Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-7-19

Episode Date: January 7, 2019

Bill rambles about Germany, NFL playoffs, and thin privilege.

Hey what's going on? Hey what's going on? Sorry I didn't know if this thing was on. It's Bill Burn. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday January 7th 2018. What's going on? How are you? It's fucking 3 32 in the morning. And I slept a little bit, but just been having a motherfucker of a time with this jet lag over here. And you know why it is? It's because I'm not boozing. Okay, this one's for all you alcoholics out there. I'm fucking with you. People keep telling me to go get melatonin. It's a natural way to get tired. All I know is the unnatural way to get tired, which was what I always did was just the first night I tried to stay up and then I'd go out and I would

just go get I'd go booze. I have four fucking stiff drinks and just come home and pass out. And then I'd start to get acclimated to that time. I'd have to do that about three nights in a row and then I was fine. So whatever I just been. So I got to do this fucking podcast because today I'm getting on a plane and I'm flying to Estonia to do one show tonight. I'm very excited about it. I googled some pictures. First of all, Estonia. Jesus Christ. What a badass flag. That's one of those things that I collect. I don't buy a lot of touristy shit. So I just get those little flags. So I got to make sure I have time to go down and pick one of those up. Then I got Latvia the next day. This is the part of the tour where I start going to all these places I've never been to as

far as countries goes. But the last two nights I started in Cologne. I've been there before. We did Munich on Saturday and yesterday we did Offenbach and it's just been a fucking great time being over here with Verzi. Sorry, my voice is going dude. You know, I'm trying to make sure I have good shows and I don't know. I don't know what the fuck I did to it. But yesterday, I should say Saturday and Sunday we had two shows, Munich, two and Offenbach and the first fucking show was like at 3.30 p.m. This is what kills me. I've never in my career that I can really remember ever gone on stage like that. I mean at that time, I think maybe one time I was doing Hilaries in Cleveland and I did an afternoon show. But I think

that was at like four or five, I don't know, just 3.30. It was fucking weird. But I gotta tell you, the crowd was unbelievable. Munich crowds were fucking ridiculous. I mean they've all been great, but they were just like, we were in like this, I swear to God that felt like I was in like a little barn and it was like snowing out and I had to walk from the green room back outside into the snow and then back into the venue and I was just like these motherfuckers are trying to get me sick. So I had my coat on, my big stupid pom-pom hat that I got in Finland way back in the day, which has been saving my ass, that and the vitamin C packets and both shows, the crowds were just crazy good and in between shows, I ran around trying to find my daughter some sneakers,

some cool sneakers. I found this store called Early, somebody told me about and we drove over there and I bought a couple pairs of sneakers. I got her the Forrest Gump ones, the classic Nike Cortez and I made sure that I got the Velco straps so she can get a little fat fucking toddler feet in there. But it's pretty fucking cool because in the middle of the city, they had this giant, just giant wall going on. I couldn't see it, could you just literally drove by it and it was the original wall of the city for like back in the day when there was just like, you know, it was a free for all. You just sit in your village and all of a sudden some fucking assholes would just show up and just start murdering the men and raping the women and

lighting shit on fire and it was just like, like that's what people did back then. Like that was like a fucking, like something that someone aspired to. They aspired to rape and pillage and he just fucking lunatic shit. So these people, you know, wanted to survive so they would build these giant walls, I guess around their fucking villages. Then someone's trying to tell me Attila the Hun used to save the bodies from the previous village and then he'd sneak up on a village, he'd light the bodies on fire and then with like a catapult would start shooting them into the fucking village he wanted to attack. Like you're just sitting there chilling out and enjoying yourself and like all of a sudden, you know, I don't know, what was the job back then?

Some fucking coppersmith comes through the top of your fucking little hut there on fire and lands on your goddamn dinner table and that was, that was the first sign that your life was going to fucking change. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, it's crazy. And I don't know what it is about Europe. Maybe because I watched all this shit about World War Two and you know, and a lot of, you know, American history. They don't give a fuck about, you know, the whole curriculum was designed by white descendants from Europe. So that's all we fucking talked about. So you just know certain shit and of course they, you know, they dance around a lot of shit. But as I've been over here, we took the train from fucking Munich up to Offenbach.

They were like next stop, like Nuremberg. And I'm like, Nuremberg, like Nuremberg trials. For some reason, I thought that that was those trials were in France. And now that I'm getting exposed a little more to the German language, I'm like, well, obviously that's not a fucking French city. So I'm on the train and I'm texting Verzi to be like, dude, this is where they fucking tried all the Nazis, the SS and the Gestapo and shit after World War Two. And they like, they like fucking put them to death and shit, hanging them and everything. And I'm texting them and he can't fucking, you know, he's not getting service. So I'm like, Verzi, Verzi, he looks up, you know, he's a couple of seats away, you know, but out of the respect for German people, I don't

want to be like, Hey, this is where they fucking killed all the Nazis after World War Two. I walked over to him and I started to say it, but because I'm speaking English, people just look at you like, Oh, there's a fucking American. Let's judge him. Is he fat? Is he breathing through his mouth? You know, is he loud? So I just literally had to show him the text. And I'm sitting here, you know, like when you go to fucking Berlin, that's where Hitler killed himself. And part of his bunker still exists. I know they fucking destroyed most of it. Soviets did. And then they build just like an apartment building around it, you know, it's like Los Angeles, how they do that shit. They just knock shit down and they don't give a

