Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-10-22
Episode Date: October 11, 2022Bill rambles about October, the past weekend gigs, and sister wives. Fenway Merch: https://silkshopstores.com/billburrmerch/shop/products/all?page=1 Zip Recruiter: Try ZipRecruiter for free today by... going to www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Simplisafe: Claim a free indoor security camera plus 20% off with Interactive Monitoring. Go to www.Simplisafe.com/BURR
Transcript
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Hey, what's going on?
It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, August 10th, 2022.
I love saying that, 22, it's almost over.
Oh, geez, we're sliding into the holidays there.
You go to your local grocery store, the pumpkins are out.
You know, got to get a good one.
Don't pick it up by its stem, Dorothy.
Daughty.
Oh, I told you not to pick it up by its stem, didn't I?
I'm not coming down on you.
Oh, you can't tell her anything.
You know, she's on her third marriage.
It's probably because she grabs a cock like that.
Anyway, you go into the you go into the fucking the grocery store, you know, it's hilarious
when all of a sudden it's the holidays.
There's just sugar fucking right up at the front of the right at the front of the store.
You come in, there's all all the candy for Halloween, the candy corns, who the fuck is
still buying that shit is beyond me.
The candy corn.
But like hipsters buying that ironically to act like it's like good candy or something
like that.
Are there hipsters anymore?
Have they disappeared?
Are hipsters like rollerblading the one the the one fad example that I always go to?
It's like rollerblading.
You know, there's plenty of other fads I could it's like slavery, you know, everybody was
doing it.
And after the 1860s, I wasn't doing that.
Black people were selling other black people into slavery, the same justification for slavery
people use for rollerblading.
They don't see this why stick with rollerblading.
I keep it small on this podcast.
All right, just like my brain.
Okay.
The same way, if you're in aviation, you fly with within within your limits, within limits
of the aircraft and more importantly, your own limits.
I like that more importantly, your own limits.
Well, then what if you're like Chuck Yeager and you take my little egg beater up your
fucking limits away beyond my thing, Christ, you'll break it apart.
Jesus, I don't even know what I'm talking about.
Oh, I know you go into the grocery stew and they got all the sugar up front, right?
And it's all it's going to be.
It's just going to be sugar and flour and eating and fucking and sucking.
It's going to be, it's going to be all of that.
And I think it's like that.
You know, obviously everybody loves the holidays, but I think that towards the end of the year
is one of the few times that people have the time to actually take stock in what the fuck
is going on in their life.
What is going on in this runaway train of time that just keeps fucking cruising past.
And I don't seem to be getting ahead.
I don't know what's going on.
And that's the, I think, you know, if you went back into the history books, if you looked
back and saw when the seeds for the American revolution happened, I bet it was between
October and December, you know, because there wasn't a bunch of sugar laying around.
There wasn't any candy corn or Eminem's or any of that shit, right?
There wasn't any hair plucks.
So Ben Franklin sitting there, you know, looking like David Crosby, just dumb ass glasses.
He's getting older.
He still likes the ladies.
He's getting deep in the cut, you know, and people are sitting there.
You know, he's thinking like, I mean, how many more years can I be this jolly fat guy
with the kite and still get some fucking, you know, pilgrim pussy?
This is all true, by the way, so I need to have some sort of power.
Was he was he around then?
I don't even know if he was that he's, when did he fly the kite?
Was it in the 18th?
It can't be in the 1800s because they never, they never really got into the 1800s when
I was in high school.
They didn't want to do all that shit and they completely ignored slavery.
They just sort of were in genocide.
I got the, I got the nice, easy listening, you know, they put on some Kenny G.
Ba da da da da da da da da do.
They were taxing us too much so we didn't know what to do.
We got out a fucking piece of paper and now everybody fucking signed it.
Oh, then Chris Pesadix died, right?
Four shadowing every Hollywood movie for about 80 years.
The black character was going to die.
Anyway, plowing ahead here.
Yeah.
So I think like, you know, there's something, there's something about that, like the end
of the year.
I think initially it was like a celebration.
I know there's a bunch of history buffs being like, that's the end of the farming and everything
was harvested so they would have a celebration.
This podcast is not about facts, it's about having an idea, going with it, making up shit
and hoping that people believe it.
That's what I like to do.
I like, you know, instead of sending messages out in a bottle, I just send up false history.
I send it out and I see if it comes back to me.
I just want to hear how people have twisted it around.
You know, is that what you do Bill?
No, it's not what I do.
I don't know what it is I do, but I will tell you this, they got all this sugar and flour
is up front.
And now there's two different kinds of pumpkins, all right, the kind that supports America and
the other ones that need to get the fuck out.
Now, they have the smooth ones and then they have the ones with the fucking warts all over
them.
And I always want to buy a wart one because I always go on like, you know, carvingpumpkins.net,
whatever the fuck they are, TikTok, cantaloupe, what the fuck's it called, cafeteria, it's
the other one.
I was actually, I did an interview on it with Eddie Brill.
It's called, began with a C. It had something to do with like, people meeting together.
What would that be?
A word.
What's a word that means people gathering to fucking talk but not really saying anything?
And it begins with a C. Oh yeah, social media.
I spelt it the communist way with a C. Because I'm one of them Hollywood liberals that's
up there in one of them infinity pools having sex with the fucking fetus.
Yeah, on those sites where they show the fucking warded up pumpkins, like those are the ones
that like people turn into these crazy psycho old men or like they can carve like predator
or something out of it.
And I'm just not blessed with those skills.
I'm a, I'm not what the kids call it.
I believe a BB, Bill Burr, basic bitch, Bill Burr, when it comes to pumpkins.
You know, I don't have time now that I got the kids.
So I'll just do the fucking the triangles and some fucked up teeth.
But back in the day, I was really into it.
People who've been listening to this podcast since the 2000s, remember my ACDC pumpkin.
They remember my Federal Reserve pumpkin.
There's pictures of it on the internet.
You can find it.
You know, it's out there.
If you want to hear the truth, you know, if you don't, you want to keep burying your
head in the sand and keep listening to these, these lies from fucking the man, then, you
know, I don't, you know, I don't even get emotional about it.
You know why guys?
Cause I'm above it.
I'm above it.
No, I'm going to watch some pumpkin carving videos and I'm going to try to take my pumpkin
carving up to the next level.
Really Bill, is that what you're doing at 54?
That's exactly what I'm doing.
You know why?
Cause I'm not going to be on the road for the next three motherfucking weeks, motherfuckers.
I am a catch on the flip side, motherfuckers.
It's my favorite line from bridesmaids.
Catch on the flip side, motherfuckers.
Um, yeah, I don't have to do shit.
My daughter is off, uh, from school this week.
So we're going to do a bunch of daddy daughter dates, which basically involves me, uh, taking
her to all of these places that everybody brings all their kids.
It's so funny how it's like all worked out now.
There's just these places to take your kids, you know, when I was growing up, they just
sent you outside and you just met other kids and you kind of came up with your own shit.
And now it's just like, um, you know, they have like all of these stuff that fucking last
time I went, I was going to fight with that fucking dad because his 400 pound fucking
three year old was hitting my kid over the head.
Oh, and you can't say anything to anybody's fucking kid guide fucking gorilla monsoon
for five.
I can't.
I said I wasn't going to make fun of his kid.
I didn't want to do that, but I'm sorry.
Um, anyway, so we're going to be doing a bunch of that shit.
And then I got, uh, respectfully here, I got to give a shout out to two amazing comedians
that we lost this month.
Uh, first off was David A. Arnold, um, just an incredible, incredible, um, I don't know
how to describe that guy.
That guy was just like his, his energy and his vibe, like always positive, always up.
And I remember way back in the day, um, we used to do this club called, uh, it's now
it's called the comedy union.
It was called mixed nuts back in the day.
Give me if I already did this, but I don't care if I'm eulogizing them twice.
