Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 1-9-12

Episode Date: January 9, 2012

Posted in PodcastPlay AudioBill rambles about Tiger, and give listeners advice about whores.

Ikea, tip of the week. If you want to get a gift, you can count on us. Because until April 15th, Ikea family members will get a free children's menu at the purchase of a warm meal for adults. It's fucking century to get going. You know, I need this century to be over so I can just be, uh... Why was it so much easier last decade? Remember that shit?

Huh, Cleo? You remember how easy that was? Fucking dog's staring at me. I got it over there and they're a little... They call it the Casa. That's what the dog trainer said. Hey, stay there. Stay. Casa, it's not a Casa, it's a fucking cage. Okay, and the look on her face says that that's exactly what it is. You know, but that's your spot. You stay there.

I got the door open. I got the door open. Don't fucking look at me like that dog. Alright, I know where your food is. Um... Speaking of which, I went out and bought her a brand new fucking big bag of dog food. I actually tried some of it. Horrible. You ever look at dog food and you're like, you know, I didn't look that bad. And then you try it and you're like, wow, that really sucks.

I can't believe it's always in a good mood eating shit like that. I actually tried some. Um, now send me emails. Dude, you know they have pigs' asses in there? Maybe I like pigs' asses. You ever think about that? It ain't gay if it's an animal. Um, this is the Monday Morning Podcast.

I hope you guys all had a great day. I think it's Sunday night because I was so uplifted because Jesus won another football game. You know, and I got to quote somebody on, uh, on, um, Twitter who said, Timbo, Jesus. Can you believe that son of a bitch won another fucking game? I'll tell you what's funny, I still don't believe in them. And I know there's a lot of people out there who are like, I don't give a fuck.

All right. You know what I did one time? What? One time I hit an NBA three pointer. I went behind the line. I threw it up and it went in. Unbelievable. You going to sign me?

Give me a fucking break. Last week he had the worst fucking game of his career. And now this week, you know, you, you were so fucking underwhelmed. I just had a big argument with, with Verzi because Verzi was saying the guy's legit and all this type of shit. You know, I'm not saying he totally believed in him, but I was just like, are you really going to fucking do this to me? Are you really, as a sports fan, Paul Verzi, are you really going to do this to me? You really think that this guy is going to run the wishbone offense for like a 15 year fucking career?

You really, because it's seven, eight years into his career. He's still going to be running like that. He isn't. You can't fucking do it. You know, they caught up with Michael Vick. Remember when Michael Vick came out? Remember that running all over fucking hell? Eventually they catch you and they make you pay for it.

And you never run like that again because it hurts every time you wiggle your toes. Yeah, they're going to catch up to him. And then when they catch up to him, then what's going to happen? Now he's got to throw the fucking ball, which he really can't do. Go fuck yourself with yesterday. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit that he made some good throws yesterday. You know what it was?

All you people who were impressed by Tim Tebow last week, let me tell you what the fuck it is. It's one of those deals where he's so underachieved that you can't believe that he actually did the things that an NFL quarterback is supposed to do. So now you're fucking blown away. You know what I mean? It's like when somebody, it was like when the guy who played Mr. Brady, all of a sudden he was in roots. And you're like, holy shit, that guy's a good goddamn actor. You know? You had no fucking idea.

Was he really that good in roots? Oh, was it because he wasn't going? Marsha, I don't think you should kick Jan in the cunt this week, you know? I'm sorry. I couldn't think of any stupid Brady Munch dialogue. And I panicked and I went filthy like I do on stage every night. You know? Whatever.

It's just one of those fucking deals. It's like that movie Drive. All of a sudden the guy there with Albert Brooks is playing a tough guy and you're like, holy shit, that guy's fucking amazing. It's because you're used to him being silly. It's not that fucking amazing. All right? Tim Tebow was the Albert Brooks of fucking NFL quarterbacks. And that game yesterday against the Pittsburgh Steelers was his guest star in Drive.

All right? The AFC is so fucking weak this year. Did you see Ben Rothlisberger going out there on one leg? He still almost did it. He still almost fucking did it. He was fucking nuts. They had like 10 guys up on the line. Then they had like one guy back.

Everybody freaking out because he's able to hit a receiver in single coverage. I fucking had it. Okay? Stop doing that to me. Stop telling me somebody is the guy because he won one game. All right? Go fuck yourselves. You know who you are.

All you jackasses out there in Denver still listening to John Denver. All right? He's dead. You don't have to pretend anymore. His music stinks. All right, Colorado? Thank God I'm a country boy. Really?

You really think that we're going to respect you as a fucking city? Like this is a place that we can bring our computers to and set up shop? You know? You ever wonder why it's still so rustic out there, Colorado? You have any idea why? It's because we don't respect you. You know why? Because of John Denver.

And we're waiting for the day that you guys stop embracing that motherfucker. The day you do is the day you start getting respect. You know? I know you guys call yourself Colorado. You know what the rest of us call you? Lower Wyoming. What do you think of that? You're not even northern New Mexico.

Huh? Let's test my geography. We're fucking western Nebraska. No. Yeah. Or eastern Utah. There we go. I'm sorry.

My dog's just staring at me. You don't want to be in there, do you? Come over here. Get over here. All right. Now lay down. This fucking dog doesn't let me. Lay down.

Ow. Lay down. Lay down. Down. You know like three English words and you always pretend like you don't fucking understand them. You know what they all are. There you go.

That's comfy, right? You were in a glass box of emotion, weren't you? Anyways, so there you go. So fuck Tim Tebow. Okay. He's going to come in to Foxboro, Massachusetts next week waiting for somebody to wash his feet. And I'm going to tell you right now it ain't happening.

Okay. He's going to be betrayed 11 times by the New England Patriot mediocre defense. I got to be honest with you. I'm actually nervous about the game next week because I just don't believe in our defense. You know, when they talk Patriots, what do they talk about? They talk about our tight ends. They talk about Tom Brady. They talk about us going down to Best Buy and getting video cameras.

They talk about all of that. But what they don't talk about is our defense. And there's a fucking reason. You know, all I can tell you is when you have a wide receiver starting at cornerback, that's when you, that's when it's a good time to bet the over. So we'll see. We'll see what happens next week, but who's kidding who? We all know the Super Bowl champion is coming out of the NFC, right?

It's coming out there. I'll tell you, you know who could beat anybody is the fucking New York Giants. They could beat anybody. I can see them going into Green Bay and all those Green Bay fans waddling their fucking cheese eating asses into that goddamn fucking bowl, right? Plastic fucking wedges of cheese on their heads. Just waddling up every goddamn five year old daughter as big as Forrest Greg. Just waddling into that stadium already.

