Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 10-16-23

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

Bill rambles about Migs Mayfeld, his right to yell about sports, and money pits. SimpliSafe:  For a limited time, get 20% off your new system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring by going to... www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR   

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Struggling with stubborn discoloration? Get the clinical solution. New Paulus Choice 25% vitamin C plus glutathione clinical serum. Advanced technology correct sun damage and discoloration with zero irritation. Formulated with glutathione, a powerhouse antioxidant that amplifies vitamin C gently. For all skin types and tones, the future of vitamin C is here. Available at Paulus Choice and Sephora. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday,
Starting point is 00:00:36 October 60th, 2023. I almost said August. Oh my God, what a fucking faux pas that would have been. I almost said August, oh my God, what a fucking faux pas that would have been. It would have to erase 17 seconds and start all over again. But isn't that what life is about? You know, just acknowledging that you made a mistake and taking the time to stop. Go back and fix what it is. Guys, let's all just make a promise to ourselves that when we make mistakes, the first thing we do is we forgive ourselves.
Starting point is 00:01:16 What'd you do with this? If this became, this is what the podcast became. That's a big fucking celebrity move. Is when whatever the fuck it was you were doing isn't making any fucking money anymore. What is the fucking move? You start giving advice to complete strangers like you give a fuck about them.
Starting point is 00:01:42 Guys, I just wanted to take a moment outside my big white fucking mansion, you know, those big stupid white boxes. Indoor, outdoor living, open space. So fucking stupid. Who the fuck, what are they called? Indoor living, and then it's like, not open space. I forget now. Open floor plan. It has an open floor plan. Look over here's where you make cookies, and while you do that, you can watch somebody
Starting point is 00:02:19 fucking watch in TV. It's like, I like the walls. All right? Open floor plan is great until you have a fight with your wife and then you just can't get away from her. I mean walls save marriages. You got a fucking... Can't just have her look and how you just hate and everything about just staring at the back of your head. She's out in the kitchen, right? She just starts thinking like, what if I just fucking, this is skillet right over there? What if I just grabbed it, walked over, whacked him on the fucking head? All right, through the skillet, none of the ravine.
Starting point is 00:02:57 There's always a ravine whenever somebody who's never killed somebody before, when it's a crime of passion, there's, oh, there's either a ravine, a crawl space, or some sort of trunk. I've learned that when my wife watches the murder shows before she goes to bed, you know, which is kind of a hacky premise at this point, but she hasn't been doing it lately. But anyway, let's get just back to this guys. I just want you to know that you're special. Just think about that. You're unique.
Starting point is 00:03:30 You have something to say. You're beautiful. Yeah, that's just, you know, just take that and start your fucking week working for these greedy-ass fucking corporations. We are at the end of capitalism here in America. I can tell you that. It's the beginning of the end and it's gonna get fucking hostile. And the geniuses is the CIA
Starting point is 00:03:57 run Fox News and CNN will have us fighting each other. That's gonna be the genius of this rebellion. The genius of this rebellion is two people with different colored ties with the same dick and their ass are gonna be fighting each other, thinking that the dick belongs to the other person and it doesn't, it doesn't. Oh Bill, what are you doing dick and the ass fucking?
Starting point is 00:04:25 What would you call this algorithm? You know, I used to think that that's what like the genius of racism was. Was anybody who like, this is the deal. If any, if you can be, if they can get to you, all right, as a white person, if they can get to you, you're not as white as you think you are. You are, you're like, I don't know, I don't know how to put it. It's like, you're not going to get to the people that are really fucking you over. That was a deal.
Starting point is 00:05:04 I've, I've came up right. I've been doing this shit for so it. It's like, you're not going to get to the people that are really fucking you over. That was a deal. I've came up, right? I've been doing this shit for so fucking long. But like I just saw something. I reposted it on the Instagram grams there. Someone was saying that the fucking Senate or a house, whatever the fuck it is, passed something to be voted on. It's not a thing yet, but there is legislation to allow 15 and 16-year-olds to work in like meat packing, the superstores, all of these people
Starting point is 00:05:26 that treat adults like shit. It's just brilliant evil. So now what's gonna happen is, is the parents of the kid, the kid is now gonna take the mom or the dad's job. Okay, so they don't have to pay them, and then that's gonna make these people have a difficult time making their fucking mortgage.
Starting point is 00:05:44 So then they gotta sell their fucking house house and then the corporation that's buying up all the houses will then swoop in and have an even easier time making a cash offer and selling it. And where were all of these fucking politicians? They don't say anything. Nothing with the blue tie or a fucking red tie is gonna say a fucking thing about it. But that fringe candidate, man, who's just out of his mind and is gonna ruin the election. Do you know what fucking dumbass hill? I'm on a fucking thing here. I'm on a fucking thing here, right?
Starting point is 00:06:19 Because there's a candidate that's in this election and he was actually calling out corporations for what the fuck they were doing and then magically, he immediately gets branded a fucking anti-vaxxer and fucking anti-Semitic, all right? And his thing, let's go with that. Let's say he is, let's say he's anti-Semitic, let's say he's an anti-fucking-vaxxer, let's say he fucking jerked offemitic, let's say he's an anti-fucking vaxor, let's say he fucking
Starting point is 00:06:45 jerked off and somebody's face in the park. Let's say he did all of those things, all right? Fine. Here's my question. The other shit he's talking about, how come nobody else is talking about that stuff? How come nobody in a blue tie, nobody in a red tie is talking about what these fucking corporations are doing. Why does dumbass Hillary Clinton say stupid shit,
Starting point is 00:07:08 like if Donald Trump wins, that will be the end of democracy. You know what I mean? Just feeding you this fucking lie that if you vote for the right colored tie, that there's bullshit that these corporations are doing, is somehow gonna stop. It isn't. It isn't. It's not gonna stop. It isn't, it isn't.
Starting point is 00:07:26 It's not gonna stop until you pick up a fucking axe handle and you start swinging at the right skulls. You know what I'm saying? No, those days have come and gone. At this point, they literally have R2D2 driving down the street delivering fucking food. And it somehow gets there and people eat it and they are okay with it.
Starting point is 00:07:49 You know, I took my lovely wife out for ice cream today and I just watched this woman in front of me where for some reason she's punching in like the tip and all that and then for whatever fucking reason she gives the salt in the shake fuckers her phone number. It's like what the fuck did they need your phone number for? These young people grow up with such a lack of fucking privacy that they don't even understand what the fuck it is they're doing. And I'm just watching each one of them, just fucking, they're all right with it. They're all right with it. You know, and I bet when I was there,
Starting point is 00:08:17 I bet there was someone in my age looking at me with whatever the fuck I was all right with, and it's been this slow, gradual fucking thing. You know, I mean, if you look at the greed in my business whatever the fuck I was out right with and spend this slow, gradual fucking thing. I mean, if you look at the greed in my business right now that led to this strike, just this out of control fucking greed, the same way they, like, I was talking to my buddy about like the all this labor shit,
Starting point is 00:08:39 like they literally want to go back to the industrial revolution, which is why unions ended up coming about. And they had kids like fucking eight years old working in there. And these robber barons who are some reason glorified were taking all of this fucking money and it was this unbelievable level of greed. But the problem with them back then was they were celebrities and people knew who the fuck they were.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Andrew Carnegie, JP Morgan, the Vanderbilt, the Rock Fells, Pete, they were names. They were like fucking celebrities. And like smart mobsters, they didn't want to be in the papers. Unlike that canary fucking suit wearing guy. Like everybody looks at fucking Al Capone. You know, reason why you know Al Capone is because the fucking guy was in the papers. And all those other gangsters look at him like he was a fucking idiot. That's the story that's never been told in these Hollywood movies is they fucking glorify that guy. All of the smart mobsters looked at him like he was a fucking idiot and he was fucking
Starting point is 00:09:30 himself and fucking everything that they were doing and all the smart mobsters, what they were trying to do was go legit, not that they were going to be honest people. They wanted to go legit so they could get on the legal side of stealing, which is what corporations do. What they do is legalize stealing. wanted to go legit so they could get on the legal side of stealing, which is what corporations do. What they do is legalize stealing. If you're on the other side with the mob, you're stealing, you have to hide the money, you got to drive a lesser car, you get on the legal side of stealing, you can drive a shiny car right down the fucking street. Like, I got a buddy of mine, they're fucking with his pay, right? This is how corporations do it, but he,
Starting point is 00:10:04 you know, he can get a lawyer because they agreed for the money. So what they do is they give you equity in the company, company, and the second you have equity in the company, you can no longer like, I guess for whatever reason, like, barter for your salary, and then they can cut your pay and be like, well, well, you're one of the owners. So it's really, and they give you like a morsel of ownership.