Um, we used to do this place mixed nuts and it was, and we were all roughly the same age.
It was me, him, uh, Alex Thomas, and then that other guy.
What the fuck was his name?
He was incredible.
Oh, his name came to me, Daryl Heath, Daryl Heath and all three of them were fucking
amazing, amazing comedians.
And I went down there, the white guy going down to the club.
It was funny.
It was called like mixed nuts because they wanted like everybody to come down, but it
was, uh, down in a neighborhood that, you know, white people sort of drove by didn't
stop.
So it was kind of, you know, black, oh shit, that's the club.
That was the club I went up at and I was bombing for like fucking seven minutes straight on
a hot summer night.
And then there was just nothing from the crowd.
And I just heard this, this big girl in the back just goes, I ain't laughed yet.
Oh, oh, that was a tough one.
I thought it was a rough one.
Anyway, and, um, David was kind of in and out of my life, uh, cause I ended up moving
back to, uh, New York and I lost touch with him and then I came back and I was seven,
ran into him immediately, you know, like, like nothing ever happened.
And, um, you know, just every time I met him, he was a better version of himself.
You know, a lot of people that you meet, you meet him, that's who they are.
And then you don't see him for 10 years and they're that same person that just 10 years
older, you know, but he was always better, amazing husband and father.
I went to the service, beautiful service and, um, you know, his daughter went up there
and like the stuff she said about him, I hope someday my kids say about me cause, um,
it was, it was, uh, I don't know how to describe it.
It was just like, he did it.
He absolutely crushed it as a dad and that's the most important thing and he was an amazing
comedian.
So David A. Arnold, uh, definitely be missing him, seeing him around at the clubs.
And then we had a legend.
She lost the, the great Judy Tanuda, who just was a total original.
And, um, I remember in the 80s when she first broke, it was like super, super, super, super
fucking male dominated, um, which was stupid because we, you know, already seen all these
other great comedians, you know, um, from Joan Rivers to Marsha Warfield, but for some
reason they just, I don't know.
And it became, you know, I was talking to something about that where it just became
like this really like the seventies were fucking amazing.
As far as like the amount of different kinds of sitcoms there were, it wasn't just a bunch
of white sitcoms.
They had like the, uh, you know, Sanford and Son, the Jefferson's, Good Times, Freddie
Prince had Chico and the man.
And then they had a lot of like, you know, it, you know, Hollywood sort of balance cast
for back then, but it seemed like it was moving in that direction.
I don't know what the fuck happened.
It was like Bill Cosby hit and they did a sitcom around his act and it became huge.
And you would think that that would somehow that drove it to make it more white.
Like, I don't know what happened.
And all of the seventies shit went away.
And then by the nineties, all the shows were just trying to do friends, which was just
like, you know, six good looking, pouty white people in fucking huge apartments with awesome
clothes.
Um, I don't know, I'm kind of, so anyway, getting back to Judy, so all of that shit
was going on.
And then you had like the, like the kinesines and the, um, uh, the dice clays and all this
whole new sort of style of comedy, Eddie Murphy and all of that stuff.
And in the middle of all of that, she came out and just absolutely fucking killed calling
her audience pigs and that she was their goddess and all of that.
And just her delivery and everything.
She just was a total like original.
And I've watched her before he even started doing comedy.
And I remember thinking like this person is, is the real deal.
So I wasn't, you know, she's not somebody that I ever met, unfortunately.
And I wasn't aware that she was sick, but, uh, rest in peace.
And thank you for all of your legendary standup that you did.
Um, and if you guys aren't aware of her, Judy, to new, to check her out, David, a Arnold,
check his stuff out, um, both amazing, amazing comedians that we lost.
Um, okay.
And with that, let's get on to bread and circus.
Let's talk some, let's talk a little bit of football.
Let's talk, uh, car racing, which I missed car racing, F one.
I've missed all of it this year.
Congratulations to a Sebastian Vettel, um, seemed like one of the most interesting
seasons as far as like, I don't know what happened with Mercedes this year.
Um, and Lewis Hamilton, the guy got no wins and had like only like six podiums.
So, um, I wish I was, you know, I can go online.
I'm going to watch this season when I get my, my big break, when I'm done with this tour,
I'm going to watch the whole season and get caught up because I feel like there's no
way he's going to tolerate that.
And there's no way Mercedes is going to tolerate that.
And I think next year is going to be fucking even better than this year because,
you know, seeing all those different names, Perez and all of them, and that Ferrari
kind of came back, even though every race I saw, they were doing great and they
seemed to fuck things up, but, um, it seems good now.
Like there's not just like one team dominating everybody.
Um, all right, your New England Patriots as predicted by, uh, uh, Dave
Portnoy absolutely destroyed the Lions.
Dave Portnoy came on, he said, he tweeted.
He said that they're going to fucking kill him.
And, uh, might even have said they're going to win by 30 and they won by 29.
Um, Patriots look great, zippy, zappy, whoever our fucking quarterback is.
I was flying during it.
I caught like the last couple of minutes of it.
Um, it's the first time I've seen the old Pat Patriot uniforms where I didn't
get sick to my stomach.
I was actually starting to think of like when, when Tom Brady used to wear them
when they would do that, because whenever Tom would wear it, me and my, uh,
older brother would be like, dude, I can't, like this is making me sick.
Like what, like we had like child sense memory, not that the teams were back
because we had a lot of good teams with that uniform, but it was just, we had
heartbreaking fucking losses, um, in that uniform.
So, um, Patriots look solid, man.
I mean, I know it's just the Lions, but, um, you know, I was worried that, you
know, with our, our, our backup quarterback that this was going to be like a
problem and we were going to get smoked and I don't know where we were going to
go, but, uh, I think a lot of people are sleeping on Belichick a little bit.
I think Tom Brady is, you know, the good looking dude goes down to fucking Tampa,
wins a Super Bowl and everybody just kind of went like, Oh, it was him.
It was all of him.
It was both of them.
So, um, the mad genius is up to his, uh, is up to his mastery of football again.
So, um, and I'm going to have time to fucking sit down and watch.
I did tape that game.
So I'm going to watch it today.
Let's how excited I sound just to have, I've, I've been on the road every
single fucking weekend since the beginning of August.
Um, so I, this nice little window here is great.
I watched a bunch of playoff baseball when I was on the road, uh, particularly,
I, you know, I was keeping an eye on that Cleveland Tampa Bay, uh, series, uh,
congratulations to the Cleveland God, Ian's the walkoff Homer and what the
15th inning, um, that's amazing.
The Seattle almost said Seahawks, Seattle Mariners, making the playoffs for
the first time in God knows when the Toronto Blue Jays blow an eight to one
lead that would have closed it out last year was the trailer.
This year is the movie, all of that hype and all of that shit, all of those
Toronto fans hoping for a playoff series victory.
Well, they did have the basketball.
They did win a championship.
So at least they got that cause that's one of those things where I was just going
like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck more can they do to Toronto sports fans?
Um, but you got to give it up to the Seattle Mariners.
Um, I watched the beginning of that game.
Well, I was like, all right, it looked like Toronto's going to win.
And then I had to go do a show and I was working with Nate Craig, who you
got to see him, man.
He fucking murders.
Um, he, he was going like, he goes, dude, you watching that fucking Toronto game?
He goes, they're going to blow it.
He goes, it's 10 to nine.
My kind of fuck is it 10 and it was eight to one.
I watched like the first five innings right before all the fireworks started.
And, uh, and one of the worst things ever is the shortstop running out to the
outfield, looking over his shoulder while an outfielders coming in.
I remember, uh, Johnny Damon had a brutal collision.
Fucking cheekbone was all swollen, swollen up.
Um, uh, Jesus, uh, and then the San Diego, I watched that whole game.
I watched the San Diego Super Padres close out the fucking New York Mets.
I saw the first game too.
I missed the second one.