Already for another fucking Super Bowl run. And then what happens? Eli Manning comes in there. The kid who looks like that kid everybody picked on. He, I don't know what happens. That guy goes in the big games. He's the fucking shit. Now that guy I'm sold on.

All right, Tim Tebow. I know. I know what he did. He picked up that fucking pillowcase this week and they were like, we're out of footballs. And then he said it on the U with and he kept pulling all the footballs out. Right? Like the fish in the basket. Like that other guy, right?

I'm not, I don't, I still don't believe in Tim Tebow. I don't. I think everybody in the NFL is going to look at his shit. They're going to figure it out in the off season. And, you know, he's going to get, he's going to get destroyed next year. We'll see. But I don't know. He could win this week.

That's how bad I think of the Patriots scored about 47 points. I think our defense ought to be able to, to hold them. That's, I don't know. I don't know what happened somewhere along the line. We just, we just luck ran out draft and defensive players. We haven't had a good defense since like what? 2005. Does anybody give a fuck?

This is really just a football podcast at this point. I know everything. He's fucking bullshit. I'm not into sports. Well, it's not my fault. Your dad's a pussy. What do you get you into? Huh?

Meteorology. That's a humorous cloud. You can tell because of the Nimbus. Um, I just threw out cloud names. I don't even know what they are. It's one of those things I memorized and knew for a week. And when they asked me the question, I just regurgitated it back to them. And then nobody ever asked me it again.

And I never remembered it. And you know what? I, it doesn't, it's not once has it affected my fucking life. You know, cause they got a whole channel of nerds that'll tell me. My phone tells me, tells me what the weather's going to be like. I don't need to know that shit. High pressure system. High pressure system's reading a cold front.

Is it? Is that what's going to happen? Why don't you tell me your little fucking prediction on the weather tomorrow? All right. Save me the bullshit. He's Bill Burr. He's mad at the weather. Sorry.

Um, all right, let's get on with the podcast for this fucking week. Um, as I mentioned, and I'm going to be mentioning all the time here on the podcast. Um, if you enjoy this podcast, do you enjoy it? Sure. We all do. Um, and you'd like to donate to the podcast, you don't have to anymore. All you got to do is if you ever go to Amazon.com cause you want to buy yourself some new slippers, rather than going straight to Amazon.com, just go to bill burr.com, click on podcasts.

And on the right hand side, right under the iTunes thing, you'll see this Amazon.com link. If you click on that and then go, it'll take you right to Amazon.com. You go there to buy your knee pads or whatever the fuck it is you're doing. All right. And they kick me back a little bit of money. It doesn't cost you a fucking dime. All it's going to do is age your index finger a little bit more as you hit. You click enter a couple more times.

You know, you go to scenic route to get to Amazon.com. And what they do is they kick me back a little bit of money. Like, Hey, Bill, Hey, thanks for driving people to our fucking site. And I say, thank you very much. And I tuck that money right in my front breast shirt pocket. Do I keep all of it? Fuck no. I give 10% to the, uh, the wounded warriors project.

So there you go. You get slippers. I get some money. We hook up the troops. It's fucking perfect. Doesn't cost you an extra dime. I'm not saying to go to Amazon. I'm just saying if you're going there, swing by old billbird.com before you do.

That's all I'm saying. Stop putting words in my mouth. You cunts. All right. There we go. That's the little plug for the week. Oh, actually have one other plug. You know why?

Cause my podcast is blowing up in the 20 to the one to Z. It's fucking stupidest thing ever. Um, I actually have a little, I have a little ad here. Everybody excited. This is actually, um, I got to let you know about a TV show that's coming out. You guys like cartoons? Sure. We all do cartoons are actually some of the best stuff that's on TV right now.

For the life of me, I don't understand why you're allowed to cross so many lines. If things are animated. Have you noticed that? You know, like you're watching network and you watch like real people being filmed and they're only allowed to go so far, but the second you animate them, all of a sudden you can do like some of the stuff like family guy gets away. It's gets away with, it's great. I just don't understand why you can't do it in regular shows, but that's the nature of

the beast. So I myself prefer the cartoons as a 43 year old male. I can say that I like the cartoons and there's a new cartoon coming out that I'm going to be watching. You guys like that Napoleon Dynamite movie? I fucking love that movie. You know what's killing me is that it was, that was in 2004. You know, I love that movie.

Napoleon, what are you doing today? Whatever I feel like. God. Right there. I was like, I love this fucking movie. All right. Anyways, I'm not supposed to really curse during this. Let me try and clean this up.

Napoleon Dynamite is going to, is being turned into a cartoon series and animated television sitcom. And it's making its debut on it's mid season replacement on air Sundays at 8 30 PM starting on January 15th, 2012. And I know what you're thinking. Oh, what do they have? They didn't get any of the original cast members from the movie. They're going to get a bunch of people that almost sound like them, but not quite.

You know, like when you go to see a Muppet movie and Jim Henson is dead so he can't be Kermit and all old guys like me is sitting there going, that's not Kermit the Frog. That's some guy doing Kermit the Frog to hell with this movie. Right? Well, that's not the case with Napoleon Dynamite. They got the whole cast to come in. So it's going to sound just like the movie. It's going to be animated.

Are you really going to sit there and act like you got something better to do? All right. It's a mid season replacement. It's Sunday, 8 30 PM on Fox starting this Sunday, January 15th, 2012, 20 to the one twosie. There we go. How was that? That was an ad.

Did you like that Cleo? Huh? You want to hear my dog moan? Listen to this. This isn't sexual. Any dog if you're fucking. Why are you sniffing the mic? Why can't you do that?

Stop doing. Listen. Now she wants to give me kisses. God damn it. You know what your problem is, Cleo? You're fucking adorable. But you know, when it comes right down to it, when it comes down to when it fucking counts, you don't deliver.

You know, you like a quarterback that kicks ass in the regular season and then all of a sudden the playoff comes around and he shits the bed. You know, could you be any more bored with me, Cleo? Go fuck yourself. All right, let's get back to the podcast. What do we got coming up here? Oh, I also got to let you guys know. Let's get all the announcements out of the way.

