Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-14-19

Episode Date: October 15, 2019

Bill rambles about privacy, reasons for a panic room, and climate change rebuttals.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, October 14th, 2019. What's going on and how are you? How's it going? Can you wash your feet? I can wash my feet. This is how we take a bath. Sorry, I got to sing it out of my head or just be in my fucking head for the whole damn day all these goddamn kids' songs. You know, you think they're silly and, you know, they're educational. They're thinking about the children. But you just think, oh, this is, I could literally write this. So there's a genius to what they do. It just gets, whatever the fuck they want to teach your kid. They get it in that sing-songy thing because as an adult, it gets in my head and I can't, I can't fucking, can you wash

your face? I can wash my face. This is how you take a bath. Oh, fucking, you know, there's the clean, clean up, everybody, clean up, clean up, everybody, clean up, clean up, clean up, put your shit away. I don't know what the real word is that they use. I literally be like doing the dishes and I'm cleaning and I'm just clean up, clean, slowly going nuts. And I think that the people in power design that kid music to teach your kids what they want you to learn. And at the same time, it's, it begins the dying process in the adult that listens to it. You know what I mean? It's like that Sam Rockwell movie, Moon. I don't want to ruin it for you, but you know, whatever, I would be old and with the new, I'll leave it at that. I'll leave it with that. I will leave it

at that. Hey, no good deed goes unpunished. That's what I learned this fucking week. You know, you try to be a nice guy, you try. Oh, Bill, are you the victim in this? Well, yes, I am. You know, I guess my problem is that I care too much. Oh, man, I had, why is the podcast so late, Bill? We need explanations as to why this free thing took so long to get to our ears. Okay. You know, sometimes I just realized today, do you know, do you know what Uber and Lyft are? It's, it's millennial thumbing. That's basically what you do when you hitchhiking, you just go out and stick your thumb out and hope that the person who fucking went to pick you up wasn't a goddamn serial killer. That's essentially what you're doing with Uber and Lyft with their fucking background

checks. They have such little background checks, you'll see a car that will, will have Uber and Lyft stickers on this guy. So he's on both sides. Huh? Or is that a they? Is that because that's a they? Is it a hermaphrodite Uber Lyft driver? I don't know. I don't know how it works these days. That's basically what you're doing. You're thumbing. I guess the cars smell nicer. If you get a nice enough one, but I swear to God, they're out there just causing fucking traffic. They're just out there driving around. You already have taxis and now you have like what we call gypsy cabs or thumbing. That's what we used to call it. Is that what you used to call it, Bill? Did you also use to do the fucking Macarena? Huh? Drinking a Zima? What else did you use to do, Bill? Nobody cares

about you in the 80s and the 90s. Oh, come on. You're supposed to respect your elders. So this morning, you know, I come downstairs. My wife and kid aren't home. They want to go visit a relative and they came now they're home. But like, you know, I'll tell you right now, being at home in the old fucking piece of shit house that I bought that I now fixed up that is now great. I'll never get my money back. So I can never leave, you know, Bronx tail. That's the situation. I've had it all. You name it. I've had it. Need a new roof. Check. Driveway. Check. Garage. Check. Upstairs. Check. Downstairs. Check. In the walls, out of the walls. Animals alive, dead. Water pouring through the eye. I've had it all. You know, you ever watch a TV show where they try to do too much? There's just too

much story going on. You know, it's been this fucking house. So anyway, all right. I know what the fuck I was talking about. So I come downstairs and when you live in an old house and you're the only one in it, it's at night, it's scary. It's weird during the day, but at night, it's definitely this just it's just creepy. Because you live in an old house, even if nobody else is home, it like it sounds sounds like there is, even if there's nobody else home with you, it sounds like there is. It's what I'm trying to say. You just hear shit, you know, everybody thinks, Oh, it's because it's haunted. It's not because it's haunted. It's because it's old. And nothing works. And it's fucking trying to get comfortable in the dirt, you know, fucking haunted. You just Christ, if you were a

ghost, wouldn't you move into a nicer fucking house? You live wherever the fuck you wanted to live. I've never understood that, you know, maybe they go out during the day. That's why you don't hear them. You know, just laying on the street waiting for some woman in a skirt to walk by so they can look up. But then why wouldn't I would be such a fucking pervert if I was a ghost? Jesus Christ, but that would be such a sad day when you saw every famous chick that you've fucking seen in the movies, watched them take a shower, as you jerked your fucking ghost. Oh, Jesus Christ, Bill, what are we doing? Hey, if you can put your hand through the wall as a ghost, can you still jerk it your fucking ghost stick? All you paranormal people, can you answer that when you come in with your fucking flashlights taped to a

weed wacker, whatever the fuck it is you're doing to try and find out what your ghost tracking. This tracks paranormal. If you see that shit on those fucking ghost hunters show the shit that they have, I swear to God, it reminds me of Green Acres with that guy, there's a genuine paranormal finder. Wait, did I used to do a bit about that? I did do a bit about that that I ever put it on. I don't know if I ever put that out. I think that one may have stayed home. So anyway, my, I wake up, you know, the house is talking to me. You know, it's funny, when you're making the payments on the house, you never think it's haunted, you immediately think of, Oh God, what noise is that? And how much is that going to cost me? It never enters my mind that I have to hire a four foot 11 woman

with a helium voice to come in and exercise the demons. So I get up to do my podcast, I get everything all set up, I'm ready to go, I go to go to my fucking Gmail, my fucking Gmail. And like every three months, these fucking Gmail cunts, they just try to get information out of you. Hey, here's a way, here's a way to make your personal account more secure. Give us more of your personal information. It's like, why would I do that? You're obviously having security problems. Hey, can we have your phone number? No Gmail, you can't have my phone number. How many fucking times will I have to say no, no means no, when this post me to fucking world that we're living in, you would think that these, these, these, these technological cunts, whatever the fuck you call them. We're just out

there sharing all this fucking information. I'm telling you, man, all these, all of this fucking shit. Did you see that thing? There's a commercial out right now. There's a goddamn doorbell. Right? And these crooks are walking up to the thing to break into the guy's house. And it's lit up. And they're like, Oh, wait, you see that circle? Oh, shit. And then they just show the nerdiest guy ever. He's like at the gym. This total pussy. So I guess he's at the gym trying to put on a little bit of beefcake there, either to get some ladies or I don't know what. And he's going and he starts talking to the speaker going, saying a bunch of shit that he would never say to their face. If he was standing there, be like, Hey, what room do you want to start in first? But now he's, you