fuck what happened. And I get it because the guy was so fucking evil, but like, I'm just like, wow, it's so fucking crazy that the German people just walk amongst all of this shit. And then I was like, wait a minute, I live in the United States of America. I go down south all the time. I can't imagine what the fuck happened right where I'm sitting when I'm sitting in a fucking waffle house. Like if that used to be like a plantation or some slave was running away and they got caught and God knows what the fuck happened. Forget about the Native Americans. So I was like, well, why the fuck? Do I only think about that shit? You know, like every time I go to Paris, like when I look at the Champs Elysees, that fucking street I just pictured when

the Nazis fucking paraded up the damn thing. When they occupied their country and when the Allied forces when they took it back. And all the French ladies banged a bunch of Americans, evidently. How come I don't think of that shit in my own country? It's just because I grew up there. It's fucked. I almost thought that would be like a weird one of those sci fi fucking movies slash horror movies. That I don't know if you just if you get them because they kind of do it, they do it on like light shit. Like if you move into a house and someone got murdered there in the 20s, right, like let me tell you something, Shay, I'm going to let you from fucking it here, right? Then all of a sudden that place is haunted. But they don't like maybe American

horror story, did it? I don't fucking know. I watch sports. But anyway, and then it's then I'm reading all of this shit. And it's like about the Nuremberg trial when I'm on the fucking train and making sure nobody's looking over my shoulder. And I'm seeing how like they had to decide how they were going to go sort of the first time, I think World War One, they tried to do it. But this is the first time they're trying to make people pay for their fucking war crimes. So, you know, FDR and fucking Churchill and all these guys are trying to figure out how they're going to go about doing it. And FDR balked at something and then he died. And then Truman came in. And it was just like, well, wait a minute. Yeah, Truman came in. And was like, no, we're going

to do that shit. So he must have still been at war with Japan. And then he goes and he drops two fucking nuclear weapons on fucking Japan. Like it was, it's like they were all fucking war criminals were sitting there firebombing Dresden and shit. There's like women and children down there. It's so I don't know. That's why I always say like to this day, I can't believe that like war is still legal. You know, slash like glorified. And I mean, I understand defending your country and shit like that if there's a fucking lunatic out there. But like, you know, who's kidding who, you know, a lot, you know, there's been a lot of iffy decisions made out there for you know, it's just a fucking land grab, you're going after oil, you know, you want you want that land because it's

it's got some water around it. I mean, that's why people go to fucking war most of the time. It seems nowadays anyways. But anyways, I don't know. Somehow that leads to me to talking about fucking thin privilege. I follow this guy, Janis Pappas on Instagram. He's like, fucking genius does all these characters and stuff. So I'm always watching him, Kyle Dunnigan, Jeff Richards, they're like my favorite, like the fucking characters they do the fucking geniuses, right? So I was watching his and he posted something about it. So I'm going, what the fuck is thin privilege? I already know I have white privilege. Evidently, I have thin privilege too. Like if it was like monopoly, and there was a stretch of little properties that were the privilege

properties, like I feel like I got some of those little greenhouses on a lot of them. So evidently, it's a privilege to be thin rather than a reward for having the discipline to push yourself away from the fucking table. You know, and I'm not I'm not talking about when you're a kid, you just some people have baby, baby fat. I was a fat fucking kid. I was like 10 pounds. You know, when I was born, I was a big fucking red Charlie Brown looking fucking baby. There's not one cute picture of me till I'm like three. And my head was literally almost the size it is right now when I was an adult, like I literally from day one look like I could fuck up a Lego city, right? And you know, but I just use that to my advantage. I'd be on the playground and people

be fucked with me because my orange hair and I just lean on them, you know, like, like a boxer, I just wear them out in the early rounds. And then I just fucking, you know, bunch of body shots and it would be over me with my big flabby freckled arms. And then somewhere in like, junior high, I just sort of leaned out like all of a sudden I grew a little bit. And and then I stopped growing. And then I was just a small skinny kid. I kind of had it all. You know, when it comes to the bullying, I was a fat kid. When I was real young, then I was but I was big. And then I became small and I was skinny. And you throw it all in there. I had orange hair. So it was kind of inevitable that I was going to end up being some sort of a fucking comedian

or something. I don't know what. But anyways, this thin privilege shit, it's like, they're like people who are thin need to fucking acknowledge, you know, it's up to you to realize how privileged you are that, you know, people don't judge you when you eat a cookie in public and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and all this shit. It's like, well, they fucking judge me when I put on a pair of shorts and look at how fucking white my legs are. You know, these fucking people, you know, it kills me about shit like that. All right, I get it. Well, you shouldn't tease fat people and make them feel bad and all that, you know, it's fucking immature and it's mean. I get it. Right. But on the other side, it's like there's no,

there's no burden of responsibility. It's something that's totally fucking curable. And I know some people literally have like food addictions and like it's a psychological thing or whatever. But you know, for most people who are fat, it's just, you're just eating too much fucking food, you know, and considering most of the goddamn world is starving. You know, it's just like, can you believe that with this train of thought, fat white people in a first world nation can literally walk around and call themselves victims? Well, you know, I don't know, all of these fucking fatties, I swear to God, that's why I did that bit on it at my last special. You need to go to some countries where the people are like really have

