Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-1-18

Episode Date: October 2, 2018

Bill rambles about the Forum, helicopter stunts, and going with your gut.

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What are you doing? Are you gonna go sober? October? Come on man, it rhymes, everybody's doing it I think Rogan and those guys are doing it again I would do it, but I'm doing Boston this weekend And there's no fucking way, okay? Just certain cities you can't stay sober in, alright? And that's one of them, so How about take it easy, October?

Settle down there, fucking October Anyways, I just got back from Denver I'll tell you, what a weekend I had By the way, the fucking cab driver almost killed me Coming home for the fucking airport She was a sweetheart, right? Talking about kids, she's a grandmother and all that Oh wow, it's gotta be amazing and blah blah

She goes to make a left onto my street And as she turns her left hand signal on For whatever reason, she just starts drifting And she's coasting up to where she's gonna stop To make a left, she starts drifting like Over like the white dotted line there Into the right lane So now people can't go in the left lane

And she's also in the right lane And I'm literally like moving away from the door Like what the fuck? And people are slowing down, beeping at her So she just cuts the wheel hard Rather than pulling up a little bit and getting in the lane She cut the wheel hard, so her fucking ass Her right ass cheek of her Prius

Was sitting in that fucking lane and I'm like Oh my god, we're gonna get killed So there's all these cars coming And people are beeping at her And I could feel her getting stressed So I just calmly just said Yeah, you know, there's a lot of traffic this time of day You know, there's always a lot of traffic, you know

Just nice and fucking chill Like I'm not getting impatient, right? But she's still gotten patient and she saw a gap And she shoots through it And I see this fucking guy on a motorcycle That's a little ahead of the pack of the cars You know, it's two lanes on the other side of the road He's on the right lane

And she pulls out And I just go, guy on the motorcycle, guy on the motorcycle I thought that the guy was gonna fucking t-bone Right into me And she gets across the street and she laughs at me She goes, I saw him I saw him It's like you fucking saw him and you still went

I'm telling you that she needed glasses Because every time she would pull up to a red light She would stop like 20 car lengths behind And then slowly like creep up So I don't know what her fucking deal was She's like, I saw him I saw him Yeah, I saw him too

You just didn't see the fucking look on his face Looked like Eli Manning two weeks ago You know when his face was all mushed up He had that, you know, like you saw that chicken in the ring And yeah, that's one of those things where I was just like I know what that feels like She scared the fucking shit out of that guy Because he had like a bunch of cars behind him too

And he had fucking slam on, not slam, but he had to like It was definitely... Alright, let's be honest You almost die every time you get on a motorcycle It's pretty much what happens So I would say on a scale of 1 to 10 That was, it was a good 6 It was a 6

But a 6 on a motorcycle is a fucking, you know That's like a 9 in a car It's probably even worse It's even worse because like, you know, you got airbags and shit It's, yeah Anyways I saw him I saw him

Fucking laughing at me Like I'm a fucking little girl in the back seat I'm like, hey, you know I don't know where you're from with that Transylvanian fucking accent But I don't know how you do it over there We ain't got bat wings over here, baby! So anyways What was it?

Friday night I actually did a sold out show at the Fabulous Forum In Los Angeles The same place Where, you know Larry Bird, Magic Johnson Had their great battles With Kevin McHale fucking clothesline

Fucking Kurt Rambus All of that shit I saw the great Mario Lemieux play there I saw Wayne Gretzky play there I remember seeing the 1999 Lakers there With like fucking Shaq and Kobe with Del Harris Coaching and I believe Dennis Rodman was on that team And then I, you know, I saw the Foo Fighters

I saw the Queens of the Stone Age I saw a bunch of shows there And then all of a sudden I'm fucking there, man It was unbelievable So I want to thank everybody who came out to the show Not gonna lie Might have been the best show of my career I thank fucking Christ

Because I had a bunch of friends there And that was not the one where you wanted to walk off stage like Eh, I hit the warning track And never, not always good It was an impressive pop-up To make it out to end the inning bill But we went down there During the day

And Dean and all these guys went down there And, you know, did the deal You know, set up the drums and all that We played, Dean was posting clips and shit Dean's never sung any better And it was just, it was fucking, it was awesome But I almost fucked up Because we played from 2.30 to like 6 o'clock

2.30 to fucking 6 o'clock And like, I was gassed around 5 And then another buddy of ours showed up right at 5 So we played for like another hour And the foreign people were so cool Because they wanted us done by like 5.30 And we just kept pushing it a little bit And I got off the stage

And I was fucking wiped out And I was like, oh no, did I just fucking Use up all my energy for the show But fortunately, you know, the butterflies Get going and everything And it was so fucking cool They got a, they gave me this little gift bag I'll tell you this for when you guys

Work there eventually, right? When you guys listen to it, when you fucking sell it out They got a, it says, what did it say? The forum backstage It was this really super fucking high quality Like tote bag, something that I would never take But it had, it had, like, it was embroidered And it had, like, the forum logo on it