know, he's the big tough fucking millennial cunt. He's at the gym, engaging his core, whatever the fucking is, you know, they run down the street carrying tables. What do you call that crossfit? You know, hey, if you're in fucking medical school right now as a young person, get into joint replacements, that tattoo removal, you're going to make a fortune right around 35 to 50. So he goes, Yeah, if I was you, I, you know, I, I turn around and run talking all this shit like he's fucking Steve McGarrett, right? And all of this shit, this is what I don't get about all of that stuff is like, you get these cameras set up, we were selling that shit on the podcast, and I'd be reading the fucking the copy going, wait a minute. So this will film the criminal

in your house. So this has the ability to film in your house. What's to prevent will be nice about this some rogue employee from just turning that on. And then you get the flat screen TVs with the fucking camera. What's the what's the stop Mrs. Mrs. Zenith from turning that fucking thing on and watching you. I don't know, it becomes like a weird thing. I feel like the house in the future, if you want to run for president someday, you have to have all you do all your fucking and all your conversation and all your fucking masturbating in the hallways. You know, I think you can get like a cheap like video surveillance thing for in your house. And just say like, yeah, listen, I don't,

you know, all the valuables and all the people are going to be in rooms. So you don't need to show the hallways. You got to have a you got to have like, basically, what was the panic room, you got to have your panic room, where you can actually, you know, in the future, you can go, you can be in your house and say whatever sexist, whatever fucking crazy thing you want to say, you can jerk off, you can fucking, you know, talk about your mother-in-law, your father-in-law, your fucking cousin, whatever, whatever family member you want to fucking talk about. You just have like this, this, you know, this dark spot where you're not picked up and, you know, and I think it should be the laundry room. And what you do is in the future, you just turn on

the washing machine and the dryer at the same time. So there's a lot of fucking background noise. You grab a pillow and then you yell all this shit that you want to do, right? And you put a pillow over somebody's face that you want to bang so their moans don't, you know, make all the companies curious that they miss it out on the good stuff that they want to watch when you're, was this too paranoid? I don't know. It's funny, because they used to always say that like, big brother was always going to be watching you and it just turns out to be a bunch of them, a bunch of fucking perverts. Like what's this? I don't know. It just, I don't know, the whole thing freaks me out. So anyway,

so I fucking go, I go to get on Gmail. Yeah, they're asking me all of this shit. And there's no way I can, I can't find the microscopic little thing that says opt out. I can't fucking find it. And then I go to turn on my recorder and then the batteries were, whatever, need to be charged with some shit. So I, that's why it's fucking late. All right, but I got to tell you something, you know, I want to say just just fuck all of this shit. We have enough technology, this fucking goddamn shit where you're just going to be walking around and all at all times just be filming people. I don't get it where it's just like, what, what has happened to you in life that you need like

presidential level security. And then everybody else's privacy is now compromised. You know, just the whole fucking thing with like the emails and shit. Why am I conversing on this shit? Why is like the most important business shit I have basically out there where anybody can get it. The whole thing is stupid. This reminds me of the fucking banks. Oh, Jesus, Billy. Yeah, I'm going to the banks. These fucking cunts. Hey, you don't have money in your log cabin. Oh shit, people go and come down and take it. Bring you work all week and then you bring our money to us. We'll keep it nice and safe. The biggest fucking scam ever. One giant fucking Ponzi scheme. Fucking cocksuckers. But let's get to, let's get to bread and circus. Now that I'm about 12,

13 minutes into the podcast here, 13 and a half. They're right. What a week for the Patriots. Is there anything better than when your team plays on Sunday, wins and then plays on Thursday and wins? You get two wins in one fucking four day period and then, you know, they're going to rest up, you know, you got your cake and eat it as a fan and then Sunday you can just sit down. It's sort of weird. It's like your team got kicked out of the league like fucking SMU back in the day when it got put on probation, which is great to see them hovering around the top 20 again. I hope they make a nice comeback. The fucking, the women on that thing ruined that. They had them build a fucking stadium half the size because

they didn't want to deal with all that booster shit. It's like, this is Texas. It's all about football and fucking buying people gold transams. Fuck you talking about. Anyway, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about here. This goddamn football. The Kansas City Chiefs lose again, but they're talking about my home's ankle. I don't know. But meanwhile, out in the NFC West, I'll tell you two teams that are looking pretty scary to me is San Francisco 49ers and the Seattle Seahawks with those sneaky Pete up there. All out the back door. Carol, right? They're gradually coming back. But you know what's great about being the Seattle Seahawks is they're way to fuck up there and nobody pays attention to them.

Games are always coming on late. You know, the fan base is just a bunch of lumberjacks and fucking earthy, crunchy fat chicks and just, it just, it's not sexy. It's not a sexy fan base. They had a little blip there where they had a little music scene going on in the early nineties. And then, you know, that was quickly, you know, absorbed by all corporations and Xeno, you bought flannel shirts at a fucking J crew, right? What do they call them? Distressed or stressed? Makes it looks like you've been wearing them long before the fad came out. So nobody pays attention to them. You know, as my good friend, Paul Versey, has already fucking numerous times crowned the Patriots Super Bowl champions this

year. Much like during most of this run, the AFC just always seems to be weak. Certainly the fucking AFCs. Who the fuck did the Jets beat this? They beat the Cowboys. Jesus Christ, how fucking pissed is their fan base, huh? Flipping the fuck out. I guess they got some new offensive coordinator or some shit, defensive coordinator, and he was making the calls and they were winning three. And then they tried to say that Garrett guy fucking took over. That was the suspicion and that's why they lost the next three. And then they're saying Tony Romo said this has got Garrett's fingerprints all over it and all the conspiracy football. There's just started fucking putting