some problems. I mean, you can even just go on the fucking internet and read about it. You can fill a hell of a lot fucking better about yourself. You know, I was sitting there, you know, I was getting frustrated with being fucking jet lagged and shit. And these 330 in the afternoon shows, I was like, fuck man, I can't fucking sleep. And I was like feeling like I was a zombie. And I was getting all grumpy and shit. And then I could go on the internet and I'm like, wait a minute, okay, so if Nuremberg's here, where was Auschwitz, Auschwitz, I can ever say the concentration camp place, right? And it turns out it's in Poland. And I was like, well, I don't have the time, it's going to be too

far away. So I kind of googled some fucking pictures of it and shit. And I looked at it, I was like, oh my God, I could never fucking go there. I mean, literally like your fucking blood runs cold, like looking at the shit. And then they had like, you know, pictures of like piles of like kid's shoes and shit. And I'm literally buying shoes for my kid. And I'm just like going, am I really bitching that I have a 330 fucking show? Kind of a fucking asshole am I right? I think people eating fucking hot fudge Sundays ought to do that every once in a while. You know what I mean? They gotta look up a bunch of starving fucking kids in the middle of nowhere, not even the middle of nowhere in the middle of where the world for whatever reason considers

nowhere. Before you sit there and try to like figure out a new way to try and fuck up somebody's career, because that's going to be another thing. This is such a weird fucking time of so many goddamn people like they just keep trying to like, I keep looking at it like a bike race, like they try to get behind somebody who has like a legitimate complaint. Like I gotta be honest with you, the fact that white women can fucking use the term white male privilege, and they're like a white woman in the United States of America, the fact that they can somehow hop on the other side of the fence as some sort of like, underprivileged group. And I'm not saying that they don't get less than white males,

but it's just like, should I really be listening to your complaints next? Are you really going to be first in line? You actually have white privilege when it comes to complaining, because people are going to pay attention to your shit first, even though you suffer in the least. As far as my complete lack of research goes, as far as me babbling here, fucking four in the goddamn morning, you don't really, I'm not waking somebody up, mumbling here. Anyways, so I guess that's the latest thing that can get you to not fucking, I don't know, sell some tickets on the road or fucking, you know, host an award show, like whatever the fuck we're going to do. You know, it blows my mind about that whole award show scandal is I just love how

whatever was said was said around 2011. And all these adults who were well old enough, well old enough, we're plenty old enough to have gotten offended back then and made a big stink. And for some reason, it doesn't fucking come out. It's almost like they get you on something like, hold on to that card. You know what I mean? Like they're playing granny fucking water. And then they wait till you get something big enough that's going to shine a light in their cars. And then they come back and they fucking try and slam it down on the fucking table. I was out of the country, but as far as what I read, Ellen DeGeneres is cool in my book for the rest of fucking time. You know, and I thought whatever she was trying to do is the way to go

about stuff like that, where you just don't try to fucking destroy somebody, you try to get them to see your point, try to get people on your side to be like, hey, give this person another chance. You have it be open like that. You open it up to a discussion and then people just watch it and learn some shit rather than just being like, this person said this, now they can't have that. Now let's watch them fucking, you know, lose something. You know, she's just sitting there watching it for the fucking entertainment value. This is one of my favorite things to do, by the way, is to get on my fucking high horse here and preach at a quarter to four in the fucking morning, whatever fucking time it is here.

All right, let's talk NFL playoffs. I missed most of them. I was able to watch a little bit of that Eagles Bears game in German, which was pretty cool because they kept enough of the English words that I was able to, you know, kind of know what the fuck they were talking about. And I know everybody's going to get on the Bears kicker, but can somebody please explain to me why the fuck you go for a two point conversion when the Bears did that? Why not just fucking kick the goddamn thing? And then you end up losing by one. John Madden, my entire fucking life, said you take the points, you take the points, you take the points, those extra points come back to Hanya. And I know this guy, I missed it. I guess he hit a number of fucking goalposts and

hit the cross, goalposts on the crossbar on the last one I watched the highlights, but why the fuck are you going for two points there? Well, choose your only up by two. You're acting like it's the end of the game with fucking two minutes to go. There's a whole bunch of time left and I figure when it happened, the end of the third quarter, beginning of the fourth quarter, but there was plenty of fucking time where it's a complete non factor. Just take that extra fucking point. Just take the fucking thing and then see where the fuck you are with the last five minutes. Then you start playing that game. You know, everybody's going like Patrick Wanow, like pulling the fucking goalie with like 10 minutes left in the game, which for some reason actually

worked for him. So congratulations to the Eagles. Dude, Nick falls, man. And by the way, though, that Mitch Trabisky, man, had a Trabisky's idea, he had a fucking great game through for over 300 yards. I thought he was like really accurate and he was dealing with like the defending Super Bowl champions. I thought he was great. Dude, Nick falls is like that guy, you know, that guy just fucking delivers. Oh my God, Pete Carroll, Jesus Christ, the poor fucking bastard. The poor fucking bastard. Man, he's getting a ton of shit in Seattle. I guess they thought he ran the ball too much. And I don't know what happened. That field go kicker got fucking hurts and then they had to punch her in there and he has to do an onside kick. Like, why didn't he just do what

they all do? Just stick it on the tee and then he kicked the ball in a downward motion on the upper third of the fucking ball. So it pops up in the air. The guy just he fucking just fucking basically lobbed it down the field that, you know, something if Pete Carroll never won a Super Bowl and they were going to make a statue of him, it would be him with his hands on his fucking knees, just looking down at the ground in pain. He's sort of the urban Meyer of NFL coaches, you know, in that they both won, but they just have that fucking, they just have that soul crushing. Whenever I see him do that, you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of Carl Yastremski when he's backing up to the wall when Bucky