I am taping a new stand-up special at the Lincoln Theater in Washington, D.C. on March 3rd. I'm doing two shows. Tickets will go on sale this Friday, January 13th. But I'm going to tweet you some presale information on Tuesday tomorrow. All right? Little secret password. Go down there and look at my big fucking redhead as I do my unprecedented third one-hour special. I will be the first redheaded comedian from the Northeast Appalachian Corridor to ever

do, to ever tape his third one-hour special in the month of March in Washington, D.C. You can look that up in your fucking comedy almanac. All right, here we go. Let's get on with the fucking podcast. All right, somebody wrote here, Tiger's bitch. Tiger's wife. This is what she did this week, you know? And I know a lot of the ladies are all feeling bad for her.

Poor girl. Oh, poor little Tiger Woods ex-wife. Still don't know her name. Isn't it like Elaine? She has some old fucking white lady name. What's her name? What's her name? Edith.

Because of an E. Elijah. Who names a kid Elijah? You might as well just call your kid. Please beat the shit out of this. Class, we have a new student today. His name is Elijah. Tiger Woods wife just bulldozed their $12 million home, which can only have been out of spite.

Who said it's sickening to think of the good she could have done with the sale from that home. She could have turned it into a fucking orphanage or something. But no, this is just somebody right here. But no, she's a spiteful bitch trying to send a message to Tiger. It served no purpose other than to show the world what a cunt she is. What's worth is a healthy portion of the female populi will give her a you go girl. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't think she her goal was to show the world what a cunt she is. I just think that she has that amount of fucking money. Evidently she has a $12 million mansion and she was going to remodel the thing. And in defense of her, you know, Tiger jizzed on half of it. So she wanted a fresh start rather than get the fucking thing fumigated. It's a $12 million mansion. So she has this whole thing plowed over just to start over again.

She was just, okay, pull up the marble. I don't want those gold fixtures anymore. Tiger put that gold breath handle in some hookers ass. I don't want that. Oh, just bulldoze the whole fucking thing. Can you imagine having that much money? That much money. Who needs to remodel a $12 million house?

I would think it would be done at that point. You know, you got two fucking pools, the shape of both your titties. I mean, what else? What else would you fucking need? $12 million. So anyways, it wasn't big enough for her. So this woman who's never even won, she didn't even went on like card sharks or some fucking game show. She hasn't done anything other than she had the brains to suck the right dick.

You know, and now she's got this big ass fucking house. And she didn't like it. So she's bulldozing it over. You know, it's just fucking unreal. She had a $5 million prenup. I'm sick of talking about this shit, guys. I don't have any more fightin' me. You know, I asked you guys for three goddamn weeks to justify fucking dog just coughed in my hand.

You know what, I thought you snapped, Cleo, and I was like, oh my god, it really is a pit bull. Is it trying to bite me? Huh? Is it trying to bite me? Um, I swear to god, I think my dog smokes cigarettes when I'm not around. It's always fucking hackin' all the time. I don't know. God bless, God bless that victim.

Tiger Woods' wife. I hope she can somehow keep working through her breakup and her pain. Dude, how fucking psyched is she? She was married, which, you know, sucks, right? She's married to him. And what do you think? Do you think he really had a sense of humor? He's sittin' around all day talkin' about golf.

And god forbid when he lost, just walkin' around the house, just cursin' at himself. You wouldn't want to be around that, right? So she gets to fucking leave and take a quarter of a billion dollars. I don't even have any anger for it anymore. I think I'm just fucking jealous. Can you imagine that? All you miserable married guys out there, can you imagine if somehow, not only you could walk away from your wife, but get 250 billion, 250 million in the process?

Ah. And they still bitch. They still bitch. Ah, divorce law supporter. Okay. All right, here we go. Here's a guy. My defense of the divorce law.

Um, sure. Every once in a while, an ex-Brian and an ex-Mosley gets way too much in the divorce. But most of the people that get truly screwed over with the divorce settlements aren't the athletes at the pinnacle of their professional. They are entitled pricks. No, they're not. They make more money than you and you're jealous. What are you basing that on? All those nights you hung out with Kobe Bryant?

Anyways, for every Mosley, there are at least 50 fuckers who grew up in Greenwich. And Greenwich went to chote with legacies at Yale and make a mint by wearing $8,000 suits and screwing over the less fortunate. So if they're shrew trophy wives, bang their gardeners and take half, I say God bless them. Yeah, dude, you're really not justifying the law. I don't think people understand the, uh, the question. I'm not saying that you can fucking start a family and just walk away. I'm just saying put a $30 million cap on it. You know, unless you can truly prove that you were there.

Like, I don't like you helped out Kobe with this fucking jump shot. I don't know what. The divorce settlement law is designed to screw over people that will never ever get screwed over otherwise. Kobe and sugar Shane are collateral damage. Yeah, see, you guys really can't fucking justify it. That sir, you didn't just all I learned in that is that you resent people who make more money than you do. That's all, that's all I, uh, I got out of that. Surprisingly, these are guys writing this and you would think that as men, you know, we would for once come together on a fucking subject.

You know, I don't know. I don't fucking know, you know, I tried. I tried to be controversial. I tried to ask you guys the questions. I gave, I fucking floated it out there. It's not, not only can you guys not even fucking give me a reason to justify, you won't even answer the fucking question. Why am I berating them? You know, most people probably don't even give a fuck anymore at this point, including myself.

All right, it's over. Gold diggin' whores are a part of the world. You know, like skunks. Hey, can skunks crawl into the garbage? Do they have the ability to crawl up anything? When I look at them, I don't think they do. You know, I got one that keeps fucking trying to sneak in, into my fucking driveway. Buddy of mine dropped me off the other night and the thing was walking up the street and you should have seen this, him freaking out.

This goddamn skunk was like 30 feet away and I'm getting out. Typical white guy fucking with the thing, you know. Hey, hey, there you fucking skunk. Get over here, get over here. You know, okay, they can quick steps at it, you know, tapping into my inner redneck. Come on, Bill, go get it. I got, I got 20 bucks and a tooth says he gets fucking squirted. I got a friend of mine fucked a skunk one time.

Oh shit, his wife had a snicky pussy. Anyways, he couldn't tell the difference. Y'all want to make some shine tonight? Let's make some shine and let's film it and we'll go on the Discovery Channel. And then we'll be ducking behind our still as they film us on television. That's what the fuck we doing. I want you to love to be that dumb, you know. That dumb that you didn't know any better not to go out in public.

My dogs literally look at me falling asleep. How can I be this loud and bore, you know. I would think it would just be exciting on some level even as a dog. Like maybe there was an earthquake, you know. My next life when I come back, I want to be full on fucking redneck. I want to be one of those guys who's like 16 when I first see a pair of shoes and be like, what the fuck are those? You know, everybody thinks I'm dumb and meanwhile I got a fucking 351 Cleveland in my fucking lawn mower.