shit together, right? I love a good sports conspiracy. I got one for you. The end of the game. There's an unwritten fucking rule that at the end of the fucking game, if it's close enough, the referees are going to do everything in their power to give the team with the ball that's down a chance to come down and tie the game. So what they can do is ensure that they have the most exciting product, as they would call it, that they can fucking put out there because I got to tell you something right now. That fucking end of that Cowboys game and I know the Cowboys got absolutely fucking screwed on that fucking offensive pass interference call. Almost like the ref didn't understand the rule. And I got to tell you, after it was explained to me and then I

acted like I knew it all along, I was really upset with that referee. It was just every pass that was fucking incomplete. It was pass interference. And on one pass interference there, they were basically, they also hit the quarterback pretty hard. They were just like, oh, that could have been a penalty. I said, I don't fucking get it. You can call pass interference on every fucking play. And they do, but you could also call holding on every play on the offensive line, which they never do. So how the fuck does that work? And I'm not saying that the Jets didn't interfere a couple of times, but to call every fucking one of those when the game was online. This is what's hilarious. Before that drive even started, they were down by eight points. I was

like, oh, they're going to score. They're going to go right down the field and they're going to fucking score. And it's going to come down to the two point conversion. You just knew it was going to. All right. Now I know a lot of this shit. I don't know. They're talking about now they're trying to protect players more. And if they really gave a fuck about the players, they would, they would have given them the former players some sort of decent settlement, which they didn't came out to like 1200 bucks a piece. And as all these owners sit there in these, these fucking, you know, billionaires with no fucking brain trauma, they actually gave a fuck about the players. So I think it's, it's, you know, 30, 30%, maybe 20% up for the player's well-being.

And then the other 20% is like, you know, so it's still, you know, a game that parents will let their kids play. And then the last 60%, it's just all about money and ratings. Because I was just watching, it was like, it was fucking ridiculous. And they just let the Cowboys just march right down the field. And then they called pass interference so much they then had a makeup call on the Cowboys on some horseshit. I don't know. The whole thing just seemed like this looks ridiculously manipulated. We got offset and files on the plate. We got one team trying to stop the other team, the other team trying to score. There's too much time left. We got to just sort of hear talk per minute with Southern accents. Before we get it going again, so we can ensure

more commercials before the inevitable attempt at the two point conversion. I don't know, Kevin Hart, but I do have an old car and a mansion. Yeah, I definitely think that there's some sort of fuckery going on there. Some sort of fuckery is going on towards the end of the game where you're trying to just like ensure the most exciting outcome. But yeah, it's a fucking show at first. So whatever. I hate to admit this, but I feel myself kind of pulling away from NFL football, NBA basketball. I just, and I was kind of more excited about watching racing yesterday. And I swear to God, I actually watched a little bit of the Premier League. I know, I know. But I think this is the normal

progression of getting old. What happens is, is the game changes, there's new kids coming in. You just don't, it's not what it was. Like you can never go home again. And then you have to, and then you also realize like, Amen, you know, I'm fucking 51, 19 years, I'm going to be 70. Am I really going to spend half my weekends, a quarter of the year fucking sitting around watching this shit when I could be going outside and doing something? But I'm not, I'm just going to find another sport, maybe. You know what it is? It's the fucking celebrating. I know I keep harping on this. I just, I don't get it. I don't get doing a touchdown dance when you got to first fucking down and you're up by three or down by seven, you know, and I just,

it just comes off as like, I know they're playing with passion. It's like, I don't, I think they all have an Instagram video loop in their head. And when they make a good play, they want to finish it off with the cherry on top and do their little fucking, you know, moonwalk into the worm, whatever the fuck it is they're going to do. You know, and then, then what happens is then if they don't make a play, they just hustle back to the fucking huddle. It's like, no, no, no, no, why don't you soak in the, you didn't get it done on that play. You know, I fucked it up dance. Where the fuck is that? I just, I don't, I, I drives me up the fucking wall in the screaming. When you fucking dunk a ball, yelling at some guy

with this six year old kid in the crowd who was not trying to dee you up on any level, but any other opponent ran out, ran out of the paint before you finished dunking on it. So they would be on Instagram for as little amount of time as possible. I swear to God, half of those fucking Instagram when they're like so and so dunked on so and so, it's like, no, they didn't. The guy wasn't even trying. He was trying to get the fuck out of the way. Oh, grandpa. Whatever. It's your time. It's your time now. Okay. That's what you guys want to do. If you want to fucking dance after you gain three yards, um, I don't know. I used to do a bit about, I did a bit about that when I first started,

like if I did a dance after every time I got a fucking laugh on stage, started doing the running man or drop the mic or just, you know, why the chicken crossed the road to get the other side yelling at people. Um, then if I do a joke that bombs, I just quickly run. Well, I still do that. No, I quickly run to the next material, but I didn't, I don't celebrate after the ones that work. Um, oh, Bill, shut the fuck up. You're still going to watch. I know, I know I am. Um, anyway, so for as much as Paul Verzi, um, the pride of New Jersey has crowned the New England Patriots Super Bowl champions. I really believe that, uh, you know, we have a ton of work to do and, um,

I don't know, our strength of schedule, if we were a college football team right now would, would be working against us, put it that way. So even, even when we play Kansas city, I look at it like if Patrick Mahomes isn't a hundred percent healthy, you know, is he going to get healthy? There's just too many fucking variables two weeks into October to be like, yeah, he actually, he said it three weeks ago. Verzi goes early. Verzi goes fucking early. You barely fucking taken the second bite of your goddamn hot dog and he's fucking telling you who's going to win the game. He goes, the man goes early. Um, speaking of that, we went to, uh, Death Valley in, uh, I don't even know what town I was in. I was going to say in Clemson, we were staying in Townville,

stayed out, stayed on a fucking lake house and could not have had a better time. Was working in Asheville, North Carolina on Thursday and Friday night. I went up there. I swear to God, the first night I was having so much fun fucking around and I was messing with, I always have fun down south because I always just, you know, I know there, there, I have fun there and then I have fun in super liberal cities where, you know, it's just easy to kind of, you know, you get down south, you know what they're into. They're into guns, fucking moonshine and cars and finding out how they're related to their father. Um, kidding. You play up that shit, losing the civil war and all that crap and then you fucking go out to like the liberal places like the San Francisco's and all

of that, you know, and then you just, you act like really fucking ignorant. Start talking about, uh, the positive side of Trump, you know, it's easy. It's easy to get him going. So in a fun way. So, um, yeah, I was joking around with them saying, you know, the reason why stock car viewership is down is because of free internet porn. You know, these guys used to just be up there twisting on the fucking cars all the time, you know, trying to get their El Camino to the race or some shit. And there was, I like to see Richard Petty win seven championships. He had free fucking porn as dick in his hand. Um, just was doing that. So I did like an hour and 40 the first night and an hour and 25 the second night, nothing from my special. And I'm good to go.