Dent hit that three run homer and you just saw his legs buckle. It just reminds me of that every time I see that shit. So I don't know, my condolences, I don't usually have condolences to Seattle fans, but I don't know, the rivalries kind of died down. Your football fans, I feel for you. I've been there and all that shit. Congratulations San Diego Chargers and I forget who played the last game. All the Colts, I guess the Colts look good and Andrew Luck is back, which is great. Deleize is presenting Kokmé with your My Deleize App. It's from now on, a board for recipes that are delicious, easy and good to buy. For those of you who are interested in something else, or are fond of classics.

Oh yeah, that was a spaghetti bolognese with delicious veal hacked. Download the My Deleize App and Kokmé. Yeah, great. Deleize, with the Gleven. Other than that, I haven't been fucking doing anything here. I should probably do some of these reads here. This podcast might be a little short because I have to get up, go to the airport. I'm already up. All right. Ah, look who's here. I can't do this read justice, everybody. I apologize. It's old Zip.

Rick Kruda. You know what? Smart. Figuring out who you need to hire to take care of your business, to take your business to the next level in 2019. You know what else is smart? Start in the new year off strong by going to zip recruiter.com slash bird to hire the right fucking people. Unlike other jobs. I wonder if now when you go to hire the right people, they should add to zip recruiter. It also goes through all your, all the tweets you've ever sent out to make sure someone's not going to be like, you know, I wanted to rent a car from this person. And then they said this tweet in 2009, making fun of people with ugly feet. I have feet that are, they wouldn't say ugly. How would they say it? I don't know.

Visually challenged. Unlike other job sites, zip recruiter finds qualified candidates for you. It's powerful matching technology scans, thousands of resumes to identify people with the right skills, education and experience and actively invites them to apply to your job. So you get qualified candidates fast. That's why zip recruiter. Yeah. It's a German version is rated number one by employers in the U S. This rating comes from hiring sites on trust pilot with over 1000 reviews. And right now my listeners can get zip recruiter for free at this exclusive website zip recruiter.com slash burr. If you love this show, show your support to it and zip recruiter by going to zip recruiter.com slash burr that zip recruiter.com slash burr out. So my voice is going out trying to

do the German guard in every movie zip recruiter the smartest way to hire. All right, policy genius. Getting life insurance is one of the more intimidating parts of becoming a full-fledged adult. It's not that bad if you have kids. It's weird if you get it and you just have your wife, you know, because then you're like, is this bitch going to kill me? Once you have the kid, you're like, I want him to be all right. Sorry, I watch a lot of those fucking first 48 and it always comes down. You know, first time murderers, so much of it comes down to life insurance. I might not selling this right well right now. I don't think I am. There are so many options. It's hard to know where to start. But making sure your family is financially

protected is too important to avoid. This is what you do. Once you get life insurance, you just sort of monitor your wife's laptop or your husband's. If they're checking out like, you know, how to dispose of a body or they're checking out when the tides go in and out, then I think you might want to put a little anendham to your policy. So policy genius creates a website that makes it easy for you to compare quotes and get advice and get covered without extra fees or commission sales agent. Motivate your audience. Talk about your experience with the product slash service. I've never used it, but I got life insurance. And now whenever I hit turbulence when I'm flying or whatever, I don't worry about it because I'm like, well, you know what,

as much as they're going to miss me, it's you know, they're going to be they're going to be all right. And the house won't be as loud. Choose one to two copy points to rotate into your spot. All right, I'll read the first two policy genius is the easy way to get life insurance and minutes you can compare quotes from top insurers to find the coverage you need at a price you can afford. From there, you can apply online and the advisors at policy genius will handle all the red tape to leave and negotiate your rate with the insurance company. It's all part of their best price guarantee. That's great because it's a shit show trying to find the right one. If you've been intimidated or frustrated by insurance in the past, try starting your search

at policy genius dot com and minutes you can compare quotes and apply. You can do the whole thing on your phone right now. Policy genius, the easiest way to compare and buy life insurance. Now fuck, how am I going to do this read justice with my voice here? Honey, you probably heard me talk about honey, the free browser extension that automatically helps me save money on all my favorite sites. But did you know that honey even makes Amazon better? And dude, fuck Amazon. Those fucking cunts. Those assholes, they throw it over the fence. They consider it delivered. There's no return address. You never can figure out who the fuck sent it to you. It's a fucking nightmare. With millions of sellers on Amazon offering