Starting point is 00:10:24 So I was going, well, why don't you not sign it? It's like they like forced him to sign this shit and then this is what they do So then they they cut your pay and half They saved the company all this money and then in the end the cuts that did it to you write themselves a bonus at the end of the year a bonus for what? They just took half your salary and then fucking gave it to yourself and they just label it as a bonus. They say that you're an owner. It's just completely out of control and nobody is fucking doing anything about it. Anything about it. And anytime some politician comes along and says, hey, maybe we should do something
Starting point is 00:11:00 about this. They immediately vilify the person, say that they're a communist, a socialist, a fringe fucking blah, blah, blah, and then all these fucking chips! Who fucking vote, red tie or blue tie, tell you that it's a waste of a fucking vote. Blows my fucking mind. Blows my fucking mind. Oh, Billy's soapbox. Billy's on his soapbox. He heard a couple of things. He clicked on a website, and now he's running his app.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Anyway, no, I feel like we're coming to the end of this shit. Like, at some point, it's either just gonna become total tyranny, like a fucking dictatorship, or it's gonna be, I don't know, it's gonna kind of be something else. I will tell you this, I've been in countries where there's dictators, it's not as bad as they say. You know, I just thought like you just
Starting point is 00:12:00 get in the shit kicked out of you the whole time, but it's not like that. It's like, you know, countries I've been in whether it's like a dictator, the vibe is dad's home. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.
Starting point is 00:12:16 Pfft. That's what the vibe is, dad's home. So you better be on your pees and queues. You can still fucking enjoy yourself. Just don't get too fucking loud. You know, still piss off dead. That is vived. So I don't know what direction we're going in,
Starting point is 00:12:33 but like just these fucking level of greed that is just so wildly out of control. And I know you guys probably think I'm nuts. I don't literally think the CIA controls Fox News and CNN. But if you notice, just like politicians, career politicians, they don't bring up the greed of corporations in any sort of effective manner. All right, they might sort of loosely talk about it
Starting point is 00:13:01 or whatever, right? Like CNN and Fox News, like, where are these fucking stories? You know what I mean? They don't give a fuck, right? But if somebody, he was on a TV show, says the wrong fucking thing, or somebody fucking goes into a 7-11 and takes a shit on a counter,
Starting point is 00:13:20 okay, well, I'll believe what the fuck, you know, that makes the fucking news. Look, obviously somebody, I mean, he's like, why do I believe what the fuck, you know, that makes the fucking news. Look, obviously somebody, I mean, he's my, like, why do I need to know that that happened? Yeah, I understand that there's fucking crazy people in the world, but what about the real lunatics? What about those people? Oh, Bill, shut up. You know what it is?
Starting point is 00:13:37 I didn't watch any football today. I didn't watch anything. My lovely wife had a gig and she was gone for like three, four days. I missed her terribly and I was like, what do I want to do? At the end of my life, when I'm laying in my deathbed, am I going to think, you know, I missed the fifth week of football, six week of football, you know, instead of hanging out with her, you know, and you don't want to end up happening, we went out. What the fuck did we do?
Starting point is 00:14:11 We went somewhere did something we want to get something to eat and then she said hey, you want to go to you go to a cigar bar? What you know I? Got it, you know, I got to put some of this footage together. I was like all right, I ended up smoking a cigar and I watched a little bit of the the Rams Cardinals game and I gonna tell you that back up quarterback the Rams Cardinals game and I gonna tell you that back up quarterback That the Cardinals had was very impressive. I mean he's got a young team and he made a lot of Errors and stuff, but I thought he was throwing a good ball He was showing leadership qualities and I got to tell you something. You know being a fan of the pats I'm sitting there going like hey
Starting point is 00:14:41 I like this guy just say it not trying to cause any cupe. I mean, what am I talking about? He would come there and he'd have to run for his fucking life too. I guess the paths look better. I don't know how it works on YouTube, which by the way, I'm still fucking pissed that the NFL made a deal with fucking YouTube. Not that they made the deal, that they sold it to you,
Starting point is 00:15:03 like, yeah, you don't have to put a dish on your house. Well, you didn't fucking say that 20 years ago, you cunts. Well, you made everybody put a dish on their house. Now, you fucking turning around. Don't do the Saddam Hussein. Like, yeah, this is our guy, and then 10 years later, what the fuck is up with this guy? He needs to be stuck.
Starting point is 00:15:20 What do you mean? He was in the band. He was in the fucking band. Dude, if you look at the America's foreign policy, it's, it tracks. If you watch a documentary on the band, uh, Eagles, not the Eagles, Eagles. Same fucking thing. The amount of fucking people in and out of that goddamn band in and out and in and out. Fucking this guy's in. Everybody loves him. Now this guy's in, everybody loves him. Now this guy's not talking to this guy
Starting point is 00:15:46 and fucking, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's how we are. That is guy, yeah, this guy's a fucking ally. We love this. Gotta be stopped. Gotta be stopped. Oh, I'm all over the map. So anyway, we ended up going going and I went to this cigar bar
Starting point is 00:16:07 and I smoked a little knob and I just watched some of the game. I had a great time. And then, oh yeah, I took my wife off for ice cream. And that's when I saw the lady with the phone number. I was just like, why the fuck are you giving them your fucking phone number? Why? What did you do? But anyway, I had been on the road for like 10 days, 11 days, doing that bus thing, and my wife was going to be out of town, and I just said, fuck it. I'm just going to stay home for the week. I did do the jam in the van Thursday night
Starting point is 00:16:41 to raise money for the people out there in Hawaii. Which by the way, you know, when shit like that happens, you know, how come we don't fucking just immediately just help those people? You know, how come, how come we don't do that? You know why there's no fucking money in it? There's no money in it. If we didn't own Hawaii, if we didn't already annex Hawaii, we then would have been like, we need to go in and help these people.
Starting point is 00:17:08 And we're not helping them. We would go in and just take it. That's how it works. And once they take it, then they don't give a fuck about you. Gloom and doom. That's what I'm pitching this week. Sorry. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:24 So, coming up next week, I'm gonna do a little bit of flying. Today was like the perfect fucking day too. I will tell you that was the perfect fucking day. But as I mentioned, I'm trying to get a double the amount of solo hours I've gotten in the first 10 years of flying, which is a pitiful sum. And we only need a few more hours to do it. But this has been my best year. Other than the year I went to try to get my instrument. And then we sold the movie.