Then inside it had a bunch of t-shirts And fucking hoodies and stuff That all said that backstage thing on it So it's kind of a fucking obnoxious thing to wear If you have it I guess you'd have to know You'd be like, oh, that guy must have fucking Performed at the forum

But it was fucking, it was so cool So anyway, so I'm waiting to go up And I got to, Dean and fucking Joe Bartnick destroyed And they went up there Like they were going up at, like, the fucking The store or the laugh factory Not an ounce of nerd Dean's always just fucking got his arms up

Like, this is gonna be fucking awesome So he went up there Crushed it, comes off stage He's got, like, goosebumps and shit Fucking, you know, Christmas morning grin on his face And then Bartnick goes up there Just fucking levels the place And, uh, I don't know

I kind of fed off that I'm like, well, these guys aren't even fucking nervous So I went out there And the sound is incredible in that place Because now it's strictly a music venue So they fixed all the sound and, you know Shit wasn't bouncing around all over the place And the crowd, you know

You could bring them up You could bring them down to a whisper And then get them going again And I did, like, 90 minutes Literally didn't want to get up to stage But I was so fucking Focused on having a good show Because, uh, you mean

Every time I land at LAX I look at that building And also the new football stadium they're making But I always look at the LA Forum And I always just think of the Showtime Lakers And the Boston Celtics and, uh And the Pistons when they played them in the fond Just think of all of that, like, legendary 80s

NBA hoop And, uh, if I fucking had a bad set there Every time I landed I'd have to be like Oh, and I bombed there So, um I was on stage about 40 minutes Before I finally stopped and took in The fact that I was there

I was so, like, you know Focused on just having a good show And I fucking, I'm not gonna lie to you I got all of that one I walked out of there, no fucking regrets So, um, I really want to thank everybody I know I've already said that But I really want to thank everybody that showed up

That was, like, the fucking night of my life And, um You know, I had this great after-party There was all these friends People from Ephesus family Comedians and people I took acting class with My wife went out of the way

And, you know, invited all these friends and families And, um, it was fucking killer, right? And, but typical me I'm sitting there, I'm having a good time And all that shit And then it's just like I have, like, a 9.44 a.m. flight The next day

To go to fucking Denver, right? To work with fucking the Pride of Trent New Jersey, Paul Verzi, right? So, I kind of learned something, right? Because I went the next day I went to Denver And it was this beautiful opera house, right? Just fucking beautiful

But it had these really high, high, high ceilings And the balconies were way in the back And I think that's so those, you know People sing opera that are ridiculous So they can just blast it out And it just fills up the whole arena Like, that's something I, you know When I was in Italy

I wanted to go to one of those And just see what the big deal was, you know See if it made me cry If I had to bring a handkerchief That's the funny shit ever Those old Italian guys going there fucking crying So, it was designed for that Then I came in there with my fucking

Dickens shit show And, uh, I couldn't really hear myself In the first show And I was kind of shouting And I had gone on Twitter And I was reading all these All this fucking, you know, hysteria That's on Twitter right now

With this, this, uh, Kavanaugh And, uh, Ford thing going on And it's, it's just Everybody is just yelling at each other And just everybody is making these fucking I'm doing it right now Saying everybody But there's a lot of people

Are just making these fucking Huge, huge, huge statements On both sides All of them just inflammatory For the most part And, um I was, you know I just, it's just fucking insane

So many people were making the case About themselves Under the guise of supporting The defendant, you know And then there was all these other Fucking idiots on the other side Like, uh, you know, fuck that bitch Meathead shit

And, um I mean, I'm a comedian I gotta know what's going on So I was just sort of reading that And it just sort of affected my Attitude when I went on stage I think I just came out too fucking hard And sounded too angry

And I had to kind of adjust On the, uh, the second show And then I couldn't really hear myself Um, but we got it fixed For the next show And then Sunday night it was great But, uh, I kind of learned something Where it's like when you do a show

As big as that You just, you don't want to do it again For like five days, you know And then go to a really fucking small place Kind of bomb a little bit And just sort of shake off the memory Of what you just did And then you can just go back

To be a normal again Because, um, I was like, uh I was all over the map The first show Like, I was still thinking about The forum the night before Going, oh wait, I did the joke this Because, you know, it was fucking

It was an incredible experience Um, the only thing I can equate it to Is when I drank a Guinness in Ireland And I remember drinking it going This fucking doesn't taste any different Than America And then I came back to America And I fucking drank a Guinness

And I almost spit it out So then what I had to do Was I had to go fucking Drink like bushlight, you know And work my way back up to American Guinness Where it tasted good again You know what I mean? I think when you have like a big fucking night

It's probably not a good idea To have a 944 a.m. flight The next fucking day And then have to go, you know I don't know, I don't know I was like, I was kind of Beating myself up going, I hope But at the end of the show

They fucking stood up And they had a good time And I was like, oh, that was one of those ones Like, I couldn't hear the fucking laughter So, um, I want to thank everybody In Denver who came out Just fucking crazy And saying great crowds tonight