I saw the first one where Matt Scherzer went out there and, uh, I mean,
just one of the most colorful guys in the fucking game, they cut to him out in
the bullpen, you know, and he had a look on his face.
Like, you know, like when you pull in the driveway and you were out too late
and your dad's standing there and you're like, should I just back up and drive
to another house?
This guy looks like he's going to fucking murder me.
He looked like someone was going to, was breaking into his house and was
going to attack his family.
That was the fucking look on his face.
And I was like, holy shit, I got to see this guy.
And the Padres went up, you know, they got a single and then some guy
hit a fucking two run homer and they kind of lit him up.
Poor guy got booed.
Anytime an old guy gets booed, I mean, you know, there's no way
that I can't relate to that being an old fella.
Um, anyway, but, uh, I'm excited for the next round of playoffs.
If you're a Yankee fan, I would think that you were pretty excited
that Tampa Bay got knocked out.
I think they match up well against you.
And, uh, you know, it's nice that Toronto's out, but you guys
kind of owned them this year, didn't you?
I thought you guys did great.
They fucking, well, everybody killed my Red Sox this year, but Toronto
particularly really fucking was kicking our ass this year.
But, um, it's kind of cool, man.
Seattle, Cleveland, Houston, the Yankees.
And then when you got on the other side, you got the Dodgers,
the Braves, the Padres and who won the Phillies, uh, St. Louis.
I don't even know.
I don't even know.
Um, all right.
So anyways, that's, that's all the sports stuff.
I want to thank everybody that came out in Windsor, Minneapolis and
Des Moines, um, Windsor is such a fun place.
This, this casino I do, it's literally right across this river that
leads into Lake Erie, I believe, and it's kind of cool.
You're just sitting there and the view I had was across of it, looking
in from Canada, across the river into America, looking at Detroit.
And I was kind of feeling like this must have been like what it was
like, you know, East Berlin, West Berlin, going like, how the fuck
is that another country right over there?
And I can do, you know, all of that shit over there.
I can't do, I can't do it here and vice versa, just because of that
fucking stupid river and all of this bullshit.
Um, unfortunately, I didn't get to spend any time in Detroit, one of my
favorite places, but I did have a great time in the casino and the crowd was
awesome.
And then the next day we went to, uh, we went to Minneapolis and, uh, oh,
look who's here, everybody.
I kept it quiet because everybody was asking, when is she coming back?
The triumphant return for the absolutely lovely, the lovely Nia's back.
Everybody, what's going on?
How are you gorgeous?
You look great.
Come on, come on over here.
Cause I was actually getting ready to start talking about Minneapolis.
So when you go to Minneapolis now, you know, I've been going there
for, uh, for like, I don't know, 20 years on the road.
When I first started working there, doing colleges, driving up to the
Luth, um, going to the Mall of America, riding the fucking Rollers Coaster by myself.
Wait, I want to go to the Mall of America.
Is it worth, like it's, I feel like for kids, right?
Like I feel like the kids would like it.
They have an indoor skiing situation in there, right?
It's very water park or something.
If I could describe it, it's very Dallas.
I don't know what that means.
Dallas, Dallas is, is like, you know, it's the best because it's the biggest.
Bigger is better.
So that it's just, it's stupid.
I think there's two comedy clubs in there or something.
It's insane.
Really?
Yeah.
And there's everyone in Houston is really pissed at this right now.
San Antonio is like, fuck Dallas.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
They don't, they don't like boo.
Yeah.
They don't like Dallas.
They don't like Dallas.
They're like, we're all like the super like rich people are.
Yes.
Or I would say people everywhere, but I don't know.
I don't know enough about Texas, but just the vibe, I would say Dallas is it's
not Hollywood.
It's more like Orange County.
Okay.
I was just about to say, because at one point I think they were going to do a
real housewives of Dallas and they scrapped it.
So I feel like, oh, wait, no, they did.
No, they should have.
No, no, they did.
They had real housewives of, was that in Dallas?
I think so.
I don't know, honey.
And I think they scrapped it because there was some racist shit going on.
But anyway, shout out to Dallas.
Well, anyway, all these years going to Minneapolis, like you would forget that
Prince was from there because there was nothing there.
But now that he's passed and his next of kin are kind of like, I guess, the next
of kin of Elvis, where all of a sudden Elvis was like on cuckoo clocks, you
know, tick tock, tick tock, then I'm like, Hey, man, it's two o'clock.
We get off the plane.
There's a Prince store now.
Wow.
At the airport?
Like a hot topic, but it's all Prince stuff.
I don't think he would have.
No.
No, but I mean, but as a fan, I'm sitting and going, oh, shit, they got a bunch
of Prince stuff in there.
It was kind of nuts though, because they had the one T-shirt that had like his
symbol when he was getting fucked over by the artist and all, uh, uh, getting
fucked over the labels and everything.
He's like, I'm the artist and all of that fucking crazy shit, um, which was super
annoying as a fan.
I'm not going to call you the artist.
You're Prince.
So the artist formerly known, yes, as the artist.
Anyway, he was right though.
He was right, but he could have done it a less like, I don't know, he's, he's
passed away.
Prince away.
I am the artist.
No Prince, no Prince lander.
That sounded like a failed like comic book superhero.
Anyway, so they had that symbol on like a T-shirt being sold at the airport and
all of that.
So anyway, but now it's cool as you go down the street.
There's like murals of them and stuff.
I saw that.
And when we went to go do the venue, the target Santa, uh, we drove by and it was
like, it's an incredible downtown.
So you got to go to Minneapolis band.
I would love to.
You would?
Okay.
You got to go the next time because I really want to experience that part of
like the Prince history too.
Cause I'm just like the hugest man.
Uh, why are we doing it like this?
Where are your microphones?
Oh, there's something going on with my computer.
I don't know.
Oh, okay.
I don't know.
So anyway, the, uh, there's always something going on with it means I
clicked the wrong fucking button and now I can't get something to go away.
So I, I don't know.
So anyway, uh, we were driving to the venue and I just see like, there's all
these music spots and, uh, like titty bars and shit.
Was this the same thing?
They all kind of, when you do like three cities and three nights, you kind of like
overlap, you can't remember, but I think there was like that.
And then you fucking, uh, it was all like lit up and shit.
I'll like, like the bullwinkle shows like that.
I didn't have no idea they had this downtown scene.
So we went by this one music venue.
I was like, man, what is that place?
That place looks cool.
And it was the place where they shot like purple rain.
Is that called first avenue?
Yes.
First avenue.
So I was like, man, I want to fucking go in there.
So, uh, Kenny ended up setting it up and they gave us a quick little tour.
They had the replica of the, of the purple rain motorcycle.
And then I just poked in like the backstage area.
I think they filmed all of that, you know, when Morse Day stops and
comes back, how's the family?
That's somewhere else.
I think that was shot somewhere else, but like you went in and it was like, it
took me back to like fucking 82 or like 83 when Little Red Corvette came out and
all of that.
It was so fucking cool.
It almost looks the exact same, but, um, it smelled like the classic like music
venue of struggle.
Yes.
Smelled like a rehearsal space.
And old stale cigarettes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So in the walls, you will never be able to get that.
Yeah.
It was fucking awesome.
It was awesome.
And I want to thank everybody over there for, uh, hooking us up.
And then we went to Des Moines and, uh, got some great food at this place.
It was like the bait and tackle thing.
I got, uh, I got a beef goulash, total Midwest.
What is that?
It's fucking goulash.
Goulash, you know, it's like, uh, working class food.
It's like a pasta with the beef in it.
There's, it's a white, um, well, this, it's, it's beef with, with egg noodles almost
like, oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then like a white cream sauce.
So, and it's one, and it's one of those things.
It's like mac and cheese.
It's sort of like endless, I guess all dishes are like that where you can kind of
like, you know, like one of the classic African-American side dish right there.
You know, it's like collard greens, except that.