Starting point is 00:18:02 I sold a script for a movie that I had to make. So then I couldn't fucking complete that, that bugs me. Two things in my life bugs me is flunking French as much as I did and never learning the language and not getting my instrument rating. That was the only two things. Other than that, everything worked out. Oh, I got a funny story for you.
Starting point is 00:18:29 You know, when I was going on, right, I was about ready to go on stage in Springfield, Massachusetts. My daughter called me six years old. She calls me up. I'm like, what's up, buddy? And she goes, Dad, she goes, why, why do you play a bad guy in the Mandalorian? And I laughed. I go, why, he's not really a bad guy. She, and she was like, my friend at school said you play a bad guy in the Mandalorian. Why,
Starting point is 00:19:01 why do you play a bad guy, dad? Why? And I was like, well, my character's not really, but you first you think he's bad, but then you see on the next one, you know, he's not that bad. And then she goes, yeah, but why, dad? Why would you play a bad guy? I was like, well, I don't write it, you know what I mean? I'm an actor and I just kind of do what they tell me to do.
Starting point is 00:19:21 She goes, did you play a bad guy in Star Wars? And I said, no, I wasn't in Star Wars. That was a long time ago. And she goes, all right, well then, I'm literally giving my intro. Then, well, then why do you play a bad guy in the middle? And I finally just said, well, look, you're gonna have to ask John Favreau,
Starting point is 00:19:40 because, you know, I didn't want to do Star Wars. And she goes, all right, I said, okay, I got to go on stage and she said, all right, and I go, I love you. Hang up, and I went up on stage. And I think I did, I don't know, I did like 20 minutes, and it was going great and everything, but in the back of my head, I was thinking, like, why does she care whether I play a bad guy? Maybe she just thinks whether I play a bad guy? Maybe she just thinks that makes me a bad person. I have no idea, but the questions
Starting point is 00:20:12 that she's starting to ask is, it's incredible. And every few months, like, the way that they change and you just think, like, oh, okay, my son's like this and my daughter's like that. And then all of a sudden, it flips, it's been a, it's been quite an amazing experience. And I don't know, I got a, I got a gig coming up in Reno on October 28th. I'm going to be there with Joe Bartonick. And I got to tell you guys, I am having the best fucking shows of my career.
Starting point is 00:20:45 And it's because of that bus tour. I just decided like, if I have to do my act 10 times in 11 days, I am going to get so fucking sick of it. So I just started riffing in improv and kind of trying to avoid my act. And the game is, avoid the act until I'm not killing.
Starting point is 00:21:02 And if I'm not killing, then I just do a joke for my act. Because people pay money not to watch me fuck around, right? And I kind of took that into, I did two shows for the Hawaiian benefit there, Thursday night for a metamed. And I went up and did a set on the first show and then on the second show, I tried to do his little material as I did on the first show, and I did 45 minutes roughly on both shows,
Starting point is 00:21:36 and I just could not have had a better time. And if there's any comedians listening to this, I kind of shut off that voice that said, don't say that. I do make a quick judgment call if it's going to come off as like ignorant in any sort of way that I don't want to fucking, you know. I just want to make sure that it's all coming off as fucking jokes, you know. So sometimes, you know, I do say,
Starting point is 00:22:06 or I shouldn't say that, don't say that. But the stuff that I was saying, I didn't even have to shit, I was saying, I remember one point, I was riffing and somehow I talked about the clan and said it was a bowling league that went wrong or something like that. And I remember laughing about it the next morning going,
Starting point is 00:22:22 that doesn't even make sense. And I remember laughing about it the next morning going, that doesn't even make sense. Pfft! There weren't any bowling leagues in the fucking 1890s, right? I have no idea. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about right now. I'm wiped out because the second I got home,
Starting point is 00:22:43 after hanging out with the first kid, I always call my wife my first kid. So I hung out with her, and we had a great time, and then I came home, and my daughter was immediately like, okay, dad, where are we going? I go, what do you mean where are we going?
Starting point is 00:23:00 It's like four in the afternoon. She said, dad, you said after you hung out with mom, you were gonna do something with me. And I was like, oh shit. And I was like, all right, what do you wanna do? And she's like, I wanna go, you know, it's freaking place, all, you know, I don't know, like 10 fucking blocks away or something like that.
Starting point is 00:23:17 I was like, look, I just got home, can we do something at home? Then I had to deal with that. And next thing, anyway, we go out in the backyard and I start throwing up some, you know, pictures and she's got the batch. She went up, she got her red socks, jersey and stuff. And she's crushing it. Just crushing it.
Starting point is 00:23:36 And we had like the best time. And I got this killer glove that somebody gave me. Like, I'm actually a right, I throw right handed, but when I messed up my right shoulder, I just kinda mistroened a ball, so I just started throwing lefty, so I can kinda do it a little bit. And this glove that somebody got me
Starting point is 00:23:54 because they saw me throwing lefty, it's a left handed glove, it's this beautiful Rawlings that's like all black, oh my God, it is fucking gorgeous. And I always felt Rawlings it's made the best clubs. I had a Wilson when I was a kid, believe it or not, I had a Wilson that was signed, you know, they did like the stamp signings. It was Ron Gidry, the Gator, the guy who won the one game,
Starting point is 00:24:17 playoff game in 1978. Well, my dad wasn't like the biggest, I can't say it was a big sports fan, he just had a ton of kids, so he was at work. So I don't think he noticed. He just grabbed a fucking glove. Kind of amazed that they sold it in Massachusetts. But this is these are the days before fucking ESPN and shit and things really got ramped up. And plus you played baseball in it like a couple of weeks. It got so dirty. You couldn't see the signature. But some buddies of mine had like those Rawlings gloves. And I always remember I felt the leather was just a little bit,
Starting point is 00:24:47 it was like higher quality, like softer. They always had that option. You could have your finger outside the glove. I never knew if that was to make it, so you could squeeze it easier, or it's like, you know, the ball had a tendency of stinging your index finger. But anyways, whatever this glove is,
Starting point is 00:25:04 it's just a fucking, it's a masterpiece. I still even even broken it in and had a great time doing that. And then we went down and got a family photo in front of something that I can't promote that I'm very proud of something that I can't promote. That I'm very proud of, and I'm hoping this fucking strike will be over soon. I hope these greedy fucking people can just be happy with taking 90 fucking percent of everything they won't. They won't.
Starting point is 00:25:38 So fucking talks broke down again. According to my union SAG, they literally came back essentially, you know, everybody thought when the writers Again, according to my union SAG, they literally came back essentially. You know, everybody thought when the writers thing was solved that the actors would be next. And it's not out work. I guess they came back to the table with essentially what they offered at the beginning, which caused the strike or whatever, caused them to strike. So they're really just trying to like break the union.
Starting point is 00:26:06 It's just such a fucking sad thing just watching this level of greed. You know, you just want to be like, dude, how big does your house have to be? How many zeros have to be after your fucking name before you feel like you won? Like how much to people, like not, like how miserable did they have to be living versus how you're living for you to make you feel so you can like feel something? They're like fucking sociopaths.
Starting point is 00:26:37 Like I can be honest with you, I don't get, what is the point of making money if you're not trying to help somebody out? Why would you like make money, you know, to like fucking hurt other people? It's just fucking boggles the mind. You know, but it just is what it is. And just the way the whole fucking game is set up,
Starting point is 00:26:57 I was telling you guys that last week, last time I broadcast in this fucking business, anytime I'm at a fork in a road, should I do this or should I do that? It's always like my gut saying, this is the right thing to do, but this over here is more money. I don't think I've ever been involved in a situation where doing what's right or making more money. It's always that.
