockey since last year's playoffs. I'm loving that I'm back into it during the regular season. Loving that I have the fucking time to do it. All right. What do we got here? All right. Oh, look who's back.

Oh, zip. Baaaaaack! We're in it. Talk about how challenging hiring is. Well, you know what? I don't really run a business, so I don't know how to fucking do it. And Andrew, how I got Andrew Thamelis was he walked up to me and said, like, the end of the 2000s and was like, Hey, man, I really like your podcast.

I think I could make it sound better. And I was like, okay. Jesus, this is the worst ad read ever. I imagine if I ran a business, hiring would be difficult, you know, because it's just like, all right, I don't know anything about this guy. Is this guy cool or is he going to come in here and fucking shoot up the play? Oh, I can't, I can't, I'm going to have to erase that. Hey, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to,

Hey, look who's back. It's old zip recruiter. Talk about how challenging hiring is. Well, yeah, what are you a mind reader? You know, how do you get the good people? How do you go out and find them? He's going to stick a sign out there now hiring and any animal off the street can come walking in. That's not the way to do it.

It's not how the NFL draft works. You don't just go, Hey, we need some new people to play on the tape. Show up at the stadium this Wednesday at one o'clock. You don't. You go to New York and you go to the fucking draft. Well, zip recruiters, the NFL draft of hiring fucking regular people who can't catch a ball but can actually do a job in accounting.

All right. Zip recruiter makes it easy. Work in the URL once at the beginning. ziprecruiter.com slash burrow. Why did they, I don't understand why this isn't edited. Okay. Is that, is that a URL? Is that a lightning to URL URL ziprecruiter.com slash burrow. Zip, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh recruiter.

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That's brave.com slash burr and switch today. Jesus, what kind of fucking world do we live in? All right, stamps.com, everybody. Let's face it, most New Year's resolutions are hard to keep. Smash cut, Bill Burr in an Apple store. Get more exercise, save more money. Don't fucking lose your shit in an Apple store. Well, I have a resolution that's easy to keep.

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never go to the post office again. All right, we got time for a couple of reads here. Estrogen in the Impossible Burger. All right, somebody's going to go do the other side. Now, for those of you who didn't listen to last week's podcast, somebody wrote and told me the Impossible Burger has like nine, I don't know how much fucking, how much estrogen in it. To the point literally that a man would start lactating,

which my wife laughed at, said a man cannot lactate. All right, hey Billy Burger tits. Heard that guy email you about estrogen in soy. He's repeating some YouTube bullshit that has been debunked time and time again with some pretty basic science. The estrogen he talked about are plant estrogens. They don't act at all like human estrogens, and they won't impact your testosterone at all.

See, this is why I hate the food industry. I don't know who to believe. Is this coming from some fucking person in Impossible Burger? Is the other person right? Is this person right? I don't know. Consider this. Japan has the highest consumption of soy in the world,

but lower rates of estrogen facilitated breast cancer. Okay, does that mean it's because of soy? All right, also consider that cow's milk is literally hormone filled for the purpose of helping calves grow, yet people have no problem eating that shit while drinking it. Yeah, below is a link from the Mayo Clinic going more in depth. Oh God. All right, I'll post this link.

All right, hey Bill, men can lactate. Hey, oh, Billy, milk shooters. I love the podcast. Love the comedy, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. This email is in regards to the last Monday's podcast during which you and Nia were talking about the Impossible Burger. I'm not 100% certain about the science surrounding the fake burger, but I do know that men can lactate.

Nia seemed adamant to the contrary, which is common pose for her when she's triggered by people who annoy her. Oh, shut the fuck up. And it's not with me or with you. You sound triggered by her. She becomes sanctimonious, yells obscenities at the person she's annoyed with, or maybe she's just trying to be funny,

and then creates on-the-fly facts to make herself appear virtuous. Wow, you got issues, huh? And what do I do? What the fuck do I do? Am I better? Are you better? Which, by the way, makes her great to listen to on the podcast. Oh, you passive-aggressive cunt.

Anyways, here's basic lactations. Back to basic lactation 101. I thought it was lactations. He was going to talk about both male boobs. For both men and women, breast tissue contains hollow cavities called... Oh God, I can't read this shit. Alveoli. Pronounce alveoli.

Alveoli, sorry. Which are lined with milk secreting cells. The critical determination of lactation is a hormone called prolactin, which is most commonly produced by females during the milk production phase, known as galactophoresis. I love how this person wrote all the fucking sound spelling of this. I kind of killed the comedy of me trying to fucking pronounce it. But here we go.

Non-pregnant women generally have double the amount of prolactin circulating in their bodies than men, which then spikes tenfold for them during and after pregnancy. So yes, Tania's point. Females are wired to lactate based on their body's response to pregnancy. But she was completely wrong when she stated unequivocally. Dude, we get it. You're smart. Unequivocally.