the same products, how do you know if you're really getting the best price? How the fuck do you know if it was delivered? There's no fucking phone call. You got to bring it back down to a shop and they're just well, you know, as far as we can tell it was delivered. We confirmed it. That's where honey comes in because the fucking driver said it was confirmed. Honey automatically goes to work whenever I shop on Amazon. I heard of this other shit on Amazon. I never got it. I don't know what the fuck it is. It compares the price. This is like the worst advertising read ever. It compares the prices of every seller that carries the item I want. Honey even factors in shipping sales tax and Amazon Prime status to make sure I'm getting the

lowest price. It shows me the best delivery time, even if Amazon doesn't. It's like having my very own personal shopping assistant. Of course, Amazon doesn't. You can't fucking get anybody on the phone. More than 10 million people are using honey to save money. Honey has over 100,000 five-star reviews on Google. Maybe I need honey, so Amazon will work better for me. Five-star reviews on the Google Chrome Store. Time Magazine says it's basically free money. So the next time you're in the world's biggest marketplace looking for the best deals, treat yourself to the free upgrade that makes Amazon better. Add honey for free at joinhoney.com slash bird. That's joinhoney.com slash bird. That's hilarious. I'm making fun of Amazon and everything that they don't do well.

Honey actually fixes it. So in a way, I was selling it because God knows we're all still going to use Amazon, right? All right. Last read here. Hey, my bookie, how the fuck you doing, huh? What are you doing, you fucking degenerate? NFL playoffs are here and it's time to get into the action with my bookie. Don't be that guy with no rooting interest as your relatives or friends sit around watching the game. Not this year, when the 53rd Super Bowl is around the corner. Is it really 53? Holy, I've been watching since Super Bowl 12. Fuck. It really is the most wonderful time of year. Make sure you're ready for the daily action by signing up at my bookie today. They pay fast when you win. Ownership really cares about good customer service,

and they offer the craziest props. When you bet, it's just as important as who you're betting on. Oh, where you bet, it's just as important as who you're betting on. And if you wanted to make money during the bowl season, you got to go to my bookie. I trust them, but you don't have to take my word for it. Check them out for yourself. Join now and my bookie will offer you a 50% deposit bonus to make sure you have a nice bankroll, nice fucking bankroll for bowl season. Use the promo code Burr when you deposit to activate the offer that's promo code Burr at my bookie. How the fuck you doing? You pay you when you get paid. All right. Where am I at here? 30 fucking minutes. Shit. I hope I'm not getting sick here. How much fucking vitamin CD you have

to take? You know, we grab one of these goddamn packets. I'll drink one now. Dude, this fucking hotel, I can't figure out, I can't figure out how to turn on the fucking heat. You know, but I, the one of the thing, the only thing I hate more than not being able to turn on the fucking heat is having to call down to the front desk and then they got to send somebody up. I just, I'd rather sit here and get sick. Here we go. A little bit of fucking Offenbach bottled water. Maybe I can get seltzers on my podcast to advertise a little vitamin C packet here. This is how you do it. Hey, did anybody else on Twitter see that hilarious little, I don't know, is it a GIF? Is it a picture? I don't know what the fuck you call it. You know, Bell Biv Devoe,

somebody made one that was Bell Biv and Willem Defoe. So it was Bell Biv Defoe. And that's the kind of shit. That's the kind of shit that I fucking love. I love that silly shit. All right, there we go. Christ, Bell, staring it with your finger, your fucking animal. What is wrong with you? All right, down the hatch, here we go. God, let it stop fizzing. All right, so anyways, yeah, so we go to room service. As far as I can tell, the top three things on room service in Germany are a hamburger, Wiener Schnitzel, or spaghetti. And I actually, when I was in Munich, I got some Wiener Schnitzel, which I always thought was like a fucking hot dog, but it's a pork cutlet that's breaded.

It was fucking delicious. That's what's killing me about being here in Germany, is I haven't had time to get like a proper German meal. I've just been traveling so much. And I'm never going to do ancestry.com, but as far as the names in my family tree, I know I am mostly German. I love this shit. All this fucking sausages and fucking beer and all that. It kills me. I'll tell you, the next time I come here to Germany, which I'm definitely going to do because it's been so much fun, I am going to be beyond off the wagon. I'm trying all these fucking, I'm going to book myself out here in Oktoberfest. I'm going to buy a little me on these Oktoberfest outfit and I'm going to fucking drink my ass off.

But not on this tour. Oh, Billy, no fun. It's coming up on 50 days and just being a fucking douchebag. Anyways, so let's plow ahead here. Let's read some of these fucking things for the week. Just another one about Poland. All right. Very excited to go to Poland too. Very excited to go to Berlin. All the rest of this tour is just going to be just a bunch of just a bunch of shit I've never seen. Oh, and speaking of that, guess who came out to the show last night? Guess who the fuck showed up? One of my favorite drummers, one of the greatest drummers in the world, Benny Greb, showed up with his lovely girlfriend. I hate naming names and everything, but everybody knows who the fuck he is, right? He fuck, I couldn't believe, you know, it's just,

it's unbelievable. If you're a drummer out there and you want to see somebody who possesses one of the rare things in drumming, which is incredible feel, passion, playing from the heart, combined with ridiculous chops. And the thing that I found with with drumming is when you get those chops guys, a lot of times when they play there between their ears, like they're in their head, and they have all this really intricate shit, but it's disconnected to who they are as a person. And then if you have like a groove player, you know, if they go to take a solo, if they even do, it's, you know, it's still good because it's still grooves, but it's not like the crazy, I don't know, I'm just saying those guys that have those fucking insane chops, we would think