This is just me kissing everybody's fucking ass Thank you for, you know And Denver's a place that I've always loved going But I didn't really get to get out too much You know, because I felt like I was going to get sick And for once in my fucking life I actually was like, you know what I'm just going to stay in the fucking hotel room

And just rest up Which is basically what I did So I didn't even get, you know I always walk around, I always go out They have like these train track things You know And there's all these like fucking white kids You see out there, it's like

Is that kid homeless? Or is he playing hacky? Like with a hacky sack? What the fuck? Like, you know, a lot of that fucking Weed vibe, you know And they got all this great fucking food And I missed all of it

But I did go to church shows last night And had a nice fucking cigar So, um, anyways Sorry, man I know this is like a big fucking hallmark Goddamn podcast But whatever It's not every day you do the forum

I don't know if I'll ever fucking get to do that again Hopefully I will If I don't I did it I couldn't have done it any fucking better Dude, they painted my name on the fucking wall You know, you look around It's just like AC, DC, James Brown

All of this fucking shit And there's my stupid name I mean, I'm sure they're going to park The forklift in front of it But, uh, whatever For one night For one night Um, anyways, um

Let's talk formula one racing I keep forgetting Because my fucking DVR got fucked up I watched the highlights Lewis Hamilton won over there I believe it was in Russia, right? And it's the question I have for all you fucking Race fans out there

Can somebody explain to me Like, BOTAS is winning the fucking race You know? And then like, you know Because Lewis Hamilton, you know He wants to fuck He's in second And Vettel is in third

And Hamilton has a lead But if he gets in first Then he'll have a 50-point fucking lead And Rosberg is his teammate So the team asks Rosberg to get out of the way So Lewis can pass him And then his job is just basically then to be a cunt To basically race

Against Sebastian Vettel To keep the Ferrari team distant I mean, he basically, you know For all extensive purposes He pretty much wrapped up the fucking thing Unless he crashes or something Vettel comes in first But even then he would only cut his lead in half

And like, Hamilton always makes the fucking podium So I get the whole teammate thing But I remember when fucking him and Nico Rosberg Were going at it Two years ago And the team asked Lewis to fucking move to the side He's like, nah, I'm good I'm good

And I'm sitting there like going, all right Is that because the way he's made up He's a champion That's what makes him a champion Should Botas spend like, nah, nah, I'm fucking good I'm good Was Lewis in a position Because he's such a star

To say, no, I'm good To the fucking team And Botas isn't yet But dude, the guy was like fucking I mean, these guys is what they do They fucking race It goes against everything in their fucking nature To do it at the end of the race

Lewis was just like, yeah Valtteri, he was a gentleman out there today And blah, blah I wanted somebody to be like, hey, Lewis Would you have done that for him? I don't think you would have Anyways, Max Verstappen got driver of the day He had like fucking three penalties

He started way in the back And just within five laps Was up to like fifth or sixth place It was like watching fucking Stroker Race You know when you watch a movie He's like, nobody can pass people It doesn't happen like that in a race If you started in 19th

Take you the whole fucking race To get up to the front This guy in five laps Gave everybody the old right there, Fred So I got my DVR set for that And I'm back in with the MotoGP And very excited to be watching that shit I just got all these run of dates

Right up until the Chicago Theater And then, oh, Billy Boy's year is done My fucking year is done I got a couple of fucking whatever I got to promote Effis for Family Season 3 Whenever we get the date And we'll be doing that towards the end of the year

So I will be kind of... It never ends That's basically what I'm saying I'll be flying around fucking promoting the show But I won't be doing like shows So my year ends with the Chicago Theater Right after MSG Master Square Garden

Then that's it Hopefully I'll be watching the Patriots In fucking first place And the AFC East Huge, huge fucking win Do you realize if we lost yesterday We would be three games behind the Dolphins Essentially making plans to

Try to get the wild card That looked like the Patriots team That I've been spoiled to watch every week We got a short week though And I don't think Edelman's back on Thursday So we'll see We shall see And I was so pulling for the fucking Cleveland Browns

To get two wins in a row But I like the Raiders too So it was kind of cool But I just wanted to see, you know I don't know I've already just I've already mentally dealt with the fact That Brady's not going to be here

In a couple of years And all these young kids that I see Are coming up Are going to be the next ones And so I don't want to hate on them So I'm just fucking rooting for them Even though I know we're going to go right

In the fucking SHIT UP The second Tom Tommy fucking leaves the goddamn facility Oh by the way Did I fucking call the NFC South Or did I call it I fucking told you

There's no defense in that entire division Look what happened when they played The fucking Bears who had a defense What the fuck was the score? It was like 48 to fucking 7 Let's see here NFL scores What do we got here?