Unequivocally, causing her to appear virtuous as she sanctimonious. Sanctimonious is a hack word, by the way. Now that everybody's been politicized on fucking social media. All right. So it's politicized, Bill. All right, fair enough. Okay. Ba-ba-ba-ba.

But she is completely wrong. Okay, wait. So yes, Tania's point. Females are wired to lactate based on their body's response to pregnancy. Completely wrong when she stated unequivocally. Who uses that word that men can lactate? That's like anybody who says unequivocally also says matriculated when they talk about their second stint in college.

I did my undergrad here and then matriculated. Oh, wow. How many syllables are in that word? We can absolutely, we absolutely can. Our bodies are equipped and ready to do so under extraordinary circumstances. Especially if those circumstances include a drastic boost in estrogen levels. If the Impossible Burgers study from last week has any truth to it, then it can cause men to grow breast and then secrete milk, pronounced milk.

That's funny. So to all men out there who identify as milk producers, don't listen to Nia. Strap on those breast pumps and live your bitch-tip truth. Thanks, Bill, and go fuck yourself. All right, next. Here we go. So it is possible. Well, I'll have to call her up and use words like sanctimonious and unequivocally.

No meat at the Golden Globes. Dear Billy, beat me. I love beats. I went to Australia and fell in love with that. Is it a vegetable? It's a root vegetable, Bill. It's unequivocally a sanctimonious fucking root vegetable.

All right, big fan of the podcast, but get Nia back on the show where she belongs. I know we got a kid. What are we going to do? You had recently given the Golden Globes praise for sticking to their guns by not nominating any women out of fear for getting me to. No, that's not why I did it. I just did it because it was funny that women were complaining about it. I thought it was hilarious that adults give a shit about winning a fucking trophy.

There's something unbelievably childish about it. And my favorite fucking thing ever is when somebody with their own TV show wins a fucking trophy and they still start crying talking about how difficult their life is. It's like, what more good shit has to happen to you? I still have to sit here and listen to your pain. Anyway, however, it was just announced today that they will not serve meat on the menu during the Golden Globes dinner. Their rationale was as follows, the fees will be plant-based, a decision made by the

Hollywood Foreign Press Association out of concern for global warming. Well, yeah, all the cows are out there farting. Out of all the shit Hollywood does to fuck with the planet, props in the ocean, I know, right? Blowing up shit. Oh, yeah, all the water bottles on set. Wearing clothes one fucking time and then and then throwing it out. This screams as a big publicity stunt.

Well, this is the thing about Hollywood is I don't think you'll ever find a group of people that is more up their own ass and just feels that they're smarter than any. I would even go beyond like people in DC. They're just pure fucking evil. DC is just pure fucking evil. And then Hollywood is the reaction to DC where they all just think they're so smart. They all have it figured. There's like, there's literally like people who host reality shows.

If you follow them on Twitter, they're like, they like feel that they can solve the world's problems and then they actually consider running for office. And then the fucking regular guy going down the street is so fucking dumb that they actually vote from the amount of fucking actors that have held offices. That's, I don't know. Anyways, how much fucking, but then again, Al Franken was great. I think Schwarzenegger did a great job too. I mean, you might not agree with what the fuck his politics are.

But I mean, I don't know. I think that's kind of like when you see like someone who is an actor do a good job acting. And then you see an actor do a good job as a politician. It's like, I think if you're kind of basically a smart person and you apply yourself, you know, it's not like you have to like your tone deaf and you have to go sing. You know what I mean? You just have to fucking do a job, show up, surround yourself with talent, talented people. Shut up, Bill.

All right. Sorry. All right. Anyways, out of all the shit that Hollywood does, I've already read that. Um, this screams as a big publicity stunt. 11 chefs, 120 culinary staff, 50 bartenders, 160 stewards and 250 servers. How much fucking car exhausts will it take to for all of those cunts to get there? I love this email.

I firmly believe any social responsibility from corporations. It's a bunch of bullshit case in point. Yeah, exactly. I agree with you 100%. Evidently they will be serving chilled golden beat soup topped with shaved candy, striped beats and pistachio, king oyster, mushroom, scallops and wild, uh, oh, oh, oh, sorry, air quotes, scallops. I guess they're going to be fake scallops and wild mushrooms, Zoto and vegan opera dome dessert.

Anyways, uh, after your impossible meet rant last week, I did not have a rant last week. I read somebody else's shit. Don't put that on me. I thought you'd find that entertaining and I would love to hear your thoughts. Happy New Year to you, Nia and the little one best regards from Boston. Yeah, um, listen, I'm not going to lie to you. I fucking love Los Angeles. I love show business.