even Buddy Rich would be going like, dude, what the fuck are you doing there? Nowadays, how far drumming has come because everybody, the internet, basically everybody's watching everybody, everybody's jamming and learning from each other. It's just so rare to meet a guy that has his chops and plays the way he does. So he does clinics all around the world, and he's got some DVDs out there and all, and there's no fucking way that you won't be tremendously changed for the better if you somehow start watching his video. So it's Benny, Benny Greb, BE and NYGREB, I believe, I'm not sure if there's two, and I can't fucking spell anything, just check them out if you can. All right, anyways,

just another one about Poland. Dear MC, run from the sun. I like that one. I am honestly thrilled that in a few days you're going to show up in my not-so-beautiful city of Warsaw. Don't tell me that. Well, I live in the not-so-beautiful city of LA, and I love it. I like how it's gritty and grimy and all that shit, you know? Sorry, drinking mofite, let me see here. Mainly because I'm honestly thrilled that you're going to be in a few days, and you're going to show up in my not-so-beautiful city of Warsaw. Mainly because I'm selling my house, and you are so white that you're rising the property value whenever you arrive. This guy's hilarious. Oh, lady, let's be fair. I don't want to thin shame

anybody or whatever the fuck you were talking about. But since you're kind enough to do one of those pussy-ass shows of yours, I will definitely come. I like this guy. He's breaking fucking balls. You are going to love Poland, as Josef Poludski used to say. It's a great nation. Only people are constant. Oh, wait a minute. Dude, is everybody as funny as you in Poland? Is this going to be another fucking country I go to where I'm just like, oh my god, these guys remind me of the people I grew up with. I felt that in Ireland. I felt it in Scotland. I felt that in India. Just that bust in shops, ball break and fucking things. It's my favorite thing in the world. Anyways, as for the city of Warsaw, well, she's not the prettiest of gals, but let's be fair.

That bitch, that bitch went through some shit. We are watching American shows, so don't worry about making your pop culture references. We're currently watching Alf. And once we figure out why those jokes are funny, we're going to move on to Frasier. Dude, can you please start doing standup or something? This is just, although this is just written really fucking funny, you can also consider renting a helicopter here since it's much cheaper than the US, although Polish helicopter is just a horse wearing a windmill hat. Ah, right. You had one fucking Polish joke there. Best wishes to your family and break your pasty leg on this tour. PS, if you're interested in Soviet block history, God knows I didn't learn about that when I was

growing up, then you should check comedian freeze love, F R E E Z L U V talking about his military service in Berlin during the Cold War. I will definitely check that out and I'll send out a link to this podcast episode here. I'll speak in which I've been having the best time with Verzi, right? And Verzi, the one thing I love about Verzi is Verzi is Verzi, okay? The way Manny was going to be Manny, Paul Verzi is Verzi. He's over here wearing his Jordan's, you know, he's got his fucking Nike tracksuit on. And we were in Cologne, Germany. Did I tell you this yet? I've told it on stage so many times. We're walking over the fucking bridge, right? In Cologne, Germany, as I mentioned, was one of the most bomb cities in World War II. So there's

not a lot of old stuff there because it just got destroyed. But they have this one beautiful church, right? So we're walking over the bridge and Verzi is going like, dude, look at that building, man. God, it's a beautiful building. Isn't that building beautiful? And I'm looking and there's this cluster of whatever buildings and in the middle of it is this amazing church. So I'm looking at the building, it's going, what in the fuck is this guy seeing? Like, what building? Because that building right there, look, it's fucking the architecture. It's beautiful. And finally figured out. I was like, dude, are you talking about the fucking church? He's like, yeah, that. Oh, no, I already told the story. I told the story on Thursday. I'm still giving him shit about that.

It's a great building. All right. Oh, by the way, Verzi, Verzi to Sicilian and Greek, he loved the Venus schnitzel too. And he's actually really enjoying Germany too, which made me happy because sometimes those Mediterranean guys, you know, they get all fucking upset about the food and there's no sunshine and shit, you know, but he's been having a great time. All right, Gypsies. Hey there, Billy bloated Bratz. I go to Romania. Oh, this is what I was talking about. We're learning that Gypsy is considered a racial slur. All right, listen to this first sentence. He goes, I go to Romania frequently for work and I'm quite versed in Gypsies and why it is a racial slur. You know what I love about

that was he still used the word Gypsy. That's like if I was in America being like, Hey everybody, when you travel to America, I've been to East St. Louis and I'm quite versed in N words and why it's a racial slur. Like I wouldn't do that. That's kind of what he just did there. First Rome, Romanians are not Gypsies. Roman people, Romanian people are descendants of Romans. I didn't know that Gypsies are people that came from Egypt. If you want to insult a Romanian person, call them a Gypsy. Gypsies stick to themselves and rob slash steal from outsiders. They will fight at the drop of a hat. I saw two old lady Gypsies fighting over which corner they were selling flowers on in the old city in Bucharest. I hope this clears it up a little.