Starting point is 00:27:26 It's never do the right thing and make more money. It's always like, do the right thing or make more money. And I think it's the people that go or make more money. They're the ones that sort of ascend the corporate ladder. But on my side of the ball, if I do that, do the right thing or make more money. If I do that, if I choose or make more money, then I just become like everything just kind of falls apart. And you get like overexposed
Starting point is 00:28:02 and you're a fucking cheese ball and you know know you took the bag as the kids say and then everybody's fucking sick of you or whatever you did You know you chose more money to do some piece of shit and Then it tanks and then they go that's because of you you fucking piece of shit Like a man. I should have done. I should have done this other thing over here that paid way less because it ended up coming out good. I just don't understand it. Maybe it's that biblical thing where they say money is the root of all evil. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:28:35 There's a lot of fucking dumb decisions that you can make out there. And you know, you know how I know that people? Do you know how I know that? Cause I fucking made them all there. I've taken the money. I've done that. I have that people. Do you know I know that? Cause I fucking made them all there. Um, I've taken the money. I've done that. I have taken them. I never did it.
Starting point is 00:28:50 I don't think I've done it really in the acting thing, but I definitely didn't stand up and I paid every single fucking time. You wanna do a comedy club or do you wanna do a private gig that pays way more money? I'll do the private gig and you go there and it is a fucking nightmare, fucking nightmare,
Starting point is 00:29:12 fucking nightmare. I remember the worst one I ever did. I agreed to do this fucking Christmas party. I think it was, it was the second to last, the last two gigs I did, I did a Christmas party for these fucking rich cunts on the Upper Ries side and like the fucking basement of somebody's like fucking townhouse on like the Upper Ries side.
Starting point is 00:29:40 They basically had a fucking house. I mean, it was, I think that's why I said yes to the gig. Wasn't even the money. When you live in New York City, you live in such a small space for so much money, you become obsessed with other people's apartments, obsessed, even people at your level. Because you want to see like,
Starting point is 00:30:01 well, what does theirs look like? How are they doing it? Like, what are the shops in this neighborhood? Like, you're never happy with wherever the fuck you live in in New York because it's just, it is what it is, right? So these people had a fucking house, you know, right off of Fifth Avenue. And I was just like, I want to see what the fuck that what does it look like? and I don't know about you guys if you ever lived in New York City after wow Those brown stoned you just walk and buy and this is weird thing where it's just like what is that like and then simultaneously you're like
Starting point is 00:30:40 What's to stop some lunatic from just your front door is right fucking there? that's what I kind of liked About apartment living was if some psycho came in I Mean they got to get through two doors the super You know, they got to take flights of stairs And by the time they get up to my fucking fifth or sixth floor was I fifth floor walkup I had a fourth floor walkup and a fifth floor walkup
Starting point is 00:31:09 It was just like by the time they fucking get to me These the fucking dude is gonna be so exhausted from killing people or somebody with a Scream lot enough that maybe the cop you feel like safe those fucking brown stones you can't even use the first floor What are you gonna be doing sit Sitting there in the fucking window, smoking your pipe next to a fire is all these other people that don't have as nice apartment or walk and buy. Go and look at this, fucking cozy cut.
Starting point is 00:31:33 My favorite English expression. A fucking cozy cut. By the way, so I took the fucking gig and they actually gave me a tour of the place. It was kind of funny. That place was also like a walk up. I don't think maybe there wasn't. I don't remember, but I just remember there was these like long ass fucking staircases.
Starting point is 00:31:57 I can't even remember how many floors there were, but the fucking place was so big, I performed in their backyard. Oh, wait, I'm combining gigs. Yeah, no, that wasn't that gig. That one went okay. No, it was a fucking Christmas party. And it was in the same part of New York upper east side and I went in and nobody there knew I was going to be there. And they all were having a good fucking time and then I went up in a defensive mode because I had done enough of those fucking things to know that it was going to suck. So rather than being like a relief pitcher and forgetting about the home run I just fucking gave up, I came up there thinking about my last batter,
Starting point is 00:32:45 which was my last private gig, and I went up there, oh my God, oh, it was a legendary bombing. And then I tried to lash out and go, you know what the fuck is wrong with you guys? And that didn't work. And just everything that I said, I was just, anytime I was supposed to go right, I went left, and the other way,
Starting point is 00:33:04 I just kept going down and down and down, and I was standing there. And then even I started to hate the sound of my voice, which that whole fucking crowd did, the second I got on stage, and I just remember thinking like, I have to do a half hour or I don't get paid. And I was 15 minutes in, and from 15 minutes on,
Starting point is 00:33:23 I actually agreed with the crowd. That's what I should have said. I said, you know what, I actually agreed with the crowd. That's what I should have said. I said, you know what, I actually agree with your silence. Like this was just a bad fucking idea. But if I said that, I wouldn't have got fucking paid. But what I wanted to say was like, I, you know what, I thought you guys were cunts, but now I actually understand that I'm the cunt
Starting point is 00:33:40 that came in and ruined your Christmas party. You didn't need me. You were hanging out, you were laughing, you would have it in a good fucking time. And then I came in and interrupted all of it. Okay, I am a cut. Okay. However, in defense, the content's hosting this party hired me. So you should be mad at this person too. Sorry, bit of a long story, but I'm going to, I don't know, I had a great day. I I'm gonna, I don't know, I had a great day, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:34:07 I don't know where all this fucking, I think this is just shit that I saw during the week that I found disturbing. So then what I do is I just fucking shut off at all TVs, probably I didn't even watch the fucking football today, I was just like, I'm just gonna spend time with my family with whatever time we have left
Starting point is 00:34:22 in this fucking country, which is obviously an overreaction, but you know, that shit when it's just raining down on you, it does become fucking overwhelming. So I don't think I'm 100% in the wrong. Anyway, well let's do some advertising here, people. What do you say there? Oh, I gambled again this fucking week with the bed MGM and I went two and two again. All right, I'm only two games over 500. I've gone two and two every single week. I picked four games on the anything better podcast with one of my favorite people in the world, Paul, and I've gone two and
Starting point is 00:35:09 two every single week, except one week. I went three and one. So inexplicably, I am two games above 500 and I have yet to have a losing week, although I've only had one winning week. All right. I ain't really winning, but I ain't losing. Oh, Billy, middle of the road. I've been called a centrist, a freckled fucking centrist. All right, simply safe, everybody. Well, it's official. Fall is here.