Yes, please, please white, explain it to me.
I got it.
I got it.
Yeah.
So goulash.
Yeah.
So like, it's good.
It was fucking delicious.
It was, it was heavy though.
It was heavy like, hey, man, it was heavy.
Oh boy, let me tell you, I didn't have to fucking eat for like the next, uh, you know,
I didn't eat till like the next day, put it that way.
But we went there and then we went to this, uh, coffee place.
I forget the name of it was also delicious.
So they had like this great food scene there.
Des Moines, really underrated city, definitely has, uh, some scary people there.
Okay.
It's definitely the meth hangover a little bit is going on there.
There's a reason why they didn't shoot the hangover in Des Moines.
But I hear it's beautiful.
Is it beautiful there or am I thinking of Idaho?
I think of another eye state that people are like, it's gorgeous.
Probably I, if it's people out here, it's probably like, they're all about Idaho,
Montana and Wyoming, right?
And then you move out there as a Hollywood producer.
And then you like buy like rancher gear.
And then you go in town with your East San Laurent cowboy boots.
You're like, howdy partner.
And they're looking at you with like real cow shit on the, like, oh boy,
please don't turn this into Aspen.
Okay.
Please don't make me not be able to afford that.
But you know, that's, you know, that's how it works.
You know, that's just basically how it is.
You know, people who are rich fuck up a neighborhood.
And then we go to a new neighborhood.
We, uh, we force people out or whatever.
That's what, that's what we do, but we, I mean, white people.
Okay.
You just have to deal with it, man.
That's, that's, that's, that's my vibe.
I was actually, I have a meeting later on tonight with some other white people
who are going to figure out what neighborhood we're going to fuck up next.
Sorry.
Um, all right.
Let me do, uh, let me do some reads here.
Really quickly.
And then we're going to get into what I really wanted to do with you,
which is the, the advice and all of that stuff.
Cause people always ask me like, when's Nia coming on?
I don't want to fucking literally literally a year.
Don't you think?
No, it's definitely been too long.
Yeah.
I mean, did I do it with you during the pandemic or no?
Cause I was just with baby and everything.
I don't remember with baby meaning like with him nursing.
I was with child.
No, like, there's a lot of child things that, you know, I don't like,
it's, it's especially with all like the catcher predator shit out there.
Why do they still call it child rearing?
Child rearing rearing.
Isn't, yeah.
Isn't that just raising basically, like,
don't you say that instead of bringing up his fucking derriere there.
No one thought that with you.
No one ever thought about that when I first heard it like, yeah,
we've been doing some child rearing.
It's just like, I don't like that image.
William.
What?
It says rear right rearing.
It says right there the word rearing.
Well, I'm dumb.
I'm not dumb.
Maybe I fucking, I'm looking at it from a different angle.
All right.
I am a meathead.
That is, that is, that is an angle.
Look at my little room out here.
Look what's on the wall near.
Does anything here suggest I read a book?
I have a Patriots helmet.
You have some books on your bookshelf though.
All right, let's look at what they are.
Okay, let's see.
Led Zeppelin, Rick Flair, John Bonham to be the man you got to be the man.
You got to beat the man.
Rick Red Sox, the comedians, sex, drugs and rock and roll.
Hmm.
Bill Walsh, New Orleans Finding the Winning Edge.
A buddy of mine gave me that book as a joke because I was talking about it.
And I still, it's fascinating.
Bobby or ESPN, New Orleans Sports.
AFL.
Oh, the history of AFL.
There, now there's a book.
Is that the American Football League?
Yes.
Well, I figured you have like a, and then you have a few things on Richard Pryor.
Uh-huh.
I stay in my lane.
Led Zeppelin, 1975.
Oh, no, you have that book great or what was it?
Ten great daddy daughter dates or something.
Yeah, that was a gift.
Very cute.
And I just put it up there.
I haven't done that yet.
I was thinking of where is that book?
I gotta get that book.
It's on the top.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
You know, I started looking at a lot of it was like arts and crafts and I'm just
not in the glue.
Honestly, neither am I.
I'm not in the glue.
I don't want to like, pine cones.
I don't want to like put things together.
I don't want to do that either.
Yeah, no, I don't want to do that.
I would rather go out and like drive around in my truck or like.
Exactly.
I want to take them places.
I want to take them to like.
I don't want to make stuff with them.
That's not really my thing.
I want to go to like a car show.
I got to.
Oh, yeah.
You know, there was there was like a monster car thing that was like earlier
this year.
I think you were out of town, but it would have been a great thing if they
got the headphones and stuff and you too.
Yeah.
Our son absolutely loves.
Obsessive trucks and trucks and motorcycles.
You know, yeah.
Do you know in in Des Moines, they have this ridiculous truck museum.
It's interstate 80 truck museum.
And it's like all like tractor trailers, like the big fucking ones that
that our son goes nuts for.
That's so cool.
He always goes, whoa, big truck.
His favorite thing from cars is Mac.
He always does, you know, he wants to watch that movie cars every day.
I know he's such a little boy.
Is he wearing a Julian Edelman jersey right now?
I think he is who got him dressed this morning.
I did, but I got to give a shout out
to a comedian, Aldo Shab was the one who gave us that.
All right, let me do a little bit of the reads here.
Look who it is, everybody.
Oh, Zip.
Recorder.
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What?
Yeah, well, there's seven billion people.
Oh, Jesus, you know, you need 2.4 of them to explain things, including
the one you're listening to right now.
And it takes a team of people to bring these podcasts together.
I don't know about that.
Needless to say, hiring.
That's Andrew Thimulus.
There you go.
Takes a team of Andrew Thimulus to upload it.
Needless to say, then why are you saying it?
Hiring the right people for these roles is important.
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Oh, and look who's here, Nia.
These people simply safe.
Here's the question, Nia.
Is there anything more precious than the safety of you and your loved ones?
Fashion week, honey.
Sorry, of course not.
So isn't it strange that not all home security systems truly put you first?
Old school home security systems set you up with outdated technology over just
pictures of one of those big wooden, you know, like those TVs, except it's a security system.
Got a revolver on top of it.
It's on you, motherfucker.
Good luck to you.
Old school home security companies set you up with outdated technology, overcharge
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Right.
It's like Columbia records and tapes, except they're protecting your family.
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I thought the cops were first responders.
Weren't they?
They're talking about the emergent like the ambulances in the right.
Are they not?
Or are they talking about?
I don't know what the everything has been relabeled.
Dispatch firefighters, ambulance people, paramedics.
Crossing guards, meter maids, the guys who get up early and bake the croissants.
Even if you're not home or can't be reached.
They're the real heroes.
Okay.
They put their rain boots on one boot at a time.
They crawl off that hooker and put out that cigar and get down there and fucking
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All right.
This is from Andrew Thamelis.
Bill, we've got great emails.
Please remind the listeners of the podcast email.
It is Monday morning podcast at gmail.com Monday morning podcast at gmail.com.
All right.
Um, we got, this is where you come in here.
This is where you bring your magic to the podcast and we decide if you're
coming back again next week, no pressure again, it's been, it's been over a year.
So, Hey, how come we're getting along so great lately?
I know.
We really are.
We're having like a really, we're really connected.
I feel like, you know what it is.
What is it?
You, I think you finally realized how amazing I am.
Okay.
Well, maybe I thought you were going to trash me.
That's how well we're getting along.
You're not even breaking my, you're on here to the listeners want.
I'm all they hear is my voice.
They want to hear you trash me.
I just got here.
Give me a minute to warm up.
All right.
You'll get it in a second.
Okay.
All right.
George Foster.
Now, just to give you a background, George Foster was one of my favorite
players when I was growing up, I did a show in Louisville.
I've been out there in America.
Nia, you know, I've been out there doing all them red states that all, all, all
the blue liberals make fun of, all the, all the states that once ours is
underwater, they're going to be like, Hey, you know what, I didn't think you
guys were that bad, you know, they're going to show up in their designer
fucking working class clothes.