It's why I'm fucking in it. But, um, you know, the same way when I watch sports where it's like, you know, if my team commits past interference, I'm not someone who says it wasn't past interference. I don't take it to that fucking level. You know what I mean? I do defend the Patriots when people say that they're cheaters. When there's, you know, you, you have like the like most like pathetic fucking stealing signs and letting air out of a ball is got to be to the saddest fucking attempts ever.

While other teams are doing steroids and all this other fucking shit in your looking past them, that's the only thing. But, you know, if you're going to sit there and say the fucking tuck rule is bullshit, 100%, I agree. It's a stupid fucking rule. Um, but it's not the Patriots fault that they came up with that fucking rule. Um, but, you know, I don't know what are you going to do? I did that year with the Steelers when they said that that they caught the ball

and scored a touchdown and they said it wasn't a fucking catch. That was bullshit. The Steelers should have won. I can fucking do that. Same way with Hollywood. Okay. Um, there's a bunch of amazing fucking people in the business that I'm in. But they're not the ones that get the attention.

It's the fucking preachy fucking people that are, I don't know, they're out there telling people how to live their lives and, and, and, and that type of shit. They seem to be the ones that get all of the fucking press or whatever. So, um, anyway, um, one of the things that I do love is that my wife does watch award shows because I always end up getting a bit out of it. It's just the, um, it's the most self-involved fucking thing. I, I, you did a good job acting. We want to give you a trophy.

It's the funniest part. I don't understand. And then like as much as everybody makes fun of Hollywood, all of you fucking assholes have, have followed suit. If you're in sales, they have the salesman award, uh, the, the best liar to old people who took their pension. They all have them. You all have your stupid fucking awards.

And I bet people go up and cry at those fucking things too. It's just what it really should be. Is it should be a way to weed out sociopaths from a fucking from a, uh, a society. I don't know what, what, who the fuck am I to fucking talk about that shit? Um, anyway, I, I'd be honest with you, I don't, I fucking hate those things. There's been a couple of times that, uh, actually, you know what? I'm completely full of shit because there's been a couple of times somebody's given me something and then I went up there and had to talk about stuff.

And then you actually started thinking about why you went into this fucking business. And it does get a little emotional. It's fucking weird. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's why I don't like award shows. I don't want to be that guy going up there and getting emotional. I think that's what it is. Oh my God, I figured it out.

It's not, it's not, uh, the award shows problem. It's my problem. Um, if you ever win anything, you got to go to the, uh, you got to go to Joe Pesciway. We don't want him for good fellas. He goes, it was an honor. Thank you. And walked away. That's the way you do it.

You don't start talking because then you're going to start thinking about getting bullied as a kid and you're just going to lose all fucking composure and make a complete fucking ass of yourself. But I do stand by the fact that to go up there and start spewing out your stupid political ideologies and shit, like, like you're actually changing somebody's opinion. Like, you know, I used to think this way about the environment. And then the third lead on full house went up there and fucking, you know, while they were holding an award, just changed my opinion.

And I've never voted the same way in election sense. All right. Election technology. Hey there, Billy ballot box. Um, that's another good one. You guys are endless, endless with these things. I just read a terrifying article and I thought I'd share it with you. Oh, thank you.

Let me get, you're going to share it with me and there's going to be no solution. This is why I don't watch the news. Hey, here's something horrific that's going to happen. If we keep doing this and there's no solution, have a nice evening. All right. And don't worry, I have no solutions. Look at that right there. Basically, there's this techno, technology firm that is vying for unlimited access to our voting systems.

It's a private firm founded on foreign soil and as a board of directors that is comprised of former CIA in Israeli intelligence. Um, the only way I can look at this shit and remain calm is I just have to look at this. Like these people are dealing with global warming and the population problem on a level that none of us could emotionally handle and they just have to take over everything. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know what it is. I just tell jokes.

I tell dick jokes and I do a podcast and I watch sports. That's what I do. All right. I stay out of this whole fucking world. All right. I can't watch the leader of our country assassinate someone from another country while simultaneously saying, I'm doing this to prevent a war and actually have people sit there and be like, yeah, man, that makes sense.

Um, how many fucking times Democrat or Republican can you see a president in trouble and then their immediate next fucking move to get the shit off of them is that they bomb someone? Is that they bomb somebody? I mean, Clinton did it trying to get out of getting caught for getting a fucking blowjob. He dropped bombs on another fucking country. And this, you know, what kills me is he can sleep at night. That's the kind of sick human being that becomes president. Drone bombing weddings, killing kids.