Tell you ain't that smart in school, but I'll tell you if it got wheels on and he can fix it. He can fix it. That motherfucker Rocky thought a snake was under it. Would you love to be doing that? Just that fucking, just your mind just open like that. America! Just out in a fucking lagoon fishing. Never going to the grocery store, just going out killing shit, right? Start rubbing sticks together and you're living like a fucking caveman. Am I the only guy every once in a while you just look at a fucking trailer in a trailer park and you just go,

you know what, why not? What if I just said fuck it? I'm going to go be the smartest guy in a goddamn trailer park. Imagine if he came there, they'd probably resent you. I heard he got a book in that fucking thing. Is that a new reality show? It's got to be. Why don't they have one about trailer parks? They already did that, didn't they?

When they sent those two rich cunts to go live in the suburbs, totally ripping off green acres. Paris Hilton and that chick from the, who was the daughter of that dude from the Commodores, right? Nicole Richie and she lost all that weight in a fucking, the bottom of her bikini was hanging off her snatch like a fucking hammock. Remember that? How long ago was that? What happened in the last decade? I don't know. Cleo, can you fucking believe I got to listen to another goddamn week of fucking Tim Tebow? Everybody amazed that he actually completed some passes. Let me give me a fucking break.

You know, they're going to sit there and give him all the accolades that they won in overtime. Despite the fact that tight end turned a fucking eight yard in route route into a fucking 80 yard touchdown. Can you believe that? Cleo, you could have hit that fucking guy. Anyways, let's get on with the advice for the week. This is an advice from a lady. Mr. Bill, I've been a fan for a while now and I remember hearing on one of your podcasts that you were interested in hearing from more female viewers or listeners, whatever, whatever lady, whatever. So here I am. Hopefully after reading this email, you won't be bored to tears and completely regret making that earlier statement.

Anyways, let's plow ahead. Well, if it's not too long, you know, I don't read that well, ma'am. That I insult you by calling you ma'am. That's a very subtle way of saying you don't make my dick hard anymore. So the next time you're in an argument with a woman who has power over you like your boss, you know, or maybe you're down the fucking DMV like I was. If you call them ma'am, it ages them. They don't like it. Oh, why don't I tell that story about being down the fucking DMV?

So I finally went out and I got a second vehicle, you know, and went out and bought a used, bought a used car. I'm not going to tell you what it is because it sticks out like a fucking sore thumb. So I go down to the goddamn DMV, right? You know, and Nia's going, why don't you just go online and make an appointment? So I'm like, all right, and I go online and, you know, it's the usual. It's like every possible DMV scenario. I just like, oh, fuck yourself. I'm not doing this. So I get in my Prius and I drive down the street, right, whistling down the fucking street.

And I go over the DMV and I come walking and what do I see? Every goddamn jackass in the fucking world is standing there. They go, it's a 20 minute wait to make an appointment to sit in a 90 minute fucking asset. Forget it. So I walk up to the thing. Oh, let me get, let me get an appointment. They go, well, the next one we can give you isn't until Tuesday or next week. Or you can go to fucking Pasadena tomorrow.

I said, all right, I'll take that one nine, 10 in the morning. I will be there. Listen, this is what I'm doing. I just bought a car. I'm putting it on the fucking road. What do I need? And she's like, you need this, this and this, right? So I go home.

I get that shit. I wake up the next morning, pour myself a bowl of fruit loops and off I go down to the fucking DMV. Walk into the DMV. I go, hello. I am William Burr. I am here at the DMV. I have a nine, 10 appointment and the guy starts looking through the thing and he goes, I don't see a name here.

What is it? I'm like William Burr. I have a fucking nine, 10 appointment. Don't do this to me. All right. Please don't do this to me. And then he sees it. He goes, oh, there it is.

I was like, holy shit, there it is. I sit there and it's like fucking nine in the morning. I'm sitting there for two minutes and all of a sudden they call me. I was like, you got to be fucking kidding me. Not only did I show up. They had my name. Not only am I going to get in and out of here at nine, 10. That's 10 minutes fucking earlier at the DMV.

This is un fucking heard of. So I show up and what do they do to me? I give this, this and this, just like the fucking lady said. And then they go, sir, did you pay tax on the vehicle in the other state? And I was like, no, I didn't. Then they tell me I got to get the fucking thing weighed. I'm like, you got to be kidding me. I just asked somebody.

They didn't tell me how to do all this stuff. And then the lady was just going like, she goes, well, sir, did you go on our website? And I was like, lady, every possible fucking DMV scenario is on your website. I'm not sifting through that shit looking for a needle in a haystack. I'm not doing that. I went down to the goddamn DMV. I talked to a human being. I asked him what the fuck I needed.

They told me I brought it. Sorry, Cleo. Right. I brought it. So she goes, well, I'm sorry, sir, blah, blah, blah. And I'm sitting there trying to get, not to get mad at the girl. At one point I actually started chewing the collar on my coat. That's how fucking mad I was.

And I got to tell you something, guys. I don't ever get recognized. Ever. It's fucking great. No one ever bugs me. I don't know why. I just look like a regular jackass. Second you take a microphone out of my fucking hand.

I just, I blended the background. It's fucking perfect. So I'm sitting there pissed off. I'm fucking biting the collar on my, my jacket. All of a sudden this dude comes up. He's like, yo, my man, I know you're a little mad right now, but I'm a big fan. Can I have your autograph, right? So I'm like, yeah, I signed the thing.

And now the ladies, meanwhile the ladies going, you have to go to a public scale. What the fuck? What the fuck is a public scale? What, in the center of town? What the fuck is that? I had to go get this goddamn thing weighed. I don't know why. Because it's a broke state and they're looking for another way to fuck me out of a couple hundred bucks.

I have no idea why. So I signed this fucking guys thing. They tell me what to do when I walk out. And I'm walking through the, out in the parking lot. Just have absolute Tourette's. Not screaming, but not whispering. Just walking out. I'm just going every motherfucking time.

I don't give a fuck. What the fuck you bring down on these fucking assholes? I got everything here plus a birth certificate. I still know enough fucking shit. Flipping out this other guy. Yo, my man. You funny, man. I'm like, oh hey, thanks a lot.

Fucking goddamn fucking cunt. You know what I realized? I think if I'm not angry, people don't recognize me. Me being, not being mad in public is my hat and sunglasses. That's all I have to do. If I just walk around with a stupid smile on my face, nobody recognizes me. That's what I noticed that day. The second I lost my shit, two people recognized me.