It killed the crowds for fucking incredible. Um, great city, Asheville. And, uh, and then we were just down at this fucking lake house, just laughing our asses off the entire time this guy next door to us was cool as shit. He had, you know, I can't say what he had, but it was legit and he brought some over. Get anybody in trouble. Um, but it was definitely, it was fucking, it was so much fun and, and, and Clemson, my God, those people, those people, top shelf tailgaters. We got there. We have so much fun at the lake house. We kind of skipped the tailgate. We got there like an hour before the fucking game 90 minutes before the game. We should have been

stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. There was barely any traffic. Those people, they were already there. All these, every one of them seemed to have one of those fucking, those makeshift tents where you can stand underneath it. So you don't get destroyed by the sun. Uh, so you can throw it out someday and it ends up in the ocean and it adds to this fucking problem. Makes the sun even hotter. That's how we do it, right? At some point, someone's just going to have to take the sun. Just one generation is just going to have to take the heat for what we're doing out here. But these fucking people were just amazing. Love the stadium. The food might have been the best concession food I've had in a long fucking time. They had this brisket hot dog. Figure that one

out. And, um, that was delicious. The pretzel was good that I got to get all stadium food. They had a piss trough. You know what I mean? That's always a good mental exercise. As you got like a fucking 80 year old on one side and a fucking kid on the other side, you're going to take your dick out. I mean, it's just like a focus to piss, you know, then they had like those, you know, those fucking faucets where there's no way to get your hands clean where you hit it and there's just enough time to get your hand underneath it. And then you got to, as you're washing your hand, then you got to hit it again. So whatever, whatever the fuck somebody's carrying over from the fucking toilet or the goddamn piss trough is on top of

that faucet. It's a goddamn nightmare. But other than that, it was great. And, um, I will tell you it is the farthest I've ever sat from a game, um, with my old person eyes. I had no idea what down it was. I just, cause they had like really small screens and, uh, we were in row double K. Um, and it was sort of three steps per row. So you can do the math. I counted it. It was over a hundred steps going up there. My fucking heart was racing, you know, but, uh, the game stunk. That was the only thing that was bad. You know, it was just basically, and Clemson wins the toss. They kick out the Clemson and Clemson scores right down the field, seven or nothing. Florida State comes out, three and out Clemson right down the field, 14 to nothing.

Fucking Florida State, one first down and three and out. I guess you can't be three and out. They get a first down and then stopped on downs Clemson right down the field, 21, nothing. I'm like, all right, come on. What's the spread of this game? Somebody had them for 27 points. I'm like, Jesus Christ, they might cover this by the end of the first quarter, you know, first quarter ends. It was either 14, nothing or 21, nothing. Then it was 21, nothing. They stopped Florida State again, and then they just march right down the field, 28, nothing. It's like, oh no. Come on, seven holes. Whoa. I even started in the Tomahawk shop just to have a game.

As I fucking said, how ridiculous is it that people do that? I was just like, and then they stopped them again and then they marched right down the field. It's going to be 35, nothing at the half, but fortunately Florida State caused a fumble and they went in 21, 28, nothing at the half. And we were having such a good time at the Lake House and we wanted to watch the LSU game. We just knew this like they're going to put the scrubs and they're going to score another touchdown. They're going to put the scrubs in and this is going to be it. We thought this was going to be a game. It's not going to be a game. Are we going to stay here roasting in the sun? Are we going to get the fuck out of here? Go back to our Lake House

with our very friendly neighbor and have a great fucking time. Watch LSU, Florida, and Yankees Astros. I mean, it was a no brainer. So we went back, no traffic, had a great time, had a steak fucking dinner, corn on the cob, the whole thing. And I sat on this porch in this beautiful part of South Carolina. You know, I'm telling you right now, like all these people that call all these states fly over states and they're here in the middle of the fucking nowhere. It's like there's a genius and a peacefulness to it that I cannot, you can't even describe. And I only got a piece of it because the next day I was like, you got to get up at five in the morning drive to Atlanta and get a fucking plane, you know, I had that in the back of my head.

And I was just kind of looking at this guy next door and he's just sitting there fishing, pulling out his dinner, you know, out of the water, just walking in, shooting the shit, laughing, telling stories on these two little fucking boat docks that we had. And I watched on the porch. My buddy was making the stakes. I was watching through the glass window. I was watching the Florida LSU game. And LSU finally has like a fucking legit quarterback after all these years of watching him. And incredible game. And we were all joking going, this is the death valley that we should have gone to. And I think we're leaning towards going there next year. I'm not sure. It's like, I've been to a game there. So they don't want to, my buddies don't want to go because

I've already been this like, dude, I will absolutely go to another game there without a fucking doubt. But I was actually thinking I'm kind of running out of, anybody knows another good college football atmosphere. These are the ones I've been to Michigan, Ohio State, Nebraska. I can be you BC Harvard Yale. That's when I was a kid. Yale was later though. NC State, North Carolina, Clemson, Florida, Miami, Georgia, Alabama, LSU, Tennessee, Texas, the Red River game at the Cotton Bowl, Texas, Oklahoma, Texas A&M, USC and UCLA. So I'm thinking as far as like, you got to go there, Auburn, but nobody for my crew wants to go unless it's the Iron Bowl game. And we're all married with kids. So that's a tough one because that's