What do we got here? Of course Every goddamn score except that one Who do you guys like tonight? The Chiefs of the Broncos I would take the Broncos and the points It's because the division rivalry games Are always close

And everyone's going to be all about Oh my god My home or whatever the fuck his name is This guy's a juggernaut He's due to have a bad game Right? He's a rookie It'll happen

Bucking it I mean the bucking is The fucking Broncos They play the Chiefs twice a year Then they're not afraid of these fucking assholes I would take them in the points Vaughn Miller Will be a fucking pain in that guy's side

That's what I would do But Verzi's going to go to the game And he's going to bury He's going to bury the fucking Chiefs Who knows? We'll see who's right Oh the score was 48 to 10 bears And I was also right about the Yankees

After we swept them Oh yeah it's fucking over The Yankees are still a year away Red Sox are looking like they're going to win The World Series Look what happens It's on Chris Sale Can't get fucking healthy

Price can't beat the Yankees The Yankees win four The next fucking six And they're one winner today They win today I think they play the Red Sox And there you go It's like when you watch Friday the 13th

They'd always fucking knock Jason down And they'd hack him one fucking time And then Iggy always get back up You got to finish him off It ain't over till it's over So we shall see But I'm telling you my call is I think the Indians and the Astros

Terry Francona scares the shit out of me And when I saw the Astros Win the first two games against the Red Sox And they had a chance They were winning And then we rallied And we were ahead And then all of a sudden right at the end of the game

They had a chance of sweeping us And winning that last game They were all up on the top step Of the dugout The whole fucking dugout We're all standing up there Like let's sweep their fucking asses And I think they're feeling a little disrespected out there

So we shall see Have I said one funny fucking thing This entire thing I've just been giving out information Speaking of which more information All things comedy ATC.com We are releasing our first

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So you can watch it What is the date they fucking put this thing out Hopefully I got it Okay, this Thursday You can stream it At ATCspecials.com Now this is huge for our website here That you guys watch it

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And I don't want to be doing somebody else's bit Who can't even call me out on it Alright, but if you guys can just send me Like I just want to read The craziest tweet From most self-involved To

Angriest, craziest Both liberal and And conservative because everybody's just fucking Like Freakin' out Somebody wrote The Me Too movement is getting out of hand Now it only takes 20 accusers

To slightly inconvenience a wealthy Man With unchecked power That's what I like how everybody like fudges the numbers It's like no, that's not what happened That's not what, no, there's been Just one person says something And then somebody loses their fucking career

And then it's investigated And then a month later finds out That it was bullshit And then nobody, everybody who is trash In the person, nobody issues a fucking Apology to the person And then the person who's innocent has to Then fucking try to

Figure out how to get You know, they have to strategize As an innocent person how to get back into The fucking business Um You know, but I don't want everything just to be Trash in Me Too, like, because like I'll be honest with you, okay

I like that Ford woman, I believe her I do, you know And this was the big thing for me was The fact that she's been telling this story She's told to a therapist, she's been She came forward before against this Fucking guy, I mean If this is really just to take this guy down

This has got to be the, she's like the terminator Of like, you know And he's just, and I can't Understand if he's just Guilty or like He's a guy right there Going to grab the brass ring and it's going to His fucking shorts are getting yanked down

And I can't tell if he's just Fucking wigging out Because I haven't watched any of it, but I just Read some details, so I'm really like I'm not going to sit down and fucking Give myself jury duty, why the fuck Would I do that? You know, I'll fucking, you know

I'll watch the highlights You know, I saw Matt Damon Crushing it, doing that, my favorite thing was It came out and they said, Mr. Cavanaugh Mr. Cavanaugh, he just goes, what? Anyways, yeah, he's just like all over The fucking map And

It reminds me of the Kennedy-Nixon debate And I know that's really a hacky fucking thing I'm not saying she's coming off like Kennedy I'm just saying he's coming off like Nixon You know how to sit, he had sweat on his forehead And it's like, he's a judge Like this guy's not supposed to be a performer So

I don't know, it's just one of those things If the guy's guilty I hope they say he's guilty And if he's innocent, I hope they say He's fucking innocent so he doesn't get screwed over Because that's what everybody should want here You know You shouldn't just want a guy to go free

Because you're a guy, and you shouldn't just want A guy to get his life burned down Because You know, you're a woman You should, you know It's kind of, you know, it's weird It's like people are starting to root for this shit The way they root for their sports team

Where if they have a One of their players does a piece of shit moved Ah, it's not that bad, but then somebody else Ah, there's a piece of shit We're not, you know But anyways, just so there's some sort of Fucking humor in it, because It really fucked with my attitude

That I set Saturday night And that's not fair to the people, you know Paying to see a show So Someday, like yesterday, I just started seeing The humor in it, and I just started Reading them to Verzi And I would just

I'd just go, hey, Paul Like Dead Sears, and then I would read the tweet Like I was saying it, oh wait, doesn't Jimmy Fallon do that? Do I have one original fucking idea? Somebody does that, oh no, somebody has They'll read their fucking hate mail Alright, well Now you know why my act is the level that it's at

Because I don't have a fucking original idea When are they gonna decide with this fucking guy? By the way You know, and how the fuck do you do an investigation In a goddamn week? Trying to make sure everybody's stories match up Over something from fucking 30 years ago I don't know man