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Starting point is 00:36:12 Now, if an intruder breaks into your home, simply safe professionals monitoring agents can actually see, speak to and deter them through simply safe, new smart alarm, wireless indoor camera 24.7 live guard protection is made possible by the new smart alarm wireless indoor camera available with a fast protect monitoring plan. The new smart alarm indoor camera is the only indoor security camera that can trigger the alarm and instantly deter intruders with a built-in siren. It has a, why don't they have like fucking some Batman spider man shit? You know, you got to have like a giant net. They come walking in, they trip the alarm and then the
Starting point is 00:36:59 fucking net brings them up and they, they, uh, something happens. Well, you know what you do. You go to one of those old, uh, Vietnam war vets, the Viet Cong, you get them, them, they figure they got some bamboo shit that comes flying around the corner and just impales you. You know, that's what they, that's what the fuck should happen. They're going into your fucking house. They should come out feet first. I mean, that's the American way. Whatever, but you know, I think simply safe
Starting point is 00:37:32 is gradually moving towards deadlier ways. Anyway, it has a privacy shutter to provide protection when you need it and privacy when you want it. When you're begging your wife there, 24, 7 lifeguard protection and the new smart alarm indoor camera work seamlessly as part of the simply safe system to help your whole home safe. Keep your whole home safe from break ins, fires, floods, and more. Install your way. Do it yourself in about 30 minutes or have a simply safe expert set it up for you. You know, at the end of this read, I'm going to give you my ideal home security system if
Starting point is 00:38:12 I was running it. Install your way. Do it yourself in about 30 minutes or have a simply safe expert do it for you. Either way, it's easy to check it home for a limited time. Get 20% off your new system when you sign up for fast, protecting, protect monitoring. Visit simplysafe.com slashbur. That's s-i-m-p-l-i-s-a-u-e.com slashbur. There's no safe, like simply safe. All right, this would be my ultimate, if I was going gonna break into the home security bracket, you know, you got people like simply safe out there, you got, you got, you get, I don't know who else you got
Starting point is 00:38:54 out there, you got people, but they've been doing it. So when you go out, you try to establish a new brand. Sorry, I had to get that yaw now. I was gonna fight it. I said, no, fucking let it out. You gotta make a big splash. You know what I mean? What do you think? The old fucking car companies, what would they do? They'd redesign the car, they'd get some whore laying on the fucking hood like that
Starting point is 00:39:20 was gonna be your life. Instead of you fucking stuck and bumper to, a bumper traffic in the rain, wearing your McGruff fucking raincoat. The goddamn slacks on, right? They don't show that. All right, so I would make a big splash. This is what I would do. I would hire special forces from this country
Starting point is 00:39:39 and a Viet Cong guy veteran from the Viet Nam war, right? I figured he's like in his 80s, but from what I heard over there, they don't stand, when they don't stand around, they squat down, which is, according my Instagram videos, that's supposed to be great for you to live longer. So I'm thinking enough of them is still alive and
Starting point is 00:40:07 you combine these special forces here with the Vietcong old school way of doing it. You go down a home depot, right? You come up with some things that just end this person and then we install these things in your fucking house Which I'm sure would be unsettling it off. That wasn't unsettling enough. Then what we do, don't you see, is we go out back and we dig, and not a six foot, we dig an eight foot grave.
Starting point is 00:40:37 Okay, because the cops, whatever the fuck they have, and they're looking, I think, whatever it is, it only goes down six feet. You dig an eight foot fuckingve that is ready to go. You put the steel fucking plates over it. All right? So when somebody comes in, when you're down the street at the fucking Olive Garden, and you're on your second bread basket, and those fucking bamboo come around the corner and just fucking and pale them, right?
Starting point is 00:41:00 Then what's going to happen? Oh, you use deadly force. We've got to fill out a fucking report. Now you're done. Now you don't. Nobody even heard it. Okay? Somebody thought you dropped a tray of dishes. Not even dishes. You dropped a fucking laptop or something. Then I'm going to hear it. They have surround sound next door. You fucking and pale this kind. Then you come back, all right? And we'll give you, like, it almost looks like the jaws of life, but it isn't.
Starting point is 00:41:27 It's the jaws of no life. And you pull this person off, okay? We will erase the video of everything that happened. At which point, we then become accomplices in this fucking murder. So, you know, I can't say anything, you can't fucking say anything. You take the body, you remove the fucking,
Starting point is 00:41:48 no wait, we'll come over, we'll help you fucking pick it up and then we will fucking dump that motherfucker down there. We'll pour the breaking bad chemicals over the person. Maybe we do that, you stick them in the barrel, they turn into nothing and then we pour the gelatinous, that shit that was them, down into an eight-foot hole and then we poured the gelatinous, that shit that was them down into an eight-foot hole, and then we fucking bury it. And then what you do is you put a planter box over it, right? Maybe that's a dead giveaway. I don't think so. Ah, planter box. Now, you got to go grass.
Starting point is 00:42:20 We'll go grass. We'll put a planter box somewhere else in your yard as a misdirection. We'll go grass. We'll put a planner box somewhere else in your yard as a misdirection. And then that's it. You hose it off. You hose the floor off. We have Harvey Kai tell come over the cleaner. We clean the whole fucking thing up and it's fucking over. And you still have whatever the fuck it is you're into.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Nobody got to your DVD collection. It's a little dark. You know? All right, I'll give you that. It's a little fucking dark. Fucking, I'm going a little goth this week, no? All right, yelling about sports. Bill, why do you think it is that you're always yelling about sports. What cause I fucking enjoy them? You know? All your teams won in your lifetime, but everywhere I turn, you're still yelling at people about football.
Starting point is 00:43:17 What would it say, what would it take for you to say fair enough? Oh, you know what, I don't, is there anything worse than somebody passive aggressive? Okay, this is one or two things. Either your teams aren't winning or my team beat your team or the wild card, you don't even like sports. What would it talk for you? Okay, what would it take for you to say fair enough? I would have to lose all passion for watching football. I love football. All right. And what you consider
Starting point is 00:43:49 yelling, I consider a fun back and forth. That's all we do is yell at each other and talk about that. And we have a good fucking time. I'm sorry, it bothers you. You know, I don't like that you're wording this in a way that you actually care about my happiness. You know, I'll tell you what's funny is everywhere I turn, I don't see myself yelling about sports because I don't watch videos of myself. So maybe that that's that's what you should do. I have a while I'll answer your question with a question. When are you gonna stop watching me yelling about sports? If every way you turn, I love that, everywhere I turn, every way you turn, I want to make some toast. Oh, there's Bill Burr yelling about sports. Now, you're clicking on these fucking videos. Stop clicking
Starting point is 00:44:37 on them. Go watch somebody else, then you can watch them fucking yelling about how I can't believe this guy's playing Luke Skywalker or, oh my god, what year do we live in that you can't fucking do XY and Z is a, you know, I can't believe they don't recognize this person as the greatest home run hitter in women's sports hitting 700 home runs, you know, and they were a guy last week. She is a woman, but blah, you can fucking yell about that, right? You got, you have this shit that you yell about. Stop acting like you're not a fucking human being. All right. When am I going to stop yelling about sports? Never. Just like
Starting point is 00:45:20 every other sports fan. Never. I would love to be at a point of like, well, I've seen all my teams win it, you know? But then I have kids and I want them to see it. You know what, so I mean, what do you want from me? I never claim to be smart. Go listen and kneel to grass, Tyson. That fucking, I love that fucking guy, you know? Just blows people's fucking minds.
Starting point is 00:45:48 No scientist has ever said, you know, I gotta tell you something, that Neil deGrasse Tyson, whoo! Nobody, nobody does it like that. Just the way that man looks through a fucking microscope. I mean, Neil de Kraas Tyson going around and talking to non-scienceist about science is that's got to be like a fucking kids party for him. He's making like balloon animals. I want to see, I keep saying this, I want to see Neil de Krase Tyson sit down with another scientist and have that guy legit be like, wow, Neil, I never looked at it that way.
Starting point is 00:46:33 Okay, stop talking to dummies like me who were good at math until about seventh or eighth grade. Obviously you're going to blow my fucking mind. All right, sports fan, old dad, Billy. I'm a 24 year old man with a lifelong passion for sports. Hey, I'm right there with you. Over the years, I am asked an impressive collection of sports jerseys.