Thanksgiving weekend. I want to go to Florida State when they're good. What else? University of Central Florida all of a sudden out of nowhere. I've seen that state. I know it's a little one, but they always seem to have exciting games. You got to get some more big 10. Obviously, Penn State is one. I've been to Notre Dame too. What else? What else is it? Iowa's a cool one. Oklahoma. But then I think that's kind of India, Washington, Oregon. I think that's it. I think he kind of done as far as division one powerhouses, maybe Wisconsin. I don't know. I don't know. I'm trying to think because then I think I just got to move on to fucking college hoop. I guess would be the one to try and figure out. I told you guys a long time ago, I actually went to a game in Indiana

when Bobby Knight was still there. It was the year they played the Spartans at home. It was the year the Spartans won the championship. It was the early 2000. Man, I thought I had a temper. That guy made me feel good about myself. But having said that, listening to that guy's like speeches that he gave to his kids, I thought he was fucking great. But I'm an old guy, so I'm used to getting yelled at by people older than me. It was just part of growing up. Second, I'm an adult, started screaming at you. In my generation, you're just like, Oh, this guy cares about those Bruins four and one Brad Marchand on fire scored his fourth fucking goal. Our number one line is clicking. I only watched a little bit of the first game

and I've seen highlights of a couple others. I got to get on it, but now I'm home so I can get the NHL package. I'm going to start watching. Congrats to the Mercedes Benz team in Formula one six years in a row. They've won the team championship for the most points of, I guess, car builder, I guess you'd call it. You know, it's been great for Mercedes, great for Germany, boring for the fans. But, you know, you got to get into that kind of excellence. Once again, once again, the fucking Ferraris had pole position. But see, Botos was in third because he passed Vettel from behind. He wasn't in second place. And I think that was, I think, was it Leclerc? I don't know. I'm watching too much shit to

remember all the fucking names. The fucking race starts. Vettel had like a bad, I don't know what you call a bad start or some shit. Botos goes right the fuck around him. And then Leclerc ends up bumping into what's his face there? The kid from fucking Red Bull knocks him out of the fucking race, Max Verstappen, and it fucks his car up. And they were one and two. Ferrari was. And by like the fucking third lap, it's just like, I mean, by the first turn, Botos is in first place. Leclerc, Leclerc, what his fucking name is, I'm thinking hockey players at this point, his car's fucked up, he's got to come in. And next thing you know, I don't know how

Louis Hamilton, he's genius with that shit. It's like he senses some shit's going to happen. He backs off, he lets him slam into each other and he goes around him. The guys, he's just the fucking best. And he once again, he was in a position to win it all. I don't know. I watched the whole goddamn race. I was happy for Botos that he got one, had one, one in a while. And I do love the Mercedes team. I just wish, you know, how great for me one would be if every other race Mercedes, Ferrari, at least if he had that going on. Little Ohio State, Michigan going on, although that hasn't happened this century, hasn't. I think I kind of forgot that I was doing a podcast about fucking 15 minutes ago.

I don't even want to have 36 minutes in. I haven't done any of the fucking the fucking, what the hell is it? What do you call it here? Advertising. All right, here we go. Let's get this shit out of the way. Let's hope that fucking those people who fucking put cameras in your house aren't advertising this week. That'd be a little awkward. All right. Oh, honey. Oh, no, this isn't it. Is it? No, this isn't it. Ever buy something online and then find out you could have gotten it for less? I haven't done that. How do you figure that out? Oh, you know what your friend tells you? Nice sneakers. What'd you pay for them? You know what you say when everybody says that?

I don't know. What'd you pay? You go first. What'd you pay for yours? It's worse than insert something personally. You can't stand here. Examples below. All right. I like this. It's worse than being on an airplane full of landing clappers. God damn, that's fine. That's a good joke. Landing clappers. That is the worst. That must piss off the pilot. Like, what'd you think? I was going to fuck this up. It's like, it's like, it's almost a sarcastic clap. You know, when a guy has been missing field goals, finally makes an extra point or goalie finally makes a save. It's worse than saying nice to meet you to someone you've met before. Oh, I do that all the time. I hate when someone goes, we've met before and I want to be

like, you're not famous. And I look like an asshole saying that. But you know what I mean? I'm going to have a bit more specific. We've met before. You're not the president. It's worse when it's worse than when you ask for directions and they start using the words east and west. Yeah, that's pretty bad. Oh, you can just look up to the sun. Can't you? Or just take out the compass? Not to mention, I got to come up my own. They came up with three good ones. All right, ever buy something online and then find out you've gotten it for less. It's worse than Jesus Christ. Somebody fucking making a wanted trying to make a left turn from the right lane and stops in their lane with their blinker on like they're doing the right

thing and there's someone left next to them making a left and they fucking drive in front of them to make the left. That's what I just saw on the way over here. There's better. Mine was a little wordy. Not to mention, once that happens, you feel like you could be overpaying every time you shop. Luckily, there's honey, the free browser extension that saves you time and money when shopping online. Honey, scares or scans the internet for coupon codes and other discounts. Then like magic, it automatically applies the one with the biggest savings to your cart at checkout. It knows about every coupon code, sale or discount at over 20,000 sites like Amazon, Macy's, J Crew, Domino's, Sephora, Target and more. Honey has found its 10 million users

over a billion dollars in savings. Listen, there's really no reason not to use honey. It's free to use and installs on your computer and just two clicks. Get honey for free at joinhoney.com that's joined honey.com slash burr. All right, hymns. Is that a hairline slowly starting to move backward? Any bald spots yet? Let's see. Yeah, I'd say, yeah. I ask you, do you want a bald spot to pop up on your hairline or your hairline to recede or do you want to do something about it first? I can't imagine what it feels like to start going bald. Let me finish to start going bald and then stopping it. You know, that's got to be like the hair version of like beating a deadly disease. You got three weeks to live and then you fucking beat it. This is the vain version of that. Bill,

did you just compare losing your hair to somebody dying of a fatal disease? I think I did. This is like reversing a bola. Why do guys turn to weird solutions or do nothing? Well, I mean, I don't know, because you're fucking putting that gunk on top of your head and you feel your heart start racing. That's what happened to me with that pro piece of shit. When they can turn to medicine and science, granted, I did that was a long fucking time ago. For hymns.com, a one-stop shop for hair loss, skincare, and sexual wellness for men. You like that? You're going to get your hair back. You're going to get some more broads out there. They got to make sure somebody's doing the fucking mile high salute.