That's the movie I want to see.
Oh, now you like us.
Don't you wagging your finger at them ward shows?
Why does everybody have a Southern accent that isn't a New York and LA bill?
Because I'm limited.
I'm limited.
All right.
So George, I can do dialects.
I just have to be hanging out with the person.
Oh, okay.
You know, I can actually do them.
Go ahead.
Pick a dialect.
I'll do it.
Okay.
Um, let's see.
Do a mid, do a Midwestern one.
Oh, hey, Bob, go get a box.
And tell, tell time to come over here and get some pop.
I mean, I feel like it needs work, but I, that was dead on.
Was it?
That wasn't even Chicago.
That was Milwaukee.
No, I can't do a Midwestern accent.
Um, I just know that they always slide into like the, the Fargo.
Oh, that thing.
That's typically what I feel like what people do.
You want to hear a Canadian accent?
Okay.
They got to get it.
Oh, what?
They got to get it out.
They, oh, God, I get it.
You got to get it out.
Okay.
Not.
Oh, gotta get it out.
Yeah.
So you got it.
Every, every American goes, oh, they don't say that.
Got to get it out.
When you're watching hockey and the puck has been in your zone for too long.
And there's a Canadian there at some point.
The Canadian is going to say, they got to get it out.
The first time I ever heard a Canadian accent was on that show.
You can't do that on television.
Are you too old to know what that show is?
Yeah.
Moose.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I remember watching it.
I love that show.
They talk so weird.
I like, I didn't understand that it was Canadian.
It was different accent.
They were in a different country.
I assume they were in America because I was a kid.
So I was like, why are they saying the words like that?
You know what a woman says in Canada?
When you're banging her without a condom, you're almost ready to come.
What?
You got to get it out.
Oh, they're easy jokes over here at the Monday Morning Podcast.
All right.
George Foster.
So I went to the Louisville slugger factory, which I absolutely 100% would do again.
It was like, that's a bat.
That is a bat and you go in there and they got the guys with the lathes going
and you watch them, the lathes.
That's where the they take a little block of wood and spell it.
Oh, God, come on.
How long are they married?
Lathes.
Lathes.
Yep.
It ends in T.H.
Maybe T.H.E.
L.A.I.T.H.E.
OK.
L.A.I.T.H.
OK, got it.
M.A., I don't know.
OK, got it.
So it's basically it's a machine that just you put a piece of wood in that.
Jesus Christ.
And it's got like the pins on either side.
You lock it in and then it spins it.
Oh, I've seen that.
And then they carve.
OK, so they carve in the bat.
So they'll be like, this is Vladimir Guerrero, Jr.'s bats.
And then they'll hand you one that's like raw.
They haven't finished it or anything.
It's still like it's not all smooth.
And they got like two little blocks hanging on either side of it, but they'll
hand you one.
And I got to tell you, like a lot of them were surprisingly like really light,
which now makes sense because you want to get through the zone as fast as you
can.
But like the one that was like the heaviest was, so she said, was Ted Williams.
Ted Williams just had like literally just like it was up there with like a
fucking piece of lumber.
But anyways, George Foster, when they asked me, like when they brought us
into this place where they had all the prototypes of their bats, he had to put
on gloves before you put them on.
They said, who do you want?
And I was just like, I'm not going to go with the hacking ones.
Everybody says I want somebody that was awesome, but a little obscure for younger
people, I said, George Foster.
And anyway, so this person's writing in about George Foster.
He played for the big red machine and won a title in 75, 76, 75 beat the Red Sox,
one of the greatest games ever played game six.
They won in game seven and then they swept the New York Yankees in 1976.
OK.
OK. Is that enough background?
Yeah, I think I got it.
OK, cool. All right, George Foster, dear Billy Red Balls, listening to your
podcast about Cincinnati and you mentioned George Foster, I worked at
George's, oh, sorry, I worked at Shea Stadium as a vendor.
Fucking be here.
That's not that's Boston, right?
New York A4 can be here.
No, that's not New York.
Yeah.
And all right, you do a New York accent.
I'm I don't think I'm good at like, you know what you are good at criticizing
other people's attempts like I could do like a New York girl, like a Dominican
like a Dominican girl talking about, you know, like, what the fuck is your problem?
You know, maybe something like that.
I don't know. I don't want I don't want to be honest.
We both need to do a lot.
We both need some training when you say it and then you immediately
follow up with something like that.
That's that's when you know you need work.
It's bad.
I think it's kind of like when people will try to do your
like a billboard impression in front of me.
It's always so terrible.
And I just kind of have to smile and be like, there's a couple that are good
because I know other comedians send them to me and I refuse to watch them
because I don't need to know.
I don't want to be like thinking like, oh, I do do that when I'm talking.
So it gets in your head too much.
If you see someone do this impression of you.
Yeah, or makes you like self conscious.
Yeah, because Ben Bailey used to imitate me and go and he would always go
for some reason and he would always do that.
And I guess I would at that time I was saying that a lot.
And yes, and then it got into my head and I and I stopped doing it.
But like if that's what I do, that's what the fuck I don't want to get away
from what it's like Pete Rose, you know, you don't want to change your swing.
That's what got you to the dance.
All right.
Sorry, this is all baseball references.
I worked at Shea Stadium as a vendor.
This is when George Foster played for the Mets and was there when
George Foster played for them.
Shea Stadium was the classic.
I know it's in New York.
I got it.
Wait, Shea Stadium is not in New York.
Yeah, it's in Queens.
OK, thank you.
It was in Queens.
All right.
It's the last place the Beatles play.
It's the last place the police play before they got back together.
Just read the question.
My God.
This is why your podcast is like five hours long.
The tangent.
My God, the tangent.
All right.
In those days, the home team had batting practice before the fans were allowed in.
Now you can kind of go in and watch and take batting process.
And he goes and it was loose, a loose, fun time.
We got to know a few of the players.
And old George was was fucking funny.
He is tossing a ball with somebody and Ebony and Ivory came on.
You know the classic.
Yes, Ebony and Ivory and Ivory.
You are black and I am white.
You are blind as a bat.
And I have sight.
I have sight side by side.
That's the only one that I remember because I could not fight.
Yeah, let's not fight.
I could never get through the real song of that.
Joe Piscopo.
Shout out to Joe Piscopo.
Is that bad?
I could never get to the first one.
It just used to make me uncomfortable to men being sentimental with each other.
One of them missing a sense.
You know, just seem to.
OK, we got to know a few of the players.
And old George was fucking funny.
He's tossing a ball with someone and Ebony and Ivory came on the radio.
He flips down his shades, missed those.
They used to have the shades, you know, for the sun and start swaying
like Stevie Wonder and yells, throw me the ball, throw me the ball.
And he promptly pretends he is blind and lets it whiz by him.
He yells it again and it's a soft toss.
He allows it to bounce off his chest and we're all cracking up.
No more of that fun in the PC world we live in.
Yeah, like why?
Because he was white, imitating a black guy.
No, he's black. OK.
Oh, because he was imitating a blind guy.
Yeah, do we not do that with Stevie Wonder?
No, we probably don't.
But I remember that.
No, we still do.
It's just nobody does it on.
They're like, oh, my God.
And then people who aren't blind are going to get offended for the blind people.
You know, who can't see us doing it anyway. Exactly.
That's what that was going to be my point.
All right, by the way, why are we offended?
You can't fucking see me doing it anyway.
I can make fun of the death all I want, as long as I turn my back on him.
Like society, by the way, I was wondering game.
I was working game six when old Billy B made that era.
Bill Buckner and game seven was on.
Uh, as a Yankee fan, I was happy as I made a few extra bucks
and fuck the Red Sox and fuck the Mets.
Well, maybe if you were fucking a little better,
they would have hired you at Yankee Stadium instead of that dump there.