Oh, that's that angry redheaded jackass I've seen on the boob tube. Then the second I fucking calmed down, nobody. Since then, nobody. Nobody's come up to me going, hey, you're that guy who does that thing that I saw on the channel. Not a fucking one of them. So that's my DMV store. Yeah, people. Actually, I got a second vehicle.

And I'm liking it. Let's just say I didn't get a hybrid. All right. I got a little surf and turf going on, if you know what I mean. Little McDLT action. Little you say tomato. I say tomorrow. Go fuck yourself.

I've done my part for the environment. All right. Here we go. Dear Bill. This is, this is this lady. I'm getting back to this shit. My dog couldn't look more bored. I swear to God, if my dog was a, if his, if her face was like, you know, communicating

what you guys are thinking right now, this might be the last podcast I ever do. Why you look so bored? You know, this fucking thing sleeps all day. I don't get it. What are you tired? What are you? Why are you so sleepy? You should see her right now.

She fucked up her ear. I don't know what she did. Looks like somebody bit her. You know, but she's with us all the time. I don't know when she did it. So we got this big stupid bandaid on her ear. Look at you. Look how sad you look.

Huh? Is that fucking with you? That big thing hanging off there, like one of those Jody Wattley earrings? I know I talk to you, Cleo, like you're going to respond. All right. Here we go. Bill, I live in Seattle, Washington, and actually in Seattle, not some lame suburb that people like to try and pass off as Seattle.

I know. God knows. If I had to dine for every time someone tried to pretend like they lived in Seattle. Anyways, I've been friends with this guy for a little more than three years now, and he is easily one of my best guy friends. Now, what does that mean? Is this like your gay friend, or is this the guy who wants to fuck you but doesn't know how?

People, you got to elaborate with these things, okay? Because my mind's just going to start thinking. He's easily one of my best guy friends. Can I ask you a question? What sort of a heterosexual guy has a woman as a friend? If that's not your girlfriend or your wife, in other words, if you're not plowing it every once in a while, can you please explain to me why? Why would you do it?

Do you use her to get more pussy? Is that what it is? Then you meet her friends. You work your way through her friends. She's just like, how could you do that to me? I thought we were friends. We are friends. We're friends.

That's why I didn't fuck you. Consider that a compliment. You know, other than the sh- compared to the shit I did to your friends. Oh, God. You know, do you know how much I know this podcast is going to come back to haunt me? The level of ignorance every fucking week is, it's ridiculous. You know, and whoever's playing this right now, pointing at it going, you see, I said you're a piece of shit.

Whoever's doing that to me in the future, go fuck yourself. You fill up 60 minutes by yourself and see what comes out of your mouth. There you go, Bill. That was awesome. Having a hypothetical argument about some bullshit in the future. That's nice. So anyways, let's get back to this. She has one of my best guy friends.

Yeah, this guy's either gay, or he doesn't know how to fuck you, or he grew up in a house with all women, or you're a dick tease, and he doesn't realize it yet. Or maybe you're just friends. You know? Why don't I try to be a little more posy? Paws-y. A little positive in the one Tuesday. Sorry, fucking blew the punchline.

When I'm home from college over the winter and summer breaks, me and my guy friend, we hang out quite a bit, and throughout the year, we stay in touch. There's always some flirting going on between the two of us, and ever since we first met, people have asked if we were more than just friends. We've done a lot of things together that other people would consider, would constitute as dates, such as going out to eat, movies, the zoo, etc. Yeah, if this guy's heterosexual, you guys are eventually going to fuck or end up hating each other, when one of you commits to someone else's genitalia.

Alright, moving on here. Hell, we even went on tour, a tour of a chocolate factory, and I helped him buy a new DVD player. But, and all this time, he has never made any attempts to get out of the friend zone with me. We're really open with each other, but he's always been rather secretive about his love life, and he hasn't told me any stories about girls, or where he gets up to at his school in Seattle. And before you say anything, I promise you he's not gay. Too late, too late. But now I'm kind of sick of going back and forth in my mind about what could happen between us, and I'm thinking about just pulling the trigger the next time I see him.

But what do you think? Should I continue to wait around to see if he ever takes our friendship further, and not risk messing up our current relationship, or should I stop being a pussy man up and go for it? In general, how do you feel about girls making the first move and being assertive in that sense? A male perspective on this matter would be much appreciated. Also, I'm hella excited to see your show when you come to DC in March. Hella. I thought that that was just in Sacramento that people said that. Alright, what do I think about this? Ah, this is a hard one.

Alright. My gut tells me you guys have hung out too fucking long. And I would think as a woman, like, what kind of guy is this? You know, this is the guy you want to possibly hit your proverbial wagon to? I say that word right? You know, this guy can't even make a move, and then you have to make a move. This is the guy you're going to be sleeping next to when some psycho comes through the window, and you're going to be laying there going, is he going to grab the bat, or do I have to do it?

You know, you kind of got to think stuff like, don't you want a guy who just grabs you by your fucking throat and says, listen, bitch, we're a fucking couple now, kid. I don't know, I've never had a relationship like this. This is, there's so many different directions that this can go. This guy is either a fucking 30 year old virgin, and it's going to be the worst fucking sex she ever had, or he's an absolute animal, and he's fucking, he's just out there crushing ass, and he is, I don't know, maybe he has a hormadonna complex, and you're just a really nice girl, and the thought of even banging you freaks him out.

I have no fucking idea, I don't know what to tell you. This is what I say, if you really like this guy, and you really want this to happen, I guess it's up to you to make the move, you know? I don't know, that's fucking weird though. I'm going to tell you just as a guy, that's fucking weird at some point. You know, once you, I mean you're doing shit that couples do when they're sick of each other. You know, the zoo, who the fuck goes to the zoo? Oh, look at that miserable species sitting in there, trying to remember why it isn't free anymore.

I mean that's, you know, the chocolate factory. This guy sounds like a, he sounds like a pussy to me, I don't know. What does he do? What kind of a man goes to the zoo with a woman he's not fucking? I just don't understand, why would you do that? Maybe he likes it. Is he into animals? Is he like an oceanographer?

Does anyone do that? You want to go to the zoo? It's like lady, I'm up to my ears and fucking octopus. Like fucking Tony Montana, I don't go to the fucking zoo. I'm looking at them all week. You know, they should be in cages, I'm fucking sick of them. They're animals. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you.