Thanks to science, baldness can be optional. Dude, if these guys fixed me, this would be like bringing somebody back from the dead, like legit, like digging them up. They've been dead. Hymns is helping guys to be the best version of themselves with licensed physicians and FDA-approved products to help treat hair loss. Prescription solutions backed by science. Answer a few quick questions. A doctor will review and if they determine it's right for you, can prescribe your medication to treat hair loss that is shipped directly to your door. Get the hair loss treatment everyone is talking about featured in GQ, Men's Health,

Esquire, and Playboy to name a few. Order now. My listeners can get started with hymns complete hair kit for just $5. Five bucks today right now while supplies last and subject to doctor approval. See the website for full details and safety information. This could cost hundreds. If you went to the doctor or a pharmacy somewhere else, go to forehymns.com slash burr. That's f-o-r-h-i-m-s.com slash burr. B-u-r-r for hymns.com slash burr. And lastly, is it lastly, two more here, legal zoom. Come on and zoom, zoom, zoom, I zoom. What kind of zoom, I zoom, I zoom, I zoom. Come on, give it a try. Legal zoom. Running your own business isn't easy, especially if you're a woman. But getting help with a lot of the day-to-day challenges you face certainly helps. That's why

business owners all around the country turn to legal zoom. Over the, come on, give it a try. Over the past 18 years, legal zoom has helped more than 2 million business owners get started. But every entrepreneur knows getting started is just the beginning of your journey. What happens along the way will determine your success. That's why legal zoom's network of independent attorneys and tax professionals can help with. Oh, that's what they can help with, okay. Knowing where to turn for advice or trademarks, tax law changes and reviewing contracts puts you at an advantage. You'll save money by avoiding hourly fees since legal zoom isn't a law firm. Don't get distracted by legal hurdles and business questions as the year winds down. Go to LegalZoom.com today and

find out the different ways they can help your business. And don't forget to enter the promo code BRR in the box at checkout. That's LegalZoom.com, promo code BRR, LegalZoom, where life meets legal. Lastly, but not leastly, simply safe. Oh, shit. Simply safe, everybody. According to the FBI, the average loss in a burglary is over 2,000 bucks. But even so, only one in five homes have home security. Oh, Jesus. Most companies really don't make it easy, but simply safe is different. Simply safe protects your whole home, every window, room and door. Didn't say shit about the hallway. With 24-7 monitoring. 24-7 monitoring for just a fraction of the cost. Their product, the police dis... Learn to read. Their policy

dispatch is up to three and a half times policy. Their police dispatch. If you know how far away the computer is so I can actually fucking read it, I'm really realizing how much my eyesight is going on me. Like, I tried to kill a fly twice this week with a fly swatter, which is a one and done operation. I missed both times. I think I missed to the right both times. Then I overcorrected. All right, what am I? The police dispatch is up to three and a half times faster than with other companies because simply safe uses video verification. There's no contract, hidden fees or fine print. This system is designed to blend right into your home. No wires, no drilling. It's easy to order and easy to set up, usually in under an hour. Simply safe has won a ton of

awards from CNET to the New York Times wire cutter. Prices are always fair and honest around the clock monitoring. It's just $15 a month. Visit simplysafeburr.com. You'll get free shipping and a 60-day risk-free trial. Be sure to go to simplysafeburr.com so they know our show sent you. That's simplysafeburr.com. Oh my God, I forgot to do the announcement. I'm going to be doing another live podcast. I'm going to be doing this one in Los Angeles. I'm going to be doing it on October 27th at 7 p.m. at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles on sale Monday morning. Oh, Jesus. Well, nobody knows about it because I've only announced it here. Dynastytypewriter.com for tickets. Pre-sale code for podcast listeners. Only is acetate.

Let me double check to see this is the right one that I was supposed to read. Monday morning podcast live. This is a special announcement that I screwed up so I'm prerecording here on my phone or post-recording. October 27th at 7 p.m. I'm going to be a Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles recording a live Monday morning podcast. The pre-sale code for the podcast listeners only is acetate. A-C-E-T-A-T-E. Acetate. It's on sale Monday at 4 p.m. Pacific Coast time. Dynastytypewriter.com for tickets. The code will be required until noon on Wednesday, and then it's going to be on sale to the public. All right? That's it. Let's read some fucking shit from the listeners here. All right. Losing weight. Hey, Bill. Exclamation point. Hey, Bill. I love your podcast and your specials.

You make a lot of jokes about fat guys, and I have to say I'm glad you do. I'm overweight, and I used to be 327 pounds. How tall are you? Let's paint a picture. And after hearing you say these jokes, instead of taking offense to them, I took it as a, hey, he makes a point, I got to do something about my health. Yeah, you do, man. Why do you want to fuck? You can't blow it out. You can't blow it out. You got to use, like, this is how you're going to move around the fucking world. It's like you're beating the shit out of yourself. All right. I started to lose weight. I cut out soda. Do you know I've added soda to my diet? Because I don't booze anymore, and I just, you know, sugar rush or something. I got to knock it off. I stopped eating out and started

on home cooked meals. That's huge. I started doing cardio within six months. I'm now 278. Look at you. Let's do a quick math there. That's 22 and 27. That's 49 pounds. You're crushing it. I want to thank you for really opening my mind and setting a goal for me to lose weight and gain muscle. Keep up the great work. Well, keep doing what you're doing. That's great. Look at that. See, everybody thinks I'm a negative cunt. I'm not. I'm actually positive. You take time to get to know me. Follow up about med school. Good day. Fire crotch. Now, see, that's offensive. I see that right there. Now, normally I could be offended by that, but it's inspiring me to dye my pubes. All right. To the gentleman on your show who wanted to go to medical school,

as it had been a dream, as it had been a dream of his forever. Do it. Do it now. If you really wanted, if you really wanted to do that for years, then just go get it. I'm a physician myself. I received a degree in history before going to medical school, then took my pre-med courses. Next thing you know, I was in med school. I knew almost nothing about medicine and the like before going because pre-med is biology and chemistry slash physics. Biology slash chemistry slash physics. But here I am now. And honestly, they could teach a monkey to do most of this stuff. He just have to be willing to put the work into learning the information. I should have made this fucking print bigger. Let me bring the computer a little closer. It helps if you are single and nobody

nags you while you are in school in residency, which is like on the job training that we all have to do. Chicks look at you like you are some kind of badass, which is very unwarranted, but I won't complain and want your nuts all the time, especially in, and you can tell them the chemical makeup of those fucking balls, especially in residency when docs and nurses are young and horny. If you are willing to put the hours into the job, it's amazing. It sounds like a fucking, you're helping people and you're making a porno all at the same time. I can live anywhere in the country at any time. Finding a job is like finding sand on a beach all over the place. Good luck on your decision. Love the show. I love that because none of us, me reading in this listener,