No, it didn't. That didn't clear anything up. Now I know that Romanians are Roman and Gypsies are people are from Egypt. I do know that. And then you went on to fucking trash them in a way that I'm sure they were upset about. I don't know. Jesus Christ. Did I just get in trouble just by fucking reading that? So they got a lot of fight them. All right, what are you gonna do? I mean, I've seen, you know, this video is of two people dressed up like Santa Claus beating the fuck out of each other in my country. All right, but I didn't realize that Romanians, but almost it says Roman in there. Huh, did not know that. All right, I'll have to look a lot of

that up. Double check, which means I'm not going to do it. I'll forget about it. And then the information you just told me will be in my head. And one day I'm going to spew it out and I'm probably going to get in trouble. All right, recent breakup. Am I the asshole? Well, firstly, first of all, firstly, what two words that I just, first of all, and certainly I don't know what the fuck I'm not. Anyways, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me over something me and my family thinks is stupid. All right, so right now I'm a little nervous here. You know, your family's back in you. You know, you're not one of those fucking young kids that can do no wrong. Are you? Anyways, we are both 20 and since last February, we've been

so what generation are you? Is that generation Z? We are both 20 and since last February, we've been arguing since we invited her to my birthday dinner. And she got upset because she was expected to pay for her own meal. All right, who who might who's who's her? Is that your girlfriend? Okay, I didn't tell my parents until months later, because I didn't want to start anything. Anyway, around early December, my family asked me to invite her to come up with us to my dad's parents home on the 29th, because that's when we could celebrate Christmas with them. When I texted her, she said, am I going to have to pay for my own gas? I have ASD. I don't know what that means. So I assumed I was missing something. So I do you have like ADD to the point that you don't

have the fucking time to write ADD right now, I got to look up fucking ASD. All Saints disease ASD. You are not connected to the end. You are not a winner. All right, I don't know what the fuck that is. I don't give a shit. I'll learn about it later. I have ASD so I assumed I was missing something. So I asked my dad and he said, of course, she flipped out about it. Oh, is that ass burgers disease? Wouldn't that be ABD? Or is that anti-lock brakes? I don't fucking know. That's ABS. She flipped out about it and it became the new thing we could argue about. Her mom and her sister agree with her that it's shitty to not pay for someone's gas when you invite them someplace, but my dad's parents didn't pay for our gas. But no one, we know, asked for that. And all of our

family members, we invite to B-day dinners never complain about paying their own bill. Should I put pun not intended? I'd appreciate your advice, sir. And I'm a big fan. You seem pretty good with your response in most cases. I should note that after breaking up with me on New Year's, despite, all right, that's how he ended it. I don't understand what's going on. You guys sound like a bunch of cheap fucking assholes. Can we get on with you? If you take somebody out for their fucking birthday, you make them pay for their birthday dinner. That's fucking terrible. It's so terrible. It's like, it's hilarious. And I'm sure she didn't give a fuck about paying for her gas. She's probably alluding to the fact that you did. You made her pay for her own fucking

birthday. That's fucking hilarious. That in a lot of ways is sadder than going out to dinner by yourself for your birthday. Because at least nobody there at the restaurant knows it's your birthday. Now you're sitting there with a table full of people that know it's your birthday. And now you got a kick in. Wow. Yeah. I should probably stop short of calling you and your whole family a bunch of cheap fucks. But let's just say you're a little rough around the edges. But whatever, that's water under the bridge. I guess you need to find your soulmate, the kind of woman that doesn't mind paying for her own birthday dinner. Well, you know what, maybe you're a feminist, you know, because most guys, you know, we pay for our own shit

on our birthdays. We have to go out and go buy the big fucking fancy gift on Valentine's Day. I don't know. I can't figure that one out. And the fact that you stopped mid sentence like she fucking showed up your place and club you to death and then hit send. So the forensics couldn't figure out what time you died. Well, he did send an email. All right, lesbian dating with no spark. All right, whatever the fuck you're dating, if there's no spark, get out of it. Hey, Bill, I was wondering if you and Nia could give me some dating advice to a lady listener. Well, unfortunately, Nia's not here. So you're gonna have to deal with my dumb fucking ideas. I've been I've gone out on seven really good dates with a wonderful woman

who was essentially everything I've ever looked for in a partner. She's hilarious, witty, playful, beautiful, smart, and motivated, and good kind hearted person. Are you fucking my wife? Sorry. The way we have ridiculous witty banter reminds me of how you and Nia are on the podcast. Well, that's what reminded me when you said it. It turns out we even want all the same things in life in terms of a long term relationship. How does this go left? Did you finally get her naked and she had a dick? I mean, what is what is going on here? Wanting a family living close to parents and siblings in the same area we grew up. However, in the past few days, she's grown a little distant Jesus.

When I asked her why, she explained that although she really enjoys spending time with me, and then I've done nothing wrong, she's never felt strong, passionate feelings toward me. Okay, this is how you got to walk somebody through their feelings. Oh, good. This is never fun. I responded honestly that I have not necessarily felt that huge, passionate spark. Oh, wait a minute. I read it wrong. Oh, she said she never felt strong, passionate feelings toward me. Oh, I thought you meant she's never felt that before and she was scared that she loved you. So she's saying like, you're cool, but I'm not feeling. I responded honestly that I have not necessarily necessarily felt that huge, passionate spark with her either. Well, congratulations.