I don't think you just go with your gut As far as just If you're just sitting at home But like the fact that What's at stake That's what they're gonna base it on I think Like hey, he fucking

Seemed crazy She seemed believable She seemed coach He seems like a passionate family man You know, I guess that No, that doesn't happen when you sit on a jury Fucking They have to prove it

We own a saddle, I mean it's fucking nuts But then when you get into corporations and shit Which you saw with Tom Brady, it's just like No, if we say you're suspended, you're fucking suspended Go fuck yourself, or civil court Like that shit where O.J. gets acquitted He's not guilty In a court of law

But he's guilty In What a civil court So it's like you're not going to jail But we're taking everything you own You know, which is crazy to me Because now you got a murderer Walking around pissed off that you just

Took his bed Either put him in jail and take all his Shit, or let him go back to his house But fuck, if you think the guy murdered Somebody, don't take all his Shit, now he's going to the fucking store He's mad again So it happened the first time he got mad

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Trial plus postage and a digital scale Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone At the top of the homepage and type in Burr, that's stamps.com Enter Burr Alrighty Alrighty Alright, let's get into the reeds here

For this week Remembering passwords, alright You know something I actually Had one of the few patient moments In my life and I tried to Because I don't know my iCloud password So I finally just After a year of just keep

Exing that window 90 times every time I turn on my fucking computer Um I finally went on the internet And just googled how to reset it Which I did and I was so excited Because the window finally went away And then I shut off my computer

And then you know he turned it back on And wants you to re- Put in the fucking password Which I did and now it's not accepting it I'm right back to square one I remember the first time I typed it in It didn't work and I did it again And it didn't work and as I was hitting

Send or whatever Or login the third time I literally said in my brain, Bill don't snap Just relax, you'll figure it out And then it didn't go in and I went out What the fuck, how many fucking times do I have to Every fucking time Anyways, you know what's actually helping

My temper is watching everybody losing theirs On the internet, I'm just sitting there going Wow, that's what I sound like Jesus Christ, my wife's living with this I think I'm gonna buy her some shoes Um Some matching earplugs Hey Bill, I was just listening to the

Latest podcast Check out Dashlane for passwords It's easy to use and you can sync it Across your computer, phones, etc It auto-populates your username And passwords, hope it helps That is definitely somebody young Who wrote that in

Dude, why would I The purpose of the password Is that nobody else knows it That's like when they Life lock Life lock is the funniest fucking thing In the world to me, yeah give us all your Personal fucking information

Now not only do I have to trust you Okay You at this company have now created A Fort Knox Of, well I guess Fort Knox never gets broken into You've created a basic A giant fucking Sack of cash in the walls

That everybody's now gonna try to get to Why fucking waste my time trying to Hack an account here, a hack an account here When I can just hack life lock And get everybody's fucking shit I appreciate you trying to help me out But I'm gonna just continue on You know

I don't know If they're gonna hack in they're gonna hack in But I can just never fucking remember My fucking passwords And I don't want to like Have somebody else do it for me My brain's already turning the mush Enough as it is so

But you know people If you want to check out Dashlane D-A-S-H-L-A-N-E for passwords You are more than welcome You can get out there and try that out For yourself Alright number two, hi I heard you were struggling with managing passwords

This is another one, I've been using a password Manager called Dash Is this like a read? Dashlane for a while It's really great And creates really good Passwords For each website and automatically

Logs you in there For various browsers and also an app For macOS Love it, take care Yeah There's certain things I just don't outsource That would be one of them Here's something I have to check though

Stem, cell Therapy For Hair loss Cause I gotta tell you something I got buddies who have done this for their knees And their fucking shoulders Alright

And Our hands or something like that And they say they feel like a kid again Now if there is literally If this gets to the fucking point If this fucking shit works I might go over to Eastern Europe I'm sort of gone and I'm gonna come back

With a full head of hair How fucking weird would that be? That would just be fucking bizarre Dude, look at this shit This is why I shaved my head Look at this shit show So many of these things That they're showing

As like solutions The people still look terrible Alright Let me see Stem cell therapy for hair cell For hair loss Hang on a second Reviews

Let's see here What they say Now you know the people that do it They're just flooding it right now This is like trying to find out what's actually healthy Trying to learn about About Oh hymns

They fucking See they come up Stem cell hair loss injections Do they work I would almost do this Just for the goof Funny would be if I just came back With red hair

You know Each of us deserves a truly personal This is a fucking, this is stupid This is the thing, you cannot get past Like how far, how many pages do I have to go Where I can actually Where I can actually fucking just find An actual honest review

Alright, oh W magazine Thanks to stem cell therapy Thinning hair may be a thing Of the past You know, like back in the day When you got like a fucking boil on your face You just had to have it for the rest of your life Then you started, you had the walk

And stick and you got fucking osteoporosis And you had to go live under a bridge Now not all of that shit's gone Right And now I think that hair loss Might go the same way, alright Call me a creature or a habit or just plain boring But I've been wearing my hair long but who gives a fuck