have not been through pre-med yet. We're not smart enough that you had to explain finding sand on the beach by saying all over the place. And to you, William, sir, lube up and shove it in your anus. Jesus. All right. Reply to 10 seven climate change comment. Dear cube, dear Billy, cue ball, burr. You know, when you insult me, you really insult yourself because once you're saying about yourself. All right, where am I? Good day, firecrunch. Okay, dear Billy, cue ball, burr. What our buddies comment is illogical. How about a little background? Anyway, you talk about although I appreciate their input, if they thought about the topic a little deeper, I believe they would come

to a different conclusion. Okay, so so far, you've just said the last person is full of shit. And if they thought the way you did, they come to what the conclusion that you've done. All right, issue number one, what about ism? You may have heard this term before. No, I haven't. Are you selling me a used car? Hey, Bill, you're a smart guy. I'm sure you've heard this before. But it's basically when someone brings up a separate issue to remove themselves from responsibility. Well, I think they also applied what about ism when they built the space shuttle? Hey, you know, what if one of these things comes loose? Now, now, now, that's what about ism. Example, Sweden is critical about the US's pollution threshold.

USA responds with but what about China? Okay, I see what you're saying. All right. This has become an extremely popular mechanism to avoid answering questions or taking legitimate action on most people's topics. Oh, this is the guy that was saying there basically was no global warming or something. I can't remember anymore, especially for the current administration. It's called it's critical for us to be able to point out when someone is using this mechanism to bullshit their way out of something. Okay, I'll look for that issue number two, industrial development. Our buddy mentioned that because China, India and other countries are at a late industrializing stage that any action we take towards net zero emissions would be neutralized or useless.

This is painfully simple, simple. All right, dude, this is what you need to learn how to do. You need to learn to not talk down to people when you make a point because you're talking down to him and you're fucking annoying me. I get it. You're smart. You have all the fucking answers here. This is painfully. This is painful to fucking read. This is, this is, I'll tell you, this is a internet ism where people don't have the ability to present an opposite opinion without shitting on the other person. All right. That's what I do. All right. This is a painfully simple and linear way to look at a situation. It's not mandatory for a country to follow a specific pattern of industrial evolution. Yeah, but they usually follow what's going to be the cheapest and I

don't think it's going to be going electric and solar and all of that. They're probably going to use what is available for them. Energy is energy. If there is a cheaper way to harness green energy, China and India would drop coal in a heartbeat. This is rudimentary economics. Well, you're also, but you're also avoiding another thing. I think that this is painfully simple and linear. Okay. Because of us, you know, you got fucking oil companies that have been in power for hundreds of years. The money that they have to influence that we continue going down this fucking road is off the charts. The way they can suppress information, the way they can buy companies that are coming up with cleaner energy and just own their patents and just put it on the back burner.

I mean, I mean, I don't know. I feel like this is starting to feel like Santa Claus here. Like, though they're just going to invest in cleaner energies and like, I don't know. I mean, why are we over in fucking the Middle East right now? What are we over there for? To make sure Iraqi people are free? Is that what we're doing? And they just happen to be on top of all that liquid gold there. This is rudimentary economics. It's about is it's about accessibility to alternate forms of energy and undercutting the oil industry. Easier said than done, but possible. Yeah, I think you're being painfully simple here. That's going to create that's going to cause bloodshed, dude.

Those fucking people would put a bullet behind every baby's fucking ear, because the way they've meant that they could keep fucking drilling for oil. The ends justifies the means you're dealing with fucking organized sociopaths. Issue number three, climate conspiracy garbage. For every bank funded study, there's thousands of independent studies on the climate that all reach the same conclusion. Even the US Navy recognizes the climate change is its largest existential threat. An elementary understanding of carbon particles would tell you that human pollution is directly causing the planet to heat. Carbon particles survive in the atmosphere for up to 10,000 years per particle. We're fucked and retain exponentially more heat than your usual atmospheric particles.

But don't take my word for it. Just read and critically think. That was so condescending or for those of us that are on the simple side. Look at this. Turn your car on in the garage with the door shut. Just chill out and tell us what happens. I mean, do people really think the particles just fly away into outer space? These particles remain in the atmosphere in oceans and have a very high heat capacity. That's terrifying. I currently live in Miami, so this issue is very real for us even now. Soon the water will be passed. My nuts try to come down here and do a show before it's all underwater. Thanks and go fuck yourself. He actually has a link here. Maybe he was just trying to be funny. He doesn't seem like that

bad a guy. Maybe I'm just insecure about how stupid I am. I suck at reading out loud. All right. There we go. How about that? All right. Career advice. I need some advice in my career. Career advice for new parent. Hey, Billy Baldead, big time fan of your stand up and podcast. I especially love the advice section. Oh, do you? You like the advice section? It's time for advice. Hey, your hose, Billy Bird. That's right. And I'm ripping off this melody from somebody else. All right. Oh, no, no, no. Not this thing is going to fucking start playing something else. You like that? You always get a little taste of what the fuck I'm listening to.

A little taste there. I think that was from actually a podcast listener. Somebody sent me that. All right. Where the fuck am I here? Was that enough for you to shazam it? All right. Conspiracy theory garbage. Okay. Career. Okay. Billy Baldead. All right. Now it's time for me to have give you some advice. I recently became a dad about six months ago and I'm head over heels in love with my new daughter. My current job is only 20 minute drive and seven and a half hours days. The job is very easy and laid back and leaves me with a lot of time to spend with my daughter. The bad part is the pay is terrible yet can't have a cake and eat it. And I have to work a side job a couple of days a month just to stay out of the red. I resent that term.