Starting point is 00:46:56 Oh boy, now what are you gonna do with them? I've always enjoyed sports gear, but recently I've started feeling self-conscious about wearing jerseys in public. It somehow feels childish to me. Congratulations. Congratulations. Yeah, that's age appropriate.
Starting point is 00:47:14 Look at you, but sureing like a normal person. You know, you're 24, according to Neil deGrasse Tyson and scientist at 25, it takes 25 years for the brain to fully form. All right. Yeah, dude, you're 24, you're, and you said I'm a 24 year old man. Key word there, you're a man. You can grow a mustache. Okay, unless you're playing in the league, what the fuck are you doing walking around
Starting point is 00:47:37 wearing a jersey? I mean, I think you can get away with it at your age because you're the same age as athletes, but when you get to be my age, I mean, you start wearing a jersey. It's like, you know, it's going on here, buddy. Are you his father? Is he, is that why you're wearing the jersey? I didn't know he was half white. I'll tell you the last Jersey that I would have worn is of some of that was playing while I was alive, not a throwback is Kevin Garnett on the Celtics. That was the Jersey that I wanted. So of course, my mother got me Paul Pierce.
Starting point is 00:48:24 I said, I wanted Kevin Garnett and she goes, you like my mother got me Paul Pierce. I said I wanted Kevin Gardner and she goes you like him? I like Paul Pierce better. I was like yeah mom I said I liked him. Well it's still a Celtic jersey. It's like all right you know okay. It somehow feels childish to me. Okay, consequently I resorted to wearing my sports gear in private like a cross-treasure. I wait for roommates to leave, put on my hat, Jersey, and tune into the game.
Starting point is 00:48:58 Listen, there's nothing wrong with holding on to sum me a child up. I don't even think it's wrong if you're wearing a jersey. I don't, you know, I actually got to be honest with you. I watched the first two Bruins games of this year, and it's their hundredth anniversary. I've been watching for 43 of those hundred years. I started watching in 1980 and I'm not gonna lie to you. I saw
Starting point is 00:49:31 And back-to-back nights they they wore there They wore white at home which I haven't seen in forever. I mean that was How it was when I was growing up First time I went to a Bruins game with Pete Peta's Rick Middleton And all of those right? It was that Peter McNabb is before we got Charlie Simmer. It all those great fucking names, right? Terri O'Reilly, Wayne Cashman. I think Stan Johnathan was still on that team. I can't remember. It was a long time ago, but the home team used to wear white at home. So they were doing a nod to one of their old jerseys with that. That sort of a new look to it.
Starting point is 00:50:15 They had the old school Bruins logo and then the second game against the predators. They came back both times. Luke Cheats on the fourth line. All of a sudden Luke Cheats got the soft hands. Soft fucking hands since he, this guy's just serving him up. I mean, he should, he has a couple of assists. That guy should have like five assists. And he keeps hitting pasta on breakaways.
Starting point is 00:50:39 It's kind of been like a good thing where they kind of do like this overlapping thing where they kind of do half a line change because he's on the fourth line Posse is on the first line, but when they get out there they got kind of got this chemistry already in two games But anyway, then on the on on the Friday of Saturday, Saturday played played the predators They had the black one and I'm not gonna lie to you. I did look at that and See if tried to see if they had any kid sizes because I wanted to get them from my kids. I actually have a Bruins hoodie
Starting point is 00:51:13 that I bought in like 1987 or 1988. It still fits me if you can believe it. Which by the way, dude, I'm down to a 35 inch waist. I was a 32 in high school, but I mean, I was like fucking, you know, with like 158 pounds. I mean, I had to fill out and look like an adult and want to look like some fucking guy that had a blood disease, you know?
Starting point is 00:51:35 So I went up to like a 34-inch waist and I was like, okay, I'm not getting any bigger than that. And then I don't know what the fuck happened. I think I went up like 38. So now I'm down to 35. Oh, Billy, Bolliptical. My shoulder is fucking back. I'm doing great. I did five pull-ups the other day. One, two, three, four, five. To quote Bill Cosby on stage, not off. So I'm getting back in shape again. I just got a, I just got a, a, a, stills, abs seven and eight. You know, I kind of figured out why now when you become an old man,
Starting point is 00:52:12 you're fucking ass crack is always hanging out the back of your pants. It's your fucking belly. What happens is the belly pushes your pants down. When you have a flat stomach, where your belt is, it's just below your navel. And then the fatter you get, the further down it goes. And it ends up getting down just above your pubeline. So then every time you take your shirt off, you're already showing a fucking inch of ass crack. And that's what ends up happening.
Starting point is 00:52:38 That's why women are always going, like how the guys not know their ass is hanging on the back of the pants. It's like, because they have another ass in the front. Or as I call it, my third titty. I'm getting rid of it. It's down to a fucking bee cup. Either call it my third titty,
Starting point is 00:52:54 or I call it my, it's the cheeseburger. I just grab it. I mean, it's like a fucking Wendy's triple decker right now. It's fucking annoying. So anyway, he said a few weeks ago, I had an unexpected encounter when one of my roommates came home. Oh no, see, you're fucking in the closet and found me fully decked out in my sports gear. I was mortified.
Starting point is 00:53:22 This experience has left me questioning whether it's acceptable for a grown-ass man to wear jerseys in public or if my insecurity is justified. I recently came, well, did the roommates start giving you shit or is this all in your head? I think you got to go with you, got to. If you're just feeling like I shouldn't be wearing this shit anymore, I mean, there's people that never stop wearing them, but if they feel, I feel like if you, I think I look stupid in this shit, you're going to look dumb in it. This happened to me, like I, I, they, the, Michelin Nest made a throwback, Fran Tarquettin, Jersey. And that was my guy in the 70s, Roger Starback in Fran Tarquettin. And I got
Starting point is 00:54:03 the, the Fran Tarquettgeton and I put it on and I look like a fucking jerk off. I never wore it, I ended up giving it away on the podcast. And you know what, I didn't miss it, but I do love fran-targeton. Anyway, this experience has left me questioning whether or not I recently came across a bleacher report article that suggested only two groups
Starting point is 00:54:22 of people can wear jerseys in public without judgment. Children under the age of 13 and individuals with Down syndrome. Nah, come on. That's a little harsh. My question is, do you think it's silly for men to wear jerseys in public? Thanks, go fuck yourself. No, I don't. I mean, it's definitely a vibe, it's something that you're putting out. I mean, it's definitely a vibe, it's something that you're putting out. You know, I think that you have a problem with it because you think you're too old for it. And if you think that, you should go with that. You know, but I think, you know, you got to come out of the closet here.
Starting point is 00:55:04 It's like a closet at gay man. I think, you know, you gotta come out of the closet here. It's like a closet in a gay man. You gotta go live your fucking life and let people deal with it. The same thing with this is like, what's making what you're doing weird is that, is you just not out with it. And that's what makes everybody uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:55:20 Yeah. You have a fucking work with some guy and you just knew he was gay. Everybody knew he was gay and it's like can he just say he's fucking gay? Like when I was growing up like you just couldn't do it. I Must have told this story before we were fucking Fucking hang it out We're in this bar And one of the guys I worked at he was a nice guy, but he was just fucking gay, man. And he just wouldn't say it because he couldn't.