What is this? Yeah, these are all just businesses Can I ask you young people a question How do you find the answers on the internet? I don't want A answer I want, I want the answer A hairy question Stem cell to cure baldness

In 2017 Alright, this is what I'm gonna do Cause I think there's a lot of people doing this right now I'm gonna wait for somebody just fucking Who looks like me to just walk in one day You know Looking like a fucking All of a sudden just looking like a rock star

And when that fucking goes down I gotta be, how do you lay off I never liked all that other shit cause they're like Yanking shit from the back and sticking it on top And then it's just like, you know, does it work, does it not work But they just go just, you know You just sit down And they go bang bang bang bang boom

On top of your fucking head, right Well, you're just watching I don't know, an episode of fucking SWAT or something Then you just leave You come back, you look like you're in the fucking BGs Oh wait a minute, most of them were bald, right Oh yeah, they were all bald, right

We're all dead, one of them has hair plugs Alright They're like the Kennedys of Falsetto Right, there's like a million of them They just fucking get up there, right Alright, Millennial water crisis Dear Beantown Billy

In your recent Conan interview And this past Thursday you talked about Not understanding why millennials freak out Over the water bottle flipping thing Even with all the great technology we have Yes, why do you guys freak out It's actually not millennials It's the generation after

Which I keep fucking forgetting 18 years old Generation name Is it, what is it, alpha, what is it Generation Z You motherfucker Generations, which generation are you I literally looked this up and I already told you guys

The fucking answer, I already forget Yeah, generation alpha, no 2013 to 2025 Sorry, no, 1995 Okay, generation Z Alright Generation Z That's what they are

That fucking water bottle trick Yeah, why is that, he says Or she says I thought I'd explain my perspective On it as a millennial And I think you'd appreciate the humor Alright, as long as you're 23 to 38 You're a millennial

You bringing up the great technology We have is part of the joke Oh, it's a joke, I'm 26 Bam, he nailed it And for my entire life Advertising, sporting events, technology Everything has been getting increasingly Sold to us as the next big thing

Or the best thing ever Or a once in a lifetime experience It's all just the same shit Rehashed over and over with brighter colors And bigger letters This year's iPhone is barely better than the last But fuck it, they'll charge a grand more And people will believe it's better

I like this person Fucking critical thinking It's a fucking lost art here Some drop in F-bombs all over the place Freaking out over a water bottle being flipped Is funny, it's the most simple thing There's no fanfare No tickets being sold, nothing to advertise

It's just someone flipping a water bottle So let's freak the fuck out If it lands upright, that'll be funny That's how I see it at least That was really informing, thank you Love the podcast, thanks for the hours Of free entertainment, they mean a lot to me Go fuck yourself, alright, thank you

Well, there we go I finally got an answer on the internet Um, okay Helicopter scene Or I got the answer, I like to think Helicopter scene from the Terminator 2 Hey, old Billy, 50-year-old I'm a big fan of the podcast, Efforts for Family

And I especially like that you're a fan of MotoGP I can't get enough of it Even though I missed the last couple of fucking races Because this is a long story We had issues with our TVs Also, thanks for introducing me to Tails From the Tour Bus with Mike Judge Oh my god, you gotta watch that show

It's fucking incredible I'm not really looking for any advice this time Just saw this short video with Director's commentary Link below About the skilled helicopter pilot In Terminator 2 I thought you might like it Anyways, thanks and have a great weekend

I'll definitely post a link for that It's that scene in Terminator 2 Where the skinny guy The next level Terminator guy Um He's in a building and then there's like a helicopter Hovering next to it and he basically turns to Sort of this uh

Sort of like a plasma TV sort of type of Liquid And he just sort of Pushes his face into the fucking helicopter And then he's sitting next to the guy And he tells the guy to jump out And then he starts chasing him down the street And um, I think it was

Was it James Cameron who did that movie? Um, he was talking about Being in the helicopter and how they went from 1,000 feet down to 4 feet off the fucking Ground In like 2 seconds And having that feeling of weightlessness Um

I was literally like Stunt flying in helicopters Scares the fucking shit My palms get sweaty when I watch it I don't know why because with like I just just something about the main rotor I just feel like you're gonna hit something with that And then you're gonna be fucked

But if someone does it in a plane It doesn't freak me out as much Like the plane seems like it's more designed to do that You know, even though If you clip something with your wing you're fucked But there's just something about it Hey, here's a question for you guys in aviation Right?

I'm just a fucking weekend warrior, right? Who got zero hours this past month I got so busy Um I was watching that Tom Cruise movie That was a great movie where he played this uh This drug smuggler And it's a long story

But the three of them were flying in planes And the DEA was chasing them The DEA had like a fucking jet And they just had like a twin engine So they were able to fly much slower And so the The DEA kept catching up and then would pass them And then loop around, catch up to them

And then pass them because it, you know He couldn't fly as slow or he'd fall out of the fucking sky So eventually The DEA runs out of gas It was gonna run out of fuel So they have to turn and go back So they just basically waited them out So the joke is

Then the three planes are supposed to Peel off to the right to go to the drop Where they're gonna drop the drugs Two of them peel off, the other one does it And they figure it out because the guy fell asleep He had an autopilot I guess So Tom Cruise is trying to fucking Wake the guy up

Alright He can't wake him up so he comes up with his plane And he just ever so slightly Just Hits his wing The guy's sleeping wing with his wing Right? There's no fucking way you can do that Correct?