What you guys have on your hands is your fuck buddies. Okay, and now we're in an area of limbo and we don't really know where to go from here. I think it's clear that we are attracted to each other and very compatible, but there is a lack of clear chemistry between us. She has an accelerated online class for the next two weeks. So we decided to cool things down and meet again after that is finished. I think that's very wise. My question is, if you consider an emotional, passionate drive necessarily necessary for two people to be together successfully long term and how it was with you and Nia. I am personally a believer in long term love growing over time and that for passionate love in my experience,

generally follows the Newtonian rule of what comes up must always come down. Lovely wishes to you, Nia, and your little one and go fuck yourself. I think that the fact that you guys both had that really mature conversation, neither one of you feel in a spark. It's just like, you know, in the beginning, if there's the spark, there's that, that's that euphoria that you kind of chase for the rest of your relationship because, you know, you just get used to each other. And then when the love comes out, it's usually vacation, holiday, or if you've been through something together and you survived it, it brings you closer together. And then you have like these memories.

You know, like I've gone through rough periods, you know, with my wife and like having a kid just upsets the whole apple card. And you're focusing so much on the kid that you can kind of like forget to check in with each other. And you know, so what I've learned with her is we have to take like these little weekend vacations, you know, in town, just go to a hotel and it's hilarious. And then we instantly fall back in love again, and then spend the rest of the time looking at pictures of our daughter, seeing how we miss her and stuff. So I don't know, I think, because you guys have, you guys seem like you should be really good friends. But the weirdest thing is you're already banged or whatever. So I don't know how that works in the

lesbian world. But I know in the hetero world that can get weird. And it's kind of 50 50, sometimes the guy gets weird, sometimes the woman gets weird, it's just kind of weird. So I don't know, I think it's probably a good thing that you guys aren't going to see each other for a couple of weeks. And you can kind of be like, you know, because it's early on, just see where the fuck you are after two weeks. But I don't know, I think you're doing it right. I know anything about that shit, you know, which is why you probably asked me to chime in too. To be honest with you, the only way that it's going to fucking work is, is if you do have that spark in the beginning, because that sparks is what's going to make you

stay. Because if you don't have that spark, and you get married for other fucking reasons or whatever, then it's just like, you know, you see people married for money and they're sitting on a fucking yacht and they're miserable. All right, grown man sitting while pissing. Oh, Jesus Christ. One of the worst images I've ever heard. Dear Oh, Billy Blue Hills. I'm a 40 year old man with three young children. I realized the other day that over the past couple years, I've been sitting down when I piss more often than not. All right, now this is funny, because if you're doing it because you're tired, it's just fucking hilarious. I was worried that you're going to this is going to be some other progressive thing that, you know, standing piss

privileged, whatever the fuck they're going to come up next. It all started when the kids were babies, my wife would wake up to feed, and I would head down to the can like a zombie to piss, and I was too damn tired to stand and aim. Now the kids are a little older, and I'm still fucking exhausted most of the time at home, that I find myself sitting down to piss all the time. I think I'm just tired as fuck. Am I crazy to assume this is common among thing among men my age with young children? Now that you are 50, do you do the same? I can't be the only one, right? Thanks, love the podcast and go fuck yourself. No, I don't do that. The only time I ever do that is if my wife's sleeping and when we lived in smaller apartments, I didn't want to wake her up when I

was taking a piss. You know, out of consideration, I would sit down and it would always make me laugh, and I would always picture all of my friends making fun of me that I was sitting down while pissing. I think the fact that you still say pissing rather than peeing, which is one of my major pet peeves, I hate when a guy says I have to go pee. It's just I can't even tell you my body like microscopically like contorts. Oh, by the way, somebody told me it's anyway and not anyways, and I have to tell you I don't give a shit. I like saying anyways. I say it in a plural sense. No, you're probably not the only one who does it. But I will tell you that what I have learned just having one kid is how important it is

to get eight hours of really good sleep. And you shouldn't watch TV and be on your fucking phone. I've actually gone back to reading. If you consider reading sports books, reading, I try to read, but my wife, she always watches the fucking Real Housewives that tattoo parlors show, you know, any show that involves people she doesn't care about screaming at each other for some reason, she loves to watch that before she goes to bed. So I just put on these the fucking same headphones I wear when I fly on a plane. So I can't hear people and I just read the fucking book. But anyways, I think maybe if you get eight hours sleep,

you know, you hit the gym a little bit if you have time, but I know how tired I am with one kid. I can't imagine with like three and a good friend of my life told me one time when he was talking about being a parent, his kids are older. He's got like two or three kids and three kids. And he said, he goes, dude, he goes, I've been tired since the 90s. So I think that's just what it is. That's just what it is. And you know what it is? Because once your kids get older, they can kind of take care of themselves, meaning they can wake up, brush their teeth, get ready for school and all that. You feel like you're not going to be as tired.

But I think the thing that makes you tired is the worry because you constantly fucking worry that something's going to happen to them, but whatever. All right, that's the podcast. Apologize for the low volume of talking here. I really want to thank everybody that's come out to my shows here in Germany. I could not have had a better time. It was fucking awesome. And I will definitely be back the next time. Hopefully when I get a new hour, and you guys still want to come to see me, I will definitely be back. I think I'll come during the summer months next time or October Fest. One or the other. All right, go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you Thursday.

you