Starting point is 00:55:48 It was the 80s. And we were standing in the bar. The fucking 80s. So it was like, that girl is poison. Big fucking Z-caver, E-G fucking pants. Bap, bab, bab, bab, bab, bab, bab, bab, fucking super loud music, right? So all these fucking ladies are walking by with the hair
Starting point is 00:56:10 all fucking up to the ceiling and shit, you know, hairspray, fucking 80s, man, right? The guys got the fucking, the giant torsos and the skinny pretzel legs, right? Cause all we did was upper body, lot of neon and shit. And this fucking, I still remember this chick looked like she was fucking smoking hot red dress, red pumps, walking by all fucking tan down. She's probably dead of skin cancer, but she was in the prime
Starting point is 00:56:35 of her tan in life. And she came walking by. It was like, what the fuck? It was, it was just one of those things. It even as loud as the music was. You just sensed her coming. And she walked by and none of us had to, none of us go, it was just beyond out of our league. But what you did, they would walk by. It's always called the pirate thing.
Starting point is 00:56:58 Like guys turn into pirates, you know, when a beautiful woman would walk by, they just walked by, kind of give them a nod. And then you turn and say I fucking bend a river fucking hell. I mean you just start to so we went in to do that pirate shit and Before we did the closet a gay guy goes that girl was awesome And it just Killed everything we were gonna say and I just remember one of the guys I worked with,
Starting point is 00:57:28 fucking hilarious, he just brought his beer can up to us right before you went to take a sip. He looked at me and he did the eyebrow thing, like, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, Now I think that that's what you're doing with the jersey, you know, you got to come out of the closet or stop fucking wearing them, but you can't only wear it at home when you're watching the game.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Then it looks weird. Now it looks, you mean, might as well be sitting there holding a teddy bear. I think it's cool as for an older guy to wear a jersey from the era when you were a kid. Like I love seeing like Rams fans around L.A. wearing like Eric Dickerson shit. The really old guys wearing like, you know, Deacon Jones at Merlin Olson, Rosie Greer. Wait, who else, the fearsome forceome? Was, oh, fuck, I'm not gonna go to that rabbit hole. Goddamn it, Deacon Jones, Rosie Greer. Merlin Olson.
Starting point is 00:58:40 Who's the other guy? There's four guys. I can't remember the other one. So, all right, my question. Do you think it's silly from underwear, jerseys, and public? I think if you're intelligent, you got a certain level of intellect
Starting point is 00:58:59 and a bunch of interests, yeah, I kind of think it is. I think it's a little silly. But if you're going to the game, that's fine. Like people go to sports bars wearing their jerseys and shit, I don't know. I mean, I think it's a little weird, but you go over to like fucking these soccer countries
Starting point is 00:59:19 like they got like scarves and just all kinds of stuff. They're all singing songs and shit. So maybe it isn't. I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I'll just tell you this. Okay? God made you the way that you are,
Starting point is 00:59:31 and you should go out and just be yourself. I don't want you to be in the closet anymore wearing your jerseys. I want you to go out there and just let your fucking loyalty to your team be heard. All right, money pit. Hey, Bill, big fan of the podcast and you stand up. Well, thank you so much. Saw you a few years ago at the surf in Clear Lake, Iowa. Yeah, I played where Buddy Holly and the big barber played and all that. Did it with Dean Del Rey. It was amazing. You know, where the music died,
Starting point is 01:00:05 only thing it's known for. Ha, ha, literally just said that, okay. Always, oh, anyways, I've heard you talk multiple times about your money pit house. I have a house I bought three years ago. Oh yeah, just in Never Ends. In Never Ends. Even if you buy a fucking new house,
Starting point is 01:00:20 like one start, stuff starts going. It just, it never ends, it never ends. Al Madrigal. One of my favorite people has summed it up the best owning a house. He said, I'm painting the Golden Gate Bridge. That is his reference, which and if you read up on painting the Golden Gate Bridge, they paint it in the second they're done. How long it takes by the time they get to the other side, they have to start over again. Anyway, he said, I've heard you talk multiple times, but you're gonna, I bought three,
Starting point is 01:00:51 I bought three years ago, my house, okay. It's a Victorian home built in 1908. Beautiful woodwork, like you wouldn't believe, but it's been a money pit, the likes as I've never encountered. Okay, before, okay, galvanized pipe, cloth wiring, rodents, the stink pipe leading to the fucking street. If you even have one fatty R, but that one on my fucking house, then a fatty R buckles DNA was took a shit in there. He probably came over here and did God knows what, right I've had it all dude. I've done it all I've done it all Since 2011
Starting point is 01:01:37 Anyway 1908 he said the first thing I had to do was get rid of a cartridge house that was on the property that was falling down Next was what is a cartridge house? I would have tried to save it even if it was completely useless Fucking in love with the past for some reason next was rewiring the whole thing Because it had the old knob and tube wire. Yeah, I don't know what that is, but that sounds like cloth wiring. Now the city sent me a letter saying they aren't liable for my sewer. Told you, yeah, right, there we go, stink pipe from my house because it's so old. Yep, all that to say, oh yeah, you know what that fucking cost me?
Starting point is 01:02:25 I'm not even gonna say because people who who want to fuck you, pay that much money for it. Because I ain't taking a fucking hole in the sewer, you can't. Ugh. I could have bought a fucking sensible car for the amount of fucking money I spent on it. All that to say, do you think I should sell the damn thing? Or as you once said, just keep sitting here thinking of taking a gas can and a mesh to the whole place. All that to say, I do love the home's character, but oh, Jesus, it's a rough one.
Starting point is 01:03:04 I don't, man, I would need way more information. I don't know what your financial situation is. I don't know where you live. I don't know what your options are. But I literally look at like leaving a fucking house because it's costing you too much fucking money to then go buy another house. That's like watching people get a divorce.
Starting point is 01:03:21 I get you getting a divorce, but now you're going to go back and get remarried and think this is going to be fucking different. It isn't. It isn't. You're just, you know, you're like, you got out of the river and you're just dragging your fucking raft back up the same to go back down it again. Now, if you just completely married the wrong person, I get that. But I'm the wrong person to ask because I love fixing up my old house. Right down to the fixtures, the door handles and all of that. I found this great hardware store that had all of that stuff.
Starting point is 01:03:58 And I love that you love an old house. And I only think I can do a superimposed myself. I don't like the new shit. And I only think I can do a superimposed myself. I don't like the new shit. I think it's soulless. And even when they try to recreate the other stuff, it's like, you know, the craftsmanship, the banisters, the stuff, the time that they were taken
Starting point is 01:04:19 into doors and windows and door locks and all of that stuff is really a lost art. And if you can restore that and windows, and door locks, and all of that stuff is really a lost art. And if you can restore that and everything, it's fantastic. You know, the one thing I've never had the balls to do is to replace my windows because they're the original ones. And on windy days, it just blows right through the fucking house.
Starting point is 01:04:42 But I just, I'm too sentimental. And I know that they make new, more energy-efficient ones that look like the old ones. And, uh, I don't know. I'll let the next person do it. So, I would hang in there with the house, but I'm a fucking sentimental fool. Which, the way, I told you guys, then I tell you, I downloaded a bunch of Sam Cook. Sam Cook's got to be top five fucking singers of all time. He just has to be. Listen to this song, I love you for sentimental reasons. And just the runs that he does at the, you know, start with like a minute left
Starting point is 01:05:25 in the song. I just kept rewinding it going and I was, I do this to my lovely Neil time. I'm just going, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, I'm trying to if you would shut the fuck up I would. But anyway, yeah, I am... I love all old shit, I really do. You know, I found a killer video and I posted it of some guy out here in LA and he hit me up. He had this fucking great old car. I was like a Buick or something from the 1950s. This is one thing I'm gonna say that I love about Mexicans
Starting point is 01:06:04 is how much they fucking love cars. And then they're tasting cars too, the ones that they gravitate towards. A lot of them are the ones that I like. And I kind of like, but I don't like, you know what, muscle cars are to me? It's like wearing a sports jersey. It's just for somebody young. I just think, you know, unless I understand
Starting point is 01:06:30 like a baby boom person, who didn't have a fucking one in the car, couldn't afford it when they were a kid, and then they get older, they go back and get it. I get that. But I just feel like liking muscle cars is kind of fucking hacky. It's like everybody likes that fucking car, you know what I mean? Give me something different.