You know, I know I've seen these guys Refuel and you know, you kind of bump into that thing But it's made out of like rubber, right? I know I'm sounding like a fucking moron But I was looking at that going, that's not possible Wait, is it possible? Is that a true story that the drug smuggler Told? I mean, I've seen guys

In fucking helicopters Not check their surrounding areas Make a turn And the main rotor blade fucking Does a nice trim job with some trees And this is what always blows my mind These fucking assholes Don't immediately set it down and check

If they did any damage to the blade They just fucking pull power and they take off Like they're the fucking Like they're a landscaper with the most Goddamn overhead ever I was just like, why didn't he just yell Into the fucking headphones? I mean he did But I don't know

Anyways, that's just a question I have I know, halfway through that I just In my head I was like, there's no fucking way You can do that, Bill Why would you risk that? You know? Gal at work Had dream about me

Oh, here we go, Jesus Christ We got a red shoe diary here Now listen, if you have a dream About a woman at work, don't fucking tell You did I don't think you can do that anymore Roy, I had a fucking Dream about you

I was laying there, Roy, you came in And you had your girls out, Roy Alright, hey Billy Dozer Bill Dozer, I get it Hey Bill Dozer, I get it I have a story you may find humorous Slash scary, it concerns a lady I work with

So I've been talking to this chick for a few days And I know she digs me Lots of touching, closeness, yada yada Bullshit, I like her But I'm now concerned This morning she told me she had a dream About us dating For five years

In addition to this, she claimed I failed To propose to her During those five years Oh yeah, dude, this is an open and shut case Yeah, fucking God bless this woman For being honest, dude Walk away

Slowly briskly Anything, you can do anything you want Because you're not in a relationship Anyways, she goes now, am I wrong for thinking This was completely crazy It sounded sort of made up Which made it ten times worse, exactly I like the girl

But with this statement, I kind of feel like She wants to keep me In a body bag or some shit If there's one fucking thing That I learned in my adult life That it is go with your gut Go with your gut You know something, I fucking

Like three weeks ago I was talking to this guy And who's on the road He's a tour manager for All the, you know Other fucking people, right And he told me One of his clients was at this particular club

And this particular club I always had a feeling The club owner was stealing from me It was just something about his vibe You know, I just, I just could feel it I just, I was like This person either doesn't like me Or they're fucking stealing from me

I just, it was weird And a couple weeks ago I was talking to this person and that club owner's name came up He said, oh yeah, he goes, I caught that guy Putting another extra row of fucking chairs in there Blah, blah, blah, blah, and I was like I fucking knew it, I knew it And my gut was literally saying

And for the longest time I didn't listen to it This person wants to put you in a body bag or some shit Yeah, that's, that's the feeling you're going to go Into a relationship with Anyways, I privately consulted some folks We work with about her dream Probably a bad idea, absolutely A bad idea

Absolutely a bad idea, if this is a spy movie Like those people are now running for their lives After you get whacked Because they know they also have the information Anyways, and they seem to think She's simply an awkward girl They think I should give her a shot This sounds like you talk to women

Because they're inserting Because of what happens They insert themselves into the fucking situation And, you know, they That's just how it is Now if you ask the fucking guy You know, I don't know what we do We cock block is what the fuck we do

It's funny, women encourage Go ahead, go, go Data, data, you know We fucking cock block It's bad, anyways, what do you think Billy butt plug, am I being too harsh Or is she doing her best Freddy Krueger impression

Thanks, you go with the gut, dude You know what I mean That's going to be the wife of your kids You're going to have to say that to your kids one day What was it like when you first met your mother Well, she met our mother Well, it was cool, but then I got the vibe That she wanted to keep me in a body bag

Of some shit You guys want to get ice cream? You know, fuck that, dude Fuck that, I would Go with you, got plenty of fish in the sea Walk away Dated for five years and you didn't You didn't propose to me

She's already putting pressure on you I don't know if somebody's putting pressure on her Or she's putting pressure on herself But like, that's her fucking problem That's not your, you want that in your life Spaceflight I want to fly like an eagle In outer space

There's no fucking air Look at my fucking face Hey, Bill, if you could download Your consciousness into a computer Slash robot In order to travel into space Would you? What the fuck, I don't even know what that means

Download my consciousness Into a computer slash robot In order to travel into space Would you? No How could I do that? Can you do that now? You can do that and it can't cure hair loss? Dude, that's the biggest fucking scam ever

I mean, the point of moving your consciousness Is to live longer And not have the survival Requirements we normally have Like oxygen, food Oh, and having to take shits You might just need some electricity Which seems easier to produce

Than oxygen And food in a long ass space Ride, I don't know My girlfriend broke up with me like a month ago And I'm drunk Just spitballing here Wait a minute I gotta see if this is like some shit they're working on right now

This is how dumb I am This is how behind the time I am in technology Like I'm actually seeing Can you wait, can you download your consciousness Are you fucking up here? What do I look up here? What fucking list am I gonna get put on If I fucking look this up?