This is what I would say. Basically, if you're into the guy and you want to go to the next level, he's obviously not going to say anything. I would, yeah, fuck it. Fuck it. Throw it out there, see what happens. And if it gets weird and you lose him as a friend, who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? What are you going to stay friends with that guy when you meet the guy you're going to marry?

You know, you still think you're going to go to the zoo with him? That guy who actually had the balls to ask you out is going to put up with that shit? He's not. I'll tell you right now, he's not. Because I speak for all peoples, because it's my podcast. All right, plowing ahead. Number two, wives put on a few. Oh Jesus, this is a rough one.

I mean, needed some advice that requires the presence of the lovely Nia. She's not home right now, so all you got is me. But be forewarned, the discussion could very likely lead to you spending the night on the couch. First of all, if you think spending the night on the couch fucking scares me. All right, I live on that goddamn couch. All right, and as a fucking man, if you don't spend at least 30% of the nights of the year on the couch, you're not being honest with the person you're with. Fuck their feelings.

30% of the year. The other time, the other 70% you respect their feelings. But 30% of the time, you got to tell them to go fuck themselves. All right, that's why I'm telling you right now. If you're going to be in a relationship and you go out and buy couches, let her pick the color, but you pick the size. And you pick those big ass fucking deep couches. All right, and lay down on them.

And when you lay down on the couch, you make sure there's enough cushion to go beyond both your shoulders. Unless you're a fucking giant man, then I don't know what to tell you. But if you're a regular size like me. Okay, so then when she does kick you out, what the fuck do you care? You go out there with your dog, you put on ESPN, you watch the end of the Vancouver game, you're loving life, you know? You don't have to wake up in the middle of the night, rolling over looking at her face when she's in REM sleep,

going, I'm in love with that, right? You don't have to do that for fucking 30% of the year. All right, here we go. It's likely that Nia will find some strong adjectives to call me at the end of this, but so be it. I have a lovely wife who is an amazing mother. There you go, right there. Sounds like a hallmark card.

She has supported me through very difficult financial times and some emotional breakdowns. Oh, what happened? Huh? Were you the only accountant at work? Is that what happened? And all of a sudden the feds came in and you realized you had two sets of books? Anyways, let's plow ahead here. I got nothing at this point.

She has taken responsibility for her personal finances to prevent me from having anxiety attacks and she is fiercely loyal. I know she is old. You sound like you guys lost a house. Did you guys lose a house during all this bullshit? Were you one of those guys giving out mortgages to homeless people? Is that what you were doing? You did some, you did some butt fuck shit.

That's what I'm guessing. Anyways, I know she always has my back. If I were to catch a break and become financially wealthy through my career endeavors and then got divorced, she would deserve half without question. Sounds like you have a great relationship. Guys, I'm sorry. Keep clearing my fucking throat. Hang on a second.

Let me pause this. Alright, I'm back. Sorry about that. Alright, without a doubt she would deserve half. The problem is she has gained some pounds. I would estimate 50 to 60 of them. That's fucking unacceptable, dude. Unless you date in a Sasquatch, then it's probably cute.

Hey, big foot. Come on in here. Bend over the fucking garage. I want to bang you. Ah, Jesus, Cleo. You know what's great about being a dog is you will fart anywhere. You just don't even give a fuck. She's laying there right now.

Looks like a fucking baby piglet. She's gained 50 to 60 pounds. This has happened since we started dating and she was overweight, although not that much when we got married. So this isn't due to having a baby. She is such an amazing person that I look past it even though it was a concern. Now I'm no Charles Atlas, but until recently I've been in good shape. I have begun to get a fucking attitude and become soft over the last year since I've always been active. This hasn't resulted in a bit of depression, so I'm returning to the gym for my sanity.

Back to her weight, though. Her body has begun to break down because of this added burden. Yeah, dude, 50, 60 pounds is a lot of fucking weight. I don't care how big you are. She's having foot problems, knee issues, and is very likely candidate for diabetes. Grandmother died young because of her weight, and I fear she has headed down that same path also. Yeah, absolutely. It's a health concern here.

Now you may be thinking, what a wonderful man this is so concerned over the health of his wife. That's exactly what I was thinking, sir. You've snowed me up until now. I'm totally on your side. But he says, oh, contrary to my friend, while I wish this was the driving reason that I wanted to lose weight, I've read that wrong. Well, I wish this was the driving reason because I wouldn't feel like such a prick. It isn't.

I am physically repulsed. We have sex, but to do so, I have to make sure not to look at her body and turn off the lights. It is hard enough to remain attracted to someone who you slept with over thousands of times, but adds some pounds and it results in my pecker remaining soft like jello. Dude, you know, I don't think this is, look, what if she was in shape and you put on 50, 60 pounds and your goddamn mantits were bigger than her real ones? You know, it's not, you know, personally, I feel being in a relationship part of is you have to stay in fucking shape. God damn it, I wish Nia was here.

This would have been a great fucking fight. Anyways, I know obesity is a mental thing and I have my own issues, one of which is an inability to communicate my feelings resulting in pouting, brooding and getting grumpy. Oh Jesus, you're walking around the house. My wife is fat. I don't want to fuck her anymore. Come on, man. He says, I really am a pain in the ass to live with now that I think about it.

So the communication in our relationship is a bit of a problem and therefore a death zone, should I strike up a conversation about it? It would be like the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, should I try to storm those beaches? So what do I do? Keep quiet and accept it while my wife likely dies in an early age? How do I support her when it's a topic that's off the table? I'm thinking about talking to her friend and asking them to broach the subject. I need some advice because I've already removed a layer of skin from my penis whacking off to internet porn so much.

It just doesn't seem right for a bald middle-aged man to have his pants around his ankles in front of a computer. Oh Jesus Christ. This is one of these subjects that, yeah, it's always off limits. You can't bring it up. There's no way to bring it up. It's one of those things, dude. You just know there's going to be a fight and just accept it. I would just say it as nicely as possible.

I would not try to hire her friends to do your dirty work. You just got to tell it. Just say, listen, I've started to go to the gym. I'm starting to get out of shape. Just tell her how much you love her and you want her to be around. And then her grandmother died of an early age because of weight issues. And that, you know, you're getting concerned because she's put on a few. And you know what?

Let her get mad. She's not really mad at you. She's mad at herself. You think she doesn't know? She doesn't hear herself breathing every time she bends down to try to fucking pick up the cookie she just dropped. I'm sorry. You know, you got to do it, man. You got to do it.