I have recently been offered a job that pays about 75% more than what I'm making now. This job requires a lot of travel. Most days would require 78 hours of work plus three to four hours of driving or an overnight stay at a hotel. Oh Jesus. All travel miles and meals expenses are covered by the company and benefits are solid. I would be home on weekends, but during busy weeks I might leave home on Monday morning and not return until Friday evening. I would be missing a lot of time with my daughter. People say they grow up very quickly and I want to be there as much as possible. I don't feel like I can keep going with my current job though. One big one car or home repair bill and I'm in trouble. I can't decide what to do. I could really use

some advice from a dad like you. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Your biggest fan of flora. Jesus dude, this is a huge one. I don't know dude. My gut tells me and this is I'm going from my heart, not my brain here, is to look for another, keep looking for a job. You found that one. You can find the perfect job. Don't settle for this one. That'll be really fucking hard. That would be really hard if that would be happening in a lot that you'd leave Monday and not be home until Friday. I don't think you'll be on your deathbed someday thinking, hey, thank God I left on a Monday and came home on a Friday and got all those great experiences at that Motel six. But I will think you'd be laying on your deathbed thinking, thank God I was able to see my daughter Monday through

Friday and hang with her on the weekends. There's other things you can do. You can downsize your life. There's just a lot of extra bullshit now that people think that they need and clutter and fucking, you know, you need a flat screen in every fucking room and all of this shit. You really don't. You don't need a lot of shit that people think that you need. And me and my lovely wife, I mean, I was out here in Los Angeles, a car city. We had one car from 07 to 2016 and we did fine. You know, when I was growing up, we were a one car family. My mother put all the kids in the car and we drive to work with my dad and then we'd all come home together. It's a lot of great times, you know, depending if everybody was in a good mood, you know, and then we'd

we'd fucking come home. We had a great time. So I think now like there's a there's a thing about going on social media, like you just think you need to be living like this MTV Cribs lifestyle. And you can really become a prisoner of that. And you know, what the fuck are you working for? You were like free time is is is the most valuable fucking thing you could ever have. If you're making enough money, I know, you know, one bad thing happens, you're in the red is fucking brutal. I also understand that. So I don't know what that's like as a kid. So take this with a grain of salt, but I do know what it's like to put together a tricycle and see your daughter riding around on it and having the time to get on your bike and ride with her. It's amazing. So

I don't know. I would try and keep looking for jobs. I would talk talk it over with your wife. In the end, you have to make that decision off. There's too many variables involved there. All right, need two lives. Dear Billy, no news. I'm an exhausted college student. I spend the summer in Southam. Dude, that other guy just make like whatever your benefits you're getting from that thing. That's what you want. But without all of that travel, you know, and go for exactly what shoot for exactly what you want. You follow a little bit short who gives a shit, but I don't think you it doesn't sound like you want to be doing that need two lives. Dear Billy, no news. I'm an exhausted college student. I spent the summer in South America on an internship and now

I'm back in the States catching up on my favorite mind numbing media. I'm listening to a podcast from a few months ago where you talk about not paying attention to Epstein thing and just having fun making the movie and hanging in Central Park with your daughter. I myself was catching up on a lot of stuff and realized that it all happened without me paying attention. Also, though, I've thought about running for local government in my late 20s because I actually give a shit. I'm just not sure which road I should take. I enjoyed taking caring about different things while away. And it's like goddamn, I could really use two separate lives. So I don't have to make this decision. I really see myself living both ways. Oh, either paying attention or not.

P.S. I took a helicopter ride in Chile and I really wish you were piloting. Well, I don't know anything about anything down there. So how about copiloting? I would say I don't know. It'd be good to get a good person in government, but I feel like they weed you out at the lower levels. Are you going to play ball? You're not going to play ball. And I think that you could do it'd be great to get somebody, you know, a good person in government. And then also, there's a lot of stuff that you can do outside of government. And I think the mistake that I made was I thought politicians were supposed to solve the problems. And then I just get to pay my taxes so I can sit there and complain and drive by homeless people and all

these other societal ills. I think my new thing is, you know, you want to get something done, do it yourself, or at least try and help somebody out that knows how to organize it because I'm not the best at that. And, you know, like this guy who just wrote in, you know, that's the type of person that, you know, if he ever did the guy wants to spend time with his daughter, you know, if he didn't have like a fucking home repair or some shit like that, and it's just like he's up against it. I mean, it's very easy, you know, to, I don't know, come up with something to help somebody out in that situation. Everybody, I don't know. That's just the more I'm looking at. Like, why don't we help each other out? Like, why would you let your neighbor go through that? Why don't we all

have each other's backs? Because God knows these fucking people above us have just, they've just left. They've just, they've left the program. They're just sitting there competing with each other and then go into islands and put an animal heads on and fucking each other, whatever the hell it is they're doing. But they have left us behind and they've known for a long time what we've been doing to the planet and they've ignored it and they've chose their yachts and their fucking 20 year old horse instead. So I think if we have any sort of shot, everybody's got to try and do something. I don't know. That's the two cents from somebody who doesn't read here. All right, overrated slash underrated underrated having someone someone around who gets into the holidays. That's me. I love

the holidays. I already made some pumpkin bread trying out this fucking stove. We just had it fucking rebuilt. I got to find out how it how it bakes. Had to adjust where I put the pumpkin bread in the oven. Ooh, I might make some tonight. Underrated having someone around who gets into the holidays. I just moved back home with my parents for a few months between moving and law school. I forgot what it was like to have Halloween decorations and bake the lights around. Otherwise, what's it all for? Oh, it's fucking tremendous. And you got to go. You got to go hard on Halloween. You really do. You got to decorate. You got to get into it. So so the holidays last as long as possible. All right, overrated dear Billy bone breath. You know what that means

overrated nice weather. It gets old fast. Every day becomes a new pressure to somehow enjoy the beautiful day. Today was raining in my part of the country and I had no decision to make. I would work in the morning and then sit around in my apartment till dinner. Fuck your picnics. All right, Guy knows what he likes. I like a nice rainy day every once in a while. It's tremendous, you know, then you can fucking. There is that great thing where there is there's no pressure to God students. It's not nice out or a great snowstorm. That is something I do miss out being here in LA. Well, it's just like some insane snowstorm, right? You get the fire going, your wife gets some food, you start cooking, right? The lights go out, you pretend like you

know what you're doing as a man, you know, all of that shit. I do enjoy all of that. All right, well, my kiddos up from her nap. I'm going to go fucking ride a bicycle while she rides a tricycle and enjoy myself. All right, everybody, go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday and yeah, that's it. We'll talk more. See you.