Fuck the Red Sox, let's calm down here.
No, it's fine.
Well, what's he going to say?
What's he going to say?
I know it's true, he's a Yankee fan, so I guess that's what he has to say.
And then and then he has to bring up, go back in the past
about how many championships they won.
Because they haven't won.
Let me finish my shit talk here because they don't fucking win anymore.
Now that there's 30 teams and everybody can fucking play, they're not winning.
And I always thought it was funny that Yankee fans in particular
always talk about how many championships they have.
And I was thinking like as a Celtics fan, when I was growing up,
I was never like, we got 15, we got 16.
You know, like when we would lose to the Lakers or something, you know,
I wouldn't be, I wouldn't yell at fucking Laker fans.
How many, you know, how many fucking championships we had.
It's so stupid. It's classic fucking Yankee fans.
I was going to say, I feel like they're I won't the petty.
I won't say the name.
But petty wasn't, you know, a friend of ours who came to see you.
A friend of ours, it sounds very like mafia.
Was there a friend of ours who came to see you at Fenway?
And he said he was going to wear his Yankees and he decided not to.
Oh, yeah.
Because he listens to this podcast.
Oh, does he listen to this podcast?
You know, we're talking about you, the person who shall not be named.
But petty, petty is the perfect one.
Oh, and here's the thing, here's the thing, if his team wasn't in first place
and we didn't suck, he would not wear it to the, he would not have wore it.
He was wearing it to fucking rub it in.
There's petty fans out there.
I saw this actor on Rich Eisen's show was talking about when, you know,
the year the Cubs were going to win it, they were in the playoffs
and they were having a, you know, you know, down to the wire series
before they got to the World Series and he was a Cardinals fan.
And he went to Wrigley and he goes, and they all got all mad
that I was wearing my Cardinals hat.
I mean, I was just, you know, I'm from St. Louis.
I'm a baseball fan.
It's like, dude, you know what the fuck you're doing?
Because St. Louis has won all of these championships.
They're the big rival with Chicago.
And they all know that he's not rooting for them.
It was a real, it was a real like fucking.
I think you're all, what is hilarious to me about these fans versus these fans
and these fans, it's like, you're all fucking nuts to me.
All sports fans are just fucking crazy.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
So I, it's like the Yankees versus the Red Sox and the Patriots versus the,
I don't know, who's your big rival?
Patriots wise, Giants or?
Well, I'm always putting it into like New York, Boston.
No, Giants was a Giants was a thing when Brady and Eli were there.
That developed into this thing because they beat us when we had an undefeated record.
And then like, I remember when we were going to play him again,
like I had like knots in my stomach going, oh my God, if we lose to these guys again,
they're going to say all of this shit, which they ended up doing.
But then we won three more.
So now it's like, all right, well, are we going to talk about?
We won six out of nine.
So that's why that kind of doesn't like, there's this few things.
There's, there's some things that like, I would say the Patriots,
the real rivalry that we had was with the Colts because not only did they have
like Peyton Manning and all of that, they ran like a smear campaign on us.
And we're just like constantly complaining to the refs.
And I'm not going to go with my fans over this many times,
complaining to the refs, helping to change rules that gave, you know,
made it less adventation for us, more adventations for them while calling us
cheaters. There's a great clip that just came out on Twitter,
catching like they were pumping crowd noise in.
Indianapolis and the fucking tape skipped.
Oops. It was a real Milly Vanilly moment.
Yeah, they're the Milly Vanilly.
Well, I would say that, but like now Nate Craig this weekend was saying,
we have, you know, instead of having, we have the loudest fan base in the league.
It's now we have the loudest DJ because the sound systems are just so,
it's so crazy loud. I bring fucking earplugs like I'm going to go see.
I want to talk to you about, you know, it's a point of me.
I want to know, I want to talk to you about this Brady situation that he's in
right now. We're talking about they won this week. They won this week.
No, I'm talking about the fact that like he said he was going to retire and now
he's not, and now he's getting a divorce.
See, is that why the WNBA doesn't make it?
Excuse me? What are you talking about?
Well, because you guys are into that. Oh, I don't give a fuck.
That's his, that's his personal life.
I know. And he's going through a really painful thing right now.
And that guy put my fucking team on the goddamn map time.
I want to talk about it in the wrong podcast.
Wrong podcast. Oh, really?
This is the wrong podcast to talk about it.
Because let me tell you something right now. If you made me, let me tell you
something, let me tell you something.
If you made me move to Tampa, OK, while you did your, you know, job,
obviously, I don't think that was his idea.
I'm, what do you mean?
Well, she's from Brazil.
Isn't she gradually dragging him back to Brazil?
Like when a crocodile grabs somebody, no one's dragging anybody.
Alligator catches the fucking cleanest.
No, they're both rich. Come on.
Yeah, she doesn't.
No, she doesn't need his money.
Oh, now we're all precious about Brady.
He doesn't even give a fuck about New England anymore.
He's done with you guys.
He's over, over you.
He should be, he should be.
Why are you being so level headed?
I thought we're going to be able to like have a little back and forth about it.
Because all anti-patriot fans.
I'm not an anti-patriot.
Whatever the fuck you are coming at me.
Whatever the fuck you are.
You guys all want me to hate that guy because he went to Tampa.
That guy took us to nine fucking Super Bowl and won six of them.
All right.
We have we're tied for the most championed Super Bowls ever fucking won
with the Steelers, you know, and everybody knows that Green Bay
is the fucking Celtics, Yankees, Lakers, Canadians of football,
because they don't count NFL titles. I don't know why.
But what that guy did, I don't give a fuck, man.
If you got to the point where you couldn't deal with their coach
and you want to go down to Florida and not pay fucking state taxes,
who gives a fuck?
Like that guy should have fucking retired if he was regular
before we won the last fucking three and he hung in there.
We won another three.
I don't give a fuck what that guy does.
God bless him. Fair enough.
You can go play for the Giants and win 10.
I don't give a fuck because I the guy made me happy for two decades.
Yeah, I guess so. All right.
You know what I was like being a fucking Patriots fan before that?
Well, Bledsoe came in Parcells.
That was exciting, everything.
But we still never quite got over the hump.
And then Parcells told the team he was selling this fucking house
allegedly right before we played the Packers in the Super Bowl.
What the fuck would you do that?
Give us a chance, man.
You were a better fucking coach than them.
Still kills me. I went to that game.
It cost me fucking two grand.
OK, so won't bring up Brady.
Just making a note in my phone.
No, I feel bad.
I anybody I see going through a divorce, I always feel bad for that shit.
And I don't think like it's just something I should fucking gossip about
because, you know, I'm having a slow goddamn morning.
All right, I just like the tea.
You do like the tea.
I do like the tea, but we can move on.
All right, no, you know, best of luck to you, Tom Brady.
Yeah, both of them. They got kids together.
That's going to be painful.
It's just like that's like when Charlie Sheen was going up the fucking rails
and now every morning DJ, what do you think about that?
I think his dad and his brothers are all fucking worried about him.
I think it was more about the to me like the exploring the dynamics of that marriage.
You don't talk about Tom Brady.
I mean, I really have to be a precious.
All right, I'm being a little precious.
I mean, a little. I didn't realize that that's how you felt about.
I felt more like of the dynamics of the idea of like you retiring and then being
like Tommy, not going to retire fucking Brady.
Like you're going to be taking some time off.
And if you were like, no, I'm not doing that anymore.
I would be like, what?
You just said that you were, you know, so I would feel some type of way.
But maybe that's the beginning and the end of the discussion.
No, no, no, I want to know why does that aspect of it fascinate you?
That like him starting to retire and not because I'm trying to imagine
as his partner, you're thinking and obviously I don't know
like the inner workings of their relationship, but I'm thinking, OK, cool.
You're going to be home more.
We're going to be doing more stuff with the kids.