Watch the internet porn. That's one of my newest resolutions. I'm quitting internet porn cold turkey. I just, the shit it takes to get me off at this point. I swear to God, it's like I've been working on the vice squad for 20 years. It's, it's not good for you. I really, you know, it just doesn't, especially if you're a psycho like me, the fucking road you go down. You just don't want to go down it.

So, um, yeah, I don't know how to, uh, you know what I'm going to do? If Nia isn't here by the end of the podcast, I'm actually going to ask her how to, how to bring that up. Okay. Ah, fuck. Now I just said it. Now I have to do it. I was just thinking, what if she stays out all fucking night, comes home hammered? Then you know what, she's going to do a drunk podcast.

I don't want to get your fucking hopes up. Um, so anyways, that's what I would do. I would just set her down and just say, listen, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. That's a, that's a bad way to start it. She's going to think that you're having an affair, whatever. Maybe that's a good thing. She thinks that you're fucking somebody else. Then when you just call her a tub of shit, it'll actually be a relief.

You know, maybe I would tell her myself, tell her how much you love her and you're just looking out for her. And, uh, but don't say that, you know, you're repulsed by her body. That's not a good thing. You know, you don't want to hurt somebody like that. All right. Okay. Here we go. Number three.

Girlfriend and her ex on Facebook. Uh, dump her. Dump her. Dump, dump this bitch. Fuck her. That's not the mother of your kids. Dump her. I don't have to go any further than that.

Girlfriend and her exes on Facebook. Yeah, it's over dude. What are you fucking 17? How do you, how do you not know you can't trust that girl? That's like, uh, you know, my partner in crime and all his cop friends. You know, you know how this is going to end. Do I really have to read this? Ah, what the fuck?

I still got some more minutes to eat up. I'll read it. I don't need to, but I will. Bill, I've been going out with this girl for about a year. Uh, we are in love. We're best friends for about eight months before we started dating. We get along great. We have a shitload in common.

The sun always shines. We never burn our bacon. But anyway, she gets along with most of her ex boyfriend and still keeps in touch with them with Facebook's and texting sometimes. She swears she is never the one that calls her texts first. If that's not the worst fucking excuse. I didn't jump on his dick. He stuck it in me.

Um, anyways, this past week she asked me if it was okay if we can all hang out when her ex comes to visit. He lives in DC and comes to visit a few times a year. Their entire relationship was long distance dated for about six months. They went to school together and knew each other. She had a crush on him in school. Yeah, he's coming to town to fuck your girlfriend. Um, that's what he's doing. All right.

That sounds like the beginning of a Christmas song. I just switched up the lyrics. So you better be good cause he's coming to town and he's gonna fuck your girl down the chimney. Um, what the fuck am I? He said that he'd like to meet, he said that he'd like to meet me. For what? Who is this douchebag? What the fuck does he want to meet you for?

So he can look you in the eye the day after he bangs your girl and watches you try and figure it out. Anyways, he goes, now I appreciate that, that she even told me about this, but why would I want to meet the guy that was banging my girlfriend months before me? Exactly. Why is he important? Exactly. Exactly. You're asking the right questions.

It's not like he is her baby's daddy. She said that it wasn't in, in my place to decide. What do you think? I think she's absolutely right. It's not, it's not your place to decide whether or not she sees her ex-boyfriends. She can go decide to do that the same way you can decide to go get a woman that you can fucking trust. Fuck her, sir, figuratively and literally in the ass. Get away from her, this is a fucking ticking time bomb.

What the fuck does she get off telling you that it's not, oh, it's not your decision to decide? You know what, go see him. Dude, you know what? You're a loyal guy. You love this girl, you're sticking by her. You know, you just, you just gave your feelings to the wrong person. She doesn't fucking deserve you. Fuck her.

All her fucking ex-boyfriends. Let her go back there. Let her go get that long distant cock. Get it all day, sweetheart. Call you. All right, walk away. She did you a favor, dude. You could have got married and had kids with this cunt.

All right? It's over, dude. And you know what? I know the answer. You're asking all the right questions. Why do you want to meet the guy who was banging before? Why is he important? He isn't important.

She still has feelings. She can't commit to you. She's trying to keep these guys. Fuck that. Fuck her. That's it. All right, did I make myself clear enough? It's over.

Wait, he said background info on this girl. I like this. He's actually fleshing this person out. She has a daughter that I also love. The baby daddy is barely in the picture and met him once, so no drama there. The reason I bring up the daddy is because he is important. The father of her daughter. I understand why I would have to meet him, but who is this ex to her?

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Come on, man. You know? Why don't you go get yourself another girl who, you know, doesn't have as many miles? You know? This girl, yeah, you don't need that. You don't need that.

All right. Oh, hey, bring it back. Overrated, underrated. Overrated, underrated. New Year's resolution. Overrated. Every year we always hear how so-and-so is going to change their life in such a dramatic way, whether it be taking school more seriously, quitting drinking or losing weight by going

to the gym. And what happens? A month in, that fuck is out drinking themselves out of the table and eating a double quarter pound of the day before they have their exam. The excuse is always, I just haven't had the time. When in reality it should be, I'm just a lazy cunt. Don't talk about what you're going to do. Just do it.

I like that. Overrated. Uh, hooking up with a lady because of Bill Burr's podcast. Nice. Look at that. Fucking four years in, I finally did some good. There you go, sir. There you go.

All right. Listen to most of the shit I say. Don't listen to all of it because I am jaded. All right. But if you're looking to fucking tag a lady, use the shit that I say. If you're looking to fall in love, don't listen to anything that I say other than what I just told that guy with the face, but find someone who deserves it. All right.

Don't be an old crabby dick like me. Anyways, Bill, I'm 21 and this was my first New Year's Eve. I was eligible to go out and drink legally. So I went out someplace with an open bar, got shitfaced and ended up puking all over myself and my sleep. But along the way, there was this girl who I knew from high school, who was a hot broad to say the least. Oh, is this the guy telling me the story of how we hooked up?

Okay, here we go. Now, we never really spoke much, but since I was so fucked up, I said to myself, let's see where this goes. We start talking and the topic of comedians come up and we both say our favorite, of course, is you, sir. Look at this, stroke of my ego. But what she didn't know is that you have a weekly podcast. She was ecstatic considering how in love she is with you.

Dude, if she listens to this episode, she might figure it out, but you already fucked her, so who cares, right? And after I put her onto this tidbit of information, seemed to have an even greater appreciation for my presence. Long story short, midnight we hook up and many times after until both of us don't even know our own names. Now, it could have been the alcohol and my charming personality, but I thought I'd give you credit for having this podcast, sir.