Starting point is 01:06:47 You know, give me one of those old fucking thunderbirds where like you open the door and then like there's this thing where, you know, the driver's seat, like totally turned to the side and the steering wheel goes to the right. You can literally move the steering wheel. It's shit. I like, I don't know. I'm like that. But whatever, the person reached out to me,
Starting point is 01:07:06 he said, hey, you know, we'll take you for a cruise sometime. And I want to bring my son, because my son loves cars. And I was just thinking it'd be so cool of him to get that experience. Because like, my son literally will see like, like, he loves trucks, he loves cars and all that stuff. And just anything that he sees,
Starting point is 01:07:29 he'll be like, da, da, da, da, da, police car, police car. I'm like, yeah, police car, buddy. And then he's just like, I want to ride police car. I want to ride bus. I want to ride, all green truck. I want to ride green truck. It's just, it's the best.
Starting point is 01:07:43 I'm like, I love that he has that. So I kind of want to take him to some car shows because it seems like he's going in that direction. Anyway, girlfriend won't let me wear leather jacket. Why? Hey Bill, it's all in the subject line. I'm not sure what she has against them. The one I wear when she's not around that she won't be seen in public with me is not
Starting point is 01:08:12 some wannabe biker jacket. It's a nice straight cut jacket that looks good the way I wear it. It's not a tough guy look. It's the most basic black jacket that happens to be leather. We've been together a year and a half and it's going great. That is really the only thing that bugs me. Well, then just fucking let it go. Who gives a shit? And then also, if you don't want to be a rounder, just put the fucking jacket on. You want to go to brunch? No. Do it for me. Okay, grab your the jacket.
Starting point is 01:08:46 On second thought, I'll just go with my friends. I'm asked you to fucking get out of jail free card. This is really the only thing that bugs me. What's my move here? Let me tell you something. If you're with somebody in a year and a half, all it is is she breaks your balls about your jacket.
Starting point is 01:09:05 I would just turn that into like a joke. And like, when you wanna go do something, I would just grab the jacket and I go, honey, honey, listen, you know what, you put one in arm and to sleep. I think I need some alone time, if you know what I mean. And you just fuckin' put it on. You know, I would even do that in the house.
Starting point is 01:09:24 If you're in the living room and you're watching sports and she's breaking your balls, I would have the jacket behind the fucking couch and I would just put it on. I would just turn it into a big joke. You see what you say? What's my move here? Do I put up a fight or accept it? I've tried finding something wrong
Starting point is 01:09:42 with one of her articles of clothing. I have a few choices, but none that are hills I'd wanted to die on. Hey, let me tell you this right now. Don't ever go at a woman with how she looks or what the fuck she's wearing. Fuck all of that. Okay? Just turn everything into like a joke. All right? But you know, you want to keep a sense of self in the relationship where you don't take shit either, but I don't think this is one of these situations. You could also go out and buy an even nicer leather jacket. You know, and I mean, there's many ways around this. You could do the joke thing. You could just be like, yeah, I get it. You don't like the jacket, but I like the jacket.
Starting point is 01:10:28 I like it. But don't ever say, hey, you know this stuff that you wear that I don't like, and then she'll just be like, what? I don't like those shoes. You don't like those shoes? So let's start doing that. It's just she'll literally, and they don't fucking see it. It's like, yeah, you get it.
Starting point is 01:10:48 You see how this feels? This is what you're doing to me. They'll just be like, no, it's different. That jacket's stupid. My thing isn't stupid. There's no fucking winning any of that shit. This is the, you just be nice to him. You take him out, you treat him great. That's what you do. All right. And when they fuck up, you don't yell at him.
Starting point is 01:11:16 You just, it's silence. Okay. Not like you just totally stop talking to him. It just, it's silence with medium energy. You're not happy, you're not sad. You're not angry. You're not anything. You're just fucking there. And you just sit there and you wait for him to come around. That's the only way to win an argument with the woman. If you want to sit there and try to fucking, you know, put a helmet on and start knocking
Starting point is 01:11:43 heads with them, you're going to fucking lose. That is an away game. You're never gonna win that shit. Okay? The thing about women is they have to feel like they're in fucking control the entire time, which is why they're always talking about how controlling men are.
Starting point is 01:11:55 You know, it's a fucking, when a classic misdirections. The fact that women have the fucking balls to talk about how controlling men are, acting like all of us are walking around, slapping them around, like the good old days. It's just that those days have gone people. Fuck it with you.
Starting point is 01:12:11 But it is. It's like most guys, you know, I mean, look at me. I have to play the same fucking game, you know. I'm making a great living. I'm out here crushing it. I still have to play the same fucking game you have to play. That game never changes. You think the dollar sign, no, it doesn't change.
Starting point is 01:12:30 It doesn't change. Now, you can marry a fucking whore, right? You can marry a whore that's only with you for your money, but then you got all that other shit you got to worry about. But you actually married somebody that you love. Like, that is the only fucking way to win the argument, which is why I would love to talk to a lesbian and ask her, how do you win an argument with a woman? All right, because who would know better than a lesbian?
Starting point is 01:13:00 Because not only are they dealing with the same arguments that you're dealing with as a straight man, because they're in the same relationship in that they're both in love with a woman, right? But like what I find fascinating is that she knows the female moves and she has them simultaneously. Do they cancel each other out? Like the bow's heads, you know, phones, you know, where it's like the opposite frequency cancels it. I don't know what the fuck I'm trying to say here,
Starting point is 01:13:32 but I'm just like, I just feel like that's like black belt versus black belt. And you're coming out victorious. Where I feel like as a guy, you can do a fight and argument with a woman, it's's like you're like a yellow belt Going up against this master Like what do you want to do? You want to take it to the ground? You want to fucking bring up family members? What do you want to do here? I can fucking destroy you. So
Starting point is 01:14:00 All right, that's my advice. I'm going on and on here You know it's almost Halloween everybody. We're getting into the holidays again. And, you know, I want to thank everybody that's come down to my show. I don't think I've ever felt luckier in my life for what my life is. Not only just appreciating what my life is,
Starting point is 01:14:22 but also just watching what people are going through with the fucking greed of these corporations. And as much as I'm breaking it down to politics, I think it really comes down to us. Like there has to be some sort of pushback here against this fucking insane level of greed. They're like people, they're getting rid of the middle class. This should just not happen. People should, you know, if they're nice enough, if somebody is nice enough in willing to work for your company, which is your dream, not their dream. If they're nice enough to work for you, you should be paying them
Starting point is 01:14:56 a wage where they can live above the poverty line. You shouldn't be trying to figure out ways to get their kids to work there instead. So their life can go down the fucking toilet and you can take that part of the salary and give yourself a fucking bonus. Like those people, they just should be like eliminated from society. It's just making everybody's fucking life miserable. All right, not to go back to the darkness, right? Billy Gothchild. Roth Child. Hey, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. That's the podcast. I will check in on you on Thursday. Alright.
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