Downloading Consciousness Mind uploading What enough? Okay, and as a picture it says Cyborg Whole brain Emulation

Mind upload Or brain upload Sometimes called mind copying Or mind transfer Is the hypothetical futuristic process Of scanning the mental state Including long term memory And self of a particular brain

Substrate and copy it To a computer Do you realize That you could At first Okay, let's just say they could do that Like they could do that right now The dumbest thing to do

Is to be part of that first wave And do it, don't fucking do it Because you don't know what's gonna happen And then also very quickly They're gonna be like Well are there some things that I could like Maybe just delete Some memories, like if you had some chick

You could never get over You could just delete that out of your brain You know Or if something really fucking humiliating Happened to you That caused you to become like Introverted, maybe you could get rid of that Maybe you could become a better person

Or is it the painful things That make us stronger That make us who we are When we return We'll be bringing Dr. Joyce Brothers in here I never understood all those doctors Like Dr. Joyce Brothers Today she's on the Hollywood Squares

It's like what point were you Practicing medicine You know Celebrity That's the last thing I'm gonna look up here History of Celebrity I can't fucking spell the word

Celebrity Psychologists Who's the first one List of psychologists Timelines of psychology History of psychology I should have Tom Cruise on it Cause he knows the whole history of psychology

Dude he called it He called that guy GLIB Years later you found out that GLIB son of a bitch Had a fucking goddamn problem The breadth of diversity of psychology Could be seen by looking at some of the What the fuck Just give me the list

BF Gene Piaget Sigmund Freud These people have to be the most boring looking People I've ever seen in my life Albert, Bandura, Leon Festing I always felt like Dr. Phil looked like a corrupt cop

Doesn't he He's got a fucking pistol in his shoe That after he accidentally kills you He fucking puts it in your hand Eric Erickson Sounds like a fake name He's got the white hair like Albert Einstein The mustache

That was like the smart look back in the day Celebrity Therapists This is my last My last Attempt here What the fuck was Dr. Joyce

Brothers Television Vice show pioneer Oh she was a pioneer, oh she died 85 Now I feel like an asshole That wasn't really shit not all right like You know Some vacation after he did your paper

He came home, she was on a fucking game Oh she was on in the afternoon Joyce Brothers passes away peacefully at her home In New York City on Monday Joyce Brothers, the mother of pop psychology That's what I want to look up Pop So that kind of just means you don't have to be good at it

Right you just have to be like Psychologists with personalities So she was the first one Pop psychology Personalities How can I get to what the fuck I want here History of personality Psychology

I use the word personalities now I'm into the ten famous psychologists And they're fucking achieving Can somebody fucking help me out here Can somebody teach me how to use the internet I give up, no I don't give up I'm just going to take a break for the rest of the day I'm going to play with my kiddo

And I'm going to fucking Boston this week baby I got Springfield On Thursday, I got the TD Bank North fucking garden All right Friday And then I'm fucking in Connecticut Where I think where the fucking Hatford Wailers used to play

This is ridiculous How did this happen How did somebody who flunked everything in high school I got to get these gigs out of the fucking way Before somebody figures it out Thank you to everybody who bought all these goddamn tickets I'm going to eat perfect And fucking work out and being the best

Most rested shape I can to give you your fucking money's worth Because this is a really humbling experience Like I said, I don't know if I'll ever get to do it again So I'm going to get all of it And I will I'm going to post some videos of I'm going to be fucking jamming with some friends of mine That I used to fucking play with

Way back in the day when I was living outside of Boston We'd be at the fucking garden Playing fucking AC DC When we were in the forum It was so, you know, you get together Hey, do you know this song, do you know that song The one that we all fucking came together on Was

Van Halen ain't talking about love I played that The Alex Van Halen parts In the fucking LA forum I got to tell you dude, it was fucking The sickest fucking I can't even explain it You just sitting on the drum chair going

This is where fucking John Bonham looked out This is nuts, this is fucking nuts This is where I saw John Theodore Like a fucking year ago Crushing it on the drums We've got the fucking red acrylic Ludwig said Unbelievable So anyways, that's the podcast

I will check in on you on Thursday Go fuck yourselves Go Pat's and I'm calling it right now Take the Broncos with the points Alright now, so the decision you need to make is Okay Bill just said what he's going to do Alright, this is like crap

So I bet on the pass or the don't pass line Alright, it's up to you So don't fucking whine to me if you lose your money That's what I'm betting I don't even know the spread I can't even name the Broncos quarterback I just know they got Von Miller

And I like that, okay Alright, bye