Oh, all right, good for you, man. Whatever. I don't think it was me. I think you're a little older and you now have the confidence, but if you want to give me credit, I'll fucking take it. I'll take it just like Tim Tebow's going to take credit. No, he doesn't take credit. I give everything to the Lord Jesus, the invisible bearded guy up in the sky, man.

He gives a shit about the fucking game. I'm Tim Tebow. I give all praise to my Lord, my savior. Yes, we realize that, Tim. You always say that. Why don't you tell us who you give all your praise to when you don't give praise to that because, you know, until further notice, Tim Tebow gives all praise to his savior and supervisor.

Um, do you guys realize how fucked I am if Christianity is actually 100% correct? Do you have, you don't understand about the fucking, the goddamn two bedroom suite that they're already preparing for me down in the inhales fire. You guys still really believe in that shit? Do you really believe that there's a guy in the sky? I think there is. I think, you know, actually I don't. I just think when you believe in that stuff, this is my own personal opinion.

You're just too dumb to figure shit out for yourself. You know, that's why I love scientists because they don't just sit there, you know, when they, they look at a, at a volcano, they don't go, it's the fire gods and he's mad at us. You know, they go, all right, let's start digging in the ground. And then they figure out that the core is still on fire and how fucking land fucking is created. I don't know. And then, then they go and then they tell the Jesus freaks and then they kill them.

They kill the scientists. They throw them in, make a sacrifice to the fire god. Then eventually, a few centuries later, they finally agree. All right. All right. You got us on the volcano stuff. You know, but, you know, who made the, the earth's core then? Can you answer that one?

It was the earth core god. Like that's what they do. No matter, as science just keeps proving and disproving religion, they always, no matter what you say, they always end up with their hand on top of the bat. Cause then they can, well, who created infinity, man? What the fuck is this? And you know, there is an answer to that. I don't know.

And neither do you. Okay. So stop trying to put a face on it and tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I'm legitimately asking you this. If there was a higher power, why would he create pedophiles? Why would he do that? If he has the ability, and let's just say that cause, cause Satan fucking did something to his wiener.

All right. All right. I'll go with that. Then why doesn't God just take a fucking lightning bolt? If I was God, I would just treat earth like a video game. I'd just start zapping people, you know, a couple of casualties here or there, you know, collateral damage, but you make it up to him. You invite him into your house.

Why wouldn't you just do that? Why does he let fucking, you know, like that douche over at Penn State? Why does he let that go on so fucking long? It doesn't make any fucking sense. I don't know what it is. I don't know who the fuck knows. I've lost so many goddamn friends the last five years and you know something's actually made me not even afraid of dying anymore.

Cause I just figured if there's something else, I'm going wherever they're going and I'll just hang out with them. And if it sucks, you know, we get all go down together. Right? Like that Billy Joel song. Does that make any sense? Are you guys all asleep right now? Like my fucking dog?

All right. Let's do a recap, everybody. If you're going to go to Amazon.com, please go to billbird.com first, click on the merch page and then go through Amazon. I would really appreciate that. A ton of you guys did it and that means the fuck of world to me that you did it. You took an extra couple of seconds before you went there and bought a flowbie. You know, you decided to kick me a couple.

You know what I did? I actually bought some skates. I finally bought some. I finally got sick of wearing my pair of Bauer Panthers from 1985. And actually I didn't want to ruin them because they were starting to get ruined and I bought them at Hughes's Pro Skate Shop. God rest his soul. And I still have the sticker on the side and I was like, I don't want that to go away.

So I fucking, I ordered a new pair. The ones that I don't give a fuck about because I'm a fucking, I'm a big adult kid. I've got no responsibility. I'm a fucking lazy bastard. And the second I'm done with this, I'm going to go to sleep with my fucking dog. You know, not in a bestiality kind of way now. What else? Please watch Napoleon Dynamite.

Give it a chance, man. It's on Fox this Sunday. It makes its debut this Sunday, January 15th. And it's got the entire original cast, which to me, you got to have that. That's awesome that they were able to do that. Because like I said, is there anything worse? Remember when they used to do that? Remember that?

Like, what the fuck was one of those, one of those damn TV shows? You got to be kidding me. I can't think of, oh, I remember. What was that movie with the, uh, Alicia Silverstone and that hot black chick and they were the little hoary schoolgirl outfits? What the fuck was it called? Whatever. They ended up doing the TV show and like only the, uh, the hot black chick signed up and

then everybody else was different. You're like, this isn't the fucking TV version of the movie. You got all the new people. This is my roundabout way of saying, watch Napoleon Dynamite this Sunday. If you like animation, come on, man. Give it a damn show. What else are you going to do? Are you going to watch the 3000th episode of the Simpsons?

Like I just fucking did. Um, that is the podcast for this week. Uh, I really hope the Patriots win. Uh, that's going to be brutal. You know what? If the Patriots lose next week, it's going to be because of me and my podcast because I trashed, I trashed the bearded baby. Um, oh man, I wish, I wish I recorded the argument I just had with Verzi over Tim Tebow.

I don't know by any means saying that the guy was a great quarterback, but you know, he's the exact opposite of me. You know, he's one of those guys that gives, he will give somebody credit beyond credit. Like he was the guy when Sanchez had those first three great games. He was like, dude, he's a fucking star and I'm always the guy going, you haven't proven shit to me yet. In other words, Paul Verzi is a great father and I should never have kids. And with that, that is the podcast for this week. Uh, this is what I'll do.

If Nia doesn't show up in a decent amount of time, uh, I will just ask her the question next week. Um, and I will do it in my own rude style. So even if she doesn't get mad, she'll get mad at me and it'll be some more laughs for you guys. So once again, thanks to everybody's been going to Amazon.com. Like I said, kicks it my way. And then I kick it 10% of it over to the, uh, to support the wounded warriors project. How do you not support that? Right? That is it.

That's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. Don't take any shit. Man, a woman. If you're on Facebook and you got the fucking, uh, smartphone, the smart phone, dude, it's smarter than you are. Okay. And the, and that they're fucking talking to their exes, dump them.

It's over. You know what they're doing. You know what they're doing. Right. Don't fucking ask me, you know what they're doing. All right. That's it. Go fuck yourselves with the metaverse firefighters will one day be able to use augmented reality

to navigate burning buildings, saving them crucial seconds when lives are on the line. The metaverse may be virtual, but the impact will be real. Learn more at meta.com slash metaverse impact.