It's not going to I supported you throughout this whole entire time,
which, of course, I'm happy to do because I'm your wife.
But now our dynamic is going to be different.
And I'm excited for that new dynamic for you to be less busy, for you to be home
more and then for you to renege on that because you can't let go of this career
that you've already proven yourself at for years.
Neg, renege, isn't it?
I wouldn't say that word is a white guy.
Well.
But then.
But like the the the pull of the game, your career again,
when you've already been celebrated and decorated in it many times,
how many championships did he win?
He has seven there.
Yeah, like proving yourself seven times like it doesn't get any bigger than that.
And you're telling me now you want to be you want to retire, go out on high note,
be with us. And now you're being pulled back.
Like that's I'm going to take that shit personally.
OK, can I just stop you for a second?
No, no, no, no, I'm I'm still going to take that shit personal
because now it's like you don't.
So you really didn't want to do that.
You really want to go back.
You really want to be gone more.
Can I just say one thing?
No, I'm not done yet.
And I'm just feeling like, no, no, I'm really done.
You just built so much into that.
What do you mean?
You you you and of course,
because I'm not in it.
And so I know, but you don't know that that's what that's what happened.
But this is not based on the facts of what happened.
This is what the emotion of it brings out.
This is what gossip is.
Gossip is a way for people to have shared values.
I know what gossip is to do.
Like shared values sort of talking about, you know,
it's very rarely about the actual situation.
It's about how you would do in that.
And that in turn is about a bigger feeling about whatever the issue is.
Family dynamics, husband and wife dynamics, career,
all that kind of stuff.
But I already know you.
You're never going to retire.
You say that.
You're like, I'm going to retire.
You're not.
You're going to be like, you're going to have a don.
I'm calling it right now.
You're going to have a Don Rickles type of vibe
and you're going to be doing these really interesting movie roles
well into your eighties.
Watch.
I don't know. Listen.
You heard it here first, folks.
This is and this is we're already at an hour.
I know, I know.
Let's move on to the question that I can answer.
Yeah, like, I don't even know what the fuck happened there.
All right.
I saw something about that, the bottom one.
Sisters, sister wives.
Yes.
Bill, I got into an argument with the guy at work about sister wives.
I'm guessing that's a that's got to be a series.
You have to see it.
It is. Oh, my God.
It's based on a Mormon practice where they have, you know,
their polygamy or whatever, and they have many wives
and they call them sister wives.
So they're, you know what, the initial they share a husband.
They were initially we're going to go show.
They were going to call that show a bunch of bitches.
What?
Anyway, keep reading.
You moved out to Utah, got himself a bunch of bitches.
Bill, I got into an argument with the guy at work
about a bunch of bitches, about sister wives.
He told me that it would be great as long as they get along.
Sister wives don't mean wives or sisters.
It means, OK, how does that say what the fuck?
It means that they all agree to being one of many wives.
Yes, it's a Mormon thing, yes.
He told me that it's the perfect way to have variety.
With your sage wisdom, can you see any benefits of having multiple wives?
Well, this is interesting timing.
OK, mm-hmm.
Who's interesting timing?
It's just interesting timing that this talk is going to.
What are you talking about?
Nothing.
Wait a second.
So do you see any benefit to having multiple?
Would you like to have more than one wife?
More than one wife?
I was going to say not one wife.
What are you doing for our birth birthday?
This is all you got me.
You got your other 30 wives.
This bill doesn't want another wife, but.
Perhaps.
Yeah, I mean, some other variety.
Some other variety that came over there.
Yeah, why not?
Why not?
I'm going to turn it to that guy.
Who's that guy?
He's in the sports world.
He goes, I want to see you with her.
I want to see her enjoying you.
I want to see you enjoying her.
Yeah, it is.
The whole thing.
It's one of those things.
The idea of it is fantastic.
Yes, the actuality is a nightmare.
Yeah, then it's all in your fucking head.
It all seems like it's going to be great.
It's like going to Disneyland.
You're like, oh my God, this is going to be the happiest place on earth.
Here's the thing.
You're over there and you're standing in line and it's a fucking nightmare.
I actually, I think.
But when you're on the ride.
It's not even better.
Listen, I think multiple wives is not a terrible idea because then like she can deal with you
when I'm like, not in the mood.
You know, just pass her off.
Pass you on.
Like you're not in the mood to bang or you're like not in the mood to listen to my bullshit.
Not in the mood to bang, not in the mood to listen to your bullshit.
I'm just annoyed with you.
You call the bullpen.
You get on the phone.
You take him because I had to deal with him for a week.
So you can, you can take this load off of me.
Yeah.
Literally.
Literally.
Take it.
But yeah.
So I, I understand it.
I get it.
But I feel like though if they're all, if they're going to be jealous and stuff, like
that's a whole, that's a whole other thing.
You know, it's like, I wanted him tonight.
Yeah.
I want him tonight.
But they probably all like do stuff together, don't you think?
I actually think what ends up happening is you guys all collectively get sick of each
other the same way you would on a one on one.
Okay.
And then I feel like he has to, I mean, I don't know what rights women have in Utah.
Barely any.
Okay.
As a Mormon woman, I don't think a lot.
And the whole idea is to have as many children as possible because there's going to be all
that burden on one body.
So you have many wives so that you can have many children and, you know, your, your wife
isn't miserable and pregnant for 20 years.
But then there's like, I like how you look at all these other women, like personal assistants.
Um, no, I think it's like, there's going to be the one wife that you vibe with that
gets you and you get her.
And there's no way the other ones aren't going to feel like some sort of, uh, that there's
like, you know, there's a depth chart on the team here and why is she the number one quarterback
and all that?
Or maybe that's what you have to have understood.
This is like, it's like a pimp game.
No.
Right.
Is that what it is?
You have your bottom bitch and all of that.
I watch HBO documentaries.
Yeah.
I understand that.
You watch Pimps Up, Hoes Down and like 95 and understand everything.
No.
Patrice O'Neill gave me that book, Iceberg Slim.
No.
The whole practice is barbaric and sexist and I'm actually not, I'm joking when I say
like, Oh, I get it.
No.
I think the whole thing is like disgusting, you know?
But in terms of like having some other fairytale world, yeah, in a fairytale world, yes, I
would like to pass you off to somebody every now and again, so I don't have to deal with
you.
I mean, I'm just being honest.
Am I that annoying?
Everybody is annoying.
Everyone is annoying to their partner.
I'm annoying to you.
I would not pass you off to some other dude.
Oh, right.
Well, yeah, sure.
Yeah.
That would not be happening.
And in truth, I would do it.
I understand it.
You know, I mean, he needs to talk to you more.
You want to go over to chicken caviz and we can talk some more about it?
I think I'm talking about more about like periodic breaks that I feel like a sister
wife situation would be, but it's probably not like that.
I think they're all together.
Jesus, we need to talk or something.
I thought we were getting along great.
All right.
I think that that's it.
This is our in five minutes.
So I have, oh, Scorsese article.
Let's do this one.
Okay.
Oh, and I just have to give a shout out to this guy in Bloomington, Indiana, who did
a freehand sketch of me.
Then I thought, yeah, I thought it was great and it was hilarious because.
Oh, that's cool.
I showed it to you.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was working the front desk at the hotel.
Oh, wow.
No, it's funny.
Well, I don't want to say what he said because I don't get anybody in trouble, but like just
people talk to me.
You know, they talk to me, you know, but it's funny because of the year at workplace.
So like, I'm not saying this person in Indiana didn't do this, but people out of the workplace,
they like dropped the whole, like they'll be dressed up like, oh, hey, welcome to the
other.
And then they drop it.
Hey, Billy Rednuts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then they, oh, shit.
It's fucking hilarious.
All right.
I do a lot of times too, like I remember a few times I've been doing a shooting scenes
and whatever I'm doing, we're like out in the street or something like that.