These are not sane people. Um, but I've never had to do the job. So maybe, you know, it takes a strong person to do something like I have no idea. Anyways, when you start reading about what this company and group is and the groups it's done work with, i.e. governments and security firms, you start to wonder why we, the American people would ever want all of this information going to people who use to use it to figure out how to control this. Well, they've always controlled this on some level.

They always have. It's just there. The technology is just it's the control is getting a little tighter. That's all. It's the same principle as the savey save fuck fuck cards from Walgreens. But then again, we, the American people haven't been briefed on this by our representatives and won't be until it's a problem. Can we please stop electing people that television tells us about?

No, you would have to have like I so recently saw there was some Democrat that was going like, you know, I like the environment. I think Americans are good people. He said all this shit that I believe in. And I was really behind the guy until the end when he said that he was going to change it. And it's like, okay, you know, I don't see a fucking weapon in your hand. I mean, it would take a full on fucking revolutions to turn a revolution to turn this fucking thing, the level of bloodshed that would have to happen to turn this fucking thing around.

I don't know. Hey, here's one you'll never hear. God bless the CIA and the Israeli intelligence. God bless them. I hope, you know, as much as what they're going to do is going to be fucked up, maybe or maybe not. I don't know. Those people have to live with whatever information.

They actually have to sit there and read that shit. Do you remember? Did you ever watch true detective the first season? And do you remember when Woody Harrelson's character looked at the video of whatever that person was doing to that child? And he just went, oh, he just fucking lost the shit. Like there's people out there trying to make the world a better place. And they have to watch shit like that.

And then somehow go to their family and try to go home to their families. So there is the other side of that. And that's the only way to fucking look at this shit or else you're going to lose your mind, you know, because what I'm going to click on this fucking link and I'm going to read about this shit and it's going to freak me the fuck out and make me think about my kid and my wife and forget fellow Americans, just fellow human beings. And it's just going to just ruin whatever amount of life I have left. I mean, you can't, human beings are unbelievably flawed.

Okay. And I am a prime example of it. And I would have no fucking idea how to try and control them. All right. And I gotta admit, for as much negativity that is out there right now, it is pretty amazing that we're able to get along as little as we do. You know, I saw this fucking article about shit that's going on in like Venezuela and they were showing all this stuff since the failed coup down there and all of that.

And I don't know. I just wish I just don't know. And every single, you know, these kids starving to death from malnutrition. And once again, the United States with economic fucking sanctions, the fact that they have to fucking play a game like that, knowing that, you know, as a president, okay, we're going to put economic sanctions and you know that you do that and you have kids of your own. And you know, by doing that, that a kid is a parent is parents are going to watch

their kid starve to death. I just, I don't know. I don't have a solution. I don't know how anything gets better, but it's just like, there has to be a fucking way as an individual that you can fucking just kind of live in your own little thing where you just go out and try to help a person in your country or whatever but like, there's just the fact that that shit is going down. The fact that we're not living in harmony with nature.

We're actually fighting it thinking we're going to win with our sandbags to hold back the ocean. You know, I don't, I don't know. I don't, well, I guess in a way we are using nature with the goop in the ground, but you just think you, why don't we use the wind in the sun more so hopefully we'll do that. I don't fucking know. See, this is why I don't read this shit because it sends me down this fucking road. All right, let's do an overrated, underrated, and then we're going to wrap this fucking up. Overrated, underrated, overrated.

You talking about your linter burger without us giving the fucking, without giving us the fucking recipe. Now, I'm, well, you know what, I, it's, it's on, it's online, but I, I gotta be honest with you, it is one of the saddest things you could ever eat. I immediately thought about wallpaper and wallpaper paste when I was trying to think about what it tastes like, but it is, you know, if you eat it without a bun and don't put any salt on it, your stomach, your tum-tum will go down. All right, underrated, eating what makes you feel good. I'm in great shape eating normally at this point in my life.

I'm looking and feeling better than when I was worried about egg yolks. And all the other bad info the 2000s gave us. Yeah, speaking of which, I'm going to go hit the gym right now. I got some, I got, you know, I got some fucking holiday poundage I need to get rid of, and Rose Bowl, wait, I need to fucking drop. All right, here's to a great year, here's to a great decade, and everybody, there's a lot of fucking depressing shit out there. All right, I don't know, I'm trying to live this life right now where I don't watch the

fucking news at all, and I try to go directly to people that need help, and I try to do something like that's my new thing, and I'm probably not doing it enough, and I could get better at it. So that's what I'm going to try to do in response to the CIA and Israeli intelligence and fucking all these people trying to spy on everybody and take more for themselves and everything. I think that's a very positive thing you can do. And yeah, just, you know, try to be a nice person, don't be a cunt. All right, go fuck yourselves, everybody.

I'll talk to you on Thursday. I'll check in on you. Go Bruins, go Celtics, go fuck yourself.