And so I'm going to just drive by like a car just drive by be like, you just hear like
this guy just go, hey, go, go, go, fuck yourself.
And I'll just be like, hey, how's it going?
Whatever.
And I remember everyone's looking around like, wow, who accursed somebody like that?
Yeah.
No, I remember, I forget what job I was on, but the actor in it, when she was going like,
she's going like, I love how your fans just like yell at you.
Say mean things to you.
I go, yeah, you know, it's a podcast thing, but yeah, whatever.
It is.
I mean, that's like him saying, hello, Scorsese article, Hey Bill, I love a contrarian argument.
In fact, I think calling someone a contrarian for their point of view is usually just a
way to qualify, qualify their take as flimsy and insincere.
It depends on how you use it.
If I just say yes, and you say no, and I go, oh, you're just a contrarian, yeah, that is.
But I mean, if you're consistently doing that over and over, because I was talking about
how I feel like certain people do that, always have the opposite opinion of the group.
It's a narcissistic thing.
It's their way to keep the conversation on them like, well, how can you not like a paella
mode or whatever?
It's always like something like really obvious, like, I like air, I don't like air.
What do you mean you don't like air?
It's those people who are like, well, devil's advocate.
I do hate when people do that, because first of all, the devil doesn't need an advocate.
And secondly, not every topic needs to be explored from all angles in order to understand
it.
Some shit is right and some shit is wrong.
So I feel like it's very insincere to do the whole, oh, devil's advocate thing.
It's like, why are you doing that?
Do you know what's the first time I actually thought about that expression, devil's advocate,
like you're advocating for the devil?
Yeah, you're advocating for what's widely considered probably to be the wrong point
of view or the immoral point of view or whatever it is.
My wife is smart.
I have my mom.
Yeah, so that's my thing.
If I just, yeah, you can definitely call somebody a contrarian.
It's a way of bailing out.
That was like that Jordan Peele sketch that I saw the other day, the fucking crack of
me.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway.
The key in Peele's sketch, yeah.
Tell us how you really feel.
Okay.
He was making no points.
Upward.
Yeah, and what I love about that though is it totally takes what the other person's saying.
It just takes the wind out.
In other news, you know what we're going to start doing that to each other.
Anyway, I was, you know, I got, I can't say why I'm coming up, but we were talking about
Brian Jordan Alvarez, he said, splashing, splashing, splashing is my life when I go
into the water, water with my wife.
I fucking love that guy.
Follow him on Instagram, please.
He's so funny.
That's my favorite character.
I like the aunt that has all the houses, but I do like that guy because this is something
like, there's almost a sadness to him and he's just, when he looks to the side, he's
sort of like contemplating his situation.
If you don't follow him, just follow him so you know what we're talking about.
He's so funny.
I love that shit.
Okay.
All right.
So anyway, it's also a way for people to shove the official, the official story down your
throat.
Oh God.
See, this person is like.
Arrogant, yeah.
It's just like, oh, here's just too much.
Okay.
Alrighty, yeah.
I always want to hear different takes on established truths and quote, as you would say, having
said that.
As you would say.
Yeah.
That guy is like, he's medium annoying, but if he gets a couple of glasses in him, he's
fucking insufferable.
Insufferable.
That was the word I was looking for.
Yeah.
That's what I'm getting out of that.
Okay.
Maybe I'm just being a contrarian.
There was an article going around by a critic who called Scorsese's films inconsistent and
self-indulging.
This is what happens if you hang around too long.
All of a sudden, these movies are fucking amazing.
Twitter was in an uproar, of course.
Few seemed to agree with the man who wrote it, but it didn't seem to stop people attacking
Scorsese with proxy arguments like he's a sexist filmmaker.
These people are even worse than the guy who wrote the article.
I'm sick of people piling on because they can.
Yeah.
Social media loves doing that.
It brings me back to the idea that you can't challenge people's minds and most people change
people's minds and most people have no rational thinking capabilities.
This is the part where your point of view goes out the window because now you're using
it as a way to insult people.
That's the part of it that is an issue with the contrarian because I feel like they're
just low-key just trying to undermine.
They're not necessarily trying to present a different point of view.
They're actually trying to undermine.
This person who feels like Scorsese is inconsistent and self-indulgent, I don't think that they
are a contrarian.
I just think that they are just...
To me, that's clickbait.
Let's get people stirred up.
Yeah, and also, they just may not be into Scorsese and people saying he's a sexist filmmaker.
I love Scorsese films, but I can understand why they would say that.
When you think about the female characters in all of his films, I kind of get it, but
I still like Scorsese.
Well, like what?
Like what?
Which ones?
Casino.
I'm thinking about Goodfellas.
I'm thinking about what else am I missing?
Well, they weren't going to get good women.
They were gangsters.
Right.
So they had to be an element of dumb broad in there, right?
Well, that's the thing, because it's just one particular view and it has been consistently
this view.
What about what's your face in Taxidriver?
The child prostitute?
No, not her.
That he rescues?
Sybil Shepard?
Yeah.
He was shining light on human trafficking.
I don't know about that.
But yeah.
You don't think so?
I don't know that.
I think they're either Madonna or horse, so I feel like that in itself is pretty sexist.
So I get it, but again, I love Casino.
I think that's a generational thing.
I think that's how he was.
And it probably is.
And probably a hundred percent is.
But I love Casino.
That's one of my favorite movies of all time, and I love Sharon Stone in that film, because
I found her to be complicated and layered and like...
Sharon Stone should have got a fucking Oscar for that.
Didn't she?
No.
No, it's because everybody's just up in arms, because she showed her hoohah and fucking
Ben Me Over the Couch whatever that fucking movie was called.
Basically Ben Me Over the Couch.
That's you, that's classic Bill Burr, that's classic you not remembering the name.
I know, but I just throw out the first thing that I think of.
I just want to do that.
And that was Jean Schruppelhorn being bent over a couch.
For no fucking reason.
I mean, she was basically raped in that scene, it was pretty bad.
That scene.
Yeah.
Don't you remember when we were watching?
Yeah, I never understood.
We were like, wait a minute, is he?
And I was like, kind of.
No, but they justified it that she was...
Why was she wearing thigh highs?
I mean, yeah, why did they make any of those decisions that they did in that movie?
Let's not get a bunch of bored people stirred up about a movie that happened 30 years ago
and get some 80-year-old producer in trouble.
I know, let's get them stirred up about how I'm on the podcast again.
Yes!
I'm on the podcast again.
What?
Oh, fuck all those assholes.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Anyway, yeah, that's what it is.
That's what this fucking business is.
People fucking give me...
Like, no matter what you do, you get shit.
And hey, that's a good thing for you.
If you want to be successful, just know, no matter what you put out there,
there's going to be a bunch of people doing the what?
Yeah, who gives a shit?
Who gives a shit?
And then meanwhile, you'll be selling tickets and living your best life.
You want me here.
That's the most important thing.
Well, I did until you told me you wouldn't mind having another couple of guys around
to take a break from me or women around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Women around.
Right.
Exactly.
Let's be clear.
Well, listen, Nia, I got to be honest with you.
You're easy to get along with from me.
Thank you.
You really are.
Oh, I thought you were going to say you're no pony ride yourself.
No.
I mean, as much as it hurts sometimes when you marry somebody that isn't as smart as you,
one of the upsides is that you can easily manipulate them.
Nia, well, I'm going to end this podcast and I'm going to tell you what we're doing today.
What are we doing today?
All right, everybody, because I'm running the show.
All right, that's the podcast, the lovely Nia, looking lovely as always.
Thank you.
Thank you guys for listening and I will check in on you on Thursday.
I got another great guest, another great guest.
You should listen this Thursday.
Okay.
I mean, all of them are great, but there's one that you actually know that we haven't
seen in a while that got on and he was extra silly and I know how much you love silly.
I love silly.
Silly's awesome.